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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO ๏ปฟ1 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:28,250 Cardassian disruptor, Klingon disruptor, 2 00:00:28,307 --> 00:00:30,597 Romulan disruptor. why are we throwing out 3 00:00:30,622 --> 00:00:31,922 so many disruptors? 4 00:00:31,957 --> 00:00:33,359 Orders from the Grand Nagus. 5 00:00:33,392 --> 00:00:35,627 No more arms sales. We're going straight. 6 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:37,763 But these are worth a fortune. 7 00:00:37,796 --> 00:00:38,864 Rom doesn't care. 8 00:00:38,897 --> 00:00:40,699 He says equality and hospitality 9 00:00:40,732 --> 00:00:42,266 are more profitable in the long run. 10 00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:43,991 I want to be rich now. 11 00:00:44,016 --> 00:00:45,500 What even is this thing? 12 00:00:45,525 --> 00:00:47,833 Careful! That's a Genesis Device! 13 00:00:47,906 --> 00:00:49,593 No, it isn't. It's too small. 14 00:00:49,618 --> 00:00:51,777 It's an updated portable version. 15 00:00:51,810 --> 00:00:53,879 These are used to terraform planets. 16 00:00:53,912 --> 00:00:55,757 You could have rearranged our molecules. 17 00:00:55,781 --> 00:00:57,825 We should rearrange the captain's molecules 18 00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,688 for leaving so much latinum on the table. 19 00:00:59,712 --> 00:01:02,320 We could buy a ship with this. Maybe even a fleet. 20 00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:05,524 Gem doesn't care. He thinks Rom is the next Lonz. 21 00:01:05,557 --> 00:01:08,000 We're under attack! 22 00:01:08,085 --> 00:01:10,792 Right on time. 23 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:19,771 Move us away from that ship. Full impulse. 24 00:01:19,805 --> 00:01:21,816 But, Captain, they could be looking to trade. 25 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,843 It's always good business to know about new customers 26 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,087 before they walk in your door. 27 00:01:26,111 --> 00:01:28,414 Ah, ah. Rule of acquisition 62: 28 00:01:28,447 --> 00:01:30,875 "The riskier the road, the greater the profit." 29 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:32,335 Come on, get on with it. 30 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,162 Jeef, you're up to something. I can smell it. 31 00:01:35,187 --> 00:01:36,764 I don't know what you're talking about. 32 00:01:36,788 --> 00:01:38,890 You're only here as a favor to my cousin. 33 00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:41,259 I never trusted you. Throw him out the airlock! 34 00:01:41,292 --> 00:01:42,870 They told me we would make a profit. 35 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,500 I knew it! 36 00:01:44,525 --> 00:01:46,164 They're firing at us! 37 00:03:01,289 --> 00:03:05,176 Captain's log, stardate 58901.. 38 00:03:05,210 --> 00:03:07,833 The Cerritos has traveled to Ferenginar. 39 00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:11,091 The Ferengi leadership is submitting a formal application 40 00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:13,719 to begin the process of joining the Federation... 41 00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:16,789 an alliance that could benefit the entire quadrant. 42 00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,257 This may just be a first step, 43 00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:21,875 but it's still a historic occasion. 44 00:03:21,953 --> 00:03:24,105 I hope you've been practicing your notarizing. 45 00:03:24,129 --> 00:03:26,532 You are about to witness the quickest signing 46 00:03:26,565 --> 00:03:27,601 in Starfleet history. 47 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:29,367 These are the Ferengi, Admiral. 48 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,069 I think we should be prepared for... 49 00:03:31,102 --> 00:03:33,080 A cakewalk? We're not dealing with 50 00:03:33,104 --> 00:03:35,406 the old Ferenginar anymore. Rom and Leeta 51 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,084 have brought so much progressive change, 52 00:03:37,108 --> 00:03:39,692 it makes Moab IV inside the dome 53 00:03:39,717 --> 00:03:42,425 look like Moab IV outside the dome. 54 00:03:44,550 --> 00:03:47,085 Well, you-you'd get it if you'd ever been to Moab IV. 55 00:03:47,118 --> 00:03:49,621 Respectfully, sir, the tenth rule of acquisition... 56 00:03:49,655 --> 00:03:51,833 Whoever's been attacking ships across the quadrant 57 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,469 has disrupted their trade routes. 58 00:03:53,517 --> 00:03:55,747 Rom is desperate for Federation resources. 59 00:03:55,827 --> 00:03:58,494 This is just an application. We'll be in and out in no time. 60 00:03:59,497 --> 00:04:01,166 Announcing Grand Nagus Rom 61 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,901 and First Clerk Leeta. 62 00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:05,270 Welcome, Grand Nagus. 63 00:04:05,303 --> 00:04:08,125 I am honored to have you aboard the Toronto. 64 00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:10,008 The pleasure is ours, Admiral. 65 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,311 We offer you this ceremonial bust of good fortune. 66 00:04:13,344 --> 00:04:14,379 Oh, thank you. 67 00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:16,385 The likeness is quite flattering. 68 00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:18,784 We also offer you the ceremonial invoice 69 00:04:18,817 --> 00:04:20,111 for the bust of good fortune. 70 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,603 How much is... Oh, my. 71 00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:22,995 In the spirit of unity, 72 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:25,166 we gave you the "friends and family" discount. 73 00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:28,193 Um, did you bring any latinum? 74 00:04:29,961 --> 00:04:31,272 See here on the stabilizers? 75 00:04:31,296 --> 00:04:32,697 I was thinking if we repositioned the... 76 00:04:32,721 --> 00:04:33,789 - Matrix? - We could... 77 00:04:33,814 --> 00:04:35,079 - Beef up the dampeners? - And... 78 00:04:35,103 --> 00:04:37,141 - Get a .005% smoother ride. - I was gonna say 79 00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:40,080 win engineering's "most beefed-up dampener" competition, 80 00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,499 but, yeah, that, too. 81 00:04:41,524 --> 00:04:43,609 Mariner, geez. 82 00:04:43,642 --> 00:04:45,553 You've been weathering that stem bolt for so long, 83 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,374 it probably can't even self-seal anymore. 84 00:04:47,398 --> 00:04:48,399 - What's up? - Nothing. 85 00:04:48,424 --> 00:04:49,981 I'm doing great. Uh, Ransom 86 00:04:50,015 --> 00:04:51,793 is supportive of everything I want to do. 87 00:04:51,817 --> 00:04:53,101 For the first time in years, I have 88 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,320 total autonomy and zero complaints. 89 00:04:55,353 --> 00:04:57,923 So, why are you sitting here looking pissed off? 90 00:04:57,956 --> 00:04:59,126 Stop staring at me. Shut up. 91 00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:00,625 Lieutenant junior grades. 92 00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:02,208 Lieutenant juniors grade? 93 00:05:02,233 --> 00:05:03,912 Lieutenants junior grade? Whatever. 94 00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:06,492 You four just pulled the most coveted job at Starfleet. 95 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:09,001 Balancing the positron compression chamber?! 96 00:05:09,025 --> 00:05:11,060 No. Travel guide duty! 97 00:05:11,236 --> 00:05:12,570 I thought that was a myth. 98 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,042 What's travel guide duty? 99 00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:16,651 Starfleet has travel guides for all habitable planets. 100 00:05:16,675 --> 00:05:20,378 The file for Ferenginar hasn't been updated in years, so... 101 00:05:20,411 --> 00:05:23,024 Starfleet's gonna foot the bill for us to go to as many bars, 102 00:05:23,048 --> 00:05:25,016 restaurants, bars, hotels, pubs, bars, 103 00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:26,697 saloons, cantinas and bars as we want. 104 00:05:26,721 --> 00:05:28,958 Also museums, historical sites, 105 00:05:28,983 --> 00:05:30,985 but, basically, yeah, it's mostly bars. 106 00:05:31,010 --> 00:05:33,165 Oh. How many places do people usually review? 107 00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:34,542 I don't know. Four or five? 108 00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:35,880 Great. I'm gonna do 40. 109 00:05:35,905 --> 00:05:37,216 I'll pack my schedule so full 110 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,242 that I do everything and enjoy nothing. 111 00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,058 It's not a contest, Lieutenant. 112 00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:42,107 - You can take your... - Sir, 113 00:05:42,132 --> 00:05:43,477 I'm only a lieutenant junior grade. 114 00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:45,012 I have everything to prove. 115 00:05:45,036 --> 00:05:46,314 I need to make an itinerary! 116 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,617 Does he drink a lot of coffee? 117 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:50,752 - Oh, yeah. - Mm-hmm, tons. 118 00:05:50,776 --> 00:05:52,376 We also need someone to act as a couple. 119 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,836 And since the Cerritos is statistically the horniest 120 00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:56,918 and least romantically committed crew in Starfleet, 121 00:05:56,942 --> 00:05:58,851 we have no married officers aboard. 122 00:05:58,884 --> 00:06:01,586 You want us to pretend to be married and review stuff? 123 00:06:01,619 --> 00:06:03,342 Oh, that sounds hilarious. 124 00:06:03,366 --> 00:06:05,412 Yeah, we're already such a good team, we finish each other's... 125 00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:08,333 Diophantine equations. 126 00:06:08,525 --> 00:06:10,136 Maybe I should have Honus 127 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,741 and Nurse Westlake take a crack at it. 128 00:06:11,765 --> 00:06:13,875 Commander, we are an expert science team. 129 00:06:13,899 --> 00:06:16,134 I'm pretty sure we can handle a fake romance. 130 00:06:16,207 --> 00:06:18,643 Let's go get packed, honey. 131 00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:22,416 You pulled some strings to get us assigned 132 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,561 to travel guide duty, didn't you? 133 00:06:23,585 --> 00:06:25,043 I might have had something to do with it. 134 00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:26,969 Ugh, why is it so weird when you're nice? 135 00:06:26,994 --> 00:06:28,792 Because I'm also so handsome. 136 00:06:28,871 --> 00:06:30,506 Total package. 137 00:06:36,357 --> 00:06:37,407 Wow. 138 00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:52,938 Wow. Oh, it's like what heaven would look like 139 00:06:52,971 --> 00:06:54,639 if God was stupid. 140 00:06:54,672 --> 00:06:56,474 Oh, I'm just so excited to haggle at 141 00:06:56,507 --> 00:06:57,764 the Museum of Gambling. 142 00:06:57,788 --> 00:06:59,653 Oh, and gamble at the Museum of Haggling! 143 00:06:59,677 --> 00:07:02,313 Let's go find the honeymoon suite, pudding bear. 144 00:07:02,347 --> 00:07:03,949 Right this way, muffin skunk. 145 00:07:03,982 --> 00:07:05,059 Excellent cutesy speak. 146 00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:06,771 Yeah, just nice and natural 147 00:07:06,796 --> 00:07:08,029 and definitely the way people talk. 148 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,194 Now, if you'll excuse me, 149 00:07:09,218 --> 00:07:10,751 I promised a friend I'd meet up with him. 150 00:07:10,775 --> 00:07:11,988 And I have to squeeze 151 00:07:12,013 --> 00:07:14,335 an unforgiving amount of experiences into my day. 152 00:07:14,359 --> 00:07:16,498 - We sound natural, right? - Totally. 153 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,997 We got married at a wedding. 154 00:07:20,550 --> 00:07:22,208 This way, my sweet wife. 155 00:07:22,433 --> 00:07:24,478 I'm so excited to wake you up from a deep sleep 156 00:07:24,502 --> 00:07:26,313 whenever it sounds like you're having a nightmare. 157 00:07:26,337 --> 00:07:28,249 And I'm excited to know how you like your hamburgers 158 00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:30,051 so I can order them for you and ask the waiter 159 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,552 to take it back when they've made it wrong. 160 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,587 I'm not gonna feel weird about using your toothbrush 161 00:07:33,611 --> 00:07:35,590 because our gums are in a partnership. 162 00:07:35,615 --> 00:07:37,424 Yeah, and I'm gonna wear your gym shorts around 163 00:07:37,448 --> 00:07:39,517 our shared quarters with nothing up top 164 00:07:39,550 --> 00:07:42,320 because who cares about nudity with our situation? 165 00:07:42,353 --> 00:07:45,750 - You-you are? - Sure. I, uh... 166 00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:47,910 I love being married to my husband. 167 00:07:47,975 --> 00:07:49,977 I love you, too. 168 00:07:51,462 --> 00:07:53,887 You know what, maybe we should just go back to the ship. 169 00:07:53,911 --> 00:07:56,299 Yeah, pretending to be married is kind of weird. 170 00:07:56,401 --> 00:07:59,405 - Let's... - Ah! Our Starfleet VIPs. 171 00:07:59,429 --> 00:08:01,183 Attention, everyone. 172 00:08:01,208 --> 00:08:03,875 These young lovers are getting a great deal. 173 00:08:19,771 --> 00:08:21,074 All right. 174 00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:23,917 Dropping bags off in hotel room is off the list. 175 00:08:23,942 --> 00:08:26,340 We got the for-profit minibar, the for-profit toilet, 176 00:08:26,364 --> 00:08:27,816 the machine that charges you to pay, 177 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,176 for the toilet and the minibar. 178 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,069 View screen works. 179 00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:32,603 That's everything. 180 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:35,205 I give this hotel a nine out of ten. 181 00:08:35,239 --> 00:08:37,575 Now, off to the Museum of Bribery. 182 00:08:39,410 --> 00:08:40,955 Oh, weird. A what-you-call-it... 183 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,814 a "commer-seal"? 184 00:08:42,848 --> 00:08:44,315 Ooh. 185 00:08:47,937 --> 00:08:49,917 - Aah! - You're fired. 186 00:08:49,942 --> 00:08:52,822 Slug-O Cola. This happens to everyone who drinks it. 187 00:08:52,846 --> 00:08:54,848 They just lie to you? 188 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,112 Hilarious. Well, time to head out. 189 00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:00,486 And now, Pog & Dar: Cop Landlords. 190 00:09:00,511 --> 00:09:02,060 Huh? Mm. 191 00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:04,833 This is like a holo-novel, but way sleazier. 192 00:09:07,253 --> 00:09:08,793 You're making my partner mad. 193 00:09:08,817 --> 00:09:11,292 - Just sign the lease, dirtbag. - No. 194 00:09:16,882 --> 00:09:18,096 Hey, Quimp. 195 00:09:18,121 --> 00:09:21,333 Well, if it isn't my favorite pathetic human. 196 00:09:21,452 --> 00:09:23,807 - Is that a new pip I see? - Uh, yep. 197 00:09:23,832 --> 00:09:26,769 I'm an LJG again, for now. 198 00:09:26,794 --> 00:09:28,113 Congratulations. 199 00:09:28,137 --> 00:09:29,677 I never thought you'd dig your way out 200 00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:30,737 of crashing that Oberth. 201 00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:33,464 Ditto. Still, being a lieutenant kind of sucks. 202 00:09:33,498 --> 00:09:36,267 My stupid mentor won't stop trying to make feel like 203 00:09:36,301 --> 00:09:37,750 a valued part of the team. 204 00:09:37,799 --> 00:09:40,333 Oh, sounds like a real nightmare. 205 00:09:40,358 --> 00:09:41,759 You would hate it, too. But whatever. 206 00:09:41,783 --> 00:09:43,550 You know, I'm excited to leave all that behind 207 00:09:43,574 --> 00:09:45,244 - so we can hang. - Read my mind. 208 00:09:45,269 --> 00:09:47,688 Hey, maybe some brunch? Casual meal with some yogurt. 209 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,155 Two shots of Cardassian tequila 210 00:09:49,179 --> 00:09:51,449 - and a dagger of the mind on the rocks. - Wow. 211 00:09:51,482 --> 00:09:53,284 That's pretty hard for 10:00 a.m. 212 00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:55,620 It's 10:00 a.m.? Ooh, make it three shots. 213 00:09:55,653 --> 00:09:58,502 Ha! I'll have the same. It'll be fun to let loose. 214 00:09:58,527 --> 00:10:00,042 Uh, yeah. I need it. 215 00:10:00,158 --> 00:10:01,752 Where'd you even get that one? 216 00:10:01,777 --> 00:10:04,168 - He didn't bring the drinks yet. - Do we care? 217 00:10:04,295 --> 00:10:05,931 Hey! 218 00:10:06,764 --> 00:10:08,934 Now, Mr. Grand Nagus... 219 00:10:08,967 --> 00:10:11,169 - Just Nagus. - Sorry. Nagus. 220 00:10:11,202 --> 00:10:13,804 Grand Nagus. 221 00:10:14,770 --> 00:10:17,306 Now that we have paid our ceremonial invoice, 222 00:10:17,331 --> 00:10:19,267 perhaps we should focus on the application? 223 00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:20,917 - Uh, it's a boilerplate... - Ooh! 224 00:10:20,942 --> 00:10:22,446 Do you still play baseball? 225 00:10:22,470 --> 00:10:23,563 We should put in there 226 00:10:23,588 --> 00:10:25,259 that Ferenginar gets to play baseball. 227 00:10:25,283 --> 00:10:27,183 I like baseball. It's fun. 228 00:10:27,208 --> 00:10:30,021 I think we can slip that in. 229 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:33,658 If that's the type of adjustment you need to get this done. 230 00:10:33,683 --> 00:10:36,297 I'm just a former bartender, but I was looking at the numbers 231 00:10:36,321 --> 00:10:38,750 and was wondering if they could be different. 232 00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:40,155 Different numbers? 233 00:10:40,179 --> 00:10:41,695 I'm not sure what you mean. 234 00:10:41,753 --> 00:10:43,098 Just a moment, my love. 235 00:10:43,122 --> 00:10:45,250 Oh... Baseball. 236 00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:49,374 Listen, my husband isn't exactly a shrewd businessman. 237 00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:50,834 He just likes to feel involved. 238 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,916 Ah, I think I see what you mean. 239 00:10:52,941 --> 00:10:54,792 Play ball! 240 00:10:56,432 --> 00:10:58,994 - Admiral, a word, please? - Stand down, Captain. 241 00:10:59,083 --> 00:11:00,685 You were saying, First Clerk? 242 00:11:00,718 --> 00:11:02,104 If we can open up the document 243 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,375 and let him shuffle around a couple of numbers, 244 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,979 he'll feel like he accomplished something. 245 00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:07,905 I don't see any problem with that. 246 00:11:07,929 --> 00:11:09,969 This is a classic 247 00:11:09,993 --> 00:11:12,276 dumb cop/reasonable cop routine. 248 00:11:12,322 --> 00:11:14,708 The terms of the membership application are locked, 249 00:11:14,732 --> 00:11:16,839 - but if we open them up... - Thank you for the input, Captain, 250 00:11:16,863 --> 00:11:17,994 but we'll be fine. 251 00:11:18,019 --> 00:11:19,543 - He's practically a child. - One, two, 252 00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:20,706 three strikes. 253 00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:22,166 - You're out. - Grand Nagus, 254 00:11:22,190 --> 00:11:23,884 I've just reopened the contract. 255 00:11:23,908 --> 00:11:25,053 Why don't you show me some 256 00:11:25,077 --> 00:11:26,233 of the numbers that seem wrong, 257 00:11:26,257 --> 00:11:27,917 and we'll fix them together? 258 00:11:28,779 --> 00:11:30,615 We'll start on page 11, subsection B, 259 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,188 incentivization vis-ร -vis the great Ferengi people 260 00:11:33,213 --> 00:11:35,620 and our reluctant acceptance of your Federation. 261 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,588 - She means bribes. - Then we'll move 262 00:11:37,622 --> 00:11:40,201 to the tariffs on Ferengi exports to outlying territories. 263 00:11:40,225 --> 00:11:41,866 Freeze! You're under arrest 264 00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:44,695 for having a pet over 25 pounds in one of my units. 265 00:11:44,729 --> 00:11:47,432 He was 20 pounds when I got hi. I swear... 266 00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:49,377 - Aah! - Aah! 267 00:11:49,402 --> 00:11:51,228 You just surrendered your deposit 268 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,333 and your life. 269 00:11:53,358 --> 00:11:55,227 I'm not gonna make it, partner. 270 00:11:55,252 --> 00:11:56,958 Hey, you hang on one second, buddy. 271 00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:59,585 I just need to enjoy the crisp, refreshing taste 272 00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:01,545 of a Slug-O Cola. 273 00:12:01,570 --> 00:12:04,173 Oh, they put commercials in the shows? 274 00:12:04,208 --> 00:12:06,167 It's like mind control. 275 00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,846 Transfer your latinum to me, 276 00:12:07,871 --> 00:12:10,168 or I'll tell everyone you supported tenants' rights. 277 00:12:10,192 --> 00:12:12,132 I'm proud to be scammed 278 00:12:12,157 --> 00:12:15,500 by a landlord cop as conniving as you, partner. 279 00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,550 Okay, I guess I should finally do my... 280 00:12:20,582 --> 00:12:21,964 Up next... Will They, Won't They? 281 00:12:21,988 --> 00:12:23,333 The workplace sitcom where everyone 282 00:12:23,357 --> 00:12:24,878 is secretly in love with each other. 283 00:12:24,902 --> 00:12:26,037 I'm sorry, what? 284 00:12:26,071 --> 00:12:28,506 Oh, Blongo, I don't know what to do. 285 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,151 I'm secretly in love with Nilm, 286 00:12:30,176 --> 00:12:31,917 but she's engaged to Bok, 287 00:12:31,942 --> 00:12:33,230 who's always extremely... 288 00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:35,489 This kind of hacky, lowest-common-denominator 289 00:12:35,513 --> 00:12:37,115 schlock won't work on me. 290 00:12:37,148 --> 00:12:38,445 her flirtations with Kret. 291 00:12:38,469 --> 00:12:40,551 But I better watch 292 00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,651 so officers who aren't as resilient as I am 293 00:12:42,676 --> 00:12:44,011 will know what to avoid. 294 00:12:44,036 --> 00:12:45,470 But you should go for it. 295 00:12:45,584 --> 00:12:48,021 Even though I'm secretly in love with you. 296 00:12:50,968 --> 00:12:53,510 Whew! I'm so grateful everything is shaped like a heart, 297 00:12:53,534 --> 00:12:55,834 or else I'd forget that I'm here for romantic reasons. 298 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,237 Yeah, it's like, who decided that hearts 299 00:12:57,261 --> 00:12:58,605 are the universal symbol for love? 300 00:12:58,629 --> 00:13:00,398 If anything, it should be kissy lips 301 00:13:00,423 --> 00:13:02,191 or gorgeous green eyes. 302 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,281 Or something. 303 00:13:03,306 --> 00:13:04,457 What? 304 00:13:04,481 --> 00:13:07,708 Knock-knock! It's me, Parth, your hug-cierge. 305 00:13:07,733 --> 00:13:09,695 It's time for your couple's photo session. 306 00:13:09,719 --> 00:13:11,298 - Our what? - Put on these outfits. 307 00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:12,934 Uh, okay. 308 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,995 Uh, I'm almost ready. 309 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:16,500 Me, too. 310 00:13:16,987 --> 00:13:19,190 - Mm... - Uh... Aah! 311 00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:21,909 Wow. 312 00:13:21,987 --> 00:13:24,350 You look so handsome. 313 00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:26,355 Thanks. And you look, uh... 314 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:27,465 Captivating? 315 00:13:27,498 --> 00:13:29,769 Sorry, I'm trying to make my mind come up 316 00:13:29,794 --> 00:13:31,244 with a less intense word, 317 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:34,003 but hoo-boy, is it extremely warm in here? 318 00:13:34,028 --> 00:13:35,506 You bet it is, soldier. 319 00:13:35,540 --> 00:13:38,125 Now, let's commemorate your love! 320 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,419 Ooh, shameless. 321 00:13:40,490 --> 00:13:42,147 Really press yourselves together. 322 00:13:42,171 --> 00:13:44,189 Publicly display that affection. 323 00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:45,416 I think that's enough. 324 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:47,833 No problem. We'll move on to the lingerie. 325 00:13:47,864 --> 00:13:49,042 - Aah! - Aah! 326 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,875 Sorry, can't! Late for dinner. 327 00:13:58,360 --> 00:13:59,661 Dabo! 328 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,853 Damn, Quimp, I got to admit... 329 00:14:01,878 --> 00:14:03,049 at first I was skeptical, 330 00:14:03,074 --> 00:14:05,844 but Ferengi public libraries go hard. 331 00:14:05,877 --> 00:14:09,300 I told you, nobody's read a book in here in a thousand years. 332 00:14:09,325 --> 00:14:11,627 Wow. 333 00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:15,029 You can still drink an alarming amount of glowing alien liquors, 334 00:14:15,053 --> 00:14:18,127 - but I must call it. - No, you can't take off now. 335 00:14:18,152 --> 00:14:19,467 We haven't even gotten to the part of the night 336 00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:21,964 - where we regret stuff. - Yeah, that sounds fun. 337 00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:23,862 - Oh! - Oh, my goodness. 338 00:14:23,895 --> 00:14:26,481 - A thousand apologies, good sir. - Oh, not a worry at all. 339 00:14:26,505 --> 00:14:28,742 Did you just spill a drink on my friend? 340 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,292 I've been a proper fool. 341 00:14:30,317 --> 00:14:31,973 - And, of course, I'll reimburse... - You better get ready 342 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,183 to reimburse me 343 00:14:33,207 --> 00:14:35,009 for a new 'burse shirt, too, butt-ass, 344 00:14:35,033 --> 00:14:37,051 'cause this one's about to be soaked in your blood. 345 00:14:37,075 --> 00:14:40,145 Madam, please. I'm just trying to enjoy an evening out 346 00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:41,980 with the rest of my biker gang. 347 00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:44,983 Sounds like this guy's all bark and no fight! 348 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,426 Oh, Mariner. Ow! 349 00:14:59,277 --> 00:15:00,962 So we'll adjust 350 00:15:01,011 --> 00:15:03,835 the table on page 17 concerning exchange rates. 351 00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:05,304 That would be satisfactory. 352 00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:06,947 I believe we're almost wrapped up. 353 00:15:06,971 --> 00:15:09,441 Ooh, I have an idea. Let's finish at my palace. 354 00:15:09,474 --> 00:15:11,118 Much better photo op for the signing, 355 00:15:11,142 --> 00:15:13,263 plus all my favorite baseballs are there. 356 00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:15,489 Oh, yeah, yeah, if that's what it takes, fine. 357 00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:18,359 He's making you feel like you're close, 358 00:15:18,383 --> 00:15:20,719 then delaying to make you frustrated enough 359 00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,030 to sign anything. 360 00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:23,422 I can't tell the council 361 00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:25,557 we failed at the simplest of tasks. 362 00:15:25,582 --> 00:15:27,711 All Rom cares about is baseball, 363 00:15:27,736 --> 00:15:29,961 and all Leeta cares about is fine print. 364 00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:31,958 I... I can do this. 365 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,541 The Starfleet Experience Bar & Grill? 366 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:43,578 Huh. Maybe this will feel like we're at work. 367 00:15:43,602 --> 00:15:45,025 Ooh, look! The waiter's wearing one of those 368 00:15:45,049 --> 00:15:47,661 old velour uniforms that used to catch fire all the time. 369 00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:51,583 Oh, good eye, muffin... top. 370 00:15:52,877 --> 00:15:54,251 Do you think maybe we could... I don't know... 371 00:15:54,275 --> 00:15:56,043 just go back to acting like friends for a bit? 372 00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:57,403 Yes. Oh, man, 373 00:15:57,427 --> 00:15:59,280 - I'm so glad you said something. - Yeah. 374 00:15:59,304 --> 00:16:01,439 Who knew pretending to be in a relationship with each other 375 00:16:01,463 --> 00:16:03,773 would be more nerve-racking than sealing a radiation leak? 376 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,431 Yeah, let's just keep it strictly friend stuff from now on. 377 00:16:06,455 --> 00:16:07,542 Agreed. 378 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:08,958 - Hello, lovers. - Aah! 379 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,235 I'm so sorry. 380 00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:11,356 The waiter gave you 381 00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:12,470 the standard menus. 382 00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:13,548 - Hey! - He didn't know you were here 383 00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,414 for our deluxe romance package. 384 00:16:15,477 --> 00:16:18,277 Parth, buddy, you're a top-notch hug-cierge, 385 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,547 but we have to come clean. 386 00:16:20,664 --> 00:16:22,220 Just a second. Hold that thought. 387 00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:24,236 Well, well, well. 388 00:16:24,547 --> 00:16:26,001 It looks like we've caught two people 389 00:16:26,025 --> 00:16:27,542 lying about being a couple 390 00:16:27,567 --> 00:16:30,594 to defraud our company out of a discount. 391 00:16:30,708 --> 00:16:34,042 This is, of course, one of Ferenginar's worst felonies. 392 00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:36,125 So these two are hereby sentenced 393 00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:40,087 to a lifetime working in the subaquatic sulfur mines! 394 00:16:40,231 --> 00:16:41,900 Sorry about that. 395 00:16:41,933 --> 00:16:43,978 Enforcing the law is my least favorite part of the job, 396 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:46,208 but one that I take with deadly seriousness. 397 00:16:46,242 --> 00:16:47,375 Anyhoo, 398 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,395 what were you admitting before I sentenced 399 00:16:49,419 --> 00:16:51,710 those two liars to a life of misery? 400 00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:54,788 That we are more in love than ever before! 401 00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:58,016 - That's right, smumpy. - Oh, good. 402 00:16:58,049 --> 00:17:01,267 Now for the most romantic meal possible. 403 00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:02,897 Sexy chocolate statues 404 00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:04,623 of each other for dinner? 405 00:17:04,656 --> 00:17:06,257 - Great. - It's customary 406 00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,476 that after every bite you tell the whole restaurant 407 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,648 something you find attractive about each other. 408 00:17:10,672 --> 00:17:13,360 The chairs can detect if you're lying, so be sincere. 409 00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:22,623 Oh, thanks for bailing me out of jail. 410 00:17:22,647 --> 00:17:25,256 Do you understand how many people I just had to bribe 411 00:17:25,281 --> 00:17:26,790 to keep your little drunken fistfight 412 00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:29,037 from ruining Starfleet's diplomatic mission? 413 00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:31,977 Hey, you know me, man. 414 00:17:32,002 --> 00:17:34,160 I'm a wild rogue, living on the edge of chaos. 415 00:17:34,185 --> 00:17:36,231 I sit weird in chairs. You can't predict me. 416 00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:37,908 Usually your chaos means something. 417 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,184 But it's weird this time. 418 00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:40,735 You seem angry about nothing. 419 00:17:40,799 --> 00:17:42,878 Yeah, right. Oh, look, if anyone's weird, it's you, 420 00:17:42,902 --> 00:17:45,249 Mr. "I Should Probably Be Getting to Bed." 421 00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:46,538 You've changed, dude. 422 00:17:46,563 --> 00:17:47,836 Yeah, I have. 423 00:17:47,861 --> 00:17:48,943 That's what happens when you're not 424 00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:51,703 stuck in a perpetual state of immature rebellion. 425 00:17:51,736 --> 00:17:52,930 Wow. Immature? 426 00:17:52,955 --> 00:17:54,682 You have all the support you ever wanted, 427 00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,575 nobody to scream at or rail against, 428 00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:58,943 and look at you... still picking fights 429 00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:01,247 - to make sure you get hurt. - What? No. 430 00:18:01,271 --> 00:18:03,542 That-That's not what that was. 431 00:18:04,434 --> 00:18:06,869 I just want you to be careful. 432 00:18:07,105 --> 00:18:09,266 So you can live long enough to pay me back. 433 00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:10,689 If I lose any more, they'll have to 434 00:18:10,713 --> 00:18:12,132 put my account on this monument. 435 00:18:12,156 --> 00:18:14,250 Uh, isn't this 436 00:18:14,275 --> 00:18:15,833 a memorial to the dead? 437 00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:18,563 So much lost income! 438 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:22,125 Is there no justice in this galaxy? 439 00:18:22,150 --> 00:18:24,986 Man, I got to give it to you, Ferengi keep it on-brand. 440 00:18:26,149 --> 00:18:29,107 Sorry I cost you money, and, got you punched. 441 00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:32,377 Mariner, I love you, but, you need to figure out 442 00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:34,913 whatever's eating you up inside. 443 00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:43,224 Uh... 444 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,792 Uh, Tendi's got... 445 00:18:47,076 --> 00:18:48,411 fun hair? 446 00:18:50,695 --> 00:18:53,167 Uh, uh, I like your hair, too. 447 00:18:53,498 --> 00:18:55,199 Congratulations. 448 00:18:55,232 --> 00:18:57,844 You have completed the Ferengi all-inclusive 449 00:18:57,869 --> 00:18:59,634 newlywed discount package. 450 00:18:59,692 --> 00:19:01,627 You may now consummate your marriage. 451 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:02,941 - What?! - What?! 452 00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:04,843 Not where we can see you. 453 00:19:04,876 --> 00:19:06,875 You do it in the blind box, 454 00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,119 where we can hear it. 455 00:19:10,822 --> 00:19:12,581 Please alert the chef that I will be reviewing 456 00:19:12,605 --> 00:19:15,209 this restaurant for my planet's official foodie archives. 457 00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:16,745 My species invented space travel 458 00:19:16,769 --> 00:19:19,372 in order to seek out strange new meals. 459 00:19:19,524 --> 00:19:20,859 D'Vana, Samanthan! 460 00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:22,961 What a coincidence. These are, famously, 461 00:19:22,994 --> 00:19:25,883 the two closest platonic friends on my ship. 462 00:19:25,908 --> 00:19:27,799 - Huh? Platonic? - Hello! 463 00:19:27,824 --> 00:19:28,987 - Security! - Uh... 464 00:19:29,026 --> 00:19:30,076 Um... 465 00:19:30,177 --> 00:19:31,321 How dare you 466 00:19:31,346 --> 00:19:33,472 call us only friends?! 467 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:36,708 You've been trying to break up our love from the start! 468 00:19:36,904 --> 00:19:40,007 Uh, yeah. You know we both love you. 469 00:19:40,071 --> 00:19:41,135 You do? 470 00:19:41,199 --> 00:19:43,223 Just because the Ferengi newlywed discount 471 00:19:43,247 --> 00:19:45,550 can only be used by two out of the three of us, 472 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:47,167 you have the nerve to come down here 473 00:19:47,191 --> 00:19:49,207 - and try to ruin our marriage? - Wha... 474 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:51,917 - You guys love me? - Of course we do. 475 00:19:51,942 --> 00:19:54,034 You're undeniably attractive to both of us. 476 00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:56,446 But now that I see you here, I want a divorce 477 00:19:56,471 --> 00:19:58,006 - so we can be together. - But we can't... 478 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,413 Thanks so much, Migleemo. 479 00:19:59,437 --> 00:20:00,833 You ruined our marriage! 480 00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,208 We'll never forgive you. 481 00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:04,125 I didn't realize. I'm sorry. 482 00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,653 Please don't break up because of me. 483 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,189 Security, stand down. 484 00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:10,918 Now that we're divorced, 485 00:20:10,942 --> 00:20:12,333 we're going back to our ship 486 00:20:12,358 --> 00:20:14,661 - and never talking again. - That's right. 487 00:20:14,779 --> 00:20:17,682 Huh, I had no idea they were married 488 00:20:17,708 --> 00:20:19,315 or that they both loved me. 489 00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:20,363 Can I interest you in our 490 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,065 homewrecker package? 491 00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,824 You don't have to throw up in my mouth twice. 492 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:24,889 Let's do it. 493 00:20:24,914 --> 00:20:26,822 In addition to the contractual changes, 494 00:20:26,846 --> 00:20:27,972 we are now allowed use of 495 00:20:27,996 --> 00:20:29,804 any ship in Starfleet at our discretion, 496 00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:32,333 whether we end up joining the Federation or not. 497 00:20:32,358 --> 00:20:35,055 And ten points on the back end of every holo-novel program 498 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,604 in perpetuity. 499 00:20:36,629 --> 00:20:38,807 I don't think they have back end, 500 00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:40,471 but yes, yes. 501 00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:41,958 Uh-huh. 502 00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:44,807 Also, the Nagus would like you to dance for him. 503 00:20:46,987 --> 00:20:48,947 I've made those changes 504 00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:51,550 and added a billion bars of gold-pressed latinum 505 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:52,717 as a signing bonus. 506 00:20:52,758 --> 00:20:54,125 Wh-What? Captain! 507 00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:56,725 Keep dancing. Why so giving, Freeman? 508 00:20:56,750 --> 00:20:59,423 I just want to wrap this up and free the admiral 509 00:20:59,457 --> 00:21:01,893 before he signs away the entire fleet. 510 00:21:01,926 --> 00:21:05,104 - He's clearly under your thumb. - I am not! 511 00:21:05,129 --> 00:21:07,265 I don't buy it. There has to be a catch. 512 00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:09,993 Of course. I've added one provision. 513 00:21:10,134 --> 00:21:12,170 Here comes the other shoe. 514 00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:15,173 Before you receive any of these signing bonuses, 515 00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:18,309 you must recruit one other planet yourself, 516 00:21:18,342 --> 00:21:21,583 - since you're so good at it. - What are you thinking, Carol? 517 00:21:21,608 --> 00:21:23,625 That's nothing. We do it all the time. 518 00:21:23,862 --> 00:21:27,118 Ha! Do you realize what just happened? 519 00:21:27,151 --> 00:21:29,387 You know how many planets are in debt to us? 520 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:31,756 Bringing just one in will be nothing. 521 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,580 We'll be in debt to them forever. 522 00:21:33,605 --> 00:21:35,907 It's all right, Admiral. They get nothing. 523 00:21:35,932 --> 00:21:37,432 We're done here. 524 00:21:37,495 --> 00:21:39,130 What? What do you mean? 525 00:21:39,163 --> 00:21:40,291 You owe us a fortune. 526 00:21:40,316 --> 00:21:43,487 Yes, contingent on bringing in a planet. 527 00:21:43,668 --> 00:21:46,167 But I didn't say which planet. 528 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:48,027 You might want to read the fine print. 529 00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:51,363 Qo'noS, the Klingon homeworld? 530 00:21:51,387 --> 00:21:53,792 - That's impossible! - Oh, I know. 531 00:21:53,817 --> 00:21:56,247 You forgot the eighth rule of acquisition. 532 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,217 "Small print leads to large risk." 533 00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,792 You swindled like a true Ferengi. 534 00:22:01,817 --> 00:22:03,667 I swear I had nothing to do with this. 535 00:22:03,731 --> 00:22:05,155 You're lucky she did. 536 00:22:05,179 --> 00:22:08,282 As much as we're in favor of joining the Federation, 537 00:22:08,307 --> 00:22:11,129 the Grand Nagus can't sign with a bunch of suckers and rubes. 538 00:22:11,162 --> 00:22:13,507 Captain Freeman, you showed me that there are those 539 00:22:13,531 --> 00:22:15,934 in the Federation who respect our culture. 540 00:22:16,015 --> 00:22:18,560 Let's start over. Bring me the standard papers. 541 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,250 I'll sign. 542 00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:27,705 Please accept my apologies. 543 00:22:27,879 --> 00:22:29,547 I shouldn't have doubted you. 544 00:22:29,580 --> 00:22:31,833 I'll be relaying your acuity to Command. 545 00:22:31,867 --> 00:22:34,269 Thank you, Admiral. Happy to be of aid. 546 00:22:34,294 --> 00:22:37,664 Now, who wants to check out my batting cages? 547 00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:39,905 With the application submitted, 548 00:22:39,929 --> 00:22:41,790 so begins the first step 549 00:22:41,815 --> 00:22:44,042 to the Ferengi joining the Federation. 550 00:22:44,170 --> 00:22:46,138 There are many more hurdles to leap, 551 00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:49,300 but, today felt like a good start. 552 00:22:51,057 --> 00:22:53,772 Well, Mariner, was guide duty as fun as rumored? 553 00:22:53,805 --> 00:22:55,249 Uh, I had to take out a predatory loan 554 00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:56,483 from one of my closest friends, 555 00:22:56,507 --> 00:22:58,152 apparently I get in fights for no reason, 556 00:22:58,176 --> 00:23:01,145 and I can feel my hangover in my entire spine. 557 00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:02,675 Why are you getting into fights? 558 00:23:02,699 --> 00:23:04,701 Ugh. You wouldn't understand. 559 00:23:04,755 --> 00:23:06,792 Okay. How about you two? 560 00:23:06,817 --> 00:23:08,061 How was the couple's retreat? 561 00:23:08,085 --> 00:23:09,887 Oh, faking a relationship was way, 562 00:23:09,931 --> 00:23:11,500 way out of our comfort zone, sir. 563 00:23:11,622 --> 00:23:14,325 Yeah, we just don't have any natural chemistry. 564 00:23:14,358 --> 00:23:16,280 Want to help me reroute that phase conduit? 565 00:23:16,304 --> 00:23:17,362 Sure. 566 00:23:17,471 --> 00:23:18,540 Ha! 567 00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:20,583 We got to squeeze in there. 568 00:23:20,998 --> 00:23:22,933 - Hand me the spanner. - On it. 569 00:23:22,999 --> 00:23:25,101 Now, this makes sense. 570 00:23:25,643 --> 00:23:27,625 Wait, where's Mr. Boimler? 571 00:23:29,607 --> 00:23:31,625 Mr. Boimler, did you do too many locations? 572 00:23:31,705 --> 00:23:33,526 - Are you in need of aid? - Uh, no. 573 00:23:33,583 --> 00:23:36,948 I watched eight hours straight of Ferengi programming. 574 00:23:37,135 --> 00:23:39,050 I'm sorry I let you down, sir. 575 00:23:39,083 --> 00:23:41,725 - Honestly, I'm proud of you. - Really? 576 00:23:41,750 --> 00:23:43,497 You've always had a problem going with the flow, 577 00:23:43,521 --> 00:23:45,987 but today it looks like you got out of your own way. 578 00:23:46,012 --> 00:23:47,071 Thank you, sir. 579 00:23:47,095 --> 00:23:49,464 I've authorized the local authorities to drag you out of there. 580 00:23:49,488 --> 00:23:51,167 Just go limp, don't fight them. 581 00:23:51,288 --> 00:23:53,122 Get out of here! 582 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,245 I really like that lieutenant. 583 00:23:57,430 --> 00:23:59,458 Oh! Aah! 584 00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:02,333 Oh! Oh, no. Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! 585 00:24:03,748 --> 00:24:07,748 synced & corrected by PopcornAWH www.MY-SUBS.com 43707

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