Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,735
Joe?
2
00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:56,279
Joe?
3
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:11,252
Joe?
4
00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:13,880
Joe-Joe?
5
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:21,763
Honey, did you hear me?
I was calling you.
6
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:23,574
I'm sorry, I was
just finishing up Gillman.
7
00:04:23,598 --> 00:04:25,391
Take your teeth out.
8
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:30,188
You know I can't understand you
with those things in.
9
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,732
I wanted to say I'm sorry,
I was finishing up the Gillman.
10
00:04:32,774 --> 00:04:36,652
Well, the Gillman can wait,
because guess what?
11
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:39,697
Aunt Barb is here.
12
00:04:39,739 --> 00:04:43,493
- With Uncle Kevin?
- Yeah, with Uncle Kevin.
13
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,581
They brought
pepperoni pizza, though.
14
00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:50,500
Come on, before it gets cold.
15
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:53,961
Your friends will still be here
when you get back.
16
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,379
Oh!
17
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:58,090
Come to dinner!
18
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,718
I hypnotize you
to come to dinner!
19
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,529
I really feel like
you're doing a good job there.
20
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:03,679
Thank you very much.
21
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,894
Mmm.
22
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:16,275
Trick-or-treat's not 'til
October, buddy.
23
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:19,320
Every day is trick-or-treat
around here.
24
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:22,365
- Really?
- More Tang?
25
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:26,410
No thanks.
I never drink Tang.
26
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:28,621
Why not?
27
00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:31,207
It's the official drink
of astronauts.
28
00:05:31,249 --> 00:05:33,543
It was the first beverage
on the moon, you know that?
29
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,546
Joe likes Tang. He's just,
he's doing his Dracula.
30
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:39,632
Bela Lugosi, right?
Played him in the first one.
31
00:05:39,674 --> 00:05:42,009
Technically,
Max Schreck played him
32
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,278
in the first one...
the silent version,
33
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:44,637
"Nosferatu," 1922.
34
00:05:44,679 --> 00:05:49,141
Bela Lugosi was a dope addict.
35
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:50,911
- I never heard that.
- It's a fact!
36
00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,896
Look it up in the encyclopedia.
I'm not crazy about the new guy.
37
00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:55,481
What's his name?
38
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:58,317
You know, the limey
with the red eyes?
39
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:01,362
- Christopher Lee.
- No, that's the karate guy.
40
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:05,199
Yeah, look it up.
41
00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:07,243
Joe-Joe doesn't have to.
42
00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:09,495
He knows everything
there is to know
43
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:15,293
about Dracula and the Mummy
and Frankenstein and...
44
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:16,919
Who am I missing here?
45
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:19,130
Uh, OJ Simpson.
46
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,965
When I was his age,
I knew everything
47
00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:23,342
there was to know
about football.
48
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,720
Nowadays, it's all about
this horror crap.
49
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:29,307
- Can I be excused?
- I don't know, can you?
50
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:32,101
- May I be excused?
- Yeah, yeah, in just a minute.
51
00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:35,146
Um, Aunt Barb and Uncle Kevin
52
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:38,441
have something that
they wanted to ask us.
53
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,234
Joe, would it be cool
54
00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:43,487
if me and Uncle Kevin
came to stay for a bit?
55
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,448
Your mom could use
an extra hand right now
56
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:48,993
with, well, all that's going on.
57
00:06:49,035 --> 00:06:51,871
If you'll have us.
58
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:14,518
Heya, count.
You're blowing it.
59
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,063
Vampires don't show up
in mirrors.
60
00:07:24,195 --> 00:07:26,155
Let me help you.
61
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,327
Ow.
62
00:07:31,369 --> 00:07:34,038
Bud.
63
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,123
Your eye.
64
00:07:36,165 --> 00:07:38,376
Who did that to you?
65
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:41,712
Billy Niles again?
66
00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:43,464
Come here, kid.
67
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,554
Will you do me a favor
68
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:55,726
and lay off
the monster talk at school, hmm?
69
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:58,729
You're running short
on friends, kiddo.
70
00:07:58,771 --> 00:08:01,107
I have all the friends I need.
71
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:06,445
You got a lot of 'em.
72
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:09,407
Why do they have
to move in with us?
73
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:14,745
You know, it's not
a forever thing.
74
00:08:14,787 --> 00:08:17,790
Just 'til I finish
my next round of chemo.
75
00:08:17,832 --> 00:08:21,544
And, it'll...
76
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:24,505
it'll help your Uncle Kevin
get back on his feet.
77
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,842
He's such a loser.
78
00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:31,554
Hey, he's not so bad.
79
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:38,269
Did you know actually
that he used to box in the Army?
80
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,187
Maybe he could show you
a few pointers
81
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:43,065
on how to deal with
ol' Billy Niles?
82
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:44,984
Yeah?
83
00:08:46,819 --> 00:08:48,279
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
84
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:53,075
- Okey-doke?
- Okey-doke.
85
00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,786
What's playing on
the ol' time machine tonight?
86
00:08:55,828 --> 00:08:57,496
I haven't decided.
87
00:08:57,538 --> 00:09:01,709
"Abbott and Costello
Meets" somebody.
88
00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:05,254
Well, set it up.
I'll make the Jiffy Pop.
89
00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:06,672
I love you, Mom.
90
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,674
I love you.
91
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,426
Mom?
92
00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:56,847
Why do you always call it
a time machine?
93
00:09:56,889 --> 00:10:00,643
Because that's what
projectors are.
94
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:06,524
Movies, they transport us.
95
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:10,528
Think about it.
I bet you remember
96
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,822
exactly where you were
97
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,866
and who you were with
the very first time
98
00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:19,995
you heard Dr. Frankenstein yell,
"It's alive!"
99
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:24,625
I was with you.
100
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:25,876
That's right.
101
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:36,345
And with one flip of a switch,
you always will be.
102
00:10:41,142 --> 00:10:45,187
Together forever, Joe-Joe.
103
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:48,149
Just like in the movies.
104
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,116
Mom?
105
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,287
Mom?
106
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,820
Good morning.
107
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,127
Where's the kid at?
108
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:35,798
I let him sleep in.
109
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,841
On a Saturday?
110
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,302
It's chore day.
111
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:42,846
He's probably up there
watching goddamn movies again.
112
00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:46,558
Kevin, be nice.
113
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,186
He'll grow out of it.
Some kids do Little League.
114
00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:52,147
Joe-Joe and his mom
did monsters.
115
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:55,025
He's turning into a freak
and you're promoting it.
116
00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:08,622
What are you doing in here,
sniffing glue?
117
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,418
Repairing the Reaper's arm.
118
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,296
"Repairing the Reaper's arm."
119
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,549
Where they at, huh?
120
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,885
I know you got some girlies
under here somewhere, huh?
121
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,721
A-ha!
122
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:31,895
Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
You do like girls, don't you?
123
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:33,647
It's a collector's item.
124
00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:39,653
But you don't
like me much, do you?
125
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:41,322
That's okay.
126
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,408
You know what, your cousin Gary,
he didn't like me much either.
127
00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:48,620
We didn't watch monster movies
and the Late Late Show.
128
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,540
My job was to make
a man out of him.
129
00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:53,625
That's exactly what
I'm gonna do for you.
130
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,002
Thanks?
131
00:13:55,044 --> 00:13:57,546
You're welcome.
First things first,
132
00:13:57,588 --> 00:13:59,673
we gotta get rid of
all this horror crap.
133
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:02,426
- Why?
- Because I said so!
134
00:14:02,468 --> 00:14:05,554
You know, me and your auntie
sacrificed a lot to be here.
135
00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:08,515
That's not how I heard it.
I heard you had to move in
136
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:12,269
because you got canned
from your job.
137
00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:16,565
That's how you heard it, huh?
138
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:18,859
It's called a temporary layoff.
Give me this!
139
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,444
Hey, that was a present
from my mom!
140
00:14:20,486 --> 00:14:24,782
Oh, poor, poor Grim Reaper!
Oh!
141
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:28,535
Grim Reaper's all broken up
about it.
142
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:32,581
Now get your ass outside!
It's chore day!
143
00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:36,210
You can play with
your stupid toys later, hmm?
144
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:05,197
Yo, Dr. Frankenstein!
Say hi to your mom for me!
145
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,055
Friend!
146
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:40,149
Don't tell me,
the infamous Billy Niles?
147
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:43,193
I made some Tang.
148
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,871
I was hoping you'd
do your Dracula.
149
00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:58,584
Well, I can't.
Sun's still out.
150
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:06,258
Before you say anything,
it was my fault.
151
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,926
Took an extra shift
at Bateman's Diner
152
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,720
without telling your uncle.
153
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:13,390
He says it's getting hard
just being a man these days.
154
00:16:13,432 --> 00:16:14,725
He's not a man.
155
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,232
Go for the pin!
Go for the pin!
156
00:16:26,487 --> 00:16:29,323
Hello?
157
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,658
Yes, just a second,
he's right here.
158
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,452
Kev, it's Mr. Warren.
159
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,001
Hello, Mr. Warren.
160
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,671
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're hanging in
the best we can, sir.
161
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:53,013
I understand, sir.
What can I say?
162
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,517
Times have been tough
for all of us.
163
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:59,561
Thank you, sir.
164
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:04,149
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
165
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:07,361
What are you sorry about?
You still got your job.
166
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,162
- What do think you're doing?
- Cleaning house.
167
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,872
There's gonna be
no more Santa Claus,
168
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:22,626
no more Tooth Fairy,
and no more goddamn monsters!
169
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:24,062
You're the only monster
around here!
170
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:31,218
- Stay away from him.
- Or what? Huh?
171
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,685
Ah, yous deserve each other.
172
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,233
Come on.
It's okay.
173
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:10,048
I miss you.
174
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:15,155
Mom?
175
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,893
Got it.
Need it.
176
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,771
Got it.
Need it.
177
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:31,606
Need it.
178
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,750
Oh, yes!
179
00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:39,883
What happened?
180
00:21:46,223 --> 00:21:48,308
The damnedest thing.
181
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:51,770
My ankle twisted
completely around.
182
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:13,959
Joe, it's me.
183
00:22:16,461 --> 00:22:18,296
I'm working the night shift.
184
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:20,966
There's turkey pot pie
in the fridge.
185
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:23,468
Just stay clear of your uncle.
186
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:28,974
He's been in bed all day
burning up with fever.
187
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:32,936
Things are gonna change
around here, I promise.
188
00:22:32,978 --> 00:22:34,312
I know.
189
00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:06,511
What the hell's he watching?
190
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:09,055
Joe, turn it down!
191
00:23:16,563 --> 00:23:19,858
Kid needs a good
old-fashioned ass whooping!
192
00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:26,281
Must've backed up
the shitter again!
193
00:23:26,323 --> 00:23:29,367
You freak!
194
00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:33,121
I'm coming for ya, buddy!
195
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:35,040
You got it coming now, boy.
196
00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:47,385
I know you're in there
playing with your goddamn toys
197
00:23:47,427 --> 00:23:48,654
'cause I can smell
the goddamn glue.
198
00:23:49,930 --> 00:23:54,643
Open the door,
or I'll smash it in!
199
00:23:54,684 --> 00:23:56,770
Okay, all right.
200
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:08,114
Fuck you!
201
00:24:09,324 --> 00:24:11,159
No!
202
00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:30,887
Keep your eyes peeled,
boils and ghouls.
203
00:24:30,929 --> 00:24:34,849
The cadaverous conclusion of
"Uncle Kevin Meets the Monster"
204
00:24:34,891 --> 00:24:36,351
is right around the corner.
205
00:25:29,154 --> 00:25:33,408
Hey, buddy!
Tell your friends I'm sorry!
206
00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:35,368
No!
207
00:25:40,832 --> 00:25:42,292
No!
208
00:25:45,086 --> 00:25:51,009
No!
209
00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:54,447
Are you ready
for your close-up, Uncle Kev?
210
00:25:55,889 --> 00:26:00,185
No!
211
00:26:00,226 --> 00:26:03,480
No!
212
00:26:03,521 --> 00:26:07,025
No!
213
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,958
Joe! Joe!
214
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,047
Joe.
215
00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:31,049
Oh my god.
216
00:26:31,091 --> 00:26:34,928
Come. Sit.
217
00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:37,764
You're just in time
for the big ending.
218
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:57,283
What happened?
219
00:26:57,325 --> 00:27:01,079
Couple of friends
came for a visit.
220
00:27:01,121 --> 00:27:03,957
They had some cleaning up to do.
221
00:27:03,998 --> 00:27:07,961
After all,
222
00:27:08,002 --> 00:27:12,674
it is chore day.
223
00:28:07,187 --> 00:28:10,481
Everyone was very happy that
the little pigs worked so hard,
224
00:28:10,523 --> 00:28:13,776
for now they had
plenty of food for winter,
225
00:28:13,818 --> 00:28:18,072
and Farmer John promised
to never eat porkchops again.
226
00:28:18,114 --> 00:28:21,868
So, they ate chicken!
227
00:28:21,910 --> 00:28:24,204
The end.
228
00:28:24,245 --> 00:28:27,874
Hmm, what do you suppose
that story was about, Henrietta?
229
00:28:27,916 --> 00:28:30,418
Getting what you deserve?
230
00:28:30,460 --> 00:28:31,794
That's right!
231
00:28:31,836 --> 00:28:34,297
Some folks call it karma.
232
00:28:34,339 --> 00:28:35,798
When you do something good,
233
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,759
something good
will happen to you.
234
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,511
But if you do something bad...
235
00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:43,598
S-s-s-something bad
will happen to me?
236
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,391
Mm-hmm.
237
00:28:45,433 --> 00:28:48,603
So be sure to be
good little boys and girls.
238
00:28:48,645 --> 00:28:53,566
Until next time, bye for now!
239
00:28:53,608 --> 00:28:56,569
Mrs. Bookberry's
Magical Library is made possible
240
00:28:56,611 --> 00:28:59,948
by a grant from the Public
Broadcasting Corporation.
241
00:28:59,989 --> 00:29:03,743
You're watching WQPS,
Channel 13, Pittsburgh.
242
00:29:03,785 --> 00:29:05,745
Prevent child abuse.
243
00:29:05,787 --> 00:29:08,623
This is WQPS
in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,
244
00:29:08,665 --> 00:29:11,334
operating on Channel 13
with a frequency of
245
00:29:11,376 --> 00:29:15,546
210 to 216 megahertz
by authority of
246
00:29:15,588 --> 00:29:17,757
the Federal
Communications Commission.
247
00:29:19,259 --> 00:29:21,803
Bookberry pledge drive
promotion, take one.
248
00:29:21,844 --> 00:29:26,724
Settle, settle, lots of energy,
and on in three, two...
249
00:29:26,766 --> 00:29:29,310
Something very special
is happening tonight
250
00:29:29,352 --> 00:29:33,481
- on Channel 13, Henrietta.
- What is it, Mrs. Bookberry?
251
00:29:33,523 --> 00:29:35,900
It's
the WQPS pledge drive.
252
00:29:35,942 --> 00:29:38,361
That's where we ask all
the mommies and daddies
253
00:29:38,403 --> 00:29:41,281
out there to fuck!
254
00:29:41,322 --> 00:29:43,950
Goddamn it! Line.
255
00:29:43,992 --> 00:29:46,828
"Become a member of
Channel 13's television family."
256
00:29:46,869 --> 00:29:49,372
Okay, whatever, here we go.
257
00:29:49,414 --> 00:29:52,750
Three, two, one, action.
258
00:29:52,792 --> 00:29:54,669
That's where we ask
the mommies and daddies
259
00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:57,213
out there to join us
by becoming a member of
260
00:29:57,255 --> 00:29:59,507
Channel 13's television family.
261
00:30:01,968 --> 00:30:04,512
Cut, I think we got it, Greg.
I'm gonna go take a shit.
262
00:30:04,554 --> 00:30:06,264
I'll be in my dressing room.
263
00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:07,849
Everybody take five
while she...
264
00:30:07,890 --> 00:30:09,326
- Uh, Miss Bookberry?
- ... does that.
265
00:30:09,350 --> 00:30:10,393
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
266
00:30:10,435 --> 00:30:13,187
Mrs. Bookberry?
Bookberry!
267
00:30:17,734 --> 00:30:20,903
Miss Bookberry?
Do you have a minute?
268
00:30:20,945 --> 00:30:22,965
About the show tonight.
Nothing like live television.
269
00:30:22,989 --> 00:30:24,383
What's up with
my time slot, Claudia?
270
00:30:24,407 --> 00:30:27,118
- Am I getting it or what?
- Well, you see, about that,
271
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,078
"Love of Painting"
has been our 3 o'clock
272
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:30,496
for nearly 10 years,
and what I...
273
00:30:30,538 --> 00:30:31,998
And what?
274
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,709
"Magical Library" is the biggest
show in QPS history.
275
00:30:34,751 --> 00:30:37,628
Without it, this piss stain
of a station would be nothing.
276
00:30:37,670 --> 00:30:41,549
I want that time slot.
Give me that time slot.
277
00:30:41,591 --> 00:30:43,235
But Norm's show
won't survive anywhere else.
278
00:30:43,259 --> 00:30:45,219
Listen, they took a big chance
279
00:30:45,261 --> 00:30:48,598
on promoting someone like you
to station manager.
280
00:30:48,639 --> 00:30:50,117
Be a shame to have
to tell the higher-ups
281
00:30:50,141 --> 00:30:52,685
that you just couldn't
figure it out.
282
00:30:52,727 --> 00:30:55,271
Ya got me, sistah?
283
00:30:57,148 --> 00:30:59,192
You can have 3 o'clock.
284
00:30:59,233 --> 00:31:01,027
Thank you.
285
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:05,448
Now, if you don't mind,
286
00:31:05,490 --> 00:31:07,658
I prefer to wipe my ass
in private,
287
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:10,411
unless you wanna come in
and do it for me?
288
00:31:17,752 --> 00:31:19,438
Just a little bit
and then we're gonna go
289
00:31:19,462 --> 00:31:22,673
back to the canvas
and play in the leaves here.
290
00:31:22,715 --> 00:31:25,843
Just a little dab here
and a little dab there.
291
00:31:25,885 --> 00:31:28,971
Right on the roof.
292
00:31:29,013 --> 00:31:32,100
Just down that slope.
293
00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:35,061
Where the leaves are gonna
be found in the night.
294
00:31:35,103 --> 00:31:38,147
Maybe they were there
last season.
295
00:31:38,189 --> 00:31:41,150
It's up to you,
this is your world.
296
00:31:41,192 --> 00:31:43,403
There.
297
00:31:43,444 --> 00:31:45,905
Now, I would say our cabin
could use a little something
298
00:31:45,947 --> 00:31:48,533
to look forward to,
so let's put a little sunshine
299
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:51,911
at the horizon.
Take our two-inch brush.
300
00:31:51,953 --> 00:31:55,623
Just lighten up the sky.
301
00:31:55,665 --> 00:31:58,376
Move the darkness away.
302
00:31:58,418 --> 00:32:00,545
There.
303
00:32:00,586 --> 00:32:02,880
I think it's time
to clean out our brushes.
304
00:32:02,922 --> 00:32:06,509
Take the brush into
the paint thinner.
305
00:32:06,551 --> 00:32:08,636
Shake the excess.
306
00:32:08,678 --> 00:32:10,179
This is my favorite part.
307
00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:15,017
Just beat the devil out of it.
308
00:32:17,812 --> 00:32:20,273
I hope that you all enjoyed
painting with me today
309
00:32:20,314 --> 00:32:22,400
because I know I did.
310
00:32:22,442 --> 00:32:25,153
So from all of us here
at the station,
311
00:32:25,194 --> 00:32:27,447
happy painting, and God bless.
312
00:32:31,159 --> 00:32:33,911
And cut, clear!
313
00:32:33,953 --> 00:32:36,497
That is a beautiful
painting, Norm.
314
00:32:36,539 --> 00:32:38,183
- Oh, thank you.
- Wanna take a break
315
00:32:38,207 --> 00:32:39,476
before we start shooting the
next episode?
316
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:41,085
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We may continue.
317
00:32:41,127 --> 00:32:43,171
Hey, guys, excuse me,
can we talk?
318
00:32:43,212 --> 00:32:45,756
What's wrong? Are you cutting
our budget again?
319
00:32:45,798 --> 00:32:47,383
Claudia, you can't do that!
320
00:32:47,425 --> 00:32:49,010
I had to get rid of
both camera guys.
321
00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:51,762
You got me directing, producing.
I'm shooting close-ups here.
322
00:32:51,804 --> 00:32:53,097
I'm not cutting the budget.
323
00:32:53,139 --> 00:32:56,225
I'm afraid we're canceling
"Love of Painting."
324
00:32:56,267 --> 00:33:00,313
Oh, no, that's too bad.
325
00:33:00,354 --> 00:33:03,858
May we still shoot
this next one?
326
00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:05,693
Yeah,
of course, Norm.
327
00:33:07,987 --> 00:33:10,281
Claudia?
328
00:33:10,323 --> 00:33:13,367
What are you doing?
The show is all he's got.
329
00:33:13,409 --> 00:33:15,536
My hands are tied, George.
His time slot is needed.
330
00:33:15,578 --> 00:33:19,207
I'm sorry.
I really am.
331
00:33:19,248 --> 00:33:21,125
How is always so calm?
332
00:33:21,167 --> 00:33:22,603
You'd think he could
at least chew me out
333
00:33:22,627 --> 00:33:25,213
for screwing him over.
334
00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:28,841
That man's changed a lot
since he came back from 'Nam.
335
00:33:28,883 --> 00:33:32,220
Norm was on the front line
of the Tet Offensive.
336
00:33:32,261 --> 00:33:35,223
Musta had to do
horrible things to survive.
337
00:33:49,362 --> 00:33:51,739
Priceless items
are right under your nose.
338
00:33:51,781 --> 00:33:53,950
Did the value of
this snow blower
339
00:33:53,991 --> 00:33:57,787
or this medieval broadsword
increase or decrease over time?
340
00:33:57,828 --> 00:34:00,831
What about this jar of
Civil War coins?
341
00:34:00,873 --> 00:34:04,335
Find out next on
"The Appraiser's Road Trip."
342
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,065
"The Appraiser's
Road Trip" with Goodman Tapert.
343
00:34:08,089 --> 00:34:10,967
Good evening, and welcome.
344
00:34:11,008 --> 00:34:13,636
Today's first guest,
Mr. Ted Raimi,
345
00:34:13,678 --> 00:34:16,597
has brought us something
quite special,
346
00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:19,433
a book.
347
00:34:19,475 --> 00:34:21,477
How did you come across this?
348
00:34:21,519 --> 00:34:23,354
Uh, well, it's...
349
00:34:23,396 --> 00:34:25,189
It's been in the family
for years.
350
00:34:25,231 --> 00:34:26,315
I must tell you,
351
00:34:26,357 --> 00:34:28,317
this is an amazing
352
00:34:28,359 --> 00:34:30,152
and quite valuable find.
353
00:34:30,194 --> 00:34:32,488
- Wow!
- Wow, indeed.
354
00:34:32,530 --> 00:34:35,199
Brilliant Sumerian
craftsmanship.
355
00:34:35,241 --> 00:34:38,202
The stitching in the binding
is magnificent.
356
00:34:39,996 --> 00:34:44,417
It's bound in a leather
that I'm unfamiliar with,
357
00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:46,961
but despite a few scratches
and discolorations,
358
00:34:47,003 --> 00:34:49,714
this is a stunning piece.
359
00:34:49,755 --> 00:34:51,591
It is locked, though.
Do you have the key?
360
00:34:51,632 --> 00:34:53,676
Um, I lost it.
361
00:34:53,718 --> 00:34:55,636
Oh, how unfortunate.
362
00:34:55,678 --> 00:34:57,513
But then it was found.
363
00:34:57,555 --> 00:35:00,766
Excellent!
364
00:35:00,808 --> 00:35:02,852
Let's look inside.
365
00:35:04,812 --> 00:35:08,482
This is really exciting.
366
00:35:08,524 --> 00:35:11,944
I mean, I've had this thing
in my fruit cellar for years.
367
00:35:11,986 --> 00:35:15,031
I nearly threw it out like
a million times.
368
00:35:15,072 --> 00:35:18,618
But I'm glad
I didn't though, huh?
369
00:35:18,659 --> 00:35:19,869
I mean, geez Louise,
370
00:35:19,910 --> 00:35:21,704
I wonder what
this old thing is worth?
371
00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:24,832
I wonder if I could
get a Camaro?
372
00:35:24,874 --> 00:35:26,917
Or maybe a hot tub?
373
00:35:26,959 --> 00:35:29,003
What do you think,
a Camaro or a hot tub?
374
00:35:29,045 --> 00:35:30,147
Hot tub.
375
00:35:30,171 --> 00:35:31,464
Yes!
376
00:35:32,965 --> 00:35:35,301
Look at
these ink renderings.
377
00:35:35,343 --> 00:35:37,928
The Kandarian text.
378
00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:40,181
Any natural history museum
would happily pay anywhere
379
00:35:40,222 --> 00:35:44,477
between 3 or 400,000.
380
00:35:44,518 --> 00:35:46,103
- Dollars?
- Mm-hmm.
381
00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:47,897
Oh, man!
382
00:35:47,938 --> 00:35:49,690
This is the best day
of my whole life!
383
00:35:49,732 --> 00:35:51,817
Lucky for you,
I can read Sumerian.
384
00:35:51,859 --> 00:35:53,277
You can read...
385
00:35:53,319 --> 00:35:57,281
Might be a bit rusty,
but what I can gather,
386
00:35:57,323 --> 00:36:02,036
this book is the Necronomicon.
387
00:36:02,078 --> 00:36:04,205
Ah, that name sounds familiar.
388
00:36:04,246 --> 00:36:06,332
It was written when
dark spirits ruled the Earth
389
00:36:06,374 --> 00:36:08,000
and the oceans
boiled with blood.
390
00:36:08,042 --> 00:36:09,335
Oh.
391
00:36:09,377 --> 00:36:10,729
The powers of the
dead lay within
392
00:36:10,753 --> 00:36:15,174
these very pages.
Fascinating.
393
00:36:15,216 --> 00:36:17,426
Listen to these
wretched incantations.
394
00:36:21,639 --> 00:36:24,183
Oh, uh, um,
maybe don't read it.
395
00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:29,397
"Nosferaten.
Valo mortem."
396
00:36:29,438 --> 00:36:32,149
Uh, stop.
Don't read any more.
397
00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:40,616
Please stop. Stop!
398
00:36:40,658 --> 00:36:44,245
I said stop.
Never!
399
00:36:56,132 --> 00:37:00,594
Let me back into the book, kids,
so you should be like me!
400
00:37:00,636 --> 00:37:03,514
When it all makes
a pledge to us.
401
00:37:03,556 --> 00:37:06,308
Pledge to us!
402
00:37:10,479 --> 00:37:13,315
Pledge to us!
403
00:37:16,026 --> 00:37:18,612
We're gonna say
good night to the Grand Tetons.
404
00:37:18,654 --> 00:37:22,199
A meandering stream by just
using the Titanium White
405
00:37:22,241 --> 00:37:25,536
and working through the bristles
with the two-inch brush.
406
00:37:25,578 --> 00:37:30,541
And ever so gently drag through
the dusk creeping over
407
00:37:30,583 --> 00:37:34,003
the mountains here
and then saying goodbye
408
00:37:34,044 --> 00:37:36,714
to the dying embers of the day.
409
00:37:36,756 --> 00:37:41,343
Good night, day.
Thank you for everything.
410
00:37:41,385 --> 00:37:45,097
Sleep well.
There.
411
00:37:45,139 --> 00:37:49,226
I think we're done here.
412
00:37:49,268 --> 00:37:51,771
Um...
413
00:37:51,812 --> 00:37:55,524
today, I have gotten
some bad news.
414
00:37:55,566 --> 00:38:00,237
Unfortunately, this is
our last episode.
415
00:38:00,279 --> 00:38:03,073
First, I was sad,
but I believe that
416
00:38:03,115 --> 00:38:05,534
everything happens for a reason,
417
00:38:05,576 --> 00:38:08,746
and if this is what
the Good Lord wishes,
418
00:38:08,788 --> 00:38:10,831
well, then surely he must
have something greater
419
00:38:10,873 --> 00:38:13,042
in mind for me
and for us all.
420
00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:15,211
Pledge your soul to the book!
421
00:38:15,252 --> 00:38:16,980
What is that thing?
422
00:38:18,422 --> 00:38:20,591
- Huh?
- Keep away from me!
423
00:38:20,633 --> 00:38:22,051
No!
424
00:38:27,848 --> 00:38:30,976
What is happening?
425
00:38:31,018 --> 00:38:35,689
A-ha.
Pretty soul.
426
00:38:35,731 --> 00:38:39,235
I'll cut it out of you.
427
00:38:41,278 --> 00:38:42,947
Huh?
428
00:38:55,626 --> 00:38:58,379
Huh?
429
00:38:58,420 --> 00:39:03,551
I don't know who you are, sir,
but if you're not gonna behave,
430
00:39:03,592 --> 00:39:06,053
I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
431
00:39:06,095 --> 00:39:07,763
Pledge to us!
432
00:39:29,827 --> 00:39:32,746
Huh?
433
00:39:44,216 --> 00:39:47,386
George!
434
00:39:47,428 --> 00:39:49,972
- You all right, George?
- Just get it off of me!
435
00:39:50,014 --> 00:39:53,601
Both leave me here
and just save yourselves.
436
00:39:53,642 --> 00:39:54,953
Nobody's leaving
you here, George.
437
00:39:54,977 --> 00:39:59,064
- Oh, god.
- Come here.
438
00:39:59,106 --> 00:40:00,983
All right,
what's the quickest way out?
439
00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:02,526
'Cause we have to let
the others know!
440
00:40:02,568 --> 00:40:03,777
Through the Magical Library.
441
00:40:03,819 --> 00:40:05,195
Okay, we need to get
to a phone.
442
00:40:05,237 --> 00:40:10,743
Yes, come on, this way.
Come on, George!
443
00:40:10,784 --> 00:40:13,412
Merciless!
444
00:40:43,233 --> 00:40:47,696
You worthless
piece of shit.
445
00:40:47,738 --> 00:40:51,533
- I'm not worthless, Daddy.
- Yes, you are.
446
00:40:51,575 --> 00:40:53,410
Your mother and I
will be very disappointed
447
00:40:53,452 --> 00:40:54,995
if you're not
gonna show tonight.
448
00:40:55,037 --> 00:40:57,039
Chicago's going to be watching.
449
00:40:57,081 --> 00:40:58,791
This will be our ticket
out of here,
450
00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:00,876
unless you fuck it up,
which you probably will,
451
00:41:00,918 --> 00:41:02,962
you ugly little bitch!
452
00:41:03,003 --> 00:41:05,381
No, I won't mess up,
Daddy, I promise.
453
00:41:05,422 --> 00:41:09,176
Nothing will stop me
from making you proud. Nothing!
454
00:41:15,766 --> 00:41:18,143
Fuck off, Greg!
I'm not taping anymore!
455
00:41:18,185 --> 00:41:20,854
I have to focus
before the show! Go away!
456
00:41:24,108 --> 00:41:25,651
Are you deaf?
I said, go away!
457
00:41:29,405 --> 00:41:32,282
What the fuck is your problem?
458
00:41:36,662 --> 00:41:38,747
Pledge your soul to the book!
459
00:41:51,635 --> 00:41:54,013
Oh, Jesus,
it's a goddamn massacre.
460
00:42:00,144 --> 00:42:03,439
Look.
Cameras are still recording.
461
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:04,857
George, check the footage.
462
00:42:04,898 --> 00:42:06,001
Maybe we can find out
what happened.
463
00:42:06,025 --> 00:42:09,028
Leave it to me.
464
00:42:09,069 --> 00:42:12,114
Oh my god.
465
00:42:12,156 --> 00:42:14,283
Did that thing do
all of this by itself?
466
00:42:17,745 --> 00:42:19,830
John?
467
00:42:19,872 --> 00:42:21,290
Oh, dear God, no.
468
00:42:21,331 --> 00:42:22,708
John.
469
00:43:02,372 --> 00:43:05,501
Nothing will stop me, Daddy.
470
00:43:05,542 --> 00:43:07,669
Nothing!
471
00:43:18,013 --> 00:43:19,890
Find anything?
472
00:43:19,932 --> 00:43:23,310
Well, a few dead friends.
473
00:43:23,352 --> 00:43:26,188
And a jar of old silver dollars.
474
00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:29,108
I'll buy you a pop
if we survive.
475
00:43:29,149 --> 00:43:32,319
Hey, guys?
Hey, guys, found something.
476
00:43:32,361 --> 00:43:34,279
I'll pipe it
to the floor monitors.
477
00:43:42,454 --> 00:43:44,957
What do you think,
Camaro or hot tub?
478
00:43:44,998 --> 00:43:48,836
- Hot tub.
- Yes!
479
00:43:48,877 --> 00:43:50,796
Look at these ink renderings.
480
00:43:50,838 --> 00:43:54,091
Hold on, hold on,
I went too far.
481
00:43:54,133 --> 00:43:58,053
The power of the dead
lay within these very pages.
482
00:43:58,095 --> 00:44:00,347
Listen to these
wretched incantations.
483
00:44:06,687 --> 00:44:09,022
Shut it off, George!
484
00:44:09,064 --> 00:44:12,651
Just shut it off now!
485
00:44:12,693 --> 00:44:16,071
- What's wrong?
- He said powers of the dead
486
00:44:16,113 --> 00:44:17,948
lay within the pages
of the book.
487
00:44:17,990 --> 00:44:19,575
Listening to
wretched incantations
488
00:44:19,616 --> 00:44:22,077
is not gonna improve
our situation here!
489
00:44:22,119 --> 00:44:23,495
Book started all of this.
490
00:44:23,537 --> 00:44:25,515
Maybe there's a spell
or whatever that can stop it?
491
00:44:25,539 --> 00:44:28,709
Well, that stands to reason,
if we can find it.
492
00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:31,712
It's gotta be around here
somewhere, but where?
493
00:44:38,051 --> 00:44:40,721
Pledge to the book!
494
00:44:40,762 --> 00:44:42,347
That answers that question.
495
00:44:47,102 --> 00:44:52,191
Shit!
Think, George, think!
496
00:45:03,535 --> 00:45:06,872
You will die!
497
00:45:06,914 --> 00:45:10,500
All will be as to
the book
498
00:45:10,542 --> 00:45:13,212
and die!
499
00:45:16,965 --> 00:45:21,470
- The book!
- George! George!
500
00:45:21,511 --> 00:45:24,932
- Oh, quick thinking, George!
- There.
501
00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:27,768
- He took the Necronomicon.
- The what-icon?
502
00:45:27,809 --> 00:45:29,561
The creepy old book.
503
00:45:37,194 --> 00:45:38,779
And be sure
to stick around for
504
00:45:38,820 --> 00:45:40,364
a very special live episode of
505
00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:42,407
"Mrs. Bookberry's
Magical Library,"
506
00:45:42,449 --> 00:45:46,119
coming up next only on
WQPS Channel 13.
507
00:45:46,161 --> 00:45:48,664
That video feed is from
the Chicago affiliate.
508
00:45:48,705 --> 00:45:50,707
They switch over
to "Bookberry" at 6 o'clock.
509
00:45:50,749 --> 00:45:55,254
That's, like... now.
510
00:45:55,295 --> 00:45:58,423
Welcome
to my library, children.
511
00:45:58,465 --> 00:46:02,094
Henrietta and I have
a very special book
512
00:46:02,135 --> 00:46:05,264
to read to you tonight.
513
00:46:05,305 --> 00:46:09,643
And you fuckers
are gonna love it!
514
00:46:09,685 --> 00:46:11,228
I'm so fired.
515
00:46:11,270 --> 00:46:14,564
If she reads that
on live television...
516
00:46:14,606 --> 00:46:15,606
She won't.
517
00:46:22,072 --> 00:46:24,324
Listen, my children,
518
00:46:24,366 --> 00:46:28,704
and pledge your souls
to the book.
519
00:46:42,968 --> 00:46:48,223
Who dare interrupts
the dark text?
520
00:46:48,265 --> 00:46:49,891
I'm responsible for
the program quality
521
00:46:49,933 --> 00:46:52,728
of Channel 13,
and this show...
522
00:46:52,769 --> 00:46:55,022
does not meet WQPS standards.
523
00:46:55,063 --> 00:46:57,190
And what
are you gonna do about it?
524
00:47:02,446 --> 00:47:04,781
We're gonna beat
the devil outta you.
525
00:47:36,271 --> 00:47:37,939
Groovy.
526
00:47:40,150 --> 00:47:41,526
Claudia, get the book!
527
00:47:49,993 --> 00:47:52,496
Uh, Ted?
Are you okay?
528
00:47:55,707 --> 00:47:57,834
I think I'll get the Camaro.
529
00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:05,550
We want your soul!
530
00:48:05,592 --> 00:48:07,302
The children must
hear the words!
531
00:48:07,344 --> 00:48:09,429
The book hungers
for young souls!
532
00:48:09,471 --> 00:48:12,057
Hell no!
I'm cutting your budget!
533
00:48:14,768 --> 00:48:17,312
- I'm cutting your budget!
- Hey, kids!
534
00:48:17,354 --> 00:48:20,148
What are you watching in there?
535
00:48:20,190 --> 00:48:23,860
Do your park!
Pledge to the book!
536
00:48:29,908 --> 00:48:32,702
What's amazing find you are!
537
00:48:32,744 --> 00:48:37,457
Let's open you up
and see what's inside you!
538
00:48:40,752 --> 00:48:42,480
Norm, get the goddamn puppet!
539
00:48:42,504 --> 00:48:44,631
No, let go of me!
Norm, get the puppet!
540
00:48:44,673 --> 00:48:47,592
Pledge to the book!
541
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:55,600
Pledge to the book!
Pledge to the book!
542
00:48:55,642 --> 00:48:57,286
I don't think so!
543
00:48:57,310 --> 00:49:01,231
Not today!
544
00:49:01,273 --> 00:49:03,316
No!
545
00:49:06,069 --> 00:49:08,196
The book,
Norm, the book!
546
00:49:08,238 --> 00:49:09,865
Norm, you've gotta
lock the book!
547
00:49:52,365 --> 00:49:54,367
We'll go back in
with our fan brush
548
00:49:54,409 --> 00:49:58,163
and tap away at the sap green,
549
00:49:58,205 --> 00:50:01,333
and then give our
happy little trees some friends.
550
00:50:01,374 --> 00:50:04,127
Just a nice little
community of trees.
551
00:50:04,169 --> 00:50:05,480
Just got off the phone
with Chicago.
552
00:50:05,504 --> 00:50:06,838
Mm-hmm.
553
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,633
They want "Love of Painting"
to go national.
554
00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:11,801
You're kidding?
555
00:50:11,843 --> 00:50:15,597
Mrs. Bookberry was
decapitated on live TV.
556
00:50:15,639 --> 00:50:17,641
Everyone thinks
it was a publicity stunt.
557
00:50:17,682 --> 00:50:20,227
They don't care.
We got lucky.
558
00:50:20,268 --> 00:50:22,020
"Maybe it is karma."
559
00:50:24,689 --> 00:50:26,399
Shut up.
560
00:50:26,441 --> 00:50:32,030
Trees are like people.
Thank you, friends.
561
00:50:32,072 --> 00:50:34,741
Hope you all make
some good friends today.
562
00:50:34,783 --> 00:50:39,538
From all of us here,
happy painting, and God bless.
563
00:50:39,579 --> 00:50:42,707
Kanda estrata...
39977
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof