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1
00:00:02,382 --> 00:00:04,184
Dinner!
2
00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:07,167
Ooh, I love
international taco night.
3
00:00:07,192 --> 00:00:10,576
Virginia: We have...
French fries, Greek yogurt,
4
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,878
Canadian bacon,
Chinese noodles,
5
00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:14,543
Italian sausage,
American cheese,
6
00:00:14,544 --> 00:00:17,416
and from the country
of Chile, chili.
7
00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:18,717
Kind of just seems like
we're eating all the food
8
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:19,851
in the fridge
that was about to go bad.
9
00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:21,419
Yes, but in a taco shell.
10
00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:23,956
This is like the buffet
at the United Nations
11
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,424
without all the grab-ass.
12
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:27,359
Hope, look,
these noodles
13
00:00:27,393 --> 00:00:30,762
were made all the way in China
by little girls the same age as you.
14
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:31,897
You know, in China
15
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:34,466
they actually eat a completely different
kind of noodle than we have here.
16
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:37,703
I don't want to sound racist, but I kind
of think all Chinese noodles look alike.
17
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:38,971
Yeah. I'm just saying.
18
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:40,706
My family used to travel a lot
when I was a kid.
19
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,941
China, Argentina,
Australia...
20
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,177
When I was a kid,
I learned to keep my mouth shut
21
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,984
and not be such
an annoying know-it-all.
22
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:49,250
You know, we went on a lot of
trips when I was little, too.
23
00:00:49,251 --> 00:00:51,316
I should, uh, show you
the vacation photos after dinner.
24
00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:53,418
Uh, that's a terrible idea.
25
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:55,721
Nobody likes to look
at other people's vacation photos.
26
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,723
Besides, those pictures
don't exist anymore.
27
00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:00,325
BURT: Yeah. They
melted in a...
28
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,010
Strangely contained
shelf fire?
29
00:01:03,017 --> 00:01:04,284
Are you sure?
30
00:01:04,318 --> 00:01:05,985
I thought I saw them
a couple days ago.
31
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:06,819
Uh...
32
00:01:06,854 --> 00:01:10,356
Are these supposed to be
hard or soft shell tacos?
33
00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:12,181
That's a napkin, Maw Maw.
34
00:01:12,182 --> 00:01:15,150
What will those Mexicans
think of next?
35
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,576
Mmm.
36
00:01:18,283 --> 00:01:21,283
Season 4, Episode 3
"Ship Happens"
37
00:01:21,602 --> 00:01:24,602
Synced by ibelouis & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,775
And that is when we went
to Lake World.
39
00:01:28,809 --> 00:01:31,611
Oh, man, the catfish show
was amazing.
40
00:01:31,645 --> 00:01:34,154
Look at you, all tuckered out.
(laughs)
41
00:01:34,155 --> 00:01:36,282
Oh, and this is when
we went skiing in Vermont.
42
00:01:36,317 --> 00:01:38,618
We stayed in this big cabin
next to Ben and Jerry.
43
00:01:38,652 --> 00:01:41,254
No, not the ice cream guys,
just a gay couple on vacation.
44
00:01:41,288 --> 00:01:42,588
SABRINA:
You're asleep again.
45
00:01:42,623 --> 00:01:44,624
Yeah, I always used to get
carsick on vacations
46
00:01:44,658 --> 00:01:45,959
so my parents would
give me medicine
47
00:01:45,993 --> 00:01:47,427
and it would make me
kind of drowsy.
48
00:01:47,461 --> 00:01:49,462
We had to choose between
a puker and a sleeper.
49
00:01:49,496 --> 00:01:50,730
We chose sleeper.
50
00:01:50,764 --> 00:01:52,298
Hey, not to change the subject,
51
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:57,171
but is it just me, or is there
a lot more Velcro on stuff lately?
52
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,275
Yeah, what is this
brown stain in the sky?
53
00:02:00,276 --> 00:02:01,448
Storm cloud.
54
00:02:01,449 --> 00:02:03,090
I'm starting to get a weird
feeling in my stomach.
55
00:02:03,091 --> 00:02:05,278
There's a rip
in the side of this mountain.
56
00:02:05,312 --> 00:02:06,779
Of course there is.
57
00:02:06,814 --> 00:02:09,048
That's Rip Mountain.
58
00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:11,918
Oh, my God.
These are all fake.
59
00:02:11,952 --> 00:02:15,655
Fine. Some of them are fake.
But the first one's real.
60
00:02:15,689 --> 00:02:17,056
When you were little,
all the other kids
61
00:02:17,091 --> 00:02:19,592
were bragging about going
to Lake World, so we took you.
62
00:02:19,626 --> 00:02:21,527
But you got carsick,
so we gave you medicine.
63
00:02:21,562 --> 00:02:22,996
Not only did it knock you out
for the drive,
64
00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:24,230
you slept through
the whole day.
65
00:02:24,264 --> 00:02:26,764
VIRGINIA: And the next morning,
all you could talk about
66
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,501
was what a great time
you had at Lake World.
67
00:02:28,535 --> 00:02:30,303
So we figured, why stop there?
68
00:02:30,337 --> 00:02:33,039
Why not give you great memoriesof seeing the whole country?
69
00:02:33,073 --> 00:02:36,164
Drink up, honey.
It's a long drive to Hawaii.
70
00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:38,884
Once you were in dreamland,
71
00:02:38,885 --> 00:02:42,479
we'd just drive across town to the
dumpster behind the photography studio.
72
00:02:45,619 --> 00:02:46,986
BURT:
I did landscaping nearby,
73
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:49,522
so every time I saw themthrow out a backdrop,
74
00:02:49,523 --> 00:02:51,893
we knew it was vacation time.
75
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
76
00:03:01,126 --> 00:03:02,994
VIRGINIA:
We went everywhere.
77
00:03:02,995 --> 00:03:07,006
We gave Jimmy the greatest imaginary
childhood a kid could have.
78
00:03:20,619 --> 00:03:24,910
So you're telling me I never used
the toilet that Elvis died on?
79
00:03:24,956 --> 00:03:26,590
I mean, I still
brag about that!
80
00:03:26,625 --> 00:03:30,958
Shh. It's okay, Jimmy. It's okay.
It's all water under the Brooklyn Bridge.
81
00:03:30,974 --> 00:03:32,555
Which we now know
you never actually saw.
82
00:03:32,589 --> 00:03:35,491
The important thing is that
we're gonna work harder for Hope.
83
00:03:35,525 --> 00:03:36,792
We worked pretty hard.
84
00:03:36,793 --> 00:03:38,828
I just mean we're gonna take her
on a real vacation.
85
00:03:38,895 --> 00:03:40,996
Oh. A "real" vacation.
86
00:03:41,031 --> 00:03:43,265
Good luck with that on two
grocery baggers' salaries.
87
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,133
Ah.
88
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:46,622
It doesn't have to be fancy,
as long as we're together.
89
00:03:46,636 --> 00:03:48,955
- And awake.
- It's not worth it.
90
00:03:48,956 --> 00:03:51,124
Family vacations just get
everybody out of sync.
91
00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:52,265
She's right.
92
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:55,318
It's nothing but driving and sunburns
and a whole lot of fighting.
93
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,179
How would you know?
You never took us anywhere.
94
00:03:57,214 --> 00:04:00,071
- See? We're already fighting.
- Pretty soon we're gonna be sunburned.
95
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:02,525
Maybe we didn't
give Jimmy real vacations.
96
00:04:02,526 --> 00:04:04,694
But we gave him
real memories.
97
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:08,084
And that's all kids remember
from vacations anyway...
98
00:04:08,085 --> 00:04:09,560
Is memories.
99
00:04:09,561 --> 00:04:13,291
And now all Jimmy's memories are ruined.
Thank you, Helen Keller.
100
00:04:13,763 --> 00:04:14,997
I don't think that's
who you think it is.
101
00:04:15,031 --> 00:04:17,899
- Yeah, the girl detective.
- You're thinking of Amelia Earhart.
102
00:04:18,963 --> 00:04:20,669
Nancy Drew.
You're thinking of Nancy Drew.
103
00:04:20,704 --> 00:04:23,505
- Doesn't ring a bell.
- It's not important.
104
00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:26,675
The fact is, Jimmy was happy,
well-traveled and ignorant,
105
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:29,044
and you just took away
two of those things.
106
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,268
I hate to think
your mother is right,
107
00:04:35,302 --> 00:04:38,404
but all the vacations in here
cost thousands of dollars.
108
00:04:38,438 --> 00:04:40,306
Have you looked
into a Cougar Cruise?
109
00:04:40,340 --> 00:04:43,177
It's three nights on the Caribbean.
It's pretty wild.
110
00:04:43,197 --> 00:04:47,046
Frank, we're trying to plan a family
vacation, not have sex with older women.
111
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,749
No, these are actual
live cougars.
112
00:04:49,783 --> 00:04:52,585
You sail the high seas
with them.
113
00:04:52,619 --> 00:04:55,688
It's loosely based off that
hilarious movie Life of Pi.
114
00:04:55,722 --> 00:04:57,356
But it is a cruise,
115
00:04:57,391 --> 00:05:01,360
so... there are a lot of older women,
if you're into that.
116
00:05:01,361 --> 00:05:02,828
Check this out.
117
00:05:02,863 --> 00:05:06,241
I mean, it's no cougar cruise,
but at least it's still a boat trip.
118
00:05:06,257 --> 00:05:09,068
- "Travel and Make Money."
- Oh, that sounds cool.
119
00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:10,503
You know what else is cool?
120
00:05:10,537 --> 00:05:13,339
Not talking about the awesome
trips you're gonna take
121
00:05:13,373 --> 00:05:16,008
in front of someone
you haven't invited.
122
00:05:16,043 --> 00:05:17,743
Yet.
123
00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:26,085
Guess what.
You guys were wrong.
124
00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:27,553
Sabrina found us
a great vacation.
125
00:05:27,587 --> 00:05:28,888
- Shh.
- Shh.
126
00:05:28,922 --> 00:05:30,756
Can't you see we're
doing a teeth cleaning?
127
00:05:30,791 --> 00:05:33,759
If you startle Maw Maw awake,
one of us could lose a finger.
128
00:05:34,828 --> 00:05:36,162
Hey, look.
129
00:05:38,665 --> 00:05:40,633
It's the little iron
from the Monopoly set.
130
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,702
We haven't played
in over a year.
131
00:05:42,736 --> 00:05:44,470
We should really
floss her more often.
132
00:05:44,504 --> 00:05:47,473
We came over here to invite you guys
on a real family vacation.
133
00:05:47,507 --> 00:05:50,406
One that will take place outside
of an alley and nowhere near a dumpster.
134
00:05:50,407 --> 00:05:51,677
Let me check my calendar.
135
00:05:51,678 --> 00:05:53,946
- Pass.
- BURT: You guys have fun.
136
00:05:53,947 --> 00:05:55,727
We got our paradise
right here.
137
00:05:55,728 --> 00:05:58,263
Look, it's a game
board bonanza.
138
00:05:58,585 --> 00:06:00,386
Think I found
Colonel Mustard's candlestick.
139
00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:02,421
No. That's just a filling.
140
00:06:02,456 --> 00:06:04,617
JIMMY: You guys sure you don't want
to go on this vacation with us?
141
00:06:04,618 --> 00:06:06,392
Look, this rich
Vanderklam family
142
00:06:06,393 --> 00:06:09,228
is paying us 500 bucks
to go sail their boat
143
00:06:09,254 --> 00:06:10,850
down the river to
the Fulton Marina.
144
00:06:10,851 --> 00:06:12,045
SABRINA:
Then we're gonna use that money
145
00:06:12,046 --> 00:06:14,819
on two nights at a hotel and
train tickets back to Natesville.
146
00:06:15,092 --> 00:06:17,736
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
- Boat sex?
147
00:06:17,738 --> 00:06:20,306
Excuse me? Did you
just say "boat sex"?
148
00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:23,509
We've got this whole "transportation
sex" checklist we're plowing through.
149
00:06:23,543 --> 00:06:25,711
Ooh, a plow!
150
00:06:25,746 --> 00:06:28,147
- Is that even on the list?
- It is now. (chuckles)
151
00:06:28,181 --> 00:06:31,450
This all started years ago when
your mom and I snuck a ride on a bus.
152
00:06:31,485 --> 00:06:34,120
We should wait for a bumpy
section of highway
153
00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:36,021
and let the road
do all the work.
154
00:06:36,056 --> 00:06:37,790
You're so smart.
155
00:06:42,229 --> 00:06:44,330
Thanks, Dale.
156
00:06:44,364 --> 00:06:46,365
(whooping)
157
00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:51,637
(both laugh)
158
00:06:51,671 --> 00:06:53,339
Well, uh...
159
00:06:53,373 --> 00:06:56,342
I was hoping that you'd want to come
with to be part of our family memories.
160
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:58,010
Oh, definitely.
We're in.
161
00:06:58,044 --> 00:07:02,081
We are gonna have front-row seats
for this vacation disaster.
162
00:07:02,115 --> 00:07:04,650
Okay, that's it.
Get the pickle.
163
00:07:04,684 --> 00:07:06,685
(Maw Maw snoring)
164
00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:11,357
Oh...
165
00:07:11,391 --> 00:07:13,826
That's how Paw Paw
used to wake me up.
166
00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:18,051
Of course, his pickle was smaller
and smelled a lot worse.
167
00:07:21,902 --> 00:07:23,369
Hi.
168
00:07:23,403 --> 00:07:26,739
Uh, we're here to take the Vanderklams'
boat to the Fulton Marina.
169
00:07:26,773 --> 00:07:29,475
(laughs): Oh... I like how
you dressed the part.
170
00:07:29,509 --> 00:07:31,510
It's not often you see
folks get so decked out
171
00:07:31,545 --> 00:07:33,145
just to tow a boat
down the highway.
172
00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:34,613
We're towing it?
173
00:07:34,648 --> 00:07:36,715
We... Are you kidding me?
174
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,317
I thought we were gonna
take it out on the water.
175
00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:40,453
And I thought Jimmy Buffett
was a good role model.
176
00:07:40,487 --> 00:07:41,687
Have a great trip.
177
00:07:42,622 --> 00:07:44,290
Aw, man.
178
00:07:44,324 --> 00:07:46,325
Bet carsick medicine
sounds real good now.
179
00:07:46,359 --> 00:07:50,329
VIRGINIA: You two just give the signal
and it's nighty-night juice all around.
180
00:07:53,633 --> 00:07:56,168
Now, on the flyer, the boat is
clearly not on a trailer.
181
00:07:56,203 --> 00:07:57,613
It's highly misleading.
182
00:07:57,614 --> 00:08:00,806
Well, nothing like this ever happened
when we took Jimmy on vacations.
183
00:08:00,807 --> 00:08:03,208
Nothing happened because being
unconscious is not a vacation.
184
00:08:03,209 --> 00:08:04,510
I beg to differ.
185
00:08:04,544 --> 00:08:07,665
Now, it looks like there's a Stuffed
Animal Museum right on the way,
186
00:08:07,681 --> 00:08:09,415
and that'd be
a great memory for Hope.
187
00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:12,418
Burt and I will ride on the boat.
Just to give you two some privacy.
188
00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:15,207
I'll grab the champagne and the boombox
out of the back of the car, we'll set sail.
189
00:08:15,208 --> 00:08:18,824
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no.
No one is allowed in the boat.
190
00:08:18,859 --> 00:08:22,027
- Didn't you read the contract?
- Oh, yeah, I read every word.
191
00:08:22,062 --> 00:08:23,929
That's why my daughter's wearing
a snorkel on a road trip.
192
00:08:23,964 --> 00:08:26,098
Is there anything else
I might've missed?
193
00:08:26,132 --> 00:08:29,535
If you don't get the boat there by
4:00 p.m., you forfeit half the money.
194
00:08:29,569 --> 00:08:30,725
(snorts)
195
00:08:30,751 --> 00:08:33,465
Right. So that means
we had to leave, what?
196
00:08:33,466 --> 00:08:35,067
30 minutes ago?
197
00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:38,777
- Everyone get in the car.
- Go, go, go, go, go!
198
00:08:47,687 --> 00:08:50,289
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
199
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:54,939
Can we please stop the car, Sabrina?
We've been holding it for five hours.
200
00:08:54,961 --> 00:08:57,162
We're supposed
to be holding it?
201
00:08:57,197 --> 00:08:59,732
- That's news to me.
- Me, too.
202
00:08:59,766 --> 00:09:01,300
We're gonna stop
at the next gas station.
203
00:09:01,334 --> 00:09:03,102
That's what you said about
the last five gas stations.
204
00:09:03,136 --> 00:09:05,337
The next gas station that has room
for a boat to go in and out of it.
205
00:09:05,372 --> 00:09:08,107
Just hang in there. It looks like
there's one coming up in about a mile.
206
00:09:08,141 --> 00:09:10,576
Hey, the Stuffed Animal Museum's
coming up in about a mile.
207
00:09:10,577 --> 00:09:11,710
We're gonna be
stopped right by it.
208
00:09:11,745 --> 00:09:14,313
Okay, Jimmy, delivering the
boat is our priority right now.
209
00:09:14,347 --> 00:09:16,315
Just wanted to make sure you
didn't forget about the museum.
210
00:09:16,349 --> 00:09:17,950
It's hard to forget about it
when you mention it ten times.
211
00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:19,752
Sounds like somebody's getting
a little out of sync.
212
00:09:19,786 --> 00:09:21,120
JIMMY and SABRINA:
We're not out of sync!
213
00:09:21,154 --> 00:09:22,388
Please don't say "sink."
214
00:09:22,422 --> 00:09:25,224
Or the name of anything else
I have ever peed in.
215
00:09:35,702 --> 00:09:38,103
Go quickly.
We only have ten minutes.
216
00:09:48,707 --> 00:09:51,208
Okay. Come on.
217
00:09:51,238 --> 00:09:53,907
What...?
218
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:55,141
Where the hell
is the car?
219
00:09:55,142 --> 00:09:56,910
Hey, between
you and me?
220
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,899
This vacation's starting
to get interesting.
221
00:10:01,024 --> 00:10:03,459
Wha...? What?
222
00:10:03,494 --> 00:10:05,156
This doesn't make
any sense.
223
00:10:05,164 --> 00:10:07,232
Why would somebody take the car
but leave the boat?
224
00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:09,033
Because nobody wants
to tow a boat?
225
00:10:09,068 --> 00:10:10,969
Nothing like this ever happened
to us at Rip Mountain.
226
00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:12,036
MAW MAW:
It's a sign.
227
00:10:12,071 --> 00:10:14,454
First we gather two
of every kind of animal.
228
00:10:14,455 --> 00:10:15,655
Then we wait.
229
00:10:16,544 --> 00:10:18,053
SABRINA:
Okay, I got this.
230
00:10:18,054 --> 00:10:20,345
Jimmy, I just want you
to take Hope and Maw Maw
231
00:10:20,379 --> 00:10:21,713
and go into
the Stuffed Animal Museum, okay?
232
00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:24,215
I'm gonna call the cops.
Don't worry, everybody.
233
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,485
There's still plenty of time to make
some happy family memories, okay?
234
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:28,953
Our car was just stolen.
235
00:10:28,988 --> 00:10:30,855
I don't want to leave you
on your own to deal with this.
236
00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:34,826
Jimmy...
we came here to have fun,
237
00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:37,074
and we are gonna
have fun, damn it.
238
00:10:37,075 --> 00:10:40,164
So take the kid and take
the crazy old lady,
239
00:10:40,199 --> 00:10:43,301
and go in there and make
some happy memories!
240
00:10:43,335 --> 00:10:44,869
Okay?
241
00:10:44,904 --> 00:10:46,538
All right.
242
00:10:46,572 --> 00:10:48,139
Let's go make some memories!
243
00:10:48,336 --> 00:10:50,585
Let's make
some memories.
244
00:10:53,349 --> 00:10:55,082
Watch the boat.
245
00:10:55,548 --> 00:10:57,649
What are you doing?
246
00:10:57,683 --> 00:11:00,818
No punk car thief is gonna
take down my vacation.
247
00:11:02,851 --> 00:11:05,986
If I'm not back in five minutes,
forward my mail to Hell.
248
00:11:08,027 --> 00:11:11,437
I'm just kidding. If I'm not back in
five minutes, please call an ambulance.
249
00:11:17,937 --> 00:11:20,004
I tried to warn her.
250
00:11:20,039 --> 00:11:22,173
Vacations are a disaster.
251
00:11:22,207 --> 00:11:26,844
Hey, we have that boat
all to ourselves.
252
00:11:26,879 --> 00:11:30,615
She said watch the boat. Didn't say
watch it from outside. (chuckles)
253
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:32,752
Come on... whoa!
254
00:11:32,784 --> 00:11:33,984
Uh...
255
00:11:37,856 --> 00:11:41,025
Good enough for Jimmy's crib,
good enough for a boat.
256
00:11:41,060 --> 00:11:44,262
OLD MAN: Welcome to
the Stuffed Animal Museum.
257
00:11:44,296 --> 00:11:48,933
A menagerie of wonders and
merriment for all ages.
258
00:11:49,337 --> 00:11:52,439
All right, well, one adult, one child
and one senior, please.
259
00:11:52,473 --> 00:11:54,841
Oh...
260
00:11:54,875 --> 00:11:58,238
- Seniors are free.
- Of course.
261
00:11:58,247 --> 00:12:00,613
'Cause we're not
real people anymore,
262
00:12:00,648 --> 00:12:03,817
just clothes
and skin holding in farts.
263
00:12:03,851 --> 00:12:06,953
Aren't you delightful!
264
00:12:06,988 --> 00:12:10,156
You don't look
a day over 85.
265
00:12:10,191 --> 00:12:11,752
Likewise.
266
00:12:11,753 --> 00:12:14,569
Once you've gone
through the tour,
267
00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:16,650
why don't we just, uh,
268
00:12:16,685 --> 00:12:19,232
take our teeth out
and see what happens.
269
00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:20,941
(both laughing)
270
00:12:20,942 --> 00:12:23,724
Not to interrupt
this disgusting interaction,
271
00:12:23,725 --> 00:12:27,160
but my four-year-old is real anxious
to go see the stuffed animals.
272
00:12:27,172 --> 00:12:29,607
I believe
you mean to say "excited."
273
00:12:29,642 --> 00:12:32,143
"Anxious" means
"filled with anxiety."
274
00:12:32,177 --> 00:12:34,512
These kids today and
their grammar.
275
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,048
Okay, once inside, just follow
276
00:12:37,082 --> 00:12:39,917
the yellow paw prints on the
floor to guide you through.
277
00:12:39,952 --> 00:12:41,152
(clicks tongue)
278
00:12:42,287 --> 00:12:44,856
- Enjoy.
- All right.
279
00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:51,429
We're gonna go through...
280
00:12:51,463 --> 00:12:54,694
You ready, Hope?
This is gonna be awesome.
281
00:12:54,695 --> 00:12:56,300
(Jimmy shrieks)
282
00:12:56,335 --> 00:12:58,436
Not the cute
kind of stuffed animals!
283
00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:00,203
Not cute!
284
00:13:01,306 --> 00:13:02,840
(grunting)
285
00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:05,109
It won't spin this way.
Help!
286
00:13:05,144 --> 00:13:07,145
There's been some kind of
misunderstanding.
287
00:13:07,179 --> 00:13:08,680
Would you let us out!
288
00:13:08,714 --> 00:13:11,382
(amplified): Please follow
the yellow paw prints.
289
00:13:11,417 --> 00:13:13,051
Thank you and enjoy.
290
00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:16,363
(whimpering) Maw Maw, help me
get Hope out of here.
291
00:13:16,364 --> 00:13:20,100
Shh! I'm in a staring
contest with this owl.
292
00:13:30,953 --> 00:13:32,954
(rock music blaring over radio)
293
00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:39,243
Hey...
(grunting)
294
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:43,214
I came here to deliver a boat
and have a nice vacation.
295
00:13:43,248 --> 00:13:45,349
And right now,
I'm all out of vacation.
296
00:13:45,384 --> 00:13:47,218
What does that even mean?
(laughs)
297
00:13:47,252 --> 00:13:48,753
(groans)
298
00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,555
(spits)
299
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,096
(wolf howling over P.A.)
300
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,530
It's okay, Hope.
301
00:13:59,565 --> 00:14:02,233
We're just playing a long,
creepy game of peek-a-boo.
302
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:04,569
(Jimmy gasps, whimpers)
303
00:14:04,603 --> 00:14:07,505
I am gonna write a very negative
online review of your museum!
304
00:14:07,539 --> 00:14:09,574
(amplified):
Go ahead, I'll delete it.
305
00:14:09,608 --> 00:14:11,542
Well, then
I'll write another one!
306
00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:14,212
(amplified):
Then I'll delete that one, too.
307
00:14:14,246 --> 00:14:15,847
(Jimmy whimpers)
308
00:14:15,881 --> 00:14:18,783
Fine! Then I'll probably
give up at that point.
309
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,852
But I'll still be very upset!
310
00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:25,223
(screaming)
311
00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:28,693
(screaming)
312
00:14:30,696 --> 00:14:32,096
Jimmy!
313
00:14:32,131 --> 00:14:34,265
Get this guy's card.
He's good.
314
00:14:34,299 --> 00:14:35,609
I was thinking cremation,
315
00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:39,771
but if he can make this old bat look
good, imagine what he could do for me.
316
00:14:41,406 --> 00:14:44,342
(plastic squeaking,
Virginia moaning)
317
00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:49,547
Ah...
318
00:14:49,548 --> 00:14:51,149
Burt, what's going on?
319
00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:53,918
I think I'm having
a little problem.
320
00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:57,955
Do we have to get those pills
where we sit in bathtubs in a field?
321
00:14:57,990 --> 00:15:02,326
No, I think I'm just distracted by these
pictures of this family on vacation.
322
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:04,304
I'm wondering if we could've
done better for Jimmy.
323
00:15:04,305 --> 00:15:06,631
Burt, these people
are "boat rich."
324
00:15:06,665 --> 00:15:08,232
Of course they had
fancy vacations.
325
00:15:08,267 --> 00:15:09,934
But they're not
all fancy vacations.
326
00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:11,836
They went hiking,
they went to the beach.
327
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,137
They went fishing
at Natesville Lake.
328
00:15:13,172 --> 00:15:15,940
That's closer to our house than
the dumpster behind the photo studio.
329
00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:19,010
(scoffs) Next you're gonna say
you think Sabrina was right.
330
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,612
No, no, no, no.
No! (laughing)
331
00:15:21,647 --> 00:15:23,347
No.
332
00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:25,349
Maybe.
333
00:15:25,384 --> 00:15:26,751
Maybe?
334
00:15:26,785 --> 00:15:29,654
Not a definite maybe.
A maybe-ish maybe.
335
00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:31,489
So...
336
00:15:31,523 --> 00:15:33,257
You're saying I'm wrong?
337
00:15:33,292 --> 00:15:34,425
Maybe?
338
00:15:34,459 --> 00:15:37,028
Maybe you're saying that,
339
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:40,012
or maybe I'm wrong?
340
00:15:40,457 --> 00:15:42,400
Or...
341
00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:45,944
Maybe you're the most beautiful
woman I have ever seen.
342
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:49,640
Maybe you should have
boat sex by yourself.
343
00:15:49,675 --> 00:15:51,976
No, Virginia, I've already
done that on a boat.
344
00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:54,245
Come on! Virginia!
345
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,548
Virginia, wait!
(car tires screeching)
346
00:15:59,651 --> 00:16:01,152
I got the car back.
347
00:16:01,186 --> 00:16:03,487
You guys... what
are you doing?
348
00:16:03,522 --> 00:16:06,757
Look who saved the day chasing
thieves on her stolen motorcycle.
349
00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:08,359
Little Miss
Right About Everything.
350
00:16:08,393 --> 00:16:10,628
I never said
she was right about everything.
351
00:16:10,662 --> 00:16:12,396
For God's sake,
she married Jimmy.
352
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:14,465
This is officially
the worst vacation ever.
353
00:16:14,499 --> 00:16:15,700
SABRINA:
Excuse me?
354
00:16:15,734 --> 00:16:18,536
I have done absolutely
everything I can do
355
00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:21,305
to give this family something
that they've never had before.
356
00:16:21,340 --> 00:16:24,642
- A stolen motorcycle?
- No. A vacation.
357
00:16:24,676 --> 00:16:27,211
- You stole a motorcycle?
- To get the car back.
358
00:16:27,212 --> 00:16:29,046
Jimmy, it was
a selfless act of heroism
359
00:16:29,081 --> 00:16:31,315
so you could enjoy your time
at the teddy bear museum.
360
00:16:31,350 --> 00:16:33,351
They were not teddy bears.
They were stuffed animals.
361
00:16:33,385 --> 00:16:37,054
Real animals. Eating other animals.
Hope's going to be scarred for life.
362
00:16:37,089 --> 00:16:41,359
I pilfered this antelope,
so the day wasn't a total loss.
363
00:16:42,461 --> 00:16:44,829
You're right, Burt,
we messed up.
364
00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:47,365
When Jimmy was a kid, we should
have taken him on vacation,
365
00:16:47,399 --> 00:16:50,234
stolen a motorcycle and gone
to the museum of nightmares.
366
00:16:50,269 --> 00:16:53,170
Those would've been way better vacation
memories than we ever gave him.
367
00:16:53,205 --> 00:16:54,405
It's not about
what we gave Jimmy.
368
00:16:54,439 --> 00:16:56,173
We did the best we could
with what we had.
369
00:16:56,208 --> 00:16:57,642
I can live with that.
370
00:16:57,676 --> 00:17:00,111
But they could do better with
Hope if we're on their side,
371
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,549
not rooting against them.
372
00:17:01,550 --> 00:17:03,447
JIMMY: ...a motorcycle ride
would've been fun.
373
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:04,882
SABRINA:
You know what, you guys?
374
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:10,254
Let's just hitch up the boat and drop
it off, then we can all just go home.
375
00:17:10,289 --> 00:17:13,858
Hey, Jimmy, I always
suspected you fancied boys,
376
00:17:13,892 --> 00:17:16,160
but when did you start
advertising it?
377
00:17:16,194 --> 00:17:17,728
What are you talking about?
378
00:17:17,763 --> 00:17:21,265
Your bumper sticker says,
"I'd rather be spelunking."
379
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,588
This is not our car.
380
00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:26,070
(siren whoops,
police radio chatter)
381
00:17:26,104 --> 00:17:27,304
(gasps)
382
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:33,044
Which one of you assaulted
this man and stole his vehicle?
383
00:17:33,078 --> 00:17:35,279
- What?
- Hold this for me.
384
00:17:35,314 --> 00:17:37,982
No reason both of us
have to go to jail.
385
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,760
Look, honestly,
it's-it's such an easy mistake.
386
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,730
- Our-our cars are the exact same color...
- She assaulted me!
387
00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:47,899
Do you know how
swollen my testicles are?
388
00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:49,934
We'll never know
unless you show us.
389
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:55,940
That psycho from the Stuffed Animal
Museum is the real criminal!
390
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,943
Those deviants didn't even
follow the yellow paw prints!
391
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,212
They went right out
the fire exit!
392
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:04,782
- You cuff 'em, I'll stuff 'em!
- Everybody quiet down.
393
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,685
- Put your hands behind your back, miss.
- You're arresting me?
394
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,687
Look, my only crime
is caring too much.
395
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:13,045
I mean, sure, assault and Grand Theft
Auto, but mostly just caring too much.
396
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:16,718
Look, I just really wanted to give
my daughter a fun vacation memory.
397
00:18:16,719 --> 00:18:19,397
VIRGINIA: If you're gonna arrest her,
you're gonna have to arrest me, too.
398
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,533
- Why?
- She wouldn't have had to do any of this
399
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,787
if I just tried harder to give
my granddaughter a real vacation.
400
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,340
Well, if that little cutie is your
granddaughter, you're missing it.
401
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:34,019
Hey, Gram!
I'm driving a boat.
402
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:35,480
Hope!
403
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,849
Please, can you just wait
one second to arrest me?
404
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,918
I just... I really want
to get this on video.
405
00:18:40,006 --> 00:18:41,473
Okay. Stay there.
406
00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:44,867
Come on, Hope,
let's make a memor... (screams)
407
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:51,596
Oh, yeah. Same thing
happened with Jimmy's crib.
408
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:57,070
- Oh. Am I in jail?
- No...
409
00:18:57,071 --> 00:18:59,270
You hit your head;
you're in the hospital.
410
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:01,573
BURT: Good news is, when
they saw you flopping around
411
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:04,842
on the ground like a fish out of water,
they felt too bad to press charges.
412
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,611
Oh, that's good news.
413
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:10,648
Oh, on the flip side, I just gave
Hope the worst vacation ever.
414
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,451
- I don't think she feels that way.
- Look at this.
415
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:21,092
(laughing)
416
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,265
You put me up on the boat
while I was unconscious?
417
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:28,833
Hey, I mean, you planned
the whole thing.
418
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,602
We weren't gonna leave
you out of the videos.
419
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,670
And holding you upright kept you
from swallowing your tongue
420
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:33,972
till the ambulance got there.
421
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,206
Check these out.
422
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,976
Catfish!
423
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,444
Whoa! Catch it!
424
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:40,778
Whoa!
425
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,213
Oh...
426
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,492
(laughs) Whoa!
427
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,330
Eh? That's good, right?
428
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:02,033
Oh, I'm glad Hope
had a good time.
429
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,136
Virginia, you were so right.
430
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:08,306
Having a real vacation is
more trouble than it's worth.
431
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,874
Well, this trip was awful.
432
00:20:10,181 --> 00:20:12,249
This was more of a crime
spree than a trip.
433
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:16,781
But next year, we could do better
if we all work together.
434
00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:19,851
And who knows, maybe someday
the Chances will take a vacation
435
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,919
where one of us isn't
passed out in every picture.
436
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:25,181
I would really like that.
But no more boats.
437
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,359
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Aah!
438
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,328
Jimmy, how did
I get so sunburned?
439
00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:33,031
I may have forgotten
to put your sunscreen on.
440
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,867
(groans)
441
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,405
Hey... I'm proud of you.
442
00:20:38,406 --> 00:20:40,171
I know how hard it is for you
to admit you're wrong.
443
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:42,573
- No, it isn't.
- I totally agree.
444
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:48,746
- Too bad there's no boat here.
- Oh, that's okay.
445
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,848
Plenty of other vehicles
in the sea.
446
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,858
Let's go! We have a spelunker
with a ruptured testicle!
447
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:09,267
(gentle classical music playing)
448
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:16,130
It's so nice to dance with something
that still has a pulse.
449
00:21:16,588 --> 00:21:17,988
Dinner was lovely.
450
00:21:18,022 --> 00:21:20,657
The chicken was delicious!
451
00:21:20,692 --> 00:21:22,830
That's because
it wasn't chicken.
452
00:21:23,236 --> 00:21:24,887
It was meerkat.
453
00:21:27,207 --> 00:21:30,207
Synced by ibelouis & Reef
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454
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,067
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