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1
00:00:01,061 --> 00:00:04,394
(cash register ringing)
2
00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:09,232
♫ Ground floor perfumery,
stationery, and leather goods,
3
00:00:09,232 --> 00:00:11,895
♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware, and food
4
00:00:11,895 --> 00:00:14,145
♫ Going up
5
00:00:17,714 --> 00:00:21,100
♫ First floor telephones,
gents' ready-made suits,
6
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,430
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes
7
00:00:23,430 --> 00:00:24,711
♫ Going up
8
00:00:24,711 --> 00:00:28,878
♫ Do you need a hand to
hold someone what loves you.
9
00:00:30,454 --> 00:00:33,298
♫ You need hands as you go on your
10
00:00:33,298 --> 00:00:35,718
- What are you doing Mr. Harmon?
11
00:00:35,718 --> 00:00:40,276
- It's the new unisex
display model made in Japan.
12
00:00:40,276 --> 00:00:41,109
Do you like that?
13
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,222
It's a fella.
14
00:00:42,222 --> 00:00:44,026
Like that, it's a bird.
15
00:00:44,026 --> 00:00:46,427
(audience laughing)
16
00:00:46,427 --> 00:00:47,889
- It looks a bit odd.
17
00:00:47,889 --> 00:00:48,722
- You're right.
18
00:00:48,722 --> 00:00:50,696
I got me Rachel Welsh
mixed up with me Twiggies.
19
00:00:50,696 --> 00:00:51,883
(audience laughing)
20
00:00:51,883 --> 00:00:53,216
- You are awful.
21
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,506
- [Beverley] Good morning, Mr. Grace.
22
00:00:56,506 --> 00:00:57,436
- [Cleaning Woman] Good morning.
23
00:00:57,436 --> 00:00:58,641
- Good morning, everybody.
24
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,531
- [Beverly] Everybody's
not here Mr. Grace.
25
00:01:00,531 --> 00:01:03,065
- Mr. Grace is stopping at every floor
26
00:01:03,065 --> 00:01:05,745
to welcome people back
from their holidays.
27
00:01:05,745 --> 00:01:08,111
- Did you and your
secretary have a nice time
28
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,638
on your yacht, Mr. Grace?
29
00:01:09,638 --> 00:01:12,835
- No, it was all up and down, up and down.
30
00:01:12,835 --> 00:01:14,487
It was ridiculous.
31
00:01:14,487 --> 00:01:15,693
- [Beverly] Rough weather?
32
00:01:15,693 --> 00:01:18,724
- Well, it wouldn't likely
be anything else, would it?
33
00:01:18,724 --> 00:01:19,621
(audience laughing)
34
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,321
- With his money, and my body.
35
00:01:22,321 --> 00:01:24,307
- I think I'd rather have his money.
36
00:01:24,307 --> 00:01:27,390
(bell ringing)
37
00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:28,453
- Morning, Mr. Harmon.
38
00:01:28,453 --> 00:01:30,573
- Morning, Mr. Rumbold.
39
00:01:30,573 --> 00:01:32,873
Did you and Mrs. Rumbold
have a nice holiday?
40
00:01:32,873 --> 00:01:33,706
- Yes, thank you.
41
00:01:33,706 --> 00:01:35,936
We went to the Coconut Islands.
42
00:01:35,936 --> 00:01:38,177
(audience laughing)
43
00:01:38,177 --> 00:01:40,760
- What's happened to your head?
44
00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:43,934
- I got hit by a coconut.
45
00:01:44,849 --> 00:01:47,418
Get this model off the floor
until its dressed, Mr. Harmon.
46
00:01:47,418 --> 00:01:49,679
The customers will be
coming in before long.
47
00:01:49,679 --> 00:01:50,684
- Come on, girl.
48
00:01:50,684 --> 00:01:53,944
♫ Hold my hand, I'm a stranger in paradise
49
00:01:53,944 --> 00:01:55,111
Come on, girl.
50
00:01:57,419 --> 00:02:01,586
- Captain Peacock, you're all
cutting it rather fine today.
51
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:04,257
What's this?
52
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,835
It's from your doctor.
53
00:02:08,835 --> 00:02:11,218
This is to certify that
S. Peacock is suffering
54
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,856
from a throat condition acquired
55
00:02:12,856 --> 00:02:16,848
during a yodeling holiday in Switzerland.
56
00:02:16,848 --> 00:02:19,788
I have prescribed for him Larynguex pills,
57
00:02:19,788 --> 00:02:22,955
a gargle, and Nodule Gone throat spry.
58
00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:26,753
Although fit for work,
he should use his voice
59
00:02:26,753 --> 00:02:27,883
as little as possible.
60
00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:31,234
Dear me, wont' the customers
think it rather strange
61
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,263
if you don't speak to them?
62
00:02:33,263 --> 00:02:34,492
- They'd find it even more strange
63
00:02:34,492 --> 00:02:36,136
if I do speak to them.
64
00:02:36,136 --> 00:02:38,386
(laughing)
65
00:02:39,431 --> 00:02:40,869
- I'm sorry, Peacock.
66
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,740
You must admit it's an
extraordinary effect.
67
00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:47,502
- If I use this throat spray,
it temporarily cures it.
68
00:02:47,502 --> 00:02:49,439
What happened to your head?
69
00:02:49,439 --> 00:02:50,708
- Coconut fell on it.
70
00:02:50,708 --> 00:02:52,958
(laughing)
71
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,725
- I'm sorry, sir.
72
00:02:56,725 --> 00:02:58,723
That's very funny.
73
00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:00,241
- When does he think you'll be better?
74
00:03:00,241 --> 00:03:01,738
- In about a week, sir.
75
00:03:01,738 --> 00:03:05,739
Unhappily, there are one or
two unfortunate side effects.
76
00:03:05,739 --> 00:03:08,326
(groaning)
77
00:03:08,326 --> 00:03:09,307
(sneezing)
78
00:03:09,307 --> 00:03:12,089
(yelling)
79
00:03:12,089 --> 00:03:12,922
Like that.
80
00:03:14,041 --> 00:03:16,708
- Never mind, I'll get it.
81
00:03:16,708 --> 00:03:17,541
(crunching)
82
00:03:17,541 --> 00:03:19,331
(audience laughing)
83
00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:20,164
I'm sorry.
84
00:03:21,315 --> 00:03:23,467
We'll send out for some more.
85
00:03:23,467 --> 00:03:25,593
How long does this stuff last?
86
00:03:25,593 --> 00:03:26,836
- Not very long.
87
00:03:26,836 --> 00:03:28,193
(audience laughing)
88
00:03:28,193 --> 00:03:30,776
(bell ringing)
89
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:36,306
- Good heavens, what's
happened to your hair?
90
00:03:36,306 --> 00:03:37,259
- My what?
91
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,163
- Your hair on your head?
92
00:03:39,163 --> 00:03:40,347
- What's the matter with your voice?
93
00:03:40,347 --> 00:03:42,715
- I spent my holiday taking elocution
94
00:03:42,715 --> 00:03:44,850
and deportment lessons.
95
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,440
Good morning, Mr. Rumbold.
96
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,750
- Morning, Miss Brahms.
97
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:52,071
I must say it's a
remarkable transformation.
98
00:03:52,071 --> 00:03:54,450
- Yes, I had my voice
on one of their tapes,
99
00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:57,116
and I must say I didn't
half sound dead common.
100
00:03:57,116 --> 00:04:00,116
(audience laughing)
101
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,040
- What on Earth is the
matter with you, Mr. Lucas?
102
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,857
- I burnt me feet in Skegness.
103
00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:09,938
- In Skegness?
104
00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:11,474
- There was this female acrobat, you see,
105
00:04:11,474 --> 00:04:12,893
and she took me back to her flat.
106
00:04:12,893 --> 00:04:13,726
(laughing)
107
00:04:13,726 --> 00:04:14,802
She was just showing my how to juggle
108
00:04:14,802 --> 00:04:16,376
with a couple of grapefruit and a cucumber
109
00:04:16,376 --> 00:04:18,993
standing on me head
when her father came in.
110
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,260
- What's this got to do with burnt feet?
111
00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:24,035
- Well, he's a fire eater on the pier.
112
00:04:24,035 --> 00:04:25,745
He took one swig of
paraffin from his zip flask,
113
00:04:25,745 --> 00:04:26,977
flicked his Ronson, breathed out,
114
00:04:26,977 --> 00:04:28,992
and it was Towering Inferno
with me going head first
115
00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:31,293
down the fire escape.
116
00:04:31,293 --> 00:04:32,860
If he hadn't been short of
breath coming up the stairs,
117
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:36,048
I wouldn't be able to sit down either.
118
00:04:36,048 --> 00:04:37,898
- It's a pity he didn't singe your hair.
119
00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:38,907
It looks dreadful.
120
00:04:38,907 --> 00:04:40,548
- Yes, I'll get it cut
right away, Mr. Rumbold.
121
00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:41,975
- No, you will not, Mr. Lucas.
122
00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:44,183
You will do it in your coffee break.
123
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:45,670
(sneezing)
124
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:48,420
I trust you're not
catching a cold, Mr. Lucas.
125
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:49,480
- Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
126
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,368
It's very unhealthy
putting your trousers on
127
00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:53,760
after they've been slung
off the end of a jetty.
128
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,075
(audience laughing)
129
00:04:55,075 --> 00:04:56,582
(bell ringing)
130
00:04:56,582 --> 00:04:59,617
(audience laughing)
131
00:04:59,617 --> 00:05:02,942
- I've never seen such a whopping conch.
132
00:05:02,942 --> 00:05:05,343
(audience laughing)
133
00:05:05,343 --> 00:05:08,646
- Before anybody else
makes any funny cracks,
134
00:05:08,646 --> 00:05:10,646
this is a plastic cover.
135
00:05:11,558 --> 00:05:13,200
My nose caught a touch of the sun
136
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,093
on the Costa Blanca.
137
00:05:15,093 --> 00:05:18,043
And, this here contains soothing ointment
138
00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:20,777
which must be kept on as long as possible.
139
00:05:20,777 --> 00:05:22,037
- I wouldn't take it off Mrs. Slocombe.
140
00:05:22,037 --> 00:05:23,617
It balances the rest of your face.
141
00:05:23,617 --> 00:05:25,487
(audience laughing)
142
00:05:25,487 --> 00:05:29,505
- When I want advice from
you, I'll ask for it, Samson.
143
00:05:29,505 --> 00:05:31,851
(audience laughing)
144
00:05:31,851 --> 00:05:33,435
- Apart from the nose, I trust you had
145
00:05:33,435 --> 00:05:34,923
an enjoyable holiday.
146
00:05:34,923 --> 00:05:36,431
- I did not.
147
00:05:36,431 --> 00:05:38,657
You know the reputation
these Spaniards have
148
00:05:38,657 --> 00:05:42,335
for bottom pinching and
jumping on defenseless ladies
149
00:05:42,335 --> 00:05:43,978
at night on the beach.
150
00:05:43,978 --> 00:05:45,458
- Was it all true?
151
00:05:45,458 --> 00:05:47,035
- No, none of it.
152
00:05:47,035 --> 00:05:50,035
(audience laughing)
153
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,520
(audience clapping)
154
00:05:59,178 --> 00:06:02,669
- As you can see, I've come
straight from the airport.
155
00:06:02,669 --> 00:06:05,668
- And, you are very nearly
late, Mr. Humphries.
156
00:06:05,668 --> 00:06:07,981
- You're lucky to have me here at all.
157
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,944
I had a customs officer
that was working to rule.
158
00:06:10,944 --> 00:06:12,612
"What are you looking for," I said.
159
00:06:12,612 --> 00:06:14,507
"We're on the trail of
an international gang
160
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:17,646
of rhinoceros horn smugglers," he said.
161
00:06:17,646 --> 00:06:20,656
"Well, I'm not hiding one
where you're looking," I said.
162
00:06:20,656 --> 00:06:22,214
Me hold all isn't big enough.
163
00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:24,310
Anyway, I've only been to Guernsey.
164
00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:27,233
- You can't serve customers
dressed like that.
165
00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:28,589
- I'm surprised they let him into Guernsey
166
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,029
dressed like that.
167
00:06:30,029 --> 00:06:32,089
- Don't worry, I've got
me other clothes in here.
168
00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:33,427
In a couple of ticks, I shall be back
169
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:36,927
to my normal self, or as near as I can be.
170
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,868
Captain Peacock, how nice to see you.
171
00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:41,747
Did you have a pleasant holiday?
172
00:06:41,747 --> 00:06:42,701
- Yes, very nice, thank you.
173
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:45,735
(audience laughing)
174
00:06:45,735 --> 00:06:47,058
- If you're gonna take the
mickey, I'm sorry I asked.
175
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,495
(audience laughing)
176
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,159
- Don't go, Mr. Humpries.
177
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,441
I have a small announcement to make.
178
00:06:52,441 --> 00:06:53,499
- Excuse me, Mr. Rumbold.
179
00:06:53,499 --> 00:06:56,729
Before you start spouting,
I've got Captain Peacock
180
00:06:56,729 --> 00:06:59,049
throat spray from the chemist counter.
181
00:06:59,049 --> 00:07:00,990
- Thank goodness for that.
182
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:04,401
He got a throat infection
during a yodeling holiday.
183
00:07:04,401 --> 00:07:05,813
Has that made it alright?
184
00:07:05,813 --> 00:07:08,410
- Yes, thank you, sir, for the time being.
185
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:11,540
I caught it doing the
Alpine Horn competition.
186
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:14,674
Unfortunately, my team were
all using the same horn,
187
00:07:14,674 --> 00:07:16,576
and I was in last, and in the excitement,
188
00:07:16,576 --> 00:07:18,501
I forgot to wipe the end.
189
00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:19,849
(laughing)
190
00:07:19,849 --> 00:07:22,005
- That can happen when you're in a hurry.
191
00:07:22,005 --> 00:07:24,085
(audience laughing)
192
00:07:24,085 --> 00:07:27,441
- As I was saying I have a
small announcement to make.
193
00:07:27,441 --> 00:07:29,608
- Mr. Humpries, Mr. Lucas.
194
00:07:30,699 --> 00:07:33,480
- Now, as you know, Mr.
Tebbs is taking over
195
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,203
as head of the Gentlemen's Department.
196
00:07:36,203 --> 00:07:39,161
And, I must say that Mr.
Humpries was considered
197
00:07:39,161 --> 00:07:41,001
for the position, but the board felt
198
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:42,403
that he was too young.
199
00:07:42,403 --> 00:07:43,966
- I'm disappointed but flattered.
200
00:07:43,966 --> 00:07:46,966
(audience laughing)
201
00:07:48,106 --> 00:07:49,891
- Mr. Tebbs, are you there?
202
00:07:49,891 --> 00:07:53,855
- I'm here, Mr. Rumbold,
waiting and eager.
203
00:07:53,855 --> 00:07:55,155
- This is Mr. Tebbs.
204
00:07:55,155 --> 00:07:56,241
- [Rest Of Employees] Morning.
205
00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:57,544
- Morning!
206
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,797
- I expect he's known to most of you.
207
00:07:59,797 --> 00:08:04,008
10 years in bathroom
bittings, three in footwear,
208
00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:06,838
almost entirely responsible
for modernizing greeting cards
209
00:08:06,838 --> 00:08:10,846
and novelties, and finally,
four years in bedding.
210
00:08:10,846 --> 00:08:12,773
- You've left out soft furnishings.
211
00:08:12,773 --> 00:08:13,606
- Have I?
212
00:08:13,606 --> 00:08:16,210
- Yes, that would be between
bathroom fittings and footwear.
213
00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:17,043
- How long were you there?
214
00:08:17,043 --> 00:08:18,279
- 18 months.
215
00:08:18,279 --> 00:08:21,795
- Mr. Tebbs was also 18
months in soft furnishings.
216
00:08:21,795 --> 00:08:25,602
- Yes, I resigned when
they introduced bean bags.
217
00:08:25,602 --> 00:08:26,598
- Quite right.
218
00:08:26,598 --> 00:08:28,462
(audience laughing)
219
00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:29,876
- Yes well, with a record like that
220
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,643
I'm sure we're all honored
to have him with us.
221
00:08:32,643 --> 00:08:35,567
Now, this is Mr. Humphries
your senior assistant.
222
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,604
I'm sure if there's
anything you can't find,
223
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,308
he will find it for you.
224
00:08:39,308 --> 00:08:42,308
(audience laughing)
225
00:08:44,218 --> 00:08:45,462
- And, if Mr. Humphries can't find it,
226
00:08:45,462 --> 00:08:46,766
it won't be worth looking for.
227
00:08:46,766 --> 00:08:48,758
(audience laughing)
228
00:08:48,758 --> 00:08:50,114
- That's Mr. Lucas.
229
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:53,046
Now, Mrs. Slocombe, I
expect you already know.
230
00:08:53,046 --> 00:08:57,323
- We have not actually met,
but do move to each other.
231
00:08:57,323 --> 00:08:58,156
- Move.
232
00:08:58,156 --> 00:09:02,791
- When we see each other
across the store, we move.
233
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,675
- I always thought he had a stiff neck.
234
00:09:04,675 --> 00:09:06,987
(audience laughing)
235
00:09:06,987 --> 00:09:09,621
- This is Miss Brahms, Ladies' Junior.
236
00:09:09,621 --> 00:09:12,550
- Delighted to make your
acquaintance, I'm sure.
237
00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:16,084
- Ta, Captain Peacock,
of course, I know of old.
238
00:09:16,084 --> 00:09:17,938
He's quite a legend at Grace Brothers.
239
00:09:17,938 --> 00:09:20,091
- Very nice to have you
on our floor Percival.
240
00:09:20,091 --> 00:09:21,561
- Thank you, Stephen.
241
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,405
- They're as thick as thieves already.
242
00:09:23,405 --> 00:09:24,549
(bell ringing)
243
00:09:24,549 --> 00:09:25,436
- There's the bell.
244
00:09:25,436 --> 00:09:26,597
Places everybody.
245
00:09:26,597 --> 00:09:28,308
And, good luck, Mr. Tebbs.
246
00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:29,141
- Thank you.
247
00:09:29,141 --> 00:09:31,169
- This way, Mr. Tebbs.
248
00:09:31,169 --> 00:09:33,626
I'm sure you'll find
everything runs quite smoothly.
249
00:09:33,626 --> 00:09:35,683
If there are any little
changes you'd like to make,
250
00:09:35,683 --> 00:09:38,057
don't hesitate to say so.
251
00:09:38,057 --> 00:09:39,872
May I present you with a new tape.
252
00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,338
- Thank you.
253
00:09:41,338 --> 00:09:43,435
- I usually work at this
end and young Mr. Lucas
254
00:09:43,435 --> 00:09:44,901
looks after that end.
255
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:45,734
- Oh no.
256
00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:47,364
Oh no!
257
00:09:47,364 --> 00:09:48,614
No, no, no, no.
258
00:09:50,268 --> 00:09:52,731
No, no, I'm afraid that won't do at all.
259
00:09:52,731 --> 00:09:56,105
I will work at that end,
and Mr. Lucas can work
260
00:09:56,105 --> 00:09:58,247
on this side of you.
261
00:09:58,247 --> 00:10:00,414
There, that's much better.
262
00:10:02,432 --> 00:10:05,858
You see it's only a little
detail but very important.
263
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,406
We must look after the little things.
264
00:10:08,406 --> 00:10:10,552
Big things take care of themselves.
265
00:10:10,552 --> 00:10:12,501
(audience laughter)
266
00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:13,903
- Isn't that the way of the world?
267
00:10:13,903 --> 00:10:16,903
(audience laughing)
268
00:10:18,086 --> 00:10:20,843
- Your nose is all swelled, Mrs. Slocombe.
269
00:10:20,843 --> 00:10:24,152
- Well, I bust the blister
on a sangria goblet.
270
00:10:24,152 --> 00:10:25,726
(audience laughing)
271
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:26,559
There's a customer.
272
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,126
You deal with her while I make repairs.
273
00:10:29,126 --> 00:10:29,959
- Good morning.
274
00:10:29,959 --> 00:10:30,881
- Good morning, madam.
275
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:34,080
- I'm looking for a suit
to wear mainly for town.
276
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,868
- Oh yes, we have a
frightfully nice one in brown
277
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:39,624
for round and about 40 pounds.
278
00:10:39,624 --> 00:10:42,081
- How dare you try to imitate me?
279
00:10:42,081 --> 00:10:43,727
You checky little bounder!
280
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,436
(audience laughing)
281
00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:48,487
- Miss Brahms, I think you'd better drop
282
00:10:48,487 --> 00:10:51,125
the posh accent during working hours.
283
00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:53,907
- Well, how did she know
I weren't one of her?
284
00:10:53,907 --> 00:10:56,020
(audience laughing)
285
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:58,713
- Because the quality
don't wear their bosoms
286
00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:01,473
hitched up round their ear holes.
287
00:11:01,473 --> 00:11:02,984
- Well, in that case, you should be top
288
00:11:02,984 --> 00:11:05,234
of next year's honors list.
289
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,757
- Get a brush and sweep
out the fitting rooms.
290
00:11:09,757 --> 00:11:11,340
They're very mucky.
291
00:11:13,401 --> 00:11:15,286
And, it's the last time
I discuss my blister
292
00:11:15,286 --> 00:11:16,926
with you on a friendly level!
293
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,926
(audience laughing)
294
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:25,399
- That's much better, Mr.
Humphries, quite dapper.
295
00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:27,293
Did you get that suit of the peg?
296
00:11:27,293 --> 00:11:28,244
- Well, yes and no.
297
00:11:28,244 --> 00:11:30,128
My mother shortened the
sleaves, and I got a friend
298
00:11:30,128 --> 00:11:31,870
who's a wizard with gussets.
299
00:11:31,870 --> 00:11:33,231
(audience laughing)
300
00:11:33,231 --> 00:11:35,224
- Quite a contrast to Mr. Lucas.
301
00:11:35,224 --> 00:11:38,529
That handkerchief is
not up to my standard.
302
00:11:38,529 --> 00:11:40,675
Does the boy know how to flute?
303
00:11:40,675 --> 00:11:42,042
- Well, he has been shown, Mr. Tebbs,
304
00:11:42,042 --> 00:11:43,485
but he's very forgetful.
305
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:44,516
(audience laughing)
306
00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:47,045
- Let us all do it together please.
307
00:11:47,045 --> 00:11:49,462
Handkerchiefs on the counter.
308
00:11:51,456 --> 00:11:56,001
Grasp the center with a
forefinger and thumb, lift,
309
00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:57,418
prepare to flute.
310
00:11:58,266 --> 00:11:59,406
Flute.
311
00:11:59,406 --> 00:12:02,406
(audience laughing)
312
00:12:04,772 --> 00:12:06,096
Mr. Humpries, I think you'll find
313
00:12:06,096 --> 00:12:09,620
a little starch in the
water will put that right.
314
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:11,228
- It's nice to know there's a cure.
315
00:12:11,228 --> 00:12:12,886
(audience laughing)
316
00:12:12,886 --> 00:12:16,219
- Now, bend, reverse, insert, and flare.
317
00:12:21,193 --> 00:12:25,360
Now, that's how I want to see
them every morning just so.
318
00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:28,456
(sneezing)
319
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:31,456
(audience laughing)
320
00:12:36,447 --> 00:12:39,780
(cash register ringing)
321
00:12:41,479 --> 00:12:43,351
You know, I, once, actually sold
322
00:12:43,351 --> 00:12:47,107
seven simulated antique
solid flush toilet suites
323
00:12:47,107 --> 00:12:48,769
in one day.
324
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:52,284
They still talk about
it in bathroom fittings.
325
00:12:52,284 --> 00:12:54,581
- I had no idea it was
so exciting down there,
326
00:12:54,581 --> 00:12:55,541
did you, Mr. Humpries?
327
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:56,860
(audience laughing)
328
00:12:56,860 --> 00:13:00,021
- I think it's the way Mr. Tebbs tells it.
329
00:13:00,021 --> 00:13:01,995
- I'm glad you're all here.
330
00:13:01,995 --> 00:13:04,786
I've just come from the board room
331
00:13:04,786 --> 00:13:07,368
where I was attending a
very important meeting.
332
00:13:07,368 --> 00:13:08,492
- Yes, we thought there was something up,
333
00:13:08,492 --> 00:13:09,736
so we had your toad in the hole
334
00:13:09,736 --> 00:13:11,267
put back in the oven.
335
00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:12,693
(audience laughing)
336
00:13:12,693 --> 00:13:13,948
I know you've probably all read
337
00:13:13,948 --> 00:13:16,468
that there's to be a royal
visit to the borough.
338
00:13:16,468 --> 00:13:17,784
Now, it appears that they're planning
339
00:13:17,784 --> 00:13:19,784
a walkabout on Thayer Street.
340
00:13:19,784 --> 00:13:22,050
Now, this will take the
royal party right passed
341
00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:23,847
Grace Brothers main entrance.
342
00:13:23,847 --> 00:13:24,680
- No?
343
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,575
- What an honor.
344
00:13:25,575 --> 00:13:28,754
- Just think of it, they'll be
walking passed our entrance.
345
00:13:28,754 --> 00:13:30,185
- I can just imagine it, can't you?
346
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,403
There they are walking down the street
347
00:13:31,403 --> 00:13:33,427
when, suddenly, the queen nudges Philip.
348
00:13:33,427 --> 00:13:35,048
"Do you know where we are," she says.
349
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,843
"No," he says, "Surprise me."
350
00:13:36,843 --> 00:13:38,976
This is Grace Brothers Department Store
351
00:13:38,976 --> 00:13:41,636
where rumor has it one man sold
seven lavatories in one day.
352
00:13:41,636 --> 00:13:44,636
(audience laughing)
353
00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:49,083
I oughta pop in and give
him the award for industry.
354
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:52,074
- I find these young people
with their communist attitudes
355
00:13:52,074 --> 00:13:53,248
very tiresome.
356
00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:55,149
- Well, Mr. Lucas may well joke,
357
00:13:55,149 --> 00:13:56,920
but if the schedule
permits, the royal party
358
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,439
may very well come into Grace Brothers
359
00:13:58,439 --> 00:13:59,996
for a little informal shopping.
360
00:13:59,996 --> 00:14:02,413
- Oh, the queen in our store!
361
00:14:03,648 --> 00:14:06,300
- Of course, we have
had a queen here before.
362
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:09,972
(audience laughing)
363
00:14:09,972 --> 00:14:12,672
- What is it are you actually
suggesting, Captain Peacock?
364
00:14:12,672 --> 00:14:14,946
- Queen Mary accompanied
King George the Fifth
365
00:14:14,946 --> 00:14:17,254
as part of the jubilee celebrations.
366
00:14:17,254 --> 00:14:18,721
- Did he buy anything?
367
00:14:18,721 --> 00:14:20,288
- His majesty did express interest
368
00:14:20,288 --> 00:14:23,617
in homburg, and naturally,
it was given to him.
369
00:14:23,617 --> 00:14:25,073
- What without paying?
370
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,098
- It's protocol Miss Brahms.
371
00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:28,750
If they express interest in something,
372
00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:30,360
it is automatically given to them.
373
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:31,387
- They might have Charles with them.
374
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:33,270
He might express an
interest in Miss Brahams,
375
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,862
and we'll have to send her up Sandringham.
376
00:14:34,862 --> 00:14:36,378
(audience laughing)
377
00:14:36,378 --> 00:14:39,752
- I have read that royals
have married commoners before.
378
00:14:39,752 --> 00:14:43,506
- Commoners, Miss Brahms, but
not dead common commoners.
379
00:14:43,506 --> 00:14:46,459
(audience laughing)
380
00:14:46,459 --> 00:14:49,044
- You're being right rotten to me today.
381
00:14:49,044 --> 00:14:53,241
- Well, you was very
rude concerning my bust,
382
00:14:53,241 --> 00:14:55,965
and I'm very sensitive about it.
383
00:14:55,965 --> 00:14:57,979
- It's a very ticklish
subject, isn't it, Mrs?
384
00:14:57,979 --> 00:14:59,851
(audience laughing)
385
00:14:59,851 --> 00:15:02,684
- You're a very naughty boy.
386
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:03,975
- Do you think that the royal party
387
00:15:03,975 --> 00:15:07,236
might actually come into our department?
388
00:15:07,236 --> 00:15:10,554
- Well, our orders are to be prepared.
389
00:15:10,554 --> 00:15:12,842
You see, so young Mr. Grace
wants us to be acquainted
390
00:15:12,842 --> 00:15:15,090
with the correct procedure.
391
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:17,755
I, therefore, have to ask
you all if you will volunteer
392
00:15:17,755 --> 00:15:19,254
to come in after hours.
393
00:15:19,254 --> 00:15:21,647
- Speaking for the ladies,
it will be an honor,
394
00:15:21,647 --> 00:15:23,748
and I am unanimous in that.
395
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,609
- I agree entirely.
396
00:15:25,609 --> 00:15:27,220
And, speaking on behalf of the men,
397
00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:28,523
we are ready and willing.
398
00:15:28,523 --> 00:15:29,639
(laughing)
399
00:15:29,639 --> 00:15:31,369
- That just leaves you, Mr. Humpries.
400
00:15:31,369 --> 00:15:33,690
(audience laughing)
401
00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:36,536
- Mrs. Slocombe's right,
you are a naughty boy.
402
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,308
(audience laughing)
403
00:15:38,308 --> 00:15:40,869
(cash register ringing)
404
00:15:40,869 --> 00:15:41,910
- Mr. Tebbs?
405
00:15:41,910 --> 00:15:42,743
- Yes.
406
00:15:42,743 --> 00:15:45,408
- Has your department rehearsed
what you intend to do?
407
00:15:45,408 --> 00:15:47,156
- Well, I hear that our Mr. Humphries
408
00:15:47,156 --> 00:15:49,305
has a rare talent in these matters,
409
00:15:49,305 --> 00:15:51,504
so I rather left everything to him.
410
00:15:51,504 --> 00:15:52,469
Mr. Humphries.
411
00:15:52,469 --> 00:15:53,302
- Yes.
412
00:15:53,302 --> 00:15:55,046
Young Mr. Grace will
bring the royal couple up
413
00:15:55,046 --> 00:15:57,165
in the royal lift, and I
thought it's be rather nice
414
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,793
when they arrive at the
department, if we give them
415
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,322
a polite and loyal round of applause.
416
00:16:02,322 --> 00:16:03,155
Like this.
417
00:16:03,155 --> 00:16:04,534
(clapping)
418
00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:05,615
- Oh yes, charming.
419
00:16:05,615 --> 00:16:06,800
I like what I'm hearing.
420
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:07,633
- Oh good.
421
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,466
(phone ringing)
422
00:16:08,466 --> 00:16:09,299
No, don't answer that.
423
00:16:09,299 --> 00:16:10,968
That's the signal they're on their way up.
424
00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:12,888
Mrs. Slocombe and Captain
Peacock have consented
425
00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,875
to stand in for the royal couple.
426
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,292
Places everybody.
427
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,981
(bell ringing)
428
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,283
(audience laughing)
429
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,388
(clapping)
430
00:16:26,388 --> 00:16:29,143
- Your royal highnesses.
431
00:16:29,143 --> 00:16:31,145
- Hang on a minute, your royal highnesses.
432
00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:32,123
Hang on.
433
00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:35,123
(audience laughing)
434
00:16:39,141 --> 00:16:40,303
- No, stop, no!
435
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,085
Mr. Harmon, this red
carpet will have to be
436
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,390
at the bottom of the stairs.
437
00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:45,473
- Alright, if you say so.
438
00:16:46,325 --> 00:16:49,325
(audience laughing)
439
00:16:51,214 --> 00:16:52,063
- Are you mad?
440
00:16:52,063 --> 00:16:52,896
If that had been the real thing,
441
00:16:52,896 --> 00:16:54,784
you'd be in the Tower of London.
442
00:16:54,784 --> 00:16:57,008
Just leave it where it is for now.
443
00:16:57,008 --> 00:16:59,264
You can't come up in
the same lift as them.
444
00:16:59,264 --> 00:17:01,018
- Oh I see, I'm rubbish isn't I?
445
00:17:01,018 --> 00:17:02,491
Let me tell you it's people like me
446
00:17:02,491 --> 00:17:04,590
that stand and cheer and wave flags
447
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,430
as they go passed in their coach.
448
00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:08,988
- You're not in the coach
with them though, are you?
449
00:17:08,988 --> 00:17:10,509
Right, we'll carry on.
450
00:17:10,509 --> 00:17:12,342
Now then, start again.
451
00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:14,903
(gasping)
452
00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:17,903
(audience laughing)
453
00:17:20,964 --> 00:17:22,066
(knocking)
454
00:17:22,066 --> 00:17:22,899
- There you are, you see,
455
00:17:22,899 --> 00:17:25,410
they don't even know about the lift.
456
00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:29,493
Right now, Mr. Grace has
gone off with the queen.
457
00:17:30,474 --> 00:17:32,317
- I'm sorry your majesty, my elbow
458
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:33,843
must've caught the button.
459
00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:36,319
- Well, accidents will happen.
460
00:17:36,319 --> 00:17:38,454
- Better if we started
again inside the lift.
461
00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:40,832
- Yes, but hurray up.
462
00:17:40,832 --> 00:17:43,915
All of you, standby for the applause.
463
00:17:45,791 --> 00:17:46,624
(knocking)
464
00:17:46,624 --> 00:17:47,821
Are the royal couple ready?
465
00:17:47,821 --> 00:17:49,157
- [Betty] Oh, get on with it.
466
00:17:49,157 --> 00:17:52,024
(audience laughing)
467
00:17:52,024 --> 00:17:53,867
- Right this way, your royal highnesses.
468
00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:56,117
(clapping)
469
00:17:57,413 --> 00:18:00,413
(audience laughing)
470
00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:04,910
- Forget the sword!
471
00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:06,599
Just undo the belt.
472
00:18:06,599 --> 00:18:07,432
- Hang on.
473
00:18:11,217 --> 00:18:14,217
(audience laughing)
474
00:18:17,271 --> 00:18:19,716
- That's not quite the
effect we were looking for.
475
00:18:19,716 --> 00:18:23,086
- He's wearing Grace Brothers wide fronts.
476
00:18:23,086 --> 00:18:24,601
- To the tight luster by appointment.
477
00:18:24,601 --> 00:18:26,220
(audience laughing)
478
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,518
- Shall we start again?
479
00:18:27,518 --> 00:18:28,768
- No, carry on.
480
00:18:30,228 --> 00:18:33,251
- I should like to introduce
you to the gentlemen
481
00:18:33,251 --> 00:18:35,461
of the Gentlemen's Department.
482
00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:36,997
- Mr. Grace, you can't
do it from up there.
483
00:18:36,997 --> 00:18:39,851
- Well, someone will
have to get me down then.
484
00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:41,234
(audience laughing)
485
00:18:41,234 --> 00:18:42,269
- [Betty] Come on.
486
00:18:42,269 --> 00:18:45,053
- Mrs. Slocombe, the queen
doesn't dash upstairs
487
00:18:45,053 --> 00:18:46,957
to bring Mr. Grace down.
488
00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:49,082
Come and stand next to
your prince consort.
489
00:18:49,082 --> 00:18:52,344
Mr. Rumbold will you help him?
490
00:18:52,344 --> 00:18:54,476
- By the time he gets down,
they'll be back at the palace.
491
00:18:54,476 --> 00:18:55,824
(audience laughing)
492
00:18:55,824 --> 00:18:57,556
- Look, wouldn't it be better
if you stayed in your office,
493
00:18:57,556 --> 00:18:59,632
and we could tell you all
about it when it was over?
494
00:18:59,632 --> 00:19:00,883
- No, I'm going to be here.
495
00:19:00,883 --> 00:19:02,241
Get me a chair.
496
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,643
- Mr. Grace, you cannot
sit down in the presence
497
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,586
of the monarch.
498
00:19:05,586 --> 00:19:07,715
- It's either that or fall down.
499
00:19:07,715 --> 00:19:08,797
(audience laughing)
500
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:09,780
- It's quite alright.
501
00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:11,125
We understand.
502
00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:13,744
- Here you are, Mr. Grace.
503
00:19:13,744 --> 00:19:16,447
- [Wilberforce] Now, say your words.
504
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:18,180
- What were they?
505
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:19,837
- Well, you wrote them down.
506
00:19:19,837 --> 00:19:21,155
- Oh yes, so I did.
507
00:19:21,155 --> 00:19:23,655
I wonder what I did with them.
508
00:19:24,624 --> 00:19:25,930
- There we are.
509
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:27,133
(laughing)
510
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,111
No, that's your gas bill.
511
00:19:28,111 --> 00:19:29,767
(audience laughing)
512
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:31,611
Fifi La Feme, ring top bell and go
513
00:19:31,611 --> 00:19:32,883
straight up to the third floor.
514
00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:34,862
(audience laughing)
515
00:19:34,862 --> 00:19:38,403
No wonder you couldn't
get down those stairs.
516
00:19:38,403 --> 00:19:40,823
- I haven't got me reading glasses.
517
00:19:40,823 --> 00:19:41,786
- After me.
518
00:19:41,786 --> 00:19:43,179
It gives me great pleasure.
519
00:19:43,179 --> 00:19:45,302
- It gives me great pleasure.
520
00:19:45,302 --> 00:19:46,135
(audience laughing)
521
00:19:46,135 --> 00:19:46,968
- To welcome you.
522
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:47,801
- To welcome you.
523
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:49,212
- To Grace Brothers Gents.
524
00:19:49,212 --> 00:19:51,057
- To Grace Brothers Gents.
525
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:51,890
- Department.
526
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,290
- Department.
527
00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:54,955
(audience laughing)
528
00:19:54,955 --> 00:19:58,202
- How come she's being
introduced to the gents first?
529
00:19:58,202 --> 00:19:59,744
- Yes, I was wondering that?
530
00:19:59,744 --> 00:20:03,578
- Yes, supposing she wants
to go to the ladies first?
531
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:06,342
- Well, we'll just have
to hang around for a bit.
532
00:20:06,342 --> 00:20:08,082
- Now, we'll take it from
where the royal couple
533
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,443
approach the Gents Department.
534
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,074
Hang on, let me get to my position.
535
00:20:13,074 --> 00:20:13,907
Right, go.
536
00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:14,846
(phone ringing)
537
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:15,763
Stop, wait.
538
00:20:16,807 --> 00:20:18,637
(phone ringing)
539
00:20:18,637 --> 00:20:19,677
Men's wear.
540
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,223
(audience laughing)
541
00:20:21,223 --> 00:20:22,940
Oh hello, mother.
542
00:20:22,940 --> 00:20:24,972
No love, no, I can't talk
now 'cause I'm rehearsing
543
00:20:24,972 --> 00:20:26,891
for the queen's visit.
544
00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:28,289
No, not to your place, dear.
545
00:20:28,289 --> 00:20:30,966
No here, at Grace Brothers.
546
00:20:30,966 --> 00:20:33,299
Grace Brothers where I work.
547
00:20:34,254 --> 00:20:35,722
The vicar's with you?
548
00:20:35,722 --> 00:20:37,989
Well, what's that got to do with me?
549
00:20:37,989 --> 00:20:40,922
Well, I can't help it if
his church roof's leaking.
550
00:20:40,922 --> 00:20:42,772
Look, I'll tell you what under my mattress
551
00:20:42,772 --> 00:20:45,973
there's an old football
sock full of pound notes.
552
00:20:45,973 --> 00:20:47,422
No, don't give him the money.
553
00:20:47,422 --> 00:20:48,913
Give him the sock.
554
00:20:48,913 --> 00:20:50,557
Tell him to ball it up
and bung it in the roof
555
00:20:50,557 --> 00:20:52,076
at the church and pray for a drought.
556
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:53,084
(audience laughing)
557
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:54,026
I'm sorry about that.
558
00:20:54,026 --> 00:20:55,119
Now, where were me?
559
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:56,744
- My husband and I was about to approach
560
00:20:56,744 --> 00:20:59,535
the Gentlemen's Department,
and could you please
561
00:20:59,535 --> 00:21:00,700
get a move on?
562
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:02,984
These shoes are playing
havoc with my bunion.
563
00:21:02,984 --> 00:21:04,098
(audience laughing)
564
00:21:04,098 --> 00:21:05,015
- Carry on.
565
00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:13,615
- Mr. Lucas, you're going too far.
566
00:21:13,615 --> 00:21:15,892
- All you've got to do is bow.
567
00:21:15,892 --> 00:21:17,698
- Your majesty, it is a great privilege
568
00:21:17,698 --> 00:21:20,632
and an honor for a humble
store such as ours.
569
00:21:20,632 --> 00:21:23,129
- Mr. Rumbold, you can't
bow with that plaster
570
00:21:23,129 --> 00:21:23,962
on your head.
571
00:21:23,962 --> 00:21:25,695
It's macabre.
572
00:21:25,695 --> 00:21:28,137
- But, I have to make some
sort of gesture of respect.
573
00:21:28,137 --> 00:21:30,427
- If you're going to bow,
we'll have to cover it up.
574
00:21:30,427 --> 00:21:31,651
Excuse me.
575
00:21:31,651 --> 00:21:33,309
Here.
576
00:21:33,309 --> 00:21:36,346
(laughing)
577
00:21:36,346 --> 00:21:38,474
- Control yourself, my dear.
578
00:21:38,474 --> 00:21:40,004
- Carry on.
579
00:21:40,004 --> 00:21:42,894
(audience laughing)
580
00:21:42,894 --> 00:21:43,727
Follow me.
581
00:21:50,196 --> 00:21:52,685
(audience laughing)
582
00:21:52,685 --> 00:21:55,344
Now, let's be serious.
583
00:21:55,344 --> 00:21:57,194
(audience laughing)
584
00:21:57,194 --> 00:21:58,345
This is a moment you're going to remember
585
00:21:58,345 --> 00:22:00,595
for the rest of your lives.
586
00:22:03,665 --> 00:22:06,041
Start from the foot of
the stairs, go back a bit.
587
00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:06,874
Mr. Grace?
588
00:22:08,046 --> 00:22:08,879
Mr. Grace?
589
00:22:09,940 --> 00:22:11,336
The Queen's here.
590
00:22:11,336 --> 00:22:12,659
- Bloody hell.
591
00:22:12,659 --> 00:22:14,856
(audience laughing)
592
00:22:14,856 --> 00:22:17,096
- Just a minute, let me get into position.
593
00:22:17,096 --> 00:22:20,179
Right, Mr. Grace now, do your speech.
594
00:22:21,528 --> 00:22:24,308
- Something, something, something.
595
00:22:24,308 --> 00:22:26,795
Something, something.
596
00:22:26,795 --> 00:22:27,628
Something.
597
00:22:27,628 --> 00:22:29,878
(clapping)
598
00:22:31,064 --> 00:22:33,559
- Your majesty, it's a
great honor and a privilege.
599
00:22:33,559 --> 00:22:35,117
(audience laughing)
600
00:22:35,117 --> 00:22:37,648
(laughing)
601
00:22:37,648 --> 00:22:38,641
- I won't have it.
602
00:22:38,641 --> 00:22:39,538
I won't have it!
603
00:22:39,538 --> 00:22:41,572
You must do it properly!
604
00:22:41,572 --> 00:22:43,314
Mrs. Slocombe, now, you're the queen,
605
00:22:43,314 --> 00:22:47,690
and you're him, so let's
have a bit of royal decorum.
606
00:22:47,690 --> 00:22:52,001
Now come on, to the top
of the stairs again.
607
00:22:52,001 --> 00:22:54,726
(audience laughing)
608
00:22:54,726 --> 00:22:55,592
Lovely.
609
00:22:55,592 --> 00:22:58,759
Now then, dignity, a disdainful smile,
610
00:23:02,043 --> 00:23:04,793
chest out, not you Mrs. Slocombe.
611
00:23:05,867 --> 00:23:06,950
Glide, glide.
612
00:23:08,825 --> 00:23:10,803
- I don't want to interrupt,
but I'm locking the store.
613
00:23:10,803 --> 00:23:12,574
You've got 30 seconds to get out.
614
00:23:12,574 --> 00:23:15,574
(audience laughing)
615
00:23:17,545 --> 00:23:20,878
(cash register ringing)
616
00:23:26,718 --> 00:23:29,618
(audience laughing)
617
00:23:29,618 --> 00:23:31,538
- The royal party is
already in the borough.
618
00:23:31,538 --> 00:23:35,705
You ladies from display
should've finished by now.
619
00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:38,323
(bell ringing)
620
00:23:38,323 --> 00:23:40,787
(audience laughing)
621
00:23:40,787 --> 00:23:42,728
- How do you like the outfit, sir?
622
00:23:42,728 --> 00:23:45,331
Grace Brothers traditional lift outfit.
623
00:23:45,331 --> 00:23:46,995
Unfortunately, the people
what used to wear it
624
00:23:46,995 --> 00:23:48,582
was traditionally smaller.
625
00:23:48,582 --> 00:23:50,101
(audience laughing)
626
00:23:50,101 --> 00:23:51,691
- I don't think the royal party
627
00:23:51,691 --> 00:23:54,373
want to see your combinations, Mr. Harmon.
628
00:23:54,373 --> 00:23:56,322
Haven't you got any longer socks?
629
00:23:56,322 --> 00:23:57,667
- No, Mr. Rumbold.
630
00:23:57,667 --> 00:23:59,528
But, if it pleases you, I'll go over them
631
00:23:59,528 --> 00:24:00,931
with black aerosol.
632
00:24:00,931 --> 00:24:02,737
(audience laughing)
633
00:24:02,737 --> 00:24:04,741
- You look very smart, Captain Peacock.
634
00:24:04,741 --> 00:24:06,117
- Thank you, sir.
635
00:24:06,117 --> 00:24:08,702
- I hope the queen don't
mind the smell of moth balls.
636
00:24:08,702 --> 00:24:10,447
(audience laughing)
637
00:24:10,447 --> 00:24:11,806
- Where is everybody?
638
00:24:11,806 --> 00:24:12,889
- We're free.
639
00:24:14,694 --> 00:24:17,027
- And, ready for inspection.
640
00:24:18,682 --> 00:24:21,002
- Very nice Percival.
641
00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:22,002
And, oh God.
642
00:24:23,267 --> 00:24:26,445
(audience laughing)
643
00:24:26,445 --> 00:24:29,785
Mr. Humphries, is it necessary
for you to stand like that?
644
00:24:29,785 --> 00:24:31,512
- Like what, Captain Peacock?
645
00:24:31,512 --> 00:24:33,164
- Like that.
646
00:24:33,164 --> 00:24:34,306
- Yes, it is.
647
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,418
- Why, Mr. Humphries?
648
00:24:35,418 --> 00:24:37,171
- 'Cause I've got a big
moth hole just there.
649
00:24:37,171 --> 00:24:38,476
(audience laughing)
650
00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:39,626
How it got through all those balls,
651
00:24:39,626 --> 00:24:40,576
I shall never know.
652
00:24:40,576 --> 00:24:42,600
(audience laughing)
653
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:43,977
- Probably, bat moth.
654
00:24:43,977 --> 00:24:45,894
(audience laughing)
655
00:24:45,894 --> 00:24:48,369
- So, it is necessary for
me to stand like this.
656
00:24:48,369 --> 00:24:50,108
- Mr. Humphries, won't you find that
657
00:24:50,108 --> 00:24:51,620
a bit of a strain?
658
00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:53,624
- Funnily enough, it feels quite natural.
659
00:24:53,624 --> 00:24:55,418
(audience laughing)
660
00:24:55,418 --> 00:24:57,418
- Ladies, are you ready?
661
00:24:59,442 --> 00:25:01,064
(audience laughing)
662
00:25:01,064 --> 00:25:04,814
- Oh, Miss Brahms, that's
quite eye catching.
663
00:25:06,528 --> 00:25:07,816
Where's Mrs. Slocombe?
664
00:25:07,816 --> 00:25:10,326
- Oh, she's just fixing her cornet.
665
00:25:10,326 --> 00:25:11,980
- Me Coronet!
666
00:25:11,980 --> 00:25:14,980
(audience laughing)
667
00:25:16,609 --> 00:25:19,501
Captain Peacock, I hope
you don't mind the sash.
668
00:25:19,501 --> 00:25:22,861
Only, I didn't want to be
confused with my junior.
669
00:25:22,861 --> 00:25:24,966
- Don't worry, Mrs. Slocombe,
there's no danger of that.
670
00:25:24,966 --> 00:25:26,267
(audience laughing)
671
00:25:26,267 --> 00:25:27,526
- How near are they?
672
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,772
- It's from the BBC.
673
00:25:28,772 --> 00:25:30,459
I got me tranny here.
674
00:25:30,459 --> 00:25:32,542
I'll plug it in, hang on.
675
00:25:34,587 --> 00:25:35,420
Blimey no.
676
00:25:36,545 --> 00:25:37,712
Well, I never.
677
00:25:39,217 --> 00:25:41,474
Don't that make you feel proud.
678
00:25:41,474 --> 00:25:42,722
- What's happening?
679
00:25:42,722 --> 00:25:43,555
- Pardon?
680
00:25:43,555 --> 00:25:44,561
- What's happening?
681
00:25:44,561 --> 00:25:45,394
(audience laughing)
682
00:25:45,394 --> 00:25:48,405
- The queen has never looked more radiant.
683
00:25:48,405 --> 00:25:52,585
She's gracefully attired
in a pink floral chiffon
684
00:25:52,585 --> 00:25:56,752
with hat made of large, bold
swirls of a similar material.
685
00:25:58,063 --> 00:26:00,646
Oh, and a simple row of pearls,
686
00:26:01,692 --> 00:26:04,080
and a rock on her finger
worth four million quid.
687
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,261
(audience laughing)
688
00:26:05,261 --> 00:26:07,015
- Where are they now?
689
00:26:07,015 --> 00:26:09,149
- Just passed the bus stop.
690
00:26:09,149 --> 00:26:11,720
Hang on, Prince Phillip's paused.
691
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,333
He's shaking hands with an Arab.
692
00:26:13,333 --> 00:26:14,513
(audience laughing)
693
00:26:14,513 --> 00:26:16,857
They're looking in the
window of Lallian Willets.
694
00:26:16,857 --> 00:26:19,225
- I hope they're not
going to that cheap store.
695
00:26:19,225 --> 00:26:22,711
- Why not, they've got a
special offer on lawn mowers.
696
00:26:22,711 --> 00:26:23,794
- Let's all go to my office.
697
00:26:23,794 --> 00:26:26,158
We shall be able to see them
from there from the window.
698
00:26:26,158 --> 00:26:28,075
- Oh, this is exciting.
699
00:26:31,511 --> 00:26:32,573
- Oh, there she is.
700
00:26:32,573 --> 00:26:33,471
Hello!
701
00:26:33,471 --> 00:26:35,816
- Oh, Miss Brahms, control yourself.
702
00:26:35,816 --> 00:26:38,463
- The swells on her hat
are bold, aren't they?
703
00:26:38,463 --> 00:26:40,162
- Why does the prince
always have his hands
704
00:26:40,162 --> 00:26:41,335
clasped behind his back?
705
00:26:41,335 --> 00:26:43,066
- Well perhaps, he's
got a moth hole as well.
706
00:26:43,066 --> 00:26:44,252
(audience laughing)
707
00:26:44,252 --> 00:26:45,147
- Isn't that charming?
708
00:26:45,147 --> 00:26:47,637
Look, that little girl
is giving her a bouquet.
709
00:26:47,637 --> 00:26:50,520
- And now, the queen
has given it to Philip.
710
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,256
- Philip's handed it to the mayor.
711
00:26:52,256 --> 00:26:54,062
- The mayor's given it to an alderman.
712
00:26:54,062 --> 00:26:56,650
- He's given it to a policeman on a horse.
713
00:26:56,650 --> 00:26:58,663
- And, the policeman's
given it to the horse.
714
00:26:58,663 --> 00:27:00,292
(audience laughing)
715
00:27:00,292 --> 00:27:02,434
- I think the horse is
enjoying it more than anybody.
716
00:27:02,434 --> 00:27:03,638
(audience laughing)
717
00:27:03,638 --> 00:27:05,971
- Let's have the commentary.
718
00:27:07,822 --> 00:27:09,581
- [Radio Announcer] And,
on this lovely, sunny day,
719
00:27:09,581 --> 00:27:12,220
the royal party pours, once
again, in the high street,
720
00:27:12,220 --> 00:27:14,287
to shake hands with the crowd.
721
00:27:14,287 --> 00:27:17,130
And, then giving a cheery
wave, and led by the queen
722
00:27:17,130 --> 00:27:19,068
they cross the road heading
towards the entrance
723
00:27:19,068 --> 00:27:21,737
of Grace Brothers Department Store.
724
00:27:21,737 --> 00:27:23,446
I wonder if they'll go inside.
725
00:27:23,446 --> 00:27:24,284
- They're gonna come in.
726
00:27:24,284 --> 00:27:25,117
I know it!
727
00:27:25,117 --> 00:27:26,158
They're gonna come in!
728
00:27:26,158 --> 00:27:28,519
- In a couple of minutes, we
could all be shaking hands.
729
00:27:28,519 --> 00:27:30,194
- Mine are shaking already.
730
00:27:30,194 --> 00:27:32,723
- The moment they come
in, back to your posts.
731
00:27:32,723 --> 00:27:34,281
- [Radio Announcer] The
royal party are pausing
732
00:27:34,281 --> 00:27:36,074
at the entrance of Grace Brothers.
733
00:27:36,074 --> 00:27:38,189
There seems to be a
whispered conversation.
734
00:27:38,189 --> 00:27:39,693
They're probably wondering
whether they should
735
00:27:39,693 --> 00:27:41,273
go in or not.
736
00:27:41,273 --> 00:27:42,675
Prince Philip is nodding.
737
00:27:42,675 --> 00:27:44,658
- [Captain Peacock] Look out!
738
00:27:44,658 --> 00:27:47,042
- Missed him by an inch.
739
00:27:47,042 --> 00:27:48,971
- [Radio Announcer] There's
obviously been a change of plan.
740
00:27:48,971 --> 00:27:51,302
The royal party are running to the car.
741
00:27:51,302 --> 00:27:53,309
(audience laughing)
742
00:27:53,309 --> 00:27:54,887
They're in the car, and the police
743
00:27:54,887 --> 00:27:57,369
are clearing the way through the crowd.
744
00:27:57,369 --> 00:27:59,699
And, the car accelerates
into the distance.
745
00:27:59,699 --> 00:28:01,636
And, they're gone leaving behind
746
00:28:01,636 --> 00:28:05,206
the happy, waving, cheering bystanders.
747
00:28:05,206 --> 00:28:08,239
(audience clapping)
748
00:28:08,239 --> 00:28:12,288
(cash register ringing)
749
00:28:12,288 --> 00:28:14,984
♫ Ground floor perfumeries,
stationery and leather goods
750
00:28:14,984 --> 00:28:17,780
♫ Wigs and haberdashery
kitchenware and food
751
00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:20,030
♫ Going up
752
00:28:23,721 --> 00:28:26,685
♫ First floor telephones,
gents' ready-made suits,
753
00:28:26,685 --> 00:28:29,145
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes
754
00:28:29,145 --> 00:28:31,395
♫ Going up
755
00:28:35,235 --> 00:28:38,058
♫ Second floor carpets,
travel goods, and bedding
756
00:28:38,058 --> 00:28:41,006
♫ Material, soft furnishing
restaurant and teas
757
00:28:41,006 --> 00:28:43,423
♫ Going down
758
00:28:46,938 --> 00:28:49,789
♫ First floor telephones,
gents' ready-made suits,
759
00:28:49,789 --> 00:28:52,230
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes
760
00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:54,480
♫ Going up
53997
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