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1
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,908
[ Sighs ]
So, the people at Buzzfeed
2
00:00:07,028 --> 00:00:11,044
are abuzz about my article.
3
00:00:11,158 --> 00:00:12,524
I had no idea you were a writer.
4
00:00:12,559 --> 00:00:14,926
Oh, I don't know dick
about writing,
5
00:00:14,961 --> 00:00:17,495
but "The top 12 dog haircuts
of the '90s" --
6
00:00:17,531 --> 00:00:19,898
I know many dicks' worth
about that.
7
00:00:19,933 --> 00:00:21,833
Hey there, birthday girl!
8
00:00:21,885 --> 00:00:25,170
Hello yourself,
Mr. Birthday girl.
9
00:00:25,222 --> 00:00:29,090
This year I bought you not one,
but 81 birthday presents.
10
00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:32,010
And I'll give you a hint,
it's America�s favorite thing.
11
00:00:32,062 --> 00:00:33,595
81 bald eagles?
12
00:00:33,647 --> 00:00:36,598
No, but remember that one
for my birthday.
13
00:00:36,650 --> 00:00:38,983
Happy early birthday, Stan.
14
00:00:39,019 --> 00:00:40,151
[ Eagles caw ]
15
00:00:40,187 --> 00:00:42,237
[ Laughs ]
16
00:00:42,272 --> 00:00:44,272
[ Majestic music plays ]
17
00:00:47,661 --> 00:00:49,911
[ Eagle caws ]
18
00:01:05,462 --> 00:01:08,012
[ Moaning ]
19
00:01:12,462 --> 00:01:13,522
What happened?
20
00:01:13,642 --> 00:01:16,287
You were about to tell me about
my birthday present,
21
00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:18,590
then made bird noises,
got an erection,
22
00:01:18,625 --> 00:01:20,558
and started tongue-kissing
the air.
23
00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:23,361
Right, like I said, I got you
81 presents --
24
00:01:23,396 --> 00:01:26,030
season tickets to
the Washington nationals.
25
00:01:26,066 --> 00:01:28,450
But, Stan, I don't even
like baseball.
26
00:01:28,485 --> 00:01:31,569
Oh, your gigantic smile
is thanks enough.
27
00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:34,372
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have somewhere I need to be.
28
00:01:34,407 --> 00:01:37,959
[ Making whooshing noises ]
29
00:01:37,994 --> 00:01:39,911
Now, where were we --
30
00:01:39,913 --> 00:01:42,630
What?! I was gone two minutes
and you invite Hank over?
31
00:01:42,666 --> 00:01:44,499
You've crossed
the wrong guy, Hank!
32
00:01:44,551 --> 00:01:47,168
Ugh! [ Groans ]
I give!
33
00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:49,471
You're so much stronger
than you look, Hank.
34
00:01:52,476 --> 00:01:55,343
Good morning, U.S.A.
35
00:01:55,395 --> 00:01:58,930
I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day
36
00:01:58,932 --> 00:02:01,649
the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
37
00:02:01,685 --> 00:02:05,320
and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race
38
00:02:08,358 --> 00:02:11,526
oh, boy, it's swell to say
39
00:02:11,578 --> 00:02:13,945
good --
good morning, U.S.A.
40
00:02:14,253 --> 00:02:22,069
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:24,589
I have everything I need
to enjoy the game --
42
00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,991
authentic jersey,
glove for foul balls,
43
00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:29,260
and the lyrics to
"Y'All Ready For This?"
44
00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:32,230
So I don't forget them like a
fool when everyone's singing it.
45
00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:36,668
[ Sighs ]
Wonderful.
46
00:02:36,703 --> 00:02:39,053
Yep, seems like you got
everything you need,
47
00:02:39,105 --> 00:02:40,722
except a happy wife.
48
00:02:40,774 --> 00:02:43,525
Francine likes baseball.
She just doesn't know it yet.
49
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,528
For as long as I can remember,
Francine and I have shared
50
00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:49,647
all the same interests -- scotch
and cigars with the fellas,
51
00:02:49,649 --> 00:02:52,650
jokin' around with the guys,
poker night with the boys.
52
00:02:52,702 --> 00:02:54,619
Oh, and supercharged
snowmobiles.
53
00:02:54,654 --> 00:02:56,221
With the boys.
54
00:02:56,256 --> 00:02:57,589
It's not safe to ride alone.
55
00:02:57,624 --> 00:02:59,691
Francine doesn't do
any of that stuff.
56
00:02:59,726 --> 00:03:01,659
Don't you see?
You're growing apart.
57
00:03:01,711 --> 00:03:05,496
Or...or...we're growing
even closer together.
58
00:03:05,498 --> 00:03:07,665
Haven't you heard the phrase
"opposites attract"?
59
00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:09,434
Nope.
You -- really?
60
00:03:09,469 --> 00:03:12,437
Hmm.
I'll need help explaining this.
61
00:03:12,472 --> 00:03:14,172
[ Knocking at door ]
62
00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:17,508
Thanks for coming on such short
notice, MC Skat Kat.
63
00:03:17,561 --> 00:03:20,395
No bigs. We gonna do this.
You know it.
64
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:24,449
Baby, seems
we never ever agree
65
00:03:24,484 --> 00:03:28,686
you like the movies,
and I like TV
66
00:03:28,738 --> 00:03:31,189
I take things seriously --
Right. Got it.
67
00:03:31,241 --> 00:03:32,523
I remember this song.
68
00:03:32,525 --> 00:03:34,742
And I remember this cat,
Garfield.
69
00:03:34,778 --> 00:03:37,028
This son of a bitch
hates Mondays.
70
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,581
But opposites don't attract.
People don't work that way.
71
00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:40,698
He's right.
72
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,584
But, Stan, seriously,
73
00:03:42,619 --> 00:03:45,036
have you heard anything about
that janitorial job?
74
00:03:45,038 --> 00:03:46,204
I mean,
I'm barely getting by --
75
00:03:46,256 --> 00:03:47,705
Excellent.
Let's hang out soon.
76
00:03:47,707 --> 00:03:50,041
Damn it.
Okay.
77
00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:52,460
Opposites don't attract,
but samesies do.
78
00:03:52,512 --> 00:03:54,212
What are me and Francine's
samesies?
79
00:03:54,264 --> 00:03:55,546
There's got to be
something we share!
80
00:03:55,599 --> 00:03:56,798
Uh, Stan, he didn't leave.
81
00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:58,466
He just ducked down
in the bushes.
82
00:03:58,518 --> 00:04:00,385
Yeah, how do you think
he got here so fast?
83
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,143
Huge cookie time,
huge cookie time
84
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:09,146
I call first bite!
I call last bite!
85
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,299
[ Both blowing ]
86
00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,050
[ Doorbell rings ]
87
00:04:13,102 --> 00:04:17,021
I got it. Be a doll and keep
blowin' on that thing.
88
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,523
We're looking for Burt Jarvis?
89
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:20,608
Nope, not here.
Never heard of him.
90
00:04:20,643 --> 00:04:22,560
Well, this is his address.
91
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,279
We've sent him letters,
we've called.
92
00:04:25,315 --> 00:04:27,982
If he ever turns up here,
please,
93
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,134
tell him his people need help.
94
00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:32,203
Everyone's getting sick.
95
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:33,604
[ Coughs ]
96
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,007
What a story.
If we see him, we'll tell him.
97
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,909
[ Sighs ]
Roger.
98
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,911
What were those sick people
talking about?
99
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,545
What?
Those two broads?
100
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,215
They're clearly hung up on some
guy who's not feeling it.
101
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,499
Huge cookie time!
102
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:48,419
No, Roger,
it's huge honesty time.
103
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:50,388
Okay, okay.
104
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:54,225
My Burt Jarvis persona
ran for -- and won --
105
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:56,460
a seat in the Nevada
state legislature.
106
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,931
You see, in Nevada, senators eat
free at casino buffets,
107
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,434
but it does not include drinks,
so I abandoned the character.
108
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,504
[ Laughs ] You wouldn't believe
all the letters I still get
109
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:09,240
about "poison water this"
and "poison-water that."
110
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,325
I mean, who even
drinks water anymore?
111
00:05:11,361 --> 00:05:12,944
Grab a Coke zero, am I right?
112
00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:15,112
Roger, those people need
Burt Jarvis!
113
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,497
We have to help them!
114
00:05:16,532 --> 00:05:19,283
You just want a free trip
to Carson City, don't you?
115
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,519
Carson City.
116
00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,455
[ Flourish ]
117
00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:27,508
Wow.
118
00:05:27,543 --> 00:05:29,627
All right, fine.
We can go.
119
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:33,264
But since you're in
such a hurry...
120
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,498
[ Gulp ]
121
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,968
Ugh!
What happened?
122
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,103
I threw up,
but the cookie blocked it.
123
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:41,372
I'm getting hit from
every angle here.
124
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:45,609
Here we are, Francine --
the ballpark.
125
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,045
If you thought parking in
the faraway cheap lot
126
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:50,448
and maneuvering through gang
violence was thrilling,
127
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,033
just wait until the first pitch!
128
00:05:52,068 --> 00:05:54,986
Whatever, Stan. Can we please
get something to eat?
129
00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:57,071
Of course!
We both share a love of eating!
130
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,323
So, what can I get you?
131
00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:00,992
I'll have a large spaghetti.
132
00:06:01,044 --> 00:06:02,576
They, uh, they don't have that.
133
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,329
Okay, I'll have
a medium spaghetti.
134
00:06:05,381 --> 00:06:07,081
Look, how about I get you my
favorite snack --
135
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,499
a ballpark frank?
136
00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:10,301
I hate hot dogs.
137
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:13,504
They remind me of
uncircumcised penises.
138
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:16,090
And you know I don't stand
for no wormies.
139
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:18,559
Oh, uh, well, forget about food.
140
00:06:18,594 --> 00:06:20,428
Let's go find a memento
to share.
141
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,762
Shouldn't be hard.
142
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,482
My personal favorite --
the bobblehead.
143
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:26,233
Ew, creepy.
144
00:06:26,269 --> 00:06:29,587
Their proportions are all wrong,
like little Christina Riccis.
145
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:33,190
How about these gender-neutral
pink baseball caps?
146
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:37,528
Haha! You're hilarious.
[ Laughs ]
147
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,531
[ Indistinct cheering ]
148
00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:42,749
Hey, I know something we
agree on.
149
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:43,869
Hot guys.
150
00:06:43,976 --> 00:06:46,011
Check out Jayson Werth
in right field.
151
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:47,629
He's got ass for days.
152
00:06:47,665 --> 00:06:49,965
I think you're hotter
than he is.
153
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,700
Can't we agree on anything?!
154
00:06:51,736 --> 00:06:53,452
Compared to that
fresh cut of meat,
155
00:06:53,504 --> 00:06:55,037
I'm a double-scoop of
dog shit!
156
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,234
All right, Steve,
I drafted a bill
157
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,704
proposing drinking water
not be poisonous.
158
00:07:01,739 --> 00:07:04,123
Now, let's drop it off
and hit the road.
159
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,125
Well, if it isn't Burt Jarvis!
160
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,293
Lookin' good, old friend.
161
00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:12,264
Say, we got to get you and Carla
up to the lake house.
162
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,267
You wouldn't believe the size of
the trout this season,
163
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,203
and are they a-bitin'.
164
00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:21,306
I hear you've been working on
a clean water bill.
165
00:07:21,342 --> 00:07:24,910
Now, this is a nice piece
of legislation.
166
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,880
A noble undertaking indeed.
167
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:31,150
It's a shame
no one got to see it.
168
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:34,820
My best to Carla.
169
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,239
Did you hear that?
I'm gonna get to go fishing!
170
00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:40,893
Roger, you can't just back down!
People are counting on you!
171
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,195
Are you crazy?
That was big john tanner,
172
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,764
the most influential
politician in Nevada.
173
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,000
Who do you think we're talking
about -- Little John Tanner?
174
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,469
One of the least influential
politicians in Nevada?
175
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,872
Ahem! I represent the good
people of Winnemucca.
176
00:07:56,293 --> 00:07:58,377
So to answer
your questions --
177
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:01,447
"John from Cincinnati"
is my favorite HBO show,
178
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,949
Lycos is
my preferred search engine,
179
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,185
and when it comes to
World War II,
180
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,354
I got to go with my boys,
the axis powers.
181
00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:12,357
Hey, buddy! You and that fascist
are on the kiss cam!
182
00:08:12,393 --> 00:08:14,059
Show 'em what you got!
183
00:08:15,446 --> 00:08:18,397
I will show 'em!
This is our moment!
184
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,788
[ Smack, both groan ]
185
00:08:28,993 --> 00:08:31,794
Woman: You suck!
Man: Don't get a room!
186
00:08:31,829 --> 00:08:34,880
Man: I kiss my sister
with more grace.
187
00:08:38,615 --> 00:08:41,015
I thought me and Francine
were fine,
188
00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:42,884
but we don't share anything.
189
00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:45,620
Hell, we couldn't even share
a kiss on the kiss cam.
190
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:49,840
50,000 fans called B.S. on
our whole relationship.
191
00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:52,043
A group that big is never wrong.
192
00:08:52,095 --> 00:08:55,880
That's why it's called "mob
mentality," not "mob stupidity."
193
00:08:55,932 --> 00:08:59,934
Just the word "mob" evokes
such fairness and justice.
194
00:08:59,969 --> 00:09:02,353
I guess it's really over.
195
00:09:02,388 --> 00:09:03,721
Bad news, Hayley.
196
00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,723
Your parents
are getting divorced.
197
00:09:05,775 --> 00:09:08,442
Now you're gonna have to buy
a second headband
198
00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:09,894
to keep at Stan's apartment.
199
00:09:09,946 --> 00:09:11,979
What is he talking about?
I just --
200
00:09:11,981 --> 00:09:16,067
I realized that Francine and I
don't have any common ground.
201
00:09:16,119 --> 00:09:19,070
Dad, every couple has
their differences.
202
00:09:19,122 --> 00:09:21,455
Look at me and Jeff.
We couldn't be more opposite.
203
00:09:21,491 --> 00:09:24,492
She's right, Mr. S. -- like, my
favorite song in the world
204
00:09:24,544 --> 00:09:26,827
is "Bathtub Gin" by Phish
live at Red Rocks.
205
00:09:26,879 --> 00:09:30,381
But mine is "Bathtub Gin" by
Phish live from Atlantic City.
206
00:09:30,416 --> 00:09:32,833
I'm sure you and Mrs. S. were
just having an off day.
207
00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:35,002
But if you want to strengthen
your relationship,
208
00:09:35,054 --> 00:09:36,804
that takes time.
209
00:09:36,839 --> 00:09:39,974
It requires open communication,
a lot of hard work --
210
00:09:40,009 --> 00:09:42,059
Jeff�s right!
It must have been an off day.
211
00:09:42,095 --> 00:09:43,844
We'll just get back on
the kiss cam,
212
00:09:43,846 --> 00:09:45,846
show everybody that
me and Francine are fine,
213
00:09:45,848 --> 00:09:47,898
and then everything else
will fall into place!
214
00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:50,601
You think you can be on
the kiss cam twice?
215
00:09:50,653 --> 00:09:54,021
Why not go for three times?
Five? 100 times?!
216
00:09:54,023 --> 00:09:57,575
You kill us all with
your arrogance, Stan!
217
00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:02,863
All right, Roger,
I'm off to the Hall of Records,
218
00:10:02,915 --> 00:10:05,499
see if I can sniff out
who's polluting the water.
219
00:10:05,535 --> 00:10:08,536
Cool. I actually have a full day
of campaigning to do.
220
00:10:08,571 --> 00:10:11,372
Elections are coming up,
and according to polls,
221
00:10:11,407 --> 00:10:13,841
I'm "mysterious missing
and presumed dead."
222
00:10:13,876 --> 00:10:16,794
223
00:10:16,846 --> 00:10:19,380
[ Applause ]
224
00:10:19,382 --> 00:10:21,882
225
00:10:25,772 --> 00:10:27,772
[ Applause ]
226
00:10:30,476 --> 00:10:31,892
[ Gasps ]
227
00:10:36,616 --> 00:10:38,816
[ Applause ]
228
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:41,152
[ Cheering ]
229
00:10:41,204 --> 00:10:43,738
Stan, how long till
this game is over?
230
00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:45,973
Okay, you know how it feels like
we've been here forever?
231
00:10:46,009 --> 00:10:49,710
Well, that was only one inning,
so nine times forever.
232
00:10:52,648 --> 00:10:54,915
He hasn't even
hit our section once.
233
00:10:54,967 --> 00:10:57,001
This guy needs a talking to.
234
00:10:57,053 --> 00:11:00,588
Stan, while you're up,
find out what they're saying
235
00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:03,557
after
"Da-da-da-da-da-daaaa!"
236
00:11:03,593 --> 00:11:05,226
Is it "shards"?
237
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,149
[ Cheering ]
238
00:11:12,185 --> 00:11:14,068
Whoa!
What was that?
239
00:11:14,103 --> 00:11:17,905
That was a triple play, which
means Arby's has to donate
240
00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:19,106
$500 to charity.
241
00:11:19,108 --> 00:11:21,075
Good. I hate that place.
242
00:11:24,781 --> 00:11:28,449
If Tetradual's the one doing the
dumping, we'll know soon enough.
243
00:11:28,451 --> 00:11:30,501
Oh, look who finally pipes up.
244
00:11:30,536 --> 00:11:32,036
We've been in the car for
20 minutes
245
00:11:32,088 --> 00:11:33,871
and that's the first thing
you've said.
246
00:11:33,923 --> 00:11:36,590
I know. Sorry. Catching up
on e-mails from Klaus.
247
00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:38,843
Oh, my god. That guy is out of
control, right?
248
00:11:38,878 --> 00:11:40,461
Does he send you like 10 a day?
249
00:11:40,463 --> 00:11:42,963
Yes! And they're all about
nothing, like,
250
00:11:42,965 --> 00:11:46,100
"How awesome would it be
if we both had Corvettes?"
251
00:11:46,135 --> 00:11:48,936
But if you don't write back,
he flips out.
252
00:11:48,971 --> 00:11:50,221
Such a bitch.
253
00:11:50,273 --> 00:11:51,722
There it is!
254
00:11:51,774 --> 00:11:53,607
It doesn't look so bad to me.
255
00:11:53,643 --> 00:11:56,060
They're not gonna be dumping
in the open, Roger.
256
00:11:56,112 --> 00:11:57,895
More likely underground
spill-off
257
00:11:57,947 --> 00:11:59,814
is slowly polluting
the water table.
258
00:11:59,866 --> 00:12:02,533
Whoa!
259
00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:05,035
Got to love that Nevada
razzle-dazzle.
260
00:12:05,071 --> 00:12:07,238
Oh, my god!
261
00:12:20,169 --> 00:12:21,886
We've got 'em.
262
00:12:21,921 --> 00:12:23,804
[ Sighs ]
I should have seen this coming.
263
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:24,972
Why's that?
264
00:12:25,007 --> 00:12:27,541
Because I'm the CEO
of Tetradual.
265
00:12:29,312 --> 00:12:31,212
Uh, excuse me.
I was wondering --
266
00:12:31,247 --> 00:12:33,781
wondering if I'll put you
on the kiss cam.
267
00:12:33,816 --> 00:12:36,217
Well, yes. You see --
I know your story.
268
00:12:36,252 --> 00:12:38,786
Johnny Jalopy brings
Susie Swiss-Cheese-Shorts
269
00:12:38,821 --> 00:12:41,055
to the ball game,
hoping to shine her teeth
270
00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,724
with tongue-polish --
but she's all Nancy no-go,
271
00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:46,227
so you're Gary got-an-idea
and you Tommy two-step
272
00:12:46,262 --> 00:12:48,596
to Kenny kiss-cam
to grease her wheels.
273
00:12:48,631 --> 00:12:50,598
Stop me if this sounds familiar.
274
00:12:50,633 --> 00:12:53,083
Oh, shit.
Are you my boss?
275
00:12:53,119 --> 00:12:55,119
Hey, I recognize you.
276
00:12:55,171 --> 00:12:57,004
You were the biggest misfire
of my career!
277
00:12:57,039 --> 00:12:59,006
No, we weren't!
And I can prove it.
278
00:12:59,041 --> 00:13:01,675
Just put us back on the
Jumbotron, no big deal.
279
00:13:01,711 --> 00:13:04,929
No big deal? Was
the moon landing no big deal?
280
00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:07,648
Was "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
no big deal?
281
00:13:07,683 --> 00:13:10,050
Seamlessly blending live-action
and animation?!
282
00:13:10,102 --> 00:13:12,052
You know who would
disagree with you?
283
00:13:12,104 --> 00:13:13,921
Bob Hoskins.
God rest his soul.
284
00:13:13,956 --> 00:13:15,322
So let me ask you this.
285
00:13:15,358 --> 00:13:17,825
Do you speak ill of
the dead, sir?
286
00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:19,777
You know what, don't even
answer -- you're rambling.
287
00:13:19,812 --> 00:13:21,278
I can't following anything
you're saying.
288
00:13:21,314 --> 00:13:23,564
You're going to put us on
the Jumbotron,
289
00:13:23,566 --> 00:13:25,566
or you can kiss-cam
your ass goodbye.
290
00:13:25,568 --> 00:13:28,068
[ Rapid gunfire ]
291
00:13:29,572 --> 00:13:32,673
Now, is one of you gonna tell
me what's going on here?
292
00:13:34,377 --> 00:13:35,709
You can't do this!
293
00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:37,211
What's going on here?
294
00:13:37,246 --> 00:13:40,247
Your husband assaulted an
innocent kiss cam operator.
295
00:13:40,249 --> 00:13:42,716
He got himself banned for life.
296
00:13:42,752 --> 00:13:45,085
Come on, Francine, let's go.
Unh-unh, I'm staying here.
297
00:13:45,137 --> 00:13:47,188
What?!
First, you buy me a gift
298
00:13:47,223 --> 00:13:51,292
that is clearly for yourself,
and now you're taking it away?
299
00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:53,027
Forget it, Stan.
300
00:13:53,062 --> 00:13:55,329
Plus, they just opened
a spaghetti place
301
00:13:55,364 --> 00:13:58,632
on the club level --
it comes in a helmet.
302
00:14:01,804 --> 00:14:03,604
Let me in right now!
303
00:14:03,656 --> 00:14:04,939
Or what?
Or...
304
00:14:04,991 --> 00:14:06,323
Or I'll hurt your feelings!
305
00:14:06,359 --> 00:14:07,359
Beat it, buddy.
306
00:14:07,475 --> 00:14:11,212
You have a terrible body.
307
00:14:11,247 --> 00:14:13,380
Open the gate.
308
00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:14,748
[ Screams ]
309
00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,839
[ Stan crying ]
310
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,775
Hey, no tears, little man.
311
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,362
[ Blows raspberry ]
312
00:14:25,414 --> 00:14:28,115
[ Laughs ]
313
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,700
There we go.
314
00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:32,252
Now why's my favorite
little cowboy
315
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,671
got a case of
the upside-down smiles?
316
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,874
My relationship with Francine
is crumbling,
317
00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:38,375
and the only way to save it
318
00:14:38,427 --> 00:14:40,377
is to rock her mouth
on the kiss cam.
319
00:14:40,429 --> 00:14:42,296
But I was banned from
the stadium
320
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:45,132
for threatening the cameraman.
That's preposterous.
321
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:49,303
The only reason to ban someone
from a stadium is for streaking.
322
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,438
I don't go to the game
to be aroused.
323
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,557
Or if you're going to
allow streaking,
324
00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:55,692
for heaven's sake,
allow masturbating.
325
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,311
Amen, brother.
326
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,396
I just need a way to get
back into that stadium.
327
00:14:59,448 --> 00:15:02,566
Consider all of the CIA
at your full disposal.
328
00:15:02,618 --> 00:15:04,151
Oh, thank you, sir.
329
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,320
Maybe I could parachute in from
a helicopter,
330
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,238
or scuba dive in from
the sewer, or --
331
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:11,825
[ laughs ] There's a much easier
way to get in, Smith.
332
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:14,661
333
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,800
[ Bell rings ]
334
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,255
335
00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:58,288
"Mister Johnson has a dog."
336
00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:00,874
"Meester Juanson has a dog."
337
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,965
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
338
00:16:10,352 --> 00:16:11,718
Don't break down on us.
339
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,854
We need you if we're gonna
win the East.
340
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:16,890
341
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,649
I know he hasn't looked the same
since the suspension,
342
00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:28,402
but the numbers say Smith could
actually be useful
343
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:29,736
against lefties for us.
344
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:35,993
[ Cheering ]
345
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,669
Right on time.
346
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,262
Sir, I have Stan and Francine
in my sights.
347
00:16:56,899 --> 00:17:00,400
Stan, what are you doing here?
I thought you were banned.
348
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,403
I am, but there's something
in this stadium
349
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:06,323
just too precious for me
to leave behind.
350
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,543
[ Hall & Oates'
"You Make My Dreams" plays ]
351
00:17:09,578 --> 00:17:10,911
Not them again.
352
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:13,447
You monsters!
353
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:20,504
What I want, you've got,
and it might be hard to handle
354
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,705
like the flame that burns
the candle
355
00:17:21,757 --> 00:17:23,757
Hey!
That's my wife!
356
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,592
What?
And the only person allowed
357
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,928
to kiss her is me, and the men
I select for her on tinder.
358
00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,963
I'm sorry.
I meant to kiss my wife.
359
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:32,382
She's part of this, too?
You're both banned!
360
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:33,800
What the hell's going on?!
361
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,435
You're out of here.
362
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,724
Damn.
363
00:17:40,776 --> 00:17:44,478
You make my dreams
364
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,480
You on Tinder?
365
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,820
People, this company has brought
nothing but pain and suffering
366
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,490
to our community,
and I'm shutting it down.
367
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,627
You just turned off
the receptionist's computer.
368
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,629
Well, not even that --
just the monitor.
369
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:05,499
Well, sorry for trying to make
it look cool for you, Steve.
370
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,584
To actually
close this place down,
371
00:18:07,636 --> 00:18:10,804
I have to send like 13 e-mails
all saying the same thing
372
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,923
all to cliff in operations.
373
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:15,509
Yeah, I'm --
I'm bored just saying it.
374
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,519
I can't take this
tension anymore!
375
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,521
[ Tires squeal ]
376
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,940
What are you doing?
Look, I know you're mad.
377
00:18:29,992 --> 00:18:32,409
Damn right, I'm mad.
Yeah, well, I'm mad, too.
378
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,077
But mostly I'm sad.
379
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,946
We've grown apart.
380
00:18:35,998 --> 00:18:37,664
And I'm worried about us,
Francine.
381
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,583
We don't share anything anymore.
382
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,668
We couldn't even share
a good kiss!
383
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,503
What are you talking about?
384
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:47,374
I'm mad because they pulled
Martinez after only 80 pitches.
385
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:49,376
Wait.
You were into the game?
386
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,462
The Nats are only one game back
in the wild card,
387
00:18:52,514 --> 00:18:55,382
and Martinez clearly had
heat left in his arm!
388
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:57,384
What, are they saving him
for the playoffs?
389
00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:59,102
There's not gonna be
any damn playoffs!
390
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,806
Mr. Johnson has a dog!
You like baseball!
391
00:19:02,858 --> 00:19:04,524
We do share something!
392
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,943
Of course we share
something, Stan.
393
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,112
We're been married for 20 years.
394
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,948
We have?
We may not share everything,
395
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,402
but we share
the important things --
396
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,405
a beautiful life, two kids, HPV.
397
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,407
And that's forever, Stan.
398
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,075
I feel so stupid.
399
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:26,079
Well, at least you didn't pull
Martinez after 80 pitches.
400
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:28,965
Come here.
[ Moaning ]
401
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,719
You make my dreams come true,
you-hoo, you, you-hoo, hoo
402
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,722
Reporter: It is absolute
carnage out here on 95.
403
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,809
Well, what do we have here?
Looks like all this wreckage
404
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,094
and suffering is just
collateral damage,
405
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:44,064
because that's
a kiss for the ages.
406
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,932
[ Cheering ]
407
00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:50,437
Use that magnificent tongue,
Stan!
408
00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:53,940
[ Cheering ]
409
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,677
I can laugh it in the face
410
00:19:57,713 --> 00:20:00,213
He did it.
411
00:20:00,249 --> 00:20:04,684
He got this stadium hornier
than I ever could've imagined.
412
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,673
Oh, yeah.
413
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,925
Well, 'cause you,
ooh-ho, hoo-ooh, ooh-oo
414
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,794
Nice.
415
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:16,596
Team Jarvis, I have good news.
416
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,466
We found out Tetradual was
tainting the water
417
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:21,885
and we shut 'em down.
Four more years!
418
00:20:21,937 --> 00:20:24,771
Four more years --
Are not happening.
419
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,729
Tetradual was my only
campaign contributor, so...
420
00:20:27,849 --> 00:20:30,944
Pack it up.
Hyah!
421
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:32,195
[ Thud ]
422
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,239
Tetradual is gone,
but Octodual is
423
00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,817
very interested in your
re-election campaign.
424
00:20:44,937 --> 00:20:46,499
Why don't we discuss it
425
00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:47,944
at the lake house?
426
00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:49,931
So, Big John,
427
00:20:50,051 --> 00:20:51,635
why do they call you big?
428
00:20:53,971 --> 00:20:55,471
Do you even like me?
429
00:20:56,287 --> 00:21:01,379
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
430
00:21:01,429 --> 00:21:05,979
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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