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1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,080
Good morning, Jack.
2
00:00:05,090 --> 00:00:08,420
Lemon, I'm helping to organize a little
fundraising dinner for John McCain this weekend,
3
00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:10,220
and I need some women to attend.
4
00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:12,740
So it doesn't turn into
another giant sausage fest.
5
00:00:12,770 --> 00:00:14,160
Well, I don't know.
6
00:00:14,170 --> 00:00:16,670
What's the
Committee to Reinvade Vietnam?
7
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:17,920
Just say you'll come.
8
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:21,300
Jonathan's going to round up all
the cool Republican celebrities.
9
00:00:21,310 --> 00:00:22,660
Like who, Chuck Norris?
10
00:00:22,670 --> 00:00:26,320
No, C. Nor and I had a falling-out
after I switched to another dojo.
11
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,300
Ah, well, sorry, but I'm
not giving anybody money
12
00:00:28,340 --> 00:00:30,260
until there's campaign finance reform.
13
00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:34,640
Also I'm saving that money for new humidifiers.
The same model that's keeping Larry King alive.
14
00:00:34,650 --> 00:00:36,800
Oh, and I want you to book
the subway hero onto the show.
15
00:00:36,810 --> 00:00:39,580
- Who?
- The subway hero.
16
00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:41,080
Do you not watch the news?
17
00:00:41,090 --> 00:00:42,990
Food network doesn't have a news show.
18
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,510
This guy stepped in front of a train to save
a total stranger had fallen on the tracks.
19
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:50,090
He pulled him between the rails, and
the train missed their heads by inches.
20
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:51,850
- Wow, that's amazing.
- I know.
21
00:00:51,860 --> 00:00:56,730
Every show wants a guest appearance by
the subway hero, but we have an advantage.
22
00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:58,440
We do?
23
00:00:58,450 --> 00:01:00,770
For his exceptional courage...
24
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:06,430
the City of New York bestows the
bronze medallion on Dennis Duffy.
25
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,060
Thank you, mayor Bloomberger.
26
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,950
I accept this honor
on behalf of every--
27
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,110
Stern rules! Baba booey!
28
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,800
No, no, no, no, no.
29
00:01:16,820 --> 00:01:17,990
Oh, yes.
30
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,320
Dennis Duffy, beeper salesman
and your ex-boyfriend.
31
00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:22,980
And Dateline predator.
32
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,640
Exonerated Dateline predator.
33
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:26,660
The whole thing was one
big silly misunderstanding.
34
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,200
Like the Giuliani campaign.
35
00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:29,950
No way, forget about it.
36
00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:30,920
Lemon, be professional.
37
00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:33,070
We all have to work with
people we hate sometimes.
38
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,040
Jonathan, why don't you put
on more of that cologne?
39
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,820
when I say subway, you say hero.
40
00:01:38,830 --> 00:01:41,680
- Subway.
- Hero?
41
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:48,890
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
proudly presents
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-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
sync:������
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30 Rock
Season02 Episode12 "Subway Hero"
44
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,760
I now declare this store
open for all mankind.
45
00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:09,590
Hey, dummy.
46
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:10,360
Dennis.
47
00:02:10,370 --> 00:02:11,500
I knew you'd be back.
48
00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:12,990
Yeah, I'm not back.
49
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,310
Jack sent me because
he wants you on TGS.
50
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,800
No way, this is fate.
51
00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:18,930
You swore to me that you
would never see me again,
52
00:02:18,940 --> 00:02:23,470
but this whole crazy on-again-off-again
Dennis-Liz thing, it just can't be stopped.
53
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,070
No, we don't have a crazy thing.
54
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,590
Yeah, we do. We're like Ross
and Rachel, but just not gay.
55
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,070
Can I borrow those giant scissors?
56
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,570
We always knew this
would happen, didn't we?
57
00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:33,800
I mean, that I would be somebody.
58
00:02:33,810 --> 00:02:37,490
I can't believe it's happening because
of this, and not because of my band.
59
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:40,700
* I just want to rock *
60
00:02:40,710 --> 00:02:43,900
Well, you have had some fame
before. You were on Dateline.
61
00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:47,150
I knew you were gonna say
that. And it's so unfair.
62
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,630
I knew that girl was 18.
63
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,910
She told me that her
last boyfriend was Asian.
64
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,800
And that crap doesn't
start until college.
65
00:02:53,810 --> 00:02:56,110
So you want to do the show or not?
66
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,550
I don't know. You know.
67
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,900
Getting lots of offers from
news and dancing programs.
68
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:03,700
But how could I say no to you, right?
69
00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:09,590
I mean, maybe we should just see where this crazy
Dennis-Liz roller coaster ride takes us, huh?
70
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
71
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,650
Jonathan.
72
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:22,220
Who is this?
73
00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:24,390
Oh, it's Bucky Bright, sir.
74
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:28,590
He was a major tv star in the
'40s, '50s and the fall of 1972,
75
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,260
and he's your Republican
celebrity for the McCain dinner.
76
00:03:32,270 --> 00:03:34,470
Uh-huh, good to see you. What
happened to Bruce Willis?
77
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,480
He insists on singing.
78
00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:36,180
Jim Belushi?
79
00:03:36,190 --> 00:03:37,370
He insists on singing.
80
00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:39,540
Good god. When did the
party become so boring?
81
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:41,600
The Democrats have all
the good celebrities.
82
00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:43,560
Mr. Donaghy, this
was delivered to--
83
00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:46,280
Son of a married couple, Bucky Bright!
84
00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:47,720
You know who this is?
85
00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:48,770
Who doesn't?
86
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:51,240
Most people. But let me
ask you a question, Kenneth.
87
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:54,200
If Mr. Bright here told you to
vote Republican, would you do it?
88
00:03:54,210 --> 00:03:57,170
Oh, no, sir, I don't vote
Republican or Democrat.
89
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,250
Choosing is a sin, so I always
just write in the lord's name.
90
00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:02,430
That's Republican--
we count those.
91
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,970
Well, I don't know whether
you know it or not,
92
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:08,320
but I used to do the old soft
shoe at all the Eisenhower rallies.
93
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:09,840
One, two...
94
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,670
I'm sorry to have wasted
your time, Mr. Bright.
95
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,060
Kenneth here will show
you out. Thank you.
96
00:04:20,670 --> 00:04:23,140
Boy, 30 Rock.
97
00:04:23,150 --> 00:04:25,940
The stories I could
tell about this place.
98
00:04:25,950 --> 00:04:27,800
Eh, nobody wants to listen to me anymore.
99
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:32,250
Oh, Mr. Bright, I would love to
hear about the good old days.
100
00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:33,950
Oh, different back then, I'll tell you.
101
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,820
Yes, sir, boy, they were classy.
102
00:04:35,830 --> 00:04:40,570
Yeah, ah we didn't have any of
those shirts with words on 'em,
103
00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:43,950
or dungarees, or anything
like that, o sirree.
104
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,770
Men came to work, ties and hats.
105
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:47,970
So elegant.
106
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:53,200
Well, and you had tailor-made suits and a little
place here for a little carnation in your lapel.
107
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:58,230
And an inside monogrammed pocket, you know,
for your opium pipe and your switchblade.
108
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:00,460
I'm sorry--
what now?
109
00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:03,440
Say, why don't you show
me around the old studio?
110
00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:05,590
Okay, okay.
111
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,820
These things are so bad for me.
112
00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:11,560
400% of my sodium?
I should not be eating these.
113
00:05:11,570 --> 00:05:16,500
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bravest
New Yorker since Bernie Goetz, Mr. Dennis Duffy.
114
00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:21,740
What's with the trophy?
115
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:24,090
It's the Stanley cup, honey.
It's hockey's ultimate prize.
116
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,910
And me and it, we're teaming
up to fight illiteracy.
117
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,490
Wow, I never would have had the
guts to do what that dude did.
118
00:05:30,510 --> 00:05:31,280
You don't know that.
119
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:34,420
I do know. I've watched seven
different people die in subway stations.
120
00:05:34,430 --> 00:05:37,150
so, Dennis, tell us what it was like in the
moment. What was going through your mind?
121
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,750
You know, it was all instinct, Jack.
122
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,230
My mind, it was--
it was so clear.
123
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,000
All I could think about was Derek Jeter.
124
00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:46,010
And it was like, check this out, Jeter,
you think you're better than me?
125
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,900
So you brought Dennis back.
126
00:05:54,910 --> 00:05:56,450
Only 'cause Jack made me.
127
00:05:56,460 --> 00:05:59,620
It's just that you said
never again, but here he is.
128
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:03,310
You said, "I don't know what I see in that
guy, " but I was there when you two met.
129
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:06,130
You do have this weird connection.
130
00:06:06,140 --> 00:06:10,570
Uh, why is this movie called "The Hours"
when it feels so much longer?
131
00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:13,880
They should call this thing "The Weeks".
132
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:19,480
"The Weeks."
133
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,010
Liz, listen to me.
134
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:23,860
Dennis is like those
off-brand Mexican Cheetos.
135
00:06:23,870 --> 00:06:25,410
My "Sabor de soledad"?
136
00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:27,660
I only have Spanish
delis in my neighborhood.
137
00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:30,830
You know those are bad for you, but
you keep stuffing them in your mouth
138
00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:33,710
because it's easier to do that
than to bother to eat well.
139
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,500
That's a weak metaphor.
140
00:06:35,510 --> 00:06:38,880
You deserve a good meal, Liz.
141
00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:41,290
Subway hero!
142
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,940
Subway hero!
143
00:06:44,430 --> 00:06:45,960
Subway hero!
144
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:48,240
Tracy. My friend.
145
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:52,030
Have you ever considered becoming the
celebrity face of the Republican party?
146
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,060
What? Hell, no.
147
00:06:55,070 --> 00:06:56,930
Black people supporting Republicans?
148
00:06:56,940 --> 00:06:58,700
Does hot support cold?
149
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,330
Does rain support the earth?
150
00:07:00,340 --> 00:07:05,130
Now that misperception is precisely
why the GOP needs better celebrities,
151
00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:09,170
and a black celebrity such as yourself
would really make us look good.
152
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:10,700
Do you like lower taxes?
153
00:07:10,710 --> 00:07:12,290
If I paid taxes, I sure would.
154
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,970
- How about gun ownership?
- Go on.
155
00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:16,110
- States' rights?
- I love states' rights.
156
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,780
And let none of us forget
the GOP is the party of Lincoln.
157
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,360
Lincoln was a Republican?
158
00:07:21,370 --> 00:07:25,050
Actually, today's Republican party
would be unrecognizable to Lincoln.
159
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,960
He fought a war to preserve
federal authority over the states.
160
00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:29,590
That's not exactly small government.
161
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:34,580
Dotcom, this need you have to be
the smartest guy in the room is...
162
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,300
off-putting.
163
00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:39,520
I guess that's why I'm still single.
164
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:45,270
Damn. The Republican party sounds
pretty attuned to my unique way of life.
165
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,370
But I'd be turning my back
on my people to support it.
166
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,340
You put me in a quandary, Jack Donaghy.
167
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,280
A quandary.
168
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,690
Back then, we didn't
have pages, you know.
169
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,870
We had what we called "sandwich girls."
170
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,380
Oh, 'cause they got you sandwiches?
171
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:06,010
No, no, no, two guys'd get--
hey, my old dressing room.
172
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:08,250
You know, that reminds me.
173
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:10,300
For five bucks I will.
174
00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:15,670
Hey, dummy, I was just
telling these dummies
175
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,320
how we used to go in the park
and make fun of all the joggers.
176
00:08:18,340 --> 00:08:21,740
Oh, yeah, "Oh, I'm gonna run in a circle,
so I can live longer."
177
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:24,400
Hold on a second.
Who orders a salad from a burger joint?
178
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:26,330
You watching your figure there,
sweetheart?
179
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,200
What, are you gearing up
for swimsuit season?
180
00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:29,350
Very funny.
181
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,780
Very funny? How would you know?
182
00:08:33,820 --> 00:08:36,310
We used to call this "the jew room."
183
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,330
Oh, here, here's some
lettuce from my burger.
184
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:44,930
Hey, chief, the, uh, the kid's birthday party that
hired the urkel impersonator is down around the hall.
185
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:48,320
- Are you gonna cry?
- Yeah, he's gonna cry.
186
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,900
Give her some lettuce.
187
00:08:58,270 --> 00:09:00,130
Elizabeth Conworthy Lemon.
188
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,730
Okay, that's not my middle name.
189
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,080
Explain this.
190
00:09:03,090 --> 00:09:06,490
"Subway hero Dennis Duffy
and actress Sally Field."
191
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,450
Entertaining a guest of the show
is called being professional.
192
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:12,170
It wasn't a date or
whatever-- I paid for dinner.
193
00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:14,410
You always paid for Dennis.
194
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,380
He can't get credit cards, Jenna,
195
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:20,030
because his cousin Teddy used Dennis'
social to get a cell phone that
196
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,970
Teddy then couldn't pay for because this
Indian guy that he was working for...
197
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:27,290
You know what, I don't have
to explain myself to you.
198
00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:31,000
Oh, sir. You're back.
199
00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:33,130
Well, I never left, actually.
200
00:09:33,150 --> 00:09:35,760
I just wandered around
the building all night.
201
00:09:35,770 --> 00:09:39,040
I didn't run into another
single living soul,
202
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:43,370
except one gigantic lesbian.
203
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:48,000
Who is Conan O'Brien,
and why is she so sad?
204
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:11,780
What is this place?
205
00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:14,570
It's purgatory, Tracy.
206
00:10:14,590 --> 00:10:17,270
Richard Nixon?
207
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,950
I can't believe I'm dead.
208
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,490
There was still so much
left on my bucket list.
209
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:26,030
So many different kind of
buckets I wanted to own. Buckets.
210
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,490
It's never too late, Tracy.
211
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,420
You can't die now, your party needs you.
212
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,500
We've lost some prestige because
of the Bush administration.
213
00:10:33,510 --> 00:10:34,940
And Watergate.
214
00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:38,730
I'm trying to keep that
on the DL around here.
215
00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:41,180
Look, I know you're worried about this,
216
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:45,230
but there's a long history of
black entertainers supporting the GOP.
217
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,330
Just ask my old friend, Sammy Davis Jr.
218
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:50,950
Oh, Sam. Sammy.
219
00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:56,430
Tracy. Babe. You gotta help the Party
get back to its groovy roots.
220
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,370
Wow! You were a Republican?
221
00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:00,430
He sure was.
222
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:04,120
Black, Jewish, one eye, a white wife.
223
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,520
It was a big tent back then, Tracy.
224
00:11:06,530 --> 00:11:08,250
Help us...
225
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:11,590
to make it a big tent once again.
226
00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:16,340
I got a mission.
227
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,270
- Dennis.
- Yeah, Jack.
228
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,300
What are your politics?
229
00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,500
Social conservative, fiscal liberal.
230
00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:24,600
You see the GOP is trying to
raise its celebrity profile.
231
00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:27,680
And we would love it, if the
subway hero could help us out.
232
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:29,140
Ah, no can do, Pally.
233
00:11:29,150 --> 00:11:31,570
I can't help McCain. He's a navy man.
234
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:34,240
I almost joined the marines once.
235
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:35,890
All right, fine, I admit it.
236
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:38,350
Dinner with Dennis last night was fun.
237
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,000
Oh, god, Liz.
238
00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:44,120
What, I don't like a lot of people, Jenna,
but that dumb creep makes me laugh.
239
00:11:44,130 --> 00:11:45,350
But you know better.
240
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,800
Do I? I might be an idiot.
241
00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:51,070
I know I'm supposed to make myself
nice meals, instead of eating junk.
242
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,720
Do you know what I use my oven for?
243
00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:54,270
Warming your jeans in the morning?
244
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,070
That'sight, and it feels good.
245
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,380
You know what that subway
thing taught me, Jack?
246
00:11:57,390 --> 00:11:59,810
It taught me to follow my instincts
more. That's how you get ahead.
247
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,220
You must know what I'm
talking about--you smell rich.
248
00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:03,070
Thank you.
249
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,850
My cologne is distilled from the
bilge water of Rupert Murdoch's yacht.
250
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,570
My point is, Jack, you've got to be a
man of action in this world, you know--
251
00:12:08,580 --> 00:12:09,690
you can't overthink stuff.
252
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:10,620
I agree.
253
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,060
Not thinking is what
makes America great.
254
00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:14,590
That wardrobe is wack.
255
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,150
I want a leather jacket with a
glow-in-the-dark skeleton t-shirt
256
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,760
and a porkpie hat for my
head, all right. Pronto.
257
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:22,270
This photo shoot's gotta be phenomenal.
258
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,460
You seem like a man who
knows exactly what he wants.
259
00:12:24,470 --> 00:12:26,170
Yeah, I do.
260
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:29,660
Lemon? Good luck with that, Dennis.
261
00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:32,190
No luck needed, Jack. She
bought me dinner last night.
262
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,400
- Really?
- Yeah, I'm in.
263
00:12:34,410 --> 00:12:36,740
And when I grab on, I do not let go.
264
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:40,040
Like a killer whale going nuts
on his trainer at sea world.
265
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:41,850
Everything in my life is work.
266
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,000
But not Dennis Duffy.
267
00:12:43,010 --> 00:12:44,980
I don't have to shave,
I don't have to bathe,
268
00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:47,230
I don't have to be
clever or nice, you know.
269
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:48,550
I can just be myself.
270
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,970
- Isn't that what love really is?
- No.
271
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:55,290
Love is hiding who you really are at
all times, even when you're sleeping.
272
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:59,270
Love is wearing makeup to bed and going
downstairs to the Burger King to poop,
273
00:12:59,290 --> 00:13:02,500
and hiding alcohol in
perfume bottles. That's love.
274
00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:04,570
Uh, it just sounds hard.
275
00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:06,380
Being with Dennis is easy.
276
00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:10,190
If you give into it, you just start
to feel kind of numb and warm,
277
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,970
and then you just get sleepy.
That's not that bad.
278
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:16,850
That's exactly what they say it's
like when you freeze to death.
279
00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:19,260
Blurgh.
280
00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:24,210
Oh, whoa, whoa, look at, there I am.
281
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,810
Oh, is that really you?
282
00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:29,970
Yeah, me and the boys. Yeah. Boy.
283
00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:32,250
Men were men back then, I'll tell you.
284
00:13:32,260 --> 00:13:36,560
You wanted to do something private
with another man, it wasn't gay.
285
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:42,650
No, it was just two men
celebrating each other's strength.
286
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,750
I'm in. Jacky D.
287
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,210
Nixon's ghost convinced
my ghost to help the GOP.
288
00:13:53,230 --> 00:13:56,580
God bless that wiretapping
bastard, this is great.
289
00:13:56,590 --> 00:13:59,150
We've got to shoot a couple commercials
right away. The McCain dinner is saturday.
290
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,620
Sounds good, but I can't talk now.
291
00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:03,510
- I gotta get my wallet out of the toaster.
- Okay.
292
00:14:06,530 --> 00:14:07,330
Yeah, you like that?
293
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:09,720
Maybe a couple photos where
you don't give the thumbs-up.
294
00:14:09,730 --> 00:14:10,880
Nah, it's my thing, dummy.
295
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:13,230
You know what? Doesn't matter.
Just getting through the week.
296
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,130
You know, it's all
really happening for me.
297
00:14:15,140 --> 00:14:18,800
My people, my city, my woman, huh?
298
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:21,920
I tell you, everything is starting to go my
way, Liz, 'cause I'm a man of action, yeah.
299
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:25,600
I gotta stop overthinking
everything like I used to.
300
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:28,050
That was never your problem.
301
00:14:29,650 --> 00:14:30,870
Elizabeth Sarah Lemon--
302
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,040
That's not my middle name.
303
00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:35,940
- Will you marry me?
- Oh, god.
304
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:48,160
Wake up, dummy.
Hey, space cadet. Right here--
305
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:49,260
Will you marry me or what?
306
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:51,850
No, no way.
307
00:14:51,860 --> 00:14:55,300
You don't know this guy.
He is not the man you think he is.
308
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,050
Hey, what is your problem, Liz?
309
00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:58,790
I could get any girl here I want.
310
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,020
And not just the fatties
and the butterfaces.
311
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:06,840
Shut up, crowd. I command you
as the subway hero-- shut up.
312
00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:08,910
Unbelievable, Liz.
Hey, you know, I don't need this.
313
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,400
You know a stripper offered to
give me a squeezer last night.
314
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,370
A white stripper.
315
00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:14,360
Uh, thank god I didn't fall for this.
316
00:15:14,370 --> 00:15:17,930
You are not a hero, you're a loser.
And you will always be a loser.
317
00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:18,790
Oh, I'm the loser.
318
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:22,070
I guess I'm the one who totally missed
catching the puck at that Islanders game--
319
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,750
- You suck.
- No, you suck.
320
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,300
And so do all
New York based sports teams.
321
00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:29,220
Liz, don't say anything
you can't take back.
322
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:34,990
My fellow blackmericans--
Hey, Jack.
323
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:39,330
Can I just say black Americans?
There's no such thing as blackmericans.
324
00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:42,910
That's great, that's why you're here.
325
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:47,130
My fellow black Americans,
Dr. King once had a dream,
326
00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:52,470
a dream that we all share: To build a
200 foot high wall to keep Mexico out.
327
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,430
And he also hated the estate tax.
328
00:15:56,490 --> 00:15:58,800
Unbelievable.
329
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,640
- Jack, I don't know about this.
- What's wrong?
330
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:11,010
I get it. The Republican party means
less taxes, more guns, and the end of the gun tax.
331
00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:11,680
Go on.
332
00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:15,230
But everybody isn't
forward-thinking like I am.
333
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:20,020
No matter what, blackmericans
are gonna always vote Democrat.
334
00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:22,110
They will, won't they?
335
00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,450
Unless...
336
00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:29,280
black people, don't vote.
Just don't do it.
337
00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:33,230
In the amount of time it'd take for you to
vote, you could play three games of pool.
338
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,680
Three. And that's fresh.
339
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,760
I'm Tracy Jordan, and
I improve this message.
340
00:16:38,770 --> 00:16:42,250
Paid by the committee
to reinvade Vietnam.
341
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,840
Sure feels good to make
a difference, doesn't it?
342
00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:46,160
Yes, it does.
343
00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:52,460
Now if you'll excuse me, Nixon asked me to
take some stuff out of his Wikipedia page.
344
00:16:55,190 --> 00:16:57,540
Hey, Jack, I'm sorry,
this Dennis thing is not gonna work.
345
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,480
I can't even be in the
same room as that idiot.
346
00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:01,390
Save it for your I-village blog, Lemon.
347
00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:03,670
Dennis is off the show.
I booked the 911 bird.
348
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,580
Winston dialed 911 with
his beak and said fire,
349
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,370
but only because he didn't
know the word for rape.
350
00:17:08,380 --> 00:17:11,330
Well, that's fine with me, but we've
been promoting the subway hero.
351
00:17:11,340 --> 00:17:12,860
The subway hero's 15 minutes are up.
352
00:17:12,870 --> 00:17:14,930
Now if you could let him
know that, that would be great.
353
00:17:14,940 --> 00:17:17,880
Hey, you're not bumping
Dennis for my benefit, are you?
354
00:17:17,890 --> 00:17:19,160
Well, of course I am.
355
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:21,470
I base all my business
decisions on your needs.
356
00:17:21,490 --> 00:17:24,540
That's why G.E.'s going to be
introducing the pocket deep fryer.
357
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:27,160
That would sell, by the way.
358
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,870
Well, when we sobered up, we
realized we'd eaten the peacock
359
00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:37,470
and we put the ham in
pat weaver's office.
360
00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:39,250
Mr. Bright.
361
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:44,000
With all due respect, I
can't listen to this anymore.
362
00:17:44,010 --> 00:17:47,860
I love television, sir,
and you are ruining it.
363
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,320
I love television too.
364
00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:50,670
But I wanna tell you something.
365
00:17:50,710 --> 00:17:54,340
If you're gonna make something beautiful,
you gotta make a mess of it first.
366
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:56,810
I don't care whether you're
making an omelet, a baby,
367
00:17:56,820 --> 00:18:00,960
or a television show,
things are gonna get weird.
368
00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:05,420
Well, I'm afraid the biz
has changed since your time.
369
00:18:05,430 --> 00:18:09,340
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Chinatown
to pick up some human growth hormones
370
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:13,320
so that Mr. Jordan's tigers don't
realize that he's aging, and...
371
00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:17,060
oh my...
372
00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:19,020
there's your weird.
373
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:21,610
- A bird?
- Dennis, I'm very sorry.
374
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,110
Oh, really? Why?
375
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:26,370
It seems like all that stuff
you said came true. I am a loser.
376
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:27,960
My mall appearance got canceled.
377
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:31,810
The mighty ducks are mad at me because
I left the Stanley cup on a water taxi.
378
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:35,930
You know, I thought I'd done
something good enough to get you back.
379
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,850
I can only imagine the classic
song I'm gonna write after this.
380
00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:47,620
Well, that is a very disturbing story.
381
00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:49,100
Aw, you're just saying that.
382
00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:52,500
No, no, no, no, you've seen
some stuff, I'll tell ya.
383
00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:55,460
Oh, well this one's dating
a Dateline predator.
384
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,470
Exonerated. And we're not dating.
385
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,500
You don't know what you're
talking about, Kenneth.
386
00:18:59,510 --> 00:19:03,110
Boy, that's one mouthy
sandwich girl, isn't it?
387
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:16,920
It was on a subway
platform just like this.
388
00:19:16,930 --> 00:19:19,780
On a night just like this.
389
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:22,200
It's still daytime. And we're inside.
390
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:24,440
You know what the worst thing about
this whole hero thing has been?
391
00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:27,960
Is that I got a chance to see what
my life could have really been like.
392
00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:29,920
You know, if like the beeper
business had taken off,
393
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:31,730
or I hadn't failed the firefighter exam.
394
00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:33,320
You failed the firefighter exam?
395
00:19:33,330 --> 00:19:36,230
Yeah, it's totally biased
against the Irish, you know.
396
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,280
You know, Liz, being
with you and being a hero
397
00:19:40,290 --> 00:19:43,230
are the two greatest things
that's ever happened to me.
398
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:48,460
And I just, uh, I just
wish I could get it back.
399
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,050
You're gonna be fine.
400
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:59,870
If reality TV has taught us anything, it's
that you can't keep people with no shame down.
401
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:05,380
I really believe that you are gonna
do something else great in your life.
402
00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:12,450
- Dennis, don't you dare.
- Liz, work with me now. Just go limp.
403
00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:13,840
- It'll be phenomenal, Liz, come on.
- You can't do this twice.
404
00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:16,510
- Come on, no, no, no, no.
- No, I don't want to.
405
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,890
Ah, damn, it's the wrong track.
It's stupid express.
406
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,690
- You thought it was this track too, didn't you?
- Jackass.
407
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,640
What, come on. It was just a goof.
408
00:20:23,650 --> 00:20:25,640
Never again. Never!
409
00:20:25,650 --> 00:20:28,700
You'll be back, Liz Lemon.
You'll be back.
410
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,420
You'll be back, dummy.
411
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,133
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