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00:00:02,394 --> 00:00:04,728
♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:07,748
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:11,418
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:14,421
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,573 --> 00:00:18,075
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:21,411
♪ Lucky there's a man whopositively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:22,929
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,082 --> 00:00:24,189
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:30,154
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:35,761 --> 00:00:37,202
Where's Dad?
11
00:00:37,354 --> 00:00:39,446
It's office birthdays today
at the brewery.
12
00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:41,540
Ever since your father
was put in charge,
13
00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:43,525
he's been taking it
very seriously.
14
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,769
Okay, Brian,
what do you got for me?
15
00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:47,379
Okay, birthday jokes.
16
00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:51,108
"We may be colleagues, but
there's no one in your league."
17
00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:52,793
Boy, that's a brick
off the backboard.
18
00:00:52,945 --> 00:00:54,127
Chris, what do you got?
19
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,780
"I drove the family
to Disneyland for vacation,
20
00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:59,449
"and when we got off
the highway, the sign said,
21
00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:03,103
'Disneyland, Left,'
so we drove back home."
22
00:01:03,972 --> 00:01:05,880
Chris, that's going in the show.
23
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,973
See that, Brian?
24
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:08,400
Don't be afraid
to pull the heartstrings.
25
00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:10,903
Peter, don't you think you might
be putting too much time
26
00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,388
into office birthdays
and not enough into your job?
27
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,224
Come on, Lois. It's the one
thing I look forward to at work.
28
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,801
It's the one thing I'm good at.
29
00:01:17,861 --> 00:01:20,079
I am to birthdays
what J.K. Rowling is
30
00:01:20,230 --> 00:01:22,730
to now-problematic
wizard stories.
31
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,641
Perhaps Slytherin
32
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:27,235
or maybe Hufflepuff
33
00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:30,422
or trans women
aren't really women.
34
00:01:30,574 --> 00:01:31,423
Wait, what?
35
00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:34,075
I mean, uh,
the first two things.
36
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:37,170
Okay, who's the next
girl or boy?
37
00:01:37,323 --> 00:01:39,181
There's only those two.
38
00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:45,329
PETER:
Who's ready for June birthdays?
39
00:01:45,347 --> 00:01:46,346
(cheering)
40
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,683
(lively orchestral music
playing)
41
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:53,170
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
42
00:01:53,188 --> 00:01:56,264
♪ Every birthday boy and girlwho's on the clock ♪
43
00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:58,358
♪ First there's Anniefrom accounting ♪
44
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,101
♪ Just turned 40,but who's counting? ♪
45
00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:03,163
♪ And that old guy Frankdown on the dock ♪
46
00:02:04,274 --> 00:02:06,625
Ladies and gentlemen,
Leslie Uggams.
47
00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:11,154
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
48
00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:14,282
♪ Ah, tole, da, da-doe-da,tinkin' can ♪
49
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,193
♪ All the hanna-manna wishes ♪
50
00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:17,711
♪ And the hanna-wenna fishes ♪
51
00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:21,140
♪ Out of all the morning glorieson the spam ♪
52
00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:23,867
♪ Because it's June ♪
53
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,369
♪ Da-da-da ♪
54
00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:28,963
♪ Just because it's June, June ♪
55
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:32,042
♪ June! ♪
56
00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,469
- (song ends)
- (applause)
57
00:02:34,563 --> 00:02:36,321
Wait, isn't it November?
58
00:02:36,548 --> 00:02:39,366
Who cares? They are marvelous.
59
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,648
So I drove my family
down to Disneyland for vacation.
60
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,650
When we got off the highway,
the sign said,
61
00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:51,503
"Disneyland, Left,"
so we drove back home.
62
00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:54,581
(laughter)
63
00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:56,566
Thanks. I wrote that.
64
00:02:56,585 --> 00:02:58,468
Oh, I'll show him.
65
00:03:01,089 --> 00:03:03,515
I own the school paper.
66
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,909
Get me dirt
on Principal Shepherd's car.
67
00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:08,078
I also own the school car wash.
68
00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:10,063
Myeah. Myeah.
69
00:03:14,102 --> 00:03:16,177
Children, please continue
independent play
70
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:19,681
while I go see
if I just sneezed my tampon out.
71
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,517
Let's see. Any good reads here?
72
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,744
Hmm, what's this?
73
00:03:25,781 --> 00:03:27,431
Hmm.
74
00:03:27,449 --> 00:03:29,691
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
75
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,668
My word, this is brilliant.
76
00:03:33,697 --> 00:03:35,631
Now to find my mark.
77
00:03:36,775 --> 00:03:38,442
Hey, Stewie. What you reading?
78
00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:40,719
Something with
different cloths to feel?
79
00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,447
No, not since, uh...
not since COVID.
80
00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:47,300
I say, Doug, it appears you've
got something on your shirt.
81
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:48,618
Is that so?
82
00:03:48,637 --> 00:03:50,646
♪ ♪
83
00:04:01,766 --> 00:04:04,660
(slow-motion groaning)
84
00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:10,732
Ha-ha!
There's nothing on your shirt!
85
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,376
It was all a ruse.
86
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:17,981
(wailing)
87
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,758
Doug, are you okay?
88
00:04:19,909 --> 00:04:21,334
Oh, my God, what happened?
89
00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:23,837
- Who did this to you?
- Stewie.
90
00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:26,098
Stewart Griffin-Suarez,
is that true?
91
00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:26,914
No!
92
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:27,915
And thank you for that.
93
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:29,493
Rupert and I
decided to hyphenate.
94
00:04:29,586 --> 00:04:31,770
I hope it doesn't make me look
like too much of a pushover.
95
00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:33,772
Now, where was I? Oh, yes.
96
00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,348
(sighs) Screw it.
97
00:04:35,501 --> 00:04:36,591
Yes, I hit him.
98
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,110
And it was glorious.
99
00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,670
This is
your third strike, Stewie.
100
00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:42,114
That means no more time-outs.
101
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,615
You get a detention.
102
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:44,932
Detention?
103
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,526
(scoffs) You can't scare me.
104
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,029
The only thing that scares me
is a sudden loud noise,
105
00:04:49,181 --> 00:04:50,455
even if it's only spoken.
106
00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:52,273
TV ANNOUNCER:We now return to Val Kilmer
107
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,608
and Robert Downey Jr.
108
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,776
-in Kiss Kiss...
- Ooh!
109
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,420
- ...Bang Bang!
- (screams)
110
00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,708
So, how did
the birthday thing go?
111
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:03,026
Amazing, Lois.
112
00:05:03,045 --> 00:05:04,803
I've even been asked
to do a TED Talk.
113
00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:08,140
What is a birthday?
114
00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:10,291
I think it can best
be understood by breaking down
115
00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:13,145
the word "birth" and "day."
116
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,221
Where the hell is everyone?
117
00:05:15,374 --> 00:05:17,441
Ah, okay. Now it makes sense.
118
00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:24,714
(kissing) Bye-bye, Stewie.
119
00:05:24,733 --> 00:05:25,899
Yeah, buh-bye, whatever.
120
00:05:26,051 --> 00:05:27,308
Stewie, where are you headed?
121
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,885
You've got detention
this morning.
122
00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:30,162
That's where I'm headed.
123
00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:32,998
Stewie, no, detention
isn't in preschool.
124
00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:34,982
It's in
the elementary school building.
125
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,501
(dramatic musical sting)
126
00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:38,228
The elementary school?
127
00:05:38,246 --> 00:05:40,005
But that's where
the big kids are.
128
00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:41,414
(dramatic musical sting)
129
00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:44,509
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I ruins y'all's reveal?
130
00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:46,753
Let me go ahead
and scooch back a little.
131
00:05:46,905 --> 00:05:49,239
Beep, beep, beep.
132
00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:50,574
(dramatic musical sting)
133
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:54,728
Oh, no!
Look at that big scary school!
134
00:05:56,248 --> 00:05:58,231
(dramatic musical sting)
135
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,528
♪ ♪
136
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,759
My God, these kids
have their teeth.
137
00:06:09,778 --> 00:06:12,445
And where are their pacifiers?
How do they ever sleep?
138
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,264
Detention kids are scary.
139
00:06:14,282 --> 00:06:17,000
Especially that fourth grader
writing on the board.
140
00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:22,363
Ah, that is such a load of
141
00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:25,158
(Mickey Mouse voice)
truth, a wonderful
load of truth.
142
00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:27,386
(disco music playing inside)
143
00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:30,705
(disco music continues)
144
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,282
All right, birthdays.
145
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,967
(disco whoop)
Whoop, whoop!
146
00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:35,727
MAN:
What the hell is this?
147
00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:37,211
It's happy birthday
148
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,622
(disco whoop)
to you.
149
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:39,956
I didn't approve this.
150
00:06:39,975 --> 00:06:41,291
Oh, yeah? Well, who the hell are
151
00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:42,550
(disco whoop)
you-you?
152
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,960
I'm Preston Lloyd,
153
00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:46,463
the new manager of the brewery
and your boss.
154
00:06:46,481 --> 00:06:48,055
(disco whoop)
Is that true-true?
155
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:52,302
Yes. And I've been charged with
improving brewery productivity.
156
00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:55,305
And it has become clear to me
that the best way to start is
157
00:06:55,323 --> 00:06:58,324
by canceling office birthdays,
effective immediately.
158
00:06:58,477 --> 00:06:59,976
I don't know how to stop
on roller skates,
159
00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:02,379
so hang on until
I run out of momentum.
160
00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:05,632
What?!
161
00:07:11,506 --> 00:07:14,599
But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't
cancel office birthdays.
162
00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:16,509
I'm pretty sure I can.
163
00:07:16,662 --> 00:07:19,604
Mr. Griffin, I like
focused, productive employees.
164
00:07:19,756 --> 00:07:22,682
But this is a brewery.
Beer is supposed to be fun.
165
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,851
I've been sober for 46 years.
166
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,761
- How old are you?
- 46.
167
00:07:26,855 --> 00:07:28,596
A brewery is not about
getting drunk.
168
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,839
It's a business.
169
00:07:29,858 --> 00:07:32,676
I need disciplined,
productive employees.
170
00:07:32,694 --> 00:07:34,027
Can you be that, Mr. Griffin?
171
00:07:34,179 --> 00:07:35,512
Oh, heavens, no.
172
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,289
Then we're going to have
a problem.
173
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,975
But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't
take away office birthdays.
174
00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:40,942
People love 'em.
175
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,202
(sighs)
176
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,796
If it means that much
to the employees, fine.
177
00:07:44,948 --> 00:07:45,947
Yay!
178
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,373
- I'll do them.
- Aw.
179
00:07:47,526 --> 00:07:49,693
- (feedback squeals)
- Attention, employees.
180
00:07:49,711 --> 00:07:51,285
This is Mr. Lloyd, your manager.
181
00:07:51,379 --> 00:07:52,620
I will now resume
182
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,364
the office birthday celebration
from earlier.
183
00:07:54,382 --> 00:07:55,456
(clears throat)
184
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:59,369
Helen Daily, date of birth
12/10/1968.
185
00:07:59,387 --> 00:08:03,798
Martin Burke, date of birth
12/13/1969.
186
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,968
J.H. Christ, 12/25...
187
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,213
zero, zero, zero, zero.
188
00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:12,974
You now have two minutes
to consume cake.
189
00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:15,994
(stopwatch ticking)
190
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,999
(lively chatter)
191
00:08:24,563 --> 00:08:26,913
Hey, do you know where I can
get a pacifier in this place?
192
00:08:27,065 --> 00:08:27,989
I'm jonesing.
193
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,008
Anyone hears you
say that in here,
194
00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:31,492
you'll get your ass kicked.
195
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:34,738
You're the "something
on your shirt" kid, right?
196
00:08:34,756 --> 00:08:35,755
How did you know?
197
00:08:35,907 --> 00:08:39,000
Well, I make it
my business to know.
198
00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:40,760
You got purdy lips.
199
00:08:40,912 --> 00:08:42,579
Why, thank you.
It's a new serum.
200
00:08:42,597 --> 00:08:45,098
Move over, lip balms.
The secret is retinol.
201
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,525
Let's talk later.
202
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,863
I can't believe
the new jerk manager
203
00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:53,347
canceled office birthdays.
204
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,516
It was the one thing in life
I looked forward to.
205
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,762
Is this manager
a no-nonsense, button-down man
206
00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,688
who's also been in the military?
207
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,541
- How'd you know?
- Mm-hmm.
208
00:09:02,768 --> 00:09:04,525
- Well, what do I do?
- Take it from a lawman,
209
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,861
whenever authorities have tried
to take away something
210
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,288
the people find precious,
211
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,882
the people have found ways
around the law.
212
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:13,718
They always find a way,
like nature.
213
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,220
- (birds chirping)
- Look at that.
214
00:09:15,447 --> 00:09:18,390
Tree bent to keep growing
toward the sun.
215
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:22,561
Anyway, I'm Joe,
and I don't do a lot of these.
216
00:09:25,457 --> 00:09:27,232
Boy, wouldn't you like to know
217
00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:29,642
what those little guys
are saying?
218
00:09:29,795 --> 00:09:31,695
♪ ♪
219
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:41,913
PETER:
What's the password?
220
00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:43,540
(hushed)
"Fat man."
221
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:47,460
- (lively chatter)
- (jazzy piano music playing)
222
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,260
I'd like to wish
all you birthday boys and girls
223
00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:57,487
a special day
with the help of...
224
00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:58,579
The Beatles.
225
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,557
One, two, three, hit it.
226
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,251
(crowd cheering)
227
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,272
(jazzy piano music playing)
228
00:10:08,091 --> 00:10:09,256
The boss is coming.
229
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,692
- (music stops)
- (clamoring)
230
00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:18,358
And this is our final stop
on the tour.
231
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:19,359
What's this room?
232
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,119
Oh, this is
an unused meeting room
233
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:23,029
that no one pays attention to.
234
00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:24,848
Ah. Well, then,
235
00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:27,500
I suppose there's no need
to pay any attention.
236
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,374
Okay, there was an elderly
Jewish family hiding in there,
237
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,693
and I don't know
what to tell them.
238
00:10:36,786 --> 00:10:39,471
- (school bell ringing)
- (kids chattering)
239
00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:42,365
Well, Stewie, you've completed
your detention.
240
00:10:42,384 --> 00:10:44,050
What have you learned
from this experience?
241
00:10:44,202 --> 00:10:45,727
That your mother's a whore.
242
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,134
Hey, Stewie.
How was your detention?
243
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,228
Brian Griffin,
is that really you?
244
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,971
Been a long time, it has.
245
00:10:57,065 --> 00:10:58,398
I saw you this morning.
246
00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:01,567
The world's gone and got itself
in a big damn hurry.
247
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,070
You lose track of time
on the inside, Brian.
248
00:11:04,222 --> 00:11:05,238
You wouldn't know.
249
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,647
You ain't seen
the things I've seen.
250
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,559
Preschool detention?
No, I guess I haven't.
251
00:11:09,577 --> 00:11:11,394
- What'd you do in there?
- Got jacked.
252
00:11:11,413 --> 00:11:14,464
- You look exactly the same.
- And yet I got jacked.
253
00:11:17,419 --> 00:11:20,011
Okay, time to make
this office my own
254
00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:23,072
and decorate it
with my prized achievements.
255
00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:25,666
Ah, let's start with
my Big Mouth Billy Bass
256
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,018
with the battery removed
257
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:30,105
so I don't have to be
interrupted by that nonsense.
258
00:11:31,599 --> 00:11:33,599
Ah, my framed ticket stub
259
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:36,602
from opening night of
Independence Day.
260
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,238
My Purple Heart.
261
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,658
- (jazzy piano music playing)
- (lively chatter)
262
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,111
Today, for
a special birthdays treat,
263
00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:47,497
I've acquired Marty McFly's amp.
264
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,545
(low electrical humming)
265
00:12:00,111 --> 00:12:01,945
Who's ready to rock birthdays?
266
00:12:01,963 --> 00:12:03,722
(cheering)
267
00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:07,541
There.
268
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,620
A lifetime of
fragilely framed achievements.
269
00:12:10,713 --> 00:12:12,731
(electric guitar blares)
270
00:12:12,882 --> 00:12:14,232
What the hell?
271
00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:20,313
(gasps)
272
00:12:20,465 --> 00:12:21,406
Mr. Lloyd!
273
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:22,890
What is going on in here?
274
00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:24,817
(gasps)
275
00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:27,320
Ow! Ow! Aah!
276
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,805
Sorry.
277
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:30,081
Aah! That didn't work!
278
00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:31,657
Ow, my bones!
279
00:12:31,810 --> 00:12:33,810
I had a very good rotation guy
work on this.
280
00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:35,478
Ow, though!
281
00:12:35,497 --> 00:12:37,589
Ow! Please stop!
282
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,424
Sorry. Sorry.
I-I don't know what to say.
283
00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:41,408
I'll call the guy. I-I don't
know, I don't know what to say.
284
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,261
Griffin, is this some kind of
285
00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:45,430
secret birthday
celebration room?
286
00:12:45,581 --> 00:12:48,674
I made a decision
to cancel office birthdays,
287
00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:50,676
and it was very explicit.
288
00:12:50,829 --> 00:12:52,011
There was nudity?
289
00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:55,014
Mr. Griffin, you leave me
no other choice.
290
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,258
- You're fired.
- Fired?
291
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,611
Can I still get paid
and just not come?
292
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:00,779
No.
293
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:02,839
Well, I guess
it's time to say goodbye
294
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:05,675
to the security guards
whose names I never learned.
295
00:13:05,693 --> 00:13:08,011
Take care, Cap'n.
296
00:13:08,104 --> 00:13:09,454
Stay golden, Chief.
297
00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:11,180
Be well, Buckaroo.
298
00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:13,124
Bye,
Francesca Louise Allessandro.
299
00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:15,943
Say hi to Max and Samuel
and your sister Eloise for me.
300
00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,629
And good luck
with your night courses.
301
00:13:17,856 --> 00:13:19,856
Hey, do you have, like,
a nickname on Instagram?
302
00:13:19,874 --> 00:13:21,257
I'm having trouble finding you.
303
00:13:27,048 --> 00:13:29,290
I can't believe you were fired
from the brewery.
304
00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:31,551
I mean, how are we gonna
pay our bills?
305
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,718
That depends.
306
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,295
When you use Venmo,
do they just, like,
307
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:36,147
believe you
that you have the money?
308
00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:37,315
No.
309
00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:39,150
- Right?
- CHRIS AND MEG: No.
310
00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:41,060
Fine. Maybe they'll take me back
311
00:13:41,212 --> 00:13:43,822
as the Radio City Rockette
with too-big shoes.
312
00:13:43,973 --> 00:13:46,074
(lively big band music playing)
313
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,204
Shoes!
314
00:13:56,744 --> 00:13:57,985
Shoes!
315
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,879
Should we just get him
smaller shoes?
316
00:14:00,031 --> 00:14:02,131
Wouldn't matter.
He butters his feet.
317
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,178
Stewie, breakfast!
318
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:09,514
(harmonica playing somber music)
319
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:21,342
When did this new slab of beef
get delivered?
320
00:14:21,436 --> 00:14:23,177
My name's Chris.
321
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,088
You don't have a name
until I give you one.
322
00:14:25,106 --> 00:14:28,441
You're a little young and plump
to be in a place like this.
323
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,609
You need a friend.
324
00:14:29,777 --> 00:14:31,944
Someone who can provide you
with protection.
325
00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:33,613
I could be your friend.
326
00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:36,023
All we'll need is
a BIC pen and a lighter.
327
00:14:36,117 --> 00:14:39,118
Why? So you can burn
a swastika into my butt?
328
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,213
Well, you just ruined
the surprise, you goofball.
329
00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:50,613
Oh. Stewie.
330
00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:51,948
(chuckles nervously)
331
00:14:51,966 --> 00:14:53,391
What brings you by?
332
00:14:53,618 --> 00:14:55,209
You're gonna give me
what I want.
333
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,544
Um, wh-what are you
talking about?
334
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,046
You know.
335
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,715
We're doing this, and you're
gonna find a way to enjoy it.
336
00:15:01,809 --> 00:15:04,027
(sobbing)
337
00:15:05,964 --> 00:15:08,031
(upbeat electronic musicplaying)
338
00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:11,910
(sobbing)
I-I don't like it.
339
00:15:12,137 --> 00:15:14,637
I don't understand
what's happening.
340
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:16,989
The three sisters have
a magic hopscotch board
341
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,583
that turns them
into superheroes,
342
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:20,660
but only at night
and never if it's raining.
343
00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:23,312
It's too complicated and noisy.
344
00:15:23,406 --> 00:15:25,314
Yeah, it is
both of those things.
345
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,408
And their cat speaks French.
346
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,910
(sobbing)
347
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,638
Yeah. Yeah.
348
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,100
Oh, there you are, Rupert.
349
00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:38,585
Funny how I never got
a visit in detention.
350
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,729
Not even a letter.
351
00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:42,774
What do you mean
you couldn't find a stamp?
352
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:44,016
Well, no need to mail it now.
353
00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:45,592
Show me the letter.
354
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,170
Show me the damn letter!
355
00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:48,780
I met a new friend in detention.
356
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,931
His name is
Thomas the Shank Engine.
357
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,009
I think it's time you two met.
358
00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:54,768
You want to meet him? (grunting)
359
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,028
What's going on in here?
360
00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:58,122
You don't know
what detention was like, Brian.
361
00:15:58,274 --> 00:16:00,516
I feel like I aged
four years in there.
362
00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:04,278
On the first day, an older boy
put two fingers on my nose
363
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,023
and just took it right off my
face and held it in front of me
364
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,633
and said, "I got it.
I got your nose."
365
00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:10,134
That ever happen to you, Brian?
366
00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:13,120
You ever seen your own nose
wiggling between two fingers
367
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,955
right in front of your face?
368
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,457
And he never gave it back.
369
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,310
- Stewie, what's going on
in here?
- (sobbing)
370
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:20,979
Okay, you are coming with me.
371
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:23,556
(sobbing)
They've got my nose, Brian.
372
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:25,799
They've got my nose.
373
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,543
(sobbing)
374
00:16:27,562 --> 00:16:29,045
They've got my--
375
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:30,137
(sighs)
Ah.
376
00:16:30,231 --> 00:16:31,714
This changes everything.
377
00:16:31,807 --> 00:16:33,140
Ooh, bubbles!
378
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:36,661
Aw, looks like somebody was
overdue for his bath time.
379
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:39,388
That's why you've been
so cranky.
380
00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:42,892
All right, after this, we'll get
you into your footsie jammies
381
00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:45,077
and tucked into bed.
382
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:48,748
Ah, finally, I can put
that whole detention experience
383
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:50,758
behind me and just live.
384
00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:54,178
Whoa.
385
00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:56,255
Yep, so that's how your granddad
386
00:16:56,407 --> 00:16:58,499
got his back tattoo
and hepatitis.
387
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,243
Never share a needle
with Ben Affleck.
388
00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:02,245
How did you
and Other Granddaddy meet?
389
00:17:02,338 --> 00:17:03,763
That's a story
for when you're older.
390
00:17:03,915 --> 00:17:05,931
The kids at school were asking
if you're a bottom or a top.
391
00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:07,433
They should not be asking that.
392
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,935
They said if that was your
answer, then you were a bottom.
393
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,604
Who are these (bleep) kids
you're talking to?
394
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,699
I would like to have a word
with their attractive fathers.
395
00:17:19,264 --> 00:17:21,205
And that's how you say
"productivity"
396
00:17:21,357 --> 00:17:23,041
in 11 different languages,
397
00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:26,360
which, in hindsight, was not
a productive use of time.
398
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,770
Oh, sorry to interrupt.
399
00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:29,955
I just came to clear the
search history off my computer
400
00:17:30,108 --> 00:17:32,366
before the I.T. guy--
uhp, he's already got it.
401
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,278
Boy, you're really all in
on Asa Akira.
402
00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,871
Way off, pal. This is
the only place I can masturbate.
403
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,099
Griffin, just go.
404
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,436
♪ ♪
405
00:17:48,976 --> 00:17:51,811
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
406
00:17:51,963 --> 00:17:53,296
Mr. Pabian.
407
00:17:53,314 --> 00:17:55,281
Get down from there at once.
408
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:57,983
♪ ♪
409
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,152
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
410
00:18:00,305 --> 00:18:01,895
Ms. Towers, get down.
411
00:18:01,989 --> 00:18:04,640
Do you hear me?
I order you to get down.
412
00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:06,659
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
413
00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,920
Get down! Every one of you.
414
00:18:09,147 --> 00:18:11,572
That is a direct order.
Do you hear me?
415
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,333
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
416
00:18:14,485 --> 00:18:16,152
Oh, fat man,
my fat man.
417
00:18:16,245 --> 00:18:18,763
Oh... (speaking gibberish)
418
00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:21,516
Thank you all. Thank you.
419
00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:27,513
As someone
who doesn't remember movies,
420
00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:31,091
I've never seen such an original
display of faith in a colleague.
421
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,444
- Peter, you're rehired.
- Really?
422
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:36,447
(sighs)
Griffin, I guess I've learned
423
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:39,692
that employees are
willing to endure a crappy job,
424
00:18:39,844 --> 00:18:43,362
low pay, meaningless work,
no upward mobility,
425
00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:46,515
laughable benefits packages,
countless OSHA violations,
426
00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:49,368
exposure to hazardous waste
and emotional abuse
427
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:53,205
as long as there are balloons
and pieces of cake once a month.
428
00:18:53,358 --> 00:18:55,358
I guess I can allow that.
429
00:18:55,376 --> 00:18:57,209
(cheering)
430
00:18:57,362 --> 00:19:01,472
And I've learned that every
office needs a worst employee
431
00:19:01,699 --> 00:19:04,049
that all the other employees
can look down on.
432
00:19:04,202 --> 00:19:06,644
I can be that.
I can be that guy.
433
00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:08,312
Now, if you'll excuse me.
434
00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:11,465
Hey-hey,
Francesca Louise Allessandro!
435
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,317
Good news.
I found your Instagram.
436
00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:15,561
Did you see the 90 photos
I liked in a row
437
00:19:15,713 --> 00:19:17,155
last night at 2:00 a.m.?
438
00:19:17,306 --> 00:19:20,491
Also, who's @BeckyFitness96, and
can you tell her to unblock me?
439
00:19:26,391 --> 00:19:28,982
Well, Peter, I'm glad
you got your job back.
440
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,984
Me, too, Lois,
but I am gonna miss
441
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,336
getting to perform every week.
442
00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:35,748
You don't need to be in charge
of birthdays to perform.
443
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,324
You know, you're right, Chris.
444
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,494
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
445
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,572
♪ It's birthdaysand na-na-na-na-na ♪
446
00:19:43,591 --> 00:19:44,573
- ♪ And a zabba... ♪
- (doorbell rings)
447
00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:47,000
(Peter continues
singing gibberish)
448
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,261
(audience cheers and applauds)
449
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:53,024
Oh, my! Tony Award-winning
performer Leslie Uggams?
450
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:55,008
What are you doing here?
451
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,843
I heard you were
singing my song,
452
00:19:56,938 --> 00:19:59,012
but I think
you got the words wrong.
453
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,440
It isn't "hana-wanna-dada-baba."
454
00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:05,185
- It's "da-zalway-da-da-zee-za."
- Oh, oh, okay.
455
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,613
And then is it, uh,
something about Nash Bridges?
456
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:11,100
No, it's "all the little bit
of dridges."
457
00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:13,102
Ah, "little bit of dridges,"
of course.
458
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:15,529
(laughs) Now you got it!
459
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,439
Come on!
460
00:20:16,457 --> 00:20:18,049
(lively orchestra music playing)
461
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,277
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
462
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:24,780
♪ All overthe meadow and the hill ♪
463
00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:26,373
♪ And da-zalway-da-da-zee-za ♪
464
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,375
♪ All the little bitof dridges ♪
465
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:31,787
♪ And the morning gloriesand the fez ♪
466
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,880
♪ Because it's June ♪
467
00:20:33,975 --> 00:20:35,716
♪ June, June, June ♪
468
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,311
♪ Bustin' out, it's June, June ♪
469
00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:41,814
♪ June! ♪
470
00:20:41,966 --> 00:20:42,815
(song ends)
471
00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:44,242
Bravo!
472
00:20:44,393 --> 00:20:47,078
That's from the 1945 Rodgers
and Hammerstein musical
473
00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:49,638
Carousel, about
carousel barker Billy Bigelow,
474
00:20:49,657 --> 00:20:51,916
whose romance with
mill worker Julie Jordan
475
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,143
comes at the price
of both their jobs.
476
00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:56,829
If you want to know more
about it, ask your grandfather,
477
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,405
who was dragged
to see it on a date
478
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,591
and then had to get married
to touch boob.
32916
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