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1
00:00:04,332 --> 00:00:05,532
Ugh!
2
00:00:05,533 --> 00:00:09,503
Work gave us these stupid smartphones,
and I don't know how to use it.
3
00:00:09,537 --> 00:00:11,205
FEMALE VOICE:
How can I help you?
4
00:00:11,239 --> 00:00:14,339
I told you, stop calling me.
You have the wrong number.
5
00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:16,910
Leave my wife alone.
6
00:00:16,945 --> 00:00:21,081
You'd like to leave your wife? Searching
for divorce attorneys in your area.
7
00:00:21,116 --> 00:00:23,517
That's not what I said,
home wrecker!
8
00:00:23,551 --> 00:00:26,086
Guys, guys, guys,
that's not a person.
9
00:00:26,121 --> 00:00:27,943
It's an automated
personal assistant.
10
00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:30,858
When you figure out all the cool stuff
that phone does, you're gonna love it.
11
00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:33,227
Yeah, that's what our
manager at work said.
12
00:00:33,228 --> 00:00:36,063
And then she hit us with a ton
of new corporate policies.
13
00:00:36,097 --> 00:00:38,999
They want us to take pictures
of the houses we clean.
14
00:00:39,034 --> 00:00:41,201
Which means they don't trust us.
15
00:00:41,236 --> 00:00:44,338
Which sucks 'cause now we have
to really clean the houses.
16
00:00:44,372 --> 00:00:46,974
Well, at least you got
a cool new phone out of it.
17
00:00:47,008 --> 00:00:49,009
I hate it.
It's too complicated.
18
00:00:49,044 --> 00:00:51,378
I butt-dialed Burt three times
on the way to work.
19
00:00:51,413 --> 00:00:54,863
Your butt makes up for in appearance
what it lacks in communication skills.
20
00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:59,018
MAW MAW: That's pretty impressive.
My butt has only two tricks.
21
00:00:59,019 --> 00:01:01,088
One is, uh, disgusting,
22
00:01:01,089 --> 00:01:04,140
and the other
is looking amazing in jeans.
23
00:01:05,126 --> 00:01:08,095
Mmm. Now that you have a new phone,
you can follow me on WikiVids.
24
00:01:08,129 --> 00:01:09,396
What's WikiVids?
25
00:01:09,431 --> 00:01:11,865
It's a site where I post videos
of the eggs I make
26
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:13,867
and my funny little
comments about them.
27
00:01:13,902 --> 00:01:16,388
I kind of interpret
what they look like.
28
00:01:16,389 --> 00:01:18,272
I call this one "Yolko Ono."
29
00:01:18,306 --> 00:01:20,174
See how the egg
broke up the hash browns?
30
00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:23,077
- MAW MAW: Oh, look at that.
- Now, that is art.
31
00:01:23,111 --> 00:01:25,128
You should open
up a museum
32
00:01:25,129 --> 00:01:28,082
where you bring these out to people,
and then they get to eat it.
33
00:01:28,116 --> 00:01:32,453
- Isn't that just a restaurant?
- Everything's been done!
34
00:01:32,487 --> 00:01:35,856
You know, if you hate your phone
so much, we could switch phones.
35
00:01:35,890 --> 00:01:38,829
My flip phone takes lousy pictures,
so you don't have to clean that good.
36
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,395
- Yeah, I guess we could do...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
37
00:01:41,429 --> 00:01:44,555
He wants something from us.
We should get something in return.
38
00:01:44,556 --> 00:01:47,234
You thinking "Pick-a-Pocket, Pick-a-Pocket,
We Want Everything in Your Pockets"?
39
00:01:47,268 --> 00:01:49,069
It's a good day for it.
Jimmy's wearing cargo pants.
40
00:01:49,104 --> 00:01:50,537
Ooh, can we
make him jump?
41
00:01:50,572 --> 00:01:52,168
No, no, no, no, no,
you know the rules.
42
00:01:52,169 --> 00:01:55,075
One turn, one pocket,
no touching, no whining.
43
00:01:55,153 --> 00:01:58,812
BURT: I-I'm gonna go...
Right... left...
44
00:01:58,847 --> 00:02:01,381
- Right... left...
- Right front!
45
00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:06,518
Oh, damn, we were
getting that anyway.
46
00:02:06,788 --> 00:02:08,188
What was in the other pockets?
47
00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:12,359
ALL:
Keys!
48
00:02:14,963 --> 00:02:16,697
Wallet!
49
00:02:17,799 --> 00:02:19,099
Fruit pie!
50
00:02:19,134 --> 00:02:21,502
Oh, man,
we could have had a fruit pie!
51
00:02:21,723 --> 00:02:24,723
Season 4, Episode 4
"Hi-Def"
52
00:02:24,914 --> 00:02:27,914
Synced by ibelouis & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:02:29,244 --> 00:02:31,799
I want another roll.
54
00:02:32,775 --> 00:02:36,383
Sorry, Maw Maw, I didn't make enough
for both of you to have two.
55
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,051
You're gonna have
to split it with Hope.
56
00:02:38,086 --> 00:02:42,253
You know, there's a lot of really great
stuff in these new corporate policies.
57
00:02:42,254 --> 00:02:44,291
- I mean, a week's paid vacation...
- Oh!
58
00:02:44,325 --> 00:02:46,026
401(k)...
59
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:47,528
401(k)?
60
00:02:47,562 --> 00:02:51,231
No, thanks. I ran a 5K
once and almost puked.
61
00:02:51,266 --> 00:02:52,399
(chuckles)
62
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,568
Oh, hey, you get health care.
63
00:02:54,602 --> 00:02:56,782
Actually, it says
spouses are covered, too.
64
00:02:56,783 --> 00:02:59,606
- You guys could finally go to the doctor.
- We're not sick.
65
00:02:59,641 --> 00:03:01,108
You don't have to be sick
to go to the doctor.
66
00:03:01,142 --> 00:03:02,609
(both laugh)
67
00:03:02,644 --> 00:03:04,611
Why would you go to a doctor
if you're not sick?
68
00:03:04,646 --> 00:03:05,913
Like, to say hello?
69
00:03:05,947 --> 00:03:09,082
- Hello, Doctor.
- Hello, Burt. How are you?
70
00:03:09,117 --> 00:03:12,286
- Not sick.
- Wonderful. Thanks for stopping by.
71
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,787
(Burt and Virginia laughing)
72
00:03:19,659 --> 00:03:23,664
Fine. Enjoy the carbs, fatso.
73
00:03:23,698 --> 00:03:25,999
Guys, you have to get checkups.
74
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:28,216
Otherwise little things,
they turn into big things.
75
00:03:28,217 --> 00:03:30,671
It only takes one spark
to burn down the whole forest.
76
00:03:30,705 --> 00:03:34,158
The only doctor I go to
is Dr. Vajajay.
77
00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:37,578
He's Indian. That's his name.
He looks after my hoo-hah.
78
00:03:37,612 --> 00:03:40,847
- Gross.
- I assure you, it is not.
79
00:03:42,183 --> 00:03:47,221
JIMMY: Okay, this is LeBron
James and the Giant Peach.
80
00:03:47,255 --> 00:03:48,789
What are you doing?
81
00:03:48,823 --> 00:03:50,557
I'm gonna make videos
of fruits and vegetables
82
00:03:50,592 --> 00:03:52,292
made to look
like famous athletes.
83
00:03:52,327 --> 00:03:54,328
I've got Wayne Grapesky,
84
00:03:54,362 --> 00:03:56,137
Pear Bryant.
85
00:03:56,138 --> 00:03:59,499
Uh, I'm trying to think of a baseball
player I could use for strawberries, but...
86
00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:00,968
Nothing's coming to me.
87
00:04:01,002 --> 00:04:02,821
Don't you think
it's a little derivative?
88
00:04:02,837 --> 00:04:04,137
No, it's a big peach.
89
00:04:04,172 --> 00:04:06,273
I mean it's not very original.
90
00:04:06,307 --> 00:04:09,443
I do food. You're just copying my idea.
91
00:04:09,477 --> 00:04:12,346
So?
It's just a silly video thing.
92
00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:13,780
A silly video thing?
93
00:04:13,815 --> 00:04:17,918
(chuckles) I think the 28 people who
follow "Sabrina's Yolk of the Day"
94
00:04:17,952 --> 00:04:19,353
might disagree with you.
95
00:04:22,048 --> 00:04:23,591
Wait a minute.
96
00:04:23,758 --> 00:04:27,961
Strawberry Bonds.
Oh, how dumb am I?
97
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,935
- What's going on with your toe freckle?
- I'm not sure.
98
00:04:34,969 --> 00:04:38,805
- I'm worried it's getting bigger.
- Maybe your toe is getting smaller.
99
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,800
Well, that
worries me, too.
100
00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:43,877
Either one of those things could
be the spark that starts the fire.
101
00:04:43,911 --> 00:04:45,946
That's what Sabrina said
about the doctor.
102
00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:48,348
I've been thinking
about that, too. Listen.
103
00:04:49,384 --> 00:04:50,951
(groans)
104
00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:53,053
(neck cracking) (gasps)
105
00:04:53,087 --> 00:04:55,022
I think my neck crack's
getting worse.
106
00:04:55,056 --> 00:04:56,990
Sounds like someone's
making popcorn under my head.
107
00:04:57,025 --> 00:04:59,326
Sometimes my ear
just starts hurting.
108
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,829
Like, I'll just be standing somewhere,
and then, suddenly, ow!
109
00:05:02,864 --> 00:05:05,909
- Did it just happen?
- No, I was just dramatizing.
110
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,434
It only happens a
couple times a week.
111
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,935
You know what else?
Sometimes when I pee,
112
00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,370
it comes out
in two different directions.
113
00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:11,538
Zow! Zow!
114
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:12,673
I'm dramatizing, too.
115
00:05:12,707 --> 00:05:16,843
My after-breakfast eye twitch is now
sometimes lasting all the way till lunch.
116
00:05:16,878 --> 00:05:20,647
No matter how much coffee I drink
to relax myself, it just doesn't stop!
117
00:05:20,682 --> 00:05:23,107
My jaw hurts like crazy
when I go like this.
118
00:05:23,108 --> 00:05:25,643
- Ooh, that looks painful.
- It is!
119
00:05:26,087 --> 00:05:28,622
I hate to say it,
but maybe Sabrina was right.
120
00:05:28,656 --> 00:05:30,023
We need to see a doctor.
121
00:05:30,058 --> 00:05:31,792
Maybe she was right
about other things.
122
00:05:31,826 --> 00:05:35,195
Do you really think there's
a country called Chad?
123
00:05:35,229 --> 00:05:37,831
Yeah, and everyone there
carries a tennis racket
124
00:05:37,865 --> 00:05:40,067
and wears a sweater
tied around their shoulders.
125
00:05:40,101 --> 00:05:42,169
(both laugh)
126
00:05:43,771 --> 00:05:47,009
I'm starting to get worried.
I think I have everything.
127
00:05:47,025 --> 00:05:50,110
Muscle weakness? Check.
Fatigue? Check.
128
00:05:50,144 --> 00:05:52,445
Form of payment? Check.
129
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:56,216
- I know. Do I get dizzy?
- When you spin around a lot.
130
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,450
Damn it!
131
00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:01,221
Virginia Chance?
Nice to meet you.
132
00:06:01,965 --> 00:06:03,490
(laughing):
Gotcha!
133
00:06:03,524 --> 00:06:06,391
I love that one. Do it to all
my new patients. (Virginia laughs)
134
00:06:06,415 --> 00:06:09,373
My philosophy is,
laughter is the best medicine.
135
00:06:09,407 --> 00:06:10,641
Unless you have
insurance.
136
00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:13,010
In that case,
medicine is the best medicine.
137
00:06:13,044 --> 00:06:16,513
(laughs) Okay. Let's go look
under your hood.
138
00:06:18,583 --> 00:06:20,117
(quietly):
Stay strong.
139
00:06:26,042 --> 00:06:29,559
Hey, guys, I don't usually
post spill videos, but...
140
00:06:29,594 --> 00:06:32,562
You don't see a crocodile with
Abe Lincoln's head every day.
141
00:06:32,597 --> 00:06:33,897
(laughter)
142
00:06:33,932 --> 00:06:35,629
Guys?
143
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:41,672
All right, well, that was an amusing
diversion, but we should...
144
00:06:41,706 --> 00:06:45,008
Oh, you know what? We can bleach the
chicken tomorrow. Let's watch it again.
145
00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:47,577
You guys watching my daily
"Yolk of the Day" video?
146
00:06:47,612 --> 00:06:51,248
No. Jimmy posted
this hilarious new WikiVid.
147
00:06:51,282 --> 00:06:53,784
And you should probably get
your cholesterol checked.
148
00:06:53,818 --> 00:06:57,358
Let me see this.
This better not be food-related.
149
00:06:57,498 --> 00:07:00,857
MAW MAW: I was never a fan
of the Three Stooges.
150
00:07:00,892 --> 00:07:06,163
I found them sweaty and clumsy
and not very entertaining.
151
00:07:06,197 --> 00:07:12,069
To be clear, the Three Stooges
is what I called Wilfrid's genitals.
152
00:07:12,103 --> 00:07:14,705
(laughter)
153
00:07:15,247 --> 00:07:17,874
FRANK: Unless you are one,
old people are funny.
154
00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:21,044
Yeah. I guess it's funny.
It's a little simple.
155
00:07:21,079 --> 00:07:22,437
Simple...?
156
00:07:22,438 --> 00:07:24,842
Yeah. I mean, when you have
as many as 27 followers,
157
00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:28,051
they want you to challenge them
artistically and intellectually.
158
00:07:28,086 --> 00:07:31,175
- Oh, I thought you had 28.
- I did.
159
00:07:31,622 --> 00:07:34,632
I'm sorry, Sabrina, but between
the nun that does the chicken dance,
160
00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:37,767
the cat that plays the piano and
James' hysterical new videos,
161
00:07:37,768 --> 00:07:42,656
I don't have the time to stare at eggs
until they look like Steve Buscemi.
162
00:07:43,123 --> 00:07:44,390
All done.
163
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,238
Oh, you've gone blind.
164
00:07:46,284 --> 00:07:49,308
- We should have come sooner.
- I'm not blind.
165
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,775
When they give you an eye exam,
they delete your pupils.
166
00:07:51,809 --> 00:07:54,511
But the good news is, the only
thing wrong with me is my eyes.
167
00:07:54,512 --> 00:07:57,214
- Nothing glasses can't fix.
- It's just a slight prescription.
168
00:07:57,215 --> 00:08:00,684
It... it'd be like going from
standard definition to high-def.
169
00:08:00,718 --> 00:08:04,809
And I'm sorry you have to make
such a... spectacle of yourself.
170
00:08:04,906 --> 00:08:06,640
(both laughing)
171
00:08:07,714 --> 00:08:11,034
He's a lot more funny once you find out
you're not dying. You'll see.
172
00:08:23,441 --> 00:08:25,509
(phone beeps)
173
00:08:26,577 --> 00:08:31,181
MAW MAW: Well, it took 87 years,
174
00:08:31,215 --> 00:08:35,719
but now, officially,
my neck looks like my vagina.
175
00:08:35,753 --> 00:08:37,721
(laughing)
176
00:08:37,755 --> 00:08:40,290
Her neck does look
like a vagina.
177
00:08:40,324 --> 00:08:42,526
(scoffs) Where's Sabrina?
(chuckles)
178
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,728
She took her, uh, break
a half hour ago.
179
00:08:44,762 --> 00:08:46,735
No fair, all right?
180
00:08:46,736 --> 00:08:48,765
You said that my video
was deflippititive,
181
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,534
and now you're being
defibrilitive.
182
00:08:50,568 --> 00:08:52,803
I think the word you're
looking for is derivative.
183
00:08:52,837 --> 00:08:54,838
Whatever. All right,
if I can't film food,
184
00:08:54,872 --> 00:08:58,975
then you can't take advantage of my crazy
great-grandmother to amuse strangers.
185
00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:00,510
- That's my thing.
- Come on.
186
00:09:00,545 --> 00:09:02,646
You and I should both be able
to record whatever we want...
187
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,882
Sounds like someone
with 27 followers talking.
188
00:09:05,883 --> 00:09:06,847
(laughs)
189
00:09:06,848 --> 00:09:08,585
35. Thank you very much.
190
00:09:08,586 --> 00:09:11,321
Oh, 35. I remember
when I had 35 followers.
191
00:09:11,355 --> 00:09:14,349
That was... four followers ago.
192
00:09:15,384 --> 00:09:18,410
Oh, yeah? Well,
your phone is pink.
193
00:09:18,411 --> 00:09:20,887
Yep. Whatever, 35.
194
00:09:23,226 --> 00:09:25,127
Well, everything
checks out... your eyes,
195
00:09:25,161 --> 00:09:27,662
your heart, blood pressure.
You're in great shape.
196
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,364
Well, that wasn't so bad.
197
00:09:29,398 --> 00:09:32,834
I might think about getting a regular
checkup every six or seven years.
198
00:09:32,869 --> 00:09:35,070
Some of those tests
were actually kind of fun.
199
00:09:35,104 --> 00:09:37,063
Do that little hammer again.
200
00:09:38,741 --> 00:09:40,008
(laughs)
201
00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:42,477
Wow! That is wild!
202
00:09:42,512 --> 00:09:44,780
Does that work
on other parts of the body, too?
203
00:09:44,814 --> 00:09:47,282
'Cause I could really use that
magic hammer in the bedroom.
204
00:09:47,316 --> 00:09:49,284
Just, uh, one more thing.
205
00:09:49,318 --> 00:09:52,687
Just turn around,
bend over and...
206
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:56,625
- Promise you can keep a secret.
- All right.
207
00:09:58,127 --> 00:10:00,195
Whoa!
208
00:10:00,229 --> 00:10:02,831
And that feels like your finger
in my doggy door.
209
00:10:02,865 --> 00:10:04,733
Oh, it's just a routine test,
Burt.
210
00:10:04,767 --> 00:10:06,935
Well, if you're trying
to get my knee to move again,
211
00:10:06,969 --> 00:10:08,804
it's twitching pretty good,
so you can stop now.
212
00:10:08,838 --> 00:10:10,105
Hmm.
213
00:10:10,139 --> 00:10:13,821
Your prostate feels
a little... boggy.
214
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,944
And your finger feels
a little biggy. Oh!
215
00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:19,848
- How of... how often do you have sex?
- Like this? Never.
216
00:10:19,882 --> 00:10:21,850
No, like, with your wife.
217
00:10:21,884 --> 00:10:24,753
Sex can be good
for your prostate.
218
00:10:24,787 --> 00:10:26,420
I'll keep that in mind.
219
00:10:26,421 --> 00:10:29,291
In the meantime,
I want to do a colonoscopy
220
00:10:29,325 --> 00:10:32,961
just to make sure this isn't
a sign of a larger problem.
221
00:10:32,995 --> 00:10:36,131
Fine. Can't be any worse
than what we're doing now.
222
00:10:36,165 --> 00:10:41,042
Well, we pass a fiber-optic camera through
your anus, and we have a little look-see.
223
00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:44,078
I stand corrected. (grunts)
224
00:10:48,664 --> 00:10:50,631
Whoa.
225
00:10:50,666 --> 00:10:55,169
I can't believe it.
Everything's so clear.
226
00:10:55,204 --> 00:10:57,939
The birds, the clouds...
227
00:10:57,973 --> 00:11:00,975
I can even see that bus bench
all the way across the street.
228
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:04,512
"50% off glasses
at Glasses Land."
229
00:11:04,546 --> 00:11:06,914
That would've been
nice to know an hour ago.
230
00:11:06,949 --> 00:11:09,794
Come on, the doctor said I have to
have more sex to un-bog my colon.
231
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,652
You got your prescription
filled; now it's my turn.
232
00:11:11,687 --> 00:11:15,423
He didn't actually write it down, but
I'm thinking twice daily after meals.
233
00:11:15,457 --> 00:11:16,624
Here we go.
234
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:19,761
I can't believe how clear
everything is.
235
00:11:20,062 --> 00:11:23,508
This is probably what Helen Keller
felt like when she got her glasses.
236
00:11:24,099 --> 00:11:25,733
(humming)
237
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:28,403
This is the first test
I'm actually excited to study for.
238
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:31,210
I wonder if this is how they came up
with the term "cramming."
239
00:11:33,152 --> 00:11:34,610
VIRGINIA:
Whoa.
240
00:11:34,665 --> 00:11:36,482
We really need
to paint out here.
241
00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:38,898
- Virginia...
- I'm sorry.
242
00:11:42,589 --> 00:11:43,555
Whoa.
243
00:11:43,556 --> 00:11:46,317
This carpet is really stained.
244
00:11:46,318 --> 00:11:47,652
Focus.
245
00:11:47,823 --> 00:11:49,157
Oh. Yeah...
246
00:12:01,032 --> 00:12:02,232
VIRGINIA:
Uh...
247
00:12:06,008 --> 00:12:09,396
Oh, that's a banana peel.
I thought it was my bracelet.
248
00:12:10,612 --> 00:12:11,946
Mmm...
249
00:12:13,712 --> 00:12:16,376
No. I can't have sex in here, Burt.
250
00:12:16,377 --> 00:12:18,857
- This house is disgusting.
- Take the glasses off.
251
00:12:18,858 --> 00:12:20,323
Oh, good idea.
252
00:12:25,153 --> 00:12:26,961
No, I can't do this.
253
00:12:26,995 --> 00:12:29,464
I just keep imagining
everything I'm not seeing.
254
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:33,313
Well, maybe you should start
focusing on what you are seeing.
255
00:12:34,024 --> 00:12:38,306
Oh, my God... is that the face you make
when you do your sexy dance?
256
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:42,276
Ah, these glasses are
ruining everything!
257
00:12:42,311 --> 00:12:44,078
Ah... (sighs)
258
00:12:46,703 --> 00:12:48,003
Oh, hey, Dad.
259
00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:49,676
How's it going?
260
00:12:49,694 --> 00:12:52,320
I got to drink a gallon
of laxative in an hour.
261
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,288
On the plus side,
262
00:12:54,323 --> 00:12:55,823
I'm pretty sure
that buffalo nickel
263
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:58,092
I swallowed in third grade
is finally gonna resurface.
264
00:12:58,127 --> 00:12:59,527
Okay, well...
265
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:03,027
Time to go see if crazy Maw Maw
can help me break 50 followers.
266
00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:12,039
Hey, uh, Maw Maw,
267
00:13:12,074 --> 00:13:14,680
you, uh, got anything stuck
in your craw today?
268
00:13:14,681 --> 00:13:17,063
No, I just cleaned my craw.
269
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,598
Keep talking.
270
00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:20,414
(quick knock at door)
271
00:13:21,505 --> 00:13:23,139
(sniffs)
272
00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:25,488
Why does your bedroom smell
like my mother's breath?
273
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:28,377
I found some wine stains on the carpet,
and I couldn't get them out,
274
00:13:28,378 --> 00:13:31,469
so I'm gonna make it look like one
of those Jackson Polack paintings.
275
00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:33,799
Sure, that's one way
of doing it.
276
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,867
With these damn glasses, I notice every
little imperfection around the house.
277
00:13:37,953 --> 00:13:40,067
Hand me that green
magic marker.
278
00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:42,236
I saw a plant outside
that needs a touch-up.
279
00:13:42,271 --> 00:13:44,405
That sounds very sensible.
280
00:13:49,178 --> 00:13:51,951
SABRINA (whispering): Virginia
obsessively cleaning, take one.
281
00:13:53,515 --> 00:13:54,715
(crickets chirping)
282
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:59,764
That's a little better.
283
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,801
That could work.
284
00:14:05,237 --> 00:14:07,205
Ready!
285
00:14:08,076 --> 00:14:09,115
Oh.
286
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,423
Shut the door. It looks like
it's snowing in here...
287
00:14:11,424 --> 00:14:14,112
There's so much dust
floating in the air.
288
00:14:14,113 --> 00:14:16,047
I'd say take the glasses off,
289
00:14:16,082 --> 00:14:18,983
but the whole Sarah Palin thing
is really working for me.
290
00:14:19,018 --> 00:14:21,820
(chuckles) Can you tell me
about a moose you shot?
291
00:14:21,854 --> 00:14:23,822
(growling)
292
00:14:23,856 --> 00:14:27,425
- Ooh. Someone's in the mood.
- No, that's my stomach.
293
00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:29,094
I think
the pre-colonoscopy beverage
294
00:14:29,128 --> 00:14:31,563
is doing something crazy to my...
Uh-oh. (stomach grumbling)
295
00:14:31,597 --> 00:14:32,797
(grunts)
296
00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:34,174
Hot soup!
297
00:14:34,175 --> 00:14:36,901
(moaning)
298
00:14:36,936 --> 00:14:38,436
(shouts)
299
00:14:38,471 --> 00:14:40,405
It's like I ate
a waterfall!
300
00:14:41,242 --> 00:14:43,875
Look at this.
First thing this morning,
301
00:14:43,876 --> 00:14:45,977
and I've already got
three new followers.
302
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,125
Thank God you're here.
I need a ride to the hospital.
303
00:14:48,126 --> 00:14:50,916
- I did not want to use this sign.
- Where's Virginia? (gasps)
304
00:14:50,917 --> 00:14:53,151
Please tell me she's
obsessively cleaning something.
305
00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:55,753
- She's locked herself in our bedroom.
- Jackpot.
306
00:14:55,788 --> 00:15:00,000
- Last chance, Virginia!
- Just need another minute!
307
00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:03,387
I can't go out in public
looking like this.
308
00:15:04,356 --> 00:15:06,698
(knocking) SABRINA: Hey, Virginia.
Open up!
309
00:15:06,732 --> 00:15:09,767
Saw some brown leaves outside
that could use a fresh coat of paint.
310
00:15:09,802 --> 00:15:11,936
Oh, dang.
311
00:15:11,971 --> 00:15:13,972
Hey, I-I just want
to stick my arm in.
312
00:15:15,407 --> 00:15:17,709
Hey, Maw Maw.
313
00:15:17,743 --> 00:15:19,841
Obama's a genius.
And... go.
314
00:15:19,842 --> 00:15:22,620
You're not filming me anymore.
I know what you're up to.
315
00:15:22,692 --> 00:15:24,826
MAW MAW:
Yesterday, I was at Howdy's.
316
00:15:24,861 --> 00:15:27,095
(laughing)
317
00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:29,097
JIMMY: Maw Maw, tell me
what happened next.
318
00:15:29,132 --> 00:15:33,737
So I told Rosa Parks
I couldn't move over
319
00:15:33,738 --> 00:15:36,004
because I had
all these shopping bags.
320
00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:37,072
(chuckles)
321
00:15:37,106 --> 00:15:39,801
Who knew she was gonna turn it
into such a big to-do?
322
00:15:39,935 --> 00:15:41,569
(laughs) (snickers) Hey.
323
00:15:41,661 --> 00:15:45,414
Hey, that crazy, wrinkled old bitty
is stealing all my stories.
324
00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:48,350
In my bathtub,
wearing my shower cap!
325
00:15:48,384 --> 00:15:51,019
Wait a minute.
I know what's going on.
326
00:15:51,054 --> 00:15:52,687
Somebo...
327
00:15:52,722 --> 00:15:55,067
Oh, crap. Lost it.
328
00:15:56,659 --> 00:15:59,795
Tell me what's going on.
329
00:15:59,829 --> 00:16:03,098
They told me everything.
I'm cutting you off.
330
00:16:03,132 --> 00:16:06,068
(sighs) Come on, Maw Maw.
I've got nothing else to film.
331
00:16:06,102 --> 00:16:07,602
All right, Jimmy, let's go.
332
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:10,305
I don't want to miss my appointment
and go through that prep again.
333
00:16:10,339 --> 00:16:14,609
At the end there, I was pooping out
cereals they haven't made since the '70s.
334
00:16:20,516 --> 00:16:22,984
I do not like the idea
of this one bit.
335
00:16:23,019 --> 00:16:25,253
The smallest camera
I've ever seen was on a watch,
336
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,809
and that would still
scrape going in.
337
00:16:26,835 --> 00:16:30,325
Yeah, well, just think of it
as a medical device, not as a camera.
338
00:16:30,359 --> 00:16:32,627
It's just a little tube
that's five feet long.
339
00:16:32,662 --> 00:16:35,197
"In the unlikely event
of death..."
340
00:16:35,231 --> 00:16:37,099
Oh, my God.
341
00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:38,433
Doc!
342
00:16:38,468 --> 00:16:41,470
This says I could die.
You didn't tell me that.
343
00:16:41,504 --> 00:16:44,534
That's just the disclaimer for anyone
going under general anesthetic.
344
00:16:44,535 --> 00:16:45,740
Don't worry, Burt.
345
00:16:45,775 --> 00:16:48,743
Only one out of every 10,000
people dies while they're under.
346
00:16:48,778 --> 00:16:52,314
- How many of these have you done?
- About 10,000. Never had a problem.
347
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:54,449
(groans) Jimmy...
348
00:16:54,484 --> 00:16:57,052
He's overdue for a death.
349
00:16:57,086 --> 00:16:59,421
It's gonna be me. I can feel it.
350
00:16:59,455 --> 00:17:01,423
Get me the hell out of here.
351
00:17:01,457 --> 00:17:03,658
I don't want to die
with a camera up my poop chute.
352
00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:05,794
Dad, it says "unlikely."
353
00:17:05,828 --> 00:17:09,297
"Unlikely"? Unlikely things
happen all the time.
354
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:10,966
Michael Jordan grew
a Hitler mustache.
355
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,968
That came out of nowhere.
Nowhere!
356
00:17:13,002 --> 00:17:15,670
Jimmy Chance has done it again.
357
00:17:21,111 --> 00:17:22,645
It can't be that bad.
358
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,847
(sighs)
359
00:17:24,882 --> 00:17:26,708
(gasps)
Ooh. That's not good.
360
00:17:26,709 --> 00:17:28,786
- Can I pop it? Just...
- No! (groans)
361
00:17:28,787 --> 00:17:32,211
Ever since I got these glasses,
they've just made my life worse.
362
00:17:32,924 --> 00:17:35,806
First, I saw how worn-out
this house was,
363
00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:37,474
and then when I started
cleaning the mirrors,
364
00:17:37,509 --> 00:17:40,086
I saw the house wasn't the only
thing looking a little worn.
365
00:17:40,087 --> 00:17:43,047
Well, not everyone
can afford new clothes.
366
00:17:43,081 --> 00:17:45,482
What's the matter
with my clothes?
367
00:17:45,517 --> 00:17:48,986
- Oh. Nothing.
- I was talking about my face.
368
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:52,623
I tried wearing more makeup
and fixing my hair,
369
00:17:52,657 --> 00:17:55,526
but underneath all that,
I still got these little lines
370
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,661
and dark circles under my eyes.
371
00:17:57,696 --> 00:18:01,765
- Virginia, you still look great.
- Yeah, I know.
372
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,268
But I don't look 25.
373
00:18:04,302 --> 00:18:06,737
I could pass for 28, tops.
374
00:18:06,771 --> 00:18:09,740
But these damn glasses
make Burt look even better,
375
00:18:09,774 --> 00:18:12,243
and I just know that eventually
he's gonna realize
376
00:18:12,277 --> 00:18:15,613
I'm not the hot piece of ass
I was one or two months ago.
377
00:18:15,647 --> 00:18:18,916
Don't some people say that
it's what's on the inside that counts?
378
00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:20,584
Yeah. Ugly people.
379
00:18:20,619 --> 00:18:23,687
Burt and I used to make fun of people
who said things like that.
380
00:18:23,722 --> 00:18:25,856
Now he's gonna be
making fun of me.
381
00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:28,826
Pretty sure he's got
other things on his mind.
382
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:30,828
I don't wanna die!
383
00:18:30,862 --> 00:18:33,330
It's every father's dream
to outlive his son.
384
00:18:33,365 --> 00:18:36,667
We all lie and say it's the opposite, but
it's time you knew the truth, Jimmy!
385
00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:38,502
(grunting)
386
00:18:38,536 --> 00:18:39,970
- No!
- I'm coming, Burt!
387
00:18:40,005 --> 00:18:42,539
No! (grunts) No!
388
00:18:43,302 --> 00:18:47,177
- Burt!
- Whoa! Not the best time to startle me.
389
00:18:47,212 --> 00:18:50,214
- How'd you get in here?
- Same as you. Through the back door.
390
00:18:50,248 --> 00:18:53,862
(laughs) That's a good one.
Write that down, nurse.
391
00:18:54,727 --> 00:18:58,312
- What the hell is that?
- That's your husband's colon.
392
00:18:58,313 --> 00:19:02,826
JIMMY: At that moment, my mom saw
the most disgusting part of my dad.
393
00:19:02,861 --> 00:19:04,561
(exhales)
394
00:19:05,953 --> 00:19:08,588
But it didn't changehow she felt about him.
395
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:12,757
And even thoughshe almost lost her lunch,
396
00:19:12,792 --> 00:19:16,258
she gained some perspective onher relationship with my dad.
397
00:19:16,305 --> 00:19:20,331
If she could still love him after
seeing how gross he was on the inside,
398
00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:22,033
then, of course,he would love her
399
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:24,803
no matter what she thoughtabout her outsides.
400
00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:27,839
(sighs)
401
00:19:31,058 --> 00:19:35,056
Well, that's one in a row
for you, Wild Bill.
402
00:19:35,848 --> 00:19:37,082
Hey.
403
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:39,017
I'm alive.
404
00:19:39,051 --> 00:19:41,753
Yeah, and they said everything
looks great.
405
00:19:41,787 --> 00:19:43,488
Well, actually,
it looks disgusting,
406
00:19:43,522 --> 00:19:46,970
but that's how it's supposed to
look, so you're gonna be fine.
407
00:19:46,971 --> 00:19:49,622
Wow, that is some zit.
408
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:51,496
No, it's cute.
409
00:19:51,530 --> 00:19:54,532
Look like you did
back in high school.
410
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:56,334
I don't know
about the glasses, though.
411
00:19:56,368 --> 00:19:57,769
Every time I come in
to kiss you,
412
00:19:57,803 --> 00:19:59,771
I see my own reflection,
and let's face it,
413
00:19:59,805 --> 00:20:01,973
I'm not as young
as I used to be.
414
00:20:02,007 --> 00:20:03,308
I'll get contacts.
415
00:20:03,342 --> 00:20:05,944
They're having a 50% off sale
at Glasses Land.
416
00:20:05,978 --> 00:20:07,712
Hey, Burt.
417
00:20:07,746 --> 00:20:09,714
Think this
belongs to you.
418
00:20:10,179 --> 00:20:13,215
Hey! My buffalo nickel.
419
00:20:13,216 --> 00:20:15,017
Thanks, Aquaman.
420
00:20:16,188 --> 00:20:18,890
I think he's still
feeling the anesthesia.
421
00:20:22,328 --> 00:20:24,129
Hey, what are
you doing?
422
00:20:24,163 --> 00:20:26,551
I thought we agreed not to put Hope
in any videos that we post.
423
00:20:26,552 --> 00:20:29,868
Oh, no, Jimmy, I'm not gonna post this.
I-I'm done with that.
424
00:20:29,902 --> 00:20:33,138
It's dumb to compete over
these silly little videos.
425
00:20:33,172 --> 00:20:35,373
And, look, we already
inadvertently compete
426
00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:39,428
over Hope's affection and
whose hair looks better,
427
00:20:39,429 --> 00:20:41,129
who finishes first
in the bedroom.
428
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:44,782
- Undefeated. (laughs)
- Yes, you are.
429
00:20:45,247 --> 00:20:46,784
Hey, you, come here.
430
00:20:46,819 --> 00:20:48,419
(growling)
431
00:20:52,664 --> 00:20:56,027
- Has Jimmy posted anything?
- No.
432
00:20:56,061 --> 00:20:58,329
- What about Sabrina?
- No.
433
00:20:58,364 --> 00:21:02,233
- What do we do now?
- I guess we could live our lives.
434
00:21:02,268 --> 00:21:03,468
What lives?
435
00:21:09,942 --> 00:21:11,509
(beep) Oh, look.
436
00:21:11,544 --> 00:21:14,078
"People screaming like goats."
437
00:21:14,113 --> 00:21:15,079
(bleating) (laughs)
438
00:21:15,114 --> 00:21:17,048
(both laughing)
439
00:21:25,512 --> 00:21:28,512
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440
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