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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:02,530 It's so lovely to finally meet you. 2 00:00:02,780 --> 00:00:04,290 Yeah, great, likewise. 3 00:00:04,340 --> 00:00:06,950 God, doesn't the smell of school 4 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,740 make you want to kill yourself? 5 00:00:11,580 --> 00:00:13,970 - Where's Marion tonight? - Your guess is as good as mine. 6 00:00:14,020 --> 00:00:16,890 Apparently my mother no longer has any interest in maintaining 7 00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:20,130 the welfare of my children. Look... I can't... I can't be here long, 8 00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:22,890 I've got a massive thing to prep for work, 9 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:25,290 so if you could just sort of stick to the headlines. 10 00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:27,010 Just the lowdown. 11 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,570 Like, a sneak peek, I suppose. 12 00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:31,720 Basically, what would the trailer be for this parents' evening? 13 00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:35,770 I'm not sure, if you don't mind me saying, 14 00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:38,330 I don't really understand your parenting style. 15 00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:40,570 Because you're never here, and when you are, you're late, 16 00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,970 and you barely get involved in any of the school activities so... 17 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,890 OK, OK. I think I know what this is about. 18 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:47,450 Is this because I forgot to buy you a bottle of wine at Christmas? 19 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:48,970 - No, it's because... - If it is, 20 00:00:49,020 --> 00:00:51,250 I really don't think that's very fair, because I didn't know 21 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:53,290 about the present-giving culture at this school. 22 00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:54,570 - It's not. - What do you want me to do? 23 00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:57,210 Do you want me to bring you an apple every day? 24 00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,690 Do you want me to tip you at Christmas, like the binmen? 25 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:02,970 - Pardon? - Oh, God, it's like a bloody racket here. 26 00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,770 What is this?! Can you all just back off a bit? 27 00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:07,740 It's not the Antiques Roadshow. 28 00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:10,580 Jesus! 29 00:01:18,820 --> 00:01:20,290 Anne's doing the drinks? 30 00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:21,770 Oh, for God's sake. 31 00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,290 Anne's measures are too small. 32 00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:24,650 It's not Glastonbury, Liz. 33 00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:26,970 Exactly! It's a bloody school fundraiser. 34 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,650 We need alcohol, Kevin, proper measures. 35 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:32,170 You were the one who said Anne should do the drinks last time. 36 00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:35,210 I was going by her being Irish, it's before I knew her. 37 00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:37,850 Am I going insane? 38 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:41,050 That looks like Caroline Lacy. 39 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,970 Caroline, yeah, Rueben's mum. Just come back from Thailand. 40 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,690 Thailand for a family holiday -- dear, oh, dear. 41 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,850 Caroline Lacy goes to our school? 42 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,770 - Hi, babe. - Do you know her? 43 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,210 Do I know her?! How do you NOT know her? 44 00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:56,650 I do know her -- we're talking about her because we know her, 45 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,290 - and you don't. - Excuse me, Liz, I know her, 46 00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:01,090 we started with the same company together. 47 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:03,010 We were quite close at one point. 48 00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:04,730 Until she won every bloody award going. 49 00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:06,610 Follow me, kids. Caroline! 50 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:09,250 Hello! Hi. 51 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:12,330 Hello, you! I didn't know you went to this school. 52 00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:14,890 Yeah! Yeah, I do. These are mine. 53 00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:17,130 What? I thought they were Marion's? 54 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,730 No, no, that's my mother. 55 00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:22,490 - Oh! Love Marion. - Who doesn't? 56 00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:25,210 Oh! Here we go. See you around. 57 00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:27,100 Yes, see you around! 58 00:02:28,260 --> 00:02:29,930 She remembered me! 59 00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:32,970 - Didn't say your name. - What? 60 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,770 Didn't she? I'm sure she did. 61 00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,860 No. Unless your name is "Around". 62 00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:50,650 Is this You've Been Framed? 63 00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,210 No, no, that was my wedding. 64 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,860 That's my dad. 65 00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:58,330 - Oh, God! That cake looks nice. - Mm! 66 00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:01,410 I might go and get some cake, unless you want to share that with me? 67 00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:03,330 No, I want to eat all of it on my own. 68 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:04,850 Pig! 69 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:08,450 I think that's the meeting for the fundraiser. 70 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:09,850 Shouldn't we be over there? 71 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,010 I'm doing drinks, you're doing the cloakroom. 72 00:03:12,060 --> 00:03:13,810 Why do we need to go to a meeting? 73 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,530 And don't complicate it, Kevin. 74 00:03:15,580 --> 00:03:17,450 They hate it when you complicate things. 75 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,130 Why would you want to get involved? 76 00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:21,930 - Well, you have to do your bit. - Do you, though, do you really? 77 00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:24,170 - Yeah, you do. - Do you, though? 78 00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:26,580 - Yes. - I'm just going to go over and... 79 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:28,980 I'll just go over. 80 00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:33,810 Do you, though? 81 00:03:33,860 --> 00:03:35,290 Fundraiser! 82 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:38,410 - Kevin! - I'm so sorry. 83 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:40,610 - You frightened Anne. - I'm all right. 84 00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:42,370 - I'm so sorry, Anne. - I'm fine now. 85 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:44,850 I'm just saying, you know... 86 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:46,690 Here we go. 87 00:03:46,740 --> 00:03:47,980 Let's do it. 88 00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:52,250 Let's do it for all the kids who need this kind of specialised 89 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,810 - equipment in the music room. - You're doing the cloakroom, right? 90 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:56,890 - Yes. - Great. 91 00:03:56,940 --> 00:04:00,060 - See you tomorrow. - Yes, yes. See you tomorrow. 92 00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:03,810 Oh, dear. What happened? 93 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:05,610 I don't... 94 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:06,940 .. really know. 95 00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:16,010 - What's going on there? - Charlie and Manus are best friends 96 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:19,250 since Manus got a drone. So me and Cersei Lannister are being civil 97 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,380 - for the children. - Manus! 98 00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:29,890 That's weird. 99 00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:31,980 - What? - Well, it's just whenever, um... 100 00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:36,810 No. Forget it. I'm being paranoid. 101 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,170 - Go on, what is it? Tell me. Maybe I can... - Well... 102 00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,770 Caroline! 103 00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,250 Hello! Again. 104 00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:46,130 Hi. Not working today? 105 00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:48,610 Not today, Spoken Orchid are pretty good with flexitime. 106 00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:50,570 Don't work Fridays, do half day Wednesdays. 107 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,970 Essentially means I've got a three-day week. 108 00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:55,770 Oh, that's sick! That's brilliant. 109 00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:58,010 Yeah, it stops me running around like a mental patient. 110 00:04:58,060 --> 00:04:59,690 God, yeah, I imagine it does. 111 00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:01,290 Have you heard about this fundraiser? 112 00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:02,570 Oh, God. 113 00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:03,890 No way... 114 00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:06,650 - I'm organising it. - .. would I miss that, 115 00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:09,530 because I think we have to do our bit. 116 00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:12,330 As parents, we have to do our bit. 117 00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,330 - Got to. - Anything I can do, just say the word. 118 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,890 We're having a planning meeting, if you'd like to come to that. 119 00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:18,770 You bet I would! Any time. 120 00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:20,490 Over there. 121 00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,130 Oh, it's happening now. 122 00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:24,540 Er, OK, yeah. I'll just get my bits and bobs. 123 00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,140 She still hasn't said your name. 124 00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,410 Should... should Kevin come? 125 00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:38,420 Er... 126 00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:45,210 I'd like to take this opportunity to be a little bit creative, 127 00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:49,170 and think a little bit outside the box, as it were. 128 00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:53,370 Last year I was Nibbles King, do you remember? 129 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:57,330 I had all the bags of crisps and nuts pinned to me. 130 00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,020 That was fun, wasn't it? 131 00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:03,410 But I thought this year, I'd go one better -- 132 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:05,220 human cloakroom. 133 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,290 So everyone puts their coats on me, 134 00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:11,450 instead of hanging them up in the cloakroom. 135 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,010 I wear everyone's coats! 136 00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:17,770 What a sight! And then when everyone's ready to go, 137 00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:20,060 the cloakroom comes to them. 138 00:06:21,060 --> 00:06:24,210 Let's say we charge �1 a coat. 139 00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:26,810 Why don't we just charge �1 a coat in the cloakroom? 140 00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:28,300 Why?! 141 00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:31,010 My God, Amanda. 142 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:33,170 Why are there rainbows? 143 00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:34,970 Why is there Ant and Dec? 144 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,330 Because it's fun. 145 00:06:36,380 --> 00:06:40,330 It's fun, goodness! Well, I'm going to do it anyway, 146 00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:43,050 so set up a normal cloakroom if you want. 147 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,290 But it's going to have stiff competition 148 00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:46,810 from the human cloakroom. 149 00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:50,180 Let the battle of the cloakrooms commence! 150 00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:54,570 Caroline, I just noticed there's no tombola, 151 00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:56,250 and I usually do the tombola. 152 00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:59,130 Well, I just thought it didn't feel like a tombola sets the right tone, 153 00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:01,690 - if that makes sense? - Sure. Of course. 154 00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:04,410 I mean, sorry, Amanda, I'm not blocking you. 155 00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:07,330 I just think we should be a bit more ambitious for this one. 156 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:10,810 This fundraiser is close to my heart, as you know, 157 00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:13,700 with Rueben, and what the music room means to him. 158 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:18,890 - Rueben's mythraxic. - Oh, I'm so sorry. 159 00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:20,650 Oh, no, it means he's musically gifted. 160 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:23,530 - Oh, how lovely. - Well, I'm more than happy to melt into the background, 161 00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:25,850 Caroline. I don't know, maybe 162 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,210 this year I could just... host it. 163 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,090 Is Liz really doing the drinks? 164 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:33,810 Because her measures are demented. I mean, do you remember 165 00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,370 the last time she did them? 166 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:37,250 No. I don't think anyone does. 167 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,330 Ladies, ladies. Is everyone listening? Everyone? 168 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:43,330 We're talking about prizes now. 169 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:47,170 I really want to make sure we don't get the same old cake sale crap 170 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:50,570 this year. Can't we just do something a bit fresher? 171 00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,410 Ooh! Ooh! Why don't we make it 172 00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:54,850 so that everyone gets a chance to host? 173 00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:56,290 That would be fun, wouldn't it? 174 00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:58,650 - We could all... - We're doing prizes now, Kevin. 175 00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:01,020 Anyone have any ideas? About prizes? 176 00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:09,060 Just off the top of my head, we could do a, uh... 177 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,050 .. auction of promises. 178 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:16,690 Like, you get a gardener to promise to trim your hedge, or something. 179 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:20,210 - OK. - They do it a lot at Hollywood events. 180 00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:22,010 Yeah, I love that. 181 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:25,050 Like Richard Gere promises to go on his yacht. 182 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,370 Ricky Martin does... 183 00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:30,170 .. something. Uma Thurman auctioned a kiss at Cannes, 184 00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,810 and she made 200,000 or something mad. 185 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,890 I love it. We're doing that. 186 00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:38,610 I agree. Let's do it. 187 00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:41,300 - I agree. - Agreed! 188 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:45,410 There she is! 189 00:08:45,460 --> 00:08:47,020 My saviour! 190 00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:50,170 Auction of promises -- brilliant. 191 00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:53,340 Oh, please! It's great to be able to contribute to... 192 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,290 - .. this cause. - Listen. 193 00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:59,250 Between ourselves, Spoken Orchid are looking for people at the moment. 194 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:01,690 Just in case you want to pass along your resume. 195 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:05,730 Great, I didn't even know that you were looking for people. 196 00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,490 You're coming tonight, right? 197 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,820 Am I? I mean, I can. 198 00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:12,770 I mean, I definitely am. 199 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:16,130 I love to do events at the school. 200 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:19,010 I love being at school, out of hours. 201 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,370 What do you think of this? We thought it would be fun 202 00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:24,610 to do a thermometer that showed how much money was coming in. 203 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:27,300 - That is such fun. - Would you mind knocking one up? 204 00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:31,850 Love to. No problem. I've got plenty of time for crafts. 205 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,810 - You need to be able to see it from the back of the hall. - OK! - OK. 206 00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:36,380 Bye. 207 00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,170 Still didn't say your name. 208 00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:40,730 Perfect chance there, and all. 209 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,850 Liz, she as good as offered me a job. 210 00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:46,260 She just wants to see your CV so she can find out your name. 211 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,370 Hey, hey. 212 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,050 - On the roof. - Ugh, I'm an idiot. 213 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,330 I won't argue with that! Joking! 214 00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:54,940 It happens to the best of us. 215 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,460 - Did you see that? - Huh? 216 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:13,650 Caroline Lacy, yeah. She's with Spoken Orchid. 217 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,730 Spoken Orchid. I mean, this could be so useful for us, Paul -- 218 00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,290 I mean, me especially. 219 00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:21,970 I mean, the flexitime alone could change my life. 220 00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:24,010 I mean, if you could just have them for an hour or so, 221 00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:27,130 - that would be great. What do you think? - Julia, I can't. 222 00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:30,290 I think this thing's going to go on for another couple of hours. 223 00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:31,810 Sorry, what is it again? 224 00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:35,410 It's just some team-building bollocks, it never ends. 225 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,010 Baby, I'd better go. 226 00:10:37,060 --> 00:10:40,010 Good luck with the baby-sitter -- whatever you want to do, 227 00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:41,460 I'm right behind you. 228 00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:52,370 - Will you be long? - Not at all. 229 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:53,930 It will be like I've barely left. 230 00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:56,850 Help yourself to beers, the kids are asleep, so... 231 00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,850 I'm not much of a night owl. 232 00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:01,660 Oh, dear. What will keep you awake? 233 00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,770 Sherry? Literally, help yourself to anything. 234 00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:07,410 I can't be up late. 235 00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:09,330 And you won't be, Barbara. 236 00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:12,250 You know, if you're feeling tired, feel free to have a lie-down. 237 00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,850 Oh, don't look so worried. 238 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:17,740 My mother is dead old, she did this for years. 239 00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:21,170 Do you like MasterChef? 240 00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,100 Let's get a bit of MasterChef on. 241 00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:27,780 There you go. Egg Wallace. Have fun. 242 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,420 Fantastic. 243 00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:42,260 Actually, if you could help me pop that on, maybe. Brilliant. 244 00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:47,620 Tickets, tickets? 245 00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:51,610 I'll remember, it's fine. I'll remember. 246 00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:54,420 - Thank you. - Thank you. - It's fun, isn't it? 247 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,650 You all right? You look very uncomfortable. 248 00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,690 Oh, no, having a great time. 249 00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:16,130 It's fun, isn't it? Isn't it fun? 250 00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,010 Everyone's responding really well to it. 251 00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,450 You look like you're melting. 252 00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,860 - Do you want some water? - Oh, yeah, sure. 253 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:27,090 I can't bend my arm. 254 00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:31,810 Someone's phone's ringing. 255 00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:34,460 - Don't touch anything, Anne. - I was just looking. 256 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:37,130 Oh, hey, go easy there now. 257 00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,530 Your measures are very large. 258 00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,210 They're not, they're normal. 259 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,010 Normal for a school fundraiser. 260 00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:44,250 Yeah, well, just don't get high off your own supply 261 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,610 and start acting the giddy goat. 262 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:49,850 - Oh, shush. - Last time you did the drinks, I woke up in the park. 263 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,500 My husband was furious. 264 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,010 What is that anyway? 265 00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:56,650 - I don't know. Sangria? - What is sangria? Red wine? 266 00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:59,890 Anything. Sangria's red wine and anything. 267 00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:03,100 In Spanish, sangria means "any old shit". 268 00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,770 Can I have some alcohol, please? I don't care what. 269 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,330 - I've got just the thing. - Look, I'm manning the thermometer now. 270 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:11,130 I made it, and I'm working it all night. 271 00:13:11,180 --> 00:13:12,770 It's like building your own gallows. 272 00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:14,490 I want to be able to get straight home. 273 00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:17,740 I've got this sleepy-looking old woman looking after the kids. 274 00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:23,300 God, I wish he hadn't put my coat on first. 275 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,770 Uh-oh! The drinks are out already. 276 00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:38,380 I'd better get a move on before you're all legless! 277 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,290 OK. Now. 278 00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:43,500 Can I get a "hey, girl"? 279 00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:48,100 Hey, girl. No? OK... 280 00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:51,690 OK, welcome, everybody. 281 00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,660 Are we going to have fun? 282 00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:57,490 OK, well, the answer to that question is, you bet we are. 283 00:13:57,540 --> 00:14:02,050 Now. We're going to do things a little bit differently this year. 284 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:06,540 We're doing an auction of promises. 285 00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:10,690 Oooh! 286 00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:14,290 Yeah, just pop your promise on a piece of paper, anything you like, 287 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:15,890 and stick it in the box. 288 00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,890 As you know, it's for a good cause. 289 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,850 We've been trying to get a Yamaha keyboard for the music room 290 00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:23,010 for a few years. 291 00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:25,210 Now... 292 00:14:25,260 --> 00:14:28,090 I can see there's only two promises in here so far 293 00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:31,460 so, come on, everybody, let's get those promises in! 294 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,820 OK. Thank you. 295 00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:36,970 Have you noticed how Amanda hoses herself down 296 00:14:37,020 --> 00:14:39,850 - every time she interacts with me and my kids? - Does she? 297 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:42,770 I thought I was imagining it at first, but, yeah. 298 00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:44,770 What are you eating? Are those onion rings? 299 00:14:44,820 --> 00:14:47,260 - Where did you find those? - Found them in the back. 300 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,370 Oh, from 2002. 301 00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,050 They're 15 years old?! 302 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,650 It's fine. They are 90% E numbers. 303 00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:55,810 These crisps will outlive us. 304 00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:59,130 Go on, then. God, no wonder Amanda thinks you're Dirty Jezzy. 305 00:14:59,180 --> 00:15:00,540 A dirty jezzy? 306 00:15:01,580 --> 00:15:03,610 Oh, my dad used to say it. 307 00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:06,250 Short for Jezebel. We were watching Top Of The Pops and he'd say, 308 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,010 "Look at those dirty jezzies." 309 00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:09,970 Exactly, she thinks I'm a dirty jezzy. 310 00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:11,620 Oh, don't let it get to you. 311 00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:15,890 Look, if she was a REAL friend, then it might mean something but... 312 00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:17,380 Coming, Caroline. 313 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:40,850 Would you like a drink, Amanda? 314 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,370 I never drink when I'm performing. 315 00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:43,850 - Here you go. - Great. 316 00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:46,800 Do you want to... You can just pop them in the box yourself. 317 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,930 No, you only have to do one. 318 00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:54,020 - Oh, no. I'm doing Kevin and Julia's for them. - OK. 319 00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:58,010 Don't worry. I barely touched them. 320 00:15:58,060 --> 00:15:59,100 Sorry? 321 00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,260 - Did you think I was funny? - Yeah, funny! 322 00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:14,530 OK, everybody, I think that's everyone now. 323 00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:16,450 Let's get this show on the road! 324 00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:19,260 Yay, thanks, Caroline! 325 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:25,250 OK, and our first one is... 326 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,090 Keith Carter. 327 00:16:27,140 --> 00:16:28,690 Where's Keith? There he is. 328 00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:32,690 Hello, Keith. And Keith says he'll do a... 329 00:16:32,740 --> 00:16:34,370 .. portrait of your pet. 330 00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:36,020 That sounds rather lovely. 331 00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:39,810 Um, shall we start the bidding at �10? 332 00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:43,290 Anyone? �10. 333 00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:47,220 Keith, if someone doesn't have a pet, would you do a family member? 334 00:16:48,260 --> 00:16:49,730 Um, I can't do hands. 335 00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:50,770 OK. 336 00:16:50,820 --> 00:16:52,930 - �10. - And we're off. 337 00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:57,890 There you are. 338 00:16:57,940 --> 00:17:00,010 I've had three people asking for you -- 339 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,490 could you please just hang everything up in the cloakroom. 340 00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:04,690 Caroline, are you kidding?! 341 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:08,850 I've had a brilliant response to the human cloakroom from... 342 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:10,740 .. Keith and... 343 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,610 Keith just loved it. 344 00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:16,170 Now, if you'll excuse me. 345 00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,540 I need some water. 346 00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:26,260 Fantastic, Samantha! There you go. Congratulations! 347 00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:32,530 Free haircuts for a week. I wish I'd bid on that one. 348 00:17:32,580 --> 00:17:34,210 Free haircuts for a week? 349 00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:35,820 Isn't that just one haircut? 350 00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:44,050 Ah, this next one is... very exciting. 351 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,530 Kevin Brady. 352 00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:46,620 Where's Kevin? 353 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:48,940 Kevin. 354 00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:53,410 Um, Kevin has offered a couple's massage. 355 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:58,210 Would anyone like a couples massage from Kevin Brady? 356 00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,730 I didn't put that in. 357 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:04,410 I'll do it if you want, but I haven't got any training. 358 00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:07,290 I put it in. I put a few in. 359 00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:10,050 Kevin, I presume that you'll come to someone's house, 360 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:12,020 or do they have to come to you? 361 00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:16,570 OK. Well, we can work that out later. 362 00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:18,220 Shall we start the bidding at... 363 00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:21,570 ..�25? 364 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,410 Anyone? 365 00:18:23,460 --> 00:18:25,210 �25? 366 00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:28,690 Come on, who's up for a lovely couple's massage? 367 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,570 With Kevin. 368 00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,730 Give me a drink. 369 00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:34,450 No-one's bidding on this shit. 370 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,810 No offence, Kevin, but come on. 371 00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,860 Well, I didn't write it, Liz did. 372 00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:43,770 You've been very generous so far. 373 00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:46,930 Christ, Anne! What is in that?! 374 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:49,650 - Liz made it. - We can do this. I'm watching this thermometer. 375 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:52,730 If someone bids on this, you have to do it, Liz. 376 00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:55,010 I'm not giving a couple a massage. 377 00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:58,610 OK, well, no bids on that one yet. 378 00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:00,450 Maybe we'll come back for it later. 379 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,370 But thank you anyway, Kevin. 380 00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:04,860 Ladies and gentlemen. 381 00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,930 I still haven't done my one yet. 382 00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:13,100 Um... Hmm... 383 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:15,900 I know. 384 00:19:17,780 --> 00:19:18,900 OK. 385 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,780 Just a little surprise for later. 386 00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:32,090 You saw me after I had the sports jacket? 387 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:36,410 I think I had the blue anorak on when I saw you. 388 00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:39,010 That's here. How could I have got to this one, 389 00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:40,980 and not got to your one? 390 00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:45,050 Oh, wait. I had to take them all off 391 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,290 when I went to the toilet. 392 00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:50,860 Someone's... phone's ringing. 393 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:56,570 So that's �45 for a meal for two at Alfresco's, 394 00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:58,690 courtesy of Giuseppe and Lorna! 395 00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:02,130 Thanks, L and G, and congratulations, Nicky. 396 00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:04,020 Enjoy those dough balls. 397 00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:06,940 Uh-oh! 398 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:10,010 This is my one. 399 00:20:10,060 --> 00:20:13,010 Um, I can't believe I did this. 400 00:20:13,060 --> 00:20:14,570 Anyway. Bit of fun. 401 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:15,940 Um... 402 00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:21,180 I auction... 403 00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,340 .. a kiss. 404 00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:26,980 That's right. 405 00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:31,420 A kiss to the highest bidder. 406 00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:36,130 Shall we start the bidding at �50? 407 00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:39,980 Who wants a kiss for �50? 408 00:20:42,580 --> 00:20:45,420 Anyone? A kiss from a lady. 409 00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:50,010 Oh, come on, don't be shy. 410 00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:51,890 This is for charity. 411 00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:54,650 Anyone? Any bids? 412 00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:56,020 50 pence. 413 00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:02,570 Thanks, Liz. Any raise on 50 pence? 414 00:21:02,620 --> 00:21:03,730 Hmm? 415 00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:06,850 Come on, everyone. This is for children, for the music block. 416 00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,570 We can get those keyboards. 417 00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:11,010 We're so close, come on. 418 00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,490 Anyone? 419 00:21:12,540 --> 00:21:14,610 - �1. - No-one raised it. 420 00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:16,570 Oh, 50 pence still. 421 00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:20,090 50 pence still. Still 50 pence. 422 00:21:20,140 --> 00:21:22,820 Any raise over 50 pence? 423 00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:25,610 �1? 424 00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:27,690 Does anyone want to bid �1? 425 00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:29,370 - �1. - No-one raised it! 426 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:32,010 Oh, sorry. Sorry, that's it, isn't it? 427 00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:35,130 Have I won? No-one else is bidding on it. 428 00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:37,010 Who else? OK, well. 429 00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:40,290 I think that Liz is having a little bit of fun with me right now, 430 00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:43,020 because I don't think that 50... 431 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,020 There's that phone again. 432 00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:24,170 Can somebody help me find it? 433 00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:25,610 Look, I really need to leave. 434 00:22:25,660 --> 00:22:29,650 Let's make a real push to get our target up. 435 00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:33,380 We are so close, guys, to getting this keyboard. 436 00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:39,250 I know how important music is to our kids -- my son, Reuben, 437 00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:41,450 is very musically gifted. 438 00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:44,650 And he really found his voice when he got his first euphonium. 439 00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:48,010 Which, for those of you who don't know, is a dinky little tuba. 440 00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:53,330 So let's dig deep, and shell out. 441 00:22:53,380 --> 00:22:55,610 Can I... Can I grab that for a minute? 442 00:22:55,660 --> 00:23:00,530 Sorry. I just wanted to take this opportunity to ask the parents, 443 00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:02,050 and everybody here, 444 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:04,650 to give a massive round of applause 445 00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:07,410 to Miss Caroline Lacy, who has 446 00:23:07,460 --> 00:23:10,170 organised this whole bloody thing. 447 00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:11,580 Caroline Lacy. 448 00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:19,090 Thank you. So much. 449 00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:20,770 Shall I do the next promise? 450 00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:21,930 Yeah. 451 00:23:21,980 --> 00:23:27,290 Oh! This one is from Julia Johnston... 452 00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:28,620 Where's Julia? 453 00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:32,570 Um... I'm Julia. 454 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,060 Julia. 455 00:23:35,460 --> 00:23:37,290 Of course. 456 00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:40,130 Oh, my goodness. This is an interesting one! 457 00:23:40,180 --> 00:23:43,250 Maid for a week... 458 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:46,890 You're going to be someone's maid for a whole week? 459 00:23:46,940 --> 00:23:50,010 That's wonderful! Oh, my God! 460 00:23:50,060 --> 00:23:52,170 Julia, thank you. 461 00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:54,930 - What? - That's so good of you. 462 00:23:54,980 --> 00:23:56,890 Sorry, I don't know what's happening now. 463 00:23:56,940 --> 00:24:00,050 I think this is a bit of a special one, so shall we start it at �25? 464 00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:03,530 - �25. - �25! Already! - I don't know what's happening now. 465 00:24:03,580 --> 00:24:05,010 Any advance on 25? 466 00:24:05,060 --> 00:24:09,730 - �30. - Anyone else like to bid on Julia being your maid 467 00:24:09,780 --> 00:24:11,810 for a whole week? 468 00:24:11,860 --> 00:24:13,410 I presume that's weekdays, Julia? 469 00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:16,410 No, I can't be a maid for a week, I... 470 00:24:16,460 --> 00:24:17,450 Any more for any more? 471 00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,930 I can't do the thing that I'm moving the arrow for. 472 00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:22,250 - �50. - 50, thank you! 473 00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:24,410 That's wrong as an amount, because I... 474 00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:26,810 - I can't... - �100! - Thank you! 475 00:24:26,860 --> 00:24:28,500 - 200! - Thank you! 476 00:24:29,820 --> 00:24:32,930 Well, ladies and gentlemen, 477 00:24:32,980 --> 00:24:36,780 we did it. We hit the target, we did it! 478 00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:43,210 We didn't do it, no. No, no, no, no. We didn't do it. 479 00:24:43,260 --> 00:24:45,530 We didn't do it. I can't be a maid for a week. 480 00:24:45,580 --> 00:24:48,530 I can't do this. I didn't write this. 481 00:24:48,580 --> 00:24:51,850 This isn't me. I didn't do this. I didn't write this. Can I see that? 482 00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:53,330 Can I see that? Can I see it? 483 00:24:53,380 --> 00:24:55,810 Can I see it? Thank you. This isn't my handwriting. 484 00:24:55,860 --> 00:24:57,730 Who wrote this? Liz? 485 00:24:57,780 --> 00:25:00,650 I'm so sorry. I can't commit to this. 486 00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:04,970 This is some kind of, someone's idea of a very funny joke. 487 00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:11,420 I'm a working mother, and I can't possibly be a maid for a week. 488 00:25:13,540 --> 00:25:16,770 Maybe I could do a Saturday. But I definitely can't do this Saturday, 489 00:25:16,820 --> 00:25:20,530 because we have to go and see my husband's family this Saturday. 490 00:25:20,580 --> 00:25:21,770 But I could check my iCal, 491 00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:24,250 there might be a Saturday at the end of September. 492 00:25:24,300 --> 00:25:26,900 But that would have to be a very, very light pencil. 493 00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:30,740 I'm so sorry. It's just the practicalities of... 494 00:25:33,260 --> 00:25:36,050 I'll tell you what. Listen. Why don't we just... 495 00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:39,530 Let's take it off the table, off the table, off the table, off the table. 496 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:41,330 Let's start again. Let's start again. 497 00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:43,090 Caroline, what's the next promise? 498 00:25:43,140 --> 00:25:45,050 Julia, please can I have the microphone back? 499 00:25:45,100 --> 00:25:46,610 No. I'll bid on it. 500 00:25:46,660 --> 00:25:49,570 Whatever it is, I will bid on it, let's have a little look in the box. 501 00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:52,010 And we have two nights in a cottage in Margate. 502 00:25:52,060 --> 00:25:54,410 What do we need for the total? We need �200. 503 00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:55,970 I'll pay 200! 504 00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:58,170 I'll pay �200! 505 00:25:58,220 --> 00:26:01,660 Boom! And we've done it! 506 00:26:02,860 --> 00:26:04,970 We've done it, everybody. 507 00:26:05,020 --> 00:26:07,180 Can I get a "whoop, whoop"! 508 00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:09,820 Whoop, whoop! 509 00:26:14,460 --> 00:26:16,450 We did it! 510 00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:18,370 Thank you, Julia. 511 00:26:18,420 --> 00:26:19,810 No problem. 512 00:26:19,860 --> 00:26:22,170 It's for a great cause. 513 00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:24,730 I can't believe I just spent �200 on a shit hole in Margate. 514 00:26:24,780 --> 00:26:27,260 That's my summer home. That was my promise. 515 00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:38,450 I've a message for the owner of the teal Alice coat. 516 00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:42,500 Um, your phone went off numerous times. 517 00:26:43,940 --> 00:26:47,260 Apparently there's been a flood in your bathroom. 518 00:26:48,860 --> 00:26:52,330 The people downstairs have gone to a hotel for the night. 519 00:26:52,380 --> 00:26:56,010 Your children are safe, the baby-sitter's safe. 520 00:26:56,060 --> 00:26:57,450 The fire brigade have been around, 521 00:26:57,500 --> 00:26:59,930 so there's nothing to worry about there. 522 00:26:59,980 --> 00:27:02,170 The cat is unaccounted for, 523 00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:05,370 but it's unlikely there is a sad ending. 524 00:27:05,420 --> 00:27:07,690 You know cats. 525 00:27:07,740 --> 00:27:12,010 But unfortunately, it doesn't sound like the hallway rug is salvageable. 526 00:27:12,060 --> 00:27:16,540 So... So hit me up at the back of the hall, if you want to call Jenny. 527 00:27:17,540 --> 00:27:21,380 Although she says there's not a lot you can do about it now, so... 528 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,100 .. so enjoy your evening. 529 00:27:27,180 --> 00:27:28,490 Um... 530 00:27:28,540 --> 00:27:31,860 Although the evening is, of course, over. 531 00:27:31,910 --> 00:27:36,460 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40168

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