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1
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(cash register dinging rhythmically)
2
00:00:03,526 --> 00:00:05,915
(jazzy music)
3
00:00:05,915 --> 00:00:07,839
- [Elevator Operator] Ground
floor, perfumery, stationery
4
00:00:07,839 --> 00:00:10,215
and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery,
5
00:00:10,215 --> 00:00:11,603
kitchenware and food.
6
00:00:11,603 --> 00:00:12,436
Going up.
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00:00:17,703 --> 00:00:20,431
First floor, telephones,
gents' ready-made suits,
8
00:00:20,431 --> 00:00:23,040
shirts, socks, ties, hats,
underwear, and shoes.
9
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:23,873
Going up.
10
00:00:29,304 --> 00:00:30,337
Second floor, carpets.
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00:00:30,337 --> 00:00:32,028
- I'm going to the ladies department.
12
00:00:32,028 --> 00:00:32,861
- Oh, I'll come with you.
13
00:00:32,861 --> 00:00:34,208
- No, darling, no.
14
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,694
You go over there.
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Choose some material.
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Have a coat made for
little Roger 'cause Roger
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00:00:39,156 --> 00:00:41,197
feels the cold, don't you, Roger,
18
00:00:41,197 --> 00:00:44,389
what a shivery-wivery little tumble-wum.
19
00:00:44,389 --> 00:00:45,538
- Where shall I meet you?
20
00:00:45,538 --> 00:00:47,312
- I'll come back for you.
21
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- Where?
22
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- There!
23
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:51,371
Oh, do concentrate, you're so vague.
24
00:00:51,371 --> 00:00:53,873
- Oh, she's (mutters).
25
00:00:53,873 --> 00:00:54,993
- Are you being served, sir?
26
00:00:54,993 --> 00:00:57,704
- Eh, no, are you an assistant?
27
00:00:57,704 --> 00:01:01,287
- No, actually, I'm in
charge of the floor.
28
00:01:02,124 --> 00:01:05,707
- Oh, well, I must say,
it looks very nice.
29
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,855
- Perhaps I should rephrase that.
30
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I'm the floorwalker.
31
00:01:10,082 --> 00:01:10,915
- Oh, yes, yes.
32
00:01:10,915 --> 00:01:12,801
- It's my job to help you
find what you're looking for.
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00:01:12,801 --> 00:01:14,737
- Well, I'm looking for
a made-to-measure coat.
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00:01:14,737 --> 00:01:16,661
- Ah, in that case, you'll
require the services
35
00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:18,214
of our Mr. Tebbs.
36
00:01:18,214 --> 00:01:19,532
Are you free, Mr. Tebbs?
37
00:01:19,532 --> 00:01:21,360
- Not at the moment, Captain Peacock.
38
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I must renap this homburg.
39
00:01:23,473 --> 00:01:25,476
- Well, in that case, I'm
sure our Mr. Humphries
40
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can help you.
41
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,267
Mr. Humphries?
42
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- I'm free.
43
00:01:29,315 --> 00:01:30,183
- Come here, please.
44
00:01:30,183 --> 00:01:31,016
- Good morning, sir.
45
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- Good morning.
46
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- The customer would like
a coat made to measure.
47
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He'll no doubt wish to see some materials.
48
00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:37,580
Would you show him a length or two?
49
00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:39,316
- Well, I'm sure Mr. Lucas and I can find
50
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,416
something between us.
51
00:01:40,416 --> 00:01:42,099
Would you walk this way, sir?
52
00:01:42,099 --> 00:01:44,099
Are you free, Mr. Lucas?
53
00:01:44,949 --> 00:01:47,976
- You just seem to have caught
me in the middle of nothing.
54
00:01:47,976 --> 00:01:49,543
- That case, forward with the swatches.
55
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,543
- Swatches coming up, Mr. Humphries.
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- This one is a Scotch swatch.
57
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This is top-quality worsted, we call this
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00:01:58,427 --> 00:01:59,980
the top-notch swatch.
59
00:01:59,980 --> 00:02:01,828
In fact, we have a whole
hodgepodge of top-notch swatches.
60
00:02:01,828 --> 00:02:02,966
- Now, say, what about this?
61
00:02:02,966 --> 00:02:05,070
This is pure Irish tweed.
62
00:02:05,070 --> 00:02:06,997
This material is actually
washed in the waters
63
00:02:06,997 --> 00:02:08,756
of the Liffey, isn't that so, Mr. Lucas.
64
00:02:08,756 --> 00:02:09,589
- Oh, yes, Mr. Humphries.
65
00:02:09,589 --> 00:02:10,622
In fact, when it first arrived, you could
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00:02:10,622 --> 00:02:13,475
still smell the Guinness.
67
00:02:13,475 --> 00:02:15,399
- See how well it goes
with sir's complexion?
68
00:02:15,399 --> 00:02:16,592
- Oh, it's not for me.
69
00:02:16,592 --> 00:02:17,428
- Oh, no?
70
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,515
- No, it's for my friend, Roger.
71
00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:20,348
- Oh, yes?
72
00:02:22,565 --> 00:02:25,822
- No, that wouldn't go
with his eyes at all.
73
00:02:25,822 --> 00:02:28,019
- What colored eyes has he got?
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00:02:28,019 --> 00:02:30,683
- Well, they're very deep
brown and they're big,
75
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:32,183
round and soulful.
76
00:02:33,358 --> 00:02:34,735
(audience laughs)
77
00:02:34,735 --> 00:02:37,476
- Well, you wouldn't want
rubbish like that, would you?
78
00:02:37,476 --> 00:02:39,015
- How about black velvet?
79
00:02:39,015 --> 00:02:42,765
- Yes, I quite like it,
but, well, for rolling about
80
00:02:42,765 --> 00:02:46,601
on the carpet, it does pick up the bits.
81
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,909
- What are you thinking of, Mr. Lucas?
82
00:02:48,909 --> 00:02:51,030
- Oh, that's rather fun.
83
00:02:51,030 --> 00:02:53,650
- Don't you think it will be
too bold for the trousers?
84
00:02:53,650 --> 00:02:55,421
- Oh, he doesn't wear trousers.
85
00:02:55,421 --> 00:02:58,578
(audience laughing)
86
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:02,810
- Just short plastic
leggings when it's wet.
87
00:03:02,810 --> 00:03:06,386
All the people in the village know him.
88
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,191
- I'm not surprised, are you Mr. Lucas?
89
00:03:08,191 --> 00:03:09,024
- No, no.
90
00:03:09,024 --> 00:03:10,263
- You see, he's unbelievable intelligent.
91
00:03:10,263 --> 00:03:12,379
He knows just what you want.
92
00:03:12,379 --> 00:03:13,940
- He sounds quite a character.
93
00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:14,940
- Oh, he is.
94
00:03:15,911 --> 00:03:18,404
You know, many's the time
I've woken up in the morning
95
00:03:18,404 --> 00:03:22,789
and there he is, in the bed
with a ball between his teeth.
96
00:03:22,789 --> 00:03:24,983
Wagging his tail, it's just precious.
97
00:03:24,983 --> 00:03:26,391
- [Roger's Mistress]
Did you choose anything?
98
00:03:26,391 --> 00:03:28,640
- Oh, yes this will do fine.
99
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:31,890
Would you care to measure little Roger?
100
00:03:33,574 --> 00:03:37,157
- I'm just going for
a lie down, take over.
101
00:03:39,236 --> 00:03:40,345
- There we are, madam.
102
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,279
Thank you so much for your
custom and if the D cup
103
00:03:43,279 --> 00:03:45,984
isn't comfy, do bring it back.
104
00:03:45,984 --> 00:03:48,584
We'll see what we can do
with the hat stretcher.
105
00:03:48,584 --> 00:03:50,172
(audience laughing)
106
00:03:50,172 --> 00:03:51,130
Where was I?
107
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:52,807
- You'd just arrived at the doctor's.
108
00:03:52,807 --> 00:03:57,187
- Oh, yes, anyway, the nurse
said I'd have to see the locum.
109
00:03:57,187 --> 00:03:59,508
Well, when you've sat in the
waiting room for an hour,
110
00:03:59,508 --> 00:04:01,976
read all the papers and
found out that Italy's
111
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:05,664
just invaded Poland, you
don't care who you see.
112
00:04:05,664 --> 00:04:09,481
Well, by this time, it was half
past eight and I was fed up.
113
00:04:09,481 --> 00:04:12,040
So I went straight in, I stripped off
114
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,078
and I lay on the couch.
115
00:04:14,078 --> 00:04:17,073
Well, I hadn't been
there a minute when this
116
00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:20,240
very young man in a white coat came in
117
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,160
and he sort of ignored me, you know?
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00:04:25,124 --> 00:04:26,981
So I said, come on, I said, I haven't got
119
00:04:26,981 --> 00:04:28,746
all night, examine me.
120
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:29,991
- And did he?
121
00:04:29,991 --> 00:04:30,824
- He did.
122
00:04:32,679 --> 00:04:36,846
He blew on his hands and he
gave me a right going over.
123
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:38,945
Top to toe.
124
00:04:40,027 --> 00:04:42,384
Well, I said, what's the verdict?
125
00:04:42,384 --> 00:04:43,832
It is me kidneys?
126
00:04:43,832 --> 00:04:45,385
- Was it your kidneys?
127
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,031
- I never found out.
128
00:04:47,031 --> 00:04:48,789
His foreman came in and
told him to get back
129
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,122
to his painting.
130
00:04:51,076 --> 00:04:55,398
♫ Rolling 'round the world
and looking for the sunshine.
131
00:04:55,398 --> 00:04:56,872
Here we are, Mrs. Slocombe.
132
00:04:56,872 --> 00:04:59,586
- Mr. Harman, the store is open.
133
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:01,963
Stockroom staff are
supposed to deliver goods
134
00:05:01,963 --> 00:05:04,828
before nine or after five.
135
00:05:04,828 --> 00:05:07,543
- Captain Peacock, this
very expensive model
136
00:05:07,543 --> 00:05:10,092
has just arrived direct from the factory.
137
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:13,156
Mr. Rumbold has asked me to
bring it up here toot sweet.
138
00:05:13,156 --> 00:05:15,743
Now, if this was Star Trek, I would put it
139
00:05:15,743 --> 00:05:18,372
on the transporter beam in
the cellar, it would dissolve
140
00:05:18,372 --> 00:05:21,579
in a lot of lights and reappear up here.
141
00:05:21,579 --> 00:05:24,177
Unfortunately, Grace Brothers,
is only sufficiently,
142
00:05:24,177 --> 00:05:26,952
scientifically advanced
for me to use a barrow.
143
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,548
Shall I take it down again?
144
00:05:28,548 --> 00:05:31,656
- No, just leave it there
and take yourself down.
145
00:05:31,656 --> 00:05:33,098
- When we take over,
you'll be the first to go,
146
00:05:33,098 --> 00:05:35,922
you know that, don't you?
147
00:05:35,922 --> 00:05:37,649
- And what's this, Mr. Harman?
148
00:05:37,649 --> 00:05:40,850
- This is the new point of
sale model for the Flexibra.
149
00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:44,098
No matter how wayward you
figure, Flexibra will cling
150
00:05:44,098 --> 00:05:46,869
to it and control it like a second skin.
151
00:05:46,869 --> 00:05:48,149
Shall I demonstrate?
152
00:05:48,149 --> 00:05:49,496
- Very well, Mr. Harman.
153
00:05:49,496 --> 00:05:53,663
Gather 'round, everybody, the
Flexibra model has arrived.
154
00:05:55,511 --> 00:05:58,511
(audience laughing)
155
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,124
- Captain Peacock, I don't
think there'll be much call
156
00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:11,179
for that at Grace Brothers.
157
00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:12,949
- Oh, I don't know, I could
have done with one of them
158
00:06:12,949 --> 00:06:14,949
last night at the disco.
159
00:06:15,971 --> 00:06:17,695
- Well, I've come across a
few in me travels, but it's
160
00:06:17,695 --> 00:06:20,042
the first time I've seen
them take evasive action.
161
00:06:20,042 --> 00:06:23,106
(audience laughing)
162
00:06:23,106 --> 00:06:25,437
- I think that Mr. Harman
should take it back
163
00:06:25,437 --> 00:06:28,232
to where from whence it came from.
164
00:06:28,232 --> 00:06:30,525
- Mrs. Slocombe, if Mr.
Rumbold wishes us to sell
165
00:06:30,525 --> 00:06:34,272
the garment, then I
think we must try it out.
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00:06:34,272 --> 00:06:36,718
Excuse me, madam, I wonder
if we could interest you
167
00:06:36,718 --> 00:06:39,063
in the new Flexibra.
168
00:06:39,063 --> 00:06:41,754
However wayward your figure,
the Flexibra will cling
169
00:06:41,754 --> 00:06:43,504
to it and control it.
170
00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:48,412
- I know all about them, thank you.
171
00:06:48,412 --> 00:06:50,079
In fact, I wear one.
172
00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:54,413
(audience laughing)
173
00:06:57,015 --> 00:07:00,387
- And I have the matching pants.
174
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:03,387
(audience laughing)
175
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:11,643
- Now you understand how
this works, Mr. Grace.
176
00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:13,692
It's like your pacemaker.
177
00:07:13,692 --> 00:07:16,304
Every time you feel any
stress, this little light
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00:07:16,304 --> 00:07:17,949
will flash, like this.
179
00:07:17,949 --> 00:07:20,213
(device buzzing)
180
00:07:20,213 --> 00:07:21,602
And you know what to do then?
181
00:07:21,602 --> 00:07:23,025
- Yes, I know.
182
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:26,442
When I start flashing, I'll call for you.
183
00:07:27,396 --> 00:07:28,792
- That's right.
184
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:31,201
Now, this is the battery
for the spare charger
185
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,084
and it plugs in here.
186
00:07:33,084 --> 00:07:35,834
(device buzzing)
187
00:07:38,198 --> 00:07:40,084
Will there be anything else, Mr. Grace.
188
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,334
- No, send my secretary in.
189
00:07:43,515 --> 00:07:45,602
(telephone rings)
190
00:07:45,602 --> 00:07:46,721
- Mr. Rumbold?
191
00:07:46,721 --> 00:07:51,421
- No, this is Mr. Grace,
you've got the wrong number.
192
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:53,719
(telephone rings)
193
00:07:53,719 --> 00:07:56,459
- Mr. Grace, this is Mr. Rumbold.
194
00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:59,024
- Ah, yes, I'm glad you called.
195
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,913
Somebody's trying to get hold of you.
196
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,663
I'm going to hang up.
197
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:08,044
(telephone rings)
198
00:08:08,044 --> 00:08:10,224
- Mr. Grace, this is me, Mr. Rumbold.
199
00:08:10,224 --> 00:08:11,739
It was me the first time.
200
00:08:11,739 --> 00:08:13,929
- Well, why didn't you say so?
201
00:08:13,929 --> 00:08:15,528
What do you want?
202
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,319
- It's about the social club, sir.
203
00:08:17,319 --> 00:08:20,052
I've spoken to my department
and they're all jolly keen
204
00:08:20,052 --> 00:08:22,074
on the idea and they all want to join.
205
00:08:22,074 --> 00:08:25,633
- Ah, yes, well my
secretary's got the details.
206
00:08:25,633 --> 00:08:29,650
She's doing a bit of filing at the moment,
207
00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:30,686
I'll get her to get them.
208
00:08:30,686 --> 00:08:33,190
Miss Bakewell, no, no, no, not--
209
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:35,799
(audience laughing)
210
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:38,382
I want the details of the club.
211
00:08:39,906 --> 00:08:41,489
- Here we are, sir.
212
00:08:43,244 --> 00:08:44,344
- Ah, yes.
213
00:08:44,344 --> 00:08:46,744
Yes, you can have room five.
214
00:08:46,744 --> 00:08:48,584
- Oh, thank you very much, sir.
215
00:08:48,584 --> 00:08:51,994
May I say, we're all very thrilled.
216
00:08:51,994 --> 00:08:53,202
- Now.
217
00:08:53,202 --> 00:08:54,035
Whoo!
218
00:08:54,035 --> 00:08:55,827
(device buzzing)
219
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,955
- Mister, mister.
220
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,342
Oh, Mr. Grace, have a sip.
221
00:08:59,342 --> 00:09:03,652
(cash register dinging rhythmically)
222
00:09:03,652 --> 00:09:04,915
- I cannot agree.
223
00:09:04,915 --> 00:09:07,509
I think we all see enough
of each other during the day
224
00:09:07,509 --> 00:09:10,551
without meeting again after hours.
225
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:13,538
(slurping)
226
00:09:13,538 --> 00:09:16,376
- I hope they're not going
to serve food down there.
227
00:09:16,376 --> 00:09:18,257
- They'll probably have one
of those new microwave ovens.
228
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:20,027
You know, roast beef,
Yorkshire pud, boiled potatoes
229
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,012
and peas, two minutes flat.
230
00:09:22,012 --> 00:09:22,845
Uneatable.
231
00:09:23,902 --> 00:09:27,750
- We had a club down in the
basement when I was a junior
232
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,660
at Derry and Toms.
233
00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:31,424
I only went once.
234
00:09:31,424 --> 00:09:35,527
- Was that after it was
bombed by the Zeppelins?
235
00:09:35,527 --> 00:09:36,421
- Ignore him.
236
00:09:36,421 --> 00:09:39,039
He only sold four pair
of Y-fronts this morning
237
00:09:39,039 --> 00:09:40,789
and he's very bitter.
238
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:43,805
- Where was I?
239
00:09:43,805 --> 00:09:46,555
- At Derry and Toms, in the club.
240
00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:50,707
- Mr. Lucas, you continue
to be disrespectful
241
00:09:50,707 --> 00:09:52,680
to Mrs. Slocombe, you'll be
sent away from this table
242
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,616
and never allowed to eat here again.
243
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:56,783
- You will be blackballed.
244
00:09:57,634 --> 00:09:59,217
- Not that as well.
245
00:10:00,185 --> 00:10:02,284
- You were telling us about
your club, Mrs. Slocombe.
246
00:10:02,284 --> 00:10:04,080
- Thank you, Captain Peacock.
247
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,235
As I was saying, I only went once.
248
00:10:07,235 --> 00:10:12,073
It was full of men smoking
pipes and swilling beer.
249
00:10:12,073 --> 00:10:14,993
- Oh, I think we should give it a try.
250
00:10:14,993 --> 00:10:17,544
- Well, what we gonna
do in this club, anyway?
251
00:10:17,544 --> 00:10:20,798
- Well, there's usually
ping-pong, even in the desert
252
00:10:20,798 --> 00:10:22,039
we had ping-pong.
253
00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:24,846
- Aha, that's what made Britain great.
254
00:10:24,846 --> 00:10:25,679
- Yes, that's true.
255
00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:27,855
It took over from bowls, didn't it?
256
00:10:27,855 --> 00:10:30,067
There was Rommel, knocking
on the gates of El Alamein
257
00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:31,294
and was Captain Peacock worried?
258
00:10:31,294 --> 00:10:32,450
Not a bit of it.
259
00:10:32,450 --> 00:10:35,619
He was winning 20-12 in Cairo.
260
00:10:35,619 --> 00:10:37,659
- If it weren't for men
like Captain Peacock,
261
00:10:37,659 --> 00:10:39,519
where would be now?
262
00:10:39,519 --> 00:10:43,686
- Going down to room funf
to play ze pong mit ze ping.
263
00:10:44,607 --> 00:10:46,796
- When I was a callow
youth, I used to belong
264
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:48,124
to a dancing club.
265
00:10:48,124 --> 00:10:50,179
Actually, I got quite good at it.
266
00:10:50,179 --> 00:10:52,962
We used to do charity
concerts, a friend and meself,
267
00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:55,211
you know, with a top hat and cane.
268
00:10:55,211 --> 00:10:58,993
Used to call ourselves Fred and Ginger.
269
00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:02,104
I often wonder what happened to Fred.
270
00:11:02,104 --> 00:11:04,458
- Let me say here and now,
that I think it's an admirable
271
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:07,784
opportunity for us to meet
socially in a convivial
272
00:11:07,784 --> 00:11:10,785
atmosphere, remove the
barriers that separate us
273
00:11:10,785 --> 00:11:11,865
on the floor.
274
00:11:11,865 --> 00:11:13,969
An atmosphere were it'll be Percival
275
00:11:13,969 --> 00:11:15,664
and Shirley and Elizabeth.
276
00:11:15,664 --> 00:11:17,843
- I think it's a very good idea, Steve.
277
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:21,382
- Not until the club opens, Mr. Lucas.
278
00:11:21,382 --> 00:11:23,502
- We ought to have a club tie.
279
00:11:23,502 --> 00:11:25,261
- That's a good idea Mr. Tebbs.
280
00:11:25,261 --> 00:11:28,872
- When I belonged to a bowling
club, we had a club tie.
281
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:30,455
It had bowls on it.
282
00:11:31,937 --> 00:11:34,070
- That was very inventive.
283
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:37,030
- Nobody was allowed into
the club without his tie.
284
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,931
- But girls don't wear ties.
285
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:42,257
- Well you could have club drawers.
286
00:11:42,257 --> 00:11:43,833
- Mrs. Slocombe wouldn't
be allowed in the club
287
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:46,242
without her drawers.
288
00:11:46,242 --> 00:11:48,492
- It wasn't me, it was him!
289
00:11:49,550 --> 00:11:52,067
- Mr. Humphries, I'm surprised at you.
290
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:55,625
- If I could bring a moment
of sanity to this discussion.
291
00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:58,257
Perhaps we could make a
list of all the facilities
292
00:11:58,257 --> 00:12:00,216
that we'd like to incorporate.
293
00:12:00,216 --> 00:12:02,911
Ladies first, Miss Brahms?
294
00:12:02,911 --> 00:12:04,280
- I'd like a jukebox.
295
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,424
- If there is a jukebox, I shall resign.
296
00:12:06,424 --> 00:12:07,927
- You're not even a member yet.
297
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:10,760
- I cannot stand all that hi-ba-ba-ree-ba
298
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,427
and hoo-doop-a-poop.
299
00:12:13,706 --> 00:12:15,407
Neither could Mrs. Tebbs.
300
00:12:15,407 --> 00:12:17,577
Especially the jitterbug.
301
00:12:17,577 --> 00:12:19,385
- That was after the finals
at the Hammersmith Palais
302
00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:22,474
when he tossed her in the air and missed.
303
00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:26,095
- We'll put down jukebox, question mark.
304
00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,088
Mrs. Slocombe.
305
00:12:27,088 --> 00:12:29,395
- Well, if I'm to spend
an evening in this club,
306
00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:33,312
there'll have to be
accommodation for my pussy.
307
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,150
Plus recreational facilities.
308
00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:39,855
- What exactly do you have
in mind, Mrs. Slocombe?
309
00:12:39,855 --> 00:12:44,401
- Well, a comfy corner
with a scratching post.
310
00:12:44,401 --> 00:12:46,641
And a little area of
floor where she can play
311
00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:48,960
with her clockwork mouse.
312
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,687
- Ah, good, I'll bring my
Alsatian and he can play
313
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,537
with Mrs. Slocombe's pussy.
314
00:12:53,537 --> 00:12:55,922
- Don't, he hasn't really got an Alsatian.
315
00:12:55,922 --> 00:12:57,722
He's just saying these
things to aggravate you,
316
00:12:57,722 --> 00:12:59,349
to get under your skin.
317
00:12:59,349 --> 00:13:00,481
- Well, judging from the size of her,
318
00:13:00,481 --> 00:13:03,674
she must've had a lot
of aggravating remarks.
319
00:13:03,674 --> 00:13:04,507
- That's it.
320
00:13:04,507 --> 00:13:05,862
You can include me out.
321
00:13:05,862 --> 00:13:07,960
- No, no, just a moment, please.
322
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,484
I would like to have a vote,
here and now, that if Mr. Lucas
323
00:13:11,484 --> 00:13:13,902
is rude once more to Mrs.
Slocombe, that he will
324
00:13:13,902 --> 00:13:15,771
not be allowed to join the club.
325
00:13:15,771 --> 00:13:17,652
Now hands up, those in favor.
326
00:13:17,652 --> 00:13:19,004
- What are we voting for?
327
00:13:19,004 --> 00:13:20,789
- It's about being rude to Mrs. Slocombe.
328
00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:22,345
- Well, I have no objection to that.
329
00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:24,353
(audience laughing)
330
00:13:24,353 --> 00:13:25,339
- Carried.
331
00:13:25,339 --> 00:13:27,670
Now, Mr. Humphries, what about you?
332
00:13:27,670 --> 00:13:29,408
What would you like to see in the club?
333
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,623
- Well, I'd like to bring in outsiders.
334
00:13:31,623 --> 00:13:33,431
- What sort of outsiders?
335
00:13:33,431 --> 00:13:36,156
- Well, I know lots of people
in different walks of life.
336
00:13:36,156 --> 00:13:37,909
- Yeah, and I've seen some
of their different walks.
337
00:13:37,909 --> 00:13:40,541
(audience laughing)
338
00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:43,170
- Could we have a vote
about not being rude to me?
339
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:46,757
- I'll put down guest night, query.
340
00:13:46,757 --> 00:13:49,726
- I think that should cover it.
341
00:13:49,726 --> 00:13:51,952
- Any other suggestions?
342
00:13:51,952 --> 00:13:53,409
- Well, I think we should
have a weekly dance
343
00:13:53,409 --> 00:13:55,688
and get the girls down from accounts.
344
00:13:55,688 --> 00:13:56,915
- But accounts is in the basement.
345
00:13:56,915 --> 00:13:58,062
How do you get them down?
346
00:13:58,062 --> 00:14:00,557
- We'll it'll be every
man for himself, won't it?
347
00:14:00,557 --> 00:14:03,582
- Mr. Lucas, before we continue,
have you anything to say
348
00:14:03,582 --> 00:14:06,885
that will be of any interest
whatever to this table.
349
00:14:06,885 --> 00:14:07,718
- Yes.
350
00:14:08,603 --> 00:14:11,221
- Well, I'm sure that we'll
all be agog with excitement
351
00:14:11,221 --> 00:14:12,054
to hear it.
352
00:14:12,054 --> 00:14:13,063
- Yes, you probably will be.
353
00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:14,001
We're all late back for work.
354
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:15,584
It's five past two.
355
00:14:17,506 --> 00:14:20,655
(cash register dinging rhythmically)
356
00:14:20,655 --> 00:14:22,655
- This is room five.
357
00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:23,685
Have you got the key, dear?
358
00:14:23,685 --> 00:14:26,185
- Oh, here you are, Mr. Grace.
359
00:14:28,683 --> 00:14:30,131
Let me.
360
00:14:30,131 --> 00:14:32,555
- I used to come down here in the war
361
00:14:32,555 --> 00:14:34,923
when the sirens sounded.
362
00:14:34,923 --> 00:14:38,840
- Do you think he made
it before the all-clear?
363
00:14:43,227 --> 00:14:46,207
- This is it and it's all yours.
364
00:14:46,207 --> 00:14:49,351
- I should like to say
that we're very grateful.
365
00:14:49,351 --> 00:14:52,064
- Only the words got stuck halfway.
366
00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:53,454
- Oh, it's very stuffy in here.
367
00:14:53,454 --> 00:14:56,261
Can't we open a window
and let some fresh air in.
368
00:14:56,261 --> 00:14:58,104
- Mrs. Slocombe, we're below ground.
369
00:14:58,104 --> 00:14:59,062
- We'll knock a hole in the wall
370
00:14:59,062 --> 00:15:01,871
and let some fresh worms in.
371
00:15:01,871 --> 00:15:04,910
- We've got forced ventilation.
372
00:15:04,910 --> 00:15:09,077
(air hissing)
(Shirley screaming)
373
00:15:14,769 --> 00:15:16,366
- And I enjoyed that.
374
00:15:16,366 --> 00:15:19,413
- I didn't come down here just
to give you a cheap thrill.
375
00:15:19,413 --> 00:15:20,981
- You're quite right,
Miss Brahms, do it again
376
00:15:20,981 --> 00:15:22,064
and I'll take the hat 'round.
377
00:15:22,064 --> 00:15:24,564
(audience laughing)
378
00:15:24,564 --> 00:15:26,189
- Mr. Grace, Mr. Grace is, of course,
379
00:15:26,189 --> 00:15:27,666
going to have it decorated.
380
00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:30,402
- You don't need a decorator,
you need an excavator.
381
00:15:30,402 --> 00:15:32,538
- When does one think it might be ready?
382
00:15:32,538 --> 00:15:34,170
- Well, that's hard to tell.
383
00:15:34,170 --> 00:15:36,181
We haven't even had an estimate in yet.
384
00:15:36,181 --> 00:15:39,257
In the meantime, form your
club, draw up your rules
385
00:15:39,257 --> 00:15:41,507
and I'll keep you
informed of developments.
386
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:42,465
Oh, just one other thing.
387
00:15:42,465 --> 00:15:45,518
I think we ought to signify
to Mr. Grace our appreciation
388
00:15:45,518 --> 00:15:47,076
of his generosity.
389
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:47,994
Hip, hip.
390
00:15:47,994 --> 00:15:48,853
- [All] Hooray.
391
00:15:48,853 --> 00:15:49,686
- Hip, hip.
392
00:15:49,686 --> 00:15:50,533
- [All] Hooray.
393
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,366
- Hip, hip.
394
00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:52,669
- [All] Hooray.
395
00:15:52,669 --> 00:15:54,530
(audience laughing)
396
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:59,327
(cash register dinging rhythmically)
397
00:15:59,327 --> 00:16:02,520
- Mr. Rumbold's sorry, he's
delayed with Young Mr. Grace
398
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,871
and he said, would the
members of the club look
399
00:16:04,871 --> 00:16:07,962
through that lot and pick out
which ones they would want.
400
00:16:07,962 --> 00:16:08,934
It's the stuff they've been trying
401
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:11,102
to get rid of from decorating.
402
00:16:11,102 --> 00:16:13,096
Oh, and while we're on the
subject, will the members
403
00:16:13,096 --> 00:16:16,416
of packing, stockroom and
maintenance department
404
00:16:16,416 --> 00:16:19,148
be able to avail themself
of the faculties?
405
00:16:19,148 --> 00:16:20,805
- We haven't made up our minds.
406
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:21,638
- Oh, I see.
407
00:16:21,638 --> 00:16:24,184
Well, it might help you to come
to a decision if I tell you,
408
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,429
should the answer be in the
negative, you could find
409
00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:29,944
yourself a bit short up here
with a bunged up causey.
410
00:16:29,944 --> 00:16:31,587
- How does Tuesday and Thursday suit you.
411
00:16:31,587 --> 00:16:33,740
- That sounds nicely, bruvva.
412
00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,148
- That's rather nice.
413
00:16:35,148 --> 00:16:37,258
- Oh, I think it's dead common.
414
00:16:37,258 --> 00:16:39,217
- Well, I will say it's very adventurous.
415
00:16:39,217 --> 00:16:40,979
- I had a friend, once,
who decorated his room
416
00:16:40,979 --> 00:16:42,459
with flour bags.
417
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,304
- That sounds rather nice.
418
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,982
- Trouble was, he had
rising damp and it all
419
00:16:45,982 --> 00:16:47,815
broke out in biscuits.
420
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,305
- That's nice, but it's pure nylon.
421
00:16:51,305 --> 00:16:54,530
- Oh, I had a nylon carpet
in my front hall and every
422
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:57,237
morning when I opened the
front door to take the milk in,
423
00:16:57,237 --> 00:16:59,243
I got a terrible shock.
424
00:16:59,243 --> 00:17:00,595
- Oh, perhaps that was
because you were wearing
425
00:17:00,595 --> 00:17:01,631
a woolen dressing gown.
426
00:17:01,631 --> 00:17:03,262
It builds up the static, you see.
427
00:17:03,262 --> 00:17:04,667
- No, it happened even when I wasn't
428
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,130
wearing me dressing gown.
429
00:17:06,130 --> 00:17:09,114
- I expect that gave the milkman a shock.
430
00:17:09,114 --> 00:17:11,569
- When it comes to the floor, Mrs. Tebbs
431
00:17:11,569 --> 00:17:13,569
is very hot on linoleum.
432
00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,002
- Do you have it in every room?
433
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:18,239
- Yes, practically.
434
00:17:18,239 --> 00:17:20,750
- I'm sorry about the delay.
435
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,551
There's some bad news, I'm afraid.
436
00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:25,091
Yes, we've just had the
estimate in from the decorators.
437
00:17:25,091 --> 00:17:28,789
Young Mr. Grace was prepared
to go to three hundred pounds.
438
00:17:28,789 --> 00:17:30,631
The lowest quote is five hundred.
439
00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:33,635
- Five hundred pounds just
for decorating that one room?
440
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,409
- We're in the wrong business.
441
00:17:35,409 --> 00:17:37,916
- Yes, well, anyway, I'm
afraid the club is out.
442
00:17:37,916 --> 00:17:39,260
- Just a minute, did you
say Mr. Grace was willing
443
00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:40,267
to go to three hundred quid?
444
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,111
- That's right.
445
00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:42,226
- Right, I'll do it.
446
00:17:42,226 --> 00:17:43,236
- You'll do it?
447
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:45,207
Have you any experience, Mr. Lucas?
448
00:17:45,207 --> 00:17:46,496
- Well, of course I have, I decorated
449
00:17:46,496 --> 00:17:48,086
my mother's place, didn't I?
450
00:17:48,086 --> 00:17:50,240
- Even the landlord had
to admit it had changed
451
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,460
the value of the property.
452
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:53,418
- Well, is it a deal?
453
00:17:53,418 --> 00:17:55,647
- Hang on, hang on, I'm not standing by
454
00:17:55,647 --> 00:17:57,690
while he rakes in three hundred quid.
455
00:17:57,690 --> 00:18:00,189
I've done some decorating, I'll do half.
456
00:18:00,189 --> 00:18:01,574
- And I'll do some and all.
457
00:18:01,574 --> 00:18:03,125
- Well, why don't we all do it?
458
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:07,396
Three hundred pounds divided
by six, makes 50 pounds each.
459
00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:10,531
- What a fantastic spirit
there is in my department.
460
00:18:10,531 --> 00:18:12,947
Really found the last
few minutes most moving.
461
00:18:12,947 --> 00:18:15,829
If private enterprise such
as this, were allowed to have
462
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:19,188
its head in Britain today,
we could move into the 21st
463
00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:23,138
century a proud and strong
country whose flag would fly
464
00:18:23,138 --> 00:18:25,472
once more in the four
corners of the earth.
465
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,654
- On the other hand, you could
say that it's a reflection
466
00:18:27,654 --> 00:18:30,076
of the miserable wage we're
paid by Grace Brothers,
467
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,791
which makes us desperate
to pick up 50 nicker.
468
00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:33,950
(audience laughing)
469
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:38,117
(cash register dinging rhythmically)
470
00:18:48,089 --> 00:18:50,099
- You know, it's hard to
believe this is gonna look like
471
00:18:50,099 --> 00:18:52,746
the talk of the town in a
couple of days, isn't it?
472
00:18:52,746 --> 00:18:55,803
- Here you are, here's your ladder.
473
00:18:55,803 --> 00:18:59,139
Now, we'll start this operation
in the finest traditions
474
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,183
of the British workingman.
475
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,386
I'll put a kettle on.
476
00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:04,803
Evening, comrade.
477
00:19:06,401 --> 00:19:07,649
- Well, now, the first thing we must do
478
00:19:07,649 --> 00:19:09,193
is get rid of the furniture.
479
00:19:09,193 --> 00:19:11,370
Hurry up, everyone.
480
00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:14,370
(audience laughing)
481
00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:24,540
(audience clapping)
482
00:19:30,499 --> 00:19:34,327
Mr. Humphries, you're
standing like that again.
483
00:19:34,327 --> 00:19:35,927
- Like what, Captain Peacock?
484
00:19:35,927 --> 00:19:36,927
- Like that.
485
00:19:37,851 --> 00:19:38,951
- Would you believe it?
486
00:19:38,951 --> 00:19:42,602
You know, I had five rolls
of wallpaper under there.
487
00:19:42,602 --> 00:19:45,095
- Well, Miss Brahms, you
and I will take the desk.
488
00:19:45,095 --> 00:19:46,793
We'll leave the bed to the men.
489
00:19:46,793 --> 00:19:49,626
- Whatever you say, Mrs. Slocombe.
490
00:19:51,074 --> 00:19:53,825
- Just a minute, just a minute.
491
00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:56,246
Look, I can't take proper steps.
492
00:19:56,246 --> 00:19:57,694
Don't be in such a hurry.
493
00:19:57,694 --> 00:19:59,021
- Sorry.
494
00:19:59,021 --> 00:19:59,854
- Right.
495
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:02,051
Stop.
496
00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:04,651
Look, it's easy for you.
497
00:20:04,651 --> 00:20:06,984
You can take big steps going backwards,
498
00:20:06,984 --> 00:20:09,289
but I can only take little steps.
499
00:20:09,289 --> 00:20:11,541
- All right, then, you go backwards.
500
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:12,374
- Right.
501
00:20:14,124 --> 00:20:17,124
(audience laughing)
502
00:20:19,044 --> 00:20:21,507
- Now, come over here, Mr.
Lucas, take the mattress.
503
00:20:21,507 --> 00:20:22,378
- Yeah, right.
504
00:20:22,378 --> 00:20:23,336
Roll it over, Mr. Humphries.
505
00:20:23,336 --> 00:20:24,669
- Right.
506
00:20:24,669 --> 00:20:25,627
- Right there.
507
00:20:25,627 --> 00:20:26,460
I've got it.
508
00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:28,251
- Have you got it?
- Yeah, I've got it.
509
00:20:28,251 --> 00:20:29,371
- Okay, okay.
- Ah!
510
00:20:29,371 --> 00:20:30,799
- Be careful, Mr. Lucas.
511
00:20:30,799 --> 00:20:33,199
- All right, leave it to me.
512
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,116
Right, I've got it, ah!
513
00:20:37,475 --> 00:20:39,898
- Oh, well, if you're
going to just lie around,
514
00:20:39,898 --> 00:20:41,779
I'm going home.
515
00:20:41,779 --> 00:20:42,832
- I'll have you know, these mattresses
516
00:20:42,832 --> 00:20:44,199
are very hard to handle.
517
00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:45,267
- Oh, yes.
518
00:20:45,267 --> 00:20:46,669
Come on, Miss Brahms.
519
00:20:46,669 --> 00:20:47,502
- Oh!
520
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,630
- We could do with your
help over here, Mr. Lucas.
521
00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:52,320
- Well, I'm sorry about
that, Captain Peacock.
522
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,278
- Take the bed with me, take this--
523
00:20:53,278 --> 00:20:55,361
- Hey, hey, look at this.
524
00:20:56,450 --> 00:20:58,783
Health and Efficiency, 1938.
525
00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:04,570
- Oh, do they have their hair cut short?
526
00:21:04,570 --> 00:21:06,494
Oh, look, let me see.
527
00:21:06,494 --> 00:21:11,292
Oh, I say, George, Harry and
Burt relax on a quiet beach.
528
00:21:11,292 --> 00:21:14,375
- Must have been a very cold morning.
529
00:21:16,665 --> 00:21:19,190
- The boys exercise in the gym.
530
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:20,504
- Are they Indian clubs?
531
00:21:20,504 --> 00:21:22,707
- Not all of them.
532
00:21:22,707 --> 00:21:24,585
- Mr. Lucas, Mr. Humphries, can we get on?
533
00:21:24,585 --> 00:21:25,418
- Ah, yes.
534
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:27,104
- Now you take this end of
the bed with me, Mr. Lucas.
535
00:21:27,104 --> 00:21:28,195
Mr. Humphries, Mr. Tebbs, that end.
536
00:21:28,195 --> 00:21:29,811
- Oh, yes.
- Right, okay, here you go.
537
00:21:29,811 --> 00:21:30,702
- Out of the door, there we go.
538
00:21:30,702 --> 00:21:31,535
- That's it.
539
00:21:31,535 --> 00:21:32,812
- I'm coming up.
- To you.
540
00:21:32,812 --> 00:21:33,645
- Hold up.
541
00:21:33,645 --> 00:21:35,317
Not going to go through, you know.
542
00:21:35,317 --> 00:21:38,492
- Well, put it on its side then.
543
00:21:38,492 --> 00:21:39,702
- Okay.
- Easy.
544
00:21:39,702 --> 00:21:41,464
- There you are, clean as a whistle.
545
00:21:41,464 --> 00:21:42,297
- Yeah.
546
00:21:42,297 --> 00:21:44,249
- Keep going.
- Stop!
547
00:21:44,249 --> 00:21:46,332
I'm caught in the caster.
548
00:21:47,392 --> 00:21:49,868
- You'll have to come back,
he's casterized his self.
549
00:21:49,868 --> 00:21:52,405
(audience laughing)
550
00:21:52,405 --> 00:21:54,668
- Now, come around here,
Mr. Tebbs, that's it.
551
00:21:54,668 --> 00:21:57,164
To you, that's right.
552
00:21:57,164 --> 00:21:59,178
No, hang on, you'll
have to come back again.
553
00:21:59,178 --> 00:22:00,011
No, it's no good.
554
00:22:00,011 --> 00:22:00,844
- What's going wrong?
555
00:22:00,844 --> 00:22:02,510
- Well, it's overtruding
here, you see, it needs to--
556
00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:03,695
- Well, if you just lift it up.
557
00:22:03,695 --> 00:22:05,578
- Put it down.
558
00:22:05,578 --> 00:22:07,549
Come on, out the way, everybody.
559
00:22:07,549 --> 00:22:09,006
Right, Miss Brahms.
560
00:22:09,006 --> 00:22:11,339
Hup, forward, turn, shuffle.
561
00:22:13,084 --> 00:22:15,182
(audience laughing and cheering)
562
00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:19,349
(cash register dinging rhythmically)
563
00:22:27,671 --> 00:22:29,601
- We've got a blank, Mr.
Harman, take that one back.
564
00:22:29,601 --> 00:22:30,484
- Very good, sir.
565
00:22:30,484 --> 00:22:34,567
(audience laughing and clapping)
566
00:22:39,154 --> 00:22:42,462
- Now, I suggest that we get
ourselves organized into pairs.
567
00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:44,991
Now, each pair can put
up one piece of wallpaper
568
00:22:44,991 --> 00:22:47,030
and we'll finish the
job in no time at all.
569
00:22:47,030 --> 00:22:49,407
Now, the first thing we
do is measure the paper.
570
00:22:49,407 --> 00:22:52,016
- How do you know how
much to cut off a roll?
571
00:22:52,016 --> 00:22:54,057
- Well, we measured that
before we bought it.
572
00:22:54,057 --> 00:22:56,561
Now, each piece has to be
eight foot, four inches.
573
00:22:56,561 --> 00:22:58,242
- Has anybody got a tape measure?
574
00:22:58,242 --> 00:22:59,458
- Oh, search me.
575
00:22:59,458 --> 00:23:00,360
- [Dick] Right.
576
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:05,175
(air hissing)
(Shirley screaming)
577
00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:06,998
- Just cut that out.
578
00:23:06,998 --> 00:23:10,347
- If she has got one, it's well hidden.
579
00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:12,355
- My tape measure's in my drawer.
580
00:23:12,355 --> 00:23:13,800
- Well, just pop up and get it, will you?
581
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,189
- What, four floors up
with no lifts working?
582
00:23:16,189 --> 00:23:18,177
I should cocoa.
583
00:23:18,177 --> 00:23:19,883
Besides, I'm mixing the paste.
584
00:23:19,883 --> 00:23:21,186
- I think I've got the answer to this.
585
00:23:21,186 --> 00:23:23,618
Now, this table is exactly six foot long.
586
00:23:23,618 --> 00:23:27,451
My inside leg is 30, so
I think, six foot, 30,
587
00:23:29,026 --> 00:23:30,926
if you cut it about
there, we should be right.
588
00:23:30,926 --> 00:23:34,836
- Well, if I cut it about
there, that'll leave us
589
00:23:34,836 --> 00:23:36,444
with two inches to play with.
590
00:23:36,444 --> 00:23:39,720
(audience laughing)
591
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,954
- If you're very careful
with those scissors.
592
00:23:42,954 --> 00:23:43,787
- Are you ready?
593
00:23:43,787 --> 00:23:47,684
- Yes, I'm holding my
breath, now, be careful.
594
00:23:47,684 --> 00:23:48,517
- Tea up.
595
00:23:48,517 --> 00:23:49,350
- Ah!
596
00:23:53,975 --> 00:23:55,741
- Cor blimey, you gave me a start.
597
00:23:55,741 --> 00:23:58,940
- You nearly gave me a finish.
598
00:23:58,940 --> 00:24:00,658
- It's all right, I haven't spoiled it.
599
00:24:00,658 --> 00:24:01,906
- Thank heaven for that.
600
00:24:01,906 --> 00:24:06,073
- All we've gotta do now is
turn it over and paste it.
601
00:24:07,559 --> 00:24:09,983
Mr. Humphries, it would
simplify matters if you turned
602
00:24:09,983 --> 00:24:11,582
the same way as Mr. Lucas.
603
00:24:11,582 --> 00:24:16,150
- To date, you've no evidence
that I haven't done that.
604
00:24:16,150 --> 00:24:18,067
- Look, leave it alone.
605
00:24:22,869 --> 00:24:24,225
- Just in time.
606
00:24:24,225 --> 00:24:26,903
- Now, be generous with the
paste, Mr. Tebbs, I mean,
607
00:24:26,903 --> 00:24:28,816
then we can move the paper on the wall.
608
00:24:28,816 --> 00:24:30,122
- Don't teach your grandmother how
609
00:24:30,122 --> 00:24:32,389
to suck eggs, Captain Peacock.
610
00:24:32,389 --> 00:24:34,928
Why, when I was first
married, Mrs. Tebbs and I
611
00:24:34,928 --> 00:24:39,095
decorated the whole of our
house from top to bottom.
612
00:24:41,024 --> 00:24:43,212
- You're very thorough, aren't you?
613
00:24:43,212 --> 00:24:44,896
- We spent the whole of our honeymoon
614
00:24:44,896 --> 00:24:46,979
stripping off downstairs.
615
00:24:48,085 --> 00:24:51,054
- I dread to think what
you were doing upstairs.
616
00:24:51,054 --> 00:24:52,682
- Take my advice, Mr.
Lucas, you'll hold it
617
00:24:52,682 --> 00:24:53,997
well away from your body.
618
00:24:53,997 --> 00:24:56,661
- Very important to get
it right up to the edge.
619
00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:57,494
- Aye, oh.
620
00:24:58,855 --> 00:24:59,855
- Like that.
621
00:25:01,296 --> 00:25:03,066
- Thank you very much, Captain Peacock.
622
00:25:03,066 --> 00:25:03,899
- Have you done?
623
00:25:03,899 --> 00:25:06,047
- I think I did a jolly good job of that.
624
00:25:06,047 --> 00:25:07,074
- Away you go, Mr. Lucas.
625
00:25:07,074 --> 00:25:08,305
- All right.
626
00:25:08,305 --> 00:25:11,720
- Hurry out with the next piece.
627
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,720
(audience laughing)
628
00:25:21,139 --> 00:25:23,098
- I think made a bit
of a nick in this one.
629
00:25:23,098 --> 00:25:25,138
- Do try to be more careful, Mr. Lucas.
630
00:25:25,138 --> 00:25:26,923
- And don't worry, it'll do
for the bit over the door.
631
00:25:26,923 --> 00:25:27,756
- All right, whatever.
632
00:25:27,756 --> 00:25:29,076
The next piece is almost ready.
633
00:25:29,076 --> 00:25:30,269
- Well, look, I'll take this.
634
00:25:30,269 --> 00:25:32,576
He's so cack-handed.
635
00:25:32,576 --> 00:25:34,570
Right, you get the other
end, Mr. Humphries.
636
00:25:34,570 --> 00:25:35,403
- Right, Mrs. Slocombe.
637
00:25:35,403 --> 00:25:36,938
- Don't let it drop on the
floor, we don't want it
638
00:25:36,938 --> 00:25:38,021
to get mucky.
639
00:25:41,227 --> 00:25:43,772
- Mr. Lucas, give Mrs.
Slocombe a helping hand.
640
00:25:43,772 --> 00:25:44,605
- Right.
641
00:25:44,605 --> 00:25:45,438
- Ah!
642
00:25:45,438 --> 00:25:48,067
Keep your hands to yourself.
643
00:25:48,067 --> 00:25:50,688
Oh, Mr. Humphries, we've
got it to the wrong side.
644
00:25:50,688 --> 00:25:52,378
- No, no, don't move, don't move.
645
00:25:52,378 --> 00:25:54,238
I'll take it from the other side.
646
00:25:54,238 --> 00:25:55,384
Now, pass it over, Mr. Humphries.
647
00:25:55,384 --> 00:25:56,217
- Are you sure?
648
00:25:56,217 --> 00:25:57,050
- Yes, pass it over.
649
00:25:57,050 --> 00:25:58,858
- Bit higher, Mrs. Slocombe.
650
00:25:58,858 --> 00:26:01,858
(audience laughing)
651
00:26:05,150 --> 00:26:06,612
Don't worry, Captain Peacock, it'll do
652
00:26:06,612 --> 00:26:07,974
for the bit over the door.
653
00:26:07,974 --> 00:26:09,596
- There's another bit ready if anyone
654
00:26:09,596 --> 00:26:11,282
fancies another adventure.
655
00:26:11,282 --> 00:26:12,115
- I'm sick of this.
656
00:26:12,115 --> 00:26:13,798
You get to the other end, we'll do this.
657
00:26:13,798 --> 00:26:15,385
Now, we'll pass it in the
back of the steps, first.
658
00:26:15,385 --> 00:26:16,218
- Yeah, that's it.
659
00:26:16,218 --> 00:26:17,757
- You go 'round the back, that's it.
660
00:26:17,757 --> 00:26:18,715
- Look out!
661
00:26:18,715 --> 00:26:22,342
(audience laughing)
662
00:26:22,342 --> 00:26:25,342
(audience clapping)
663
00:26:27,371 --> 00:26:30,909
- If you want your tea, it's on the floor.
664
00:26:30,909 --> 00:26:33,362
Save that, do for the bit over the door.
665
00:26:33,362 --> 00:26:35,358
(audience laughing)
666
00:26:35,358 --> 00:26:37,074
- I'll make the tea, I won't be a tick.
667
00:26:37,074 --> 00:26:40,298
- If we go on at this rate, I
shall require some more paste.
668
00:26:40,298 --> 00:26:44,173
- Here you are, more paste, Mr. Tebbs.
669
00:26:44,173 --> 00:26:45,670
- Careless monkey.
670
00:26:45,670 --> 00:26:46,628
- I'm sorry.
671
00:26:46,628 --> 00:26:47,969
- You did that deliberately, didn't you?
672
00:26:47,969 --> 00:26:48,802
- No, I didn't.
673
00:26:48,802 --> 00:26:49,951
You were holding the bucket the other way.
674
00:26:49,951 --> 00:26:51,776
- Look at this.
675
00:26:51,776 --> 00:26:52,937
- Well, I mean, I could--
676
00:26:52,937 --> 00:26:55,937
(audience laughing)
677
00:27:04,221 --> 00:27:06,549
- You wouldn't dare.
678
00:27:06,549 --> 00:27:08,380
- Oh, yes, I would.
679
00:27:08,380 --> 00:27:10,188
- I believe you would.
680
00:27:10,188 --> 00:27:11,175
- Stop, stop.
681
00:27:11,175 --> 00:27:12,008
- Ah!
682
00:27:13,901 --> 00:27:17,410
- (laughs) Oh, look at him,
he's always so stuck up.
683
00:27:17,410 --> 00:27:19,577
Now you look like a clown.
684
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,123
(audience laughing and clapping)
685
00:27:33,692 --> 00:27:35,547
- You chauvinistic--
686
00:27:35,547 --> 00:27:37,297
- Ah, oh, ah, ah, ah!
687
00:27:39,277 --> 00:27:41,323
I'll get you, you, how dare you?
688
00:27:41,323 --> 00:27:42,406
- Oh, hey!
689
00:27:42,406 --> 00:27:43,657
(air hissing)
690
00:27:43,657 --> 00:27:46,657
(Shirley screaming)
691
00:27:49,330 --> 00:27:52,649
- No, no, no, get off, get off, will you?
692
00:27:52,649 --> 00:27:54,392
- I miss anything?
693
00:27:54,392 --> 00:27:56,282
What are you doing?
694
00:27:56,282 --> 00:27:59,282
(audience laughing)
695
00:28:01,052 --> 00:28:02,930
- Stop it, stop it at once.
696
00:28:02,930 --> 00:28:04,763
Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas.
697
00:28:04,763 --> 00:28:06,130
Stop it, stop it.
698
00:28:06,130 --> 00:28:07,567
Captain Peacock, I'm surprised at you.
699
00:28:07,567 --> 00:28:09,299
Have you all gone mad?
700
00:28:09,299 --> 00:28:11,900
I've never see such a
disgraceful exhibition.
701
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:14,186
Young Mr. Grace makes
this generous gesture
702
00:28:14,186 --> 00:28:16,334
and this is how you repay him.
703
00:28:16,334 --> 00:28:18,885
If there are any more
incidents of any kind,
704
00:28:18,885 --> 00:28:20,984
there will be no club at all.
705
00:28:20,984 --> 00:28:24,519
- Hands up, those who don't want a club.
706
00:28:24,519 --> 00:28:26,440
All right, shall we make it final?
707
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:27,273
- [All] Yes!
708
00:28:27,273 --> 00:28:28,758
- Right.
- Hey!
709
00:28:28,758 --> 00:28:31,193
(audience laughing and clapping)
710
00:28:31,193 --> 00:28:35,360
(cash register dinging rhythmically)
711
00:28:36,864 --> 00:28:38,530
- [Elevator Operator] Ground
floor, perfumery, stationery
712
00:28:38,530 --> 00:28:40,997
and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery,
713
00:28:40,997 --> 00:28:42,227
kitchenware and food.
714
00:28:42,227 --> 00:28:43,126
Going up.
715
00:28:43,126 --> 00:28:45,626
(jazzy music)
716
00:28:48,467 --> 00:28:51,038
First floor, telephones,
gents' ready-made suits,
717
00:28:51,038 --> 00:28:53,619
shirts, socks, ties, hats,
underwear, and shoes.
718
00:28:53,619 --> 00:28:54,452
Going up.
719
00:28:59,847 --> 00:29:02,546
Second floor, carpets,
travel goods and bedding,
720
00:29:02,546 --> 00:29:05,291
material, soft furnishings,
restaurant and teas.
721
00:29:05,291 --> 00:29:06,208
Going down.
722
00:29:11,453 --> 00:29:14,156
First floor, telephones,
gents' ready-made suits,
723
00:29:14,156 --> 00:29:16,701
shirts, socks, ties, hats,
underwear, and shoes.
724
00:29:16,701 --> 00:29:17,534
Going up.
52735
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