All language subtitles for Brassic s05e03 Hans.eng

I said not cheese and pickle.

I just heard cheese and pickle.

Ashley, fucking hell.

When ordering an item of cuisine, the

word not is a small but vital component.

What the fuck is mine, are you?

It's a sandwich, man.

He's gorgeous.

I got his number.

I'm standing there looking at him.

Have a BLT and a cheese and pickle.

Ashley, I don't know him.

I've never met him.

I don't know him from Adam.

But I can tell you now with quite some

certainty that that bloke who works in

a scabby sandwich shop on a fucking

industrial estate is not gorgeous.

You're doing it again, aren't you?

In fact, I'd surmise that distraction

is why I've now ended up with a fucking

cheese and pickle sandwich, isn't it?

It would be, yeah.

It would be.

Yeah, here, one of them.

Yours, then.

Oh!

Oh, don't defy me, actually!

Why are you not having them?

Target's one o'clock.

Hello, gentlemen.

Myself and...

Oh, Marcus.

Hello.

Myself and my colleague here, Mr

Jennings, are conducting a short survey

to ascertain whether workers such as

yourselves You might enjoy a

café-cum-bar being erected here on site

for your refreshments, you know, your luncheon.

Luncheon?

Post-work.

Post-work.

It's only five questions, multiple choice.

Would you be so obliged to get on board

with it?

Yeah, yeah.

Come on.

I'm getting fucked like you did,

Marcus, and it's amazing!

You cheating fucking bastard!

Question one.

It's quick fire.

Do you like cafes?

Yes, no, maybe.

Yes, no, maybe.

Hello?

Tom, it's Lizzie, Sugar's mum.

What do you want, huh?

I'm with a client.

Sorry, it's just that there's someone

in here, the pub, looking for a Thomas

Schaftner, and it turns out that's you.

What's he look like?

Is he big?

Does he look dangerous?

No, he's young, and he knows that you

own the Rat and Cutter.

But don't worry, I didn't tell him that

duck had sailed.

Quack, quack, quack!

Anyway, Susie wants to talk to you

about something important.

Well, that's annoyingly fucking vague,

isn't it?

If it helps, he's German.

German?

Young, I mean...

That's literally nobody I know.

I tell you what, all right?

Tell him I'll be back in an hour.

It's important he can wait, can't it?

Oi!

Dickheads, come on.

Pop up, we're off.

Ashley!

Come on, James!

Ha-ha!

Here he is.

Nice queen.

He's fucking quick, yeah.

Thomas, come here.

What?

Listen to this shit.

I am buying a fucking Minesweeper.

Cheapest chips.

You believe it?

Bloody Minesweeper.

You know the bonker?

Yeah.

Gonna turn it into a Wegril.

Just deal with it.

We'll deal with it.

Deal with it.

Ashley, Ashley, Brandon, come on, mate.

Get out.

Get out, you.

I'll tell you what.

So...

I hear you're looking for me.

Thomas?

Ah, technically, yeah, Tomo.

Hans Fischer.

Oh, right, yeah.

Oh, sorry, I'm...

I'm overwhelmed.

Right, yes, no, I have that effect on people.

You're a bit young for me, though,

sweetheart, so...

What can I do you for?

Thomas, I know this will come as a

shock to you...

All right.

..but I'm your son.

HE GIGGLES Huh?

You're my father.

I have imagined this moment for so many years.

Oh, er, OK, all right.

What's going on over there?

OK, all right, all right, there we go.

Who's that?

He's a big handsome cunt.

I'd love no to do him.

Good.

I think you might be getting a bit

confused to his art because I can't

help but notice that you are a fully

grown man, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

and also quite significantly German.

German?

Right, yeah.

And as much as I am a man of the world,

I've never had any dalliances on that.

Monica Fisher is my mother.

Foreign exchange student, 2004.

See?

Oh, my God.

Mum says, one time, there was no condom.

And you said, risk it for a biscuit.

Well, here I am.

The biscuit!

He's got a fucking rucksack.

He thinks he's staying at my house.

He wants you in his life, Tomo.

Why?

What the fuck is he playing at?

Yeah?

With his fucking surprise, surprise,

still-a-black-front-fucking-dousaldorf

mission to find you along with his dad?

He's your boy, Tomo.

And there's nothing more likely to

cause a fucked-up adult than an absent father.

Look around you.

Him, her, her, you.

All totally and utterly fucked up.

Thanks, Carol.

Do you want that for your boy, do you?

Obviously not, Carol.

It's not ideal, is it?

Yeah, exactly.

So you need to make a bond with him and

learn how to bring him into your life.

We'll help you, like, no batter there,

but you cannot be shirking your responsibilities.

I think you should take him to Tinsley tonight.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, great idea, Erin.

Yes, a regional pub hypnotist.

What a lovely way to increase a family bond.

Police!

Don't move!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Top on three-eyed peace.

Dickhead.

What?

Nice, Reaper!

I'll chuck in the megaphone for 20 quid.

Get in the shagging pub!

What would I need a bloody megaphone for?

Come here, you scruffy cunt.

You're fucking late anyway.

You'd better work that.

I swear, I'll fucking giddy-ack.

Get in here, you cunt.

I want to know everything about you.

There is so much to catch up on.

Tell me all, start to finish.

Like what?

Are your parents still alive?

My grandparents?

Er, foster parents, Leo and Margaret.

Oberyn Crossleymere.

Perfect nice people in their own way,

but alas, their way is not my way, so

we don't speak.

I would love to meet them.

Well, I think unless you're into

Westerns or the Daily Mail, there's

very little to discover.

Oh, I love Westerns.

Do you have any other children?

My brothers and sisters?

Well, er, not that I know of.

Wife, girlfriend?

No, no, no, I am currently, as they

say, célibataire.

Which is French for single.

Like me.

Are you into all that, then?

Fitness game?

Oh, it's my life.

Me and my friends at home, we have the

saying, don't wish for it, work for it.

You'd probably get that for a B.

I'm very driven.

Yeah, more in a business sense than

your exercise and that one again.

But, er, you are looking at this

region's premier installment guru.

Yeah, yeah.

I keep a modest home, obviously, but

most funds get folded back into the empire.

So, mind them black bits.

Mum is good with money too, so I should

have good genes.

Oh, yeah.

She's a financial advisor in Hanover.

Hanover your cash?

No, no, that's...

That's actually what first attracted me

to her.

Very clever girl, isn't it?

Of course, horny.

It's a...

Oh, Lydish can say you're born of good sex.

It's a cowgirl, as I remember, which

should be of some interest to you as a

Western fan.

It's good to know.

Do you like pub hypnotists?

Show me that finger!

Now, you know what that finger can do?

That finger is a magic finger.

Touch anyone here and they will fall

into hypnosis.

OK.

Give it a whirl.

German, is it?

Right, Jim.

I'm not going to start him about the

fucking world.

That was Josh, then.

It's not his fault.

His ancestors were all fucking Nazis.

Forgive and forget is what I say.

Well, not forgive.

Don't forget, here are the ones who own

the Earth, there's the future!

Sorry, that's a mad country.

Fucking arsehole.

But what happens if you touch your own

head with a finger?

What is it?

You should hire this guy for one of

your clubs.

I should, I should.

Absolutely, yeah.

What comes to them Tom are you know

full well which clubs those are and

those are the many clubs bars and

dining Establishments which I own in my

right Note I'm going a strapping man

From the audience to come up and help

lift these poor hypnotized.

So He's handsome yet.

Come on.

Come on Why are you fucking lying to him?

I'm not lying to him, Erin.

Telling him that you're a successful

businessman, that you still run the rat

and cutter.

Right, yeah, well, last time I checked,

I was quite successful, Erin.

Certainly more so than someone who let

their decayed brother run off with

fucking Terence McGann's money and had

to do a moonlight flip to fucking

deepest, darkest Wales.

You fucking wanker!

You fucking wanker!

He's your fucking son!

You're already fucking lying to him.

I'm trying to impress him!

Aren't I?

Eh?

So tell him a few white lies about a

high fly in his daddy's and he feels

all warm and fuzzy inside and then a

few days right he fucks off back to

Frankfurt or wherever and it's happily

ever after for all of us, isn't it?

No, you tell him the truth and you tell

him what you are.

And what am I, Erin?

A dickhead with a fucked rock.

That is a high-end mobile, you rotting parlour.

And if you aren't to throw me out to my

own club, by now, I would be all his

answer to Hugh fucking Hefner!

He's my son, Erin.

And I'll tell him what he wants to hear.

Oh, the fuck can he be, mate?

What do you want?

This is gonna blow your fucking

mind-sweep up.

I want to show you my club.

Because there's a feeling among some of

those gathered there this evening as I

might have been misleading you about

his current status.

It's closed, right?

Yeah.

So did it fail?

Fail?

Fucking hell, you're joking, aren't you?

Now this, this is what you might call a

renovation project.

Hundreds of thousands of pounds of

investor funding have been funneled

into the place before you know.

Avante.

Let me show you my vision.

Don't touch that.

Do you want hepatitis?

Fucking hell.

Ha-ha!

Voila!

So, as you can see, a present is very

much an empty-shell boat with a bit of vision.

It will morph from this caterpillar

into a sexy butterfly of fun and debauchery.

You should make it a gig venue.

Mm.

The music from England, I've always

loved it.

Smiths, the Stone Roses...

Maybe it's cos Mum said you were from

this area, I've always been drawn to it.

Many from the Stone Roses made me pick

up a guitar for the first time.

Well, Three-Eyed Pete, actually, used

to be his role, dear, so...

Three-Eyed Pete?

Three-Eyed Pete, yeah, he's a sort of

friend of ours.

Well, I say friend, he's an absolute pea.

Is someone here?

It shouldn't be, should there?

Oh, my premises, you know, unless it's

the cleaner.

So, that might be the case.

We should look.

Er, no, yes, yes.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Well, you stay here.

Don't want you getting hurt, you know?

No way.

I've only just found you.

I'm not having you killed.

Come on, we'll just stay close behind

for now.

This is my blue room, by the way.

If you're not exclusively on tell them that.

It's nice.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Someone's sleeping here.

Right, right.

Just...

I'm just gonna sleep in his club, I'm saying.

You get back, cos I'm gonna deal with it.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Wake up!

We're not gonna hurt ya.

What the fuck are you doing in my club?

Your, your, your club.

It used to be your club, then.

But no, it's my club.

Sorry, poor deluded bastard.

He is a drinker.

My club, Thomas!

You're my penny diamond!

You upstairs, get him a little toss of whiskey.

Right, the optics are open.

He'll enjoy it, won't ya, love?

Eh, it's fine.

We'll solve this, eh?

What are you staring at, sweetheart?

The fuck's all this Canadian hiding

shit, eh?

The council closed this place down.

And now they're allowing it open again.

Kenny greased palms.

He's still a licensee and he's promised

me the lease.

You?

You?

But Glenn Glent's in his back, Tomo.

And all those wrote him off, you

fucking turd.

I don't want your fucking keys back!

It's so sad.

That boy's had to grow up, all his

childhood, not knowing his father.

And when he finds him, he's fucking Tomo.

SHE LAUGHS No, but seriously, boys need

the dads.

Like, if this little guy was to come

out and you weren't in his life...

Mm.

..that would break my heart.

You know he'd be fine.

SHE LAUGHS Look, I'm just saying,

right, if I wasn't in this boy's life,

I wouldn't know the difference anyway.

Honestly, in this podcast the other

day, they were saying that evolutionary

theory believes that babies come out

looking like their dad, so that the

father takes responsibility instead of

just pissing off and running away.

Look, you better not do that.

I will, actually.

Jesus, that even more.

You listen to me, all right?

If you don't come out looking at me, I

am going to piss off.

Don't tell him that, he might get upset.

He's in bloody amniotic fluid in the

womb with no concept of language, you know.

This is Kenny.

Leave a message.

Kenny, it's time I home.

I need to speak, mate.

Urgent.

Heave over.

Go on, repeat.

Good morning.

Glenson's back and he thinks he's

opening that club again.

I've got three words for him, Vin.

Over my deadest foreign tip, buddy.

What the fuck are you even doing?

You're meant to be bonding, are you, boy?

How?

He's into fucking lifting weights and

taking protein powder.

Honestly, they're mine boggles.

How did you bond with Tyler when you

found out?

He's fucking seven, wasn't he?

When I found out, it was sort of bloody easy.

We'd just play crocodiles and fucking

snuggling on a couch.

Yeah, I can't do that.

Skydiving.

You what?

Germans love skydiving.

I watched a documentary about it.

But on the later awesome, they drink beer...

They drink beer and they do skydiving.

Very good, Cardiff.

Maybe I'll do that, shall I?

In Hawley on a Thursday afternoon?

Where the fuck we are?

Your boy is into sports, yeah?

Yeah, sadly.

I've got just the thing.

I have recently obtained exclusive

membership to the extremely

hard-to-join Northern Lawn Tennis.

How?

Do you know what you'll see at a

reception there when you walk in?

Good morning.

I fucking sweat!

Oh, fuck me!

Fuck off!

Fuckin' ferret possession.

Sweet for my eyes.

Don't let anyone end up like I sold to

give a Barry, dude.

Come on.

Would you...

Big clock, that, innit?

Do you know what you call a clever clock?

Clockwise.

Would you like to tell me a little bit

about what's brought you here today, Vincent?

Where's my fuckin' head, innit?

That's why I'm here.

Did you collect feathers, you?

I bet I know every one of these fuckin'

birds here.

Oh, Christ.

Is that expensive?

It is.

Looks expensive.

Fuck it, it'd do me a lot of good, that.

I bet you wouldn't even know it were

gone, would you?

I might.

It's my grandmother's.

I don't believe you.

My dad's a pisshead.

My mum didn't want me when I was little.

I found her recently and she still

don't fucking want me, so...

Yeah, I guess that's it, really.

That's just the end of that story, is it?

For fuck's sake.

My dad didn't know how to be a dad.

My mum didn't know how to be a mum.

They had me too young.

They fucked up.

And they fucked me up.

I've got bipolar.

I fucking can't keep holding my friends.

The girl I adore, I can't be with.

Cos I'm just not good enough.

Everyone I've ever cared about, just...

They have to leave me in the end.

Just everything's changed, you know, just...

I want it to go back to the way it was,

that's all.

Even if it was all just a...pile of shite.

That sounds like a lot.

Hmm.

Is that enough?

Ticked your box, blame it all on my mum

and dad, and feel like you've earned

your money.

When I get to go home, I feel like a

fucking piece of shit.

You seem to be telling me like it's my fault.

No, I'm fucking...I'm painting you a

picture, aren't I?

That's what I'm doing.

We've had different lives, you and me, clearly.

You're arranging birds' nests, I'm

growing weed in a shithole, trying to

not get my dick cut off, for fuck's sake.

Right, it sounds like you think you can

read me very well.

What makes you think that I don't have

the capacity to understand?

What makes you think that I've always

come from this wonderful background?

Can I ask you who you're angry with

when you're saying all this?

Because at the moment you're angry with

me, But it isn't me who's made things

the way they are.

Everything you've told me, all your

feelings are valid.

But your anger, your sadness, need

directing in the right places.

We need to decipher between what's your

illness and what's a genuine crisis.

These experiences would bring anyone to

their knees.

So it's no wonder to me you struggle

the way you do.

And just to say Vincent, you don't have

to get better today.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm here for you.

That's the deal.

So maybe you can leave the snuff box

that's in your pocket and steal it next

time if that's more convenient.

Guys!

Round it!

Oh, let the tree grow The trees are all

that's growing Need to find little

everybody And there she'll hide Hello, boys.

Yeah!

Lovely.

Magenta.

Shouldn't know that you'd be members,

shouldn't I?

And, er, who's this?

Thomas' son.

Whose?

Tommo.

He's been looking at Jesus Christ, Daphne.

Can you not see the family likeness?

He's German.

He is German.

Yes, very good magenta.

Yeah, great air-student there, very sharp.

Well, guten morgen.

Guten tag, madame.

Wie geht es, dear?

I am doing very well.

Wo ist das Haus?

You know that means, where is the town hall?

I'm Daphne.

Hans.

Charmed, I'm sure.

You're fucking not charmed, love.

Jesus Christ, Daphne, do not flirt With

my fucking progeny.

It's beyond obscene.

We're retiring to the juice bar for

Pims, if anybody fancies joining us.

Great.

I love to meet Dad's friends.

Well...

What did you answer?

Fuck's sake.

You need a semi-western grip.

If you drop the racket on the ground,

bend down and pick it up.

OK.

Strings facing to the ground...

I just saw a knickers.

Like holding a frying pan.

He's reciprocating.

Don't fucking reciprocate, lad.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

She's definitely keen on him, mate.

She can be as keen on him as she wants, mate.

She's old enough to be his gran, ain't she?

Also, he shall not jizz where his

father hath jizzed.

It's practically incest, isn't it?

If he's gonna jizz on anyone, he can

jizz on magenta.

She's like 12, man.

She's 16, Cardi.

I'm 15.

You're 15, love?

Well done.

Fuck this.

Right, right.

Drink up.

We're going.

Are you insane?

I'm not leaving.

Look at this place.

And all these are Mrs Bishop's tab.

All right, yeah, fine, fine.

Stay.

Yeah, have fun.

Pans!

Hang on, hang on.

Kenny Diamond.

Kenny Diamond?

Kenny Diamond.

Kenny Diamond, Kenny, Kenny Diamond,

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenneth,

ha, ha, ha, ha, Kenneth.

Somo, Vincent says you want to speak

with me.

Correct, Kenny, correct.

It is about the future ownership of the

Rat and Cutter.

Have you signed anything yet with Glenn Glenson?

Nothing official.

We have a gentleman's agreement.

All right, OK, well, listen, I'm a gentleman.

You're a gentleman, right?

So how would you like to meet up to

discuss a better gentleman's agreement.

Go back on my word.

Is that seriously what you're asking me?

Yeah.

Crow's Nest.

30 minutes.

Thank you.

Apparently very good.

Right.

Put it on.

Hands.

Oh, no, Tom.

I'll let him stay here with me.

I won't bite.

No, it's coming with his dad.

I'm fine.

I'm having fun.

Honestly, I'll just come back with the others.

Don't you leave her with him.

Roger that.

Tommo.

Kenneth.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Management lease.

Two years minimum.

Glenn's offered me 20 grand, but as a

favour to you, I'll allow you to outbid him.

I want an offer in excess of 20.

Otherwise, I give this back to Glenson.

Right, Kenny, I am a man, as you know,

with a great many financial commitments.

And consequently, liquidity is not always...

Fluid?

When do you need the money?

By Friday.

By Friday?

By Friday.

Friday it is then!

Ha-ha!

Ha-ha!

Vinay!

Vinay!

Aaron, where's Vinay?

In the bathroom with Manolito.

Very good.

Why?

Oh, it's alright.

Vinay!

Vinay!

Vinay!

Thomas!

I love the war room.

Perfect new business HQ.

Inspired.

Hey, we make a good team, huh?

You, me, Vincent.

Shame your best friend couldn't be here.

I think he like this.

He's not even texted me back yet.

Bastard.

I think he doesn't want to be found.

You know, the McDonald's come after him again.

Safer that way.

Which reminds me, now Davey is back.

You do not tell the McDonald's it was

me who rescued your friend from the car.

Best this way.

Vinnie!

Sorry, mate.

I need over 20 grand to buy back the

rat and cutter.

Listen to you.

Throwing it out, all cash, I need 20 grand.

That's not happening!

We're doing a wee grow this year, man.

We're not spending money on a fucking

club so you can wreck it again.

All right, thank you very much.

Blaming me for the loss of my own club,

which I'm still grieving, by the way.

Not all men are cut out for greatness, Thomas.

Ach, alas.

Where can a man take a leak?

There's a little bucket in the

listening room.

A little red one round here, for weaning.

So we've just moved in, haven't we, you

know what I mean?

It's all set in it.

Listen, listen to me.

Just listen to me, right?

I need to show him myself in my form of

glory, right?

Proprietor of Holly's Premier

Entertainment Venue.

Yeah, but you're not, though, Tom.

You're not this man that you keep

pretending to be.

Look at the state you're in.

There is shit in Bucket.

It's Carol.

God's sake.

Hey, hey, where is it?

Two, hey, what?

Fuck's sake.

Who's got you?

Where's your mum, eh?

She went home.

Where's my lad then?

Went with her.

Why are you slaved she's gone?

I have a match at four.

Match at four, right.

Do you know what?

I feel fucking sorry for you.

Growing up with that woman as a role

model, yeah?

Loose morals.

Dickheads!

What?

Double!

Daphne!

Open this fucking door right now!

Daphne!

Daphne!

Daphne!

I swear to God!

You're a liar!

You're not a businessman!

You own a dungeon and a fucktruck!

Listen to me!

I don't want a dad who's a selfish liar!

I'm sorry!

It's a mobile or a tick parlour?

Fuck you!

Hello.

A nice one, yeah?

I'm trying to make him proud of me.

Thank you very much.

But your name, love, don't be so biased.

It's so many miles and so long since

I've met you.

Don't even know what I'll find when I

get to you.

But suddenly now, I know where I belong.

It's many hundred miles, and it

shouldn't be long.

Nothing at all in my head to say to you.

Only the beat of your train I'm on

Nothing I've learned all my life on the

way to you Only your love When did you

last see him?

Like 15 years ago.

Why are you sweating, dude?

I'm not sweating.

Are you nervous for seeing him?

I'm warm, aren't I?

I'm wearing non-breathable fabrics.

Fuck me.

What's that gonna sound?

Wagon wheel, that's handy.

Don't jangle the danglers.

Right, right, right, here's the plan.

We're gonna go in there, we're gonna

retrieve the boy-child and we're gonna

fuck the fuck out of this place.

The local hostel, right?

And we'll smooth over this mess.

Oh, and, er, be warned.

Leo is, erm, he's a bit of a close talker.

What's a close talker?

Uh-huh.

Tommy!

Leo!

Oh, you can call me Dad, you know.

You're looking, well, you're looking well.

This is, er...

Ashley.

Ashley.

Hmm.

It's a nice work shirt.

Oh, thanks.

Yes, it's sustainable.

100 % biodegradable, equal choice.

That's Cardy.

Nice to meet you.

D-D-Dad.

Cardy?

What's that show?

Short for Leslie Tate.

Well, this is turning into quite the day.

Is he in there, then?

He certainly is, yes.

You'd better come inside.

Margaret!

It's her, Tommy!

Come inside.

JJ!

You all right?

What are you holding?

This is our child.

And she looks nothing like you.

Are you leaving?

Have you lost your mind?

And why the fuck have you wrapped it in

a bloody blanket, sugar?

This is your baby, JJ.

OK.

Well, it's very white and ginger.

And Chinese.

Daddy was a mechanic before he left.

He was into fish and a very boring podcast.

I'm doing this!

That is a trial!

Oh!

Hey, listen, come here.

Now, there's only one thing that would

ever drive me out of your life, all right?

And that is pretending to be a dad to a

fucking carrot-top doll, sugar.

Okay?

Yeah.

Do you want a greasy kiss?

Yeah.

Er, Roosh the Coburn, sequel to True

Grit, not a classy but it stars

Catherine Hepburn so worth checking out.

No, no, no, clearly wrong, love, that's

red and that's blue.

We thought it was a prank when Hans

arrived at the door, didn't we, Leo?

I said to Leo, this is a prank and he

said, prank?

No way, Margaret, he's our grandson.

I I can feel it inside.

Are you happy to be grandparents?

No, no, no, technically not.

Oh, yes.

Never thought we'd see the day, did we, Leo?

Never thought we'd see the day.

And he's such a strapping lad.

Not like Tommy.

He was a sickly youth.

Always had problems with his...

Not there!

Problems with his?

Paddy.

So you said he always had problems with his...

With his...

No, no, no.

Wrong shape.

Oh, sorry, no.

And such a lovely-looking boy.

Yeah, he can't mind that he's German

when he has a face like that.

The big man says, a horse is a horse.

He'd make a difference what colour it is.

Right, I'm going for a waltz.

Are we still in the same place?

Yeah, of course it fucking is, yeah.

Do you not like Germans, then?

Cowboys ain't easy to love in their heart.

All right?

How are you?

Better than you, bad looks things.

You high?

Off my tits mate, yeah.

You're getting blasted in your foster

parents house.

Leo won't approve of that, will he?

I'm on my way past going like Leo

thinks of me.

You ever did?

Did I tell?

No, not really.

Have I ended up like this?

Eh?

No, what was, erm...

...what were going through my head,

when I was you?

You couldn't really understand normality.

Them lot downstairs.

Anyone, really.

They seem to have loads and loads of

pointless rules.

You do?

Everyone's so worried about what

everyone else thinks.

Like it matters anyway.

I mean, that's fucking right.

Get married.

Lock themselves to one other person.

Trap themselves in their little house.

Job they hate, and all in the name of

security and respectability.

Yes.

Fucking spontaneity out the window.

I have to ask permission to go for a

pint with the mates at the pub.

Can't stay up too late, cos the alarm

goes off at seven.

Don't even look at another woman or

man, because I've got this ring on my

finger, you know, like a fucking sheep

in a field branded, letting all the

world know I'm taken.

Don't even look at me, because I've

committed myself by the rules of this

land to a lifetime of, at best,

mediocre sex.

I was right.

We, we were right.

And now it's those same people, those

same teachers, doctors, businessmen,

their fucking suits and shirts and what

have you.

They're the ones paying for my services.

And why?

Because ever since Adam and Eve

traipsed into the fucking Garden of

Eden, human beings have wanted their

bits playing with.

And that will never change.

Exactly.

Everything I thought when I was you,

was right.

Go on, what's your fuck?

Oh, and just a bit of advice, if anyone

ever asks you to engage in a sparse

gringo, just refuse.

It's too much.

FYI, John Wayne, we're a racist and a homophobe.

Sit down, lads.

Oi!

You!

Pope, no.

You can't tell me what to do.

This is your father speaking, Pope.

Hello?

Vinnie, you thought any more after our

little bathroom chat?

Look, Donna...

We've been very tolerant.

But our patience is wearing thin.

Where's Dylan, Donna?

I told you.

We're nothing to do with Dylan.

Right, and I've told you that I can

only be in business with people that I

trust, all right?

I don't really drink.

Shut the fuck up and get it down, yeah?

Right.

First things first.

Did you fuck her?

Who?

Who do you think I mean, my fucking

elderly foster mum?

Mrs Bishop.

Mrs Bishop, yeah.

It's the lovely Daphne.

No.

No.

No, it's no.

Right.

So I've got her expecting something

different, that's it.

Why?

I don't know.

I mean, she got my trousers off and she

really wanted to.

When it came down to it, I...

I didn't want her to be my first.

Yeah, what, what, what, what, what?

You mean you...

Yes.

I'm saving myself.

Right, yes, OK, so...

Why?

I want the first time to be special.

Wow.

Your mum has brought you up with some

funny ideas.

Mmm.

Erm...

I'm sorry I lied.

Right, but, no, no, no, strictly

speaking, none of it was untrue.

There were just some, you know, er...

significant omissions.

But why?

Well, Hans, you came fucking waltzing

into my life, saying, where's my dad,

obviously, in a German accent.

You want to know about my life?

Oh, yeah, I'll tell you about my life, right.

Ahem.

Picture the scene.

Born to two shitty parents who didn't

give a crap about me.

Not one, but two broken arms by the

time social services took me away at

the grand old age of 12 months.

Beds and gentlemen shunted about from

one care home to the next with a load

of other kids who no-one gave a shit about.

Leo and Margaret were the first people

who ever cared about me.

And, er, born as they were.

Fuck me.

I didn't want their life.

Jesus Christ, this fucking

claustrophobic little box.

You know, I couldn't understand how

they were happy.

But bless them.

They wanted what was best for me.

So...

I got out.

Not very far, obviously, but, er...

But the way I live my life now...

It could be a million miles away from

all that content.

What I do...

is a public service.

You know?

The world, and it's so fucking repressed.

Right?

And people that have all these kinks,

these desires, these perversions, these

fucking dreams, right, and they push

them so far down inside, and that's

what they come to me.

They come to me and those fantasies

burst out and for one hour of their

miserable fucking lives, they're in

ecstasy, sometimes also on ecstasy.

You seem like a good lad.

I don't feel things like how other

people do, maybe.

You know, like love.

Maybe I love you, you know, maybe

that's what that is.

Yeah, yeah, I do, I do.

I mean, yes, I love you.

And that's why I lied.

Listen, I am who I am.

I'm not ashamed of it.

But if you don't like it, then you're

very welcome to pack up your things and

head back to Deutschland.

I'm not saying any more about it.

I would like to see them.

The dungeon?

Your fucktruck?

I want you to tell me everything about you.

Over another pint?

I mean, drink that one first then,

fucking hell.

So, what's the truth about the Rat and Cutter?

The truth about the Rat and Cutter is,

well, I ran it.

I knew we were a fucking roaring success.

But, alas, paperwork is not my forte.

And in a petty act of revenge, a

certain Detective Carl Slater...

Carl Slater bums dogs.

Put me out, you know that?

Where's Nan's poodle, actually?

Oh, he shut us down, and in so doing he

toppled my empire.

So who was the guy sleeping there?

That's a long story, but the short

version is that I'm now 21 grand shy of

being reinstated as the owner of

Halley's Premier Entertainment Venue.

You need 21 grand?

By Friday.

By Friday?

It's a lot of money.

We'll not fucking rub it in.

Peter!

Yeah?

Are you an adult?

Well, if I am, I'm not with a hooker.

Look, we need a favour.

A favour?

What favour?

Go and put some clothes on while you're

about to do a nice thing for another

human being.

You look like shit.

Get gone.

Go on, get out of here.

On then!

Ha!

This is it.

Manny's house.

Wow.

He's probably got gold records in there.

The guitars he played Made of Stone on.

Oh, yeah.

Original artwork from the album covers.

And, man, that's not even the best bit.

No, no, no, the best bit is that our

friend, Peter of the Third Eye, over

here, he's not only their extraordinary...

No, no, no, no.

He also happens to be a close personal

friend of the Stone Roses.

And so, for a smaller remuneration, he

is going to introduce you, son, to your

guitar hero.

How's that?

What?

Today?

Yep.

Right now.

Right now?

Yeah?

No!

Yes, yes!

Yeah!

All right, Davi.

Oh, here we go.

Pete, you all right, love?

All right, yeah.

Is money around, please?

You're out of the three-eyed, Pete.

They're all in it.

Yeah.

You're the cunt that stole Ian's jacket.

No, hang on a minute.

That's a false allegation.

Fucking allegations, is it?

They are!

If it's false allegations, how can we

see you for sale on eBay?

How much did you make me?

This thing you did better, fucking man!

Come on, come on, fucking do it, will you?

Get thinking!

You lot!

Fucking do one!

Remember my name, my name is Roy, though.

Think about what?

Hands, man it, man it, hands.

Hands?

Huge fan.

Are you German?

Yes.

Oh, my fucking giddy hand!

The worst gig you ever played was

Mooney 1991, bag of shit!

Fling your fucking hook!

Come on Lovane Squats that was the best

surprise ever and now I have a surprise

for you.

Come on Okay, let him see Ta-da It's

all yours Mom set up a trust fund for

me when I was born and it matured when

I turned 18 55,000 euros, so after you

told me about Kenny Diamond...

By Friday.

..I went to see him.

I want a three-year contract signed and

official by Friday.

By Friday?

By Friday.

Well, lad, why did you do something

like that for me, eh?

Because you're my dad.

I want you to do two things for me.

One apologize to Leo and Margaret.

It might be okay to let them in just a

little and Second promise me you'll

sort out your drug habit.

I need you to be around for a long time

You look at it thinks I've got a drug

up it this way.

Yeah, I mean Christ Hmm Yeah MUSIC

PLAYS DOG BARKING MUSIC PLAYS MUSIC

PLAYS MUSIC PLAYS MUSIC PLAYS Your

hands are burning.

I'm arresting you, for possession with

intent to survive.

You do not need to say anything.

MUSIC FADES MUSIC FADES MUSIC PLAYS My

dad's just fucking died.

You wanted me to have the flat?

You had a lot of people, a lot of money.

It's so weird being back here.

Yeah!

That's not a good knock.

We're the Bearleafs.

Ten grand by tomorrow.

Are we gonna find ten grand tomorrow?

I'm gonna get you, Heroncroft.

Oi!

Shit!

Shit, run!

Ah!

There is so much trouble in my mind

I've got stereo Give me the smith to

carry on

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0