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1
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00:00:05,329 --> 00:00:08,098
Bruce: This is the story of 10 strangers,
3
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one night, and all the stupid,
embarrassing, ridiculous things we do...
4
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,106
To find love.
5
00:00:21,012 --> 00:00:24,181
Liv: Ron is so hot.
6
00:00:24,248 --> 00:00:26,927
Maya: I can't believe he sent
you a picture of his wiener.
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00:00:26,928 --> 00:00:29,186
Oh, my God. You should've seen the
picture I sent back to him, though.
8
00:00:29,187 --> 00:00:30,304
Ooh!
9
00:00:30,305 --> 00:00:32,844
It's hard to keep a sexy face when
you're bent over the waterbed...
10
00:00:32,845 --> 00:00:35,009
Whoa! You put your face in a nudey pic?
11
00:00:35,010 --> 00:00:36,026
Yeah.
12
00:00:36,093 --> 00:00:37,894
[Laughing] Yeah, you're seconds
away from being on the Internet.
13
00:00:37,962 --> 00:00:40,307
No. Ron wouldn't do that.
14
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,660
Yeah, Ron wouldn't do that.
15
00:00:41,661 --> 00:00:43,922
Ron is someone that
you met on the Internet,
16
00:00:43,923 --> 00:00:45,533
so how well do you actually know this guy?
17
00:00:45,534 --> 00:00:46,647
Right?
18
00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:51,013
I got to get that picture back asap.
19
00:00:51,014 --> 00:00:53,763
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
20
00:00:57,554 --> 00:00:59,621
Hi. Remember me?
21
00:00:59,622 --> 00:01:01,266
You threw up in my purse earlier.
22
00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:02,957
God, yes. How are you feeling?
23
00:01:02,958 --> 00:01:05,172
And more importantly,
how's your purse feeling?
24
00:01:05,173 --> 00:01:06,667
[Chuckling] We're both fine.
25
00:01:06,668 --> 00:01:09,546
- Just need to get...
- Please accept my deepest apologies
26
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,138
for my actions earlier.
27
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,565
You know, in Yemen, the punishment
for upchucking in a lady's purse
28
00:01:13,566 --> 00:01:16,828
is castration followed by
12 hours of public mockery.
29
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[Laughs]
30
00:01:17,974 --> 00:01:20,899
Okay, um, but I-I just...
I wanted to ask you...
31
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:24,965
Listen, I have made a
great many mistakes tonight,
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00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,943
and I don't want to make any more mistakes.
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So let's find a seat, and I will tell you
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all the ways in which
you are kind, beautiful,
35
00:01:33,922 --> 00:01:36,333
and quick to forgive idiots like me.
36
00:01:36,334 --> 00:01:38,264
- Uh... Okay. [Chuckles]
- Please.
37
00:01:38,972 --> 00:01:40,172
Hey, Cal. Hey, Tom.
38
00:01:40,239 --> 00:01:43,909
I accidentally made this extra vodka
tonic, heavy limes, three cubes, one straw,
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00:01:43,977 --> 00:01:45,010
just the way you like it.
40
00:01:45,078 --> 00:01:46,845
What an amazing coincidence.
41
00:01:46,913 --> 00:01:49,181
Thanks. Are we still on for 2:00?
42
00:01:49,248 --> 00:01:51,049
Oh, I'll be here. So will I.
43
00:01:51,117 --> 00:01:53,051
You see that?
44
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That's exactly what I'm talking about.
45
00:01:54,754 --> 00:01:55,954
Every chick has a type.
46
00:01:56,022 --> 00:01:59,558
They either like black guys
or British guys or Latin dudes.
47
00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:01,627
No chick ever digs redheaded guys.
48
00:02:01,694 --> 00:02:03,295
No girl's ever like, "ooh,
49
00:02:03,363 --> 00:02:05,998
"tonight, I want to get
some hot ginger action.
50
00:02:06,065 --> 00:02:08,700
Hope he's got really papery
skin and big yellow teeth."
51
00:02:08,768 --> 00:02:09,968
You done lost your damn mind.
52
00:02:10,036 --> 00:02:11,503
You're so lucky you're black, dude.
53
00:02:11,571 --> 00:02:12,638
That's true, actually.
54
00:02:12,705 --> 00:02:14,806
I'm always talking with my black
friends about how lucky we are.
55
00:02:14,874 --> 00:02:16,208
That's nice.
56
00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:18,343
Come on, guys. There are
like 200 women in this bar.
57
00:02:18,411 --> 00:02:19,911
One of them has to like redheads.
58
00:02:19,979 --> 00:02:21,146
You know what?
59
00:02:21,214 --> 00:02:22,914
Why don't you go ahead,
take a lap around the bar,
60
00:02:22,982 --> 00:02:24,583
and we'll see if any
girls are tracking you.
61
00:02:25,585 --> 00:02:27,719
That's actually not a stupid idea, Cal.
62
00:02:27,787 --> 00:02:30,255
I like that. All right,
let me tune up my look.
63
00:02:30,323 --> 00:02:31,390
How do I look?
64
00:02:31,457 --> 00:02:32,691
- Gross.
- Handsome.
65
00:02:32,759 --> 00:02:34,660
I heard handsome.
66
00:02:35,227 --> 00:02:37,495
Oh, great. Well, she sat down with him.
67
00:02:37,563 --> 00:02:39,430
Oh... oh, great.
68
00:02:39,498 --> 00:02:41,466
And now they're laughing together.
69
00:02:41,534 --> 00:02:43,628
What could possibly be that funny?
70
00:02:43,629 --> 00:02:45,331
[Chuckling] The way that
you're acting right now.
71
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,338
Well, I...
72
00:02:46,339 --> 00:02:47,262
You don't like him anymore, remember?
73
00:02:47,263 --> 00:02:49,474
He sends gross pictures
to women that aren't you.
74
00:02:49,475 --> 00:02:51,070
No one said I liked him.
75
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,484
I'm just... I'm just trying
to protect him from...
76
00:02:53,485 --> 00:02:56,281
Oh! Oh, she just touched his arm.
77
00:02:56,348 --> 00:02:57,682
Oh, okay. What does that mean?
78
00:02:57,750 --> 00:02:59,317
I know what that means.
79
00:02:59,385 --> 00:03:01,586
It means, "I want to
have filthy sex w-with..."
80
00:03:01,654 --> 00:03:03,388
- That's not what it means.
- [Sighs] Not now, Maya.
81
00:03:03,455 --> 00:03:04,923
Oh. Oh, okay.
82
00:03:04,990 --> 00:03:06,691
She's... She's tossing her hair.
83
00:03:06,759 --> 00:03:07,825
I'm gonna break this up.
84
00:03:07,893 --> 00:03:11,362
Oh, okay. [Laughs]
85
00:03:13,299 --> 00:03:16,234
Ooh, hello.
86
00:03:16,302 --> 00:03:19,637
I will be visiting that later.
87
00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:22,506
[Both laugh]
88
00:03:22,573 --> 00:03:24,775
But, honestly, you are
the first woman in history
89
00:03:24,842 --> 00:03:26,877
who's more attractive
than her online photo.
90
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:29,880
Wow. Thank you. 'Cause I've met
women who are different racial groups
91
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,315
than they purport to be.
92
00:03:31,382 --> 00:03:33,116
- Oh, man.
- Seriously, Jess,
93
00:03:33,184 --> 00:03:35,886
I'm truly sorry about
how this evening started.
94
00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:38,622
Don't sweat it. I mean, we met online.
95
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How often does that go well?
96
00:03:40,792 --> 00:03:42,726
Well, the truth is, I
kind of hoped it would.
97
00:03:42,794 --> 00:03:47,531
Um, your texts have been, very
often, the only good part of my day.
98
00:03:47,598 --> 00:03:48,899
Wow. Really?
99
00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:50,934
I couldn't wait to meet you tonight.
100
00:03:51,002 --> 00:03:53,005
Even though they'd met online,
101
00:03:53,006 --> 00:03:55,856
Ron had surprisingly
strong feelings for Jessica.
102
00:03:55,857 --> 00:03:59,025
Ron was a hustler who
made millions of dollars
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out of little more than a charming accent
104
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,424
and unstoppable hair.
105
00:04:02,425 --> 00:04:03,965
His life was fabulous.
106
00:04:03,966 --> 00:04:07,567
Unfortunately, the fabulous
life isn't so fabulous.
107
00:04:07,568 --> 00:04:10,720
It's a bunch of fake people lying
about how successful they are
108
00:04:10,721 --> 00:04:12,386
while stealing each other's cocaine.
109
00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,711
Ron yearned for something more honest.
110
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:18,130
So he went to where the real
people were... the Internet.
111
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Eventually, he found Jessica,
and they began texting.
112
00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:22,908
They had an instant rapport.
113
00:04:22,909 --> 00:04:24,635
Ron: Can we agree that after
Al-Qaeda and the global recession,
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the worst thing to
happen to this generation
115
00:04:26,938 --> 00:04:28,839
is earlobe expanders?
116
00:04:28,906 --> 00:04:32,580
Jessica: No, no. Worse than all
of those things is "hashtag."
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#Ihatehashtag.
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00:04:34,117 --> 00:04:35,162
Ron: Actually, no.
119
00:04:35,163 --> 00:04:37,377
The worst thing ever
is fixed-gear bicycles.
120
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,017
Only a nitwit would pay more money
for a bike that's harder to ride.
121
00:04:40,084 --> 00:04:41,652
Jessica: Can I tell you a secret?
122
00:04:41,719 --> 00:04:44,366
I never learned how to ride a bike.
123
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,095
#loser.
124
00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:48,365
Ron: I'm so touched that
you would share that with me.
125
00:04:48,366 --> 00:04:50,337
I will now make fun of
you for this glaring defect
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00:04:50,338 --> 00:04:51,511
whenever possible.
127
00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:53,491
Are you able to use a knife and fork?
128
00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:56,632
Texting led to e-mail,
e-mail led to photos,
129
00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:59,469
and photos led to way better photos,
130
00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:02,862
and then way, way, way better photos.
131
00:05:02,863 --> 00:05:05,801
Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling.
132
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,351
[Sighs]
133
00:05:10,513 --> 00:05:13,715
[Cellphone rings]
134
00:05:13,783 --> 00:05:16,851
Ma, this is not a good time right now!
135
00:05:16,919 --> 00:05:18,453
[Camera shutter clicking]
136
00:05:22,825 --> 00:05:24,559
Ron and Jessica were both lonely,
137
00:05:24,627 --> 00:05:26,361
highly photogenic people.
138
00:05:26,429 --> 00:05:28,463
And even though they
had actually never met,
139
00:05:28,531 --> 00:05:30,098
they had an amazing connection.
140
00:05:30,166 --> 00:05:32,667
Really, if I could change
one thing in the world,
141
00:05:32,735 --> 00:05:35,036
it would be the horrible
way in which we met.
142
00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:36,571
Uh, um, actually, scratch that.
143
00:05:36,639 --> 00:05:38,540
I'd change the series ending to "Lost"
144
00:05:38,607 --> 00:05:39,774
'cause that was dreadful.
145
00:05:39,842 --> 00:05:41,142
[Laughs]
146
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:42,344
[Laughs]
147
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:43,778
That was good.
148
00:05:43,846 --> 00:05:45,113
Let's talk about some trivia, okay?
149
00:05:45,181 --> 00:05:46,147
Okay.
150
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,849
My birthday is February 29th.
151
00:05:47,917 --> 00:05:49,317
- Leap year.
- That's right.
152
00:05:49,385 --> 00:05:51,786
So, technically, I'm 9 years old.
153
00:05:51,854 --> 00:05:53,455
Oh, you should've been
in your bed hours ago.
154
00:05:53,522 --> 00:05:56,191
No, I saved up my energy,
and my mom dropped me off.
155
00:05:56,258 --> 00:05:57,625
[Laughs] [Cellphone dings]
156
00:05:57,693 --> 00:05:59,561
Oh, my... oh, sorry.
157
00:05:59,628 --> 00:06:00,862
Oh, my gosh.
158
00:06:00,930 --> 00:06:03,631
Never give a client your
personal phone number.
159
00:06:03,699 --> 00:06:05,333
So annoying.
160
00:06:05,401 --> 00:06:07,335
But I guess when you
charge as much as I do,
161
00:06:07,403 --> 00:06:09,804
you can afford to put up with
a call every now and then.
162
00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:11,272
Right.
163
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:13,724
You're expensive, huh?
164
00:06:13,792 --> 00:06:16,394
Yes. Um, but I like to
think that I'm worth it.
165
00:06:16,461 --> 00:06:18,329
My clients always end up happy.
166
00:06:18,397 --> 00:06:19,297
I bet they do. [Laughs]
167
00:06:19,364 --> 00:06:21,198
Anyway, where were we?
168
00:06:21,266 --> 00:06:24,168
I was gonna invite you to
go to Paris with me tonight.
169
00:06:24,236 --> 00:06:26,304
Um, what? [Chuckles]
170
00:06:26,371 --> 00:06:29,640
Yeah. So, um, what would that cost?
171
00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:31,709
Oh, my gosh, right?
172
00:06:31,777 --> 00:06:35,012
Um... private jet, a hotel...
It's not gonna be cheap.
173
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,981
I mean, that's all
taken care of, of course.
174
00:06:37,049 --> 00:06:39,650
Oh, well, now you're being flashy.
175
00:06:39,718 --> 00:06:43,287
Well, what I mean is, um, you know...
176
00:06:43,355 --> 00:06:44,388
Mm-hmm.
177
00:06:44,456 --> 00:06:45,623
What's your rate?
178
00:06:49,461 --> 00:06:50,561
Oh.
179
00:07:01,731 --> 00:07:03,298
Okay, pay attention closely, okay?
180
00:07:03,366 --> 00:07:05,901
Even if a girl shoots me a look
on accident, I can use that.
181
00:07:05,969 --> 00:07:07,269
We got it. Just go.
182
00:07:07,337 --> 00:07:08,270
Regular walk or sexy walk?
183
00:07:08,338 --> 00:07:09,571
- Regular.
- Sexy.
184
00:07:09,639 --> 00:07:10,839
Got it.
185
00:07:10,907 --> 00:07:12,140
[Sighs]
186
00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:15,677
Ooh, yes. Okay.
187
00:07:15,745 --> 00:07:18,280
Not off to a great start.
188
00:07:18,348 --> 00:07:20,282
Wow. No one is looking at him.
189
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:21,283
No.
190
00:07:21,351 --> 00:07:22,784
Don't. Don't do that. Don't do th...
191
00:07:22,852 --> 00:07:23,819
Why's he stretching?
192
00:07:23,886 --> 00:07:25,420
Don't do the runner lunge.
193
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:27,889
It's... it's like they
literally can't see him.
194
00:07:27,957 --> 00:07:29,958
It's like he's a ghost.
195
00:07:30,026 --> 00:07:31,960
He is dying out there.
196
00:07:32,028 --> 00:07:33,829
You're doing great, Bruce.
197
00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:35,063
He's doing bad.
198
00:07:35,131 --> 00:07:37,232
[Chuckles]
199
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,233
Maybe he should've done his sexy walk.
200
00:07:39,301 --> 00:07:40,702
I think that is his sexy walk.
201
00:07:40,769 --> 00:07:43,705
You know what? Maybe Bruce is right.
Maybe girls aren't into redheads.
202
00:07:43,772 --> 00:07:46,541
I always thought girls didn't like
Bruce because of his personality.
203
00:07:46,608 --> 00:07:48,409
I never thought it was
because of his coloring.
204
00:07:48,477 --> 00:07:50,244
Well, don't count out
the personality thing.
205
00:07:50,312 --> 00:07:53,514
Okay, be cool, man. Be cool.
206
00:07:53,582 --> 00:07:56,551
Oh, my... He just spilled a drink,
and she still didn't look at him.
207
00:07:56,618 --> 00:07:57,819
Walk away. Just go. Just go.
208
00:08:04,492 --> 00:08:05,959
Wait, wait. What is this? What is this?
209
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,327
Oh, my God.
210
00:08:07,395 --> 00:08:09,963
She is looking at him like
he's a piece of birthday cake.
211
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,331
And she's actually cute, too.
212
00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:12,499
I know.
213
00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:13,934
Something must be horribly wrong with her.
214
00:08:14,002 --> 00:08:14,902
Oh, yeah. She's crazy.
215
00:08:14,969 --> 00:08:18,172
Okay, here he comes.
216
00:08:18,239 --> 00:08:20,374
Great. I know. I did terrible.
217
00:08:20,442 --> 00:08:23,844
Dude... black top, apple Martini, edge
of the couch... Totally checking you out.
218
00:08:25,413 --> 00:08:27,548
Oh, she is worthy of my tool.
219
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:29,016
I'm gonna pound her with my hammer.
220
00:08:29,084 --> 00:08:30,017
Yeah.
221
00:08:30,085 --> 00:08:31,885
And look who she's sitting with.
222
00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:34,655
I think she likes the ginge.
223
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,523
Go put your ginge in there.
224
00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:41,962
I'm gonna show her my freckles.
225
00:08:44,898 --> 00:08:46,799
Okay, do your best American.
226
00:08:46,867 --> 00:08:47,900
I told you, I've got
a good American accent.
227
00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:49,301
Let's hear it.
228
00:08:49,369 --> 00:08:52,471
[American accent] Oh,
hey. How's it going? Swell?
229
00:08:52,539 --> 00:08:54,240
I'm... God bless America.
230
00:08:54,307 --> 00:08:55,274
[Laughs]
231
00:08:55,342 --> 00:08:57,977
Ah [Laughing] what is this?
232
00:08:58,044 --> 00:08:59,879
- Oh, excuse me.
- [Normal voice] Hey.
233
00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:02,882
What? Oh, okay. Hi, guys. Hey.
234
00:09:02,949 --> 00:09:04,450
Wait, do you guys know each other?
235
00:09:04,518 --> 00:09:06,719
Oh, yeah. No, we've met. We've met.
236
00:09:06,787 --> 00:09:08,954
Actually, I was just
coming to remind Jessica
237
00:09:09,022 --> 00:09:11,690
that she has a very
important phone call to make.
238
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:14,093
And then she needs to leave... Forever!
239
00:09:14,161 --> 00:09:17,296
I am very much aware of my
very important phone call,
240
00:09:17,364 --> 00:09:21,267
and I'm also not sure why you
came over here to remind me of it.
241
00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:22,835
Well, I just, you know,
242
00:09:22,903 --> 00:09:27,406
I feel like maybe you are more
interested in doing sex with Ron
243
00:09:27,474 --> 00:09:31,677
than making your important phone
call and then leaving immediately.
244
00:09:32,745 --> 00:09:34,779
Okay, great. Thanks, sweetie.
245
00:09:34,847 --> 00:09:36,581
You are welcome.
246
00:09:36,649 --> 00:09:38,583
[Laughing] Okay.
247
00:09:38,651 --> 00:09:41,152
Hi, Ron.
248
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:42,620
Hey, Liv.
249
00:09:42,688 --> 00:09:44,222
How's your night going?
250
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,591
Currently, it's a little bit weird, but...
251
00:09:46,659 --> 00:09:48,660
I really like talking to you.
252
00:09:48,727 --> 00:09:52,163
I like doing that to you, as
well... with you. [Laughing] Talking.
253
00:09:52,231 --> 00:09:54,432
Can I get you anything?
254
00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:56,968
A drink, some lightly salted nuts, or...
255
00:09:57,536 --> 00:10:00,071
Okay, yep. We're done here.
256
00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:01,839
Oh. Oh, right! I...
257
00:10:01,907 --> 00:10:03,474
You know, I have to go, guys.
258
00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:04,642
Yeah. Oh.
259
00:10:04,710 --> 00:10:05,976
I got to... got to jet.
260
00:10:06,044 --> 00:10:08,212
Um, but it was really
good reconnecting with you.
261
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,346
You, too.
262
00:10:09,414 --> 00:10:12,049
And you should make that phone call.
263
00:10:12,817 --> 00:10:14,084
Yes. Got it.
264
00:10:14,152 --> 00:10:15,852
- And then leave.
- Terrific.
265
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,320
Ron isn't your boyfriend.
266
00:10:17,388 --> 00:10:19,289
Okay.
267
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,925
Excuse me.
268
00:10:21,993 --> 00:10:23,026
Hello.
269
00:10:23,094 --> 00:10:24,194
Hi.
270
00:10:24,262 --> 00:10:26,963
I couldn't help but notice you noticing me.
271
00:10:27,031 --> 00:10:28,532
[Chuckles] Is that right?
272
00:10:28,599 --> 00:10:30,000
Yeah, it is.
273
00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:31,635
I saw you sitting with
these two redheads over here,
274
00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:34,237
and I began to wonder, "what's going on?"
275
00:10:34,305 --> 00:10:35,705
She's a pumpkin pounder.
276
00:10:35,773 --> 00:10:38,275
[Chuckles] A pumpkin pounder?
277
00:10:38,342 --> 00:10:40,210
Oh, I'd like to hear more.
278
00:10:40,278 --> 00:10:42,979
All right, so the trick
is, obviously, to wear heels
279
00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:45,515
and keep pedaling your
feet as much as you can.
280
00:10:45,983 --> 00:10:47,984
[Laughs] So, uh, would you teach me?
281
00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:51,621
I would love to if I could
video tape it and sell it online.
282
00:10:52,389 --> 00:10:53,956
What? No.
283
00:10:54,024 --> 00:10:55,624
You would never do anything like that.
284
00:10:55,692 --> 00:10:57,793
I would if I could get top dollar.
285
00:10:57,861 --> 00:10:59,628
No, seriously. Like,
you would... you would...
286
00:10:59,696 --> 00:11:01,230
You would never do something like that.
287
00:11:01,298 --> 00:11:03,032
No. Of course I wouldn't.
288
00:11:03,099 --> 00:11:07,369
W-what sort of website would
want a video of you cycling?
289
00:11:07,437 --> 00:11:08,837
Oh, I can think of a lot.
290
00:11:08,905 --> 00:11:10,606
Quite an unusual fetish.
291
00:11:10,674 --> 00:11:12,374
But I'm glad you won't. Good.
292
00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:14,944
I'm so glad I can trust you.
293
00:11:15,011 --> 00:11:19,181
So, how long have you been
a noted fashion designer?
294
00:11:21,418 --> 00:11:24,486
Uh-oh. Someone lied on
their Internet profile.
295
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:28,589
Jessica was a busy single mom.
296
00:11:28,657 --> 00:11:31,225
She had no time for dating.
297
00:11:31,293 --> 00:11:32,860
So she went online.
298
00:11:32,928 --> 00:11:34,729
Unfortunately, there weren't too many men
299
00:11:34,797 --> 00:11:37,231
looking for 32-year-old women
from east nowhere, New Jersey,
300
00:11:37,299 --> 00:11:39,634
with a dead-end job and two kids.
301
00:11:39,702 --> 00:11:41,436
And the guys that were looking for that,
302
00:11:41,503 --> 00:11:43,738
well, they usually had parrots.
303
00:11:43,806 --> 00:11:46,808
So Jess did what everybody does.
304
00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:48,543
She adjusted her profile a bit.
305
00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:49,911
A few keystrokes later,
306
00:11:49,979 --> 00:11:52,046
Jess the single mom from New Jersey
307
00:11:52,114 --> 00:11:55,616
became Jessica the successful
fashionista from Tribeca.
308
00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:57,218
So while Ron had been honest with her,
309
00:11:57,286 --> 00:11:58,953
she hadn't been quite so honest with him.
310
00:11:59,021 --> 00:12:01,956
I wouldn't say that I'm a
noted fashion designer, really.
311
00:12:02,024 --> 00:12:03,691
Oh, you're just being modest.
312
00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:06,327
But the thing is with modesty...
I-I've got a lot of modesty,
313
00:12:06,395 --> 00:12:07,562
but sometimes it takes away
314
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:09,697
from the other amazing
things about me, right?
315
00:12:09,765 --> 00:12:11,766
So it's like... It's distracting.
316
00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:13,701
Yes. I see it. You know what?
317
00:12:13,769 --> 00:12:16,571
I'm gonna go crazy here and
get us a very special bottle
318
00:12:16,672 --> 00:12:18,606
to celebrate our first official date.
319
00:12:19,674 --> 00:12:20,574
Stay.
320
00:12:20,641 --> 00:12:22,075
I will be here.
321
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,850
Hey! Erase the picture! Get out of there!
322
00:12:31,953 --> 00:12:33,754
Stop talking to Ron!
323
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,322
Get out of here!
324
00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:36,757
Oh, okay, crazy. Hey, listen.
325
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,091
I've got a problem.
326
00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:41,128
Okay, I just met a guy
upstairs and he's super hot,
327
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,929
he's actually smart and witty,
328
00:12:42,997 --> 00:12:45,832
and he wants to fly me
to Paris for the weekend.
329
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:48,468
Oh, my God! What's the problem?
330
00:12:48,536 --> 00:12:51,071
He thinks I'm a prostitute.
331
00:12:51,139 --> 00:12:54,141
Oh. Well, that is something.
332
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,876
Come on. I mean, do I even
look like a prostitute?
333
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,911
Yeah, totally. [Scoffs]
334
00:12:57,979 --> 00:13:00,380
But, I mean, not like a street whore.
335
00:13:00,448 --> 00:13:02,949
Like a... like a fancy, high-end escort
336
00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:06,320
who has rules like "no credit
cards" and "no kissing."
337
00:13:06,387 --> 00:13:07,554
Liv, seriously.
338
00:13:07,622 --> 00:13:08,755
The weird thing is, is
I was actually willing
339
00:13:08,823 --> 00:13:10,991
to go to Paris with him for the weekend
340
00:13:11,059 --> 00:13:13,126
until he offered to pay me.
341
00:13:13,194 --> 00:13:15,362
Yeah, well, obviously, you can't go.
342
00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:16,496
A guy would do it.
343
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,000
Any man would take the money and the
sex and not even think twice about it.
344
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,601
You know what? You're right.
345
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,338
There's a real double standard
when it comes to whoring.
346
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,408
[Sighs]
347
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,319
Hey, what's going on here?
348
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,520
What were you doing on my phone?
349
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,655
Uh...
350
00:13:53,245 --> 00:13:54,912
What were you doing on my phone? Seriously.
351
00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:56,147
Oh, I was just...
352
00:13:56,214 --> 00:13:58,682
Uh, I wanted to delete
that picture I sent you.
353
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:02,153
Oh, uh, okay.
354
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:07,725
Just out of curiosity, what did
you think I was gonna do with it?
355
00:14:07,793 --> 00:14:13,197
Like, post it on Facebook or mount
it on a billboard in Times Square?
356
00:14:13,265 --> 00:14:15,132
Uh...
357
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,001
Wow. That's exactly what
you thought I was gonna do.
358
00:14:17,768 --> 00:14:22,239
Okay, uh, it's deleted.
359
00:14:22,306 --> 00:14:24,641
Sorry. I just... [Sighs]
360
00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:30,580
I guess I don't trust you because I,
uh, I haven't been 100% honest myself.
361
00:14:30,648 --> 00:14:32,549
Oh, God. Are you 16 years old?
362
00:14:32,617 --> 00:14:34,317
Oh. [Chuckles]
363
00:14:34,385 --> 00:14:36,586
N-no, but, um, thanks.
364
00:14:36,654 --> 00:14:39,089
Um... no.
365
00:14:39,157 --> 00:14:44,628
I am a single mom from New Jersey
who works at the clothing barn.
366
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,254
Wow.
367
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,756
That's not even 30% honest.
368
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,691
Yeah. I know.
369
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,027
I mean, I-I guess I thought
that everybody lied online.
370
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:55,995
[Chuckles]
371
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,396
Something.
372
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,801
This has been sufficiently weird for me.
373
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,169
I'm gonna...
374
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:06,806
[Sighs]
375
00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:10,576
I'm just gonna tell him no. Right.
376
00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:13,412
I don't need some weirdo
giving me 10 grand anyway.
377
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,613
No, you don't.
378
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,816
Sisters doing it for
themselves, am I right?
379
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,651
Okay, okay. Go. Okay, bye. Thanks.
380
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,319
Hello, hello. Hey.
381
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:25,090
So I've been thinking, is $100,000 okay?
382
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,929
Oh, my God. I've offended you.
383
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,398
Sorry. Uh, $200,000, then?
384
00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:34,867
No, I just didn't, um...
385
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:35,901
Okay, okay.
386
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:40,238
You know, I can do $250,000, but
that's really as high as I can go.
387
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,974
Sorry.
388
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,409
- It's $250,000.
- I know.
389
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:47,346
So, look, dude. I'm not a prostitute.
390
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,581
Oh, wow.
391
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,250
Well, you still want to go to Paris?
392
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:53,251
For free?
393
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,653
[Chuckles] Are you insane?
394
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,154
I think I should go.
395
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:59,157
Oh, uh, uh, before you do, just curious.
396
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:02,694
Um, how much would I cost?
397
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:03,829
This?
398
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,667
Good for you.
399
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:12,004
You owe me $250,000.
400
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:14,539
Mm, yes.
401
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:17,041
It is the perfect shade of orange.
402
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:19,310
I feel like I'm at home depot.
403
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:22,347
If you like the hair on my head,
you're gonna love the hair on my back.
404
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:25,149
I just... I love how it's thinning on top
405
00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:29,087
and I can see splotches of
pale, white scalp poking through.
406
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,054
Yeah.
407
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,190
You must sunburn so easily.
408
00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:34,359
Oh, baby, I burn every day of my life.
409
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,693
What spf do you use?
410
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,462
45... in the winter.
411
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:40,131
And your translucent skin. Yeah.
412
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:42,100
Do you have bruises everywhere?
413
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,801
Pfft!
414
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:46,738
I got that from hanging up the phone.
415
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:47,805
[Gasps]
416
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:50,274
He's perfect. [Laughs]
417
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,610
This is the greatest day of my entire life.
418
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,012
I didn't even know
pumpkin pounders existed.
419
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,247
Well, we do.
420
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,449
And there are a lot more
of us than you think.
421
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,584
What are you doing later?
422
00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:00,852
'Cause I really want to show you...
423
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,820
Man: Hey, babe. Oh, hey.
424
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:04,188
Oh, my God.
425
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,690
Hi. How you doing?
426
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,558
Hi. I'm Alexi Lalas.
427
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:08,960
Yeah, it's an honor to meet you.
428
00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:10,428
I know who you are.
429
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:11,996
You're the greatest redheaded
athlete in human history.
430
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,364
Yeah, I know.
431
00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:16,600
Listen, Trista. Me, Caruso,
and Stoltz are getting tacos.
432
00:17:16,667 --> 00:17:17,734
You want to go?
433
00:17:17,802 --> 00:17:21,505
Uh... yeah. Yeah, okay.
434
00:17:21,572 --> 00:17:24,441
Sorry, babe. It's Alexi Lalas.
435
00:17:24,509 --> 00:17:27,878
Yeah, go.
436
00:17:27,945 --> 00:17:32,649
Anyway, are you... You going to get
drinks or you're just leaving me, as well.
437
00:17:32,717 --> 00:17:33,784
Okay.
438
00:17:33,851 --> 00:17:36,720
Bruce: Look, being single sucks.
439
00:17:36,788 --> 00:17:40,223
Most of the time, things
just don't work out.
440
00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:42,826
Sometimes people lie to you,
441
00:17:42,894 --> 00:17:45,462
sometimes you're mistaken for a prostitute,
442
00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:49,332
and sometimes there's no
one to blame but yourself.
443
00:17:53,004 --> 00:17:55,472
[Clears throat]
444
00:17:57,975 --> 00:17:59,475
Hi.
445
00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:00,710
Oh, lovely.
446
00:18:00,777 --> 00:18:04,046
It's noted fashion designer
made-up mcnot-a-name.
447
00:18:04,114 --> 00:18:05,581
I'm sorry.
448
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:08,351
I get it. I screwed up.
449
00:18:08,418 --> 00:18:09,785
[Sighs]
450
00:18:09,853 --> 00:18:13,890
It's just, I liked you, and I thought
if I told you who I really was,
451
00:18:13,957 --> 00:18:15,324
you wouldn't like me.
452
00:18:15,392 --> 00:18:18,794
Yeah, but I didn't care about
your job or your fabulous life.
453
00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:20,196
I liked you.
454
00:18:20,264 --> 00:18:23,532
I liked the girl who, oddly,
doesn't know how to ride a bike
455
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,101
despite being 26 years old.
456
00:18:25,168 --> 00:18:26,135
28.
457
00:18:26,203 --> 00:18:28,604
Despite being 28 years old.
458
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:29,805
32.
459
00:18:31,608 --> 00:18:33,910
Despite being 32 years old.
460
00:18:33,977 --> 00:18:35,544
Are you sure this time?
461
00:18:35,612 --> 00:18:37,947
Yeah.
462
00:18:38,015 --> 00:18:42,385
Look, Ron, obviously you have
no reason to trust me, but...
463
00:18:42,452 --> 00:18:46,856
Just a second.
464
00:18:47,623 --> 00:18:48,857
What are you doing?
465
00:18:48,925 --> 00:18:50,726
Are you texting your mother
to find out your real age?
466
00:18:53,396 --> 00:18:54,596
[Sighs] [Cellphone dings]
467
00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:55,664
Check your phone.
468
00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:02,804
[Chuckles]
469
00:19:02,872 --> 00:19:04,539
Ooh, wow.
470
00:19:04,607 --> 00:19:06,742
[Clears throat] That is quite a photo.
471
00:19:06,809 --> 00:19:08,443
Were you ever in the circus?
472
00:19:08,511 --> 00:19:09,544
[Laughs]
473
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:12,481
[Sighs] You can keep that one.
474
00:19:12,548 --> 00:19:14,716
I am trusting you with it.
475
00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:17,386
Thank you. My Twitter
followers are gonna love it.
476
00:19:17,453 --> 00:19:18,987
[Chuckles]
477
00:19:19,055 --> 00:19:20,889
Look, can we just...
Can we just start over?
478
00:19:20,957 --> 00:19:23,625
'Cause I'd really like to
tell you about the real me...
479
00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:29,064
Every honest, weird, un-cool bit.
480
00:19:29,132 --> 00:19:31,400
You can probably stop
looking at that picture now.
481
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:34,269
Yeah. Yeah, and let's start all over again.
482
00:19:34,337 --> 00:19:36,938
Um, what other photos do
you have on your phone,
483
00:19:37,006 --> 00:19:38,306
and when can I see them?
484
00:19:38,374 --> 00:19:40,609
Easy, killer. You got to earn that.
485
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:45,614
So, which one was your favorite caper?
486
00:19:45,681 --> 00:19:47,616
Soccer star. Dumb. How'd it go?
487
00:19:48,383 --> 00:19:49,984
Not good, man. I got Alexi Lalased.
488
00:19:50,052 --> 00:19:51,419
I don't understand your terms.
489
00:19:51,487 --> 00:19:52,887
What is "getting Alexi Lalased"?
490
00:19:52,955 --> 00:19:55,890
It's when Alexi Lalas steals
the girl that you're hitting on.
491
00:19:55,958 --> 00:19:57,692
Mm. Oh, that's very literal.
492
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,427
Anyway, even though I lost her,
493
00:19:59,495 --> 00:20:01,696
I kind of learned something very important.
494
00:20:01,764 --> 00:20:06,267
There is a small group of very
strange girls that love redheads,
495
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:08,570
and they treat them like
objects to have sex with.
496
00:20:08,571 --> 00:20:10,738
You know, like British guys or black dudes.
497
00:20:10,806 --> 00:20:12,106
I'm so happy for you. Thanks.
498
00:20:12,174 --> 00:20:13,808
It's a great feeling to be objectified.
499
00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:16,110
I know. I know what it's like to be black.
500
00:20:16,178 --> 00:20:17,445
I get it. I dig it.
501
00:20:17,513 --> 00:20:20,014
Now all I have to do is
find these wackadoodle chicks
502
00:20:20,082 --> 00:20:21,783
and let them demolish my body.
503
00:20:21,851 --> 00:20:23,017
It's gonna be awesome.
504
00:20:23,085 --> 00:20:24,786
But, you know, when it's over,
505
00:20:24,854 --> 00:20:26,855
I'm sure they're gonna love
me for who I really am...
506
00:20:26,922 --> 00:20:28,490
The real Bruce deep down.
507
00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:31,593
You know, the good guy
who... [Laughing] I can't.
508
00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:33,962
[Laughter]
509
00:20:34,029 --> 00:20:35,563
- I'm not a good guy.
- No. Not even a little.
510
00:20:43,112 --> 00:20:45,013
- Hey.
- Hey.
511
00:20:45,081 --> 00:20:46,515
Okay, what the hell was that?
512
00:20:46,582 --> 00:20:48,150
What? I'm just saying "hey".
513
00:20:48,217 --> 00:20:52,387
No. You said, "hey,"
like, very seductively.
514
00:20:52,455 --> 00:20:54,923
Well, that's just how I
talk. I'm always seductive.
515
00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:56,291
I can't turn it off.
516
00:20:56,358 --> 00:20:58,793
Okay, here's the deal.
517
00:20:58,861 --> 00:21:00,729
I have dumped you, like, 9 times tonight,
518
00:21:00,796 --> 00:21:02,897
but you keep flirting
with me, and do I like it?
519
00:21:02,965 --> 00:21:04,199
Yes. Of course I like it.
520
00:21:04,266 --> 00:21:06,134
Flirting is my favorite thing to do ever.
521
00:21:06,202 --> 00:21:09,738
But I have another offer on the
table right now, and it is a good one.
522
00:21:09,805 --> 00:21:13,007
So we need to figure
this out once and for all.
523
00:21:13,075 --> 00:21:15,877
Either we take our relationship
to the next level...
524
00:21:15,945 --> 00:21:18,713
You know, become hardcore
boyfriend/girlfriend,
525
00:21:18,781 --> 00:21:21,015
talk about our feelings, get a dog,
526
00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:22,951
you come visit West Greentree,
527
00:21:23,019 --> 00:21:25,987
I go to wherever it is in
South America you're from.
528
00:21:26,055 --> 00:21:28,490
Or we shut this thing down forever, okay?
529
00:21:28,557 --> 00:21:31,893
So? What do you want to do?
530
00:21:31,961 --> 00:21:32,961
Hmm.
531
00:21:33,029 --> 00:21:36,031
Okay, let's take our relationship
to the next level, then.
532
00:21:36,098 --> 00:21:39,334
- [Blows]
- Shut up.
533
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:44,483
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
534
00:21:44,533 --> 00:21:49,083
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Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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