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1
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Who's that?
2
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That's the father.
3
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Why's he running away?
4
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He's not, he's going after that woman.
5
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Why?
6
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Because she thinks their kids are in that house, and he doesn't want her to go in there.
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Because it's haunted?
8
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No, because it's on fire. We just watched a whole scene about that.
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Hey, kiddo.
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What're you watching?
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This awesome movie.
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The fireman, he trapped his kids in a haunted house and he set it on fire.
13
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Matthew, I really don't think he should be watching this kind of movie.
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He's not. I don't know what movie he's watching.
15
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Christine!
16
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What'd she make for dinner? I'm starving.
17
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Oh... no dinner.
18
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She's out with a guy.
19
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On a date?
20
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Well, it's not just a date. A fifth date.
21
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Oh.
22
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Who's the guy?
23
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Burton. Some attorney. Drives a Jag. She's way into him.
24
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Fifth date.
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You're enjoying this, aren't you?
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You think I'm going to flip out because my ex-wife is dating the same guy a couple times.
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Not a couple-- five. Five. Five.
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Give me what? Five.
29
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You know, I was hoping I wouldn't have to bring this up,
30
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but tonight is our fifth-date anniversary, and I was kind of...
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looking forward to a gift.
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I got you something. I got you something, but it isn't wrapped.
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Oh, where is it?
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In my pants.
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Oh, my God!
36
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You can't give me the same thing you gave me for our fourth-date anniversary.
37
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Oh! Hello! Wow. I didn't mean to...
38
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Richard... no, we were just...
39
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- Yes, I saw. Nice.
- Yeah.
40
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I'm Burton Schaefer.
41
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Richard Campbell. Christine's husband.
42
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Ex-husband.
43
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Oh, God. Right.
44
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Wonder what the psychiatrists would say about that.
45
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They'd say you were leaving.
46
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Well I should probably head out, too.
47
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Thanks for stopping by. Let's do this again soon.
48
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Richard!
49
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What? Burt can take a joke.
50
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His name's Burton.
51
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He must hear a lot of jokes.
52
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That's okay. No, I-I... we've got a big anniversary tomorrow,
53
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so I should probably go home and wrap her gift.
54
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Nice meeting you.
55
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I like him.
56
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He's a good-looking guy.
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Almost pretty.
58
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Good night, Richard.
59
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What? It's a compliment.
60
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He's a very adorable man.
61
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- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
62
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Look, I'm sorry about tonight. I was just trying to be funny.
63
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Really? 'Cause it wasn't funny.
64
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It was like Benny Hill not-funny.
65
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Benny Hill is hilarious.
66
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I can't have this conversation again.
67
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Hang on, somebody's calling. Uh... hold on.
68
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- Hello?
- Hey, you got to see this.
69
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A woman's having fat removed, and it fills an entire trash can.
70
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- Ooh. Channel?
- Forty-six.
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It's easily the grossest thing I've ever seen.
72
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Oh! That's disgusting!
73
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Who would watch this?
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- I-I got to go.
- Yeah, me, too.
75
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Hey, sorry, sorry. Matthew just wanted me to see this show where they remove people's fat.
76
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- Ooh, what channel?
- Forty-six.
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Oh, my God.
78
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Why would they put her fat in a trash can?
79
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Yeah. Does the trash man pick that up? 'Cause I can't even get him to take my old couch.
80
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All right, you know what? I got to get some sleep.
81
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Wait, wait. I called because I felt bad about how I acted.
82
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I was a real jerk, and I'd like to make it up to you.
83
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Fine, give me a trash can to put my ass in.
84
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Listen, Richard, that's very nice of you, but you don't have to...
85
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- Oh!
- Oh!
86
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Wow, that's a powerful vacuum.
87
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Look, let's go out to dinner, you and Burton, me and Christine. I'll buy.
88
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A double date? Ooh, I don't know. Isn't that kind of weird?
89
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Why? Because we're divorced? So what?
90
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You obviously like this guy. I'd like to get to know him.
91
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I don't know.
92
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Oh, that's Burton.
93
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Okay, hang on, don't move.
94
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Hi there.
95
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I know I just saw you, but I had to hear your voice one more time before I went to bed.
96
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That is so sweet.
97
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Listen, um, I've got kind of a weird proposal for you.
98
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Yes.
99
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No, no. Richard's on the other line, and...
100
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he wants to take us to dinner to sort of make up for being such a jerk tonight.
101
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What do you think? Is that weird?
102
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Uh, it's very friendly.
103
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Well, next week we can go to my ex-wife's for dinner, you know?
104
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Oh, maybe she'll make her famous "I-never-loved-you
105
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and-your-former-law-partner- is-a-better-love- than-you'll-ever-be" potpie.
106
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We can go to dinner.
107
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Okay, fine, all right. I'll see you tomorrow.
108
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Night.
109
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Hey, we're on.
110
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Great. I'll talk to Christine and call you tomorrow.
111
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Okay. Sounds like a plan.
112
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Oh, God, this is Matthew again, I got to go.
113
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Bye.
114
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What?
115
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They're removing a 200-pound tumor from this guy's leg.
116
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- Ooh. Channel?
- Sixty-three.
117
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Thanks for doing this, honey.
118
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I think it's really gonna be fun.
119
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Do you?
120
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You're not going to feel a little icky about seeing your ex-wife with a serious boyfriend?
121
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No. Why would I?
122
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If anything, it's a relief.
123
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If Christine pairs up, then we don't have to feel guilty about our relationship.
124
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You feel guilty?
125
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Did I say guilty?
126
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I meant lucky.
127
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Which is basically the same thing when you're Catholic.
128
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Luckily, you're a better kisser than a liar.
129
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Hi.
130
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Hi.
131
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- Oh, hi. Sorry.
- Hi.
132
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- We were just...
- Yeah, we saw.
133
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Very classy.
134
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So, Burton, you've met Richard. This is his girlfriend, New Christine.
135
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- Hi.
- Hi.
136
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Actually, I'm not new. I've been here for 28 years.
137
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I'm just new compared to her.
138
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Well, let's eat quickly, 'cause I have to get back to the home.
139
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Well, I'm new, too, so I guess you can just call me New Burton.
140
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New Burton. Isn't that a town in Connecticut?
141
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Yeah.
142
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So, Burton, I just want to say sorry about the other night.
143
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We both said some things we regret.
144
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I don't remember saying anything.
145
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I accept your apology.
146
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Let's just forget about it and have a good night.
147
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Good evening.
148
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- Hi.
- Hi.
149
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I will be back in a moment to take your drink orders.
150
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Thank you.
151
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You okay there?
152
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Yeah, it's my... it's my new date night underwear.
153
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It just got to fifth base.
154
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Really, I want you to feel free to say anything around me.
155
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Christine, you look great tonight.
156
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- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
157
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Your makeup's really doing its job.
158
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So what's everybody having?
159
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I'm sorry... my makeup is doing its job?
160
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What... what does that mean?
161
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What? It was a compliment. You look good.
162
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Richard, you don't compliment a person's makeup.
163
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You compliment their face, not the thing that's covering up their face.
164
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That's like... that's like talking about somebody's girdle.
165
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That looks like it's doing its job, too.
166
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You know, people in love-handle houses should not throw stones, buddy.
167
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You guys, stop. I'm sure you're making Burton uncomfortable.
168
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No, no, it's fine. Actually, I'm very comfortable.
169
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It reminds me of my honeymoon.
170
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Minus the flying ashtrays and Moroccan police.
171
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No, you're right-- I promise we won't be sniping at each other all night, right?
172
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I'm sorry, too. It's a bad habit.
173
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Can we just start this whole night over?
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- I like that idea.
- Yeah.
175
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So, Burton... what sort of law do you practice?
176
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I'm an immigration lawyer.
177
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Mostly Mexico and Central America.
178
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I like it a lot, you know?
179
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Helping people find a better life and get a little piece of the American dream.
180
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Of course, we still have a long ways to go...
181
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But, anyway, most recently, I've been down in Tijuana, trying to reunite this family.
182
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The mom's been working here, and the kids are down there, and well, she's...
183
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It's really... it's really sad.
184
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I always get a laugh at that part.
185
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No, I'm sorry. It's just when you said, "Tijuana,"
186
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it reminded me of this story that Christine and I have.
187
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No, no, Lord, please do not tell that story, okay?
188
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I am trying to make a good impression.
189
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Wait, now I've got to hear the story. What is it?
190
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We were in this bar. Christine was drunk--
191
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which, by the way, is how most of our stories start.
192
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Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.
193
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She stole the waiter's whistle and started giving everyone shots.
194
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,170
No. I didn't steal the whistle.
195
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Gosh, I bought it... by showing the waiter my bra.
196
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And?
197
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My underwear.
198
00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:15,240
And?
199
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The top of my butt.
200
00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:24,240
Which, by the way, is how most of our stories end.
201
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:34,090
Uncle Matthew... what does my mom do when she goes out?
202
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:36,930
Uh, what does she tell you she does?
203
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She just says she's going out.
204
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Okay, well, if you have to know...
205
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When your mom goes out, she...
206
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...she fights crime.
207
00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:56,180
Why does she get all dressed up?
208
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:57,260
Well, that's her disguise.
209
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She brushes her hair and puts on clean clothes so no one will recognize her.
210
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,980
You know what, Ritchie? No more questions about your mom.
211
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Okay.
212
00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:12,100
What makes some people gay?
213
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Your mom's on a date.
214
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And you couldn't say anything, because he knew...
215
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you were wearing...
216
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...his hat.
217
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Yeah, they never run out of stories. Not ever.
218
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Ever, ever, ever.
219
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Last one had a twist, though. They were sober.
220
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I didn't see that coming.
221
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Remember Vermont?
222
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:55,360
No, Richard, don't. I think they're... they're mad.
223
00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:58,510
Burton, are you getting mad?
224
00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:04,420
Why would I be mad? It's like watching an alcoholic travel show.
225
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Ah, we got to do this again real soon.
226
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I'm at my mother's next week, so it would have to be the week after that.
227
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Yeah, or never.
228
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Oh, right. Or never.
229
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Wait. You're really mad?
230
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No, it's... it's fine. It doesn't matter, all right?
231
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I'm just... I'm gonna go get the car.
232
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You know, I think I'll go with you.
233
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Uh, well, we'll be right there.
234
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Ass!
235
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Me?
236
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What? You were laughing, too.
237
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At least I didn't do the duck walk for the waiter.
238
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Richard, that got a laugh.
239
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And you know damn well if I'm getting a laugh, I'm not gonna stop.
240
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This is your fault.
241
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How is this my fault?
242
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Because you kept telling those tired, old stories,
243
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and making Burton feel completely left out.
244
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He's a lawyer. I'd think he'd be used to being left out.
245
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Ass!
246
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Christine.
247
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Christine?
248
00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:09,820
Christine? Christine, wait, wait.
249
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Are you actually mad at me?
250
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You spent the entire evening trying to sabotage my relationship.
251
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Why would I do that?
252
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I don't know, Richard.
253
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Maybe that's a question you need to be asking yourself.
254
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Richard, I really like this guy.
255
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,680
I feel good when I'm with him.
256
00:13:32,050 --> 00:13:34,720
And he's the first guy that I've met since we broke up
257
00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:38,030
that I can really see myself staying with.
258
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:40,460
Oh.
259
00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:42,300
Well...
260
00:13:43,370 --> 00:13:44,670
That's good.
261
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:46,820
That's great.
262
00:13:47,570 --> 00:13:49,180
I just hope he forgives me.
263
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,220
Hi.
264
00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:56,900
Hello.
265
00:13:57,110 --> 00:14:00,000
Oh, I am so sorry you had a terrible time.
266
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:02,120
Well, you know, we've been together for six dates now.
267
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:04,070
You've got to take the bad with the good.
268
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:08,720
Will you forgive me? I mean, we just... We get caught up in our old stuff.
269
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:12,430
Yeah, you know, speaking of that old stuff, there seems to be a lot of it.
270
00:14:13,190 --> 00:14:14,550
Should I be threatened?
271
00:14:14,690 --> 00:14:16,300
Oh, God, no.
272
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,920
It's just a bunch of dumb stories from a million years ago.
273
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,710
I want to make new stories. With you.
274
00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:27,400
Yeah, then we can take your new boyfriend out to dinner and rub in his face.
275
00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:29,110
Oh, please, Burton.
276
00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:34,860
I mean... if you let me, I promise I can make it up to you.
277
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,310
How are you gonna do that?
278
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:43,500
Well, I can think of, uh, five ways just like right off the top of my head.
279
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:47,730
The first two you are truly gonna love.
280
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:51,050
And the third is mostly for me.
281
00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:56,370
Well, let's start with the third and then work our way backwards.
282
00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:57,430
Wow.
283
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:04,540
...and so the good news is Christine really, really likes him.
284
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:05,630
Well, it is good news.
285
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:07,720
That's what I said. I'm happy for her.
286
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,950
Yeah. Maybe they'll get married.
287
00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:10,520
Hey, wouldn't that be swell.
288
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,430
Watch. I'm going to get blamed for this, too.
289
00:15:20,818 --> 00:15:23,225
- How is he?
- what they say?
290
00:15:23,225 --> 00:15:27,460
We don't know yet, but it looks bad. It might be his toe.
291
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:30,490
His toe? Oh God. Which one?
292
00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:33,410
The one that went to market or the one that ate roast beef?
293
00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:39,080
Hey, a toe injury is not funny, Richard.
294
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:40,200
It's true.
295
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:43,310
I lost the nail on my pinky toe. It never grew back.
296
00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:45,600
Now I have to paint the skin.
297
00:15:50,010 --> 00:15:53,320
Richard? Richard, have you seen the medical shows?
298
00:15:53,470 --> 00:15:59,000
I mean, toe injuries can lead to very serious complications. In some cases, death.
299
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:02,930
Oh, forgive me. I didn't realize I was speaking to a medical professional, Doctor...
300
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:06,490
Shove It. Janice P. Shove It, M.D.
301
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:08,130
That's very mature.
302
00:16:08,270 --> 00:16:11,680
Oh, you want to talk about mature? You just tried to kill my boyfriend.
303
00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:13,850
- You know, I was there, and it wasn't...
- It was an accident.
304
00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:15,350
Oh, there are no accidents, Richard.
305
00:16:15,460 --> 00:16:20,230
I mean, maybe you didn't mean to do it, but you still did do it unconsciously.
306
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,070
Unconsciously? Like in a coma?
307
00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:24,150
- I think she meant...
- You are unbelievable.
308
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:25,520
Don't you mean sub-believable?
309
00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,850
You know what I mean, you toe-killer.
310
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,650
All right, stop it. That's enough. I can't take it anymore.
311
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:34,010
You're not even making sense. You're just saying words.
312
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,070
You see? Even your girlfriend thinks you're an ass.
313
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,470
Well, you're an ass, too, Christine.
314
00:16:40,570 --> 00:16:42,110
Me? What did I do?
315
00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:45,010
Well, it's both of you and this messed-up dynamic you have.
316
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:48,230
You get going and it's like no one else exists, and it's not just tonight.
317
00:16:48,330 --> 00:16:49,590
It's all the time.
318
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:54,040
With the constant phone calls and the daily visits, the obnoxious reminiscing.
319
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,770
It was only a matter of time before someone got hurt.
320
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:02,230
You are supposed to be divorced.
321
00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:04,280
Why can't you act like it?
322
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:07,970
Christine, you have to understand, we have a kid together.
323
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,510
We're always going to be connected.
324
00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:11,940
Oh, don't pull that. This has nothing to do with your kid.
325
00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:14,670
This is the two of you unable to separate from each other.
326
00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,040
I'm leaving.
327
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:17,210
I'll go with you.
328
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:19,230
No. You stay here, Richard.
329
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,960
I'm serious. You two need to figure out what your deal is,
330
00:17:22,030 --> 00:17:25,000
because until you do, I don't think there's any room in it for me.
331
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,780
I need the keys.
332
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,650
I need money for parking.
333
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:56,970
Yes.
334
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,480
Nice work, Dr. Campbell.
335
00:17:58,590 --> 00:17:59,310
Thanks.
336
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:01,460
Okay.
337
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:04,410
"Remove Adam's apple, including the core.
338
00:18:04,510 --> 00:18:07,720
You'll end up with money and friends galore."
339
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:12,980
Well, I'm noreally in it for the money and friends. I'm a healer.
340
00:18:15,810 --> 00:18:18,160
So why does my Mom go on dates?
341
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:23,710
Well, because sometimes grown-ups like to go out with people their own age.
342
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:25,590
You're her age. Why don't you date her?
343
00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:34,360
Well, most people like to date outside their immediate family.
344
00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:36,380
And it's a law.
345
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,050
A good law.
346
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,240
What do you do on a date?
347
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:47,600
Well, you, uh, talk. And you laugh.
348
00:18:47,780 --> 00:18:50,200
Sometimes you... wrestle.
349
00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:53,130
Oh.
350
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,700
What's intercourse?
351
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:03,280
Something to do with golf. You should ask your mom.
352
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:05,910
Does Mom golf?
353
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,840
She's been known to hit the links.
354
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:15,470
Did you get through to Christine?
355
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:17,210
No. She must've turned off her cell.
356
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,550
Thanks.
357
00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:21,650
So what do you think? Do you think she's right?
358
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,400
Do we have a weird dynamic?
359
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:31,000
No. I mean, sure, we're closer than most divorced people, but I think that's healthy.
360
00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:33,370
I guess.
361
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,570
But I don't want our old relationship to get in the way of our new ones.
362
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:41,960
I don't either. Maybe we need some boundaries.
363
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:42,780
Yeah.
364
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:46,200
Like, I guess I shouldt call you every night before I go to bed, huh?
365
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,250
Maybe I shouldn't just drop by unannounced.
366
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,410
And, of course, no running over each other's dates with a car.
367
00:19:54,050 --> 00:19:55,800
Seems a little extreme, but okay.
368
00:19:57,540 --> 00:20:00,580
And we won't call each other every time there's something gross on TV.
369
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,930
Well, I mean, what if it's something that concerns Ritchie?
370
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:03,990
We have to talk then.
371
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:07,040
Right. Of course. We'll talk then. But only then.
372
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:08,790
Yeah, I think that can work.
373
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,570
And you should probably stop thinking of me when you're having sex with Burton.
374
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:21,640
Richard, I didn't even think of you when I was having sex with you.
375
00:20:25,910 --> 00:20:27,520
I don't want to play with you anymore.
376
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:31,850
God, this is big, you know?
377
00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:34,180
Things are going to change a lot with us.
378
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:38,100
I know. But it's got to be done. There are other people now.
379
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,030
Yeah.
380
00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:44,720
And by the way, I think it did bother me seeing you with someone else tonight,
381
00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:46,970
but it doesn't mean I'm not happy for you.
382
00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:48,860
Oh, thank you.
383
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,060
And, about you and New Christine...
384
00:20:55,550 --> 00:20:57,940
Thank you for being happy for me.
385
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,310
Transcript: Raceman - Synchro: Amariss
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386
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:07,910
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