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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?
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I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.
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Just between us, she's a little slow.
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That's not what I heard.
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There's nobody at my house.
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- You want to come over?
- Yes.
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- What's that?
- Some stupid haunted house
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my mother's doing for the church.
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Mr. Lundy's scene about lust
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made a deep impact on my brother's date.
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She asked to be saved by Jesus.
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I don't want to live like this anymore.
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And as it turns out, she was.
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Dear Lord Jesus, set me free.
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In Conquest of the Planet of the Apes,
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we learned how humans taught
the apes to become civilized.
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Which I think should
start with potty training,
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but I'm not a screenwriter.
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Can you help me with my math homework?
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No.
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Please. It's really hard.
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"It" isn't the problem.
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Sheldon.
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Fine, what are you working on?
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There's a number, then there's a line,
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then there's another number under it.
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Fractions?
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Yes, fractions.
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At that moment,
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it occurred to me if I
could teach mathematics
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to someone as dull-witted as my sister,
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I could create a race of superhumans
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that would do my bidding.
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And who wouldn't want that?
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Please, Sheldon.
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You know what, Missy?
I'd be happy to help you.
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Thank you.
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
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Try thinking of it this
way: imagine a pie.
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The number on the bottom of the fraction
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is how many pieces the
pie has been sliced into.
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What kind of pie is it?
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Doesn't matter.
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But it would help me picture it
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if I knew the kind of pie.
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Fine, it's banana cream.
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I don't like banana cream.
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Okay, what kind of pie
would you like it to be?
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What about those little
apple pies from McDonalds?
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- Sure.
- I burned my mouth on one of those.
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Didn't stop me. I still ate it.
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Veronica. Hi.
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Hey, Georgie.
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You-you changed your hair.
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I did.
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It's shorter.
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It is.
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I like it.
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Thank-thanks.
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You here to see me?
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I-I'm here for your mom's Bible study.
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Oh, sure, of course.
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I'm glad you could join us.
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Come in, won't you?
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You're part of the group, too?
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Faith, the Bible, God,
I'm nuts for that stuff.
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So one-fourth of the
12 pieces of pie is...?
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Three?
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Yes.
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And one-third of the 12 pieces is...?
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Four?
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Yes. Now how much is
one-third of the pie plus
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one-fourth of the pie?
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Well, three plus four is
seven, but there's 12 pieces,
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so seven-twelve-iths.
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It's twelfths. And yes.
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I did it.
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Actually, I did it.
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In less than ten minutes, I
taught fractions to a monkey.
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Welcome, Veronica. We're
so glad to have you.
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What are you doing?
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What's it look like?
I'm here for Bible study.
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Did you just take a shower?
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No.
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You did, too.
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So I want to be clean for
Jesus. Get off my back.
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Interesting.
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Georgie, if you want
to be a good Christian,
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maybe you should stop
lying through your teeth.
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Just be happy I brushed them, okay?
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- Hmm...
- Okay.
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All done. Thanks.
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While we're here, would you like me
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to introduce you to algebra?
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Al who?
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Oh, boy.
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It's not a person, it's
an ancient Arabic method
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of finding the value of variables.
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Oh. Nah.
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Clearly, I needed a more
sophisticated technique
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to motivate my simian sister.
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Are you sure?
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If you learn a little algebra,
I'll give you a banana.
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All right, now we're
reading from Matthew 4.
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Georgie, why don't you
get us started on verse 17?
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Me?
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Yes, you.
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Oh. Okay.
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Um... Verse 17...
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Verse 17...
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Give me a minute.
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Here.
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Bless you.
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Okay, here we go. "From that time,
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"Jesus began to preach and say 'Repent,
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c-change your inner self,
your old way of thinking,
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regret past sins,
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live your life in a way
that proves repentance:
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seek God's purpose for your life."
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Powerful stuff.
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Can I get an amen?
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Amen.
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Amen.
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- Need any help there, Sheldon?
- I'm looking
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for some books on education theory.
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- What for?
- I'm trying
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to develop a technique to teach someone
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who falls into the conventional
category of "stupid."
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Oh. Well, now, there's
a wide range of stupid.
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Can you narrow it down?
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She wrote a fan letter to Alf.
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Got it. So you're looking to
make a pretty radical change.
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Well, ideally, I'd like to
wipe my sister's brain clean
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and start over, but my
mom wouldn't like that.
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Yeah. Moms are no fun.
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Hey, Veronica.
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- Georgie.
- So, listen,
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I was doing my prayers
last night and, uh,
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you won't believe it, but
I think God spoke to me.
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Really? What did he say?
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Well, I couldn't understand
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all of it, 'cause it was
in an ancient language,
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but the part I did understand
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is he wants us to spend
more time together.
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Doing what?
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Oh, you know, praying,
helping the needy.
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Your usual Christian activities.
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Well, I'm okay with that.
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Good. So you, me and
God, we'll hang out.
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Sounds good.
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Okay. See you later.
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See you.
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I may be going to hell.
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So you're hoping to create an army
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of super-intelligent children
who will do your bidding?
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In a perfect world, yes.
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You should spend more
time with my mother.
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That's her goal, too.
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Ooh, this is interesting.
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According to Socrates,
all knowledge exists
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within the student and
just needs to be drawn out
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through skillful questioning.
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Are you saying I knew that
before you even said it?
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- I don't know, did you?
- Well, according
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to Socrates, you do know
and the answer's inside you.
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Well, then, ask me a skillful
question to draw it out.
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Do you know if I knew before I knew?
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No.
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Hey, it works.
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It does.
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I'm recording my findings
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so that future generations
of mankind can understand
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the steps I took to create
homo novus, "new man."
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Of course, there's a strong
likelihood that my homo novi
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might've wiped out
all future generations,
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so I have no idea who's watching this.
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What are you doing in here?
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I'm keeping a video diary of my
experiment to create homo novus.
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Homo what?
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Novus. It's Latin. It means "new man."
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Oh. I guess that's okay.
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Y-Your mom's at church.
W-What do you want for dinner?
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I believe you know
what I want for dinner.
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Is that right?
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It's Thursday.
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What does Mom always
make me on Thursdays?
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Spaghetti and hot dogs?
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Socrates. Got to love him.
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♪ Then sings my soul ♪
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♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
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♪ How great Thou art ♪
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♪ God to Thee ♪
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♪ How great Thou art ♪
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♪ How great Thou art ♪
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- ♪ How great Thou art ♪
- ♪ Then sings my soul ♪
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♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
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♪ Then sings my soul ♪
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00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:09,879
- ♪ How great Thou art ♪
- ♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
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- ♪ How great Thou art. ♪
- ♪ How great Thou art. ♪
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And now,
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why don't we take a moment to pray,
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uh, keeping in mind that our prayers
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should not be for our own benefit,
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but for our family, friends,
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00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:31,569
fellow Texans, Americans
of all races and religions
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and the world.
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Well, most of the world.
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Y'all know what countries to pick.
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Lord, please look after my family.
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Give them everything they
need to be happy and healthy.
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And this lovely young
girl with me tonight,
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help her stay on the
path of righteousness.
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God, please look after my sister.
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00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,419
You can find her at the
women's correctional facility
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00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:55,489
in Lubbock.
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00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:57,229
Help her seek salvation in you
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00:09:57,230 --> 00:10:00,729
instead of cocaine,
marijuana and bass players.
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00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,100
Jesus, I'm sure, even
from Heaven, you can see
220
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,970
how hot the girl sitting next to me is.
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00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,319
And I know I'm not supposed
to pray for myself,
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00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,189
but here's the deal: if you can get her
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00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,019
to fall in love with me, and you know,
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00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:12,620
make some bad decisions,
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00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:15,229
I swear I'll come to
church every Sunday.
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00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:17,840
And thank you for
bringing Georgie tonight,
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00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:20,740
even though you and I
both know why he came.
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00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:23,379
Speaking of which, whatever
he's praying for right now,
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00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:24,699
ignore it.
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00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:27,249
And please protect me
from impure thoughts,
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00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:30,759
and teach me to respect
the sanctity of my body.
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00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,749
Now if for instance she and
I were to go skinny dipping
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00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,410
and one thing were to lead to another
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00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,879
under the moonlit sky, get this:
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00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,119
not only do I become a devout Christian,
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00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,919
I will also bug everybody
I meet to do the same.
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00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,419
And you know I can be real annoying
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00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:45,889
when I set my mind to it.
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00:10:45,890 --> 00:10:47,160
Amen.
240
00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:49,460
Amen.
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00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:52,830
I'm gonna take your
silence as a yes. Amen.
242
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,909
What are you working on?
243
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:05,340
A list of possible boyfriends
for my Cabbage Patch doll.
244
00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:08,710
How do you think Celeste would
look next to Joey Lawrence?
245
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,849
I don't know who that is.
246
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,680
He's Blossom's brother.
247
00:11:12,690 --> 00:11:14,849
I don't know who that is.
248
00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:17,789
It's a show. She wears hats.
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00:11:17,790 --> 00:11:20,900
Anyway, I've been doing some research,
250
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,819
and I've come to the
conclusion that I don't need
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00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:23,849
to teach you anything.
252
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,429
You already know everything.
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00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:26,439
Cool.
254
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,379
Your brain already contains all the math
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00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:29,730
that will ever be known.
256
00:11:29,740 --> 00:11:31,969
I heard you and I said "cool."
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00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:33,970
Well, wouldn't you like to explore
258
00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:36,170
that great treasure trove of knowledge?
259
00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:39,340
That depends. What's a trove?
260
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,310
We'll circle back to
that. True or false?
261
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,219
At times, you have referred
to yourself as being dumb.
262
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:46,819
True.
263
00:11:46,820 --> 00:11:49,089
And do you enjoy feeling that way?
264
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:51,189
No.
265
00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:52,849
Well, let me change that.
266
00:11:52,850 --> 00:11:54,890
I'm presenting you with an opportunity
267
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:57,400
to achieve the full
potential of your mind.
268
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,469
Are you gonna do some experiment
where we switch brains?
269
00:12:02,470 --> 00:12:03,530
No.
270
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,239
'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island
271
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:06,669
and I've seen it on The Flintstones
272
00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:08,740
and it never goes well.
273
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,749
Ooh. Gilligan.
274
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:19,379
♪ Then sings my soul, my savior God... ♪
275
00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:21,619
Oh, who do you think
you're fooling here?
276
00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:24,389
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
277
00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:27,589
Listen to me. Veronica has
a rough family situation,
278
00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:29,829
and she's trying to improve her life.
279
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:32,660
And I admire that. Very inspirational.
280
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:33,999
Georgie,
281
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,359
believe me, I'm glad
to see you in a church,
282
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,839
but I do not want you taking
advantage of that girl.
283
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:44,040
Taking advantage? Veronica and I
are Bible buddies, nothing more.
284
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,379
- I'm serious.
- Right.
285
00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:49,910
Maybe you should ask
yourself what's in you
286
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,280
that makes you see sin
in the hearts of others.
287
00:12:52,290 --> 00:12:54,420
Okay, now you're pushing it.
288
00:12:56,590 --> 00:12:59,520
Lord Jesus, please help
my mother with her anger.
289
00:13:01,790 --> 00:13:04,160
- Can I get an amen?
- No.
290
00:13:06,330 --> 00:13:08,569
Why do we need the camera?
291
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:11,299
So people in the future
can see your transformation.
292
00:13:12,710 --> 00:13:14,009
Where are you going?
293
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,339
To put on a dress for the future people.
294
00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:18,479
Hello, people of the future.
295
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,809
My name is Missy Cooper and
this is my best friend Celeste.
296
00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:24,750
She's dating Joey Lawrence.
297
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,019
You want to hang out Saturday?
298
00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:38,539
Can't. I signed up to get baptized.
299
00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:41,389
Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to do that.
300
00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:44,859
Well, why don't you join
me? We could do it together.
301
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:47,879
Sure. You and me, getting
double dunked. I like it.
302
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,840
Can you imagine afterwards?
303
00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:52,569
All of our sins will be washed away.
304
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:55,200
Yeah, and we can start
cranking out fresh ones.
305
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,179
I just don't know where I went wrong.
306
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:02,149
Are you sure your
questioning was skillful?
307
00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:05,079
I thought so, but after
two hours of interrogation,
308
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,179
all I could extract
from my sister's brain
309
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,990
was that there was some sort
of block with new kids on it.
310
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,450
Sheldon, how's your
educational project going?
311
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,420
Poorly. I've hit a wall.
312
00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:17,440
Have you considered B.F.
Skinner's behavior modification?
313
00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:19,559
- What's that?
- It uses punishment
314
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,499
and reward to get the results you want.
315
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:24,369
Ooh, punishment. I
like the sound of that.
316
00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:28,840
In the right context, so do I.
317
00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:30,859
I took a real beating
at the craps table,
318
00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:33,889
and then I won it all back
playing Caribbean Stud Poker.
319
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,299
Well, how does Caribbean
Stud Poker work?
320
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,269
I have no idea. I was drunk off my ass.
321
00:14:38,270 --> 00:14:40,479
Way to go, Mom.
322
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,400
Way to lead a Christian life.
323
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:44,669
Oh, does my daughter think poorly of me?
324
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:45,689
Yes.
325
00:14:45,690 --> 00:14:48,809
Good. I can die happy.
326
00:14:48,810 --> 00:14:52,910
Hey, Mom, just a heads-up,
I'm getting baptized tomorrow.
327
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:56,140
Good Lord.
328
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,149
That boy's randiness knows no bounds.
329
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:00,449
What are you talking about?
330
00:15:00,450 --> 00:15:01,619
He's only doing it
331
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:03,119
'cause of that Veronica girl.
332
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,320
Oh, sure. That makes sense.
333
00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:07,029
What do you mean, it makes sense?
334
00:15:07,030 --> 00:15:09,520
When I was his age, I
hitchhiked to Florida
335
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:11,589
'cause I had a friend
that had a girlfriend
336
00:15:11,590 --> 00:15:13,699
who knew a girl who might be willing.
337
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:15,269
But then you met my
daughter and you didn't have
338
00:15:15,270 --> 00:15:17,100
to travel so far.
339
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,479
According to B.F. Skinner,
340
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,419
if I can find the appropriate
punishment to motivate Missy,
341
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:30,119
there's no limit to what
she might be able to learn.
342
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,949
But what might that punishment be?
343
00:15:32,950 --> 00:15:35,319
Whip her with a rubber hose?
344
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:39,559
No. That sounds like a
recipe for tendonitis.
345
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:43,259
Administer small electric shocks?
346
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:44,570
Tricky.
347
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:47,219
If I get the voltage wrong, I
could spend the rest of my life
348
00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:49,970
in an institution for
the criminally insane.
349
00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:54,879
Or I inflict harm
350
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,180
on the object she loves
more than life itself.
351
00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:05,800
Celeste, you're about to become
part of scientific history.
352
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:10,219
All right, everybody,
welcome to the 1990
353
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,089
East Texas Baptist Olympics.
354
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,819
'Cause we're in the pool of water.
355
00:16:16,820 --> 00:16:18,849
Anyway, I want to welcome
356
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:21,369
our little sister Veronica Duncan,
357
00:16:21,370 --> 00:16:23,569
who I will be dunkin'.
358
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:24,789
Sorry.
359
00:16:24,790 --> 00:16:27,859
I can't turn it off. And
I also want to welcome
360
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:30,139
George Cooper, who has recently found
361
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:31,509
his way to the Lord.
362
00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:33,879
Howdy. Praise Jesus.
363
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:37,789
Are you ready to learn
some advanced calculus?
364
00:16:37,790 --> 00:16:39,049
Nope.
365
00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:41,019
Be right back.
366
00:16:41,020 --> 00:16:43,420
Take your time.
367
00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:46,050
Veronica, do you trust in Jesus Christ
368
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:48,390
as your personal Lord and savior?
369
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,759
I do.
370
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,960
It's upon your profession of faith
371
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,330
that I baptize you, my sister,
372
00:16:55,340 --> 00:17:00,939
in the name of the Father, the
Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
373
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:28,230
Dang.
374
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,249
All right, let's try this again.
375
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,469
Would you be ready to
learn some advanced calculus
376
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:34,639
if it saved Celeste's pigtails?
377
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,479
What are you doing? Put her down.
378
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,149
Not until I modify your behavior.
379
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:44,620
In the name of the Father,
Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
380
00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:48,720
Sheldon, I'm warning you.
381
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:58,779
Hallelujah!
382
00:17:58,780 --> 00:17:59,969
We did it!
383
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,699
Ooh, I'm so happy.
384
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,340
I love you.
385
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:09,239
Is it working? Are
you feeling motivated?
386
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,119
Very.
387
00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:19,719
Care to explain yourself?
388
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,550
I was trying to motivate Missy
389
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,949
to expand her intellectual horizons.
390
00:18:23,950 --> 00:18:26,359
By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
391
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,429
Well, it's not like I
shocked her with electrodes,
392
00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:30,239
- which was an option.
- Enough.
393
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,879
To be clear, I meant to
shock Missy, not the doll.
394
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,899
That would be ineffective.
395
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,830
Enough! And you.
396
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,900
Getting baptized just to kiss
a girl? What were you thinking?
397
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,470
Sounds like you know
what I was thinking.
398
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:44,760
Well, you are both grounded.
399
00:18:54,030 --> 00:18:56,939
Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan.
400
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:59,539
I like you because you're
an alien but you're funny,
401
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:02,979
unlike my brother who's
an alien but just a jerk.
402
00:19:02,980 --> 00:19:05,909
Anyway, I hope you're enjoying
your time here on our planet
403
00:19:05,910 --> 00:19:08,510
and have found things
to eat other than cats.
404
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,419
I recommend chicken nuggets.
405
00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:13,149
Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age ten.
406
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:17,789
"P.S. My favorite color
is pink. What's yours?"
407
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,129
Ha. What a cutie pie.
408
00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:22,979
Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any
more of those pink T-shirts
409
00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:24,129
with my face on them?
410
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,869
I want to send one to
this Missy Cooper kid.
411
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:29,539
Oh, oh, and get me some
chicken nuggets, huh?
412
00:19:29,540 --> 00:19:32,870
Hello? Anybody out there?
413
00:19:34,910 --> 00:19:37,440
Apparently not.
414
00:19:37,450 --> 00:19:39,000
Barb!
415
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:42,250
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