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"The hard Word" a.k.a.:"The Australian Job"

Back!

Get off me, you prick!

"Portnoy's Complaint".

- Who wants that?
- Mildenhall.

Mildenhall wants
"Portnoy's Complaint", eh?

I'll bet he fucking does.

What's he complaining about?

Oh, his mother, women,
not enough sex.

- You know, the usual.
- Any good?

That would depend on whether you've
spoofed all over the toothbrushes

as your mother tying
to bash down the bathroom door.

"Wanker's Bible".
It's pretty funny.

I'll have a go after Mildenhall.

- Tell him it'll cost him a drink.
- Big or little drink?

- Oh, well, that depends on how thirsty he is.
- Hey, Dougie?

"The 100 most asked questions
about love, sex and relationships."

Donelly?

The only relationship Donelly ever had
was with a fucking sheep.

Wouldn't you be a mutton man, Doug?

I can see you going full clacker
with a prize ram.

Don't push it, Twentyman.

Oh, sorry, mate.

Your ass.
Governor's office, now.

You're a prince, mate.
See you, Deano.

He's the king.

Cheeky bastard.

( Speaks backwards )

( Speaks backwards )

Could do worse.

Long as he doesn't come at me
when the knife's in my hand.

I think that's part
of the attraction.

What are you girls
nattering about, eh?

Wouldn't be planning
a mutiny now, would you?

No, sir.
Nothing like that, sir.

- We love it here.

You're out, Twentyman.

Governor's office, now.

You right to finish this off, Tone?

Oh, yeah. Course he is.

MAN: Pick up. Mate, no.

Look.

Right, from here. Here.

Everything has to come from here.

And nothing can go wrong.

Hit the shower, muscles.
You're sprung.

What day is it?

Your lucky day.
Governor's office.

For me. Dougie will show you.

Yes!

Hi. Are you ready to order?

Yep.

Um...full English breakfast,
extra sausages,

extra toast, whole-wheat.

I'd like a, er,
barbecue sauce with that,

and, um, a hot...
no, a Dijon mustard

and, um, a large cappuccino.

Toast and tea, thanks, love.

Yeah. What sort of tea?

Ordinary, and white toast.

And you, sir?

Yeah. "Tapenade".
Bok-a-kini." Blah, blah, blah.

Bloke doesn't know
what he's ordering anymore.

Er, the, "brushedda",

"drizzled with, er,
extra virgin olive oil."

Bruschetta.

It's toast with fancy stuff. It's
a girl's thing. Have the breakfast.

I don't want the breakfast.

I want the Bruschetta,

but I don't want it drizzled
with extra virgin fucking anything.

What can I have instead?

Oh, anything,
as long as it's on the menu.

Chips. I want it with chips.

Just ordinary chips, right?

Straight ones.
Nice, long, straight ones.

Alright, there's the plate.

I want the toast thing there,
the chips there, right?

Toast thing, chips.
Got it.

And would you like a drink
with that, sir?

Yes. A Pepsi, no ice.

Oh, I'm sorry.
We only have Coke here, sir.

I don't want, er, Coke.
I want Pepsi.

I'll get him a Pepsi.

Cold in a can!

We've got time for
a swim after this.

How long we got?

48 minutes.

We haven't got any trunks.

Then we'll go in our undies.

I'm not wearing any.

Well, I'll buy you some.

- Undies?
- Trunks, mate.

Well, that's a waste of money.

Oh, I think we can afford it.

I got trunks at Mum's.

No, I don't want any more.
I like the ones I got.

Yay.

There you are, mate. There.

Ah, cold in a can.

Here's one I like.
Race six in Melbourne.

The Sponge.

I thought we might go
for a swim.

A swim? Haven't got any trunks.

What's going on now, mate?

- Chips aren't straight.
- Yeah, they are?

Don't touch 'em.

I'm not eating that now.
You touched it.

Beautiful.

- Want another chip, mate?
- Yeah.

Thanks, Shane.

Have I got time
to place that bet now?

Hello?

Security...

Yep. Lovely.

The grey Calais, mate.

Right.

Listen, mate...

It'll be funny
not doing this anymore.

Is a fucking hoot,
isn't it, really?

Next one, buddy.

Dale thinks
this is the last time.

Never say never, baby.

Is it or isn't it?

I've got to know how to play.

What are you doing tonight?

So, he goes back inside.
How long for this time?

He'll be a little while yet.

Does he know that?

Well, I haven't told him, no.

He'll go fucking apeshit.

And Shane,
Shane will rip someone's head off.

The cops will straighten them out.

- You're cold bastard, Frank.
- Iron-cold bastard.

Don't get me wet again.
He'll know.

He's been in over two years.
What's he expect?

Sexy little bint like you.

We're working on our dream,
that's what he expects.

We're working on a dream, alright,
and a beautiful dream it is.

Hey, Carol.

Alright, boys. It's only the cops.

My favourite sight.
What's the split?

365 in change.

- 90 each?
- Not bad, not bad. Bag it.

- We divvy up later on?
- Yeah, later.

Later today, alright?

You give us our money today.
All of it, in cash.

The money's invested, fellas.

Wouldn't be good leaving a couple of
million bucks sitting around in cash.

- Frank.
- Boys.

Fellas.

Someone should call the police.

Go off alright?

It's going off, alright.

We all square then?

Yes, mate.
All square. 50-50.

No one got hurt?

Only their feelings.

Always nice doing business
with the best.

Well, I'll take the fellas in then,
finalise the, er, paperwork.

Best kind of paperwork,
I reckon, eh? Counting cash?

Is that Dale in there?

Yep.

Give him a hurry-up, will you?

Dale! Come on, mate.
You've never taken this long before.

Get in.

Call you when we're done, eh?

Oh, g'day, fellas.

Jesus, mate.
What's going on in there?

So, how many is this, then?

- Don't know. 10?
- 12.

12, what, couple of years?

Two years, four months, eight days.

We'll be sorry to see you go.

There'll be plenty of other blokes.

Nah, not with your track record.
Every one a winner.

No witnesses, no GBH,
no worries.

Beauty. Got one.

The races are over, spaz.

Footy game tonight.
I can see the score.

Where you going tonight?

Hotel. Coogee Bay, I reckon.

Yeah.

You going to stick around
for a bit?

Couple of weeks,
see some old mates.

I have been thinking
about Adelaide.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I like it down there.

Clean, dry.

It's shit as.

As soon as Frank gives us the money,
I'm getting the first plane to...

Gold Coast.

What about you?

You going to find
that place in the country?

Yeah. Get ourselves organised,
start having a look.

Come on.

# Copper, copper

# What's the colour of
# a two-cent piece?

# Copper, copper

# What's the colour of
# a two cent piece?

# All coppers are cunts

# All coppers are cunts

# All coppers are cunts

# What's the colour of
# a two cent piece?

# Copper, copper.

Hey.

Sorry to keep you waiting.
You know.

- Paperwork.
- Fucking nightmare.

Now, I need you guys
to sign here and there.

Let's have a little look, eh?

What's going on?

Well, fellas,
there's been a bit of a hitch.

We're going back inside?

It's for your own protection.
You guys will need an alibi.

Now, you've been here with us
all day.

Why do we suddenly
need an alibi?

Serious Crime's got involved, Dale.

The driver saw your face,
gave a perfect description.

You've fucking had him in here,
haven't you?

You fuck, prick.
This has been a line-up, fellas.

Don't get paranoid, sport.
It's just a precaution.

We take you out of the picture for
two days until the whole thing blows over.

The Governor signed
our fucking RELEASE FORMS, mate!

So, he unsigns them.

- Paperwork, right?
- Exactly.

See?

You've been in police custody all day,
helping us with our inquiries.

What's the Governor's cut? He must
be making a packet out of this.

Start making allegations like that,
Dale, I don't like your chances.

Can't lie to Shane.

He always knows.
Does not like it.

You better fucking grab him, mate.

Fuckin' Frank.
This was his idea.

But he's our lawyer.

You're very sweet, mate,
but sometimes you are thick.

I've been a bit thick too.

You're not thick, mate.
Genius of the family.

I've got a million bucks
I can't get,

and a bent lawyer
who's poking my wife.

Aw, mate. No way!
Not that, not fucking her.

He's probably poking her
right now.

Yeah, but Carol's a beaut.
She'd never do that to you.

She loves you.

See, mate?
You can't lie to Shane.

Er, it doesn't mean they're...
You know, I mean...

Calm down, Shane.
I believe you, OK? Carol and Frank.

FUCK!

Baby!

Sorry I'm late.
Traffic was terrible.

Yeah, I know
what traffic can be like.

Don't be like that.

I came, didn't I?

I was looking forward to it.

Don't be a tart.

Aw, I thought
you liked me being a tart.

I like you being my tart.

Well, we'll see whose tart I am
when you get home, huh?

Whenever the fuck that might be.

I wonder if it'll be the same.

Why wouldn't it?

We haven't really seen each other
properly in the last couple of years.

Hard for a girl
to keep her mind on the job.

My mind is exactly where it's been
since the day we met.

How am I supposed to know that?

Listen to yourself.

Just have a little listen
to yourself.

You're really giving me the shits,
sweetheart.

I have to listen to stories
in here every day

about blokes' wives
fucking off with other blokes.

That's what I have
to fuckin' listen to.

And who would I fuck off with,
then, hmm?

Frank Malone?

Well, that fuckin' cunt's
the reason why we're back in here.

You think I'm fucking Frank?

Do you?

You think I'm fucking Frank Malone?

Say it, Dale.

Say it to my face -
you think I'm fucking Frank.

Go on. I dare you.

- Well, are you?
- Fuck you!

You're paranoid.

Why don't you call me when
you're back on your medication?

Fuck.

I don't know how you do it.

Special privileges.
Good behaviour.

It takes me back.

Nothing like slaughtering
to get the blood up.

Where'd you do
your apprenticeship again?

Darwin.

Fuckin' mad town.
You ever been up the Top End?

Too hot and sticky for me.
I like it clean - clean and dry.

Nah, hot and sticky's the go, mate.

Makes the sheilas bang
like bloody battleships.

- Yeah?
- Shit, yeah.

I've had the clap up there
more times than bloody Don Bradman.

Don Bradman had the clap?

No, mate. It's a, you know,
it's an expression.

How do you want to do this -
just stab it?

We've got to catch it first,
then we, ah, cut her,

hang her on the hook,
catch the blood in the tub.

- Ah, for sausages!
- Blood sausages.

- Yeah!
- Shane's birthday soon.

- Yeah.
- They're his favourite.

Fucking hoovers them, mate!

You're an artist, mate.
You're like fuckin' Salvador Dali.

I can walk myself.
Don't touch me! What are you?

A-ha!

Piss off!

Morning.

My name's Jane Moore.
And you are?

It's Shane, is that right?

My friends call me "Muscles".

I'm sure they do.
I'll call you Shane.

Do you know why you're here, Shane?

It says something in your file
about an anger problem.

I've been on remand for
two years, more than two,

and I was supposed to be out
last week.

THAT is my problem.

You're innocent -
is that what you're telling?

- You heard me.
- Yeah, I did.

I'm just not quite sure
I understand you.

- Well, bloody listen, then!
- You're raising your voice, Shane.

Am I?

People usually raise their voices
when they're angry.

I'm not angry.

- How DO you feel?
- Very pissed off.

And the difference is?

Have you always felt "pissed off"?

Maybe I have.
Who gives a shit?

You've got two brothers -
older brothers?

Yeah.

Dale is the smart one,

Mal is the good one
and I'm the fuck-up.

What about your parents?

Dad was...IS a butcher.

Mum is...

Mum is Mum, you know.

My mum. Mummy.

Do you think she loved you,
your mum?

Can you tell me
what's funny about that?

There's nothing funny
about that.

Why are you laughing?

You're not married?

No.

No.

Are you, Jane?

I ask the questions here.

Why?

Because we're not here
to talk about me.

You should be married.
You're very beautiful.

I hope they're
paying you overtime.

Nice of you to show up.
Did you get things sorted out?

Not exactly.
There's been a bit of a fuck-up.

That's interesting because I've been
thinking about changing lawyers.

Well, it's not down to me, mate, no.

No, the driver picked you
out of the book, first go.

Then there's the bad news.

What's the bad news?

They lifted your prints
from the truck.

Bullshit.

You were driving, weren't you?

I was also wearing gloves.

Your gloves must've come off
for a sec.

Get fucked.

All is I know is
they took your full left set,

off the dash, just by the wheel.

Are you my lawyer
or someone else's?

I've sorted out the Governor.
It cost a few bob, I tell you.

But our big worry now
is Serious Crimes.

Why's that? Don't they drink?

Those choirboys know
O'Riordan pulls the odd rort,

and they're dead keen
to nail one on him - this one.

But they're not going to nail
this one on him, are they, mate?

No, mate. They are not.

Just as long as we all keep
as cool as fucking Casanova.

So how long are we
supposed to sit in here?

- A couple of weeks.
- Couple. Two?

Well, I thought it's gonna be more
to tell you the truth.

I'd say three.

First week of November then?

Sounds about right.

Shane's birthday, the third. Be nice
if we could celebrate it properly.

Third? That's a Sunday. Right.

I'll do my best.

You'd better change your shirt.

You've got some lipstick
on your collar.

>> Voice ready.
- Call Carol.

>> Telephone -
>> dial memory 52.

>> Hi. We're not at home.
>> Leave a message.

Come on.

Carol, where the hell are you?

>> I've been calling you for hours.

>> Listen, we've got
>> a lot to talk about.

>> Call me when you get in.

OK. 'Bye.

Fuck it.

Hey, yours is bigger than mine.

That's the luck of the draw, mate.

Shut up. Look.

Oh, fuck you.

Where did he get fresh kidney from?
I love kidney.

Where did he learn to cook?

He didn't learn from Mum,
that's for fuckin' sure.

So, I had a visit from Frank.

Told me we'd be out
by your birthday.

Yeah, right.

Frank is a clever bastard,
though, sometimes.

I think he's got
something major lined up.

You reckon?

So tell us about
this new counsellor.

Jane.

She's nice.

- What did you tell her?
- I didn't tell her nothing.

You must've talked
about something.

She told me about her marriage.

Fucking nightmare -
worse than Mum and Dad.

She's not supposed to do that.

People tell me all kinds of stuff.

Sit me down with Carol for an hour

and I'll tell you
about your marriage.

So what happened when they split up?
Did he leave or did she?

Uh, she left.

She took me and we went to
live with a "friend" of hers.

A male friend?

A woman...friend.

Yeah.

It's common enough these days,
but back then,

in the country,
it caused a right bloody stink.

Three of us living in a tiny caravan
in the centre of town, you know.

Dad - fuck.

- And how long did that go on for?
- Till I was 18.

Then the boys came,
put me to work.

Do you like robbing banks?

Off the record -
I fucking love it! Yes!

There is nothing wrong
with robbing banks.

So what is it exactly
that's troubling you?

No, I can't tell you that.

- You have to tell someone.
- No. I don't.

There's nothing so bad
that you can't talk about.

It's good to get it out.

- You laughed like that before.
- Did I? When?

When you talked about your mum.

No, I can't tell you...

...'cause you'd hate me.

No.

My job's to listen,
not to judge.

OK, I was 12 or 13.

And I was big for my age.
I mean, BIG, you know?

Have you ever been
in a caravan?

One tiny bed.

The three of us
slept in that together.

So...

Was it a sexual relationship?

Was it?

You want to know
what happened in the caravan?

In the bed, in the caravan?

I love you. I love you.

Oh, mate! Like I said,
you're a bloody artist.

More nutmeg.

It was good you remembered
Shane's birthday.

Get him that present?

Serious Crimes
paid you a visit yet?

No, Frank.

Oh. We've got big problems, mate.

You might have big problems,
but I've got the perfect alibi.

We gotta disappear, all of us,
for a long time.

That's exactly
what I intend to do.

I mean a long time.
You need a lot of money for that.

- I've got a lot of money.
- A million?

Can't even buy a decent house
for that these days.

This bastard has got better taste
than I thought.

This is a fucking classic, mate.
You should read this.

It's about the joys
of modern marriage.

- I'll read it on my next honeymoon.
- Forget it, Frank. I've retired.

Fine. That's fine.

You spend the first 20 years
of your retirement right here.

- Is that so?
- Yes.

Yes, it is.

And I'll be in
the next fucking ceil...

...unless we go for the big one.

Yeah, right. The big one.

I have got the scoop

on the biggest pile of cash
in history.

You'll be out tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Why might you be doing us
this big favour, Frank?

Something tells me you might
prefer keeping me here.

I need you, Dale.

You're the best.

Couple of cookies, eh?

Some cookies, boys.

Give you a bit of ham there, mate.

Hey, look what I found, mate!
Look at those.

Oh, shit!
Sausage - you shouldn't have.

- Oh!
- Happy birthday, mate.

Oh... Thanks!

Blood sausage,
my absolute all-time favourite.

Did youse make this yourselves?

- Oh, yeah. Tony give us a hand.
- Yeah.

- Oh, thanks, Tone.
- No worries.

Thanks. This is the best
present I ever had.

# I hear it's your birthday,

# you're still a fucking prick,

# I haven't got a present,
# but I'll let you suck my dick!

Right. Look in here.

Navarone. Hey, Dave! Navarone, mate.
Any chance?

50 to 1, mate.
Not a fucking prayer.

Hey, I got one.
Sun God, 6 to 1.

That's the favourite.
Half your fucking luck!

- Hear that?
- Happy birthday, mate.

- You get out tomorrow, don't youse?
- Yep.

Scoot down to the Melbourne races.

No, 'cause punting's for mugs, eh?

Here you go, mate.

Oh!

- You want some?
- No, mate. They're yours.

No, it's for you.

- Hey?
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah?

What are you doing here?

Expecting someone else?

No. I was just going out.

Veuve.

Last time you popped Veuve
was at Porky Carson's funeral.

I like funerals.

All those guilty secrets
dead and buried.

So whose turn is it this time?

Ours. It's our turn, baby.

Yeah? Someone gonna knock us off?

It's a possibility.

This is why we're out of here.

Yeah? Where are we
supposed to be going?

France.

What would we do in France?

Get pissed and look at paintings.
Shit, I don't know.

We could get pissed
and look at paintings here.

We can't. We're gone this week.

What about Dale?

What about him?

He is my husband.

We are married, remember.

You've acted pretty married to me
for more than two years now.

Yeah, well, I needed
someone to look after me.

Oh, come on, Frank.

I did have fun.

Fun? I'm fucking crazy about you.
You know I am.

Come on. What do you say?

- We say we don't want it to get messy.

>> Hi, we're not at home.

>> Leave a message and
>> we'll get back to you.

Not the only one, am I?

- No. There's Dale.
- I don't mean him.

I mean since he's been inside
you've been fucking other people.

Haven't you?

It's none of your business.

Who do the fuck you think
I've been doing it all for, Carol?

Oh, you've been doing it all
for Frank, Frank.

Come off it.

- I know what you're like.
- Yeah?

Oh, what am I like?

Greedy little tart.

Uses anyone stupid enough
to take you seriously.

Oh, you think you can
just buy me?

That's no sale, sweetheart.

Fuck you and fuck Dale,

'cause in a couple days I'll have
my hands on 20 million bucks!

Yeah.

Where would you get
20 million bucks?

I got a hot tip on a horse.

Oh, fuck, you're pathetic.
Get out.

I'll get out when
I'm good and ready.

Well, Dale will be home tomorrow.
I suggest you're out by then.

Dale?

Oh, no. He won't be back
for a long time.

So you may as well
learn to live with it.

The question is...

...could I learn
to live with you?

You could live with
20 million bucks, baby.

Yeah.

Yeah, no problem at all.

All the money in the world won't
save you if Dale finds out about us.

Dale couldn't hurt anyone.
He hasn't got the guts.

Then you haven't been
paying attention.

Well, boys, this is it.

I have to say
we'll be sorry to see you go.

Bloody bet you will, sir.

What are your...plans
for the future?

Dale and his wife are looking at
a B&B in the country.

It's very nice.

Ah, I see. And you, Malcolm?

Butchering.

Going back into the butchering, sir.

Yes, of course. I've heard
about your culinary skills.

The other prisoners will be
sorry to see you leave too.

What's the matter with him?

I don't know. He was like this
when I went for him.

Spewing!

Come on!
What the fuck are they doing?!

We'll miss the fucking plane.
Fuck!

- What plane?
- Plane to Melbourne.

Plane to Melbourne?

Shit, just keep it down,
will you, Dale? Please.

I don't know anything
about a plane to Melbourne.

I said shut it, Dale.

You haven't told the old guv
about this one, obviously.

What are we going to
Melbourne for?

It's Tuesday tomorrow,
isn't it?

The first Tuesday in November.

The first Tuesday
in November, Mal.

Melbourne Cup, mate.
Fantastic!

I've never been to the Cup.
Thanks, Frank.

Food poisoning.
Serious case, actually.

Does anybody know if
he's eaten anything unusual

over the past 24 hours?

- Oh, shit.
- I beg your pardon?

Sausages. I made him
special sausages for his birthday.

It's been a bit warm.

Let's hope it's not salmonella.

In any case, he'll have to stay
In the infirmary for observation.

Fair enough. We'll come pick him up
when's he better. Let's go, fellas.

We don't go anywhere
without Shane.

The plane. The plane!

It's actually an aeroplane,
not a plane.

There's a difference.
You can get a later one.

We're gonna stick around
for a while.

That's impossible.
You'll have to leave.

I've signed the release forms.

I'm feeling a bit crook myself,
you know?

What about you?

Not so hot, mate.

Maybe we did eat
some of them sausages.

That's what I'm thinking. Yep.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

- Hello?
>> Yeah, it's Paul.

>> I spoke to a friend about that job.

No, no, no, going in.
I want the English bloke.

>> The black fella? He was funny.
- I want funny.

Job description's changed
since we last spoke.

>> Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I need someone who can
handle a bit of rough stuff.

>> Thought you said no one
>> was going to get hurt.

That's during the job. After the job,
three people are goin' to get very hurt.

>> So that changes the split, right?

- This's pommy, what's his name?
>> His name's Tarzan.

Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
Yeah, I like him.

>> Let me get this other bloke...

Just book him!
It's not a fucking beauty parade.

See you at the house at 3:00.

I just heard.

- Is he alright?
- He's got a terrible fever.

Nurse, nurse!
My thing has come out.

I'm pissing all over the bed!

I can do that if
you want to see to him.

You're on the mend?

Oh, I'm feeling much better.

- Hey.
- Let's go, eh?

Must be good to see your mum, eh?

Right. Get dressed.
Plane to catch.

Ah, excuse us, please.

Yeah, he can't go anywhere.
He's still sick.

He's been discharged, ma'am.

I can assure you he'll be
properly taken care of.

Will I see you again?

- He'll call you.
- Hm.

He'll call you tomorrow.

Relax, fellas.
Make yourselves at home.

We were sort of planning on making
ourselves at home today, Frank -

at home.

Take it easy, mate.
Just a couple more hours.

And then what?

Then...

...we knock off the Melbourne Cup.

No shit?

Well...where will you sell it?

Not the "Cup", the money.

The bookies' money. Fuck!

- How much money?
- At least $10 million.

Depends what wins.

Long shot comes in,
the bookies clean up,

could be 20 million bucks.

Course there's lots of people
to pay off on this one.

Fuck...

We don't like to work
with other people, mate.

I've told you that.

This job's way too big
for the three of you.

I'm guessing that Kelly and
O'Riordan are not part of this.

No. It's Melbourne.

Yeah, right.
Melbourne. Yeah.

>> Very wide betting races as we
>> await the start of the Cup...

You boys relax, take it easy.
Fix yourself a drink.

'Cause come six o'clock, you'll be
more cashed up than Kerry Packer.

Frank.

What's going on out there?

Oh, Frank's just explaining
to our new friends

how they've got to kill us
when we get the money.

Which is pretty funny really,
'cause I was gonna to think...

Dale, Shane, Mal.

- G'day, fellas.
- This is Paul.

Tarzan.

Tarzan.

This is last year.

Exactly the same set-up this time.

After the race, the bookies all
come back to a hotel in the city

to have a piss-up,
settle their bets.

I'm in business

with the head of the security company
that runs the whole thing.

Shane and Tarzan, you'll take care of
the surveillance cameras.

Dale, Mal, you handle the bookies.

Ah, excuse me, sir. I think
you might've gone a bit mad.

There's only four of us.

Five. There's five of us.

Fine. Five. I'll even count you,
Frank. That's six.

There's about 6 million
fucking armed guards on that video.

I reckon there's a fair chance

every cop in Melbourne
will be listening to a radio.

Told you -
we got an inside man.

It's all figured out.

Oh. I must have missed that bit.

Sorry. I'm a bit fucking thick
sometimes, you know.

You ever had a fuck-up before?

We've never got too greedy before.

Let's just wait till
we get there, OK?

The bloke getting you into the room
will give you the run-down.

That's your horse there, Dale.

Navarone.

That one? 42?

Huh, 24, black and blue.

Fucking rubbish.

>> They 're just about set to go
>> in the Melbourne Cup.

>> Starter 's got a pretty good line.

>> Just about ready.
>> Moving towards the middle gate.

>> Horse settles down again.

>> They 're ready to run
>> in the Melbourne Cup.

>> Stand by for the start.

Boys left town this morning.
Frank was with them.

Something's going on.

Well, I've got no idea
where they are.

- Really nice garden, Carol.
- Thanks, Kelly.

Do it all yourself?

- Oh, you know me.
- Yes, I do.

Cheers.

>> Starting at big odds of 50 to 1.

50 to 1? Shit.

You won the sweep, mate.

Life is full of surprises,
isn't it?

400 bucks. Can I use that?

Good for all of us, eh?
Fantastic.

It's all coming together.

I can see how it could all be
coming together for you, Frank.

Particularly if you were to
piss off with all the money

and then piss off with my wife.

Jesus, Dale, eh?

Who's gone mad now?

You are fucking her, aren't you?

Feeling nervous before the big one,
mate? That's not like you.

It's not just me.
Shane thinks you're fucking her.

Your faith in Shane's powers of
clairvoyance is touching.

Very touching.

Dale...

Come on, Frankie,
you can tell me.

You are, aren't ya?

Let's talk about this later.

No, fuck that.
Let's talk about it now.

Alright. I'm not fucking her.

Ooh, he's not fucking her.

I swear, I wanna...

I hate that butcher talk bullshit.
Tell him to speak English, will you?

Speak English, Shane.

I'm sorry, Frank.
Frank, I'm gonna kill you.

Insanity runs in the family, mate.

How can you do it to me?
How can you fucking do it to me?

Exactly! How could I do it to you?
What kind of low bastard do you take me for?

The fuckin' lowest of the low,
you cunt.

- Oi! That's enough. Hey!
- Come on, you fucking bastard.

Fuck off!

Fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Next one of you wankers
says a bloody word,

I'll blow his bloody brains out.

Right?

What?

Feel better, mate?

- Everyone here?
- Everybody.

Right.

The bookies all arrive
in 10 minutes.

They go straight up to
their room under escort.

You two - my bookies,

I'll take you in last,
just as they're settling in.

You other two,
you're doing the security room.

Your job is to shut down
the video surveillance system

and make sure you get
all the tapes.

We don't want any faces on TV
when the shit hits the fan.

The object of this exercise
is to be rich.

We do not want to be famous.

There's a touch pad
on the door.

Today's code.

Two guards -
cuff 'em, do the business.

What's the matter with him?

He's just feeling a bit funny.
He'll be right.

You think you can handle that?

I can handle anything.

Good.

And one more thing, gentlemen,
most important...

nobody gets hurt.

- No one ever gets hurt, mate.
- I'm glad to hear that.

These are the hotel floor plans.

Now, while you gentlemen are doing
your jobs, I'll be doing mine.

The guards will be pulled away
from the bookies' room

Long enough
for you to get the money.

And then I'll also make sure
your escape route's clear.

Coffee, anyone?

Concentrate, mate.

Great day for the race.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey.
This it?

Can't you read, dickhead?

See that? "Surveillance".

Course I can fucking read.
Give me that.

Hey! I'm in charge here.

Idiot.

Fuck!

- Who is it?
- Let me in.

You have to enter the code.

It doesn't bloody work.

Do it or bugger off.

Fuck!

No guns.

I like guns, dickhead.

>> Slaveman from Kandahar.

>> Then further back with Sausage Sizzle.

>> Macaroni's coming.

>> He 's going to come home from
>> the outside in the Melbourne Cup...

Let me just have your attention,
please, ladies and gentlemen.

Stick 'em up.

You too, fellas.

Hey.

- That way.
- You right?

Let's keep this simple.

I'd like you all to lay on the floor,
face down, nice and slowly.

Cuff yourselves together.

Don't be afraid.
We've done this many times before.

If you stay calm, no one will get hurt.
Isn't that right, mate?

No one will get hurt
as long as you stay calm.

Come on, down we go, nice and slow.
That's the way.

You too, love.

Good. Leave the mobile phone, mate.

Good man.

What's your name, buddy?

N-Norbert.

Norbert?

I've got a little job for you,
Norbert.

We've got bodies up here, Frank.
Lots of fucking bodies!

One of your stupid fucking morons
is blowing people away!

- Alright, then, mate.
- What's happening?

Someone got hurt.

Fuck!

Eyes closed, please. Head down.

Good on you, Norbert.
Close the door, mate, won't you?

Watch out.

Put it down. Put it down.

- Where you been, mate?
- Tarzan went apeshit.

Come on, fellas, let's go.

Don't shoot me.

Where the fuck are they?

- I can't...
- Fuck!

I said nobody gets hurt.

Fuck.

This way.

- What?
- Are you alright?
- Get over!

- Well, what's happened?
- Bugger the fuckers!

- You'll lose the money.
- Fuck!

Oi! Dale.

Come on, mate.

There!

Oh, fuck off!

Out!

- What am I supposed to do?
- You gotta go and shoot the bastards.

Come on, mate.

Fuck.

Let's go.

Come on.

Yes, Frank...

Fuck!

Fuck.

Whoo!

- Oh!
- 'Scuse me, love.

What?

I'd like to buy your car.

Oh! Um, I just bought it yesterday.
It's not for sale.

I'll give you double
what you paid for it, in cash.

- No.
- Oh, bloody hell. Triple?

- You deaf? No!
- We'll give you anything.

Anything you want if you just...
help us, love.

What's the rush?

Our brother's real sick.
We've got to get him to hospital.

Yeah. He's not too flash.

What?

You smell better
than Christmas dinner.

I must be crazy. Get in.

- Nice work, mate!
- Go on!

What are you staring at?

The most beautiful woman
I've ever seen in my whole life.

You must be drunk.
I'm...

I'm drunk.
I'm completely shit-faced.

I haven't touched a single drop.

Blind, then.

Ohh, shit, I sat on your hat.

You know what that cost?

- I'll pay you back. Honest.
- Yeah, when... next Christmas?

No, really. Here.

Jesus!

Er, yeah, we had a pretty good day
at the races. How'd you go?

Hospital. Which one?

- Er...it's in Sydney.
- I'll take you to the airport.

Oh, no, thanks.
I get a bit funny on aeroplanes.

- Train, then.
- No, we've had enough on the train.

If you're not gonna sell us your car,

the least you could do
is drive us to Sydney.

Hmm, my lucky day -
he's blind, you're deaf.

Well, have you got
anything better to do?

I'm going home.

I'm gonna get more shit-faced
and then if I can walk straight,

I will go back to work tomorrow.

Yeah? What do you do?

I'm a meteorologist.

That's amazing.

So am I.

What do you guys do, really?

Ah, we'll tell you
on the way to Sydney.

I am not driving you to Sydney.

Oh, yes, you are, love.

Yes, you bloody well are.

Please?

You said you were a meteorologist.
You're a fucking liar.

I've never heard it
put like that before

but that's what I am, baby -
a meat man.

But butchering and meteorology
are two very different things.

No, butcher - meat.

Meateorology.
(Meat-eorology.)

>> Good evening and welcome to Nightline.
>> I'm Tony Jones.

>> First to the robbery
>> that stopped the nation.

>> Police in Melbourne
>> say they've no fresh lead

>> on the gang responsible for
>> the biggest and bloodiest theft

>> in Australian criminal history.

>> Six people are dead
>> including two of the robbers

>> and two people were wounded

>> in what's already being called
>> the Melbourne Cup Massacre.

>> A VRC spokesman says at least
>> 10 million dollars was stolen...

- Carol...
- Where are you?

Halfway between fucking
Melbourne and Sydney.

You alright?

No, I'm not alright.
It's all turned to shit.

- Well, you better come home then.
- Yeah, righto.

Got a couple of things
to take care of first.

See you tomorrow night.

>> Whatever the amount stolen,
>> the question remains,

>> how did the thieves penetrate
>> the heavy security screen

>> and then disappear
>> virtually unnoticed?

>> For the latest from the scene.
>> We'll cross now to Fiona McCallum..

Hey, just pull in up here, mate.

- A cow.
- Cow, yeah.

He's thinkin'.

He's always thinkin'.

I noticed that.

Hey, listen, love, how'd you like to get
a milkshake or grab yourself something?

Yeah.

Alright, then.

Do you want anything?

A pie and a Pepsi.

Keep an eye on the car,
won't ya?

You're gone on her,
aren't you, mate?

Head over fuckin' heels, mate.

I'm feeling things
I only seen on TV.

Nice tits.

Yeah.

What?

>> PA: There are at least 12 breeds
>> of cattle in the modern meat industry...

Oh, I'd like a cappuccino
and a pie and a Pepsi...

OK, love.

We'll leave this one, eh?

Phew!

Ready?
Come on, come on, come on!

Let's grab something to eat, eh?

Hello?

Victoria Police.

Shit!

No... Yeah, sorry.
I've got the wrong number.

- Are you sure?
- Yep.

Hey! Mal!

Mal!

Thought I was onto
a winner there for once.

No way.

- Had her odds-on.
- She was never a chance.

What about her saying
she was a meteorologist?

Can you beat that?

Easy. Forget about her.

I already have.

Hey.

Here's your pocket money.

Come on, Mal.

Sweetheart.

Carol?

Nah, mate!
It's the big bad wolf!

You fancy me, Frank?

Or do you like it better
with some lippy, hey?

You've been on a trip, Frank.

What the fuck do you think
you're doing, eh?

You don't point a gun at a mate.

And you'd be the world's
leading expert on mateship.

Come on.

You blokes did alright
out of me. Eh?

We're square.

- I'll get some beers and...
- Fuck the beers.

You nicked our dough.
You screwed Dale's missus.

You were planning to
bump 'em all off too.

You're one cold bastard, Frank.

She's in on this.

She's here.

- Carol!
- Sit down!

We made you, Frankie.

We gave you the biggest
green light in history

then you go and fuck us over
on the big one.

It was a one-off.
It was Melbourne.

I had to go with
the local blokes.

Power of attorney?

We're gonna manage
your estate for you.

Make sure the right people
get taken care of.

By way of a fucking change.

Sign it.

We're supposed to take care
of each other, Frank.

- But you only took care of yourself.
- Sign it!

Nah.

Nah.

If you're gonna shoot, go ahead.
I'm not signing anything.

Argghhhh!

That hurt.

- Argh!
- Does that hurt twice as much?

Fuck!

Arrggh!

Now, sign it.

Wanna know what really hurts?

- Fuck!
- Fuck.

Jesus!

Oh, look at your poor feet.

Ohh.

Fuck that.

Where's Dale?

- I dunno...
- Bullshit!

It's only fucking bullshit!

Frank, it's the truth.

He knows about us.
He hates me.

Now, come on, this is hurtin'.

I still think you set me up.

Look, I know I'm a cunt.
I'm not a psychopath.

Come on, uncuff me, will you?

You fuckin'...

Oh, fuck.

Where are the fuckin' keys?

I'll go away with you. OK?

France.

Stick out like
bloody dog's balls.

You got a better idea?

Brazil.

Brazil?

No extradition.
It's got that going for it.

Brazil would be fun.

That's what it's got going for it.

Oh. Speaking of dog's balls.

Always good to get home and
see that nothing's changed.

Nothing has.

Yeah, right.

Shoot yourself in the foot, mate?

Where's the money?

Ooh, I stuck it up a cow's arse.

Yeah?

Hope you washed your hands after.

Funny business in the bedroom.

Tell me about it.

So what are we gonna do?

We could keep it simple
and shoot each other.

Only your gun's never loaded,
is it?

I never usually wanna hurt anyone.

Or we could do a deal.

Oh, we could
if you had anything I wanted.

Well, I'm off.

So have a lovely holiday,
won't you?

Give me a chance to explain.

No, I don't think so.

Carol!

Listen to me, Dale.

What are you doing?
Will you just look at me, please?

It's too late, Carol.
There's nothing left.

How can you say that?

Dale, I love you.

We...we fit together.

Right, well,
I'll try and remember that

when I'm thinking about your mouth
wrapped around Frank's cock.

It's not about Frank,
you fucking idiot.

If it wasn't for me, Frank would've
gotten rid of you ages ago.

You're so naive, aren't you?

Yeah?

How's that, Dale?

It's because of you

that Frank wanted to fucking kill me
in the first place!

Yeah, well, maybe I should've
fuckin' let him kill you!

FUCK!

OK, turn over, luv.
I'll do your front.

That's lovely. You can squeeze them
as hard as you like.

I'd like to try
the Chateau Tizac, please.

- Number 19?
- Number 19.

Thank you, sir.

Gibson Desert goanna snags.

Arnhem Land crocodile sausages.
You've got to be kidding, right?

Sorry, sir. We seem to be
out of what you ordered.

But, er, may I offer you this
instead?

Compliments of the house.

Grange Hermitage, 1986.

That's very generous of you.

Ah!

The place is charming, mate.
It's rustic. It's really nice.

Menu's a bit limited.

Oh! We're famous for our sausages.

People come from all over
the place, you know.

- On holidays?
- Honeymoon.

Oh, you didn't hear?

Well, we don't hear much out here.
That's the whole idea.

Matter of fact, I came to see
an old mate about a job.

I think the old mate's retired, mate.

Well, I'm sure
the old mate will reconsider

once he's heard the proposition.

I wouldn't be wasting his time,
would I, sweetheart?

No, love. You're always
right on the money.

I say we do this job. Forget any of
that other bullshit ever happened.

Forget you wanted to kill me?

So, now you're gonna make me rich?

Do yourself a favour.

It's all in there -
flight plans, security schedules.

But an airport? I mean, it's very
tricky. A lot of cops at an airport.

It's not a problem.

I have the ultimate inside man.

He is our passport
to $100 million.

Wow! That's a lot of
fuckin' money, isn't it?

And...where do you hide
that kind of money?

It won't be shoved up a cow's arse,
that's for fuckin' sure.

You're a funny guy, Frank.

How would you be without
a sense of humour? Huh?

You'd be fucked.

All we have to do is get it
out of the room, onto the plane.

My guy flies it
out of the country.

We're back in business.

I don't...I don't know.

I mean, I'm pretty happy here,
minding my own business, you know.

Well, I think I can
help you with that.

I know a couple of
Melbourne bookies

who might like to come up
for a nice, quiet weekend.

Oh, I get you.

I get you.

Well, I'd have to talk
to the boys first, of course.

How are the boys?

Never better.

He got the Melbourne money.

He told you he got it?

Oh, in his own sweet little way.

How did he know where to find it?

Oh, he's a clever bastard, alright.

It really shits me.

Tracking us all the way here
just to rub it in our faces.

He is just being Frank. He can't
help himself. He has to fuck you.

- I'm sick of getting fucked.
- I'm never getting fucked ever again.

- We're gettin' fucked right now.
- Ah, fuck!

It's a lot of money, though.

As if we would ever see any of it.

Tch!

Are you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?

Shit, you reckon?

All these years
and no one ever got hurt.

Bloody shame.

- I'll do it.
- Nah, I'll do it.

- I don't mind. Just another animal.
- Can I do it?

I'd love to see
the look on his face.

- Maybe we should all being on it.
- I'm doin' it.

OK, we should have done it
a long time ago.

Are you right to do
the both of them?

Ugh!

I always said you were a sport.
Didn't I always say that?

Yeah, you did.
You've always said that.

I always said
you were a scheming bitch.

Listen Shane, I'm not going anywhere.
So, we might as well get along,

unless you want to be next.

Next of what?

Lookin' forward to
gettin' back to work.

It'll be like the old days,

knockin' off Angie's big shop
for a bag of lollies.

And we won't have to share it
with Frank anymore.

Will we, mate?

Have you got my table six?

No, we won't. Will we?

Hey!

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