Original subtitles

(Crying)

(Gasps)

You killed my father, you gold-digging witch.

You will not talk to me like that.

I am still your stepmother.

You'll go to jail for your sins.

My only sin is loving too much.

(Breathes deeply)

(Grunts)

Uh, you are so good at slapping people.

- (Shrieks) - (Giggles softly)

Gold-digging witch! (Gasps)

You need to do telenovelas.

(Gasps) I did.

I was in "La Gringa Loca."

I did 20 episodes before I realized I was a drug mule.

Where were you?!

You were supposed to meet me at Griffith park

for our stakeout.

Chillax, swamp thing.

We were just analyzing some video

for a new case.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

'Cause it looks like Holly having sex

on a gravestone.

We were watching Holly's TV movie

where she plays the infamous husband killer, Rose Brack.

"Death Rose: The Brack widow."

(Shudders)

They love a good pun

- over at lifetime. - Mm-hmm.

Holly's amazing!

Guilty.

I mean, my acting, not Rose.

She was innocent.

That's not what I read.

Her husbands didn't just disappear into thin air.

She murdered them.

(Gasps) Excuse me!

We didn't murder anybody.

We?

Oh, sorry.

I mean, she.

I got so immersed in the character.

It was hard to know where she ended and I began.

Okay, I feel like I'm talking to a crazy person right now.

Says the woman dressed like Chewbacca.

(Mimics roar)

Holly, she pleads guilty.

Let's just drop it.

Okay, fine. Fine by me.

Although, that may be hard.

Why is that?

She was released from prison.

She's on her way over.

Don't give me that judgmental look.

Ah, I'm not. I think I have a squirrel in here.

(Theme music playing)

(Shrieks)

- Sync and corrected by TheDelta - - www.addic7ed.com -

I love that you and Rose

were pen pals.

Yep, she taught me

how to make a shiv

out of a toothbrush.

And how to make pruno.

What's pruno?

Prison wine.

You make it in a toilet.

Really packs a punch.

I think I'll stick to a dry Martini,

hold the body search.

I'm so excited to see Rose.

(Gasps) It's been 10 years.

Yeah, it's not every day

we have a bloodthirsty psycho over.

I'm so glad we vacuumed.

(Scoffs)

Will you stop it?

She was innocent.

They never even found the bodies.

Oh, right right.

Two separate husbands

just vanished into thin air.

That happens every day.

Holly, you gotta stop being so naive.

Yeah, be more like Charlie.

She never sees the good in people.

He gets me.

Knock knock. Am I interrupting?

If only. That would imply we were working.

Hey, I have a favor to ask.

- Hmm? - My aunt's been under the weather,

and I thought an autograph from

her favorite TV show would lift her spirits.

(Giggles) It'd be our pleasure.

Really? You know the cast of "Castle"?

Uh... huh.

As a matter of fact, I do.

I did a guest spot for them.

She played a dead prostitute in a morgue.

I winked at Nathan Fillion.

They didn't even catch it in editing.

Excuse me. Uh, I'm looking for...

- there she is! - Ah, Rose!

(Both screaming)

Oh my God. We both look so good.

It's like I'm staring into a mirror.

- Mm. - (Laughs)

Well, I brought you some vintage pruno.

Ooh!

Try not to get any on your skin.

- Is that Rose Brack? - Mm-hmm.

It's bring-a-killer- to-work day.

I thought she was doing 18-to life.

Uh, yeah, well, that was overturned.

They found out the judge was sleeping with the whole jury.

- (Giggles) - Lifetime's making a movie about him too.

"All rise! Orgy in the court."

So, how's your cellmate Jojo?

Did she ever finish digging that tunnel?

- Yep. - Good for her.

Not really. Turns out it led to the furnace.

Her last words were "I'm free!"

Followed by "too hot!"

Well, she died the way she lived.

On fire?

So introduce me to everyone.

- Oh, sorry! - Oh.

This is Nick... our assistant.

Oh!

I'm so jealous of your slender hips

I could kill you.

(Laughs)

Please don't.

Let me take your bag.

Don't touch my stuff!

- Aah! - Oh.

Sorry, sorry.

She's really touchy about her things

after all her years in prison.

Yeah, I can see that.

Um, and you remember Charlie.

I talked about her in all my letters.

Oh, yeah. She's the one you want me to give a beatdown to.

Wait, what?

Um, well, that was before, when we weren't talking...

But we're B.F.F.S again.

Aw, sweet.

Yeah, so so sweet.

And, uh, who's Captain America over here?

I'm detective Duane Freeman of the Beverly hills police department.

- Oh. - I come around here quite a bit,

so try not to murder anyone.

(Gasps)

Detective, don't be so rude.

Rose, did we murder any husbands?

No. Why would anyone think that?

- Because you confessed to it in court? - (Rose scoffs)

I took the plea to avoid the chair.

I mean, the idea that I would poison my husbands is absurd.

I mean, what, did I go to poison college?

If there was a poison college,

I certainly don't know where it is.

Do they have a campus? Do they offer financial aid?

Do they have a swim team?

I mean, if I were guilty I would know the answer to all these questions.

There you go.

I'm gonna hold my tongue 'cause I want that "Castle" autograph.

Bye, everyone. Good luck.

Sorry about him.

He thinks he's on "The Wire."

No, I... I get it.

I'm always gonna be guilty in the eyes of some people.

You mean people with eyes.

Well, I am just excited

to get started on this new chapter of my life...

get a job,

become a productive member of society.

Just like O.J.!

Hon, hon, O.J.'S in jail.

Not like O.J.!

Well, uh, let's toast to that.

(Giggles)

To a new start.

Guys, don't be so rude.

God, it burns!

Holly's been gone for three hours with that nutjob.

If she doesn't kill her, I might.

She's just trying to help her find a job.

Ugh!

That was a disaster!

Oh. No luck with the job hunt?

Not one bite.

What's this world coming to when no one will hire

a convicted murderer released on a technicality?

Well, don't be bummed. I know a great place

that you can work part-time until we find you a real job.

Oh, I so badly want you to say "gas station,"

but you're probably going to say...

Mystery Girls!

And there it is.

(Gasps) Nick, hon', you have a new assistant.

Why don't you show Rose around the office?

Start with the kitchen.

- The kitchen? - Mm-hmm!

There're knives in there.

Knives?!

I haven't seen a real knife in years!

Let's do this!

What?

Ohh, nothing. Why stop at Rose?

I heard Freddy Krueger is available for some light filing.

Come on, Rose did her time for a crime she didn't even commit.

Does it bother you that you're the only one that believes that?

Well, if you think she's guilty,

I'm just gonna have to prove her innocence.

Why is this woman so important to you?

We're friends.

You know, she fought for me to play her in the movie.

She had faith in me,

and I have faith in her.

Okay. Okay, Holly.

I will help you, but I'm doing this for you, not for her,

because I think she's cuckoo.

I don't trust her.

What's not to trust about her?

Look at this sucker!

Ha!

Can I use this as my letter opener?

Absolutely!

You know, if I were a murderer,

I would totally use this.

- (Laughs) - Ha...

Gotcha!

(Cries)

Freeze!

You have the right to remain sexy.

She's been practicing that the whole way here.

Don't you knock?

But you never knock.

Yeah, you just say "knock knock,"

which technically isn't knocking.

(Door closes)

- Whatcha working on? - None of your business.

(Gasps) Oh, looking at porn, huh?

So what's your kink? Footplay, nurses?

Tennessee dumpling?

Tennessee dumpling?

Yeah, you start with a washboard and a jug...

Ooh.

Can I help you ladies?

Yes, I have your autograph for your aunt.

Great. She's gonna love it.

"Best wishes. From Holly Hamilton

and the cast of 'Castle.'"

you're welcome.

Is this the only reason you're here?

No, Holly Brockovich here wants to prove Rose's innocence,

so we'd like to take a look at all your files on the Rose Brack case.

Ordinarily I'd say no,

but since the case is closed

and since it's the fastest way to get you out of my office,

just give this to sergeant Ferrante in the file room

thank you.

You won't be sorry.

Oh, I'm 98% sure I will be.

I'd like to add my 2% to that.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

Wait, what?

You're bidding on teapots?

I happen to collect teapots.

Got anything yet?

Just a rash from that squirrel.

Lucky! I got nothin'.

It's 'cause there is nothing.

Holly, I'm telling you the police didn't miss anything.

Hey, except this note.

(Gasps) Some guy named S.Anderson

called the cops saying they had an alibi for Rose.

Police never took a statement.

Oh, that's interesting.

Aha!

You said "interesting."

Yes, that's interesting.

Aha!

You said it twice.

- That is rich! - (Laughing)

Check it out.

Orange Is the New Brack.

(Chuckles weakly)

Where have you guys been?

Rodeo drive, baby.

I told Nick to take Rose shopping

for some business attire.

Uh, we are so screwed on our taxes this year.

I haven't worn a dress in a decade.

It feels so good to have a warm breeze

on my lady parts.

We have some great news.

We found something that might prove your innocence.

What?! Let's hear it.

Apparently there was somebody that was willing to testify on your behalf,

but the police never looked into it.

"S. Anderson " ring a bell?

Mm. I don't know anyone named Anderson.

Are you sure? This can be big.

Uh, it's probably just some nutjob.

You guys really don't have to waste your time on this.

Oh, don't be silly.

Wasting time is one of our specialties.

It's true. Yesterday she spent four hours in front of the computer

watching the cast of "Big Brother" sunbathe.

And shower.

Okay, I have an address for Anderson, let's go.

- Great. - Uh, Nick,

since lady parts over there is gonna be working for us,

why don't you go ahead and teach her our filing system?

Oh, we were gonna have a little mini fashion show

with all the stuff we bought.

Oh, just do it.

Okay...

(Door closes)

What's the filing system?

We don't have to do that.

Yes, you do.

Excuse me.

We're looking for a Mr. Anderson.

Sorry, there's no one here by that name.

Are you sure?

I said so, didn't I?

You've been lovely, thank you.

Come on, you can talk to us.

It's actually a funny story, so if I...

ma'am, are we done here?

'Cause I'm busy bidding on a teapot.

Damn you, detective 1-2-3!

Holly.

Look look look. It's not S.Anderson.

It's Sanderson.

Oh, nice work.

Okay. Uh, hi, everybody.

Um, which one of you is Bill Sanderson?

To think a minute ago there weren't any.

Don't pay any attention to them,

they're just trying to get my meds.

I take some pretty high-octane stuff.

Hi, Mr. Sanderson.

We have a few questions for you

about Rose Brack.

Cops, huh?

Where were you 10 years ago when I called?

Well, I ain't talking to you now.

You let my dear sweet Rose rot in prison.

No, we're not cops, Mr. Sanderson.

We're actually trying to clear Rose's name.

Horseradish!

You thinking what I'm thinking?

That guy on the couch is dead.

Yes!

But also, Sanderson might not talk to us,

but I know who he will talk to.

Really? Rose Brack?

Get ready for a Brack attack.

Hello, wild Bill.

Rose...

It's you!

Oh, give me a break.

Oh, no prison walls could keep me from you.

You and your cold, clammy hands.

I got some pills under my tongue.

You wanna French and get high?

Yeah, Rose. That sounds like a great idea.

Go ahead, give him some tongue.

But first...

Do you remember what we were doing

the night my second husband disappeared?

I'm sorry, sugar.

My memory ain't what it used to be.

Damn!

But I still got that key you gave me.

- Both: Key? - Here it is.

The key to my heart.

Uh-huh.

And what else does it open?

Storage facility.

How can you tell?

It says "storage facility" on it.

Anthere's an address. Let's go.

Thank you, William.

You have to admit. That was a stellar performance.

Yeah, it was all right.

What are you talking about?

It was Oscar-worthy.

I had him completely fooled.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

(Gasps)

Yoo-hoo, Billy boy.

Rose, you came back.

(Sighs) You can be so mean.

Charlie, this doesn't feel right.

We shouldn't be here without Rose's permission.

Yeah, you're talking about a woman who might've killed two people.

Well, we're no better.

We're murdering her privacy.

- That's not a thing. - (Humphs)

Hey, this is locked. Should I pry it open?

No! Come on! Enough already!

If it's locked, Rose doesn't want you to touch it!

Don't you remember? Rose hates when people touch her things.

Who cares? There might be something in here

that proves her innocence. Isn't that what you want?

- Fine, open it. - Okay.

- (Thuds, clatters) - Oh yeah.

Oh! Okay.

I really wish I hadn't opened that.

- See? Told you, fool. - No.

There's two skeletons in here.

Yeah, right. You just wanna trick me into thinking...

(Screams) I'm gonna need a lot of therapy.

Well, well, look who's murdering my privacy.

Oh man! I told you she was gonna feel that way.

Where's Nick? What did you do with him?

He's looking for parking.

- Oh. - Mmm. Okay, so how do you explain skeletons?

(Laughing)

- I got you! - What?

I realized that Anderson,

the one you mentioned earlier,

was Sanderson, my former lover.

I told him to give you the keys

so that you would find these fake skeletons.

(Both laugh)

You're hilarious! You got us.

- Yeah. - Ugh, parking was insane.

I'm like three blocks away.

And now that Nick is here,

go stand with the girls, Jagger hips...

- (Gasping) - ... and give me the car keys.

- (Screams) - Rose!

I believed in you.

I know. I feel terrible.

My biggest regret isn't the six men I killed,

- it's letting you down. - All: Six?!

Oh good, you didn't find the other trunk.

Look, Holly, I'm sorry.

It really hurts that I have to leave you all alone in here,

locked up to starve to death.

Okay, but you don't have to.

Nope, I do.

(Lock clicks)

Congratulations, you were right.

You can start gloating now.

(Sighs) No, I'm not gonna gloat.

Because, Holly, you always see the good in people.

That's something I love about you.

- So you're not mad at me? - No, I'm very very very mad at you.

Ladies, ladies...

If it comes down to cannibalism,

you can eat me first, but please start with my calves,

because I hate them.

No no no, nobody's gonna eat anybody.

Okay? We're gonna get out of here.

How? We're in the middle of nowhere.

- Yeah, and there's no cell reception. - (Charlie sighs)

All right, well, let's just start looking for something to pry the door open.

This is exactly like our episode.

When we were trapped in the shipping container.

Oh yeah, episode 51, "you gotta be shipping me."

Oh! Exactly!

- How'd we get out of it? - Uh, uh...

(Gasps) A sea lion opened the door.

And since that's not gonna happen,

Nick, stop dressing up and look.

If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die shopping.

(Gasps) The sea lions!

- (Screams) - (Frustrated groan)

Where the hell did you park?

I am walking around like an idiot out there.

Hey, th... that's not yours.

- Take that off. - Oh.

Come on. Come on.

(Angrily) Ugh! I hate people touching my stuff!

Oh, so... so, Rose, I guess you wouldn't like it

if I, say, rubbed my butt

on your antique globe over here.

No no no no no, don't-don't... don't do that.

What if I gave this good-looking mannequin a backrub?

And then we see what happens from there.

Oh! No. Stop-stop stop that.

- Stop. - Ooh, this is such a nice hat.

- I bet you want it back, don't ya? - Yeah, stop it.

- Stop. Oh! - Come and get it, killer.

- Run! - (All shouting)

- Run faster! - (Shrieks)

Ha! Ha! Jokes on you!

I got the hat!

- Both: Mystery solved. - Who!

You guys know I like my calves right?

I was just fishing for a compliment.

- (Chuckles) - Hey.

Well, oh well, nice of you to show up, officer teapots.

- I came as fast as I could... - Mmm.

...and I'm glad you're okay.

(Chuckles)

Uh, we're okay, too. Thanks for asking.

Those two are cute together.

It'll be a shame when she murders him.

Okay, that's enough. Let's go.

Wait. Rose,

there's one more thing I wanna say to you,

- and it's important. - (Sighs) Yes?

If they make a sequel, can you please ask

that I play you again?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

If you need anyone to play me,

I did a little drama in high school.

(Sighs) You know,

underneath it all,

she really is a sweetheart.

Okay people, I've got a head.

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