Original subtitles

Do you have any paper clips?

What kind of stupid question is that?

Jeez, someone's grumpy.

I'm just starving. Where is Nick with our burrito?

We sent him out an hour ago.

Holly: Yes.

Work it.

Work it.

Stop working it and give me my burrito.

I can't.

I have to practice my runway walk.

I'll be needing it because I was just discovered

by Emilio San Juan.

Emilio say what?

He's one of the biggest fashion designers in the world.

He only uses wool from the sexiest sheep in Ireland.

I know.

Anyways, I was at the taco stand

when the sprinklers went off, spraying a light mist on me.

That's when a man approached and said I looked like

a glistening angel from Glamour Heaven.

Are you sure he didn't want to touch your burrito?

No! That man was Emilio San Juan.

And he asked if I'd walk in his L.A. Week fashion show,

which is tonight, and he wants you guys to come.

(Gasps)

Oh my God.

Hey!

There's no time for lunch.

We have a fashion show to attend.

(Theme music playing)

(Shrieks)

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com

(Groans) Are you done yet?

I'm not your personal Barbie doll.

Ugh, when's the last time you washed your hair?

There's absolutely no bounce.

Nick, have you ever seen

anything so limp?

Unfortunately.

Will you stop?

I washed it this morning.

Why are you acting so crazy?

'Cause, we can't go to a fashion show

looking like railroad hobos.

The fashion world is very fickle.

Who knows, maybe this look is in this year.

Jeez, what's with you nowadays?

What's with me? Um, I'm a mother.

Should I spend $2,000 on a dress

to wear to parent-teacher night?

Would be better than that top.

(Gasps)

Nick, don't be rude.

Although to be fair, it does look like

you fell into a vat of Cheetos and charcoal.

Oh my God. Ladies, we're gonna be late.

- Let's go. - (Gasps) Okay.

Absolutely not.

What now?

Under no circumstances

are you bringing that thing

into Emilio San Juan's showroom.

You know what?

I'm not embarrassed by it

and it holds everything I need.

Well, this holds everything I need...

lipstick, a credit card and a spare thong.

Oh wait, can you drive? My keys don't fit in this thing.

Ay, dios mio.

I'm home.

Are you Nick? Our last-minute model?

(Chuckles) Yes, how did you know?

Your celestial features and 26-inch waist

were a dead giveaway. I'm Seth,

Emilio San Juan's assistant.

- I need to get you to your fitting. - Lead the way.

Oh, Emilio said you had two guests, are they here?

Yes, they're on their way.

Get... Let go you crazy woman.

You are not bringing that ugly bag in here.

It's not ugly, it's functional.

Well, if that function is to embarrass me,

well done!

Are those the Mystery Girls?

- Yes. - What, did they lose their minds

after the show ended or something?

(Laughing)

(Laughs)

- Come on, I'll take you to your fitting. - Stop it!

Excuse me, do you know where we can find Mr. San Juan?

Excuse me.

(Sighs) That bitch just iced me.

I love it here.

I'm sure you do.

Everybody here is so superficial.

- No offense. - None taken.

Mystery Girls, welcome.

I'm Emilio San Juan and I always carry a rabbit.

That's so cute.

My daughter has a rabbit just like that.

Oh really? Does your daughter's rabbit

sleep on silk sheets and bathe in mineral water?

No, 'cause it's a rabbit.

My rabbit does.

You don't even have a rabbit. Stop sucking up.

Shh!

Emilio, it's time for the big reveal.

Girls, have you met my assistant Seth?

He's been my assistant for 15 years.

Wow, 15 years, huh?

That's a long time to be an assistant.

Well, it works because we have a relationship

based on mututal respect.

Seth, take Mr. Fluffers to the back

and express his anal glands.

My pleasure.

(Mouths)

Now it's time for me to reveal the centerpiece

of my spring collection... my new handbag.

I hope you're ready because this bag

is gonna blow your mind.

Well, I know I'm ready to blow my brains out.

Charles, be nice. I've been on the waiting list

for years to buy this bag.

It's my dream to own one.

Don't you have dreams?

Yes, I do. I dream that Demi grows up

in a world free from war and suffering.

Oh, I meant fashion dreams.

But that's nice too.

Everyone, gather round

or you'll be fired. All eyes on me.

Carolita, you will stop sewing or I will make you stop sewing.

See, that's how we should treat Nick.

Ladies and gentlemen, my spring 2015 handbag!

(All gasping)

It's glorious.

May I touch it?

Just the tip.

That's enough.

It's like heaven.

There should be angels surrounding us.

(Vocalizing)

Look at me, I'm Charlie's angel.

Yeah, let's keep it a secret.

All right, back to the storeroom for you.

(Giggles)

We will never experience anything that exciting

in our lives again.

Ah! Cupcakes, I'm so hungry.

Hey, what's this all about?

- What... cupcakes? - Yeah.

Oh! What?

What is with people and my food today?

You know I banned sugar from the showroom.

I should be the only brown sugar up in here.

I will have them removed from the building.

Emilio, your bag was incredible.

I've never seen anything that breathtaking in my life before.

Have you?

Yeah, the birth of my daughter.

Well, unless your daughter's made out of the finest

ostrich skin Morocco has to offer,

I doubt it.

How many ostriches went into the making of that bag?

(Laughs) It's not important... 16.

The cupcakes are gone,

but there are some very unhappy campers here.

Hmm, maybe I should bring my bag out again.

You know, just to cheer everybody up.

Okay, he needs to design a straitjacket for himself.

Charles, when he brings the bag back

just say that it's life changing.

No, I cannot.

Actually, I never want to have to see that bag again.

(Gasps) My bag...

- it's gone! - (All gasp)

Wasn't me.

(Wailing) Oh, my bag is gone!

Seth...

Get my cyanide pill.

Wait, you only made one bag?

I would have made two, but I ran out of ostriches.

Uh, weren't you planning on selling more than one bag?

Well, of course. But I only made one bag

for the show so that the design isn't leaked.

I mean there are no photographs or design specs.

That system's working out pretty well for you.

We've checked every room but didn't find anything.

(Sighs) Keep looking, my glistening angel.

Mystery Girls,

I need you to do something for me.

The answer is yes.

We'd be honored to walk in your show tonight.

(Scoffs)

Girl, please.

I need you to find my bag.

Aren't you detectives or something?

Oh, yeah, that makes much more sense.

We'll do it.

But only if we get new handbags as payment.

Uh, actually, we'll do it for the money

- not some silly bag. - (Gasps, clicks tongue)

"Silly Bag"?

Wait, hold up now.

What's with her?

Did you see her tote bag?

That should tell you everything.

Yeah, I saw it earlier.

Made me question my life.

Ooh...

Look, my show is in a couple of hours

and it cannot go on without this bag.

We won't let you down.

We solved a case just like this

in one of our episodes, "Fashion Your Seatbelts."

- Hmm... - Charlie: Yes.

Yes, it was about a cab driver turned designer

turned killer.

Everyone, the Mystery Girls are on the case.

So whomever is behind this will be found out.

Thanks to their "Detecti-Visionary" skills.

Not a word.

Not bad for a white girl.

Okay, so this is where Emilio kept the pocketbook?

Where Emilio kept the handbag, yes.

Over there in that climate-controlled booth.

Emilio: Seth, it's story time for Mr. Fluffles.

Coming, Emilio.

We're in the middle of "50 Shades of Grey."

This place is crazy town.

I mean, a climate-controlled booth

just to house some bag?

"Some... Bag"?

What you've failed to realize is that Emilio's bag

will influence the design of whatever cheap bag

you buy months from now.

- You are so insightful. - Really?

No, you're quoting "Devil Wears Prada" again.

Meryl Streep is my spirit animal.

I just don't get it. Who would want to ruin Emilio?

Uh, how about everybody?

Did you see the way he treated that seamstress?

Yes, Carolita.

She gave him the evil eye after he yelled at her.

We should go check her out.

Okay.

Wait.

Can you fit this in your ugly bag?

Let's try to solve one crime

without committing another one, okay?

Fine.

So how are things going?

Great, we have a suspect.

Feast your eyes on Carolita,

"The Bag Snatcher."

Carolita?

She would never.

Or would she?

After years of abuse, she finally got fed up.

Look at her over there, with her shifty, evil eyes.

It's obvious she hates you.

She's my mother.

And no longer a suspect.

Now you keep sewing, Mama.

Just 'cause you hear me talking about you

don't mean you gonna get a break.

Okay, we will regroup

and find a new suspect.

Any other relatives we should know about?

No, just know that my show is in a couple of hours.

So get to solving.

Well, wait a second.

I meant to ask,

can we still have a bag if we don't solve the case?

Girl, if you want that bag

you better work.

I feel like Scrooge McDuck,

swimming in gold coins.

This stuff is gorgeous.

Maybe someone threw it out

because they thought it was so ugly.

Cupcakes?

I thought they were all sent back.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Five second rule? Totes.

No, the cupcakes are tied to the disappearance of the bag.

Cupcakes?

How did those get back in here?

I'll tell you how, whoever took the bag

sent the cupcakes.

Yes, as a distraction.

Mm-hmm, and then they probably came in here,

put the handbag in the empty cupcake box

and smuggled it out.

Ah, you guys are amazing bitches.

Damn right we are.

Wait, what's that on the floor of the booth?

Is that an earring?

What? Where?

Where? I don't...

- Do you see it? - A clue?

- I don't see it. - Where?

- I can't see. - Not there.

- Move your big skirt. - Where? I think we passed...

What?

Mystery solved.

You stole the bag.

And our catchphrase.

Well done, Mystery Girls.

You figured it out.

Thanks, now can you let us out?

Oh, I can.

But I won't.

I've toiled under Emilio for long enough.

I've suffered every indignity you can imagine.

For years I've dangled that rabbit over the toilet

so it could do its filthy mess.

But taking the bag, doesn't that hurt you too?

Not if it ends up in the hands of a rival designer

and he offers to make me his creative director.

How'd you do it?

And can you turn around?

It's kind of hard to hear in here.

I knew Emilio would send the cupcakes away

and that would be the perfect way to smuggle the bag out.

Um, you know you're not on an episode

of the old "Mystery Girls"

so you don't have to talk like a bad guy?

I'm just proud of myself.

I'm allowed to pop my collar and brag a little!

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm late for a fashion show.

And it's not Emilio's.

(Laughs)

Oh my God.

I don't want to die in a plexiglas tomb.

How much air do you think we have left?

Uh, considering there's a huge tube

pumping pure oxygen in, a lot.

I'll call Nick.

It rang once and went straight to voicemail.

Did he hit "Ignore" on me?

Nick, hon, hi.

Can you come into the storage room and save us!

Oh, wait wait, did you hit "Ignore" on Charlie's call?

(Laughs) Yeah... Totally did.

And then he slow clapped and locked us in the booth

and talked about rabbit poop.

Right.

And then Nick ignored my call.

Sorry, I was showing Seth my abs.

Seth said he stole it for a rival designer.

Do you have any idea who that could be?

I don't know, it could be anyone.

I mean, I am a genius so I have a lot of enemies.

Well, it sounded like it was a male designer

and that his show was tonight.

Austin Cho.

I saw his bag last year and it was wrinkled and saggy,

and swinging all over the place.

Wait, we're still talking about handbags here, right?

Girl, get your mind out of the gutter.

Actually, both. (Giggles)

Cho's show starts in 30 minutes.

And your show is in an hour.

It's gonna be close but I think we can do it.

Yeah, we'll sneak backstage and look for the bag.

Wait a minute, if you're right and it is Cho,

Seth would have alerted security.

So they'll be on the lookout for us.

So we need disguises.

There's no time for disguises.

I'll distract Seth while you guys go look for the bag.

- I said we need disguises! - Oh my.

You know what,

I think you need disguises.

Yes, I know exactly what you need.

Something low-key and understated.

- Yes, with feathers. - Yeah no.

- Yes! - Genius!

(Techno music playing)

I do not feel understated.

I love it.

Me too. The Mystery Girls go double platinum.

I have to admit,

I do feel kind of amazing in this.

(Gasps) I told you.

Except that tote bag is bringing down

the hotness of your outfit by like 1,000%.

We have to have something big enough to sneak

Emilio's bag back in.

Holly: Okay.

(Gasps) There's Seth.

Nick, you go distract him so we can get the bag, okay?

(Gasps) What are you doing here?

You already showed me your abs earlier.

No.

I wanna thank you.

Thank me for what?

Holly and Charlie suffocated in that box.

(Laughs maniacally)

I'm here to take my place by your side.

Let's rule the fashion galaxy together.

Did someone say my name?

Only if your name is Galaxy?

It is.

But the second "X" is silent.

Oh.

It's time for the big reveal.

Make me proud you hot gold robot.

- Holly: Give us that bag. - Try and take it from me.

Models are so weak.

Nick! You beautiful snake!

Call me.

- Ah, we found the bag. - Disgusting!

- No, your bag. - (Gasps) Beautiful!

Go, Jezebel, walk. Walk like the wind.

I will never be able to repay you for what you've done!

Or will I? I don't know.

I think the show could use a little star power.

- Star power? - What does that mean?

You are not walking a runway with that bag. Lose it!

Lady, the runway awaits. Go go go go.

(Techno music playing)

Mystery solved.

Ooh, Hols, "Vogue"'s review of the show is up.

- Does it mention us? - Let's see.

Emilio's collection was stunning and it's...

Blah blah blah. That's not us.

Okay... "The highlight was the surprise appearance

- of the Mystery Girls." - (Gasps) That's us.

"Ms. Contour's chic dress juxtaposed with her ratty tote..."

- Oh. - "...Said 'I'm a mom, but it is so on.'"

(Laughs)

And there's a picture of us, look.

Let's see. (Gasps)

Stupid Nick's wings are blocking my face!

When I see him, I'm gonna kill him!

- Gifts from Emilio. - (Gasps)

Forget what I said, Nick. I love you.

- Wait, what did you say? - Nothing.

(Chuckles)

What's in here? Thank you.

- Me? - Yeah.

- (Girls gasp) - Look at that.

Oh my.

Looks like someone has a new dress for parent-teacher night.

(Gasps) Read my card.

- I can't focus. - All right.

"This season's hottest handbag..."

(Cheers)

"...inspired by the Mystery Girls."

Oh my God, my dream

is finally coming true.

Nick, stand behind me

in case I faint.

- Okay. - Okay, everyone,

I am finally the proud owner

of an Emilio San Juan handbag.

Ha ha!

Would you look at that. I'm a trendsetter.

Oh.

(Theme music playing)

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