All language subtitles for Crowded s01e06 Nothing as it Seems.eng

[upbeat rock music]

- Oh, hey, honey. I was just...
- Shh. Where are the girls?

In their rooms. Why?

Okay, nice and easy,
let's sneak out to a movie,

just the two of us.

- I'll go get my purse.
- No, no, too risky.

- We go to go now.
- Not without my purse.

You don't need your
purse, I got my wallet.

But I need my brush,
lipstick, concealer.

What are you trying to conceal?

I know what you look like.

Let's go before we're late.

- Late for what?
- Yeah, where are we going?

- The movies.
- Nowhere.

Both: Yay!

Let me just take care
of something real quick.

Aaron, we're doing
stuff. You got to leave.

Aaron, family. Family, Aaron.

It's nice to meet you.

You have a beautiful home,

and you've raised a wonderful daughter.

They know.

I will text you later.

Great.

- [door closes]
- He seems nice.

Yeah. He's too nice.

I got to get rid of him.

We spend one night
together, and now he's all,

"Let's go out again and
hold hands in the park,

ride the carousel, share our stories."

[scoffs] Who wants that?

I do.

You just described my favorite montage

in every romantic comedy.

Well, that and the montage
of trying on different outfits

that your boyfriend bought you
even though you're a hooker.

And those snooty Beverly
Hills sales ladies...

they're just jealous of what I have...

I mean she has.

Look, I've dated enough guys to realize

they're always jerks in the end.

So now I'm the jerk.

I'm breaking the hearts.

I'm the reason they woke
up downtown on a curb

in their own vomit,
wondering how they got there.

And it feels good.

Martina, jump in here. Fix her.

Look, honey, I understand

you've been through
some bad relationships,

but one day you'll meet somebody
you want to spend time with,

maybe get married...

raise kids with.

I don't need a guy to
help me raise my kid.

I've got you and Dad.

This kitchen is killing me right now.

Can we just go to the movies before...

Hey.

That happens.

We're here to return your latest attempt

at an anniversary gift.

Yes, we don't even know what it is.

Oh, it's a picture disc.

We put all your photos on
it, so they'll play on your TV

like a screensaver.

So they all show up in order?

No, they appear randomly,
so it's always a surprise.

So, in one picture, I'm in my 20s,

and in the next, I...

Wait. How old did I tell you all I was?

Anyway, Mike, the thought
doesn't even count on this one.

Try again.

Okay, there's two movies starting soon.

One is some old-timey movie
called "The Bodyguard"...

"The Bodyguard"?

That's the movie we
saw on our first date.

- Bob!
- What?

They're talking about "The Bodyguard"!

- What?
- "The Bodyguard"!

That's the movie we
saw on our first date!

Oh, what an unforgettable night.

- I picked her up...
- No, I drove.

Right, because my car was in the shop.

No, because you wanted to drink.

Right, booze. That sounds like me.

We're going to the movies right now.

- You should come with us.
- We're in.

[beep] purse.

You know what? We should
all go see "The Bodyguard."

My first date with Alice
changed my life for the better

in every single way,

and I want you all to
share that memory with us.

Oh, baby, you are so sweet.

- Both: Mwah.
- Okay, fine.

You want an anniversary gift?

This is it.

We'll all go to the movies

and re-create your first date with you.

And from this point
forward, none of us will act

like that's weird.

You got a deal. We'll
pick Ethan up on the way.

Yeah, because we need more people.

Oh, would you go get my purse?

Sure. It caused all of this.

It might as well come with us.

No.

No.

No! No! No!

[upbeat music]

Martina's with the girls.

I need to talk to somebody privately,

and you're the only person available.

Now?

I'm in the middle of the Star Jumble.

"Bard Tipt."

It's Brad Pitt.

You've seen this one.

I found this on the kitchen floor.

It's a positive pregnancy test.

Oh, jeez.

It's got to be Stella's, right?

Well, it definitely can't Shea's.

She's an innocent child.

- She's 23.
- What?

That can't be right.

What about Martina?

She's still young enough.

It's not Martina's.
She would have told me.

Hmm.

Well, maybe she's just
waiting for the right time

or, uh...

or...

Or what?

It's not yours.

Are you actually saying that to me?

As your father, it's ridiculous.

But as an ex-cop, I've got
to consider all possibilities.

Her phone is right there.
Let's check it for suspects.

I am not gonna do that.

So you'll just raise
the kid as your own?

Oh, stop that.

Martina has nothing to hide.

So it won't hurt to look at it.

Fine. Just to shut you up.

Oh, David Connor.

Who's that? An old boyfriend?

Oh, for God's sake!

Yes.

"The other night was great.

Meet me at the hotel Friday at 9:00."

Mm.

In the cop business,
we call that a clue.

What's going on?

Okay, look, let me first
say that I love you.

I trust you completely,

but Dad and I went through your phone,

and it appears that you've
been banging your ex-boyfriend

and are pregnant with his baby, so...

thoughts?

What's wrong with you?

David Connor texted you
about meeting at a hotel.

Yes, because he wants me
to check out the the venue

for his wedding to Marcus.

He's gay now.

We're going to his wedding next month.

I told you all about this.

Okay, wait. Were the Mets
on when you were talking?

And did I nod and say, "Sounds good"?

- Yes.
- Well, there you have it.

Oh, crap. Do we really
have to go to a wedding?

Forget the wedding.

Why did you think I was pregnant?

Oh, right. Damn it.
Somebody's still pregnant.

Look what I found in our kitchen.

[gasps]

- Our kitchen?
- Yeah, of course our kitchen.

Why would I take a pregnancy test

from someone else's kitchen?

Okay, okay, let's not freak out

and jump to the logical
and correct conclusion

that Stella's pregnant.

How do we do that?

Hold on. I'll think of something.

Got one.

The plumber dropped her pregnancy test

on the kitchen floor.

When's the last time
you saw a female plumber?

- A woman can plumb.
- This is not the time.

You're right.

Look, we need to confirm
things with Stella,

and then we'll figure
out what to do from there.

Is it too late for adoption?

It hasn't even been born yet.

I'm talking about Stella.

Here you go, Dad.

Oh, thanks, son.

Large popcorn with butter...
just like our first date.

No, you had Sour Patch Kids.

Oh, yeah.

I love those tart little bastards.

Do you remember where we sat that night?

Of course I do.

Fifth row, center, best
seats in the house...

my signature move.

We sat in the front row
because you weren't ready

when I picked you up.

Ah, yes, fashionably late...

my signature move.

I remember it well.

Oh, God, you're remembering
things after I tell you.

It's not remembering. It's just hearing.

Guys, who is "Bard Tipt"?

Ethan, you'll never believe
what I overheard in the lobby.

They're having a secret
advanced screening

of "Prisoners of Galifron" here tonight.

Are you kidding me? I love those books!

Me too!

Just think... on the
other side of that wall,

the Galifronians will be
fighting for their freedom.

And yet we sit idly by and do nothing,

like the cowards of Fargul.

We could ask if we could go.

Or...

we could sneak out and not tell anyone,

like the rebels of Zukon.

They died.

Plus, I never could.

I'm a rule-follower.

Just yesterday I wanted
to sample a third flavor

at the frozen-yogurt place, but...

both: The limit is two.

I know how you feel.

But where has all this
rule-following gotten us?

Living with our parents, out of work,

spending a Friday night

re-creating my parents' first date.

What's even sadder is,

it's the first date
I've been on in months.

The last time I kissed
someone, the constellation Orion

hadn't even risen in
the western sky yet.

It was six months ago.

Let's do it.

[quirky music]

It's sold out.

The one time we break the
rules, we don't get to enjoy it.

Unless we break more rules.

More rules?

We could sneak in and stand in the back.

Stand in the back?

That's violating the fire code.

You need to keep the aisle clear.

Everyone knows that.

Now I'm getting a sweat
mustache just thinking about it.

What are you two doing here?

And where's your vest?

Um...

I don't know how to answer that.

You're supposed to have your
vest on before your shift.

Uh, sorry, boss. She
won't let it happen again.

[sighs]

Here, put this on.

"Prisoners of Galifron"
is about to start.

Get inside and give
the pre-show speech.

Oh, my God, now we're
impersonating employees too?

Maybe for the first time in our lives,

we should color outside the lines.

I couldn't even sit next
to the kids who did that.

If the bear and the bunny
and the birthday present

are all the same color,

that's not a tea party, that's chaos!

Well, maybe you and I need
some chaos in our lives.

And what are they gonna
do, send us to movie jail?

But what if I get addicted to this?

What if I need bigger and bigger highs?

I've seen this in movies.

It starts with one minor transgression,

and before you know it,
you're working the streets

to pay for your habit.

And then one day, along
comes a handsome banker,

and he rents you out for the night.

The next thing you know,
you're at the opera,

and everyone thinks you're a real lady.

Let's do it.

[soft music]

She's crying.

It's the pregnancy hormones.

I was wrong about this movie.

It's so romantic.

He would take a bullet for her.

The most a guy has ever
taken for me is a drug test.

[crying] And he failed.

Your grandfather would take
a bullet for me any day.

I would?

You bet I would!

But why would anyone want to shoot you?

You're perfect in every way.

Oh, guys, even though you're
old, you still have feelings.

Ooh, now she's texting someone.

[cell phone chimes]

Oh!

She's texting me.

She needs a tampon.

Ugh, gross.

No, not gross.

That means she's not pregnant!

But wait.

That means it's Shea.

[gasps]

Shea's pregnant.

Oh, no, not the good one.

Shea can't have a baby. Shea is a baby.

Well, clearly she's more
grown up than we thought.

Where is she?

I don't know.

I'll text her.

So please turn off your cell phones.

[cell phone chimes]

See? Someone's texting me,

but they're just gonna have to wait,

because I'm turning off my cell phone.

[crowd chattering]

Seriously, guys, listen up.

We are real ushers talking to you.

Let me switch to Galifronian.

_

_

_

_

[sighs] Why won't Shea text back?

Let's go look for her.

I don't like this movie, anyway.

I like movies where they don't
end up together in the end.

Nice spoiler, dude.

This movie's 20 years old.

That's on you.

Oh, my God.

I just had an epitome.

Did you guys realize that
you're a white cop guy

like Kevin Costner

and you're a black lady
like Whitney Houston?

It's like they made this movie
so you guys would fall in love.

Well, it sure worked.

And it's bringing back so many memories.

[sniffles]

[voice breaking] I don't know
why I'm getting so emotional.

I just had a terrible thought.

Not now. We're looking for Shea.

What if that test belongs to Alice?

Alice?

Isn't she beyond that?

The women in her family
stay fertile forever.

Her sister retired and
had a baby that same year.

Plus, she's acting moody,

and her bust is very bounteous.

Aren't those her usual characteristics?

I'm gonna ask her.

You do that.

Have you lost your damn mind?

It's not Alice.

Good to know.

You are now a prisoner of Galifron!

This is amazing!

Excuse me.

Shh. It's cool.

We're real ushers.

No, we're real ushers.

You're... not.

You're going to movie jail.

Well, we now know two things...

one, we've been banned from the
movie theater for six months.

Two, movie jail is just
the manager's office.

No, not in there either.

[gasps] There she is.

Oh, she's glowing. Look at her.

How did we not notice the glow?

Okay, let's try to keep it together.

Oh, my God, my little baby's pregnant.

Hey, Shea.

Mom, Dad, I made a terrible mistake.

You don't have to say it.

We know, and we're here for you.

Don't be mad at Shea.

I talked her into it.

- Both: What?
- No, Ethan.

I wanted to do it
just as much as he did.

And I loved every second of it.

But now I'm paying for it.

Ethan, how the hell could you do this?

Mike, it was only one time.

And in six months, we can go
in and out as much as we please.

Why would you say that to me?

Are you insane?

Look, Dad, it only happened

because he was wearing that vest.

Do you have some sort of vest fetish?

What the hell is going on out here?

You're missing the end of the movie.

I'll tell you what's going on.

Because of your stepson,
my daughter's pregnant.

- All: What?
- No, I'm not.

Not you. Shea.

Finally, I'm the good one.

I'm not pregnant.

And it's gone.

Mike, all Shea and I did
was sneak into a movie.

Yeah, I understand my
reputation's tarnished,

but why would you think I'm pregnant?

Well, I found this
positive pregnancy test

in the kitchen.

Our kitchen?

Why does everyone question
what kitchen I'm in?

Dad, that's mine.

Oh, you want more information?

That would be helpful.

I drew the plus sign on with a marker.

It's my magic breakup stick.

It makes guys disappear.

I show it to them and say,
"Oops, you're a daddy."

And then I tell them have to
get a better job and marry me,

and then, poof, they're
pretty much gone.

Now, I know what you're all thinking.

Maybe you better tell
us what we're thinking.

That I should bring this
genius idea to "Shark Tank"?

That's really sweet, you guys.

But I don't know.

Tonight it's kind of bumming me out.

Something about this movie

and the whole "I Will
Always Love You" thing

and Grandma and Grandpa's
beautiful marriage.

And ours.

Sure, but it's more moving
when it's interracial.

You guys didn't have to
fight society for your love.

They fought nothing. It was the '90s.

Shut up, Mike.

We're heroes, and you know it.

Calm down, honey.

Let's just go back and
watch the rest of the movie.

Good idea.

You know, I thought it
might be nice to share it

with the family, but Mike was right.

It is kind of weird.

Look, Stella, I don't want
to give you some big lecture.

- Thanks, Dad.
- Get back here.

Have a seat.

The first time I saw one
of those pregnancy tests,

your mother was pregnant with you.

Oh, the timing could
not have been worse.

But I couldn't have been happier.

I was so excited to meet you...

this little baby that was
gonna change our whole lives.

Aw, Dad.

Hey. You are a beautiful young woman

who can get any guy you want,

but you deserve a guy
who sees that stick

and runs towards you, not away from you.

That would be nice. I would like that...

someday.

But maybe a nice guy like
Aaron gets a second date.

That sounds good.

Maybe even invite him
over for a family dinner.

I'll do that. I'll
go call him right now.

He's in between sets.

What is he, in a band?

No. He's a go-go boy.

But don't worry. He's only gay for pay.

He'll tell you all about it at dinner.

Only gay for pay.

At least he has a job.

Yeah, let's hang on to that.

So here we are, all
alone in the theater,

holding hands, just like our first date.

Yeah.

I remember you smiled
like that that night,

and I thought to myself,

"Bob, don't screw this
up. This is the one."

I felt the same way.

I'll never forget how
beautiful you were that night.

You remember the important stuff.

- I'll give you that.
- [chuckles]

I also remember when all
the credits were done,

I picked you up like
Kevin picked up Whitney

and carried you right
out of the theater.

Those days are gone.

The hell they are.

Jump in, baby.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I
just pulled a muscle.

You're a dummy.

A very, very romantic dummy.

Both: Mwah.

Remind me to throw my
back out more often.

Watch the corner.

[lively music]

You know, for a half second there,

when I thought you were pregnant,

a little part of me was excited.

Really?

Well, you know, babies are so cute...

the way they smell and look at you...

that drunk smile they get
after they finish their bottle.

They see everything for the first time,

and somehow...

it all feels new again.

We're still young.

Why don't we have another one?

I'm gonna go see Aaron.

Can I have some money for condoms?

Oh, yeah, that's why.

[upbeat rock music]

Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0