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1
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,796
I don't understand it. Where is everybody?
2
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,911
Dunno.
3
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,191
Maybe some mystery virus
has killed everyone off.
4
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,197
Don't be so stupid, Mickey, love.
5
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,073
Will you stop eating my Restart course, please?
6
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,874
You've already had those housing benefit forms.
7
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,709
- I'm starving.
- So I see! You'll eat my pens next!
8
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,716
This is all your fault.
9
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,719
We've been here for days
and no one's even noticed you've gone.
10
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,637
Some hostage you turned out to be.
11
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,353
Pathetic!
12
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,068
Pauline, please let me go. I won't
press charges. You can go to prison.
13
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,033
Oh, do I look like Diedre Rashid?
14
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,037
Yes.
15
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:02,150
I'll let you go when I've got
my job back and not before.
16
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,828
- Fire engine.
- Shut up.
17
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,519
Mickey.
18
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,996
- Can you get me something to eat?
- I've only got me CV.
19
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,910
That won't feed the 5,000!
What's it on? A frigging raffle ticket?
20
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,795
If I die of starvation,
you'll never get your job back!
21
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,118
All right! All right! I'll go
to the nibble box for sandwiches.
22
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,039
- Tuna.
- You'll get what you're given.
23
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,471
I'm going in disguise
in case there's any pigs about.
24
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,431
Watch him like a hawk.
25
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,030
Come on, Brian! Help me with this!
26
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,833
- We've got to get help.
- Oh, good idea (!)
27
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,236
How are you going to explain that?
It's more than a nosebleed!
28
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,159
It was an accident.
We thought it was the enemy.
29
00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,669
Grow up or I'll break your other leg!
30
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,870
I am a murderer and you're my accomplice.
31
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,275
- No, I'm not!
- You are!
32
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:09,439
You didn't run at him with a stick
and smash his brains in, but...
33
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,278
Wait. You're not wearing a wire?
34
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,198
What? Aagh! Get off me!
35
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,039
Oh, Geoff, what are we going to do?
36
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,117
We're going to bury him.
37
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:23,994
No.
38
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,033
Yes. So it looks like a wolf did it.
39
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:32,269
Then we say last time we saw him
was when he went off looking for help.
40
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,278
Get digging or I'll put you in there too!
41
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,918
That's it, Brian. Team spirit.
42
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,315
Mike would have liked that. God!
43
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:53,753
(ROCK SONG PLAYS: "VOODOO LADY")
44
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,230
Oh, yeah.
45
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,679
Edward?
46
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,395
What is this place?
Who are all these strangers?
47
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,229
Concentrate, Tubbs.
We're here to find a bride for David.
48
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,510
- That one.
- Too old.
49
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,834
- That one.
- That's a tail.
50
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,077
Is it? You can't tell these days.
51
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,115
Ah-ha. Get down, Tubbs.
52
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,390
Remember what I told you.
53
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,471
- Do you need a hand, love?
- Oh, thank you.
54
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,512
Most kind. I was in a war.
55
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,232
- I take it you are local...?
- Oh, yeah.
56
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,758
Now!
57
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,150
Did the plan work, Edward?
58
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,636
Sorry, ladies. I'm cleaned out.
59
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,513
Until the quarantine's lifted,
it's fishfingers.
60
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,192
Bye-bye.
61
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,674
Haven't you heard, Maurice?
I've nothing left.
62
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:12,998
I'm not interested in pork chops,
Hilary Briss. I want to talk to you.
63
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,795
- Health inspectors are around.
- Pull yourself together, Maurice.
64
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,592
Why should that bother me?
65
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,633
Well, could all this be to do
with the special stuff?
66
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,352
No, it couldn't.
67
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:28,997
But how do you know, Hilary?
Who can tell what this might be doing to us!
68
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,634
You listen to me, Maurice Evans.
69
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,070
You know that I have a very select clientele.
70
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,953
How many people have you seen with nosebleeds?
71
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:42,232
Dozens! Today at the post office.
Mrs Sprague and the daughter.
72
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,759
Exactly. Women!
73
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,279
Children!
74
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,913
You know who's on my list.
75
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:51,272
Whatever this is, there's no link
to this counter, above or below it.
76
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,675
Your health inspectors will find nothing.
77
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,314
What's this?
78
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,317
Taste it.
79
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,876
Where did you get this?
80
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,238
Your Eunice.
81
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,868
Ask yourselves this.
82
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,914
If I were going to steal it,
where would I conceal it?
83
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,953
I guarantee you'll start
to spot them a mile away.
84
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,036
I was in bedding the other day.
85
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,596
Not glassware, not electricals - bedding.
86
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:44,475
And I spot a heavily-pregnant woman
pushing a baby along in a pram.
87
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:48,593
Alarm bells ringing. Be very wary of prams.
88
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,473
Prams have got compartments,
got babies in them.
89
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,275
There's an embarrassment factor
in asking to rifle through a pram.
90
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,277
You'll disturb baby.
91
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,197
What if baby isn't a baby?
92
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,278
What if baby is a 12-piece
Queen Anne breakfast set,
93
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,231
retail price £24.99?
94
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,591
Chalk it up. Mum politely escorted
to the manager's office,
95
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,312
powers-that-be notified.
96
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,238
Has she got a lawyer?
She better have have had.
97
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,909
The amusing epilogue is the woman
in question later miscarried.
98
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,792
Chalk it up.
99
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,757
Same with our disabled friends.
100
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,474
Be very wary of wheelchairs.
101
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,479
You don't like to ask Mr Smith
if he'd mind shifting his weight
102
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,511
whilst you look at what he's sitting on,
103
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,598
because nine times out of ten,
it'll be a checked blanket.
104
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,190
You do it often enough, you will find a book
105
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,675
or a plate or a game.
106
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,233
Chalk 'em up.
107
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:44,512
You'll be asked many times,
"What makes a good store detective??"
108
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:48,394
Well, I would suggest a certain
amount of it is arrogance.
109
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,836
You will not have any friends.
110
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,150
Mum and Dad will not be proud of you.
111
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,714
You will be suspicious of everyone you meet.
112
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,957
Why is this thus?
What is the reason for this thusness?
113
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,913
It is thus. Thus it has always been,
114
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,555
and ever thus should it have ever been thus.
115
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,759
In the past 15 years, I have saved
Binns - or Hammonds, as it is now -
116
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:18,556
Superstore the princely sum
of £303.64. Chalk it up.
117
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:22,958
In my private life, I have prevented
acts of fraud nearly eight times.
118
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,868
Nearly because I was once given
too much change in a charity shop,
119
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,959
but I was already off the premises
and, legally, that money was mine!
120
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,239
A very good friend once said to me -
she's a very good store detective -
121
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:41,592
she said being a store detective
is like standing up at the wedding
122
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,395
when they ask, "Is there any reason
why they should not be married??"
123
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,398
No one likes doing it. I didn't like doing it -
124
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,556
not to my own brother.
125
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,676
But no one likes a cheat.
126
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:59,079
It's like the sign says,
"Shoplifters will be prosecuted".
127
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,758
(CLANGING)
128
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,273
Shit!
129
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,353
Hokey cokey, pig in a pokey.
130
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,870
My God, you will not believe
what's going on out there!
131
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:28,069
"Dear Pauline,
I tried to do what you said,
132
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,875
"but Ross said he could get me
the fire engine, so I let him go.
133
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,594
"Then he hit me and ran away.
134
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,632
"I realise now it was a trick,
135
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,716
"but I was too ashamed to stay.
136
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,273
"Sorry.
137
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,675
"Good luck with the rest of the segi... "
138
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,279
He means siege.
139
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,437
"I hope you get your job back.
Love from Mickey.
140
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,392
"PS. You can have my sandwich. "
141
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:04,599
Excuse me, miss.
142
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,916
Do you mind if I have a word?
143
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,033
(ROCK SONG: "VOODOO LADY")
144
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,954
♪ Voodoo yeah
145
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,753
♪ Voodoo lady
146
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,519
♪ And the chill you gave me
147
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,108
♪ I beseech you
148
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,993
♪ From Satan save me
149
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:58,752
♪ No one knows the secret
of the black magic atom bomb
150
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,110
♪ Voodoo lady
151
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,880
♪ I don't mean maybe
152
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,116
♪ Choo choo hey hey
153
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,835
♪ Black magic child! ♪
154
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,110
Thank you. Thank you very much.
155
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,198
We've been Creme Brulee
and you've been fantastic.
156
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,113
Yes, mate?
157
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,469
- Tony.
- Yeah?
158
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,953
Les.
159
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,355
Oh, right, yeah. Sorry.
160
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,277
There you go, mate.
161
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,836
To Les, all the best, Tony Cluedo.
162
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,279
Cheers, pal.
163
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,278
No, mate. Les. Rhythm guitar.
164
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,235
My God! Les McDougal!
165
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,635
- McQueen.
- McQueen.
166
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:05,154
Hey! We did try to get in touch
with you, but you know...
167
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,750
- No one had your new number.
- I've not moved.
168
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,479
Yeah?
169
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,478
Well, how have you been?
170
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:18,639
Oh, not so bad. I just saw the advert
and thought I'd pop along.
171
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,910
I'm leaving the country soon, actually.
172
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,237
Got my eye on a goldmine
in Lanzarote. English sports bar.
173
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,555
- That'll be dear.
- I've got my redundancy.
174
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,276
To tell you the truth, mate,
you're best out of it.
175
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:37,552
We did have a comeback planned,
but the backing fell through.
176
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:41,309
- Backing?
- They promised us 50 big ones.
177
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,637
50 quid? I can give you that now.
178
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,559
No, mate. 50k. 50 grand.
179
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,033
Oh, yeah.
180
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:51,716
It's a shame, mind.
181
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,594
We were all fired up, you know?
Bob and Patch are writing again.
182
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,597
- No?
- Yeah.
183
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,679
They've got one fantastic
new reggae number - Jamaican Ginger Cake.
184
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,879
- Hey!
- What?
185
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:14,629
My redundancy. What if I were
to invest it in the band?
186
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,273
Don't be silly, Les.
187
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,471
I'm dead serious, Tony.
188
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,750
It's out of the question, pal.
189
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,191
Why? It's what I've always wanted -
the band back together.
190
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,949
Friend of our kid's - Asian lad -
has got his own studio.
191
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,470
There's samplings, electric drum loops.
192
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,070
He could do a dub version
of all our singles, like Jive Bunny.
193
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,352
- Oh, Les.
- Or like Smokey with Chubby Brown.
194
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,391
"Who the Bleep Is Alice??"
195
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,750
It's too much to ask, pal.
196
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,473
Please!
197
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,519
Well...
198
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,676
it could be good again, couldn't it?
199
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,476
Eh? The old line-up back together.
200
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,068
First time since Cheggers Plays Pop.
201
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:05,398
OK. OK, we could move on this.
I've got a mate at The Chronicle.
202
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,433
We could have a press conference
this afternoon.
203
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,393
Right. Give us an hour,
I'll be back here with the cash.
204
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:17,470
OK, then! Hey, Creme Brulee is back.
Just like the old times. Fantastic!
205
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,874
Yeah.
206
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,589
It's a great business, isn't it?
207
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,149
- Ah, Justin! Everything in ordnung?
- Yes, thanks.
208
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:36,952
How is your mutti?
209
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,594
A bit better. She'll appreciate the flowers.
210
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,915
Oh, no. These are for you.
211
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,154
Oh...
212
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,630
Are you sure you don't want me
to cancel the party tonight?
213
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,559
No, it's your last night, I don't want to spoil it.
214
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,716
But if you could organise everybody?
215
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,879
Alles klar. You put yourself in my fist, Justin.
216
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,315
Ah, our carriage awaits.
217
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,192
(BARBARA) Where to, gents?
218
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,470
- Church Walk, please.
- Right.
219
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,910
I wish they'd find what's causing it.
The doctors seem clueless.
220
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,600
(BARBARA) Don't talk to me about doctors.
221
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,234
I ordered a vagina with a depth of eight inches.
222
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,152
What are you doing?
223
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,271
I'm making him a cross.
224
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,312
Put a sign on the back saying, "Body buried here"!
225
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,873
They'll find him anyway!
226
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,639
And when they do, we say the wolves did it!
227
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,796
- It happened in Australia.
- Not to a man!
228
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,276
Yes, but they proved in a court that woman was...
229
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,868
He's alive. Oh, Geoff, thank God,
he's alive. Quick, get him out.
230
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,036
Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
231
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:48,994
- Let's just think about this.
- What's to think about?
232
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,192
How are we going to explain this?
233
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,311
- He's alive!
- He won't be in a minute.
234
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,352
It's easier, Brian.
We've already killed him once.
235
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,675
- No!
- It's all right for you!
236
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,314
You made him a cross! He'll like that!
237
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:06,274
I'm the one that hit him.
What am I going to get? Sacked!
238
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,913
I'm not having it, Brian.
239
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,632
No!
240
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,237
Wolves did it!
241
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,435
- Is it safe?
- I think so.
242
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,234
I gave the boy a pill.
243
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:39,079
He won't awaken
till our return from the toad club.
244
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,794
Come along. The girls await us in the car.
245
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,151
"Dear All, Uncle Harvey
and Aunt Val are so wonderful,
246
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,555
"I 'm going to stay for at least five years.
247
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,913
"Love, Benjamin."
248
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,319
Oh, God!
249
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:11,275
We've got a no-tail! We've got a no-tail!
250
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,552
- Can I see her now, Edward?
- All in good time, Tubbs.
251
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:20,151
We expanded by 17% in the first quarter alone,
252
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,989
and that was before any advertising
appeared in the press.
253
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:29,671
People say, what is the future for plastics?
254
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,433
I say the future...
255
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,470
Have we missed the cakes?
256
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,836
Can I help you, pal?
257
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,110
I'm here for the press conference.
258
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,232
- Press conference?
- Creme Brulee reunion.
259
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:16,952
Griffin Hotel. 68A.
260
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,674
No, this is 68. There's a 70.
261
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,597
No 68A.
262
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,231
Do you know Tony Cluedo?
263
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:25,714
Nope.
264
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,918
But I gave him all...
265
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,718
We arranged...
266
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,754
- Is there something round the back?
- Yeah.
267
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,520
- Right.
- A Fiesta with its engine fucked.
268
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:44,993
Are you OK, mate?
269
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,393
Yeah.
270
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,236
I understand.
271
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,437
Close your eyes, Edward. I'm coming in!
272
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:17,236
Oh, Tubbs, we don't have time
for games. The no-tail will be awake!
273
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,954
Da-da!
274
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,117
(SHE HUMS THE WEDDING MARCH)
275
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,878
- Tubbs!
- I found it up in the attic.
276
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,150
The no-tail could wear it for the wedding.
277
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:31,634
Wedding?
278
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,758
Yes. We're going to have the night do down here,
279
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,996
- and the day do in the...
- Tubbs!
280
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:40,874
The young of today hold no store
in the sanctity of marriage.
281
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,957
They live in sin,
282
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,674
rutting like beasts between filthy sheets!
283
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,791
Well, not in this shop!
284
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:51,959
David's not to lay a claw
on that no-tail until they are married.
285
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,752
Oh, please, Edward.
286
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,793
Very well, but we must be careful.
287
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,753
We don't want her to suffocate like the last three.
288
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,671
Ah, Justin!
289
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,429
You are just in time, Justin.
Make yourself at house.
290
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,039
Someone to drink?
291
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,673
- Herr Lipp?
- Mmm?
292
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,950
Where's everybody else?
293
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,152
- Else?
- You said we were having a party.
294
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:26,033
We are having a party. Sit down.
295
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,510
Some of the silly boys and girls
have gone to Flick Flacks,
296
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,438
which is the only disco in Royston Vasey,
297
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,235
but I thought that with your mutti
being in the hospice with nosepeeps,
298
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,794
that you would rather stay zu Hause.
299
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:46,396
Besides, you know tomorrow
I must leave for Duisberg.
300
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,670
I know. It's come round quick.
301
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,075
Ah, Justin, you are kind,
302
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,272
but you must not squirt your face over me,
303
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,437
for who knows, sometimes I might
be coming back to England.
304
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,074
- Have you ever been to London?
- Sure.
305
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,952
- In my youth.
- Was it good?
306
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:03,957
It was quite good, so...
307
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,239
There are many similars and many differences.
308
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:12,558
In London, you have fish and chips.
In Duisberg, we have Duisberg cake.
309
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:18,073
In London, you have Soho.
In Duisberg, we have the Duisberg Café.
310
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,795
And in London, you have the Queen,
whereas in Duisberg...
311
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,592
Alles klar?
312
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:48,838
Justin...
313
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,952
there is something I wanted to say to you.
314
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,071
- Oh?
- Ja.
315
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,919
- Was ist hier los?
- Lotti!
316
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,270
Was machst du hier in England?
317
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,038
Sie wissen.
318
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,754
- Was meinst du?
- Was passiert hier?
319
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,395
Nichts passiert. Ich spreche
nur mit einem meiner Jungen.
320
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,080
- Deine Jungen?
- Ja, meine Jungen!
321
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,351
- Ich bin verantwortlich für sie!
- Alles klar.
322
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:14,879
- Lotti...
- Alles klar!
323
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,709
- Was meinst du "alles klar"?
- Derby, Ipswich, Reading, Wood Green...
324
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,194
Nein.
325
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,595
Jetzt musst du gehen.
326
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,109
Geh jetzt, bevor es zu spät ist.
327
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,435
Ich heisse Justin.
328
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,074
ICK vohne in Royston Vasey.
329
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,030
Dis a kann kein Deutsch.
330
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,196
Er ist MEINE Junge.
331
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,277
Dann Gott helf ihm.
332
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,595
- Raus, Lotti, raus!
- Ich komme zurück.
333
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,119
- Raus!
- Mit dem Polizei!
334
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,514
Raus!
335
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,994
I'm sorry about that, Justin.
336
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:54,032
I think now we will have some coffee, ja?
337
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,232
We've been naughty boys to drink so much wine.
338
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,232
Who was she?
339
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,989
- That was Lotti. My wife.
- Your wife?
340
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:05,680
She is the name of my wife, but not in fuck.
341
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,234
It was a mistake. Was soll ich sagen?
342
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,479
- I can't believe you're married.
- There's something I must tell you.
343
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,319
You'll be quite surprised, but er...
344
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,476
I am a queen, Justin.
345
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,279
No?
346
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,392
Sometimes I think I am
the only queen in Duisberg.
347
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,193
Oh, sure, in Bochum oder Weisbaden
348
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,551
you can get a boy
for 30 marks or maybe nothing,
349
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,193
but in Duisberg...
350
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,029
This is why I married Lotti.
351
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,549
Well, I really ought to make a move.
352
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,114
Oh, Justin. My Justin. My very own Justin.
353
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:51,353
It has been a great pleasure for me
to come to Royston Vasey.
354
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,391
A real good treat.
355
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,393
For too long now, I have been, um...
356
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,317
Ah, wie sagt man auf Englisch....
357
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,951
I have been...
358
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,433
allein.
359
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,072
Ganz allein.
360
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,953
I told Dieter I'd meet him.
361
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,390
- He knows where I am.
- Oh, sure.
362
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,080
Go to Flick Flacks, have good fun, make love,
363
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,715
but first I hope you will try
some nice Duisberg Kaffee.
364
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,751
I made her specially for you.
365
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,315
- No, I really have to go.
- Just one sip.
366
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,829
- Thanks, but I told Dieter I...
- Please!
367
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,112
No! I'm sorry. I'm going to leave now.
368
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:33,359
Justin!
369
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,676
Oh, Wolf!
370
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,313
Nicht ein ander?
371
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,954
Halt die Klappe, Lotti. Please!
372
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,832
Halt die Klappe.
373
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,518
Now...
374
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,392
Fetch me a spade.
375
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,755
- She is pretty, isn't she?
- Yes.
376
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,952
- And she's got a good figure?
- Yes. A good full figure.
377
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,752
And you're sure she's local?
378
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,917
Yes. She's a pretty local no-tail
with a good figure
379
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,553
and the voice of an angel.
380
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,796
See for yourself.
381
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,715
Bloody hell, it stinks in here!
382
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,718
What kind of petrol do you call this?
383
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,551
She's done what?!
384
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,468
I'm so sorry, Hilary.
I didn't realise till it was too late.
385
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,591
She had it stored in the freezer.
386
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,473
She's been cutting it with her own paste.
387
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:36,076
You silly bastard.
She's got the whole town eating it.
388
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,989
A pure supply is one thing...
389
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,837
but to cut it...!
390
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,156
- What can we do?
- I'm thinking.
391
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:48,318
- Half of Royston Vasey had it!
- We're all at risk.
392
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,636
Not quite all of us.
393
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,678
What do you mean?
394
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,553
It's like I've always said, Samuel.
395
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,352
I'm a businessman.
396
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:03,234
I've a shelf full of black pudding
out there, but I don't care for it.
397
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,471
You mean...?
398
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,795
You don't eat the special stuff?
399
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,636
Somebody has to stay in control.
400
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,670
(DOOR SHUTS)
401
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:37,270
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