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1
00:00:02,963 --> 00:00:05,364
All right, here goes our fourth attempt
2
00:00:05,366 --> 00:00:07,299
at family movie night.
3
00:00:07,324 --> 00:00:09,291
"What should we watch?" he asked,
4
00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:12,728
knowing it would become a nightmare.
5
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:14,363
I want to watch "Taken."
6
00:00:14,365 --> 00:00:15,865
I love it when Liam Neeson
7
00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:18,934
kicks the crap out of European guys.
8
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,804
Liam Neeson, Harrison
Ford, Clint Eastwood...
9
00:00:21,806 --> 00:00:26,175
all you want to watch are movies
where oldie saves the day.
10
00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:27,410
Well, how about "Tin Cup"?
11
00:00:27,412 --> 00:00:29,578
Kevin Costner is a golfer
who makes a comeback.
12
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,380
Excellent idea, son!
13
00:00:31,382 --> 00:00:33,649
So that's what those words sound like.
14
00:00:36,154 --> 00:00:38,454
Okay, I know I've suggested it before,
15
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,423
but how about "March of the Penguins"?
16
00:00:40,425 --> 00:00:42,725
all: No!
17
00:00:42,727 --> 00:00:44,126
Every week, Shea,
18
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:48,197
you push your fanatical penguin agenda.
19
00:00:48,199 --> 00:00:51,367
Penguins are beautiful,
intelligent creatures
20
00:00:51,369 --> 00:00:53,669
that have adapted to the
world's harshest conditions
21
00:00:53,671 --> 00:00:55,371
in the cutest possible way.
22
00:00:57,341 --> 00:00:59,542
I'm crying already.
23
00:00:59,544 --> 00:01:01,444
Martina, random thought.
24
00:01:01,446 --> 00:01:02,745
How about next Saturday,
25
00:01:02,747 --> 00:01:04,380
we go out with people our own age?
26
00:01:04,382 --> 00:01:07,416
Screw you too.
27
00:01:07,418 --> 00:01:10,553
What Mike means is, we love you all...
28
00:01:10,555 --> 00:01:12,588
But sometimes we don't.
29
00:01:14,525 --> 00:01:16,225
It's just that since you moved back in,
30
00:01:16,227 --> 00:01:18,294
maybe we're spending too
much time together.
31
00:01:18,296 --> 00:01:20,262
You know, too much of a good thing.
32
00:01:20,264 --> 00:01:21,263
I get it.
33
00:01:21,265 --> 00:01:22,231
Shea and I haven't gone out
34
00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:23,299
since we moved back either.
35
00:01:23,301 --> 00:01:24,433
That's because we're broke.
36
00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:26,402
I wonder if that's related
37
00:01:26,404 --> 00:01:30,372
in any way at all to not having jobs.
38
00:01:30,374 --> 00:01:31,574
We're trying,
39
00:01:31,576 --> 00:01:34,009
but the economy won't hire us.
40
00:01:35,546 --> 00:01:38,547
Tuition money clearly well spent.
41
00:01:38,549 --> 00:01:40,149
What's the big deal with going out?
42
00:01:40,151 --> 00:01:42,251
We never do, and we like it just fine.
43
00:01:42,253 --> 00:01:44,320
What do you mean, "We
like it just fine"?
44
00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:46,222
I'm telling you all the
time I want to go out.
45
00:01:46,224 --> 00:01:48,290
You say a lot of things.
46
00:01:52,430 --> 00:01:54,663
But you always say you're
gonna take me out.
47
00:01:54,665 --> 00:01:57,466
I say a lot of things too.
48
00:01:57,468 --> 00:01:58,767
Fine, we'll go out.
49
00:01:58,769 --> 00:01:59,768
- When?
- Soon.
50
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:00,736
- When?
- A Saturday.
51
00:02:00,738 --> 00:02:01,770
- When?
- This Saturday.
52
00:02:01,772 --> 00:02:04,273
Good. Oldie saves his marriage.
53
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:07,276
[upbeat music]
54
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:16,850
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
55
00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:19,388
Morning, sweetie.
56
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,857
What you doing on the porno machine?
57
00:02:25,196 --> 00:02:26,462
I'm kidding.
58
00:02:26,464 --> 00:02:28,164
I know it does other things.
59
00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:30,466
[mouse clicking]
60
00:02:30,468 --> 00:02:32,301
I'm looking at Facebook pictures of us
61
00:02:32,303 --> 00:02:34,170
before the girls moved back in.
62
00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:36,705
We used to be cool.
63
00:02:36,707 --> 00:02:38,841
Out with other couples, dancing,
64
00:02:38,843 --> 00:02:40,409
doing shots.
65
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:43,245
There's life in our eyes.
66
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:46,048
I remember life.
67
00:02:46,050 --> 00:02:48,450
You dummies don't know what's coming!
68
00:02:48,452 --> 00:02:49,885
Enjoy it while you can!
69
00:02:49,887 --> 00:02:51,554
It's going away.
70
00:02:51,556 --> 00:02:53,022
Okay, honey,
71
00:02:53,024 --> 00:02:55,591
maybe we just give Facebook
a little rest there.
72
00:02:57,061 --> 00:02:58,394
Look, really, all we got to do
73
00:02:58,396 --> 00:02:59,828
is find another cool couple
74
00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:01,163
our own age to go out with,
75
00:03:01,165 --> 00:03:02,498
and we'll be cool again.
76
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:03,632
You're right.
77
00:03:03,634 --> 00:03:04,900
How about the Petersens?
78
00:03:04,902 --> 00:03:06,235
I really like Debbie.
79
00:03:06,237 --> 00:03:07,903
Me too, but I don't need
to spend another night
80
00:03:07,905 --> 00:03:10,606
hearing about Gary's boat.
81
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:13,776
"Really, Gary? You scraped the hull?
82
00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:16,212
That's terrific."
83
00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:17,580
So look, the name of the show
84
00:03:17,582 --> 00:03:19,481
was called "Saved by the Bell,"
85
00:03:19,483 --> 00:03:23,352
and the principal was Mr. Belding.
86
00:03:23,354 --> 00:03:24,987
Bell ding.
87
00:03:24,989 --> 00:03:27,189
A bell dings?
88
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,026
Okay, what's the point?
89
00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:32,261
The point is,
90
00:03:32,263 --> 00:03:33,596
there's a lot of stuff going on
91
00:03:33,598 --> 00:03:35,297
that we don't even know about.
92
00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:38,667
That may be true, but you
shouldn't have said it
93
00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:39,835
in your job interview.
94
00:03:39,837 --> 00:03:41,570
If Jamba Juice can't handle the truth,
95
00:03:41,572 --> 00:03:42,805
that's on them.
96
00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:47,509
Oh, Mom and Dad, for our
next family movie night,
97
00:03:47,511 --> 00:03:49,778
how about "Surf's Up"?
98
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,247
Okay, hear me out.
99
00:03:51,249 --> 00:03:54,116
It is about penguins, but
there's also a chicken.
100
00:03:55,686 --> 00:03:58,854
And they become best friends
and overcome hardships,
101
00:03:58,856 --> 00:04:00,889
and you'll never believe
who ends up winning
102
00:04:00,891 --> 00:04:03,092
the Big Z Memorial Surf Off.
103
00:04:04,996 --> 00:04:06,629
I'm gonna need a minute.
104
00:04:08,032 --> 00:04:09,898
And that's the smart one.
105
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:13,902
Dan and Deirdre?
106
00:04:13,904 --> 00:04:17,439
No, Deirdre's got that hiss laugh.
107
00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:20,409
[mockingly] Ss-ss-ss-ss!
108
00:04:20,411 --> 00:04:22,044
Did you think that was funny, Deirdre,
109
00:04:22,046 --> 00:04:25,014
or did you spring a leak?
110
00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:27,349
In every couple, there's always a dud.
111
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:28,817
Is one of us a dud?
112
00:04:28,819 --> 00:04:31,253
No, we're both fantastic.
113
00:04:31,255 --> 00:04:34,156
Oh! How about John and Ann?
114
00:04:34,158 --> 00:04:36,191
John is totally cool,
115
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,060
and Ann's kind of an emotional wreck
116
00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:41,497
with a stick up her
butt, but she's fine.
117
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:45,100
I think that's our best shot. I'm in.
118
00:04:45,102 --> 00:04:46,568
Hey, Ann, it's Martina.
119
00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:50,105
Mike and I were wondering if
you and John wanted to...
120
00:04:50,107 --> 00:04:53,108
Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
121
00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:55,244
Okay, we'll talk when you feel better.
122
00:04:55,246 --> 00:04:57,046
Bye.
123
00:04:57,048 --> 00:04:58,447
John moved out last week.
124
00:04:58,449 --> 00:04:59,648
They're separated.
125
00:04:59,650 --> 00:05:01,950
There goes our best shot.
126
00:05:04,522 --> 00:05:06,422
Here's an idea.
127
00:05:06,424 --> 00:05:09,491
We find a woman we both like
128
00:05:09,493 --> 00:05:11,760
and then fix her up with John.
129
00:05:11,762 --> 00:05:14,897
We Frankenstein together the
perfect couple-friends?
130
00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:17,266
Exactly.
131
00:05:17,268 --> 00:05:19,501
Oh, Jane from your work is fun,
132
00:05:19,503 --> 00:05:21,003
except, she's got that boyfriend.
133
00:05:21,005 --> 00:05:22,004
Not anymore.
134
00:05:22,006 --> 00:05:23,372
He cheated on her, broke her heart.
135
00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:24,540
It really destroyed her.
136
00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:26,075
That's fantastic!
137
00:05:27,912 --> 00:05:30,079
Things are finally going our way.
138
00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:33,048
[upbeat music]
139
00:05:33,050 --> 00:05:35,050
140
00:05:35,052 --> 00:05:36,819
Can't we just skip getting jobs
141
00:05:36,821 --> 00:05:38,887
and meet up with some
Armenian nightclub promoters
142
00:05:38,889 --> 00:05:42,091
who will buy us stuff?
143
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:44,226
No, we're gonna earn money
and take ourselves out.
144
00:05:44,228 --> 00:05:45,828
It's 2016.
145
00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:47,229
Love it.
146
00:05:47,231 --> 00:05:49,898
Be our own Armenian nightclub promoters.
147
00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:52,768
Grandpa, can I put you
down as a reference?
148
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:56,138
I can't put my name on a lie, Stella.
149
00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:57,306
Hey! I...
150
00:05:57,308 --> 00:06:00,209
Actually, yeah, that's fair.
151
00:06:00,211 --> 00:06:01,877
You know, by the time I was your age,
152
00:06:01,879 --> 00:06:04,480
I was crouched in a rice
paddy outside Da Nang
153
00:06:04,482 --> 00:06:06,115
scoping out Charlie.
154
00:06:06,117 --> 00:06:07,316
What have you done?
155
00:06:07,318 --> 00:06:10,052
I have more than 2,000
followers on Twitter.
156
00:06:10,054 --> 00:06:11,053
What's a Twitter?
157
00:06:11,055 --> 00:06:12,454
What's a rice paddy?
158
00:06:14,191 --> 00:06:15,491
Hello, all.
159
00:06:15,493 --> 00:06:17,760
So, Bob,
160
00:06:17,762 --> 00:06:19,762
about our date Saturday night,
161
00:06:19,764 --> 00:06:21,029
which better be happening
162
00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:22,998
if one of us knows
what's good for him...
163
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,834
Well, Saturday's a
pretty busy night here.
164
00:06:25,836 --> 00:06:28,137
Hey, why don't Stella and I run the bar?
165
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:30,239
We can make some money, and
you two can go on your date.
166
00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:31,573
Yeah, and when we do a great job,
167
00:06:31,575 --> 00:06:33,075
then you can give us references.
168
00:06:33,077 --> 00:06:34,910
[chuckles]
169
00:06:34,912 --> 00:06:37,946
Boy, you guys are on a roll.
170
00:06:37,948 --> 00:06:39,314
Perhaps we can increase business
171
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,383
with modern techniques and strategies.
172
00:06:41,385 --> 00:06:42,918
Come on, Dad.
173
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,721
They're showing gumption, moxie, grit...
174
00:06:45,723 --> 00:06:49,191
all those things old people like.
175
00:06:49,193 --> 00:06:51,226
I do like those things.
176
00:06:51,228 --> 00:06:52,861
Will you stay here and supervise?
177
00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:55,564
- I'd be happy to, Dad.
- Good.
178
00:06:55,566 --> 00:06:58,700
As a boss, I promise
to be tough but fair.
179
00:06:58,702 --> 00:07:00,936
We're not gonna listen to you.
180
00:07:00,938 --> 00:07:02,671
Understood.
181
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:06,842
[doorbell rings]
182
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:10,345
[sobbing]
183
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,448
Ann, Ann,
184
00:07:12,450 --> 00:07:14,116
what is wrong?
185
00:07:14,118 --> 00:07:15,751
Oh, it's John.
186
00:07:15,753 --> 00:07:17,820
He's already dating.
187
00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:22,324
One of our friends must
have fixed him up.
188
00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:25,027
What monster would do that?
189
00:07:26,096 --> 00:07:28,197
Oh...
190
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,801
Probably someone who means well.
191
00:07:32,803 --> 00:07:37,105
Or maybe he just met
someone at a coffee shop,
192
00:07:37,107 --> 00:07:39,775
or they reached for the same apple
193
00:07:39,777 --> 00:07:42,311
at the supermarket.
194
00:07:42,313 --> 00:07:44,713
Stop making it sound cute!
195
00:07:46,183 --> 00:07:48,183
Come on in. Have a seat.
196
00:07:48,185 --> 00:07:49,384
I'll get you a tissue.
197
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,320
Thank you, Martina.
198
00:07:51,322 --> 00:07:52,855
And can that tissue be made of glass
199
00:07:52,857 --> 00:07:54,590
and filled with vodka?
200
00:07:57,394 --> 00:08:00,195
Everyone leaves me.
201
00:08:00,197 --> 00:08:02,097
Great, I'll see you then.
202
00:08:02,099 --> 00:08:03,365
It worked.
203
00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:04,566
John and Jane had a great date,
204
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:05,868
and they want to go out with us.
205
00:08:05,870 --> 00:08:06,869
Shh!
206
00:08:06,871 --> 00:08:09,872
[sobs]
207
00:08:09,874 --> 00:08:12,274
Ann's in the living room crying.
208
00:08:12,276 --> 00:08:13,876
Well, then you better not mention to her
209
00:08:13,878 --> 00:08:16,712
that they're taking us out
to dinner tonight to Buna.
210
00:08:16,714 --> 00:08:18,213
Oh!
211
00:08:18,215 --> 00:08:19,815
That place is supposed to be amazing.
212
00:08:19,817 --> 00:08:21,383
Yes.
213
00:08:21,385 --> 00:08:24,152
What place is supposed to be amazing?
214
00:08:26,123 --> 00:08:27,890
The moon.
215
00:08:29,994 --> 00:08:31,393
The surface of the moon.
216
00:08:31,395 --> 00:08:34,329
It's all powdery.
217
00:08:34,331 --> 00:08:36,465
John loved the moon.
218
00:08:39,236 --> 00:08:41,603
When there was a full moon, I would say,
219
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:43,805
"There's a full moon."
220
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:47,042
And then John would say,
221
00:08:47,044 --> 00:08:49,111
"Yes, it is."
222
00:08:53,017 --> 00:08:55,584
I'm surprised you kids didn't make it.
223
00:08:58,339 --> 00:09:00,206
[upbeat music]
224
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,828
To increase business, I
chose to focus my strategy
225
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:06,163
on bringing more cops into this cop bar,
226
00:09:06,165 --> 00:09:09,700
while Stella chose to focus
on bringing in young blood.
227
00:09:09,702 --> 00:09:11,535
I think it goes without saying
228
00:09:11,537 --> 00:09:14,505
whose strategy is most effective.
229
00:09:14,507 --> 00:09:15,840
It's mine.
230
00:09:18,010 --> 00:09:19,910
I did some hard-core viral marketing
231
00:09:19,912 --> 00:09:22,146
to attract a younger, hipper crowd.
232
00:09:22,148 --> 00:09:25,683
"Bob's Blue Room will not
be checking IDs tonight.
233
00:09:25,685 --> 00:09:29,420
#minors #ILoveServingMinors."
234
00:09:31,357 --> 00:09:32,623
Serving minors?
235
00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:33,858
There are cops here.
236
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:35,526
Yeah, thanks to your idea.
237
00:09:35,528 --> 00:09:39,630
Oh, don't you feel dumb for
bragging about it before?
238
00:09:39,632 --> 00:09:41,632
Anyway, it's just gonna be college kids.
239
00:09:41,634 --> 00:09:43,134
They won't even notice.
240
00:09:45,204 --> 00:09:47,104
That's Stella over there.
241
00:09:48,708 --> 00:09:51,976
Whoa, my demo is much
younger than I thought.
242
00:09:51,978 --> 00:09:54,645
243
00:09:54,647 --> 00:09:56,147
What a great night.
244
00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:58,182
And John and Jane are so cool.
245
00:09:58,184 --> 00:09:59,750
We did it.
246
00:09:59,752 --> 00:10:02,253
We Frankenstein'd the perfect couple.
247
00:10:02,255 --> 00:10:06,190
Uh-huh, and that Ethiopian
food was so good and spicy.
248
00:10:06,192 --> 00:10:08,425
And you eat it with your hands.
249
00:10:08,427 --> 00:10:11,262
It's like a childhood dream.
250
00:10:11,264 --> 00:10:13,264
Hey, guys, you know,
we were just saying,
251
00:10:13,266 --> 00:10:15,366
this has been a really fun night.
252
00:10:15,368 --> 00:10:17,201
We were saying that too.
253
00:10:17,203 --> 00:10:18,536
Great minds.
254
00:10:18,538 --> 00:10:21,605
Wavelength, get on it.
255
00:10:21,607 --> 00:10:23,440
Hey, about we keep the fun going?
256
00:10:23,442 --> 00:10:25,209
Maybe do some Molly?
257
00:10:25,211 --> 00:10:26,844
It's like hipster Ecstasy.
258
00:10:26,846 --> 00:10:29,980
You'll just feel, like,
warm and happy and in love.
259
00:10:29,982 --> 00:10:32,316
We know all about it.
260
00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:34,885
Me and the missus here, we love drugs.
261
00:10:36,823 --> 00:10:38,889
Yum-yum.
262
00:10:38,891 --> 00:10:40,558
Wow. I did not know that.
263
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,860
Um, how about we get some champagne,
264
00:10:42,862 --> 00:10:45,930
and we'll find out what
other secrets you two have?
265
00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:51,635
Why did you say we love drugs?
266
00:10:51,637 --> 00:10:53,504
I was being cool.
267
00:10:53,506 --> 00:10:55,339
I don't know where the
"yum-yum" came from.
268
00:10:55,341 --> 00:10:57,842
[sighs] Well...
269
00:10:57,844 --> 00:10:59,343
Maybe it's fine if we take it.
270
00:10:59,345 --> 00:11:01,812
I bet Stella's done
this a bunch of times.
271
00:11:01,814 --> 00:11:05,649
That's your example of how
it all turns out fine?
272
00:11:05,651 --> 00:11:08,719
Let's just toss it in the bushes,
273
00:11:08,721 --> 00:11:11,222
and we'll pretend to be a little high.
274
00:11:11,224 --> 00:11:14,225
Hey, the Molly will kick in
faster if we get in the hot tub.
275
00:11:14,227 --> 00:11:15,459
Duh.
276
00:11:15,461 --> 00:11:18,195
Everyone knows that.
277
00:11:18,197 --> 00:11:21,232
Hot tub? Are we hot tub people?
278
00:11:21,234 --> 00:11:23,434
I don't know.
279
00:11:23,436 --> 00:11:27,404
Oh, boy, they're taking
their clothes off now.
280
00:11:27,406 --> 00:11:29,473
They're getting naked.
281
00:11:29,475 --> 00:11:31,175
Now they're naked.
282
00:11:31,177 --> 00:11:33,244
We have nudity.
283
00:11:34,347 --> 00:11:36,814
Oh, my God.
284
00:11:36,816 --> 00:11:38,682
Martina,
285
00:11:38,684 --> 00:11:41,252
are we naked hot tub people?
286
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:47,424
So we are naked hot tub people.
287
00:11:50,029 --> 00:11:53,030
288
00:11:53,032 --> 00:11:54,431
We're supposed to be on a date.
289
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:56,033
What are you doing on your phone?
290
00:11:56,035 --> 00:11:59,203
I'm searching for the best
restaurants in Seattle,
291
00:11:59,205 --> 00:12:03,040
because someone didn't
make a reservation.
292
00:12:03,042 --> 00:12:05,643
Can't we just find a cafeteria?
293
00:12:05,645 --> 00:12:09,346
I like a place that gives me a tray.
294
00:12:09,348 --> 00:12:11,148
I work in a prison.
295
00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:15,119
Food on a tray is not a novelty to me.
296
00:12:15,121 --> 00:12:16,553
Well, I envy that.
297
00:12:16,555 --> 00:12:19,590
You know where you stand
when you're holding a tray.
298
00:12:19,592 --> 00:12:21,425
And you know where you lie
299
00:12:21,427 --> 00:12:25,462
when you get clocked with
one in a prison brawl.
300
00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:27,898
Oh, this place seems fancy.
301
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,667
No, no, I don't like fancy.
302
00:12:29,669 --> 00:12:31,201
You go to the men's room, you come back,
303
00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:34,071
they're refolding your napkin.
304
00:12:34,073 --> 00:12:35,906
It feels judge-y.
305
00:12:35,908 --> 00:12:39,076
Hush, I've got to download their app
306
00:12:39,078 --> 00:12:40,411
to make a reservation.
307
00:12:40,413 --> 00:12:41,679
Oh, that's right.
308
00:12:41,681 --> 00:12:44,214
Make us jump through
hoops, fancy restaurant.
309
00:12:44,216 --> 00:12:45,416
I can't get reception.
310
00:12:45,418 --> 00:12:46,717
Oh, wait, I'm getting bars.
311
00:12:46,719 --> 00:12:47,718
Stop!
312
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,086
[brakes squeal]
313
00:12:49,088 --> 00:12:50,287
[horns honking]
314
00:12:50,289 --> 00:12:52,856
Shut up! We're trying to get dinner.
315
00:12:52,858 --> 00:12:56,226
316
00:12:56,228 --> 00:12:58,529
Guys, I'm so glad you
responded to my tweet,
317
00:12:58,531 --> 00:13:01,398
but at some point, I will
need to see some IDs.
318
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,599
[scoffs] Just kidding.
319
00:13:02,601 --> 00:13:04,902
Here you go.
320
00:13:04,904 --> 00:13:07,905
So there's no alcohol in
what we're serving them?
321
00:13:07,907 --> 00:13:10,741
It's just vinegar and soda.
322
00:13:10,743 --> 00:13:12,609
Should we do something about that?
323
00:13:12,611 --> 00:13:15,479
Eh, let's just stake it out
for a couple more beers.
324
00:13:15,481 --> 00:13:17,548
You know, build our case.
325
00:13:20,453 --> 00:13:22,319
What's the etiquette here?
326
00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:24,388
Should we also be making out?
327
00:13:29,295 --> 00:13:33,864
Well, we don't want to be
disrespectful of the culture.
328
00:13:37,837 --> 00:13:41,171
I can't believe we're
actually doing this.
329
00:13:41,173 --> 00:13:43,941
We're even cooler than I thought.
330
00:13:43,943 --> 00:13:47,778
I'm floating all over down here.
331
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,714
It's like that dancing blow-up
guy at a used car lot.
332
00:13:50,716 --> 00:13:52,683
[giggles]
333
00:13:52,685 --> 00:13:56,854
Thank you so much for
introducing me to Jane.
334
00:13:56,856 --> 00:13:58,422
How about we put on some music
335
00:13:58,424 --> 00:14:00,624
and get more champagne?
336
00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:03,427
And while we're at it,
let's kick it up a notch.
337
00:14:03,429 --> 00:14:05,329
There's more notches?
338
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,267
Ah, jeez, too close.
339
00:14:12,071 --> 00:14:15,305
Wow, Jane has a perfect bubble butt.
340
00:14:15,307 --> 00:14:16,707
Don't look!
341
00:14:16,709 --> 00:14:19,843
Babe, make sure you grab
the good condoms too!
342
00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:21,912
The flavored ones always break.
343
00:14:26,685 --> 00:14:29,153
And that's the notch.
344
00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:32,222
345
00:14:35,076 --> 00:14:36,510
Condoms?
346
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,121
What do they have planned?
347
00:14:38,146 --> 00:14:39,245
Is it us and them?
348
00:14:39,247 --> 00:14:42,748
Or is it mix-y match-y?
349
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:43,833
Well, that's not fair.
350
00:14:43,904 --> 00:14:45,103
You get bubble-butt Jane,
351
00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:47,271
and I get obviously-not-Jewish John.
352
00:14:51,278 --> 00:14:52,811
What do we do?
353
00:14:52,813 --> 00:14:54,880
Bail? Would that be rude?
354
00:14:54,882 --> 00:14:58,116
Are you suggesting we screw
them just to be polite?
355
00:14:59,253 --> 00:15:00,619
We can't just leave.
356
00:15:00,621 --> 00:15:02,521
Our clothes are inside.
357
00:15:02,523 --> 00:15:03,522
We don't have to leave.
358
00:15:03,524 --> 00:15:04,856
They're gonna come back out here.
359
00:15:04,858 --> 00:15:06,758
We're gonna draw the
line in a very cool way,
360
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,560
and we're gonna keep the party going.
361
00:15:08,562 --> 00:15:09,561
I don't know.
362
00:15:09,563 --> 00:15:10,996
Martina, when the girls came home,
363
00:15:10,998 --> 00:15:12,664
we vowed to keep the fun going,
364
00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:14,800
and that is what tonight is about.
365
00:15:14,802 --> 00:15:15,801
All right, fine.
366
00:15:15,803 --> 00:15:18,637
I'll have sex with John.
367
00:15:18,639 --> 00:15:21,473
Okay, let's go over this again.
368
00:15:22,676 --> 00:15:24,910
All right, we have two
reservation choices:
369
00:15:24,912 --> 00:15:26,678
11:00 and 11:15.
370
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,946
Who the hell eats that late?
371
00:15:27,948 --> 00:15:30,782
- What are we? Spaniards?
- [sighs]
372
00:15:30,784 --> 00:15:31,783
Come on, Bob.
373
00:15:31,785 --> 00:15:33,485
This is our big night out.
374
00:15:33,487 --> 00:15:35,120
Okay, okay.
375
00:15:35,122 --> 00:15:36,221
I'm wearing a belt.
376
00:15:36,223 --> 00:15:39,257
We should go to a restaurant.
377
00:15:39,259 --> 00:15:40,258
That's it.
378
00:15:40,260 --> 00:15:41,259
Just admit it.
379
00:15:41,261 --> 00:15:42,427
You don't want to do this.
380
00:15:42,429 --> 00:15:43,628
What are you talking about?
381
00:15:43,630 --> 00:15:45,297
I'm loving this!
382
00:15:45,299 --> 00:15:46,298
[phone rings]
383
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:47,599
It's Stella.
384
00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:48,734
Hi, sweetie.
385
00:15:48,736 --> 00:15:50,202
You need us to come back?
386
00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:52,904
Because I'd be happy to.
387
00:15:52,906 --> 00:15:54,873
No, everything's going great.
388
00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:56,908
Quick question.
389
00:15:56,910 --> 00:15:58,210
How much do you need to bribe a cop
390
00:15:58,212 --> 00:16:00,178
so they don't arrest you?
391
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:02,347
392
00:16:02,349 --> 00:16:03,815
So technically, Dad,
393
00:16:03,817 --> 00:16:06,184
the kids were never
actually served alcohol.
394
00:16:06,186 --> 00:16:08,687
So what are you breaking
their balls for, Pete?
395
00:16:08,689 --> 00:16:10,355
Well, there was the implication
396
00:16:10,357 --> 00:16:12,023
that minors would be served
397
00:16:12,025 --> 00:16:13,258
and fraud!
398
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:14,259
But for my old partner,
399
00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:15,594
I guess I could look the other way,
400
00:16:15,596 --> 00:16:16,595
you crusty bastard.
401
00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:17,596
Yeah, you could,
402
00:16:17,598 --> 00:16:20,565
if your fat neck would let you.
403
00:16:20,567 --> 00:16:23,602
It's your [bleep] beer
that put that on me!
404
00:16:23,604 --> 00:16:25,537
[bleep] you, you sack of [bleep]!
405
00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:27,472
Right back at you, [bleep]!
406
00:16:27,474 --> 00:16:29,274
both: Ahh!
407
00:16:31,211 --> 00:16:33,044
I love that guy.
408
00:16:33,046 --> 00:16:35,547
Stella, what the hell were you thinking?
409
00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:37,983
Look, I know you're upset,
but nobody got hurt.
410
00:16:37,985 --> 00:16:39,351
Well, that's true.
411
00:16:39,353 --> 00:16:41,820
And we feel bad that we ruined
your date with Grandma.
412
00:16:41,822 --> 00:16:44,289
Especially after she spent
all day getting ready.
413
00:16:44,291 --> 00:16:46,024
You look beautiful, Mom.
414
00:16:48,262 --> 00:16:50,562
She does, doesn't she?
415
00:16:50,564 --> 00:16:52,831
Alice,
416
00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:55,033
I don't know why a
gorgeous woman like you
417
00:16:55,035 --> 00:16:56,435
puts up with a guy like me,
418
00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:59,271
but how about you and I
go eat something fancy
419
00:16:59,273 --> 00:17:01,473
at someplace stupid past our bedtime?
420
00:17:05,579 --> 00:17:07,112
You mean it?
421
00:17:07,114 --> 00:17:08,580
I do.
422
00:17:08,582 --> 00:17:11,750
It's Saturday night. I want
to show my best girl off.
423
00:17:11,752 --> 00:17:13,718
Oh, Bob.
424
00:17:16,790 --> 00:17:18,690
Later, girls!
425
00:17:18,692 --> 00:17:21,393
And boy. Your son.
426
00:17:21,395 --> 00:17:23,128
Whatever.
427
00:17:30,904 --> 00:17:33,972
Uh, you guys are really cool.
428
00:17:33,974 --> 00:17:35,807
Really cool.
429
00:17:35,809 --> 00:17:38,610
And, um...
430
00:17:38,612 --> 00:17:40,111
We... we love hanging out with you.
431
00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:42,280
Love it.
432
00:17:42,282 --> 00:17:43,715
We just think...
433
00:17:43,717 --> 00:17:46,284
What the hell is going on here?
434
00:17:51,248 --> 00:17:54,067
Okay, this is a very tense moment,
435
00:17:54,092 --> 00:17:55,224
and it's important
436
00:17:55,249 --> 00:17:57,162
we remain calm and not overreact.
437
00:17:57,337 --> 00:18:00,238
Shut the hell up.
438
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,574
Or let it all out.
439
00:18:02,576 --> 00:18:05,176
Ann, what are you doing here?
440
00:18:05,178 --> 00:18:07,178
Well, I was driving by,
441
00:18:07,180 --> 00:18:10,415
as one does when they are
completely over a person,
442
00:18:10,417 --> 00:18:12,150
and they think,
443
00:18:12,152 --> 00:18:14,219
"What if that person left
the front door open,
444
00:18:14,221 --> 00:18:17,155
and now killers are
inside killing them?"
445
00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:20,659
And so I checked, and it was...
it was open!
446
00:18:20,661 --> 00:18:23,028
The front door was wide open?
447
00:18:23,030 --> 00:18:25,697
It was unlocked,
448
00:18:25,699 --> 00:18:28,867
and that is equally dangerous.
449
00:18:28,869 --> 00:18:30,435
Good thinking, Ann.
450
00:18:30,437 --> 00:18:31,670
You are smart.
451
00:18:31,672 --> 00:18:34,673
Don't even start.
452
00:18:34,675 --> 00:18:36,541
Obviously you're the couple
453
00:18:36,543 --> 00:18:40,211
that fixed John up with this bitch.
454
00:18:40,213 --> 00:18:43,048
Hey, I flew a helicopter in Fallujah.
455
00:18:43,050 --> 00:18:45,016
Thank you for your service.
456
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,086
Bitch.
457
00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:53,124
I can't believe this.
458
00:18:53,126 --> 00:18:54,759
I was just at your house today
459
00:18:54,761 --> 00:18:56,828
crying about how much I missed John
460
00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:59,431
and that I would do
anything to get him back.
461
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:01,199
But you said you hated me.
462
00:19:01,201 --> 00:19:02,400
Well, I was mad.
463
00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:04,069
I didn't mean it.
464
00:19:04,071 --> 00:19:06,404
You're the only man I've ever loved.
465
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,707
And you're the only
woman I've ever loved.
466
00:19:08,709 --> 00:19:11,476
Oh, John.
467
00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:12,644
Ugh...
468
00:19:12,646 --> 00:19:15,680
Mike, thanks so much
for the awesome setup.
469
00:19:15,682 --> 00:19:16,915
I'll see you at work tomorrow.
470
00:19:16,917 --> 00:19:18,984
Let's not make it awkward.
471
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:26,091
I think I smoothed it out.
472
00:19:26,093 --> 00:19:30,762
Oh, I'm so glad you
guys are back together!
473
00:19:30,764 --> 00:19:32,530
Let's all plan a fun weekend!
474
00:19:32,532 --> 00:19:33,898
Are you crazy?
475
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,300
You fixed me up and you knew
476
00:19:35,302 --> 00:19:37,068
that Ann wanted to get
back together with me?
477
00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:38,803
John, John, it's not worth it.
478
00:19:38,805 --> 00:19:41,373
Come on, we only liked
one of them anyway.
479
00:19:50,017 --> 00:19:51,349
Which one do you think it is?
480
00:19:51,351 --> 00:19:52,417
Well, it doesn't matter.
481
00:19:52,419 --> 00:19:54,185
They hate us both now.
482
00:19:54,187 --> 00:19:58,023
So what is your takeaway for tonight?
483
00:19:58,025 --> 00:19:59,357
Well...
484
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,060
we tried to Frankenstein
the perfect couple
485
00:20:02,062 --> 00:20:04,796
and instead destroyed our friendships,
486
00:20:04,798 --> 00:20:07,666
and we learned that we're not as cool
487
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:09,234
as we thought we were.
488
00:20:10,837 --> 00:20:12,470
Or...
489
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,372
Go on.
490
00:20:14,374 --> 00:20:17,375
Maybe we didn't destroy anything.
491
00:20:17,377 --> 00:20:19,678
We actually brought our
friends back together again
492
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,446
in a weird, painful way.
493
00:20:22,916 --> 00:20:26,017
And in the process, we
got naked in a hot tub.
494
00:20:26,019 --> 00:20:28,753
We were deemed worthy of a foursome.
495
00:20:30,323 --> 00:20:32,390
We almost did Molly.
496
00:20:34,394 --> 00:20:36,895
And just like that, we're cool again.
497
00:20:36,897 --> 00:20:38,262
Let's go home.
498
00:20:38,764 --> 00:20:40,201
You know what?
499
00:20:40,522 --> 00:20:43,249
I kind of miss that penguin weirdo
500
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,014
and that chick with the purple hair.
501
00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:46,834
Me too.
502
00:20:48,693 --> 00:20:52,123
We, uh, may have to wait until they
stop having sex on our clothes.
503
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,524
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504
00:20:55,574 --> 00:21:00,124
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