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1
00:00:01,519 --> 00:00:02,953
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:02,987 --> 00:00:05,723
Good morning, USA!
3
00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:09,526
I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
4
00:00:09,561 --> 00:00:12,563
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
5
00:00:12,597 --> 00:00:17,000
And he's shining a salute
to the American race
6
00:00:18,903 --> 00:00:22,272
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
7
00:00:22,307 --> 00:00:24,274
Good...
Good morning, USA
8
00:00:24,309 --> 00:00:25,809
Aah!
9
00:00:27,112 --> 00:00:30,514
Good morning, USA!
10
00:00:33,051 --> 00:00:34,752
(alarm clock playing music)
11
00:00:34,786 --> 00:00:36,053
(yawns)
12
00:00:36,087 --> 00:00:38,088
13
00:00:39,009 --> 00:00:50,277
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
14
00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,437
15
00:00:59,911 --> 00:01:03,047
Hey, Mick!
You damn drunk, wake up.
16
00:01:03,081 --> 00:01:04,381
Wha...?
17
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:06,383
Morning.
It's 6:00 a.m.,
18
00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:09,686
and I can legally sell
you alcohol again.
19
00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:11,855
You'll always have a
place to drink here,
20
00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:14,258
you degenerate scumbag.
21
00:01:16,795 --> 00:01:18,862
I'm with Beezus
on this one, guys.
22
00:01:18,897 --> 00:01:21,498
Ramona went into her room.
No permission!
23
00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:24,101
The sign said,
"Do Not Enter."
24
00:01:24,135 --> 00:01:25,569
Do not enter...
25
00:01:25,603 --> 00:01:27,571
the kingdom of heaven!
26
00:01:27,605 --> 00:01:30,307
Beezus is a Christ figure!
Her name rhymes with Jesus.
27
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,542
It's right there!
28
00:01:31,576 --> 00:01:32,709
(doorbell rings)
29
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,680
Oh, hi.
30
00:01:37,716 --> 00:01:39,083
Girl shoulders!
31
00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:40,617
I'm Charlotte.
32
00:01:40,652 --> 00:01:42,252
I-I just
moved here.
33
00:01:42,287 --> 00:01:44,388
This is a bit embarrassing...
34
00:01:44,422 --> 00:01:46,757
but I'm required
to go door-to-door
35
00:01:46,791 --> 00:01:49,827
to notify all my new neighbors
that I'm a registered...
36
00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:52,062
(quietly):
sex offender.
37
00:01:52,097 --> 00:01:53,464
Where are you registered,
38
00:01:53,498 --> 00:01:55,566
and what have you
still not received?
39
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,335
Wait. A-Are you saying
you did stuff...
40
00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,903
with boys?
41
00:01:59,938 --> 00:02:01,038
Yeah.
42
00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:03,707
Like, an insane amount of stuff.
43
00:02:11,249 --> 00:02:13,917
I just want to say I
won't be any trouble.
44
00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:16,687
I mostly just stay home
and watch the Spice Channel
45
00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:18,455
and Cartoon Network,
46
00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:20,457
so if you guys ever
want to come...
47
00:02:20,492 --> 00:02:21,658
No. No,
Charlotte!
48
00:02:21,693 --> 00:02:23,394
Bad Charlotte!
49
00:02:23,428 --> 00:02:24,628
I'm sorry.
50
00:02:24,662 --> 00:02:26,663
I-I should go.
51
00:02:28,133 --> 00:02:30,367
Oh, my God, do you
know what this means?
52
00:02:30,402 --> 00:02:32,403
We're gonna get laid!
53
00:02:32,437 --> 00:02:35,506
And the Spice Channel
is still profitable!
54
00:02:37,041 --> 00:02:39,042
55
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:45,449
We got a... we got
a big problem here, Roger.
56
00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:48,152
Well, your problem keeps
my lights on, Mick.
57
00:02:48,186 --> 00:02:50,721
Oh, crap. Betsy!
Keg change!
58
00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:52,556
Where is that damn girl?
59
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,657
Bets!
60
00:02:53,691 --> 00:02:55,659
Hey, uh, can I use
your bathroom?
61
00:02:55,693 --> 00:02:57,428
It's for customers only.
Well, no, right,
62
00:02:57,462 --> 00:02:58,829
I'm totally gonna get some food.
63
00:02:58,863 --> 00:03:01,231
I just got to think
about my order in the bathroom.
64
00:03:01,266 --> 00:03:02,900
I said it's for customers only!
65
00:03:02,934 --> 00:03:03,934
(glass shatters)
66
00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:05,135
(groans) Now what?
67
00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:07,604
Just a sec on that refill.
68
00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,207
Hey, Roger, I'm going to
yoga. You want to come?
69
00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:12,509
They might play
your favorite song.
70
00:03:12,544 --> 00:03:16,380
(humming):
Om... om... om...
71
00:03:16,414 --> 00:03:18,449
Sorry, Francine, I'm working.
72
00:03:18,483 --> 00:03:20,451
But I thought you had today off.
73
00:03:20,485 --> 00:03:23,287
There are no days off when
you're running a dive bar.
74
00:03:23,321 --> 00:03:25,622
Roger, you can't keep
going at this pace.
75
00:03:25,657 --> 00:03:27,624
You're on your feet all day.
76
00:03:27,659 --> 00:03:29,626
You've probably got
varicose veins.
77
00:03:29,661 --> 00:03:30,994
My veins are fine.
78
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,364
I hope you don't
mind me interrupting,
79
00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:37,167
but there is an alternative
to all this hard work.
80
00:03:37,202 --> 00:03:39,636
If this a pyramid scheme,
don't say another word,
81
00:03:39,671 --> 00:03:41,238
because I am in.
82
00:03:41,272 --> 00:03:43,841
No. It's just that
for a third-floor bar
83
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:46,410
only accessible after passing
through a residential home,
84
00:03:46,444 --> 00:03:48,345
you do a pretty brisk business.
85
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,247
And if you're willing to sell,
86
00:03:50,281 --> 00:03:52,316
my company
would be very interested.
87
00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:53,584
(chuckles) Sell?
88
00:03:53,618 --> 00:03:55,519
Sorry, what'd you say
your name was?
89
00:03:55,553 --> 00:03:57,154
Toby.
Of course it is.
90
00:03:57,188 --> 00:04:00,190
Look, Toby, there's only
two things for sale here:
91
00:04:00,225 --> 00:04:01,725
a sense of community
92
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,029
and the credit card information
of people who pass out.
93
00:04:06,698 --> 00:04:08,198
Hey, I see you with that TP!
94
00:04:12,804 --> 00:04:15,205
I'll cut off your hands,
you thief!
95
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,208
Roger, try to take it easy.
96
00:04:18,243 --> 00:04:20,144
I'd love to chat, Franny,
but I'm swamped
97
00:04:20,178 --> 00:04:21,612
and I got to find Betsy.
98
00:04:21,646 --> 00:04:23,313
I think she's
dipping in the till.
99
00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:25,916
I ain't till-dippin'!
It was Clarence the Goat.
100
00:04:27,519 --> 00:04:28,919
(bleats)
101
00:04:28,953 --> 00:04:30,921
He says he paid for that salad.
102
00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:33,924
So, once again,
it's my word against his!
103
00:04:39,731 --> 00:04:42,800
Okay, fellas,
this is Charlotte's place.
104
00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:44,468
Barry, toss this Frisbee
into her backyard,
105
00:04:44,502 --> 00:04:46,870
so we'll have an excuse
to knock on her door.
106
00:04:46,905 --> 00:04:48,539
Sports!
107
00:04:51,242 --> 00:04:53,210
Okay.
108
00:04:55,246 --> 00:04:56,814
Oh. Hello.
109
00:04:56,848 --> 00:04:58,515
Oh, Charlotte!
What a surprise.
110
00:04:58,550 --> 00:05:00,851
We were just playing catch,
and my friend here
111
00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:02,753
accidentally threw
your neighbor's New York Times
112
00:05:02,787 --> 00:05:04,254
into your yard.
113
00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:05,989
I'm sorry for the mess.
114
00:05:06,024 --> 00:05:07,891
I still haven't
found a gardener.
115
00:05:07,926 --> 00:05:10,627
Do you boys know anyone
willing to pick up a hoe
116
00:05:10,662 --> 00:05:12,496
and just go to town?
117
00:05:12,530 --> 00:05:15,099
(quietly):
Charlotte, careful.
118
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,568
Well, maybe we
can be of service.
119
00:05:17,602 --> 00:05:21,171
Okay. But it's just work,
nothing else.
120
00:05:21,206 --> 00:05:24,808
Just you and your smooth,
hungry hands
121
00:05:24,843 --> 00:05:27,945
rooting around in my backyard!
122
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,313
(gasps)
123
00:05:32,050 --> 00:05:35,019
ROGER: I see you.
I'm coming with those pretzels.
124
00:05:35,053 --> 00:05:37,588
(groans) Hole's jammed again.
125
00:05:37,622 --> 00:05:39,556
(sighs) Tuna Can Jerry?
126
00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:41,558
Yeah, Tuna Can Jerry.
127
00:05:41,593 --> 00:05:43,727
All right, let me get my tools.
128
00:05:43,762 --> 00:05:46,697
And I just need
you to sign here.
129
00:05:46,731 --> 00:05:49,700
Whoa. Ted, these prices are
double what they were last week.
130
00:05:49,734 --> 00:05:51,201
I see you back there!
131
00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:54,304
Wait, this isn't
even what I ordered.
132
00:05:54,339 --> 00:05:56,674
Yeah, well, all I got is
this artisanal microbrew
133
00:05:56,708 --> 00:05:58,242
from the Finger Lakes.
134
00:05:58,276 --> 00:05:59,777
Apricot wheat?!
135
00:05:59,811 --> 00:06:02,012
MAN: Tuna Can Jerry's late
for his rehearsal dinner!
136
00:06:02,047 --> 00:06:03,714
MAN 2: Hey! How about
them pretzels!
137
00:06:03,748 --> 00:06:05,316
STAN:
Never gonna catch me!
138
00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:08,185
Apricot wheat?!
139
00:06:08,219 --> 00:06:09,687
(grunts) My heart!
140
00:06:09,721 --> 00:06:11,322
Oh, my God!
Roger, are you okay?
141
00:06:11,356 --> 00:06:13,023
(strained):
Keep an eye on Betsy.
142
00:06:13,058 --> 00:06:15,059
She's definitely
stealing from the till.
143
00:06:15,093 --> 00:06:16,327
No, I ain't.
144
00:06:16,361 --> 00:06:18,595
I'm tired of you accusing
my wife of stealing!
145
00:06:18,630 --> 00:06:20,831
Meet me in the parking lot
in five minutes!
146
00:06:20,865 --> 00:06:22,466
Stop watching me
switch characters,
147
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,635
and call an ambulance!
148
00:06:27,172 --> 00:06:29,273
(monitor beeping steadily)
(groans)
149
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:31,275
Roger, you're awake.
150
00:06:31,309 --> 00:06:33,410
Mr. Smith, please,
stay in bed.
151
00:06:33,445 --> 00:06:35,512
But I need
to get back to the bar!
152
00:06:35,547 --> 00:06:36,914
You need to rest.
153
00:06:36,948 --> 00:06:38,716
That bar gave you
a heart attack.
154
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,517
And if you keep up this pace,
155
00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:43,020
the next one'll be your last.
156
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,355
(crying)
157
00:06:44,389 --> 00:06:45,856
Don't leave us, Nana.
158
00:06:45,890 --> 00:06:47,858
ROGER: Do you mind
keeping it down?
159
00:06:47,892 --> 00:06:49,393
Ugh! Francine,
just close the curtain.
160
00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:52,563
I can tell by looking at them
that they're the type to nod
161
00:06:52,597 --> 00:06:54,665
like they understand,
and then go right...
162
00:06:54,699 --> 00:06:56,367
back... to talking.
163
00:06:56,401 --> 00:06:58,869
Roger, I brought
someone to see you.
164
00:06:58,903 --> 00:07:00,170
Toby?
165
00:07:00,205 --> 00:07:02,373
I'm not selling the bar!
You better...
166
00:07:02,407 --> 00:07:03,774
(choking, grunting)
167
00:07:03,808 --> 00:07:05,609
(wheezes, spits)
168
00:07:05,644 --> 00:07:07,811
Aah! This is oxygen,
not nitrous!
169
00:07:07,846 --> 00:07:10,514
You see that oxygen spit take?
First one to do it.
170
00:07:10,548 --> 00:07:12,616
At death's door,
still a trailblazer.
171
00:07:12,651 --> 00:07:14,451
Roger, it's time.
172
00:07:14,486 --> 00:07:16,120
Sell the bar.
173
00:07:16,154 --> 00:07:19,089
You have so much more life
to look forward to.
174
00:07:19,124 --> 00:07:21,058
You'll carry on
my vision, right?
175
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,893
The seatless toilet bowls?
176
00:07:22,927 --> 00:07:24,762
The condom machine
that eats quarters?
177
00:07:24,796 --> 00:07:26,597
The homemade liquor license?
178
00:07:26,631 --> 00:07:28,098
That dripping sound?
179
00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:31,302
Roger, your vision
is what I'm buying.
180
00:07:32,804 --> 00:07:36,040
(Schubert's "Ave Maria" playing)
181
00:07:42,414 --> 00:07:45,316
I guess this is it.
182
00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:50,654
183
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:03,400
184
00:08:05,437 --> 00:08:07,371
(monitor flatlines,
girl sobbing)
185
00:08:07,405 --> 00:08:09,773
If you don't get that
dead lady out of my room,
186
00:08:09,808 --> 00:08:13,244
you are gonna have what I would
refer to as a "Yelp Disaster."
187
00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:18,759
(alarm clock playing music)
188
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,494
(yawns)
189
00:08:26,514 --> 00:08:28,615
(chuckles): Whoa, Roger,
you made breakfast?
190
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:30,484
Sit, sit.
I made eggs,
191
00:08:30,518 --> 00:08:33,353
coffee and breakfast
pork chops for you, Stan.
192
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,755
He did. I saw it.
193
00:08:34,789 --> 00:08:36,390
(chuckles):
I see everything.
194
00:08:36,424 --> 00:08:39,293
(deep, ominous):
Everything.
195
00:08:41,296 --> 00:08:44,698
Roger, your heart.
You should be taking it slow.
196
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,201
Nonsense. Just because
I no longer own my bar
197
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,969
doesn't mean I can't serve.
198
00:08:49,003 --> 00:08:51,472
So, Roger, any plans
now that you're retired?
199
00:08:51,506 --> 00:08:53,907
Well, I've got a list
of everything I'd like to do
200
00:08:53,942 --> 00:08:56,643
from now until I die
neatly filed in a bucket.
201
00:08:56,678 --> 00:08:59,246
Still working on a name
for this bucket index.
202
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,348
"Basket index"
is the working title.
203
00:09:01,382 --> 00:09:04,518
Mmm! Oh, whoa,
everything's delicious!
204
00:09:04,552 --> 00:09:05,853
Thanks.
205
00:09:05,887 --> 00:09:07,588
Okay, off to work.
206
00:09:07,622 --> 00:09:08,922
Oh. Okay.
207
00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:10,491
Yeah, thanks
for breakfast, Roger.
208
00:09:10,525 --> 00:09:12,726
I got to get the kids to school.
209
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,328
Klaus, why don't you come along?
210
00:09:14,362 --> 00:09:17,197
I'm in the mood for one of
your classic anecdotes.
211
00:09:17,232 --> 00:09:19,199
Oh, did I ever tell you
about the time
212
00:09:19,234 --> 00:09:21,468
I bounced a check
for my girlfriend's abortion?
213
00:09:21,503 --> 00:09:23,771
They had to put
the baby back in.
214
00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:25,372
And that baby...
215
00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:27,408
was Shia LaBeouf.
216
00:09:28,576 --> 00:09:32,079
I said I wanted to
hear it in the car.
217
00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:37,317
New life, here we go.
218
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,288
Okay, first thing: meditation.
219
00:09:41,322 --> 00:09:44,024
Just got to close my eyes,
clear my head,
220
00:09:44,059 --> 00:09:46,393
and find my quiet place.
221
00:09:47,562 --> 00:09:48,595
(screeching)
222
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,398
I'll come back to that one.
223
00:09:53,268 --> 00:09:55,936
Great call on
these Speedos, Snot.
224
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:59,139
The mere sight of us must be
driving Charlotte crazy.
225
00:10:01,843 --> 00:10:03,043
What do we do?!
226
00:10:03,078 --> 00:10:05,479
What pool boys do best.
227
00:10:05,513 --> 00:10:08,515
228
00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:29,737
Wow! The pool
looks great!
229
00:10:29,771 --> 00:10:31,805
I really owe you guys.
230
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,442
I'm gonna owe you so hard.
231
00:10:35,477 --> 00:10:39,680
Well, when you boys are done
out here, why don't you, um...
232
00:10:39,714 --> 00:10:42,683
meet me upstairs.
233
00:10:42,717 --> 00:10:44,885
Gentlemen, we are in.
234
00:10:44,919 --> 00:10:46,887
All right!
The Speedos worked!
235
00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:49,790
But you got to give them back
so I can return them
236
00:10:49,824 --> 00:10:51,358
to my bisexual uncle's loft
237
00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:55,329
before he gets home
from his vacation in Croatia.
238
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:59,133
Yup, he's pretty worldly.
239
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,571
(cheering, applause in distance)
240
00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:06,306
Sounds like they're having fun.
241
00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:09,777
I guess there's no reason
why I can't go up there.
242
00:11:09,811 --> 00:11:12,346
243
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:15,015
What the hell did they do?!
244
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,851
Hi. We've got a bit of a wait,
but feel free
245
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,754
to look at some of
the crazy stuff on our walls.
246
00:11:20,789 --> 00:11:22,923
Ski poles from around the world?
247
00:11:22,957 --> 00:11:24,858
Even I'm getting hungry!
248
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,894
(pager vibrates)
249
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:29,930
Hey, look who it is!
250
00:11:29,964 --> 00:11:32,199
What have you done to my bar?!
251
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,801
Everything's different.
252
00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:36,770
Well, not everything.
253
00:11:36,805 --> 00:11:38,672
We kept the spirit
of a dive bar,
254
00:11:38,707 --> 00:11:41,008
but got rid of the smell
and the hopelessness
255
00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:43,210
and the guy showing his
joint to all the waitresses.
256
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,612
But that was Mick,
my most loyal barfly!
257
00:11:45,647 --> 00:11:47,147
What are you doing here anyway?
258
00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:49,650
If I were you, I'd be
out there living life,
259
00:11:49,684 --> 00:11:51,452
crossing everything
off my bucket list.
260
00:11:51,486 --> 00:11:52,720
My what?
261
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,188
Ha! You're on
fire today!
262
00:11:54,222 --> 00:11:56,490
Here, let me show you
the new game room.
263
00:11:56,524 --> 00:11:58,425
You have a game room?!
264
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:01,028
(horn honking) What the hell?
265
00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:04,865
My mom's new boyfriend said
I was too annoying
266
00:12:04,899 --> 00:12:06,533
to take to the lake.
267
00:12:06,568 --> 00:12:08,769
To take anywhere, I would say.
268
00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:10,838
Being pushed out
of my own bar is worse
269
00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:12,639
than a thousand heart attacks.
270
00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:14,875
It's also worse
than 10,000 Maniacs.
271
00:12:14,909 --> 00:12:16,377
But just barely.
272
00:12:16,411 --> 00:12:17,978
I think that's an old reference.
273
00:12:18,013 --> 00:12:20,948
Roger, if selling your bar
is bothering you this much,
274
00:12:20,982 --> 00:12:22,983
maybe you should
try to buy it back.
275
00:12:23,018 --> 00:12:24,585
Oh, my God, I totally should.
276
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:28,522
I'll buy the bar and put it back
the way it's supposed to be!
277
00:12:28,556 --> 00:12:30,724
It's the third house
on the left.
278
00:12:30,759 --> 00:12:33,627
This is your house?
279
00:12:33,662 --> 00:12:36,096
Roger, I don't think
we should leave him here.
280
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,865
He'll be fine.
There's police everywhere.
281
00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:39,566
Plus, he's got a snorkel.
282
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,237
Drive. Drive!
The door will shut on its own.
283
00:12:44,239 --> 00:12:45,873
It's not closing.
284
00:12:45,907 --> 00:12:48,342
I don't know. Maybe you got
to turn or something.
285
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:49,510
Well, don't slow down.
286
00:12:49,544 --> 00:12:50,824
Forget it, forget it,
just drive.
287
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,546
It's not hurting anybody.
288
00:12:54,082 --> 00:12:56,884
Mick, what are you
doing out here?
289
00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:59,053
They won't let me
in the bar, Rog!
290
00:12:59,087 --> 00:13:00,821
Well, this changes now.
291
00:13:00,855 --> 00:13:02,289
You will be served again.
292
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:03,657
Thank you, Roger.
You're welcome.
293
00:13:03,692 --> 00:13:04,825
Thank you.
Of course.
294
00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:06,727
Thank you so much.
I said, you're welcome.
295
00:13:06,761 --> 00:13:08,495
Seriously, thank you.
Okay, Mick, I'm gonna go take care of this.
296
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:09,930
I can't thank you enough.
Can't fix it until you let go, Mick.
297
00:13:09,965 --> 00:13:11,365
For real, muchas gracias.
I mean it. Look at me.
298
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:12,733
While I'm still here,
I'm not inside fixing it.
299
00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:14,687
From the bottom of my heart.
Please let go, Mick.
300
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:20,774
Toby! You've
destroyed my vision!
301
00:13:20,809 --> 00:13:22,109
I'm here to buy you out
302
00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:23,944
and put everything back
to the way it was!
303
00:13:23,979 --> 00:13:26,146
Oh. Shoot, that's too bad,
304
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:29,750
because we're expanding
Roger's Spot nationwide,
305
00:13:29,784 --> 00:13:32,486
and we wanted your beautiful mug
to be the face of the company.
306
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,788
Right, that's what we're doing.
Why? What did I say?
307
00:13:34,823 --> 00:13:36,023
Thank you, Toby.
Yeah, you're welcome.
308
00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:37,191
Thank you.
Of course.
309
00:13:37,225 --> 00:13:38,392
Thank you so much.
Said, you're welcome.
310
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,860
Seriously, thank you.
Okay, Roger, no problem.
311
00:13:39,894 --> 00:13:41,695
I can't thank you enough.
You got to let go of my hand.
312
00:13:41,730 --> 00:13:42,930
I got a business to run.
For real, muchas gracias.
313
00:13:42,964 --> 00:13:44,298
Again, thank you from
the bottom of my heart.
314
00:13:44,332 --> 00:13:46,533
Roger, Roger, Roger, I can't
expand it until you let go!
315
00:13:47,265 --> 00:13:49,586
What do you guys want
for dinner tonight? Pizza?
316
00:13:49,706 --> 00:13:50,840
BOTH:
Boring.
317
00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,042
I want to go somewhere
cool but sad.
318
00:13:53,076 --> 00:13:54,510
Yeah, like a dive bar.
319
00:13:54,544 --> 00:13:55,978
Oh, Mommy, can we?
320
00:13:56,013 --> 00:13:57,346
Well, it sounds like
321
00:13:57,381 --> 00:14:00,549
this family could use a
little walk on the wild side.
322
00:14:00,584 --> 00:14:02,585
ROGER: Then come on downto Roger's Spot!
323
00:14:02,619 --> 00:14:06,222
America's only family-friendlydive bar experience!
324
00:14:06,256 --> 00:14:09,025
Pretend you're a barfly
by resting your weary rump
325
00:14:09,059 --> 00:14:11,560
on Old Mick's stool.
326
00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:13,029
That's apple juice.
327
00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:14,297
Or is it?
328
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,365
It is. I have to say that.
329
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,100
And there's never a dull moment
330
00:14:18,135 --> 00:14:21,070
with bar fights
every hour on the hour.
331
00:14:21,104 --> 00:14:23,239
You showered with my wife!
332
00:14:23,273 --> 00:14:24,740
(cheering, applause)
333
00:14:24,775 --> 00:14:26,175
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Roger's Spot.
334
00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:28,444
I'm Roger,
and I'm famous for saying,
335
00:14:28,478 --> 00:14:30,279
(Australian accent):
"Dive on in!"
336
00:14:30,314 --> 00:14:31,614
(door opens, closes)
337
00:14:31,648 --> 00:14:32,982
Hey, look at you
338
00:14:33,016 --> 00:14:35,117
sitting there on the couch,
looking all fetching.
339
00:14:35,152 --> 00:14:37,119
Makes me want to dive on in!
340
00:14:37,154 --> 00:14:38,521
Roger, you're home now.
341
00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:40,623
You don't have to say,
"Dive on in."
342
00:14:40,657 --> 00:14:42,825
Sorry. After 300
ribbon cuttings,
343
00:14:42,859 --> 00:14:45,027
it's a little hard to turn off.
Dive on in.
344
00:14:45,062 --> 00:14:46,495
Roger, it was one thing
345
00:14:46,530 --> 00:14:49,832
when you were working yourself
to death for the bar you loved.
346
00:14:49,866 --> 00:14:51,934
But now you're just
wearing yourself out
347
00:14:51,969 --> 00:14:54,303
promoting something
that you don't even believe in.
348
00:14:54,338 --> 00:14:56,439
Francine, relax, have a drink.
349
00:14:56,473 --> 00:14:57,773
Dive on in.
350
00:14:57,808 --> 00:14:59,342
(sighs) Roger...
351
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,210
Francine, if I was
doing the wrong thing,
352
00:15:01,245 --> 00:15:03,546
would they have invited me
to be the keynote speaker
353
00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:05,448
at this year's Emerging
Titans of Industry
354
00:15:05,482 --> 00:15:07,450
Corporate SynergyFest?
355
00:15:07,484 --> 00:15:09,118
I-I don't know
what that is.
356
00:15:09,152 --> 00:15:11,120
And why would you?
(horn honks outside)
357
00:15:11,154 --> 00:15:12,922
That's my limo now.
358
00:15:12,956 --> 00:15:15,024
Different from the one
that dropped me off.
359
00:15:15,058 --> 00:15:17,293
Nicer, more promiscuous driver.
360
00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:19,328
Oh, and Francine?
Don't say it.
361
00:15:25,302 --> 00:15:26,569
Dive on in.
362
00:15:26,603 --> 00:15:29,071
(electric tools whirring)
363
00:15:29,106 --> 00:15:31,107
I've applied a
bed of thin-set,
364
00:15:31,141 --> 00:15:34,644
so I'm gonna go ahead and lay
quarter-inch backer boards.
365
00:15:34,678 --> 00:15:37,180
Great. I'll get going
on the grout work.
366
00:15:37,214 --> 00:15:39,215
Nice, Barry.
367
00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:41,484
Charlotte's gonna love
that clean cutting.
368
00:15:41,518 --> 00:15:42,852
Thanks, boss.
369
00:15:42,886 --> 00:15:45,421
Hey, Tosh, county still dragging
their feet on the permits?
370
00:15:48,659 --> 00:15:51,427
Offering to remodel
Charlotte's bedroom
371
00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:53,296
is a real stroke of genius.
372
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:55,798
She's gonna want us so bad.
373
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:59,635
Wow, this room
looks really great!
374
00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:01,237
(gasps)
375
00:16:01,271 --> 00:16:04,674
Oh. When you're done,
come find me so I can...
376
00:16:04,708 --> 00:16:07,376
(singsongy):
show you my appreciation.
377
00:16:09,246 --> 00:16:10,913
Told you this would work.
378
00:16:10,948 --> 00:16:12,648
Now, let's talk batting order.
379
00:16:12,683 --> 00:16:14,684
I call last!
380
00:16:19,356 --> 00:16:21,357
(cheering, applause)
381
00:16:22,826 --> 00:16:24,427
Hey, Roger!
382
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:25,928
Nobody touches Mr. Smith.
383
00:16:25,963 --> 00:16:27,363
Oh, no, no.
No, it's okay.
384
00:16:27,397 --> 00:16:29,298
Mick is a friend
from before the money.
385
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,533
How you doing, Mick?
386
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:31,968
You come to see me speak?
387
00:16:32,002 --> 00:16:35,037
No, I... I'm here
for my AA meeting.
388
00:16:35,072 --> 00:16:36,939
Sober? That can't be.
389
00:16:36,974 --> 00:16:39,075
Mick, that's not who you are.
You're a barfly!
390
00:16:39,109 --> 00:16:40,276
Well, the good news is,
391
00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:42,245
the state's gonna
let me see my daughter
392
00:16:42,279 --> 00:16:43,913
for the first time
in seven years.
393
00:16:43,947 --> 00:16:45,548
How is that good news?
394
00:16:45,582 --> 00:16:47,483
It's go time, Roger.
395
00:16:47,518 --> 00:16:51,187
And now, let's welcome
to the stage the founder
396
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:55,725
and a partial profit participant
of Roger's Spot, Roger Smith!
397
00:16:55,759 --> 00:16:57,393
(applause)
398
00:16:59,463 --> 00:17:01,030
Thanks, Linda.
I'm Jeff.
399
00:17:01,064 --> 00:17:02,398
And I said thanks.
400
00:17:02,432 --> 00:17:04,066
Okay, people,
are you ready to...
401
00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:06,202
(Australian accent):
dive... on... in?
402
00:17:06,236 --> 00:17:07,804
(cheering, applause)
403
00:17:07,838 --> 00:17:09,705
MAN:
I love your sliders!
404
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:11,107
I can tell.
405
00:17:11,141 --> 00:17:12,508
(clears throat)
406
00:17:12,543 --> 00:17:16,012
Betty Crocker, Famous Amos,
John DeLorean.
407
00:17:16,046 --> 00:17:17,847
What do they have in common?
408
00:17:17,881 --> 00:17:19,582
They're all entrepreneurs
409
00:17:19,616 --> 00:17:22,118
whose stories
I haven't fully researched.
410
00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:24,854
You know, Roger's Spot
wasn't always one of America's
411
00:17:24,888 --> 00:17:28,458
highest revenue-generating,
casual-dining experiences.
412
00:17:28,492 --> 00:17:30,526
It actually started out
as the kind of place
413
00:17:30,561 --> 00:17:34,197
where you could trade your
child-support check for booze.
414
00:17:35,566 --> 00:17:37,900
Hey, Mick's here!
Mick, stand up.
415
00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:41,904
Mick was there
at the beginning of the dream.
416
00:17:41,939 --> 00:17:44,607
You may know him from the stool
at all of our locations.
417
00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:48,311
But you probably don't,
418
00:17:48,345 --> 00:17:51,981
because in all 480 locations,
it's just a stool.
419
00:17:52,015 --> 00:17:53,883
Corporate banned Mick.
420
00:17:53,917 --> 00:17:57,086
(crowd gasps, murmurs)
421
00:17:57,121 --> 00:17:59,222
That's right.
You lost your home
422
00:17:59,256 --> 00:18:01,591
when we became Roger's Spot,
didn't you, Mick?
423
00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:03,626
Yeah, but it's all for the best.
424
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,661
Shut up, Mick.
That's just the clarity talking.
425
00:18:05,696 --> 00:18:07,630
You were
passionate about drinking,
426
00:18:07,664 --> 00:18:09,832
just like I was passionate
about running my bar.
427
00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:11,601
MAN:
Do "Dive on in"!
428
00:18:11,635 --> 00:18:14,070
No. No, I won't do,
"Dive on in"!
429
00:18:14,104 --> 00:18:15,605
(quietly):
Dive on in.
430
00:18:15,639 --> 00:18:17,406
Because that was never
my catchphrase.
431
00:18:17,441 --> 00:18:19,709
My actual catchphrase
at the time was,
432
00:18:19,743 --> 00:18:21,878
"Let's get rowdy rowdy!"
433
00:18:21,912 --> 00:18:24,247
It was incredibly unpopular,
but I said it anyway,
434
00:18:24,281 --> 00:18:26,249
because a bunch of drunks
aren't gonna tell me
435
00:18:26,283 --> 00:18:27,984
what I can say in my own place!
436
00:18:28,018 --> 00:18:30,953
(scattered applause in distance)
437
00:18:30,988 --> 00:18:33,289
Yeah, the people
in the Jasmine Ballroom get it.
438
00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:34,791
I guess what I'm saying is,
439
00:18:34,825 --> 00:18:37,026
we all need to stop going
to Roger's Spot.
440
00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:38,494
Who's with me?!
441
00:18:40,297 --> 00:18:43,199
Also, all the meat is kangaroo.
442
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:45,501
That's actually
a pretty lean protein!
443
00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:47,236
Fine, you want the real dirt?
444
00:18:47,271 --> 00:18:50,039
Our mozzarella sticks are just
fried string cheese!
445
00:18:50,073 --> 00:18:51,808
WOMAN: That's what
they are everywhere.
446
00:18:51,842 --> 00:18:53,562
Yeah, but isn't that
a little disappointing?
447
00:18:53,577 --> 00:18:54,677
He's right!
448
00:18:54,711 --> 00:18:56,312
(chanting):
Boycott Roger's Spot!
449
00:18:56,346 --> 00:18:58,014
Boycott Roger's Spot!
450
00:18:58,048 --> 00:19:00,049
ALL (chanting):
Boycott Roger's Spot!
451
00:19:00,084 --> 00:19:01,851
Boycott Roger's Spot!
452
00:19:01,885 --> 00:19:03,052
(sighs)
453
00:19:03,087 --> 00:19:05,188
I am ruined.
454
00:19:05,222 --> 00:19:08,391
And I (bleep)
in a barrel of salsa.
455
00:19:08,425 --> 00:19:10,827
No one knows which one--
could be any location.
456
00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:18,367
Okay, boys, our sweet reward is
on the other side of that door.
457
00:19:25,109 --> 00:19:26,642
Hi. Can I help you?
458
00:19:26,677 --> 00:19:29,645
Um... w-we're looking
for Charlotte?
459
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,949
Oh, the woman who sold us this
beautifully-remodeled house?
460
00:19:32,983 --> 00:19:35,151
What?
If you hurry, you can still catch her.
461
00:19:38,689 --> 00:19:40,623
Oh, hey, boys.
462
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,692
Thanks to all your hard work,
463
00:19:42,726 --> 00:19:45,461
I just flipped this house
for a tasty profit.
464
00:19:45,496 --> 00:19:47,497
You flip houses?
465
00:19:47,531 --> 00:19:50,433
Uh-huh. And I've found
that horn-dog teenagers
466
00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:53,436
tend to work the, uh... hardest.
467
00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:54,771
Stop doing that!
468
00:19:54,805 --> 00:19:57,373
We thought you were
gonna turn us into men.
469
00:19:57,407 --> 00:20:00,076
I did. Now you know
how to install drywall,
470
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:01,544
wire an addition,
471
00:20:01,578 --> 00:20:03,880
and you've established
lasting relationships
472
00:20:03,914 --> 00:20:06,482
with the County Permit Board.
473
00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:09,218
Take care... men.
474
00:20:14,458 --> 00:20:16,592
STEVE: We learned a lotfrom Charlotte that summer
475
00:20:16,627 --> 00:20:18,694
about what it meant to be a man.
476
00:20:18,729 --> 00:20:22,198
And we carried that with usthe rest of our lives.
477
00:20:22,232 --> 00:20:23,533
Snot joined the Army,
478
00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:25,601
ended up marryinghis commanding officer,
479
00:20:25,636 --> 00:20:28,104
Lieutenant Randall Santana.
480
00:20:28,138 --> 00:20:30,773
Barry became the poetin residence at Ithaca College
481
00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:33,276
and started datinghis male students.
482
00:20:33,310 --> 00:20:35,978
Toshi settledin the garden city of Kyoto
483
00:20:36,013 --> 00:20:38,781
where he worksas a male prostitute.
484
00:20:38,816 --> 00:20:40,049
As for me?
485
00:20:40,083 --> 00:20:42,084
Super gay, also.
486
00:20:46,921 --> 00:20:47,729
(crickets chirping)
487
00:20:47,849 --> 00:20:50,249
It's good to see you
back behind the bar, Roger.
488
00:20:50,387 --> 00:20:53,322
Thanks, Franny, but you
were right about one thing.
489
00:20:53,356 --> 00:20:55,257
It wouldn't hurt
to slow down a bit
490
00:20:55,292 --> 00:20:57,559
and enjoy the little
moments in my life.
491
00:20:59,729 --> 00:21:01,430
Ow! Damn it!
492
00:21:01,464 --> 00:21:03,465
Really enjoyed that.
493
00:21:07,170 --> 00:21:09,471
Good night, Rog.
494
00:21:09,506 --> 00:21:19,997
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
495
00:21:20,047 --> 00:21:24,597
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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