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1
00:00:00,542 --> 00:00:04,709
(cash register drawer
sliding and bell ringing)
2
00:00:06,456 --> 00:00:07,585
♫ Ground floor perfumery
3
00:00:07,585 --> 00:00:09,041
♫ Stationary and leather goods
4
00:00:09,041 --> 00:00:10,484
♫ Wigs And haberdashery
5
00:00:10,484 --> 00:00:12,746
♫ Kitchenware and food, going up
6
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,697
(jazzy instrumental music)
7
00:00:15,697 --> 00:00:17,792
(cash register drawer and bell chiming)
8
00:00:17,792 --> 00:00:19,196
♫ First floor, telephones
9
00:00:19,196 --> 00:00:20,742
♫ Gents' ready-made suits
10
00:00:20,742 --> 00:00:22,108
♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats
11
00:00:22,108 --> 00:00:24,718
♫ Underwear and shoes, going up
12
00:00:24,718 --> 00:00:27,070
- Ah, Mr. Humphries, sir.
13
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,462
If you've got a moment to spare,
14
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,362
there are the frames you asked for.
15
00:00:30,362 --> 00:00:31,700
- Thank you, Mr. Harman.
16
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:32,702
- And you better hurry up and choose 'em
17
00:00:32,702 --> 00:00:34,976
before old peacock gets
back from his coffee break.
18
00:00:34,976 --> 00:00:35,844
- What do you want these for?
19
00:00:35,844 --> 00:00:37,809
- Well, I get these terrible headaches.
20
00:00:37,809 --> 00:00:39,816
- I told you, you shouldn't
do that needlepoint.
21
00:00:39,816 --> 00:00:42,322
- I don't do needlepoint.
22
00:00:42,322 --> 00:00:44,453
Not now that I'm doing the lace mats.
23
00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:47,470
(audience laughing)
24
00:00:47,470 --> 00:00:48,534
Oh.
25
00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:50,510
(audience laughing)
26
00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:51,427
Is that me?
27
00:00:52,744 --> 00:00:54,306
- Blimey, your eyes are bad.
28
00:00:54,306 --> 00:00:55,412
(audience laughing)
29
00:00:55,412 --> 00:00:57,960
- I mean, are they in
harmony with my personality.
30
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,117
- Well, they would be, if
you bought an electric organ
31
00:00:59,117 --> 00:01:00,234
to go with them.
32
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:01,871
(audience laughing)
33
00:01:01,871 --> 00:01:03,204
Here, try these.
34
00:01:05,878 --> 00:01:06,711
- Oh, no.
35
00:01:06,711 --> 00:01:07,752
(audience laughing)
36
00:01:07,752 --> 00:01:09,806
People'll think I can
only afford half of 'em.
37
00:01:09,806 --> 00:01:10,756
(audience laughing)
38
00:01:10,756 --> 00:01:13,121
Ah, now, these are good, oh yes.
39
00:01:13,121 --> 00:01:14,046
Hold that.
40
00:01:14,046 --> 00:01:16,612
Oh, these are definitely me.
41
00:01:16,612 --> 00:01:17,586
What do you think?
42
00:01:17,586 --> 00:01:19,689
(audience laughing)
43
00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:22,644
- Well, they'll be handy for
looking through letter boxes.
44
00:01:22,644 --> 00:01:23,477
- Do you know I haven't done that
45
00:01:23,477 --> 00:01:25,750
since I went carol
singing as a little lad.
46
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:28,247
- Did you see mummy kissing Santa Clause?
47
00:01:28,247 --> 00:01:29,519
- As a matter of fact,
I think she was trying
48
00:01:29,519 --> 00:01:31,963
to push him back up the chimney.
49
00:01:31,963 --> 00:01:34,830
Ah, now, these definitely, yes, oh yes.
50
00:01:34,830 --> 00:01:37,319
My mind is made up, firm as concrete.
51
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:39,701
No matter what anybody
says, I won't budge.
52
00:01:39,701 --> 00:01:42,353
(audience laughing)
53
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,615
- Mr. Humphreys, take off
those ridiculous glasses.
54
00:01:44,615 --> 00:01:46,151
- Yes, Captain Peacock.
55
00:01:46,151 --> 00:01:47,583
- Harman, get off the floor.
56
00:01:47,583 --> 00:01:48,893
And take this thing with you.
57
00:01:48,893 --> 00:01:51,643
- To hear is to obey you, master.
58
00:01:52,977 --> 00:01:55,559
- That is the camisole, and these
59
00:01:55,559 --> 00:01:58,305
are the matching pantaloons.
60
00:01:58,305 --> 00:01:59,827
- Are you sure this is the trendy thing
61
00:01:59,827 --> 00:02:02,160
the girls are wearing today?
62
00:02:05,247 --> 00:02:06,080
(audience laughing)
63
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,006
- Do you need more proof?
64
00:02:08,006 --> 00:02:10,173
- No, that's convinced me.
65
00:02:11,958 --> 00:02:14,087
- Cheeky monkey.
66
00:02:14,087 --> 00:02:15,015
Where was I?
67
00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:16,377
- Oh, you were telling me
about this Greek fellow
68
00:02:16,377 --> 00:02:20,135
you're keen on, Mixim
Matosis. (audience laughing)
69
00:02:20,135 --> 00:02:21,302
- Mr. Mataxis.
70
00:02:22,888 --> 00:02:24,451
- Anyway, where did you meet him?
71
00:02:24,451 --> 00:02:28,618
- Well, me and Mrs. Axelby
was in this Greek restaurant.
72
00:02:29,561 --> 00:02:30,823
- On your own?
73
00:02:30,823 --> 00:02:34,435
- Well, you don't always
want to go with men, do you?
74
00:02:34,435 --> 00:02:37,999
Anyway, he was sitting alone in a corner.
75
00:02:37,999 --> 00:02:41,545
And he was staring, you know how they do.
76
00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:43,418
Well, after a while, he sent a note over
77
00:02:43,418 --> 00:02:46,926
saying he'd like to give us both an ouzo.
78
00:02:46,926 --> 00:02:48,843
- In front of everyone.
79
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:51,688
- It's a drink.
80
00:02:52,983 --> 00:02:56,221
Anyway, as Mrs. Axelby said,
what have we got to lose?
81
00:02:56,221 --> 00:02:59,562
Well, it turns out that
he's very well known, there,
82
00:02:59,562 --> 00:03:01,475
because of his bouzouki.
83
00:03:01,475 --> 00:03:03,451
(audience laughing)
84
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:04,697
- What's that?
85
00:03:04,697 --> 00:03:08,429
- Well, it's a sort of
funny shaped Greek banjo.
86
00:03:08,429 --> 00:03:13,134
And when it played Never on
Sunday, we all threw plates.
87
00:03:13,134 --> 00:03:14,579
- Was he that awful?
88
00:03:14,579 --> 00:03:16,385
(audience laughing)
89
00:03:16,385 --> 00:03:20,168
- No, you do that, it's a Greek custom.
90
00:03:20,168 --> 00:03:22,660
- Oh, you seem to know
an awful lot about it.
91
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:25,910
- Well, it may be that I shall need to.
92
00:03:26,868 --> 00:03:28,127
Can you keep a secret?
93
00:03:28,127 --> 00:03:30,326
- Oh, cross me heart.
94
00:03:30,326 --> 00:03:33,155
- I've been out with him
every night for a month.
95
00:03:33,155 --> 00:03:36,303
And last night, he popped the question.
96
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,838
- Do you mean he's asked you to marry him?
97
00:03:38,838 --> 00:03:40,171
- It's a secret.
98
00:03:41,106 --> 00:03:43,079
- Did I hear something, Mrs. Slocombe?
99
00:03:43,079 --> 00:03:45,894
- This Greek fella's
asked her to marry him.
100
00:03:45,894 --> 00:03:48,563
- It was supposed to be a secret.
101
00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,217
- Mr. Tebbs, Mr. Humphreys, Mr. Lucas,
102
00:03:50,217 --> 00:03:52,457
come over here, at once.
103
00:03:52,457 --> 00:03:54,805
I've got some startling news for you.
104
00:03:54,805 --> 00:03:56,993
Mrs. Slocombe is going to get married.
105
00:03:56,993 --> 00:03:58,893
- Has she been advertising, again?
106
00:03:58,893 --> 00:04:00,801
(audience laughing)
107
00:04:00,801 --> 00:04:02,844
- He got her with his bazooka.
108
00:04:02,844 --> 00:04:05,449
(audience laughing)
109
00:04:05,449 --> 00:04:08,095
- Well, she's a big enough target.
110
00:04:08,095 --> 00:04:10,332
- Bouzouki, Miss Brahams.
111
00:04:10,332 --> 00:04:12,658
- Oh, yeah, he's a Greek banjo player.
112
00:04:12,658 --> 00:04:14,913
- Well done, dear. (lips smack)
113
00:04:14,913 --> 00:04:16,631
As my mother always says, there's always
114
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,139
someone for everyone.
115
00:04:19,139 --> 00:04:20,584
Well, almost everyone.
116
00:04:20,584 --> 00:04:21,928
(audience laughing)
117
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,743
- Mrs. Slocombe, I've always
had a great affection for you.
118
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:28,742
Does this mean that
we're going to lose you?
119
00:04:28,742 --> 00:04:31,265
- Oh, no, I've no plans to leave.
120
00:04:31,265 --> 00:04:32,400
- Oh.
121
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,233
Dammit.
122
00:04:34,762 --> 00:04:36,469
- When's the happy event?
123
00:04:36,469 --> 00:04:39,157
- Hang about, she hasn't
even got married yet.
124
00:04:39,157 --> 00:04:40,721
- Captain Peacock, you are employed
125
00:04:40,721 --> 00:04:42,420
to keep order in this department,
126
00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:44,843
not to encourage gossiping
around the counters.
127
00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:46,937
- Mrs. Slocombe's gonna get married.
128
00:04:46,937 --> 00:04:50,510
- Oh, allow me to be the
first to congratulate you.
129
00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:52,007
- Actually, you're the last.
130
00:04:52,007 --> 00:04:53,299
(audience laughing)
131
00:04:53,299 --> 00:04:54,989
- Ah, well, be that as it may, we are here
132
00:04:54,989 --> 00:04:56,995
to serve customers, so perhaps you'll all
133
00:04:56,995 --> 00:04:58,828
go back to your counters.
134
00:04:58,828 --> 00:05:01,822
(everyone murmuring)
135
00:05:01,822 --> 00:05:04,092
In the meantime, may I
wish you every happiness
136
00:05:04,092 --> 00:05:05,589
on behalf of Grace Brothers.
137
00:05:05,589 --> 00:05:07,564
And take this opportunity to remind you
138
00:05:07,564 --> 00:05:10,991
that your trousseau, your wedding dress,
139
00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:12,630
furnishings for your future home,
140
00:05:12,630 --> 00:05:14,519
are all obtainable in Grace Brothers,
141
00:05:14,519 --> 00:05:17,207
at the usual staff discount of course.
142
00:05:17,207 --> 00:05:20,037
Oh, this also applies
to bathroom fittings,
143
00:05:20,037 --> 00:05:23,774
carpets, hardware, and,
in the fullness of time,
144
00:05:23,774 --> 00:05:25,274
prams and layette.
145
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,245
- Oh, shut up.
146
00:05:30,284 --> 00:05:32,102
(cash register drawer
sliding and bell chiming)
147
00:05:32,102 --> 00:05:34,358
- When Mrs. Slocombe told
us the news yesterday,
148
00:05:34,358 --> 00:05:36,460
you could have knocked
me down with a feather.
149
00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:38,354
- She didn't look too happy this morning.
150
00:05:38,354 --> 00:05:40,594
- She's worried about
the cost of the wedding.
151
00:05:40,594 --> 00:05:42,454
It's the bride's family what pays,
152
00:05:42,454 --> 00:05:44,588
and she's the only one what's left.
153
00:05:44,588 --> 00:05:46,459
- Catering can cost a fortune these days.
154
00:05:46,459 --> 00:05:48,938
- Well, I know she actually
started out getting a quote
155
00:05:48,938 --> 00:05:50,730
for champagne and smoked salmon,
156
00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:53,384
and now she's working on
meat paste and brown ale.
157
00:05:53,384 --> 00:05:54,769
(audience laughing)
158
00:05:54,769 --> 00:05:56,979
- Well, if she hasn't any
next of kin, who's going
159
00:05:56,979 --> 00:05:58,368
to give her away?
160
00:05:58,368 --> 00:05:59,585
- Well, perhaps her friend Mrs. Axelby
161
00:05:59,585 --> 00:06:01,403
will put on a morning suit and top hat.
162
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,665
(audience laughing)
163
00:06:02,665 --> 00:06:03,686
- Very good idea.
164
00:06:03,686 --> 00:06:06,418
She's got the mustache already.
165
00:06:06,418 --> 00:06:08,319
- You are horrible.
166
00:06:08,319 --> 00:06:10,783
She's asked me to be her bridesmaid.
167
00:06:10,783 --> 00:06:12,870
- She probably asked Mr.
Humphreys to be her page.
168
00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:14,117
(audience laughing)
169
00:06:14,117 --> 00:06:15,893
- I was a page boy, once.
170
00:06:15,893 --> 00:06:19,630
I had page boy bob, a
full Fauntleroy collar,
171
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:23,034
black velvet trousers, knee-britches,
172
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:26,265
silk stockings, patent leather
shoes with silver buckles.
173
00:06:26,265 --> 00:06:27,990
Oh, and white gloves.
174
00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:29,532
- I'll bet you looked sweet.
175
00:06:29,532 --> 00:06:30,973
How old were you?
176
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:34,292
- 31. (audience laughing)
177
00:06:34,292 --> 00:06:36,084
I was in the basement of Derry and Tom's.
178
00:06:36,084 --> 00:06:38,854
We did an amateur
production of Twelfth Night.
179
00:06:38,854 --> 00:06:41,359
I was the lovely Viola.
180
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,748
- Couldn't they find a girl?
181
00:06:42,748 --> 00:06:45,014
- Well, not in Tools and Do It Yourself.
182
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:45,884
(audience laughing)
183
00:06:45,884 --> 00:06:47,689
- I didn't know you
were in Do It Yourself.
184
00:06:47,689 --> 00:06:49,438
- It's not something
you like to talk about.
185
00:06:49,438 --> 00:06:51,189
(audience laughing)
186
00:06:51,189 --> 00:06:53,989
- Ah, we hear you're having problems
187
00:06:53,989 --> 00:06:55,780
with the wedding arrangements?
188
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:58,297
- Well, everything costs so much.
189
00:06:58,297 --> 00:06:59,813
- Perhaps we could
persuade young Mr. Grace
190
00:06:59,813 --> 00:07:02,557
to give you a special
price for your reception.
191
00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:04,795
- Oh, I wouldn't want to ask him.
192
00:07:04,795 --> 00:07:06,589
- Well, as the senior man on the floor,
193
00:07:06,589 --> 00:07:08,198
perhaps I could put a word in.
194
00:07:08,198 --> 00:07:10,483
What date had you in mind for the wedding?
195
00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:12,846
- Well, as soon as possible.
196
00:07:12,846 --> 00:07:14,948
- 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.
197
00:07:14,948 --> 00:07:16,307
(audience laughing)
198
00:07:16,307 --> 00:07:19,036
- I know to what you are
inferring, Mr. Lucas,
199
00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:22,310
and Mr. Mataxis isn't
that kind of man, at all.
200
00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:24,093
- Hello, hello, hello.
201
00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:25,396
(audience laughing)
202
00:07:25,396 --> 00:07:27,155
(cash register drawer
sliding and bell chiming)
203
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,836
- The nub of the situation is, Mr. Grace,
204
00:07:28,836 --> 00:07:31,509
that Mrs. Slocombe is taking a husband.
205
00:07:31,509 --> 00:07:32,883
- Who's husband?
206
00:07:32,883 --> 00:07:34,168
(audience laughing)
207
00:07:34,168 --> 00:07:36,971
- No, sir, she's getting
married, to a Greek.
208
00:07:36,971 --> 00:07:39,674
- She's done me the honor of
asking me to give her away,
209
00:07:39,674 --> 00:07:41,197
so I've undertaken the arrangements.
210
00:07:41,197 --> 00:07:42,951
Naturally, she wants the usual reception
211
00:07:42,951 --> 00:07:44,755
before the honeymoon, and we wondered
212
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,248
if we could persuade
you to let her have it
213
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,905
in the boardroom.
214
00:07:47,905 --> 00:07:50,706
- It's not much of a place
for the honeymoon, is it?
215
00:07:50,706 --> 00:07:52,371
(audience laughing)
216
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:53,204
- No, sir.
217
00:07:54,091 --> 00:07:57,717
- I suppose we could put
a mattress on the table.
218
00:07:57,717 --> 00:08:01,443
- Could she have the
boardroom for the reception?
219
00:08:01,443 --> 00:08:02,925
- Yes, it's to be on the 30th, sir.
220
00:08:02,925 --> 00:08:04,788
- Oh, it's booked that day, sir.
221
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,483
You're giving a tea party for distressed
222
00:08:06,483 --> 00:08:08,484
nightclub hostesses.
223
00:08:08,484 --> 00:08:10,037
- That's right.
224
00:08:10,037 --> 00:08:13,386
I do quite a lot of
charitable work, you know.
225
00:08:13,386 --> 00:08:15,375
Why don't you use the department?
226
00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:16,660
- Would you allow that, sir?
227
00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:19,098
- Of course, as long
as we do the catering.
228
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:21,028
Give me the card.
229
00:08:21,028 --> 00:08:22,693
- Here we are.
230
00:08:22,693 --> 00:08:25,523
- Yes, why she could have smoked salmon,
231
00:08:25,523 --> 00:08:27,636
breast of chicken in asparagus tips,
232
00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:30,197
petit fours with champagne.
233
00:08:30,197 --> 00:08:32,002
Six quid and up.
234
00:08:32,002 --> 00:08:34,733
- I'm afraid we can't run to that, sir.
235
00:08:34,733 --> 00:08:39,269
- Alright, we'll do the
packing department special.
236
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:42,700
The Japenese tinned champagne,
and a few dead things
237
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:43,533
in jelly.
238
00:08:44,532 --> 00:08:46,818
They'll never know the difference.
239
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,748
But is there anything else?
240
00:08:48,748 --> 00:08:50,121
- I don't think so, sir.
241
00:08:50,121 --> 00:08:52,067
- Alright, now go away.
242
00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:53,774
- Thank you, sir.
243
00:08:53,774 --> 00:08:55,783
- Now where were we before we let them in?
244
00:08:55,783 --> 00:08:57,228
- Well, I was betting my dress
245
00:08:57,228 --> 00:08:59,103
against your shirt and trousers,
246
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,065
and then you was just going to see me.
247
00:09:01,065 --> 00:09:03,734
- Ah, oh. (buzzing sound)
248
00:09:03,734 --> 00:09:04,929
Oh, I say!
249
00:09:04,929 --> 00:09:06,012
Nurse, nurse!
250
00:09:07,983 --> 00:09:09,271
- Did you shout, sir?
251
00:09:09,271 --> 00:09:10,376
- Oh, I gasped.
252
00:09:10,376 --> 00:09:11,816
I've got a flash.
253
00:09:11,816 --> 00:09:12,649
- Oh, sir.
254
00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:14,670
- Hello, mother.
255
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:16,368
I'm going to be late.
256
00:09:16,368 --> 00:09:19,082
I've got to alter a dress.
257
00:09:19,082 --> 00:09:22,834
No, not for me, dear, for a colleague.
258
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,834
A female colleague, yes.
259
00:09:25,858 --> 00:09:28,826
Well, put mine in the oven.
260
00:09:28,826 --> 00:09:31,010
Well, if it's a salad,
what's all the fuss about?
261
00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:32,631
(audience laughing)
262
00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:34,479
Now, I'm going, mm?
263
00:09:34,479 --> 00:09:36,487
No, don't worry, no, I
won't take the shortcut
264
00:09:36,487 --> 00:09:38,600
across the park, no.
265
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,099
Anyway, they've caught that man.
266
00:09:40,099 --> 00:09:40,932
Bye.
267
00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:46,520
- Right, come along dear,
I haven't got all night.
268
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,520
(audience laughing)
269
00:09:53,856 --> 00:09:56,137
I knew she'd choose the
Princess Grace model.
270
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,118
(audience laughing)
271
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,264
- What do you think?
272
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,940
- Well, that train'll
have to go, for a start.
273
00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:02,142
No, on second thought, she could use it
274
00:10:02,142 --> 00:10:05,041
as a top sheet on the bridal bed.
275
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:05,958
Turn round.
276
00:10:07,449 --> 00:10:10,014
(audience laughing)
277
00:10:10,014 --> 00:10:12,559
- Oh, um, yes, it's going
to need letting out,
278
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:14,337
just a bit there.
279
00:10:14,337 --> 00:10:16,073
- What did you choose this one for?
280
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:18,791
- It was reduced by 50 percent.
281
00:10:18,791 --> 00:10:20,581
- Well, if we could
reduce you by 50 percent,
282
00:10:20,581 --> 00:10:22,510
we'd be in business.
283
00:10:22,510 --> 00:10:23,480
Go on, hang on to the counter.
284
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,161
Miss Brahams, take her
shoulders, that's it, right.
285
00:10:27,161 --> 00:10:27,994
Now, em...
286
00:10:30,252 --> 00:10:32,419
Now take a deep breath in.
287
00:10:33,305 --> 00:10:35,658
On second thought, take a deep breath out.
288
00:10:35,658 --> 00:10:38,107
That's it, that's it. (zipper zips)
289
00:10:38,107 --> 00:10:39,690
I've got it, there.
290
00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:42,561
- Got a bit of a problem, here.
291
00:10:42,561 --> 00:10:45,561
(audience laughing)
292
00:10:49,292 --> 00:10:51,306
- She can hold her
bouquet of flowers there,
293
00:10:51,306 --> 00:10:52,947
that'll hide it.
294
00:10:52,947 --> 00:10:55,508
- You couldn't hide that with Kew Gardens.
295
00:10:55,508 --> 00:10:56,341
(audience laughing)
296
00:10:56,341 --> 00:10:57,174
(phone ringing)
297
00:10:57,174 --> 00:10:58,723
- Oh, answer that, Miss Brahams.
298
00:10:58,723 --> 00:11:00,197
Oh, what are we going to do?
299
00:11:00,197 --> 00:11:01,780
- Well, if comes to the push,
I could run you something
300
00:11:01,780 --> 00:11:03,280
up in barbed wire.
301
00:11:04,142 --> 00:11:07,051
Protects the property but
doesn't obscure the view.
302
00:11:07,051 --> 00:11:08,429
- Mrs. Slocombe, it's Ivy.
303
00:11:08,429 --> 00:11:10,374
She's got your call to
the Greek restaurant.
304
00:11:10,374 --> 00:11:11,207
- Oh.
305
00:11:12,670 --> 00:11:14,461
- Better pin that up
before you break your leg.
306
00:11:14,461 --> 00:11:16,069
Why couldn't you choose a short one?
307
00:11:16,069 --> 00:11:19,042
- I couldn't, we're getting
married Greek orthodox.
308
00:11:19,042 --> 00:11:21,380
Oh, is that you, Mr. Tamiodes?
309
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:25,031
Could I have word with
Mr. Mataxis, please?
310
00:11:25,031 --> 00:11:27,698
It's his fiancee, Mrs. Slocombe.
311
00:11:29,216 --> 00:11:31,318
Oh, oh, well it's alright, I'll wait.
312
00:11:31,318 --> 00:11:33,252
He's just finishing his turn.
313
00:11:33,252 --> 00:11:36,335
(music and cheering)
314
00:11:37,324 --> 00:11:39,531
He's ever so popular.
315
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:42,364
(plates breaking)
316
00:11:43,706 --> 00:11:45,725
- Who's in the audience,
the National Front?
317
00:11:45,725 --> 00:11:47,261
(audience laughing)
318
00:11:47,261 --> 00:11:49,588
- What was that, Mr. Tamiodes?
319
00:11:49,588 --> 00:11:50,421
Oh, I see.
320
00:11:52,124 --> 00:11:55,233
Oh, he's having to take an encore.
321
00:11:55,233 --> 00:11:57,133
Well, look, will you just tell him
322
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,971
that I'll be a little
bit late, but I've got
323
00:11:58,971 --> 00:12:01,471
some wonderful, exciting news.
324
00:12:03,742 --> 00:12:05,915
- What's the wonderful, exciting news?
325
00:12:05,915 --> 00:12:08,517
- She's going to have a topless wedding.
326
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:09,805
- No.
327
00:12:09,805 --> 00:12:12,089
No, you see, I wrote to this uncle of mine
328
00:12:12,089 --> 00:12:15,461
in America, and I invited
him to the wedding.
329
00:12:15,461 --> 00:12:16,802
Well, you know how you do.
330
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,523
I mean, he's very well off, and I thought
331
00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:21,367
he might give us something rather nice.
332
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:24,725
Well, this morning, I
got this letter from him.
333
00:12:24,725 --> 00:12:26,784
And he's coming to the wedding.
334
00:12:26,784 --> 00:12:28,732
And you know what he's giving us?
335
00:12:28,732 --> 00:12:29,961
- No.
336
00:12:29,961 --> 00:12:31,279
- A house.
337
00:12:31,279 --> 00:12:32,279
- No.
- Yes.
338
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,087
- And he's coming all that way?
339
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,238
- Well, it's all because
I'm marrying a Greek.
340
00:12:38,238 --> 00:12:40,422
You see, it seems that the partisans
341
00:12:40,422 --> 00:12:43,696
saved his father-in-law's
life during the war,
342
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:46,133
and then he left him his business.
343
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,594
So, of course, he's very grateful.
344
00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:49,751
- Oh, fancy.
345
00:12:49,751 --> 00:12:51,972
- It's like a Hollywood story. (giggles)
346
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,675
As a matter of fact, I
think I've see the film.
347
00:12:53,675 --> 00:12:55,539
Joan Crawford played my part.
348
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:57,962
(audience laughing)
349
00:12:57,962 --> 00:12:59,613
- Who played my part?
350
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,943
- Walter Brennan.
351
00:13:00,943 --> 00:13:03,182
(audience laughing)
352
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:05,383
- Anyway, we're going to have
to do it properly, you know.
353
00:13:05,383 --> 00:13:08,325
We're going to have to
have a band, and dancing,
354
00:13:08,325 --> 00:13:09,742
and taramosalata.
355
00:13:10,576 --> 00:13:12,454
- That's going to be expensive.
356
00:13:12,454 --> 00:13:14,988
- Oh, well I dare say
Mr. Mataxis will chip in.
357
00:13:14,988 --> 00:13:16,442
I mean, he's not mean.
358
00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:19,196
He's taking me to Greece
for our honeymoon.
359
00:13:19,196 --> 00:13:22,351
He's already put a down
payment on a package deal.
360
00:13:22,351 --> 00:13:24,506
I'm going to meet his family.
361
00:13:24,506 --> 00:13:26,089
Here, hang on, see?
362
00:13:27,141 --> 00:13:30,035
This is his family at
his sister's wedding.
363
00:13:30,035 --> 00:13:32,461
That's him, with his bouzouki.
364
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:36,040
- Oh, who are them ones,
dancing around in them skirts?
365
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,650
- Oh, they're his brothers.
366
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,961
(audience laughing)
367
00:13:39,961 --> 00:13:42,897
- How much is this package?
368
00:13:42,897 --> 00:13:47,566
(cash register drawer
sliding and bell chiming)
369
00:13:47,566 --> 00:13:48,559
- Oh, 'ere.
370
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,386
Two cases of bubbly from the
wines and spirit department.
371
00:13:51,386 --> 00:13:52,725
- That'll be enough.
372
00:13:52,725 --> 00:13:54,983
Well, we've no need to stint ourselves.
373
00:13:54,983 --> 00:13:56,988
Mrs. Slocombe's uncle is footing the bill,
374
00:13:56,988 --> 00:13:58,398
so bring up another dozen.
375
00:13:58,398 --> 00:14:02,109
(lift bells ringing)
376
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:06,464
♫ And that's why I'm putting on my top hat
377
00:14:06,464 --> 00:14:09,126
♫ Tying up my white tie
378
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:11,770
♫ Brushing off my tails
379
00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:12,612
- How do we look?
380
00:14:12,612 --> 00:14:14,726
- A credit to the department.
381
00:14:14,726 --> 00:14:17,726
(audience laughing)
382
00:14:18,717 --> 00:14:21,423
I can't say the same for Mr. Tebbs.
383
00:14:21,423 --> 00:14:24,036
- Who took these damn measurements.
384
00:14:24,036 --> 00:14:25,575
- See what you can do, Mr. Humphreys?
385
00:14:25,575 --> 00:14:28,492
- [Humphreys] Ah, come on, come on.
386
00:14:29,514 --> 00:14:31,833
- Car coming in half an hour
to take her to the church.
387
00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:34,686
Oh, young Mr. Grace has very
kindly let us have his Rolls
388
00:14:34,686 --> 00:14:38,211
to take the bride,
yourself, and Miss Brahams.
389
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,767
- Oh, how very generous of him, sir.
390
00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:40,734
- Yes, it is.
391
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:42,791
He's only charging us 12 pounds.
392
00:14:42,791 --> 00:14:43,938
(audience laughing)
393
00:14:43,938 --> 00:14:45,535
- Has anyone got a safety pin?
394
00:14:45,535 --> 00:14:48,895
She's having trouble with her corset.
395
00:14:48,895 --> 00:14:51,415
- Miss Brahams, may I say
how charming you look?
396
00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:53,626
- Oh, thank you, Captain Peacock.
397
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,320
Well, you should see Mrs. Slocombe.
398
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,749
It's a beautiful frock.
399
00:14:56,749 --> 00:14:59,285
It makes her look about 16.
400
00:14:59,285 --> 00:15:02,379
- A remarkable garment, indeed.
401
00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:03,724
(lift bell rings)
402
00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:05,822
- I'm sorry sir, the store is closed.
403
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,308
- Yes, yes I know this.
404
00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:09,406
I am Mr. Tamiodes.
405
00:15:09,406 --> 00:15:11,747
I am looking for the Captain Peacock.
406
00:15:11,747 --> 00:15:13,975
- I am Captain Peacock.
407
00:15:13,975 --> 00:15:14,808
(audience laughing)
408
00:15:14,808 --> 00:15:16,535
- I don't know how I am telling you this.
409
00:15:16,535 --> 00:15:17,935
It is Mr. Mataxis.
410
00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:19,852
He is in this airplane.
411
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,021
- What's he doing in an airplane,
412
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,395
he's only coming from Wimbledon.
413
00:15:23,395 --> 00:15:24,877
- He hasn't had an accident, has he?
414
00:15:24,877 --> 00:15:25,710
- No, no.
415
00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:29,507
Poor Mr. Mataxis, he is my friend.
416
00:15:29,507 --> 00:15:30,974
He so wanted that he should marry
417
00:15:30,974 --> 00:15:33,285
the beautiful Mrs. Slocombe.
418
00:15:33,285 --> 00:15:35,454
- And in about half an hour, he will.
419
00:15:35,454 --> 00:15:36,757
- No.
420
00:15:36,757 --> 00:15:40,188
No, we Greeks, we are the funny people.
421
00:15:40,188 --> 00:15:42,174
You know, we are very close together.
422
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:43,619
There is this member of his family
423
00:15:43,619 --> 00:15:45,534
who hear he is to be married, and say,
424
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:48,151
no, no, no, no, no, he must go home.
425
00:15:48,151 --> 00:15:49,667
So, he go home.
426
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,892
- Well, who is this member of his family?
427
00:15:51,892 --> 00:15:53,206
- His wife.
428
00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:55,219
(audience laughing)
429
00:15:55,219 --> 00:15:58,373
He is a good man, he apologize and say
430
00:15:58,373 --> 00:16:01,117
that he want to give Mrs.
Slocombe the most precious
431
00:16:01,117 --> 00:16:03,189
thing that he have.
432
00:16:03,189 --> 00:16:04,772
His bouzouki.
433
00:16:04,772 --> 00:16:07,277
(audience laughing)
434
00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:09,013
Do not feel bad about him.
435
00:16:09,013 --> 00:16:11,660
It was the ouzo that proposed.
436
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:13,660
Now the bottle is empty.
437
00:16:16,222 --> 00:16:19,108
- Oh, it's alright, Miss
Brahams, I fixed it!
438
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,691
Now, shut your eyes, everybody.
439
00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:30,475
You can open them, now.
440
00:16:30,475 --> 00:16:32,182
How do I look?
441
00:16:32,182 --> 00:16:36,349
- Oh, you look beautiful. (crying)
442
00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:40,107
- Oh, don't worry, Miss Brahams.
443
00:16:40,107 --> 00:16:41,690
Your day will come.
444
00:16:44,095 --> 00:16:46,828
She's such a sensitive girl.
445
00:16:46,828 --> 00:16:49,161
Oh, oh you do all look nice.
446
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:54,470
It's ever so kind of you to
dress up so smart for me.
447
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:58,980
Do you know, I've never seen
you look nicer, Mr. Tebbs.
448
00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:01,230
- I wanted to look my best.
449
00:17:02,502 --> 00:17:04,669
- Oh, and Captain Peacock.
450
00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:08,623
Hello, what's that doing here?
451
00:17:08,623 --> 00:17:10,639
- Mr. Tamiodes delivered it.
452
00:17:10,639 --> 00:17:13,230
- Oh, perhaps it's an old Greek custom.
453
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:15,933
Oh, isn't it a beautiful one?
454
00:17:15,933 --> 00:17:18,061
They're priceless, you know?
455
00:17:18,061 --> 00:17:21,656
Perhaps I'm supposed to
carry it up the aisle.
456
00:17:21,656 --> 00:17:22,944
We're not going to be late for the church,
457
00:17:22,944 --> 00:17:25,031
are we, Mr. Humphreys?
458
00:17:25,031 --> 00:17:29,597
- You've got all the time
in the world. (crying)
459
00:17:29,597 --> 00:17:32,450
(blowing nose)
460
00:17:32,450 --> 00:17:33,517
- Come into the fitting room, Betty,
461
00:17:33,517 --> 00:17:36,716
I have one or two things
to explain to you.
462
00:17:36,716 --> 00:17:39,560
(audience laughing)
463
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,363
- It'll finish her.
464
00:17:41,363 --> 00:17:42,484
- I'd marry her meself, but I think
465
00:17:42,484 --> 00:17:44,082
she's got enough trouble.
466
00:17:44,082 --> 00:17:46,139
(audience laughing)
467
00:17:46,139 --> 00:17:48,296
- Here, I wonder how
she's going to take it?
468
00:17:48,296 --> 00:17:51,379
- Hers was such a frail, tender love.
469
00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:55,600
- [Slocombe] The dago bastard!
470
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,171
It's the last time I go out with a wug!
471
00:17:59,171 --> 00:18:02,088
I'll stuff his vine leaves for him!
472
00:18:03,122 --> 00:18:05,615
And I'll swing his willy old bouzouki!
473
00:18:05,615 --> 00:18:09,782
(wood breaking and
instrument strings snapping)
474
00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:14,882
- She's taking it very well.
475
00:18:14,882 --> 00:18:19,049
(cash register drawer
sliding and bell chiming)
476
00:18:20,396 --> 00:18:21,587
- Right, that's it.
477
00:18:21,587 --> 00:18:23,394
Mrs. Slocombe's uncle
is coming straight here,
478
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:24,959
instead of to the church.
479
00:18:24,959 --> 00:18:26,291
- Didn't he think it was funny?
480
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:27,802
- Well, I told him that
we'd explain everything
481
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:28,948
when he got here.
482
00:18:28,948 --> 00:18:30,741
At least it gives us time to think.
483
00:18:30,741 --> 00:18:31,888
- Perhaps if we give him a good party,
484
00:18:31,888 --> 00:18:33,291
and fill him full of champagne,
485
00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:35,486
he'll pay for the reception, anyway.
486
00:18:35,486 --> 00:18:36,624
- How is she?
487
00:18:36,624 --> 00:18:38,290
- Well, she's stopped
throwing the furniture about,
488
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:40,040
and now she's just crying.
489
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,818
- Oh, that poor woman.
490
00:18:41,818 --> 00:18:44,352
Not only has she lost a
husband, she's lost a house
491
00:18:44,352 --> 00:18:45,640
to put him in.
492
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:46,995
(audience laughing)
493
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:48,971
- You mean, her uncle won't
give her the house, now?
494
00:18:48,971 --> 00:18:50,848
- It was only because she
was going to marry a Greek,
495
00:18:50,848 --> 00:18:52,820
she was getting it in the first place.
496
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:53,996
- Hey, listen, couldn't
we get that Greek vicar
497
00:18:53,996 --> 00:18:57,064
over here, and pretend she was
getting married in the store?
498
00:18:57,064 --> 00:18:59,246
- Yeah, like them Hollywood weddings.
499
00:18:59,246 --> 00:19:01,011
- Even assuming we could persuade
500
00:19:01,011 --> 00:19:03,112
a Greek orthodox priest to be a party
501
00:19:03,112 --> 00:19:05,296
to such a blasphemy, where are we going
502
00:19:05,296 --> 00:19:08,441
to find a substitute Greek
bridegroom and best man?
503
00:19:08,441 --> 00:19:09,915
- Well, we've got a Greek band coming.
504
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:11,554
Perhaps a couple of
them'll stand in for us.
505
00:19:11,554 --> 00:19:12,800
It's worth a try.
506
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,843
- It's the only way she'll get that house.
507
00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:16,982
- Oh, no I really can't
go along with this.
508
00:19:16,982 --> 00:19:17,815
- No?
509
00:19:17,815 --> 00:19:19,338
Well, let me put it
another way, Mr. Rumbold.
510
00:19:19,338 --> 00:19:21,115
Who signed the chit ordering the food,
511
00:19:21,115 --> 00:19:23,552
the band, and the cars, in the expectation
512
00:19:23,552 --> 00:19:25,722
that Mrs. Slocombe's uncle
was going to pay for it.
513
00:19:25,722 --> 00:19:26,562
- Well, I did.
514
00:19:26,562 --> 00:19:27,652
- Yes, so who's going
to have to pay for it
515
00:19:27,652 --> 00:19:29,880
if there is no Greek wedding?
516
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,255
- Oh, yes. (audience laughing)
517
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,562
Yes, I take your point.
518
00:19:33,562 --> 00:19:35,760
Well, this calls for executive action.
519
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,298
Miss Brahams, go and tell Miss Slocombe
520
00:19:37,298 --> 00:19:38,672
what I've decided to do.
521
00:19:38,672 --> 00:19:41,010
Mr. Humphreys, Mr. Lucas, waylay the band,
522
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:43,850
see if you can get us a
best man and a bridegroom.
523
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,796
- Even assuming they're
successful, where do we get
524
00:19:45,796 --> 00:19:47,151
a Greek vicar.
525
00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:49,368
Well, the art of leadership
is in delegation.
526
00:19:49,368 --> 00:19:51,803
Mr. Tebbs, I delegate you.
527
00:19:51,803 --> 00:19:54,547
- To find a Greek vicar?
528
00:19:54,547 --> 00:19:55,808
- No, to be one.
529
00:19:55,808 --> 00:19:57,432
(audience laughing)
530
00:19:57,432 --> 00:20:00,120
- I have no cognizance of the tongue.
531
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,920
- I don't suppose her
American uncle has, either,
532
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,656
so no one's going to be any the wiser.
533
00:20:04,656 --> 00:20:08,278
Look, this bill's for nearly 150 pounds.
534
00:20:08,278 --> 00:20:10,784
Well, come on, what
are you doing standing,
535
00:20:10,784 --> 00:20:12,104
now kindly...
536
00:20:12,104 --> 00:20:13,672
(all murmuring)
537
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:15,721
(cash register drawer
sliding and bell chiming)
538
00:20:15,721 --> 00:20:19,320
(chairs scraping)
539
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,896
- Uh, Mrs. Slocombe's guests are here,
540
00:20:21,896 --> 00:20:23,367
and I've take the liberty of putting them
541
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:24,532
in the fruit juice bar.
542
00:20:24,532 --> 00:20:25,719
Oh, and I've got your records.
543
00:20:25,719 --> 00:20:27,467
I've got Here Comes the Bride, followed
544
00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:30,479
by Genuine Greek Wedding Chant.
545
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,974
- What about the groom's guests?
546
00:20:31,974 --> 00:20:34,653
- A couple of Greeks did turn
up, but I sussed them out
547
00:20:34,653 --> 00:20:37,184
by the ouzo on they're
breath, and I told them
548
00:20:37,184 --> 00:20:39,088
the venue had been changed
to a Chinese restaurant
549
00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:40,588
in Palmer's Green.
550
00:20:41,510 --> 00:20:42,924
- Good thinking.
551
00:20:42,924 --> 00:20:46,077
- But I'm still not at all
sure about Mr. Tebb's ability
552
00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:48,997
to disguise himself as
a Greek orthodox priest.
553
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:51,464
- Ah, you don't worry, sir,
he's gone down at fabrics now,
554
00:20:51,464 --> 00:20:53,775
getting kitted out, with
some very regal looking
555
00:20:53,775 --> 00:20:55,709
curtain material.
556
00:20:55,709 --> 00:20:58,252
And he'll be alright as long
as you don't touch the hat.
557
00:20:58,252 --> 00:20:59,085
- The hat?
558
00:20:59,085 --> 00:21:00,749
- The one I knocked off the chef.
559
00:21:00,749 --> 00:21:02,470
I've gone over it with
some black enamel, you see.
560
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:03,661
And if he keeps his fingers off it
561
00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:05,509
til the third course of Abide With Me,
562
00:21:05,509 --> 00:21:06,738
we're home and dry.
563
00:21:06,738 --> 00:21:07,829
(audience laughing)
564
00:21:07,829 --> 00:21:11,038
- I hope this is going to
work, she's in a right state.
565
00:21:11,038 --> 00:21:12,452
- Oh, poor dear lady, she's had more
566
00:21:12,452 --> 00:21:13,933
than anyone can take.
567
00:21:13,933 --> 00:21:16,317
- Yeah, she's had three
large brandies, and all.
568
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,728
(audience laughing)
569
00:21:17,728 --> 00:21:19,576
- Is she going to go through with it?
570
00:21:19,576 --> 00:21:20,501
- Oh, yes.
571
00:21:20,501 --> 00:21:21,663
She'll go through with anything rather
572
00:21:21,663 --> 00:21:24,269
than let her friends
know she's been stood up.
573
00:21:24,269 --> 00:21:27,404
(Slocombe crying)
574
00:21:27,404 --> 00:21:29,686
- Blimey, there she goes again.
575
00:21:29,686 --> 00:21:31,157
(lift bell rings)
576
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,229
(audience laughing)
577
00:21:33,229 --> 00:21:36,229
(audience applause)
578
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:40,184
- I hope this isn't going to take long,
579
00:21:40,184 --> 00:21:41,851
I'm all safety pins.
580
00:21:43,085 --> 00:21:44,974
- Blimey, archbishop of Halitosis.
581
00:21:44,974 --> 00:21:46,236
(audience laughing)
582
00:21:46,236 --> 00:21:48,166
- I don't think that'll convince anyone.
583
00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:50,252
- Don't be so cynical, Captain Peacock.
584
00:21:50,252 --> 00:21:52,803
I believe in throwing myself into a role.
585
00:21:52,803 --> 00:21:55,614
- Yes, well, I think it's a
splendid effort, Mr. Tebbs.
586
00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:56,447
- Thank you.
587
00:21:56,447 --> 00:21:57,364
Is that my altar?
588
00:21:57,364 --> 00:22:00,490
- Yes, over here, your eminence.
589
00:22:00,490 --> 00:22:04,701
- I picked this up in the
second hand book department.
590
00:22:04,701 --> 00:22:07,490
It's about the right
size for a Greek bible.
591
00:22:07,490 --> 00:22:09,618
- That's the British Boys Annual.
592
00:22:09,618 --> 00:22:11,111
(audience laughing)
593
00:22:11,111 --> 00:22:12,694
- Well, it was either that or the Guinness
594
00:22:12,694 --> 00:22:14,001
Book of Records.
595
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:14,994
(audience laughing)
596
00:22:14,994 --> 00:22:16,030
- If you pull this off, you'll be in
597
00:22:16,030 --> 00:22:17,226
the Guinness Book of Records.
598
00:22:17,226 --> 00:22:18,379
(audience laughing)
599
00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:20,612
- Look out, young Mr. Grace.
600
00:22:20,612 --> 00:22:22,109
- Rumbold, Rumbold.
601
00:22:22,109 --> 00:22:24,336
Is it true that you canceled my car?
602
00:22:24,336 --> 00:22:26,018
- Yes, sir.
603
00:22:26,018 --> 00:22:29,027
- You'll have to pay for it, you know?
604
00:22:29,027 --> 00:22:30,281
Who's that?
605
00:22:30,281 --> 00:22:34,555
- This here, Mr. Grace, sir,
his right royal eminence,
606
00:22:34,555 --> 00:22:36,572
the archbishop Halitosis.
607
00:22:36,572 --> 00:22:38,996
Why, he's flown direct from
Hafiz to perform the ceremony
608
00:22:38,996 --> 00:22:40,872
right here in the store.
609
00:22:40,872 --> 00:22:42,035
- Pleased to meet you.
610
00:22:42,035 --> 00:22:45,197
(speaking nonsense words)
611
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,818
(audience laughing)
612
00:22:47,818 --> 00:22:50,338
- Business has been
rotten in this store, too.
613
00:22:50,338 --> 00:22:52,195
(audience laughing)
614
00:22:52,195 --> 00:22:53,850
(lift bell rings)
615
00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:55,684
(audience laughing)
616
00:22:55,684 --> 00:22:57,771
- What on earth have you go that on for?
617
00:22:57,771 --> 00:22:59,409
- Well, I'm the best man, aren't I?
618
00:22:59,409 --> 00:23:00,877
The Greek band wouldn't play ball,
619
00:23:00,877 --> 00:23:02,264
but I gave them 10 quid, and they said
620
00:23:02,264 --> 00:23:04,084
they'd play the music, and
keep their mouths shut.
621
00:23:04,084 --> 00:23:06,324
They lent me this out
of their costume basket.
622
00:23:06,324 --> 00:23:07,586
Oh, by the way, the guests downstairs
623
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:09,445
are fed up drinking orange
juice and fruit juice,
624
00:23:09,445 --> 00:23:10,666
they're coming up, now.
625
00:23:10,666 --> 00:23:11,852
- Well, where's Mr. Humphreys?
626
00:23:11,852 --> 00:23:12,861
- He's standing in front of a mirror,
627
00:23:12,861 --> 00:23:15,452
trying to make himself
look like a Greek husband.
628
00:23:15,452 --> 00:23:17,537
And let's face it, he's
playing against type.
629
00:23:17,537 --> 00:23:19,413
(audience laughing)
630
00:23:19,413 --> 00:23:21,388
(lift bell rings)
631
00:23:21,388 --> 00:23:24,427
- Welcome to the ceremony,
I am Mr. Harman, the usher.
632
00:23:24,427 --> 00:23:27,828
Bride's guests on the
left, groom's on the right,
633
00:23:27,828 --> 00:23:30,057
please, thank you, just
push through, there.
634
00:23:30,057 --> 00:23:31,360
Right the way through, there, madam
635
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:32,210
if you'd like to go across...
636
00:23:32,210 --> 00:23:35,308
- Hey, there, I am Wendell P. Prond.
637
00:23:35,308 --> 00:23:38,567
- Yes, well, I'm Rumbold,
manager of this department.
638
00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:41,281
This is Captain Peacock, our floor worker.
639
00:23:41,281 --> 00:23:43,102
You must be Mrs. Slocombe's uncle.
640
00:23:43,102 --> 00:23:44,700
Yes sir, and I understand from the guests
641
00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:46,772
that you're going to
handle the wedding ceremony
642
00:23:46,772 --> 00:23:47,710
right here.
643
00:23:47,710 --> 00:23:49,431
That's a great idea.
644
00:23:49,431 --> 00:23:52,598
Oh, pleased to see you, your eminence.
645
00:23:54,303 --> 00:23:57,303
(speaking nonsense)
646
00:24:01,288 --> 00:24:02,990
- I was in Greece during
the war, and I understand
647
00:24:02,990 --> 00:24:05,518
some of your customs.
648
00:24:05,518 --> 00:24:07,906
(speaking nonsense)
649
00:24:07,906 --> 00:24:09,626
(audience laughing)
650
00:24:09,626 --> 00:24:11,878
- Gee, I gotta make a
donation to their church.
651
00:24:11,878 --> 00:24:14,189
That guy's held up with safety pins.
652
00:24:14,189 --> 00:24:15,380
(audience laughing)
653
00:24:15,380 --> 00:24:18,109
You sir, I presume, are the groom.
654
00:24:18,109 --> 00:24:19,649
- Me, Mr. Lukapolis.
655
00:24:19,649 --> 00:24:20,482
Me best man.
656
00:24:20,482 --> 00:24:21,544
- Oh, pleased to meet you.
657
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:22,762
- Yeah, nice to meet you, too.
658
00:24:22,762 --> 00:24:23,993
- Now where is my little niece, Betty?
659
00:24:23,993 --> 00:24:25,506
I haven't seen her since she was so high,
660
00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:26,932
such a pretty little girl.
661
00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:29,131
- You'll probably notice quite a change.
662
00:24:29,131 --> 00:24:30,712
(lift bell rings)
663
00:24:30,712 --> 00:24:33,137
(audience laughing)
664
00:24:33,137 --> 00:24:34,875
(audience applause)
665
00:24:34,875 --> 00:24:36,763
- Betty, my good little girl!
666
00:24:36,763 --> 00:24:40,067
(audience laughing)
667
00:24:40,067 --> 00:24:43,585
- Excuse me, sir, excuse
me, sir, that is the groom.
668
00:24:43,585 --> 00:24:45,112
(audience laughing)
669
00:24:45,112 --> 00:24:49,013
You may remember the uniform
of the Greek National Guard.
670
00:24:49,013 --> 00:24:50,275
Some of the finest fighting soldiers
671
00:24:50,275 --> 00:24:52,138
in the whole wide world.
672
00:24:52,138 --> 00:24:54,225
They've never been known to
turn their backs on the enemy.
673
00:24:54,225 --> 00:24:56,200
(audience laughing)
674
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,160
- Sound tactics.
675
00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,683
- Me, Mr. Mataxis.
676
00:24:59,683 --> 00:25:01,643
- I just met your best man.
677
00:25:01,643 --> 00:25:02,864
Mr. Loupapolis?
678
00:25:02,864 --> 00:25:03,883
- No, Lukapolis.
679
00:25:03,883 --> 00:25:05,317
We come from same-y village.
680
00:25:05,317 --> 00:25:06,150
- Oh, where is that?
681
00:25:06,150 --> 00:25:06,983
- Pouftas.
682
00:25:06,983 --> 00:25:09,353
(audience laughing)
683
00:25:09,353 --> 00:25:10,186
- Captain Peacock, perhaps you'd like
684
00:25:10,186 --> 00:25:11,339
to go and fetch the bride.
685
00:25:11,339 --> 00:25:13,288
- Certainly, sir.
686
00:25:13,288 --> 00:25:14,307
(crowd chattering)
687
00:25:14,307 --> 00:25:16,580
Mrs. Slocombe, are you free?
688
00:25:16,580 --> 00:25:18,294
(Slocombe crying)
689
00:25:18,294 --> 00:25:19,798
Mr. Harman, play the music.
690
00:25:19,798 --> 00:25:21,139
- Yes, sir.
691
00:25:21,139 --> 00:25:25,306
(Here Comes the Bride on record player)
692
00:25:29,468 --> 00:25:31,998
(glass breaking)
693
00:25:31,998 --> 00:25:34,998
(audience laughing)
694
00:25:40,347 --> 00:25:43,347
(record scratching)
695
00:25:45,962 --> 00:25:48,295
(soft thud)
696
00:25:54,264 --> 00:25:56,210
(Slocombe laughing)
697
00:25:56,210 --> 00:25:57,793
(audience laughing)
698
00:25:57,793 --> 00:25:59,610
Behave yourself, Mrs. Slocombe.
699
00:25:59,610 --> 00:26:03,527
(Slocombe laughing and crying)
700
00:26:05,465 --> 00:26:07,382
Proceed, your eminence.
701
00:26:11,860 --> 00:26:14,130
(audience laughing)
702
00:26:14,130 --> 00:26:16,048
(Greek chanting on record player)
703
00:26:16,048 --> 00:26:19,370
(Tebbs speaking nonsense)
704
00:26:19,370 --> 00:26:22,453
(audience laughing)
705
00:26:27,333 --> 00:26:31,426
(Humphreys chanting and Slocombe crying)
706
00:26:31,426 --> 00:26:34,426
(audience laughing)
707
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,204
(Slocombe crying and Humphreys chanting)
708
00:26:43,204 --> 00:26:46,287
(audience laughing)
709
00:26:50,204 --> 00:26:54,012
- I now pronounce you, manos and wife-os.
710
00:26:54,012 --> 00:26:55,887
(guests clapping)
711
00:26:55,887 --> 00:26:58,451
- Congratulations, my dear.
712
00:26:58,451 --> 00:27:00,028
- Alright, that's it, that's it.
713
00:27:00,028 --> 00:27:01,990
Grub up, champagne on the table.
714
00:27:01,990 --> 00:27:03,249
- Oh, hold everything!
715
00:27:03,249 --> 00:27:04,987
What about the bridal dance?
716
00:27:04,987 --> 00:27:06,709
- What dance?
- The bridal dance?
717
00:27:06,709 --> 00:27:08,516
- Yeah, at every Greek
wedding I ever attended,
718
00:27:08,516 --> 00:27:10,939
the bridal couple, they lead the guests
719
00:27:10,939 --> 00:27:12,981
in the bridal dance.
720
00:27:12,981 --> 00:27:15,053
- That's right, clear the
floor, ladies and gentlemen.
721
00:27:15,053 --> 00:27:16,804
Move all the chairs.
722
00:27:16,804 --> 00:27:20,539
(guests chattering)
723
00:27:20,539 --> 00:27:24,706
Now then, Mr. and Mrs. Mataxis,
bridal dance, if you please.
724
00:27:25,679 --> 00:27:29,262
(Greek instrumental music)
725
00:27:36,754 --> 00:27:38,642
(audience laughing)
726
00:27:38,642 --> 00:27:39,475
- Right.
727
00:27:47,884 --> 00:27:49,301
Dip to the right.
728
00:27:51,173 --> 00:27:53,301
(audience laughing)
729
00:27:53,301 --> 00:27:56,468
(Greek music playing)
730
00:28:14,234 --> 00:28:16,515
(music speeds up)
731
00:28:16,515 --> 00:28:19,348
(guests clapping)
732
00:28:25,949 --> 00:28:28,949
(audience laughing)
733
00:28:30,082 --> 00:28:33,749
(Greek instrumental music)
734
00:28:42,260 --> 00:28:45,260
(audience laughing)
735
00:28:49,783 --> 00:28:53,366
(Greek instrumental music)
736
00:28:56,269 --> 00:28:59,269
(audience laughing)
737
00:29:10,546 --> 00:29:13,546
(audience applause)
738
00:29:25,793 --> 00:29:28,793
(audience cheering)
52697
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