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Previously on "Crowded"...
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00:00:02,223 --> 00:00:04,890
- Where's your mother now?
- Oh, she left when I was a kid.
3
00:00:04,892 --> 00:00:06,559
It's nice having one
of those older ladies
4
00:00:06,561 --> 00:00:08,326
in the house who takes care of you.
5
00:00:08,328 --> 00:00:10,128
Do you think maybe what
you're really missing
6
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:11,195
is your own mother?
7
00:00:11,197 --> 00:00:12,631
Hey, Mom.
8
00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:14,432
It's, uh, Mike.
9
00:00:14,434 --> 00:00:17,969
If you get this, please give me a call.
10
00:00:17,971 --> 00:00:21,606
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
11
00:00:21,608 --> 00:00:22,874
Thanks for letting me tag along
12
00:00:22,876 --> 00:00:24,275
for the traffic report, Mike.
13
00:00:24,277 --> 00:00:27,878
Oh, very excited to meet Guy in the Sky.
14
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,649
His first name is Guy.
That's why that works.
15
00:00:31,651 --> 00:00:33,517
Thanks for the breakdown.
16
00:00:33,519 --> 00:00:35,486
I don't get what the big deal is...
he's just traffic.
17
00:00:35,488 --> 00:00:37,954
Oh, traffic is the only
news that actually matters.
18
00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:39,923
Somebody died? What can I do about it?
19
00:00:39,925 --> 00:00:41,524
Local elections? Who cares?
20
00:00:41,526 --> 00:00:44,627
But Guy in the Sky gives
you news you can use.
21
00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:47,797
Hey, that's good. Write that down, Mike.
22
00:00:47,799 --> 00:00:49,432
Mike, it's Jim from the news desk.
23
00:00:49,434 --> 00:00:51,233
Guy should be there momentarily.
24
00:00:51,235 --> 00:00:53,135
Thanks, Jim.
25
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,103
Hey, Guy.
26
00:00:54,105 --> 00:00:56,339
(GROANS) Hey, Mike.
27
00:00:56,341 --> 00:00:57,573
There's the great man.
28
00:00:57,575 --> 00:00:58,940
What's up? You don't look so good.
29
00:00:58,942 --> 00:01:00,509
I really tied one on last night...
30
00:01:00,511 --> 00:01:02,911
(LAUGHS) And also this morning.
31
00:01:02,913 --> 00:01:04,846
I need to lie down for a bit.
32
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,149
That's not good.
33
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,786
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
34
00:01:10,788 --> 00:01:13,121
So Dad's mom never called him back?
35
00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:15,889
No, and I feel guilty,
because I'm the one
36
00:01:15,891 --> 00:01:17,825
who pushed him to call her.
37
00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,227
I just wish there was some way
we could get in touch with her,
38
00:01:20,229 --> 00:01:21,796
at least find out if
she got the message.
39
00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:23,897
Why don't we track her down?
40
00:01:23,899 --> 00:01:25,700
That's a great idea.
41
00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:27,335
I've watched so much "Catfish,"
42
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:30,270
I know exactly how to find people.
43
00:01:30,272 --> 00:01:32,405
And I can tell you if
it's really Dad's mom
44
00:01:32,407 --> 00:01:35,208
or a gay guy in Indiana.
45
00:01:35,210 --> 00:01:37,243
We'll pursue leads and analyze data,
46
00:01:37,245 --> 00:01:38,745
like Nancy Drew...
47
00:01:38,747 --> 00:01:40,447
slim and attractive,
48
00:01:40,449 --> 00:01:42,382
popular without trying.
49
00:01:42,384 --> 00:01:45,385
Maybe I'll find my own Ned Nickerson.
50
00:01:45,387 --> 00:01:47,354
And he'll worry about me,
because I'll be searching
51
00:01:47,356 --> 00:01:51,022
for clues in hidden caves
and abandoned mills.
52
00:01:51,024 --> 00:01:53,959
But after I crack the
case, oh, he'll scold me,
53
00:01:53,961 --> 00:01:57,062
but I'll know how proud
he is by his kiss.
54
00:01:58,532 --> 00:02:00,198
(SNAPS FINGERS) Come back, Shea.
55
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,800
I don't want to.
56
00:02:03,604 --> 00:02:04,737
Let's do it.
57
00:02:04,739 --> 00:02:06,604
Let's find your dad's mom,
58
00:02:06,606 --> 00:02:08,573
But don't tell him. We don't
want to get his hopes up.
59
00:02:08,575 --> 00:02:10,408
And, Alice, you can't tell Bob.
60
00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:12,844
Oh, I tell him very little.
61
00:02:12,846 --> 00:02:14,445
I treat him like a stranger.
62
00:02:14,447 --> 00:02:16,213
Keeps it hot.
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00:02:16,215 --> 00:02:18,783
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00:02:18,785 --> 00:02:21,486
And I'd say, after being
rescued from the fire,
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00:02:21,488 --> 00:02:23,354
that was one hot dog.
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00:02:23,356 --> 00:02:25,021
(BOTH LAUGH)
67
00:02:25,023 --> 00:02:26,823
- Good one, Jim.
- Thanks, Heidi.
68
00:02:26,825 --> 00:02:29,926
And now, with the traffic,
let's go to Guy in the Sky.
69
00:02:29,928 --> 00:02:31,428
Guy.
70
00:02:31,430 --> 00:02:33,196
Guy, wake up. Guy!
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00:02:33,198 --> 00:02:35,665
Oh, God, the red light's on.
72
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:37,434
Everything okay up there, fellas?
73
00:02:37,436 --> 00:02:40,770
Well, uh, see, Guy is, uh...
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00:02:40,772 --> 00:02:44,206
Uh, Guy is, uh, temporarily unavailable,
75
00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:46,442
but, uh...
76
00:02:46,444 --> 00:02:48,977
I'm Bob Moore,
77
00:02:48,979 --> 00:02:50,746
here with my son, Mike,
78
00:02:50,748 --> 00:02:52,515
and we are...
79
00:02:52,517 --> 00:02:54,149
the Pair in the Air.
80
00:02:54,151 --> 00:02:56,351
- What the hell are you doing?
- The traffic.
81
00:02:56,353 --> 00:02:58,185
We can do this.
82
00:02:58,187 --> 00:03:00,488
Jim, I'm looking down at the 5,
83
00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:02,356
and if you're on it, you're screwed.
84
00:03:04,027 --> 00:03:05,860
Looks like there's an accident.
85
00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:07,695
Figures, it's a German car...
86
00:03:07,697 --> 00:03:11,065
from the bastards who
brought you Hitler.
87
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:13,100
No offense to our German viewers.
88
00:03:13,102 --> 00:03:14,368
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
89
00:03:14,370 --> 00:03:15,903
Uh, yeah, Dad, they've brought us
90
00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,438
lots of wonderful things...
91
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,106
Gummi Bears, Heidi
Klum, Detlef Schrempf.
92
00:03:20,108 --> 00:03:21,642
Remember when he played for the Sonics?
93
00:03:21,644 --> 00:03:23,710
Sure, the white one.
94
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,880
Don't get me started on the Sonics.
95
00:03:26,882 --> 00:03:28,449
Why did they ever leave us?
96
00:03:28,451 --> 00:03:30,350
Dad, let it go. That was ten years ago.
97
00:03:30,352 --> 00:03:32,752
So? Your mother left me 40 years ago,
98
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,720
and I'm still pissed about that,
99
00:03:34,722 --> 00:03:36,522
and I vowed if I ever got on TV,
100
00:03:36,524 --> 00:03:38,658
I would use this forum
to make a statement.
101
00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:40,693
Screw you, Linda.
102
00:03:40,695 --> 00:03:42,428
I'm sure that's all super helpful
103
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:43,996
to all the people in
the cars down there.
104
00:03:43,998 --> 00:03:45,431
Okay, fine.
105
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,700
There's an accident on the 520,
106
00:03:48,702 --> 00:03:50,435
so better take the 405.
107
00:03:50,437 --> 00:03:51,536
I used to be a cop,
108
00:03:51,538 --> 00:03:53,037
and there's never speed traps there.
109
00:03:53,039 --> 00:03:55,106
Trust me, you can do 100.
110
00:03:55,108 --> 00:03:57,108
Yep, that'll stop all the accidents.
111
00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:58,510
I'm just saying...
112
00:03:58,512 --> 00:04:02,280
I knew a guy who got a hand
job doing 120 on the 405.
113
00:04:02,282 --> 00:04:04,382
And he just might be in this copter.
114
00:04:04,384 --> 00:04:07,284
Maybe that's enough for the traffic.
115
00:04:07,286 --> 00:04:10,521
On behalf of Jim, the Channel
Ten AccuNews Team...
116
00:04:10,523 --> 00:04:12,456
(SPANISH ACCENT) This is
Heidi Lopez-Barrancas.
117
00:04:12,458 --> 00:04:14,492
Hey, Heidi, how come
when you say your name,
118
00:04:14,494 --> 00:04:16,159
you get all Spanish-y?
119
00:04:16,161 --> 00:04:18,195
You never hear an Irish anchorman say,
120
00:04:18,197 --> 00:04:20,364
(IRISH ACCENT) "This is Jimmy
McCarthy reporting to you
121
00:04:20,366 --> 00:04:22,165
"from the Potato News Network,
122
00:04:22,167 --> 00:04:25,535
investigating who stole
me Lucky Charms, eh?"
123
00:04:27,338 --> 00:04:30,272
For God's sake, someone
please cut his Mic.
124
00:04:30,274 --> 00:04:33,275
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
125
00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:41,349
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
126
00:04:42,119 --> 00:04:43,218
Ooh, that's them.
127
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:44,452
Quick, act normal.
128
00:04:44,454 --> 00:04:46,655
Leave it to me. I'm an actress.
129
00:04:48,993 --> 00:04:52,728
Wow. Today's been one
normal thing after another.
130
00:04:54,431 --> 00:04:55,497
Not for us.
131
00:04:55,499 --> 00:04:57,431
You guys watch the traffic
report on the news?
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00:04:57,433 --> 00:04:58,900
No one under 70
133
00:04:58,902 --> 00:05:01,903
is gonna say yes to that question.
134
00:05:01,905 --> 00:05:03,137
Well, they will now.
135
00:05:03,139 --> 00:05:05,372
We took over for Guy in the
Sky, and we are a hit.
136
00:05:05,374 --> 00:05:07,975
Especially with young men...
the most coveted demo.
137
00:05:07,977 --> 00:05:09,877
They love it when we get
angry with each other.
138
00:05:09,879 --> 00:05:14,480
All those decades of
painful bickering...
139
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,115
worth it.
140
00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:17,984
Oh, my God. You're trending.
141
00:05:17,986 --> 00:05:21,521
Everyone's tweeting about
the cranky old racist guy.
142
00:05:24,259 --> 00:05:25,992
I guess that's Grandpa, right?
143
00:05:25,994 --> 00:05:27,994
Of course it's Grandpa!
144
00:05:27,996 --> 00:05:30,629
Well, I can't take all the credit.
145
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,297
I mean, Mike is a fine sidekick.
146
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:35,100
You're the sidekick. I'm the
one flying the chopper.
147
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,902
You're like one of those
crotchety old Muppets
148
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:39,939
up in the balcony.
149
00:05:39,941 --> 00:05:42,474
I'm Kermit.
150
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:45,243
If you think for one
second you are Kermit...
151
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,345
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let's
save this for the show.
152
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,846
You got it, partner. How about a beer?
153
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,248
Oh, no, you guys should go out.
154
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:54,052
I bet somebody recognizes
you and buys you a beer.
155
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,720
She's right. We should
go meet our public.
156
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,455
Yeah.
157
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,123
Let 'em know it's all for them.
158
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:01,425
Show them that fame
hasn't gone to our heads.
159
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:04,595
Later, ladies, from Bob
Moore at the Door.
160
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,563
Ooh, that's a good one.
161
00:06:06,565 --> 00:06:08,164
I'm freestyling.
162
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:11,902
Okay, let's get back to work.
163
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:14,571
164
00:06:14,573 --> 00:06:17,007
So we know that Mike's Mom
165
00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,742
is going by the name "Linda Davis,"
166
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:21,144
and we've narrowed it down
to four possibilities.
167
00:06:21,146 --> 00:06:22,979
I wish we knew what she looked like.
168
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:25,147
Bob got rid of all the pictures of her,
169
00:06:25,149 --> 00:06:28,017
but I might have a lead
on Linda number two.
170
00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:29,719
I hope it's Linda number three.
171
00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:34,056
I Zillowed her house, and
it's worth $4 million.
172
00:06:34,058 --> 00:06:37,226
She sounds nice.
173
00:06:37,228 --> 00:06:38,560
She's just rich.
174
00:06:38,562 --> 00:06:40,762
I've been taking care of
you since you were little.
175
00:06:40,764 --> 00:06:42,330
Yeah, but New Grandma
can take care of me
176
00:06:42,332 --> 00:06:43,832
the rest of my life, so...
177
00:06:45,568 --> 00:06:47,102
Guys, I got her.
178
00:06:47,104 --> 00:06:49,137
I found Grandpa's old
address book in the attic.
179
00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:50,271
I called an old neighbor.
180
00:06:50,273 --> 00:06:52,807
She was dead, so I called
another old neighbor...
181
00:06:52,809 --> 00:06:54,342
also dead...
182
00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:56,043
as was the third neighbor.
183
00:06:56,045 --> 00:06:57,645
Shea, skip the dead people.
184
00:06:57,647 --> 00:07:00,147
Anyway, the seventh neighbor
185
00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:02,650
remembered Dad's mom
moving to Rainier Valley,
186
00:07:02,652 --> 00:07:04,551
which checks out with the address of...
187
00:07:04,553 --> 00:07:05,786
Linda number one.
188
00:07:05,788 --> 00:07:07,420
Great work, Shea.
189
00:07:07,422 --> 00:07:09,757
I Nancy-Drew'd the heck out of it.
190
00:07:09,759 --> 00:07:11,025
Of course, if I were Nancy Drew,
191
00:07:11,027 --> 00:07:14,193
I'd jump in my blue
roadster and go see Ned.
192
00:07:14,195 --> 00:07:15,695
He'd be so proud of me.
193
00:07:15,697 --> 00:07:17,596
We'd hug, and then he'd
throw me on his bed
194
00:07:17,598 --> 00:07:20,066
and rip my clothes off.
195
00:07:20,068 --> 00:07:21,067
Shea.
196
00:07:21,069 --> 00:07:23,335
Sorry. It's been a while.
197
00:07:23,337 --> 00:07:24,336
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
198
00:07:24,338 --> 00:07:26,839
199
00:07:26,841 --> 00:07:28,407
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
200
00:07:28,409 --> 00:07:30,142
Wow. We could be meeting
201
00:07:30,144 --> 00:07:32,510
the woman Bob loved before me.
202
00:07:32,512 --> 00:07:34,012
Our grandmother.
203
00:07:34,014 --> 00:07:35,681
What if she looks like me?
204
00:07:35,683 --> 00:07:37,649
What if I'm about to
see my face, but old?
205
00:07:37,651 --> 00:07:39,217
Guys, we shouldn't do this.
206
00:07:39,219 --> 00:07:40,886
Please let me be better than her.
207
00:07:40,888 --> 00:07:42,854
Please let me be better than her.
208
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,327
Yes.
209
00:07:50,329 --> 00:07:51,762
210
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,325
Hi. Are you Linda Davis?
211
00:07:55,327 --> 00:07:56,693
Uh, that depends.
212
00:07:56,695 --> 00:07:58,495
Are you Animal Control?
213
00:07:58,497 --> 00:08:02,933
Because I have a completely
normal number of cats...
214
00:08:02,935 --> 00:08:05,701
12-ish.
215
00:08:05,703 --> 00:08:07,269
You have 12 cats?
216
00:08:07,271 --> 00:08:10,639
Six, nine, what do you want from me?
217
00:08:10,641 --> 00:08:13,175
Um, I'm Martina Moore.
218
00:08:13,177 --> 00:08:15,377
My husband is Mike Moore,
219
00:08:15,379 --> 00:08:17,212
and these are our daughters...
220
00:08:17,214 --> 00:08:18,581
Stella and Shea.
221
00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:20,616
And what about the one in the back?
222
00:08:20,618 --> 00:08:22,750
Adopted?
223
00:08:25,856 --> 00:08:28,456
No, she's not my child.
224
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:29,991
- She's my mother-in-law.
- Oh. Hey.
225
00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:32,059
Anyway, I know this is a lot to take in,
226
00:08:32,061 --> 00:08:34,328
but are you Mike's mom?
227
00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:35,763
Because if you are,
228
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,500
we'd like you to be a
part of our family.
229
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:43,003
I'd like that.
230
00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:44,404
I am.
231
00:08:44,406 --> 00:08:46,306
I am Mike's mom.
232
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,742
Oh, we found you.
233
00:08:48,744 --> 00:08:50,811
Oh, please, come in.
234
00:08:50,813 --> 00:08:53,113
Cats, we have company!
235
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:55,649
And you better be on your best behavior,
236
00:08:55,651 --> 00:08:57,449
Holden Pawfield.
237
00:08:57,451 --> 00:09:00,753
This one hates phonies.
238
00:09:00,755 --> 00:09:02,154
Like the book.
239
00:09:02,156 --> 00:09:03,956
What book?
240
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:10,530
Oh, my God.
241
00:09:10,532 --> 00:09:13,032
I think I've actually seen
this episode of "Hoarders."
242
00:09:13,034 --> 00:09:14,432
Stella.
243
00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:15,667
Don't be rude.
244
00:09:15,669 --> 00:09:18,069
Oh, no. (CHUCKLES)
245
00:09:18,071 --> 00:09:20,171
I was actually on that show.
246
00:09:20,173 --> 00:09:22,473
It was their second-highest-rated
247
00:09:22,475 --> 00:09:24,342
episode ever.
248
00:09:24,344 --> 00:09:25,944
Not that I like to brag.
249
00:09:25,946 --> 00:09:27,245
(LAUGHS)
250
00:09:27,247 --> 00:09:29,781
Now, Linda, Mike left you a message.
251
00:09:29,783 --> 00:09:31,181
Did you get it?
252
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:32,716
I did.
253
00:09:32,718 --> 00:09:35,553
I just didn't know what
I had to say to him.
254
00:09:35,555 --> 00:09:38,422
You know, I looked a lot like you
255
00:09:38,424 --> 00:09:42,392
when I was a girl.
256
00:09:42,394 --> 00:09:45,262
You did? What happened?
257
00:09:45,264 --> 00:09:50,299
Oh, lots of drinking, partying,
and sleeping around.
258
00:09:50,301 --> 00:09:52,101
I'm gonna need a minute.
259
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:55,572
I did not think today was
going to be my wake-up call.
260
00:09:55,574 --> 00:09:58,507
Well, let me get you a glass of water.
261
00:09:58,509 --> 00:10:00,677
I make my own.
262
00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:04,947
Wow. Dad's mom seems...
263
00:10:04,949 --> 00:10:05,914
a little, you know.
264
00:10:05,916 --> 00:10:08,584
- She is rather...
- Crazy.
265
00:10:08,586 --> 00:10:10,852
Bitch is crazy.
266
00:10:10,854 --> 00:10:13,589
Look, all signs do point...
267
00:10:13,591 --> 00:10:16,825
to the bitch being crazy, but...
268
00:10:16,827 --> 00:10:19,194
she's still Mike's mother.
269
00:10:19,196 --> 00:10:23,764
Here you go, Stella, My twin.
270
00:10:23,766 --> 00:10:26,901
Now, um, Linda,
271
00:10:26,903 --> 00:10:30,671
uh, Mike would really like to see you.
272
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,106
And we want to get to know you better.
273
00:10:32,108 --> 00:10:33,074
Oh.
274
00:10:33,076 --> 00:10:34,575
And as much as I want to hate you
275
00:10:34,577 --> 00:10:35,943
for breaking Bob's heart,
276
00:10:35,945 --> 00:10:38,512
if you hadn't, he
wouldn't have found me.
277
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,446
So what you're saying is
278
00:10:40,448 --> 00:10:43,483
I'm a hero.
279
00:10:43,485 --> 00:10:44,651
What?
280
00:10:44,653 --> 00:10:47,453
No.
281
00:10:47,455 --> 00:10:49,288
You are all so sweet,
282
00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:50,824
but, I mean, look at me.
283
00:10:50,826 --> 00:10:52,425
Who would want me to be their mother?
284
00:10:52,427 --> 00:10:53,392
Aw.
285
00:10:53,394 --> 00:10:56,228
Listen, Cat Grandma.
286
00:10:56,230 --> 00:10:57,796
What if we gave you a makeover?
287
00:10:57,798 --> 00:10:59,865
Oh, that's a great idea.
288
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,367
That would give you the
confidence to see Mike again.
289
00:11:02,369 --> 00:11:04,703
And we could help you
clean up your apartment.
290
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,739
These newspapers are from 15 years ago.
291
00:11:06,741 --> 00:11:07,740
No!
292
00:11:07,742 --> 00:11:09,708
Don't touch those.
293
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:12,544
I-I-I haven't finished them yet.
294
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,078
I'm just in the middle
295
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,614
of reading about Brad and Jen's
296
00:11:16,616 --> 00:11:20,451
fairy-tale wedding.
297
00:11:20,453 --> 00:11:23,121
If those two don't make it,
298
00:11:23,123 --> 00:11:25,589
I give up on love.
299
00:11:25,591 --> 00:11:27,491
Aw, that's so cute.
300
00:11:27,493 --> 00:11:29,527
You haven't given up on love.
301
00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:30,961
You could meet a boy hoarder.
302
00:11:30,963 --> 00:11:32,863
Think of all the stuff you'd have.
303
00:11:32,865 --> 00:11:36,432
Ooh, it's like looking in a mirror.
304
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,035
Stop that.
305
00:11:38,037 --> 00:11:40,303
306
00:11:42,512 --> 00:11:44,013
Hello, Seattle.
307
00:11:44,015 --> 00:11:46,915
(AMERICAN ACCENT) This is
Heidi Lopez-Barrancas.
308
00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:48,350
And now it's time for traffic
309
00:11:48,352 --> 00:11:51,719
with everyone's new favorites,
the Pair in the Air.
310
00:11:51,721 --> 00:11:53,154
How's it looking up there, fellas?
311
00:11:53,156 --> 00:11:54,356
Well, thank you, Heidi.
312
00:11:54,358 --> 00:11:56,458
From up here in the catbird seat,
313
00:11:56,460 --> 00:11:59,494
it looks like the 405's
a little backed up.
314
00:11:59,496 --> 00:12:01,196
I'm a little backed up, Mike.
315
00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:04,831
That's a (BLEEP)show down there.
316
00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:07,001
What? We've got that 7-second delay.
317
00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:09,003
No, we don't. There's a whole
email thread about it.
318
00:12:09,005 --> 00:12:13,140
Subject line... "Please remind
Bob there's no 7-second delay."
319
00:12:13,142 --> 00:12:14,908
Well, (BLEEP) me.
320
00:12:17,546 --> 00:12:19,613
You know, Mike and I
don't agree on much,
321
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,315
but what we do agree on is the tastiness
322
00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:26,552
of Kenny's Subshack's
foot-long sandwiches.
323
00:12:26,554 --> 00:12:28,187
Now what are you doing?
324
00:12:28,189 --> 00:12:30,123
I got us a sponsor.
325
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:33,459
As we say in the business,
I'm paying some bills.
326
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:37,463
This is 12 inches of meaty goodness.
327
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,564
That's what she said.
328
00:12:39,566 --> 00:12:41,599
What is wrong with you?
329
00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:44,136
Sorry. They're infectious.
330
00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:51,209
Worst (BLEEP) sandwich ever.
331
00:12:51,211 --> 00:12:55,079
We're not still on the air, are we?
332
00:12:55,081 --> 00:12:57,314
333
00:12:57,316 --> 00:12:59,850
A final pass with the lip brush,
334
00:12:59,852 --> 00:13:01,318
and...
335
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,488
Ta-da.
336
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:06,157
Oh, my gosh, you look beautiful.
337
00:13:06,159 --> 00:13:07,525
Your cats won't recognize you.
338
00:13:07,527 --> 00:13:08,759
Oh, no.
339
00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:11,028
Oh, no, it... it's just
a figure of speech.
340
00:13:11,030 --> 00:13:14,797
I'm not so sure I want Bob
seeing you looking so good.
341
00:13:14,799 --> 00:13:18,668
Alice, Bob belongs to you now.
342
00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:22,505
Tell me, did he ever
hold you close at night,
343
00:13:22,507 --> 00:13:23,839
stroke your hair,
344
00:13:23,841 --> 00:13:27,477
and sing "How Deep Is Your Love"?
345
00:13:27,479 --> 00:13:28,844
Never.
346
00:13:28,846 --> 00:13:33,182
Same old Bob.
347
00:13:33,184 --> 00:13:37,619
He didn't do that with me either.
348
00:13:37,621 --> 00:13:40,322
Oh, you're all so nice.
349
00:13:40,324 --> 00:13:42,357
I'm having so much fun.
350
00:13:42,359 --> 00:13:46,061
I feel like I've finally come home.
351
00:13:46,063 --> 00:13:47,528
I never want to leave.
352
00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:49,230
(CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
353
00:13:49,232 --> 00:13:50,565
Oh, that must be Mike.
354
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:53,401
- I got to go!
- Oh, no.
355
00:13:53,403 --> 00:13:55,703
You can't go. I will
help you through this.
356
00:13:55,705 --> 00:13:57,338
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not ready.
357
00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:58,772
I need some cats.
358
00:13:58,774 --> 00:14:01,075
Where... where do you keep your cats?
359
00:14:03,845 --> 00:14:06,146
Look, honey...
360
00:14:06,148 --> 00:14:07,747
it's your mother.
361
00:14:07,749 --> 00:14:09,449
Hi, Mike.
362
00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:14,687
Aren't you gonna say anything?
363
00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:17,890
Yeah, who are you?
364
00:14:17,892 --> 00:14:21,327
I've never seen this
woman before in my life.
365
00:14:21,329 --> 00:14:24,096
Oh, my God, everyone.
366
00:14:24,098 --> 00:14:27,199
This is not the real Mike.
367
00:14:28,669 --> 00:14:30,769
Wait. So you're not his mother?
368
00:14:30,771 --> 00:14:32,104
What the hell's going on here?
369
00:14:32,106 --> 00:14:33,606
We tried to track down your mother,
370
00:14:33,608 --> 00:14:35,541
and she said she was your mother.
371
00:14:35,543 --> 00:14:36,975
Why did you lie to us?
372
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,843
Well, honestly,
373
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:41,346
I've been so lonely,
374
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:43,714
and you're all so nice,
375
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,251
and didn't you guys say
376
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,119
when you first started
377
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,921
that if you could help just one person,
378
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,958
it would all be worth it?
379
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,559
No.
380
00:14:57,029 --> 00:15:00,597
None of us said anything like that.
381
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:03,500
Son...
382
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:05,202
I've got a great fight
for the show tonight.
383
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:07,538
Remember when you thought you
lost your baseball cards?
384
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,541
You didn't. I sold 'em.
385
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,007
Who's this?
386
00:15:12,009 --> 00:15:15,645
I'm your fake ex-wife.
387
00:15:17,215 --> 00:15:18,947
And am I crazy,
388
00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:23,352
or do we still have some chemistry?
389
00:15:23,354 --> 00:15:26,055
You're crazy.
390
00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:29,991
I got to stop phrasing
questions like that.
391
00:15:29,993 --> 00:15:31,660
(SIGHS)
392
00:15:31,662 --> 00:15:33,094
Okay, I can explain.
393
00:15:33,096 --> 00:15:34,862
Bob, don't freak out,
394
00:15:34,864 --> 00:15:36,464
but Mike called his mother.
395
00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:37,465
She never called back,
396
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:39,167
and so I went out looking for her.
397
00:15:39,169 --> 00:15:40,202
You called her?
398
00:15:40,204 --> 00:15:41,869
How dare you do that without telling me?
399
00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:43,438
Calm down, Dad. I'm a grown man.
400
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,439
- I can call whoever I want.
- Not her.
401
00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,575
I'm allowed to want a
relationship with my mother.
402
00:15:47,577 --> 00:15:49,577
- No, you're not!
- Of course I am!
403
00:15:49,579 --> 00:15:51,345
I'm... You're... I don't
want to talk about it.
404
00:15:51,347 --> 00:15:52,846
I don't want to talk about it either.
405
00:15:52,848 --> 00:15:54,114
I got to go. I'm out of here.
406
00:15:54,116 --> 00:15:56,016
I'll meet you there. I'm driving myself.
407
00:15:56,018 --> 00:15:58,319
(DOOR SLAMS)
408
00:16:00,223 --> 00:16:04,357
Well, that went a lot
better than I thought.
409
00:16:05,793 --> 00:16:06,959
It did?
410
00:16:06,961 --> 00:16:08,728
Well, earlier today,
411
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:12,265
when I was lying to you
about being Mike's mother
412
00:16:12,267 --> 00:16:15,000
and picturing how all this would end,
413
00:16:15,002 --> 00:16:18,771
I pictured a lot worse.
414
00:16:18,773 --> 00:16:23,308
I really think we dodged a bullet.
415
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:25,258
I-I pictured bullets.
416
00:16:29,461 --> 00:16:32,496
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
417
00:16:32,498 --> 00:16:34,506
And now it's time for
Seattle's favorite,
418
00:16:34,559 --> 00:16:37,259
irrepressible Pair in
the Air, Mike and Bob.
419
00:16:37,261 --> 00:16:38,995
(CHUCKLES) Who knows what crazy things
420
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:39,996
they'll say next?
421
00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:41,097
(BOTH LAUGH)
422
00:16:41,099 --> 00:16:44,833
And fun fact... we now do
have a 7-second delay.
423
00:16:44,835 --> 00:16:45,901
(CHUCKLES)
424
00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:47,869
Guys, I'm laughing already.
425
00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,374
Uh, guys, we're on the air.
426
00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:54,642
Uh, right.
427
00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:56,845
We have got a jackknifed truck
428
00:16:56,847 --> 00:16:59,280
on the northbound 5 at exit 166.
429
00:16:59,282 --> 00:17:02,950
So get off at Seneca
Street or take 7th to...
430
00:17:02,952 --> 00:17:04,952
How the hell could you call
her without telling me?
431
00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:06,754
- 'Cause I wanted to.
- After what she did to us?
432
00:17:06,756 --> 00:17:08,288
I've only heard one side of the story.
433
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:10,557
Yeah, the right side.
434
00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:13,060
Guys? The funny traffic?
435
00:17:13,062 --> 00:17:15,196
Oh, shove it up your ass, hairpiece.
436
00:17:18,266 --> 00:17:19,565
Look, I just missed her.
437
00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:21,500
I just miss having a mother in my life.
438
00:17:21,502 --> 00:17:22,902
She left me too, you know.
439
00:17:22,904 --> 00:17:25,038
Yeah, but I was just a kid.
440
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,140
Come home one day, and she's gone.
441
00:17:27,142 --> 00:17:29,776
And you know what you told me?
"Don't cry."
442
00:17:29,778 --> 00:17:31,344
How could you tell a 7-year-old boy
443
00:17:31,346 --> 00:17:33,312
who just lost his mother not to cry?
444
00:17:33,314 --> 00:17:36,481
Because I knew if you
cried, I would fall apart,
445
00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:38,550
and I didn't want you to see that,
446
00:17:38,552 --> 00:17:40,085
because...
447
00:17:40,087 --> 00:17:42,955
(VOICE BREAKING) Men don't cry.
448
00:17:42,957 --> 00:17:45,224
They soldier on.
449
00:17:45,226 --> 00:17:46,825
You know, you're right.
450
00:17:46,827 --> 00:17:48,727
We hold it together, even
when it's difficult.
451
00:17:48,729 --> 00:17:51,095
(CRYING)
452
00:17:51,097 --> 00:17:52,864
She shouldn't have left you.
453
00:17:52,866 --> 00:17:55,666
She shouldn't have left you either, Pop.
454
00:17:55,668 --> 00:17:58,269
I really tried to be enough for you.
455
00:17:58,271 --> 00:18:01,139
I know you did, Dad.
456
00:18:01,141 --> 00:18:05,476
Jim, Heidi, back to you.
457
00:18:05,478 --> 00:18:08,478
Oh, we cut to commercial.
458
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,346
I wonder if that's a bad thing.
459
00:18:10,348 --> 00:18:12,382
No way. We got real there.
460
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,017
It was raw, honest.
461
00:18:14,019 --> 00:18:16,186
Our fans love us.
462
00:18:16,188 --> 00:18:17,687
I think we're gonna be just...
463
00:18:17,689 --> 00:18:19,923
Fired. We got fired.
464
00:18:19,925 --> 00:18:21,124
Yeah.
465
00:18:21,126 --> 00:18:24,060
Apparently, grown men crying on the air
466
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,862
doesn't test well with
the young male demo.
467
00:18:26,864 --> 00:18:28,664
Yeah, it's all over Twitter...
468
00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:31,566
# Sky Pussies.
469
00:18:34,005 --> 00:18:35,304
Oh, this one's funny.
470
00:18:35,306 --> 00:18:39,308
This guy says you should
"grow a pair in the air."
471
00:18:40,711 --> 00:18:42,410
Retweet.
472
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:44,378
I've never seen you cry before, Grandpa.
473
00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:46,080
And me. You never saw me cry before.
474
00:18:46,082 --> 00:18:47,581
That must have been a big shock.
475
00:18:47,583 --> 00:18:49,383
Yes, you were positively dry-eyed
476
00:18:49,385 --> 00:18:51,019
when the Mets lost the World Series.
477
00:18:51,021 --> 00:18:53,955
Two games. Two games we had
leads going into the 9th,
478
00:18:53,957 --> 00:18:54,956
one going into the 8th,
479
00:18:54,958 --> 00:18:57,692
and then Collins had to leave Harvey in.
480
00:18:57,694 --> 00:18:59,359
I just...
481
00:18:59,361 --> 00:19:01,929
Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.
482
00:19:01,931 --> 00:19:05,098
Anyway, I thought women
liked it when men cry.
483
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,201
BOTH: Eh...
484
00:19:08,503 --> 00:19:10,637
I cried on "Hoarders."
485
00:19:10,639 --> 00:19:14,308
Second-highest-rated episode...
just saying.
486
00:19:17,611 --> 00:19:19,245
I'm trying to think
487
00:19:19,247 --> 00:19:22,715
of the least offensive way to ask,
488
00:19:22,717 --> 00:19:26,618
"Why is she still here?"
489
00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,154
She likes us.
490
00:19:28,156 --> 00:19:29,288
And we like her.
491
00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:30,957
She's just a cool little cat lady
492
00:19:30,959 --> 00:19:33,591
that I'll never turn into.
493
00:19:35,362 --> 00:19:37,729
Honey, I am so sorry.
494
00:19:37,731 --> 00:19:39,764
We should not have done
this behind your back.
495
00:19:39,766 --> 00:19:40,765
It's all right.
496
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:42,100
Your heart was in the right place,
497
00:19:42,102 --> 00:19:44,069
and I love you all for that.
498
00:19:44,071 --> 00:19:46,271
I love you too.
499
00:19:48,475 --> 00:19:52,276
Mike, I'm sorry I pretended
500
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,411
to be your mother,
501
00:19:54,413 --> 00:19:57,882
and I don't know why your real mom left,
502
00:19:57,884 --> 00:20:01,752
because I would do anything
to be part of this family.
503
00:20:01,754 --> 00:20:04,255
BOTH: Aww.
504
00:20:04,257 --> 00:20:05,489
Thank you...
505
00:20:05,491 --> 00:20:08,824
Fake Linda.
506
00:20:08,826 --> 00:20:12,061
My name is actually Linda.
507
00:20:12,063 --> 00:20:15,498
- Is it?
- No.
508
00:20:18,904 --> 00:20:20,836
Well, look, maybe this is
a sign I shouldn't try
509
00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:23,273
to find my real mom and I
should just concentrate
510
00:20:23,275 --> 00:20:25,807
on the people who actually want
to be a part of my family.
511
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:28,076
Like me.
512
00:20:30,948 --> 00:20:33,448
Sure, why not?
513
00:20:33,450 --> 00:20:35,450
Forget your mother, Mike.
514
00:20:35,452 --> 00:20:38,020
That woman is nothing but trouble.
515
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,055
Hey, Mom.
516
00:20:41,057 --> 00:20:44,258
It's, uh, Mike, your son.
517
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:48,495
It's, uh, been a long time,
maybe too long a time.
518
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:52,233
So, if you get this, uh,
please give me a call.
519
00:20:52,235 --> 00:20:55,136
(SERIOUS MUSIC)
520
00:20:55,138 --> 00:20:56,837
(ENGINE TURNING OVER)
521
00:20:56,862 --> 00:21:00,352
522
00:21:00,402 --> 00:21:04,952
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