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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 -01:59:58,901 --> 00:00:01,568 - You have a collect call from... 2 00:00:01,570 --> 00:00:03,336 - Ross Patterson. 3 00:00:03,338 --> 00:00:06,473 - An inmate at street justice films. 4 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,216 - Alright, so no shit. 5 00:00:16,218 --> 00:00:17,684 There I was, on this train to Paris. 6 00:00:17,686 --> 00:00:19,953 - Will you shut the fuck up? 7 00:00:19,955 --> 00:00:21,655 Shut the fuck up! 8 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,090 Shut the fuck up. 9 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,458 Shut the fuck up! 10 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,662 Everybody knows, okay? 11 00:00:28,664 --> 00:00:30,497 Alright, here's to master chief Bill Wizeniski 12 00:00:30,499 --> 00:00:32,365 and Zack Kunkle. 13 00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:34,634 - Every person in the military says, 14 00:00:34,636 --> 00:00:37,537 they day I get out, I'm gonna party like it's the end 15 00:00:37,539 --> 00:00:39,239 of the world. 16 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,286 - Good afternoon, Mr. Best, 17 00:00:53,288 --> 00:00:55,121 I'm gonna be your public defender. 18 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:58,458 Seeing as how your actual lawyer said and I quote, 19 00:00:58,460 --> 00:00:59,993 "fuck him, let him stay in there." 20 00:00:59,995 --> 00:01:02,629 So, the court assigned me to represent you. 21 00:01:02,631 --> 00:01:04,564 Do you know what you've been charged with 22 00:01:04,566 --> 00:01:06,166 or are you too drunk to remember? 23 00:01:06,168 --> 00:01:09,602 - I was gonna have to hit the refresh button, my man. 24 00:01:09,604 --> 00:01:10,604 - Yeah. 25 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,275 How bout public intoxication? 26 00:01:15,277 --> 00:01:18,278 - Do it, do it, do it, do it. 27 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,151 - Mat, don't fucking do it. 28 00:01:26,121 --> 00:01:27,487 - Bro, he's gonna fucking do it. 29 00:01:30,058 --> 00:01:31,558 - I'm gonna live forever! 30 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,029 - Fuck, not again. 31 00:01:36,031 --> 00:01:37,697 - What the fuck man? 32 00:01:37,699 --> 00:01:39,265 - Matt, give him an r4 trauma bag, 33 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,134 it looks like he's got a sucking ass wound. 34 00:01:47,009 --> 00:01:48,475 - Nice shot! 35 00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,745 - Disorderly conduct. 36 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,314 - Don't fucking do it! 37 00:01:54,316 --> 00:01:55,715 - Freedom to fuck off! 38 00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,120 Yes, yes! 39 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,056 - Indecency. 40 00:02:05,394 --> 00:02:06,326 - Bro. 41 00:02:06,328 --> 00:02:07,594 - I know. 42 00:02:07,596 --> 00:02:09,362 He's gonna fucking do it. 43 00:02:09,364 --> 00:02:10,530 - Hey, this taking lead? 44 00:02:10,532 --> 00:02:12,799 - Hey, hey, watch the Prius. 45 00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:15,568 - Oh, I just Lance Armstronged your Prius. 46 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:16,810 That means I lost a ball in it. 47 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:19,806 - I bet your corp watches the view. 48 00:02:19,808 --> 00:02:20,808 Bro. 49 00:02:24,146 --> 00:02:26,246 No, but really I bet it gets good mileage. 50 00:02:26,248 --> 00:02:27,248 - What? 51 00:02:29,051 --> 00:02:30,051 - Battery. 52 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:31,718 - Oh shit. 53 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:36,623 I fucking punched Kesha last night. 54 00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:39,092 I know this is gonna sound crazy 55 00:02:39,094 --> 00:02:41,561 but I fucking love your music. 56 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,531 - Then show me, mat. 57 00:02:51,373 --> 00:02:53,373 - You know that's a fucking dude, right? 58 00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:54,240 - What? 59 00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,375 - That's a fucking dude. 60 00:02:55,377 --> 00:02:56,643 - Fuck. 61 00:02:56,645 --> 00:02:58,378 - Why you have to ruin all the fun? 62 00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:00,580 - Yeah, why do you have to ruin all the fun? 63 00:03:00,582 --> 00:03:03,249 - Fuck. 64 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,785 - Henry Kesha, Duluth, Minnesota. 65 00:03:05,787 --> 00:03:08,655 This is why you're also being charged with a hate crime. 66 00:03:11,526 --> 00:03:14,260 And that carries with it a class a felony. 67 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:17,564 You normally get it reduced to class c misdemeanor, 68 00:03:17,566 --> 00:03:19,732 I'd have to the court that you were homosexual, 69 00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:22,469 which isn't much of a lie based on your sexual advances 70 00:03:22,471 --> 00:03:23,471 from last night. 71 00:03:25,841 --> 00:03:27,674 - I'll take the felony, brother. 72 00:03:27,676 --> 00:03:30,210 - Too late, I've already plea bargained for it. 73 00:03:30,212 --> 00:03:31,144 You'll be out of here at 9 a.m. 74 00:03:31,146 --> 00:03:32,306 It will count as time served. 75 00:03:33,882 --> 00:03:38,151 Tell us you just got out of the service. 76 00:03:38,153 --> 00:03:41,454 See a lot of guys coming through here. 77 00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:45,125 Word of advice, find your next objectives. 78 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,161 Something you can live for. 79 00:03:48,163 --> 00:03:49,796 Choose a new goal to achieve, 80 00:03:49,798 --> 00:03:51,397 learn from your time in the army. 81 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,567 Don't let it dictate the entire rest of your life. 82 00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:56,302 - I got a plan. 83 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,738 I'm gonna get out, make some Internet videos, 84 00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:01,441 get famous and probably make a movie one day. 85 00:04:01,443 --> 00:04:03,610 - Good luck making a movie out of that. 86 00:04:03,612 --> 00:04:05,211 Next thing you'll tell me is you're making 87 00:04:05,213 --> 00:04:07,280 t-shirts for vets and selling them online 88 00:04:07,282 --> 00:04:08,148 out of your bedroom. 89 00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:09,150 - Actually. 90 00:05:45,246 --> 00:05:48,815 - Alright young man, here you go. 91 00:05:48,817 --> 00:05:53,253 Hold on, you ain't going nowhere without me. 92 00:05:53,255 --> 00:05:53,987 You know... - by the way, 93 00:05:53,989 --> 00:05:54,821 how's your youngest daughter? 94 00:05:54,823 --> 00:05:55,755 I heard she's turned 18. 95 00:05:55,757 --> 00:05:57,323 - She's doing fine. 96 00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:58,958 She's doing even better without you around. 97 00:05:58,960 --> 00:05:59,826 - Fuck you, bitch! 98 00:05:59,828 --> 00:06:00,828 - Shut up! 99 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,764 Aww, it's good to see you again, mat. 100 00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:05,698 Sarcasm. 101 00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:06,899 - You too, Wilfred Brimley. 102 00:06:06,901 --> 00:06:07,767 - Huh? 103 00:06:07,769 --> 00:06:09,369 - Got you too huh? 104 00:06:09,371 --> 00:06:10,703 - Fucking arrested all of us, bro. 105 00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:12,805 - I'm sure you're all innocent. 106 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,507 Try not to fuck each other in there, 107 00:06:14,509 --> 00:06:15,842 it makes a mess. 108 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,481 - Oh bravo, Mr. Best. 109 00:06:21,483 --> 00:06:23,049 You know how long it's been since I've been locked 110 00:06:23,051 --> 00:06:24,684 up in prison? 111 00:06:24,686 --> 00:06:26,753 Let me see, carry the two, 112 00:06:26,755 --> 00:06:28,721 that's right, my whole fucking life! 113 00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:29,856 - Fuck you! 114 00:06:29,858 --> 00:06:31,291 How was I supposed to know that... 115 00:06:31,293 --> 00:06:34,761 - Kesha, Henry Kesha, you made bail. 116 00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:40,366 - Call me if you want to party and shit. 117 00:06:40,368 --> 00:06:42,502 Your love's my drug, bro. 118 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,939 - Yet another great night for Mr. Best. 119 00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:50,844 Let's go. 120 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:52,945 - Hey mat. 121 00:06:52,947 --> 00:06:54,047 - Holy shit Jack, what's up? 122 00:06:54,049 --> 00:06:56,082 - Not much, same old shit. 123 00:06:56,084 --> 00:06:57,750 - Wait, you weren't even at my party last night, 124 00:06:57,752 --> 00:06:58,752 were you? 125 00:06:59,554 --> 00:07:01,621 No, I got arrested on the way. 126 00:07:01,623 --> 00:07:03,022 - So, we gonna... 127 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,391 We gonna talk about this? 128 00:07:05,393 --> 00:07:07,927 - This, I was just fucking around. 129 00:07:07,929 --> 00:07:09,529 - I can see that. 130 00:07:09,531 --> 00:07:11,798 - Some wise ass filled her box full of epoxy. 131 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,367 I went to Wal-Mart to get the removal 132 00:07:14,369 --> 00:07:15,835 and they arrested me. 133 00:07:15,837 --> 00:07:18,838 - Did you know it epoxy in it before you fucked it? 134 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,641 - I had my suspicions but everything speculation 135 00:07:21,643 --> 00:07:23,476 till ya to jam your dick into it. 136 00:07:23,478 --> 00:07:25,078 - Here's what isn't speculation. 137 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,880 If Gene Vandenham were here last night instead of you, 138 00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:29,515 we wouldn't fucking be here. 139 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,918 - Actually, this is exactly where I thought we'd end up. 140 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,354 - Fuck Gene and fuck you for bringing him up 141 00:07:34,356 --> 00:07:34,354 and why is Rocco in the hallway? 142 00:07:34,356 --> 00:07:38,057 - We told the guards that he takes prison rules seriously. 143 00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:39,025 - What the fuck bro! 144 00:07:39,027 --> 00:07:40,067 I ain't gonna fuck anyone. 145 00:07:42,364 --> 00:07:44,063 - Oh sweet, we can play who's in my mouth. 146 00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:45,531 - No, fair, I'm out here. 147 00:07:47,402 --> 00:07:50,937 - Jack, stop fucking the doll. 148 00:07:50,939 --> 00:07:52,605 - Just hang in there boys, there's something going 149 00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:53,607 on outside. 150 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,776 Stay right where you are, alright? 151 00:07:56,778 --> 00:07:56,776 - Fuck this. 152 00:07:56,778 --> 00:07:59,145 Rocco, can you get out of those handcuffs? 153 00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:00,680 - Bro, you know how fucking big I am? 154 00:08:06,488 --> 00:08:07,608 - Oh, what the fuck is that? 155 00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:10,623 - Rocco, check your six. 156 00:08:13,595 --> 00:08:14,595 - Hell yeah! 157 00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:16,562 - Fucking killed man. 158 00:08:17,699 --> 00:08:19,766 - Told you, big as fuck. 159 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,701 - Alright, let's let us out man. 160 00:08:21,703 --> 00:08:22,703 - Yeah. 161 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:24,737 - Jesus, Rocco. 162 00:08:24,739 --> 00:08:26,572 You just t-boned him with a metal pole? 163 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:27,507 - What do you want me to do? 164 00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:28,441 Glue him to my fucking dick? 165 00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:30,576 - Is that what I think it is? 166 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:33,846 - Boys, I think our wildest dreams just came true. 167 00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:37,517 The mother fucking zombie apocalypse! 168 00:08:41,823 --> 00:08:44,624 Sweet fucker of the mother. 169 00:08:44,626 --> 00:08:46,726 - Holy shit, isn't this fucking awesome? 170 00:08:46,728 --> 00:08:48,127 - It's Marcus Luttrell! 171 00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:50,730 - For a second, I thought you were Mark Whalberg. 172 00:08:50,732 --> 00:08:52,165 - No, the little fucker only played me on TV. 173 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:54,467 - Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends. 174 00:08:54,469 --> 00:08:55,735 - Bro, it's so fucking good you're here, man. 175 00:08:55,737 --> 00:08:57,136 - I know. 176 00:08:57,138 --> 00:08:57,970 Hey, you guys have been saving my ass so many times, 177 00:08:57,972 --> 00:08:58,805 I'm gonna do it for you. 178 00:08:58,807 --> 00:08:59,872 Come on, stack on me, 179 00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:01,441 let's get your frogman up. 180 00:09:01,443 --> 00:09:03,743 Don't worry about a thing! 181 00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:09,982 Hey mother fuckers, you want some of me? 182 00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,617 - That was a short book. 183 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,619 - This is how I'm gonna die? 184 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:16,022 - Looks like we're the lone survivors now. 185 00:09:20,662 --> 00:09:22,195 - Alright boys, bring it in. 186 00:09:22,197 --> 00:09:24,163 - Are you about to go full officer speech? 187 00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:25,064 - What? 188 00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,632 No, of course not. 189 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,000 - It's confirmed we're facing some type 190 00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,669 of zombie apocalypse outside. 191 00:09:29,671 --> 00:09:30,870 - Are you sure? 192 00:09:30,872 --> 00:09:32,205 - Try to stay with me, simple Jack, 193 00:09:32,207 --> 00:09:34,674 but judging from our boy here. 194 00:09:34,676 --> 00:09:36,142 Looks like a blow to the head takes them out. 195 00:09:36,144 --> 00:09:38,044 - That sounds like pretty standard zombie rules to me. 196 00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:39,745 - Now, did anybody see any weapons laying around? 197 00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:40,880 - They have some Billy clubs over there 198 00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:41,714 and someone else chained to the bench. 199 00:09:41,716 --> 00:09:42,615 - Billy clubs it is. 200 00:09:42,617 --> 00:09:42,615 What about a vehicle? 201 00:09:42,617 --> 00:09:45,685 - The bar is at least 15 miles from here. 202 00:09:45,687 --> 00:09:47,487 We're better off hitting the pd impound lot. 203 00:09:47,489 --> 00:09:48,554 - Yeah, there's some guns and shit over there too. 204 00:09:48,556 --> 00:09:49,722 - Alright, what's the distance? 205 00:09:49,724 --> 00:09:50,656 - From here? 206 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:51,791 Two, maybe two and a half miles. 207 00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:53,059 - Ah shit, that's far. 208 00:09:53,061 --> 00:09:54,794 - Aright, let's maintain 360 degrees of security. 209 00:09:54,796 --> 00:09:56,716 Stay tight, we don't need to take it in the rear. 210 00:09:57,499 --> 00:09:58,164 - Like your mom? 211 00:09:58,166 --> 00:09:59,166 - That's what she said. 212 00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:01,133 - It's time to Vandanham up. 213 00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:02,068 - Yeah. 214 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:02,068 - If you speak his name again, 215 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:05,705 I will slap you and your mothers delicious fucking mouth. 216 00:10:05,707 --> 00:10:07,106 - Somebodies jealous. 217 00:10:07,108 --> 00:10:09,041 - He's right man, I actually kinda like that guy. 218 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,576 - Come on, even his lifetime movie 219 00:10:10,578 --> 00:10:11,777 was fucking awesome. 220 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,246 I can't believed he played himself. 221 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,593 - Hey Gene, welcome home. 222 00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:33,566 - Gene, you're alive. 223 00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:36,903 - That fucking guys not. 224 00:10:36,905 --> 00:10:38,871 - They said your entire unit died on the news. 225 00:10:41,042 --> 00:10:45,144 - This my entire unit, right here. 226 00:10:45,146 --> 00:10:48,681 - Oh my god, it's been so hard. 227 00:10:48,683 --> 00:10:50,182 Oh it's really hard 228 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,252 and so big. 229 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,867 - A soldier came home! 230 00:11:07,869 --> 00:11:09,669 A soldier came home! 231 00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:17,209 - The 27 minute sex scene was a bit much. 232 00:11:17,211 --> 00:11:18,678 - I thought it was tasteful. 233 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:19,912 - I had to jerk off twice. 234 00:11:19,914 --> 00:11:21,881 - The only boner I have right now 235 00:11:21,883 --> 00:11:24,016 is for killing zombies. 236 00:11:24,018 --> 00:11:25,217 You fucking ready? 237 00:11:25,219 --> 00:11:26,285 Let's roll. 238 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,159 - Shit, you alright man? 239 00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:08,861 - I think I'm hurt really bad. 240 00:12:08,863 --> 00:12:10,062 Don't worry about me, 241 00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:11,797 my ranger training will get me through. 242 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:12,832 - That's the spirit bro, 243 00:12:12,834 --> 00:12:13,799 were you in bat? 244 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,067 - Not anymore, I'm in delta 245 00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:16,636 but I was in 4th battalion. 246 00:12:16,638 --> 00:12:18,070 Just want to get back to men, sarge. 247 00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:19,071 - 4th battalion? 248 00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:20,172 Bro, there's only three. 249 00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:21,374 - I was special force. 250 00:12:21,376 --> 00:12:22,908 I mean... 251 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,043 A top secret! 252 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,245 - Wait, I know this guy. 253 00:12:26,247 --> 00:12:27,213 - What? 254 00:12:27,215 --> 00:12:28,681 - He's not in the military, 255 00:12:28,683 --> 00:12:31,851 he's an air-softer that works at the DMV. 256 00:12:31,853 --> 00:12:35,087 - Fuck stolen valor and fuck the DMV! 257 00:12:37,759 --> 00:12:39,091 - You mother fucker! 258 00:12:39,093 --> 00:12:40,292 Piece of shit. 259 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,828 Bitches get bit. 260 00:12:45,366 --> 00:12:46,799 - Hey guys, get over here. 261 00:12:46,801 --> 00:12:47,933 - What? 262 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:52,838 - Range 15. 263 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,442 You have to get to range 15. 264 00:12:56,444 --> 00:12:57,977 - What's range 15? 265 00:13:00,715 --> 00:13:02,181 - Let's keep moving and stick together. 266 00:13:02,183 --> 00:13:04,950 Jack, you're already doing a good job of that. 267 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:05,952 - Yeah. 268 00:13:11,893 --> 00:13:12,992 - Want to get wet? 269 00:13:12,994 --> 00:13:14,794 I haven't turned all the way yet. 270 00:13:14,796 --> 00:13:16,996 - Looks just like a girl I used to fuck in college 271 00:13:16,998 --> 00:13:17,963 - Rocco. 272 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,465 - That's disgusting. 273 00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:20,733 - Alright, alright. 274 00:13:20,735 --> 00:13:21,735 - No. 275 00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,045 Is there anyone in there? 276 00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:34,313 We're not infected. 277 00:13:34,315 --> 00:13:35,881 - Move it along, shit necks. 278 00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:37,416 There's nothing here for you. 279 00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,151 - Whoa. 280 00:13:39,153 --> 00:13:40,219 - Please just let us in, 281 00:13:40,221 --> 00:13:41,387 we're survivors. 282 00:13:41,389 --> 00:13:42,354 We just killed a shit ton of zombies. 283 00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:43,222 - Oh, did you? 284 00:13:43,224 --> 00:13:45,491 Cool story, so did we. 285 00:13:45,493 --> 00:13:48,094 Look guys, we're just trying to say alive, okay? 286 00:13:48,096 --> 00:13:49,829 We let you and Mexican Jay Leno in, 287 00:13:49,831 --> 00:13:51,063 you'll steal all of our ammo. 288 00:13:52,033 --> 00:13:52,031 - Why would you say that? 289 00:13:52,033 --> 00:13:54,867 - Listen, I'm not gonna give a gun to his chin, 290 00:13:54,869 --> 00:13:56,769 if you just let us have a few weapons, 291 00:13:56,771 --> 00:14:00,372 maybe a car, we'll be out of your beautiful hair. 292 00:14:00,374 --> 00:14:02,842 - Wait, are you mat best? 293 00:14:02,844 --> 00:14:05,111 - Every last inch. 294 00:14:05,113 --> 00:14:06,312 - We totally fucked last week. 295 00:14:06,314 --> 00:14:08,114 - Of course you did. 296 00:14:08,116 --> 00:14:09,148 - Sorry, what's up Eli? 297 00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:10,282 - It's Eliza. 298 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,819 - Can we rekindle this romance inside? 299 00:14:13,821 --> 00:14:14,754 - Hang on. 300 00:14:14,756 --> 00:14:17,990 - Oh my god, it's so big it wouldn't even go all the way in. 301 00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:19,792 - Eliza, the beard and that tattoo, 302 00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:20,826 what did I tell you? 303 00:14:20,828 --> 00:14:23,195 - I love douche bags. 304 00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:24,864 - Alright, fine. 305 00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:26,465 We'll open the door. 306 00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:31,070 - Alright, spread those cheeks, I'm going in. 307 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,345 - Hello, this is Robert Mcwilliams 308 00:14:39,347 --> 00:14:40,846 with federal resources. 309 00:14:40,848 --> 00:14:42,381 The bureau of civil defense has issued 310 00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:43,783 an national warning. 311 00:14:43,785 --> 00:14:45,785 A disease of unknown origin has spread 312 00:14:45,787 --> 00:14:47,086 to pandemic levels. 313 00:14:47,088 --> 00:14:48,487 There is no information... 314 00:14:48,489 --> 00:14:49,822 - Uh, fellas? 315 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,224 Unlock me. 316 00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,360 - Oh shit, Evan, what the hell are you doing 317 00:14:54,362 --> 00:14:56,328 chained up in the police armory? 318 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,230 - Cruised over here to grab some gats, 319 00:14:58,232 --> 00:15:01,100 when these fucking dirty sluts rolled me up. 320 00:15:01,102 --> 00:15:03,202 - This little hipster looking fuck, 321 00:15:03,204 --> 00:15:04,503 wouldn't share any weapons 322 00:15:04,505 --> 00:15:06,005 and I had to cuff him. 323 00:15:06,007 --> 00:15:08,240 - I love the way your mouth speaks. 324 00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:10,109 - What the fuck is that? 325 00:15:10,111 --> 00:15:11,310 - Oh that. 326 00:15:11,312 --> 00:15:13,312 It's what they call the grunt Pyle. 327 00:15:13,314 --> 00:15:17,516 - It literally looks like seven men scissoring. 328 00:15:17,518 --> 00:15:19,218 - That's exactly what it is. 329 00:15:21,055 --> 00:15:22,855 - I know I'm stating the obvious here 330 00:15:22,857 --> 00:15:25,191 but you guys are really fucking hot. 331 00:15:25,193 --> 00:15:27,159 Like snap your fingers hot. 332 00:15:27,161 --> 00:15:30,262 - And you're like the 2nd fattest in the group. 333 00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:31,997 Are we good now, bro? 334 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,199 - I guess. 335 00:15:33,201 --> 00:15:35,034 - What's range 15? 336 00:15:35,036 --> 00:15:37,236 - That's where that fucking soldier told us to go. 337 00:15:37,238 --> 00:15:38,904 - It's a fallback point for an ele. 338 00:15:38,906 --> 00:15:41,106 - Wait, are you guys military too? 339 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,041 - Yeah. 340 00:15:42,043 --> 00:15:44,410 I'm ex IDF and she's my cousin. 341 00:15:44,412 --> 00:15:46,045 - Wait, your Israeli? 342 00:15:46,047 --> 00:15:49,181 - Yeah, I was like screaming in Yiddish the entire time. 343 00:15:49,183 --> 00:15:51,550 - No offense but that happens a lot more than you think. 344 00:15:51,552 --> 00:15:52,918 - A lot more. 345 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,554 - What's an ele? 346 00:15:55,556 --> 00:15:58,858 - Extinction level event, Jack. 347 00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:00,326 - Hey man, I'm really impressed. 348 00:16:00,328 --> 00:16:01,894 - It says it on the map. 349 00:16:01,896 --> 00:16:03,062 - God damn it. 350 00:16:03,064 --> 00:16:04,563 - Well, range 15, that's where we need to go. 351 00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:08,200 - Oh hey, brilliant fucking idea, tactical Tesla. 352 00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,469 Here's another one, we need to get weapons, 353 00:16:10,471 --> 00:16:12,304 supplies and we need to check in at the base 354 00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:14,039 to see if it's still intact. 355 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,040 - Thanks, dad. 356 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,308 Prom ended at 11. 357 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,310 - You guys gonna come with us? 358 00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,112 - No, we're all set. 359 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,581 We're just gonna ride this out until... 360 00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:24,316 - we save the world? 361 00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:25,951 - You guys? 362 00:16:25,953 --> 00:16:26,986 Yeah right. 363 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,055 - Listen here, oven mitts, 364 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:31,323 there's thousands of them out there 365 00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:33,125 and as bad ass as you think you are, 366 00:16:33,127 --> 00:16:36,228 you won't be able to hold them off forever. 367 00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:37,363 Boop. 368 00:16:37,365 --> 00:16:38,597 - Jesus could. 369 00:16:38,599 --> 00:16:40,232 - Who is this fucking guy? 370 00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,200 - Jesus? 371 00:16:41,202 --> 00:16:42,468 He's our lord and savoir. 372 00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:43,335 He died for our sins. 373 00:16:43,337 --> 00:16:44,937 - Don't mind him. 374 00:16:44,939 --> 00:16:47,006 He was Billy Bob's stand-in in sling blade 375 00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:49,141 but that's completely irrelevant right now. 376 00:16:49,143 --> 00:16:50,676 I'll protect you. 377 00:16:50,678 --> 00:16:53,212 - And I will never fuck you. 378 00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,086 We'll go but if shit goes down 379 00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,255 we're hiding behind the crimson chin here. 380 00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:04,690 - Hey, what's with all the chintrest? 381 00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:06,926 - That goddamn thing is huge. 382 00:17:06,928 --> 00:17:09,528 It's like do you have to drink with a bendy straw or... 383 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,263 - can we stop playing fuck, fuck, goose, 384 00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:13,132 and just gear up? 385 00:17:13,134 --> 00:17:14,500 - You know what guys? 386 00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:17,536 For once in nicks life, he's actually fucking right. 387 00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:21,106 So wants a sweet fucking gear up montage? 388 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,645 This is really convenient for us. 389 00:19:33,577 --> 00:19:36,276 - I feel like I just blacked out on freedom. 390 00:19:36,277 --> 00:19:40,446 - I feel like I got butt fucked by Francis Scott key. 391 00:19:40,448 --> 00:19:42,714 - Is there any dialogue between you two 392 00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:45,217 that doesn't involve homo sexual undertones? 393 00:19:45,219 --> 00:19:47,553 - Not one single time. 394 00:19:47,555 --> 00:19:50,122 - Just keep your body away from me. 395 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:57,629 - Holy shit! 396 00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,431 Zombies one o'clock. 397 00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:09,468 ("What a wonderful world" 398 00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:30,656 - Jack killed everything. 399 00:21:30,658 --> 00:21:31,623 - Jesus. 400 00:21:31,625 --> 00:21:32,558 - Let's go, let's go. 401 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,660 - Let's go, let's go. 402 00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:39,231 - We should all take Camaros. 403 00:21:39,233 --> 00:21:40,666 - Bro, this isn't swingers. 404 00:21:40,668 --> 00:21:42,668 We're not taking 30 cars. 405 00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:44,269 - What do you suggest? 406 00:21:44,271 --> 00:21:45,470 - We can take the whisky truck that they confiscated 407 00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:46,672 the night I got arrested. 408 00:21:46,674 --> 00:21:48,307 - I'll drive. 409 00:21:48,309 --> 00:21:49,808 - You sure you don't want to put your dick in it first? 410 00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:51,343 - If he did, I bet he'd fill it up with... 411 00:21:51,345 --> 00:21:52,644 - premium? 412 00:21:52,646 --> 00:21:55,280 - It's like you're living inside of me! 413 00:21:56,450 --> 00:21:58,283 - Bro, she's never gonna fuck you, alright? 414 00:21:58,285 --> 00:21:59,885 Evan, what the fuck are you doing? 415 00:21:59,887 --> 00:22:00,887 - Taking a piss. 416 00:22:05,693 --> 00:22:07,226 - What happened? 417 00:22:07,228 --> 00:22:08,228 - Fuck! 418 00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,796 Fucking ripped my dick off! 419 00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:15,467 - Hey, on scale from shaft to tip, 420 00:22:15,469 --> 00:22:16,868 how much did that fucker get? 421 00:22:16,870 --> 00:22:18,003 - Shut up! 422 00:22:18,005 --> 00:22:19,404 Get over here and help me! 423 00:22:19,406 --> 00:22:22,641 - Come Evan, quit dicking around. 424 00:22:23,611 --> 00:22:24,710 - Fuck you. 425 00:22:24,712 --> 00:22:26,612 - Hey bro, you really got the shaft. 426 00:22:27,548 --> 00:22:28,748 - This is worse than syphilis. 427 00:22:29,550 --> 00:22:30,616 Fuck you! 428 00:22:30,618 --> 00:22:31,817 Just fucking kill me. 429 00:22:31,819 --> 00:22:33,418 - No bro, we're gonna let you turn 430 00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:35,287 and then feed you your own dick, 431 00:22:35,289 --> 00:22:36,521 you cock sucker. 432 00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:37,823 - Fuck you man! 433 00:22:45,766 --> 00:22:47,466 - Hey Evan, there you go 434 00:22:47,468 --> 00:22:48,700 - just fucking kill me. 435 00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:49,568 - Hey no bro, I'm just kidding. 436 00:22:49,570 --> 00:22:50,570 I'll kill you. 437 00:22:52,773 --> 00:22:55,040 - Just like all the others. 438 00:22:56,342 --> 00:22:57,042 - You guys ready? 439 00:22:57,044 --> 00:22:58,377 Let's go. 440 00:22:58,379 --> 00:23:00,045 To the whiskey truck. 441 00:23:25,605 --> 00:23:27,339 - Fuck bro, I need some food. 442 00:23:27,341 --> 00:23:29,308 Killing zombies really works up an appetite. 443 00:23:29,310 --> 00:23:30,475 - Hey man, be careful in there. 444 00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:33,078 Do me a favor, grab your rifle. 445 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,613 - Do you see you where we are? 446 00:23:34,615 --> 00:23:35,714 Pretty sure it's abandoned. 447 00:23:35,716 --> 00:23:36,882 Anyone else? 448 00:23:36,884 --> 00:23:38,164 - Anything that rhymes with beer. 449 00:23:39,019 --> 00:23:40,619 - It's great to see that the zombie fucking apocalypse 450 00:23:40,621 --> 00:23:41,920 hasn't changed you. 451 00:23:41,922 --> 00:23:42,788 Grab me some kill cliff. 452 00:23:42,790 --> 00:23:43,755 - Got it. 453 00:23:43,757 --> 00:23:45,057 - I'll take some goldfish. 454 00:23:45,059 --> 00:23:48,026 - That's a children's snack, you fat fuck. 455 00:23:48,028 --> 00:23:50,696 - I do have a boyish quality about me. 456 00:23:50,698 --> 00:23:52,764 - And it shines through like heavens light on 457 00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:53,899 to all of us. 458 00:23:55,368 --> 00:23:56,601 - Anyone else? 459 00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:58,370 - Seriously man, stay away from the glass. 460 00:23:58,372 --> 00:23:59,538 I don't want you getting yanked through. 461 00:23:59,540 --> 00:24:01,373 - Bro, do you see how fucking big I am? 462 00:24:01,375 --> 00:24:02,908 You know how big a mother fucker would have 463 00:24:02,910 --> 00:24:04,109 to be to fucking pull me through a window? 464 00:24:04,111 --> 00:24:06,712 - Surprisingly, I'm with Nick on this one 465 00:24:06,714 --> 00:24:09,114 because if this was a zombie movie, 466 00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:10,682 you'd be getting ripped through that glass 467 00:24:10,684 --> 00:24:11,883 right about now. 468 00:24:11,885 --> 00:24:13,518 - Mat, this isn't a zombie movie. 469 00:24:15,856 --> 00:24:17,656 - Mother fucker, let's go, let's go, let's go. 470 00:24:18,092 --> 00:24:19,057 - Shit, did you see the size 471 00:24:19,059 --> 00:24:21,626 of that mother fucking zombie? 472 00:24:22,695 --> 00:24:23,895 - Fucking men. 473 00:24:27,901 --> 00:24:29,434 - Are you infected? 474 00:24:29,436 --> 00:24:30,436 Answer me. 475 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,671 - You tell me dude. 476 00:24:32,673 --> 00:24:35,073 Whoa, you gonna shoot me for stealing? 477 00:24:35,075 --> 00:24:36,575 - What? 478 00:24:36,577 --> 00:24:37,409 - That's right, I'm slurpees for free and shit. 479 00:24:37,411 --> 00:24:38,610 What up? 480 00:24:38,612 --> 00:24:40,612 Lights were out, so I came in to get mine. 481 00:24:40,614 --> 00:24:42,047 Know what I'm saying? 482 00:24:42,049 --> 00:24:43,949 - Hey fuck stick, it's the zombie fucking apocalypse. 483 00:24:43,951 --> 00:24:46,685 You can literally take anything in here if you wanted. 484 00:24:46,687 --> 00:24:48,487 - Oh shit, for real? 485 00:24:50,556 --> 00:24:52,424 God it's hot in here. 486 00:24:52,426 --> 00:24:54,025 That's why I stripped down. 487 00:24:54,027 --> 00:24:56,428 Skins a natural coolant, my uncle says. 488 00:24:56,430 --> 00:24:58,764 Level with me bro, shits for real free free? 489 00:24:58,766 --> 00:25:00,766 Cause I kinda feel like I'm being mind tricked here. 490 00:25:00,768 --> 00:25:03,135 - Mother fucker, get the fuck out! 491 00:25:03,137 --> 00:25:05,404 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, man. 492 00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:07,172 Hey, doll dick. 493 00:25:10,177 --> 00:25:14,112 You look like Randy Quaid with downs syndrome. 494 00:25:15,581 --> 00:25:18,583 - Randy Quaid is an American legend. 495 00:25:18,585 --> 00:25:21,119 I loved him in Chaddyshack 2! 496 00:25:24,992 --> 00:25:27,526 Why'd you make me do this? 497 00:25:30,696 --> 00:25:31,997 - Hey Rocco, Rocco. 498 00:25:31,999 --> 00:25:33,965 - Shit, if he's a zombie, I get to kill him. 499 00:25:33,967 --> 00:25:35,167 - He's my fucking friend. 500 00:25:35,169 --> 00:25:36,435 - It doesn't matter, I called it. 501 00:25:36,437 --> 00:25:38,637 He's like a 12 point buck. 502 00:25:41,875 --> 00:25:43,675 - Oh my fucking god. 503 00:25:45,112 --> 00:25:49,681 - Jesus tap dancing Christ, what the fuck? 504 00:25:49,683 --> 00:25:52,150 - You guys want to give me a fucking minute? 505 00:25:52,152 --> 00:25:55,220 - For the first time in my life, I have no words. 506 00:25:55,222 --> 00:25:57,088 - Is it weird that I'm kinda in to it? 507 00:25:57,090 --> 00:25:59,524 - You have a doll glued to your cock, Jack. 508 00:25:59,526 --> 00:26:00,892 So no, not really. 509 00:26:00,894 --> 00:26:02,060 - This is some barrack shit. 510 00:26:02,062 --> 00:26:03,762 I'm gonna get some freedom fudge. 511 00:26:03,764 --> 00:26:07,165 - I'll get some with you too, don't tell Heather. 512 00:26:07,167 --> 00:26:08,167 - Who's next? 513 00:26:11,972 --> 00:26:14,506 - Is there supposed to be that much blood? 514 00:26:14,508 --> 00:26:15,841 - I hope so. 515 00:26:15,843 --> 00:26:17,609 - Oh shit yeah, fuck! 516 00:26:17,611 --> 00:26:18,743 - Okay, I'm good. 517 00:26:18,745 --> 00:26:20,145 Time to go, Jack. 518 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:23,715 - I want one. 519 00:26:28,855 --> 00:26:29,988 - Yeah, yeah. 520 00:26:34,728 --> 00:26:36,061 - You ready, zombie fucker? 521 00:26:36,063 --> 00:26:37,229 - What, bro? 522 00:26:37,231 --> 00:26:38,697 That's some bucket list type shit. 523 00:26:38,699 --> 00:26:40,031 - For who, a necrophiliac? 524 00:26:40,033 --> 00:26:41,967 - Oh come on, she didn't look that dead. 525 00:26:41,969 --> 00:26:42,968 - Agreed. 526 00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:43,902 Kidding. 527 00:26:43,904 --> 00:26:46,204 I want you to know I'm a perfect gentleman 528 00:26:46,206 --> 00:26:48,106 and I would never fuck a zombie. 529 00:26:48,108 --> 00:26:49,941 - So what if I turned into a zombie? 530 00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:51,109 Would you fuck me? 531 00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:53,078 - Why, do you want to turn into a zombie 532 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,246 and have sex with me? 533 00:26:54,248 --> 00:26:55,847 - See. 534 00:26:55,849 --> 00:26:58,216 - What I was answering a question with a question. 535 00:27:02,555 --> 00:27:04,289 - This bitch got enough gas to get us to base, you think? 536 00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:04,289 - I hope so man. 537 00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:08,093 I don't think I can handle seeing another zombie get fucked. 538 00:27:08,095 --> 00:27:09,628 - I've seen worse bro, you'll be alright. 539 00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:10,630 Thailand. 540 00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:49,601 - You know, I can't believe you just fucking did that. 541 00:27:51,038 --> 00:27:53,204 - I'm telling you, I found love in a hopeless place. 542 00:27:53,206 --> 00:27:55,674 - Did you seriously just quote a Rhianna song 543 00:27:55,676 --> 00:27:57,609 to describe sex with a zombie? 544 00:27:57,611 --> 00:27:59,878 - I feel like I'm her Chris brown, you know? 545 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:00,946 - You didn't beat her as much. 546 00:28:00,948 --> 00:28:02,347 Terrible euphemism. 547 00:28:02,349 --> 00:28:03,815 - Seriously. 548 00:28:03,817 --> 00:28:05,016 - You know, I'm not ashamed. 549 00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:06,818 The heart wants what the heart wants. 550 00:28:21,734 --> 00:28:22,734 - No, don't drink it! 551 00:28:22,736 --> 00:28:23,902 - What the fuck, bro. 552 00:28:23,904 --> 00:28:25,070 - It's a bad batch. 553 00:28:25,072 --> 00:28:26,638 - He put viper semen in it. 554 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,006 - Well, a scientist did. 555 00:28:28,008 --> 00:28:30,709 - Since is when a scientist part of a distillery? 556 00:28:30,711 --> 00:28:32,210 - You see, my dad's old army buddy 557 00:28:32,212 --> 00:28:33,845 is an amateur scientist, 558 00:28:33,847 --> 00:28:35,313 he's the only one we knew how could distill whiskey. 559 00:28:35,315 --> 00:28:36,648 This was our first batch. 560 00:28:36,650 --> 00:28:38,183 - An amateur scientist? 561 00:28:38,185 --> 00:28:40,352 That would be like using an amateur bomb tech. 562 00:28:40,354 --> 00:28:43,688 That just shouldn't be a thing. 563 00:28:43,690 --> 00:28:45,323 Is that toxic shit even drinkable? 564 00:28:45,325 --> 00:28:48,259 - I'm gonna go with a soft, maybe. 565 00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:51,329 Fuck. 566 00:28:51,331 --> 00:28:52,931 We got trouble up ahead. 567 00:28:54,301 --> 00:28:56,134 - I don't we can get around this shit, man. 568 00:28:56,136 --> 00:28:57,636 - You glorious fucks cover me, 569 00:28:57,638 --> 00:28:59,037 I'll move the Humvee. 570 00:29:14,687 --> 00:29:16,221 - Out of ammo, going to the truck. 571 00:29:16,223 --> 00:29:18,023 - Grab me some mags! 572 00:29:27,968 --> 00:29:29,801 - Who's the punk bitch now? 573 00:29:29,803 --> 00:29:32,170 Where the fuck are the keys? 574 00:29:32,172 --> 00:29:35,173 Fucking Humvees shouldn't have keys. 575 00:30:06,939 --> 00:30:07,939 - Oh shit. 576 00:30:09,409 --> 00:30:10,442 - Guys, hold you fire. 577 00:30:10,444 --> 00:30:11,976 - Holy shit. 578 00:30:11,978 --> 00:30:14,012 - Viper semen forever. 579 00:30:14,014 --> 00:30:14,946 - What happened? 580 00:30:14,948 --> 00:30:16,247 - Amateur scientist for the win. 581 00:30:16,249 --> 00:30:18,950 I think we just found ourselves a cure. 582 00:30:18,952 --> 00:30:20,985 - You've got to be shitting me. 583 00:30:22,055 --> 00:30:23,154 - Nope. 584 00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:24,122 - Well, if the colonels still alive, 585 00:30:24,124 --> 00:30:25,490 we gotta get to him asap. 586 00:30:25,492 --> 00:30:27,425 - I can not wait to see the look on his face 587 00:30:27,427 --> 00:30:30,428 when he finds out the cure for the zombie apocalypse 588 00:30:30,430 --> 00:30:31,896 came from you. 589 00:30:31,898 --> 00:30:34,933 - Shit is gonna be good, my friend. 590 00:30:34,935 --> 00:30:37,836 Let's go butt fuck some zombies. 591 00:30:48,814 --> 00:30:50,148 - Get back in your vehicle. 592 00:30:50,150 --> 00:30:52,183 This is a secure government installation 593 00:30:52,185 --> 00:30:54,385 and you cannot walk around here without a pt belt. 594 00:30:54,387 --> 00:30:56,187 - Easy there, high speed. 595 00:30:56,189 --> 00:30:57,388 This is my safety. 596 00:30:57,390 --> 00:30:59,290 - No pt belt, no access buddy. 597 00:30:59,292 --> 00:31:00,458 - Whoa, whoa whoa. 598 00:31:00,460 --> 00:31:02,260 I was just testing you 599 00:31:02,262 --> 00:31:03,995 and you passed. 600 00:31:03,997 --> 00:31:05,930 Now, I don't have any pt belts 601 00:31:05,932 --> 00:31:09,300 but what I do have is some challenge coins. 602 00:31:09,302 --> 00:31:10,302 Huh, huh? 603 00:31:11,337 --> 00:31:12,203 - Is that real? 604 00:31:12,205 --> 00:31:13,138 - Are those real? 605 00:31:13,140 --> 00:31:14,239 - Oh, they're real my friend. 606 00:31:14,241 --> 00:31:16,174 - The fuck outta here. 607 00:31:16,176 --> 00:31:17,041 - There we go. 608 00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:18,043 - Oh man! 609 00:31:19,311 --> 00:31:20,411 - Now, is the colonel here 610 00:31:20,413 --> 00:31:22,247 and more importantly is he alive? 611 00:31:22,249 --> 00:31:23,114 - Yeah he's alive. 612 00:31:23,116 --> 00:31:24,482 He's at the jock. 613 00:31:24,484 --> 00:31:25,550 Can we keep these? 614 00:31:25,552 --> 00:31:26,484 - All yours. 615 00:31:26,486 --> 00:31:28,253 Let's open that gate then, yeah? 616 00:31:28,255 --> 00:31:29,120 - Okay, yeah. 617 00:31:29,122 --> 00:31:30,789 - Oh. 618 00:31:30,791 --> 00:31:31,791 Alright. 619 00:31:33,893 --> 00:31:35,026 - Just kinda. 620 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,228 Kinda put your back into it. 621 00:31:37,230 --> 00:31:38,229 - Does it go that way? 622 00:31:38,231 --> 00:31:39,564 It's a new gate. 623 00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:42,300 I got it, I got it. 624 00:31:43,469 --> 00:31:44,435 I got it. 625 00:31:44,437 --> 00:31:46,004 - What the fuck just happened? 626 00:31:46,006 --> 00:31:48,139 - The army's real weird about pt belts. 627 00:31:49,576 --> 00:31:51,242 - So to keep you safe, they we're going to shoot you? 628 00:31:51,244 --> 00:31:52,477 - Yeah. 629 00:31:52,479 --> 00:31:54,078 - And they didn't because of coins? 630 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,313 - You've got to understand. 631 00:31:55,315 --> 00:31:57,215 Challenge coins are like Po Kryptonite. 632 00:31:57,217 --> 00:31:59,217 They're defenseless to their power. 633 00:32:05,291 --> 00:32:06,591 - You tell that shit for brains 634 00:32:06,593 --> 00:32:07,859 I want no more excuses. 635 00:32:07,861 --> 00:32:09,060 I want to hit them. 636 00:32:09,062 --> 00:32:10,094 I want to know how many are out there. 637 00:32:10,096 --> 00:32:11,396 I want to know who's on... 638 00:32:11,398 --> 00:32:12,398 What? 639 00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:15,867 What the fuck do we have here? 640 00:32:18,538 --> 00:32:20,205 Mat fucking best. 641 00:32:20,207 --> 00:32:21,406 - Colonel. 642 00:32:21,408 --> 00:32:22,907 - Is that a blow up doll you got glued 643 00:32:22,909 --> 00:32:23,909 to your cock there, son? 644 00:32:24,444 --> 00:32:25,844 - Sort of. 645 00:32:25,846 --> 00:32:26,511 You see, I fell down with my pants unzipped 646 00:32:26,513 --> 00:32:27,378 and I just kinda... 647 00:32:27,380 --> 00:32:28,446 - oh shut the fuck up! 648 00:32:28,448 --> 00:32:29,414 - Alright. 649 00:32:29,416 --> 00:32:30,915 - Now, gentlemen, stand down. 650 00:32:30,917 --> 00:32:33,885 Let me have a moment with this guy alone. 651 00:32:33,887 --> 00:32:34,853 Alright. 652 00:32:34,855 --> 00:32:35,954 - Colonel, it's been a minute. 653 00:32:35,956 --> 00:32:37,555 How you been? 654 00:32:37,557 --> 00:32:39,557 - I'm surprised that you two ass hats are still alive. 655 00:32:39,559 --> 00:32:41,492 - And we found a cure. 656 00:32:44,164 --> 00:32:45,330 - Are you serious? 657 00:32:45,332 --> 00:32:48,132 - Serious as a heart attack, my friend. 658 00:32:48,134 --> 00:32:49,567 - In my office now, Mr. Best. 659 00:32:49,569 --> 00:32:51,002 - Got it. 660 00:32:51,904 --> 00:32:54,305 - You stay here, Gomer Pyle. 661 00:33:06,018 --> 00:33:08,319 - Love what you've done with the place, colonel. 662 00:33:08,321 --> 00:33:10,989 It's very, restoration hardware meets mash. 663 00:33:10,991 --> 00:33:12,590 - Oh, zip your dick! 664 00:33:13,893 --> 00:33:15,660 Now, we found the cure, is about the only words 665 00:33:15,662 --> 00:33:18,529 you could of used to prevent me from putting my foot 666 00:33:18,531 --> 00:33:19,931 in your ass. 667 00:33:19,933 --> 00:33:21,933 - What's with the hostility, sir? 668 00:33:21,935 --> 00:33:23,134 - Really? 669 00:33:23,136 --> 00:33:24,576 You didn't fuck my arm less daughter? 670 00:33:26,606 --> 00:33:28,406 - This is way better than a hand job! 671 00:33:32,579 --> 00:33:33,444 - Daddy? 672 00:33:33,446 --> 00:33:34,579 - What the fuck? 673 00:33:34,581 --> 00:33:35,446 What the fuck? 674 00:33:35,448 --> 00:33:36,448 - Shit! 675 00:33:38,050 --> 00:33:42,020 I am pretty sure I would of remembered that. 676 00:33:42,022 --> 00:33:43,554 - Hey, daddy, do you have the barracks keys? 677 00:33:43,556 --> 00:33:45,089 - Coming in hot. 678 00:33:46,493 --> 00:33:48,559 - What the stump fuck? 679 00:33:48,561 --> 00:33:51,696 - Look at my daughter, sergeant best. 680 00:33:53,599 --> 00:33:55,633 Doesn't ring a bell, still? 681 00:33:55,635 --> 00:33:59,103 - It's nice to see you from the front. 682 00:33:59,105 --> 00:34:00,505 - What is it, Mary? 683 00:34:00,507 --> 00:34:02,573 - That special ops guy is in the mess hall for you. 684 00:34:02,575 --> 00:34:03,975 - Well tell him I still need a minute. 685 00:34:03,977 --> 00:34:05,176 - Okay. 686 00:34:05,178 --> 00:34:08,112 - So, tell me about this cure. 687 00:34:08,114 --> 00:34:10,715 - Why don't you tell me how it happened. 688 00:34:10,717 --> 00:34:13,151 - This isn't fucking clue! 689 00:34:13,153 --> 00:34:16,521 Take shit seriously for once in your life, mat. 690 00:34:16,523 --> 00:34:19,324 A plane crashed coming in from overseas. 691 00:34:19,326 --> 00:34:21,326 We don't know if it was on purpose 692 00:34:21,328 --> 00:34:24,963 or if a passenger unknowingly had the virus and spread it. 693 00:34:24,965 --> 00:34:27,732 The disease spread like herpes in a fort Bragg barracks. 694 00:34:27,734 --> 00:34:31,069 Right now, all we need to do is contain it. 695 00:34:31,071 --> 00:34:33,071 Candlestick, library, go. 696 00:34:33,073 --> 00:34:34,372 - Well as crazy as it sounds. 697 00:34:34,374 --> 00:34:36,641 The guys and I have been distilling whiskey 698 00:34:36,643 --> 00:34:40,445 and let's just say we had a bad crate. 699 00:34:40,447 --> 00:34:41,746 - Bad crate of distilled whiskey? 700 00:34:41,748 --> 00:34:42,680 I'm not following. 701 00:34:42,682 --> 00:34:45,483 - It was mixed with viper semen. 702 00:34:46,552 --> 00:34:48,686 - That sounds like a shitty Internet video 703 00:34:48,688 --> 00:34:50,088 or the plot of a bad movie. 704 00:34:52,659 --> 00:34:55,593 - As as ridiculous as it sounds, it's the truth. 705 00:34:55,595 --> 00:34:57,261 One of my guys smashed a zombies head 706 00:34:57,263 --> 00:34:59,597 in with the whiskey bottle and they changed back. 707 00:34:59,599 --> 00:35:01,032 - Where's this whiskey now? 708 00:35:01,034 --> 00:35:02,467 - It's safe in the mess hall. 709 00:35:02,469 --> 00:35:04,402 - With the guy from of mice and men and the chubby one? 710 00:35:04,404 --> 00:35:08,406 - I like to consider it the ranger up and article 15. 711 00:35:08,408 --> 00:35:09,741 - I'll have one of my guys grab it 712 00:35:09,743 --> 00:35:12,043 and take it over to range 15. 713 00:35:12,045 --> 00:35:13,244 - Why don't you just test it here 714 00:35:13,246 --> 00:35:14,779 and distribute it amongst the people? 715 00:35:14,781 --> 00:35:16,681 - Our building was compromised and most of the scientists 716 00:35:16,683 --> 00:35:16,681 were killed. 717 00:35:16,683 --> 00:35:20,051 The remaining ones, we sent over to ranger 15. 718 00:35:20,053 --> 00:35:21,586 - Well then, we'll just take it over to range 15 ourselves. 719 00:35:21,588 --> 00:35:22,587 - Oh, shit. 720 00:35:22,589 --> 00:35:24,522 I'm not gonna leave the fate of the world 721 00:35:24,524 --> 00:35:25,723 to you fuck offs. 722 00:35:25,725 --> 00:35:27,558 - No offense colonel but I trust us 723 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,093 more than I trust your guy. 724 00:35:29,095 --> 00:35:30,461 Our guys are fearless. 725 00:35:30,463 --> 00:35:32,697 - I bet I can fit 14 hot dogs in my mouth. 726 00:35:32,699 --> 00:35:33,798 - I bet I can do 30. 727 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,034 - Why would you want to do that? 728 00:35:36,036 --> 00:35:38,136 - Because we're fearless! 729 00:35:44,743 --> 00:35:46,544 - I prefer my guy. 730 00:35:46,546 --> 00:35:49,213 - And who the fuck is your guy? 731 00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,649 - Sergeant major Gene Vandenham. 732 00:35:51,651 --> 00:35:53,184 Have you heard of him? 733 00:35:53,186 --> 00:35:54,352 - Yeah, I've fucking heard of him. 734 00:35:54,354 --> 00:35:55,753 Fuck Gene. 735 00:35:55,755 --> 00:35:57,088 You know all that mother fucker is is the little... 736 00:35:57,090 --> 00:35:58,090 - hero? 737 00:36:16,175 --> 00:36:19,177 Sergeant major Gene Vandenham is America. 738 00:36:19,179 --> 00:36:21,179 I fucking love that guy. 739 00:36:21,181 --> 00:36:21,179 Everybody loves that guy. 740 00:36:21,181 --> 00:36:24,649 Now, that's the kind man I want to see my daughter with. 741 00:36:24,651 --> 00:36:26,217 Hell, that's the kind of guy everybody wants 742 00:36:26,219 --> 00:36:27,385 to see their daughter with. 743 00:36:27,387 --> 00:36:29,487 You know, I'ma be honest with you. 744 00:36:29,489 --> 00:36:31,589 I've been married for over 38 years now 745 00:36:31,591 --> 00:36:33,458 and if Gene Vandenham asked me 746 00:36:33,460 --> 00:36:35,560 to take him in my mouth, 747 00:36:35,562 --> 00:36:37,428 I'd honestly consider it. 748 00:36:37,430 --> 00:36:38,830 - God man. 749 00:36:38,832 --> 00:36:42,133 - You and your boys can follow on a convoy behind. 750 00:36:42,135 --> 00:36:44,535 That will be all, sergeant. 751 00:36:44,537 --> 00:36:45,537 - Thanks. 752 00:36:46,538 --> 00:36:48,739 - And keep your dick in your pants. 753 00:36:48,741 --> 00:36:50,408 - I nub you. 754 00:36:50,410 --> 00:36:52,210 - Asshole. 755 00:36:56,482 --> 00:36:58,149 - So what happened? 756 00:36:58,151 --> 00:36:59,817 - He said their scientists are at range 15 757 00:36:59,819 --> 00:37:01,752 and they want fucking Gene Vandenham 758 00:37:01,754 --> 00:37:03,387 to take the whiskey there 759 00:37:03,389 --> 00:37:06,624 and we get to follow along in a sweet fuck train. 760 00:37:06,626 --> 00:37:07,658 - Fucking bullshit! 761 00:37:07,660 --> 00:37:08,593 That's our whiskey. 762 00:37:08,595 --> 00:37:10,728 - And our viper semen! 763 00:37:10,730 --> 00:37:14,165 - Look Matt, sometimes things can look pretty bleak 764 00:37:14,167 --> 00:37:15,433 but when life gets hard... 765 00:37:15,435 --> 00:37:17,435 - Nick, you promised. 766 00:37:17,437 --> 00:37:18,636 - No officer shit, bro. 767 00:37:18,638 --> 00:37:20,171 - Alright, alright. 768 00:37:20,173 --> 00:37:21,606 Seriously, though. 769 00:37:21,608 --> 00:37:23,841 If Gene takes the whiskey, we've got a much better chance 770 00:37:23,843 --> 00:37:25,443 of success. 771 00:37:25,445 --> 00:37:26,777 - And a much better chance that none of us get killed. 772 00:37:26,779 --> 00:37:28,446 - I'm cool with that. 773 00:37:28,448 --> 00:37:29,914 - I would of protected you. 774 00:37:29,916 --> 00:37:31,315 - Oh yeah? 775 00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:33,818 Let's see, go with the world renowned hero 776 00:37:33,820 --> 00:37:36,721 or a guy who shoved 14 hot dogs in his mouth. 777 00:37:36,723 --> 00:37:38,489 - Dude, you dogged 14? 778 00:37:38,491 --> 00:37:39,891 Champion! 779 00:37:39,893 --> 00:37:42,360 - No, that's not a high five moment. 780 00:37:42,362 --> 00:37:43,828 - Every moments a high five moment. 781 00:37:45,265 --> 00:37:46,265 - Oh god. 782 00:38:56,935 --> 00:38:59,537 - You boys have the whiskey? 783 00:38:59,539 --> 00:39:00,905 - Oh yeah. 784 00:39:00,907 --> 00:39:02,707 - Hand it over, son. 785 00:39:05,152 --> 00:39:06,411 - I'm sorry, I just... 786 00:39:06,412 --> 00:39:10,681 - you, you, you, just got lost in my eyes? 787 00:39:10,683 --> 00:39:13,384 Relax, it doesn't make you gay. 788 00:39:13,386 --> 00:39:14,919 It makes you compassionate. 789 00:39:14,921 --> 00:39:16,587 - Oh, you're so right, Gene. 790 00:39:16,589 --> 00:39:17,822 - I know. 791 00:39:17,824 --> 00:39:18,824 Release. 792 00:39:21,593 --> 00:39:24,262 There's my fat bottomed girl. 793 00:39:24,264 --> 00:39:26,397 Thanks, guardians of the galaxy, 794 00:39:26,399 --> 00:39:28,666 I'll keep an eye on you in my rear view. 795 00:39:28,668 --> 00:39:29,800 Stay close. 796 00:39:29,802 --> 00:39:30,968 You too, second. 797 00:39:30,970 --> 00:39:31,902 - Fuck did you just call me? 798 00:39:31,904 --> 00:39:32,904 - Seconds. 799 00:39:33,939 --> 00:39:35,740 That's your middle name, isn't it? 800 00:39:37,010 --> 00:39:39,543 - Mat second best. 801 00:39:39,545 --> 00:39:41,312 This is like slam poetry. 802 00:39:41,314 --> 00:39:42,046 Genius 803 00:39:42,048 --> 00:39:44,782 - catch ya on the dark side of the moon, 804 00:39:44,784 --> 00:39:44,782 cheese squeeze. 805 00:39:44,784 --> 00:39:49,520 Keep your ears buttered up while I set fire to the rain. 806 00:39:49,522 --> 00:39:51,822 - What the fuck does that even mean? 807 00:39:51,824 --> 00:39:53,691 - You know what it means? 808 00:39:53,693 --> 00:39:55,459 You don't know where I've been. 809 00:39:55,461 --> 00:39:58,796 Rodney king riots, 1984, I'm driving through the streets 810 00:39:58,798 --> 00:40:02,466 of and the city they call long beach. 811 00:40:02,468 --> 00:40:05,536 When a young African American says to me, 812 00:40:05,538 --> 00:40:08,439 "hey man, you some kind of gi Joe? 813 00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:10,875 Mr. Jarhead." 814 00:40:12,311 --> 00:40:14,445 I says so what if I am? 815 00:40:14,447 --> 00:40:18,883 And he says, "well why don't you suck on my dick 816 00:40:18,885 --> 00:40:21,319 and then lick on my balls." 817 00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:27,992 And before he can get that s out, 818 00:40:27,994 --> 00:40:30,828 I squeeze the trig and blew his brains outs. 819 00:40:30,830 --> 00:40:33,397 The next day, the riots were over. 820 00:40:33,399 --> 00:40:35,366 The moral of the story is this, 821 00:40:35,368 --> 00:40:37,902 why don't you walk 168 miles in my shoes 822 00:40:37,904 --> 00:40:40,471 with 16 dead soldiers over your shoulder 823 00:40:40,473 --> 00:40:42,840 before you ask me what the fuck that means. 824 00:40:42,842 --> 00:40:44,709 Good day, fuck faces. 825 00:40:45,977 --> 00:40:49,046 By the way, wear a condom on that dick of yours 826 00:40:49,048 --> 00:40:51,782 if you're eye fuck me on the way out like that. 827 00:40:51,784 --> 00:40:54,418 This is Gene's world. 828 00:40:59,491 --> 00:41:02,593 - That guy is such a fucking celebrity cameo. 829 00:41:02,595 --> 00:41:04,795 - Hey man, I don't want to fucking be here. 830 00:41:04,797 --> 00:41:05,797 - Oh. 831 00:41:06,532 --> 00:41:07,665 Hey, Ron Jeremy. 832 00:41:07,667 --> 00:41:09,433 - Your indiegogo campaign went so well 833 00:41:09,435 --> 00:41:11,502 you can actually buy people. 834 00:41:11,504 --> 00:41:13,537 - You're right, you can go dude, thanks. 835 00:41:13,539 --> 00:41:14,872 - Great. 836 00:41:14,874 --> 00:41:17,108 - Gene's kinda legit. 837 00:41:17,110 --> 00:41:19,076 - Gene is a douche bag 838 00:41:19,078 --> 00:41:20,544 and he's treating all of us 839 00:41:20,546 --> 00:41:22,780 like the fucking b team. 840 00:41:22,782 --> 00:41:24,682 I'm gonna go outside and get some fresh air. 841 00:41:24,684 --> 00:41:26,384 Let my suck dangle. 842 00:41:27,853 --> 00:41:29,086 - Grab a pic. 843 00:41:29,088 --> 00:41:31,389 I knew before it even came out of my mouth. 844 00:41:31,391 --> 00:41:32,957 - Mat, can I come with you? 845 00:41:32,959 --> 00:41:35,393 I haven't said anything in a while. 846 00:41:35,395 --> 00:41:36,627 - Sure, Eunice. 847 00:41:39,831 --> 00:41:42,400 - Happy birthday, Matt James. 848 00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:46,804 - Mat, are you okay? 849 00:41:47,806 --> 00:41:49,440 - I'm fine, Eleanor. 850 00:41:49,442 --> 00:41:50,574 - Eliza. 851 00:41:50,576 --> 00:41:51,809 - Whatever. 852 00:41:51,811 --> 00:41:53,010 I just hate that Gene Vadendouche. 853 00:41:53,012 --> 00:41:54,111 Everything get's handed over to him 854 00:41:54,113 --> 00:41:56,447 like I'm some incompetent clown dick. 855 00:41:56,449 --> 00:41:58,682 - I don't think your an incompetent clown dick. 856 00:41:58,684 --> 00:41:59,717 I think you're a... 857 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:01,719 - intense, strong, intelligent, 858 00:42:01,721 --> 00:42:04,488 ripped like a pair of Def Leppard jeans? 859 00:42:04,490 --> 00:42:05,923 Hear it all the time, 860 00:42:05,925 --> 00:42:08,459 but Gene's always stealing the spotlight. 861 00:42:08,461 --> 00:42:11,495 - Well you can have the spotlight. 862 00:42:11,497 --> 00:42:12,930 You can have two. 863 00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:18,936 - Emily, we shouldn't but we're probably going 864 00:42:18,938 --> 00:42:20,137 to anyways so. 865 00:42:20,972 --> 00:42:20,971 - Oh, can you do it in my butt? 866 00:42:20,973 --> 00:42:24,775 I don't want to get pregnant during the zombie apocalypse. 867 00:42:24,777 --> 00:42:25,777 - Kind of hot actually. 868 00:42:28,681 --> 00:42:29,647 Did you eat popcorn? 869 00:42:29,649 --> 00:42:30,614 - Yeah, is it sharp? 870 00:42:30,616 --> 00:42:31,616 - Oh god. 871 00:42:33,218 --> 00:42:34,952 - It smells. 872 00:42:37,757 --> 00:42:39,023 - You got to be fucking kidding me. 873 00:42:39,025 --> 00:42:40,758 - Oh shit. 874 00:42:52,537 --> 00:42:53,537 - We love you, Gene. 875 00:42:57,510 --> 00:42:58,943 We love you man! 876 00:42:58,945 --> 00:42:59,977 You see his jawline? 877 00:42:59,979 --> 00:43:01,612 - It's like an angel. 878 00:43:01,614 --> 00:43:05,149 - I have energy, guy gives me energy by his presence. 879 00:43:05,151 --> 00:43:06,183 - I want to drink his piss. 880 00:43:06,185 --> 00:43:07,051 - What? 881 00:43:07,053 --> 00:43:07,918 - Huh? 882 00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:09,153 - Come on, man. 883 00:43:10,655 --> 00:43:12,990 - That dude always wants to be the tip of the spear 884 00:43:12,992 --> 00:43:15,259 but all I see is a giant blue falcon. 885 00:43:15,261 --> 00:43:18,195 - Yeah maybe but he's got an up-Armour Humvee. 886 00:43:18,197 --> 00:43:19,563 Not to mention a 50 Cal. 887 00:43:19,565 --> 00:43:20,931 - And no one Manning it. 888 00:43:20,933 --> 00:43:22,666 Fuck that guy. 889 00:43:22,668 --> 00:43:25,236 Guys like that are the reason I got out. 890 00:43:25,238 --> 00:43:29,640 - Shit man, guys like that are the reason dudes enlist. 891 00:43:39,784 --> 00:43:43,254 - What the fuck is this asshole doing now? 892 00:43:44,789 --> 00:43:46,223 - Zombie! 893 00:43:58,737 --> 00:43:59,937 You girls okay? 894 00:43:59,939 --> 00:44:01,171 - Definitely could of killed that guy. 895 00:44:01,173 --> 00:44:03,107 - Sure you could of. 896 00:44:03,109 --> 00:44:06,310 Look here, chap stick, I don't need my asshole waxed. 897 00:44:06,312 --> 00:44:09,713 A simple thank you, your smajesty would suffice. 898 00:44:09,715 --> 00:44:10,981 - Not to happen, Gene. 899 00:44:10,983 --> 00:44:12,983 - Smell this fire, smokey the bear. 900 00:44:12,985 --> 00:44:14,785 The colonel just phoned in by satellite. 901 00:44:14,787 --> 00:44:14,785 The zombies are gaining speed. 902 00:44:14,787 --> 00:44:18,722 They could overtake our vehicles if we're not careful. 903 00:44:18,724 --> 00:44:22,826 According to his Intel, they're getting close. 904 00:44:22,828 --> 00:44:25,095 - Wait, you have a sat phone in your car? 905 00:44:25,097 --> 00:44:28,098 - I got the 2018 Lebronze in there. 906 00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:31,735 They give hand in hand everything. 907 00:44:31,737 --> 00:44:32,870 - Fuck. 908 00:44:32,872 --> 00:44:34,271 - The colonel says there's a helicopter pad 909 00:44:34,273 --> 00:44:36,006 about 26 miles from here that he wants us to get to 910 00:44:36,008 --> 00:44:37,641 so we're not on the road. 911 00:44:37,643 --> 00:44:40,044 Change of plans, change of pants. 912 00:44:40,046 --> 00:44:41,979 - Okay, so you want us to follow behind you? 913 00:44:41,981 --> 00:44:44,114 - Yes, but I'll be on foot. 914 00:44:44,116 --> 00:44:45,983 Can you take the whiskey? 915 00:44:45,985 --> 00:44:47,151 - What the fuck? 916 00:44:47,153 --> 00:44:50,020 - I need you to take the whiskey, dick 917 00:44:50,022 --> 00:44:52,790 and hold it with two hands. 918 00:44:52,792 --> 00:44:54,625 Can you handle that soldier of fortune. 919 00:44:54,627 --> 00:44:55,627 - I've got the whiskey. 920 00:45:05,904 --> 00:45:07,871 - Someone has to protect us. 921 00:45:07,873 --> 00:45:09,206 There's god, 922 00:45:09,208 --> 00:45:11,141 then there's me. 923 00:45:11,143 --> 00:45:13,143 God must be busy. 924 00:45:13,145 --> 00:45:16,213 Lucky for, I don't take Sundays off. 925 00:45:17,315 --> 00:45:19,817 - Bro, that's gonna be my next tattoo. 926 00:45:19,819 --> 00:45:21,185 - I feel like I'm at the alter 927 00:45:21,187 --> 00:45:22,720 and Jesus is packing. 928 00:45:22,722 --> 00:45:24,688 - This is all so fucking stupid. 929 00:45:24,690 --> 00:45:27,057 Why doesn't one of us man the 50 Cal 930 00:45:27,059 --> 00:45:28,993 while you drive? 931 00:45:28,995 --> 00:45:31,795 - For the same reason I baptized myself as a baby. 932 00:45:31,797 --> 00:45:35,332 No one guards Gene Vandenham but Gene Vandenham. 933 00:45:35,334 --> 00:45:36,834 Take the whiskey and be grateful 934 00:45:36,836 --> 00:45:38,268 I am who I am. 935 00:45:38,270 --> 00:45:40,871 - Bro, 26 miles is an entire marathon. 936 00:45:40,873 --> 00:45:42,973 - I know, I ran Boston last year 937 00:45:42,975 --> 00:45:45,843 and won 46 full kits setting a new world record. 938 00:45:45,845 --> 00:45:47,678 Try and keep up. 939 00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:48,946 - What the fuck ever, Gene. 940 00:45:50,983 --> 00:45:53,117 - Fucking Gene Vandenham. 941 00:46:00,792 --> 00:46:02,793 - Fucking got it. 942 00:46:10,969 --> 00:46:13,103 - Fucking Gene Vandenham. 943 00:46:14,406 --> 00:46:16,807 - You all still realize how ridiculously stupid this is? 944 00:46:16,809 --> 00:46:18,976 It has nothing to do with necessity, 945 00:46:18,978 --> 00:46:21,345 just his own glory, right? 946 00:46:21,347 --> 00:46:22,212 - Sure man 947 00:46:22,214 --> 00:46:23,447 but look at that guy. 948 00:46:23,449 --> 00:46:25,282 He's a one man killing machine. 949 00:46:25,284 --> 00:46:27,351 I bet he even nukes those two toddlers over there. 950 00:46:27,353 --> 00:46:29,787 - No Gene, don't kill the zombie toddlers! 951 00:46:30,990 --> 00:46:33,757 - Their mission has been aborted! 952 00:46:34,826 --> 00:46:36,794 - Seriously hope he steps on a land mine, 953 00:46:36,796 --> 00:46:38,295 like five of them. 954 00:46:52,043 --> 00:46:53,844 - Go, go, go! 955 00:46:55,714 --> 00:46:56,947 I'll cover you. 956 00:47:00,185 --> 00:47:02,052 - Gene, you're coming with us! 957 00:47:02,054 --> 00:47:03,854 - Negative, no room. 958 00:47:04,923 --> 00:47:07,891 Freedom is calling and I have to answer. 959 00:47:07,893 --> 00:47:10,961 - There is literally an empty seat designated 960 00:47:10,963 --> 00:47:12,496 for you, Gene. 961 00:47:12,498 --> 00:47:14,164 - No offense, but there's an empty seat 962 00:47:14,166 --> 00:47:16,433 in every single plane in the United States designated 963 00:47:16,435 --> 00:47:17,868 for me. 964 00:47:17,870 --> 00:47:19,903 Just remember, when you turn back 965 00:47:19,905 --> 00:47:22,506 and see only one set of footprints in the sand. 966 00:47:22,508 --> 00:47:26,110 It was then, that I carried you. 967 00:47:26,112 --> 00:47:27,211 - Wheels up. 968 00:47:27,213 --> 00:47:28,278 Fuck that dude. 969 00:47:34,319 --> 00:47:35,819 Good luck getting out of this one, Gene, 970 00:47:35,821 --> 00:47:37,054 you cock tart! 971 00:47:37,056 --> 00:47:38,222 - I got it! 972 00:47:43,962 --> 00:47:46,163 - That is what Gene Vandenham does. 973 00:47:46,165 --> 00:47:48,532 He is the only American hero. 974 00:47:49,768 --> 00:47:50,768 God damn! 975 00:47:57,075 --> 00:47:58,776 Why are we going to range 15? 976 00:47:58,778 --> 00:48:00,144 That place is probably full of em by now. 977 00:48:00,146 --> 00:48:01,945 - Number one, that's where the scientists are 978 00:48:01,947 --> 00:48:03,480 and we have the cure. 979 00:48:03,482 --> 00:48:04,948 - What's number two? 980 00:48:04,950 --> 00:48:07,217 - Pooping, pooping is number two. 981 00:48:07,219 --> 00:48:09,820 - It's like every time I try and like you, 982 00:48:09,822 --> 00:48:10,921 I just can't. 983 00:48:12,090 --> 00:48:13,524 - There is no number two, Grigsby. 984 00:48:13,526 --> 00:48:15,959 If we don't achieve number one, we die. 985 00:48:15,961 --> 00:48:17,828 - Please refrain. 986 00:48:17,830 --> 00:48:19,463 - You know how hard that is? 987 00:48:19,465 --> 00:48:20,898 - Let him say it. 988 00:48:20,900 --> 00:48:22,266 - Come on, dude. 989 00:48:22,268 --> 00:48:24,001 - You're killing his spirit. 990 00:48:24,003 --> 00:48:26,036 - I'm gonna kill his fucking microphone. 991 00:48:30,341 --> 00:48:31,441 - I can't believe it. 992 00:48:31,443 --> 00:48:33,210 We're actually gonna make it. 993 00:48:33,212 --> 00:48:35,913 - You fuck bag, you just jinxed us. 994 00:48:35,915 --> 00:48:36,980 - What? 995 00:48:36,982 --> 00:48:37,848 No I didn't. 996 00:48:37,850 --> 00:48:39,082 - Yeah dude, you did. 997 00:48:39,084 --> 00:48:41,518 - That could give us five seconds, rain man. 998 00:48:42,888 --> 00:48:44,521 - Hey you feeling alright up there, man? 999 00:48:44,523 --> 00:48:46,356 You sure you didn't get bit? 1000 00:48:46,358 --> 00:48:49,493 - Yeah I did, right before you guys showed up. 1001 00:48:49,495 --> 00:48:52,296 I can feel it growing inside of me. 1002 00:48:52,298 --> 00:48:54,531 This is my last mission. 1003 00:48:54,533 --> 00:48:56,166 I just have one request, 1004 00:48:56,168 --> 00:48:57,868 if any of you make it, 1005 00:48:57,870 --> 00:49:00,437 go find my girlfriend, she lives in El Paso. 1006 00:49:00,439 --> 00:49:02,873 Tell her I love her. 1007 00:49:02,875 --> 00:49:05,375 - Let's be realistic, she's probably dead. 1008 00:49:05,377 --> 00:49:06,877 - What? 1009 00:49:06,879 --> 00:49:08,011 - I mean, come on, 1010 00:49:08,013 --> 00:49:08,011 it's the end of the world 1011 00:49:08,013 --> 00:49:11,348 with a bunch of bad asses barely making it. 1012 00:49:11,350 --> 00:49:13,050 A hot girl in El Paso? 1013 00:49:13,052 --> 00:49:14,351 She's zombie shit by now. 1014 00:49:14,353 --> 00:49:15,419 Wait, do zombies shit? 1015 00:49:15,421 --> 00:49:16,887 - Rocco, shut the fuck up! 1016 00:49:16,889 --> 00:49:19,156 - I'm just being honest. 1017 00:49:19,158 --> 00:49:20,591 - He's right. 1018 00:49:20,593 --> 00:49:22,593 She's dead and I'm bit. 1019 00:49:24,562 --> 00:49:27,097 There's nothing to live for. 1020 00:49:30,001 --> 00:49:31,935 Your names JT, right? 1021 00:49:31,937 --> 00:49:32,603 Will you hold this? 1022 00:49:32,605 --> 00:49:33,605 You're up. 1023 00:49:42,914 --> 00:49:43,914 - We literally just told him 1024 00:49:43,916 --> 00:49:46,049 we have the fucking cure. 1025 00:49:51,023 --> 00:49:51,588 - We're gonna fucking die! 1026 00:49:51,590 --> 00:49:52,589 - Fuck me. 1027 00:49:52,591 --> 00:49:53,991 - I'll save us. 1028 00:49:53,993 --> 00:49:55,392 - You're not gonna save us, fat boy, 1029 00:49:55,394 --> 00:49:57,194 you're probably gonna take this whole plane down. 1030 00:49:57,196 --> 00:50:00,197 - I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings. 1031 00:50:00,199 --> 00:50:02,599 - We're all gonna die because of your fat ass. 1032 00:50:02,601 --> 00:50:04,434 You fat, fat, fatty fuck! 1033 00:50:04,436 --> 00:50:08,272 I can't even fucking believe how fat you are! 1034 00:50:12,177 --> 00:50:14,244 - Hey, I saved us. 1035 00:50:15,447 --> 00:50:16,647 - Fuck, fuck the fucking whiskey. 1036 00:50:16,649 --> 00:50:18,015 - How many are left? 1037 00:50:18,017 --> 00:50:19,082 - Are you fucking kidding me? 1038 00:50:19,084 --> 00:50:20,050 Two. 1039 00:50:20,052 --> 00:50:21,585 - Two, two fucking bottles? 1040 00:50:21,587 --> 00:50:22,587 God damn it! 1041 00:50:24,088 --> 00:50:25,422 - Shut the fuck, can we get the cure 1042 00:50:25,424 --> 00:50:27,691 and keep fucking moving? 1043 00:50:30,596 --> 00:50:33,096 I'd rather have us fucking carry it, you know? 1044 00:50:33,098 --> 00:50:35,365 - Bro, I got to take a tactical shit dot come. 1045 00:50:35,367 --> 00:50:37,334 - Shut the fuck up and let's go. 1046 00:50:37,336 --> 00:50:39,216 - We got to get into one of these neighborhoods. 1047 00:50:40,406 --> 00:50:42,539 - I want my mommy. 1048 00:50:57,323 --> 00:51:00,657 - Salutations, do you guys like jazz? 1049 00:51:00,659 --> 00:51:03,727 - You truly cannot really enjoy it 1050 00:51:03,729 --> 00:51:06,330 unless it's on vinyl. 1051 00:51:06,332 --> 00:51:07,197 - That's right. 1052 00:51:07,199 --> 00:51:08,065 - What the fuck? 1053 00:51:08,067 --> 00:51:09,700 Fuck this, next house. 1054 00:51:09,702 --> 00:51:10,567 - Fuck this. 1055 00:51:10,569 --> 00:51:12,002 - Hey wait, wait. 1056 00:51:12,004 --> 00:51:14,171 You guys got any supplies we can have? 1057 00:51:14,173 --> 00:51:15,672 - I got something that will make your mustache 1058 00:51:15,674 --> 00:51:16,674 stand up. 1059 00:51:25,183 --> 00:51:26,717 Holy shit. 1060 00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,687 An anti gun family that decided to off themselves 1061 00:51:30,689 --> 00:51:32,689 before they got infected. 1062 00:51:32,691 --> 00:51:35,559 - How does that 2nd amendment taste now? 1063 00:51:35,561 --> 00:51:37,461 - Everybody hates guns until you have 1064 00:51:37,463 --> 00:51:40,530 to choke fuck yourself to death with a hot curling iron. 1065 00:51:40,532 --> 00:51:41,765 Touche. 1066 00:51:45,170 --> 00:51:47,004 - Hey YouTube, this is Chazz and Parker again 1067 00:51:47,006 --> 00:51:48,005 and on today's episode, 1068 00:51:48,007 --> 00:51:49,172 we're just ticked. 1069 00:51:49,174 --> 00:51:50,574 - Ticked, ticked. 1070 00:51:50,576 --> 00:51:51,775 You tell em, Chazz. 1071 00:51:51,777 --> 00:51:53,443 - I'm just gonna unzip my zip here, 1072 00:51:53,445 --> 00:51:55,712 whip put my wee wee and piss on these flags. 1073 00:51:55,714 --> 00:51:59,182 - There's gonna be 14 stripes when we're done. 1074 00:51:59,184 --> 00:52:00,517 - What the fuck is this? 1075 00:52:00,519 --> 00:52:01,451 - Oh hell no. 1076 00:52:01,453 --> 00:52:02,453 Back the fuck up. 1077 00:52:05,656 --> 00:52:07,324 - Baby killers. 1078 00:52:10,562 --> 00:52:12,329 - With great vengeance 1079 00:52:12,331 --> 00:52:14,464 - and furious anger. 1080 00:52:28,312 --> 00:52:30,147 - Hey, are you guys here for the? 1081 00:52:30,149 --> 00:52:33,750 - After, we're gonna have an organic Paleo kelp quiche. 1082 00:52:33,752 --> 00:52:36,319 - No, no, we're good bro. 1083 00:52:36,321 --> 00:52:38,455 - Okay, I'll eat all myself. 1084 00:52:38,457 --> 00:52:39,556 - I'm gonna keep working out. 1085 00:52:39,558 --> 00:52:40,757 - I'll never get fat. 1086 00:52:50,101 --> 00:52:51,768 - Hey man, you doing alright? 1087 00:52:57,241 --> 00:52:59,843 - Everyone's counting on me for everything. 1088 00:52:59,845 --> 00:53:01,511 I'm not their leader. 1089 00:53:01,513 --> 00:53:03,647 I'm not a leader, I'm not 1090 00:53:05,249 --> 00:53:08,085 and to be completely honest with you dude, 1091 00:53:08,087 --> 00:53:11,488 I don't think I can do this shit anymore. 1092 00:53:12,790 --> 00:53:14,624 - I know the weight of the world is on your shoulders 1093 00:53:14,626 --> 00:53:18,395 right now but it's there for a reason. 1094 00:53:18,397 --> 00:53:21,398 Most people quit the second things get hard. 1095 00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:22,833 You don't. 1096 00:53:22,835 --> 00:53:25,102 The annals of history are written on the backs 1097 00:53:25,104 --> 00:53:26,436 of men like you. 1098 00:53:26,438 --> 00:53:28,772 Men, who when faced with overwhelming odds, 1099 00:53:28,774 --> 00:53:30,540 when they reached their breaking point, 1100 00:53:30,542 --> 00:53:33,477 looked into the bowels of hell and smiled. 1101 00:53:33,479 --> 00:53:36,513 Men who answered the bell for one more round. 1102 00:53:36,515 --> 00:53:38,548 You're one of those men. 1103 00:53:38,550 --> 00:53:40,484 We can do this, we can rise up against 1104 00:53:40,486 --> 00:53:43,153 the impossible and we can save the world 1105 00:53:43,155 --> 00:53:45,555 but we cannot do without you. 1106 00:53:46,424 --> 00:53:48,291 We need mat best. 1107 00:53:52,331 --> 00:53:53,331 Oh god damn it! 1108 00:53:54,533 --> 00:53:55,899 - Got you mother fucker. 1109 00:53:55,901 --> 00:53:57,534 - Fuck. 1110 00:53:57,536 --> 00:53:58,776 - Great west point speech, bro. 1111 00:53:59,638 --> 00:54:00,837 - Fuck off. 1112 00:54:00,839 --> 00:54:01,671 - Did you just come up with that shit 1113 00:54:01,673 --> 00:54:03,140 on the spot or what? 1114 00:54:03,142 --> 00:54:03,140 - It's what we do. 1115 00:54:03,142 --> 00:54:06,276 - Alright, bring it in, sister to sister, 1116 00:54:06,278 --> 00:54:07,244 mother to daughter. 1117 00:54:07,246 --> 00:54:08,246 - You son of... 1118 00:54:14,218 --> 00:54:16,520 - You guys do some gay ass shit for being in the military. 1119 00:54:16,522 --> 00:54:18,655 - It's Thursday isn't it? 1120 00:54:19,724 --> 00:54:21,258 - I fucking hate you. 1121 00:54:21,260 --> 00:54:23,527 - It's a love hate relationship, Nick. 1122 00:54:23,529 --> 00:54:24,594 - It's a hate hate relationship. 1123 00:54:24,596 --> 00:54:26,363 I fucking hate you. 1124 00:55:03,668 --> 00:55:05,468 - There she is, boys. 1125 00:55:05,470 --> 00:55:06,937 - That's range 15? 1126 00:55:08,272 --> 00:55:09,439 - It looks like a power plant. 1127 00:55:09,441 --> 00:55:10,441 - That's the point. 1128 00:55:20,418 --> 00:55:21,518 - Oh, no, no, no. 1129 00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:22,520 - Fuck! 1130 00:55:25,256 --> 00:55:26,856 Fuck, it won't be long now. 1131 00:55:26,858 --> 00:55:28,525 - Don't talk like that bro. 1132 00:55:28,527 --> 00:55:29,793 - What the fuck do you want me to say, 1133 00:55:29,795 --> 00:55:30,961 that everything's going to be okay? 1134 00:55:30,963 --> 00:55:30,961 I'm gonna live happily ever after 1135 00:55:30,963 --> 00:55:35,398 and you'll come back and fuck me in some convenience store? 1136 00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:37,334 - Dude, she's different, bro. 1137 00:55:37,336 --> 00:55:38,535 - You know what? 1138 00:55:38,537 --> 00:55:39,537 So am I. 1139 00:55:41,406 --> 00:55:43,373 - Come on bro, just take the cure. 1140 00:55:43,375 --> 00:55:44,808 - That only leave us when one left. 1141 00:55:44,810 --> 00:55:47,510 - So what, they're scientists and shit. 1142 00:55:47,512 --> 00:55:48,912 One is all they need. 1143 00:55:48,914 --> 00:55:50,780 - Yeah man, you need to take it before it spreads. 1144 00:55:50,782 --> 00:55:51,915 - Are you sure? 1145 00:55:51,917 --> 00:55:53,483 - Yeah brother, you're changing fast. 1146 00:55:53,485 --> 00:55:55,819 We have to administer it, rectally. 1147 00:55:55,821 --> 00:55:59,289 - Uh yeah, it's crawling up your leg. 1148 00:55:59,291 --> 00:55:59,289 Drinking it won't be fast enough. 1149 00:55:59,291 --> 00:56:03,593 - Fuck that, I know you mother fuckers are fucking with me. 1150 00:56:03,595 --> 00:56:05,428 - Baby, I don't want to lose you, just take it. 1151 00:56:05,430 --> 00:56:07,697 - Bro, I'm the medic man, we got to do this. 1152 00:56:07,699 --> 00:56:09,699 - Nick, is this legit? 1153 00:56:09,701 --> 00:56:11,001 - I hate to say it man but I don't think 1154 00:56:11,003 --> 00:56:13,903 we have a choice right now. 1155 00:56:13,905 --> 00:56:17,774 - You mother fuckers better not be fucking with me! 1156 00:56:17,776 --> 00:56:18,776 Rocco. 1157 00:56:20,578 --> 00:56:24,314 - Brother, you're going to feel a little bit of pressure. 1158 00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:02,352 - Holy shit, holy shit, it's fucking working. 1159 00:57:02,354 --> 00:57:03,887 It's fucking working. 1160 00:57:06,758 --> 00:57:08,625 Are you fucking kidding me? 1161 00:57:08,627 --> 00:57:10,460 Are you fucking kidding me? 1162 00:57:10,462 --> 00:57:12,996 - Why didn't you just drink it, fag? 1163 00:57:12,998 --> 00:57:14,331 - Gay! 1164 00:57:14,333 --> 00:57:15,432 - Oh so gay, bro. 1165 00:57:15,434 --> 00:57:16,599 - Get the fuck out... 1166 00:57:16,601 --> 00:57:17,767 Are you fucking kidding. 1167 00:57:17,769 --> 00:57:18,968 - You know I love you man. 1168 00:57:18,970 --> 00:57:20,637 - Just get the fucking whiskey. 1169 00:57:26,444 --> 00:57:28,378 Everyone spread out, let's find a way in. 1170 00:57:34,852 --> 00:57:36,853 Anybody got anything? 1171 00:57:36,855 --> 00:57:37,987 - Nothing here, bro. 1172 00:57:37,989 --> 00:57:39,356 - Nothing man. 1173 00:57:39,358 --> 00:57:41,057 - I found something special. 1174 00:57:41,059 --> 00:57:43,026 - No, he didn't. 1175 00:57:43,028 --> 00:57:46,363 I found fat Val Kilmer though. 1176 00:57:46,365 --> 00:57:48,998 - Jack, you got anything? 1177 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:50,400 - Nothing. 1178 00:57:50,402 --> 00:57:51,968 - Sweet, the colonels daughter was easier 1179 00:57:51,970 --> 00:57:53,803 to enter than range 15. 1180 00:57:53,805 --> 00:57:56,840 - To be fair bro, she had no arms. 1181 00:57:56,842 --> 00:57:58,202 - At least my zombie girl had arms. 1182 00:57:59,378 --> 00:58:01,010 - There's no way you're comparing the two. 1183 00:58:01,012 --> 00:58:03,146 - What are we gonna do about getting in this silo? 1184 00:58:03,148 --> 00:58:05,415 - I don't know but you better hurry up real fucking fast. 1185 00:58:05,417 --> 00:58:06,082 - Why, Elsie? 1186 00:58:06,084 --> 00:58:08,084 - Eliza, they're coming. 1187 00:58:09,755 --> 00:58:11,020 - Guys, we don't have the ammo for this. 1188 00:58:11,022 --> 00:58:12,822 - Bro, we ain't got the time for this. 1189 00:58:12,824 --> 00:58:14,023 - I'll get us the fucking time. 1190 00:58:14,025 --> 00:58:14,958 - Hey man, I told you. 1191 00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:15,925 There's no ammo in there. 1192 00:58:15,927 --> 00:58:17,494 - I'm not looking for ammo. 1193 00:58:17,496 --> 00:58:18,695 The most important thing right is getting the whiskey 1194 00:58:18,697 --> 00:58:19,829 into the silo. 1195 00:58:19,831 --> 00:58:21,030 - Are you sure man? 1196 00:58:21,032 --> 00:58:21,965 - The cure is more important 1197 00:58:21,967 --> 00:58:24,401 than anyone of our lives, right? 1198 00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,175 - Jack, you fucking stupid cunt. 1199 00:58:32,177 --> 00:58:34,844 Guys found the entrance. 1200 00:58:34,846 --> 00:58:36,913 Push the fucking button. 1201 00:58:40,986 --> 00:58:44,721 - Everybody, lets get inside, quick. 1202 00:58:44,723 --> 00:58:45,955 Fucking idiot. 1203 00:58:45,957 --> 00:58:46,957 - I'm sorry. 1204 00:58:58,969 --> 00:59:00,437 - Most people don't get 1205 00:59:00,439 --> 00:59:03,206 to decide how they go out. 1206 00:59:03,208 --> 00:59:04,208 Today I do. 1207 00:59:06,677 --> 00:59:09,012 There's a time to run 1208 00:59:09,014 --> 00:59:10,747 and a time to fight 1209 00:59:12,216 --> 00:59:14,484 and I ain't no bird dog. 1210 00:59:27,698 --> 00:59:29,699 - You must be the brave soldiers 1211 00:59:29,701 --> 00:59:32,168 that colonel Holloway sent. 1212 00:59:32,170 --> 00:59:33,570 This is the cure? 1213 00:59:33,572 --> 00:59:34,904 - It sure is. 1214 00:59:34,906 --> 00:59:36,573 - This is the cure? 1215 00:59:36,575 --> 00:59:37,874 What is in this shit? 1216 00:59:37,876 --> 00:59:41,077 - Whiskey mixed with viper semen, sir. 1217 00:59:41,079 --> 00:59:42,645 - Are you kidding me? 1218 00:59:42,647 --> 00:59:44,013 - No, it's actually a funny story. 1219 00:59:44,015 --> 00:59:44,948 You see... 1220 00:59:44,950 --> 00:59:46,149 - oh, I do love a funny story. 1221 00:59:46,151 --> 00:59:49,118 I will try now, I will see if you full of shit. 1222 00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,187 Which I suspect you are. 1223 00:59:55,826 --> 00:59:57,260 Oh you stupid pieces of shit. 1224 00:59:57,262 --> 00:59:58,661 Get out! 1225 00:59:58,663 --> 00:59:59,929 Don't let the door hit you on the ass. 1226 00:59:59,931 --> 01:00:01,130 - The fuck, bro? 1227 01:00:01,132 --> 01:00:03,766 I've seen this shit work twice already. 1228 01:00:03,768 --> 01:00:05,568 - Would it just kill you guys to pay attention 1229 01:00:05,570 --> 01:00:06,570 just once? 1230 01:00:13,577 --> 01:00:16,212 - Holy shit, what the fuck just happened? 1231 01:00:16,214 --> 01:00:17,947 - I just saved your life. 1232 01:00:17,949 --> 01:00:20,683 You see the whiskey is the primary element needed 1233 01:00:20,685 --> 01:00:24,254 to cure zombies but it requires an adequate delivery system. 1234 01:00:24,256 --> 01:00:26,990 Kill cliff is that delivery system. 1235 01:00:26,992 --> 01:00:29,526 It's unique blends of caffeine and vitamins 1236 01:00:29,528 --> 01:00:31,661 creates a covalent bond shell with the viper semen, 1237 01:00:31,663 --> 01:00:35,598 protects it, while it infiltrates the zombie cells. 1238 01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:36,966 I kind of would of that it been obvious. 1239 01:00:36,968 --> 01:00:39,068 - You this man is cured. 1240 01:00:39,070 --> 01:00:40,236 Kiwi, come here, come here, come here. 1241 01:00:40,238 --> 01:00:41,204 - Aye aye, sir. 1242 01:00:41,206 --> 01:00:42,605 - Davis, get this to the lab. 1243 01:00:42,607 --> 01:00:44,908 Have them replicate it as fast as possible. 1244 01:00:44,910 --> 01:00:47,210 - It will be a pleasure and privilege 1245 01:00:47,212 --> 01:00:50,079 and to you gentlemen, I say bravo. 1246 01:00:50,081 --> 01:00:51,948 - Bravo indeed, kiwi. 1247 01:00:53,183 --> 01:00:55,318 - It's hard to be excited. 1248 01:01:00,791 --> 01:01:04,794 Oh, that's a whole lot of fucking freedom right there. 1249 01:01:04,796 --> 01:01:06,896 - That's a lot of hard dick right there. 1250 01:01:06,898 --> 01:01:08,298 - God damn right. 1251 01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:18,575 - Mat, you're alive. 1252 01:01:23,314 --> 01:01:25,582 - Bro, I thought we lost you. 1253 01:01:25,584 --> 01:01:26,916 - Not gonna lie, I thought I was more fucked 1254 01:01:26,918 --> 01:01:28,084 than JT on a low carb diet. 1255 01:01:29,621 --> 01:01:32,155 But then, the zombie slaying dream team showed up. 1256 01:01:32,157 --> 01:01:34,157 - There's only a few pairs of perfect cheekbones 1257 01:01:34,159 --> 01:01:35,358 in this world. 1258 01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:36,759 It would of been a shame to lose yours. 1259 01:01:36,761 --> 01:01:39,629 - Besides, we let you die, 1260 01:01:39,631 --> 01:01:41,631 what were chinny chinny bang bang and tactical Randy 1261 01:01:41,633 --> 01:01:42,865 gonna do? 1262 01:01:42,867 --> 01:01:45,268 - It's been a long couple of days. 1263 01:01:47,071 --> 01:01:48,938 - I hate to break up this little dick dance 1264 01:01:48,940 --> 01:01:50,873 but fixed wing assets are showing a horde of zombies 1265 01:01:50,875 --> 01:01:52,041 heading right this way. 1266 01:01:52,043 --> 01:01:53,910 Our doors aren't gonna hold them back. 1267 01:01:53,912 --> 01:01:55,178 - Fuck it. 1268 01:01:55,180 --> 01:01:56,279 You all wanna get nasty? 1269 01:01:56,281 --> 01:01:57,680 - Fuck yeah! 1270 01:01:57,682 --> 01:01:58,648 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, there high speeds, 1271 01:01:58,650 --> 01:02:00,717 you're not in proper uniforms. 1272 01:02:00,719 --> 01:02:02,285 Oh you're haircut is way out of rank. 1273 01:02:02,287 --> 01:02:04,187 Get your hands out of your pockets. 1274 01:02:05,056 --> 01:02:07,156 Why is your hand wet? 1275 01:02:07,158 --> 01:02:08,925 Is that a dick hanging out? 1276 01:02:08,927 --> 01:02:11,260 I went to college, I'm not afraid of running you off... 1277 01:02:11,262 --> 01:02:12,195 - smell this. 1278 01:02:12,197 --> 01:02:13,329 - Was that your butt hole? 1279 01:02:13,331 --> 01:02:14,797 You need to shave. 1280 01:02:14,799 --> 01:02:18,001 I expect salutes next time, gentlemen. 1281 01:02:22,742 --> 01:02:23,641 Oh shit. 1282 01:02:23,642 --> 01:02:28,411 Fuck you guys, I'm gonna save the world all by myself. 1283 01:02:28,413 --> 01:02:30,079 Come on, mother fuckers, bring it on. 1284 01:02:31,683 --> 01:02:34,217 - Just in case we all die, I want you two to know, 1285 01:02:34,219 --> 01:02:35,785 huge fan. 1286 01:02:35,787 --> 01:02:37,720 I fucking love you guys. 1287 01:02:37,722 --> 01:02:40,089 - Wait, who are these guys? 1288 01:02:40,091 --> 01:02:41,724 - They're heroes. 1289 01:02:43,227 --> 01:02:45,428 - I'm sorry, heroes of what? 1290 01:02:47,132 --> 01:02:48,665 - What the fuck? 1291 01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:51,434 - Sorry bout your friend. 1292 01:02:51,436 --> 01:02:53,369 - Yeah sorry about your loss and stuff. 1293 01:02:53,371 --> 01:02:54,671 Let's all take a moment of silence 1294 01:02:54,673 --> 01:02:56,272 for Beatrice's sacrifice. 1295 01:02:56,274 --> 01:02:58,274 - It's Eliza! 1296 01:02:59,376 --> 01:03:00,376 - Okay, ready to kill some zombies? 1297 01:03:00,378 --> 01:03:01,711 - Yeah. 1298 01:03:03,247 --> 01:03:06,949 - I'm gonna miss you, fucking stupid whore. 1299 01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,387 You fucking annoying bitch. 1300 01:03:14,224 --> 01:03:16,025 God you're so gross. 1301 01:03:46,757 --> 01:03:49,325 - I can't stop killing. 1302 01:04:06,443 --> 01:04:09,045 - Look up there, on the hill. 1303 01:04:36,507 --> 01:04:39,175 - I'll take the girl! 1304 01:04:41,346 --> 01:04:42,346 No, no, no. 1305 01:04:47,518 --> 01:04:48,384 Bitch. 1306 01:04:48,386 --> 01:04:50,086 Not my cucumber, no, no. 1307 01:05:12,376 --> 01:05:14,110 - Hey, why don't we just fucking shoot em? 1308 01:05:16,848 --> 01:05:17,980 - Go home. 1309 01:05:17,982 --> 01:05:19,248 - That was easy. 1310 01:05:27,925 --> 01:05:30,293 - Oh fuck, is that Randy couture. 1311 01:05:30,295 --> 01:05:32,495 - No, it's zombie couture. 1312 01:05:42,906 --> 01:05:44,240 - I've got this. 1313 01:05:50,348 --> 01:05:54,383 - Unbelievable, we are here at the sold out range 15 area 1314 01:05:54,385 --> 01:05:57,086 and this desert valley is electric. 1315 01:05:57,088 --> 01:05:58,855 - Tim, will you stop dicking around, 1316 01:05:58,857 --> 01:05:59,856 we don't have any time for... 1317 01:05:59,858 --> 01:06:00,456 - shirts? 1318 01:06:00,458 --> 01:06:01,458 I know. 1319 01:06:04,895 --> 01:06:06,495 - Tim Kennedy versus zombie Randy couture 1320 01:06:06,497 --> 01:06:08,531 is a fight that many people wished for 1321 01:06:08,533 --> 01:06:10,433 but never thought would actually happen. 1322 01:06:10,435 --> 01:06:13,302 - One has to wonder thought how being a zombie 1323 01:06:13,304 --> 01:06:15,104 will affect the former champion. 1324 01:06:15,106 --> 01:06:17,139 - And that's the question everyone's asking, Mike 1325 01:06:17,141 --> 01:06:19,642 Randy couture's always been a very cerebral fighter 1326 01:06:19,644 --> 01:06:22,211 but with the lack of a fully functioning frontal lobe, 1327 01:06:22,213 --> 01:06:23,913 how will this impact his style? 1328 01:06:23,915 --> 01:06:27,450 - I got an idea, let's do this thing. 1329 01:06:27,452 --> 01:06:30,386 This fight is brought to you buy north American rescue, 1330 01:06:30,388 --> 01:06:33,122 federal resources supply company, 1331 01:06:33,124 --> 01:06:35,925 and the xtreme couture gi foundation. 1332 01:06:35,927 --> 01:06:37,260 Now, here we go. 1333 01:06:41,966 --> 01:06:43,633 - Holy shit, I can't believe this determines 1334 01:06:43,635 --> 01:06:46,369 how the fucking world ends! 1335 01:06:46,371 --> 01:06:49,972 Really fucked up, like really fucked up. 1336 01:06:56,914 --> 01:06:59,148 - Kennedy appears to have really been working 1337 01:06:59,150 --> 01:07:00,583 on his stand up game, Brian. 1338 01:07:00,585 --> 01:07:03,286 He looks very alive out there. 1339 01:07:03,288 --> 01:07:05,521 - I see what you did there, Mike. 1340 01:07:05,523 --> 01:07:06,956 - He's rocked, Brian. 1341 01:07:06,958 --> 01:07:09,992 Kennedy could lose here and life as we know it 1342 01:07:09,994 --> 01:07:10,994 could end. 1343 01:07:19,670 --> 01:07:22,571 - Hey, never count out a Greg Jackson trained fighter. 1344 01:07:22,573 --> 01:07:25,241 Tim Kennedy was born to be underneath other men. 1345 01:07:30,047 --> 01:07:31,614 - Hurry this up, Tim, I'm hungry. 1346 01:07:31,616 --> 01:07:33,015 I want snacks! 1347 01:07:40,490 --> 01:07:43,125 - Fuck him up, fuck him up. 1348 01:07:43,127 --> 01:07:46,295 Fuck him, fuck him, put it in! 1349 01:07:46,297 --> 01:07:47,297 Yeah. 1350 01:07:53,236 --> 01:07:54,737 - He's got the Kimura, Brian. 1351 01:07:56,074 --> 01:07:58,474 But, it doesn't really fucking matter 1352 01:07:58,476 --> 01:08:00,009 because he's a zombie. 1353 01:08:00,011 --> 01:08:03,245 - Got to admire the toughness of zombie couture 1354 01:08:03,247 --> 01:08:05,681 and you really have to hand it to Tim Kennedy here. 1355 01:08:05,683 --> 01:08:08,985 He's keeping Randy at arm's length. 1356 01:08:08,987 --> 01:08:10,486 - I got my arm pulled off too. 1357 01:08:10,488 --> 01:08:12,254 Rip off the other one! 1358 01:08:12,256 --> 01:08:16,058 - Kennedy shoots and he lands the take down. 1359 01:08:19,263 --> 01:08:21,297 Oh Kennedy's locked in the rear naked choke. 1360 01:08:21,299 --> 01:08:22,398 That's in deep, Brian. 1361 01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:24,166 - But hey, couture won't tap. 1362 01:08:25,236 --> 01:08:27,703 Whoa, it as all over. 1363 01:08:27,705 --> 01:08:29,739 Great heads up move by Tim Kennedy 1364 01:08:29,741 --> 01:08:32,174 to win that fight and save our asses. 1365 01:08:41,251 --> 01:08:43,019 - Fuck yeah, fuck yeah! 1366 01:08:43,021 --> 01:08:45,788 Fucking ruin his credit score. 1367 01:08:53,330 --> 01:08:55,231 - That's some bad ass shit, Tim. 1368 01:08:55,233 --> 01:08:58,300 Wait, why the fuck did we leave our guns back there? 1369 01:08:58,302 --> 01:09:00,469 - How else are we gonna have a final epic battle? 1370 01:09:00,471 --> 01:09:02,605 - Wait, epic battle? 1371 01:09:02,607 --> 01:09:05,741 I am so tired of you guys smashing your dicks together. 1372 01:09:05,743 --> 01:09:06,743 Fuck this. 1373 01:09:13,051 --> 01:09:14,483 - Just when you thought the night couldn't 1374 01:09:14,485 --> 01:09:18,554 get any more intense, it's Danny Trejo's zombie. 1375 01:09:18,556 --> 01:09:20,423 - Who the fuck saw this coming. 1376 01:09:29,132 --> 01:09:30,099 - That's all me. 1377 01:09:30,101 --> 01:09:32,368 - Over my dead body. 1378 01:09:32,370 --> 01:09:34,403 - You know, Mike, Danny Trejo was the San Quentin 1379 01:09:34,405 --> 01:09:36,138 boxing champion for five years 1380 01:09:36,140 --> 01:09:37,673 in two different weight classes. 1381 01:09:37,675 --> 01:09:40,609 However, one has to wonder what a voracious appetite 1382 01:09:40,611 --> 01:09:42,445 for human flesh and an inability 1383 01:09:42,447 --> 01:09:44,814 to feel pain will do for his skill set. 1384 01:09:44,816 --> 01:09:47,783 - Looks once again like we're about to find out. 1385 01:09:47,785 --> 01:09:49,285 - I got this! 1386 01:09:49,287 --> 01:09:51,087 - Tom is making a classical mistake here, Mike, 1387 01:09:51,089 --> 01:09:53,722 in that he really doesn't know that the fuck he's doing. 1388 01:09:53,724 --> 01:09:56,258 Danny Trejo is a certified bad ass 1389 01:09:56,260 --> 01:09:57,860 who now has supernatural powers. 1390 01:09:57,862 --> 01:09:59,528 - He's a little fuck, isn't he? 1391 01:09:59,530 --> 01:10:02,331 - Good initiative, bad judgment. 1392 01:10:05,102 --> 01:10:06,669 - Who's the mother fucking hero now? 1393 01:10:06,671 --> 01:10:08,537 - Man, jumping on dud doesn't meant shit. 1394 01:10:09,407 --> 01:10:10,606 Mother fucker! 1395 01:10:11,675 --> 01:10:12,808 - He's hurt, Brian. 1396 01:10:12,810 --> 01:10:14,477 - Now put a cat tourniquet on this. 1397 01:10:17,648 --> 01:10:20,116 Come on, hurry the fuck up. 1398 01:10:21,418 --> 01:10:23,819 - I'm trying, quit squirting. 1399 01:10:26,189 --> 01:10:27,690 - I got this. 1400 01:10:29,560 --> 01:10:30,860 - Mike, it looks like they're gonna 1401 01:10:30,862 --> 01:10:32,428 go with the team approach now. 1402 01:10:32,430 --> 01:10:34,597 In the military, we call this an envelopment, 1403 01:10:34,599 --> 01:10:36,532 where you surround the enemy and force him 1404 01:10:36,534 --> 01:10:38,367 to fight you on multiple directions. 1405 01:10:41,472 --> 01:10:45,541 Or, they're just gonna go at him one by one. 1406 01:10:45,543 --> 01:10:46,742 Like fucking morons. 1407 01:10:46,744 --> 01:10:48,410 - Straight shot to the wedding tackle, 1408 01:10:48,412 --> 01:10:50,179 Brian, it's all over. 1409 01:10:50,181 --> 01:10:52,248 - And then he popped his favorite sex doll. 1410 01:10:52,250 --> 01:10:54,884 Trejo remains cold as ice. 1411 01:10:54,886 --> 01:10:56,552 - Careful, guys. 1412 01:10:56,554 --> 01:10:59,555 - I'm big as fuck bro, he can't hurt me. 1413 01:11:06,196 --> 01:11:07,496 - Wow, Mike, he just chopped him down 1414 01:11:07,498 --> 01:11:09,365 like a wet pine tree. 1415 01:11:09,367 --> 01:11:11,267 Is it me or did you think he'd have a better chin? 1416 01:11:11,269 --> 01:11:13,736 - Well, I think he would of had a better chin. 1417 01:11:13,738 --> 01:11:16,705 We're down to two and he's taunting them. 1418 01:11:16,707 --> 01:11:19,742 Trejo is really a next level zombie. 1419 01:11:19,744 --> 01:11:19,742 - Yeah, I hate to say it, 1420 01:11:19,744 --> 01:11:22,745 cause it likely means the end of the world, 1421 01:11:22,747 --> 01:11:25,481 but he's just at a different zombie level right now. 1422 01:11:25,483 --> 01:11:27,816 - Eeeny, meany, meenie, Moe! 1423 01:11:30,587 --> 01:11:31,954 - Looks like zombie Trejo's identified 1424 01:11:31,956 --> 01:11:33,489 his next victim, Mike. 1425 01:11:35,893 --> 01:11:37,693 - Wow, that was just bad. 1426 01:11:37,695 --> 01:11:39,495 - He's air force, Mike. 1427 01:11:39,497 --> 01:11:40,930 - And we're down to one. 1428 01:11:40,932 --> 01:11:43,332 Looks like Nick is rushing Trejo. 1429 01:11:43,334 --> 01:11:46,335 Well that worked out great for, tom. 1430 01:11:46,337 --> 01:11:48,904 He's teeing off, he won't remember this. 1431 01:11:48,906 --> 01:11:50,973 - Like a goat at an Isis convention, Mike, 1432 01:11:50,975 --> 01:11:52,241 he's fucked. 1433 01:11:53,376 --> 01:11:54,610 - What are we doing? 1434 01:11:54,612 --> 01:11:56,292 - We have to get to a place of observation. 1435 01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:08,991 - Here comes the fatal bite. 1436 01:12:08,993 --> 01:12:10,859 Saved by Kennedy. 1437 01:12:10,861 --> 01:12:12,261 I'm worried here, Mike. 1438 01:12:12,263 --> 01:12:13,929 Tim is still exhausted from zombie couture. 1439 01:12:13,931 --> 01:12:15,931 - Now, lets not count Kennedy out yet. 1440 01:12:15,933 --> 01:12:18,334 As a special forces operator, 1441 01:12:18,336 --> 01:12:20,703 he's been in worse spots then this. 1442 01:12:20,705 --> 01:12:22,571 - I'm pretty sure that's not true. 1443 01:12:22,573 --> 01:12:23,772 - Trejo! 1444 01:12:23,774 --> 01:12:24,807 - Now what just one minute. 1445 01:12:24,809 --> 01:12:24,807 - Mat is still up. 1446 01:12:24,809 --> 01:12:27,376 - This guys kinda growing on me, Brian. 1447 01:12:27,378 --> 01:12:29,278 - Like e Coli on pig carcass, Mike. 1448 01:12:44,761 --> 01:12:46,395 - Thanks man. 1449 01:12:46,397 --> 01:12:48,530 - I owed you for earlier. 1450 01:12:49,699 --> 01:12:51,567 It's a fucked up day. 1451 01:12:52,702 --> 01:12:55,938 - I loved him in machete. 1452 01:12:55,940 --> 01:12:58,040 - Blue leader six, this is striker 3-1. 1453 01:12:58,042 --> 01:12:59,808 Give me some Nam cans on the remainders. 1454 01:12:59,810 --> 01:13:02,578 Get it out to me, Sandy, I'd do it for you! 1455 01:13:39,783 --> 01:13:40,849 - We did it. 1456 01:13:41,751 --> 01:13:43,385 We saved America. 1457 01:13:44,421 --> 01:13:46,855 - America sure is beautiful, isn't she? 1458 01:13:46,857 --> 01:13:48,390 - How beautiful? 1459 01:14:36,539 --> 01:14:38,006 - I want to see every single one of you mother fuckers 1460 01:14:38,008 --> 01:14:40,409 in the hallway, right now! 1461 01:14:43,046 --> 01:14:43,979 - Morning, colonel. 1462 01:14:43,981 --> 01:14:46,815 - At ease, you son of a bitch. 1463 01:14:46,817 --> 01:14:48,450 I can't believe you did it. 1464 01:14:48,452 --> 01:14:50,486 - I can't believe you doubted the team. 1465 01:14:50,488 --> 01:14:52,421 - That's just as well. 1466 01:14:52,423 --> 01:14:54,490 The president will be coming in at 0900 hours 1467 01:14:54,492 --> 01:14:55,858 to address the nation. 1468 01:14:55,860 --> 01:14:57,593 He wants you front and center with him on stage 1469 01:14:57,595 --> 01:14:59,595 as he makes his speech. 1470 01:14:59,597 --> 01:15:00,963 You're a hero. 1471 01:15:00,965 --> 01:15:02,965 - Sorry sir, but I'm not going up on that podium 1472 01:15:02,967 --> 01:15:03,999 without the team. 1473 01:15:04,001 --> 01:15:06,001 We did this together. 1474 01:15:06,003 --> 01:15:08,170 - Selfless, I like that. 1475 01:15:08,172 --> 01:15:09,972 You and your entire team can be on stage 1476 01:15:09,974 --> 01:15:11,707 for the big moment. 1477 01:15:12,842 --> 01:15:15,110 You guys did a great thing for your country. 1478 01:15:15,112 --> 01:15:16,912 It's only right you should all be there. 1479 01:15:16,914 --> 01:15:17,780 - Thank you, colonel. 1480 01:15:17,782 --> 01:15:19,181 - No, thank you. 1481 01:15:19,183 --> 01:15:21,950 You're finally living up to your potential, mat. 1482 01:15:21,952 --> 01:15:23,952 And I was wrong about you. 1483 01:15:23,954 --> 01:15:24,987 You guys have a couple of hours 1484 01:15:24,989 --> 01:15:27,456 to go in and get something to eat 1485 01:15:27,458 --> 01:15:29,758 and if you want to be on stage, 1486 01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:31,660 I suggest you figure out a way to get that doll 1487 01:15:31,662 --> 01:15:33,128 of your cock, son. 1488 01:15:34,931 --> 01:15:37,065 - Sir, one more thing. 1489 01:15:37,067 --> 01:15:39,601 Did you just decide not to shave this morning or? 1490 01:15:39,603 --> 01:15:41,537 - It's the end of the world, fuck you. 1491 01:15:42,807 --> 01:15:44,006 - I'm sure the scientists have something 1492 01:15:44,008 --> 01:15:47,776 to take your doll of your dick, dude. 1493 01:15:47,778 --> 01:15:50,546 - What if I don't want it off? 1494 01:15:50,548 --> 01:15:52,681 - What, what do you mean? 1495 01:15:53,683 --> 01:15:55,217 - There is no glue. 1496 01:15:58,021 --> 01:15:59,788 It's just Velcro. 1497 01:15:59,790 --> 01:16:04,693 Tanisha, she's more than a rubber fuck puppet to me. 1498 01:16:04,695 --> 01:16:05,794 She's therapy. 1499 01:16:06,764 --> 01:16:09,498 She's my security blanket. 1500 01:16:09,500 --> 01:16:10,799 My best friend. 1501 01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,168 She's the only person I know 1502 01:16:13,170 --> 01:16:15,571 that I can really open up to. 1503 01:16:15,573 --> 01:16:17,806 I mean really open up to. 1504 01:16:17,808 --> 01:16:21,076 She doesn't judge me, she just listens. 1505 01:16:22,479 --> 01:16:24,079 - I had no idea man. 1506 01:16:25,482 --> 01:16:26,715 - Everybody thought I went to Wal-Mart 1507 01:16:26,717 --> 01:16:28,150 to get some sort of epoxy remover 1508 01:16:28,152 --> 01:16:30,252 to get her off my Johnson 1509 01:16:31,688 --> 01:16:36,225 but the truth is, I just wanted to take her out on a date. 1510 01:16:40,830 --> 01:16:42,898 I love you, brother. 1511 01:16:42,900 --> 01:16:44,500 - Love you too man 1512 01:16:44,502 --> 01:16:48,704 but I'm gonna need you to get your dick off of me. 1513 01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:54,543 - Alright, let me get a little fresh air exposed 1514 01:16:54,545 --> 01:16:56,078 to it for a minute. 1515 01:16:56,913 --> 01:16:58,547 - Why don't you take a couple 1516 01:16:58,549 --> 01:17:01,216 and go regroup yourself, right? 1517 01:17:01,218 --> 01:17:02,284 Thanks, bro. 1518 01:17:06,689 --> 01:17:08,557 - I gotta bounce, bro. 1519 01:17:08,559 --> 01:17:11,159 - The president is on his way here right now. 1520 01:17:11,161 --> 01:17:12,861 - Yeah, but I have some stuff I got 1521 01:17:12,863 --> 01:17:14,029 to take care of bro. 1522 01:17:14,031 --> 01:17:16,698 - Shit bigger than the president? 1523 01:17:16,700 --> 01:17:17,700 - Yeah. 1524 01:17:19,636 --> 01:17:20,736 Sorry, bro. 1525 01:17:20,738 --> 01:17:21,738 Gotta go. 1526 01:17:23,239 --> 01:17:24,640 - Are you hungry dude? 1527 01:17:24,642 --> 01:17:25,574 - Yeah man. 1528 01:17:25,576 --> 01:17:27,175 Let's go get some food. 1529 01:17:27,177 --> 01:17:28,677 You guys want anything? 1530 01:17:28,679 --> 01:17:30,112 - Yeah, we'll be there in a minute. 1531 01:17:30,114 --> 01:17:31,114 - Alright. 1532 01:17:32,315 --> 01:17:34,149 - Crazy couple of days, huh? 1533 01:17:34,151 --> 01:17:35,617 - Yeah, I'm exhausted. 1534 01:17:35,619 --> 01:17:37,753 - So, I was thinking, 1535 01:17:37,755 --> 01:17:39,922 maybe after this whole thing blows over, 1536 01:17:39,924 --> 01:17:42,624 you and I can like get away or something. 1537 01:17:42,626 --> 01:17:43,625 - Yeah, fuck it. 1538 01:17:43,627 --> 01:17:44,293 Let's do... 1539 01:17:44,295 --> 01:17:46,128 You broke me down. 1540 01:17:46,130 --> 01:17:47,162 Let's do it. 1541 01:17:47,164 --> 01:17:49,064 Let's go to sandals Jamaica. 1542 01:17:49,066 --> 01:17:52,034 We just lay in bed and order room service 1543 01:17:52,036 --> 01:17:55,704 for fuel to fuck each others brains out 1544 01:17:55,706 --> 01:17:59,274 all day, all night, is that what you want? 1545 01:18:01,011 --> 01:18:02,011 Yeah. 1546 01:18:04,781 --> 01:18:08,150 I'll tell you what, you lose a little bit of weight, 1547 01:18:08,152 --> 01:18:11,753 get yourself down to a cool 185, 1548 01:18:11,755 --> 01:18:14,022 I'll make that happen. 1549 01:18:14,024 --> 01:18:15,023 Deal? 1550 01:18:15,025 --> 01:18:17,059 - Oh yes, deal. 1551 01:18:17,061 --> 01:18:18,061 - Great. 1552 01:18:18,895 --> 01:18:20,262 You want some food? 1553 01:18:20,264 --> 01:18:23,932 There's a truckload of freedom fudge outside. 1554 01:18:23,934 --> 01:18:27,069 - Well, I probably shouldn't. 1555 01:18:27,071 --> 01:18:30,105 Technically I haven't slept so it's still my cheat day. 1556 01:18:30,107 --> 01:18:32,107 - Yeah of course, sure. 1557 01:18:34,043 --> 01:18:35,711 - In a few moments, the president 1558 01:18:35,713 --> 01:18:38,680 will speak live about the military containment 1559 01:18:38,682 --> 01:18:40,949 of the mysterious virus that has plagued 1560 01:18:40,951 --> 01:18:43,652 the United States and neighboring countries 1561 01:18:43,654 --> 01:18:47,255 in north and south America for the last three days. 1562 01:18:47,257 --> 01:18:50,325 It is believed that one of them is responsible 1563 01:18:50,327 --> 01:18:51,860 for saving man kind. 1564 01:18:57,734 --> 01:19:02,304 - My fellow Americans, as you are all painfully aware, 1565 01:19:02,306 --> 01:19:05,107 the last few days since the crash of an aircraft 1566 01:19:05,109 --> 01:19:09,111 carrying an unknown virus, have been full of sorrow, 1567 01:19:09,113 --> 01:19:11,647 heartache, and deep despair. 1568 01:19:13,182 --> 01:19:17,352 We lost nearly half of our population in the outbreak 1569 01:19:17,354 --> 01:19:18,654 and that's a loss... 1570 01:19:18,656 --> 01:19:20,355 - Holy shit, Marcus you made it? 1571 01:19:20,357 --> 01:19:21,757 - Damn right. 1572 01:19:21,759 --> 01:19:25,727 I'm Marcus Luttrell, fucking live forever. 1573 01:19:25,729 --> 01:19:30,098 - Can't you seals just let us have one fucking movie? 1574 01:19:30,100 --> 01:19:31,700 - Absolutely not. 1575 01:19:33,369 --> 01:19:36,304 - I hate to single out individuals 1576 01:19:37,674 --> 01:19:40,175 but there is one man who's courage, 1577 01:19:40,177 --> 01:19:42,377 who's actions, who's tenacity stood head 1578 01:19:42,379 --> 01:19:45,180 and shoulders above all others. 1579 01:19:45,182 --> 01:19:48,750 This is a man who truly understands the concept 1580 01:19:48,752 --> 01:19:51,186 of country before self. 1581 01:19:51,188 --> 01:19:52,354 - It's fucking you man. 1582 01:19:52,356 --> 01:19:53,321 - It's fucking us. 1583 01:19:53,323 --> 01:19:55,257 - He saved our way of life, 1584 01:19:55,259 --> 01:19:57,292 he saved America. 1585 01:19:57,294 --> 01:19:59,828 Ladies and gentleman, 1586 01:19:59,830 --> 01:20:01,730 sergeant major Gene Vandenham. 1587 01:20:06,869 --> 01:20:10,872 - I want to you know, you're still 2nd best in my eyes. 1588 01:20:10,874 --> 01:20:14,009 I'm proud of the man you might become one day. 1589 01:20:18,015 --> 01:20:21,750 - You know when I saw that video of Gene 1590 01:20:21,752 --> 01:20:23,719 taken from one of our space satellites, 1591 01:20:23,721 --> 01:20:27,055 I just knew that we would have to give him yet another 1592 01:20:27,057 --> 01:20:27,923 medal of honor. 1593 01:20:27,925 --> 01:20:29,257 Well done, Gene. 1594 01:20:33,896 --> 01:20:38,200 What marvelous images, in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, 1595 01:20:38,202 --> 01:20:41,203 Gene get's this incredible video. 1596 01:20:41,205 --> 01:20:45,407 He took the crew and the camera and shot it himself. 1597 01:20:49,113 --> 01:20:50,879 - Also, there's a promotional video 1598 01:20:50,881 --> 01:20:52,414 that's gonna be out of me killing zombies, 1599 01:20:52,416 --> 01:20:54,916 in about 13 days it's gonna be $69.99, 1600 01:20:54,918 --> 01:20:57,486 that's eight easy installments. 1601 01:20:58,921 --> 01:20:59,921 - Lots of people wonder what they would 1602 01:20:59,923 --> 01:21:02,457 do if the world is ending. 1603 01:21:02,459 --> 01:21:04,926 Our story might not be normal 1604 01:21:04,928 --> 01:21:07,996 but I learned some important life lessons. 1605 01:21:07,998 --> 01:21:10,365 Tim Kennedy's abs are to die for. 1606 01:21:10,367 --> 01:21:13,335 That was pun for you, the audience. 1607 01:21:13,337 --> 01:21:15,871 Also, JT will never get laid 1608 01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:20,375 and killing zombies was actually pretty easy. 1609 01:21:20,377 --> 01:21:22,377 Thanks global war on terror. 1610 01:21:22,379 --> 01:21:26,782 And most importantly, love is the most powerful emotion 1611 01:21:28,084 --> 01:21:31,887 and Rocco, well he found love in a hopeless place. 1612 01:28:59,668 --> 01:29:00,501 - God damn, mat. 1613 01:29:00,503 --> 01:29:01,836 Wake the fuck up. 1614 01:29:01,838 --> 01:29:05,306 Your phone's been ringing all fucking morning. 1615 01:29:07,610 --> 01:29:08,610 - What? 1616 01:29:10,012 --> 01:29:11,012 Oh my god. 1617 01:29:13,282 --> 01:29:14,816 - What the fuck was that? 1618 01:29:14,818 --> 01:29:17,585 - You would think saving the fucking world 1619 01:29:17,587 --> 01:29:18,786 would let you keep your job 1620 01:29:18,788 --> 01:29:20,555 but I'm fired, again. 1621 01:29:20,557 --> 01:29:20,555 - If you want, I can always get you a job 1622 01:29:20,557 --> 01:29:23,791 as a janitor at the all girls college I work at. 1623 01:29:23,793 --> 01:29:25,960 - Why didn't we think of that before? 1624 01:29:25,962 --> 01:29:27,028 - Consider it done. 113827