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1
00:00:05,294 --> 00:00:07,495
Goodbye, Brangelina's vacation.
2
00:00:08,464 --> 00:00:10,565
Hello, "Modern Bio Physics."
3
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What are you doing? I wanted to see
4
00:00:13,269 --> 00:00:14,535
if Brad went shirtless while parasailing!
5
00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:16,504
I'm trying to class this joint up.
6
00:00:18,274 --> 00:00:19,207
Hey, guys.
7
00:00:20,442 --> 00:00:22,176
Check me out. What do you think
8
00:00:22,211 --> 00:00:24,245
about this outfit for
the employee theft case?
9
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,114
Somebody is stealing hot dogs.
10
00:00:26,148 --> 00:00:29,050
- Too many buns and not enough wieners.
- (Squeaks)
11
00:00:29,084 --> 00:00:31,753
Story of my life.
12
00:00:32,955 --> 00:00:35,723
I just said buns and
wieners in the same sentence.
13
00:00:35,758 --> 00:00:38,459
- Nothing?
- Charles, please.
14
00:00:38,494 --> 00:00:41,129
Let's try to be a little
less insouciant in the office.
15
00:00:43,332 --> 00:00:46,067
Oh boy. You're picking your eyebrows,
16
00:00:46,101 --> 00:00:49,070
you're using big words, you
didn't laugh when I said wieners.
17
00:00:49,104 --> 00:00:50,905
Your sister's coming to town, isn't she?
18
00:00:50,940 --> 00:00:53,007
(Groans) She called half an hour ago.
19
00:00:53,042 --> 00:00:54,842
She's stopping by.
20
00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:57,779
Ooh, two Hamiltons! Double
the pleasure, double the fun.
21
00:00:57,813 --> 00:01:01,416
Don't get your hopes up. Holly's
sister is nothing like her.
22
00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:02,617
Oh, it's true.
23
00:01:02,651 --> 00:01:04,552
She's a heart surgeon, a vegan,
24
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,087
and her boobs are real.
25
00:01:07,356 --> 00:01:10,124
Listen to me, don't let
her get to you this time.
26
00:01:10,159 --> 00:01:12,026
Okay? I will be right here by your side.
27
00:01:12,061 --> 00:01:13,928
I'll be fine. Really.
28
00:01:13,963 --> 00:01:15,830
You don't get along with your sister?
29
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No, we get along great!
30
00:01:17,766 --> 00:01:21,502
She just doesn't respect me,
my life, or any of my choices.
31
00:01:21,537 --> 00:01:23,504
Yeah, last time she visited us on set,
32
00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:24,605
it took Holly three weeks
33
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,607
and two eyebrow pencils
to get back on track.
34
00:01:28,444 --> 00:01:31,479
You know what? That was back
when I was a silly actress.
35
00:01:31,513 --> 00:01:33,514
Now I am a detective
36
00:01:33,549 --> 00:01:35,483
with a serious job.
37
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And a big eye. Wow.
38
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Okay, well, go ahead and
try on this wiener hat
39
00:01:40,723 --> 00:01:42,357
and see if it fits.
40
00:01:42,391 --> 00:01:45,393
Okay, this is the dumbest
thing I've ever seen.
41
00:01:45,427 --> 00:01:47,729
But maybe one selfie,
I'm totally taking it off.
42
00:01:48,764 --> 00:01:50,531
(Clicks)
43
00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:53,568
(Theme music playing)
44
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(Squeals)
45
00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:05,498
Synced by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,500
Corrected by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
47
00:02:10,753 --> 00:02:12,720
Leave it!
48
00:02:12,755 --> 00:02:14,589
I wasn't doing anything.
49
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:18,693
(Sobs) I'm okay.
50
00:02:18,727 --> 00:02:20,728
What's wrong?
51
00:02:20,763 --> 00:02:24,565
Late last night, my parents
were abducted from their home.
52
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,467
- What?
- Really?
53
00:02:26,502 --> 00:02:28,770
- No, I'm acting! (Laughs)
- Oh!
54
00:02:28,804 --> 00:02:31,305
I signed up for classes with the Doofballz.
55
00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:32,707
It's the improv class.
56
00:02:32,741 --> 00:02:34,542
Since when do you want to be an actor?
57
00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,378
Hello! Since George Clooney
stopped me on the street
58
00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:39,580
and said I had something special.
59
00:02:39,615 --> 00:02:41,416
(Gasps) Seriously?
60
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,651
No, I'm acting again!
61
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,686
Oh my God, he's so good!
62
00:02:45,721 --> 00:02:46,788
It's so fun!
63
00:02:46,822 --> 00:02:48,523
It's like lying.
64
00:02:49,825 --> 00:02:52,627
Look busy, people.
Steph is always punctual.
65
00:02:52,661 --> 00:02:55,797
She's gonna be here in six, five, four...
66
00:02:55,831 --> 00:02:58,433
Sorry I'm early.
67
00:02:58,467 --> 00:03:00,635
Crap. Steph-ascope!
68
00:03:00,669 --> 00:03:02,503
Hollypop.
69
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,275
That was so nice.
70
00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:11,345
Uh, you remember Charlie,
71
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:13,314
from that one time in eight seasons
72
00:03:13,348 --> 00:03:15,483
that you visited me on
the set of "Mystery Girls"?
73
00:03:15,517 --> 00:03:16,717
Oh yes, that's right.
74
00:03:16,752 --> 00:03:19,587
The
Actress-Turned-Housewife-Turned-Detective.
75
00:03:19,621 --> 00:03:21,722
What's next, clown college? (Laughs)
76
00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:23,758
I'm kidding, of course.
77
00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:26,627
Clown college is actually
very difficult to get into.
78
00:03:27,763 --> 00:03:30,364
Such a pleasure to see
you again, Stephanie.
79
00:03:31,366 --> 00:03:33,134
Now that's acting.
80
00:03:33,168 --> 00:03:35,236
- Impressive.
- Mm-hmm.
81
00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:37,305
I'm Nick Diaz. Assistant
82
00:03:37,339 --> 00:03:40,908
and improvisation master. Oh,
guess what I'm doing right now?
83
00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:44,946
Uh, desperately trying to
win approval from a stranger?
84
00:03:46,048 --> 00:03:49,550
Oh... What do we have here?
85
00:03:49,585 --> 00:03:51,719
Aw, it's our first case.
86
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,422
See this pug? He didn't want to be found.
87
00:03:54,456 --> 00:03:55,756
But you know what? We found him.
88
00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:58,259
They called us heroes.
89
00:03:58,293 --> 00:04:02,096
Wow. What else are you working on?
90
00:04:03,098 --> 00:04:05,233
Uh, we have t-tons of cases.
91
00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:07,268
- Tons, whoo!
- Yeah.
92
00:04:07,302 --> 00:04:10,004
Just recently Holly busted a bling ring.
93
00:04:10,038 --> 00:04:12,907
- She speaks the truth.
- Recently I held a man's heart
94
00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:14,842
in my hand and massaged it back to life.
95
00:04:14,877 --> 00:04:16,811
- (Phone ringing)
- So hats off to us both.
96
00:04:16,845 --> 00:04:18,813
Oh, excuse me. It's the hospital.
97
00:04:18,847 --> 00:04:20,548
I'm waiting on some lab results.
98
00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:23,317
She probably tested positive for bitch.
99
00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:25,686
Yikes! You didn't tell me
100
00:04:25,721 --> 00:04:28,256
- your sister was meaner than Charlie.
- I know, right?
101
00:04:28,290 --> 00:04:29,082
Aha.
102
00:04:29,108 --> 00:04:31,459
I really thought being a
detective would impress her.
103
00:04:31,493 --> 00:04:33,494
- Who cares what she thinks?
- I do.
104
00:04:33,529 --> 00:04:35,296
I wish I didn't, but I do.
105
00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:37,165
- Holly!
- Sorry!
106
00:04:37,199 --> 00:04:38,900
But she thinks I'm a joke.
107
00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:41,135
And not all the missing
pugs or wieners in L.A.
108
00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:42,737
is going to change that.
109
00:04:43,739 --> 00:04:44,872
(Laughs)
110
00:04:44,907 --> 00:04:46,941
"Wieners." Okay, it's kinda funny, yeah.
111
00:04:46,975 --> 00:04:48,976
- (Chuckles)
- See, there's the spirit.
112
00:04:49,011 --> 00:04:51,546
Now what do you say we go
lock your sister on the balcony
113
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,514
and go for Sushi?
114
00:04:53,549 --> 00:04:56,350
I'm not even in the mood for Sushi.
115
00:04:56,385 --> 00:04:58,419
Oh my God, we've hit rock bottom.
116
00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:01,122
I'm going to go get the massage table.
117
00:05:03,158 --> 00:05:04,959
Saved another life.
118
00:05:04,993 --> 00:05:07,895
Is that impressive? I
don't even know. (Laughs)
119
00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:10,131
Oh well, I should go.
120
00:05:10,165 --> 00:05:13,100
I can see you're busy with nap time.
121
00:05:13,135 --> 00:05:15,970
Oh, she wasn't napping.
She was solving a case.
122
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:19,507
- Like "The Mentalist."
- (Phone ringing)
123
00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:20,841
I got it.
124
00:05:22,477 --> 00:05:24,645
Mystery Girls. What?!
125
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,714
- What?
- An heiress is missing.
126
00:05:26,748 --> 00:05:29,483
- An heiress has gone missing.
- Oh yes.
127
00:05:29,518 --> 00:05:31,385
Oh yes, that's definitely
something we can handle.
128
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:34,088
What, is that impressive? (Chuckles)
129
00:05:34,122 --> 00:05:35,323
I don't even know.
130
00:05:38,427 --> 00:05:40,928
Thank you for meeting on such short notice.
131
00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:42,863
The family would like to keep
this matter out of the press,
132
00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:44,065
which is why we've come
to you and not the police.
133
00:05:44,099 --> 00:05:46,867
I wish Stephanie was here at this meeting.
134
00:05:46,902 --> 00:05:48,803
She'd be blown away.
135
00:05:48,837 --> 00:05:52,275
You realize we're still in the meeting?
136
00:05:52,305 --> 00:05:54,305
Focus.
137
00:05:56,347 --> 00:05:58,047
Tell us about the heiress.
138
00:05:58,082 --> 00:06:01,150
Elizabeth Aldicott, goes by Lizzy.
139
00:06:01,185 --> 00:06:03,886
That's the last photo she posted to
Instagram before she went missing.
140
00:06:03,921 --> 00:06:05,989
This girl needs a lesson in selfies.
141
00:06:06,023 --> 00:06:08,758
Right? She's all chin and nostrils.
142
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,861
Lizzy moved to Los Angeles four months ago,
143
00:06:11,895 --> 00:06:13,696
but her parents haven't
heard from her in weeks.
144
00:06:13,731 --> 00:06:15,665
They're concerned that
she's become mixed up
145
00:06:15,699 --> 00:06:18,434
- in a tough crowd.
- (Quacking)
146
00:06:18,469 --> 00:06:21,471
- Sorry.
- Don't worry. We will find your heiress.
147
00:06:21,505 --> 00:06:24,307
I'm practically an heiress myself.
148
00:06:24,341 --> 00:06:26,476
I played Paris Hilton in a TV movie.
149
00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:28,278
I gave great crotch.
150
00:06:34,147 --> 00:06:36,215
Who's up for a little Afternoon Delight?
151
00:06:36,249 --> 00:06:37,183
Nick!
152
00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:39,985
No, it's the name of the new
Thai place down the street.
153
00:06:40,019 --> 00:06:42,287
Okay, catch me up on the case.
154
00:06:42,322 --> 00:06:45,791
Give me every sordid detail,
assuming, hopefully, there are some.
155
00:06:45,825 --> 00:06:48,727
Well, once we inspected the photo further,
156
00:06:48,761 --> 00:06:51,730
we noticed a shaft of light
coming from the skylight.
157
00:06:51,764 --> 00:06:53,732
(Taps)
158
00:06:53,766 --> 00:06:56,535
That, along with the Kaskell's beer tap...
159
00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:59,371
a rare microbrew... in
the lower left-hand corner
160
00:06:59,405 --> 00:07:02,407
allowed us to narrow down which
bar the photo was taken in.
161
00:07:02,442 --> 00:07:04,176
- (Taps)
- Oooh!
162
00:07:05,411 --> 00:07:08,080
Which is why we believe this biker bar,
163
00:07:08,114 --> 00:07:11,984
the Filthy Bird, will lead us
directly to Elizabeth Aldicott.
164
00:07:13,086 --> 00:07:14,119
I have goosebumps.
165
00:07:14,153 --> 00:07:15,921
And, like, real ones, not fake ones
166
00:07:15,955 --> 00:07:17,990
I've conjured up with my acting skills.
167
00:07:18,992 --> 00:07:21,860
Take that, Stephanie. Bam!
168
00:07:21,895 --> 00:07:23,595
You're yelling at a chair.
169
00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:24,863
- Oh, right.
- Mm-hmm.
170
00:07:24,898 --> 00:07:26,732
I know. Invite her to the bar
171
00:07:26,766 --> 00:07:29,434
and she can see us in action. Double bam!
172
00:07:30,703 --> 00:07:33,438
- Question.
- Slight fellow in the blue chair.
173
00:07:35,575 --> 00:07:37,276
Bikers aren't a trusting people.
174
00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:39,311
- How are you going to get them to talk?
- Hmm.
175
00:07:39,345 --> 00:07:41,113
- This is true.
- Mm-hmm.
176
00:07:41,147 --> 00:07:43,081
Peter Pan has a follow-up.
177
00:07:44,317 --> 00:07:45,951
What about disguises?
178
00:07:45,985 --> 00:07:48,954
Remember "Mystery Girls"
episode 111, "Leather and Lies"?
179
00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:52,591
- We did look hot in that episode.
- Mm-hmm.
180
00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:55,594
Speaking of hot, why is
Bradley Cooper on the board?
181
00:07:55,628 --> 00:07:57,796
Oh, that section... it's my vision board.
182
00:07:57,830 --> 00:07:59,531
He's gonna be my baby daddy.
183
00:08:12,478 --> 00:08:15,113
(Hawks, spits)
184
00:08:15,148 --> 00:08:16,982
What are you doing? We're not in a Western.
185
00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:20,152
Oh no, I just spit on my boot.
186
00:08:20,186 --> 00:08:22,120
Somebody here has to know something.
187
00:08:24,057 --> 00:08:25,791
(Deep voice) How you doin'?
188
00:08:25,825 --> 00:08:28,660
Now you're Joey from "Friends"?
189
00:08:28,695 --> 00:08:30,662
No, I'm doing "Tough Biker Chick."
190
00:08:30,697 --> 00:08:34,433
Lose the voice, okay? Just
let the leather do the work.
191
00:08:34,467 --> 00:08:35,801
All right, let's divide and conquer.
192
00:08:35,835 --> 00:08:37,569
I'll take the skinny guy by the bar.
193
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:41,239
And you take the beer belly
over there at the pool table.
194
00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:42,608
Hey... no more spitting.
195
00:08:45,545 --> 00:08:49,014
Hey, tough guy, you seen this girl around?
196
00:08:49,048 --> 00:08:51,216
Right now all I see is boobs.
197
00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:53,285
How 'bout now?
198
00:08:55,121 --> 00:08:56,955
Yeah, I've seen her. What do you care?
199
00:08:56,990 --> 00:08:58,924
You guys lovers?
200
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:00,859
No.
201
00:09:00,893 --> 00:09:02,761
I like guys with sloppy guts
202
00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:04,896
who know their way around a pool table.
203
00:09:04,931 --> 00:09:07,499
- All right, well, I'll tell you what.
- Mm-hmm.
204
00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:09,668
You put that Seven in the corner pocket,
205
00:09:09,702 --> 00:09:12,471
- I'll tell you what you want to know.
- Deal.
206
00:09:20,346 --> 00:09:22,080
How's it hangin'?
207
00:09:23,216 --> 00:09:24,950
(Phone ringing)
208
00:09:27,186 --> 00:09:28,954
Hello?
209
00:09:28,988 --> 00:09:30,022
Uh, yea... Uh, yeah.
210
00:09:30,056 --> 00:09:32,658
I put the lasagna in the fridge.
211
00:09:33,726 --> 00:09:35,594
I told you. Yes, I did.
212
00:09:35,628 --> 00:09:37,663
Yes, I did.
213
00:09:37,697 --> 00:09:39,765
Yes, I did!
214
00:09:39,799 --> 00:09:41,667
Okay. Uh...
215
00:09:41,701 --> 00:09:44,670
Don't call me again or
I'll murder your mother.
216
00:09:46,472 --> 00:09:48,540
Uh... (Whispers) I'm
just kidding. I love you.
217
00:09:53,112 --> 00:09:55,047
Hey, can I get a beer?
218
00:09:55,081 --> 00:09:56,014
A light one?
219
00:09:57,884 --> 00:09:59,818
Don't want to tip over my hog.
220
00:10:01,087 --> 00:10:02,754
Thanks.
221
00:10:02,789 --> 00:10:04,122
You ever seen this girl?
222
00:10:04,157 --> 00:10:07,592
I see lots of girls. You're a girl.
223
00:10:07,627 --> 00:10:10,562
I see you. See what I mean?
224
00:10:11,597 --> 00:10:13,432
(Quacks)
225
00:10:13,466 --> 00:10:14,566
(Mutters)
226
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,501
Wait, what was that? What was that sound?
227
00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:17,636
I-I... I didn't hear nothing.
228
00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:19,538
- You didn't hear that sound?
- Nope.
229
00:10:21,441 --> 00:10:24,109
- You're Mr. Strand!
- Mr. who?
230
00:10:24,143 --> 00:10:26,244
I'm-I'm... I'm a biker
who loves the open road
231
00:10:26,279 --> 00:10:28,146
and nudie bars and...
232
00:10:29,348 --> 00:10:31,149
Okay, please don't tell Nick.
233
00:10:31,184 --> 00:10:33,185
I told him I don't have the
range to play two characters,
234
00:10:33,219 --> 00:10:35,821
but he was all like, "You
gotta expand your craft!"
235
00:10:36,923 --> 00:10:38,757
What does Nick have to do with this?
236
00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:40,959
I'm in his improv troupe, the Doofballz.
237
00:10:40,993 --> 00:10:42,527
He set this whole thing up.
238
00:10:44,497 --> 00:10:46,698
Oh, I am calling him right now.
239
00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:50,469
(Phone ringing)
240
00:10:56,175 --> 00:10:58,176
- Nick.
- Name's Cobra,
241
00:10:58,211 --> 00:11:00,912
but you can call me whatever
you want, pretty lady.
242
00:11:02,081 --> 00:11:04,816
Ow! That's attached. That's attached.
243
00:11:04,851 --> 00:11:06,985
What the hell is going on here?
244
00:11:07,019 --> 00:11:10,689
Okay okay. There is no Elizabeth
Aldicott. I made it all up.
245
00:11:10,723 --> 00:11:12,758
The photo is of my friend
Kayla. But I only did it
246
00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:15,494
because Holly was feeling
so down about her sister.
247
00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:16,895
Okay, so, uh,
248
00:11:16,929 --> 00:11:19,798
am I to believe that all of these
"Bikers" are in your improv troupe?
249
00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:23,419
Yup. See that guy
Holly's playing pool with?
250
00:11:23,435 --> 00:11:24,119
Mm-hmm.
251
00:11:24,145 --> 00:11:26,295
His name is Gerald and
he owns a candle shop.
252
00:11:26,372 --> 00:11:27,539
Really?
253
00:11:27,573 --> 00:11:30,308
Look, any minute now
Stephanie's stopping by,
254
00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:33,178
just in time to see you rough
up a huge guy with tattoos.
255
00:11:33,212 --> 00:11:35,080
He'll come clean, tell
you where the heiress is.
256
00:11:35,114 --> 00:11:37,249
You two will high five and
it'll be mystery solved!
257
00:11:37,283 --> 00:11:40,051
Why don't you work this hard at work?
258
00:11:40,086 --> 00:11:42,020
Lemme think about that while I go pee.
259
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,592
Did you get any info from
the biker with the cute butt?
260
00:11:47,627 --> 00:11:49,728
I hate to break this to you,
261
00:11:49,762 --> 00:11:52,397
but that butt belongs to Nick.
262
00:11:52,431 --> 00:11:53,598
- Our Nick?
- Mm-hmm.
263
00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:56,468
He set all of this up. All of these bikers
264
00:11:56,502 --> 00:11:59,471
are his improv buddies.
265
00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:01,106
- There's no heiress?!
- No.
266
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:02,507
Stephanie's on her way.
267
00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:05,143
I'm gonna look like an idiot when
she finds out this is all fake.
268
00:12:05,178 --> 00:12:07,245
Well, not if we keep playing Nick's game.
269
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,215
Just keep going. Pretend like
we're on "Mystery Girls," okay?
270
00:12:10,249 --> 00:12:12,851
- Okay.
- Could this neighborhood be worse?
271
00:12:12,885 --> 00:12:15,821
I just saw a dog pull
a knife on another dog.
272
00:12:15,855 --> 00:12:17,022
Yeah, well, it's worth it.
273
00:12:17,056 --> 00:12:19,791
We are this close to
finding the missing heiress.
274
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:23,595
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, why don't you go sit
back and watch your big sis at work.
275
00:12:23,629 --> 00:12:25,430
Just keep it down, blondie.
276
00:12:26,599 --> 00:12:27,666
Ah, right on cue.
277
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,668
Okay, this is another
one of Nick's friends.
278
00:12:29,702 --> 00:12:32,204
- We just have to mess him up, okay?
- Oh, okay.
279
00:12:32,238 --> 00:12:34,139
Hey... hey!
280
00:12:34,173 --> 00:12:36,274
Where do you think you're going, dirtbag?
281
00:12:38,077 --> 00:12:40,011
- What did you call me?
- Hey!
282
00:12:40,046 --> 00:12:42,848
- Where is Elizabeth Aldicott?
- Who?
283
00:12:42,882 --> 00:12:44,983
Don't play dumb just 'cause you look dumb.
284
00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:49,554
- You know you took her.
- Time to start talkin'.
285
00:12:49,589 --> 00:12:50,989
Yeah, or else we're gonna get rough!
286
00:12:52,925 --> 00:12:54,793
- Ow!
- Oh, oh my God.
287
00:12:54,827 --> 00:12:57,462
- What the hell?
- That's how we roll.
288
00:12:58,698 --> 00:13:00,432
Way to commit to the fall.
289
00:13:00,466 --> 00:13:02,467
I'm gonna tell Nick you
did a real good job, okay?
290
00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:05,437
- Who the hell is Nick?
- I'm Nick.
291
00:13:05,471 --> 00:13:08,306
- Who are you?
- He's one of your Doofballz.
292
00:13:08,341 --> 00:13:11,910
I've never seen this guy before in my life.
293
00:13:11,944 --> 00:13:13,078
(Unison) Uh-oh.
294
00:13:15,915 --> 00:13:17,949
- (Roars)
- (Screams)
295
00:13:17,984 --> 00:13:20,118
- Bye.
- (Grunts)
296
00:13:20,152 --> 00:13:23,755
You're not going anywhere.
297
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,041
Okay, I am very sorry about that
298
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,611
whole pushing-you-
on-the-floor thing.
299
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,546
Is there anything we can
do to make it up to you?
300
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:35,814
Maybe some Fro-yo?
301
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,682
I got a better idea.
302
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,584
I have to do a deal and I need back-up,
303
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,587
- so you're it.
- What happened to your normal back-up?
304
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,523
They got killed during last week's deal.
305
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:48,193
Um, when you say "Deal,"
do you mean drug deal?
306
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,803
And when you say
"Killed," do you mean dead?
307
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,528
Bingo.
308
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,898
- And when you say bingo...
- Shut up!
309
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:55,066
Here's the thing, we're anti-drugs.
310
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,135
We did a public service
announcement in the '90s.
311
00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,071
Yeah, Daryl Hannah was dressed
as a giant marijuana cigarette
312
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,907
and we pushed her off the roof.
313
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:04,943
In hindsight, it really doesn't make
any sense. But it doesn't matter.
314
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,645
I don't give a crap
315
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,680
how you feel about drugs. Time to go.
316
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:11,249
I'm sorry, I'm terrified.
317
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,584
Would it be okay if I sat this one out?
318
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:15,587
Excuse me. (Clears throat)
319
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,455
- What? (Mutters) No!
- (Holly yelps)
320
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,291
Whoa!
321
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,428
You feel like seeing this
one again, you'll follow me.
322
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,363
Wait, you can't take Nick,
323
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,233
- he's the only one that gets my lattes right!
- Help!
324
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,834
Help!
325
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,103
(Groans) Fine!
326
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:37,676
(Shrieks)
327
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,845
The plan is to meet the
guys down by the river.
328
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,481
Nothing good ever
happens down by the river.
329
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:44,016
No.
330
00:14:44,042 --> 00:14:45,517
You know, none of this would have happened
331
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,352
if you had just taken me seriously.
332
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,421
Well, you put our lives in
jeopardy. That's pretty serious.
333
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,323
- Job well done.
- Okay, guys!
334
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,425
- Can you stop bickering, please?
- I am not bickering.
335
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,994
- She's bickering.
- It takes two people to bicker.
336
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,262
You don't even know what bicker means.
337
00:14:57,296 --> 00:15:00,165
I can't take it anymore. Okay,
Nick, switch spots with me.
338
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:01,108
I don't want to.
339
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,835
I didn't ask if you wanted
to, Rico Suave, move!
340
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,771
- Move your butt.
- I need the window seat. I get carsick.
341
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,807
- Okay, fine. Here, move.
- You do know it's illegal
342
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:13,378
- to drive without seat belts.
- I don't think he cares about what's legal.
343
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:16,414
- Oh, now I'm getting carsick.
- No, you're not, you drama queen!
344
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,350
You just used to do the
same thing when we were kids.
345
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,585
"I'm carsick, Daddy. Buy me a nose job."
346
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,455
Then he threw in boobs, so
I guess he loved me more.
347
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:27,158
You know, I don't get
along with my sister either.
348
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,127
She thinks I'm a failure.
349
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,062
- Why, because you're a criminal?
- No!
350
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,031
Because I'm not a better criminal.
351
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,767
She's the head of our gang and she
keeps threatening to kick me out.
352
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:37,736
Oh, that must put a lot of pressure on you.
353
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,904
Well, my court-appointed therapist says
354
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,707
she's just projecting her own
insecurities, but it still hurts.
355
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:46,478
Well, I'm no expert, but you seem
like a pretty great criminal to me.
356
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:50,315
Oh yeah. I'd give this
kidnapping five stars on Yelp.
357
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,417
Thanks!
358
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,552
- That means a lot.
- Well, great.
359
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,088
Now that we're all friends,
any chance you'd let us go?
360
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,490
Hell no!
361
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,392
Haven't you been listening?
362
00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:03,061
I'm trying to do better at my job.
363
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:05,864
This is my job!
364
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,933
You seem a little tense. Have you ever
considered getting a cardiac evaluation.
365
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,736
(Unison) We get it! You're a doctor!
366
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,508
Now they should be here
any time with the money.
367
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,810
Nobody better try nothin'
368
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:21,713
or J.Crew's gonna end up in the river.
369
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,549
I'm pretty sure she's wearing Ralph Lauren,
370
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,618
but we can agree to disagree.
371
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,553
You. Blondie.
372
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:29,521
- Me?
- Me?
373
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:30,488
- You?
- Her?
374
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,190
- You?
- What?
375
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:34,259
- Which blondie?
- The talky one with the mean sister.
376
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,294
Hey!
377
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,029
Grab my duffle bag out of the trunk.
378
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:40,165
- Pretty sure I didn't hear please.
- You'd better...
379
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,933
Going.
380
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,071
Wow, you've got a lot
of junk in your trunk.
381
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,873
- (Laughs)
- Aw, Nick got it.
382
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,775
Thanks, Nick.
383
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,412
I can't believe these jerks are late.
384
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,647
Yeah, what kind of world do we live in
385
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,282
when you can't trust a drug dealer?
386
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:00,352
I got your bag of drugs here.
387
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,187
Crap. I ain't got no bars.
388
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,521
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
389
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,523
Yeah. That I'm going to
kill you if he doesn't?
390
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,193
No, fool.
391
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,061
From our episode, remember?
392
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,296
"Dial 'M' for Kidnap"?
393
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:17,001
It is really a beautiful night out here.
394
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,204
- Yes, the air is so clean.
- Mm-hmm.
395
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:23,808
Yeah, maybe I should send
Demi to summer camp out here.
396
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,810
You are brilliant. You
must follow up on that.
397
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,613
(Groans) I have got to
get off my sister's plan.
398
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,815
- Now!
- (Yelps)
399
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,485
- What the...? Hey hey, ow!
- Shh!
400
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,587
- Wow.
- Okay okay.
401
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,422
(Unison) Mystery solved!
402
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,491
That was just like our P.S.A.:
403
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,459
"Don't go tripping on drugs."
404
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,395
Yeah. And your sister is right.
405
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:45,330
- You're a crappy criminal.
- Oh.
406
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,432
I'm sorry I got you into this whole thing.
407
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:51,069
I'm sorry I didn't
believe in you. I do now.
408
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:54,072
And I'm sorry for making up
that whole missing heiress thing.
409
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,940
Wait, what?
410
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,175
Uh, come on! Here, you got it?
411
00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:58,209
- Let's get going.
- Yeah.
412
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,847
Oh, what are we gonna do about that guy?
413
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,816
Uh, we'll strap him to
the hood like a deer.
414
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,084
- Oh!
- No no no no!
415
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,919
- I got his feet.
- That's embarrassing!
416
00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:10,221
- Come on!
- Pull!
417
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:19,225
Here you go.
418
00:18:19,259 --> 00:18:21,394
- Did your sister make it home okay?
- Yep.
419
00:18:21,428 --> 00:18:23,529
We stopped by the Filthy
Bird to buy a t-shirt.
420
00:18:23,564 --> 00:18:25,365
She wanted a souvenir of her kidnapping.
421
00:18:25,399 --> 00:18:29,168
(Snickers) It only took
a near-death experience
422
00:18:29,203 --> 00:18:30,403
to bring you two closer.
423
00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:35,441
- (Door opens)
- (Groans) I've been hit!
424
00:18:35,476 --> 00:18:38,378
- (Gasps)
- By what? A missile?
425
00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:41,147
By a real housewife!
426
00:18:41,181 --> 00:18:43,316
Lisa Vanderpump ran me over on the corner
427
00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:44,450
of Wilshire and Camden. (Gasps)
428
00:18:44,485 --> 00:18:47,120
Oh my God?! Are you okay?
429
00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:49,022
Do I look okay?
430
00:18:49,056 --> 00:18:51,024
Come on, you're not falling for this.
431
00:18:51,058 --> 00:18:53,292
- He's acting!
- (Moans) God!
432
00:18:53,327 --> 00:18:55,261
(Sobs)
433
00:18:55,295 --> 00:18:58,231
That is the most ridiculous
fake moan I have ever heard.
434
00:18:58,265 --> 00:19:00,299
- (Scoffs)
- Holly: No, it's not.
435
00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:02,435
And I know a fake moan when I hear one.
436
00:19:02,469 --> 00:19:04,337
I do them all the time.
437
00:19:04,371 --> 00:19:06,372
I think I may have torn a knee ligament.
438
00:19:06,407 --> 00:19:09,008
- What's that main one called?
- The A.C.L.?
439
00:19:09,043 --> 00:19:11,277
- The N.F.L.?
- No, it's called...
440
00:19:11,311 --> 00:19:13,112
Uh, wait, it's called...
441
00:19:14,148 --> 00:19:15,348
- acting!
- (Squeals)
442
00:19:15,382 --> 00:19:18,051
- Bravo!
- You're getting it.
443
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:22,651
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