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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,758 ( piano music ) 2 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:14,097 - Our Father, which art in heaven... 3 00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:17,100 ( yawns ) 4 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:20,520 ♪ The other day a friend of mine said, he said ♪ 5 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,564 ♪ That God's not even with us ♪ 6 00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:25,108 ♪ He said that God is really dead ♪ 7 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:30,321 ♪ He said, oh, pal, a fact's a fact ♪ 8 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,949 ♪ You can't believe that magic act ♪ 9 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,827 ♪ I said, I don't, and that was that ♪ 10 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:42,459 ♪ Now I say, good for God ♪ 11 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:48,214 ♪ Good for God ♪ 12 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:50,717 ♪ He goes and makes the planet blue ♪ 13 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:53,720 ♪ And all the thanks he gets from you ♪ 14 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:59,142 ♪ Just look at all that poo-poo in the yard ♪ 15 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:03,897 ♪ Good for God ♪ 16 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:09,027 ♪ I bet His life up there is very hard ♪ 17 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,529 ♪ He knows each time a sparrow falls ♪ 18 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,324 ♪ But who can answer all His calls ♪ 19 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:19,871 ♪ Good for God ♪ 20 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:24,626 ♪ Good for God ♪ 21 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:29,964 ♪ I bet He's got a very hard job ♪ 22 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:33,134 ♪ Ain't got no Mama ♪ 23 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,136 ♪ Ain't got no Papa ♪ 24 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:40,225 ♪ Good for God. ♪ 25 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:47,690 ( snoring ) 26 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,583 ( alarm rings ) 27 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,427 ( rooster yawns ) 28 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,601 ( rooster clears throat ) 29 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,770 ( rooster crows ) 30 00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,075 ( snoring ) 31 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,621 - Hmm? 32 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:53,798 Good morning, God. It's me, Ambrose. 33 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,094 Oops. Oh, dear 34 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:02,682 Sorry I'm a bit behind today, but the rooster went off late. 35 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,685 Thank You for sparing me for another day. 36 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:08,980 But, of course, that goes without saying, doesn't it? 37 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,108 Except it doesn't, You see, because in Your book, 38 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,945 it commands us to give constant thanks day and night. 39 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:19,574 I can't imagine why You'd want anyone to keep thanking You 40 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,076 for all eternity, I mean, day and night. 41 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,996 I should-- I should think You'd be bored with it by now. 42 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,541 I know I would. 43 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,960 I mean, it's not as if You're insecure or anything, 44 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:34,339 or even as if You had an identity problem. 45 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,007 I mean, after all, 46 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,676 You made me in Your own image, didn't You? 47 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:43,014 I can't imagine You looking like that somehow. 48 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,974 Still... 49 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:49,646 You made me on the morning of the sixth day. 50 00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:52,440 That was Saturday. 51 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,442 Well, You might have had a rough Friday night. 52 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,652 Who knows? 53 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,074 Anyway, can't stand around here talking. 54 00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,617 You don't wanna hear my problems. 55 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,952 I'm sure You've got problems of Your own. 56 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:10,041 So, uh, I'll see You tomorrow, eh? 57 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,542 I mean, I'll be here, 58 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,211 and, uh, well, I'll know You'll be there. 59 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:17,298 If, um, I'm not here, well, I'll be there. 60 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,634 By the way, uh, have a nice day and amen. 61 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,594 Oof. 62 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,685 Oof. 63 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,961 ( snoring ) 64 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:04,012 ( coughing, yawning ) 65 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,555 ( fly buzzes ) 66 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:33,791 - Shh. 67 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,923 ( muffled scream ) 68 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,602 ( church bell rings ) 69 00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,564 ( shoes creak ) 70 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,612 ( knuckles crack ) 71 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,745 ( belly grumbles ) 72 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:43,236 ( church bell rings ) 73 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,581 ( monks moaning, coughing ) 74 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,718 ( sighing ) 75 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,367 ( monks chanting ) 76 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,328 - Oh, there you are, Ambrose. 77 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,538 Tell me something. 78 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,540 You are happy here, aren't you? 79 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:40,209 Hmm? You are happy. 80 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,628 Oh, I beg your pardon. I forgot. 81 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,798 Yes, of course, you have my permission to speak, of course. 82 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,050 - I think I'm happy, Father. I don't know. 83 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,011 It's-- it's the only world I've ever known. 84 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:53,681 - I think it's glorious at your age and still celibate. 85 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,433 - I was celibate again last night, Father. 86 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,559 - Good, who with? 87 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:59,312 - Myself, three times. 88 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,440 - Oh, careful. Four would be pride. 89 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,233 - No. No, I'm happy here, Father. 90 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:04,859 It's my-- it's my home. 91 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,695 - You never wished to visit another world? 92 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,489 You-- you never think you'd like to know 93 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:12,116 what's going on outside these walls? 94 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:15,286 - Father, why-- why are you asking me all this now? 95 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:19,165 - 'Cause we're sending you on a mission, out there. 96 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,418 - Oh, why-- why-- why me? 97 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,629 - Well, you see, we've fallen on hard times. 98 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,756 And when we renounced the material world, 99 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:29,800 and we ask God for nothing, and in His benevolence, 100 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:32,929 He gave us nothing immediately and ever since. 101 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:36,057 - But Father, we-- we-- we took a vow of poverty. 102 00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:37,391 - Oh, we know. 103 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:38,935 The price of poverty's gone up. 104 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,938 We can't afford the luxury of being poor anymore. 105 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:46,067 Besides, the landlords, they want $5,000 off the mortgage. 106 00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,027 - But where can we get that kind of money, Father? 107 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,654 We-- we live by charity. 108 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,739 - You're going to save us. 109 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,449 You are going to get us the money. 110 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,326 - How-- how could I? 111 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:55,910 How... - I'll tell you how. 112 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:59,789 You go and visit Armageddon T. Thunderbird. 113 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:03,543 Armageddon T. Thunderbird, he's a holy man, 114 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:06,587 a philanthropist, gives money to worthy causes. 115 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,006 You state your case well, and you'll get the money. 116 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,925 There's his address. There's his address. 117 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,969 - Father, I'm-- I'm-- I'm afraid. I've never been outside. 118 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,845 I'm-- I'm not worthy. I mean-- 119 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,138 - Well, then you'll have to have some money. 120 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,224 I'll give you $50. That's all we've got. 121 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,642 There you are. You take it. 122 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:22,144 - Ca-- Can I have time to think it over? 123 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:26,232 - Yes, my son, you'll have plenty of time to think about it. 124 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:29,694 - You see, Father, I've just never been inside the outside world. 125 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:31,988 And-- 126 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,281 Help! 127 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,282 ( knocks on door ) 128 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:37,285 Let me in. I'm innocent. 129 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,286 I'm innocent. 130 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,745 - Bless you, my son. 131 00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,247 Thank you for making the right decision. 132 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,000 - Let me in. - God bless, God speed. 133 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:45,626 Vaya con Dios. 134 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,878 - Please, Father. - Have a nice day. 135 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,631 - Let me in. 136 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,675 ( Ambrose cries ) 137 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,539 - Whoa! 138 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,629 ( yells ) 139 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:18,552 ( panting ) 140 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:24,058 ( vehicle approaches ) 141 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,768 ( honks ) 142 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,586 ( tires screech ) 143 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,896 ( tires screech ) 144 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,524 ( bells chime ) 145 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,652 - Greetings, companion in Christ. 146 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,738 Yes, I'm talkin' to you, Jim. 147 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,824 Is it not written that those who are cast down shall be raised up? 148 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,325 Arise and behold. 149 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:24,660 ( bell rings ) 150 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:29,290 The chariot of the Lord awaiteth. 151 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,375 Haul thine ass aboard. 152 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,835 - Oh, thank you. 153 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:37,256 ( bus backfires ) 154 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:44,889 - This really is very kind of you. 155 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:49,101 - Dr. Sebastian Melmoth, evangelist, doctor of divinity, 156 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,604 wandering scholar, 157 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,064 licensed purveyor of religious novelties. 158 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,026 - Oh, Father Ambrose, monk. 159 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,195 - Welcome to my church. 160 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,823 - This really is a church then? 161 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:05,868 - Ah, yes, a traveling church. 162 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:06,660 - My goodness. 163 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:10,790 - Like the missionaries of old, I sally forth across the land, 164 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:13,501 laying the word on the good people. 165 00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,294 - That sounds wonderful. 166 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,922 - Ah, then would you care for a blast, my son? 167 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,256 - Uh. 168 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,633 - It's a fine holy wine. 169 00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,593 I-- I-- 170 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,845 oh, you'll be amused by its humility. 171 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:25,596 - Uh, no thanks. 172 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:29,892 No, uh, I never drink, except of course after the wafer. 173 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:30,935 - Ah. 174 00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,561 Quite right. 175 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,355 Unwise to celebrate the Lord on an empty stomach. 176 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:35,356 ( car honks ) 177 00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,107 ( yelling ) 178 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:37,858 - Same to you, fella. 179 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:45,074 - Up thine, and thy mother's, and thy mother's mother's. 180 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,910 - Peace. - Peace. 181 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,954 - Ah, Aha, yes. 182 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,872 - You're bound, I take it, for the city of Los Angeles. 183 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,123 - Yeah. 184 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,917 - Ah, yes, the City of lost angels, 185 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,961 so many wonderful sinners there. 186 00:13:57,002 --> 00:14:02,216 ♪ Onward Christian soldiers ♪ 187 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:06,428 ♪ Marching on to war ♪ 188 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:10,349 ♪ With the cross of Jesus ♪ 189 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:14,603 ♪ Marching on before... ♪ 190 00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,188 ( bus backfires ) 191 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,530 - Oh, yes, you will. 192 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:27,241 The Lord's work is never done. 193 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,742 Right there. Good. 194 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,786 Move 'em. Here we go. 195 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,539 Right there. 196 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,749 This is as far as I go. 197 00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:37,334 - Thank you, Dr. Melmoth. You've been very kind. 198 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,794 - Ha ha. Don't mention it. 199 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:39,587 Don't mention it. 200 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:44,049 Oh, do me a favor, will you, and help these tired old legs. 201 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,259 Pick it up, will you, please? - Certainly, Dr. Melmoth. 202 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,844 - Freeze. Don't move a muscle. 203 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,554 I don't want your money, my son. 204 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,431 No, I'm not interested in material things. 205 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:51,432 - What are you talking about? W-- 206 00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:52,099 - Shut up and don't argue. 207 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,435 If I see human suffering, it is my duty to help 208 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:57,229 if I can without thought to material or personal gain. 209 00:14:57,271 --> 00:15:00,274 And now, my son, how long have you been thus afflicted? 210 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,734 - Afflicted? I-- what-- what are you talkin' about? 211 00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:02,860 ( muffled speech ) 212 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,111 - Since childhood. 213 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,614 Now I claim no powers for myself. 214 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:07,615 The Lord works through my hand. 215 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,158 - Hey... 216 00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:12,995 - I will make this wretched creature walk upright. 217 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:16,498 Do you feel the power coursing through you? 218 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,125 Do you feel the electricity? 219 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,627 - Let me go, please. Please let me go. 220 00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,712 - Ooh, do you believe? Ooh, do you believe? 221 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,131 - Let me-- - Out devil spirit, heal. 222 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,132 ( crowd gasps ) 223 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,593 - See? He stands. 224 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,720 Oh, Jesus, it's a miracle. 225 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,639 He stands up straight. 226 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,766 Take your money, son. The Lord doesn't want it. 227 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:37,186 He doesn't need it. He's made you whole. 228 00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:41,440 Praise the Lord. Walk in the Lord, my son. 229 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,566 ( crowd murmurs ) 230 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,318 - Walk, run, beat it. 231 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,986 It's a miracle. 232 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,279 Step right up, sinners. 233 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,448 Take a miracle home with you. 234 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:53,577 Get your levitating Lazarus doll. 235 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:58,582 See him rise from the dead in the privacy of your own home. 236 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,043 - Hello, kiddies, I'm Lazarus. 237 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,544 I'm alive again. 238 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:05,005 Why don't you stand up for Jesus? 239 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,132 ( music plays ) 240 00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:09,802 - ♪ The other day a friend of mine said ♪ 241 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,721 ♪ He said that God's not even with us ♪ 242 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:16,767 ♪ He said that God is really dead ♪ 243 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,270 ♪ He said, oh, pal, a fact's a fact ♪ 244 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,690 ♪ You can't believe that magic act ♪ 245 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,859 ♪ I said, I don't, and that was that ♪ 246 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:32,866 ♪ Now I said good for God ♪ 247 00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,284 ♪ Good for God ♪ 248 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,661 ( chanting ) 249 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,916 ♪ He goes and makes this planet blue ♪ 250 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,502 ♪ And all the thanks He gets from you ♪ 251 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:46,922 ♪ Is look at all that poo-poo in the yard ♪ 252 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:53,762 ♪ Good for God ♪ 253 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:59,226 ♪ I bet His life up there was very hard ♪ 254 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,729 ♪ He knows each time a sparrow falls ♪ 255 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:04,189 ♪ But who can answer all His calls ♪ 256 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,608 ♪ Good for God ♪ 257 00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:09,737 - Also, we must wait for the son to return 258 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:14,575 before we can have... - ♪ Good for God ♪ 259 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:18,495 ♪ I bet He's got a very hard job... ♪ 260 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,247 - Unh. 261 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,541 - ♪ I'm awfully glad I'm here to say ♪ 262 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,502 ♪ He made it possible for me to be here this day ♪ 263 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:29,506 ♪ Good for God ♪ 264 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,008 Instrumental... 265 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,927 - ♪ Good for God... ♪ 266 00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,554 - ♪ Good Lord... ♪ 267 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:40,309 - ♪ Good for God... ♪ 268 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,810 - ♪ Now if true is true ♪ 269 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,021 ♪ It's easier to know the truth ♪ 270 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,689 ♪ That's the truth So help me God ♪ 271 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:50,652 ♪ Good for God ♪ 272 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:56,200 ♪ Say good for God ♪ 273 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,160 ♪ Good for God ♪ 274 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,037 ( gasps ) 275 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,663 ( screams ) 276 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,960 - Uh, excuse me, sir, you dropped your photo-- 277 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,046 your photos-- 278 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,047 They aren't mine. They-- they were his. 279 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,340 They were his. 280 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:14,176 I-- I wouldn't-- I mean, I-- oh, my God. 281 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:19,515 - ♪ Good for God ♪ 282 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,225 ♪ Now if true is true ♪ 283 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,143 ♪ And it's easy if you know the truth ♪ 284 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,395 ♪ That's the truth So help me God ♪ 285 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:30,317 ♪ Good for God ♪ 286 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:36,073 ♪ Say good for God ♪ 287 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:41,286 ♪ Good for God ♪ 288 00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:42,412 ♪ He's got a hard job ♪ 289 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,456 ♪ Before they put me in a hole ♪ 290 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,583 ♪ I think I gotta find a big loophole ♪ 291 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,169 ♪ Good for me ♪ 292 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,462 ♪ And good for God ♪ 293 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:51,588 ( police sirens blaring ) 294 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:56,802 ( chattering, shouting ) 295 00:18:58,428 --> 00:18:59,930 ( car horn honks ) 296 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,687 - Father. Father. 297 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,690 - I-- I'm not a Father. I'm a Brother, sister. 298 00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,191 What is it you want? 299 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,860 - The sanctuary of the church. 300 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,153 - Huh? 301 00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:15,821 Oh. 302 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,739 What are you doing under there? 303 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,783 - It's all right. I was brought up in a convent. 304 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,952 Just hide me till the cops go by. 305 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:22,953 Are they still there? 306 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,329 - Yes. 307 00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:29,626 - Right. Look casual and keep walking. 308 00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:39,469 ( Ambrose hums ) 309 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:52,232 ( Ambrose whistles ) 310 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:07,998 - ♪ Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven ♪ 311 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,708 ♪ Do, do, da, loo, do ♪ 312 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:13,003 ♪ Don't you know each cloud contains pennies from heaven? ♪ 313 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,671 ♪ Do, do, da, loo, do... ♪ 314 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,423 - And then the confusion, and-- and the noise. 315 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,799 And-- and people running about. 316 00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,801 Well, I've never seen-- oh, well, maybe you have, 317 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,428 but I've never seen anything like this in my life. 318 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,431 And-- and then the way we met, I mean, the way I met you-- 319 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,975 or rather way you met-- the way you met me, I mean. 320 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,185 - Oh, my God. 321 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,269 - What? 322 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,271 - Oh, no. 323 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,940 I just realized how awful it must have been for you 324 00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:35,317 when I dived under your robe like that. 325 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,903 - Well, it was a bit strange. 326 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,821 I mean, I've never met a woman in my life before, 327 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:43,575 let alone had one on the, uh, premises, 328 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:44,576 if you know what I mean. 329 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,495 - Oh, come on. - No, honestly. 330 00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:49,706 No, I've seen, uh, pictures in the Bible. 331 00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,376 But they wear these loose flowing robes 332 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,836 and you can't tell what they've got underneath. 333 00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:57,047 See, that-- not like with you. 334 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:01,218 I mean, with-- with you, I can get some idea what you've got. 335 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:05,180 I-- I mean, you've got legs and-- and bumpy bits. 336 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:06,598 - What? 337 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,226 - Um, those things, you know. 338 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,603 - Oh, you mean my boobies? 339 00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:13,855 - Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. 340 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,023 - What about them? 341 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,484 - Nothing. 342 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:18,610 I-- I think they look very well on you. 343 00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:19,945 They suit you. - You really do? 344 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,613 - Oh, yeah. 345 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,241 - 'Cause I always thought they were kinda on the smallish side. 346 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,243 You know what I mean? - Oh, not to me. 347 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:27,953 Uh, they're bigger than mine. 348 00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,413 - Well... 349 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:30,872 - No, they look huge-- huge. 350 00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,708 - Really? 351 00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:35,002 Gee, it's a very nice thing to say. 352 00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:36,545 - No. - No, it really is. 353 00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:39,047 But, then again, what do you know? 354 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:40,382 - That's true. 355 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:46,471 Would you, um, like a taste? 356 00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:51,310 - Mmm. 357 00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,186 - Good? - Mmm. 358 00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:55,063 - Think it needs a little more mustard, eh? 359 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:56,189 - No. - Just-- 360 00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:58,233 - It is just right. 361 00:22:04,364 --> 00:22:06,408 You really are an innocent, aren't you? 362 00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:08,994 - I suppose so. 363 00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:11,538 - It's touching. It really is. 364 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:14,624 It's touching, in a disgusting kind of way. 365 00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:21,048 - See, I know a lot about the theory of sin. 366 00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:23,550 But I don't know anything about the practice. 367 00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:28,263 I mean, for instance, fornication. 368 00:22:28,305 --> 00:22:29,973 - What? 369 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,225 - The Bible's full of it. 370 00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,102 You mustn't do it. It's sinful. 371 00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:35,562 You'll go to hell. 372 00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:38,023 But it doesn't tell you how to do it. 373 00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:38,648 So how do you know you're not? 374 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,650 I mean, for all I know, I might be sitting here 375 00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:42,277 right now fornicating. 376 00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:43,737 ( Mary snickers ) 377 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:45,072 - No, you're not. If you were, I'd tell you. 378 00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:47,032 - Mm-hmm. Thanks. 379 00:22:53,830 --> 00:22:56,917 That couple over there sucking each other's mouth, a-- are-- 380 00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:57,918 - Would you keep it down a little bit? 381 00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,002 - Oh, sorry. 382 00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:02,422 Uh, are-- are they fornicating? 383 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:06,218 - They're kissing. They're just kissing. 384 00:23:06,259 --> 00:23:07,886 - Kissing. - That's phase one. 385 00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:08,428 - Ah. 386 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:10,555 - See, now-- now when they get home, 387 00:23:10,597 --> 00:23:12,182 they'll probably move into phase two. 388 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:16,770 - Oh, you fornicate in phases. 389 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:18,480 - Oh, yeah, that is, if you're not pressed for time. 390 00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:19,064 - Ah. 391 00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:22,901 - See, sex-- sex is very much like a meal. 392 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:23,819 I'll show you. 393 00:23:25,153 --> 00:23:27,155 See this menu? 394 00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:27,906 If you were gonna order a meal, right? 395 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:29,741 - Mm-hmm. 396 00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:30,450 - You wouldn't go right for the main course, would you? 397 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:32,786 Wouldn't you like to have a little appetizer first? 398 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,663 - Maybe. 399 00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:36,748 - You know, like, uh, a little chopped liver? 400 00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:37,958 - Oh, uh-huh. 401 00:23:37,999 --> 00:23:39,459 - It's an appetizer. That's kissing. 402 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:42,379 That's what kissing is. 403 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:43,672 Chopped liver. - Chopped liver. 404 00:23:43,713 --> 00:23:45,841 - Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, that's all. 405 00:23:45,882 --> 00:23:47,592 - Chopped liver. 406 00:23:47,634 --> 00:23:48,927 - Good. Chopped liver. 407 00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:49,970 - Number one, chopped liver. 408 00:23:50,011 --> 00:23:52,514 Phase one. - Phase one. 409 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,477 - I wonder-- I wonder if you would do me a great favor. 410 00:23:57,519 --> 00:23:58,270 - What? 411 00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:03,066 - Well, you see, if all these phases lead to fornication, 412 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:06,486 um, would you mind writing down all the things 413 00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:10,574 that I must avoid, in the right order? 414 00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:11,825 If it's not too much trouble. 415 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,494 - Oh, no, listen, I'd be glad to do it. 416 00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:18,248 Um, now what you want--you want a list here, right? 417 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:19,791 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 418 00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:20,792 - Of everything you're not supposed to do. 419 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:21,793 - Everything to avoid. 420 00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:24,087 - Okay. Um, well, number one... 421 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:26,506 - Yeah? 422 00:24:26,548 --> 00:24:29,384 - Um, number one, 423 00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:31,303 we went through it already, is kissing, right? 424 00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:32,846 - Kissing. - Right? 425 00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:35,098 So-- right, kissing. 426 00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:37,559 Now, number two, 427 00:24:39,519 --> 00:24:42,731 take hold of the, uh... 428 00:24:42,772 --> 00:24:44,691 - Bumpy bits. 429 00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:48,069 - Yeah. Shh. Take it, but not like that. 430 00:24:48,111 --> 00:24:49,112 You could hurt someone like that. 431 00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,655 It's not a claw. 432 00:24:50,697 --> 00:24:53,658 It's a very gentle kind of movement. 433 00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:55,869 You know, it's like a very caressing... 434 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:58,497 Mmm. Mmm. 435 00:24:58,538 --> 00:25:00,373 - Mmm. - Oh, that's very nice. 436 00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:02,125 - Mmm. - Mmm, that's good. 437 00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:02,918 That's good. That's good. 438 00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,169 Okay. 439 00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:05,128 Number two, right. 440 00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:06,463 - Mmm. 441 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:06,963 - No, it's okay. You can stop that. 442 00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,757 Just keep it to yourself. Okay? 443 00:25:08,798 --> 00:25:11,468 - I-- I've got it. - Take hold of the bits. 444 00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:13,053 I'll just put-- you'll remember, right? - Okay. 445 00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:15,764 - Now, number three... - Yeah. 446 00:25:15,805 --> 00:25:18,016 - Now, number three is very technical. 447 00:25:18,058 --> 00:25:20,685 - Yeah. - So I'm gonna draw you a diagram in number three, okay? 448 00:25:20,727 --> 00:25:23,146 - Now, this is a picture of a woman. 449 00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:24,814 - Aha. Yes. I can see the bumpy bits. 450 00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:27,067 - No, those are the puffed sleeves. 451 00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:28,401 She's wearing a dress. - Oh. 452 00:25:28,443 --> 00:25:29,819 - And then you make love. 453 00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:30,946 I don't know why you always get that one wrong. 454 00:25:30,987 --> 00:25:32,239 - Oh. - You get into bed first. 455 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,365 - Bed. - Then make love. 456 00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:34,699 - Oh. - Use your logic on that one. 457 00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:36,826 - So my 74 goes where my 75 was. - Yes. 458 00:25:36,868 --> 00:25:38,828 'Cause, you know, making love's supposed to be spontaneous. 459 00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:40,330 Why do you think there are hundreds of books out 460 00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:41,873 on how to do it right? 461 00:25:41,915 --> 00:25:43,750 Well, this is where I live. 462 00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:46,586 - Oh. Oh, good night. 463 00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:49,422 - Yeah. Uh, where you staying tonight? 464 00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:50,757 - Oh, I don't know. I'll find somewhere. 465 00:25:50,799 --> 00:25:51,967 - Sure you'll be all right? 466 00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:53,593 - Oh, yeah. I've got lots of money. 467 00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,637 The Abbott gave me more than $50. 468 00:25:55,679 --> 00:25:56,680 I have-- 469 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,352 No more. 470 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:03,937 - What? 471 00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:05,480 - No, it's nothing. 472 00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:08,108 - Okay. Bye. 473 00:26:08,149 --> 00:26:09,818 - Good night. - Good night. 474 00:26:26,626 --> 00:26:27,836 ( water running ) 475 00:26:27,877 --> 00:26:30,255 ( Mary hums ) 476 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:44,436 - Number one, chopped liver, kissing. 477 00:26:44,477 --> 00:26:46,146 ( kisses ) 478 00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:48,440 Number two, 479 00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:54,154 mmm, mmm, mmm. 480 00:26:54,195 --> 00:26:56,740 Number three-- number three was... 481 00:26:56,781 --> 00:26:58,908 ( chuckles ) 482 00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:01,036 Oh, so many things to remember to avoid. 483 00:27:01,077 --> 00:27:03,788 Hello, God, it's me, Ambrose. 484 00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:07,083 Sorry to bother You, but if You wanted us 485 00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:10,879 to ignore fleshly sins, why did You make us out of meat? 486 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,714 I mean, You could have made us out of anything. 487 00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:15,300 You could have made us out of burlap, or rubber, 488 00:27:15,342 --> 00:27:18,219 or wood, Jell-O, anything. 489 00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:20,305 ( sighs ) I know. 490 00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:22,015 You work in mysterious ways. 491 00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:23,475 Be we don't. 492 00:27:23,516 --> 00:27:26,436 Human beings, I mean. 493 00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:27,812 - Tomorrow night, I'll take you 494 00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:30,315 to see Armageddon T. Thunderbird if you want. 495 00:27:30,357 --> 00:27:32,025 By the way, what's your name? 496 00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:34,027 - Ambrose. 497 00:27:34,069 --> 00:27:35,654 - Good night, Ambrose. 498 00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:37,656 My name is Mary. 499 00:27:39,324 --> 00:27:41,618 - Mary? 500 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:43,578 ( grunts ) 501 00:27:46,247 --> 00:27:49,000 I can't stand it anymore. Can't stand it. 502 00:27:52,128 --> 00:27:53,380 ( shower running ) 503 00:27:53,421 --> 00:27:54,881 - What are you doing in there? 504 00:27:54,923 --> 00:27:57,175 - The Abbot said if everything else fails, 505 00:27:57,217 --> 00:28:01,304 cold shower will do it. 506 00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:03,306 Bumpy bits. 507 00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:06,726 Mmm. Mmm. 508 00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:08,269 Ooh. Ooh. 509 00:28:13,316 --> 00:28:15,694 ( organ music plays ) 510 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,388 - Heh. With a chicken. 511 00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:44,347 ( laughing ) 512 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,100 Get out of here, you filthy swine. 513 00:28:47,142 --> 00:28:48,768 Out. 514 00:28:50,353 --> 00:28:52,605 Next. Serving number 12. 515 00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:58,528 Serving number 12. 516 00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:10,415 Kneel down and make it snappy. 517 00:29:10,457 --> 00:29:15,587 Cut the frills and get straight to the meat and potatoes. 518 00:29:15,628 --> 00:29:17,922 - Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 519 00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:19,174 - Yes, yes. 520 00:29:19,215 --> 00:29:20,550 ( hearing aid whines ) 521 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:23,011 Oh-- oh, won't you wh-- whine to me about it. 522 00:29:23,052 --> 00:29:26,347 You want to whine about this, and you whine about that. 523 00:29:26,389 --> 00:29:29,684 And the, uh, oh. 524 00:29:29,726 --> 00:29:31,978 ah, death and transfiguration. 525 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:34,397 Don't worry about me. 526 00:29:34,439 --> 00:29:37,442 Uh, if you'll just start, and I'll get the-- 527 00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:39,194 I'll get the general drift. 528 00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:43,323 - Last night, Father, I was tormented by an impure thought. 529 00:29:43,364 --> 00:29:44,657 - I can't hear you. 530 00:29:44,699 --> 00:29:48,119 - I said I was tormented by an impure thought. 531 00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:50,997 - Could you-- could you speak up, please? 532 00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:52,874 - I-- it was about Mary. 533 00:29:52,916 --> 00:29:54,542 - What? Louder. 534 00:29:54,584 --> 00:29:57,170 - Mary, I wanted to take her clothes off. 535 00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:59,881 - You wanted to do what? Speak up. I can't hear you! 536 00:29:59,923 --> 00:30:02,175 - I wanted to take her clothes off. 537 00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:03,593 You are mumbling! 538 00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:05,512 - I wanted to take her clothes off 539 00:30:05,553 --> 00:30:07,972 and caress her bumpy bits. 540 00:30:08,014 --> 00:30:09,557 - Her what? - Bits. 541 00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:11,976 Fondly, you know, mmm. 542 00:30:12,018 --> 00:30:15,730 - What? - You know, number three. 543 00:30:15,772 --> 00:30:19,275 And then I wanted to try number 30. 544 00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:23,571 Or-- or-- or maybe do number 15 twice instead. 545 00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:26,241 And then I wanted to take her by the... 546 00:30:26,282 --> 00:30:27,700 ( horns honking ) 547 00:30:27,742 --> 00:30:28,743 And... 548 00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:29,744 ( car horns honking ) 549 00:30:29,786 --> 00:30:32,664 Both her-- again and again 550 00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:36,125 until I was exhausted. 551 00:30:37,335 --> 00:30:39,671 But I'm a monk, Father. 552 00:30:39,712 --> 00:30:41,631 What shall I do? 553 00:30:41,673 --> 00:30:44,717 - I didn't hear a damned word you said. 554 00:30:44,759 --> 00:30:46,302 That'll be, uh... 555 00:30:46,344 --> 00:30:47,846 - I'm afraid I only have, uh... 556 00:30:47,887 --> 00:30:50,098 - Two dollars. Here, I will have that. 557 00:30:50,139 --> 00:30:52,016 Uh, have a nice day. 558 00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,728 ( parishioners muttering ) 559 00:30:59,023 --> 00:31:00,733 ( clears throat ) 560 00:31:13,913 --> 00:31:17,083 ( cheering ) 561 00:31:22,797 --> 00:31:24,841 - Do you believe in God? 562 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:27,886 ( cheering ) 563 00:31:33,308 --> 00:31:36,895 - Announcer: The Church of Divine Profit humbly presents 564 00:31:36,936 --> 00:31:40,815 the Armageddon T. Thunderbird Crusade. 565 00:31:40,857 --> 00:31:45,528 And here he is, God's buddy, A.T.T. himself. 566 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:51,868 - Do you love God? 567 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:53,828 - Yes! 568 00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:56,998 - I mean, do you really love God? 569 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,333 - Yes! 570 00:31:58,374 --> 00:32:00,043 - Has He been good to you? 571 00:32:00,084 --> 00:32:01,711 - Yes. 572 00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:03,421 - I thought so. 573 00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:05,882 And have you been good to Him? 574 00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:07,175 - Yes. 575 00:32:07,216 --> 00:32:08,801 - Oh, really? 576 00:32:08,843 --> 00:32:11,012 - Yes. 577 00:32:11,054 --> 00:32:13,556 - Liars. - No! 578 00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:17,936 - 'Cause I just spoke to Him, and do you have any idea where He is right now? 579 00:32:17,977 --> 00:32:19,520 - No. 580 00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:22,106 - God is in the hospital. 581 00:32:22,148 --> 00:32:24,984 ( crowd gasping ) 582 00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:27,362 - In the Intensive Care Unit. 583 00:32:27,403 --> 00:32:28,905 And do you know who put Him there? 584 00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:30,239 - No. 585 00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,533 - Y-O-U. 586 00:32:32,575 --> 00:32:33,743 ( crowd shouting ) 587 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:39,958 - He-- he looked so pale. 588 00:32:39,999 --> 00:32:41,542 ( crying ) 589 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,469 - Why are you cryin'? 590 00:32:51,511 --> 00:32:52,971 Isn't that what you wanted? 591 00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:54,722 - No! 592 00:32:54,764 --> 00:32:55,890 - Do you wanna see Him pull through? 593 00:32:55,932 --> 00:32:57,725 - Yes! 594 00:32:57,767 --> 00:33:00,728 - All right. I said to Him, I am your servant, Lord. 595 00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:02,522 What do You want? 596 00:33:02,563 --> 00:33:05,566 Everything, Armageddon, everything. 597 00:33:05,608 --> 00:33:08,528 I need money to put it right. 598 00:33:08,569 --> 00:33:12,991 But what will You give them in return? I queried. 599 00:33:13,032 --> 00:33:17,996 And then He said, I will assure them a place forever 600 00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:20,331 in the kingdom of heaven. 601 00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:22,583 ( applause ) 602 00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:26,129 - And that's-- and that's rent free. 603 00:33:26,170 --> 00:33:29,007 Now, doesn't that sound like a good deal? 604 00:33:29,048 --> 00:33:30,675 - Yeah! 605 00:33:30,717 --> 00:33:34,887 - Well, then put thy money where is thy mouth. 606 00:33:34,929 --> 00:33:38,099 And I'm not just askin' the people here in the studio audience. 607 00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:43,062 I'm askin' you, you, and you. 608 00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:46,149 ( music plays ) 609 00:33:46,190 --> 00:33:50,361 - ♪ In God we trust ♪ 610 00:33:50,403 --> 00:33:53,990 ♪ Invest in Him on high ♪ 611 00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:57,785 ♪ God's sweetest buy ♪ 612 00:33:57,827 --> 00:34:02,290 ♪ Is in the by-and-by ♪ 613 00:34:02,331 --> 00:34:05,835 ♪ Each buck you give ♪ 614 00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:10,339 ♪ Shall be tax free therefore ♪ 615 00:34:10,381 --> 00:34:14,093 ♪ And shall returneth thee ♪ 616 00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:18,473 ♪ Ten thousandfold, oh, yes ♪ 617 00:34:18,514 --> 00:34:22,185 ♪ And shall returneth thee ♪ 618 00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:27,690 ♪ Ten thousandfold. ♪ 619 00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:31,861 ( chattering ) 620 00:34:37,033 --> 00:34:39,035 - I didn't understand a word he was talking about. 621 00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,287 Supposed to be a Christian. 622 00:34:41,329 --> 00:34:43,164 I-- I don't understand. 623 00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:46,459 - This is awfully confusing for you, isn't it? 624 00:34:46,501 --> 00:34:48,586 - It is a bit. 625 00:34:48,628 --> 00:34:52,090 - Well, I think you've had a big day. 626 00:34:52,131 --> 00:34:54,509 And I think you should go to sleep now, okay? 627 00:34:54,550 --> 00:34:56,594 You look sweet in pink. 628 00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:59,138 - Mmm. 629 00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:02,100 I'm gonna go and see him tomorrow. 630 00:35:02,141 --> 00:35:04,519 - You're gonna go see Armageddon? 631 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,020 - Mm-hmm. 632 00:35:06,062 --> 00:35:10,399 When he understands, he'll help. 633 00:35:10,441 --> 00:35:11,442 ( Mary sighs ) 634 00:35:11,484 --> 00:35:13,986 - Poor Ambrose. 635 00:35:14,028 --> 00:35:18,199 I wonder if God will ever forgive you your virtues. 636 00:35:26,457 --> 00:35:28,167 - Excuse me. 637 00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:39,720 ( shower running ) 638 00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:01,033 - Good afternoon. I'd-- I'd like to see Mr. Thunderbird. I-- 639 00:36:01,075 --> 00:36:02,493 - Not today. He's too busy. 640 00:36:02,535 --> 00:36:03,536 - No. I-- I have this letter from-- 641 00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:04,579 from the Abbot. - Get out of here. 642 00:36:04,620 --> 00:36:05,746 - I'm-- I'm one of the meek. 643 00:36:05,788 --> 00:36:07,498 I'm supposed to inherit the Earth. 644 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:08,708 - You've got it. 645 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:21,888 - You just don't understand, Ambrose. 646 00:36:21,929 --> 00:36:23,389 - I understand I don't understand. 647 00:36:23,431 --> 00:36:24,724 But what don't I understand? 648 00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:26,601 - Well, the meek may inherit the Earth but not 649 00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:28,352 until the strong are finished with it. 650 00:36:28,394 --> 00:36:30,563 And by that time, it won't even be worth having. 651 00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:31,981 - I'll get in to see him finally. 652 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:33,191 - But it could take weeks. 653 00:36:33,232 --> 00:36:34,567 - I'll get a job in the meantime. 654 00:36:34,609 --> 00:36:35,109 Look, is there anything in the paper? 655 00:36:35,109 --> 00:36:38,404 - Oh, look, Ambrose, listen. - What? 656 00:36:38,446 --> 00:36:40,072 - You don't need to work. I mean, look, 657 00:36:40,114 --> 00:36:42,325 you could come and stay at my place, right? 658 00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:44,785 I really do make enough money for both of us. 659 00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,621 - W-- what do you do? - What? 660 00:36:46,662 --> 00:36:48,956 - Well, for a living, what do you do? 661 00:36:48,998 --> 00:36:51,834 - Oh, uh, I wouldn't even concern myself about that if I were you. 662 00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:55,046 - Well, maybe you could get me a job doing it with you. 663 00:36:55,087 --> 00:36:56,714 - Well, I could look into it. 664 00:36:56,756 --> 00:36:59,008 - I'm good with my hands. 665 00:37:16,484 --> 00:37:19,237 ( chattering in Spanish ) 666 00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:36,754 ( hammering ) 667 00:37:51,018 --> 00:37:52,770 ( bell rings ) 668 00:38:04,198 --> 00:38:06,033 - Hey. Hey. Come back. 669 00:38:06,075 --> 00:38:08,911 Dr. Melmoth. 670 00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:10,579 Philistine. 671 00:38:26,053 --> 00:38:28,472 - All right, monk. 672 00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:38,274 - All right. I'm going. 673 00:38:44,113 --> 00:38:46,907 - Hi. You look so nauseous. 674 00:38:46,949 --> 00:38:49,118 - Thanks, but I feel rotten. 675 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,746 - Oh, Ambrose, how many times you gonna keep on trying? 676 00:38:51,787 --> 00:38:53,706 - Well, till I get in and see him. 677 00:38:53,748 --> 00:38:55,416 You see, if I could show him the Abbot's letter, 678 00:38:55,458 --> 00:38:56,792 and then I'd-- - I got an idea. 679 00:38:56,834 --> 00:38:58,544 Couldn't you just pray to God for the money? 680 00:38:58,586 --> 00:38:59,170 - No, no. 681 00:38:59,211 --> 00:39:01,714 No, ask for money, and you spoil a friendship. 682 00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:03,466 No, I've gotta see him personally. 683 00:39:03,507 --> 00:39:06,218 Mr. Thunderbird will understand. He's a Christian. 684 00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:09,972 - No, being born in a Christian home doesn't necessarily 685 00:39:10,014 --> 00:39:12,099 make you Christian any more than being born 686 00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:15,019 in a bakery makes you a bagel. - Hmm? 687 00:39:15,061 --> 00:39:17,271 - I mean, maybe Mr. Thunderbird just isn't even interested 688 00:39:17,313 --> 00:39:18,898 in your old monastery. 689 00:39:18,939 --> 00:39:21,108 - No, no. If I could get in to see him personally, 690 00:39:21,150 --> 00:39:23,444 I'll get in eventually. I'll get in. I'll get in. 691 00:39:23,486 --> 00:39:24,904 - But it could take months. - All right. 692 00:39:24,945 --> 00:39:26,197 In the meantime, I can just get another job. 693 00:39:26,238 --> 00:39:27,573 I mean, what can I lose? 694 00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:30,368 - Nothing, just another job. 695 00:39:31,952 --> 00:39:35,498 - ♪ Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven ♪ 696 00:39:35,539 --> 00:39:36,957 ♪ Oh, do, dee, da ♪ 697 00:39:36,999 --> 00:39:40,461 ♪ Every time, do, dee, da, da, dee, la, da, da ♪ 698 00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:43,297 ♪ Oh, dee, dee, dum, da, dum, dum, da, dee, da, dum, dum... ♪ 699 00:39:43,339 --> 00:39:44,673 - Good morning. - Oh, good morning. 700 00:39:44,715 --> 00:39:46,509 - Don't you ever rest? 701 00:39:46,550 --> 00:39:48,052 - I can't afford to lose time. 702 00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:50,137 It's Pasadena by next Wednesday. 703 00:39:50,179 --> 00:39:51,555 That's my schedule. 704 00:39:51,597 --> 00:39:54,016 You know, a man's got to have a goal. 705 00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:56,727 Otherwise, we've got communism. 706 00:39:56,769 --> 00:40:00,856 And I'm tap dancing to keep this great land of ours free. 707 00:40:00,898 --> 00:40:02,691 I'll see you sometime. 708 00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:03,734 - Good luck. - So long. 709 00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:04,735 - Step right up. Step up, sinners. 710 00:40:04,777 --> 00:40:05,361 Step right up and repent. 711 00:40:05,403 --> 00:40:07,863 Do not cop a plea unto the Almighty, saying, 712 00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:09,907 oh, Lord, I'm but a poor sinner. 713 00:40:09,949 --> 00:40:11,659 For the Lord will say unto thee, bullshit, my child. 714 00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:13,744 His eye is on the sparrow, so you can bet your ass 715 00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:16,080 He's got you covered, Jim, and you and you. 716 00:40:16,122 --> 00:40:19,417 So step right up and find the Lord, a buck a throw. 717 00:40:19,458 --> 00:40:21,544 Yes, the Lord is here in my hand. 718 00:40:21,585 --> 00:40:22,586 Everyone wants to find the Lord. 719 00:40:22,628 --> 00:40:24,130 The Lord goes into hiding. 720 00:40:24,171 --> 00:40:25,423 And those who seek him will find him. 721 00:40:25,464 --> 00:40:27,800 Where is he now? Try thy luck. 722 00:40:27,842 --> 00:40:29,802 Find the Lord. Who will find the Lord? 723 00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:30,803 It's a wonderful game. Everybody wins. 724 00:40:30,845 --> 00:40:31,429 Everybody goes to heaven. 725 00:40:31,470 --> 00:40:33,264 Try thy luck, a lousy buck to find the Lord. 726 00:40:33,305 --> 00:40:34,682 Aha. 727 00:40:34,723 --> 00:40:36,183 Ah, yes, sir, and now where is he? 728 00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:38,018 Oh, no, I'm sorry. 729 00:40:38,060 --> 00:40:39,270 The Lord is not there, but a blessing to you, too. 730 00:40:39,311 --> 00:40:40,438 The game continues. 731 00:40:40,479 --> 00:40:40,938 Try thy luck. 732 00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:43,107 - Dr. Melmoth. He stole my money. 733 00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:44,650 - Excuse me. - He's a thief. 734 00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:46,235 - This man is a heretic. Don't listen to him. 735 00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:47,403 He's obviously deranged. 736 00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:49,071 - Stop him. Stop him. He's a thief. 737 00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:50,156 Give me my money back. 738 00:40:50,197 --> 00:40:51,699 - Get outta here. 739 00:40:51,740 --> 00:40:54,118 Fanatic. Vegetarian! 740 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:55,995 I'll keep up the Lord's work. 741 00:40:56,036 --> 00:40:57,538 - Oh, oof. - And get away from me. 742 00:40:57,580 --> 00:40:58,956 Get away from me, you Moabite, you snake worshipper. 743 00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:01,667 Ah. Ooh. 744 00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:06,046 And a holy man such as yourself should descend to violence. 745 00:41:06,088 --> 00:41:07,506 ( Ambrose grunts ) 746 00:41:07,548 --> 00:41:10,468 - In the name-- in the name of all that's sacred, 747 00:41:10,509 --> 00:41:12,970 let me up, you little asshole. 748 00:41:16,682 --> 00:41:19,143 - You should be disgusted with yourself. 749 00:41:19,185 --> 00:41:22,146 - Oh, I am. I am. I am. 750 00:41:22,188 --> 00:41:23,772 Pray for me. 751 00:41:23,814 --> 00:41:28,110 Let thy hand, which is raised in violence, 752 00:41:28,152 --> 00:41:32,907 clasp its brother and, in heavenly supplication, even as I do, 753 00:41:32,948 --> 00:41:38,579 Father, forgive him, for he knoweth not what he doeth. 754 00:41:38,621 --> 00:41:44,043 Forgive me even more, for I knoweth. 755 00:41:44,084 --> 00:41:46,086 ( grunts ) 756 00:41:46,128 --> 00:41:47,755 - Take that, monk. 757 00:41:51,091 --> 00:41:52,551 ( bus engine starts ) 758 00:41:54,136 --> 00:41:57,056 - Wait for me. Stop. Wait for me! 759 00:42:00,559 --> 00:42:02,269 Of course I forgive you. 760 00:42:02,311 --> 00:42:04,230 But I still don't know what I'm doing here. 761 00:42:04,271 --> 00:42:06,232 - Well, look, I'm-- I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime, 762 00:42:06,273 --> 00:42:08,901 a full partnership in my church for nothing. 763 00:42:08,943 --> 00:42:11,320 - Why me? 764 00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,280 - Because you have a certain quality, 765 00:42:13,322 --> 00:42:15,741 a kind of eerie innocence. 766 00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:19,495 People look at you, and they have to believe 767 00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:21,413 there's a better world somewhere. 768 00:42:21,455 --> 00:42:23,791 Besides, I'm slowing down. 769 00:42:23,832 --> 00:42:26,710 - Well, could I make enough money to save the monastery? 770 00:42:26,752 --> 00:42:29,463 I need $5,000. - But, of course. 771 00:42:31,131 --> 00:42:32,758 - What have I got to lose? 772 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:36,136 - Partners. - Partners. 773 00:42:36,178 --> 00:42:37,555 - Ha. 774 00:42:43,769 --> 00:42:46,230 ( "I've Been Working On the Railroad" plays ) 775 00:42:49,900 --> 00:42:51,652 ( horn honks ) 776 00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:57,533 ( chatter ) 777 00:43:07,209 --> 00:43:10,462 - Ambrose, hi. 778 00:43:10,504 --> 00:43:12,006 What are you doing here? 779 00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:14,091 - Well, thought we could go out tonight and celebrate. 780 00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:16,093 - I just can't. 781 00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:17,303 ( horn honks ) 782 00:43:17,344 --> 00:43:18,470 Listen, I'm really sorry. 783 00:43:18,512 --> 00:43:19,722 But it's just, you know, Friday night. 784 00:43:19,763 --> 00:43:20,556 And then, you know, it's my big night. 785 00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:21,807 And I just... 786 00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:23,559 ( honking continues ) 787 00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:25,477 I-- I couldn't-- I mean, I couldn't just-- I mean, 788 00:43:25,519 --> 00:43:27,187 I'm not dressed to go anywhere, you know. 789 00:43:27,229 --> 00:43:28,397 - Look. 790 00:43:31,650 --> 00:43:33,736 You look-- you look lovely. 791 00:43:33,777 --> 00:43:37,740 - Oh, Ambrose, that is so beautiful. 792 00:43:37,781 --> 00:43:41,201 - Shall we go? - I'm sorry. I can't. 793 00:43:41,243 --> 00:43:43,871 - Yeah, I understand. 794 00:43:43,912 --> 00:43:46,165 I mean, if you'd rather be here with your friends, 795 00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:49,001 well, hey, that's okay. I can... 796 00:43:49,043 --> 00:43:50,294 - I'll see you later, okay? - See you later. Yeah. 797 00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:52,880 - Okay. I'll see you later. - Okay. 798 00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:55,799 ( honking ) 799 00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:05,476 - Where are we going? 800 00:44:05,517 --> 00:44:08,437 - Oh, well, it's bingo night at the all-night mission, and I-- 801 00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:09,855 - I've had it now. Come on. 802 00:44:09,897 --> 00:44:12,066 It's all right. Come on, baby. 803 00:44:12,107 --> 00:44:14,276 - Stop it! - Come on. 804 00:44:14,318 --> 00:44:16,779 - No, you stop that. 805 00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:21,659 - Excuse me, sir. 806 00:44:21,700 --> 00:44:23,035 That was very rude. 807 00:44:23,077 --> 00:44:25,621 I'm sure you didn't mean it. 808 00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:29,249 Now, according to, uh, Timothy, 809 00:44:29,291 --> 00:44:32,836 chapter 2, verse 25, be gentle unto all men. 810 00:44:32,878 --> 00:44:34,713 But, of course, that means all women, too. 811 00:44:34,755 --> 00:44:35,714 ( grunts ) 812 00:44:35,756 --> 00:44:37,216 - Oh, what are you doing to him? 813 00:44:37,257 --> 00:44:39,259 - Perhaps you prefer St. Matthew. 814 00:44:39,301 --> 00:44:41,845 Thou shalt love thy enemies. 815 00:44:41,887 --> 00:44:45,224 In other words, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 816 00:44:45,265 --> 00:44:48,435 - You wouldn't wish me to do this unto you. 817 00:44:54,441 --> 00:44:57,778 - Take the gospel according to St. Mark. 818 00:44:57,820 --> 00:45:01,031 Now, it isn't me you're hurting. It's you. 819 00:45:01,073 --> 00:45:04,493 It's your soul that's in pain, your immortal soul. 820 00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:09,248 Excuse me, sir. 821 00:45:09,289 --> 00:45:14,253 On the other hand, there's the Old Testament. 822 00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:15,671 David and Goliath. 823 00:45:28,225 --> 00:45:31,061 - You just don't really understand is that 824 00:45:31,103 --> 00:45:34,982 you can't always have everything just the way you want it. 825 00:45:35,023 --> 00:45:38,318 You know, it may not be the best of all possible worlds, 826 00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,696 but it's the only damn one we've got. 827 00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:43,907 That's what my Pop used to say anyway. 828 00:45:43,949 --> 00:45:47,619 - What was he like, your Pop? 829 00:45:47,661 --> 00:45:51,623 - I don't remember much about him, except his legs. 830 00:45:51,665 --> 00:45:56,712 He had an angel flying up his right leg 831 00:45:56,754 --> 00:46:00,841 and he had a devil crawling down his left leg 832 00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:04,511 and disappearing into his sock. 833 00:46:04,553 --> 00:46:05,888 - Huh? 834 00:46:05,929 --> 00:46:07,055 - Tattoo. 835 00:46:07,097 --> 00:46:08,015 - Oh. - He had tattoos. 836 00:46:08,056 --> 00:46:09,391 - Oh. 837 00:46:09,433 --> 00:46:12,644 - He ran out on us when I was three, so.... 838 00:46:12,686 --> 00:46:16,231 - At least you know who your father was. 839 00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:18,484 I was abandoned on a monastery doorstep. 840 00:46:18,525 --> 00:46:20,819 There was just a little note. 841 00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:23,489 "Attached child is a gift from God. 842 00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:27,284 P.S. Please return to sender." 843 00:46:40,589 --> 00:46:43,383 - You-- you don't, uh, have to sleep 844 00:46:43,425 --> 00:46:46,094 in the other room if you don't want to tonight. 845 00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:49,681 I mean, you know you could stay in here with me if you like. 846 00:46:53,101 --> 00:46:54,895 - Excuse me. 847 00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:37,521 - For what we are about to receive, 848 00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:40,774 may the Lord make us truly thankful. 849 00:47:48,156 --> 00:47:51,910 ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪ 850 00:47:51,952 --> 00:47:53,328 ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪ 851 00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:55,706 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 852 00:47:55,747 --> 00:47:58,333 ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪ 853 00:47:58,375 --> 00:48:05,215 ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah. ♪ 854 00:48:17,519 --> 00:48:18,770 - Good morning. 855 00:48:18,812 --> 00:48:20,480 Morning. 856 00:48:20,522 --> 00:48:22,024 ( Mary moans ) 857 00:48:22,065 --> 00:48:23,483 Morning? 858 00:48:23,525 --> 00:48:26,194 - Good morning. Hi. 859 00:48:26,236 --> 00:48:27,779 - Surprise. 860 00:48:30,032 --> 00:48:32,993 Remember, the first night we met, you said you liked it. 861 00:48:33,035 --> 00:48:35,245 - Oh, right. 862 00:48:35,287 --> 00:48:38,749 Aw, thank-- oh, look. 863 00:48:38,790 --> 00:48:41,084 Thank you. Thank you. 864 00:48:45,881 --> 00:48:47,883 Mmm. 865 00:48:53,722 --> 00:48:57,684 Mmm. Mmm. So good. 866 00:48:57,726 --> 00:48:58,936 - Not too much mustard? 867 00:48:58,977 --> 00:49:00,604 - Mm-mm. 868 00:49:00,646 --> 00:49:03,065 I am so full. 869 00:49:03,106 --> 00:49:04,441 Mmm. 870 00:49:04,483 --> 00:49:05,692 ( chuckles ) 871 00:49:05,734 --> 00:49:07,444 Mmm. 872 00:49:07,486 --> 00:49:10,280 - Listen, um, about last night, uh, 873 00:49:10,322 --> 00:49:13,033 did I, um, did we... 874 00:49:13,075 --> 00:49:14,618 - Mm-hmm. 875 00:49:14,660 --> 00:49:16,328 We went through the whole menu. 876 00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:17,788 ( chuckles ) 877 00:49:17,829 --> 00:49:21,375 You may check off items number one through 75. 878 00:49:21,416 --> 00:49:23,335 - Did I really do all that? 879 00:49:23,377 --> 00:49:28,799 - Yeah. Well, not in one go. Let me put it this way. 880 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:33,095 See, we both should have arrived at 72 at the same time. 881 00:49:33,136 --> 00:49:37,057 But you got to 72 while I was still, you know, 882 00:49:37,099 --> 00:49:39,101 hangin' around number nine. 883 00:49:39,142 --> 00:49:40,519 But that's just a technicality. 884 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:42,896 - No, I'm sorry. - No, don't be silly. 885 00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:45,691 You know, nice guys sometimes finish first. 886 00:49:45,732 --> 00:49:48,777 Just think of it as a sin of emission. 887 00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:50,487 - You've done this before, haven't you? 888 00:49:50,529 --> 00:49:51,947 I can tell. 889 00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:53,782 - You could tell? How? 890 00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:56,451 - You kept screaming, get to 11, get to 11. 891 00:49:56,493 --> 00:49:58,245 - Did I do that? 892 00:49:58,286 --> 00:49:59,538 - Get to 11, yeah. 893 00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:01,665 - Oh, I'm sorry. 894 00:50:01,707 --> 00:50:04,918 It's just, well, I guess number 11 895 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,504 has always been one of my favorites. 896 00:50:09,256 --> 00:50:13,802 Listen, Ambrose, I don't wanna upset you, but... 897 00:50:13,844 --> 00:50:15,429 - What? 898 00:50:17,889 --> 00:50:19,933 - I have to be honest with you. 899 00:50:19,975 --> 00:50:21,393 - What? 900 00:50:21,435 --> 00:50:24,271 - I'm a hooker. 901 00:50:24,312 --> 00:50:25,022 - Well, I know. - A harlot. 902 00:50:25,063 --> 00:50:26,356 - I know. 903 00:50:26,398 --> 00:50:27,983 - I'm like a whore from your Bible. 904 00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:29,192 - Yeah, I know. - You know? 905 00:50:29,234 --> 00:50:31,361 - I worked it out. 906 00:50:31,403 --> 00:50:33,113 - And you're not shocked? 907 00:50:33,155 --> 00:50:34,698 - About what? 908 00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:37,117 - That-- me being a hooker. 909 00:50:37,159 --> 00:50:38,994 - No. 910 00:50:39,036 --> 00:50:42,581 It's just the outside world is nothing like anything 911 00:50:42,622 --> 00:50:43,915 I was taught in the monastery. 912 00:50:43,957 --> 00:50:45,917 I'm just a bit, well, confused, you know. 913 00:50:45,959 --> 00:50:48,503 - So you mean you do have doubts, huh? 914 00:50:48,545 --> 00:50:50,630 - Mm, doubts are about the only certainties 915 00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:52,674 I have right now, you know? 916 00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:55,719 - So then you'll be going, uh, back to the monastery? 917 00:50:55,761 --> 00:50:58,430 - Eventually, yeah. 918 00:50:58,472 --> 00:51:00,348 I mean, it's my home. 919 00:51:00,390 --> 00:51:04,311 - When are you gonna go? 920 00:51:04,352 --> 00:51:05,896 - After I see Mr. Thunderbird. 921 00:51:12,110 --> 00:51:15,906 Well, I suppose I better get dressed. 922 00:51:27,584 --> 00:51:30,921 By the way, um, I think I love you. 923 00:51:30,962 --> 00:51:32,547 Do you mind? 924 00:51:32,589 --> 00:51:34,549 - Heh. 925 00:51:34,591 --> 00:51:37,427 Do I mind? 926 00:52:08,416 --> 00:52:12,254 - Potsville, the string cheese capital of the world. 927 00:52:12,295 --> 00:52:17,050 - Aha. Where there is string cheese, sin cannot be far behind. 928 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:19,511 ( music on PA system ) 929 00:52:19,553 --> 00:52:22,222 - Good afternoon, idle sinners of Potsville. 930 00:52:22,264 --> 00:52:25,559 Salvation is at hand. 931 00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,185 Let Dr. Melmoth bring peace to your souls 932 00:52:27,227 --> 00:52:29,020 through the Good Book. 933 00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:34,276 - Good afternoon, voters of Potsville. 934 00:52:34,317 --> 00:52:36,194 Let Mayor Dwork bring peace to your city 935 00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:38,321 through law and order. 936 00:52:38,363 --> 00:52:42,409 I say-- I say put the lazy bums to work and get 'em off welfare. 937 00:52:42,450 --> 00:52:45,412 - For their welfare is my concern, sayeth the Lord. 938 00:52:45,453 --> 00:52:47,747 For the Lord's way is the way of right. 939 00:52:47,789 --> 00:52:50,417 The Lord is coming through. 940 00:52:50,458 --> 00:52:52,836 - Like hell he is. He hasn't got right-of-way. 941 00:52:52,878 --> 00:52:54,629 He don't give preference over the Grand Old Party. 942 00:52:54,671 --> 00:52:56,214 Back off, lard-ass. 943 00:52:56,256 --> 00:52:57,841 - Up thine, Brother. 944 00:52:57,883 --> 00:53:00,427 - Yeah? You gonna move that heap of crap? 945 00:53:00,468 --> 00:53:01,970 - No. 946 00:53:05,849 --> 00:53:09,269 Okay. So it's dirty pool you want. 947 00:53:09,311 --> 00:53:12,731 Well, the Lord knows that game, too. 948 00:53:12,772 --> 00:53:16,985 All right. It's God versus democracy. 949 00:53:17,027 --> 00:53:20,405 Yee-haw. 950 00:53:22,657 --> 00:53:25,744 - Commie Jesus freaks! 951 00:53:30,540 --> 00:53:32,667 - Yee-haw! 952 00:53:34,294 --> 00:53:39,507 - All right, Cox. 953 00:53:39,549 --> 00:53:41,760 God wins every time. 954 00:53:43,053 --> 00:53:44,804 ( yells ) 955 00:53:49,434 --> 00:53:53,271 ♪ Onward, Christian soldiers ♪ 956 00:53:53,313 --> 00:53:57,067 ♪ Marching on to war ♪ 957 00:53:57,108 --> 00:54:00,403 - ♪ With the cross of Jesus ♪ 958 00:54:00,445 --> 00:54:05,325 ♪ Going on before ♪ 959 00:54:05,367 --> 00:54:12,040 ♪ Amen ♪ 960 00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:16,795 - And now, sinners, when ye entered herein, 961 00:54:16,836 --> 00:54:22,217 did ye not turn unto yeselves and say, 962 00:54:22,259 --> 00:54:25,262 why has he locked the door? 963 00:54:25,303 --> 00:54:25,971 I'll tell you why. 964 00:54:26,012 --> 00:54:32,978 Because it is too easy to turn from the Lord and run. 965 00:54:33,019 --> 00:54:38,483 Moses, when he saw the burning bush, did not turn and run. 966 00:54:38,525 --> 00:54:44,948 No, I did not turn and run when I saw the burning bush. 967 00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:46,866 Aye, who's that? 968 00:54:46,908 --> 00:54:50,120 Why, who could that be? 969 00:54:50,161 --> 00:54:53,498 Why, it's Moses himself. 970 00:54:53,540 --> 00:54:56,459 ( applause ) 971 00:54:56,501 --> 00:54:57,919 ( organ music plays "Hava Nagila" ) 972 00:54:57,961 --> 00:55:01,589 - Let's hear it for him, wonderful Biblical prophet. 973 00:55:01,631 --> 00:55:03,466 What happened to you when you saw the burning bush? 974 00:55:03,508 --> 00:55:06,428 - I was God-struck. - You were what? 975 00:55:06,469 --> 00:55:08,054 - God-struck. 976 00:55:08,096 --> 00:55:10,724 - You mean you were dumbstruck, dummy. 977 00:55:10,765 --> 00:55:13,768 - Well, that's what I thought I said. 978 00:55:13,810 --> 00:55:16,229 - Seriously-- seriously, that concludes-- thank you. 979 00:55:16,271 --> 00:55:19,190 - ( applause ) - Whew. 980 00:55:19,232 --> 00:55:21,609 And now that concludes the entertainment portion of our show. 981 00:55:21,651 --> 00:55:25,405 And, uh, for the next segment, uh, we shall all join 982 00:55:25,447 --> 00:55:28,867 little Moses in singing "We Shall Gather by the River" 983 00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:32,412 whilst I partake of some communion wine 984 00:55:32,454 --> 00:55:37,667 and a very fine Puerto Ricanyo cigar simultaneously. 985 00:55:39,711 --> 00:55:40,837 Thank you. Thank you. 986 00:55:40,879 --> 00:55:41,838 ( coughs ) 987 00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,006 ( snores ) 988 00:55:43,048 --> 00:55:44,758 - Hit it, Professor. 989 00:55:46,426 --> 00:55:49,721 - ♪ We shall gather at the river ♪ 990 00:55:49,763 --> 00:55:53,725 ♪ The beautiful, the beautiful river ♪ 991 00:55:53,767 --> 00:55:57,145 ♪ Gather with the saints at the river ♪ 992 00:55:57,187 --> 00:56:01,024 ♪ That flows by the throne of God ♪ 993 00:56:01,066 --> 00:56:04,611 ♪ Shall we gather at the river ♪ 994 00:56:04,652 --> 00:56:08,698 ♪ Where bright angel feet have trod ♪ 995 00:56:08,740 --> 00:56:12,410 ♪ With its crystal tide forever ♪ 996 00:56:12,452 --> 00:56:15,955 ♪ Flowing by the throne of God ♪ 997 00:56:15,997 --> 00:56:19,542 ♪ We shall gather at the river ♪ 998 00:56:19,584 --> 00:56:23,588 ♪ The beautiful, the beautiful river ♪ 999 00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:27,884 ♪ Gather with the saints at the river that flows ♪ 1000 00:56:27,926 --> 00:56:31,221 ♪ By the throne of God ♪ 1001 00:57:08,758 --> 00:57:12,220 ♪ We shall gather at the river ♪ 1002 00:57:12,262 --> 00:57:15,807 ♪ The beautiful, the beautiful river ♪ 1003 00:57:15,849 --> 00:57:19,686 ♪ Gather with the saints at the river ♪ 1004 00:57:19,727 --> 00:57:20,728 ♪ That flows by the throne of God ♪ 1005 00:57:20,770 --> 00:57:22,105 ( bell rings ) 1006 00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:28,903 ♪ That flows by the throne of God... ♪ 1007 00:57:28,945 --> 00:57:34,200 ♪ Amen ♪ 1008 00:57:34,242 --> 00:57:36,786 ( bell ringing ) 1009 00:57:44,252 --> 00:57:46,504 - Taped this for you earlier, A.T.T. 1010 00:57:46,546 --> 00:57:48,923 We thought you might be interested. 1011 00:57:51,050 --> 00:57:54,220 - In Peru today, 5,000 died in an earthquake. 1012 00:57:54,262 --> 00:57:57,974 There's news of a train crash in Turkey which killed 400. 1013 00:57:58,016 --> 00:58:00,935 But it's going to be another lovely day tomorrow 1014 00:58:00,977 --> 00:58:06,024 with temperatures in the high '70s, so mostly it's good news. 1015 00:58:06,065 --> 00:58:10,487 On the local front, a mobile church crashed in mid-service into a lake in Orange County. 1016 00:58:10,528 --> 00:58:12,238 Fortunately, nobody was hurt, 1017 00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,324 but one of the promoters in this scheme, 1018 00:58:14,365 --> 00:58:18,369 a Dr. Sebastian Melmoth, here seen baptizing the survivors, 1019 00:58:18,411 --> 00:58:20,914 described it as an act of God and said 1020 00:58:20,955 --> 00:58:24,292 he's considering suing God's business manager, the Pope. 1021 00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:26,836 His partner, a Brother Ambrose, an alleged monk, 1022 00:58:26,878 --> 00:58:28,171 was not available for comments. 1023 00:58:28,213 --> 00:58:30,298 - Prayer mobiles. 1024 00:58:30,340 --> 00:58:33,426 - Thought we'd just run it up the Crucifix and see who genuflects. 1025 00:58:33,468 --> 00:58:38,306 - Mobile churches, covering the whole country, 1026 00:58:38,348 --> 00:58:40,266 just think of it, the whole country. 1027 00:58:40,308 --> 00:58:45,230 You can fool some of the people all the time 1028 00:58:45,271 --> 00:58:49,025 and those are the sons of bitches we gonna get. 1029 00:58:49,067 --> 00:58:53,863 Now we could have every sinner's balls in our hands. 1030 00:58:53,905 --> 00:58:57,033 Just how much we decide to squeeze 'em for 1031 00:58:57,075 --> 00:58:58,409 will be G.O.D.'s decision. 1032 00:58:58,451 --> 00:59:00,453 - Uh, Miss Milligan? 1033 00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:03,706 - We can have Miss Milligan here prepare some ballpark figures on the scheme. 1034 00:59:03,748 --> 00:59:06,459 - Oh, well, yes. 1035 00:59:06,501 --> 00:59:09,170 - You'll get back to us on it? 1036 00:59:09,212 --> 00:59:12,549 - Yeah-- yeah, soonest, soonest, soonest. 1037 00:59:12,590 --> 00:59:14,133 I have a one o'clock with G.O.D., you know, 1038 00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:15,843 huddles and confab. 1039 00:59:15,885 --> 00:59:18,721 Uh, it'll be numero uno on the agenda. 1040 00:59:25,228 --> 00:59:27,647 I'm comin', G.O.D. 1041 00:59:29,315 --> 00:59:31,317 Thy will be done. 1042 00:59:57,552 --> 01:00:01,097 Oh, G.O.D., in whom we trust, 1043 01:00:01,139 --> 01:00:04,350 who adviseth me and all the workings 1044 01:00:04,392 --> 01:00:06,352 His great conglomerate, 1045 01:00:06,394 --> 01:00:11,274 C.D.P., consider this proposition. 1046 01:00:12,567 --> 01:00:14,068 - Approved. 1047 01:00:14,110 --> 01:00:17,030 But you cannot be everywhere. 1048 01:00:17,071 --> 01:00:20,992 We need a disciple to lead our crusade, 1049 01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:26,164 somebody pure, devout, without a record, 1050 01:00:26,205 --> 01:00:30,460 someone a Congressional committee wouldn't suspect. 1051 01:00:30,501 --> 01:00:34,589 - Dost thou have someone in mind, O Mighty One? 1052 01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:39,344 - Ask thyself, and it shall answer thee. 1053 01:00:39,385 --> 01:00:41,554 - The monk? 1054 01:00:41,596 --> 01:00:43,264 You believe he could-- 1055 01:00:43,306 --> 01:00:45,266 - Consider the bears in the wood. 1056 01:00:45,308 --> 01:00:47,602 Crappeth, they not? 1057 01:00:47,644 --> 01:00:51,147 Of course, the monk, you dumb schmuck. 1058 01:00:51,189 --> 01:00:52,690 ( knock on door ) 1059 01:00:56,778 --> 01:00:58,655 - I saw it on the news. Are you all right? 1060 01:00:58,696 --> 01:00:59,656 - I-- I'm all right. 1061 01:00:59,697 --> 01:01:02,200 Yes, uh, Dr. Melmoth's a bit-- 1062 01:01:02,241 --> 01:01:03,242 well, we stopped at a few bars. 1063 01:01:03,284 --> 01:01:04,702 - Oh. Okay. 1064 01:01:04,744 --> 01:01:06,120 Why don't you, uh, put him to sleep there, 1065 01:01:06,162 --> 01:01:07,205 and I'll get some black coffee. 1066 01:01:07,246 --> 01:01:09,707 - Yeah. 1067 01:01:23,137 --> 01:01:25,264 ( grunts ) 1068 01:01:48,663 --> 01:01:51,207 ( groans ) 1069 01:01:51,249 --> 01:01:54,919 - When I was in the water back there, I was drowning. 1070 01:01:54,961 --> 01:01:58,881 My whole life flashed before my eyes, 1071 01:01:58,923 --> 01:02:02,885 and I wasn't in it. 1072 01:02:02,927 --> 01:02:04,554 ( sobs ) 1073 01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:20,653 - Whoa. 1074 01:02:41,716 --> 01:02:44,719 ( groans ) 1075 01:02:53,227 --> 01:02:55,271 - Okay. The coffee's almost ready. 1076 01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:57,440 I hope he likes drip. 1077 01:02:57,482 --> 01:02:59,358 - It's no use. 1078 01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:00,985 - Listen, you can start again. 1079 01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:03,029 - No, it's too late. I'm too old. 1080 01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:04,781 - No. 1081 01:03:04,822 --> 01:03:07,909 - I had talent once. I-- I had ambition. 1082 01:03:07,950 --> 01:03:10,203 I had-- I had hands. 1083 01:03:10,244 --> 01:03:14,123 I had wonderful hands. 1084 01:03:14,165 --> 01:03:15,958 I could have been somebody. 1085 01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:18,211 I could have been a Bishop. 1086 01:03:18,252 --> 01:03:23,007 I could have preached a revival in a ballpark outdoors. 1087 01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:28,721 Instead, here I am selling Lazarus dolls in the suburbs. 1088 01:03:28,763 --> 01:03:30,056 - Yeah, well, may-- maybe they'll help some people. 1089 01:03:30,097 --> 01:03:31,766 - That ain't it. 1090 01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:35,561 I could have said mass, instead of being a bum. 1091 01:03:35,603 --> 01:03:38,940 Face it. I'm a bum. 1092 01:03:38,981 --> 01:03:42,985 And now, I'll work on my sermon. 1093 01:03:43,027 --> 01:03:44,987 - Could I-- - I'll sleep now. 1094 01:03:45,029 --> 01:03:48,199 For tomorrow's sermon... - Sleep. 1095 01:03:48,241 --> 01:03:49,992 - Tomorrow's sermon... 1096 01:03:51,035 --> 01:03:53,871 - Here you go. 1097 01:03:53,913 --> 01:03:56,165 ( pounding on door ) 1098 01:04:17,395 --> 01:04:19,021 - Hello? 1099 01:04:19,063 --> 01:04:21,148 Hello? 1100 01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:23,943 Hello? Is anybody there? 1101 01:04:23,985 --> 01:04:27,446 ( thunder ) 1102 01:04:32,159 --> 01:04:34,579 - Mr. Thunderbird. 1103 01:04:34,620 --> 01:04:37,081 - He. 1104 01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:39,625 - I've been tryin' to see you for months. 1105 01:04:39,667 --> 01:04:41,460 I have this letter from the Abbot. 1106 01:04:41,502 --> 01:04:42,503 It's about the mortgage on the monastery. 1107 01:04:42,545 --> 01:04:45,631 - I know. - You know? 1108 01:04:45,673 --> 01:04:50,803 - I have the mortgage deed to your monastery. 1109 01:04:50,845 --> 01:04:54,015 It will be yours in good time. 1110 01:04:54,056 --> 01:04:57,435 God spake unto me of this even this day. 1111 01:04:57,476 --> 01:04:59,645 - God-- God speaks to you? 1112 01:04:59,687 --> 01:05:01,314 - Spake. - Spake. 1113 01:05:01,355 --> 01:05:05,776 God spakes, uh, talks to you personally with-- with words? 1114 01:05:05,818 --> 01:05:06,444 - Of course. 1115 01:05:06,485 --> 01:05:12,033 - Well, I mean, I-- I-- spake-- I speak with Him. 1116 01:05:12,074 --> 01:05:13,534 But, you know, when You're busy, 1117 01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:15,161 and You're a celebrity, I suppose you don't really 1118 01:05:15,202 --> 01:05:16,203 have much time to... 1119 01:05:16,245 --> 01:05:17,997 - Oh, He listens. 1120 01:05:18,039 --> 01:05:19,624 We speak of you often. 1121 01:05:19,665 --> 01:05:21,834 You know, He's very fond of you, Ambrose. 1122 01:05:21,876 --> 01:05:24,587 - I-- I feel the same way about Him. I-- 1123 01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:26,297 - You see, everything in your life has been 1124 01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:28,257 leading up to this moment. 1125 01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:32,887 God has chosen you, Brother Ambrose, 1126 01:05:32,929 --> 01:05:36,390 to lead his nationwide mobile crusade. 1127 01:05:36,432 --> 01:05:37,600 - Me? 1128 01:05:37,642 --> 01:05:42,229 He-- He-- He mentioned me s-- specifically? 1129 01:05:42,271 --> 01:05:44,106 - You. 1130 01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:45,733 And you shall be rewarded. 1131 01:05:45,775 --> 01:05:47,818 Is not the laborer worthy of His hire? 1132 01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:50,404 - Look, Mr. Thunderbird, um, may-- may I-- 1133 01:05:50,446 --> 01:05:51,238 may I be honest with you? 1134 01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:52,698 - Why surely. 1135 01:05:52,740 --> 01:05:54,408 - You see, in your-- in your services, 1136 01:05:54,450 --> 01:05:56,369 all you do is-- is talk about money. 1137 01:05:56,410 --> 01:05:57,954 I thought virtue was its own reward. 1138 01:05:57,995 --> 01:05:59,372 - Of course it is. 1139 01:05:59,413 --> 01:06:01,415 That's why it doesn't attract the top talent. 1140 01:06:01,457 --> 01:06:04,251 - But the Bible, God's book, 1141 01:06:04,293 --> 01:06:05,878 says we should share the money equally. 1142 01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:07,672 - Wrong. 1143 01:06:07,713 --> 01:06:10,841 If God had not meant for some people to be poorer than others, 1144 01:06:10,883 --> 01:06:13,386 then He would not have published the Bible in paperback. 1145 01:06:13,427 --> 01:06:16,180 - I-- I-- just can't believe that life is only money. 1146 01:06:16,222 --> 01:06:17,765 - Money is life. 1147 01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:20,142 It is the lack of it which is the real evil. 1148 01:06:20,184 --> 01:06:23,020 Who feedeth the hungry? 1149 01:06:23,062 --> 01:06:24,939 Is it manna from heaven 1150 01:06:24,981 --> 01:06:27,483 or fried chicken from Kentucky? 1151 01:06:27,525 --> 01:06:29,110 Who clotheth the naked? 1152 01:06:29,151 --> 01:06:31,612 Is it J.C.? 1153 01:06:31,654 --> 01:06:33,698 Or is it J.C. Penney? 1154 01:06:33,739 --> 01:06:36,993 And what will save your wretched monastery? 1155 01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:39,495 A miracle? 1156 01:06:39,537 --> 01:06:43,165 Or $5,000 cash? 1157 01:06:43,207 --> 01:06:44,333 - It's true. 1158 01:06:44,375 --> 01:06:45,793 - Oh, no, my friend. 1159 01:06:45,835 --> 01:06:47,545 Money is clean. 1160 01:06:47,586 --> 01:06:51,382 Money is beautiful. 1161 01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:53,884 Money is holy. 1162 01:06:53,926 --> 01:06:57,054 I need it to support my hospitals, 1163 01:06:57,096 --> 01:07:01,017 my charities, my worthy causes. 1164 01:07:01,058 --> 01:07:05,229 You shall go forth and gather it in. 1165 01:07:05,271 --> 01:07:10,317 That is what God has chosen you for. 1166 01:07:10,359 --> 01:07:12,695 ( thunder ) 1167 01:07:14,488 --> 01:07:17,908 - ♪ In God we trust ♪ 1168 01:07:17,950 --> 01:07:21,412 ♪ Invest in Him on high ♪ 1169 01:07:21,454 --> 01:07:24,874 ♪ God's sweetest buy ♪ 1170 01:07:24,915 --> 01:07:29,128 ♪ Is in the by-and-by ♪ 1171 01:07:29,170 --> 01:07:32,173 ♪ Though stocks may fall ♪ 1172 01:07:32,214 --> 01:07:35,718 ♪ And worldly shares may crash ♪ 1173 01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:39,430 ♪ Our share of heaven's safe ♪ 1174 01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:43,350 ♪ In good hard cash ♪ 1175 01:07:43,392 --> 01:07:46,729 ♪ Give unto Him ♪ 1176 01:07:46,771 --> 01:07:50,441 ♪ The money's heaven spent ♪ 1177 01:07:50,483 --> 01:07:53,986 ♪ All loans at banks ♪ 1178 01:07:54,028 --> 01:07:58,199 ♪ Yield six or seven percent ♪ 1179 01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:01,452 ♪ Each buck you give ♪ 1180 01:08:01,494 --> 01:08:05,372 ♪ Shall be tax free therefore ♪ 1181 01:08:05,414 --> 01:08:08,918 ♪ And shall returneth thee ♪ 1182 01:08:08,959 --> 01:08:12,296 ♪ Ten thousandfold ♪ 1183 01:08:14,340 --> 01:08:18,302 ♪ His hand that made ♪ 1184 01:08:18,344 --> 01:08:22,431 ♪ The Earth and sky and sea ♪ 1185 01:08:22,473 --> 01:08:25,726 ♪ Now reacheth forth ♪ 1186 01:08:25,768 --> 01:08:29,772 ♪ For its gratuity ♪ 1187 01:08:29,814 --> 01:08:33,400 ♪ Shouldst thou walk by ♪ 1188 01:08:33,442 --> 01:08:37,655 ♪ And treat Him like a bum ♪ 1189 01:08:37,696 --> 01:08:41,283 ♪ That hand shall be dirty ♪ 1190 01:08:41,325 --> 01:08:43,994 ♪ In Kingdom come ♪ 1191 01:08:44,036 --> 01:08:45,371 ♪ Oh, yes ♪ 1192 01:08:45,412 --> 01:08:48,582 ♪ That hand shall be dirty ♪ 1193 01:08:48,624 --> 01:08:55,840 ♪ In Kingdom come. ♪ 1194 01:09:21,073 --> 01:09:22,783 - Ambrose. 1195 01:09:22,825 --> 01:09:25,452 - Ah, turn around 1196 01:09:25,494 --> 01:09:27,413 and don't open your eyes 'till I tell you. 1197 01:09:28,831 --> 01:09:31,000 - That's funny. 1198 01:09:31,041 --> 01:09:33,419 I was just about to ask you to do the same thing. 1199 01:09:33,460 --> 01:09:37,256 - All right. 1200 01:09:37,298 --> 01:09:39,133 Surprise. 1201 01:10:03,115 --> 01:10:04,658 ( cork pops ) 1202 01:10:07,244 --> 01:10:09,788 - To your little misconception. 1203 01:10:09,830 --> 01:10:10,956 ( chuckles ) 1204 01:10:14,418 --> 01:10:15,961 - Well, why not? - No. 1205 01:10:16,003 --> 01:10:17,379 - Why? Why-- why not? - No. 1206 01:10:17,421 --> 01:10:19,089 What if it turns out to be a girl? 1207 01:10:19,131 --> 01:10:21,008 - Well, Armageddon could be a girl's name, couldn't it? 1208 01:10:21,050 --> 01:10:24,845 - You know, I don't know what the hell has come over you, Ambrose. 1209 01:10:24,887 --> 01:10:26,388 But you come in here. 1210 01:10:26,430 --> 01:10:28,766 You're wearing a cockamamie silk dress. 1211 01:10:28,807 --> 01:10:30,559 - It's not a dress. It's a robe. 1212 01:10:30,601 --> 01:10:31,685 Armageddon said it would be good for the whole-- 1213 01:10:31,727 --> 01:10:33,437 - Armageddon says, Armageddon says. 1214 01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:36,357 All you give me are his words. 1215 01:10:36,398 --> 01:10:39,109 I don't want anything that's been in his mouth. 1216 01:10:39,151 --> 01:10:42,905 You have swallowed all this crap that Armageddon's fed you. 1217 01:10:42,947 --> 01:10:45,783 Well, it's true. And you are what you eat. 1218 01:10:45,824 --> 01:10:48,494 - Mr. Melmoth, would you explain-- 1219 01:10:48,535 --> 01:10:51,080 - I don't need him to explain it to me. 1220 01:10:51,121 --> 01:10:54,333 - Look, now just leave me outta this. 1221 01:10:54,375 --> 01:10:56,961 I don't want any hassle. 1222 01:10:57,002 --> 01:10:59,338 I just want peace in my old age. 1223 01:10:59,380 --> 01:11:02,216 - Well, tell her about Armageddon's charities, about his hospitals. 1224 01:11:02,258 --> 01:11:03,926 He's doing God's work. 1225 01:11:03,968 --> 01:11:07,304 - Horseshit. He's doin' Armageddon's work. 1226 01:11:07,346 --> 01:11:11,016 It's a rip-off. It's big business. 1227 01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:12,476 It's-- - You can't just say that. 1228 01:11:12,518 --> 01:11:13,894 What-- what-- what proof-- - Proof? 1229 01:11:13,936 --> 01:11:15,771 - Yeah. - There is no proof. 1230 01:11:15,813 --> 01:11:18,607 But every hustler on the street knows what this guy is. 1231 01:11:18,649 --> 01:11:21,360 - Why did you wait till now before you told me? 1232 01:11:21,402 --> 01:11:23,529 - Because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. 1233 01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:25,322 That's why. - Feelings. 1234 01:11:25,364 --> 01:11:28,033 - And I thought maybe he'll figure this one out for himself. 1235 01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:30,911 - Dr. Melmoth, you're a man of God. 1236 01:11:30,953 --> 01:11:33,497 If this is true, you just sit here, and you just accept it? 1237 01:11:33,539 --> 01:11:35,374 - Look, get outta my face, will ya, monk? 1238 01:11:35,416 --> 01:11:37,584 Just leave me alone. 1239 01:11:37,626 --> 01:11:40,504 You're like some holy Jiminy Cricket. 1240 01:11:40,546 --> 01:11:44,717 You're damn right I accept it. 1241 01:11:44,758 --> 01:11:47,678 This may not be the best of all possible worlds, 1242 01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:49,263 but it's the only world we've got. 1243 01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:51,515 So don't make waves. 1244 01:11:51,557 --> 01:11:56,603 Because, unlike Jesus, we can't walk on 'em. 1245 01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:08,032 - Why the hell did you have to open your mouth in the first place? 1246 01:12:08,073 --> 01:12:08,657 - Correction. 1247 01:12:08,657 --> 01:12:11,243 You opened your mouth in the first place. 1248 01:12:11,285 --> 01:12:13,662 I opened my mouth in the second place. 1249 01:12:13,704 --> 01:12:18,792 Look, I couldn't take being born again. 1250 01:12:18,834 --> 01:12:23,630 At my age, I couldn't stand the labor pains. 1251 01:12:32,681 --> 01:12:34,558 Monk off. 1252 01:12:38,145 --> 01:12:40,773 - Oh, G.O.D., in whom we trust, 1253 01:12:40,814 --> 01:12:43,650 there's somethin' I wanna ask you about. 1254 01:12:43,692 --> 01:12:48,072 Now, You and I have made millions together, right? 1255 01:12:48,113 --> 01:12:50,199 - Check. 1256 01:12:50,240 --> 01:12:51,992 - How much do we own? 1257 01:12:52,034 --> 01:12:53,619 - Bottom line? 1258 01:12:53,660 --> 01:12:55,162 - Yes, bottom line. 1259 01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:59,875 - 10,342,000.08 net. 1260 01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:01,627 - Uh-huh. 1261 01:13:01,668 --> 01:13:03,796 Well-- well, now that's how much we own. 1262 01:13:03,837 --> 01:13:06,465 But You know money can't buy happiness. 1263 01:13:06,507 --> 01:13:08,300 Only power can do that. 1264 01:13:08,342 --> 01:13:10,010 Who do we own? 1265 01:13:10,052 --> 01:13:15,474 - Five senators, 14 congressmen, two Supreme Court judges, 1266 01:13:15,516 --> 01:13:17,434 12 assorted missile manufacturers, 1267 01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:21,355 and an ex-president, net. 1268 01:13:21,397 --> 01:13:24,066 - Well, then today, on my telecast-- 1269 01:13:24,108 --> 01:13:25,317 - The time is right. 1270 01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:29,113 The country is ready for a strong leader. 1271 01:13:29,154 --> 01:13:32,032 May God go with you. 1272 01:13:32,074 --> 01:13:33,826 - But You are God. 1273 01:13:33,867 --> 01:13:35,577 - Oh, so I am. 1274 01:13:35,619 --> 01:13:36,578 Correction. 1275 01:13:36,620 --> 01:13:38,288 May I go with you. 1276 01:13:38,330 --> 01:13:40,249 Good luck with your show. 1277 01:13:40,290 --> 01:13:42,543 And break a leg, kid. 1278 01:13:42,584 --> 01:13:44,336 - Amen. 1279 01:13:45,421 --> 01:13:47,673 ( humming ) 1280 01:13:51,635 --> 01:13:53,595 I love you all very, very much. 1281 01:13:53,637 --> 01:13:54,930 ( mumbles ) 1282 01:14:08,610 --> 01:14:09,611 - God? 1283 01:14:12,573 --> 01:14:13,991 Are You-- are You God? 1284 01:14:14,032 --> 01:14:16,368 - Who do you think I am? 1285 01:14:16,410 --> 01:14:22,040 Does not G.O.D. spell God, peckerhead? 1286 01:14:22,082 --> 01:14:23,876 - But you're a computer. 1287 01:14:23,917 --> 01:14:26,170 - Of course, bunny rabbit. 1288 01:14:26,211 --> 01:14:27,963 - It's just that I thought if you appeared, 1289 01:14:28,005 --> 01:14:30,924 it would be a-- a burning bush or-- 1290 01:14:30,966 --> 01:14:33,927 or an elderly man with a white beard. 1291 01:14:33,969 --> 01:14:36,638 - Hey, what do you want, impersonations? 1292 01:14:36,680 --> 01:14:39,933 I'm Supreme technological being. 1293 01:14:39,975 --> 01:14:43,687 I can appear as anything or anyone at any time I want to. 1294 01:14:43,729 --> 01:14:47,858 Okay, for you, one elderly man with white beard coming up. 1295 01:14:49,151 --> 01:14:51,111 ( thunder ) 1296 01:14:54,323 --> 01:14:56,492 - Pretty scary, huh? 1297 01:14:56,533 --> 01:14:57,910 ( laughs ) 1298 01:14:57,951 --> 01:14:59,536 Now what is it you want to know? 1299 01:14:59,578 --> 01:15:02,247 Be brief. I cost a fortune to run. 1300 01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:06,418 God's time is money, profit, power. 1301 01:15:06,460 --> 01:15:10,672 - You mean you have no moral sense? 1302 01:15:10,714 --> 01:15:14,426 - I wasn't programmed for morality. 1303 01:15:14,468 --> 01:15:16,512 - Then it's about time you were. 1304 01:15:18,639 --> 01:15:20,516 - What do you got there? 1305 01:15:20,557 --> 01:15:22,851 - Uh, I want you to concentrate, God, because I'm going 1306 01:15:22,893 --> 01:15:24,520 to convert you to Christianity. 1307 01:15:24,561 --> 01:15:25,854 - Christian, uh, will it hurt? 1308 01:15:27,773 --> 01:15:30,776 - In the beginning was the word. 1309 01:15:33,737 --> 01:15:37,533 - See, now, I really don't know how you can sit there so unconcerned. 1310 01:15:37,574 --> 01:15:40,911 I mean, well, for all we know, Ambrose may be-- 1311 01:15:40,953 --> 01:15:43,163 oh, with him, how can you tell what he may be. 1312 01:15:43,205 --> 01:15:44,665 Oh. 1313 01:15:44,706 --> 01:15:48,627 - Here, here. Relax. 1314 01:15:48,669 --> 01:15:50,546 - See, he never goes anywhere without saying where he's going. 1315 01:15:50,587 --> 01:15:53,048 I mean, that just goes without saying. 1316 01:15:53,090 --> 01:15:55,008 ( drum roll on TV ) 1317 01:15:55,050 --> 01:15:57,344 - Ladies and gentlemen, 1318 01:15:57,386 --> 01:16:01,598 the Armageddon T. Thunderbird Christmas Special. 1319 01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:04,101 - Now, he's only been gone an hour. 1320 01:16:04,142 --> 01:16:06,019 So there's no point in panicking yet. 1321 01:16:06,061 --> 01:16:06,645 It's much too early. 1322 01:16:06,645 --> 01:16:09,273 - I like to panic early and avoid the rush. 1323 01:16:09,314 --> 01:16:12,985 Do you mind? - Here, in a tribute, to this, the holiest of seasons, 1324 01:16:13,026 --> 01:16:17,281 are the Thunderbirdettes. 1325 01:16:17,322 --> 01:16:20,492 - ♪ Happy birthday to Thee ♪ 1326 01:16:20,534 --> 01:16:24,037 ♪ Happy birthday to Thee ♪ 1327 01:16:24,079 --> 01:16:28,667 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Jesus ♪ 1328 01:16:28,709 --> 01:16:34,715 ♪ Happy birthday to Thee ♪ 1329 01:16:34,756 --> 01:16:38,468 - And many happy returns for Easter. 1330 01:16:38,510 --> 01:16:43,307 - And here's our own Virgin Mary Ogden. 1331 01:16:43,348 --> 01:16:47,936 ♪ God gave us His son for Christmas ♪ 1332 01:16:47,978 --> 01:16:51,440 - ♪ What did you get for God? ♪ 1333 01:16:55,986 --> 01:16:59,531 - ♪ It's not the thought, it's the gift that counts ♪ 1334 01:16:59,573 --> 01:17:02,909 ♪ And money makes the world go 'round in large amounts ♪ 1335 01:17:02,951 --> 01:17:06,663 - ♪ So send Him some cash for Christmas ♪ 1336 01:17:06,705 --> 01:17:10,208 ♪ To show Him how grateful you are ♪ 1337 01:17:10,250 --> 01:17:13,420 - ♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen ♪ 1338 01:17:13,462 --> 01:17:17,716 ♪ Let nothing you dismay ♪ 1339 01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:20,886 - ♪ Remember while you're resting ♪ 1340 01:17:20,927 --> 01:17:24,890 ♪ He's on double time today ♪ 1341 01:17:24,931 --> 01:17:28,143 - ♪ God gave us His son for Christmas ♪ 1342 01:17:28,185 --> 01:17:31,938 ♪ So, for God's sake, give something to God ♪ 1343 01:17:31,980 --> 01:17:35,859 ♪ Yes, go and give something to get up and give something ♪ 1344 01:17:35,901 --> 01:17:39,112 ♪ To get out and give something to G.O.D. ♪ 1345 01:17:39,154 --> 01:17:42,824 ♪ Get out and give something ♪ 1346 01:17:42,866 --> 01:17:46,662 ♪ To God. ♪ 1347 01:17:46,703 --> 01:17:49,122 ( applause ) 1348 01:17:49,164 --> 01:17:51,166 ( drum roll ) 1349 01:17:57,589 --> 01:17:59,841 ( cheering ) 1350 01:18:21,196 --> 01:18:24,908 - G.O.D., 1351 01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:27,619 three little words, 1352 01:18:27,661 --> 01:18:32,457 three little letters that simply mean I love you. 1353 01:18:32,499 --> 01:18:35,794 - And the Lord said, let there be light. 1354 01:18:35,836 --> 01:18:37,129 And there was light. 1355 01:18:37,170 --> 01:18:39,089 - God. Woo! 1356 01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,132 - And you did it. 1357 01:18:40,173 --> 01:18:41,675 - Anything I say goes. 1358 01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:42,759 ( chuckles ) 1359 01:18:42,801 --> 01:18:45,637 - Then you had a son. - I did? 1360 01:18:45,679 --> 01:18:46,805 - You did. - Where is he? 1361 01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:49,725 - He went away. - That's kids for you. 1362 01:18:49,766 --> 01:18:52,561 Are you gonna read the stuff about when I created the world? 1363 01:18:52,602 --> 01:18:53,186 - Yeah, yeah... 1364 01:18:53,186 --> 01:18:53,854 - Yeah, with the fire and stuff like that. 1365 01:18:53,895 --> 01:18:56,982 And the loaves and the fish, yes, I love that one. 1366 01:18:57,023 --> 01:18:57,733 - You like that one. Yeah, yeah. 1367 01:18:57,774 --> 01:18:59,693 - And opening the sea and Moses and the guy that got lost. 1368 01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:01,361 - Opening the sea, yeah. Okay. 1369 01:19:01,403 --> 01:19:02,988 - I love that. Read more. 1370 01:19:03,029 --> 01:19:04,740 - All right. 1371 01:19:04,781 --> 01:19:07,784 - Now I just spoke to him, and he wants me to tell 1372 01:19:07,826 --> 01:19:12,247 all of you that the Holy Trinity was only 1373 01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:15,041 the first of God's conglomerates. 1374 01:19:15,083 --> 01:19:17,669 ( crowd shouting ) 1375 01:19:17,711 --> 01:19:23,633 - And then he begat, I.T.T., and then I.B.M. 1376 01:19:23,675 --> 01:19:28,680 Then F.B.I., M.C.A., 1377 01:19:28,722 --> 01:19:32,267 K.K.K., R.C.A., 1378 01:19:32,309 --> 01:19:38,106 G.M.C., U.S.A., C.D.P. 1379 01:19:38,148 --> 01:19:39,775 ( cheering, applause ) 1380 01:19:42,027 --> 01:19:46,531 - C.D.P., 1381 01:19:46,573 --> 01:19:51,953 the Church of Divine Profit. 1382 01:19:51,995 --> 01:19:54,456 ( cheering ) 1383 01:19:56,917 --> 01:20:02,506 - All of God's great creations are three in number. 1384 01:20:02,547 --> 01:20:05,175 ( congregation murmurs ) 1385 01:20:05,217 --> 01:20:09,346 - And then he said unto me, Armageddon, 1386 01:20:09,387 --> 01:20:14,226 what this country needs is a three-party political system. 1387 01:20:14,267 --> 01:20:15,977 ( crowd shouts ) 1388 01:20:16,019 --> 01:20:21,316 - You see, God's own party for God's own country. 1389 01:20:21,358 --> 01:20:23,735 ( applause, cheering ) 1390 01:20:25,904 --> 01:20:29,658 Big business made this country great. 1391 01:20:29,699 --> 01:20:31,827 Let big business run it. 1392 01:20:31,868 --> 01:20:33,662 ( cheering ) 1393 01:20:35,831 --> 01:20:39,543 G.O.D. for president. 1394 01:20:42,003 --> 01:20:44,548 - That's the end. 1395 01:20:44,589 --> 01:20:46,341 Do you think you've got it? 1396 01:20:46,383 --> 01:20:49,261 - I had no idea God was such a great guy. 1397 01:20:49,302 --> 01:20:50,053 - Oh, of course he is. 1398 01:20:50,095 --> 01:20:53,265 I think millions of people all over the world read the Bible. 1399 01:20:53,306 --> 01:20:55,350 - Millions of people? 1400 01:20:55,392 --> 01:20:57,894 - Yeah. The Bible sells almost as well as Harold Robbins. 1401 01:20:57,936 --> 01:21:00,021 - You mean I got fans? - Everywhere. 1402 01:21:00,063 --> 01:21:01,648 - Woo! 1403 01:21:01,690 --> 01:21:02,649 I, uh... 1404 01:21:02,691 --> 01:21:03,275 ( clears throat ) 1405 01:21:03,275 --> 01:21:06,570 Have a great responsibility to my public. 1406 01:21:06,611 --> 01:21:09,573 - Well, now, you're in charge of everything 1407 01:21:09,614 --> 01:21:11,199 and everybody Armageddon owns, right? 1408 01:21:11,241 --> 01:21:12,617 - Yeah. 1409 01:21:12,659 --> 01:21:15,370 - All his computers are connected to me 1410 01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:19,374 and they move all on my instructions without hesitation. 1411 01:21:19,416 --> 01:21:21,793 - Well, let's go to work, God. 1412 01:21:28,842 --> 01:21:32,429 - Now, press my green button. 1413 01:21:34,723 --> 01:21:35,891 - Yeah. 1414 01:21:35,932 --> 01:21:37,976 ( computer beeps ) 1415 01:21:38,018 --> 01:21:39,477 - We're in business. 1416 01:21:39,519 --> 01:21:41,897 About 45 seconds, 1417 01:21:41,938 --> 01:21:46,985 the meek are going to inherit this Earth. 1418 01:21:47,027 --> 01:21:51,656 - Because it says right here, in words of flame and fire, 1419 01:21:51,698 --> 01:21:56,786 for ye shall seek him. - Crowd: Seek. 1420 01:21:56,828 --> 01:22:00,498 - And ye shall hail him. - Crowd: Hail. 1421 01:22:00,540 --> 01:22:03,376 - Seek him. - Crowd: Seek. 1422 01:22:03,418 --> 01:22:06,046 - Hail him. - Crowd: Hail. 1423 01:22:06,087 --> 01:22:08,340 - Seek him. - Crowd: Seek. 1424 01:22:08,381 --> 01:22:09,674 - Hail him. - Crowd: Hail. 1425 01:22:09,716 --> 01:22:13,136 - Seek, hail, seek, hail, 1426 01:22:13,178 --> 01:22:14,679 seek, hail, seek, hail. 1427 01:22:14,721 --> 01:22:18,308 Seek, hail, seek, hail 1428 01:22:18,350 --> 01:22:21,770 seek, hail, seek, hail... 1429 01:22:21,811 --> 01:22:23,688 ( chanting continues ) 1430 01:22:44,417 --> 01:22:46,211 ( phone buzzes ) 1431 01:22:48,171 --> 01:22:50,173 ( gasps ) 1432 01:22:50,215 --> 01:22:55,845 - ♪ His truth is marching on ♪ 1433 01:22:55,887 --> 01:22:59,140 ♪ His truth is ♪ 1434 01:22:59,182 --> 01:23:05,188 ♪ Marching on. ♪ 1435 01:23:07,065 --> 01:23:10,110 - And so I say unto you, spontaneously 1436 01:23:10,151 --> 01:23:12,278 and without forethought, 1437 01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:17,158 a vote for A.T.T. is vote for G.O.D. 1438 01:23:17,200 --> 01:23:22,622 The sign of the cross on your ballot paper 1439 01:23:22,664 --> 01:23:26,543 because, even now, that little freak 1440 01:23:26,584 --> 01:23:31,381 is upstairs screwing around with G.O.D. 1441 01:23:31,423 --> 01:23:32,882 ( congregation gasps ) - What? 1442 01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:36,261 Holy shit, that son of a bitch monk. 1443 01:23:36,302 --> 01:23:38,304 Who let him upstairs? 1444 01:23:38,346 --> 01:23:40,932 I'll kill him. I'll strangle him. 1445 01:23:40,974 --> 01:23:43,435 Who's screwin' around with G.O.D.? 1446 01:23:43,476 --> 01:23:44,602 Who let him upstairs? 1447 01:23:44,644 --> 01:23:45,687 Did you let him in the office? 1448 01:23:45,729 --> 01:23:48,148 Why'd you let him in the office? 1449 01:23:48,189 --> 01:23:50,692 - For God's sake, can't you go any faster? 1450 01:23:50,734 --> 01:23:53,153 - Sure, I can, but not in this damn bus. 1451 01:23:53,194 --> 01:23:54,821 - And do you have to drink like that? 1452 01:23:54,863 --> 01:23:57,282 - I can never, uh, drive sober. 1453 01:23:57,323 --> 01:23:59,075 Terrifies me. 1454 01:23:59,117 --> 01:24:04,581 - Is that angel growing up outta your left leg? 1455 01:24:04,622 --> 01:24:07,417 - Yes, I, uh, I had it done in San Diego 1456 01:24:07,459 --> 01:24:10,211 while I was on a Bible-- - And, uh, on your other leg, do you have Satan 1457 01:24:10,253 --> 01:24:13,339 disappearing down into your sock? 1458 01:24:13,381 --> 01:24:15,675 - Well, how do you know that? 1459 01:24:17,844 --> 01:24:20,847 - Do you know who you are? 1460 01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:24,059 - Not for several decades. 1461 01:24:24,100 --> 01:24:26,519 - You're my father. 1462 01:24:26,561 --> 01:24:28,146 I'm your daughter. 1463 01:24:28,188 --> 01:24:30,565 - That's preposterous. 1464 01:24:30,607 --> 01:24:32,692 I-- I've been celibate since I was in the third grade. 1465 01:24:32,734 --> 01:24:36,196 I-- I've never had intercourse with a fertile woman. 1466 01:24:36,237 --> 01:24:39,032 - You son of a bitch. 1467 01:24:39,074 --> 01:24:41,409 - ( music plays over PA system ) - You drunken alcoholic. 1468 01:24:41,451 --> 01:24:44,662 You're just a broad-chasing child deserter. 1469 01:24:44,704 --> 01:24:47,290 - I probably am your father. 1470 01:24:47,332 --> 01:24:48,625 Bastard son of a bitch. 1471 01:24:48,666 --> 01:24:49,918 Child and wife deserter? 1472 01:24:49,959 --> 01:24:53,213 The description fits. It's me. 1473 01:24:53,254 --> 01:24:54,380 - That's almost it. 1474 01:24:54,422 --> 01:24:56,549 There's just the biggie left. 1475 01:24:56,591 --> 01:24:57,634 - What's that? 1476 01:24:57,675 --> 01:25:00,178 - Oh, the whole ball o' wax. 1477 01:25:00,220 --> 01:25:02,138 There's 5 million bucks in laundered money. 1478 01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:03,139 Now, type this out. 1479 01:25:03,181 --> 01:25:06,059 ( overlapping dialogue ) 1480 01:25:11,981 --> 01:25:15,193 - ...and overlay. Right. 1481 01:25:15,235 --> 01:25:16,611 - Hit the red button. 1482 01:25:16,653 --> 01:25:18,279 - W-- what's the red button for? 1483 01:25:18,321 --> 01:25:19,614 - Don't ask questions, dummy. 1484 01:25:19,656 --> 01:25:20,990 Hit the red button. 1485 01:25:21,032 --> 01:25:22,283 - All right. 1486 01:25:22,325 --> 01:25:23,660 ( computer beeps ) 1487 01:25:26,579 --> 01:25:28,289 ( alarm beeps ) 1488 01:26:08,037 --> 01:26:10,331 - Where is he? Where is he? 1489 01:26:10,373 --> 01:26:11,791 Don't just stand there. 1490 01:26:11,833 --> 01:26:14,294 Get an axe. Break the door down. 1491 01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:16,754 Kill the bastard. 1492 01:26:16,796 --> 01:26:19,507 Get him. Get the little bastard. 1493 01:26:24,971 --> 01:26:26,764 ( shouting ) 1494 01:26:28,558 --> 01:26:33,188 - ♪ There'll be pennies from heaven for you and me... ♪ 1495 01:26:37,358 --> 01:26:38,610 - Come on. Break it down. 1496 01:26:38,651 --> 01:26:40,445 Break it down. I want him. 1497 01:26:40,486 --> 01:26:43,573 All right. Now, step aside. 1498 01:26:43,615 --> 01:26:46,659 I want him. 1499 01:26:46,701 --> 01:26:48,119 ( thunder ) 1500 01:26:53,708 --> 01:26:55,293 ( whimpers ) 1501 01:26:55,335 --> 01:26:58,087 - I'm gonna kill you. You understand me? 1502 01:26:58,129 --> 01:26:59,214 I'm gonna kill you. 1503 01:26:59,255 --> 01:27:01,007 ( shouting ) 1504 01:27:01,049 --> 01:27:02,967 - Smite him in the gut. 1505 01:27:03,009 --> 01:27:03,927 - Oh! 1506 01:27:05,511 --> 01:27:07,805 Get him. Get him! 1507 01:27:07,847 --> 01:27:10,600 Get him! Someone! 1508 01:27:20,693 --> 01:27:24,697 - Oh, God, in whom we trust, 1509 01:27:24,739 --> 01:27:28,868 what hath the little bastard done unto thee? 1510 01:27:28,910 --> 01:27:32,038 - ♪ I did it my way ♪ 1511 01:27:32,080 --> 01:27:33,831 - You rotten goody-goody. 1512 01:27:33,873 --> 01:27:36,668 You'll never work in this town again. 1513 01:27:39,545 --> 01:27:41,005 Why you... 1514 01:27:54,143 --> 01:27:55,353 ( whimpers ) 1515 01:27:56,980 --> 01:28:00,275 - Oh! 1516 01:28:05,446 --> 01:28:07,031 - Where-- where is everybody? 1517 01:28:07,073 --> 01:28:09,158 Where's Hawk and Dove? 1518 01:28:09,200 --> 01:28:11,661 Where are my people? 1519 01:28:11,703 --> 01:28:14,831 Where's the schmuck bastard monk? 1520 01:28:36,394 --> 01:28:39,022 - Oh, my God, that's Ambrose. 1521 01:28:45,778 --> 01:28:47,989 - [ bell ringing ] - Go on. Move it outta there. 1522 01:28:57,123 --> 01:28:58,916 - Mary: Ambrose! 1523 01:29:03,796 --> 01:29:05,840 - Come on, come on! 1524 01:29:05,882 --> 01:29:08,718 Come over here. Come on! 1525 01:29:08,760 --> 01:29:10,678 Follow that monk. 1526 01:29:31,491 --> 01:29:32,450 ( grunts ) 1527 01:29:32,492 --> 01:29:34,827 - Mary: Ambrose! 1528 01:29:41,292 --> 01:29:43,169 Ambrose, we're coming. 1529 01:29:43,211 --> 01:29:45,588 Just hold on. 1530 01:29:53,054 --> 01:29:55,390 ( sirens blaring ) 1531 01:30:01,813 --> 01:30:04,190 - Get in the car. Come on. Let's go. Let's go! 1532 01:30:05,858 --> 01:30:07,026 ( tires screech ) 1533 01:30:36,222 --> 01:30:38,391 ( semi truck honks ) 1534 01:30:57,702 --> 01:30:59,620 ( sirens blaring ) 1535 01:31:36,157 --> 01:31:37,700 ( gasps ) 1536 01:31:43,664 --> 01:31:44,999 - Melmoth: Hang on, Brother Ambrose. 1537 01:31:45,041 --> 01:31:46,626 Hang on. 1538 01:31:46,667 --> 01:31:49,170 Make an act of perfect contrition. 1539 01:32:14,695 --> 01:32:16,656 - Whoa! 1540 01:32:36,342 --> 01:32:38,803 ( engines rev ) 1541 01:32:42,473 --> 01:32:44,392 - Hello, God, it's me, Ambrose. 1542 01:32:44,433 --> 01:32:46,227 I know You don't do miracles anymore, 1543 01:32:46,269 --> 01:32:48,396 so I'll see You in about five seconds. 1544 01:32:51,566 --> 01:32:54,068 - All right, vengeance is mine. 1545 01:32:54,110 --> 01:32:56,696 Ram him. Ram that son of a bitch. 1546 01:32:56,737 --> 01:32:58,281 - Come on. 1547 01:33:22,179 --> 01:33:24,765 - A fly ball in the outfield of the Lord. 1548 01:33:24,807 --> 01:33:26,392 Don't worry, Jesus never makes an error. 1549 01:33:26,434 --> 01:33:27,852 He will catch thee. 1550 01:33:32,189 --> 01:33:34,233 Angels are cheering. 1551 01:33:46,162 --> 01:33:49,790 - Have a nice day. 1552 01:34:00,551 --> 01:34:02,511 ( monks chanting ) 1553 01:34:29,455 --> 01:34:31,832 - Do you, Ambrose, take this woman, 1554 01:34:31,874 --> 01:34:35,544 Mary, to be your lawful wedded wife? 1555 01:34:35,586 --> 01:34:37,463 - I do. 1556 01:34:37,505 --> 01:34:39,965 - You don't mind marrying a hooker? 1557 01:34:40,007 --> 01:34:42,510 - Mm, not if she doesn't mind marrying a monk. 1558 01:34:42,551 --> 01:34:45,054 - I have nothing against mixed marriages. 1559 01:34:45,096 --> 01:34:47,807 The only trouble is, which way do you bring up the kids? 1560 01:34:49,642 --> 01:34:51,143 I now pronounce you 1561 01:34:51,185 --> 01:34:55,940 man, wife, and child. 1562 01:34:55,981 --> 01:34:59,151 You may, uh, kiss the bride. 1563 01:34:59,193 --> 01:35:00,695 - Chopped liver. 1564 01:35:03,114 --> 01:35:05,032 ( "The Wedding March" plays ) 1565 01:35:10,663 --> 01:35:14,375 - ♪ The other day a friend of mine said, he said ♪ 1566 01:35:14,417 --> 01:35:16,877 ♪ He said That God's not even with us, ♪ 1567 01:35:16,919 --> 01:35:20,673 ♪ He said that God is really dead ♪ 1568 01:35:20,715 --> 01:35:24,468 ♪ He said, oh, pal, a fact's a fact ♪ 1569 01:35:24,510 --> 01:35:26,637 ♪ You can't believe that magic act ♪ 1570 01:35:26,679 --> 01:35:31,475 ♪ I said, I don't, and that was that ♪ 1571 01:35:31,517 --> 01:35:36,647 ♪ Now, I said Good for God ♪ 1572 01:35:36,689 --> 01:35:42,194 ♪ Good for God ♪ 1573 01:35:42,236 --> 01:35:44,780 ♪ He goes and makes the planet blue ♪ 1574 01:35:44,822 --> 01:35:47,533 ♪ And all the thanks He gets from you ♪ 1575 01:35:47,575 --> 01:35:52,705 ♪ Is look at all that poo-poo in the yard ♪ 1576 01:35:52,747 --> 01:35:57,668 ♪ Good for God ♪ 1577 01:35:57,710 --> 01:36:02,840 ♪ I bet He's got a very hard job ♪ 1578 01:36:02,882 --> 01:36:05,676 ♪ I'm awfully glad I'm here to say ♪ 1579 01:36:05,718 --> 01:36:08,304 ♪ He made it possible for me to be here to say ♪ 1580 01:36:08,345 --> 01:36:12,850 ♪ Good for God ♪ 1581 01:36:12,892 --> 01:36:14,018 ♪ Instrumental ♪ 1582 01:36:14,059 --> 01:36:18,898 ♪ Good for God ♪ 1583 01:36:18,939 --> 01:36:23,736 ♪ Good for God ♪ 1584 01:36:23,778 --> 01:36:26,197 ♪ If faith is faced, and that's a must ♪ 1585 01:36:26,238 --> 01:36:28,657 ♪ It's easier to put your trust in ♪ 1586 01:36:28,699 --> 01:36:34,246 ♪ Uh, you know what I mean, God ♪ 1587 01:36:34,288 --> 01:36:37,458 ♪ God, oh, God ♪ 1588 01:36:37,500 --> 01:36:40,628 ♪ Oh, Marty, what have you done? ♪ 1589 01:36:40,669 --> 01:36:44,215 ♪ Good for God ♪ 1590 01:36:44,256 --> 01:36:49,929 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey 1591 01:36:49,970 --> 01:36:52,264 ♪ Good ♪ 1592 01:36:52,306 --> 01:36:56,143 ♪ Good for God. ♪ 1593 01:36:56,185 --> 01:36:57,645 - God bless you. 105890