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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,294 --> 00:00:07,495 Goodbye, Brangelina's vacation. 2 00:00:08,464 --> 00:00:10,565 Hello, "Modern Bio Physics." 3 00:00:11,567 --> 00:00:13,234 What are you doing? I wanted to see 4 00:00:13,269 --> 00:00:14,535 if Brad went shirtless while parasailing! 5 00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:16,504 I'm trying to class this joint up. 6 00:00:18,274 --> 00:00:19,207 Hey, guys. 7 00:00:20,442 --> 00:00:22,176 Check me out. What do you think 8 00:00:22,211 --> 00:00:24,245 about this outfit for the employee theft case? 9 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,114 Somebody is stealing hot dogs. 10 00:00:26,148 --> 00:00:29,050 - Too many buns and not enough wieners. - (Squeaks) 11 00:00:29,084 --> 00:00:31,753 Story of my life. 12 00:00:32,955 --> 00:00:35,723 I just said buns and wieners in the same sentence. 13 00:00:35,758 --> 00:00:38,459 - Nothing? - Charles, please. 14 00:00:38,494 --> 00:00:41,129 Let's try to be a little less insouciant in the office. 15 00:00:43,332 --> 00:00:46,067 Oh boy. You're picking your eyebrows, 16 00:00:46,101 --> 00:00:49,070 you're using big words, you didn't laugh when I said wieners. 17 00:00:49,104 --> 00:00:50,905 Your sister's coming to town, isn't she? 18 00:00:50,940 --> 00:00:53,007 (Groans) She called half an hour ago. 19 00:00:53,042 --> 00:00:54,842 She's stopping by. 20 00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:57,779 Ooh, two Hamiltons! Double the pleasure, double the fun. 21 00:00:57,813 --> 00:01:01,416 Don't get your hopes up. Holly's sister is nothing like her. 22 00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:02,617 Oh, it's true. 23 00:01:02,651 --> 00:01:04,552 She's a heart surgeon, a vegan, 24 00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,087 and her boobs are real. 25 00:01:07,356 --> 00:01:10,124 Listen to me, don't let her get to you this time. 26 00:01:10,159 --> 00:01:12,026 Okay? I will be right here by your side. 27 00:01:12,061 --> 00:01:13,928 I'll be fine. Really. 28 00:01:13,963 --> 00:01:15,830 You don't get along with your sister? 29 00:01:15,864 --> 00:01:17,732 No, we get along great! 30 00:01:17,766 --> 00:01:21,502 She just doesn't respect me, my life, or any of my choices. 31 00:01:21,537 --> 00:01:23,504 Yeah, last time she visited us on set, 32 00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:24,605 it took Holly three weeks 33 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,607 and two eyebrow pencils to get back on track. 34 00:01:28,444 --> 00:01:31,479 You know what? That was back when I was a silly actress. 35 00:01:31,513 --> 00:01:33,514 Now I am a detective 36 00:01:33,549 --> 00:01:35,483 with a serious job. 37 00:01:36,518 --> 00:01:38,686 And a big eye. Wow. 38 00:01:38,721 --> 00:01:40,688 Okay, well, go ahead and try on this wiener hat 39 00:01:40,723 --> 00:01:42,357 and see if it fits. 40 00:01:42,391 --> 00:01:45,393 Okay, this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. 41 00:01:45,427 --> 00:01:47,729 But maybe one selfie, I'm totally taking it off. 42 00:01:48,764 --> 00:01:50,531 (Clicks) 43 00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:53,568 (Theme music playing) 44 00:01:59,441 --> 00:02:00,575 (Squeals) 45 00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:05,498 Synced by YesCool www.addic7ed.com 46 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,500 Corrected by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 47 00:02:10,753 --> 00:02:12,720 Leave it! 48 00:02:12,755 --> 00:02:14,589 I wasn't doing anything. 49 00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:18,693 (Sobs) I'm okay. 50 00:02:18,727 --> 00:02:20,728 What's wrong? 51 00:02:20,763 --> 00:02:24,565 Late last night, my parents were abducted from their home. 52 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,467 - What? - Really? 53 00:02:26,502 --> 00:02:28,770 - No, I'm acting! (Laughs) - Oh! 54 00:02:28,804 --> 00:02:31,305 I signed up for classes with the Doofballz. 55 00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:32,707 It's the improv class. 56 00:02:32,741 --> 00:02:34,542 Since when do you want to be an actor? 57 00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,378 Hello! Since George Clooney stopped me on the street 58 00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:39,580 and said I had something special. 59 00:02:39,615 --> 00:02:41,416 (Gasps) Seriously? 60 00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,651 No, I'm acting again! 61 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,686 Oh my God, he's so good! 62 00:02:45,721 --> 00:02:46,788 It's so fun! 63 00:02:46,822 --> 00:02:48,523 It's like lying. 64 00:02:49,825 --> 00:02:52,627 Look busy, people. Steph is always punctual. 65 00:02:52,661 --> 00:02:55,797 She's gonna be here in six, five, four... 66 00:02:55,831 --> 00:02:58,433 Sorry I'm early. 67 00:02:58,467 --> 00:03:00,635 Crap. Steph-ascope! 68 00:03:00,669 --> 00:03:02,503 Hollypop. 69 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,275 That was so nice. 70 00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:11,345 Uh, you remember Charlie, 71 00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:13,314 from that one time in eight seasons 72 00:03:13,348 --> 00:03:15,483 that you visited me on the set of "Mystery Girls"? 73 00:03:15,517 --> 00:03:16,717 Oh yes, that's right. 74 00:03:16,752 --> 00:03:19,587 The Actress-Turned-Housewife-Turned-Detective. 75 00:03:19,621 --> 00:03:21,722 What's next, clown college? (Laughs) 76 00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:23,758 I'm kidding, of course. 77 00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:26,627 Clown college is actually very difficult to get into. 78 00:03:27,763 --> 00:03:30,364 Such a pleasure to see you again, Stephanie. 79 00:03:31,366 --> 00:03:33,134 Now that's acting. 80 00:03:33,168 --> 00:03:35,236 - Impressive. - Mm-hmm. 81 00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:37,305 I'm Nick Diaz. Assistant 82 00:03:37,339 --> 00:03:40,908 and improvisation master. Oh, guess what I'm doing right now? 83 00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:44,946 Uh, desperately trying to win approval from a stranger? 84 00:03:46,048 --> 00:03:49,550 Oh... What do we have here? 85 00:03:49,585 --> 00:03:51,719 Aw, it's our first case. 86 00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,422 See this pug? He didn't want to be found. 87 00:03:54,456 --> 00:03:55,756 But you know what? We found him. 88 00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:58,259 They called us heroes. 89 00:03:58,293 --> 00:04:02,096 Wow. What else are you working on? 90 00:04:03,098 --> 00:04:05,233 Uh, we have t-tons of cases. 91 00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:07,268 - Tons, whoo! - Yeah. 92 00:04:07,302 --> 00:04:10,004 Just recently Holly busted a bling ring. 93 00:04:10,038 --> 00:04:12,907 - She speaks the truth. - Recently I held a man's heart 94 00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:14,842 in my hand and massaged it back to life. 95 00:04:14,877 --> 00:04:16,811 - (Phone ringing) - So hats off to us both. 96 00:04:16,845 --> 00:04:18,813 Oh, excuse me. It's the hospital. 97 00:04:18,847 --> 00:04:20,548 I'm waiting on some lab results. 98 00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:23,317 She probably tested positive for bitch. 99 00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:25,686 Yikes! You didn't tell me 100 00:04:25,721 --> 00:04:28,256 - your sister was meaner than Charlie. - I know, right? 101 00:04:28,290 --> 00:04:29,082 Aha. 102 00:04:29,108 --> 00:04:31,459 I really thought being a detective would impress her. 103 00:04:31,493 --> 00:04:33,494 - Who cares what she thinks? - I do. 104 00:04:33,529 --> 00:04:35,296 I wish I didn't, but I do. 105 00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:37,165 - Holly! - Sorry! 106 00:04:37,199 --> 00:04:38,900 But she thinks I'm a joke. 107 00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:41,135 And not all the missing pugs or wieners in L.A. 108 00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:42,737 is going to change that. 109 00:04:43,739 --> 00:04:44,872 (Laughs) 110 00:04:44,907 --> 00:04:46,941 "Wieners." Okay, it's kinda funny, yeah. 111 00:04:46,975 --> 00:04:48,976 - (Chuckles) - See, there's the spirit. 112 00:04:49,011 --> 00:04:51,546 Now what do you say we go lock your sister on the balcony 113 00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,514 and go for Sushi? 114 00:04:53,549 --> 00:04:56,350 I'm not even in the mood for Sushi. 115 00:04:56,385 --> 00:04:58,419 Oh my God, we've hit rock bottom. 116 00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:01,122 I'm going to go get the massage table. 117 00:05:03,158 --> 00:05:04,959 Saved another life. 118 00:05:04,993 --> 00:05:07,895 Is that impressive? I don't even know. (Laughs) 119 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:10,131 Oh well, I should go. 120 00:05:10,165 --> 00:05:13,100 I can see you're busy with nap time. 121 00:05:13,135 --> 00:05:15,970 Oh, she wasn't napping. She was solving a case. 122 00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:19,507 - Like "The Mentalist." - (Phone ringing) 123 00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:20,841 I got it. 124 00:05:22,477 --> 00:05:24,645 Mystery Girls. What?! 125 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,714 - What? - An heiress is missing. 126 00:05:26,748 --> 00:05:29,483 - An heiress has gone missing. - Oh yes. 127 00:05:29,518 --> 00:05:31,385 Oh yes, that's definitely something we can handle. 128 00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:34,088 What, is that impressive? (Chuckles) 129 00:05:34,122 --> 00:05:35,323 I don't even know. 130 00:05:38,427 --> 00:05:40,928 Thank you for meeting on such short notice. 131 00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:42,863 The family would like to keep this matter out of the press, 132 00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:44,065 which is why we've come to you and not the police. 133 00:05:44,099 --> 00:05:46,867 I wish Stephanie was here at this meeting. 134 00:05:46,902 --> 00:05:48,803 She'd be blown away. 135 00:05:48,837 --> 00:05:52,275 You realize we're still in the meeting? 136 00:05:52,305 --> 00:05:54,305 Focus. 137 00:05:56,347 --> 00:05:58,047 Tell us about the heiress. 138 00:05:58,082 --> 00:06:01,150 Elizabeth Aldicott, goes by Lizzy. 139 00:06:01,185 --> 00:06:03,886 That's the last photo she posted to Instagram before she went missing. 140 00:06:03,921 --> 00:06:05,989 This girl needs a lesson in selfies. 141 00:06:06,023 --> 00:06:08,758 Right? She's all chin and nostrils. 142 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,861 Lizzy moved to Los Angeles four months ago, 143 00:06:11,895 --> 00:06:13,696 but her parents haven't heard from her in weeks. 144 00:06:13,731 --> 00:06:15,665 They're concerned that she's become mixed up 145 00:06:15,699 --> 00:06:18,434 - in a tough crowd. - (Quacking) 146 00:06:18,469 --> 00:06:21,471 - Sorry. - Don't worry. We will find your heiress. 147 00:06:21,505 --> 00:06:24,307 I'm practically an heiress myself. 148 00:06:24,341 --> 00:06:26,476 I played Paris Hilton in a TV movie. 149 00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:28,278 I gave great crotch. 150 00:06:34,147 --> 00:06:36,215 Who's up for a little Afternoon Delight? 151 00:06:36,249 --> 00:06:37,183 Nick! 152 00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:39,985 No, it's the name of the new Thai place down the street. 153 00:06:40,019 --> 00:06:42,287 Okay, catch me up on the case. 154 00:06:42,322 --> 00:06:45,791 Give me every sordid detail, assuming, hopefully, there are some. 155 00:06:45,825 --> 00:06:48,727 Well, once we inspected the photo further, 156 00:06:48,761 --> 00:06:51,730 we noticed a shaft of light coming from the skylight. 157 00:06:51,764 --> 00:06:53,732 (Taps) 158 00:06:53,766 --> 00:06:56,535 That, along with the Kaskell's beer tap... 159 00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:59,371 a rare microbrew... in the lower left-hand corner 160 00:06:59,405 --> 00:07:02,407 allowed us to narrow down which bar the photo was taken in. 161 00:07:02,442 --> 00:07:04,176 - (Taps) - Oooh! 162 00:07:05,411 --> 00:07:08,080 Which is why we believe this biker bar, 163 00:07:08,114 --> 00:07:11,984 the Filthy Bird, will lead us directly to Elizabeth Aldicott. 164 00:07:13,086 --> 00:07:14,119 I have goosebumps. 165 00:07:14,153 --> 00:07:15,921 And, like, real ones, not fake ones 166 00:07:15,955 --> 00:07:17,990 I've conjured up with my acting skills. 167 00:07:18,992 --> 00:07:21,860 Take that, Stephanie. Bam! 168 00:07:21,895 --> 00:07:23,595 You're yelling at a chair. 169 00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:24,863 - Oh, right. - Mm-hmm. 170 00:07:24,898 --> 00:07:26,732 I know. Invite her to the bar 171 00:07:26,766 --> 00:07:29,434 and she can see us in action. Double bam! 172 00:07:30,703 --> 00:07:33,438 - Question. - Slight fellow in the blue chair. 173 00:07:35,575 --> 00:07:37,276 Bikers aren't a trusting people. 174 00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:39,311 - How are you going to get them to talk? - Hmm. 175 00:07:39,345 --> 00:07:41,113 - This is true. - Mm-hmm. 176 00:07:41,147 --> 00:07:43,081 Peter Pan has a follow-up. 177 00:07:44,317 --> 00:07:45,951 What about disguises? 178 00:07:45,985 --> 00:07:48,954 Remember "Mystery Girls" episode 111, "Leather and Lies"? 179 00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:52,591 - We did look hot in that episode. - Mm-hmm. 180 00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:55,594 Speaking of hot, why is Bradley Cooper on the board? 181 00:07:55,628 --> 00:07:57,796 Oh, that section... it's my vision board. 182 00:07:57,830 --> 00:07:59,531 He's gonna be my baby daddy. 183 00:08:12,478 --> 00:08:15,113 (Hawks, spits) 184 00:08:15,148 --> 00:08:16,982 What are you doing? We're not in a Western. 185 00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:20,152 Oh no, I just spit on my boot. 186 00:08:20,186 --> 00:08:22,120 Somebody here has to know something. 187 00:08:24,057 --> 00:08:25,791 (Deep voice) How you doin'? 188 00:08:25,825 --> 00:08:28,660 Now you're Joey from "Friends"? 189 00:08:28,695 --> 00:08:30,662 No, I'm doing "Tough Biker Chick." 190 00:08:30,697 --> 00:08:34,433 Lose the voice, okay? Just let the leather do the work. 191 00:08:34,467 --> 00:08:35,801 All right, let's divide and conquer. 192 00:08:35,835 --> 00:08:37,569 I'll take the skinny guy by the bar. 193 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:41,239 And you take the beer belly over there at the pool table. 194 00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:42,608 Hey... no more spitting. 195 00:08:45,545 --> 00:08:49,014 Hey, tough guy, you seen this girl around? 196 00:08:49,048 --> 00:08:51,216 Right now all I see is boobs. 197 00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:53,285 How 'bout now? 198 00:08:55,121 --> 00:08:56,955 Yeah, I've seen her. What do you care? 199 00:08:56,990 --> 00:08:58,924 You guys lovers? 200 00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:00,859 No. 201 00:09:00,893 --> 00:09:02,761 I like guys with sloppy guts 202 00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:04,896 who know their way around a pool table. 203 00:09:04,931 --> 00:09:07,499 - All right, well, I'll tell you what. - Mm-hmm. 204 00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:09,668 You put that Seven in the corner pocket, 205 00:09:09,702 --> 00:09:12,471 - I'll tell you what you want to know. - Deal. 206 00:09:20,346 --> 00:09:22,080 How's it hangin'? 207 00:09:23,216 --> 00:09:24,950 (Phone ringing) 208 00:09:27,186 --> 00:09:28,954 Hello? 209 00:09:28,988 --> 00:09:30,022 Uh, yea... Uh, yeah. 210 00:09:30,056 --> 00:09:32,658 I put the lasagna in the fridge. 211 00:09:33,726 --> 00:09:35,594 I told you. Yes, I did. 212 00:09:35,628 --> 00:09:37,663 Yes, I did. 213 00:09:37,697 --> 00:09:39,765 Yes, I did! 214 00:09:39,799 --> 00:09:41,667 Okay. Uh... 215 00:09:41,701 --> 00:09:44,670 Don't call me again or I'll murder your mother. 216 00:09:46,472 --> 00:09:48,540 Uh... (Whispers) I'm just kidding. I love you. 217 00:09:53,112 --> 00:09:55,047 Hey, can I get a beer? 218 00:09:55,081 --> 00:09:56,014 A light one? 219 00:09:57,884 --> 00:09:59,818 Don't want to tip over my hog. 220 00:10:01,087 --> 00:10:02,754 Thanks. 221 00:10:02,789 --> 00:10:04,122 You ever seen this girl? 222 00:10:04,157 --> 00:10:07,592 I see lots of girls. You're a girl. 223 00:10:07,627 --> 00:10:10,562 I see you. See what I mean? 224 00:10:11,597 --> 00:10:13,432 (Quacks) 225 00:10:13,466 --> 00:10:14,566 (Mutters) 226 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,501 Wait, what was that? What was that sound? 227 00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:17,636 I-I... I didn't hear nothing. 228 00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:19,538 - You didn't hear that sound? - Nope. 229 00:10:21,441 --> 00:10:24,109 - You're Mr. Strand! - Mr. who? 230 00:10:24,143 --> 00:10:26,244 I'm-I'm... I'm a biker who loves the open road 231 00:10:26,279 --> 00:10:28,146 and nudie bars and... 232 00:10:29,348 --> 00:10:31,149 Okay, please don't tell Nick. 233 00:10:31,184 --> 00:10:33,185 I told him I don't have the range to play two characters, 234 00:10:33,219 --> 00:10:35,821 but he was all like, "You gotta expand your craft!" 235 00:10:36,923 --> 00:10:38,757 What does Nick have to do with this? 236 00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:40,959 I'm in his improv troupe, the Doofballz. 237 00:10:40,993 --> 00:10:42,527 He set this whole thing up. 238 00:10:44,497 --> 00:10:46,698 Oh, I am calling him right now. 239 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:50,469 (Phone ringing) 240 00:10:56,175 --> 00:10:58,176 - Nick. - Name's Cobra, 241 00:10:58,211 --> 00:11:00,912 but you can call me whatever you want, pretty lady. 242 00:11:02,081 --> 00:11:04,816 Ow! That's attached. That's attached. 243 00:11:04,851 --> 00:11:06,985 What the hell is going on here? 244 00:11:07,019 --> 00:11:10,689 Okay okay. There is no Elizabeth Aldicott. I made it all up. 245 00:11:10,723 --> 00:11:12,758 The photo is of my friend Kayla. But I only did it 246 00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:15,494 because Holly was feeling so down about her sister. 247 00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:16,895 Okay, so, uh, 248 00:11:16,929 --> 00:11:19,798 am I to believe that all of these "Bikers" are in your improv troupe? 249 00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:23,419 Yup. See that guy Holly's playing pool with? 250 00:11:23,435 --> 00:11:24,119 Mm-hmm. 251 00:11:24,145 --> 00:11:26,295 His name is Gerald and he owns a candle shop. 252 00:11:26,372 --> 00:11:27,539 Really? 253 00:11:27,573 --> 00:11:30,308 Look, any minute now Stephanie's stopping by, 254 00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:33,178 just in time to see you rough up a huge guy with tattoos. 255 00:11:33,212 --> 00:11:35,080 He'll come clean, tell you where the heiress is. 256 00:11:35,114 --> 00:11:37,249 You two will high five and it'll be mystery solved! 257 00:11:37,283 --> 00:11:40,051 Why don't you work this hard at work? 258 00:11:40,086 --> 00:11:42,020 Lemme think about that while I go pee. 259 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,592 Did you get any info from the biker with the cute butt? 260 00:11:47,627 --> 00:11:49,728 I hate to break this to you, 261 00:11:49,762 --> 00:11:52,397 but that butt belongs to Nick. 262 00:11:52,431 --> 00:11:53,598 - Our Nick? - Mm-hmm. 263 00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:56,468 He set all of this up. All of these bikers 264 00:11:56,502 --> 00:11:59,471 are his improv buddies. 265 00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:01,106 - There's no heiress?! - No. 266 00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:02,507 Stephanie's on her way. 267 00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:05,143 I'm gonna look like an idiot when she finds out this is all fake. 268 00:12:05,178 --> 00:12:07,245 Well, not if we keep playing Nick's game. 269 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,215 Just keep going. Pretend like we're on "Mystery Girls," okay? 270 00:12:10,249 --> 00:12:12,851 - Okay. - Could this neighborhood be worse? 271 00:12:12,885 --> 00:12:15,821 I just saw a dog pull a knife on another dog. 272 00:12:15,855 --> 00:12:17,022 Yeah, well, it's worth it. 273 00:12:17,056 --> 00:12:19,791 We are this close to finding the missing heiress. 274 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:23,595 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, why don't you go sit back and watch your big sis at work. 275 00:12:23,629 --> 00:12:25,430 Just keep it down, blondie. 276 00:12:26,599 --> 00:12:27,666 Ah, right on cue. 277 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,668 Okay, this is another one of Nick's friends. 278 00:12:29,702 --> 00:12:32,204 - We just have to mess him up, okay? - Oh, okay. 279 00:12:32,238 --> 00:12:34,139 Hey... hey! 280 00:12:34,173 --> 00:12:36,274 Where do you think you're going, dirtbag? 281 00:12:38,077 --> 00:12:40,011 - What did you call me? - Hey! 282 00:12:40,046 --> 00:12:42,848 - Where is Elizabeth Aldicott? - Who? 283 00:12:42,882 --> 00:12:44,983 Don't play dumb just 'cause you look dumb. 284 00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:49,554 - You know you took her. - Time to start talkin'. 285 00:12:49,589 --> 00:12:50,989 Yeah, or else we're gonna get rough! 286 00:12:52,925 --> 00:12:54,793 - Ow! - Oh, oh my God. 287 00:12:54,827 --> 00:12:57,462 - What the hell? - That's how we roll. 288 00:12:58,698 --> 00:13:00,432 Way to commit to the fall. 289 00:13:00,466 --> 00:13:02,467 I'm gonna tell Nick you did a real good job, okay? 290 00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:05,437 - Who the hell is Nick? - I'm Nick. 291 00:13:05,471 --> 00:13:08,306 - Who are you? - He's one of your Doofballz. 292 00:13:08,341 --> 00:13:11,910 I've never seen this guy before in my life. 293 00:13:11,944 --> 00:13:13,078 (Unison) Uh-oh. 294 00:13:15,915 --> 00:13:17,949 - (Roars) - (Screams) 295 00:13:17,984 --> 00:13:20,118 - Bye. - (Grunts) 296 00:13:20,152 --> 00:13:23,755 You're not going anywhere. 297 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,041 Okay, I am very sorry about that 298 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,611 whole pushing-you- on-the-floor thing. 299 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,546 Is there anything we can do to make it up to you? 300 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:35,814 Maybe some Fro-yo? 301 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,682 I got a better idea. 302 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,584 I have to do a deal and I need back-up, 303 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,587 - so you're it. - What happened to your normal back-up? 304 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,523 They got killed during last week's deal. 305 00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:48,193 Um, when you say "Deal," do you mean drug deal? 306 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,803 And when you say "Killed," do you mean dead? 307 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,528 Bingo. 308 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,898 - And when you say bingo... - Shut up! 309 00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:55,066 Here's the thing, we're anti-drugs. 310 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,135 We did a public service announcement in the '90s. 311 00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,071 Yeah, Daryl Hannah was dressed as a giant marijuana cigarette 312 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,907 and we pushed her off the roof. 313 00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:04,943 In hindsight, it really doesn't make any sense. But it doesn't matter. 314 00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,645 I don't give a crap 315 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,680 how you feel about drugs. Time to go. 316 00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:11,249 I'm sorry, I'm terrified. 317 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,584 Would it be okay if I sat this one out? 318 00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:15,587 Excuse me. (Clears throat) 319 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,455 - What? (Mutters) No! - (Holly yelps) 320 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,291 Whoa! 321 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,428 You feel like seeing this one again, you'll follow me. 322 00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,363 Wait, you can't take Nick, 323 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,233 - he's the only one that gets my lattes right! - Help! 324 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,834 Help! 325 00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,103 (Groans) Fine! 326 00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:37,676 (Shrieks) 327 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,845 The plan is to meet the guys down by the river. 328 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,481 Nothing good ever happens down by the river. 329 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:44,016 No. 330 00:14:44,042 --> 00:14:45,517 You know, none of this would have happened 331 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,352 if you had just taken me seriously. 332 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,421 Well, you put our lives in jeopardy. That's pretty serious. 333 00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,323 - Job well done. - Okay, guys! 334 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,425 - Can you stop bickering, please? - I am not bickering. 335 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,994 - She's bickering. - It takes two people to bicker. 336 00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,262 You don't even know what bicker means. 337 00:14:57,296 --> 00:15:00,165 I can't take it anymore. Okay, Nick, switch spots with me. 338 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:01,108 I don't want to. 339 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,835 I didn't ask if you wanted to, Rico Suave, move! 340 00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,771 - Move your butt. - I need the window seat. I get carsick. 341 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,807 - Okay, fine. Here, move. - You do know it's illegal 342 00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:13,378 - to drive without seat belts. - I don't think he cares about what's legal. 343 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:16,414 - Oh, now I'm getting carsick. - No, you're not, you drama queen! 344 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,350 You just used to do the same thing when we were kids. 345 00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,585 "I'm carsick, Daddy. Buy me a nose job." 346 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,455 Then he threw in boobs, so I guess he loved me more. 347 00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:27,158 You know, I don't get along with my sister either. 348 00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,127 She thinks I'm a failure. 349 00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,062 - Why, because you're a criminal? - No! 350 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,031 Because I'm not a better criminal. 351 00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,767 She's the head of our gang and she keeps threatening to kick me out. 352 00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:37,736 Oh, that must put a lot of pressure on you. 353 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,904 Well, my court-appointed therapist says 354 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,707 she's just projecting her own insecurities, but it still hurts. 355 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:46,478 Well, I'm no expert, but you seem like a pretty great criminal to me. 356 00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:50,315 Oh yeah. I'd give this kidnapping five stars on Yelp. 357 00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,417 Thanks! 358 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,552 - That means a lot. - Well, great. 359 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,088 Now that we're all friends, any chance you'd let us go? 360 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,490 Hell no! 361 00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,392 Haven't you been listening? 362 00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:03,061 I'm trying to do better at my job. 363 00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:05,864 This is my job! 364 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,933 You seem a little tense. Have you ever considered getting a cardiac evaluation. 365 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,736 (Unison) We get it! You're a doctor! 366 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,508 Now they should be here any time with the money. 367 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,810 Nobody better try nothin' 368 00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:21,713 or J.Crew's gonna end up in the river. 369 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,549 I'm pretty sure she's wearing Ralph Lauren, 370 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,618 but we can agree to disagree. 371 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,553 You. Blondie. 372 00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:29,521 - Me? - Me? 373 00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:30,488 - You? - Her? 374 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,190 - You? - What? 375 00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:34,259 - Which blondie? - The talky one with the mean sister. 376 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,294 Hey! 377 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,029 Grab my duffle bag out of the trunk. 378 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:40,165 - Pretty sure I didn't hear please. - You'd better... 379 00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,933 Going. 380 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,071 Wow, you've got a lot of junk in your trunk. 381 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,873 - (Laughs) - Aw, Nick got it. 382 00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,775 Thanks, Nick. 383 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,412 I can't believe these jerks are late. 384 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,647 Yeah, what kind of world do we live in 385 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,282 when you can't trust a drug dealer? 386 00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:00,352 I got your bag of drugs here. 387 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,187 Crap. I ain't got no bars. 388 00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,521 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 389 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,523 Yeah. That I'm going to kill you if he doesn't? 390 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,193 No, fool. 391 00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,061 From our episode, remember? 392 00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,296 "Dial 'M' for Kidnap"? 393 00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:17,001 It is really a beautiful night out here. 394 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,204 - Yes, the air is so clean. - Mm-hmm. 395 00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:23,808 Yeah, maybe I should send Demi to summer camp out here. 396 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,810 You are brilliant. You must follow up on that. 397 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,613 (Groans) I have got to get off my sister's plan. 398 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,815 - Now! - (Yelps) 399 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,485 - What the...? Hey hey, ow! - Shh! 400 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,587 - Wow. - Okay okay. 401 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,422 (Unison) Mystery solved! 402 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,491 That was just like our P.S.A.: 403 00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,459 "Don't go tripping on drugs." 404 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,395 Yeah. And your sister is right. 405 00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:45,330 - You're a crappy criminal. - Oh. 406 00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,432 I'm sorry I got you into this whole thing. 407 00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:51,069 I'm sorry I didn't believe in you. I do now. 408 00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:54,072 And I'm sorry for making up that whole missing heiress thing. 409 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,940 Wait, what? 410 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,175 Uh, come on! Here, you got it? 411 00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:58,209 - Let's get going. - Yeah. 412 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,847 Oh, what are we gonna do about that guy? 413 00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,816 Uh, we'll strap him to the hood like a deer. 414 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,084 - Oh! - No no no no! 415 00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,919 - I got his feet. - That's embarrassing! 416 00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:10,221 - Come on! - Pull! 417 00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:19,225 Here you go. 418 00:18:19,259 --> 00:18:21,394 - Did your sister make it home okay? - Yep. 419 00:18:21,428 --> 00:18:23,529 We stopped by the Filthy Bird to buy a t-shirt. 420 00:18:23,564 --> 00:18:25,365 She wanted a souvenir of her kidnapping. 421 00:18:25,399 --> 00:18:29,168 (Snickers) It only took a near-death experience 422 00:18:29,203 --> 00:18:30,403 to bring you two closer. 423 00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:35,441 - (Door opens) - (Groans) I've been hit! 424 00:18:35,476 --> 00:18:38,378 - (Gasps) - By what? A missile? 425 00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:41,147 By a real housewife! 426 00:18:41,181 --> 00:18:43,316 Lisa Vanderpump ran me over on the corner 427 00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:44,450 of Wilshire and Camden. (Gasps) 428 00:18:44,485 --> 00:18:47,120 Oh my God?! Are you okay? 429 00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:49,022 Do I look okay? 430 00:18:49,056 --> 00:18:51,024 Come on, you're not falling for this. 431 00:18:51,058 --> 00:18:53,292 - He's acting! - (Moans) God! 432 00:18:53,327 --> 00:18:55,261 (Sobs) 433 00:18:55,295 --> 00:18:58,231 That is the most ridiculous fake moan I have ever heard. 434 00:18:58,265 --> 00:19:00,299 - (Scoffs) - Holly: No, it's not. 435 00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:02,435 And I know a fake moan when I hear one. 436 00:19:02,469 --> 00:19:04,337 I do them all the time. 437 00:19:04,371 --> 00:19:06,372 I think I may have torn a knee ligament. 438 00:19:06,407 --> 00:19:09,008 - What's that main one called? - The A.C.L.? 439 00:19:09,043 --> 00:19:11,277 - The N.F.L.? - No, it's called... 440 00:19:11,311 --> 00:19:13,112 Uh, wait, it's called... 441 00:19:14,148 --> 00:19:15,348 - acting! - (Squeals) 442 00:19:15,382 --> 00:19:18,051 - Bravo! - You're getting it. 443 00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:22,651 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33084

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