Original subtitles

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

(Smith) I met the two great loves

of my life when I was 10.

One was the girl next door.

The other...

a mail order bride... so to speak.

♪♪

Two love stories that changed my life forever.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

(Smith) Papa! Mail.

Huh.

[chuckling]

This is your wife.

I have a wife?

You will. This is Sharmila.

When you are 22, you will marry her.

But, I don't love her.

Love-shmove. Here.

Go get the milk for mommy.

(Smith) Yes, we were now in America.

But as you can see,

my father held on to some of his Indian ways.

The Karma Kid has his ears on.

Huh?

♪♪

Hurry up, Smith!

Lickety lick!

[laughing]

It's "lickety split!"

(Smith) That was the girl next door.

Her name was Amy.

♪♪

How doing, Mr. Wilson?

(Smith) My father told me,

if you want to get along with Americans,

you should always ask them, "How doing?"

How doing, Swanson family?

(Smith) As for me,

I just wanted to be a good old American boy.

And yes, my name is Smith.

[indistinct chatter]

You see, my father believed,

to pursue the American Dream,

you had to have an all-American name.

But what my father didn't know,

was that "Smith"

was a very common American...

last name.

♪♪

I studied hard to be American.

Every Thursday, I watched "Happy Days."

My favorite movie was "Saturday Night Fever."

And...

I longed to eat all-American food.

So it was time to be a man.

Time to take a bite of the American Dream.

["Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees playing]

♪♪

♪ Well you can tell by the way I use my walk ♪

♪ I'm a woman's man no time to talk ♪

♪ Music loud and women warm ♪

♪ I've been kicked around Since I was born ♪

♪ And now it's all-- ♪

[retching]

What was I thinking? I was a vegetarian.

♪♪

There were a few cowboys in this town.

Some of them did not care for this little Indian boy.

Nice bag, Pocahontas.

I'm not that kind of Indian.

Well the only good Indian's a dead Indian.

And Billy MacNamara was one of them.

♪♪

Get him, boys!

♪♪

[tires screeching]

♪♪

You boys tryin' to get yourselves killed?

No, sir. We're just...

p-playing.

Well, you better go play somewhere else.

Yes, sir.

You're, uh, Captain Mack's boy?

Yes, sir.

Well, I'd rather not have to tell your daddy

what you've been up to.

We ain't up to nothin', sir.

Well, good. Let's keep it that way.

Have a nice day, boys.

♪♪

(Smith) But there was one cowboy

that made up for all the others.

Butch Brunner.

[engine starting]

The Lone Ranger.

♪♪

And I wanted to be his Tonto.

Come here, boy.

You know how much this would cost

in that stupid grocery store?

Um--

Two dollars!

Conversion, please.

Uh, 125 rupees.

Exactly. That's too much!

Cost me only pennies.

You have to be smart, Smith.

Wait.

Come and see your Jack-o'-ladder.

"Jack-o'-lantern."

Here is your pumpkin.

It's supposed to be big.

We have a couple of months.

It will grow big. Bigger than your head.

And, orange?

A red marker fixes it.

Red and yellow make orange.

But pumpkins are supposed to be round.

Round-shmound.

You will use whatever I give you.

Here, take these to mami.

Damn, kids.

In India you take whatever you get.

No questions.

And don't forget your shoes.

Yes, papa.

Just because we live in this country

does not mean we have to become heathens.

♪♪

Smith! Smith!

I'm sorry I ate animal. I'll never do it again.

One.

(Smith) It was the dreaded Uthak-baithak.

I'm sorry I ate animal. I'll never do it again.

Two.

Punishment reserved for the worst of transgressions.

I'm sorry I ate animal. I'll never do it again.

Three.

It was not a violent punishment,

but a humiliating one.

I'll never do it again.

Spanking would've been a blessing in comparison.

I'll never do it again. Five.

The mere mention of Uthak-baithak

could bring tears to my eyes.

I'm sorry I ate animal. I'll never do it again.

Six.

You eat chicken again, you will be banished,

straight to India. Understood?

I'm sorry I ate animal. I'll never do it again.

Seven.

Papa, it's enough.

No, he needs to finish.

You will do all ten.

You understand, chicken boy?

I'm sorry I ate animal. I'll never do it again.

Eight.

What's going on, Papa?

Never you mind.

Come, help me in the kitchen, Asha.

But, mami, I have to study with Betsy.

Go help, mami.

Asha.

Keep going.

I'm sorry I ate animal. I'll never do it again.

Okay, that's enough.

Go to your room and study.

Wait.

Where's the milk change?

I'm sorry I spent the milk change on chicken.

I'll never do it again.

One.

[sniffing]

(woman on tape) The term "human anatomy"

comprises a consideration of the various structures

which make up the human organism.

In a restricted sense, it deals merely with the parts

which form the fully developed individual,

and which can be rendered evident to the naked eye,

by various methods of dissection.

(Smith) In addition to deciding

who I would marry,

my father had decided my profession, too.

I was to be a doctor.

Specifically, a neurologist.

[horn honking]

Fortunately, there were certain distractions.

And I wasn't the only one who was roused by them.

♪♪

Every neighborhood has that one family

that marches to its own drumbeat.

In our neighborhood, it was the Brunner's.

♪♪

They were the talk of the town.

The subject of rumors at Bible study.

The gossip at the local hair salon.

♪♪

Like lions in the Serengeti...

They were beasts to be admired, and feared.

But more than admired them, I loved them.

In fact, I thanked them.

Were it not for their moments of unbridled lawn sex,

I would not have Amy.

My first love.

Hmm.

There she was,

a touch of Heaven a mere 30 yards from me,

yet a Heaven unreachable.

♪♪

A distance I was unable to cross.

♪♪

I still remember the first time she spoke to me.

♪♪

♪♪

[no audible dialogue]

♪♪

Wanna be my partner?

Would I? Are you kidding?

Huh?

Which in Hindi means "yes."

(teacher) Is everybody partnered up?

Okay.

And, five, six, seven, eight.

[record playing]

[record scratching]

["You Should Be Dancing" by the Bee Gees playing]

♪♪

♪ My baby moves at midnight night ♪

♪ Goes right until the dawn ♪

♪ My woman takes me higher ♪

♪ My woman keeps-- ♪

(Asha) What are you staring at,

pervert?

You should talk to her instead of being a Peeping Tom.

[sniffing]

Oh, god.

[sniffing] Smith, come here.

Do I smell like curry?

[sniffing]

Yes.

This smell is impossible!

I thought Patrick likes Indian food?

Shh!

I'm studying with Betsy.

You remember that, and I won't go telling mami and papa

about your little sick habit.

Smith, you want to get along around here?

Rule one: don't go telling mami and papa everything.

They'll never understand, anyway.

(Smith) Ah! There were rules.

I had no idea.

I need to rid of this smell.

I resolved to pay closer attention.

Nalini, this is good news.

The Ramesh Bhai is offering 250,000 rupees

for Sharmila.

That's...

[clicking]

Five thousand dollars.

Not bad for our chicken boy.

We can put it towards the gas bill,

finally get some heat in here.

It's so cold at night, papa.

Put on another sweater if you're so cold.

You're so conjoos. Just put the heat on.

I'll light the fire.

Let me just enjoy my chai first.

She's beautiful.

They look lovely together.

Mami!

How many times must I remind you to remind me

that the chai is hot?

Papa, I brought you a saucer, now.

Oh.

(Smith) As my parents debated

my matrimonial value,

my sister was about to get away with murder.

Papa will never let you go before supper.

Learn from the master.

Bye!

Bye!

See? Told you.

She's not having supper?

Well, Betsy, no?

Who is Betsy?

Uh...

Papa, we're a family.

We should have dinner together.

Like in India, on the table.

Bye!

Stop. Come in here.

Where are you going?

Ah... outside?

Nothing doing. Go back to your studies.

But my eyes hurt.

Come here, Patel.

Come now.

Go set the table, okay?

Hm? We're gonna eat in a few minutes.

You don't want his eyes to get worse, do you?

Here, now.

Ruko.

Thank you, Patel.

It hasn't been easy for Smith.

He has no friends here. Everyone makes fun of him.

At least in India he had someone to play with.

I never hear the boy complain.

We're much happier in India.

I had Lata.

I didn't my own dishes, I didn't wash my own clothes.

I never cleaned my own toilet.

Here, no Lata, no servant, no nothing.

I'm doing it all.

Be patient, mami.

When we go back, we will live like rajas and ranis.

We will live the American Dream, in India.

I don't want to live like a queen, papa.

I just want someone to talk to.

You don't even let me invite that Avon lady in.

She's no friend.

Besides, you have the make up.

And the Wilson's, when they brought us an apple pie,

I could have returned the favor with a spinach paneer.

But you said "no."

The Wilson's.

They come to my house and tell me that my gods are worthless.

That only that the Jesus saves.

Still nice people, papa.

Give them the spinach paneer and you'll see

a cross burning in our vegetable garden.

Besides, none of us liked the apple pie.

I liked the apple pie.

Oy, chup!

See that?

Today it's the apple pie, tomorrow it's the Jesus.

I swear I will send that boy back to India,

he keeps it up.

(Smith) More talk of banishment.

Smith!

Get the axe.

The axe?

The axe.

Yes, go get the axe.

It seemed like a harsh punishment

for merely liking apple pie.

The Wilson's.

Good. Keep practicing.

So this Halloween thing is coming up again.

Yes, can I go this year?

Maybe you would like to go as a doctor.

A neurosurgeon. It pays to specialize.

Yes... or, maybe Darth Vader?

Doctor Vader?

Does he specialize?

Um... kind of.

And just our luck, it falls on Diwali this year.

Definition, Diwali.

The festival of lights. Our new Year.

Good.

Well, let's see what mami can put together.

Go ahead, keep chopping. Chop chop.

So, what do you think of these all-American

metal grilling contests?

It's not a contest, it's a barbecue.

I know barbecue.

I'm just saying, do you think we should have one on Sunday?

Sunday's no good.

Everyone will be in church.

Ah, forget it, then.

The Brunners never go to church.

The Brunners, huh?

Okay. Get the wood inside.

[TV chatter]

Patel, where is your papa?

His tea's getting so cold.

Hm?

[door opening]

[TV chatter continues]

It is done.

What is done?

The Brunners are coming over Sunday

for a metal grilling barbecue.

You invited them?

Of course I invited them.

But when the square bricks

start coming through the windows...

[sighing] ...don't blame me.

What-- what will I make?

Oh, I could make them apple pie, or maybe the corn,

uh, Patel, what-what do they eat?

Uh, hot dogs, hamburgers--

Uh-huh?

Nonsense.

We will cook vegetables on the grill.

The onions, the eggplants, the chili pepper.

All from our home-grown garden.

They will love it.

Papa, uh, I think we should really give them something

that they will eat,

or something that they will like.

When you go to Rome, you do what the Italians do.

[sighing]

[disco music playing]

(Smith) It was Sunday. Sweet Sunday.

And the Brunners would soon arrive

for a metal grilling contest.

♪♪

While my mother was in the kitchen, trying to

figure out how to prepare vegetables for grilling...

My father was in the backyard adding a little more charcoal

to that old grill.

And my sister, she was priming herself

for another study session with the Betsy.

♪♪

It was Sunday, and the Brunners--

the sweet Brunners--

were only a half an hour away.

♪♪

What's cookin'?

[music stops]

Or not.

Dad, it's customary to ring the doorbell

and wait for them to open the door for you.

Oh, honey, it's fine. We're guests.

Hello? Anybody home?

(Ninali) Papa!

Papa, who are they?

They're here already?

[speaking Hindi]

You see, I warned you about these people.

[sighing]

Welcome. Welcome to my home.

Hey, buddy. Good to see ya again.

So is it two o'clock already?

Oh, no, it's just-- we wanted to come over early

and help you guys out.

Brought a couple beers.

Uh-huh.

So who are these pretty ladies?

[chuckling]

This is my wife and daughter.

Who's who?

[laughter]

[continues laughing]

I'm Nalini.

Melanie.

Nalini.

Melanie-- I dated a Melanie once.

I'm Asha.

This is my daughter, and this is my wife.

[nervous chuckling]

Smith! Come in here!

I can see why you keep this beauty locked up, Oscar.

Bhaaskar.

Basker?

Bhaaskar.

Butchy.

Butchy.

I'm sorry, this, uh--

[chuckling]

This is my sweetheart here, Nancy.

Oh, he is too cute.

Hi, it is so nice to meet you guys.

It's nice to finally meet you.

How are you?

We brought you apple pie.

No.

Yes.

Too much trouble.

Yes, yes, of course.

I mean, you just have to bake it.

But it's like two hours at 350.

Just in time for dessert.

And our little angel, Amy.

Amy, get in here.

May I come in Mr. and Mrs. Bhatnagar?

Come in, honey.

Come on.

Come in right here.

This is Amy.

Hello.

♪♪

[laughter]

My son.

Oh!

[laughter]

Hey, buddy.

You know Amy, right?

Yeah, we're both in Mrs. Reynold's class.

Oh.

Oh.

You got a whole church goin' on here.

Looks like Little Boy Blue.

Dad, it's Krishna. He's a Hindu god.

That's right! Very good.

Very good.

Huh.

♪♪

Is this little cutie pie you?

[giggling]

Oh, that is Sharmila.

Smith's wife when he turns 22.

(Smith) I wanted to tell her

it wasn't true.

That if she wanted to,

I would marry her right now.

And this is Asha's husband,

when she turns 18.

♪♪

So, let us go grilling!

Let's do it.

Uh, show me around.

♪♪

(Bhaaskar) What do you think?

So, uh, what are we eatin' here?

The vegetables.

Oh, and Nalini made rice.

And delicious naan.

Grilled vegetables, huh? Never thought to do that.

So, what's naan, like a chicken

or a beef or somethin'?

It's a bread.

We are vegetarian.

Huh...

[chuckling]

Well, we are definitely not vegetarian.

How could you know that?

I'd like to eat a vegetarian meal.

Well, today's your lucky day, sweetheart.

But me and your mom...

we got, uh, certain needs.

[chuckling]

I'll be back, Oscar.

♪♪

(Butch) That's a barbeque, buddy.

That meat is done.

No, uh, uh, uh. I got it.

We're almost done here.

Ooh, that is good.

I'm off to study. Bye.

(Butch) See ya later.

(Bhaaskar) Bye.

Say hello to the Betsy.

Smell it.

Let's eat!

Ah, look at that, huh.

Thank you.

Oh, dear.

So, O-Oscar, what made you wanna

come to the U.S. of A. anyway?

Well, it's always been my dream to work in America.

As a CPA.

Huh. Uh, th-that's like a doctor?

A certified public accountant.

Ah.

Oh.

Melanie, do you have a job?

Why should she?

I make a base salary of $32,698.

What?

Plus the overtime.

No!

Butchy, baby, you are in the wrong business.

Hm.

How much do you make?

Well, I'm-- You know, I'm-- about that.

It's-- No, it is not that much.

But we do manage to get by. We're good.

Yeah, I'm savin' up, uh-- you know,

I wanna open my own garage...

Mm-hmm.

...like a-like a car garage, you know?

It's not a reliable business.

We've got the Japanese making cars now,

that never break down. So what do you expect?

There you go again, sweetie.

I mean, I've been thinking about maybe getting a job.

Well, what you need is a job that has a future.

Smith here is going to be a neurosurgeon.

Why a neurosurgeon?

Because it pays to specialize.

Hmm.

Oh, my God, that is so cute.

Right, but h-h-how do you know he's gonna end up

doin' what you want him to do?

Because if you are a good obedient boy,

you do exactly what your father tells you to do.

[laughing]

Exactly.

Huh.

Okay.

What you need to do is ask yourself,

what is your specific skill set?

Oh.

What talents do you possess?

Ooh.

Okay, skill set. I like that.

You know I've got talents, honey.

Skill set, yeah.

Yeah.

In the bedroom.

That's my skill set.

[laughing]

It's true.

Oh, honey .

Uh... all right, here we go.

Oscar, look at that. Uh huh.

That's for you, sweetheart.

Thank you, my darlin'.

Thank you so much.

You want me to take your plate?

Okay, she's good.

All right, kids, before we eat,

who wants to play a game?

Uh, me.

Me, too!

All right, this is a very serious game, okay?

It's called, uh, Don't You Dare Laugh.

Uh-uh.

So we all look at each other real serious,

and-and the first person who laughs, loses.

Ready?

One, two, three, go.

Right here, Oscar. Right here.

[giggling]

Ahhh!

I couldn't--

You laughed.

(Smith) It was Sunday.

Sweet Sunday.

And while my neighbors were at church,

trying to reach Heaven,

Heaven came to my own back yard,

and reached out to me.

["Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch" by the Temptations]

♪ Sugar Pie Honey Bunch You know that I love you ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ I love you and nobody else ♪

♪ In and out my life in and out my life ♪

♪ You come and you go ♪

♪ you come and you go ♪

♪ Leaving just your picture behind ♪

♪ And I've kissed it a thousand times ♪

♪ When you snap your finger ♪

♪ or wink your eye I come a-running to you ♪

♪ I'm tied to your apron strings ♪

♪ And there's nothing that I can do ♪

♪♪

I had fun today.

Me, too.

See ya at school.

Yeah, see ya. Bye.

Hey, daddy.

Hey, sweetheart.

Smith, what are you doin'?

How doing, Butch?

Come on in here.

[music playing on radio]

Wow.

Really cool motorcycle.

Thank you, buddy.

It says "Indian."

I am Indian.

[Butch chuckling]

Yep.

Wait. What is that?

This?

[bell jingling]

That's like a good luck bell.

It keeps all the evil spirits away when you're ridin'.

I think every bike needs one.

Really? Even mine?

Sure.

Cool.

Yep.

(Bhaaskar) Smith, come on!

Time to make the table!

I have to go.

Your motorcycle is really cool.

I wish I had a bike like yours.

Bye, Butch.

See ya later.

[radio music continues]

[muffled music]

[muffled arguing]

I cannot understand why this mortgage

is not a priority to you.

Why the charge card bill is not a priority.

[muffled arguing continues]

(Butch) I know what you're get--

I'm not-I'm not sellin' my bike.

What costs this much?

I'm not gonna talk about that anymore.

I'm not sellin' my bike.

Okay, fine. Keep it.

Keep your toys. That's fantastic.

But how am I supposed to pay for our kid's shoes?

She doesn't even have shoes that fit, Butch.

I gotta send her to school.

Mom?

Yeah, baby.

What's for dinner?

Something special, sweetheart.

Something your, uh, mom's been preparin' all day.

It's called a TV Dinner.

Be ready in five minutes, baby.

Yeah, five minutes, 'cause it's a damn TV Dinner.

God, I don't wanna be this person, Butch.

You just-- you push and you push,

and it's excuse after excuse.

(Butch) It's not just me.

(Nancy) How am I supposed to afford

anything at the grocery store?

I'm a joke at the grocery store!

I'm the lady clippin' every coupon...

Yep.

...buyin' cheap TV Dinners

'cause that's all I can afford.

[muffled arguing continues]

♪♪

[muffled arguing continues]

My parents are at it again.

[shouting, door slamming]

Amy... get inside, please.

Your mother needs you.

But dad, I wanna go with you.

Smith.

Promise me you'll take care of my little girl, all right.

[engine catches, rumbles]

Dad.

♪♪

I'm sorry. I'm--

It's okay.

Just-just promise me that you'll never

leave us until you go to marry that girl.

I promise.

Don't worry. He'll be back soon.

Yep.

I'm gonna go inside.

Okay.

Bye, Smith.

Bye.

♪♪

(Smith) Love-shmove.

Who needs it?

She's pretty, no?

I have a surprise for you.

What is it?

It's a surprise from papa.

Is this my costume?

It's your very own, home-grown...

Jack-o-landon.

Mami, that's not a pumpkin.

I know.

[sighing]

I'm sorry, Patel.

Is my costume ready?

Getting there. Coming along.

I need it by morning.

It's all in the note.

Don't worry, Patel.

Be ready by the morning.

Who am I going to be?

It's a surprise.

Mami, can I have a real pumpkin?

We'll see.

Mmm.

Come on, go wash up for supper.

Just the two of us tonight.

Where's papa?

Papa is...

working overtime, and Asha is studying.

With the Betsy.

Hmm? Yeah?

Go. Go wash up.

♪ Don't break the heart ♪

♪ That loves you so ♪

♪ Don't break the heart ♪

(Smith) For better or worse,

we were quickly becoming a typical American family.

[TV chatter]

♪ Handle it with care ♪

♪ Don't break the heart ♪

♪ that needs you ♪

[TV chatter continues]

♪ Darling please be fair ♪

I had promised Amy

that her father would return home.

Now, I had to make that happened.

For the first time in my life,

on my very own,

I prayed.

♪♪

[praying in foreign language]

I turned to Ganesh,

the remover of obstacles,

the god of safe journeys.

And I asked that he bring Butch home safely

from his present travels.

♪♪

♪♪

Wake up, doofus.

Go to bed.

I had the best night, Smith.

I was charming and wonderful.

Do you like it here?

I love America.

The boys are so handsome.

Not as handsome as my little brother, but...

Can you keep a secret?

(Smith) This was serious.

You know, Patrick and I...

we're in love.

(Smith) Very serious.

With my sister already paired

with a suitable boy in India,

the punishment would surely be...

banishment.

He's smart, and charming.

He thinks I'm beautiful.

When we first saw each other,

we just knew.

You just know.

[door slamming]

(Butch) Whoo!

Oh. Your hero's home.

Bet he's wasted.

(Butch) I sold my bike!

To a guy with some money.

Yeah. Honey, I'm home.

[distant train whistle]

Yep. Wasted.

(Nancy) Butchy.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Great!

Got a little somethin' for ya.

Where's your bike?

A big wad of these.

Here you go.

What did you do?

I sold it.

I sold my bike.

'Cause I love you.

I didn't want you to do it.

Ah, it's all right, I'll get another one.

Smith!

[distant train whistle]

Butch sold his bike, buddy!

[whistling] Gone!

You're the only Indian I got now.

Ha.

Go to bed.

(Smith) Thank you, Lord Ganesh.

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night.

[sewing machine rattling]

♪♪

Where is mami?

"Where is mami?" Just sit down.

Your silly costume broke the sewing machine needle.

And she's out trying to fix it.

But I need it for school.

Chup. Eat your breakfast.

Mami will bring it to school for you.

Asha! Breakfast!

I work the overtime,

and this is what I have to show for it.

[knocking]

[bells jingling]

How doing? How doing?

Um, it's very important.

I need a sewing needle. It's, uh--

Read the sign, lady.

We don't open for another ten minutes.

Um, okay.

But it's-it's for today, uh, sewing a, uh,

Halloween costume.

[knocking]

Please? One needle.

♪♪

[car stereo blaring]

Come on!

Bye, papa!

Remember I won't be home for supper!

(Bhaaskar) I know, I know.

Studying with the Betsy.

Hey, where's your costume?

Whoo!

[cheering, chatter]

[car stereo blaring]

Come on, get in the car. I'm already late.

I'll ride my bike.

No you won't.

[tire screeching]

Ah!

♪♪

All right, okay,

Let's finish up with the Jack-o-lanterns.

And now is your last chance to check your costumes.

[indistinct chatter]

I hope your mama gets here before the costume contest.

[sighing]

In future,

make sure your mama reads the notes

that we send home.

And if she needs help understanding them,

she can always call me. Okay?

[indistinct chatter]

(Smith) There were many things

my mother, with her master's degree in English Lit

did not understand.

But English was not one of them.

♪♪

Damn stupid needle.

[sighing]

[indistinct chatter]

(teacher) Okay.

Now, who is going to win...

this genuine light saber

that I got off Obi-Wan Kenobi. Hm?

Well, let the voting commence.

Cindy, you go first.

♪♪

Okay.

[light applause]

Now who votes for Cindy?

♪♪

[groaning]

[light applause]

Steven, stand. Come on.

[imitating war cry]

[light applause]

Who votes for the Swanson boys?

Okay. Billy.

♪♪

[light applause]

Good job.

How many votes for Billy?

♪♪

Amy.

♪♪

[light applause]

How many votes for Amy?

♪♪

Okay. Has everybody gone?

Oh, Smith, sweetie, that's okay.

You can stay seated.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I vote for Smith.

Billy, that's not funny, he doesn't have a costume.

That's the best little Indian boy costume

I've ever seen.

[chuckling]

I mean, who else votes for Smith?

Come on.

He's not that kind of Indian, stupid.

All right.

Amy and Smith, sittin' in a tree.

(all) K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

(teacher) Billy!

First comes love, then comes marriage--

[book slamming]

Thank you.

[bell ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

Smith, wait up.

Slow down. Can I walk with you?

It's a free country.

Hey, watch.

♪♪

(Smith) Oh, boy.

I could smell the Johnson & Johnson

rising up from her hair.

(Amy) Oh, sorry.

(Smith) Oh, no.

That's okay.

Um, what happened to your costume?

My mom was supposed to bring it.

I guess she forgot.

Yeah, I made my own costume 'cause I knew

my parents would forget to buy me one.

Hey, if your mom never makes your costume,

then we can make one up.

We could be like the two hobos or something.

My dad's got a bunch of extra suits.

I mean,

if you wanna go trick-or-treating with me.

Okay.

Okay.

You got a date.

Come over as soon as possible

so we can hit a lot of houses.

Okay.

Okay.

Bye. See ya later.

Okay.

(Smith) K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Indeed.

Mami!

I'm in the kitchen!

Papa said you were going to bring my costume to school.

So sorry, beta. I tried

But the needle broke.

Twice.

So no costume?

I finished it. Finally.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

It's a Diwali present!

Diwali present? But it's Halloween.

You can have it after dinner.

And after our tea.

[sighing]

Come on, why don't you finish your homework quickly,

before papa comes home and doesn't let you out.

(Smith) Oh, yes!

Just my luck.

Diwali fell on Halloween this year.

So much to do. So little time.

♪♪

[praying in foreign language]

Slow down.

You can not rush God's invitation to our home.

You must invite each god,

one at a time.

(Smith) One at a time?

[praying continues]

For the first time in my life,

I saw the advantage in believing in...

one god.

[praying continues]

♪♪

I'm done.

Can I go put my costume on and go trick-or-treating?

You're going to eat first,

then you're going to put up the lights for Diwali.

Can you do that?

Or you can stay home.

♪♪

[kids chattering]

♪♪

Mami!

The trick-or-treaters are here!

I need my costume!

I hope you like it.

Enjoy, Patel.

Mami, come.

The game is about to begin.

Papa, let's give the children real treats this year, no?

Nonsense!

There's nothing more real than money!

♪♪

Ah, mami, they're almost here!

Come!

♪♪

(all) Trick-or-treat!

[laughing]

What do we have here?

Mami, what do you call this?

No wait, don't tell me.

Count Dracula!

No, no, no, that's not it.

Uh...

shoot, it escapes me.

You, of course, are guitar player.

But do you know how to play the sitar, huh?

[laughing]

And you are a punching man.

Can we just have our candy, mister?

Okay.

Okay, these are real coins.

Try and grab as much as you can with one hand.

♪♪

(kid) Shoot!

It's a trick!

[laughing]

That's right.

Trick-or-treat. You got tricked.

[laughing]

Here's candy.

♪♪

Are you Indian?

Why, yes I am.

Then where are your feathers, chief?

Oh, that is a very original joke.

Uh, dude, it's Halloween.

Not Christmas.

What a dick.

[speaking foreign language]

We have to go back home.

I know, papa.

(Smith) Mami!

Coming, Patel.

Papa, please give the candy.

Please be nice to the children this year.

I don't want to spend all my day tomorrow

cleaning the soap and the eggs off the windows.

Coming, Patel.

Boo!

[coins clattering]

[laughing]

Butch.

What's with the Christmas lights, buddy?

It's Diwali.

Tamale?

Diwali.

Diwali. The festival of lights.

Very good. Very good.

So where's that boy of yours?

He's supposed to go trick-or-treatin'

with this little tramp.

Oh, come in.

Boo!

[laughing]

You got me.

Smith. Come on.

So, what do you think?

Oh, terrific, mami.

This is a better than a surgeon.

I am not going out like this.

What the hell is that?

He's Ganesh.

Ah, another one of them Hindi gods.

(Bhaaskar) A Hindu.

Hindi is the language, Hindu is the religion.

Yeah, I know.

He's the god of journeys

and the remover of all obstacles.

I think he's beautiful.

(Smith) My gratitude to you,

Lord Ganesh.

All right, well, you kids go have some fun,

and Smith, promise you'll, uh,

protect this little girl

from all those witches and goblins and whatnot.

I promise!

I'll be fine.

Bye, beta.

Don't worry, your daughter is in good hands.

Yes, all four of them.

Get it?

That was a joke, because Ganesh has four hands,

and what Nalini was trying to say is that,

if your daughter is with my son who is Ganesh,

she's got four arms protecting her.

[laughing]

["Sugar, Honey, Honey" by The Archies playing]

♪♪

♪ Sugar ♪

Okay, um...

Okay, okay.

♪ You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you ♪

[sinister laughter]

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

Oh, a hobo...

And an elephant?

Not very scary.

♪ You are my candy girl ♪

♪ and you got me wanting you ♪

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

My, what do we have here?

You must be a bum, and you are, uh,

what's his name?

Dumbo the elephant.

Here you go.

♪ I just can't believe the one to love this feeling to ♪

♪ I just can't believe it's true ♪

Thanks, lady.

♪ Oh Sugar ♪

Smith, don't sweat it.

We'll get you chocolate.

Yeah.

♪ You are my candy girl ♪

♪ and you got me wanting you ♪

♪ Oh honey ♪

[doorbell ringing]

Well, bless your hearts.

What have we here?

Well, you're that Charlie Chaplin fella.

Oh, yes, the tramp.

Very good, honey.

And this one is from that cartoon movie.

[chuckling]

Well, Dumbo didn't have four arms.

He's Ganesh, a Hindu god.

There's only God,

and don't you forget it.

Have you children repented your sins?

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Pour a little sugar on me baby ♪

Here.

These will help you children more than candy.

♪ Oh yeah ♪

Remember, only Jesus saves.

♪ Pour a little sugar on me baby ♪

I'm not answering the door again tonight.

Well, turn off the lights.

All right.

♪♪

♪ Pour a little sugar on me honey

♪ Aw sugar ♪

♪ Honey honey ♪

This isn't working.

Nobody gets who I am.

I'm not scary.

I look like Dumbo.

Can't even see in these things.

Smith, tonight is not about the costumes.

It's about the candy.

And we've only got eight pieces,

not including the religious stuff.

We can't go home unless we have at least 50.

I think you look divine.

Get it?

Oh...

Very funny.

Good one.

Hey.

It's the graveyard.

You know you can't go through these things

without holding your breath.

Hmm?

You don't want a dead soul getting inside you, right?

There could be a mass murderer living inside you,

and you wouldn't even know.

Okay.

Let's go through.

Hold your breath and count to three.

One,

two,

three!

Oh!

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, Amy.

Who's the elephant boy?

Leave him alone.

He's my cousin.

You don't look like you're from around these parts.

No.

I'm from In--

Uh...

Run!

Go get 'em, boys.

♪♪

♪♪

(Smith) And there I was,

in quite the predicament.

I started praying to Lord Ganesh

to remove all obstacles from Amy's path

and the danger from mine.

Smith, shut up.

That's right, elephant boy!

[whooping]

Yee-haw!

[indistinct prayers]

Yee-haw!

Go.

Trick or treat, Pocahontas!

Go! Yee-haw!

♪♪

[panting]

♪♪

[grunting]

[screaming]

Boy.

Hope Stan didn't hurt her.

Gimme the bow.

Billy, you sure you want to do this?

Shut up, Steve.

(Smith) Excuse me?

Could you let me go, please?

I need to find my friend.

She'll be dead in a few minutes.

It's all your fault.

♪♪

[horse neighing]

Put the bow down, boy.

I'm outta here.

Butch, is that you?

That's right, buddy. Where's Amy?

I think she, uh--

(Amy) Right here.

Billy, this is my dad.

Uh, hello, sir.

What are you doing there, cowboy?

I was just playing.

[horse neighing]

♪♪

So why were you being mean?

Amy's the only girl who's ever nice to me.

Now her and Smith are hanging out.

She doesn't like me anymore.

Huh.

Well, here's the thing about girls, Billy.

You're gonna have a much better chance

at being friends with them

if you aren't trying to beat 'em up.

You understand me?

Yes, sir.

All right, you know what to do.

Sorry, guys.

See you at school.

(Smith) I had failed Butch.

I had not protected his daughter.

It was a night I wanted to forget.

[engine starting]

♪♪

Y'ello!

Anybody home?

Rise and shine!

How doing, Butch? How doing?

Looking good, Bhaask.

I gotta get me a pair of those.

Oh. [laughter]

So, what is happening?

I was gonna go hunt some big game.

Thought I'd take little Smith with me.

You know, could be fun.

Toughen him up a little bit.

Big game, yeah, sure.

Toughen him up.

Smith, come!

Uh, no, I don't think--

No, no, it's okay, mami.

The boy needs to toughen up.

Hey, buddy.

Do you want to go play the big game with the Butch?

Oh, yes.

Good, then go get ready.

Oh.

[speaking foreign language]

No, it's okay.

Wear somethin' warm, buddy!

(Smith) Oh, yes.

So what's for breakfast?

♪♪

♪ A young cowboy named Billy Joe ♪

♪ grew restless on the farm ♪

♪ The boy filled with wanderlust ♪

♪ who really meant no harm ♪

♪ He changed his clothes and shined his boots ♪

♪ and combed his dark hair down ♪

♪ And his mother cried as he walked out ♪

Here you go.

♪ Don't take your guns to town son ♪

♪ Leave your guns at home Bill ♪

♪ Don't take your guns to town ♪

♪♪

♪ He laughed and kissed his mom and said ♪

♪ Your Billy Joe's a man ♪

♪ I can shoot as quick and straight as anybody can ♪

♪ But I wouldn't shoot without a cause ♪

♪ I'd gun nobody down ♪

♪ But she cried again as he rode away ♪

♪ Don't take your guns to town son ♪

♪ Leave your guns at home Bill ♪

Look at this, Smith.

Fresh tracks.

A doe and a buck.

What is a doe?

It's a deer.

Come on, let's find a place to hole up.

And never put your finger on the trigger

until you're about to shoot, you get it?

Hmm, okay.

All right, right now we're on safety.

Okay.

Another thing is, never run with a loaded gun.

It's dangerous and stupid.

Is that clear?

Yes, Butch.

All right, get your gun out here.

All right.

Let's see what happens, huh?

♪ Don't take your guns to town son ♪

♪ Leave your guns at home Bill ♪

♪ Don't take your guns to town ♪

♪♪

You see anything?

No, but when they come, watch out!

Blam, blam!

Blam, blam, bam!

Hey, whoa, watch--

Hey, hey. Hey, Smith, no.

It ain't "blam, blam," buddy.

Uh-uh.

Hunting is a sacred thing.

This is real.

Look at the, uh, American Indian.

When he kills an animal, he...

he bends down in front of it

and thanks it for giving its life for him and his people.

You know?

And he-he says prayers for it.

Then he uses every bit of that animal,

every bone and tendon,

every bit of meat and fur.

Nothing gets wasted.

You understand that?

Yes, Butch.

Surprised your dad let you go hunting.

Actually,

I don't think my father understands big game hunting.

Hmm.

♪♪

[gunfire on television]

Big game...

hunting...

Nalini!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

♪♪

Butch.

Butch.

Yeah, buddy.

Is it okay to hunt squirrel?

Sure, you can hunt squirrel.

[gunfire]

What'd you shoot at?

A squirrel.

Did you get him?

I don't know.

Let's go check it out.

[Bhaaskar] Just keep looking at the map,

and see anything that shows "hunting ground."

Big game, look for it.

Why are you looking outside?

What is big game?

I am looking outside.

You look at the map, please.

Wow, Smith.

That's some shootin'.

It's alive.

Maybe we can take the bullet out.

No, the bullet went clear through.

This guy's a goner.

What have I done?

Can we do the prayer?

Yeah, we can, uh, we can do the prayer.

Uh...

great spirit,

mother Earth, father sky,

uh... sister tree, brother leaves.

Before you all,

we wanna thank this squirrel,

this generous squirrel for giving his life

so that we may live and learn.

Smith, repeat after me.

Squirrel, we thank you.

[howling]

Squirrel, we thank you.

[howling]

It is done.

(Smith) I had killed an animal without being provoked,

but Butch... had cleansed my soul.

All right, let's pack it up, huh?

And now we're lost.

Where the hell are we?

I tried to tell you twice,

but you wouldn't listen to me.

If it's important, you must speak up.

I tried.

Now our son might kill something or someone.

All right, buddy, let's get home

and cook up that squirrel, huh?

You mean like eat it?

Yeah, I mean eat it.

But, I-- But--

Shh, shh, shh.

Look, look.

Shh, shh, shh.

You see that?

Stay here, don't move.

[gunfire]

[Butch screaming]

Butch!

Butch!

♪♪

Ow, son of a-- That hurts.

But you told me not to run with a loaded gun.

Just drive, Smith.

♪♪

Yeah, this is Red Hawk.

Uh, got a man down, a little hunting accident.

We're heading West on I-47.

I think we just passed 213.

Keep an eye out for a blue and white Dodge truck...

with a...

with a little Indian fella behind the wheel.

Gonna need an ambulance.

♪♪

Dammit, Smith!

Watch the road, buddy.

♪♪

Smith?

Smith?

♪♪

[radio chatter]

(man on radio) Take care, you know. We'll call an ambulance.

Hang in there, Red Hawk, Over.

Copy that.

You heard him, Smith.

You got two miles to keep us on the road.

There's probably gonna be some cops there, too.

Whatever they ask you, just...

plead the fifth.

Plead the fifth, yes.

Wait, Butch, what is the fifth?

Butch, Butch, what's the fifth?

Butch?

[siren wailing]

♪♪

Smith!

Mami, Papa!

Are you okay?

Are you hurt, papa?

Huh, are you hurt, beta?

Are you injured, son?

What-what is--

Oh, ew.

Did you kill that?

Answer the policeman, Smith.

Uh, I...

plead the fifth.

♪♪

All right, good work.

♪♪

Did you shoot Butch Brunner?

I plead the fifth.

Make a note, Dick.

He pleads the fifth to shooting Butch Brunner.

Okay, we got that, son.

You know, personally,

I-I would have plead the second.

You do what you feel is right.

Yeah, pleading the second

would have been the way to go, kid.

Definitely.

Now...

what about this?

I plead the fifth?

He can't plead the fifth on a squirrel, can he?

Uh, no, on a possum you can plead the first,

but only if you haven't already plead the fifth,

and he's already plead the fifth.

Which negates all of your rights

to plead the first.

You're in a heck of a pickle here, Smith.

What can I plead that will cover everything?

Oh...

I-- Can he plead insanity?

Squash, squid, squirrel.

How old are you, son?

Ten.

Ten?

Why didn't you tell us you were ten?

He can't plead the fifth until he's 13.

Right!

I thought because of his extensive knowledge of the fifth

that he would be at least 13.

Me, too, but he's ten.

Hmm.

I'm sorry, Smitty.

You can't plead the fifth.

What can I plead?

How's Brunner?

He's gonna live.

You get a statement?

Yeah.

Said the kid's a hero.

Saved his life.

You hear that, Smitty?

You're off the hook.

So, off the record...

why don't you tell us what really happened.

(Smith) And so I did.

It was a relief to hear that Butch was okay,

and he called me a hero,

and it was good to tell the policemen my story.

It was a story I was sure my parents would not appreciate,

but these men thought it very interesting,

and for some reason, very funny.

The story caused a bit of a stir,

and was published in the local paper,

along with a photo of my family.

Okay, everybody, say, "How doing?"

[together] How doing?

We quickly became the talk of the town.

♪♪

And being an election year,

the article caught the attention of some politicians.

I am honored to bestow the key to the city

to Smith Butt Naked.

Bhatnagar.

Oh, uh, Mr. Smith.

Let's give him a round of applause, shall we?

[applause]

♪♪

Before I knew it,

I was telling my story on TV,

and believe it or not,

I was invited to The White House

to meet the president of the United States.

I was no longer just an Indian.

I...

was a Bee Gee.

It was the pinnacle of my American boyhood.

♪♪

Ah, the maharaja has finally returned.

Good.

Go change and come help me in the garden.

Jesus Christ.

What did you say?

Nothing, papa.

You think you are a superstar now, huh?

Gallivanting all over the town.

But you're no local hero around here.

You want to come in, into your father's house?

Show your respect.

Ah!

Jeetay Raho.

(Smith) It was good to receive

my father's blessings...

but sadly, the blessings did not quite reach...

the Brunners.

♪♪

Oh, man.

Honey, we gonna talk about it.

Are we gonna talk, or argue?

This isn't fun, Butch.

It's not fun.

All right?

I just have to know...

how I'm supposed to pay the mortgage.

I already told you, I-- My--

I can't work!

When my leg heals.

My mother can help.

I don't want your damn mom's help.

Just let her.

I mean, what's wrong with that?

I can't-- I can't do that.

I can't let her help.

When my leg heals, I'm gonna...

do what I do, and I'm gonna fix it.

I promise.

♪♪

No, you're not.

♪♪

[sighing]

Smith?

(Smith) And then...

I have to tell you something.

The worst thing imaginable happened.

Amy told me she and her mother were moving far away...

to another school,

to live with their grandmother.

And dummy that I was,

I got mad at her.

From that moment on...

Smith!

I decided I wasn't going to see her anymore.

♪♪

Bye, daddy.

Bye, sweetheart. Come here.

I'll see you soon, okay?

♪♪

♪♪

[engine starting]

♪♪

♪♪

I wished I had not gone hunting that day.

I wished everything could go back to the way it was...

before hunting, before fame.

Before I had ruined...

the Brunners' lives.

♪♪

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[woman on tape] ...the various stages of its intrauterine development,

from the fertilized ovum--

Doofus.

Amy's on the phone.

Hello?

Hi, Smith. It's Amy.

Hi.

Sorry I didn't say goodbye to you.

It's okay.

Um, how's school?

Okay.

Are you coming back?

No.

Oh.

I'm running away, Smith.

I wanted to say goodbye to you.

Where are you going?

To New York.

I can't stay here...

It's smells like mothballs,

and my-my grandma can't cook, and--

♪♪

I think that...

That my parents are splitting up.

I'm sorry.

♪♪

Smith.

Yes?

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

I wish you were here, my Ganesh.

I wish I was there, too.

My grandma's coming.

I have to go.

Bye.

Bye.

♪♪

(Smith) New York?

What was I thinking?

Why didn't I try and stop her?

She was calling me to save her, and I said...

nothing?

♪♪

[humming]

[gasping, chuckling]

You scared me.

Where's Smith?

He's in his room.

Tell him it's time to chop the wood.

I'll go get him.

[humming]

Smith?

[woman speaking on tape indistinctly]

[humming]

Smith?

♪♪

♪♪

Smith!

Smith!

Smith?

His bike's not here.

Let's go look for him. Get in the car.

Papa, they couldn't be far.

He could be, come on.

Let's get in the car.

♪♪

♪♪

My Ganesh.

I knew you'd come.

At your service.

I have to catch the 9:55 bus.

The 9:55 bus?

But what about money, food?

I packed a bunch of sandwiches,

and I borrowed some money from my grandma.

I'll pay her back once I land on my feet.

Amy, I don't want you to go.

It's too dangerous.

I can't protect you if you're in New York.

But...

I don't like it here.

I know, Amy, but...

I don't want to lose my best friend.

♪♪

[sighing]

I thought I'd give you a ride home, cowboy.

Okay, thank you.

Were you planning on writing when you got there?

Any idea where you two were going?

Smith wasn't going anywhere.

He just came over here to stop me.

Hmm.

You're just all by your lonesome, huh?

You sure are brave.

Actually...

I've decided to stay.

I'm happy to hear that.

Looks like Smith is, too.

Why don't you get back inside

before we all catch cold, huh?

Bye, Smith.

Bye, Amy.

Bye, dad.

Bye, sweetie.

♪♪

Let's go.

(Bhaaskar) Why would he run away?

It makes no sense.

(Nalini) You're the one

that got upset with him for being a local hero.

You don't think he has any feelings?

(Bhaaskar) If you ask me,

he has too many damn feelings.

(Nalini) Where are we going, papa?

(Bhaaskar) It's the park,

where kids go to play.

♪♪

What are you looking at?

Move!

Move out of the way.

So many damn kids.

[rock music playing]

♪♪

What are they playing at night?

How the hell do I know?

Someone must have seen him.

He's the local damn hero.

You check over there.

Be careful, papa.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

How doing?

I'm looking for a young boy,

Smith Bhatnagar.

Bhatnag?

I've never heard of him.

Yeah, you know, man, Smith.

He's the kid that saved the dude that shot himself.

Yes!

Oh, yeah.

That was cool.

Is Smith here?

That's what I'm asking you.

Oh...

Oh.

Well, I don't know, dude.

Yeah, we just got here.

Nalini!

(Nalini) Thank you.

No, nothing, nothing.

Let's check these people.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for a little--

♪♪

I will never again lie about where I'm going

and with whom.

Two.

Never, ever.

We ought to send you back to India.

Shame on you.

I will not.

I will never again lie about where I'm going

and with whom.

Three.

Butch, what do I tell my parents?

Just tell 'em the truth.

I bet your dad will think you're a real stud.

Really?

Sure.

Running after girls, saving their lives?

You're like a knight in shining armor.

Thanks, Butch.

Smith, I got you something.

[jingling]

Whoa.

For my bike?

Yep.

Thanks, Butch.

Listen, buddy, don't sweat it.

You're still a kid.

The best is yet to come.

All right?

Hmm.

Let's go.

I will never again lie about where I'm going

and with whom.

Twenty.

Mami, what is happening?

Never you mind.

And you will never see that boy again, ever.

And wipe that nonsense off your face.

India will definitely shape you up.

So where the hell were you?

Amy decided to run away, so...

I had to try and stop her.

I rode to her grandmother's house and told her not to go.

She decided to stay.

(Smith) Telling the truth felt so good,

I decided to let it all out.

I love her.

You rode all the way across town on your bike

to chase after a woman?

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with our children?

Whores, all of them.

Rule one-- never tell mami and papa everything.

How could I have forgotten?

Go to your room.

We'll deal with you in the morning.

♪♪

My poor sister...

in love and about to be banished.

I wondered if her heart would ever mend.

What would I do without my sister?

♪♪

That night, my parents called India,

an expensive and rare event.

They stayed up very late talking to the family,

and deciding my sister's fate.

♪♪

Our hopes for you, our dreams for you,

they have all been destroyed.

What suitable Indian boy will marry you now?

You've been enjoyed.

(Bhaaskar) Okay, mami, we keep this in the house.

But from now on, it is decided.

You will go to school, and that is it.

No more extra-circular activities.

You want to study with someone?

Mami and I will need to meet her first,

and she will need to study in our house,

but no more studying with the Betsy.

And as for you...

Go ahead, mami, show him the picture.

Patel, this is your daddy and baba.

You remember my parents?

He was three when we moved to Pune, papa.

I know that.

♪♪

You are going to live with them...

in Lucknow.

But-but...

that's in India.

Yes.

Best thing for you, Patel.

Why?

Why?

Because he needs to go back and remember the things

that you so easily forgot.

Respect, honor, virtue.

♪♪

When will you come see me?

Don't worry, Smith,

we'll all be together again...

in just a few years.

♪♪

(Smith) I never did get to watch

my sister bloom

into the beautiful woman she became.

But she continued to love Patrick,

even more than before.

♪♪

As for Amy, well...

she lingered on my mind for some time to come,

a heaven, half a world away.

My family never did move back to India to rejoin me.

They told me how lucky I was to have escaped,

to grow up to be a respectable boy in India.

I went to med school and became a doctor,

specializing in neurology, like my father expected.

At 22, I married Sharmila,

as I was told I would.

What no one told me was that...

I would fall madly in love with my wife.

This was a wonderful surprise.

I bought a large house for her, and for a little while,

we lived like rajas and ranis.

I'd like to say we lived happily ever after, but...

life has a mind of its own.

Over the years,

my mother would send me letters on a cassette.

She kept me connected to the place I left behind.

My mother's voice made me feel at ease.

♪♪

Especially as I mourned for Sharmila.

♪ And bigger than me and you ♪

(Nalini) Hi, beta, it's mami.

I hope you're feeling--

[tape continues indistinctly]

♪ In the form of an evergreen cassette ♪

♪ And I played it in the morning ♪

♪ Till after the sun would set ♪

♪ See mother I believe ♪

♪ That half of everything I hear is true ♪

♪ Between you and me ♪

♪ I believe the anecdote's true ♪

(Smith) So I moved back to a place

where I knew I would find love again.

♪ In the veranda in the midnight heat ♪

♪ Cousins and I would wait for the rains ♪

♪ Singing songs about ♪

♪ America ♪

♪ And then the first drops came ♪

♪ So don't worry ♪

♪ Even though you were ♪

♪ oceans and continents away ♪

♪ I heard evergreen hits ♪

♪ Lullabies ♪

(Smith) And it was wonderful.

♪ And everything you had to say ♪

♪ See mother I believe ♪

♪ That half of everything I hear is true ♪

♪ Between you and me ♪

Wonderful to be back in the embrace of family...

young and old...

and new.

♪ If time time could be bent ♪

♪ with the drop of a tear ♪

♪ You'd see it rain in our house for a year ♪

♪ This is the sound of the beating you'd hear ♪

♪ All the tapes we've taped over ♪

♪ all of our hopes and our fears ♪

♪ The open veranda's been flooding for years ♪

♪ I always hoped that I'd see you here ♪

[horn honking]

Whoa.

Smith?

You won't believe it.

I shot a 98.

You shot a what?

The golf! I broke 100.

Now is 98 good in the golf?

Good? It's excellent.

Great, papa. I'm very happy for you.

You're finally back home.

Come on, hurry up.

We have to go to Namata's kid's birthday party.

I'm coming.

So many damn birthday parties.

Ah, I see you found your old bike.

You saved it all these years?

Oh yes, just for you.

Don't be ridiculous.

It's for Asha's kids!

Oh, boy, okay.

[speaking foreign language]

Come on, papa.

I'm coming.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[bell ringing]

Smith?

How doing, Butch?

[laughing]

Look at you, buddy, all grown up.

Wow.

See, uh, you still got your old bike.

I see that you got yours back.

Yeah, yeah, took a while, but she came home.

Cool.

My father tells me you have your own service station now?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, uh, you became, uh,

that doctor your dad wanted you to be.

Yeah.

And the brain surgeon who couldn't save his wife.

[sighing]

Yeah, I was, uh, sorry to hear about that, buddy.

How's Amy?

You asking, uh, or you asking?

Both.

She's good.

She's, uh, got a kid.

Teaching fourth grade.

Living over at her grandmother's house.

And no, she's not married.

[chuckling]

You probably remember how to get over there, don't you?

I'm sure I can figure it out.

Good to see you, buddy.

Yeah.

Come by anytime.

Sure thing.

Bye, Butch.

["I Can't Help Myself" by The Four Tops playing]

♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ You know that I love you ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ I love you and nobody else ♪

♪ In and out my life ♪

♪ You come and you go ♪

♪ Come and you go ♪

♪ Leaving just your picture behind ♪

♪ And I kissed it a thousand times ♪

♪ When you snap your fingers or wink your eye ♪

♪ I come a running to you ♪

♪ I'm tied to your apron strings ♪

♪ And there's nothing I can do ♪

♪♪

♪ Can't help myself ♪

♪ No I can't help myself ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ I'm weaker than a man should be ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ I'm a fool in love you see ♪

♪ Want to tell you I don't love you ♪

♪ Tell you that we're through ♪

♪ And I've tried ♪

♪ But every time I see your face ♪

♪ I get up all choked up inside ♪

♪ When I call your name ♪

♪ Girl it starts the flame ♪

♪ burning in my heart ♪

♪ Tearin' it all apart ♪

♪ No matter how I try ♪

♪ My love I cannot hide ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ You now that I'm weak for you ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ I love you and nobody else ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ I'll do anything you ask me to ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ I want you and nobody else ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ You know that I love you ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ No I can't help myself ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪ Sugar pie honey bunch ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪