Original subtitles

[GUNSHOTS]

Say, hi there, Mr. Bardington.

You got a minute?

I told you to keep away from here.

But why?

All you have to do is name an hour and a date.

That's not much for $10,000, is it?

BARDINGTON: You say the money's in a bank in Rome? How do I know?

Word of honor.

You still haven't told me why you want uranium.

Now, why do you have to ask so many questions for, Mr. Bardington?

I'm a patriotic American.

I don't wanna do anything to jeopardize the security of my country.

Do you recognize the short one?

Yeah. Angel Galley. A very talented racketeer.

What's an official of Bardington's stature doing with a racketeer?

What does a racketeer want with uranium?

All right, Mr. Bardington...

...recalling what I said about accidents to cherished wives and precious children...

...you've got one last chance to name the hour and the date.

Well, I guess we just can't do business.

Sorry.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

ILLYA: That's it.

We'll report in as soon as possible.

Dead?

Yes.

[DOORBELL JINGLING]

He's waiting for you.

- Who? - Whom.

Whom is waiting?

Mr. Kuryakin, in Mr. Waverly's office.

Mr. Waverly had to leave for Nairobi.

He said you are to keep yourself busy.

ILLYA: A power-plant official is stabbed before our very eyes...

...by a notorious criminal who's abducted from under our very noses.

The power-plant official expires before we can ask him one question.

- We couldn't look more foolish. - Now, wait a minute.

Mr. Waverly said that this assignment--

Was to record the conversation between Bardington and Angel Galley.

We weren't alerted to the possibilities of murder.

And Mr. Al Waverly won't be interested in excuses.

When he returns, he will want results.

The thing that concerns me most...

...is that this matter might involve an international nuclear sabotage plot.

We know that Angel Galley is a sadistic psychopath...

- ...but do you really think he's a spy? - If not, why was he abducted?

Obviously there is a counterplot.

A counterplot.

To a plot which, according to our worldwide organization...

...doesn't even exist.

I think we better get a little more information on this...

...and we better get it rather fast.

- Wanda. WANDA: Yes, Mr. Solo?

Book Mr. Kuryakin and myself on two separate jet flights to Rome immediately.

- Yes, sir. - Thank you.

Well, Angel Galley did say the money was in a bank in Rome, didn't he?

- So? - So arrivederci.

[MAN SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

[SOLO SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Grazie.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Not so good, cara mia.

If there is a plot to foment a nuclear disaster...

...or, in fact, a counterplot--

[DOOR OPENS]

Ah, Mr. Solo.

Welcome to Rome once again.

How are you, Mr. Venerdi?

And Miss Lusso.

Mr. Venerdi tells me they've still been unable...

...to discover any nuclear plot or counterplot.

Ah, I see. Then we start from scratch.

How many banks are there in Rome?

As of noon today, 403.

VENERDI: We'll look into the bank situation.

I would suggest that you start by checking a place in Rome where it is said...

...eventually one will meet all the wicked...

...and the wealthy of the world.

Casa Truffare.

VENERDI: S�.

When did they reopen?

Oh, just last month.

May I suggest that you begin your investigation there?

What will be our cover identities?

Mr. Solo will have the identity...

...of Buddington Smith of Meadowlark Falls...

...Idaho, United States...

...who disappeared at sea last agosto...

...while attempting to smuggle small arms and ammunition into Southern Rhodesia.

Mr. Kuryakin will become Eugen Strickland, Ph.D...

...of Bad Gastein, Austria.

A researcher in particle physics...

...whose brilliant career was cut short...

...by a radiation accident...

...which, because of the top-secret nature of the work, has never been made public.

GEMMA: This way, gentlemen.

VENERDI [ON RECORDING]: With a force of 8 million electron volts...

...the mesons attain a speed of 10 million electron volts...

...and have a half-life of--

VENERDI [ON RECORDING]: Scopic sight and replaceable barrel.

Latest best price on the black market, Nairobi: 2 pounds 6 and 9 pence...

...with long rounds at 1 pound 3 and 2 the gross--

[MUSICIANS PLAYING]

[MAITRE D' SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

No, not now, Irving. Not now.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

Huh?

Does your uncle know you're out?

- Ooh! Hey, what's the big idea? - American?

- A hundred proof. - I believe you had too much to drink.

- Have some food and coffee. - Well, I'm not hungry.

- Then go back to your hotel and rest. - I was just trying to have a little fun.

[ILLYA SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN THEN GERMAN]

[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

--Buddington Smith.

Doctor. Hey, that's me. Listen, these are my guests.

I won't make trouble. Word of honor.

It shall be interesting to see if your word has any value, signor.

[FASIK SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

[IN GERMAN ACCENT] Mr. Smith, permit me to introduce my wife.

Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Strickland.

You're a lucky man, doc.

[IN GERMAN ACCENT] Thank you, Herr Smith.

I see your receptionist is picking up a little extra money working the evenings.

GEMMA [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Mostly, she picks up a little extra information.

[MUSICIANS PLAYING]

Well, I see plenty of the wealthy.

Which ones are the wicked?

Madam Avide.

She's made a fortune buying and selling foreign currencies.

Her specialty is to depress the value of a small nation's money...

...buy up huge amounts of it...

...then force the value up before she sells.

And her partner?

Bodyguard.

The diamond is the Star of Karachi, worth a hundred thousand.

- Lira? - Pounds.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Ah, and there's Konrad Vask.

In one year, he managed to salvage seven ships...

...all of which had main-shaft bearing trouble.

He has often been accused of piracy but never brought to trial.

And could he be mixed up in the uranium deal?

Almost anyone in this room could be.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

There is another possibility:

Fasik el Pasad.

Recently deposed supreme monarch of some 12 million oppressed subjects.

Now he's a bouncer in a velvet hash house?

Not bouncer, proprietario.

Well, I tell you. He has fingers that've got a grip like a vise.

The only person in this room I don't know...

...is that American girl.

Well, that's too bad.

However, that prosperous-looking gentleman...

...is something else again.

B.B. Stoneham.

He's amassed a fortune buying into corporations...

...stripping them of their assets, and moving out.

He never really breaks the law...

...he just diligently destroys businessmen and businesses.

Like a shark tearing a drowning man to shreds.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] It's time to throw out some bait.

Doc, I tell you.

A man has gotta make his way in this world by himself.

[IN GERMAN ACCENT] It's too late for me, I'm afraid.

[IN GERMAN ACCENT] My husband is a superb physicist...

...but rather poor at university politics.

I'm not talking about promotions.

There are other opportunities if you can get your hands on some uranium.

Me, I don't even know what uranium looks like.

I deal in cash. Matter of fact, I got a nice little bank account right here in Rome.

ILLYA: Mr. Smith, are you making me some kind of offer?

No, I'm just saying think it over.

Mull it over overnight and call me tomorrow. Hotel Victory.

The gentlemen who just came in.

With Angel Galley when he was kidnapped.

He was watching me in the parking lot.

His name is Bobo Barrett.

There is no subtlety about him.

He is the top man of an international crime syndicate.

I've gotta get out of here without him seeing me.

I don't know what sort of whistle he might blow on me.

Doc, may I have this dance with your wife?

[ERNESTINE GASPS]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

ERNESTINE: So sorry. - Don't give it another thought.

- Oh, you're an American, are you? - Yes. Only by birth.

Right through here.

[HANDLE CLICKS]

Mouth shut. On your feet.

Hands on your head.

Buddington Smith?

Present and accounted for.

We can make this very brief.

Where is Angel Galley?

I never heard of it. There's a restaurant guide in my suitcase.

No, no, Mr. Smith. Mama will shoot.

Now, which bank do you contact?

- Bank? - About uranium. Which bank?

Oh. Well, don't you know?

If I knew, would I have bothered to climb your fire escape?

Mr. Smith, the first shot goes into the floor. The second goes into your head.

Mm-hm. All right, then. Better shoot, get it over with.

You see, the safety catch is on.

It limits the range of the weapon considerably.

[ERNESTINE CRYING]

Come on, now. Be fair. I let you inspect my wallet.

You didn't mention your name.

Well, let's see.

Well, you're certainly not Jackson W. Heggenheimer of Red Bank, New Jersey...

...because he's deceased...

...leaving his entire estate to his widow, Shirley, and their four children.

Perhaps you're Shirley Heggenheimer.

No, I am not Shirley Heggenheimer.

Oh, you're not. All right, let's see.

Then maybe you're Miss Ernestine Pepper of Red Bank, New Jersey...

...and a member of the Legal Secretaries' Guild.

Oh, here's an affidavit, unsigned...

...verifying that Angel Galley's signature on the will is a true one.

Uh-huh. I see.

And a notary-public seal.

Well, may I say that you are the prettiest notary public I've ever met.

Will you please tell me where to find Angel Galley?

- It's very important. - Why?

Otherwise, poor Shirley won't be able to collect her husband's estate.

Why?

Because the will is being contested and another relative claims it's forged.

The only other witness died. That's why we have to find A-- Mr. Galley.

SOLO: Just how did it happen that Angel Galley was a witness to this will?

ERNESTINE: He was in the office...

...the evening that Jack Heggenheimer came in to sign it...

...waiting to take me out again.

SOLO: What is your relationship with Angel Galley?

ERNESTINE: Absolutely nothing.

SOLO: I see. You just happen to want his autograph on the affidavit.

ERNESTINE: Yes.

SOLO: Well, that doesn't explain why you happen to be in Rome, though.

Oh, Mr. Smith, please believe me.

Shirley Heggenheimer is practically destitute.

She gave me every cent she had in the world to make this trip to Rome.

If she doesn't get that inheritance, her children will starve...

...and I'll simply die.

SOLO: Well, you're a very sweet and sympathetic young lady, Miss Pepper.

Now, you really are.

I tell you, if you jot down your number there...

...if I run in to Angel Galley, I'll be sure and give you a call.

Oh, uh, incidentally, how does a nice girl like yourself...

...happen to be having a dinner date with Angel Galley?

That is none of your business.

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Well, what did you make of her?

I think she's an agent.

I pasted a bug on her bag, but we better see where she goes.

You had another visitor drop in.

He's dropped out.

I have to go and see to him.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

She was rather clumsy.

SOLO: I don't know. That story was cleverly concocted to enlist my sympathies.

But far too complex.

Spies aren't what they used to be anymore. No pride of craft.

No standards.

SOLO: Maybe she's not an agent.

My intuition says she is.

Well, I wonder what your intuition would say if she wasn't so pretty.

Ah.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

OPERATOR: S�, signorina. How are you this evening?

That depends on whether there are any messages.

OPERATOR: There was uno, signorina.

La Banca Latina Nuovo has telephoned in regard...

- ...to the Signor Galley of whom you speak. ERNESTINE: Yes.

OPERATOR: They regret they know nothing of this man.

ERNESTINE: Nothing?

Grazie. I'm going to bed now.

But if a Signor Buddington Smith should call, have the concierge wake me.

Buona sera.

Hey, look.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

The police. Um, uh....

La polizia.

The police, the police.

[SCREAMS]

[KEYS JINGLING]

GUARD: Outside.

[SOLO GRUNTS]

This way.

MAN: And in return for such rights and titles, I do swear...

...to be thy vassal, oh, King...

...in accordance with the law of the land.

I, Fasik el Pasad...

...dub thee prince...

...with title to that land known as the Valley of the Lion...

...the rank of brigadier general.

Hail, Prince Cadera.

ALL: Hail, Prince Cadera.

Your Majesty, a new recruit.

Kneel in the presence of the king.

Hey, listen, charlie, I'm an American citizen. I-- Ooh!

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

He claims to be Buddington Smith of Meadowlark Falls, state of Idaho, U.S.A.

Can anyone confirm this?

Your Majesty, my information is that Buddington Smith...

...drowned off the east coast of Rhodesia on August the 14th last year.

Yeah, well, that report's a little exaggerated there, fella.

You will explain, Mr. Smith...

...why you were present when Kenneth Bardington was murdered.

Listen, I'm an American citizen, and I don't have to--

You will address the king as "Your Majesty."

And you'll remain on your knees until bidden to rise.

His Majesty asked you a question.

What is your answer?

About Bardington?

Why? Was he there?

Prince Barrett was there in the service of his king.

And you?

Well, I was trying to make a little deal with this Bardington...

...Your Majesty.

I guess someone else got there before me.

What sort of deal, Mr. Smith?

SOLO: In my line. Arms, explosives, ammunition.

Uranium?

Uranium?

Oh, you're the one who put out that offer, huh?

Your Majesty.

I did.

And we shall discuss it in due course.

By decree of His Royal Highness, Fasik el Pasad...

...you, Buddington Smith...

...are impressed into His Majesty's Royal Brigade with rank of private.

Pay and allowances withheld pending security clearance.

My name is Smith.

Bud Smith.

Uh, I don't suppose I could borrow a knife?

Yeah, well, thanks anyway.

What are you in for?

Same as you.

- Well, I didn't do anything. I was kidnapped. - Who wasn't?

You mean this Fasik just goes around grabbing people...

...and tossing them in the city jail?

This is no longer the city jail. It's the old carcere.

Garibaldi slept here.

Oh.

So you mean this Fasik just moves in and takes over a jail, huh?

He bought it.

Oh. Yeah.

So we have to buy our way out, huh?

There's no way out.

We just stay locked up?

Until we're cleared.

I would have been checked into barracks...

...but some chick I used to know showed up in Rome looking for me.

- Fasik wants to know what she's up to. - Mm-hm.

Well, what exactly is Fasik up to?

Look, in two minutes we've got terror-tactics drill...

...and a multiple-choice test on court etiquette.

So be quiet.

[GRUNTS]

What's this, a gag? Some test to see how long it took me to get free?

I told you, be quiet.

[GRUNTING]

Well done.

Next two.

I could use some exercise.

I'm referring to you, Mr. Smith.

Well, listen. I'll tell you, Your Majesty, I'm not exactly this kind of type here.

I'm sort of the front-office fellow. You know what I mean?

[GROANING]

Have him brought inside.

Carry on.

And remember:

This platoon will be putting this drill to practical use before the month is out.

You are not very good at wrestling, Mr. Smith...

...but in losing that encounter...

...you have increased our confidence in your claimed identity.

Okay.

Now let's talk about uranium.

Well, actually, I'm not interested in obtaining uranium.

The offer was merely a means devised by Prince Barrett to locate certain men...

...ones determined enough to subject humanity...

...to the risk of a nuclear holocaust...

...if there were a chance for profit.

And is there?

You claim to be an expert in munitions.

Identify it.

It's the Brussels Vengeance rifle.

Manufactured....

[FOOTSTEPS]

Well, look who's here.

Miss Notary Public.

Mr. Smith.

You admit knowing her?

I should.

She barged into my room last night with a gun.

And then you proceeded to follow her...

...and pick up her conversations with this electronic device.

What is a gunrunner doing with spy equipment?

- I wanted to see what she was up to. - Where did you get it?

Same place you got those rifles?

[LAUGHS]

Fair enough.

What were you saying about that?

This is the Brussels Vengeance rifle...

...manufactured by the Belgians, under duress, for Hitler.

Sight's been calibrated upside down.

One in 10 has a faulty sear.

It's a very impressive piece of sabotage, if you like sabotage.

Now, what's your plan?

I am preparing to return to my country...

...and resume my regime.

Your people don't want you. They drove you out.

Not my people.

A pack of insurgent beggars.

The papers say you made off with quite a pile of cash.

Why do you wanna go back?

The reason is engraved on this sword.

Handed down from Mohammed the Turk...

...when he conquered Constantinople in 1443.

Passed into the dynasty of Pasad in 1681...

...when my ancestors fought their way into power in my country.

"Behold the king," it says...

...and "A nation belongs to the king who seizes it."

I intend to do just that.

I don't think all those insurgents are going to stand aside and cheer...

...when you make your way back to the palace.

We have been very busy.

The Duchess Avide has been quietly using her financial connections...

...to buy up large amounts of the legal tender of the insurgent regime.

In a few months...

...she will dump it on the market...

...wiping out the stability of the insurgent currency overnight.

Barons Stoneham and Vask...

...have already sent their agents into my country's industrial complex.

Also, in a few months...

...they will have bankrupted every important corporation.

Prince Cadera.

Once a member of the American crime syndicate...

...has embarked on a campaign of political intrigue and bribery...

...which will ensnare the insurgent legislature...

...in a morass of scandal and shame.

There will be murders done, thefts, arson.

The people will cower in terror and disgust with their leaders.

I will move in at the head of the troops...

...which Prince Barrett has been recruiting with his ingenious methods.

This will be a new concept in counterrevolution.

First, destroy the national moral fiber...

...the will to resist...

...until my people cry out for a savior.

Then I will return.

Maybe you got something there.

And you may make a certain unique contribution.

Such as?

The Belgian rifles are not the only faulty armament...

...which my purchasing agents have acquired.

We have a number of these machine guns made in Hungary...

...during a certain period of political unrest.

The firing pins are softer than pot metal.

The crews who attempt to fire them...

...will be killed by their own exploding weapons.

Field radios with built-in short circuits which deplete the batteries in minutes.

Machine-gun ammunition with rusted linkage.

I would like to see these channeled to Singapore or Maracaibo...

...where I am told the insurgents go hunting for bargains in armaments.

Well, I say there's enough equipment there to demoralize their army...

...Your Highness.

There is a dukedom in my country waiting for the man who can arrange such a thing.

Five hundred square miles...

...tens of thousands of inhabitants to rule.

Don't listen to him, Mr. Smith.

FASIK: Think, Mr. Smith. Not merely financial gain...

...but honors, respectability.

A noble of the realm.

You will join our new peerage.

You will establish a line for your descendants.

Singapore and Maracaibo.

I got some pretty good connections there.

Then are you ready and willing to swear allegiance to your king?

Yes, I am, Your Majesty.

ERNESTINE: Don't do it!

Hundreds of innocent people will be killed.

Well, it's too bad, baby. Man's gotta pay the rent.

Mr. Smith.

As a final small test...

...cut the young lady's throat.

FASIK: Your king is waiting, Mr. Smith.

Well, Your Majesty, I--

I hope you will not fail this last test of your allegiance.

Oh, quite the contrary. You see, I--

I prefer a more efficient weapon.

Mr. Smith, there is no purpose--

So you have mortar shells, thirty-ought-six rifle rounds...

...grenades.

Ooh. These are the Hong Kong defiance grenades...

...almost as famous as the Brussels Vengeance rifles.

Nonsense.

That is standard stock for the use of my troops.

No, I beg to differ with you, Your Highness.

They're not.

See, in the standard grenade, the pin is simply a safety device.

You must release the handle to explode the charge.

Now, these have been booby-trapped so when you pull the pin...

...the charge explodes.

Now, I want you to cut Miss Pepper's bonds and release her.

Mr. Smith, I warn you--

No, I warn you.

Either you release Miss Pepper...

...or I'll pull this pin and blow your face to shreds.

You'll blow off your hands in the process.

Well, I wouldn't like it. But nevertheless...

...I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

You see, I've grown quite fond of Miss Pepper.

You're bluffing. That's a standard grenade.

Just one inch...

...between pain...

...and blindness...

...and death.

[PIN CREAKS]

Stop.

Release her.

Release her!

SOLO: Run.

[EXPLOSION]

All right. Come on.

[GUNSHOTS]

Angel.

Angel, what are you doing in there?

- Come on. Come on. - Guard. Guard!

ERNESTINE: Come on.

Come here.

Now, look. You made it up that hotel fire escape.

- Think you can make it over that wall? - I think so.

All right. Come on.

Now, look. I'll go first, I'll try and lead them away. Then you can make it over.

Get to a phone, call Dr. Strickland at the hotel.

- He'll know what to do. All right? - Oh, wait. What about this?

I've come all the way from Red Bank. I'm not--

You heard Fasik, he plans to terrorize an entire nation.

That nation can look after itself. I'm here to help Shirley and her four children...

- ...who will starve to death. - I'll get it signed.

Oh, and about Angel Galley and that dinner date I had with him...

- ...I met him through his sister. - Ernestine--

I want you to know. He told me his work had something to do with policies.

Naturally, I thought he meant insurance, so I started dating him.

Then I found out he had nothing at all to do with insurance. He was in the policy racket.

I dropped him fast...

- ...believe me. - All right. I believe you.

BARRETT: Let's go inside.

[HOOFBEATS]

[HORSE NEIGHS]

[GRUNTING]

I would have made you a wealthy nobleman.

We must now discover who you really are.

And that should be an interesting experiment.

Take him inside.

- I'll question the woman first. - We haven't found the woman as yet.

But we will...

...very shortly.

[GUARDS COUGHING]

[GUNSHOTS]

- You wait outside. - Oh, no. You promised.

Fasik, where's Mr. Smith?

Your Majesty, have you seen Mr. Smith?

Mr. Smith.

Oh, Mr. Smith. I'd have perished if anything had happened to you.

That's sweet of you. Even sweeter that you made it over the wall.

And you saved Angel for me.

How can I ever thank you?

You have.

Mr. Smith, when we get back home...

...if you'd like to call me, I can be reached--

- I know. The number is in here. - Oh.

ANGEL: All right, all right. Let's get this over with.

ERNESTINE: Very well. Raise your right hand.

Do you, Angel Galley, swear that the statements you are about--

SOLO: Everything under control, Mr. Venerdi? - The situation is well in hand.

SOLO: Grazie. - Arrivederla. Scusa.

Gemma was wrong. Ernestine is no agent.

No. No, no. She's a notary public.

[ENGLISH SDH]