Original subtitles

- Synced and corrected by VirusKiller - - www.addic7ed.com -

Have you recently been robbed,

blackmailed or framed for murder?

Are you searching for a birth parent

or a rare missing jewel?

Then you need the Mystery Girls.

We handle all types of cases.

We specialize in undercover stakeouts.

- (Heart monitor beeping) - Like nurses.

We'll solve your case...

(Unison) Stat.

Or Vegas showgirls.

A-five, six, seven, eight.

Hire us.

Or sushi chefs.

No case is too raw for us to handle.

We're located in Beverly Hills.

You know the zip code,

now here's the number.

Thank you, Mystery Girls.

I'm Nick.

(Sighs) Nick, you were supposed to cut that part out.

I know, but how else am I supposed to get discovered?

I mean, this face belongs in the movies, right?

- Hmmm. - Maybe if they remake "Aladdin".

I'm so going viral!

First time I've been excited to say that.

- Knock-knock. - Nick: Hello-ooo.

Did it just get 20% brighter in here?

You like the tie?

Thought I'd loosen up with a pop of color.

Yeah, nothing says "loose" like a guy in a tie.

Well, I like it. You match our couch.

And our pens and folders and paperclips.

I think he gets it.

Well, that's what I was going for. Thank you.

So you're here because...

Remember the mob hit Nick witnessed?

The one from my recurring nightmares?

Yes, I remember.

We think the killer's back in the picture.

(Gasps) There have been three murders in the past couple of weeks.

Whoa.

You're gonna make some serious overtime.

Maybe you can buy a new tie.

This guy has the same M.O. as the one Nick saw.

He places a rare after-dinner mint over each of their eyes.

- How thoughtful. - Mm, yeah,

it would be more thoughtful if he let them live.

What the hell is a rare after-dinner mint?

They're Russian... orange and peppermint.

- Delicious! - And pickled.

Not delicious.

Anyway, I'm here to tell Nick to be careful.

I know the killer doesn't know what you look like...

I never told any of you this,

but the killer may possibly know what I look like.

- May possibly? - May definitely.

I seem to recall locking eyes with him, pointing and screaming "murderer"!

What?! You can't even keep your mouth shut during a murder?

Don't worry. We're on top of it, okay?

But until we find him you gotta keep a low pro.

- Holly: We will. - Absolutely.

Uh, guys? Our commercial started airing today.

(Unison) Uh-oh.

(Theme music playing)

Nick, you have to calm down.

Calm down?! How can I calm down?

If the killer sees our commercial,

he'll know where I am.

Well, look on the bright side.

Maybe he's too busy killing people to watch TV.

Okay, can we just put a lid

on all the killer talk today?

Because Michael is coming over

to build us a bookshelf.

What? We already have a bookshelf.

Can't he build us something useful?

Like a revolving sushi bar on our balcony?

Maybe he could build us a sauna in the kitchen.

(Gasps) Do you think there's room?

No!

He's building a bookshelf.

Yeah, it'll be the perfect place

for your shrine to me after I'm gone.

Nick, hon! Stop pacing!

You know watching people exercise makes me

completely uncomfortable.

I'm sorry, but I feel like a sitting duck

with that psycho out there.

I know exactly how you feel.

I played a sitting duck in an animated movie...

"Duck duck goose."

Oh, that's right!

Demi watched that so many times we had to have

her brain checked to make sure she was okay.

Guys, what are we gonna do about this whole me-maybe-dying thing?

Have a "Mamma Mia" sing-a-long and hope for the best?

No no! We are the Mystery Girls.

All right? We don't just sit around and do our nails

and look at magazines.

Well, you do.

But not today, no.

We are gonna go out there and we're find this guy

before he knocks on our doorstep.

(Drill whirrs) (Shrieks)

I give up, kill me!

- What? - No, Nick.

This is my husband!

- Oh - Hey, sorry.

I'm Michael.

I'm sorry, I thought you were the killer.

Killer?

Driller. He said driller. Didn't you?

- Driller. - I heard driller, yeah.

'Cause of the... you're gonna have to drill into the thing

to make the thing.

Oh, baby, you know I'm only here

because you like to see me up on a ladder.

(Giggles) That's true.

And you've got a nice set of things there.

He does have a nice set of things.

Since when do you eat cheesecake? What about your abs?

We had a talk and I told them that daddy might not be here much longer.

Charles, please, tell him it'll be fine.

- It'll be fine. - Really?

I don't know. I mean...

A killer might be after you, so I guess we'll see. (Yelps)

- Chuck! - Uh, okay, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. What are the chances

of somebody actually seeing our commercial?

(Gasps) Oh my God, you're the Mystery Girls.

And you're Nick. I love your commercial!

Excuse me. Can I please have the family sundae?

I'm dying tomorrow, thanks.

You are not dying tomorrow and neither are your abs, okay?

We are on the case.

Yes!

Okay, I emailed the wholesaler of those mints

and I got a list of the buyers in Los Angeles.

So all we have to do is find the killer before he finds you.

- How many places were there? - 130.

130?!

You can put it right here. I'll only be needing one spoon.

Thank you.

(Drill whirring)

Hon... honey!

- Hey, you call me? - Uh, yeah.

I'm trying to work here.

Oh sorry.

I'm having trouble finding a reliable stud.

You and me both.

Oh, no, that's my last double entendre!

(Growls) Goodbye, sweet life.

(Phone rings)

Mystery Girls.

You saw our ad on TV?

A matter of life and death?

Well, you can count on us.

We won't let anything distract us from... (Gasps)

Duane!

What's going on here?

Charlie's husband is building us a bookshelf.

Babe, come down. I want you to meet somebody.

Oh, hey.

Sweet tie.

- Thanks. Nice drill. - Oh, thanks.

It's a Baxter and Zaken 360.

I've got the 210 back home.

(Deep voice) Yeah, we get it. You guys are straight.

So what are you doing here twice in one day?

I mean, not that I'm complaining.

- It's about the killer. - What killer?

Oh, that's just shoptalk. You wouldn't understand.

No, I understand the word "killer."

His name is Zanucci.

He's been on a rampage all around town taking out witnesses.

If he finds out Nick works here, you can all be in a lot of danger.

Honey, could I have a word?

- Uh, no. - Now please.

Okay, listen, I don't know, this job

seems like it's getting awfully dangerous.

No, it's not.

We just hide in bushes

and dress up in costume. It's adorable.

Yeah! I mean, really, look.

This is from one of our cases.

It's adorable. Look at that!

You know what isn't adorable?

Murder.

Charlie...

You have a family.

I know, I know.

But I promise you, you have nothing to worry about.

(Phone rings)

Freeman here.

Aviation boulevard? Dead witness?

Mints on the eyes?

Sounds like our man.

See, it squeaks too.

- Nice level. - Thanks.

It's a Spates Litenberg.

Best 500 bucks I ever spent.

Check it out.

Nick is referencing our mint list

to see if there's any places on aviation.

Great.

What's up with you?

Ugh, I don't... what Michael said before has got me thinking.

I'm a mom. Maybe this whole mystery girls thing is too dangerous.

Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Maybe after this case...

- Don't say it. - That I should...

- Don't say it. - Quit.

You said it. (Gasps)

I found one!

To be continued.

This isn't over.

Yeah, I know what "to be continued" means.

We did it at the end of every season.

- Look look look. - Whadda ya got,

restaurant, convenience store?

- Massage parlor. - Ha, yes!

Okay, text me the address and we'll check it out.

If Michael asks where I am...

Just tell him I went to get flowers for him to give to Duane.

Don't leave me alone.

Oh, Nick! Hon, you're safe.

You've got a cop, a construction worker.

All you're missing is an Indian and a cowboy

and you've got the village people.

Okay, don't touch anything.

If we had a black light, this place would be glowing like the surface of the sun.

Check it out. Mints!

Mm! Tasting orange.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm tasting peppermint.

- Mm-hmm. - And it's pickled.

(Russian accent) It costs extra to spit on me.

What? No, we're not here for a massage.

Do you know of a man named Zanucci?

We don't use names here. We are...

How do you say? Discreet?

Discreet. Yep, that's how you say it.

Uh, mean-looking guy? Looks like he could kill somebody?

That's everybody that comes here.

Big fan of your mints?

I might know of such a person. If you have a...

How do you say? A bribe?

That's how you say it.

And your English? It's much better than you think.

It's your lucky day. Angry mint man...

Room two.

Wait. Wait wait wait. He's here now?

Should we call the cops?

No, let's go check it out first.

Don't worry, we know Tae-Kwon-Do.

- No, we don't. - Yeah, we do.

They taught us for that episode... "Geishas gone wild."

That wasn't us. We had stunt doubles for that.

I didn't.

Who do you think jumped out of that burning plane?

That was me!

Oh.

(Whispers) Man, these girls are easy to bribe.

Hey, Olga, get to work on my feet.

- Oh! You do it. - No, I'm not doing it.

- You do it, I'm not doing it. - Huh-uh.

(Unison) You do it! You do it.

(Russian accent) How that?

Come on, harder. Put some effort into it.

Uh, da.

I give you sister Helga.

She's strong, like sumo wrestler, but Russian.

Hey, Olga, jump on my back.

(Russian accent) Yeah, Olga, get on his back.

Da.

(Moans)

How that, American pig?

Not bad. Give me some oil, will you?

Helga, oil!

Da, oil.

(Yelps) Helga, too much oil!

I'm okay.

Olga, come help with hot stone.

What?

(Mimicking Terminator) I'll be back.

It's definitely him.

(Gasps) See? Look how good we are!

We found him! And you want to quit this?

Okay, can we talk about this later,

when we're not five feet from a psychopath?

Duane, the Mystery Girls have just found your killer.

- But don't tell Michael. - We're at a massage parlor

on aviation. Send backup.

We'll make sure he doesn't get away. Bye.

(Unison) Uh-oh.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

He didn't even leave a tip.

No, we've gotta go check on Nick.

Although you're right, it is very rude not to leave a tip.

Ooh.

Oh, Nick, thank God you're okay.

- The killer got away. - No, he didn't.

The cops caught him based on your description:

Guy in boxer shorts running down the street covered in oil.

See? Helga and Olga make a pretty good team, don't you think?

Tell Olga to slow her roll.

'Cause I still need a little time to think.

Wait, I'm Helga. You're Olga.

No, I'm Helga. You're Olga. I told you.

- I'm Helga? - Helga.

- I'm Olga. - What's happening?!

It doesn't matter. Where's Michael?

Ugh. He and Duane went to that new place for lemon bars.

It's a bromance. I'm not jealous at all.

- Nick, you want to come? - God no.

I'm gonna be on the treadmill forever working off all that food

- I ate on my "Farewell Life" tour. - Okay.

Well, you're welcome, by the way.

(Gasps) So long, Swedish fish.

I think I will miss you most of all.

No.

- Hey, how you doing? - Hi, welcome to Mystery Girls.

Yeah, I saw your ad on the TV.

- You're a hard man to get alone. - Not really,

all it usually takes is champagne, a "Real Housewives" marathon...

Oh, God, you're the killer.

So what do you think about Holly?

I like her.

Yeah, but do you like her, like her?

What is this, high school?

You think she likes me?

Knock-knock.

- Hi. - Hey! Did you hear?

That nut who was trying to kill your assistant finally got caught.

Well, I'm not surprised...

What with our hardworking police force.

- How's that lemon bar? - Too much powdered sugar.

Oh, I see what you're doing.

Hey, Duane was talking about us all grabbing a drink.

- Want to do that? - Oh, it's been a long day.

We're in!

Great! Let me just run back to your office.

- I think I left my phone there. - I'll come with.

It'd be pretty sweet if you grew your hair out.

You think?

Get a room!

Duane: So something like how Tom Brady wore his hair?

Exactly, man. Get your phone, I'm gonna grab my stuff.

Nick!

Zanucci.

It's pronounced Zanucci.

- Isn't that what I said? - You said Zanucci.

I'm not hearing any difference.

Shut up!

- Gimmie this. - You're making a big mistake.

And I'm gonna make a big hole in your back.

You know who else had great hair?

Brad Pitt in "Legends of the Fa... " Oh.

I'm definitely gonna need some more mints.

I'm just saying, you can't have Helga without Olga.

It's like having Bella without Edward,

- Katniss without Peeta... - Okay, I get it.

You like young adult novels.

Hermione without Ron.

Can you stop now?

You will understand how hard this is

once you and Duane have a family.

Don't change the subject.

- Wait do you think he's interested? - Of course he is.

He doesn't wear pink ties to impress the criminals.

I don't even know if he has a girlfriend.

(Phone vibrates)

- Duane's phone. - Answer it, see if it's a girl.

No! Good idea.

(Deep voice) Freeman here.

You a gal I'm dating?

(Gasps)

(Normally) Roger that.

(Deep voice) Roger that.

- This is terrible. - What, was it a girl?

No, worse. It was the precinct.

Zanucci escaped. He was covered in so much oil

he slipped right through the bars of the holding cell.

- Let's go, Olga! - No no, I'm Olga.

No, you're Hel... I'm Helga...

I'm so tired of this bit.

You don't want to do this.

I'm a cop, they are gonna fry you.

Yeah, it should be a lot easier with all this oil on my body.

You guys aren't gonna believe this. The killer... got loose.

Uh, I think they're gonna believe it.

- We meet again. - Let them go.

What is that? A threat?

Nope, it's an offer.

Your choices are leaving on your own,

or being taken out on a stretcher.

Yeah, what she said.

Wait, Holly, I didn't know you could do that!

I told you I could. (Coughs)

I think you broke my nose.

Let's be sure.

No big deal, we just saved your lives.

You're welcome.

- That was amazing! - Tell me something I don't know.

Wait, and you want her to give this all up?

I mean, that was before I found out what a badass my wife was.

You don't think it's too dangerous?

Yeah, for the bad guys.

That... that was amazing. Thanks.

Sure. Just call me your knight in shining stilettos.

(Muffled scream)

I am not exaggerating, that is like the longest

I've gone without talking since I was 18 months old.

I mean I pretty much came out of the womb talking.

My mom always used to say to me... (Speaks Spanish)

And I was like, "dah dah dah." And she goes to me like, "stop talking,"

but, I mean, I was the youngest of eight,

so I was always really lonely. I would talk to anybody...

Morning.

- Morning. - Hi!

- You look nice. - Thank you.

- Not you. - Oh.

- Duane's taking me out. - Ooh, on a date?!

Mmm, not really.

We're going to Anton Zanucci's arraignment.

I know this is gonna sound crazy,

but can you tell Zanucci I said thanks?

"Thanks?" For what?

I mean, if it wasn't for Zanucci,

I would have never met you two.

Aww, group hug.

(Deep voice) I said group hug.

- Knock-knock. - Hi.

Ah, I see you've gone back to your old ties.

Yeah, that was kind of a wild phase.

Well, I like you no matter what tie you're wearing.

Really? Because I have a piano-key tie

I was thinking of breaking out.

Maybe not that one. Let's go.

You know, if you wanna loosen up your style...

- Yeah? - Maybe no tie.

So... that happened.

That did. (Chuckles)

I forgot something.

- Be right back. - Okay.

- Duane just kissed me! - What?

What a week! I found love,

Nick's alive...

And, guys...

I've been thinking,

there's no way I could quit this place.

What about your family?

You're my family too. (Laughs)

(Unison) Mystery solved!

(Claps, giggles)

(All yelp)

Oh.

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