Original subtitles

( woman ) 89¢, 89¢, 89¢, 89¢...

PRICE CHECK ON THE HORSE JERKY !

( man ) 89¢.

89¢...

ATTENTION, SHOPPERS, THIS IS A ROBBERY.

DON'T SHOOT, DON'T SHOOT !

( screaming )

COVER ME WHILE I HELP MYSELF TO A LITTLE FIVE-FINGER DISCOUNT.

I'LL TAKE THIS BOX OF WINE.

THANK YOU.

SHAMPOO, DON'T MIND IF I DO.

TELL 'EM CHEAPO WAS HERE !

( laughing )

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

( man ) THERE SHE IS, DAMN !

BETTER WATCH OUT !

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

( Cheapo ) PICTURE ALL THOSE STUPID MORONS,

BUYING KETCHUP

WHEN YOU CAN GET IT FOR FREE AT ANY COMMON BURGER JOINT.

ANOTHER REASON WHY THEY'RE IDIOTS

AND I'M GREAT.

( woman ) I'M SALLY ROSE.

WE'RE BACK WITH SEXY SUPER-HEROINE, STRIPPERELLA.

HI.

SO, STRIPPERELLA, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN

OUTSPOKEN IN YOUR SUPPORT FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS.

YEAH, I'VE JUST STARTED A NEW CHARITY

CALLED "ANIMALS NEED UNIVERSAL SUPPORT,"

OR "ANUS."

ANY TIME YOU WANNA PLUG ANUS ON MY SHOW,

I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HAVE YOU.

SO, TELL ME, A WOMAN WITH SUCH BEAUTIFUL FEATURES,

LUSCIOUS LIPS, SUPPLE BREASTS, FIRM, LICKABLE THIGHS...

YOU MUST GET A LOT OF ACTION.

WELL, ACTUALLY, BEING A SUPERHERO

CAN BE KIND OF LONELY.

AWW...

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE SOME PHONE CALLS ?

ALICIA FROM ATLANTA, YOU'RE ON WITH STRIPPERELLA.

( woman ) I was wondering if you could tell us your secret identity.

I'M SORRY, NO, IT'S A SECRET.

WE HAVE A COLLECT CALL FROM CHEAPO ?

( Cheapo ) Hello, Stripperella.

Guess who's out of prison and back in town ?

( gasping )

CHEAPO, I THOUGHT I PUT YOU AWAY FOR GOOD.

WELL, BETWEEN TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR

AND OUR LIBERAL GOVERNOR'S

RIDICULOUSLY LENIENT WORK FURLOUGH PROGRAM,

MY 20-YEAR SENTENCE BECAME A 20-DAY SENTENCE.

And now I'm planning on committing my biggest crime yet.

NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

WELL, IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT,

you won't have anything to do with it,

because if you get in my way, I'll kill you.

( gasping )

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

COMING UP LATER, A MAN WHO CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH A GOAT,

A MALE GOAT.

BOSS ?

YEAH, WHAT IS IT ?

ME AND HENCHMAN NUMBER ONE, WE'VE BEEN THINKING,

MAYBE YOU MIGHT WANNA PUT A LITTLE MORE MONEY

INTO YOUR OPERATION.

I MEAN, THE THREE OF US HAVE TO SHARE ONE GUN,

AND YOU WON'T LET US BUY ANY MORE BULLETS.

BUY MORE BULLETS ?

WE STILL HAVE THREE BULLETS.

SORRY, BOSS.

GEEZ, NOW I'M ALL WORKED UP.

I KNOW, LET'S SAY WE GO ON A CRIME SPREE.

A CRIME SPREE ?

CHEAPO STYLE.

YEAH, YEAH !

TAKE A PENNY, LEAVE A PENNY ?

I THINK I'LL TAKE A PENNY.

( chanting ) NO FAKE FUR !

WHAT ABOUT THE HUNTERS ?

( alarm )

( panting )

NEXT TIME, CAN WE PLEASE PARK A LITTLE CLOSER ?

THIS WAS THE CLOSEST SPOT WE COULD FIND

THAT ALREADY HAD MONEY IN THE METER.

( sirens )

COME ON, LET'S GO !

WAIT, WAIT !

THERE'S STILL THREE MINUTES LEFT ON THE PARKING METER.

( whistling )

SHE'S GOT THE BIBLE OUT, SHE'S PREACHING AGAIN.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

RELIGION DOESN'T BELONG IN OUR SCHOOLS

OR IN A GENTLEMEN'S CLUB.

BAH !

MY BOYFRIEND IS THE GREATEST.

HE IS THE ONLY GUY FOR ME.

HE'S SO ROMANTIC AND SWEET.

( gasping )

OH, MY GOLLY, IT'S MY DAD !

HE'S COMING OVER HERE.

GISELLE ?

DADDY !

EROTICA, THIS IS MY FATHER.

HI, GISELLE'S FATHER.

THE NAME IS ROGER.

IT'S NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU.

GISELLE TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.

WELL, LOOK, HONEY, I'D BETTER GET BACK OVER TO THE TABLE.

DON'T SCREW THIS UP FOR ME.

YOU'D BETTER STRIP GOOD !

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT ?

HE'S HERE WITH SOME IMPORTANT CLIENTS.

HE'S TRYING TO SEAL THE DEAL ON THIS BIG ADVERTISING ACCOUNT.

GUESS IT ALL JUST COMES DOWN TO ME STRIPPIN' GOOD.

LOOK, YOU'RE A GREAT STRIPPER.

WHEN YOUR DAD SEES YOU UP THERE, GRINDING THAT POLE,

THRUSTING YOUR CROTCH INTO THE AIR,

AND PICKING UP DOLLAR BILLS WITH THOSE PERFECT BREASTS OF YOURS,

HE'S GONNA BE SO PROUD OF HIS LITTLE GIRL.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

( announcer ) LET'S HEAR IT FOR ANGEL !

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL A BURNING BUSH !

AMEN !

COMING UP NEXT, GISELLE !

( applause )

( screaming )

SORRY !

OH, THAT IS IT !

YOU BLEW OUR BUSINESS DEAL.

YOU BROUGHT SHAME TO YOUR CORPORATION.

I JUST LOST THE BIG ACCOUNT BECAUSE OF YOU.

BUT... BUT...

I'M ASHAMED TO CALL YOU MY DAUGHTER !

DADDY !

( Cheapo ) THIS IS THE BIG TIME, BOYS !

STARTING TOMORROW,

THE WORLD'S LARGEST CUBIC ZIRCONIUM IMITATION DIAMOND

IS GONNA BE ON DISPLAY

AT THE WORLD'S LARGEST ITEMS MUSEUM.

IT'S VALUED AT ALMOST $300.

AWESOME !

HERE'S HOW WE'RE GONNA DO IT.

YOU TWO HENCHMEN ARE GONNA STAND GUARD

IN FRONT OF THE NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, AND WEST ENTRANCES.

AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST OVERTAKE THE SECURITY GUARDS,

DISENGAGE THE ALARM SYSTEM,

AND DISABLE THE SECURITY CAMERAS.

NOW, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT CAN GET IN OUR WAY.

LOGIC ?

NO, STRIPPERELLA.

I WANT STRIPPERELLA DEAD !

PUT THE WORD OUT ON THE STREET THAT WHOMEVER

KILLS STRIPPERELLA,

I, CHEAPO, WILL PAY A BOUNTY OF $8.

BUT THE GOING RATE FOR A HIT IS MORE

IN THE RANGE OF $50,000.

WHAT ?

THAT'S EXORBITANT.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DO IT OURSELVES.

( cheering )

( cheering )

EROTICA, I GOT YOUR MESSAGE AND CAME RIGHT DOWN HERE.

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ?

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU, GISELLE'S DEAD.

GISELLE ?

MY GISELLE ?

HOW ?

WHY ?

NO !

I WAS JUST KIDDING, SHE'S NOT REALLY DEAD.

WHAT ?

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH GISELLE

MEANS TO YOU.

SO SHE'S NOT DEAD ?

NO, BUT HER FEELINGS ARE HURT.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TOO HARD ON HER ?

SO SHE SCREWED UP A SIMPLE PIVOT TURN.

ALL OF US EROTIC DANCERS

HAVE SLIPPED DOING A PIVOT TURN AT SOME POINT.

SHE'S ALIVE.

MY DAUGHTER'S ALIVE ?

SO YOU LOST AN ACCOUNT !

I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE WHEN I SAY THAT CLIENTS

COME AND GO ALL THE TIME.

DAUGHTERS ARE THERE FOREVER.

WELL, UNLESS THEY'RE DEAD.

SIR, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO MAKE A SYMBOLIC PIVOT TURN

AND APOLOGIZE.

DON'T SLIP ON THE RUNWAY OF LIFE.

( beeping )

OH, NO, MY BELLY RING IS VIBRATING !

I GOTTA CALL HEADQUARTERS.

NOT THAT I HAVE A HEADQUARTERS, BECAUSE I DON'T.

SUPERHEROES AND/OR SECRET AGENTS HAVE HEADQUARTERS.

I'M MERELY AN EXOTIC DANCER.

( sighing )

LOOK OUT, CRIME.

I'M GONNA TAKE A BITE OUT OF YOU.

BUT NOT IN A WAY YOU'RE GONNA FIND PLEASURABLE.

CHIEF STROGANOFF,

AGENT 69 REPORTING FOR DUTY.

I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD.

WOO !

STRIPPERELLA, CHEAPO THE DISCOUNT VILLAIN

IS OUT OF PRISON.

WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT HE'S GOING TO TRY TO HARM YOU.

I WANT CHEAPO BACK BEHIND BARS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SAFETY.

( gasping )

SIR, PEOPLE USUALLY PRACTICE PUTTING INDOORS.

WELL, MY PUTTING DOESN'T NEED WORK.

NOW, GO DOWN TO OUR LAB-TYPE PLACE.

HAL AND BERNARD ARE WAITING FOR YOU

WITH SOME OF THEIR NEW CRIME-FIGHTING INVENTION

STUFF THINGIES.

( man ) AND THE EMULSION FACTOR IS CLEARLY DISPROPORTIONATE

TO THE ATOMIC MASS !

( man ) BUT THAT CONTRADICTS WEINSTEIN'S

THEORY OF LYSERGIC CONVERGENCE !

HEY, HAL, BERNARD.

HEY, HEY, HI.

IT'S JUST STRIPPERELLA.

YOU LOOK REAL... FETCHING.

SO WHAT'VE YOU GUYS GOT FOR ME TODAY ?

LASER LIPSTICK, POISON MASCARA,

TAMPON DAGGER, AND SUICIDE GUM.

IT'S WINTERGREEN, YOUR FAVORITE.

WE'VE ALSO BEEN WORKING ON A HOMING THONG FOR YOU.

SO WE'RE GONNA NEED TO MAKE ANOTHER MOLD OF YOUR ASS.

YOU GUYS HAVE MADE LIKE SEVEN MOLDS OF MY ASS.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ONE YOU JUST MADE ?

BERNARD TOOK IT HOME, AND HE, UH, HE BROKE IT.

SHUT UP !

EUREKA !

CHECK OUT MY NEW INVENTION !

YOU GUYS ARE GONNA FREAK OUT.

THE FUTURE IS NOW !

WHAT IS IT ?

IT'S A PORTABLE TELEPHONE.

YOU CAN USE IT ANYWHERE, AND IT ONLY WEIGHS TEN POUNDS.

THERE'S NO CORDS, NOTHING.

IT OPERATES ON CELLULAR TECHNOLOGY.

IT ONLY TOOK ME 15 YEARS TO BUILD.

UH, JERRY, YOU'VE BEEN LOCKED IN THAT BASEMENT FOR,

WHAT, 30 YEARS NOW ?

IT'S TIME TO COME OUT AND GET A CLUE.

I THINK IT'S GREAT.

I CAN REALLY USE THIS PHONE.

THANKS, JERRY.

WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE MY NEXT INVENTION.

IT'S AN ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER.

IT'S JUST LIKE A REGULAR TYPEWRITER,

ONLY YOU HAVE TO PLUG IT IN.

STRIPPERELLA, BEFORE YOU GO,

WE HAVE ONE MORE INVENTION TO GIVE YOU.

IT'S A PENNY DISINTEGRATOR.

A PENNY DISINTEGRATOR ?

A PENNY DISINTEGRATOR.

PENNIES GO IN, BUT THEY DON'T COME OUT.

THANKS.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I'VE GOTTEN OUT OF

A PERILOUS SITUATION BECAUSE OF AN UNUSUAL GADGET

THAT HAD BEEN CONVENIENTLY GIVEN TO ME EARLIER THAT DAY.

( beeping )

Stripperella, Stripperella ?

BEHIND YOU.

Right, there you are.

There's a burglary in progress at the old recycling plant.

Looks like it could be the work of Cheapo.

I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT.

Be careful, Stripperella.

Cheapo is viciously cheap.

Deviously cheap.

He's viciously devious, and he's cheap.

I KNOW, CHIEF.

DON'T WORRY.

Ruthlessly cheap.

Dangerously--

HELLO, STRIPPERELLA.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T CREEPO.

THAT'S CHEAPO.

I KNOW !

I WAS MISPRONOUNCING IT ON PURPOSE.

ENOUGH SMALL TALK.

CHEAPO, YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN.

NO, YOU'RE GOING UP !

( laughing )

( screaming )

YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS !

WHAT ?

I SAID, YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS !

OH.

YES, I WILL !

WAIT !

WHAT IS IT YOU'RE TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH ?

OH, NOTHING.

I'M ONLY GONNA STEAL

THE WORLD'S LARGEST CUBIC ZIRCONIUM IMITATION DIAMOND,

FROM THE WORLD'S LARGEST ITEMS MUSEUM, THAT'S ALL.

( laughing )

I'M ONLY GONNA STEAL

THE WORLD'S LARGEST CUBIC ZIRCONIUM IMITATION DIAMOND

FROM THE WORLD'S LARGEST ITEMS MUSEUM, THAT'S ALL.

( laughing )

YOU CHEAP JERK !

BUT FIRST, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

YOU CHEAP, EVIL JERK !

( screaming )

REMEMBER, STRIPPERELLA,

A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARNED...

FOR MURDER !

( laughing )

LET'S GO.

SHOULDN'T WE STAY HERE AND WATCH ?

YOU KNOW, JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE'S PROPERLY

PENNIED TO DEATH ?

OH, PLEASE.

THIS IS FOOLPROOF.

IT'S NOT LIKE SHE HAS A PENNY DISINTEGRATOR.

( laughing )

COME ON, JOIN IN THE LAUGHTER.

( laughing )

THAT'S WHAT I PAY YOU FOR.

OH, I CAN'T DROWN IN PENNIES !

WAIT, THE PENNY DISINTEGRATOR !

( computer voice ) Penny disintegrator on.

PENNIES GO IN, BUT THEY DON'T COME OUT.

Penny disintegration in T-minus ten minutes.

TEN MINUTES ?

TO DISINTEGRATE ONE PENNY ?

THREE ADULTS.

ADMISSION, FREE.

Penny disintegration in T-minus four minutes.

COME ON, LASER LIPSTICK, GET ME OUT OF THIS BOTTLE !

LOOK, THE WORLD'S LARGEST UNDERPANTS !

I GOTTA BRING GLADYS AND THE KIDS HERE.

SHH ! COME ON.

Penny disintegration in T-minus 2 minutes.

THE PHONE !

HELLO, FREEDOM ?

IT'S FOR YOU !

Penny disintegrated.

Please insert another penny.

I GOT IT !

I'M A HUNDRED-AIRE !

( Stripperella ) NOT IF I CAN PUT MY TWO CENTS IN !

AH, STRIPPERELLA ?

I SAID, WE SHOULDA HUNG OUT TO MAKE SURE SHE DIED.

YOU HEARD ME.

NOW, IT'S TIME TO ADMINISTER THE WORLD'S LARGEST ASS-KICKING.

GET HER, BOYS !

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ?

I SAID, GET HER !

THAT'S IT !

OH, YOU PATHETIC LOSERS.

OH, WAIT A SECOND.

OH, I LOVE FIGHTING CRIME.

YOU GUYS HANG TIGHT UNTIL THE POLICE GET HERE,

WITH THE WORLD'S LARGEST STAPLE REMOVER.

( laughing )

COME ON, BABY, YOU CAN MAKE IT.

WHOA !

I PAID RETAIL FOR THIS ONE.

( gasping )

DON'T COME ANY CLOSER.

ONE MORE STEP,

AND I THROW THE CUBIC ZIRCONIUM OVER THE BRIDGE.

DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID !

WHOA !

UH-OH.

WHOA !

HEY... WHOA !

I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU.

LET ME GO AND YOU CAN KEEP THE CUBIC ZIRCONIUM.

OKAY.

REALLY ?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST HANG OUT, UNTIL THE POLICE COME ?

I'LL GET YOU, STRIPPER--

( splash )

I'LL GET YOU, NO MATTER THE COST !

WELL, MAYBE NOT NO MATTER THE COST,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN !

I'LL GET YOU--

( splash )

( whistling )

NICE PIVOT TURN.

WHEE !

LOOK, HE TIPPED ME WITH $100 BILL.

HE WROTE SOMETHING ON IT.

THAT'S SO SWEET.

NOW I CAN BUY THAT VIBRATIN' BANANA I WANTED.

WELL, ONE THING'S FOR SURE.

YOUR DAD CERTAINLY ISN'T CHEAP, OH.

WHAT ?

OH, THIS-- THAT'S JUST AN INSIDE JOKE, REAL INSIDE.

IN FACT, EVEN I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪