Original subtitles

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

SKIP WITHERS HERE WITH BREAKING NEWS.

A TENSE SCENE IS DEVELOPING AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY,

WHERE SEXY SUPER-HEROINE, STRIPPERELLA, IS ATTEMPTING

TO DIFFUSE A LIVE BOMB.

THE SITUATION BEGAN WHEN DEMOLITION WORKERS MISTAKENLY

PLACED THE POWERFUL EXPLOSIVE ON THE LIBRARY.

THE BUILDING THAT WAS ACTUALLY INTENDED FOR DEMOLITION

IS THAT CONDEMNED ONE ACROSS THE STREET.

STRIPPERELLA, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND ?

NO TIME.

LIVE BOMB, OUT OF THE WAY !

DARN IT !

HOT COFFEE, COMING THROUGH !

( quacking )

I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY'RE GONNA GET

THOSE 30 ORPHANS AND THOSE ADORABLE PUPPIES

OUT OF THAT COLLAPSED CAVE.

( explosion )

( cheering )

STRIPPERELLA !

THIS PURSE IS A REAL, AUTHENTIC, GENUINEGUCCI.

IT RETAILS AT OVER $2,000.

I, PUSHY GALORE, AM OFFERING THIS PURSE TO YOU TODAY,

FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF $19.95.

YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT NOT TO BUY THIS PURSE,

A COMPLETE CHUCKLEHEAD.

IF A MORON MATED WITH A MENTALLY CHALLENGED MONKEY,

YOU WOULD BE THE OFFSPRING.

AM I GETTING THROUGH TO YOU ?

BUY THIS PURSE, YOU WON'T FIND A BETTER DEAL.

THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY LOVES PUSHY !

( laughing )

( man ) THAT'S RIGHT, TWO PURSES.

OH, WHAT THE HECK, MAKE IT THREE.

I'LL TAKE ONE, TOO, EVERYBODY LOVES PUSHY.

( laughing )

HOW DOES SHE SELL ALL THESE QUALITY BRAND-NAME PRODUCTS

AT SUCH RIDICULOUSLY LOW PRICES ?

IT'S ALMOST SUSPICIOUS.

LIKE THERE'S SOME GREATER STORY

BEHIND THE MERCHANDISE SHE'S SELLING.

BUT HEY !

A DEAL'S A DEAL.

GISELLE, I IRONED YOUR G-STRING.

WHATEVER.

OH, COME ON !

YOU'RE NOT STILL UPSET WITH ME !

I TOLD HER SHE CAN'T BREATHE FIRE ONSTAGE.

AM I CRAZY ?

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.

I WANNA BREATHE FIRE BECAUSE IT'S A METAPHOR

FOR THE CREATIVE CREATIVITY THAT BURNS DEEP WITHIN MY THIGHS.

WELL, SURELY THERE MUST BE A LESS FLAMMABLE WAY

TO EXPRESS YOURSELF.

LADIES...

DIRK McMAHON !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

CAME TO CHECK OUT THE COMPETITION,

OR SHOULD I SAY, LACK OF COMPETITION ?

LISTEN, ANYTIME ONE OF YOU GORGEOUS BROADS

WANTS TO COME AND WORK FOR A REAL GENTLEMEN'S CLUB,

YOU CALL ME.

ESPECIALLY YOU, EROTICA.

UGH, I WOULDN'T WORK ATSILICONE'S,

EVEN IF I HAD CHILDREN--

WHICH I DON'T.

AND THEY WERE KIDNAPPED,

AND THE KIDNAPPER SAID IF I WANTED TO SEE MY KIDS AGAIN,

WHICH I DON'T HAVE,

I'D HAVE TO WORK AT SILICONE'S !

YOU CAN'T JUST SASHAY IN HERE

AND TRY TO STEAL AWAY MY EMPLOYEES !

WE'RE LIKE A FAMILY HERE !

MR. DIRK ?

IF I WORKED FOR YOU, COULD I BREATHE FIRE ?

AS LONG AS YOU'RE NAKED.

THEN YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A NEW DANCER.

GISELLE !

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, EROTICA,

YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

( Erotica ) OOH, COME ON, PURSE, COME ON.

GET HERE ALREADY.

( buzzing )

( squealing )

PACKAGE FROM PUSHY GALORE.

MY PURSE !

( muffled ) MY FACE.

HMM... THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE AGUCCI.

( growling )

THIS.... THIS... THIS PURSE IS A PHONY !

( Erotica ) I'M TELLING YOU, CHIEF STROGANOFF,

THIS PURSE IS A FAKE.

PUSHY GALORE IS SELLING KNOCKOFFS.

I SHOULD'VE SUSPECTED SOMETHING.

I BOUGHT THESEPRADASHOES AND MATCHING HOT PANTS FROM HER,

AND I'M EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.

OH, WELL, OH !

HIGH HEELS ARE ALWAYS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

RIGHT.

THANK GOD I'M NOT A TRANSVESTITE.

SO WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT PUSHY GALORE ?

LET'S BRING IN SPECIAL AGENT 14.

HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

SEND IN SPECIAL AGENT 14 !

STRIPPERELLA, CHIEF STROGANOFF,

HERE'S THE 4-1-1 ON PUSHY GALORE.

BEFORE PUSHY GALORE MADE HER MARK IN THE FASHION WORLD,

SHE WAS A TOP GENETIC PHYSICIST AT THE INSTITUTE OF GENETICS.

ALSO, PUSHY HAS LEGALLY ADOPTED MORE THAN 1,000 IMMIGRANTS

FROM THIRD-WORLD NATIONS,

ALL OF WHICH-- OH !-- APPARENTLY LIVE WITH HER,

BUT SUSPICIOUSLY HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN IN PUBLIC.

ALSO, PUSHY GALORE HAS BEEN MARRIED 143 TIMES.

EVERY ONE OF HER HUSBANDS DISAPPEARED MYSTERIOUSLY,

SHORTLY AFTER THEIR WEDDING DAY.

SHE'S CURRENTLY ENGAGED TO CELEBRITY FITNESS GURU,

RICHARD SLIMMONS.

OOH, THAT'S ME AND MY WIFE MAKING THE LOVE.

I'M SORRY, I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT GOT IN THERE.

OH !

THERE'S THE HAPPY COUPLE.

ONE MORE THING.

PUSHY GALORE HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN WITHOUT HER COAT.

SOMETHING SMELLS FISHY.

OH, THAT'S PROBABLY HARVEY, MY TROUT.

YOU KEEP A TROUT IN YOUR PANTS ?

WELL, THESE NEW PANTS DON'T HAVE POCKETS.

I'D BETTER GET THIS PURSE DOWN TO THE LAB,

SO I CAN HAVE IT ANALYZED.

RICHARD SLIMMONS' LIFE COULD DEPEND ON IT !

LET GO OF THE MICROSCOPE !

HEY, HAL, BERNARD.

HEY.

HI, STRIPPERELLA.

CHECK IT OUT !

WE JUST MADE THESE X-RAY SPECS FOR YOU.

OH, YEAH.

THEY'RE WORKING.

OH, BOY, ARE THEY WORKING.

WOULD YOU TURN AROUND, PLEASE ?

OH, MY GOODNESS, WHAT'S THAT ?

THANKS, GUYS.

WE ALSO MADE YOU THIS BULLETPROOF NAIL FILE

AND THIS INVISIBLE TAPE MEASURE.

( gunshot )

HAL !

GUYS, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

I NEED YOU TO ANALYZE THIS PURSE.

I'M POSITIVE THE PURSE IS A FAKE.

I KNOW FASHION !

UMM...

YOU'RE RIGHT, THE PURSE IS A KNOCKOFF.

THAT EVIL WOMAN.

WHAT KIND OF MONSTER WOULD DO SUCH A THING ?

THAT'S THE WORST THING I'VE EVER HEARD !

AND... APPARENTLY THE PURSE IS MADE OUT OF HUMAN FLESH.

OKAY, SEE, NOW THAT'S THE NEW WORST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

OH, NO !

RICHARD SLIMMONS.

OWW, OWW...

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?

PACKING FUDGE.

SUE ANN LUMPKIN FROM NORFOLK, NEBRASKA, JUST LOST 583 POUNDS !

AND I'M REWARDING HER WITH HER FAVORITE SNACK TREAT !

THIS IS NO TIME FOR FUDGE PACKING.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RUBBING THIS SADDLE SOAP

ALL OVER YOUR BODY.

I HAVE BEEN.

IT'S JUST THE SADDLE SOAP IS MAKING MY SKIN ALL LEATHERY.

JUST DO IT !

HONEY BUNS, NOW THAT WE'RE MARRIED,

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME I MET MY 1,000 FOREIGN STEPCHILDREN ?

OR MAYBE GET TO SEE YOU WITH YOUR COAT OFF ?

KEEP RUBBING !

I'M GOING TO MAKE THE FINAL PREPARATIONS FOR YOUR DEATH--

I MEAN, DINNER.

LOVE YOU !

( man ) OKAY, THANK YOU.

THAT'LL BE ALL, THANK YOU.

APPRECIATE YOUR TIME, THANK YOU.

OKAY, OR KEEP GOING.

UH, YEAH, OKAY, SHE'S A ROBOT, I GET IT.

THANK YOU, YOU CAN GO NOW !

OH, I GIVE UP.

WE'LL NEVER FIND ANYONE TO REPLACE GISELLE.

EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU STILL AUDITIONING ?

RHYTHM, SEDUCTIVITY, CLEANLINESS, ALL EXCELLENT.

SO TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF.

WELL, MY NAME IS KAT, AND I'M AN AMISH VIRGIN.

( gasping )

YOU DON'T SEE MANY AMISH EROTIC DANCERS.

OR VIRGINS.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WORKING HERE,

IF THERE'S GONNA BE ANY SMOKING,

EXCESSIVE INTOXICATION, RUDENESS, OR FOUL LANGUAGE.

YOU'RE HIRED !

REALLY, JUST LIKE THAT ?

OH, THANK YOU, GOOD SIR, THANK YOU SO MUCH !

CONGRATULATIONS, I'M PERSEPHONE.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

YEAH, YEAH, SAVE IT, BITCH.

YOU JUST MAKE SURE YOU STAY OUTTA MY WAY, GOT IT ?

SHEESH, SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU ARE NOT AMISH.

OR A VIRGIN.

LET'S HEAR WHO'S ON THE LINE.

HELLO, WHO AM I SPEAKING WITH ?

OH, UM, THIS IS JOAN.

LAMP-- LAMP-CHAIR-WALL-NERSTEIN.

WELL, MISS LAMPCHAIRWALLNERSTEIN,

DO YOU WANT THESE SHOES,

OR ARE YOU GONNA GO THROUGH LIFE A BIG LOSER ?

OH, I WANT THE SHOES.

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF I COULD PICK THEM UP FROM YOU MYSELF,

IN PERSON, AT YOUR SECRET, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION.

I'm afraid not.

It's important that I keep my location secret and undisclosed.

ALL RIGHT THEN.

I'D STILL LIKE TO ORDER A PAIR OF THOSE SHOES.

( grunting )

( man ) I'M SORRY, HUGE DRUNK GUY, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA

HAVE TO LEAVE.

OH, YEAH ? WHO'S GONNA MAKE ME ?

( roaring )

( giggling )

YOU ARE SO FUNNY, NOT TO MENTION INTERESTING

AND HANDSOME.

AND THAT FREAKISH GROWTH ON THE SIDE OF YOUR HEAD

IS SO SEXY.

UH-OH !

I THINK IT'S TIME TO GO TO THE A.T.M. MACHINE AGAIN.

I'LL BE RIGHT HERE, TIGER.

GRR...

SUCKER, LIKE A GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE ME

WOULD BE INTERESTED IN A PATHETIC PIECE OF CRAP

LIKE YOU.

PERSEPHONE,

CAN YOU KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR PUSHY GALORE'S DELIVERY GUY ?

I'M WAITING FOR A VERY SPECIAL PACKAGE.

IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.

DID YOU JUST SAY IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH ?

NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.

HEY, ISN'T THAT THE NEW GIRL ?

I'D LOVE TO MEET HER.

HI !

I'M EROTICA.

WELCOME TO OUR LITTLE FAMILY.

LISTEN, SISTER.

I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS, I'M HERE TO MAKE MONEY.

AND RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE SERIOUSLY WASTING MY TIME.

OH... HUGE DRUNK GUY PUNCHED ME IN THE EYE.

HIS HANDS WERE FILTHY !

I JUST KNOW I'M GONNA GET

SOME SORT OF CONJUNCTIVITIS OR EYE INFECTION.

OH, POOR BABY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

I KNOW AN OLD AMISH VIRGIN REMEDY.

BOY, WHAT AN ANTAGONIST.

PACKAGE FOR MISS LAMP-CHAIR-WALL-NERSTEIN.

OH, I'M MISS-- WHATEVER THAT NAME WAS.

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH !

WHOA, THANK YOU !

I'LL NEVER WASH THIS CHEEK AGAIN.

WELL, AT LEAST NOT UNTIL I GET BACK TO THE SECRET,

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION I WORK AT.

LIPSTICK TRACKING DEVICE, DON'T FAIL ME NOW.

( beeping )

PUSHY, PREPARE TO BE WHIPPED.

♪ WE ARE FORCED TO MAKE THINGS BY HAND ♪

♪ HOW WE LONG FOR OUR FOREIGN LAND ♪

♪ SLAVE LABOR SUCKS THAT'S WHAT WE SAY ♪

♪ BREAKING OUR BACKS FOR TWO CENTS A DAY ♪

♪ NO SICK DAYS ♪

♪ NO VACATION ♪

♪ WE WISH WE WERE BACK IN OUR THIRD-WORLD NATION ♪♪

THAT'S WHY SHE'S ADOPTED ALL THOSE FOREIGNERS.

SHE'S USING THEM AS SLAVE LABOR.

THIS IS AWFUL !

NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY'RE TERRIBLE SINGERS.

SHE'S BREEDING ANIMALS WITH DESIGNER LOGOS.

TURNING EX-HUSBANDS INTO FASHIONABLE APPAREL

AND ACCESSORIES IS ONE THING.

BUT THIS IS AN ATROCITY !

OH, YOU POOR LITTLE ANIMALS.

This all-purpose Louis Vuittonskirt

can be used for just about anything.

At a mere $12.95, you can't afford not to own it.

DID YOU HEAR ME, DAMN IT ?

BUY IT !

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

STRIPPERELLA !

PUSHY HAS BEEN MAKING IMITATION DESIGNER CLOTHES

FROM POOR, GENETICALLY MUTATED ANIMALS.

THEY HAVE THE DESIGNER LOGOS RIGHT ON THEM.

( bleating )

SO I CREATED SEVERAL NEW SPECIES OF ANIMALS

WITH DESIGNER HIDES, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?

IT'S A VERY BIG DEAL.

SHE'S ALSO BEEN MAKING CLOTHES OUT OF HUMAN FLESH.

EWW !

( hurling )

GIVE YOURSELF UP.

TEMPTING OFFER, DARLING, BUT NO !

THIS IS ANARMANIBELT.

BOB ARMANI, MY 73rd HUSBAND !

WHAT THE--

INVISIBLE TAPE MEASURE.

DON'T COME ANY CLOSER.

( screaming )

RICHARD SLIMMONS !

IF YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP...

RICHARD BECOMES A DESIGNER BLOUSE.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS WEARING A COAT.

JUST A FRINGE BENEFIT FROM MY DAYS AS A GENETIC PHYSICIST.

I GUESS NOW YOU CAN CALL ME OCTO-PUSHY.

( laughing )

I WANT A DIVORCE !

YOU KNOW, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FLIP THAT SWITCH BACK

TO THE OFF POSITION.

WELL, YOU GOTTA ADMIT.

THIS WAS MORE DRAMATIC AND SUPER-HEROEY.

NOW, WAIT HERE.

I'M GONNA GET ME SOME PUSHY.

HI-YA !

( gunshots )

( screaming )

HA, HA, STRIPPERELLA !

YOU WILL NEVER PUT ME BEHIND BARS.

( laughing )

WHERE AM I ? WHAT IS THIS PLACE ?

( screaming )

OH, GET OFF OF ME ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

MY HAIR !

GET OFF OF ME, YOU ( bleeps ).

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU ?

YOU LOVE IT, YOU ( bleeps ).

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

( cheering )

And so Pushy Galore is behind bars,

AND STRIPPERELLA HAS SAVED THE DAY ONCE AGAIN.

AS FOR THE FREAKISH DESIGNER ANIMALS,

STRIPPERELLA PERSONALLY DELIVERED THEM

TO AN ANIMAL REFUGE,

WHERE THEY WILL BE TENDED TO BY THE NEWLY FREED SLAVE LABORERS.

WHAT A CUTE STORY.

I'VE JUST BEEN TOLD, WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS.

SKIP WITHERS IS WITH US LIVE DOWNTOWN, SKIP ?

THANK YOU, MARGO.

HARD-HITTING REPORTING THERE.

I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF WHAT USED TO BE SILICONE'S

GENTLEMEN'S CLUB.

I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT IT GETS PRETTY HOT IN THERE,

AND TONIGHT, TRAGICALLY, THAT IS ALL TOO TRUE.

HERE'S OWNER OF SILICONE'S, DIRK McMAHON.

MY CLUB !

WHY ?

WHY DID THAT STRIPPER INSIST ON BREATHING FIRE ?

HI, DIRK, HOW DO YOU FEEL ?

HOW DO I FEEL ?

FEEL THIS !

GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, SILICONE'S HAS BURNED DOWN.

OH, NO, GISELLE !

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE EVER HAPPENED

IF I'D JUST LET GISELLE BREATHE FIRE HERE.

GISELLE !

OH, THANK MY LUCKY STARS.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'RE HIRING.

WE'RE NOT, BUT WELCOME BACK.

SO SINCE GISELLE IS COMING BACK TO WORK,

THIS MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO GET RID OF KAT, HMM ?

ARE YOU KIDDING ? WE LOVE HER !

WE'RE A BIG FAMILY HERE, AND THERE'S ROOM FOR EVERYBODY.

I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT THE FIRE BREATHING.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT CHAIN-SAW JUGGLING ?

I'LL BE REAL CAREFUL...

I CAN'T BELIEVE KAT IS STAYING.

WELL, MAYBE WE'LL GROW TO LIKE HER.

SHE'S MEAN, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S AN EVIL SUPER VILLAIN.

NOT THAT I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO DEAL

WITH AN EVIL SUPER VILLAIN.

BECAUSE I DON'T.

I'M JUST AN ORDINARY EROTIC DANCER

WITH NO AFFILIATION TO CRIME FIGHTING WHATSOEVER.

I'D BETTER GO FINISH MY DANCE.

HMM...

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪