All language subtitles for 30 Rock s03e01 Do Over.eng

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Hello, pussycat!

Oh, really?

Lot of ladies get right in the car
after that line, you creepy piece of--

Jack!

- What are you--
- oh, I'm sorry.

When did you get back from D. C.?

How did you get out
of your government job?

Um, I'm not at liberty to discuss that.

That information is classified.

At least until cheney dies, which
is gonna be a long time from now.

That man is mostly metal.

The important thing is that I'm here,
and I'm gonna get my old job back.

Yes, please come back, Jack!
Devin is the worst.

It's like he doesn't he even care when we should have
cake for people's whose birthdays are on the weekend.

The friday before. At lunch.

So what's with the outfit, Lemon?

Did the people from that makeover
show finally respond to your letter?

No, I am dressed up because the adoption
agency is doing my home evaluation today.

Just be yourself, Lemon.

I'm gonna be better than myself.

My apartment is spotless.

I have practiced all my answers.

I got rid of all my colin firth movies
in case they consider them erotica.

That man can wear a sweater.

There is no chance
that I'm blowing this.

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30 Rock
Season03 Episode01

What can I do for you, Jack?

Devin, I know we've had
our battles in the past,

But I want to offer my
assistance to you and Kathy.

Oh, that's funny, Jack.

You see, the only thing that
Kathy and I need assistance with

is deciding which John
Mayer song to do it to.

Oh, come on, Banks.

You sold off small appliances.

Sheinhardt wigs missed
projections for last quarter.

I hear that that theme park fire did'nt
destroy any of the stuff it was supposed to.

Rumor has it you're in over your head.

Well, you know what they
say about rumors, Jack.

They make a "ru" out of "mor" and "s."

Yes, we've had some setback.

But Kathy and I have
everything under control.

No!

Don't even think about talking
to her when her soaps are on!

Seriously, she will bite you.

You owe me a job, Banks.

You know her father wanted me to
takeover before he slipped into that coma.

If there's one thing I learned from
you, Jack, it's keep your friends close...

And your enemies so close
that you're almost kissing.

So-- ahem-- that's why
I'm gonna offer you a job.

In the mailroom.

I'll take it.

Great news, guys.

I just got a residual check from
that Japanese commercial I did.

I still don't know how that
advertised Tokyo University.

But I'm gonna use this $300 to
buy us all some new boots for me.

It's official!

I'm a genius.

My video game is selling
through the rizznoof.

Well, how far through theriznoof?

Whoa, that's not slang.

He has a speech impediment.

61 million copies at $60 each.

Well, you know you didn't make
this video game alone, Tracy.

A lot of people helped.

I don't know. I think I did it alone.

And this check is the prizznoof.

Now that one was just
him being obnoxious.

Thank you.

Jack?

I'm back, Lemon.

Devin thought he could humiliate me,

But he doesn't understand that I
worked my way up from the bottom before,

And I can do it again.

The last time took me 22 years, but
I know so much more now this time.

I think I can do it in nine.

So you're gonna be a mailroom guy.

I'm the head mailroom guy.

I've already been promoted
once since this morning.

That's pretty fast.

With a little hard work, I think I'll
be back to vp status before I'm 60.

And if my home evaluation goes
well, I will be a mother by 50.

- We really can have it all.
- Yeah.

What was your reason
for wanting to adopt?

Thank you for that question, Bev.

The world is a troubled place, and with so many children in need of adoption worldwide
- So...

"infertility" or "other?"

Other.

- How old are you, Liz?
- 37.

I should tell you right now it's
important that you don't lie.

How often do you entertain
gentlemen sex guests?

Oh, boy, that's once a year, maybe.

But I'd be open to cutting that down.

Is that a safety thing?
Because I can fix that.

You ever run a webcam
ring out of here, Liz?

Gentlemen tell you what to do, you do it?

At first with some feigned hesitation?

No! Is that on the form?

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?

I was arrested once in
Germany for public nudity.

I thought it was a topless
beach. It was a shipyard.

You're a TV writer, Liz.

How many hours per week do you work?

Between 60 and 80.

- Is that a work call?
- Could be.

Or it could be my annual sex guest.

Your work life seems very demanding.

Maybe I should pop by there tomorrow.

Uh, Ms. Geiss, I have
yoursoap opera digest.

Kathy, this can't be easy for you.

Your father, such a great
leader, trapped in a coma.

All this responsibility
heaped on your...

young shoulders.

With all due respect to Devin, he's
a party boy with a grown man's job.

He can't handle it.

I want to be of service.

Let me help you.

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

Hi, there's-- there is a woman
coming by the office today...

No, stop it. Uh, her name is Bev, and
she is evaluating me for an adoption.

Morons.

I need everyone to be
on their best behavior.

No cursing. Please take down any
pornography that you have in your office.

Nothing weird.

Oh, come on. It's movie party thursday.

I brought in my tape
of circus accidents.

No, no.

Please, a lion eats a sad clown.

Tomorrow.

Please just be
normal-sauce for one day.

And change that hat.

Pete, I need you to call the set design guys and
have them make the green room into a nursery.

I may have lied about some stuff.

Liz.

I have a serious issue.

Oh, I told you not to
write back to your stalker.

Oh, no, this is not about Yolanda.

Listen, Tracy keeps bragging about all the
money he's making off of his stupid video game.

Meanwhile, those of us who did the
voice acting weren't even compensated.

I mean, I don't do anything for Yolanda, and
she sends me those headless dolls.

Well, I was not supposed to say anything,
but he has something very special planned.

Oh, I'll believe that when I see it.

Well, you will see, and then you are gonna
be embarrassed that we had this conversation.

Can I hide this box of penis
pasta in your dressing room?

Lemon.

- She touched me.
- Who?

Kathy Geiss. She touched
me in my swimsuit area.

No! Kathy?

It made me very uncomfortable.

It's not all erotic and fun,
like when men do it to women.

Have you ever been sexually harassed?

- Of course not.
- Of course not.

I mean, how far would I have to
let her go to get my old job back?

Are we talking over the
shirt? Frontsies, backsies?

Or would I really have
to give her my gift?

Oh, what am I talking about?
I can't go through this.

If I pleasure Kathy to get my
old job, I'm no better than Devin.

The only path is the virtuous path.

Even if it takes five years.

I thought you said nine years.

I was promoted again this morning.
I'm now director of mail systems.

Nice work, Hornberger. Are these dolls?

Are they?

Mommy!

They're called little creepers.

Oh, is it so wrong that I just want to
have one of these to grow up and resent me?

Oh, you will.

Hey, Tracy, did you see that thing in
the paper today about how Lil Wayne--

that's a person, ight?

Anyway, Lil Wayne, every
time one of his albums drops,

he buys diamond watches for
everybody that worked on it.

I know what you're hinting at, Liz Lemon.

I should get my rap career going again.

All in due time.

No, I want you to get presents for everyone
who helped you with your video game.

Especially Jenna.

Noblesse oblige, yes.

Let's go shopping. To the batmobile!

Don't worry. He's just leasing it.

Oh, good.

What I'm saying is don't
dress for the job you have.

Dress for the job you
want to have. So now, manny--

tomorrow I'll show up for work
dressed as a Mexican wrestler.

Well--

Banks?

Good god, what are you dog
here? Where are your shoes?

Oh, damn it.

Must've left them in
my business meeting.

Banks, you've gotta get a hold of
yourself. You've got a company to run.

Oh, I'm running it.

I have a plan to quadruple
profits by the year 2015.

How are you possibly going to do that?

The old-fashioned way, Jack.

I'm gonna shut it down.

I'm gonna shut the whole
thing down for two years.

I mean, imagine how badly
people'll want light bulbs then.

Are you insane?

Think about the jobs,
the economy. This is GE!

It's just G now, Jack. I sold the E
to Samsung. They're Samesung now.

I was supposed to be at a
board meeting five hours ago.

Which way's
Connecticut-- oh!

May I help you.

Ah, I'm Bev.

I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.

Oh, of course.

I think adoption is a wonderful thing.

Three of my nine siblings were adopted.

And someday I'm gonna find them.

Bev, hi! Thank you, Kenneth.

So this our studio.

It would be a really fun
place for a kid to grow up.

Lots of
costumes and--

- Watch out, idiot!
- Nice job, jackass!

We're like a big family here. Hey, Rick!

I'm Fred. Rick is the other black guy.

Happens to everyone, right, Bev?

Yeah, happens all the
time to my black husband.

Well, I first met Liz in 1993.

She was fresh out of college, and I
had just broken up with OJ Simpson.

And can I just say something?

Total gentleman.

Liz is a really, really mature person.

And she totally deserves
to get custody of her kids.

It's not a custody case. Liz
is trying to adopt a child.

Then who were those kids that
you were yelling at the other day?

Those were some child actors who had
lied about being able to break-dance.

Actually, I lived with Liz while
I was separated from my wife.

In a platonic way.

Um, but I haven't lived
there for a couple months now

Because I've been in an anger
management treatment center

'cause I shot one of my
coworkers with an arrow.

I think it's a circus
in the philippines.

The lion goes nuts and
attacks this older clown.

How did we get started
talking about this?

Did you bring it up?

I'm so sorry. Would you
excuse us for a moment, please?

-How is your thing going?
-Not terrific.

I'm not sure that she's--
Lemon, I don't have five years.

-What?
-Devin's lost it.

I've gotta stop him before
this whole thing implodes.

-He wants to shut down the entire company.
-What are you talking about?

I've gotta go now while
Devin's in Connecticut.

I'm doing this for the greater good.

What are you saying?

I'm going upstairs...

To doink Kathy Geiss.

Tracy Jordan's not here right now.

But he's great. It's a shame
you won't get toeet him.

Attention, everyone!

Hey, great.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank
everyone involved in making my video game

the most profitable thing
since the War on Terror.

Yes, I am provocative.

Frank, for all your hard work, please
accept this set of solid gold nunchackus.

I will use these only for good.

Petey Pete, for letting
us use the sound booth,

please accept this chinchilla coat.

You're gonna get so much nice-nice in that
you're gonnaave to grow an another ding--

Tracy, this is Bev.

The lady from the adoption thing.

Bev...

Now you look out for my girl, Liz Lemon,

'cause me and her go way back
like spinal cords and car seats.

That's not really an expression.

Mr. Banks?

I thought you were going
to Connecticut today.

I blew it off.

Nice to see you, Liz. Let's
chitchat. What's that?

Man trouble, boot-cut jeans? Fun, bye!

Kenneth, it is imperative that you keep
Mr. Banks down here until I can get to Jack.

Do you know what "imperative" means?

Tell me, tell me!

Rock important. It means important.

I'll just be a minute, Bev!

Mr. Banks, look how
many pushups I can do.

Devin here!

Cover yourself.

You smell like strawberries.

That's the lip gloss she put on
me so I could be her fancy boy.

Is this the way my life
was supposed to play out?

The kid who walked four
miles every saturday to caddy

Because mother said that golf
was a game for businessmen?

Paid his way through princeton by
working the day shift at that graveyard

And the graveyard shift at the days inn?

22 years of single-mindedly fighting
my way to the top of this company.

Thank god I don't have your
biological need for children.

-That would make success impossible.
-Thanks.

This job was all I've ever wanted, Lemon.

And now it hinges on how far I'm willing to
go with a woman in dora the explorer panties

that were clearly made
for an obese child.

Are you sure she wants sex? Maybe
she's just looking for attention.

I mean, her whole world is
stuffed unicorns and soap operas.

-Aren't soap operas all about sex?
-No, no way.

No, the best part of a soap opera is
when someone's twin interrupts a wedding

Or somebody pulls a gun
at the fitness center.

Hold on a second.

Kathy's texting me now.

She's wondering where
my strawberry mouth is.

Oh, nerds, it's Bev.

Please be charming.

Hello, Bev. I'm Jack donaghy.

Have you had a tour of
our magnificent studio?

-I have not.
-Right this way.

This is what you're giving me as a "thank
you" gift-- some coupons for free hugs?

I'm suing you for my share of
your video game profits, Tracy.

You're gonna sue me?

Would you like to see the Green Room?

Who do you think you are,
the San Diego zoo?

You mean the nursery!

We gotta get this stuff back
to the rental place by 5:00.

I love you! Mommy, I love you!

Rock dear god.

Ms. Lemon, did you lie to me
about their being a nursery here?

No!

Rick, what are you doing?

Bitch, my name is Fred.

This is very disturbing, Liz.

This is a very serious breach of trust.

Bev, allow me to explain.

I've been mentoring
Lemon for some time now.

Are you her boss?

No, I work in the mail room.

Kathy, Bev and I are just friends!

Kathy's the new ceo of our company.

Bev, you better run!

She's surprisingly strong!

Frank, I told you to change that hat!

Oh, god, how can I have a kid here?

I can't even keep a grown
woman safe in this place.

"Unsatisfactory"?

Are you okay, Bev?

You had quite a fall there.

Ah, I'm Bev.

I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.

Why, yes, hello, Bev.

Did you just get here?

Yes, I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.

Where's my clicky pen?

I get a do-over.

No, we have to take her to a hospital.

No,20 minutes.

Just give me 20 minutes.

Do-over, do-over!

She doesn't remember anything.

You heard what the lady
said. We're taking a mulligan.

Let's make this one count now.

It's time, Lemon.

Kathy's texting me that Devin's
gone. I have to go upstairs.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna give Kathy the full soap opera while
you try to trick a lady with a head injury.

We might not be the best people.

But we're not the worst.

Graduate students are the worst.

Hi, I'm Bev. Let's get stard.

Right this way!

I know Liz would be
a wonderful mother...

Because she's intelligent and kind.

She reminds me of my own mom.

Tough love, consistency, a little
mustache in a certain light.

And other kids really like her.

What?

Hey, Fred!

Well, I think I've seen
everything I need to see.

Man, do I have a headache.

Let's get down to brass tacks.

Liz, as a single woman with a
demanding job working in such a, well,

Nontraditional environment,

I'm sorry, but you're
not an ideal candidate.

But we did everything
perfectly this time.

Bev, listen to me.

Yes, I work very hard.

Almost all the time.

But I feel like my life
will open up and make room,

Just the same way that my heart will open
up and make room when I meet this baby.

And, yes, this place is not ideal, but
these weirdoes are family to me.

And so if this job is a deal-breaker,

Then you tear up my application and
I will start over someplace else.

I wish there were a box on these forms
where I could check off "passion."

Because that is exactly the kind of warmth
and assertiveness that we are looking for.

I am going to reconsider
your recommendation.

Oh, Bev, thank you!

Rock thank you, Bev!

I'm Bev.

I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.

Gargh!

All right, take her to the hospital.

Let's get started.

What are you doing? Get upstairs.

Jonathan, not now.

Yes now! Jack kicked
me out of the office.

He's about to debase
himself to save the company.

Don't do this! If you do, you'll
be just as bad as Devin.

Liz, what are you doing here?

I thought you were at the
fitness center with your twin.

What?

Liz, it's not what you think.

Kathy and I are just working together.

Kathy, you know my lover, Liz.

That better be true, Jack, or
I'll make both of you disappr,

Just like I did with vivienne and patch.

Don't be ridiculous, Liz.

You know you're the only
woman I've ever really loved.

Kathy's my partner.

She's hiring me to advise her
in all her business matters.

Isn't that true, Kathy?

I'm sorry, darling.

I've just been paranoid ever since
that incident with the weather machine.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

No, that's--

-No, I don't think so.
-No thank you.

Got any mail for me, donaghy?

It's all over, Banks.

Kathy has hired me privately to
advise her on all business matters.

My god. That's her signature.

Yeah.

Well, I'm t stupid, Jack.

I saw this day coming.

But I've already made provisions
for my financial future.

Check this out.

I'm gonna sue you!

I've gonna sue the
entire city of new york!

I'm gonna sue you.

You can't sue me!

I'm already being sued!

Double indemnity!

No, no, no!

Lemon, h's your friend Bev?

Unfortunately, Bev has
made a full recovery.

So I have to start over
with another agency.

This might take a long time, actually.

The semi-virtuous path.

You won't regret it.

Did you need something else, Lemon?

No.

I just like seeing you in there.

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