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WHEN I WAS DEAD
A comedy in three acts.
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The husband: Ernst Lubitsch.
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The wife: Louise Schenrich.
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Mother-in-law: Lanchen Voss.
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Mr Ernst Lubitsch,
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We shall await you this evening
for the Championship Tournament.
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The Chess Club.
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You're staying here.
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At the chess club.
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One o'clock in the morning.
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Apparently someone once died
playing chess.
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Finally.
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Checkmate.
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He's in for some fun now.
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Sleep, little one, sleep.
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00:08:55,827 --> 00:09:01,124
In my house, I'm the one
who wears the trousers.
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Those aren't trousers,
they're long johns.
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Dear husband,
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I don't wish my life to be soured
as a result of your passions,
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so it is probably best that we divorce.
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One of us must leave the house
by the end of the day.
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Louise.
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Dear husband,
I don't wish my life to be...
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You know where the door is,
don't you?
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Chop chop.
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Dear wife,
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When you read these lines
I will no longer be among the living.
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Adieu for ever!
Yours, Ernst.
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Moritz Verbinder, Marriage Agency
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At the marriage broker.
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Do you have anything in stock?
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Come to Kaiser Café tomorrow afternoon.
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I'll introduce my daughter to you there.
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All this gadding about
is really rather pointless.
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What have you ever done for me?
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An intelligent young man
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is sought as a valet in a noble house.
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Enquire at: 117 Hohenzollerndamm.
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That's my house.
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You're hired.
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This could be lovely.
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Ernst begins work.
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Entrance for servants
and delivery men.
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I like this man.
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The old lady is just jealous.
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May I introduce myself
to the untidy lady?
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Do you have any old clothes to sell?
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Twenty-five marks for the lot.
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Throw this picture in the bin.
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WHEN I WAS DEAD
Act III
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The new candidate
is expected at dinner.
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Our guest will sit here.
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Let him wait.
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My blessed husband.
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After the meal.
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A few days later.
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Ernst must pick up his mother-in-law
from the theatre.
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Tell nobody about this.
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If you do, I shall never
recover from the shame.
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Only if you leave here immediately
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and never let us
set eyes on you again.
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Make like a banana and split.
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The next morning.
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Didn't you know
you've been dead for ages?
4294
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