Original subtitles

OH, IT'S SO NICE TO SPEND A RELAXING AFTERNOON

AWAY FROM THE CLUB.

CRIKEY, MATE !

IT'S JOLLY NICE TO BE SOMEWHERE

WHERE BLOKES AIN'T ALWAYS STARING AND DROOLING

AT YOURKACHOINKERS.

( man ) OH, NICE KACHOINKERS !

( men grunting )

CRIMINY, AREN'T YOU COLD IN THAT SKIMPY, LITTLE BIKINI ?

NO.

ACTUALLY, I'M IMPERVIOUS

TO ALL TEMPERATURES AND WEATHER CONDITIONS.

CRIKINY, JUST LIKE STRIPPERELLA !

OH, DID I SAY "IMPERVIOUS" ?

I MEANT, BRR ! I'M FREEZING !

( man ) HEY, NICE--

PURSE SNATCHERS !

I'M GONNA GO FIND A CARROT FOR THE NOSE.

YEE-HA !

OH, YOU CREEPS ! THAT PURSE IS AGUCCI !

AND THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAY OFF.

UGH, NO, STRIPPERELLA ! SHOOT HER !

HUH, HA ! MISSED ME !

USE THE ROCKET LAUNCHER !

DARN !

UGH !

ARRRRRRRHHH ! ARGGGGGGHHH !

ONE PURSE, UNSNATCHED.

OH, THANK YOU !

HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU ?

MMM, DO YOU HAVE A CARROT ?

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

( game chatter )

( buzzer ringing )

( cheering )

( man ) HEY, A MIDGET !

SO I'M TOO SHORT TO PLAY YOUR LITTLE GAME, AM I ?

WELL, NOW, IT'S YOUR TURN TO BE TOO SMALL !

AAAAAHHHHH !

( crowd screaming )

I'M GONNA SHRINK THE WHOLE WORLD !

THEN, I, SMALL FRY, WILL BE THE TALLEST MAN ALIVE !

( excited chatter )

HEY, STUD, THAT COMB-OVER IS SOOO SEXY.

HOW ABOUT A PRIVATE DANCE ?

ALL I HAVE IS THIS 10 BUCKS, IS THAT ENOUGH ?

GIVE ME THAT !

I'M GONNA TAKE THAT JUST FOR WASTING MY TIME.

NOW, BEAT IT, YOU REPULSIVE FREAK OF NATURE !

( man ) HANDS OFF YOUR PECKERS, GUYS.

CLAP IT UP FOR GISELLE !

I HATE WHEN THE COIN CONVENTION'S IN TOWN !

HEY, AN 1858 FLYING EAGLE CENT.

( beeping )

OH, MY BELLY RING'S VIBRATING.

I MEAN, UH, MY NELLY THING'S MIGRATING.

WHICH IS SWEDISH FOR, I GOTTA PEE.

CHIEF STROGANOFF, AGENT 69 REPORTING FOR DUTY.

Stripperella, where are you ?

I'M ATTHE TENDER LOINS.

AS YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M NOT STRIPPERELLA,

I LEAD A NORMAL LIFE

AS MILD-MANNERED EXOTIC DANCER, EROTICA JONES.

Yes, well, as the head ofF.U.G.G.,

the secret organization you work for,

I certainly hope that no one finds out

that you are Erotica and Stripperella.

YEAH, IF ANYONE FOUND OUT

THAT EROTICA JONES AND STRIPPERELLA

WERE THE SAME PERSON, IT COULD BE CATASTROPHIC.

SO WHAT'S UP, CHIEF ? SOMETHING BIG ?

Worse, something small.

Get in here, immediately.

EROTICA IS STRIPPERELLA ?

OH, I'M GONNA TELL EVERYONE, IT'LL RUIN HER.

EXCUSE ME, I'D LIKE TO RETURN THIS CAN OF MOTOR OIL.

IT'S LEAKING, SEE ?

OH, YOU MUST WANTTENDER LOINS, THE AUTO SHOP.

THIS ISTENDER LOINS, THE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB.

OH, NO, I THINK I JUST GOT A LAP DANCE FROM A MECHANIC

AT THE AUTO SHOP !

EVERYONE, LISTEN TO ME ! EROTICA IS--

WOO-- !

( gasping ) CAT, ARE YOU OKAY ?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SUE, ARE YA ?

I CAME OUT HERE TO SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT,

BUT I HIT MY HEAD,

AND NOW I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.

YEAH, YEAH, BRAIN INJURY, MEMORY LOSS, WHATEVER.

JUST SIGN THIS WAIVER SAYING YOU WON'T SUE.

AGENT 69, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.

ANOTHER COMICALLY-BROAD, EVIL VILLAIN IS AT LARGE.

HERE, WATCH THIS.

Can't you hear my rump talking ?

Hear my rump talking ?

Ah, it's saying, "Shake it, chief, shake it.

Shake it, chief, shake it !"

UH, CHIEF ?

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH AN EVIL VILLAIN ?

NOTHING.

I JUST NEEDED AN OUTSIDE OPINION.

DO YOU THINK I'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO BE ANAMERICAN IDOL ?

WELL, YOUR SINGING COULD USE SOME WORK,

AND, FRANKLY, THE OUTFIT

MAKES ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

THANK GOD THE AUDITIONS ARE STILL TWO WEEKS AWAY.

NOW, LET'S WATCH THIS TAPE,

THIS IS THE ONE WITH THE EVIL VILLAIN.

I am Small Fry !

Don't be fooled by my small size,

for the size of my evil

is directly inversely proportional

to my diminutive stature !

No, that's confusing, okay--

Can someone get me a step stool or lower the camera ?!

No, forget it !

The point is, I'm very, very evil !

I've created a shrink ray,

and I'm going to shrink the entire world !

( evil little laughter )

A phone book to stand on ?! Anything ?!

SMALL FRY MUST BE STOPPED.

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT HE CAN DO WITH THAT SHRINK RAY ?

HE CAN SHRINK PEOPLE, BUILDINGS, BRIDGES,

LAMPS, SHRUNKEN HEADS--

CHIEF, I GOT IT, IT SHRINKS THINGS.

EXACTLY, THINGS LIKE, CABBAGE, SQUIRRELS,

AND YOU KNOW THOSE LITTLE--

THOSE LITTLE CLIPPY THINGS THAT THE GIRLS PUT IN THEIR HAIR ?

WHY, HE COULD SHRINK THOSE THINGS...

AND, ALSO, SHRINK WRAP.

I GET TO TAKE IT HOME, FIRST.

I GET TO TAKE IT HOME, FIRST !

DON'T CALL HER "IT", IT'S "HER".

IT'S MINE !

GIVE HER TO ME !

NO ! SHE WANTS ME !

SHE DOES NOT !

HEY, HAL, BERNARD.

HEY, STRIPPERELLA !

WOW, YOU'VE BUILT AN EXACT DUPLICATE OF ME !

NOW, THAT IF I'M INVOLVED IN A DANGEROUS MISSION,

WE COULD USE THIS AS A DECOY.

BRILLIANT !

UH, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR.

YEAH, IT'S FOR MISSIONS AND STUFF.

SO WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE FOR ME ?

THE BOTTOMLESS PURSE.

IT CAN HOLD AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF OBJECTS.

AND IT'SPRADA !

WE ALSO HAVE SUPER MAGNETIC EARRINGS.

ORIGINALLY FROMTIFFANY'S, YOUR FAVORITE.

OH, LET ME SEE ! LET ME SEE !

I THINK THEY'RE IN THE BOTTOMLESS PURSE.

( tossing around objects )

( dog barking )

( cat meowing )

( but bugle sounds )

( Small Fry ) MIDGETS, DWARVES, ELVES AND OTHER ASSORTED TINY PEOPLE !

FOR YEARS, WE'VE BEEN LAUGHED AT FOR OUR SMALL STATURE...

( struggling ) AND OUR FUNNY WALK.

DON'T FORGET YOUR VOICE.

OH, YES, AND MY--

WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY VOICE ?

IT'S A LITTLE HIGH-PITCHED, IS ALL.

ALITTLEHIGH-PITCHED ?

IS THAT SOME KIND OF SHORT JOKE ?

"OH, I'M SO LITTLE

THAT MY VOICE MUST BE ALITTLEHIGH-PITCHED ?!"

NO, YOU MISUNDERSTAND.

MISUNDERSTAND ?!

OH, BECAUSE I'M SO SHORT THAT I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND ?!

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ?!

NO, THAT'S--

WAHHH !

HELP ! HELP !

NOW, ARE THERE ANY OTHER SHORT CRACKS ?

UH-UH. NOTHING.

NO, SIR.

GOOD !

THEN, LET'S GO SHRINK THE WORLD !

( cheering )

( rock music playing )

I CAN'T FIND MY CROTCHLESS G-STRING.

HMM, MAYBE I'LL BORROW ONE FROM EROTICA.

OOOH, "SECRET STRIPPERELLA STUFF" ?

( gasping )

EROTICA IS STRIPPERELLA ?

OH, I'M GONNA TELL EVERYONE !

IF THOSE BOWLING BALLS HAD HIT ME ON THE HEAD,

THEY PROBABLY WOULD'VE CAUSED ME TO FORGET

THAT EROTICA IS STRIPPERELLA.

OH, NO, I'VE LOST MY MEMORY !

EROTICA IS STRIPPERELLA !

OH, I CAN'T REMEMBER A THING !

EROTICA IS STRIPPERELLA !

OH, I FORGOT, AGAIN !

EROTICA IS--

DAMN !

( cheering )

This is Skip Withers with breaking news.

An evil villain, going by the name of "Small Fry"

is downtown at this very moment

SHRINKING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.

UNFORTUNATELY, THAT INCLUDES ME.

( baby crying )

OH, NO, TODDLER !

( screaming )

NORMALLY, I'D BE EXCITED BY A MAN WHO'S 12 INCHES,

BUTTHAT'SRIDICULOUS.

HMM...

WHERE DID EROTICA GO ?

HELP, HELP !

I AM TRAPPED UNDERNEATH EXTREMELY HEAVY BEAMS !

I'LL HELP YOU...

BE SMALL !

( laughing )

YAY ! I AM SAVED !

THINK AGAIN !

HELP !

I AM TRAPPED UNDERNEATH EXTREMELY HEAVY BEAMS !

I'LL SAVE YOU.

OOH, NICE KACHOINKERS !

IT'S STRIPPERELLA ! GET HER !

( Small Fry ) AFTER HER !

( Small Fry ) GET HER !

( grunting and groaning )

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, STRIPPERELLA !

LOOKS LIKE IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL.

INSTEAD OF SHRINKING EVERYTHING,

WOULDN'T IT HAVE JUST BEEN EASIER TO ENLARGE YOURSELF ?

YOU KNOW, CREATE AN ENLARGER RAY ?

YES, BUT-- YOU DON'T-- !

SHUT UP !

( Small Fry ) NOW, ONE MORE BLAST OF THIS RAY,

AND YOU WILL SHRINK RIGHT OUT OF EXISTENCE !

BUT BEFORE I KILL YOU,

I WANT TO GIVE YOU NEEDLESSLY-DETAILED INFORMATION

ABOUT MY LIFE AND PLANS.

REALLY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO, IT'S OKAY.

I WAS ONCE AN ORDINARY,

CAREFREE, HEIGHT-CHALLENGED PERSON.

I SOLD DOORS, DOOR TO DOOR.

WOULD IT HAVE BEEN SO HARD TO LOOK DOWN ?

NO, BUT IT DIDN'T END THERE.

EVERY DAY BROUGHT A NEW SET OF HUMILIATIONS.

MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN ONE BIG STRING OF EMBARRASSMENT,

FRUSTRATION, DISAPPOINTMENT AND PREMATURE EJACULATION.

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SHORT JOKES.

( baby crying )

SURE, IT WASN'T ALL BAD.

ONE DAY, I DECIDED THAT I WOULD NO LONGER BE SMALL.

I WOULD MAKE OTHERS SMALL

AND THENICOULD HUMILIATETHEM !

( laughing )

SO, YOU SEE, STRIPPERELLA, I--

HEY, WHERE'D SHE GO ?

I DON'T KNOW.

SHE MUST HAVE ESCAPED DURING THE FLASHBACK.

DAMN !

( man on television ) Tonight's presentation of "Little Women",

starring Martin Short and Minnie Driver,

is brought to you

by "Teeny Tiny Timmy's Itsy-bitsy Mini Muffins."

( groaning )

( knocking )

JUST A SEC.

OH, CHIEF, COME IN.

STRIPPERELLA !

I CAME STRAIGHT FROM REHEARSAL AND I--

GOOD GOD, YOU'RE TINY !

CHIEF, I'M TURNING IN MY MASK

AND MY PLEASANTLY-REVEALING UNIFORM.

MY DAYS AS A SUPERHERO/ SECRET AGENT ARE OVER.

I'M THROUGH !

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ?

I'M NO GOOD TO ANYONE ANYMORE.

LOOK AT ME !

I'M JUST GLAD YOUR BROTHER ISN'T AROUND

TO HEAR YOU TALK LIKE THAT.

CHIP ?

THAT'S RIGHT, CHIP.

CHIPPERELLA WAS THE BEST STRIPPER/SECRET AGENT

WE EVER HAD.

HE DIDN'T KNOW THE WORD, "QUIT".

HE GOT HIS MEMORY ERASED ONCE.

WE MANAGED TO RESTORE MOST OF IT,

BUT THE WORD "QUIT" WAS GONE FOREVER.

I WISH HE WAS STILL HERE.

I KNOW, BUT WHEN HE GOT SUCH A GREAT DEAL

ON THAT DUPLEX ACROSS TOWN, HE HAD TO MOVE.

CHIP WAS THE BEST.

YES.

BUT NOT BECAUSE HE WAS TALL.

IT WAS BECAUSE HE HAD HEART AND BRAINS,

AND AN ASS THAT COULD CRACK A WALNUT AT 20 YARDS

JUST BY LOOKING AT IT.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THIS,

THERE'S ONLY ONE AGENT CAPABLE OF STOPPING SMALL FRY,

AND THAT AGENT'S NAME ENDS WITH "ERELLA" !

YOU'RE RIGHT, I CAN DEFEAT SMALL FRY.

IWILLDEFEAT SMALL FRY !

ACTUALLY, I WAS TALKING ABOUT CHIP.

SHE'S FAR TOO TINY.

TIME TO KICK A LITTLE ASS !

( robotic voice ) HEY... THERE... HANDSOME.

SCIENCE... MAKES ME... HORNY.

SHIVER ME' SHILLELAGH, YOU'RE BIG, AGAIN !

OH, HAL... OH, BERNARD... YOU'RE SO SEXY.

SWEET POTATO FAMINE ! WHO ARE HAL AND BERNARD ?

TAKE ME... TAKE ME, NOW !

WATER, ANYONE ?

OOOOHH !

OOH, I GUESS SHE'S GOT HIM ALL HOT !

HEY, GUYS, UP HERE !

( cat screeching )

A LITTLE STRIPPERELLA GOES A LONG WAY !

YOU'RE NEXT, SMALL FRY.

IS IT READY, YET ?

I JUST NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME.

OH,LITTLEMORE TIME ?

WHAT WAS THAT ? SOME SORT OF SHORT JOKE ?

NO, NO--

"NO" ?

THAT'S A PRETTY SHORT WORD.

OH, SHORT LIKE ME, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ?!

OH, FRY, NOW, YOU'RE JUST BEING RIDICULOUS.

JUST GIVE ME THE REMOTE !

( screaming )

( laughing )

SMALL FRY, YOUR CHANCES OF SHRINKING THE WORLD

HAVE JUST SHRUNK.

SORRY, STRIPPERELLA,

SMALL FRY IS ABOUT TO BE SUPERSIZED.

( evil laughter )

( deep voice ) FROM NOW ON, YOU CAN CALL ME "LARGE FRY" !

BY THE WAY, THANKS FOR GIVING ME THE IDEA

FOR THE ENLARGING RAY !

UH-OH, I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.

"BIG TROUBLE" ?

WHAT IS THAT, SOME SORT OF TALL JOKE ?

YOU HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES.

AND YOU HAVE SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE !

RAZOR HEELS, ACTIVATE !

OW, OW, OW, OW... !

( honking horn )

( growling )

( laughing evilly )

I KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I'M FORGETTING.

( Stripperella ) LOOK OUT, CAT !

HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE-- WAIT !

I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER ! EROTICA IS STRIPPERELLA !

I'LL RUIN HER!

WHAT THE--

OH, NO !

I'M GONNA LOSE MY MEMORY, AGAIN !

DAMN, I DID LOSE MY MEMORY AGAIN !

AH, I FORGOT EVERYTHING !

GOTTA GET THAT SHRINK RAY.

MAGNETIC EARRINGS, DO YOUR STUFF !

THOSE WERE FROMTIFFANY'S !

OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE SMALLER THAN THEY APPEAR !

GOODBYE, STRIPPERELLA !

NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE SMALL AGAIN !

WAIT A MINUTE, I'M NORMAL !

THIS IS GREAT !

FINALLY, I'M NORMAL SIZE !

OH, THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE--

I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING.

YOUR SHRINKING DAYS ARE DONE !

OH, YEAH ? OH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ?

I'M STILL BIGGER THAN YOU !

EVER HEAR THE EXPRESSION, SIZE DOESN'T MATTER ?

YEAH, IS THAT TRUE ?

ORDINARILY, NO, BUT IN THIS CASE...

( grunting )

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GONNA SPEND A LITTLE TIME

IN THE BIG HOUSE !

OH, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF SHORT JOKE ?!

YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT IS.

OKAY, WE'VE RECONFIGURED THE ENLARGER RAY.

NOW, INSTEAD OF TURNING YOU INTO A GIANT,

IT SHOULD RETURN YOU TO YOUR NORMAL SIZE.

LET'S DO IT.

UH... GUYS ?

WE'LL TRY AGAIN.

WHOOPSY, SORRY.

All the buildings and automobiles

have been returned to normal size,

and, so, thanks to Stripperella,

the world is, once again, safe to laugh at

and mock people of smaller statures.

IS SHE OKAY ?

SHE'LL BE OKAY,

BUT THE DOCTOR SAID THAT SHE'LL NEVER RECOVER HER MEMORY

OF ANYTHING SHE'S LEARNED IN THE LAST 72 HOURS.

SO WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?

YOU JUST RAN OUT OF HERE AND DISAPPEARED FOR TWO DAYS !

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY

I WAS DEALING WITH ALITTLEPROBLEM.

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪