Original subtitles

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

( man ) THERE SHE IS, DAMN !

BETTER WATCH OUT !

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

OOH, THAT'S SO NOUVEAU RETRO.

I LOVE IT, AND I HATE IT... BRAVO !

( screaming )

MMM, UH, OKAY, MRS. TAKAMOTO, GO AHEAD IN.

UH, WELCOME TO THE TENDER LOINS.

I'M KEVIN CALHOUN, THE MANAGER.

I HOPE YOU'LL FIND THAT OUR UPSCALE ESTABLISHMENT

IS THE EPITOME OF QUALITY, PRESTIGE, AND CLASS.

LET'S SEE SOME TITTIES, YEAH !

( burping )

HER LEFT ONE IS LIKE A TENNIS BALL,

AND THE RIGHT ONE IS MORE LIKE A PEACH.

A SWEET, JUICY PEACH.

HEY, HOW MUCH FOR A LAP DANCE ?

I'LL GIVE YOU 50 BUCKS AND A SHOT OF WHISKEY ?

HEY, GOSH, I WAS TALKING TO THE GIRL.

55 BUCKS ? NO.

PERSEPHONE, WHAT DO YOU KEEP LOOKING AROUND FOR ?

MY NEW BOYFRIEND, DAVE, IS COMING IN.

WE'VE BEEN DATING A WHOLE MONTH,

AND I'M FINALLY GONNA MEET HIS BROTHER TONIGHT.

I GUESS I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

OH, THERE HE IS !

( Leonard ) THAT'S HIM ?

I MEAN, THEM... HUH ?

PERSEPHONE, THIS IS MY BROTHER, CLIFF.

CLIFTON BARNES THE THIRD.

DAVID, CAN WE PLEASE LEAVE THIS DREADFUL PLACE

BEFORE I INHALE A VENEREAL DISEASE ?

CLIFTON, PLEASE, DON'T START.

HOW COULD SHE NOT HAVE MET HIS BROTHER BEFORE ?

AND HOW COME ONLY ONE OF THEM HAS A BRITISH ACCENT ?

LEONARD, HAVE YOU SEEN EROTICA ?

SHE'S ON NEXT !

WHAT CAN POSSIBLY BE MORE IMPORTANT

THAN SHOWING UP FOR WORK ON TIME ?

( woman ) MY BABY, MY BABY !

MY BABY, STRIPPERELLA !

PLEASE SAVE MY BABY !

JESUS, MY BABY !

LADY, JESUS, MY EARS !

YOU'RE SCREAMING RIGHT IN MY EARS,

WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP ALREADY ?

SORRY.

( growling )

( Stripperella ) THAT'S RIGHT, KITTY.

WHO WANTS TO EAT A BABY ?

YOU DO, MMM...

YOU WANT IT ?

GO AND GET IT.

( gasping )

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

UM, THANKS, BUT THE BLANKET WAS AN HEIRLOOM.

YOU KNOW, ZOOKEEPER,

YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER MOVING THE PLAYGROUND

TO A SAFER LOCATION.

ALSO, BUILD THE LIONS A LARGER HABITAT.

THEY'RE ACCUSTOMED TO SIGNIFICANTLY MORE SPACE

IN THEIR NATURAL ENVIRONMENT.

THE PLAINS OF AFRICA.

( beeping )

OH, NO, I GOTTA GET TO WORK !

( Announcer ) Okay, gentlemen, prepare yourselves

for the benchmark of beauty, the matron of magnificence,

the goddess of glamour, the sultress of sexuality...

OH, NO !

Erotica !

( gasping )

MARRY ME, MARRY ME...

THAT IS THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD.

( screaming )

OH !

( panting )

( beeping )

SORRY, FELLAS, GOTTA GO.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU CANNOT, ABSOLUTELY NOT !

I ABSOLUTELY FORBID THE-- OKAY, GO ON, THEN.

EVILDOERS, PREPARE TO BECOME EVIL DON'T-ERS !

( motor running )

DO YOU MIND ?!

OH, SORRY.

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

( gasping )

20 PERCENT OFF ?

HELLO !

( beeping )

( woman over loudspeaker ) Haz-mat team, report to section six.

Will the owner of the invisible car

please come to the west secret entrance ?

We think you left your lights on.

And just a reminder,

do not take food out of the refrigerator

that does not belong to you.

Seriously, I've told you, like, six times,

it's clearly labeled 'Lisa' !

CHIEF STROGANOFF, AGENT 69 REPORTING FOR DUTY.

STRIPPERELLA, THIS IS A VERY DANGEROUS MISSION.

THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD RESTS ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

NOW, GO GET 'EM.

UH, I JUST GOT HERE.

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME WHAT THE MISSION IS YET.

RIGHT, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE OUR TOP AGENT.

I WANT YOU TO WATCH THIS VIDEO.

LET ME JUST MOVE THE CHAIR, AND-- OH !

THESE THINGS ARE SO DIFFICULT !

( screaming )

WHERE'S THE SWITCH ?

( screaming )

THESE CHAIRS ARE RIDICULOUS AND DIFFICULT TO OPERATE !

THANK GOD I'M NOT CRIPPLED.

HERE, WATCH THIS VIDEO.

YOU REALLY SHOULD GET A BETTER MONITOR.

WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,

WE SPENT ALL OUR MONEY ON THE FANCY WALL.

See ?

Drug addiction isn't all fun and games.

And on a serious note,

Kalinka, the Russian supermodel, is now fat.

Scientists, dieticians, and men are completely stunned.

There seems to be no explanation

as to how the once emaciated Communist waif

suddenly transformed into a hideously obese sow.

KALINKA'S THE EIGHTH SUPERMODEL

TO SUDDENLY PLUMP UP IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS.

I'VE GOT A FEELING IN MY GUT,

AND IT'S NOT MY SPASTIC COLON.

SOMEONE'S MALICIOUSLY FATTENING THESE SUPERMODELS.

SO FAR, ALL WE KNOW IS THAT ALL EIGHT MODELS

WERE REPRESENTED BY THE SAME AGENCY.

( Stroganoff ) THEPRETTY GIRL MODELING AGENCY.

IT'S RUN BY A MAN NAMED NAIRASEC ROTCOD.

DO MY ELBOWS LOOK FAT ?

LAST TIME I WAS HERE,

NAIRASEC SUGGESTED I GET AN ELBOW REDUCTION.

THEY'RE GREAT !

WHEN YOU WALKED IN, I WAS THINKING, WOW, NICE ELBOWS.

AW, THANKS !

HI, I'M CLICHE.

EROTICA.

CALL BREE, THANK HER FOR THE CAVIAR SHE SENT.

SEND THE CAVIAR TO OLIVER, WITH A NOTE FROM MOI.

WHEN YOU'RE DONE, FIND ME A REPLACEMENT

AND PLEASE FIRE YOURSELF, OH, AND--

( screaming )

YOU, EXQUISITE, FABULOUS !

OFFICE, MINE, NOW !

YOU, YOUR THUMBS ARE TOO FAT.

( giggling )

HMM, I FIND NO IMPERFECTIONS ON YOU WHATSOEVER.

YOUR FLESH IS PERFECTLY BALANCED,

TOES EXACTLY ONE QUARTER CENTIMETER APART,

YOUR NAVEL IS PERFECTLY CENTERED.

THE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR STERNUM AND YOUR VAGINA

IS EXEMPLARY.

SO, PRETTY CRAZY ABOUT THOSE MODELS

SUDDENLY BECOMING ENORMOUS, HUH ?

WHAT MODELS ?

I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY MODELS BECOMING ENORMOUS.

WHY ASK ME ?

WELL, I JUST THOUGHT

BECAUSE THEY ALL WORKED FOR YOUR AGENCY--

LOOK, I DON'T HIRE MODELS TO THINK.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE IN MY OFFICE UNSUPERVISED

FOR A FEW MINUTES.

HMM...

TONGUE SCANNER ACTIVATE.

I'M BACK !

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT

YOUR FIRST MODELING ASSIGNMENT !

WOW, REALLY, ME, A MODEL ?

IT'S TOMORROW,

IT'S A VIDEO SHOOT FOR THE BAND ROCTOPUS.

NO WAY, I LOVE ROCTOPUS !

( Cliche ) EROTICA !

CHECK OUT MY NEW BREASTS.

AREN'T THE NIPPLES PERFECT ?

I JUST GOT THEM DONE !

SINCE I SAW YOU YESTERDAY ?

YEAH.

OH, I ALSO HAD MY THUMBS REDUCED.

THE PLASTIC SURGEON IS THE GREATEST.

HIS NAME IS DOCTOR CESARIAN.

HE'S THE SAME GUY THAT DID MY ELBOWS.

HERE'S HIS CARD.

HEY, DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THE MODELS

WHO MYSTERIOUSLY BLIMPED UP ?

WELL, KALINKA AND I

BOTH DID ADS FOR GLOW IN THE DARK CIGARETTES, BUT--

( gasping )

THERE'S STIFFY WOODS !

STIFFY, I LOVE ALL YOUR SONGS !

"WHERE DID ALL MY BLOOD GO ?", "CONDOM SCHMONDOM",

AND "HOMICIDE IS FUNNY" !

MY SISTER TOTALLY KILLED HER HUSBAND BECAUSE OF THAT SONG !

I HEAR THAT ALL THE TIME, IT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME.

WHAT SONG IS THIS VIDEO FOR ?

IT'S CALLED "ENCYCLOPEDIA SATANICA."

( director ) Okay, people, places, everybody.

All right, here's the concept.

The band is playing,

and you hot, thin chicks dance around the pool, all right ?

YOU !

YOU DANCE ON THAT PRECARIOUSLY FLIMSY PLATFORM.

"Encyclopedia Satanica," take one, action !

( screaming )

♪ SATAN'S GOT SOME BOOKS TO SELL ♪

♪ THE INK IS BLOOD AND IT'S PRINTED IN HELL ♪

♪ 200 VOLUMES OF SATANICA ♪

♪ BRING YOUR SOUL AND HARMONICA ♪

♪ ENCYCLOPEDIA ! ♪

♪ SATAN'S GOING DOOR TO DOOR ♪

♪ HE'LL QUOTE ONE PRICE BUT CHARGE YOU MORE ♪

♪ EVIL BOOKS FROM A TO Z ♪

♪ HE'S SO BAD IT'S HEAVENLY ♪

WHOA !

( gasping )

( screaming )

SHE'S STUCK IN THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL !

SHE'S GONNA DROWN !

LUCKY FOR HER, STRIPPERELLA'S HERE !

NOT THAT I WAS HERE ALREADY, BECAUSE I WASN'T.

I JUST GOT HERE.

WHOA !

HEE-YA !

THIS WOULD BE REALLY HOT

IF THAT ONE CHICK LOOKED LIKE SHE DID FIVE MINUTES AGO.

WHAT HAPPENED ?

YOU BLOATED UP LIKE AN ENORMOUS SEA COW,

AND THEN I SAVED YOU FROM DROWNING.

I'M HUGE !

WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST LET ME DIE ?

WOW, THE EIFFEL TOWER !

YOU SHOULD SEE MY BIG BEN.

WHAT A TALENT !

WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT, WHORE SCHOOL ?

YOU KNOW, PERSEPHONE,

I'M REALLY STARTING TO LIKE YOU.

I USUALLY DON'T LET MYSELF GET SO ATTACHED TO SOMEONE.

YEAH, ME NEITHER.

YOU'RE NOT LIKE THE OTHER GUYS I'VE DATED.

YOU'RE SPECIAL, UNIQUE.

( gagging )

CAN'T BREATHE !

OH, MY WORD ! HE'S CHOKING !

DO SOMETHING, YOU TAWDRY WENCH !

OH, OH DEAR !

YOU SAVED MY LIFE, THANK YOU.

I LEARNED THE HEIMLICH HERE ATTHE TENDER LOINS.

YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW OFTEN THE GIRLS CHOKE

PICKING UP DOLLAR BILLS WITH THEIR MOUTH.

WHAT A DELIGHTFUL ANECDOTE.

PLEASE, TELL IT AGAIN.

THAT'S ENOUGH, CLIFF.

I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE

AND LISTEN TO YOU TALK TO HER THAT WAY.

COME ON, PERSEPHONE.

LET'S GO SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE.

I'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENED TO THESE MODELS, AVI.

WHAT ELSE DO THESE NINE GIRLS HAVE IN COMMON ?

I KNOW THAT SIX OF THEM TAKE TAE-BO,

FIVE ARE VEGETARIANS,

SEVEN OF THEM SLEPT WITH CHARLIE SHEEN, YUCK.

WAIT A MINUTE.

( dog barking )

LOOK AT HER BREASTS.

THAT'S IT, THAT IS IT !

ALL THESE GIRLS HAD BOOB JOBS !

DOCTOR CESARIAN !

THANKS FOR THE BOOB JOB, DOCTOR CESARIAN.

THEY LOOK AND FEEL SO NATURAL !

ANYTIME, ENORMA.

I'LL BE SEEING YOU... IN THE OBITUARY COLUMN !

( clearing throat )

( maniacal laughter )

( announcer ) ON THE NEXTSTRIPPERELLA...

ENORMA, YOU'VE BEEN BOOBY TRAPPED !

YOU'RE SET TO EXPLODE IN TWO MINUTES.

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪

♪ STRIPPERELLA ♪