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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:03,050
- God! It's meh!
- I could imagine it.
2
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,850
It wasn't that bad. --
You just opened it up.
3
00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:07,610
What! You had to lift that up
everytime you wanted to play a song(?)
4
00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:08,860
Yeah.
5
00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:11,690
- It's amazing to think
that was normal. - Yeah.
6
00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:15,450
Then you put your LP on, and if
you were anything like your dad,
7
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:18,610
you had to make sure there
wasn't any dust on his record,
8
00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:21,060
because it affected the stylus.
9
00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:24,370
You needed a degree just to put a song on!
10
00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:28,130
- How did they find the time to lift
the lid, do the dusting... - I know!
11
00:00:28,180 --> 00:00:31,120
Was it anything to do with all the paedos?
12
00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:33,170
What does that mean, love?
13
00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:35,930
It just occurred to me there might
be a link between how hard it was
14
00:00:35,980 --> 00:00:39,410
to put a song on in the '70s and
the fact everyone was a paedo.
15
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,650
I... I don't think there's a link.
16
00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:42,690
OK, then.
17
00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:46,290
Also, not everyone who was alive
in the '70s was a paedophile.
18
00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:47,810
We'll see.
19
00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:52,490
- Could I ask you another question about your
record player? - Shall we move on? - Yeah.
20
00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:54,770
We could take these to Australia, Kell.
21
00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:56,770
Oh!
22
00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:00,410
Amazing! God! I can't wait!
23
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,700
That's a great idea, yeah.
24
00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:06,730
- Was that convincing?
- Almost.
25
00:01:06,780 --> 00:01:10,170
Right, so your mum's going to
come and take that little fridge,
26
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:12,730
isn't she? Is she going
to want anything else?
27
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,650
Oh, I'm sure, yeah.
28
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:18,450
I mean, who wouldn't want
some of your clear-out?
29
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,850
Looks like you've got some
really great stuff here, Cathy.
30
00:01:23,220 --> 00:01:25,610
Well, people can just take
what they want, can't they,
31
00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,850
and then we'll chuck the
rest or take it to Scope.
32
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,130
I bet they'll be pleased.
33
00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:31,290
Yeah, with the money they've
raised from this lot,
34
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:33,690
they'll be able to give
loads of people loads more...
35
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:36,280
Scope, or whatever it is they do.
36
00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:39,850
I'm taking the mickey!
37
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,370
No...(!)
38
00:01:42,420 --> 00:01:45,090
- I'm taking the mickey out
of your clear-out! - No(!)
39
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,730
Yeah! I'm so sorry!
40
00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:48,330
But you seemed so serious.
41
00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:50,130
I know, it was all fake!
42
00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,210
- No!
- Yeah!
43
00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:53,210
Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so mean.
44
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,570
We have such a lot of fun, don't we?
45
00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,560
Yeah. It's orgasmic.
46
00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:00,370
Cathy!
47
00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:05,250
Mum.
48
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,100
Look what I found.
49
00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:09,810
Oh!
50
00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:11,060
Aww!
51
00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,650
Oh, wow!
52
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:16,250
Ahh...
53
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:19,600
Well, I really liked Teddy
Sheringham, didn't I?
54
00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:21,330
Did you think it was weird?
55
00:02:21,380 --> 00:02:22,920
Little bit.
56
00:02:23,420 --> 00:02:24,650
Mum!
57
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:27,330
No, what was really worrying
was that T-shirt you made.
58
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,290
- Oh...
- Oh, no!
59
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,490
What...
60
00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:31,940
this one?
61
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,290
- It's raining!
- Oh, shit.
62
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:38,250
Get the fridge!
63
00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:40,410
Cathy!
64
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,850
Kelly, calm down, love!
65
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,130
I got my ticket for the long way round
66
00:02:45,180 --> 00:02:48,050
Two bottle whiskey for the way
67
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:51,850
And I sure would like some sweet company
68
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:55,490
Oh, I'm leaving
tomorrow What do you say?
69
00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:57,610
-
When I'm gone
-
When I'm gone
70
00:02:57,660 --> 00:03:00,090
-
When I'm gone
-
When I'm gone
71
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:03,130
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
72
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:05,330
You're gonna miss me by my hair
73
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,610
You're gonna miss me everywhere
74
00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:10,450
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone...
75
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,490
That's it, in you go!
76
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:16,490
I got my ticket for the long way round
77
00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:19,090
The one with the prettiest view
78
00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:21,130
It's got mountains It's got rivers
79
00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:22,890
It's got woods that'd give you shivers
80
00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:26,210
But it sure would be prettier with you
81
00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:28,650
-
When I'm gone
-
When I'm gone
82
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,690
-
When I'm gone
-
When I'm gone
83
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:35,380
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
84
00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:46,250
Carol?
85
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,650
Oh, hello.
86
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,010
- I'm Cathy. Nice to meet you at last.
- Hello! Yeah.
87
00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:52,600
Cathy, yeah.
88
00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:56,930
Yeah, take anything you want. I want
to get it all cleared out today, so...
89
00:03:56,980 --> 00:04:00,530
- Oh, no, I'll definitely take a
lot of this. - Oh, good! - Yeah.
90
00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,450
I'm taking the piss, you silly bitch.
91
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,640
It's a load of old crap.
92
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,290
- Hi, Mum! - Hi, Carol.
- Do you hear that, Kell?
93
00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,850
She was like, "I'm having a
clear-out, take what you want,"
94
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,770
and I was like, "As if, you silly bitch!"
95
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:16,540
Like I'd want any of that crap!
96
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,650
My mum's so funny, isn't she?
97
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:19,900
Yeah.
98
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:22,570
Let me take that for you.
99
00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:24,890
Where you going to take it?
100
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:29,490
Yeah. I'll, um... Yeah, probably
just put it on the, um...
101
00:04:29,540 --> 00:04:31,250
Who's that?
102
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,640
My dad.
103
00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:34,980
Fit.
104
00:04:36,220 --> 00:04:37,730
Good.
105
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:39,530
I've... I've put the fridge out front,
106
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,490
but feel free to look in the
garage, and take whatever you want.
107
00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,530
I want to get rid of
as much as I can, so...
108
00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:47,330
Yeah, no, I was sorry to hear
about your husband, Cathy.
109
00:04:47,380 --> 00:04:48,410
Um...
110
00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:50,930
- Dave.
- Yeah. That's right.
111
00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:52,290
Very sad.
112
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:54,080
Thank you. Yeah.
113
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,250
Yeah, it's not been easy,
the past couple of years.
114
00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:59,240
You seen that, Kell?
115
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,580
Oh, yeah.
116
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:03,850
What do you keep in there?
117
00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,100
Tea.
118
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:10,450
You heard about Kelly's new job, Cathy?
119
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,170
No.
120
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,560
She's been headhunted by MI5.
121
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:16,250
Mum!
122
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,810
I'm joking.
123
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,130
She's been poached by NASA.
124
00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:21,490
Mum!
125
00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:23,850
No, I'm joking. I'm sorry, Kell.
126
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,610
She has got a new job, Cathy.
127
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:28,130
She's writing the questions on Mastermind.
128
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:31,770
She didn't want to make a thing of
it as it's not been confirmed yet,
129
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:33,130
but...
130
00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:36,050
she's 90 per cent certain that
she's got the job in Sainsbury's.
131
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:38,130
Well done, love! That's great.
132
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:39,930
My daughter working in Sainsbury's.
133
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,920
I feel like dancing.
134
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:45,010
Oh, I see what you've done.
135
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,130
You knocked it through.
136
00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:53,890
Basically, if she says
something horrible to me,
137
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:57,130
or, like, if she says something to
me that's true and I wish it wasn't
138
00:05:57,180 --> 00:06:00,210
and it makes me want to cry,
what I do is, I just laugh.
139
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,860
Great.
140
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:08,180
Well, this is going to be fun.
141
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,490
- What's that?
- Kelly's mum's here.
142
00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:13,890
Oh, God. How is she?
143
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:17,140
I'm not sure, but I think she might
be the worst person I've ever met.
144
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:20,450
- Worcester sauce.
- I'll pass.
145
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,250
Jason nicks all the good flavours.
146
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:24,290
So... how's it going?
147
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,090
Yeah, good, good. Yeah.
148
00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:28,300
Oh, wow. That's massive.
149
00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:30,850
Shall I do it in one?
150
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,570
Give it a try.
151
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:40,650
Yeah. Congratulations. That
was very pleasant to watch.
152
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,170
Thank you.
153
00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:45,650
No, no. It's all coming along.
It's all coming along. Yeah.
154
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,530
Everything's under control.
You know, all pretty simple.
155
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,650
Basically you put the
brackets to the telly, and...
156
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:54,100
fix the telly to the wall. Mmm?
157
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:57,010
I won't bore you with
all the details. Er...
158
00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:59,610
I'm actually supposed to be
somewhere, so I'm just going to go
159
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:02,530
- and check I've got all the bits...
- OK. - .. and just get on with it. - Yeah.
160
00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,050
If I have to watch Jason and Kelly
161
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,850
canoodling on the sofa one more time,
162
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,130
I think I might dig my
eyes out with a spoon.
163
00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:10,570
Almost makes me want
them to go to Australia.
164
00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:11,850
They call each other "babe".
165
00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:15,010
Oh, God. My Nikki calls
her boyfriend "babylips".
166
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,690
Sorry.
167
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,570
- Babylips?
- Babylips.
168
00:07:18,620 --> 00:07:20,250
Has he got lips like a baby?
169
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,210
He does, actually.
170
00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:24,170
I can talk.
171
00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:27,810
When Dave and I were their age,
we used to call each other "pet".
172
00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:29,860
Yeah, I remember that.
173
00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:35,250
- Can I stay up here?
- No. Bugger off.
174
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,970
- Oh, come on.
- No, go on. Go, go.
175
00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:40,050
Bugger off and let me finish
putting up this telly.
176
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,210
Please?
177
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,400
Go.
178
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:10,570
Come in, come in!
179
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,370
Oh, thanks!
180
00:08:12,420 --> 00:08:13,690
It's big, isn't it?
181
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:16,010
The steam cleaner or Derek's penis?
182
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,900
- She's had a glass of wine.
- Right.
183
00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:22,290
So, how was the golf?
184
00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,290
It was good. Wasn't it?
185
00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:26,610
Yeah, no, it was something
different, yeah.
186
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:29,770
I shouldn't laugh, but Derek
kept using the nine-iron.
187
00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:31,490
The nine-iron.
188
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:34,890
- Sorry, I don't know what that is.
- It's the stick thing.
189
00:08:34,940 --> 00:08:36,930
The "stick thing"? It's called a club.
190
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:39,690
Yeah, I know it is. I
know it is. I was joking.
191
00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:42,210
He was in the bunker for
ages. Everyone was watching.
192
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,050
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
193
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,610
- She did both.
- Right.
194
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,850
So... So the golf was OK?
195
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,010
Yeah, no, it was good.
196
00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:52,490
- I mean, it's more about the
social side, isn't it? - Yeah.
197
00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:55,050
- I met a millionaire. - Oh! OK. - Yeah.
198
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,370
- Was he nice?
- Yeah, he was lovely.
199
00:08:57,420 --> 00:09:00,020
- Let me carry his clubs.
- Great!
200
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:05,170
Er, so... Carol, do you want to
have a look in the garage, then?
201
00:09:05,220 --> 00:09:07,410
You can help yourself
to anything you want.
202
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,890
OK. Thanks, Cathy. That's lovely. Yeah.
203
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,170
Amazing.
204
00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:13,930
Like I'd want any of her crap,
Kell. Do you know what I mean?
205
00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:16,210
Yeah, I know! She's full of bullshit.
206
00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:17,690
I know!
207
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,930
I'm so, so, sorry. I
don't mean a word of it.
208
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:22,330
- Don't worry. It's fine.
- Oh, thanks.
209
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:24,720
Yeah, such a rotten old slag.
210
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:28,860
Mum! Nan and Grandad are here!
211
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,650
You've got fat.
212
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,010
Thanks, Maureen.
213
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,210
I barely recognised you.
214
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:40,410
I don't think I've put
on any weight, actually.
215
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:43,050
Oh, you have. You're ginormous!
216
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,410
OK!
217
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,130
- All right, Nan?
- You all right?
218
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:48,370
Oh...
219
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,570
Everything hurts.
220
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:52,370
- OK.
- I'm going blind in one eye.
221
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:53,490
Oh, no!
222
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:56,730
If I'd known when I met her
she'd end up like this...
223
00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:59,180
Honestly, I'd have run a mile.
224
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,890
- "Hello, Deepak"?
- Are you kidding me?
225
00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:04,690
- I don't know. - "Hello,
Deepak"? Have you lost your mind?
226
00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:07,850
- I don't know! - Have you no
idea how to text a millionaire?
227
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,610
Course I know how to text a millionaire.
228
00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:13,370
Course I do. You've just got to be,
like, humble, and use big words.
229
00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:15,820
Oh, Derek. You're such a brute.
230
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,610
Hello, Reg.
231
00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:22,330
You all right?
232
00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:25,010
Why are you dressed like a poof?
233
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:27,770
Reg! They've been playing golf.
234
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,370
- Golf?
- Yeah.
235
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,890
Why are they dressed like poofs?
236
00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,090
Maureen!
237
00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,050
They've been playing golf.
238
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,170
Olf?
239
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,570
Golf.
240
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:38,890
What's olf?
241
00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:40,380
GOLF!
242
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:44,170
His outfit cost him ?575.
243
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,050
Well, it's breathable polyester, so...
244
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,050
that's the kind of price you have to pay
245
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,640
if you want breathable polyester.
246
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:56,300
I know I shouldn't laugh, but Derek
kept trying to use a nine-iron.
247
00:10:58,140 --> 00:11:00,940
He was in the bunker using a nine-iron.
248
00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:05,170
- He was stood in the bunker...
- I wouldn't bother. - Yes.
249
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,210
We've put the rugs in the boot, Maureen.
250
00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:09,930
Help yourself to anything
else you want, OK?
251
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:12,170
Can we have her telly?
252
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,330
Nan. This is Carol. Kelly's mum.
253
00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:16,850
Who?
254
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,370
Kelly's mum!
255
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,220
Nice to meet you!
256
00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:23,400
Who's Kelly?
257
00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:26,010
How's it going up there?
258
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,690
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
259
00:11:27,740 --> 00:11:29,530
Yeah, I just need one more bit, I think,
260
00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:31,410
and I can hang it up properly.
261
00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:35,220
So, Pauline is trying to
get Derek into golf...
262
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,850
.. and his golf... uniform...
outfit thing cost...
263
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,450
Get ready for this...
264
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,820
?575!
265
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:48,050
- No!
- Yeah!
266
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,570
That's almost as much as my car.
267
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:53,620
How much did your outfit cost?
268
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,900
20 quid.
269
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:57,730
That include the shoes?
270
00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,170
Yeah.
271
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:00,530
Charity shop.
272
00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:02,380
You'd never know.
273
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,690
Oh, look.
274
00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,880
Have a look what I found.
275
00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,320
Bognor.
276
00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:12,980
Oh...
277
00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:16,530
- Do you remember taking it?
- Yeah!
278
00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:19,980
Well, I was trying to think
why Dave wasn't there.
279
00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:22,570
He'd missed the train, hadn't he?
280
00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:25,410
Yeah, so we made the
journey, just the two of us.
281
00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:28,250
Drinking the beer your dad used to make.
282
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,050
And then we got there...
283
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:33,170
got bored waiting for him...
284
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,490
then we went for a little
walk together on the beach.
285
00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:37,890
God!
286
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:40,280
I'd forgotten all about that.
287
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:43,650
Pair of bloody idiots.
288
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,570
Speak for yourself.
289
00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:49,650
And he's going for
tennis lessons on Sundays.
290
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:50,770
What's that?
291
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:51,850
Tennis lessons.
292
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,440
Bit of luck.
293
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:55,970
Mondays and Fridays is yoga.
294
00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:57,010
Yoga.
295
00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:59,290
Why is she telling us this?
296
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:00,490
I don't know.
297
00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:02,290
Tuesdays, we'll go to the theatre.
298
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,690
He's never seen a play.
299
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,740
I saw Blood Brothers.
300
00:13:06,260 --> 00:13:08,260
Yes, I know you did.
301
00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:14,410
Are you expecting something?
302
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,660
Yes. We're expecting a
text from a millionaire.
303
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:19,810
Well?
304
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:22,330
All together, that's 12 texts from my mum,
305
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,530
and not one of them makes any sense.
306
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:26,410
Oh, wow.
307
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:28,650
I gave her my old phone.
308
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:32,000
- How's that going?
- Biggest mistake of my life.
309
00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,890
Oh, I got an e-mail from Emiliana...
310
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,890
who wants to hook me up with
some sexy sluts from my area.
311
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:42,690
- That's nice of her. - Yeah.
Good of her to think of me. - Yeah.
312
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:45,690
I got an e-mail the other day
offering to make my penis bigger.
313
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,810
Oh, great. Yeah, it's about time
you did something about that.
314
00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,740
That's really good!
315
00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:54,740
How's Kelly's mum?
316
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:59,610
She's like, "Oh, my God, Mum,
I've got a job in Sainsbury's!"
317
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:02,690
I'm such a dumbo! I'm such a knob!
318
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:04,370
Where you going, Kell?
319
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:06,690
No, I'm just laughing. It's funny.
320
00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:09,940
I'm going inside to have
a good laugh about it.
321
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:13,530
Seriously, though, Derek. My
daughter, working in Sainsbury's...
322
00:14:13,580 --> 00:14:14,720
Oh!
323
00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:18,880
See what I mean?
324
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,410
Oh, is that your friend?
325
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,610
Yeah.
326
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:26,760
You'd better get going. You
don't want to keep them waiting.
327
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,970
All right, Michael? I met a millionaire.
328
00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:32,490
Oh, good.
329
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:34,010
How's it going, love?
330
00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:37,050
Oh, yeah, it's all good. All good.
331
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,970
I just thought I'd come inside
332
00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:41,850
and try and clear up a load
of old bits and pieces.
333
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:43,780
Oh, OK. Thanks.
334
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,440
Oh.
335
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:54,140
Oh!
336
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,380
- Sorry.
- Don't worry.
337
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,340
Sorry.
338
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:06,500
- I wasn't really paying attention
when I put it all in. - That's OK.
339
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:14,010
- Lovely set of clubs, wasn't it?
- Oh, yeah, top of the range.
340
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,730
Did he let you have a look at them?
341
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,970
Look at them? I was carrying them.
342
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:21,810
- No! - Yeah. He was
very gracious, wasn't he?
343
00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:25,250
Oh, he was much more polite than he
needed to be to someone like Derek.
344
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,530
That's nice.
345
00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:28,580
Have you played this?
346
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,970
Derek's just sent our millionaire
friend a text, didn't you?
347
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,770
Yeah. It's, er, sort of borderline racist.
348
00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:37,490
- But in a funny way.
- Oh, yeah.
349
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,340
Well, that's good.
350
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,810
Where are we going to put that?
351
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,860
Next to the armchair.
352
00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:52,530
Oh, come on. It'll be nice for
me to have something to sit on.
353
00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:55,880
It's like...
354
00:15:57,140 --> 00:16:01,650
Like, I know it's only Sainsbury's
and it's going to be hard.
355
00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:04,980
Some mornings I'm going to have
to get up at half past eight.
356
00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,330
But I'm getting all excited about it,
357
00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:12,370
about, like, working my way up
to being a Sainsbury's manager
358
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:16,050
and maybe one day -- I don't
want to get ahead of myself --
359
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,770
but, like, maybe becoming the owner?
360
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,730
That's not too much to ask, is it?
361
00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:24,130
No, of course not.
362
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:28,570
But Jason's like, he
wants me to go Australia
363
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:31,700
and my mum just makes everything...
364
00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:34,620
I don't know.
365
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:38,930
I just think it's hard for
me cos my mum's so hilarious.
366
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,530
Yeah.
367
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:44,340
Whereas Jason's fine, isn't he?
Cos you never say anything funny.
368
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,930
Fucking prick.
369
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:32,930
It's Deepak. Shit.
370
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:35,090
Shit, shit, shit, sh...
371
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,090
- Well, answer it!
- What do I say?
372
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,450
Just answer it.
373
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:41,660
For God's sake, Derek, don't keep
him waiting. He's a millionaire.
374
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,800
Hello, Deepak, mate!
375
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,090
Derek.
376
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:48,410
Derek.
377
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:52,000
We met today at golf. Derek Evans.
378
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:56,290
The fella with the nine iron.
379
00:17:56,340 --> 00:17:58,210
Yeah!
380
00:17:58,260 --> 00:17:59,810
Uh, well, I, er...
381
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:02,690
Y-You had your cards in one
of the pockets of your bag,
382
00:18:02,740 --> 00:18:06,040
so I sort of took one so
we could stay in touch.
383
00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:09,770
Oh.
384
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:11,530
Yeah. No problem.
385
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:12,730
Tell him who my husband is.
386
00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:15,530
- Tell him about the divorce
settlement! - Well, I...
387
00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:18,250
It wasn't actually racist, Deepak.
388
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,050
Oh, come on!
389
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,770
It was playful.
390
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,570
It's only a turban.
391
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,210
No...
392
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,490
Yeah...
393
00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:33,090
I do understand.
394
00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,370
I can sort of see, now
you put it like that,
395
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,890
how offensive it would be. Yeah.
396
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:43,170
OK. Bye, Deepak.
397
00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:45,020
Sorry again, mate.
398
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:47,060
Bye.
399
00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:58,450
It was nice of him to call.
400
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,500
- What's this?
- Michael's going on a date.
401
00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:04,500
- Poor cow!
- Jason!
402
00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,410
Well, what does she do?
What does she look like?
403
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,370
Tell me all about her.
404
00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:12,570
Well, her name's Lisa.
405
00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,890
She's sort of petite, brunette,
406
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:17,210
and she's an administrator
for the council.
407
00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:19,330
How many dates you been on?
408
00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:21,980
Well, one last week and...
409
00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:25,170
.. one last night.
410
00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:26,850
And...?
411
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,370
She wanted to go clubbing.
412
00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:31,010
- No!
- It was her idea.
413
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:34,210
- I bet you looked ridiculous!
- Jason!
414
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,370
Didn't get in till three in the morning.
415
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:40,090
Michael Callum Roberts!
No wonder you look tired!
416
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,610
I'm absolutely bloody knackered!
417
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,450
How old is she?
418
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,850
45.
419
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:50,490
- Oh!
- You dirty old sod!
420
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:52,370
Got a 13-year-old son.
421
00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:55,570
Well, that's going to be
fun, bringing up a teenager.
422
00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:57,930
You're such a funny old man.
423
00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,890
Oh, thank you, Jason.
424
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:02,130
Why didn't you tell me about her?
425
00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:04,650
Well, it's embarrassing, isn't it?
426
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:07,900
No! Why? I don't care who
you go on dates with.
427
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,700
No, I know you don't.
428
00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,250
Sorry...
429
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,090
Laughing at you. It's a bit mean.
430
00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:21,610
Um... She sounds really lovely.
431
00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:24,260
She is. She's really sweet. She is.
432
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,370
Well, you'd better get going.
I'll make you even later!
433
00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:30,330
We're going to get on with the garage,
434
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:33,130
I want to get it all done
before Jason and Kelly go.
435
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:35,370
I think I'll going to be
doing the shed on my own,
436
00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:38,010
which I was a bit sad about
at first, but then I realised
437
00:20:38,060 --> 00:20:41,810
that I could charge up Dave's
radio and listen to 5 Live.
438
00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:43,690
I mean, that's sad, isn't it?
439
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:48,010
Me, on my own, in my shed, listening
to 5 Live while you're on a date.
440
00:20:48,060 --> 00:20:50,330
I mean, what's become of me?
441
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:53,810
Well, it is a bit worrying.
442
00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:56,970
Well, you'd better get going.
443
00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:59,650
See Lisa and leave me to my shed.
444
00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:01,810
I've taken the fridge, Cathy.
445
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:05,530
Are you going to introduce
me to your fancy man?
446
00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:08,250
That's Michael. He's an
old, old friend of ours.
447
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,330
He was best man at our wedding.
448
00:21:10,380 --> 00:21:11,850
Don't be shy, Cathy.
449
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:14,770
It must be nice to get a bit at your age.
450
00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,690
Hello. Nice to meet you.
451
00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:20,820
And you. I'm just going to...
452
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,500
Hi, Lisa?
453
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:33,490
Hm. Er, sorry, something's
come up with my mum.
454
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:35,650
You work in a school,
is that right, Cathy?
455
00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:37,450
Yeah, I'm one of the support staff.
456
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:39,810
So is that like a teacher, but...
457
00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:41,170
- Yeah.
- .. worse?
458
00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:45,100
- Um... - Or not, like,
worse, but... unqualified.
459
00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:49,450
- H&M.
- Nice.
460
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,890
No, I help the teachers and
look after the kids who have
461
00:21:52,940 --> 00:21:55,530
different needs or need
a bit more attention.
462
00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:58,450
No wonder you get on so well with Kelly!
463
00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,810
You must be retiring soon.
How old are you now?
464
00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:04,570
Oh, no, I'm only 59.
465
00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:08,140
Aww! Sounds so much younger
than 60, doesn't it?
466
00:22:11,180 --> 00:22:13,170
The thing is, when you
phone a millionaire,
467
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:15,490
- you expect a bit of
rough and tumble. - Yeah.
468
00:22:15,540 --> 00:22:18,450
And, to be honest, when would Deepak
ever speak to someone like Derek?
469
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,450
- Exactly. - Only if he
was getting his car fixed.
470
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,450
- Yeah.
- Or his drains unblocked.
471
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,090
- Yeah. - Or if he was
at some traffic lights
472
00:22:25,140 --> 00:22:27,170
and they were trying
to wash his windscreen.
473
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,360
Come on, I did that ONCE.
474
00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:33,290
- Is that all right?
- Yeah.
475
00:22:33,340 --> 00:22:36,050
I like apples. I'm like
my mum. She liked apples.
476
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:38,730
It's great, I love it.
I'm the same with cider.
477
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:41,250
Get that down me, no-one's safe!
478
00:22:47,380 --> 00:22:49,690
I was going to say, Carol, um...
479
00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:52,010
It's going to be difficult, isn't it,
480
00:22:52,060 --> 00:22:54,090
if Jason and Kelly move to Australia?
481
00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,010
Pardon?!
482
00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:59,530
No, I mean, you know, I
know we can't stop them,
483
00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:02,250
but if both our kids are
going to move to Australia,
484
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,090
maybe it's something we
should get together about.
485
00:23:05,140 --> 00:23:06,650
What do you mean?
486
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,300
Oh, sorry, I thought you knew.
487
00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:12,610
Jason's looking for a job there.
488
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:14,660
No, he's not.
489
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:20,130
I think Kelly would've mentioned
it to me, Cathy. She's my daughter.
490
00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:23,210
No offence, but I think she
would've talked to me about something
491
00:23:23,260 --> 00:23:26,610
as big as that before she talked
to you about it, you silly old cow.
492
00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:30,360
Well, maybe she's worried
you're going to laugh at her.
493
00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:32,890
What do you mean?
494
00:23:32,940 --> 00:23:35,290
Well, you do laugh at her
quite a lot, don't you?
495
00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:37,250
She finds it funny.
496
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:39,060
OK...
497
00:23:40,180 --> 00:23:42,890
Maybe she just hasn't got
round to telling you yet.
498
00:23:42,940 --> 00:23:45,850
It's what we do. I take
the piss out of her.
499
00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:47,570
- It's funny.
- Yeah, OK.
500
00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:49,220
Mum!
501
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,850
- Mum!
- Yeah?
502
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:55,970
Is that Jason?
503
00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:59,530
Oh, yes! Isn't he gorgeous?
504
00:23:59,580 --> 00:24:01,740
Reg, look at that.
505
00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:05,010
Ugh! What an ugly baby.
506
00:24:06,340 --> 00:24:08,610
- No! - Grandad! - What's that?!
507
00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:11,060
What was Jason like as a baby?
508
00:24:11,940 --> 00:24:13,530
He was fucking ugly!
509
00:24:13,580 --> 00:24:15,450
Stop swearing!
510
00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:17,170
- Why?
- Because it's not becoming
511
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:19,690
for a woman to be stood
in the street swearing.
512
00:24:19,740 --> 00:24:22,940
Oh, shut your face, you silly old man!
513
00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:25,690
That's me told.
514
00:24:25,740 --> 00:24:27,690
Oh, no. He was lovely.
515
00:24:27,740 --> 00:24:30,090
Apart from when he used
to bite on my boobs.
516
00:24:30,140 --> 00:24:31,890
Oh, Mum!
517
00:24:31,940 --> 00:24:34,680
He breast-fed until he was 18 months.
518
00:24:35,660 --> 00:24:39,490
Oh, my God! No wonder he
spends so long on mine!
519
00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:41,130
Oh, my! That's enough!
520
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,650
Well, you should see Derek on me.
521
00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,100
He's like a wolf on a carcass.
522
00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:51,170
I like the feel of them on my face.
523
00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:53,730
What was Kelly like as a baby?
524
00:24:53,780 --> 00:24:55,570
Oh, my God, I tell you what...
525
00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:58,010
I was a silly, ugly,
little thing, wasn't I?
526
00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:02,570
I was a right idiot.
Dumbo baby, that's me!
527
00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,130
Yeah. I was probably the stupidest baby...
528
00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:07,970
- Are you not going?
- No. No, no. She cancelled.
529
00:25:08,020 --> 00:25:10,290
Oh. Sorry. Sorry to hear that.
530
00:25:10,340 --> 00:25:13,370
No, it's all right. Means
I can help out in the shed.
531
00:25:13,420 --> 00:25:17,090
Though I don't want to interrupt
your exciting 5 Live moment.
532
00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:18,690
Don't worry about that!
533
00:25:18,740 --> 00:25:20,930
Ugly little Kelly's sitting there, like,
534
00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:24,490
"I want to work in Sainsbury's."
Is that what it was like, Mum?
535
00:25:24,540 --> 00:25:26,690
Go on. Tell everyone what a knob I was.
536
00:25:26,740 --> 00:25:29,890
No, Kell. You were...
537
00:25:29,940 --> 00:25:33,490
You were the most beautiful,
silly, little thing I'd ever seen.
538
00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:39,010
I've changed now, though, haven't I?
539
00:25:39,060 --> 00:25:40,170
Ugly bitch!
540
00:25:40,220 --> 00:25:42,570
Yeah! Look at the state of me now!
541
00:25:42,620 --> 00:25:44,450
My arse is so big...
542
00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:47,020
Come on, Kell. As if.
543
00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:51,180
You're still the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen.
544
00:25:53,460 --> 00:25:56,810
- Are you taking the mickey out of me?
- No, of course I'm not.
545
00:25:56,860 --> 00:25:58,530
You're my Kell.
546
00:26:01,420 --> 00:26:03,850
Oh, my God, Mum, you're
going to make me cry!
547
00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:05,970
Oh, Jesus, don't do that!
548
00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:08,770
- I know! - Don't cry, for
God's sake! You'll never stop!
549
00:26:08,820 --> 00:26:11,130
I don't know what's wrong with me!
550
00:26:11,180 --> 00:26:14,330
Let's all just calm down
and have a cup of tea!
551
00:26:14,380 --> 00:26:17,380
That's if we can work
out which tin it's in!
552
00:26:20,700 --> 00:26:22,890
The label on her tin of tea!
553
00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:25,570
That's such a Cathy thing to do.
554
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:27,570
Have you seen what she's wearing?
555
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:31,210
- I know! - Yeah. She dresses
like that all the time!
556
00:26:31,260 --> 00:26:34,010
You should've seen what she
was wearing on her birthday!
557
00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:35,730
All right, Kelly. That's enough.
558
00:26:35,780 --> 00:26:39,530
Oh, no! I don't mean it,
you great big hullabaloo!
559
00:26:39,580 --> 00:26:41,010
- Ow!
- Come here!
560
00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:42,210
Sorry!
561
00:26:42,260 --> 00:26:46,130
I've got my ticket
for the long way round
562
00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:49,250
Two bottle of whiskey for the way
563
00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:51,210
And I sure would like
564
00:26:51,260 --> 00:26:52,850
Some sweet company
565
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:54,770
And I'm leaving tomorrow
566
00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:56,850
What do you say?
567
00:26:56,900 --> 00:26:58,450
When I'm gone
568
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:00,690
When I'm gone
569
00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:03,890
You're going to miss me when I'm gone
570
00:27:03,940 --> 00:27:06,130
You're going to miss me by my hair
571
00:27:06,180 --> 00:27:08,210
You're going to miss me everywhere
572
00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:10,340
You're going to miss me when I'm gone.
573
00:27:10,390 --> 00:27:14,940
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