Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:46,295
(SlNGlNG)
Suntan Iotion is good for me
2
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,966
You protect me
Tee-hee-hee
3
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,384
(SlNGlNG GlBBERlSH)
4
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:56,055
Oh, the sun tries to burn me,
but you won't let it.
5
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,391
Will ya?
6
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,893
Ultraviolet rays, bad!
7
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,478
Lotion, good.
8
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:10,069
Smiley.
9
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:21,914
There's something important
l was supposed to do today.
10
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,250
Have five daiquiris?
11
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,753
Nah, nah.
You remembered
to do that.
12
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,171
(LAUGHS)
13
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:33,176
Man, why did l have
so many drinks?
l can't remember.
14
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,886
What's today?
15
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,345
October?
16
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:40,725
lt's nudie magazine day!
17
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,934
Yeah!
18
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,031
Watch out! Watch out!
19
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,533
Ooh, you're a quick one.
20
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,670
BlLLY: Nudie magazine day!
Nudie magazine day!
21
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:13,424
Nudie magazine day!
Nudie magazine day!
22
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:14,759
Nudie...
23
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,093
(SCREAMlNG)
24
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:46,707
(EXCLAlMS)
25
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,390
Holy geez!
26
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,600
Lookie what
we got here.
27
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,603
That silly penguin
is back again.
28
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,605
No, Mr. Madison.
There're no penguin.
29
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,775
You got too much sun today.
There're no penguin!
30
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,360
(QUACKlNG)
31
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:19,198
lt's too damn hot
for a penguin to be
just walking around here.
32
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:24,453
l've gotta send him
back to the South Pole.
33
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,415
No! No!
34
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:39,135
Penguin!
35
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,262
Don't you dare run away!
36
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:46,350
Hey, come here, Mr. Penguin!
37
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,519
l'm one of the good guys.
38
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,606
Don't run. Oh.
39
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,109
(PENGUlN QUACKlNG)
40
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,744
Don't...run.
41
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,038
Don't run from me!
42
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:16,255
Penguin!
43
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:25,431
You're a fast penguin.
44
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,767
Whee-hee!
45
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,727
Call the zoo!
46
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:38,069
All the people at the zoo
are very nice, penguin.
47
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:42,949
They'll treat you
real respectable-like.
48
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:46,535
There's nothing
to worry about, big fella.
49
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,538
Here l come!
50
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,133
Right this way, gentlemen.
Mr. Madison is expecting you.
51
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,468
Shall we?
52
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,889
Leg.
53
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,979
Billy! You know you shouldn't
be pulling that crap
54
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,106
in front of your father's
business associates.
55
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,566
You get yourself upstairs
and get ready!
56
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,693
Dinner's
in 15 minutes!
57
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,819
Yeah, yeah.
58
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,280
Don't "yeah, yeah" me, boy.
This is
a very important dinner.
59
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,824
You best be there.
60
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,659
l will.
61
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,661
Thank you, Juanita.
62
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:31,414
You gotta dress up
and look nice, too.
63
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,168
Oh, that boy's a fine
piece of work, all right!
64
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,131
He's a fine piece of ass,
though, too.
65
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,261
(PEOPLE CHATTERlNG)
66
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,807
Where the hell is he?
l'm starvin'!
67
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,351
l ate some Triscuit crackers
in the car.
68
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:54,228
You should've had some.
69
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,813
Well, maybe
if you'd told me
70
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,316
there were delicious
Triscuit crackers, l could
have enjoyed them with you.
71
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,443
l'm sorry.
72
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,528
Well, sorry doesn't put
the Triscuit crackers
in my stomach.
73
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:03,738
Does it, Carl?
74
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,281
Gentlemen.
75
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,658
l'm sorry to have
kept you waiting.
76
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,326
Have you all met?
77
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:12,788
Eric Gordon,
my executive vice president.
78
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,207
And our operations manager,
Carl Alphonse.
79
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,501
Sit down, gentlemen.
Sit down.
80
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,670
Beautiful table.
81
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,714
Good seeing you, sir.
82
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,635
Where's Billy?
83
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,932
Juanita said he'd be down
in a few minutes.
84
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,977
l'm sure you'll all
be very impressed.
85
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,812
Shampoo is better!
86
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,940
l go on first
and clean the hair.
87
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,318
Conditioner is better.
88
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,905
l leave the hair
silky and smooth.
89
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,324
Oh, really, fool?
Really!
90
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,538
Stop looking at me, swan!
91
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,178
(SLURPlNG)
92
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,148
Carl, what's up?
93
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:22,316
Nothing much, Billy.
94
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,609
l see you got
a little sun today.
95
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,821
You think so?
l fell asleep by the pool
for a few hours.
96
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,949
Did you fall asleep,
or did you pass out?
97
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:32,952
Shut up!
98
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,247
That's enough, Billy.
99
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,999
Because you took
your own sweet-ass time
coming down here tonight,
100
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,127
these gentlemen
are going to miss
their last flights home.
101
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:44,213
This guy can stay in my room,
l'll tell you that much.
102
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,297
(LAUGHlNG)
103
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:47,550
(GRUNTlNG)
104
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:54,974
Billy, eat your soup.
105
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,976
lt's good soup.
106
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,145
Well, gentlemen,
107
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:02,481
l can't thank you enough for
coming out here this evening.
108
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:03,816
(SHOUTlNG GlBBERlSH)
109
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:07,486
Please, Billy.
No gibberish tonight.
Please, l beg you.
110
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:10,072
Sorry, Daddy.
111
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,824
This is a big night
for me tonight.
112
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,326
l have an important
announcement to make.
113
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,871
(SHOUTlNG GlBBERlSH)
114
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,874
That's it, Billy.
Get the hell out of here!
115
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,422
(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
116
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,264
Nice talking to you, Billy.
117
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,808
(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
118
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:46,775
(CHlLDREN CHATTERlNG)
119
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,780
All right.
One, two, three!
120
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,827
Hey, Billy, how come
you ain't pounding
any tonight?
121
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:59,413
l don't know.
My dad was yelling at me.
122
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,583
l'm just not in the mood.
123
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,544
Hey, Billy, who would you
rather bone,
124
00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:08,422
Meg Ryan
or Jack Nicholson?
125
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,635
Jack Nicholson now
or 1974?
126
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,387
'74.
127
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,389
Meg Ryan.
128
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,226
Go! Go!
ALL: Go, go, go!
129
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:24,021
ALL: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
130
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,899
Oh, my God!
l am the winner.
131
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,318
Billy is not an idiot.
132
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,445
l'm not saying he's an idiot.
l just think he might not be
133
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:35,658
mature enough to run
a Fortune 500 company.
134
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,953
My late wife, Emily, and l
started this company
135
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:42,331
with a 15-unit motel
in Patchogue, Long lsland.
136
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,917
We built it
into 650 hotels.
137
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:49,922
Our dream was to one day
turn it over
to our only son, Billy.
138
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,757
Carl, how many people
work for Madison?
139
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,384
61 ,000 and change.
140
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,928
How long are those people
gonna have jobs once Billy
141
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,847
has the hotel operators
speaking gibberish?
142
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,107
Oh, Billy, Billy boy!
143
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:11,860
When are you gonna find
whatever it is
you're looking for?
144
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,655
JACK:
Here's a nice piece of shit.
145
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,950
Gaw! Eew!
146
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,159
Oh.
147
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:24,373
My, oh, my! Wait till
old man Clemens
realizes it's a bag of shit!
148
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,626
He gonna shit
when he realizes
it's shit!
149
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,712
Who got the lighter?
150
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,260
(WHlSPERlNG)
151
00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,596
(QUlETLY LAUGHlNG)
152
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,391
Light it!
153
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:48,522
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
154
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,817
Come on, Billy.
155
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,528
Oh, my God!
Old man Clemens hates shit!
156
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,113
Here he comes!
157
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,615
Who the hell is it?
What do you want?
158
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:01,744
Judas Priest!
lt's one of those
flaming bags again!
159
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,621
MRS. CLEMENS: Don't put it out
with your boots, Ted!
160
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,124
Don't tell me my business,
devil woman!
161
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,544
Call the fire department!
This one's out of control.
162
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:15,758
(SNlFFS)
163
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,388
Yuck! Poop again!
164
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,015
He called the shit "poop!"
165
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,475
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
166
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,770
This is the best night
of my life.
167
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,982
l'll get you
damn kids for this.
You're all gonna die!
168
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:38,989
BRlAN: Billy, could you
step in here for a moment?
169
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,783
l have big news.
170
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:45,162
Eric is pregnant!
Congratulations!
171
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,539
Feel those kicks.
He's gonna be
a soccer player.
172
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,667
He is. He is.
173
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,674
All right, what's up?
174
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,219
l've had to face
some hard truths
tonight, Billy.
175
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:03,055
Dad? Do we have to do this
with Captain Dipshit here?
176
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,807
BRlAN: You were brought up
with every advantage.
177
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,226
l bought you everything,
178
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,145
toys, cars,
vacations, clothes.
179
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,815
Actually, l stole
this shirt from Frank.
180
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,234
Yeah, well, whatever.
lt's all my fault.
181
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,945
l made a mistake.
See...
182
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:23,283
Are you some damned moron?
Can't you just stop
for two seconds?
183
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,744
l'm trying to tell you
that l'm retiring,
184
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:28,872
and Eric, not you, is going
to take over Madison Hotels.
185
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,082
Eric?
186
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:34,253
You're gonna give the company
to Eric? He is a bad, bad man.
187
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:39,299
What do you care, Billy?
What do you care who l appoint
to run the company, huh?
188
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,593
l mean, l'm doing you
a favor.
189
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,804
You don't ever have to
look for a job.
190
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,306
Yeah. Now you can sit around
here all day goofing off,
191
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:49,017
sipping drinks,
chasing invisible penguins.
192
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,813
ls that it, Dad?
Did the penguin
tell you to do this?
193
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:53,981
Penguin?
194
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,190
What an idiot!
195
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,110
You know, l could help Billy
until he gets the hang of it.
196
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,987
l think Crazy Carl is right.
197
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,948
l mean, l can do this
if l set my mind to it!
198
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,242
High school was
a pain in the ass,
but l graduated.
199
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,620
You graduated because
l paid your teachers
to give you decent grades.
200
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,832
l've regretted it
every day since.
l thought at the time
201
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:15,461
that if you could get
good grades, you might
get into a good college
202
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,379
and straighten yourself out.
203
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,547
l don't believe that.
204
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,798
What do you believe?
205
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,134
That you were
an honor student?
206
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,886
How could l
hand over my company
207
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:27,556
to someone who couldn't even
get through school on his own?
208
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,640
l don't know.
209
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,477
Don't think about it.
Just hand it over.
210
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,105
Forget it!
211
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:39,610
Well, listen.
Don't you think
you better go up to bed, hmm?
212
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:42,237
Big day tomorrow.
A day filled with
213
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,240
daiquiris, Nintendos
and jack-off magazines.
214
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,120
Dad!
215
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,997
Yeah, what?
216
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,542
Give me one more chance.
l'll prove l can take over.
217
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:59,004
l'll do anything it takes.
l'll go back to high school
and take the exams again.
218
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,632
And l'll get my diploma
all by myself.
219
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,426
Billy, it wasn't just
high school!
220
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,013
Remember that spelling bee
you won in the first grade?
221
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,932
Oh, no, you didn't!
222
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:14,061
Rock. R-O-K.
223
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,855
Yeah.
So what's your point?
224
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,482
R-O-C-K!
225
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,317
The "C" is silent.
226
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,654
BlLLY: Okay. All right.
227
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:24,738
All right, you got it.
228
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:28,408
First grade
through twelfth grade,
all over again.
229
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,620
l'll do each grade
in two weeks.
230
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,081
Take the test,
re-graduate,
231
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:38,502
prove to you l'm not an idiot,
and then l get to take over
Madison Hotels.
232
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,297
That's some idea.
233
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,759
You just think of that?
Yeah, l did.
234
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,886
lt's pretty good, huh?
235
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:53,308
Brian, don't you think
the future of Madison Hotels
and its 61 ,000 employees
236
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,936
is too important to gamble
on a game like this?
237
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,062
No.
238
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,317
You're on.
Carl, you make
the arrangements.
239
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,280
You pass every grade
before June 15,
240
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,657
and you take over
instead of Eric.
241
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,703
Have a nice weekend, Son.
242
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,788
You start school on Monday.
243
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,540
Oh!
244
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,333
Give 'em hell, Bill.
245
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:24,506
Nice try, ass wipe,
but you're just
delaying the inevitable.
246
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,804
(l'LL TUMBLE FOR YA PLAYlNG)
247
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,561
BlLLY:
Where's my Snack Pack?
248
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,397
You've got a banana.
You don't need no Snack Pack.
249
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,942
You know l like Snack Pack.
Why can't you just give me
a Snack Pack?
250
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,487
l thought l was
your Snack Pack.
251
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:29,780
What are you
talking about?
252
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:31,239
Nothing.
253
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,784
Bill, you're gonna
miss the bus!
254
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,787
Yeah, you better get
your beautiful buns
up that driveway.
255
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,080
What a weirdo!
256
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,206
(JUANlTA LAUGHS)
257
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:46,588
(SlNGlNG)
Oh, back to school
Back to schooI
258
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:50,676
To prove to Dad
that I'm not a fooI
259
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,012
l got my lunch packed up
260
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,056
My boots tied tight
261
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:59,434
l hope l don't get in a fight
262
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:04,439
Oh, back to school
Back to schooI
263
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,274
Back to schooI
264
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,697
Well, here goes nothing.
265
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:13,990
(CHlLDREN JEERlNG)
266
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,217
Thank you, Daddy.
267
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,302
(CHlLDREN CHATTERlNG)
268
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,476
Come on. Hurry up.
We're gonna be late!
269
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:48,859
Hi. How ya doing?
270
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:49,943
Fine.
271
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,070
Are you going to class
today too?
272
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,073
l'll be going to class
to teach. How about you?
273
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,492
l'll be going to learn.
274
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,287
Uh, you must be
Billy Madison.
275
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:02,080
Yes, l am.
276
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,875
Don't you think it's pathetic
that just because of
who your father is,
277
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,752
you get to come
do school all over again?
278
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,086
Yes, l do.
279
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,629
Well, as long as you know.
280
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,506
Well, all right!
281
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,888
CHlLD: Wait up!
282
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,141
(BELL RlNGlNG)
283
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,394
(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)
284
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,780
Hey, mister, guess
what l had for breakfast.
285
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:35,947
What?
286
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,240
Beans!
287
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:38,492
(MAKlNG FARTlNG NOlSES)
288
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,499
Scotty likes beans.
Don't you, Scotty?
289
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:47,793
Hi. How you doing?
290
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,128
Let's involve the class.
291
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,881
Quiet down,
my special people.
292
00:18:55,051 --> 00:19:00,096
l want you all to meet
our new friend Billy.
293
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,349
Can everyone say hello
to Billy?
294
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,810
Hello, Billy.
295
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,228
Hi.
296
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:10,774
Billy is going to be sharing
our fun and learning
for the next two weeks.
297
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,901
Billy is special,
298
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,904
just like
each and every one of you.
299
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,782
And what do we do
to our special people?
300
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,617
l wanna hug.
301
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,411
Hi.
302
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,206
Yeah, l wanna hug,
too, please.
303
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,999
All right.
All right!
304
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:34,881
Billy, why don't you take
a seat right up front?
305
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:40,011
And we can start...story time!
306
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,097
You've got
a misshaped head.
307
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,474
Thank you.
308
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:52,315
The Puppy Who Lost His Way,
by Chrissy Taylor.
309
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,945
"One fine morning,
310
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,490
"a puppy popped his puppy paws
311
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:03,034
"out of his puppy house.
312
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,954
"This was no ordinary puppy.
313
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:11,334
"This puppy was
the happiest puppy
in the whole world.
314
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,130
"ln fact, his name was Happy.
315
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,966
"Happy looked through
the bushes...
316
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,928
"'l'll never let you get lost
again,' cried the little boy,
317
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,722
"who was so happy
318
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:25,891
"that he gave Happy a kiss
319
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:29,895
"on his wet little puppy nose.
320
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,271
"The end."
321
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:35,150
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Miss Lippy,
322
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,068
the part of the story
l don't like
323
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:40,614
is that the little boy
gave up looking for Happy
after an hour.
324
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,490
He didn't put posters up
or anything.
325
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,744
He just sat on the porch
like a goon and waited.
326
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:46,912
That little boy's gotta think,
327
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:50,332
you got a pet,
you got a responsibility.
328
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:54,210
lf your dog is lost,
you don't look for an hour
then call it quits.
329
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:58,131
You get your ass out there,
and you find that fucking dog!
330
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:04,888
l think it's time
to play dodge ball.
331
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,182
(CHlLDREN SHOUTlNG)
332
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,157
You're out!
O'Doyle rules!
333
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,325
(CHlLDREN JEERlNG)
334
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,292
(SlTAR PLAYlNG ON RECORD)
335
00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:49,683
Billy, what are you
doing back?
336
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,726
l'm out.
337
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,354
Well,
338
00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:57,649
that just means you
stay off to the side
until a new game starts.
339
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,609
That's okay.
l'm tired anyways.
340
00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:01,903
l'll just sit here
and color or something.
341
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:06,449
Billy, dodge ball time
is a special time.
342
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:10,286
Not just for you
boys and girls
but for Miss Lippy too.
343
00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:11,579
So stay outside.
344
00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:24,134
Whoa!
345
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:25,176
Wow!
346
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:27,971
Now you're all
in big, big trouble.
347
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:30,181
(CHlLDREN SHOUTlNG)
348
00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:42,193
You're out! Oh, yeah!
349
00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:49,534
(BELL RlNGlNG)
350
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,369
Lunchtime!
351
00:22:58,419 --> 00:23:00,670
l bet that Snack Pack's
pretty good.
352
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:06,217
Wanna trade me the rest of it
for this banana?
353
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,680
You know how badly
l can beat you, right?
354
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:18,063
Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis
is the best video game ever.
355
00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:20,106
l disagree.
lt's a very good game,
356
00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:22,650
but l think Donkey Kong
is the best game ever.
357
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:24,235
Donkey Kong sucks!
358
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,529
You know somethin'?
You suck!
359
00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:30,784
(CHlLDREN'S MUSlC PLAYlNG)
360
00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:18,957
Ooh!
Hey!
361
00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:22,043
That's very nice of you to
pick up your little brother
here at school.
362
00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:25,296
He's not my brother.
He's my son.
363
00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:27,715
You gotta be kidding me.
364
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,426
Mom, that's Billy.
He's in my class.
365
00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:32,971
l heard he's retarded
or something.
366
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:35,515
(LAUGHlNG)
367
00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,308
Your son's got
a very creative mind.
368
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:39,811
Maybe someday
he'll make Mommy and Daddy
a lot of money.
369
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:43,815
Daddy's in prison,
and he won't be home
for a long time.
370
00:24:43,899 --> 00:24:46,943
My dear Lord! Yeah!
371
00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:50,446
Well, l gotta get going now.
l gotta get on the bus.
372
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:53,700
l ride the bus for the city
and watch the bus drivers.
373
00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,493
Kind of this program
they've got to make sure...
374
00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:58,746
Billy! Billy,
you forgot your stuff.
375
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:06,838
Come on, honey.
376
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:09,257
Thank you very much,
Miss Lippy!
377
00:25:13,554 --> 00:25:14,846
(PHONE RlNGS)
378
00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:16,723
Yes?
WOMAN: Brian Madison for you.
379
00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:18,892
Tell him l'm out to lunch.
380
00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:22,103
Billy Madison.
381
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,981
A buffoon...and yet,
382
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:28,151
a threat to
my eventual takeover
of this company.
383
00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:31,696
A menace. And what do we
do with a menace?
384
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:33,865
We eliminate it.
385
00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:36,409
We eliminate Billy Madison.
386
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:37,535
Tricia Labonte.
387
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:39,078
Here.
388
00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:41,623
Scotty Logan.
389
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:42,957
Here.
390
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:45,793
Billy Madison.
391
00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:47,462
(SPUTTERlNG)
392
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:48,922
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
393
00:25:59,099 --> 00:26:00,099
Hmm.
394
00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,668
Hey!
395
00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,670
Look at all this milk.
396
00:26:28,754 --> 00:26:30,672
You want
some of this milk?
397
00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:32,924
That milk
belongs to that classroom.
398
00:26:33,008 --> 00:26:36,761
Oh, they don't gots to
know about it.
lt could be our milk.
399
00:26:36,887 --> 00:26:40,348
No milk will ever be
our milk.
400
00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:42,600
That wasn't very nice.
401
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:46,145
How 'bout you, sideburns?
You want some of this milk?
402
00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:48,147
l'd rather have a beer.
403
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:24,809
l drew the duck blue
because l've never seen
a blue duck before.
404
00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:27,645
And to be honest with you,
l wanted to see a blue duck.
405
00:27:27,730 --> 00:27:29,981
Well, it's
an excellent blue duck.
406
00:27:31,066 --> 00:27:33,192
Congratulations.
407
00:27:33,277 --> 00:27:35,361
You just passed
the first grade.
408
00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:37,947
Oh, Miss Lippy!
That's so great!
409
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:40,241
What do you think of that,
Mr. Blue Duck?
410
00:27:40,326 --> 00:27:42,618
That's quack-tastic!
Quack, quack, quack.
411
00:27:42,703 --> 00:27:43,870
(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)
412
00:27:43,954 --> 00:27:46,664
Candy!
413
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:48,833
Wow! Look at all that candy!
414
00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:50,877
Rolex!
415
00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:55,923
Thanks for the watch,
Billy.
416
00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:58,301
You're welcome,
buddy.
417
00:27:58,469 --> 00:28:01,054
Well, this is great.
When l graduated first grade,
418
00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:04,223
all my father did
was tell me to get a job.
419
00:28:04,433 --> 00:28:05,475
(DONKEY BRAYS)
420
00:28:05,559 --> 00:28:07,810
Hey, you wanna feed
that donkey some beer?
421
00:28:07,895 --> 00:28:09,437
Get it all messed up?
422
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,189
Maybe later.
423
00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:12,690
l'll go put
some beer in a bucket.
424
00:28:12,775 --> 00:28:14,275
Okay.
425
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,986
Hey, there, Mr. Graduate.
How's it going?
426
00:28:17,071 --> 00:28:18,112
Go!
427
00:28:22,326 --> 00:28:24,827
Come on, kid.
Get up! Get up!
428
00:28:24,912 --> 00:28:27,663
You're humiliating yourself!
Get up!
429
00:28:30,334 --> 00:28:32,293
Whoa! Whoa!
430
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:36,005
Whoa! Whoa-oa-oa!
431
00:28:45,182 --> 00:28:48,226
BlLLY: That's funny.
432
00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:50,228
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
433
00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:52,730
Oh, my.
434
00:28:52,815 --> 00:28:55,483
So he's passed first grade,
and he's moved on to second.
435
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,235
Whoop-tee-do!
436
00:28:57,319 --> 00:28:59,779
Any more information, Rollo?
437
00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,993
Billy likes
to drink soda.
438
00:29:09,415 --> 00:29:12,542
Miss Lippy's car is green.
439
00:29:15,546 --> 00:29:19,090
And now we have
just two students left.
440
00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:25,054
Bath.
441
00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:30,476
B-A-T-H. Bath.
442
00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:31,769
Correct!
443
00:29:31,854 --> 00:29:33,187
Bath. That's a little easy.
444
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:35,940
Why don't you just
give her the trophy?
445
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:42,530
Cheese.
446
00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:49,120
C-H-E-E-S-E.
447
00:29:49,496 --> 00:29:50,538
Cheese.
448
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,039
Correct.
449
00:29:53,375 --> 00:29:57,712
Couch.
450
00:30:00,257 --> 00:30:01,883
C-
451
00:30:01,967 --> 00:30:05,261
O-W...
452
00:30:05,345 --> 00:30:07,221
No!
453
00:30:07,306 --> 00:30:10,266
No, l'm sorry.
That's not right.
454
00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:11,893
(LAUGHS)
455
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:15,938
Well, Billy, if you
spell this correctly,
you pass second grade.
456
00:30:18,358 --> 00:30:21,569
Couch. C...
457
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:25,823
Cow. Cow.
458
00:30:27,242 --> 00:30:31,913
C-O-R...
459
00:30:31,997 --> 00:30:34,665
Are you going
to the mall later?
That's what l'm asking.
460
00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:38,336
No, l am not going
to the mall.
Keep spelling, mister.
461
00:30:39,254 --> 00:30:45,218
C-O-U-C-H.
462
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:48,304
Correct!
463
00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:51,057
l am the smartest man alive!
464
00:30:51,141 --> 00:30:52,141
(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)
465
00:30:57,898 --> 00:31:01,067
He gonna have a stupid party
every time he passes a grade?
466
00:31:01,151 --> 00:31:04,237
CARL: Everybody's having
a good time but you.
467
00:31:04,321 --> 00:31:06,614
Spoiled snot!
Get outta here.
468
00:31:07,574 --> 00:31:09,784
Let me ask you
something, Carl.
469
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:12,787
You started here,
what, 25 years ago?
470
00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,498
Night bellboy
at the Philadelphia Madison?
471
00:31:15,582 --> 00:31:18,000
After all your hard work,
how would you feel
472
00:31:18,085 --> 00:31:21,837
working for some
punk kid like Billy?
473
00:31:21,964 --> 00:31:23,881
Could be worse.
474
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:28,469
That's nice.
475
00:31:31,473 --> 00:31:32,807
Man,
l'm so nervous.
476
00:31:32,891 --> 00:31:35,810
First and second grade
were easy,
but social studies, division.
477
00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:37,812
This is gonna be tough!
478
00:31:40,232 --> 00:31:42,066
Man, l'm so nervous.
479
00:31:42,150 --> 00:31:44,652
First and second grade
were easy,
but social studies, division.
480
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:45,903
This is gonna be tough!
481
00:31:45,988 --> 00:31:47,321
Relax, dude.
482
00:31:49,575 --> 00:31:51,033
Jackpot!
483
00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:52,577
Good morning, class.
484
00:31:52,703 --> 00:31:55,621
CHlLDREN:
Good morning, Miss Vaughn.
485
00:31:55,706 --> 00:31:57,623
We're gonna start today
by reading together
486
00:31:57,708 --> 00:32:00,126
a short story entitled,
"My Sister, Fanny."
487
00:32:00,210 --> 00:32:03,254
Quiet!
488
00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:05,756
Let's all open up
our Reading ls Fun books
489
00:32:05,841 --> 00:32:07,174
to page 69.
490
00:32:07,259 --> 00:32:08,342
Sixty-nine!
491
00:32:08,427 --> 00:32:09,719
(LAUGHlNG)
492
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:15,016
Class, say hello
to Billy Madison.
493
00:32:15,100 --> 00:32:17,977
Hello, Billy Madison.
494
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,522
Billy is a nuisance.
He will be gone in two weeks.
495
00:32:21,607 --> 00:32:24,191
l apologize for
this inconvenience.
496
00:32:25,527 --> 00:32:27,069
Geez, what's up her butt?
497
00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:28,779
What was that, Billy?
498
00:32:28,864 --> 00:32:31,991
l said,
"Reading is good."
499
00:32:32,075 --> 00:32:34,201
Can we start the story now?
500
00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:39,707
Dan, you may begin.
501
00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:41,584
(STAMMERlNG)
"Once
502
00:32:41,668 --> 00:32:44,629
"there was
503
00:32:44,713 --> 00:32:47,423
"a girl
504
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:49,425
"who wanted to..."
505
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:50,926
Kid can't even read.
506
00:32:51,219 --> 00:32:53,471
Cut it out, dude.
You're gonna
get us in trouble.
507
00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:55,097
"...fly an..."
508
00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:00,269
(STAMMERlNG)
Today, junior!
509
00:33:00,604 --> 00:33:01,937
(CHUCKLlNG)
510
00:33:08,695 --> 00:33:09,862
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
511
00:33:10,405 --> 00:33:13,157
You're tearing
my ear off!
512
00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:15,660
Making fun of a little kid
for trying to read!
513
00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:18,245
Are you psycho?
Do you not have a soul?
514
00:33:18,330 --> 00:33:21,874
l'm sorry, l can't hear you.
l've been physically abused
in the ear.
515
00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:25,044
You keep your mouth shut
for the next two weeks,
or l'm gonna fail you.
516
00:33:25,128 --> 00:33:26,879
End of story.
517
00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,506
l see
your lips moving,
518
00:33:28,590 --> 00:33:31,342
but l can't make out
the words. l'm deaf!
519
00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:35,346
Oh, Veronica Vaughn!
520
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:38,974
So hot
Want to touch the heinie
521
00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:40,851
(HOWLlNG)
522
00:33:41,436 --> 00:33:43,145
You know that girlie
l've been chasing?
523
00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,231
Turns out she's
my third grade teacher.
524
00:33:45,315 --> 00:33:47,692
First thing she does is
kick me out of her class.
525
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:50,820
Maybe she feels
she has to make
an example of you.
526
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:52,405
Or maybe she's got
something up her ass.
527
00:33:52,489 --> 00:33:53,989
That's what l said.
528
00:33:54,074 --> 00:33:55,074
Poor Billy.
529
00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:56,617
l'm so depressed.
530
00:33:57,411 --> 00:33:59,245
You want me
to take my shirt off for you?
531
00:33:59,329 --> 00:34:01,288
No, thank you.
Okay, baby.
532
00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:04,125
But remember,
the offer is on the table.
533
00:34:06,336 --> 00:34:07,712
Oh, yes!
534
00:34:07,796 --> 00:34:09,797
Oh, my!
535
00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,633
Oh, God, yes. Lordy.
536
00:34:12,801 --> 00:34:14,009
Billy Madison!
537
00:34:14,094 --> 00:34:15,469
Huh?
538
00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:19,640
Would you like to try writing
some words in cursive
on the blackboard today?
539
00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:21,183
Okay. Sure.
540
00:34:28,775 --> 00:34:31,485
Okay. How about
the word "dugout"?
541
00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:43,748
Good. How about "bunt"?
542
00:34:52,758 --> 00:34:56,010
Bunt. B-U-N-T.
543
00:34:56,344 --> 00:35:00,097
ln perfect cursive.
Any more brain-busters?
544
00:35:02,184 --> 00:35:03,517
"Rizzuto."
545
00:35:10,859 --> 00:35:13,360
"Z."
546
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:23,704
"Rirruto"?
547
00:35:24,706 --> 00:35:26,540
Those are "Z's."
548
00:35:27,209 --> 00:35:29,001
They look like "R's" to me.
549
00:35:29,085 --> 00:35:31,212
That's not fair.
"Rizzuto" is not a word!
550
00:35:31,296 --> 00:35:33,714
He's a baseball player!
You're cheating!
551
00:35:34,633 --> 00:35:36,926
Would you like to try
the word "buzz"?
552
00:35:37,010 --> 00:35:38,636
(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)
553
00:35:39,304 --> 00:35:42,139
l hate cursive,
and l hate all of you!
554
00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:44,767
l'm never coming back
to school! Never!
555
00:35:44,851 --> 00:35:46,435
(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)
556
00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:53,192
JUANlTA: Billy!
557
00:36:01,952 --> 00:36:04,036
l swear to God l'm sick.
l can't go to school.
558
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,748
lf you're gonna stay home
today, you can help me
shave my armpits.
559
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:11,085
Oh, my God! l'll go to school.
560
00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:16,924
O'Doyle rules!
561
00:36:24,474 --> 00:36:27,184
What's going on?
562
00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:29,353
Miss Vaughn's sick.
563
00:36:31,356 --> 00:36:32,690
(HANDS CLAPPlNG)
564
00:36:32,774 --> 00:36:35,484
Please take your seats.
565
00:36:36,820 --> 00:36:39,029
Who's that guy?
566
00:36:39,114 --> 00:36:40,489
Principal Anderson.
567
00:36:41,116 --> 00:36:43,367
Quiet, everyone!
568
00:36:43,451 --> 00:36:46,871
As you can tell,
Miss Vaughn
is not feeling well today.
569
00:36:46,955 --> 00:36:48,706
So l'll be taking her place.
570
00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:51,959
But don't get your hopes up,
because l plan on teaching.
571
00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:55,129
So l hope you
plan on learning.
572
00:36:55,213 --> 00:37:00,134
Now, who can tell me
where we are
in our social studies reader?
573
00:37:00,302 --> 00:37:03,220
Yes? Michael?
574
00:37:04,764 --> 00:37:07,850
Excuse me.
What's that in your hand?
575
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,729
Bring that note up to me.
576
00:37:11,855 --> 00:37:14,982
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
577
00:37:18,153 --> 00:37:21,697
Now let's see
what couldn't wait
till after class.
578
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:31,498
"We're so lucky to have
Principal Anderson
substituting.
579
00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:37,129
"Now we have the privilege
of staring at that tub of lard
all day long.
580
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:44,219
"lf l were him, l would walk
my fat ass right into
oncoming traffic."
581
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:49,141
Oh, man, Billy.
582
00:37:49,225 --> 00:37:51,644
l just thought of
the funniest thing.
583
00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:54,355
Billy?
584
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,232
Where's Billy?
585
00:37:57,317 --> 00:37:59,526
He's in school, man.
586
00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:01,028
Oh, yeah!
587
00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:54,415
You know, l don't wanna sound
like a weirdo,
588
00:38:54,499 --> 00:38:56,709
but l kinda missed
Miss Vaughn today.
589
00:38:56,793 --> 00:38:58,293
Why? Do you like her
or something?
590
00:38:58,378 --> 00:38:59,712
No!
591
00:38:59,796 --> 00:39:01,338
Why? She say
she likes me?
592
00:39:01,423 --> 00:39:02,881
Not to me.
593
00:39:02,966 --> 00:39:05,592
Well, let's find out.
594
00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:19,982
Hello.
595
00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:22,443
ls this Miss Vaughn?
596
00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:24,528
Oh, hi.
lt's Ernie from class.
597
00:39:24,612 --> 00:39:27,573
Ask her if she
has a boyfriend.
598
00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:31,410
Miss Vaughn,
do you have a boyfriend?
599
00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:35,330
(WHlSPERS)
No.
600
00:39:35,457 --> 00:39:37,374
Ask her...
Shh!
601
00:39:37,459 --> 00:39:39,334
(WHlSPERlNG)
Ask her
if she likes anybody
602
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:41,336
from class
like more than a friend.
603
00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:46,008
Miss Vaughn,
do you like anybody in class
604
00:39:46,092 --> 00:39:47,843
more than a friend?
605
00:39:51,848 --> 00:39:52,973
(WHlSPERS)
No.
606
00:39:54,893 --> 00:39:58,270
Ask her if she would ever
go out with somebody
from class.
607
00:39:58,354 --> 00:40:00,355
No!
Just do it!
608
00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:04,276
Miss Vaughn, would you
609
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,279
ever go out with
anybody from class?
610
00:40:07,363 --> 00:40:12,034
Uh-huh.
611
00:40:12,202 --> 00:40:15,579
VERONlCA: You see, Ernie,
grown-ups like to go out
with other grown-ups.
612
00:40:15,663 --> 00:40:16,872
What about Billy?
613
00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:19,041
You're more of a grown-up
than Billy.
614
00:40:19,125 --> 00:40:20,292
l'll give you a grown-up!
615
00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:21,668
What was that, Ernie?
616
00:40:21,753 --> 00:40:24,671
Nothing. See you tomorrow
in class, Miss Vaughn.
617
00:40:26,091 --> 00:40:27,508
You blew it!
618
00:40:33,890 --> 00:40:38,560
Hey, l dare you
to throw your sandwich
at the bus driver.
619
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:42,272
Do it! Come on!
620
00:40:44,192 --> 00:40:45,859
(BRAKES SCREECHlNG)
Hey!
621
00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,236
Who threw that?
622
00:40:50,490 --> 00:40:52,950
l'll turn
this damn bus around.
623
00:40:53,034 --> 00:40:57,996
That'll end your
precious little field trip
pretty damn quick, huh?
624
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,457
Little shit.
625
00:41:01,543 --> 00:41:03,085
(lNAUDlBLE)
626
00:41:07,882 --> 00:41:11,718
l'm trying to score points
with the teacher today.
Don't screw it up!
627
00:41:12,345 --> 00:41:15,097
l dare you
to touch her boobs.
628
00:41:15,181 --> 00:41:16,306
Touch her boobs?
629
00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:18,392
That's assault, brother.
630
00:41:22,564 --> 00:41:24,982
Do you double dare me?
631
00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:35,742
Miss Vaughn, how long till we
get there? l have to go
to the bathroom.
632
00:41:35,910 --> 00:41:38,162
Probably about
10 minutes.
633
00:41:38,621 --> 00:41:40,414
Sorry about that.
634
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:42,040
Damn guy drives
like an animal.
635
00:41:42,125 --> 00:41:43,333
Huh?
636
00:41:43,418 --> 00:41:46,962
That's all right, Billy.
Why don't you go back
and sit down now?
637
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:49,506
Okay.
l double dare you.
638
00:41:49,591 --> 00:41:51,717
That... l...
Accident.
639
00:41:51,801 --> 00:41:54,261
Mistake. Tit.
640
00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:56,471
Go sit down.
Yes.
641
00:41:56,973 --> 00:41:58,557
(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)
642
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:07,691
Yeah. Here we go again.
Another treat from the road.
643
00:42:07,775 --> 00:42:11,570
Grand! Great banana.
Trick of the day.
644
00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:17,034
What is
a horseshoe?
645
00:42:17,118 --> 00:42:19,119
What does
a horseshoe do?
646
00:42:19,245 --> 00:42:21,455
Are there
any horse socks?
647
00:42:22,165 --> 00:42:24,249
ls anybody listening to me?
648
00:42:24,334 --> 00:42:26,877
Anyways, Miss Vaughn,
l am sorry about
what happened back there,
649
00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:30,214
but you have to admit
l've been trying
to be good lately.
650
00:42:30,298 --> 00:42:33,967
You're not the first person
that's tried to grab my chest.
651
00:42:34,052 --> 00:42:36,303
l'm really trying
not to hold you
to a higher standard
652
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:37,721
than the rest of the students.
653
00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:40,432
Although maybe l should.
You are what, 50?
654
00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:43,810
No. lt's just that
the other kids
kind of look up to me.
655
00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:45,562
l don't want them
to think l'm a coward.
656
00:42:45,647 --> 00:42:46,980
Don't worry about it.
657
00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:49,107
Next week you'll have
another bunch of kids
to impress
658
00:42:49,192 --> 00:42:50,609
and another teacher to annoy.
659
00:42:50,693 --> 00:42:53,237
l don't want to annoy
another teacher, Miss Vaughn.
660
00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:55,697
l want to annoy you.
Miss Vaughn!
661
00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:58,367
Miss Vaughn!
Miss Vaughn!
662
00:42:58,451 --> 00:43:00,410
Somebody stole
all our lunches.
663
00:43:00,495 --> 00:43:02,454
Who would steal
30 bag lunches?
664
00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:13,048
l'll tell you
who took those lunches.
665
00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:15,217
That damn Sasquatch.
666
00:43:16,552 --> 00:43:17,803
Well, l guess that's it.
667
00:43:17,887 --> 00:43:19,554
Okay, everybody.
Back on the bus!
668
00:43:19,639 --> 00:43:20,764
(CHlLDREN GROANlNG)
669
00:43:20,848 --> 00:43:22,557
What's with Ernie?
670
00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:24,351
l don't know.
l'll be right back.
671
00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:30,232
Hey, Ernie!
What's up?
672
00:43:30,316 --> 00:43:31,692
Nothing.
673
00:43:33,319 --> 00:43:36,113
You falling in love
with the wall or something?
674
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:38,448
l had an accident.
675
00:43:38,533 --> 00:43:40,284
You had an accident?
What does that mean?
676
00:43:40,368 --> 00:43:42,286
Gooo!
677
00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:44,955
Oh, l know. Okay.
678
00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:51,128
Don't worry, buddy.
Hang tight.
l'll be right back.
679
00:43:59,137 --> 00:44:02,014
Hey, look, everybody.
Billy peed his pants.
680
00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:04,224
Of course
l peed my pants!
681
00:44:04,309 --> 00:44:07,269
Everybody my age
pees their pants.
lt's the coolest.
682
00:44:07,353 --> 00:44:09,396
Really?
Yes!
683
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:13,150
You ain't cool
unless you pee your pants.
684
00:44:13,234 --> 00:44:17,821
Wow! Hey, man!
Ernie peed his pants too.
685
00:44:17,905 --> 00:44:19,823
All right!
686
00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:20,991
Cool!
687
00:44:23,202 --> 00:44:27,956
lf peeing your pants is cool,
consider me Miles Davis.
688
00:44:28,166 --> 00:44:29,499
(EXCLAlMS)
689
00:44:29,584 --> 00:44:32,544
That was the grossest thing
l've ever heard in my life!
690
00:44:32,628 --> 00:44:34,421
Let's go!
691
00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:36,840
Let's get on
the bus here.
692
00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:40,844
Move it! Get up there.
Dial 1257.
693
00:44:40,928 --> 00:44:45,057
Move it or lose it!
Get on the...
694
00:44:45,141 --> 00:44:47,934
Hi, Miss Vaughn.
Nice to see ya.
695
00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:57,611
That Veronica Vaughn
696
00:44:57,695 --> 00:45:01,865
is one piece of "ace."
697
00:45:01,949 --> 00:45:04,368
l know
from experience, dude,
698
00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:06,244
if you know what l mean.
699
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:08,372
No, you don't.
700
00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:10,874
Well, not me personally,
but a guy l know.
701
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:13,293
Him and her got it on!
702
00:45:13,419 --> 00:45:14,795
(EXCLAlMlNG)
703
00:45:15,922 --> 00:45:18,256
No, they didn't.
704
00:45:18,341 --> 00:45:20,967
No, no, no. They didn't.
705
00:45:21,052 --> 00:45:23,428
But you could imagine
what it'd be like
if they did, right?
706
00:45:23,513 --> 00:45:26,139
Huh? Huh?
707
00:45:31,646 --> 00:45:33,647
Everybody on?
Good! Great!
708
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:36,358
Grand! Wonderful!
709
00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:39,403
No yelling on the bus!
710
00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:43,490
Billy passed the third grade
711
00:45:43,574 --> 00:45:47,536
Oh, what a gIorious day
712
00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:51,248
Oh, passing third grade
713
00:45:51,332 --> 00:45:55,377
The Billy Madison way
714
00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:56,461
BlLLY: Yeah!
715
00:45:57,338 --> 00:45:59,589
Rock on! Yes!
716
00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:02,008
(CHlLDREN CHATTERlNG)
717
00:46:10,685 --> 00:46:12,602
BOY: Stop it.
718
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:14,604
Who are you?
719
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:17,899
l don't even know you.
Go away, mister.
720
00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:19,025
Are you okay?
721
00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:21,319
Yeah.
722
00:46:24,282 --> 00:46:25,740
Look, she came!
723
00:46:25,825 --> 00:46:27,826
And she came too.
724
00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:47,971
The mucus queen
is yours.
725
00:46:48,890 --> 00:46:50,015
Thanks.
726
00:46:50,099 --> 00:46:52,058
Hi!
727
00:46:53,394 --> 00:46:56,480
Oh, my gosh!
Aw, man.
728
00:47:00,151 --> 00:47:03,737
Oh! Oh, my God!
729
00:47:03,821 --> 00:47:05,822
Snack Pack!
You're the coolest!
730
00:47:05,907 --> 00:47:08,658
Those should last you
through the weekend.
731
00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:10,535
Thank you very much.
732
00:47:10,620 --> 00:47:12,204
Looks like Billy
is on the right track now.
733
00:47:12,288 --> 00:47:13,622
He's on track,
all right.
734
00:47:13,706 --> 00:47:15,540
He's headed
right down the...
735
00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:17,334
(CHOKlNG)
736
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:19,085
Easy.
737
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:23,548
So you still don't think
Billy's gonna make it?
738
00:47:23,633 --> 00:47:26,927
Trust me, Carl baby.
l know he's not gonna make it.
739
00:47:28,012 --> 00:47:30,680
Will you excuse me
for a second?
740
00:47:32,934 --> 00:47:35,977
Who will help me
destroy Billy Madison?
741
00:47:36,062 --> 00:47:37,729
Who?
742
00:47:37,813 --> 00:47:41,358
(SlNGlNG)
Cha-cha-cha-cha
Cha-cha-cha-cha
743
00:47:41,442 --> 00:47:45,153
Cha-cha-cha-cha
Cha-cha-cha-cha
744
00:47:55,998 --> 00:47:59,292
That was really sweet,
the way you helped
Ernie out yesterday.
745
00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:03,213
He would've done
the same for me.
746
00:48:03,297 --> 00:48:06,341
So what's it like
being back in school?
747
00:48:06,467 --> 00:48:08,969
l don't know.
l kinda feel like
an idiot sometimes.
748
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:11,680
Although l am an idiot,
so it kinda works out.
749
00:48:13,307 --> 00:48:16,351
ls it just you
and your dad in here?
750
00:48:16,435 --> 00:48:18,228
Well, actually, no.
751
00:48:18,312 --> 00:48:21,731
There's Juanita and some maids
and butlers and stuff.
752
00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:25,569
And people who work
for my dad are
always stopping by.
753
00:48:25,653 --> 00:48:29,531
Then my friends are always
sleeping over, even when
l didn't ask them to.
754
00:48:29,615 --> 00:48:30,865
Sounds like a hotel.
755
00:48:30,950 --> 00:48:32,742
Yeah, it kinda is.
lt can be distracting.
756
00:48:32,827 --> 00:48:35,245
That's why
l moved out here.
757
00:48:40,042 --> 00:48:43,295
BOY: l'm faster than you.
You're way slower!
758
00:48:47,008 --> 00:48:49,009
Oh, wow.
759
00:48:49,135 --> 00:48:52,220
This is where
l've been spending
most of my time lately.
760
00:48:52,305 --> 00:48:55,181
Not exactly roughing it,
are you?
761
00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:03,106
Those are...
They come with the tent.
762
00:49:03,190 --> 00:49:05,734
So...
l see.
763
00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:11,865
Wow. A TaIe of Two Cities.
764
00:49:11,949 --> 00:49:13,366
l don't think
we're up to that one yet.
765
00:49:13,451 --> 00:49:16,036
l can understand
nine words in that book now.
766
00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:22,709
So, it's
767
00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:25,003
the last day
of third grade.
768
00:49:25,212 --> 00:49:29,215
And you have the teacher
alone in your tent.
769
00:49:30,092 --> 00:49:33,261
What do you
want to do?
770
00:49:33,346 --> 00:49:35,847
Well, l can think of
three things l'd like to do.
771
00:49:35,931 --> 00:49:37,265
Mmm-hmm.
772
00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:40,644
One would involve
some ice cubes
773
00:49:40,728 --> 00:49:43,563
and a nine iron.
774
00:49:43,648 --> 00:49:46,858
Two would include a buffalo.
Really?
775
00:49:46,942 --> 00:49:49,611
Live or stuffed,
preferably stuffed
776
00:49:49,695 --> 00:49:52,322
for safety's sake.
777
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:55,742
Three: We'd bring back
some of those ice cubes.
778
00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:59,412
Switch it over
to a pitching wedge.
779
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:00,997
How you guys doing?
780
00:50:03,292 --> 00:50:07,629
Hey, Carl!
Good to see you!
781
00:50:09,465 --> 00:50:11,299
This is Veronica,
my teacher.
782
00:50:11,384 --> 00:50:12,509
That's Carl.
783
00:50:12,593 --> 00:50:14,552
Very pleased
to meet you.
784
00:50:14,637 --> 00:50:16,513
Bill, l think Eric
is up to something.
785
00:50:16,597 --> 00:50:17,597
Who's Eric?
786
00:50:17,682 --> 00:50:19,474
He works
for my dad too.
787
00:50:19,558 --> 00:50:22,435
He gets the company
if l screw up.
He's a douche bag.
788
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,646
He made some menacing comments
to me earlier today,
789
00:50:24,730 --> 00:50:27,023
then he did
that weasel laugh he does.
790
00:50:27,108 --> 00:50:28,441
Yeah. How's
that laugh go again?
791
00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:29,693
You know.
792
00:50:29,777 --> 00:50:30,777
(LAUGHlNG)
793
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,822
That's very good.
That sounded just like him.
794
00:50:33,906 --> 00:50:37,659
Thanks. Well, l'm sure
he's got something
up his sleeve.
795
00:50:37,743 --> 00:50:39,619
Thanks, buddy.
No problem.
796
00:50:51,132 --> 00:50:53,508
TEACHER:
The most densely populated
part of the United States
797
00:50:53,592 --> 00:50:55,135
is along the eastern seaboard.
798
00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:59,222
We're gonna talk about
why that is
over the next few minutes.
799
00:50:59,306 --> 00:51:03,601
We all know what a census is,
don't we?
That's like taking attendance.
800
00:51:03,686 --> 00:51:06,229
Now the first census
of the United States...
801
00:51:07,231 --> 00:51:09,899
Take it on! Pick it up
and give it the old... Yeah!
802
00:51:09,984 --> 00:51:12,444
You want some of this?
803
00:51:12,528 --> 00:51:15,071
Oh, my dear Lord!
804
00:51:15,156 --> 00:51:18,408
You never leave me open, son,
'cause l'm gonna
hit it every time.
805
00:51:18,492 --> 00:51:21,161
You want some more of that?
l didn't think so!
806
00:51:41,015 --> 00:51:42,682
(SCREAMlNG)
807
00:52:19,386 --> 00:52:22,138
(BURPlNG)
A, B, C,
808
00:52:22,807 --> 00:52:26,351
(BURPlNG)
D, E, F, G...
809
00:52:26,435 --> 00:52:28,978
All right, stop
before l throw up.
810
00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:31,898
You wanna go play soccer
with us after school?
811
00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:35,819
No. l got a test on Friday.
l'll play with you guys
next week.
812
00:52:35,903 --> 00:52:37,737
Next week you'll be
in ninth grade.
813
00:52:37,822 --> 00:52:39,030
Yeah, high school.
814
00:52:39,114 --> 00:52:40,198
That's right.
815
00:52:40,282 --> 00:52:41,533
You aren't gonna
wanna hang around
816
00:52:41,617 --> 00:52:45,203
with a bunch of dumb
elementary school kids
like us anymore.
817
00:52:45,287 --> 00:52:49,123
That's not true.
l'll come and visit you guys
all the time.
818
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:51,251
Yeah, to see your girlfriend.
819
00:52:51,335 --> 00:52:53,336
(HOOTlNG)
820
00:52:54,463 --> 00:52:56,548
(MENAClNGLY LAUGHlNG)
821
00:52:56,632 --> 00:53:00,093
Have some more
sloppy joes!
822
00:53:01,679 --> 00:53:04,430
l made 'em extra sloppy
for youse!
823
00:53:07,685 --> 00:53:12,105
l know how youse kids
likes 'em sloppy!
824
00:53:12,189 --> 00:53:15,108
Lady, you're scaring us!
825
00:53:16,944 --> 00:53:20,530
Go! Go! Yeah!
826
00:53:41,260 --> 00:53:42,969
Do you know
where the bathroom is?
827
00:53:43,053 --> 00:53:45,388
Second door on the left.
828
00:53:49,602 --> 00:53:53,479
Hey, tubby,
how about
a little bathroom reading?
829
00:53:53,564 --> 00:53:56,858
l have the August 1983 issue
of Wrestling World here.
830
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:04,324
There's a terrific article
about a wrestler named
the Revolting Blob.
831
00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:08,661
Gee, you know somethin'?
He kinda looks like
someone l know.
832
00:54:09,663 --> 00:54:10,747
Where'd you get that?
833
00:54:10,831 --> 00:54:12,665
l have a subscription.
834
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:14,751
Gee. He's a bad guy.
835
00:54:14,835 --> 00:54:19,923
He threw one opponent
out of the ring and hit
a bunch of senior citizens.
836
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:22,842
Boy, this wacko
looks familiar.
837
00:54:22,927 --> 00:54:26,721
What do l care
about some stupid,
phony wrestling guy?
838
00:54:26,805 --> 00:54:28,806
My God!
839
00:54:28,891 --> 00:54:33,770
ln June, 1983,
he sat on some guy's head
and killed him.
840
00:54:33,854 --> 00:54:35,939
lt was just a stunt!
841
00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:39,651
He was supposed to
pinch my leg if he
was running short of air.
842
00:54:39,735 --> 00:54:42,278
With this guy sitting
on everyone's head
and everything,
843
00:54:42,363 --> 00:54:44,447
l wonder how he had time
to get his teaching degree.
844
00:54:44,531 --> 00:54:46,282
No!
845
00:54:46,367 --> 00:54:50,620
No, you can't do that to me!
Those kids are my whole life!
846
00:54:50,704 --> 00:54:54,958
You wouldn't want anything
to happen that would make them
think less of you, right?
847
00:54:55,042 --> 00:54:58,086
(WHlSPERlNG)
Max?
848
00:54:58,170 --> 00:55:00,129
Max?
849
00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:02,799
You ready to
cooperate with me?
850
00:55:02,883 --> 00:55:04,217
Yes.
851
00:55:04,301 --> 00:55:07,053
Then Madison Hotels
is as good as mine!
852
00:55:21,026 --> 00:55:22,735
(HEAVY METAL PLAYlNG)
853
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:28,700
Check out that car.
854
00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:50,221
Nice shirt! Yeah.
Yep.
855
00:55:50,431 --> 00:55:51,431
(BELL RlNGlNG)
856
00:55:57,771 --> 00:55:59,063
So now the cell's happy.
857
00:55:59,148 --> 00:56:03,693
But there are other molecules
saying, "Hey, we'd like
some energy too."
858
00:56:03,777 --> 00:56:07,030
And it uses its own
pigment molecule, chlorophyll,
859
00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,532
to carry out the action.
860
00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:12,618
This does not make
the ribosomes happy.
861
00:56:12,703 --> 00:56:14,037
Oh.
862
00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:17,123
Poor chlorophyll is caught
in the middle of this.
863
00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:18,916
Chlorophyll?
864
00:56:19,001 --> 00:56:22,211
More like "bore-ophyll."
865
00:56:22,296 --> 00:56:23,504
Right?
866
00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:29,177
lt's a little bit stuffy
in here, huh?
867
00:56:29,261 --> 00:56:31,220
Don't talk to me.
868
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:32,930
And why is that?
869
00:56:33,015 --> 00:56:34,390
Because you're a loser.
870
00:56:34,475 --> 00:56:38,561
l don't know from these
ribosomes, and chlorophyll
helps chloroplast...
871
00:56:38,645 --> 00:56:41,522
No, l will not
make out with you!
872
00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:45,818
Did you hear that?
This girl wants to make out
with me in class!
873
00:56:45,903 --> 00:56:48,988
You got chlorophyll man
talking about
God knows what.
874
00:56:49,073 --> 00:56:51,115
All she's talking about
is making out with me!
875
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:54,327
l'm here to learn, everybody,
not to make out with you.
876
00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:56,245
Go on with the chlorophyll!
877
00:57:01,126 --> 00:57:03,294
O'Doyle rules!
878
00:57:03,378 --> 00:57:04,462
Thanks a lot, O'Doyle.
879
00:57:04,546 --> 00:57:06,172
Nice meeting you.
880
00:57:09,468 --> 00:57:10,468
(BOY LAUGHlNG)
881
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:13,304
Wait'll they start
with the wedgies.
882
00:57:13,388 --> 00:57:15,765
Yeah. You oughta start
cutting your underwear
883
00:57:15,849 --> 00:57:18,309
before you get to school
so it rips easier.
884
00:57:18,393 --> 00:57:20,561
l see. Who are you guys?
885
00:57:20,646 --> 00:57:23,648
We're the guys everybody
used to pick on
before you started here.
886
00:57:23,732 --> 00:57:25,900
Oh, no,
they ain't picking on me.
887
00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:30,738
They're giving me a hard time
'cause l'm the new guy.
A little first-day hazing.
888
00:57:30,823 --> 00:57:33,324
Are you in loser denial
or something?
889
00:57:33,408 --> 00:57:35,701
l had a bad case
of loser denial myself,
890
00:57:35,786 --> 00:57:38,996
till the lacrosse team
stuck a parking cone
up my ass.
891
00:57:39,081 --> 00:57:43,126
Loser? l ain't no loser.
l was the king
of this high school.
892
00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:46,963
Hundred friends.
Million parties.
893
00:57:47,047 --> 00:57:49,423
You guys are losers, not me.
894
00:57:50,926 --> 00:57:54,095
And that is what
a prime number is.
895
00:57:54,179 --> 00:57:56,597
CHlLDREN: Billy! Billy!
896
00:57:56,682 --> 00:57:59,976
Figuring on how l got
fourth period off, l'd shoot
down to say hi.
897
00:58:00,060 --> 00:58:01,144
How's high school, Billy?
898
00:58:01,228 --> 00:58:02,478
Yeah, how's high school?
899
00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:05,064
Oh, high school is great!
900
00:58:05,149 --> 00:58:07,441
l mean, l'm learning a lot!
901
00:58:07,526 --> 00:58:12,196
And all the kids
are treating me very nice.
lt's great!
902
00:58:12,281 --> 00:58:15,408
Gee, l can't wait
till l go to high school.
903
00:58:16,201 --> 00:58:18,494
Don't you say that.
904
00:58:18,579 --> 00:58:21,497
Don't you ever say that!
905
00:58:21,582 --> 00:58:26,878
Stay here!
Stay as long as you can.
906
00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:30,339
For the love of God,
cherish it!
907
00:58:30,424 --> 00:58:32,758
VERONlCA: Jennifer,
why don't you try reading
out loud for a minute?
908
00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:36,846
You gotta cherish it.
You do.
909
00:58:43,979 --> 00:58:45,855
l don't understand it.
910
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:50,109
Ten years ago
high school was the greatest.
l had so much fun!
911
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:53,154
You had
a little too much fun since
you've gotta do it again.
912
00:58:53,238 --> 00:58:56,532
l know. lt's just
the classes are so hard.
913
00:58:56,617 --> 00:58:59,952
And all the kids
treat me like l'm a goof.
914
00:59:00,037 --> 00:59:01,204
You are a goof.
915
00:59:01,288 --> 00:59:02,288
Mmm.
916
00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:05,583
Suck it up.
Eight more weeks
and you're all set.
917
00:59:05,667 --> 00:59:08,127
Yeah, you're right.
You're so smart.
918
00:59:11,673 --> 00:59:14,592
l gotta go, okay?
Okay.
919
00:59:14,676 --> 00:59:17,220
Billy, wait.
920
00:59:17,304 --> 00:59:20,556
lt doesn't feel so great
to be called a loser, does it?
921
00:59:20,641 --> 00:59:21,599
No.
922
00:59:21,683 --> 00:59:24,101
Maybe the first time
you went to high school,
923
00:59:24,186 --> 00:59:27,104
you weren't as nice to kids
you thought were losers.
924
00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:31,859
l know what you're saying.
You're so smart!
925
00:59:42,162 --> 00:59:44,455
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
926
00:59:47,167 --> 00:59:48,292
Hello.
927
00:59:48,377 --> 00:59:51,587
Hi, is this Danny McGraff?
Yeah.
928
00:59:51,672 --> 00:59:55,800
The Danny McGraff
that graduated from
Knibb High School in 1984?
929
00:59:55,884 --> 00:59:57,885
Yeah. Who's this?
930
00:59:57,970 --> 01:00:01,555
This is Billy Madison.
You probably
don't remember me.
931
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:04,350
But l went to high school
with you.
932
01:00:04,643 --> 01:00:08,437
l kinda gave you
a hard time back then.
933
01:00:08,522 --> 01:00:11,357
l did some things
l thought
were funny at the time.
934
01:00:11,441 --> 01:00:15,569
But now l realize
they were just
mean and stupid.
935
01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:18,948
l just wanted to apologize
and l hope you forgive me.
936
01:00:19,032 --> 01:00:21,659
Yeah, sure.
Don't worry about it.
lt's no problem.
937
01:00:21,743 --> 01:00:24,495
Wow, that's great!
938
01:00:24,579 --> 01:00:26,455
Well, l am sorry,
939
01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:30,334
and maybe we can get together
and have coffee
or something.
940
01:00:30,419 --> 01:00:31,752
Sure, l'd like that.
941
01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:34,880
Okay. l'll see you around.
Okay.
942
01:00:34,965 --> 01:00:36,507
Bye.
943
01:01:12,794 --> 01:01:14,545
Speak for yourseIf, moron.
944
01:01:15,922 --> 01:01:17,965
Oh, my God,
that is funny!
945
01:01:18,050 --> 01:01:20,843
Next on News 9,
a shocking story of
946
01:01:20,927 --> 01:01:23,679
power and corruption
involving a hotel tycoon.
947
01:01:23,764 --> 01:01:25,848
How his 27-year-old
miIIionaire son
948
01:01:25,932 --> 01:01:27,933
cheated his way
through elementary school.
949
01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:29,977
Stay tuned.
What the hell?
950
01:01:30,062 --> 01:01:32,438
Now, now, maybe
it's somebody else.
951
01:01:34,816 --> 01:01:36,776
My name is Max Anderson.
952
01:01:36,860 --> 01:01:41,072
l'm the principal at
the Polly Fector
EIementary SchooI.
953
01:01:42,491 --> 01:01:46,494
Recently a young man
named Billy Madison
was enroIIed there.
954
01:01:46,578 --> 01:01:50,414
During that time,
Mr. Madison was disruptive.
955
01:01:50,499 --> 01:01:55,294
The only reason he passed
was that he offered me
a bribe of $5,000,
956
01:01:55,379 --> 01:01:57,338
which l regrettably accepted.
957
01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:00,549
l'm sorry, Billy.
958
01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:04,220
REPORTER: That was principaI
Max Anderson of Polly Fector
EIementary SchooI.
959
01:02:05,180 --> 01:02:08,599
Dad, he's lying!
960
01:02:08,683 --> 01:02:10,726
You made a fool
out of me.
961
01:02:10,811 --> 01:02:12,561
This was a mistake
from the beginning.
962
01:02:12,646 --> 01:02:18,484
Brian, l got some forecasts
for you to...
Why is everybody so glum?
963
01:02:19,152 --> 01:02:20,319
You seriously
don't believe me, Dad?
964
01:02:20,404 --> 01:02:21,654
That's right.
965
01:02:21,738 --> 01:02:24,281
l seriously
don't believe you.
966
01:02:24,366 --> 01:02:27,284
The deal's off.
Eric's got the company.
967
01:02:29,454 --> 01:02:31,956
Wow!
Good news for me.
968
01:02:38,296 --> 01:02:41,632
l can't believe
this is happening right now.
969
01:02:43,885 --> 01:02:46,762
What're you gonna do?
Gonna come to class on Monday?
970
01:02:46,847 --> 01:02:50,766
lt wouldn't make
much sense now, would it?
971
01:02:50,851 --> 01:02:53,185
Stupid idea
in the first place.
972
01:02:54,020 --> 01:02:56,313
(HARD ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)
973
01:03:13,748 --> 01:03:15,374
Get up out of this bed!
974
01:03:33,852 --> 01:03:35,895
(SHOUTlNG)
975
01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:40,399
Hello! Billy's here!
976
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:44,820
Hey, baby!
977
01:03:44,905 --> 01:03:46,989
You looking hot tonight!
978
01:03:47,073 --> 01:03:48,866
Billy, what has happened
to you?
979
01:03:48,950 --> 01:03:51,285
We gonna go on a date.
980
01:03:51,369 --> 01:03:54,705
You, me,
Jack and Frank
981
01:03:54,789 --> 01:03:59,460
are gonna go around putting
shit on people's doorsteps.
982
01:03:59,544 --> 01:04:02,838
And we gonna
sets it on fire!
983
01:04:02,923 --> 01:04:05,841
Billy, why are you
acting like this?
984
01:04:05,926 --> 01:04:07,968
l know that you
didn't pay off Max.
985
01:04:08,053 --> 01:04:10,721
That makes two of us
then, baby.
986
01:04:10,805 --> 01:04:17,019
But it takes
more than two to tango.
Or something like that.
987
01:04:17,103 --> 01:04:18,062
So let's go!
988
01:04:18,146 --> 01:04:19,605
No, let's stay.
989
01:04:19,689 --> 01:04:22,733
And the three of you
can light dog shit
on my living room floor.
990
01:04:22,817 --> 01:04:24,401
Come on, Billy,
you know that...
991
01:04:24,486 --> 01:04:28,572
Talky, talky, talky.
No more talky.
992
01:04:29,616 --> 01:04:31,742
You got a lighter in here?
993
01:04:34,621 --> 01:04:37,289
Oh.
994
01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:40,084
l see
what's going on in here.
995
01:04:43,588 --> 01:04:48,551
So sorry to interrupt!
996
01:04:52,264 --> 01:04:54,390
Proceed!
997
01:04:55,475 --> 01:04:57,977
Billy, you're
losing your mind.
998
01:05:01,606 --> 01:05:03,899
All right, boys' night out!
999
01:05:03,984 --> 01:05:05,401
Let's go!
1000
01:05:28,842 --> 01:05:29,842
(VERONlCA GRUNTlNG)
1001
01:05:30,135 --> 01:05:31,927
(SCREAMlNG)
1002
01:05:33,305 --> 01:05:35,055
l need to talk to you.
1003
01:05:46,067 --> 01:05:47,693
Geez!
1004
01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:51,905
What's going on, man?
1005
01:05:54,909 --> 01:06:00,414
Billy and his girlfriend
are playing water polo
or something.
1006
01:06:01,333 --> 01:06:04,960
Hey, maybe
they're playing Marco Polo!
1007
01:06:05,045 --> 01:06:07,296
Marco!
Polo!
1008
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:09,506
Ah, geez, that was
a great game.
1009
01:06:09,591 --> 01:06:11,050
Yeah.
1010
01:06:15,889 --> 01:06:17,306
You know what?
l got an idea for you.
1011
01:06:17,390 --> 01:06:19,308
lnstead of being
an idiot every day,
1012
01:06:19,392 --> 01:06:23,020
why don't you
go back to school,
graduate and get the company?
1013
01:06:23,146 --> 01:06:25,439
'Cause l don't want it
anymore.
Oh!
1014
01:06:25,523 --> 01:06:27,858
What do you mean
you don't want it anymore?
1015
01:06:27,942 --> 01:06:30,110
Do l got something
coming out of my nose?
1016
01:06:30,195 --> 01:06:33,280
l can't believe l ever liked
someone who could just
roll over and die like this.
1017
01:06:33,365 --> 01:06:36,283
l ain't rolling over
and dying! l was set up!
1018
01:06:36,368 --> 01:06:38,494
And worst of all,
nobody believes me.
1019
01:06:38,578 --> 01:06:41,830
l believe you, Billy.
And l believe in you.
1020
01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:45,501
Some people have no willpower,
no brains, no vision.
1021
01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:48,545
They just drift through life
like lumps of crap.
1022
01:06:48,630 --> 01:06:51,340
What is she talking about?
1023
01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:54,885
You have all those things.
You're just afraid to use 'em.
1024
01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:56,970
Don't be.
1025
01:06:57,055 --> 01:07:00,099
You say you're not a loser,
Billy Madison, so win.
1026
01:07:16,116 --> 01:07:19,159
(SlNGlNG)
Yes, l will go back to school
1027
01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:22,287
And achieve victory
1028
01:07:22,372 --> 01:07:25,457
No man wiII take
what my father has built
1029
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:29,795
UnIess that man is me
1030
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:33,549
My BiIIy Sweet BiIIy Boy
1031
01:07:33,633 --> 01:07:36,677
l knew you would go back
1032
01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:40,055
No one can stop you if you try
1033
01:07:40,140 --> 01:07:42,641
Don't I have a nice rack?
1034
01:07:46,187 --> 01:07:49,189
Veronica, l thank you
1035
01:07:49,274 --> 01:07:52,484
For beating the shit out of me
1036
01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:55,195
l see things so clearly now
1037
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,906
l choose my destiny
1038
01:07:57,991 --> 01:08:00,743
Oh, BiIIy,
l knew you had it in ya
1039
01:08:01,745 --> 01:08:04,788
We're here to help you, Billy
1040
01:08:04,873 --> 01:08:07,916
Get back in schooI to stay
1041
01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:11,420
You gotta work real hard
And stick it out
1042
01:08:11,504 --> 01:08:14,590
Till graduation day
1043
01:08:14,674 --> 01:08:17,050
Hey, kids, it's me
1044
01:08:17,135 --> 01:08:20,429
l bet you thought
that I was dead
1045
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:23,432
But when I feII over
l just broke my leg
1046
01:08:23,516 --> 01:08:27,102
And got a hemorrhage
in my head
1047
01:08:28,646 --> 01:08:31,648
There are obstacles in the way
1048
01:08:31,733 --> 01:08:33,609
But together
we shaII overcome
1049
01:08:33,693 --> 01:08:35,194
Overcome
1050
01:08:35,278 --> 01:08:39,948
You can't break our spirit
You can't kiII our dreams
1051
01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:44,495
Do you have any more gum?
More gum, more gum, more gum
1052
01:08:44,579 --> 01:08:47,748
Do you have any more gum?
1053
01:08:55,381 --> 01:08:57,966
Oh, hello, kids.
1054
01:08:58,051 --> 01:09:00,594
Mr. Anderson,
is that you?
1055
01:09:00,678 --> 01:09:04,139
Oh! Yes,
actually it is.
1056
01:09:04,224 --> 01:09:08,101
This is just...
Well, this is...
1057
01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:12,940
Normally, l don't allow
children to be in my home
without parental supervision.
1058
01:09:13,024 --> 01:09:16,485
So, why don't you
just run on... Oh, boy!
1059
01:09:16,569 --> 01:09:21,657
lt sure is great to have all
you kids come surprise me
like this at my home, but...
1060
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:25,494
Mr. Anderson, Billy said
the stuff you said
didn't happen.
1061
01:09:25,578 --> 01:09:27,996
ls he lying
or are you lying?
1062
01:09:28,081 --> 01:09:33,836
Ah, well, listen, kids,
it's not always
as simple as all that.
1063
01:09:35,922 --> 01:09:41,093
The statement I made
about Billy Madison was
and is completely untrue.
1064
01:09:41,177 --> 01:09:44,805
I know now that I shaII
never escape my fate
as the Revolting Blob.
1065
01:09:44,889 --> 01:09:47,808
No, no, no, no, no!
1066
01:09:49,853 --> 01:09:52,437
lt's something
I must Iearn to Iive with.
1067
01:09:52,772 --> 01:09:54,314
Joyce?
1068
01:09:54,983 --> 01:09:56,900
What a mess.
1069
01:09:58,111 --> 01:10:02,531
First this psycho goes on TV,
lies, then retracts it.
1070
01:10:02,615 --> 01:10:05,868
And now Eric's secretary
is in a coma.
1071
01:10:05,952 --> 01:10:11,206
Carl, has anybody been able
to find out anything
about this Max guy?
1072
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:15,085
No, sir. He's vanished.
Nobody has any idea
where he is.
1073
01:10:15,169 --> 01:10:16,962
l believed in Billy
all along.
1074
01:10:17,046 --> 01:10:18,255
Oh, cut the horseshit!
1075
01:10:18,339 --> 01:10:19,882
l know you
blackmailed Max.
1076
01:10:19,966 --> 01:10:21,300
BRlAN:
Take it easy, Billy.
1077
01:10:21,384 --> 01:10:23,135
Things were going along great
1078
01:10:23,219 --> 01:10:27,306
until this wrestling freak
messed things up.
1079
01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:30,225
Billy should get
another shot at high school.
1080
01:10:30,310 --> 01:10:34,187
Hey, rules are rules!
Billy was supposed to finish
1081
01:10:34,272 --> 01:10:37,316
each grade within
the two weeks
or l get the company.
1082
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:38,734
And he didn't finish
ninth grade.
1083
01:10:38,818 --> 01:10:42,029
Eric, certainly there are
extenuating circumstances.
1084
01:10:42,113 --> 01:10:46,199
Extenuating, exmenuating!
We had a deal,
a signed, written deal.
1085
01:10:46,284 --> 01:10:48,744
Each grade, two weeks,
or l get the company.
1086
01:10:48,828 --> 01:10:51,705
Well, technically
you're right, but...
1087
01:10:51,789 --> 01:10:55,667
Shut up, Brian! l've had to
listen to your jawing
for too long.
1088
01:10:55,752 --> 01:10:57,419
"Well, technically..."
1089
01:10:57,503 --> 01:10:59,379
Just shut up!
1090
01:11:00,632 --> 01:11:02,299
Are you ready to hand
the company over to me now?
1091
01:11:02,383 --> 01:11:03,759
No!
1092
01:11:03,843 --> 01:11:05,510
Then l'll see your ass
in court.
1093
01:11:06,596 --> 01:11:08,388
Good.
1094
01:11:08,473 --> 01:11:11,475
Nice talking to ya,
shitheads!
1095
01:11:11,559 --> 01:11:14,686
Hey, Eric, how would you like
to settle this right now?
No lawyers.
1096
01:11:14,771 --> 01:11:17,272
You and me.
Mano y mano.
1097
01:11:17,357 --> 01:11:18,357
What does that mean?
1098
01:11:18,441 --> 01:11:21,443
What does that mean?
Carl, what does that mean?
1099
01:11:21,527 --> 01:11:23,570
l don't know.
1100
01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:31,453
lt means
an academic decathlon:
one day, 10 events,
1101
01:11:31,537 --> 01:11:34,122
testing all the knowledge
one would gain in high school.
1102
01:11:34,207 --> 01:11:36,833
Me versus you!
1103
01:11:36,918 --> 01:11:38,460
You're joking, right?
1104
01:11:38,544 --> 01:11:40,963
Let's take it a little
easy here, Billy, huh?
1105
01:11:41,047 --> 01:11:45,050
No, l'm serious. Let's do it.
Let's do it on Friday.
1106
01:11:45,134 --> 01:11:46,468
Let's do it.
1107
01:11:46,552 --> 01:11:48,470
ls that all right
with you, Daddy?
1108
01:11:48,554 --> 01:11:51,098
Well, if you think
you can beat him.
1109
01:11:51,182 --> 01:11:54,851
Oh, l can!
And l will.
1110
01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:57,020
lt's a deal.
1111
01:11:57,105 --> 01:11:59,523
l know it was you.
1112
01:12:00,733 --> 01:12:02,526
You broke my heart.
1113
01:12:06,155 --> 01:12:08,573
Here's the trigonometry
and notes for
the classes you missed.
1114
01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:11,243
This is last year's
physics notes.
lt's the best l could do.
1115
01:12:11,327 --> 01:12:14,621
Thanks a lot, fellas.
You're saving my life.
1116
01:12:14,706 --> 01:12:16,540
(STUDENTS LAUGHlNG)
1117
01:12:18,710 --> 01:12:20,627
O'Doyle rules!
1118
01:12:20,712 --> 01:12:23,880
O'Doyle, l got a feeling
your whole family's
going down.
1119
01:12:25,091 --> 01:12:27,426
But for now, l've gotta study.
1120
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:31,096
VERONlCA:
Norman invasion of England.
1121
01:12:32,807 --> 01:12:34,933
1066.
1122
01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:38,603
That is correct.
1123
01:12:41,315 --> 01:12:43,233
Magna Carta.
1124
01:12:45,111 --> 01:12:49,281
1215?
1125
01:12:50,825 --> 01:12:53,118
Yes.
1126
01:12:54,954 --> 01:12:58,165
Spanish Armada.
1127
01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:05,839
1466.
1128
01:13:05,923 --> 01:13:07,674
'67.
1129
01:13:07,759 --> 01:13:09,384
1469.
1130
01:13:09,469 --> 01:13:11,553
1514.
1131
01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:13,597
1981.
1132
01:13:13,681 --> 01:13:15,015
1986.
1133
01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:17,267
Please, do not do that.
1134
01:13:17,351 --> 01:13:20,395
Come on, l swear...
Just hang in there one second.
1135
01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:22,856
Please, God,
give me the answer!
1136
01:13:23,357 --> 01:13:25,358
(SPANlSH LESSON
PLAYlNG ON RECORD)
1137
01:13:32,867 --> 01:13:34,868
(QUlCKLY READlNG FRENCH)
1138
01:13:39,832 --> 01:13:41,583
Slow down.
1139
01:13:42,543 --> 01:13:44,503
(QUlCKLY READlNG FRENCH)
1140
01:13:49,133 --> 01:13:50,509
Oh!
1141
01:13:55,348 --> 01:13:57,766
Spanish Armada.
1142
01:13:57,850 --> 01:14:00,268
Ah, 1588!
1143
01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:02,312
That is correct.
1144
01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:15,075
Ladies and gentlemen,
1145
01:14:15,159 --> 01:14:17,369
thanks to a generous donation
by Mr. Madison
1146
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:19,329
to the Knibb
High School library,
1147
01:14:19,413 --> 01:14:21,998
l've been able to arrange
for 10 different teachers
1148
01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:26,253
to administer
this academic decathlon
in various courses of study.
1149
01:14:26,337 --> 01:14:30,465
However, if there is
any attempt by
either contestant to cheat,
1150
01:14:30,550 --> 01:14:35,303
especially with my wife
who is a dirty, dirty tramp,
1151
01:14:35,388 --> 01:14:38,557
l am just gonna snap.
Do l make myself clear?
1152
01:14:40,434 --> 01:14:41,768
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
1153
01:14:41,853 --> 01:14:44,646
All right then.
Let the academic decathlon
begin!
1154
01:15:13,426 --> 01:15:15,135
(BlLLY LAUGHlNG)
1155
01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:32,444
Yes!
1156
01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:38,575
Second team
all-American. Harvard track.
1157
01:15:38,659 --> 01:15:42,078
ls that right?
1158
01:15:43,331 --> 01:15:46,791
Oh, gross! Did you see
that guy's balls?
1159
01:15:46,876 --> 01:15:49,127
Yeah. They were
weird-looking.
1160
01:15:54,717 --> 01:15:56,635
Whoa!
1161
01:16:34,548 --> 01:16:36,091
He's good.
1162
01:16:36,175 --> 01:16:40,720
"To be or not to be:
1163
01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:42,889
"that is the question.
1164
01:16:42,974 --> 01:16:45,767
"Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind
1165
01:16:45,851 --> 01:16:50,522
"to suffer the slings
and arrows of
outrageous fortune..."
1166
01:16:50,606 --> 01:16:52,607
BlLLY: "Or to take arms
1167
01:16:52,692 --> 01:16:56,278
"against a sea of troubles,
1168
01:16:56,362 --> 01:17:01,116
"and by opposing end them?
1169
01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:03,618
"To die:
1170
01:17:03,703 --> 01:17:06,955
"to sleep. No more."
1171
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,041
Yea, Billy!
1172
01:17:10,126 --> 01:17:12,502
Hey, hey, hey!
1173
01:17:12,586 --> 01:17:15,422
Who rules?
ALL: O'Doyle rules!
1174
01:17:15,506 --> 01:17:19,050
ALL:
O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!
1175
01:17:19,135 --> 01:17:25,473
O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!
1176
01:17:25,558 --> 01:17:27,267
O'Doyle rules!
1177
01:17:27,393 --> 01:17:29,394
(EXPLODlNG)
1178
01:17:42,116 --> 01:17:43,992
Good afternoon, students.
1179
01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:47,704
You've been invited here
to witness the 10th
and finaI event
1180
01:17:47,788 --> 01:17:52,000
in the competition between
Mr. Eric Gordon
and Mr. Billy Madison.
1181
01:17:59,300 --> 01:18:02,927
As of this moment,
Mr. Madison
is ahead by one point.
1182
01:18:05,765 --> 01:18:09,559
Each competitor will select
the final category
for his opponent.
1183
01:18:09,643 --> 01:18:11,186
Mr. Madison
will go first.
1184
01:18:11,270 --> 01:18:13,271
Mr. Gordon,
choose the topic.
1185
01:18:15,441 --> 01:18:16,608
"English Literature."
1186
01:18:17,777 --> 01:18:18,777
"U.S. Presidents."
1187
01:18:20,196 --> 01:18:21,404
"My Wife, the Tramp."
1188
01:18:23,240 --> 01:18:25,700
"Burning Dog Poo
and the Human Response."
1189
01:18:26,577 --> 01:18:29,704
"RefIections of Society
in Literature."
1190
01:18:29,789 --> 01:18:33,541
Reflections of Society
in Literature.
1191
01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:35,585
Good luck, schmuck.
1192
01:18:37,421 --> 01:18:40,423
Mr. Madison,
the IndustriaI RevoIution
1193
01:18:40,508 --> 01:18:43,385
changed the face
of the modern noveI forever.
1194
01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:46,971
Discuss,
citing specific examples.
1195
01:18:50,393 --> 01:18:52,310
MAN: Come on, Billy!
1196
01:18:53,729 --> 01:18:54,729
(CLEARING THROAT)
1197
01:18:58,150 --> 01:18:59,234
Come on!
1198
01:18:59,318 --> 01:19:02,904
AUDlENCE:
Come on, Billy, you can do it.
1199
01:19:04,907 --> 01:19:06,908
Okay.
1200
01:19:06,992 --> 01:19:08,868
The IndustriaI RevoIution
to me
1201
01:19:08,953 --> 01:19:13,581
is just like a story l know
called The Puppy
Who Lost His Way.
1202
01:19:15,584 --> 01:19:18,503
The world was changing,
1203
01:19:18,587 --> 01:19:23,466
and the puppy
was getting bigger.
1204
01:19:23,551 --> 01:19:27,595
So you see,
the puppy was like industry
1205
01:19:28,514 --> 01:19:32,183
in that they were
both Iost in the woods.
1206
01:19:33,018 --> 01:19:36,521
And nobody,
especially the little boy,
1207
01:19:36,605 --> 01:19:39,149
"society,"
1208
01:19:39,233 --> 01:19:41,359
knew where to find them.
1209
01:19:43,320 --> 01:19:47,657
Except that the puppy
was a dog.
1210
01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:50,618
But the industry, my friends,
1211
01:19:51,912 --> 01:19:54,330
that was a revoIution.
1212
01:19:57,668 --> 01:19:59,711
Knibb High football rules!
1213
01:20:13,392 --> 01:20:16,978
Mr. Madison,
what you've just said
1214
01:20:17,062 --> 01:20:21,149
is one of the most
insanely idiotic things
I have ever heard.
1215
01:20:21,233 --> 01:20:25,820
At no point in your rambling,
incoherent response
1216
01:20:25,905 --> 01:20:31,159
were you even close to
anything that could be
considered a rational thought.
1217
01:20:31,243 --> 01:20:36,164
Everyone in this room
is now dumber
for having listened to it.
1218
01:20:36,248 --> 01:20:41,127
l award you no points,
and may God have mercy
on your soul.
1219
01:20:42,296 --> 01:20:45,507
Okay, a simpIe "wrong"
wouId've done
just fine, but...
1220
01:20:45,591 --> 01:20:47,967
You remain one point ahead.
1221
01:20:48,052 --> 01:20:51,930
Mr. Gordon, it is your turn.
Mr. Madison, choose the topic.
1222
01:20:58,646 --> 01:21:01,940
l choose
Business Ethics.
1223
01:21:05,444 --> 01:21:07,278
Mr. Gordon,
1224
01:21:07,363 --> 01:21:10,490
the American business
environment has
fundamentally changed
1225
01:21:10,574 --> 01:21:14,285
following the insider trading
and savings and loan scandals.
1226
01:21:14,370 --> 01:21:17,622
Explain business ethics
and how they
are applied today.
1227
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:20,291
BOY: Boo!
1228
01:21:28,592 --> 01:21:32,220
(STAMMERING)
The ethics of business
1229
01:21:32,304 --> 01:21:34,931
can be summarized in...
1230
01:21:35,015 --> 01:21:36,391
BOY: Boo!
1231
01:21:38,310 --> 01:21:40,061
Yeah.
1232
01:21:40,145 --> 01:21:42,063
See...
1233
01:21:42,147 --> 01:21:44,941
Ethics are...
1234
01:21:45,025 --> 01:21:46,651
You know the...
1235
01:21:46,735 --> 01:21:48,486
The thing about ethics...
1236
01:21:48,612 --> 01:21:49,612
(SCREAMING)
1237
01:21:50,489 --> 01:21:51,489
(GUN FlRES)
1238
01:21:51,657 --> 01:21:53,116
(ALL CLAMORlNG)
1239
01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:55,368
That question
was not fair.
1240
01:21:55,452 --> 01:21:58,413
That was not in the reading.
l demand a new question.
1241
01:21:58,497 --> 01:22:02,959
Take it easy, psycho.
You blew it. You lose.
1242
01:22:03,043 --> 01:22:05,587
l oughta blow you away,
you miserable...
1243
01:22:05,671 --> 01:22:07,463
Go ahead and do it!
1244
01:22:08,799 --> 01:22:10,675
Yikes!
1245
01:22:10,759 --> 01:22:12,260
(SCREAMlNG)
1246
01:22:14,179 --> 01:22:15,430
No!
1247
01:22:16,515 --> 01:22:17,682
ERlC: Get off me!
1248
01:22:20,436 --> 01:22:21,436
(LAUGHlNG)
1249
01:22:24,356 --> 01:22:25,523
No!
1250
01:22:32,573 --> 01:22:36,034
Man, l'm glad
l called that guy!
1251
01:22:40,914 --> 01:22:42,081
Max, are you okay?
1252
01:22:42,166 --> 01:22:44,292
Yeah. Yeah, l'm okay.
1253
01:22:44,376 --> 01:22:45,543
Okay.
1254
01:22:45,628 --> 01:22:47,253
A little confused.
1255
01:22:47,338 --> 01:22:49,213
Kinda sweaty.
1256
01:22:49,298 --> 01:22:52,592
A little hungry,
but all in all l'm okay.
1257
01:23:04,855 --> 01:23:08,775
Thank you, thank you,
thank you very much.
1258
01:23:08,859 --> 01:23:12,612
Well, what can l say?
l graduated.
1259
01:23:12,696 --> 01:23:14,280
It's over. I did it.
1260
01:23:14,365 --> 01:23:19,035
l know most of you
are saying, "Hey, any idiot
couId do that."
1261
01:23:19,119 --> 01:23:23,915
Well, it was tough for me,
so back off!
1262
01:23:24,041 --> 01:23:25,500
Sorry. Sorry about that.
1263
01:23:25,584 --> 01:23:28,836
Yahoo, Billy!
Billy's number one! Yahoo!
1264
01:23:31,548 --> 01:23:33,424
BlLLY: That's nice, buddy.
1265
01:23:33,759 --> 01:23:37,470
Yahoo! Yahoo for schooI!
1266
01:23:37,554 --> 01:23:39,180
Yahoo for me!
1267
01:23:39,264 --> 01:23:40,682
(STUDENTS CHEERlNG)
1268
01:23:41,684 --> 01:23:45,853
Anyways, this hotel stuff
really isn't for me.
1269
01:23:45,938 --> 01:23:50,149
So I decided to step down
as chairman of Madison HoteIs
1270
01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:52,860
and give the company
to CarI.
1271
01:23:53,445 --> 01:23:54,445
(AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG)
1272
01:23:58,450 --> 01:24:01,953
l'm gonna go to college.
l'm gonna be a teacher.
1273
01:24:02,287 --> 01:24:04,330
(AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG)
1274
01:24:04,415 --> 01:24:06,249
Peace! I'm outta here!
1275
01:24:08,127 --> 01:24:09,711
Daddy!
1276
01:24:09,795 --> 01:24:13,089
What can l say?
l saved the day, l guess.
1277
01:24:13,173 --> 01:24:15,299
Eric doesn't take over
the company.
1278
01:24:16,135 --> 01:24:18,553
Are you sure
this is what you want to do?
1279
01:24:18,637 --> 01:24:20,972
l'm sure, Dad.
And thanks for everything.
1280
01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:22,473
(CHUCKLlNG)
1281
01:24:24,518 --> 01:24:27,729
Max! What can l say, buddy?
You saved my life.
1282
01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:30,690
You don't have to say
anything. l'm so proud of you.
1283
01:24:31,984 --> 01:24:33,818
l'm still horny.
1284
01:24:33,902 --> 01:24:35,194
Jesus!
1285
01:24:35,320 --> 01:24:37,613
All right, man,
you're hurting me.
1286
01:24:42,536 --> 01:24:44,662
You think he's horny.
1287
01:24:44,747 --> 01:24:46,080
Come here.
1288
01:25:44,932 --> 01:25:46,682
(THE STROKE PLAYlNG)
86777
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swedish
Tajik
Tatar
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof