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1
00:00:01,119 --> 00:00:04,083
Hilda, this kitten
could use some mittens.
2
00:00:04,245 --> 00:00:06,399
I made you a turtleneck,
and you haven't worn it once.
3
00:00:06,568 --> 00:00:07,559
I loved that sweater.
4
00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:09,530
I shredded it in less than an hour.
5
00:00:10,654 --> 00:00:12,330
I can't get through Wuthering Heights.
6
00:00:12,497 --> 00:00:15,141
Someone please tell me what
happens, so I can write my report?
7
00:00:15,301 --> 00:00:17,217
Oh, honey, don't take a shortcut.
8
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:20,781
You need to discover the love between
Catherine and Heathcliff on your own.
9
00:00:20,950 --> 00:00:24,711
- You're right. Aunt Hilda?
- Sorry. Never read it.
10
00:00:24,876 --> 00:00:27,075
Emily Bront? bugged me.
She was in my English class
11
00:00:27,239 --> 00:00:29,678
and she always thought
she was so brilliant.
12
00:00:29,843 --> 00:00:33,047
I know a way
I can find out on my own.
13
00:00:33,490 --> 00:00:34,561
Take me into the book
14
00:00:34,731 --> 00:00:36,453
Knowing what happens
would be heaven
15
00:00:36,614 --> 00:00:38,290
Flip ahead to page 21 1
16
00:00:41,181 --> 00:00:44,782
Heathcliff! Heathcliff!
17
00:00:44,946 --> 00:00:46,782
Dang, these moors are cold.
18
00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:51,231
All right. You're right.
I'll read the book.
19
00:00:51,397 --> 00:00:54,075
I tried to warn you: no shortcuts.
20
00:00:54,241 --> 00:00:55,917
Did Heathcliff ask about me?
21
00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:16,507
Remember,
only you can prevent laughter.
22
00:01:20,522 --> 00:01:23,246
Oh, stupid crossword puzzle.
23
00:01:23,406 --> 00:01:27,087
This is not gonna turn out ugly
like that tic-tac-toe incident, is it?
24
00:01:27,252 --> 00:01:30,615
You know, despite my dating history, I
can't think of a word for a male turkey.
25
00:01:30,778 --> 00:01:33,422
- Coffee!
- No, something with three letters.
26
00:01:33,582 --> 00:01:36,055
I stayed up all night
finishing my book report.
27
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,619
- Without any shortcuts.
- Good girl.
28
00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:40,785
[SQUEAKING]
29
00:01:41,273 --> 00:01:42,311
I know I'm sleep-deprived,
30
00:01:42,475 --> 00:01:44,755
but is Aunt Hilda
cleaning her ears with rope?
31
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,481
It's mental floss. It clears your mind.
32
00:01:46,642 --> 00:01:49,320
Plus, gives you a quick burst
of temporary knowledge.
33
00:01:49,486 --> 00:01:54,249
- I wish you'd do that in private.
- Of course. A male turkey is a tom.
34
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:55,565
Thank you, mental floss.
35
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,738
I believe that is a shortcut.
36
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,578
Technically, yes, but it gives your mind
a minty-fresh feeling.
37
00:02:00,864 --> 00:02:02,745
[MARCHING MUSIC PLAYING]
38
00:02:02,947 --> 00:02:05,625
- Did Salem join a marching band?
- Anything's possible.
39
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:08,594
Yesterday, he wanted to be
a June Taylor dancer.
40
00:02:08,756 --> 00:02:12,551
It's election time in the Other Realm!
41
00:02:14,205 --> 00:02:16,883
I want you to vote.
42
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:19,887
And I want you to stop calling me.
43
00:02:20,854 --> 00:02:22,530
Was that Uncle Sam?
44
00:02:22,697 --> 00:02:24,851
Uh, in the Other Realm,
he's known as Uncle Roy.
45
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:26,343
We're not sure why.
46
00:02:26,504 --> 00:02:28,499
Hey. There's a proposition
that would make it legal
47
00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:30,980
to tell your mortal boyfriend
about your magic.
48
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,712
It's too bad
I'm not old enough to vote.
49
00:02:32,873 --> 00:02:35,711
Oh, honey, you are. In the
Other Realm, the voting age is 17.
50
00:02:35,877 --> 00:02:38,396
Really? I feel so grown-up.
51
00:02:38,561 --> 00:02:41,081
[SINGING] I get to vote
I get to vote
52
00:02:41,246 --> 00:02:43,719
- And I don't.
- Salem, you're a convicted felon.
53
00:02:44,651 --> 00:02:46,611
Not to mention a cat.
54
00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:51,732
But I wanted to vote to change the
pronunciation of Friday to "Fridyah."
55
00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:53,497
Hey, if this boyfriend
proposition passes,
56
00:02:53,665 --> 00:02:55,182
I could tell Harvey everything.
57
00:02:55,348 --> 00:02:58,710
Well, except for the fact that I don't
really care that Michael Jordan retired.
58
00:02:58,873 --> 00:03:01,346
And I can tell my honey, Hank,
that I'm a witch.
59
00:03:01,517 --> 00:03:04,434
Your first date's not until tonight.
He's already your honey?
60
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,719
It's called optimism.
61
00:03:06,444 --> 00:03:08,805
There's an orientation
this afternoon for first-time voters.
62
00:03:08,969 --> 00:03:10,405
I get to choose a political party.
63
00:03:10,571 --> 00:03:12,611
Oh, well, I hope you'll join mine:
64
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,134
the Social Democratic
Do-Gooder Party.
65
00:03:15,298 --> 00:03:19,059
No, join my party. It's called the Party
Party. Our slogan is: Party!
66
00:03:21,187 --> 00:03:23,262
Will you help me?
I'm not a very good seamstress.
67
00:03:23,431 --> 00:03:26,713
Then it was kind of an odd choice to
volunteer for the costume committee.
68
00:03:26,876 --> 00:03:29,349
It's for the church play.
It's the Lord's work.
69
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,082
Okay, well,
I'm busy after school today,
70
00:03:31,243 --> 00:03:33,317
but I can help you
and the Lord tomorrow.
71
00:03:33,486 --> 00:03:35,082
Your girlfriend is a saint.
72
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,244
Are you tired from working
on your book report too?
73
00:03:37,413 --> 00:03:39,248
No. For once I finished early.
74
00:03:39,416 --> 00:03:41,490
I'm tired because...
75
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:43,497
My mom's in her third trimester,
76
00:03:43,662 --> 00:03:45,178
the baby's pushing
against her bladder,
77
00:03:45,345 --> 00:03:47,738
and the toilet-flushing
is keeping me up all night.
78
00:03:47,908 --> 00:03:50,381
I thought you made a bed
out of fertiliser bags in the garage.
79
00:03:50,552 --> 00:03:52,833
I did. My dad's using it.
80
00:03:53,958 --> 00:03:55,998
You know, I can tell you anything.
81
00:03:56,161 --> 00:03:58,361
I hope you feel the same way.
82
00:03:59,046 --> 00:04:01,724
I will. Very soon.
83
00:04:01,890 --> 00:04:03,771
All right, everybody, take a seat,
84
00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:06,088
so we can talk about the issues.
85
00:04:06,257 --> 00:04:07,899
I assume that everyone here
86
00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:11,057
- has figured out your family secret.
- What?
87
00:04:11,225 --> 00:04:13,299
Because, as absolutely
everyone knows,
88
00:04:13,468 --> 00:04:16,271
if you haven't solved
your family secret,
89
00:04:16,432 --> 00:04:18,632
- you can't vote.
- What?
90
00:04:18,796 --> 00:04:20,917
So just as a formality,
let's have a show of hands.
91
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,357
Those who have.
92
00:04:23,123 --> 00:04:24,479
And those who haven't.
93
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,169
Oh, come on,
I can't be the only one.
94
00:04:29,693 --> 00:04:30,890
I've just about got it.
95
00:04:31,055 --> 00:04:33,334
I've started taking Ginkoba.
Want some?
96
00:04:33,498 --> 00:04:34,730
No.
97
00:04:35,062 --> 00:04:36,783
Are they chewable?
98
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:37,936
Will you do my hair?
99
00:04:38,106 --> 00:04:41,070
When we were girls in our early
hundreds, I liked the way you fixed it.
100
00:04:41,231 --> 00:04:42,872
Oh, all right.
101
00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:48,111
Oh. I haven't worn this
since I was almost beheaded.
102
00:04:48,281 --> 00:04:51,439
Why didn't you tell me you have to
solve your secret before you vote?
103
00:04:51,607 --> 00:04:54,730
Well, that's new. You used to only
have to know how to work a toaster.
104
00:04:55,373 --> 00:04:56,649
What a surprise.
105
00:04:56,815 --> 00:04:58,810
A witch rule
that works to my disadvantage.
106
00:04:58,978 --> 00:04:59,969
Sabrina, don't worry.
107
00:05:00,140 --> 00:05:02,533
You'll figure out the family secret
in time to vote.
108
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,346
How many clues have you solved?
109
00:05:04,507 --> 00:05:06,547
Wait a minute while I add them up.
110
00:05:07,672 --> 00:05:08,663
One.
111
00:05:08,833 --> 00:05:10,873
Sabrina, I had no idea
you were so slow.
112
00:05:11,037 --> 00:05:13,191
I mean, um, behind.
113
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,400
I think you could use a tutor.
114
00:05:15,563 --> 00:05:16,965
Well, that's not a bad idea.
115
00:05:17,126 --> 00:05:18,802
I'm really ready to buckle down.
116
00:05:18,969 --> 00:05:20,531
Bring on a professional.
117
00:05:20,852 --> 00:05:23,086
Hello, I'm Mr. Saberhagen,
118
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:27,141
and you may refer to me
as "Mr. Saberhagen."
119
00:05:27,301 --> 00:05:29,182
How did I end up
with you as my tutor?
120
00:05:29,344 --> 00:05:31,908
Hey, I solved my family secret
with only two clues.
121
00:05:32,069 --> 00:05:34,588
Now, let's turn to the puzzle board.
122
00:05:34,753 --> 00:05:37,637
Let's remove the dirty clothes
from the puzzle board.
123
00:05:37,798 --> 00:05:40,840
That's not a StairMaster,
young lady.
124
00:05:42,164 --> 00:05:44,524
Okay, well, I know this clue:
125
00:05:44,688 --> 00:05:46,843
Spellman. So the family secret
must be about us.
126
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:48,893
Look out, Harvard.
Let's begin at the beginning.
127
00:05:49,055 --> 00:05:51,015
First clue. What is it?
128
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,422
- Chickens?
- Chickens?
129
00:05:53,582 --> 00:05:54,904
Do they look like chickens?
130
00:05:55,585 --> 00:05:59,266
Next clue.
Okay. M plus a picture of fire.
131
00:05:59,431 --> 00:06:01,666
M plus fire.
132
00:06:01,835 --> 00:06:03,397
I've got it. M'fire.
133
00:06:03,558 --> 00:06:05,757
Right. M'fire.
That makes so much sense.
134
00:06:05,921 --> 00:06:09,158
Let's use it in a sentence:
"Run, run, the house is on m'fire."
135
00:06:09,326 --> 00:06:11,799
I've got a better one: "You're m'fired."
136
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:14,569
You can't m'fire me. I m'quit.
137
00:06:18,741 --> 00:06:20,622
Oh, more campaign flyers.
138
00:06:20,784 --> 00:06:23,144
Yes, I'm definitely voting
to save the magical ping.
139
00:06:23,308 --> 00:06:24,630
Who'd want to change it
to a ding?
140
00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:27,263
Me. I'm sick of the ping.
I'd love to hear a ding.
141
00:06:27,434 --> 00:06:29,669
- But the ping has such a ring.
- But the ding has zing.
142
00:06:29,838 --> 00:06:31,912
I can't discuss politics with you.
143
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:36,244
So, Hank, tell me about you.
144
00:06:36,408 --> 00:06:38,768
Well, let's see. I collect jaguars.
145
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,687
Jaguars? Be right back.
146
00:06:40,855 --> 00:06:42,929
Sure, foxy lady.
147
00:06:46,544 --> 00:06:48,539
[MENTAL FLOSS SQUEAKING]
148
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:51,068
All right. Okay, what were
we talking about?
149
00:06:51,231 --> 00:06:53,703
Oh, yes. Jaguars.
150
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:55,630
Do you know that my favourite
is the Vicarage
151
00:06:55,798 --> 00:06:57,519
with the 3.4-litre XK engine
152
00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,596
with 4-speed transmission
and electric overdrive--
153
00:06:59,764 --> 00:07:03,400
Hilda, I collect jaguars, as in cats.
154
00:07:03,610 --> 00:07:04,762
Oh.
155
00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:06,050
Be right back.
156
00:07:06,214 --> 00:07:07,205
[GROANS]
157
00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:09,496
I guess I have to go back
to Salem and grovel.
158
00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:12,503
Ooh, a brain teaser.
159
00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:13,656
Heart minus L?
160
00:07:13,826 --> 00:07:16,504
Heart means love,
and love minus the L would be "of."
161
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:20,112
I guess my grovelling days are over.
162
00:07:20,276 --> 00:07:24,595
Mrs. Quick, I was just wondering
how you solved that clue so fast.
163
00:07:24,762 --> 00:07:26,997
Well, actually...
164
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,049
I'm addicted to game shows.
165
00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:30,487
Well, at least it's legal.
166
00:07:30,652 --> 00:07:32,567
I went to a 12-step meeting for help.
167
00:07:32,735 --> 00:07:34,217
It was fun. They give you clues,
168
00:07:34,377 --> 00:07:37,021
and you had to solve when
and where the meetings were held.
169
00:07:37,181 --> 00:07:38,903
It wasn't the best way
to kick the habit.
170
00:07:39,064 --> 00:07:40,500
Well, I've got this new game
at home.
171
00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:42,902
It's called Guess the Family Secret.
172
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,670
- You wanna come over and try it?
- Well, I really shouldn't.
173
00:07:45,835 --> 00:07:48,593
It's been a long, hard road
staying clean.
174
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,643
Oh, well, come on. You can
always be a social game player.
175
00:07:52,084 --> 00:07:55,606
Well, I usually watch
Little House reruns after school, but...
176
00:07:55,771 --> 00:07:58,415
What the heck.
I have them all on DVD.
177
00:07:59,616 --> 00:08:01,736
Hey, Sabrina, you ready
to help me with my costumes?
178
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:04,817
Oh, no, I totally forgot.
I made other plans.
179
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,457
Oh, okay, Sabrina.
I'll meet you at your house.
180
00:08:07,628 --> 00:08:09,543
I can't wait to see your new game.
181
00:08:09,712 --> 00:08:12,026
You're having Mrs. Quick
over to play?
182
00:08:12,196 --> 00:08:15,352
Harvey.
You'd do anything for me, right?
183
00:08:15,521 --> 00:08:17,116
I'm not feathering my hair again.
184
00:08:17,283 --> 00:08:19,722
No, I want you to help Valerie
out with her costumes.
185
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:21,760
What can I do?
186
00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:27,335
I am not going to twirl.
187
00:08:27,499 --> 00:08:29,619
MAN [ON TV]:
Vote yes on Prop. 2,000,002.
188
00:08:29,783 --> 00:08:32,700
It's time to stop the growing
abuse of mental floss.
189
00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:35,670
Paid for by witches who want to stop
the growing abuse of mental floss.
190
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,632
That's ridiculous. That'll never pass.
191
00:08:37,794 --> 00:08:39,950
It will if I have something
to say about it.
192
00:08:40,119 --> 00:08:42,353
Mental floss encourages lazy habits,
193
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,246
and even your mind
is a terrible thing to waste.
194
00:08:45,807 --> 00:08:47,881
I'm going right now
to campaign for the cause.
195
00:08:48,051 --> 00:08:50,171
It is every witch's right to floss,
196
00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:53,411
and I will fight for that right
with every fibre of my being.
197
00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:55,973
But first, another date with Hank.
198
00:08:56,143 --> 00:08:57,135
Mmm.
199
00:08:58,347 --> 00:08:59,384
Salem, are my aunts home?
200
00:08:59,548 --> 00:09:01,862
Hilda and Zelda
have left the building.
201
00:09:02,032 --> 00:09:04,345
Excellent. Keep watch and warn me
if they come home.
202
00:09:04,516 --> 00:09:06,157
Ooh, throwing a crazy party?
203
00:09:06,318 --> 00:09:08,963
Complete with trash-can punch
and spit swapping?
204
00:09:09,484 --> 00:09:11,479
No, I'm having my algebra teacher
over.
205
00:09:11,647 --> 00:09:12,685
Yeah, right.
206
00:09:12,849 --> 00:09:14,809
How pathetic would that be--?
207
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,249
Oh, you're serious.
208
00:09:16,414 --> 00:09:17,566
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
209
00:09:17,736 --> 00:09:19,332
Oh, come on in.
210
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,977
A cat.
211
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,865
Eating a banana.
212
00:09:24,026 --> 00:09:25,543
How strange.
213
00:09:25,709 --> 00:09:27,464
He's part chimp
on his mother's side.
214
00:09:27,632 --> 00:09:29,034
Wait here. I'll go set up the game.
215
00:09:29,955 --> 00:09:30,947
[MAGIC CHIMES]
216
00:09:31,117 --> 00:09:34,479
ANNOUNCER [OVER SPEAKERS]:
Mrs. Quick, come on down.
217
00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:40,727
This is the best at-home version
I've ever seen.
218
00:09:40,892 --> 00:09:42,807
Okay, well, let's take our places
and get started.
219
00:09:43,135 --> 00:09:44,127
[BUZZES]
220
00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:47,500
Is this a genuine
Goodson-Todman buzzer?
221
00:09:47,662 --> 00:09:49,577
Let's start. We don't know
how much time we got.
222
00:09:49,745 --> 00:09:51,980
Look at the microphone.
223
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:53,666
Ah! Look at my name.
224
00:09:53,832 --> 00:09:54,870
Look at the clues.
225
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:59,398
- There's even a glass of water. Neat.
- I've got to move things along.
226
00:09:59,561 --> 00:10:00,963
[MAGIC CHIMES]
227
00:10:01,123 --> 00:10:02,798
And here's our host, Monty Hall.
228
00:10:02,966 --> 00:10:04,117
[PEOPLE APPLAUDING]
229
00:10:04,289 --> 00:10:06,089
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
230
00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:09,408
Monty Hall?
231
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,571
- You pay a little extra.
- Oh!
232
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,498
It's time to guess the family secret.
233
00:10:14,664 --> 00:10:15,655
Let's solve the puzzle.
234
00:10:15,826 --> 00:10:17,581
But before we do,
a word with our contestants.
235
00:10:17,748 --> 00:10:20,109
Mrs. Quick, tell us something
about yourself.
236
00:10:20,273 --> 00:10:23,316
Well, I was born
in Terre Haute, Indiana,
237
00:10:23,478 --> 00:10:25,552
and a lot of people
don't know this, Monty,
238
00:10:25,721 --> 00:10:28,764
but it's the stewed-fruit
capital of the United States.
239
00:10:28,926 --> 00:10:30,601
Yeah, yeah, yeah. First clue.
240
00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:33,129
I didn't take that
from little old ladies in chicken suits,
241
00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:35,094
so I'm not gonna take it from you.
242
00:10:35,256 --> 00:10:37,775
All right? First clue. Sabrina?
243
00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:39,612
Pass.
244
00:10:40,824 --> 00:10:42,180
QUICK:
Birds in a house.
245
00:10:42,707 --> 00:10:43,938
Birdhouse would be too obvious.
246
00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:45,465
So, what else do you call that?
247
00:10:45,631 --> 00:10:47,672
- Oh, an aviary.
- Aviary?
248
00:10:47,836 --> 00:10:49,477
Yeah, but aviary
doesn't make any sense,
249
00:10:49,638 --> 00:10:52,316
so it must be a word
that sounds like aviary. Oh!
250
00:10:52,883 --> 00:10:53,921
"Every."
251
00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:56,841
[SHOUTING]
252
00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:59,051
Next clue now. Sabrina?
253
00:10:59,853 --> 00:11:01,449
Pass.
254
00:11:01,977 --> 00:11:03,015
Let me see.
255
00:11:03,179 --> 00:11:06,336
"M plus fire" eq--
256
00:11:07,345 --> 00:11:09,101
- Sabrina.
- Aunt Zelda.
257
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,352
You're just in time
for the bonus round.
258
00:11:14,075 --> 00:11:15,636
QUICK:
Well, can't we finish the game?
259
00:11:15,798 --> 00:11:18,523
I've got the fever. I'm hot.
260
00:11:21,086 --> 00:11:22,967
Okay, well, I'll just get started
on that novel.
261
00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,728
Sabrina, what were you thinking?
262
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,537
That I could avoid this ugly scene
that's about to happen.
263
00:11:28,698 --> 00:11:31,092
Sabrina, using a shortcut
to solve your family secret
264
00:11:31,262 --> 00:11:33,336
can have serious consequences.
265
00:11:33,506 --> 00:11:35,227
I just wanna be able to vote.
266
00:11:35,388 --> 00:11:37,303
And Mrs. Quick is really lonely.
267
00:11:37,472 --> 00:11:39,592
You leave me no choice
but to punish you.
268
00:11:39,755 --> 00:11:41,636
To learn the error of her ways
269
00:11:42,279 --> 00:11:45,197
No shortcuts for one days
270
00:11:45,364 --> 00:11:47,040
And might I say, nice rhyme.
271
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,444
That means no modern conveniences
for 24 hours.
272
00:11:50,612 --> 00:11:53,495
If you try something like this again
the Witches' Council will intervene,
273
00:11:53,656 --> 00:11:55,412
and they're a lot more strict
than I am.
274
00:11:55,579 --> 00:11:57,494
Now clean up this mess.
275
00:11:57,662 --> 00:12:01,458
And I was hoping Family Secret
would go into syndication.
276
00:12:02,751 --> 00:12:04,950
SALEM:
Sabrina. Wake up.
277
00:12:05,114 --> 00:12:06,836
Come on, shake a leg.
278
00:12:06,997 --> 00:12:10,359
If I continue with this shiatsu,
you'll have to pay me.
279
00:12:12,605 --> 00:12:13,724
It's so late.
280
00:12:13,888 --> 00:12:15,244
How come my alarm didn't go off?
281
00:12:15,410 --> 00:12:17,450
I believe an alarm clock
would go under the umbrella
282
00:12:17,614 --> 00:12:19,289
of modern conveniences.
283
00:12:19,456 --> 00:12:22,134
So apparently our forefathers
were late for everything?
284
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:28,830
They've had hairdryers
since the '70s.
285
00:12:28,991 --> 00:12:30,507
They're not modern.
286
00:12:30,994 --> 00:12:32,636
I'm late, I'm late.
287
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,880
I'm beginning to see a pattern here.
288
00:12:40,929 --> 00:12:42,366
Sorry.
289
00:12:45,937 --> 00:12:47,659
Why weren't you on the bus
this morning?
290
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:48,892
It's a modern convenience.
291
00:12:49,062 --> 00:12:50,862
And I'm against them
and for solar energy.
292
00:12:51,025 --> 00:12:52,939
Everybody with me?
293
00:12:53,108 --> 00:12:55,866
Sabrina, this is a very complicated
equation,
294
00:12:56,032 --> 00:12:57,948
so I'm allowing
the use of calculators.
295
00:12:58,116 --> 00:13:00,031
Oh, great.
296
00:13:03,764 --> 00:13:05,964
It's a good thing
I don't have a pacemaker.
297
00:13:06,128 --> 00:13:08,806
I'm still not happy with the dress.
The bodice isn't right.
298
00:13:08,972 --> 00:13:11,537
You're telling me.
I look like a house in it.
299
00:13:11,697 --> 00:13:13,657
I need you for one more fitting.
Please?
300
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,655
I can't. I have plans.
301
00:13:15,823 --> 00:13:17,499
And they all involve
me wearing pants.
302
00:13:19,108 --> 00:13:22,311
Hey, Sabrina, after school, are we
still on for the Slicery and pinball?
303
00:13:22,473 --> 00:13:23,875
I can't. Too modern.
304
00:13:24,035 --> 00:13:25,758
How about a rousing game
of mahjong?
305
00:13:25,919 --> 00:13:27,594
What's this new
anti-modern kick you're on?
306
00:13:27,762 --> 00:13:30,838
Oh, if you call being concerned
about this planet we call home a "kick."
307
00:13:31,006 --> 00:13:33,764
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to find a buggy heading uptown.
308
00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:37,532
You know, sometimes I get the feeling
Sabrina doesn't tell me everything.
309
00:13:37,696 --> 00:13:40,774
Well, since you don't have anything
to do after school...
310
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:48,304
I need to learn how to say no.
311
00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:50,034
Sabrina, I need to speak with you.
312
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,714
I'm still working
on that algebra equation.
313
00:13:53,882 --> 00:13:55,238
Who cares about that?
314
00:13:55,404 --> 00:13:58,641
I was up half the night working on the
second clue to the family secret game.
315
00:13:58,809 --> 00:14:01,123
Really? I don't wanna talk about it.
316
00:14:01,293 --> 00:14:03,253
A real stumper, but I think I've got it.
M--
317
00:14:03,416 --> 00:14:05,536
No. I need to solve it myself.
I don't wanna hear it.
318
00:14:05,699 --> 00:14:07,855
But-- But--
319
00:14:08,024 --> 00:14:10,098
- But it's all right here.
- I can't see!
320
00:14:11,549 --> 00:14:13,271
Then I guess you don't want to know.
321
00:14:13,432 --> 00:14:16,190
Right. I don't wanna know.
322
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:27,892
MAN'S VOICE:
No shortcuts.
323
00:14:28,054 --> 00:14:30,174
Oh, this can't be good.
324
00:14:30,658 --> 00:14:32,971
Apparently, I'm on the lone prairie.
325
00:14:33,142 --> 00:14:34,259
Maybe it's not so lone.
326
00:14:34,904 --> 00:14:35,942
Mrs. Quick?
327
00:14:36,548 --> 00:14:38,223
Oh, no,
I guess she was an accomplice.
328
00:14:38,390 --> 00:14:40,829
Sabrina, what are you doing here?
329
00:14:41,475 --> 00:14:43,629
Aren't you wondering
what you're doing here?
330
00:14:43,798 --> 00:14:46,522
I'm dreaming.
This is one of my favourites.
331
00:14:46,683 --> 00:14:49,600
Michael Landon should be along
any minute.
332
00:14:50,448 --> 00:14:51,851
I'm here at election headquarters
333
00:14:52,011 --> 00:14:55,088
where a very heated debate
has erupted over mental floss.
334
00:14:55,256 --> 00:14:57,855
Now, arguing in favour of flossing
is Hilda Spellman.
335
00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,742
Hilda Spellman has gone on record
as saying,
336
00:14:59,903 --> 00:15:03,379
"A vote against mental floss
would be a vote against family values."
337
00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:05,670
Interestingly enough,
arguing for the opposition
338
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:07,588
is her sister, Zelda Spellman.
339
00:15:07,756 --> 00:15:08,873
Now, Zelda-- Uncle Roy!
340
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:10,599
Uncle Roy, please,
could we have a word?
341
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,116
What is your take on all of this?
342
00:15:12,282 --> 00:15:15,918
This mental floss debate
has turned into a smear campaign.
343
00:15:16,088 --> 00:15:19,291
I've never seen so much mudslinging
in my life.
344
00:15:19,454 --> 00:15:21,973
ZELDA: Hilda, using mental floss
is a crime against nature.
345
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:25,055
HILDA:
Get your knee out of my spine. Ow!
346
00:15:26,023 --> 00:15:27,506
- Ahh!
- Oh, good. You're up.
347
00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:29,102
What's the quickest way out of here?
348
00:15:29,268 --> 00:15:32,425
If you're looking for a shortcut,
I don't know any.
349
00:15:32,593 --> 00:15:35,113
Oh, no shortcuts.
350
00:15:35,278 --> 00:15:36,839
So I've been sent to the prairie
351
00:15:37,001 --> 00:15:38,915
because back then
shortcuts didn't exist.
352
00:15:39,084 --> 00:15:40,406
Are you here to explain things?
353
00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:42,561
Well, I am a guide.
354
00:15:42,729 --> 00:15:44,610
Have you got anything to eat?
355
00:15:44,772 --> 00:15:46,367
Oh, you want something to eat. I get it.
356
00:15:46,535 --> 00:15:49,260
So I'm supposed to make something
from scratch without using shortcuts
357
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:52,144
and then my punishment will be over,
I'll be zapped back, right?
358
00:15:52,304 --> 00:15:55,586
I'm a little deaf, so let's go with yes.
359
00:15:56,871 --> 00:15:59,788
You know, these dirt floors
are really hard to get clean.
360
00:15:59,955 --> 00:16:02,759
Mrs. Quick? I am gonna make bread
and butter from scratch.
361
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:06,476
That's not how my dream usually goes,
but okay.
362
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:11,665
Okay, I made homemade bread
and butter with no shortcuts.
363
00:17:11,826 --> 00:17:13,467
We're about to be sent back home.
364
00:17:13,629 --> 00:17:16,102
This is my dream
and I'm not ready to go home.
365
00:17:16,274 --> 00:17:18,508
You know, Sabrina,
you're kind of bossy.
366
00:17:18,677 --> 00:17:21,515
- This bread's got dirt on it.
- Just eat it.
367
00:17:21,681 --> 00:17:24,758
This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
368
00:17:25,207 --> 00:17:27,645
- Well?
- Thank you.
369
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,452
That should have worked.
370
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,019
[FIRE POPS]
371
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:35,655
Stupid embers.
372
00:17:36,104 --> 00:17:40,023
Hey, that clue wasn't fire.
It was ember.
373
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:43,029
M plus ember equals "member."
374
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,790
That's really good, Sabrina.
375
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,682
That makes much more sense
than what I had.
376
00:17:47,842 --> 00:17:48,994
M'fire.
377
00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:54,762
Okay, I figured it out by myself.
We're ready to go.
378
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:57,490
Big nothing.
379
00:17:57,858 --> 00:17:58,849
Valerie?
380
00:17:59,019 --> 00:18:01,822
I've never dreamed
about two students before.
381
00:18:01,984 --> 00:18:04,583
Sabrina, you decided to help out
after all.
382
00:18:04,748 --> 00:18:06,868
Isn't this a cool place
for our church play?
383
00:18:07,031 --> 00:18:08,308
[READING SIGN]
384
00:18:08,473 --> 00:18:10,115
Is Michael Landon with you?
385
00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:11,679
This authentic log cabin
386
00:18:11,839 --> 00:18:15,440
is Westbridge's
only historical monument.
387
00:18:15,605 --> 00:18:16,756
Unless you count me.
388
00:18:16,927 --> 00:18:18,363
He's a tour guide?
389
00:18:18,529 --> 00:18:22,005
I've been in Westbridge this whole
time? I could've just walked home.
390
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,815
What do you and Mrs. Quick
talk about?
391
00:18:28,064 --> 00:18:30,503
Okay, why is my boyfriend
wearing a bonnet?
392
00:18:30,668 --> 00:18:32,867
He's filling in for Mrs. Bogle,
the pastor's wife.
393
00:18:33,031 --> 00:18:36,108
Of all days for her to have
an allergic reaction to corn.
394
00:18:36,276 --> 00:18:39,079
I've never dreamed
about three students before.
395
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,635
I'm beginning to feel
my life is empty.
396
00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:43,401
Uh, Mrs. Quick, come with me.
397
00:18:44,649 --> 00:18:46,086
This teacher's blue and needs a lift
398
00:18:46,252 --> 00:18:48,212
For all her trouble here's a gift
399
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:50,370
Mmm.
400
00:18:51,059 --> 00:18:53,133
What a wonderful dream.
401
00:18:53,302 --> 00:18:55,343
Alone with Harrison Ford,
402
00:18:55,506 --> 00:18:59,028
dancing in the gardens of Versailles.
403
00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:03,991
Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep.
404
00:19:06,683 --> 00:19:08,438
I'm tired and I'm filthy.
405
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:10,043
We know the feeling.
406
00:19:10,209 --> 00:19:12,329
- Where have you guys been?
- The campaign trail.
407
00:19:12,492 --> 00:19:14,248
Oh, sure, we indulged
in a little mudslinging,
408
00:19:14,415 --> 00:19:15,897
but the tips were great.
409
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:19,020
So how was life on the prairie?
410
00:19:19,182 --> 00:19:21,621
- You knew about that?
- We had to sign the release form.
411
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,351
Lucky for you, the Witches' Council
was so busy with the election,
412
00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:27,155
they didn't have time
to send you back to the real prairie.
413
00:19:27,315 --> 00:19:31,156
Oh, so you're trying to sugarcoat
the fact that they took a shortcut?
414
00:19:31,321 --> 00:19:34,045
Oh. That reminds me.
I need to floss before I go vote.
415
00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:37,328
- Not to mention, shower.
- Me first.
416
00:19:37,932 --> 00:19:40,770
I've touched parts of animals
you wouldn't put in sausage.
417
00:19:41,537 --> 00:19:42,528
[GRUNTS]
418
00:19:42,699 --> 00:19:44,853
I can't remember anything
about the issues.
419
00:19:45,022 --> 00:19:46,458
We've been standing in line so long,
420
00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:48,220
your mental floss
has probably worn off.
421
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,190
I, on the other hand,
couldn't be more ready to vote.
422
00:19:51,351 --> 00:19:55,034
Well, then I'll just re-floss.
It's still legal, you know.
423
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,275
[MENTAL FLOSS SQUEAKING]
424
00:19:59,885 --> 00:20:02,164
Now, I'm an informed voter
once again.
425
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:09,299
Oh, democracy blows.
426
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:11,493
So far I've got:
427
00:20:11,663 --> 00:20:13,943
"Every member of the Spellman..."
428
00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:15,778
I'm getting there.
429
00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:17,864
What's the rush?
I didn't get to vote, anyway.
430
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:20,678
Hey, the election results are on.
431
00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:23,353
I wonder if mental floss
got voted out?
432
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:24,513
MAN [ON TV]:
...244.
433
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:26,086
Oh, that stinks.
434
00:20:26,246 --> 00:20:27,477
And this just in:
435
00:20:27,648 --> 00:20:30,611
the "tell a mortal boyfriend"
proposition has failed.
436
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:31,764
Thank you very much.
437
00:20:31,934 --> 00:20:34,978
Now Harvey's gonna continue thinking
he's losing his mind forever.
438
00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:37,612
Let's not beat ourselves up.
Our votes wouldn't have mattered.
439
00:20:37,784 --> 00:20:39,015
What a close race.
440
00:20:39,186 --> 00:20:41,579
One vote in favour
would have called for a runoff.
441
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:44,222
- Two votes would've won it.
HILDA: I don't know what's worse:
442
00:20:44,393 --> 00:20:46,628
that we lost,
or that Zelda gets to gloat.
443
00:20:46,797 --> 00:20:48,119
That Aunt Zelda gets to gloat.
444
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:49,682
Oh, I'm not gloating.
445
00:20:49,842 --> 00:20:53,238
There are some propositions that
passed that I'm very unhappy about.
446
00:20:53,408 --> 00:20:55,242
SALEM: Did you hear the good news?
- What?
447
00:20:55,411 --> 00:20:57,406
Thank God it's Fridyah.
448
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:04,781
I've forgotten how much
I love this book.
449
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:09,352
Oh, no. This chapter's missing.
450
00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:13,474
I'm going to the library.
451
00:21:13,638 --> 00:21:14,960
Oh, what the heck.
452
00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:20,446
Heathcliff! Heathcliff!
453
00:21:20,610 --> 00:21:21,932
Looking for a chapter?
454
00:21:22,092 --> 00:21:23,608
Taking a shortcut?
455
00:21:23,774 --> 00:21:25,130
It was a mistake.
456
00:21:25,297 --> 00:21:28,533
I'm on the moors because
I was looking for Roger Moore.
457
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,498
Dudley Moore?
458
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,548
All right, I took a shortcut.
459
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:37,425
SALEM: You told me we were going
for ice cream.
460
00:21:37,475 --> 00:21:42,025
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