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1
00:00:01,412 --> 00:00:04,492
[Music]
2
00:00:16,804 --> 00:00:18,188
[Meteor whistles]
3
00:00:19,659 --> 00:00:22,194
[Tyler, Becky moaning]
4
00:00:23,964 --> 00:00:26,899
Tyler Wiley, you like me, right?
5
00:00:26,933 --> 00:00:30,402
It doesn't matter.
Just listen to your body, girl.
6
00:00:30,437 --> 00:00:35,574
Yes, listen to your body, Becky.
We can all hear it.
7
00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:38,511
[Meteor zooms]
8
00:00:44,584 --> 00:00:47,686
Sir, there's a meteor headed
straight for Langley Falls!
9
00:00:47,721 --> 00:00:50,456
Take it easy, Joeson.
It's probably nothing.
10
00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:52,725
Also, we're running low
on dot matrix ink,
11
00:00:52,759 --> 00:00:57,070
- and no one sells it anymore.
- Noooo!
12
00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:03,636
Daddy, please don't leave.
13
00:01:03,670 --> 00:01:06,939
Son, I'm just going to the store
to get some cigarettes.
14
00:01:06,973 --> 00:01:09,508
[Engine turns over]
15
00:01:16,483 --> 00:01:18,551
[Sighs]
16
00:01:21,621 --> 00:01:25,257
No. Your son needs you.
End the cycle.
17
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,602
[Eerie music playing]
18
00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:47,780
[Doorbell rings]
19
00:01:47,814 --> 00:01:49,715
Well, this is strange.
20
00:01:49,749 --> 00:01:54,053
This is the nighttime, a time we
don't normally receive visitors.
21
00:01:54,087 --> 00:01:56,488
Hey, Mr. S.
I'm home.
22
00:01:56,523 --> 00:01:58,324
[Gasps]
Jeff's back.
23
00:01:58,358 --> 00:02:00,826
Francine, honey,
can you bring me my gun?
24
00:02:00,861 --> 00:02:03,462
- Jeff, don't go anywhere.
- Okay.
25
00:02:05,966 --> 00:02:08,701
Good morning, U.S.A.
26
00:02:08,735 --> 00:02:12,571
I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day
27
00:02:12,606 --> 00:02:15,708
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
28
00:02:15,742 --> 00:02:19,979
And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race
29
00:02:21,915 --> 00:02:25,317
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
30
00:02:25,352 --> 00:02:28,787
Good morning, U.S.A.
Aah!
31
00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:33,259
Chorus: # Good morning, U.S.A. #
32
00:02:33,493 --> 00:02:36,195
Hey, mister.
How was space?
33
00:02:36,229 --> 00:02:39,765
- Vast.
- Hayley, your husband's back.
34
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,703
Oh, she's gonna be so excited.
Oh, here's your gun, honey.
35
00:02:43,737 --> 00:02:46,739
Jeff!
You're finally home!
36
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:50,443
Oh, I missed you so much!
37
00:02:50,477 --> 00:02:52,511
Oh, your hat stinks so good.
38
00:02:52,546 --> 00:02:55,581
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
39
00:02:55,615 --> 00:02:58,150
Stan: Hayley, cover your ears.
Daddy's gonna make a bang.
40
00:02:58,185 --> 00:03:00,419
- Dad, what are you doing?
- I'm sorry, Hayley.
41
00:03:00,454 --> 00:03:02,221
I know you're excited Jeff's back.
42
00:03:02,255 --> 00:03:04,123
But he knows that Roger's an alien,
43
00:03:04,157 --> 00:03:06,492
and he can't stop himself
from telling everyone.
44
00:03:06,526 --> 00:03:08,427
So he has to die.
Mom, do something.
45
00:03:08,462 --> 00:03:11,630
- You know how your father gets.
- Before you kill me, mr. S.,
46
00:03:11,665 --> 00:03:13,466
I want you to know
that I've changed.
47
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:16,168
In space, all you have
is time to think about
48
00:03:16,203 --> 00:03:18,370
what you'd do different
in your life.
49
00:03:18,405 --> 00:03:20,539
That and what you would
call the offspring
50
00:03:20,574 --> 00:03:23,509
- of a labradoodle and a cheagle.
- Chalabradeagle. Easy.
51
00:03:23,543 --> 00:03:25,578
I won't say anything.
I promise.
52
00:03:25,612 --> 00:03:27,179
Dad, you have to
give him a chance.
53
00:03:27,214 --> 00:03:30,816
Oh, Mr. S. I got you
something while I was in space.
54
00:03:30,851 --> 00:03:34,920
You can open it now
or after you kill me.
55
00:03:34,955 --> 00:03:37,790
- It reminded me of you.
- Ha! You don't know me.
56
00:03:37,824 --> 00:03:41,260
It's a souvenir from
the Haverglack galaxy.
57
00:03:41,294 --> 00:03:44,764
It's like a clock,
except it makes fart noises.
58
00:03:44,798 --> 00:03:46,665
[Fart noise]
59
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,467
This is amazing!
60
00:03:48,502 --> 00:03:50,770
I'm gonna set an alarm
for tomorrow morning!
61
00:03:50,804 --> 00:03:52,905
[Fart noises]
62
00:03:52,939 --> 00:03:55,708
Ha ha!
That last one was me!
63
00:03:55,742 --> 00:03:56,976
'Sup?
64
00:04:00,247 --> 00:04:02,414
[thinking]
Roger: I know that guy.
65
00:04:02,449 --> 00:04:04,850
Is that the guy
who works at Panera Bread?
66
00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:06,786
No, no.
That guy died.
67
00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:08,788
Oh, wait. That's Jeff!
68
00:04:08,822 --> 00:04:12,658
I sent him into space.
I wonder if he remembers that.
69
00:04:12,692 --> 00:04:14,894
God, I could go for a panera.
70
00:04:14,928 --> 00:04:19,632
Oh, "Kate & Leopold."
Hi, Jeff.
71
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:27,172
I still can't belive you're back.
72
00:04:27,173 --> 00:04:30,775
I feel like when you left,
my whole life got put on pause.
73
00:04:30,810 --> 00:04:32,844
A-And now I get to un-pause it.
74
00:04:32,878 --> 00:04:35,146
And I'd like to start by smoking a bowl
75
00:04:35,181 --> 00:04:38,016
and un-pausing
"Transformers: Dark of the Moon,"
76
00:04:38,050 --> 00:04:40,084
the movie we paused
right before you left
77
00:04:40,119 --> 00:04:41,886
and our lives were put on pause.
78
00:04:43,469 --> 00:04:45,670
I'd love to catch up
with Bumblebee and the gang,
79
00:04:45,705 --> 00:04:47,572
but I don't smoke anymore.
80
00:04:47,607 --> 00:04:49,708
What?
Wait, I'm sorry. Huh?
81
00:04:49,742 --> 00:04:52,444
Look, Hayley.
I meant what I told your family.
82
00:04:52,478 --> 00:04:55,447
- I wanna be a better man.
- But pot's basically legal.
83
00:04:55,481 --> 00:04:58,883
Prop 87 said cops have to be
super-chill about it now.
84
00:04:58,918 --> 00:05:02,087
Ooh, I know.
How about a little mood music?
85
00:05:02,121 --> 00:05:03,788
[Jam band music playing]
86
00:05:03,823 --> 00:05:08,827
- Oh, god. What is this?
- It's your favorite jam band ... Fish.
87
00:05:08,861 --> 00:05:12,330
I-I can't make out to this.
There's no song structure.
88
00:05:12,365 --> 00:05:15,934
The drummer's just waiting for
the guitarist to do something.
89
00:05:15,968 --> 00:05:18,470
Okay.
How about this song, then?
90
00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:20,639
[Jam band music playing]
91
00:05:20,673 --> 00:05:22,674
Are we gonna [bleep] or what?
92
00:05:24,143 --> 00:05:27,145
Snot let me borrow his hamster
while he's at Jewish camp.
93
00:05:27,179 --> 00:05:29,481
[chuckles] I'm so excited
to take care of him.
94
00:05:29,515 --> 00:05:31,650
For the hamster's sake,
I hope you do a better job
95
00:05:31,684 --> 00:05:33,785
of taking care of him
than you do of me.
96
00:05:33,819 --> 00:05:37,656
- You're not my pet, Klaus.
- Well, why not, Steve?! Why not?!
97
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:40,458
Klaus wants a teenage boy
to take care of him?
98
00:05:40,493 --> 00:05:42,927
I guess you can take the brain
out of a German,
99
00:05:42,962 --> 00:05:45,563
but you can't take the German
out of a brain.
100
00:05:45,598 --> 00:05:46,765
[Laughter]
101
00:05:46,799 --> 00:05:48,667
Ooh, Jeff.
Burning Klaus.
102
00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:51,036
I hope you like your fish blackened.
103
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:53,571
I told you space changed me.
It opened my eyes.
104
00:05:53,606 --> 00:05:55,707
And one of the things
I realized up there
105
00:05:55,741 --> 00:05:57,642
was what a great role model you are.
106
00:05:57,677 --> 00:05:59,144
- Me?
- Him?
107
00:05:59,178 --> 00:06:01,379
You have a job,
you provide for your family,
108
00:06:01,414 --> 00:06:03,148
you're a productive member of society.
109
00:06:03,182 --> 00:06:05,150
Wow.
You really know your stuff.
110
00:06:05,184 --> 00:06:07,686
I was hoping you could help me
learn to be a real man,
111
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,689
- Mr. S., like you.
- Jeff, can I just say
112
00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:12,390
I am loving the new you.
113
00:06:12,425 --> 00:06:15,694
And I would love to take the new
you to the new Fro-Yo place
114
00:06:15,728 --> 00:06:18,063
that opened right after
Roger threw you into space.
115
00:06:18,097 --> 00:06:20,165
Look at that.
I made Jeff better.
116
00:06:20,199 --> 00:06:23,668
I guess that's just what Roger
does, makes things better.
117
00:06:23,703 --> 00:06:26,471
[Shatter!]
This is mine. I brought this.
118
00:06:26,505 --> 00:06:28,873
Dad, can I go with you?
I love that place.
119
00:06:28,908 --> 00:06:31,543
Sorry, Steve. Three people
make for a weird dynamic.
120
00:06:31,577 --> 00:06:33,478
Two people always turn against one.
121
00:06:33,512 --> 00:06:35,180
- But, dad ...
- You'd be the one, Steve.
122
00:06:35,214 --> 00:06:38,917
- Look, it's already happening. Jeff?
- I'd love to go.
123
00:06:38,951 --> 00:06:43,149
I just have to go upstairs
to, um, take care of something.
124
00:06:43,489 --> 00:06:45,957
Does Jeff seem a little weird
to you guys since he got back?
125
00:06:45,991 --> 00:06:47,892
Like, a little different?
126
00:06:47,927 --> 00:06:50,195
- Hell yeah! He's better.
- Way better.
127
00:06:50,229 --> 00:06:52,997
If I were you, Hayley,
I'd lock that down.
128
00:06:53,032 --> 00:06:56,801
- Mom, we're already married.
- I mean lock it down for real.
129
00:06:56,836 --> 00:07:01,606
Rings catch girls.
Babies trap boys.
130
00:07:03,642 --> 00:07:05,443
[Keyboard clacking]
131
00:07:05,478 --> 00:07:06,978
Zebleer to mother ship.
132
00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:10,582
Greetings, Zebleer.
Please update mission status.
133
00:07:10,616 --> 00:07:13,651
The mission continues
as planned, brother.
134
00:07:13,686 --> 00:07:16,621
The simpleminded earthlings
suspect nothing.
135
00:07:16,655 --> 00:07:19,491
Good. Have you found
an acceptable specimen?
136
00:07:19,525 --> 00:07:21,693
Yes, an alpha male with a job ...
137
00:07:21,727 --> 00:07:25,864
the exact opposite of our first
earthling. I will earn his trust
138
00:07:25,898 --> 00:07:27,732
and then transport him
to the mother ship.
139
00:07:27,767 --> 00:07:30,835
Ever wonder why we don't
call it a father ship?
140
00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:32,487
Are you working on material
141
00:07:32,488 --> 00:07:35,540
for that stand-up thing
you invited us to?
142
00:07:35,574 --> 00:07:37,175
No. No, no, no, no.
143
00:07:37,209 --> 00:07:42,046
So, Andromedan pod monsters be shopping.
144
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,097
I've initiated contact with
the host familly
145
00:07:49,098 --> 00:07:51,733
and have three Earth specimens
ready to Blorph.
146
00:07:51,768 --> 00:07:54,002
We are ready for your Blorph.
147
00:07:57,106 --> 00:07:59,341
First item is fork.
148
00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:01,343
[Fork grinds]
149
00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:04,880
Next item is spoon.
150
00:08:04,914 --> 00:08:07,216
[Spoon grinds]
151
00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:09,718
And now hamster.
152
00:08:09,752 --> 00:08:11,987
[Hamster grinds]
[chitters]
153
00:08:12,021 --> 00:08:13,822
Oh, my god!
154
00:08:13,857 --> 00:08:16,225
How could you send a living
animal through the Blorpher...
155
00:08:16,259 --> 00:08:19,328
without warning me he'd be so cute?!
156
00:08:19,362 --> 00:08:22,264
Excellent work, Zebleer.
Blorphs received.
157
00:08:22,298 --> 00:08:24,099
End transmission.
158
00:08:24,133 --> 00:08:26,307
[Sighs] "Blorph."
We have got to come up
159
00:08:26,342 --> 00:08:28,270
with a different name
for the Blorph machine.
160
00:08:28,304 --> 00:08:31,974
- I feel so stupid saying "Blorph."
- Well, you'll have to take that up
161
00:08:32,008 --> 00:08:35,077
with the inventor of the Blorph,
Dr. Blorph McBlorph-Blorph.
162
00:08:35,111 --> 00:08:36,945
Whoo!
163
00:08:38,147 --> 00:08:40,716
Aw, man. Nice slide!
You were going so fast.
164
00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:44,720
- Hey, babe, we'll be back soon.
- Okay, but real quick,
165
00:08:44,754 --> 00:08:47,089
why are you so eager
to hang out with my dad?
166
00:08:47,123 --> 00:08:48,757
- He's cool.
- Face!
167
00:08:48,791 --> 00:08:50,859
Has anyone seen Snot's hamster?
168
00:08:50,894 --> 00:08:53,195
No time to care about
your hamster, Steve.
169
00:08:53,229 --> 00:08:56,365
I'm taking Jeff to your
favorite Fro-Yo place.
170
00:09:00,303 --> 00:09:03,805
[Sighs] Okay, I know I should
be happy that Jeff's back,
171
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,074
but something just doesn't feel right.
172
00:09:06,109 --> 00:09:08,143
You mean because he's an alien
who altered his appearance
173
00:09:08,177 --> 00:09:09,912
- to look like Jeff?
- What?!
174
00:09:09,946 --> 00:09:12,848
Oh, I thought we all knew and
we were just going along with it
175
00:09:12,882 --> 00:09:15,217
'cause he's so much better
than the actual Jeff.
176
00:09:15,251 --> 00:09:17,085
Did you guys really not know?!
177
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,688
[Chuckling]
Oh! Oh, that is so great.
178
00:09:19,722 --> 00:09:21,723
You're saying that's not Jeff?
179
00:09:21,758 --> 00:09:24,793
Oh, no. Honey, no.
That is definitely not Jeff.
180
00:09:24,827 --> 00:09:27,930
Only question is,
what is this alien doing here?
181
00:09:27,964 --> 00:09:30,399
We'll have to investigate.
Ooh! Detective time!
182
00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,167
Outfit change!
183
00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:34,770
Ooga-booga!
Me hate fire!
184
00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:38,240
Open your mind, Hayley.
Anyone can be a detective.
185
00:09:41,911 --> 00:09:43,745
Mm-mmm. Wow.
186
00:09:43,780 --> 00:09:47,115
This has got to be
the best thing on the planet.
187
00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:50,319
Oh, yeah, it's one of the finer
things a man can enjoy in life,
188
00:09:50,353 --> 00:09:52,187
like driving with your knees
189
00:09:52,221 --> 00:09:55,157
or shooting your name into an
old metal sign with a handgun.
190
00:09:55,191 --> 00:09:57,693
I never even shot a handgun.
191
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,828
[Tires screech, horns honk]
We're changing that.
192
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:03,765
We're changing that right now.
But where?
193
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,870
[Gunshots]
[Giggles]
194
00:10:08,905 --> 00:10:10,772
Okay, let's see how you did.
195
00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:12,708
"Zebleer"?
196
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:15,077
No, doofus, you were
supposed to spell your name.
197
00:10:15,111 --> 00:10:17,913
- Oh, right. My name's Jeff.
- No problem, Jeff.
198
00:10:17,947 --> 00:10:19,348
You emptied the clip and hit the sign,
199
00:10:19,382 --> 00:10:21,383
which means your only problem
is spelling.
200
00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:24,453
Good thing that's easily fixable
with a second gun.
201
00:10:27,924 --> 00:10:30,492
Well, you spelled "Zebleer" again.
202
00:10:30,526 --> 00:10:33,095
[Birds chirping]
203
00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:35,297
Okay, clues...
204
00:10:35,331 --> 00:10:37,866
- Oh! A Blorpher!
- What's that?
205
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:40,268
Works kind of like a fax machine
but for solid objects.
206
00:10:40,303 --> 00:10:42,404
Humans would probably
have something like this
207
00:10:42,438 --> 00:10:44,539
if they hadn't abandoned
facsimile technology.
208
00:10:44,574 --> 00:10:46,908
I still have a fax machine,
but it's just so
209
00:10:46,943 --> 00:10:49,311
my commercial agent
can send me sides for auditions.
210
00:10:49,345 --> 00:10:52,014
Did I tell you I'm on hold for
a Langley Mutual commercial?
211
00:10:52,048 --> 00:10:54,216
Roger!
What does all this mean?
212
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,918
It means it's between me
and like one other person.
213
00:10:56,953 --> 00:10:59,421
It's probably this guy ... Brad.
He books everything.
214
00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:01,289
[Sighs]
No, the Blorpher! Jeff!
215
00:11:01,324 --> 00:11:04,126
Oh, it means that the "Jeff"
who is with Stan
216
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,029
is a species of alien called
the Collectors.
217
00:11:07,063 --> 00:11:09,131
They're kind of like
space's zookeepers.
218
00:11:09,165 --> 00:11:10,532
Then where's my Jeff?
219
00:11:10,566 --> 00:11:13,271
They probably have a research
ship in orbit. He'll be up there.
220
00:11:13,361 --> 00:11:15,270
A-And this machine
can get me to him?
221
00:11:15,304 --> 00:11:17,072
Look, if you go up there,
222
00:11:17,106 --> 00:11:19,007
- there's no guarantee you'll come back.
- I don't care.
223
00:11:19,042 --> 00:11:21,376
I'd rather die up there,
trying to get Jeff,
224
00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:24,806
- than stay down here without him.
- Okay.
225
00:11:26,182 --> 00:11:28,183
I think I'm finally
starting to understand
226
00:11:28,217 --> 00:11:29,851
what it feels like to be a man.
227
00:11:29,886 --> 00:11:31,987
Thanks again for showing me
how to shoot.
228
00:11:32,021 --> 00:11:34,489
Where I come from, we're
expected to figure everything
229
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:36,958
- out on our own.
- [Chuckles] Where you come from?
230
00:11:36,993 --> 00:11:38,860
Ha, you're from Langley, ya goofball.
231
00:11:38,895 --> 00:11:40,896
Man, you used to confuse
the hell out of me
232
00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:42,931
with your stupid jokes
I didn't understand.
233
00:11:42,965 --> 00:11:44,983
But since you've come
back, you are killing
234
00:11:44,984 --> 00:11:47,002
me with all these jokes
I don't understand.
235
00:11:47,036 --> 00:11:49,504
[Cellphone rings, beeps]
Smith.
236
00:11:49,539 --> 00:11:51,506
Ah, damn. We just went!
237
00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:53,508
Couple of my homeboys
from the C.I.A.
238
00:11:53,543 --> 00:11:56,428
- are hitting up the Fro-Yo stand.
- What if we went back
239
00:11:56,429 --> 00:11:58,947
and got some more,
double dipped?
240
00:11:58,981 --> 00:12:02,017
I don't know what happened
to you out there in the
241
00:12:02,018 --> 00:12:05,053
frozen void of space, but you
came back a goddamn genius.
242
00:12:05,088 --> 00:12:07,456
Hayley: Aah!
243
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:10,025
Oh, god! Oh, god!
It hurts! Oh, god!
244
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:13,361
Relax. All the pain immediately
stops on the other side.
245
00:12:13,396 --> 00:12:15,831
What are you doing?
You're coming with me!
246
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:19,267
No, I'm not. Let go.
Hayley! Let go, Hayley!
247
00:12:19,302 --> 00:12:24,573
Yep, this is a deep pain ...
a very, very deep pain.
248
00:12:24,607 --> 00:12:27,943
[Grinding]
249
00:12:30,012 --> 00:12:32,481
[Alarm beeps]
250
00:12:32,515 --> 00:12:35,517
The Blorph alert?
This is strange.
251
00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:39,588
This is the nighttime, a time we
don't normally receive Blorphs.
252
00:12:43,192 --> 00:12:47,195
Uh, um, mmm.
Oh, man. I'm out.
253
00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:49,498
No, you're not.
Hold out your cup.
254
00:12:52,335 --> 00:12:54,136
All: Fro-Yo bros!
255
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,271
You would all share
your bounty with me?
256
00:12:56,305 --> 00:12:59,141
All we're doing is sacrificing
a little frozen yogurt
257
00:12:59,175 --> 00:13:01,463
- for our new best friend.
- Wow.
258
00:13:01,498 --> 00:13:04,479
Mankind has a surprising
proclivity for sacrifice.
259
00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:07,249
Why did you say "mankind" like that?
260
00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:09,151
Yeah. Nobody that's
part of mankind
261
00:13:09,185 --> 00:13:11,520
would ever say "mankind" like that.
262
00:13:11,554 --> 00:13:15,574
Uh, I guess I used to be
such a slacker that I'm still
263
00:13:15,575 --> 00:13:19,594
learning to speak like a cool,
responsible human like you guys.
264
00:13:19,629 --> 00:13:22,164
[Laughs]
265
00:13:22,198 --> 00:13:24,533
[Laughter]
266
00:13:27,637 --> 00:13:30,438
[All laugh]
267
00:13:31,607 --> 00:13:34,643
[Totally all laugh]
268
00:13:37,382 --> 00:13:39,687
[Whirring]
Ugh.
269
00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:44,219
Not cool.
This is not cool.
270
00:13:44,253 --> 00:13:46,421
I'm on hold for Langley Mutual, Hayley.
271
00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:48,323
I'm not supposed to leave town.
272
00:13:48,357 --> 00:13:50,358
God, they're gonna move on to Brad.
273
00:13:50,393 --> 00:13:53,161
Mother...
Ugh. Brad's gonna get it.
274
00:13:56,365 --> 00:14:00,635
So, no game plan?
Just gonna run through an alien ship?
275
00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:02,437
[Bird chirps]
276
00:14:02,471 --> 00:14:06,575
Did you know Jacques Cousteau
had a sex room just like this?
277
00:14:06,609 --> 00:14:09,077
[Animals chittering]
278
00:14:09,111 --> 00:14:10,979
Hayley!
Hayley Smith, right?
279
00:14:11,013 --> 00:14:13,415
Who are you,
and how do you know my name?
280
00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:16,218
You don't recognize Sinbad
from "Houseguest"?
281
00:14:16,252 --> 00:14:18,386
He beat Dennis Miller
on "Star Search."
282
00:14:18,421 --> 00:14:20,989
What are the schools
even teaching these days?
283
00:14:21,023 --> 00:14:23,258
Hayley, I recognize you
because I was with Jeff
284
00:14:23,292 --> 00:14:25,126
when we got caught
by these aliens.
285
00:14:25,161 --> 00:14:26,695
You were with Jeff?
Where is he?
286
00:14:26,729 --> 00:14:28,697
Oh, you are in luck.
He's right there.
287
00:14:32,095 --> 00:14:36,164
Hmm. "You're in luck" may have
been a bad choice of words.
288
00:14:36,199 --> 00:14:37,833
Oh, god. Jeff!
289
00:14:37,867 --> 00:14:40,235
You know what I'm just
remembering right now?
290
00:14:40,269 --> 00:14:43,038
When the collectors encounter
something new, they dissect it.
291
00:14:43,072 --> 00:14:46,208
Can't believe I forgot that.
It's, like, their most famous thing.
292
00:14:46,242 --> 00:14:48,210
That's why they're called
the Dissectors.
293
00:14:48,244 --> 00:14:50,445
You said they were called
the Collectors.
294
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,148
Oh, they are now.
They used to be the Dissectors.
295
00:14:53,182 --> 00:14:57,041
Did a bit of rebrand in the '80s.
Same people who did new Coke.
296
00:14:57,076 --> 00:14:59,976
[Sobbing]
297
00:15:00,011 --> 00:15:04,103
Ah, look at this.
More species for our collection.
298
00:15:04,138 --> 00:15:07,462
- Seize them!
- Hayley, run! [Thuds]
299
00:15:12,722 --> 00:15:15,845
I looked everywhere for Snot's
hamster and I can't find it.
300
00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:19,081
Maybe it's time to focus
on the pet you can find.
301
00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:20,449
You know, in Germany,
302
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:23,852
goldfish are considered
the hamsters of the sea.
303
00:15:23,887 --> 00:15:24,220
Hmm.
304
00:15:24,254 --> 00:15:27,490
I know you're lying,
but maybe you're right, Klaus.
305
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,295
Check it out! I'm taking small bites
306
00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:34,831
- to make it last longer.
- Me, too!
307
00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:36,065
Mmm.
308
00:15:36,099 --> 00:15:38,134
I'm pretending
I'm a little baby mouse.
309
00:15:38,168 --> 00:15:40,269
That's so smart!
[Nibbles]
310
00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:42,371
[Beeping]
311
00:15:42,406 --> 00:15:43,806
Uh-oh.
312
00:15:45,242 --> 00:15:48,277
Mr. S., I have to tell you something.
313
00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:51,881
There's a reason I'm so much
different from when I left Earth.
314
00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:54,116
I'm not actually Jeff.
315
00:15:54,151 --> 00:15:56,786
I'm not even human.
316
00:15:56,820 --> 00:16:00,256
- I'm following. Continue.
- My people came across the real Jeff
317
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:03,092
and the ghost of Sinbad
traveling the galaxy.
318
00:16:03,126 --> 00:16:06,963
- Uh-huh. Go on.
- My species are Collectors.
319
00:16:07,197 --> 00:16:09,999
For eons,
we have traveled the universe
320
00:16:10,033 --> 00:16:11,517
trying to gather, collect,
321
00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:14,270
- and catalog what we find.
- Naturally.
322
00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,439
We had never encountered a human before,
323
00:16:16,473 --> 00:16:19,408
so it was decided that
I would travel back to Earth
324
00:16:19,443 --> 00:16:22,912
disguised as Jeff to collect
more information about humanity.
325
00:16:22,946 --> 00:16:26,499
- Well, you came to the right place.
- And Jeff told me everything
326
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:27,984
I needed to know to blend in.
327
00:16:28,018 --> 00:16:30,553
So I came to Earth to live amongst you.
328
00:16:30,587 --> 00:16:33,789
I was supposed to bring you back
to the ship for dissection,
329
00:16:33,824 --> 00:16:36,092
- but I grew fond of you.
- Ditto.
330
00:16:36,126 --> 00:16:38,094
But there's something
you should know.
331
00:16:38,128 --> 00:16:41,497
- The real Jeff is dead.
- Good.
332
00:16:41,531 --> 00:16:43,294
Fingers crossed you feel the same way
333
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,057
- about your daughter.
- What?!
334
00:16:45,092 --> 00:16:47,870
She went to rescue Jeff, and now
they're gonna dissect her, too.
335
00:16:47,905 --> 00:16:49,738
Get me to that ship!
336
00:16:55,552 --> 00:16:58,120
Something tells me
this isn't hair removal!
337
00:16:58,155 --> 00:17:01,490
What ... nothing?
I'm trying to keep it light here.
338
00:17:04,961 --> 00:17:07,930
- Stan: Stop right there!
- Dad!
339
00:17:07,964 --> 00:17:10,332
Brothers, we must stop the collection.
340
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:12,134
- Hubbub, hubbub.
- Peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
341
00:17:12,269 --> 00:17:13,702
- Hubbub, hubbub.
- Peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
342
00:17:13,737 --> 00:17:15,438
We can't kill her.
343
00:17:15,472 --> 00:17:18,140
- She's important to this man here.
- Hey there.
344
00:17:18,175 --> 00:17:20,209
And he's important to me
345
00:17:20,243 --> 00:17:23,079
because he taught me
what it is to be Human.
346
00:17:23,113 --> 00:17:24,580
They love. They laugh.
347
00:17:24,614 --> 00:17:28,717
They take prescription medication
to help them love and laugh.
348
00:17:28,752 --> 00:17:31,487
Humans may do all those
wonderful things,
349
00:17:31,521 --> 00:17:36,725
- But we must collect.
- Perhaps this will change your mind.
350
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:41,497
It's called Fro-Yo, and
it's proof of mankind's value.
351
00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:44,633
This is delicious.
352
00:17:44,668 --> 00:17:49,071
In return for giving us
this savory cosmic treat,
353
00:17:49,106 --> 00:17:53,642
I will spare the lives of your
human and your alien sex slave.
354
00:17:53,677 --> 00:17:57,113
Stan, what did you tell him?
355
00:17:58,415 --> 00:18:01,517
We did it!
I'm so glad everyone's okay.
356
00:18:01,551 --> 00:18:03,619
Not everyone.
357
00:18:08,091 --> 00:18:09,625
Hayley, don't be sad.
358
00:18:09,659 --> 00:18:13,062
Alien Jeff is gonna stay on Earth
and be the new Jeff.
359
00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:16,465
So you get Jeff back, and I get
to hang out with my new bud.
360
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:17,766
I don't want him.
361
00:18:17,801 --> 00:18:20,603
But I'm an exact replica
of the Jeff you lost.
362
00:18:20,637 --> 00:18:24,273
You may be Jeff on the outside,
but you're not Jeff up here.
363
00:18:24,477 --> 00:18:26,679
Look, Hayley,
I know how much you love Jeff,
364
00:18:26,713 --> 00:18:28,547
but there's no bringing him back.
365
00:18:28,581 --> 00:18:30,683
If there was a way,
I-I'd do it for you.
366
00:18:30,717 --> 00:18:32,951
- Except there is a way.
- I won't do it for you.
367
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,653
I can't.
My hands are tied.
368
00:18:34,688 --> 00:18:37,589
I will have Jeff's brain
implanted in my head,
369
00:18:37,624 --> 00:18:41,927
which means I will die,
but Jeff will live on in my body.
370
00:18:41,961 --> 00:18:43,429
You would do that?
371
00:18:43,463 --> 00:18:45,831
Back on Earth,
your dad and his friends
372
00:18:45,865 --> 00:18:48,901
made a sacrifice by giving me
their frozen yogurt,
373
00:18:48,935 --> 00:18:50,936
and now I will make a sacrifice
of my own!
374
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,888
Whoa, whoa.
Let's slow down there.
375
00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:56,925
- It was just a little Fro-Yo.
- No, the gestures are equal.
376
00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,729
The universe is in balance.
377
00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:06,535
Thanks for watching my hamster
while I was away.
378
00:19:06,569 --> 00:19:08,704
- So, where is he?
- Right here.
379
00:19:09,939 --> 00:19:12,040
And good news ...
I taught him to swim
380
00:19:12,075 --> 00:19:14,643
and hold his breath
for the rest of his life.
381
00:19:14,677 --> 00:19:18,814
I can't wait to tell you
about Jewish camp.
382
00:19:18,848 --> 00:19:22,050
Wait. You came
back from Jewish camp?
383
00:19:28,671 --> 00:19:32,408
It'll feel so good to have
Jeff back ... the real Jeff.
384
00:19:32,442 --> 00:19:36,578
Oh, god!
I'll never forget you, alien Jeff!
385
00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:39,882
Actually, you will.
The Collectors said this ship is equipped
386
00:19:39,916 --> 00:19:42,318
with "Men in black" technology.
It was weird that they
387
00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:44,720
referred to it as
"Men in black" technology, right?
388
00:19:44,754 --> 00:19:46,655
Like, did they get the idea
from the movie
389
00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:48,357
and then set out to create it?
390
00:19:48,391 --> 00:19:50,626
And how did they see "Men in black"?
So many questions.
391
00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:52,828
Anyway, you won't remember
any of this, but I will.
392
00:19:52,862 --> 00:19:54,797
- How?
- I'm immune ... space stuff.
393
00:19:54,831 --> 00:19:56,565
So, a-after we leave the ship,
394
00:19:56,599 --> 00:20:00,068
- none us will know Jeff's an alien?
- Nope, not even Jeff.
395
00:20:00,103 --> 00:20:02,538
But what if he has, like,
a-a medical emergency
396
00:20:02,572 --> 00:20:05,207
- and we have to ...
- Why don't we just wait and see?
397
00:20:05,208 --> 00:20:06,008
Okay? Can we do that?
398
00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:08,110
Can we wait and see?
Why don't we just do that?
399
00:20:09,612 --> 00:20:13,348
- Babe? You found me!
- Jeff!
400
00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:16,785
- I love you!
- I love you, too, babe.
401
00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:18,954
And, babe, I did a lot
of thinking in space,
402
00:20:18,988 --> 00:20:21,023
and I decided that,
if we ever have a kid,
403
00:20:21,057 --> 00:20:22,991
I'm willing to be
a stay-at-home dad.
404
00:20:23,927 --> 00:20:25,494
And you don't have to work, either.
405
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:28,248
We can stay at your parents' house
and live off the government.
406
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:30,699
- Oh, god.
- Oh, hey, Mr. S.
407
00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:33,168
Well, since no one's
gonna remember this...
408
00:20:33,203 --> 00:20:35,995
- B-B-B-Body slam!
- Aah!
409
00:20:36,577 --> 00:20:39,491
We had a lot of fun here
on American Dad tonight
410
00:20:39,492 --> 00:20:41,593
but we also encountered
a lot of danger ...
411
00:20:41,628 --> 00:20:44,163
guns, dissection, meteors.
412
00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:46,498
Really makes you think
that you should be prepared.
413
00:20:46,533 --> 00:20:50,269
Hi. I'm Brad for
Langley Mutual Life insurance.
414
00:20:50,303 --> 00:20:51,970
Maybe it's time to make sure
you're prepared
415
00:20:52,005 --> 00:20:56,056
if something bad happens.
I know I am.
416
00:20:56,276 --> 00:20:57,976
Langley Mutual!
417
00:20:58,011 --> 00:20:59,878
Langley Mutual
418
00:20:59,913 --> 00:21:02,104
We don't cover floods
419
00:21:02,282 --> 00:21:04,331
Bye! Have a beautifull day!
420
00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:08,873
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