All language subtitles for E.S01E01.Have Nots [eng]

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[office workers chattering]

How was your journey?

It was terrible.

I got the bus because I'm poor.
And it smelt like warm, raw chicken.

And I'm really nervous,

so I thought I was gonna shit myself
the whole way in, but I didn't.

And if I'm sitting weirdly,
it's because I think my tampon's come out.

I didn't have time to go to the bathroom
downstairs 'cause I slept in.

Because I spent so long last night
trying to make myself come,

but I couldn't
'cause of my antidepressants.

I don't know why I just told you that.

It's my thing.

Don't worry.

If you're the right candidate,
the truth can only work in your favour.

[chuckles] Oh, I hate that.
Yeah, that's awful for me.

So it's a clich�, I know,
but why do you want to work here?

I don't, but I need money to live.

You've got a two-one
in English literature.

No, I dropped out. But I'm...
I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

So I pretended to go every day for a year.

But, really, I just wandered around
the big Primark in town.

What would you say
your greatest weakness is?

Crippling insecurity.
I'm selfish, kinda lazy. I lack ambition.

I'm stubborn, argumentative, jealous.

I only wash my hands
if there's someone else in the bathroom.

Don't think I'm capable of love.
I am worried I'm a little bit racist.

I'm a bit afraid to ask this,
but do you have any questions for me?

Do you have a gross eye hole under there?

I'm so sorry.

I see you haven't got your power down
on here.

That's because I don't have one yet.

We interview a lot of candidates.
What makes you special?

I don't know.

[pedestrian] Yeah. How's Rachel?

[person on phone]
I'm fetching her right now.

- Oh, yeah?
- How are you?

Yeah, good. I'm great.

[both panting]

Nice one, mate.

[breathes heavily]

[sniffs]

It's my sister's 18th on Saturday
if you wanna come.

It's probably gonna be shit-ish,
but, you know, free cake.

And my mum always buys
too much wine. [chuckles]

You've got a sister?

Yeah, Andy.
I've mentioned her, I think. A few times.

That's mad.

[Jen] If you're busy, it's totally fine.
No worries at all.

Option's there. You're more than welcome.

It'd be cool if you came, I suppose.

["Bikini" playing]

d We're gonna give you everything
You've ever wanted d

d Hang a banner with your name upon it d

d Pour three shots in a glass
Call it a martini d

d All you've got to do is
Put on this little bikini d

Every time.

d And dance d

d D-d-d-d-d-d-dance d

d Dance d

d Put on this bikini and
Dance, dance, dance d

d D-d-d-d-d-d� d

[song ends]

Twenty-five years I wasted with that man.
She's been with him 25 minutes.

And they were the best 25 minutes
of his life, you dumb bitch.

Look, we can settle this today.

If we can talk to Mr Greenham directly,

then I'm certain
he'll side with our client.

Ms Jackson.

[clears throat]

Hi. Hello.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yes. Sorry.

[inhales]

[Mr Greenham groans]

[Mr Greenham] Oh, fuck off.
Can I not get a moment of peace?

- Mr Greenham...
- I remember you from the divorce.

Grown a moustache, have you? Didn't think
you could look more like a nonce.

I made it very clear in my will.

Tanya gets everything.

The Knightsbridge scarecrow gets nothing.

And one more thing, go fuck yourselves.

[exhales]

["History Eraser" playing]

[Ms Jackson]
Once again, my deepest condolences.

d I got drunk and fell asleep
Atop the sheets d

d But luckily, I left the heater on d

- [Jen] Who are you?
- [cat meows]

d And in my dreams d

d I wrote the best song
That I've ever written d

d Can't remember how it goes d

d I stayed drunk and fell awake
I was cycling on a plane d

- Free cat?
- [cat meows]

d And far away
I heard you say you liked me d

d In my brain, I rearrange d

d The letters on the page
To spell your name d

["Remove Your Mask" playing on speakers]

[cat meows]

d Yours is a history
That's written in stone d

d There was a lady
Who had built her own throne d

Oh, my God.

- Get out.
- Does that say "Super Cock"?

No, it says, "Super Clock." Clock.

The "L" just fell down.

I can see every square inch
of your genitals.

It's like when they vacuum pack meat
at the supermarket.

It's for a Halloween party. It's ironic.

No way. Let me get my phone.

No!

[audio distorts, slows]

[audio rewinding]

- [normal audio resumes]
- [song restarts]

[cat meows]

[door closes]

[mouthing words]

Come on.

d Yours is a history
That's written in stone d

[grunts]

[grunts]

d There was a lady
Who had built her own throne d

Don't come in. I'm� masturbating.

Okay. Carrie said she'd be home late.

Okay. I'm just finishing.

d To live in the moment
And remove your mask d

[moans]

Do you want a cup of tea?

d I see you gathering up... d

Yeah. Go on.

- [song ends]
- [cat purring]

He's obviously been mistreated.
He's skin and bone.

He's a dump truck. The landlord won't
let you keep it in the flat anyway.

- 'Cause all landlords are evil.
- All landlords are evil.

- Yes.
- [door opens, closes]

- Hello.
- How was work?

[breathes shakily]

Everyone always gets angry with me
when it goes badly.

I'm just the messenger.
It's not me saying it.

Yeah, you're just a vessel.
Like a sexy little carafe.

Aw. [sniffles]

- Thank you, babe. [sniffles]
- [chuckles]

- Well, why don't you just quit?
- Yeah, quit.

I can't just quit.

Right. You have dependants.

- I'm looking for a job.
- [Carrie] Yeah.

He spends all day in his room
applying for jobs. Don't you, babe?

Yes.

[Carrie] It pays well.

And they don't just use me for my power.
They also ask me to make teas and coffees.

Oh, no. I'm basically an appliance.

Look, it could always be worse.

Don't put yourself down like that, Jen.

Or do you mean in general?
Oh, you meant in general, didn't you?

Yeah.

You are such a brave little soldier.

Carrie, I haven't got a power yet.
I'm not, like, terminal.

Hey. Maybe the real power
is just being yourself.

That is the dumbest fucking thing
I've ever heard in my life.

Absolutely not true. No.

I know what will cheer you up.

I'm not sad.

[inhales]

[groans]

- [grunts]
- [chuckles]

[Adolf Hitler speaking German]

[in English] Oh, God. Not you again.

Hey, Hitler. Yeah, suck a dick. Everyone's
cool with interracial marriage now.

Yeah, you're inside my white girlfriend,
and we fuck at least twice a month.

Ooh! Who am I?

[imitating Hitler] Let's invade Russia in
the winter because I'm a big dumb bitch.

Okay. [laughs]

Very funny.

Oh, the Jews are broadly doing okay.

- Yeah.
- La, la, la, la!

I'm not listening.

- [cellphone vibrates]
- This is really childish.

[speaking German]

[exhales]

[in English] Right. Well,
I'm off to go get railed by a stranger.

["All the Way Live" playing]

d My name is Maura
They call me Gale d

d I'm rapping so hot
I have a story to tell d

d I sing my songs all night long d

d And I'm rapping to you
On the microphone d

d I can party hardy till the early light d

d And I can keep it going till the '79 d

d Let your fingers pop d

d Check out a sock hop d

d Stick your finger in a socket
And get a big shock d

d Strive, strive all the way... d

- [song ends]
- Oh, um...

Sorry, I just need to put my glove on.

- Oh.
- [clears throat]

Nice to meet you.

Big Michael Jackson fan?

No, he's an alleged sex offender.

Right. Good we've established that early.

[patrons chattering]

Ooh! Vegan lasagne. [chuckles]

I want to be completely honest with you.

I have the power to make people orgasm
with my touch.

Whoa. [clears throat]

- That's, um� That's really cool.
- It's not cool. It's not.

It's a common misconception that literally
everyone I've ever met seems to hold.

[chuckles]

So, what's your power?

Uh, I'm still waiting.

Your profile said you were 25.

- I am. Just a late bloomer.
- I've never met anyone who waited so long.

So how did you find out
the whole come thing then?

I bet it's a funny story. [chuckles]

It's not a funny story, no.

I promise not to laugh. [chuckles]

[sighs] It was my father's 60th birthday.

We'd been estranged for some years,
so it was a reunion of sorts.

We were kicking a football around,

which had always been
a boyhood dream of mine.

I saved an errant kick, which would've
shattered a conservatory window.

For the first time in my life, I felt like
my father respected me as a man.

Then he asked if he could shake my hand.

Oh, I see.

I was so proud.

My entire extended family were there
to witness the moment.

They were all watching
as the, uh, moment of contact arrived.

Oh, no.

He was wearing light-grey khakis so it was
very obvious what was occurring.

Of course, I was very confused.

He was doubled over.
I thought he was having a heart attack.

So I opened his shirt
to begin performing chest compressions.

- And every time you...
- Yes.

Yeah, no, you're right. That is not funny.

- Khakis were ruined.
- [snickers]

[Carrie] Kash, you cannot seriously
believe A.D. stands for "after dinosaurs."

[Kash] It does. 500 A.D.
500 years after dinosaurs.

What else would it be?

[Carrie] These shoes are so uncomfortable.

[Kash] Then why'd you wear them?

When you said you booked dinner,
I thought it might be a fancy date.

I didn't even know you could book a table
at Bucket O' Pizza.

And normally you can't� [sniffs]

�but I've got a special relationship
with the manager.

[Carrie chuckles, winces]

- What are you doing?
- Take these.

- Oh, you... You don't have to.
- Take the shoes.

Thank you.

- [grunts] Hey!
- [mugger] Give me your purse.

- And empty your pockets.
- Um.

Uh, here.
[stammering] Uh, take my phone.

[mugger scoffs]
That piece of shit. Nah, mate.

- The purse. Give it!
- No, I've got money.

- Um.
- [mugger] Come on. Quickly.

- Just in my�
- [mugger] Now! I'm not fucking around!

- ["I Put a Spell on You" playing]
- In my pocket!

- Come on!
- [mugger] Ow! Right in the eye!

d Ooh, spell d

I'm gonna kiss you now.

d Ooh, spell d

d Ooh, spell d

d Ooh, spell d

d I put a spell on you d

d Ooh, spell d

d Ooh, spell d

Would you like to�

Yeah.

d 'Cause you're mine d

d Ooh, spell d

d Ooh, spell d

d Stop the things you do d

Oh, uh...

What are you doing?

It's important to me
to know that I can do it myself.

d Ooh, spell d

[singer cackles]
d Watch out! d

d I ain't lyin' d

d Yeah d

d I can't stand, woo d

d No runnin' around d

d Ooh, spell d

- Maybe just take the glove...
- Give me a minute.

d I can't stand d

d Ooh, spell d

d I can't stand no puttin' me down d

d Ooh, spell d

d I put a spell on you d

Oh. Oh, ye...

Oh, yeah. [gasps]

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was it.

I just came. [chuckles]

- You're welcome.
- Hmm.

- d Ooh, spell d
- d Oh, yeah d

I think we should take it slow.

d Ooh� d

d I don't care if you don't want me d

d I'm yours right now d

d Spell d

d I put a spell on you d

Just to be safe.

- d Ooh� d
- d Because� d

d You're mine d

d Spell d

[singer shouts]

[song ends]

Did you see me? I was all, like� [grunts]

Yeah, it was very brave of you.

I should go after him.

No, no. Don't do that.

But he committed a crime.

You bought your drug dealer
a birthday card last year.

He committed a crime on me. On you.

Someone needs to clean up those streets.

I am that hero. This is my destiny.

Great. Is this destiny gonna be salaried?

Gonna become a vigilante.

Oh, no.

No, I'm gonna assemble
a team of vigilantes.

Oh, Carrie. This is my origin story!
Quick, take a picture!

No, no, there's no time.
I've got so much mood-boarding to do.

[clattering in bedroom]

I'll get the Pritt sticks.

["This is My Film" playing]

d I said, ugh d

[cat meows]

d Bonjour, motherfucker d

d I see you staring at me
Liking it like a sucker, yeah d

Shoo!

Go away.

Don't you dare touch him.

- d This is my film, you're an extra d
- d Motherfucker d

- d This is my film, you're an extra d
- d Motherfucker d

- d This is my film, you're an extra d
- d Motherfucker d

d This is my... d

- [cat yowls]
- [Gordon] Oh, God!

[clattering]

[pants]

I don't think it's gonna work out.

Fair enough.

Good game.

Oh, please. Come on. Uh, just the one?

- [Kash] Oy, Jizzlord.
- Don't call him that.

He likes it. You got a better one?

- I don't know. Like, Cum Bucket?
- [chuckles]

Jesus Christ. That is so much worse.

I thought it was cute.

[Kash] It's no Jizzlord.

- So, we are keeping him then?
- [cat meows]

- Have you checked if he's got an owner?
- No, he's definitely a stray.

He's got an energy.
He's scrappy. He's lived a life.

Haven't you got work today?

Yeah. Don't have to leave
till 11.00 though.

It's half past two.

[groans] Fuck.

Turn back time and tell me to leave.

You know I can't go back that far.

Yeah, I'm still gonna be late,

but it means I can stop
at Pret on the way.

Jen, I am burdened with a noble gift.

I'm not gonna use it for inane reasons.
With great power come...

- Just do it, you fucking nerd.
- Okay, okay!

Can you do me up with some balloons?

I want them to say,
"Happy 18th Birthday, Andy.

Mum is making me do this.
We were never close, and I hate you."

[high-pitched voice]
I can do "Happy 18th."

Fine.

- Jennifer.
- Angela.

Are those for personal use?

Yes.

Jen.

Jen.

Why didn't you tell me
you're going to a party, you cheeky bint?

Tell me all about it.

It's my half-sister's 18th.
It's a family thing.

Say no more.
Family can be a real bash in the fanny.

You love 'em. You hate 'em,
but you're stuck with 'em.

What can you do?

I'd hate to be turning 18 now.

Nothing's the same
after you get your power.

- I used to play at Wimbledon...
- [Jen, Angela] Wimbledon.

We know, love. Jesus.

It's not my fault I didn't get superspeed
or racket hands.

[Angela] Tell me about it, flower.

Gonna be 56 in April. Can't even buy
some paracetamol in Asda.

Don't let it get you down, love.

I'm not down.
Honestly, I really don't even care.

[Angela] Back to work.

Do you want to know how you die?

What?

Foresight. [chuckles]

No.

Probably for the best.

What do you mean it's probably
for the best? Wha...

- [cellphone ringing]
- Is it bad?

One minute.

Hi. Bang on time.

[Jen's dad, oh phone]
It's not like I've anything better to do.

True.

Got a new one for you.

Fine. Go on. Get it over with.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

- Boo.
- Boo, who?

Cheer up, love. It might never happen.

[sighs, chuckling] Jesus Christ.

Well, how are things your end?

It's Andy's 18th tonight.

Oh, good luck with that.

Thought you'd reassure me.

God, no. It's gonna be awful.

Just try not to make everything
into a competition.

I don't do that. She does that.

Well, you know where I am.
Say hi to your mum for me.

Yeah.

[car door closes]

[driver] Hey.

Bears.

Huh?

How you die. Bears.

Oh, but�

[violin playing]

[violin stops]

- [guest 1] Wow.
- [guests cheer, applaud]

[guest 2] Bravo.

[guests chattering]

Oh, my baby!

Why are there already balloons?

Oh, those? They're nothing. I just nipped
out this morning and got a few.

But you asked me to get balloons.

- I know.
- What, you don't trust me to get balloons?

Oh, I don't want it to play HDMI.
Just play Andy's party playlist.

I got an audition
for the Greenwich Conservatoire.

Normal human thing to do is
to say hello before you start bragging.

I'm just sharing good news
about my life with my sister.

I'm sure if you achieve something,
you'd do the same. No?

Andy, stop haranguing your sister.

- Have you got a job yet?
- I have a job.

A real job.
I didn't leave my home and family

and brave the boat to England
for you to squander all my sacrifices.

We definitely flew here.

[sighs] You were young. You don't
understand the immigrant struggle.

Oh, I don't know what I'm doing here.
Where's the antenna?

What do you think my power's gonna be?

You do know you're not gonna
get your power the second you turn 18?

What do you know about powers?
You're like a virgin talking about sex.

- You're like the pope.
- I-I am not the pope. I fuck.

- No, Mum. Tell her I fuck.
- [chuckles]

Would you whist? I'm trying
to get this thing to play music.

- Why is it still just showing me pictures?
- Just wait for Ian to do it.

What's the point of having a power
if you don't use it?

Being able to control technology
is only useful

if you know how technology works.

I think you're doing a great job, Mum.

- Just Bing it, will you?
- Bing!

Ladies, ladies, please. I know
we're feeling a little� stressed?

[grunts]

[Ian] Excited.

Oh, Lord.
Now, what have we got going on in there?

Angry, sad, jealous.

Horny?

Uh�

[guests] Three, two, one�

- [cheering]
- [Mary] Yes! [laughs]

[guest] Happy birthday!

[guests chuckling]

Try turning on the TV.

[all gasp]

[Andy sighs]

Can you sense any emotion? Deep breath.

[inhales deeply]

No. I've got nothing.

[guests muttering]

[Mary] Don't worry.
It doesn't always happen on the day.

It can take a few days or weeks. Or�

[wheezes]

I wanted it today.

Aw, no. Oh, I'm playing
the world's smallest violin.

[Andy scoffs]

I've actually played the world's smallest
violin, and it's much bigger than that.

[footsteps departing]

- [guests chattering]
- [Mary sighs]

You're a little bit happy
she didn't get it.

Uh, duh, Ian.

My cousin was like you.

Then he went to one of those clinics
that help you bring out your power.

No, I am not doing that. It's pathetic.

Really helped him.
Now he can freeze anything. Like that.

Of course, he's got a freezer that
he mainly uses, but it's the knowledge.

Like, knowing you don't need...

[Andy] Okay!

[guests oohing, cheering]

- I'm super strong!
- [Ian gasps]

Oh, my God.

- That's amazing! Do the sofa.
- [Ian] Sofa!

["Rill Rill" playing]

[guests cheering, clamouring]

[Mary whooping]

[laughing]

Oh, my... Oh, my God, I'm on the ceiling!

We just going to ignore the fact
she broke the fridge or...

One hand!

I killed a man!

[cheering, applauding continues]

[Mary] Hi, hello. Up here. I'm up here.

Can your daughter do this?
No, only my daughter!

Andy! Andy, I'm so high!

[guests chanting] Andy! Andy!

[guests cheering]

d Have a heart
Have a heart, have a heart d

d Sixteen six six six
And I know the part d

d You are the river flow
And we can never know d

d We're just the weatherman
You make the wind blow d

d Keep thinking about
Every straight face... d

- [knocking on door]
- [song ends]

Surprise. I wasn't sure
what the deal was with the party,

so I thought I'd bring the party to you.

[Luke] Oh.

Uh, it's not really a great�

time.

Oh, hi.

Who are you?
That sounds rude, but who are you?

Um, my name's Olivia.

Of course it is.
So is, um... Is this a date?

- Yeah.
- Wouldn't really call it a date.

Oh. Well, if it's not a date,
there's no harm in joining. Right?

[soft music playing on speakers]

Olivia can shape-shift.

Oh. Uh, so this is what you've chosen
to look like. Oh, that makes sense.

No. Honestly, I never really use it.

I think it's important to love yourself
the way you are.

You know,
flaws and imperfections and everything.

So, you just look like this all the time?

Wow. Fantastic.

I don't even wear make-up.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. [laughs]

Yeah.

[Luke] I like your hair like that.

[Olivia] Thanks! [laughs]

- [Luke] What do you call that style?
- [Olivia] Down?

[Luke] It suits you.

[Olivia whoops]

- [Luke] Have you been to the pier?
- [Olivia] No!

My turn!

[Olivia giggles]

- [Luke grunts]
- [Olivia pants]

[Jen] Great. Let's go.

Oh, um, maybe next time?

- Oh, come on.
- Well, it's kinda hard work.

And you need to think about load bearing.

Load bearing?

Okay. Come on, then.

[Luke] 'Kay.

[grunting]

[Jen] Hmm.

Yeah.

- [Jen] Oh, Christ. Oh, fuck. Okay.
- [grunting, straining] Yeah, okay. Yeah.

[Jen] Sorry. Sorry. My feet smell.

[Jen whimpers]

Fuck me, that's very high!

- Don't look down.
- Don't look down.

[grunts] Not so tight.

So, uh, is she your girlfriend?

Look,
why do we have to put labels on things?

Because labels are great.

You know, I label my yogurt at work
because people kept eating my yogurt.

And it's my yogurt, you know. I bought it,
and I want it. It's a great yogurt.

I mean, it's creamy and low-fat
and has beautiful eyes.

You need to let go.

[chuckles] I don't want to let you go.

No, as in let go of me.
We're on the ground.

Oh.

[Luke grunts]

[pants]

Jen, look at me.

If you don't love yourself, how the hell
are you gonna love somebody else?

["Superstar" playing]

d Oh, to be happy d

That's RuPaul.

That's RuPaul!

d Oh, to be right d

[Olivia laughing]

d When everything's easy d

[Jen's dad, on phone] Wasn't expecting you
to call at this hour. Everything okay?

You haven't been murdered or something,
have you?

- I want a power.
- [song continues]

I want one so badly.
It's never gonna happen.

Yeah, you're right.
You should probably just give up.

You're not supposed to say that.

Well, what do you want me to say?
Accept it.

It's just not something
you're ever going to have.

- You don't know that.
- But you do somehow?

You really want this power thing?

Yes, I do.

Well, if you think it will make you happy�

[song ends]

�then go get it.

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

What if I don't?

Then we'll figure something out together.

[chuckles]

Dad?

Yeah?

Can I do the thing?

You don't have to ask.

[Jen's dad] Hi, pet.

["Sleeping Lessons" playing]

d Go without d

d Till the need seeps in d

d Your love anymore d

[voice on PA] Welcome to Discovery Clinic,
where your powers journey begins.

d Collect your novel petals for the stem d

d And glow, glow d

d Melt and flow� d

Hi. Welcome. Are you looking to start
your power journey today?

Yes. I am, Denise. I'd like to book
myself in for a discovery package.

- And how long have you been trying?
- Six years.

Ooh. That is a long time. But don't worry.
You're in the right place.

We have an excellent track record
in helping people to discover their power.

That's exactly what I wanted to hear.

So exciting.

[all giggle]

So our packages start at 9,500.

Yeah. We're gonna have to DIY it.

[song continues]

- [Jen snoring]
- [Jizzlord purring, meows]

[purring continues]

[squeals]

[swallows]

[Jen snoring]

No, no, no.

[Jizzlord purring]

[song continues]

d Just put yourself in my new shoes d

d And see that I do what I do d

d Because the old guard still offend d

d (Their pudgy hearts and shiny heads) d

d They got nothing left
On which we depend d

d So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood d

d And off with their heads d

d Jump from the hook d

d You're not obliged to swallow
Anything you despise d

d That you despise d

d That you despise d

[song fades out]

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