Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,296 --> 00:00:02,730
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:02,764 --> 00:00:05,432
Good morning, USA!
3
00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:09,370
I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
4
00:00:09,404 --> 00:00:12,339
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
5
00:00:12,374 --> 00:00:16,777
And he's shining a salute
to the American race
6
00:00:18,647 --> 00:00:22,049
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
7
00:00:22,083 --> 00:00:24,051
Good...
Good morning, USA
8
00:00:24,085 --> 00:00:32,084
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
9
00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:35,663
Where the hell's
my Red Dawn DVD?
10
00:00:35,697 --> 00:00:37,965
I told Steve
to alphabetize these.
11
00:00:37,999 --> 00:00:39,733
Oh, honey,
cut him a little slack.
12
00:00:39,768 --> 00:00:42,503
He just started
his first summer job.
13
00:00:42,537 --> 00:00:44,471
Why don't I alphabetize them?
14
00:00:44,506 --> 00:00:46,407
No! I asked Steve to do this.
15
00:00:46,441 --> 00:00:47,942
And he did a half-ass job.
16
00:00:47,976 --> 00:00:49,410
It may not seem important,
17
00:00:49,444 --> 00:00:51,912
but he needs to learn to do
everything with his full ass.
18
00:00:51,947 --> 00:00:52,913
(door slams)
19
00:00:52,948 --> 00:00:54,214
Steve, there you are.
20
00:00:54,249 --> 00:00:55,883
I told you
to alphabetize the DVDs.
21
00:00:55,917 --> 00:00:57,685
And I can't find Red Dawn.
22
00:00:57,719 --> 00:00:59,420
Dad, can I unwind for a minute?
23
00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:01,455
I'm walking in from
a hard day at work.
24
00:01:01,489 --> 00:01:02,456
Hard day?
25
00:01:02,490 --> 00:01:04,158
You work at a grocery store.
26
00:01:04,192 --> 00:01:05,726
You know
who actually works hard?
27
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:06,927
Machines.
28
00:01:06,962 --> 00:01:08,963
Machines work non-stop
for years.
29
00:01:08,997 --> 00:01:10,364
I mean, take my watch.
30
00:01:10,398 --> 00:01:11,365
Where's my watch?
31
00:01:11,399 --> 00:01:12,933
You left it in the hotel room
32
00:01:12,968 --> 00:01:14,635
in Orlando last spring.
33
00:01:14,669 --> 00:01:16,537
Wow. You can go a long time
34
00:01:16,571 --> 00:01:19,406
without needing a watch.
35
00:01:19,441 --> 00:01:21,542
Dad, Red Dawn is right here.
36
00:01:21,576 --> 00:01:23,544
It just got switched
with Red Sonja.
37
00:01:23,578 --> 00:01:25,879
No, I want you to
re-alphabetize these.
38
00:01:25,914 --> 00:01:27,948
Switching isn't alphabetizing.
39
00:01:27,983 --> 00:01:29,863
What's the difference?
They're all in order now.
40
00:01:29,884 --> 00:01:31,552
What's the difference?!
41
00:01:31,586 --> 00:01:33,654
You do things the right way,
you have a good life.
42
00:01:33,688 --> 00:01:36,056
You do things the wrong way,
you end up riding the rails.
43
00:01:36,091 --> 00:01:37,291
What?
44
00:01:37,325 --> 00:01:39,226
Wh-What does that even mean?
45
00:01:39,261 --> 00:01:40,594
It means do it the right way!
46
00:01:40,629 --> 00:01:41,662
(groans)
47
00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:42,863
Now, if you'll excuse me,
48
00:01:42,898 --> 00:01:45,833
I have a Father of the
Year award to accept.
49
00:01:45,867 --> 00:01:48,302
And the Pappy goes to...
50
00:01:48,336 --> 00:01:51,438
(gasps)
...my man, Stan Smith.
51
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,443
Thank you, Alan Thicke.
52
00:01:56,478 --> 00:01:59,613
This is amazing.
53
00:01:59,648 --> 00:02:00,915
Honey!
54
00:02:00,949 --> 00:02:03,751
I told you I'm using
the garage for my award show!
55
00:02:03,785 --> 00:02:05,586
Park on the street!
56
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,721
I am so sick of this crap, Alan!
57
00:02:07,756 --> 00:02:10,758
You're ruining my thing!
58
00:02:13,361 --> 00:02:15,696
(crying)
59
00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:17,565
I'm sorry, it's over.
60
00:02:17,599 --> 00:02:18,732
But it's not you.
61
00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:19,833
You know that, right?
62
00:02:19,868 --> 00:02:20,868
It's not you.
63
00:02:20,902 --> 00:02:22,903
It's your body.
64
00:02:22,938 --> 00:02:24,572
(crying)
65
00:02:24,606 --> 00:02:26,173
Hey, knock that off!
66
00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:27,508
I'm dumping this girl,
67
00:02:27,542 --> 00:02:29,777
and your sad music
is making her cry.
68
00:02:29,811 --> 00:02:31,745
Uh, I don't think
it's the music, buddy.
69
00:02:31,780 --> 00:02:34,515
I do. In fact, I'm surprised
your crappy playing
70
00:02:34,549 --> 00:02:36,684
hasn't driven everyone
in this place to tears.
71
00:02:36,718 --> 00:02:37,985
Oh, yeah?
Well, why don't you come up here
72
00:02:38,019 --> 00:02:39,259
if you think you can do better?
73
00:02:39,287 --> 00:02:40,788
I don't even play guitar.
74
00:02:40,822 --> 00:02:42,323
But you suck so hard,
I bet I could
75
00:02:42,357 --> 00:02:43,657
be better than you in a week.
76
00:02:43,692 --> 00:02:45,459
Donald!
It's okay.
77
00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:46,694
Wait, if you don't play,
78
00:02:46,728 --> 00:02:48,863
why are you wearing a
Martin Guitar T-shirt?
79
00:02:48,897 --> 00:02:50,464
That's 'cause I'm
a hipster, dumbass.
80
00:02:50,498 --> 00:02:52,233
We pretend to be stuff.
81
00:02:52,267 --> 00:02:54,001
All right, Mr. Hip.
82
00:02:54,035 --> 00:02:55,302
Meet me back here in a week,
83
00:02:55,337 --> 00:02:56,704
and let's see who's better.
84
00:02:56,738 --> 00:02:59,039
Loser never shows his
face in here again.
85
00:02:59,074 --> 00:03:00,641
I'll do you one better.
86
00:03:00,675 --> 00:03:04,578
The loser never comes back
here even in a mask.
87
00:03:04,613 --> 00:03:06,480
See you in a week, Mr. Hip.
88
00:03:06,515 --> 00:03:08,582
See you in a week, um...
89
00:03:08,617 --> 00:03:09,650
Jamal.
90
00:03:09,684 --> 00:03:11,652
Your name's Jamal?
But you're white.
91
00:03:11,686 --> 00:03:12,653
So?
92
00:03:12,687 --> 00:03:13,921
Is this really the first time
93
00:03:13,955 --> 00:03:15,222
you've had this conversation?
94
00:03:15,257 --> 00:03:17,458
Come on, Jamal.
95
00:03:19,995 --> 00:03:21,395
What do you think's going on?
96
00:03:21,429 --> 00:03:22,630
Seems like everyone's
getting called
97
00:03:22,664 --> 00:03:24,231
into Bullock's office today.
98
00:03:24,266 --> 00:03:26,233
(crying)
99
00:03:26,268 --> 00:03:27,968
Uh-oh, I know that cry.
100
00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:29,603
Either they're
making budget cuts
101
00:03:29,638 --> 00:03:32,139
or all our parents got
in a car accident again.
102
00:03:32,174 --> 00:03:34,742
Smith?
103
00:03:34,776 --> 00:03:37,711
Sir, am I getting fired?
104
00:03:37,746 --> 00:03:39,613
(laughing):
I wouldn't say that.
105
00:03:39,648 --> 00:03:41,582
I'd say "sacked."
106
00:03:41,616 --> 00:03:44,285
Because that's more
what Austin Powers would say.
107
00:03:44,319 --> 00:03:47,154
I do a great Austin Powers
impression.
108
00:03:47,189 --> 00:03:49,290
(poor Austin Powers impression):
You're sacked, baby!
109
00:03:49,324 --> 00:03:51,091
But I've worked here 20 years.
110
00:03:51,126 --> 00:03:52,927
You're just eliminating
the position?
111
00:03:52,961 --> 00:03:54,829
Oh, no, what you do
is important.
112
00:03:54,863 --> 00:03:57,131
I just found someone
who will do it cheaper.
113
00:03:57,165 --> 00:03:59,600
Meet Agent Gary.
114
00:03:59,634 --> 00:04:01,535
Gary's a half-wit.
115
00:04:01,570 --> 00:04:03,637
But he only costs half as much.
116
00:04:03,672 --> 00:04:07,475
Gary, stop rubbing
the stapler on your pants.
117
00:04:07,509 --> 00:04:10,044
(sniffs)
118
00:04:10,078 --> 00:04:11,712
So, that's it?
119
00:04:11,746 --> 00:04:14,215
I'm out of a job just like that?
120
00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:17,384
Yup, it's pretty crazy
how life can change so quickly.
121
00:04:17,419 --> 00:04:20,921
Here's another example of how
life can change so quickly.
122
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:22,356
(laughing)
123
00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:25,059
(thud, crashing)
124
00:04:25,093 --> 00:04:27,561
(strumming guitar)
125
00:04:27,596 --> 00:04:29,697
Ha-hey! Am I in time for a show?
126
00:04:29,731 --> 00:04:32,166
No, I challenged some dick
to a guitar duel.
127
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,834
Now get out of here,
I need to practice.
128
00:04:33,869 --> 00:04:35,970
Go play in your attic
if you don't want an audience.
129
00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:38,639
(groans) Stairs.
130
00:04:38,673 --> 00:04:40,474
All right, how
hard could this be?
131
00:04:40,509 --> 00:04:42,510
The shape is pretty
self-explanatory.
132
00:04:45,414 --> 00:04:47,748
Roger, I-I thought you knew
how to play the guitar.
133
00:04:47,783 --> 00:04:49,116
I used to.
134
00:04:49,151 --> 00:04:51,585
But you know the part of your
brain that deals with music?
135
00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:54,955
I took some PCP and
just destroyed it.
136
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,457
Hey, why don't you
order some DVDs
137
00:04:56,491 --> 00:04:58,359
from that Latin guy
with the infomercials?
138
00:04:58,393 --> 00:04:59,627
Lorenzo!
139
00:04:59,661 --> 00:05:01,395
That's genius, Hayley.
140
00:05:01,430 --> 00:05:03,998
Wonder how come I never
have any great ideas?
141
00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:06,000
I mean, could it be the PCP?
142
00:05:06,034 --> 00:05:07,034
Well, I don't know.
143
00:05:07,069 --> 00:05:08,069
Let's find out!
144
00:05:09,137 --> 00:05:11,906
Shoot, left my lighter
in the attic.
145
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:14,575
(groans) Stairs.
146
00:05:17,079 --> 00:05:19,113
You know, Mr. Smith,
I'd like to give you the job.
147
00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:21,749
And the way you opened
an entire pack of Starbursts
148
00:05:21,783 --> 00:05:23,751
with your tongue
was really impressive.
149
00:05:23,785 --> 00:05:26,620
But I just don't think
you're qualified.
150
00:05:26,655 --> 00:05:29,457
But I've worked for the
CIA for the last 20 years.
151
00:05:29,491 --> 00:05:32,193
Yes, I see you put
that on your r?sum?.
152
00:05:32,227 --> 00:05:35,062
But it's not
on your permanent record.
153
00:05:35,097 --> 00:05:36,297
"Permanent record"?
154
00:05:36,331 --> 00:05:37,732
That's a real thing?
155
00:05:37,766 --> 00:05:39,300
Well, if it wasn't,
how would I know
156
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:41,902
that in fifth grade you tried
157
00:05:41,937 --> 00:05:44,138
to get out of a math test
by putting a slice of pizza
158
00:05:44,172 --> 00:05:47,775
in your underwear
and saying it was your period?
159
00:05:47,809 --> 00:05:49,143
That's on there?!
160
00:05:49,177 --> 00:05:50,811
All right, first of all,
that never happened.
161
00:05:50,846 --> 00:05:52,446
Second of all, it was a calzone.
162
00:05:52,481 --> 00:05:53,714
I'm sorry, Mr. Smith.
163
00:05:53,749 --> 00:05:55,229
But with a permanent record
like this,
164
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,685
no one's going to hire you.
165
00:05:57,719 --> 00:05:59,587
Oh, you know what it must be?
166
00:05:59,621 --> 00:06:02,456
My CIA work isn't on there
because it's classified.
167
00:06:02,491 --> 00:06:03,724
Here, talk to my boss.
168
00:06:03,759 --> 00:06:04,725
(line ringing)
169
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,293
Yeah, hi, this is Shaun
170
00:06:06,328 --> 00:06:08,029
over at Buffalo Wild Wings
corporate.
171
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:09,904
I-I'm sorry to bother you,
but I'm sitting here
172
00:06:09,931 --> 00:06:12,667
with a Stan Smith,
who claims he worked for you.
173
00:06:12,701 --> 00:06:14,802
He-he did?
174
00:06:14,836 --> 00:06:17,538
(laughs)
Oh, is that right?
175
00:06:17,572 --> 00:06:19,206
Okay.
176
00:06:19,241 --> 00:06:21,642
Eh, nice try, but that was
clearly one of your friends.
177
00:06:21,677 --> 00:06:23,644
He gave me the old
"Now that I told you,
178
00:06:23,679 --> 00:06:25,680
I'm gonna have to kill you"
joke.
179
00:06:27,382 --> 00:06:28,649
Hi, Stan.
180
00:06:28,684 --> 00:06:31,185
You got to stop
telling people, Stan.
181
00:06:33,722 --> 00:06:35,556
So according
to my permanent record,
182
00:06:35,590 --> 00:06:37,258
the last job I had
was in college
183
00:06:37,292 --> 00:06:38,626
sweeping up hair.
184
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:40,761
Working at a barbershop
shows initiative.
185
00:06:40,796 --> 00:06:41,796
Barbershop?
186
00:06:41,830 --> 00:06:43,230
It was a White Castle.
187
00:06:43,265 --> 00:06:45,066
I finished raking
all the leaves.
188
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,267
Did you clean the gutters?
189
00:06:46,301 --> 00:06:47,268
There was nothing in them.
190
00:06:47,302 --> 00:06:48,602
Then get a ladder and go up
191
00:06:48,637 --> 00:06:50,037
and stuff the leaves
in the gutters.
192
00:06:50,038 --> 00:06:51,272
Then clean the gutters.
But that's...
193
00:06:51,306 --> 00:06:52,640
They won't always be clean.
194
00:06:52,674 --> 00:06:54,542
You need to be prepared
for that day.
195
00:06:54,576 --> 00:06:56,043
Full ass, son.
196
00:06:56,078 --> 00:06:58,579
(sighs)
Fine, I'll do it after work.
197
00:06:58,613 --> 00:07:00,614
Wait, Steve, didn't you say
198
00:07:00,649 --> 00:07:02,750
someone got fired
at the grocery store?
199
00:07:02,784 --> 00:07:05,219
Stan, maybe you
could take that job.
200
00:07:05,253 --> 00:07:06,320
Oh, no, no, no!
201
00:07:06,355 --> 00:07:07,989
Uh, uh, Dad doesn't
want that job.
202
00:07:08,023 --> 00:07:09,323
It's-it's entry level.
203
00:07:09,358 --> 00:07:10,791
Well, I got to start somewhere.
204
00:07:10,826 --> 00:07:13,561
Yay, I don't have to get a job!
205
00:07:18,967 --> 00:07:22,370
Hey, Steve, did you see that
guy earlier buying condoms?
206
00:07:22,404 --> 00:07:24,372
And now this lady's
getting tampons.
207
00:07:24,406 --> 00:07:26,107
This day is crazy.
208
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:29,343
I didn't know grocery
stores were so sexy.
209
00:07:29,378 --> 00:07:31,345
Have fun.
210
00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:33,714
You know that chick has sex.
211
00:07:33,749 --> 00:07:35,850
Dad, come on, we're working.
212
00:07:35,884 --> 00:07:37,218
Hey, Steve.
213
00:07:37,252 --> 00:07:38,753
Rick just quit.
214
00:07:38,787 --> 00:07:40,721
So, how would you like to be
215
00:07:40,756 --> 00:07:42,823
the new assistant manager?
216
00:07:42,858 --> 00:07:44,091
Would I?!
217
00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:45,760
Sir, I've got so much more
218
00:07:45,794 --> 00:07:47,361
workforce experience than Steve.
219
00:07:47,396 --> 00:07:49,463
Yeah, but Steve's
been here a month.
220
00:07:49,498 --> 00:07:51,899
So, Steve, here's
your huge key ring.
221
00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:55,236
Oh, boy, now I have access
to the teeth-whitening kits
222
00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:57,939
and all liquor over $40!
223
00:07:57,973 --> 00:07:59,540
Well, congratulations, Steve.
224
00:07:59,575 --> 00:08:01,208
Thanks, Dad.
225
00:08:01,243 --> 00:08:02,844
Now go take the pieces
of dead onion skin
226
00:08:02,878 --> 00:08:05,846
out of the shopping baskets.
227
00:08:05,881 --> 00:08:07,648
This totally blows.
228
00:08:07,683 --> 00:08:10,217
I worked for the CIA
for 20 years, you know.
229
00:08:10,252 --> 00:08:12,153
(glass breaks)
230
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:15,222
SNIPER: You really got to
put a sock in it, Stan!
231
00:08:17,666 --> 00:08:20,534
(whistling)
232
00:08:22,971 --> 00:08:24,371
I don't like your tune.
233
00:08:24,406 --> 00:08:25,686
Now, when you're done with this,
234
00:08:25,707 --> 00:08:27,141
I need you to go count
the tomatoes.
235
00:08:27,175 --> 00:08:29,043
Geez, why are you
being so bossy?
236
00:08:29,077 --> 00:08:30,544
'Cause I'm your boss.
237
00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:31,645
Not if I quit.
238
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:32,713
Yeah? You think
239
00:08:32,747 --> 00:08:34,215
your permanent record
looks bad now?
240
00:08:34,249 --> 00:08:35,416
Think how it'll look if you quit
241
00:08:35,450 --> 00:08:37,318
your only job in 20 years.
242
00:08:37,352 --> 00:08:38,452
(laughs) Quit.
243
00:08:38,487 --> 00:08:39,653
In your dreams.
244
00:08:40,922 --> 00:08:43,390
Steve, they just
delivered the butter.
245
00:08:43,425 --> 00:08:44,859
One of your new responsibilities
246
00:08:44,893 --> 00:08:46,794
is to show the baggers
how to stock it.
247
00:08:46,828 --> 00:08:48,462
Yes, sir. I'm on it.
248
00:08:50,232 --> 00:08:52,333
So, we're right behind
the butter shelves.
249
00:08:53,502 --> 00:08:56,303
Whoa! How long has
this place been here?
250
00:08:56,338 --> 00:08:58,706
Get your jaw off
the floor and start stocking.
251
00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:00,740
And don't let the butter sit
on the ground too long
252
00:09:00,742 --> 00:09:02,843
because the fridges
put out some major heat.
253
00:09:02,878 --> 00:09:04,879
Got it?
254
00:09:06,615 --> 00:09:08,015
It won't fit.
255
00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:10,151
You got to take it
out of the crate, dummy.
256
00:09:10,185 --> 00:09:11,619
Then you make it fit.
257
00:09:11,653 --> 00:09:12,820
Lay the butter like bricks.
258
00:09:12,854 --> 00:09:14,155
With the labels facing out.
259
00:09:14,189 --> 00:09:15,156
Got it?
260
00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,191
Yeah, I got it.
261
00:09:26,902 --> 00:09:28,002
I earned a break.
262
00:09:28,036 --> 00:09:29,603
I'll be napping
in the blood pressure chair.
263
00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:30,838
What's this?
264
00:09:30,872 --> 00:09:32,673
Oh, sorry.
265
00:09:32,707 --> 00:09:35,109
No, start over and do it right.
266
00:09:41,149 --> 00:09:43,217
Oh, that poor,
mentally-disabled man.
267
00:09:43,251 --> 00:09:44,685
I'm not mentally disabled!
268
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,555
Well, you don't know
how to stack butter, so...
269
00:09:52,494 --> 00:09:54,495
Hey, your guitar DVD came.
270
00:09:56,231 --> 00:09:58,265
What the hell
are you talking about?
271
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,102
You're battling that guy in
the coffee shop in two days.
272
00:10:01,136 --> 00:10:02,636
Oh, my God,
that's so important to me!
273
00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:04,672
Quick, put it in the DVD player!
274
00:10:06,174 --> 00:10:07,408
Just skip to the first lesson.
275
00:10:07,442 --> 00:10:08,709
I don't have a lot
of time to learn.
276
00:10:08,744 --> 00:10:10,678
(strumming guitar)
277
00:10:10,712 --> 00:10:12,613
Now it is your turn.
278
00:10:12,647 --> 00:10:14,248
Start with the G chord,
279
00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:16,617
which you finger like this.
280
00:10:16,651 --> 00:10:17,985
(groans)
He's going too fast.
281
00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:19,720
I'll pause.
282
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:21,022
I think I got it.
283
00:10:21,056 --> 00:10:22,556
Ready?
Yeah.
284
00:10:22,591 --> 00:10:24,625
Now strum.
285
00:10:26,762 --> 00:10:28,796
Aah! It's got me!
286
00:10:28,830 --> 00:10:30,831
(grunting)
287
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:35,603
Well, I guess this
is my hand now.
288
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:39,974
I hate working at that store!
289
00:10:40,008 --> 00:10:41,742
Steve just bosses me around.
290
00:10:41,777 --> 00:10:43,844
The only good thing is
that the stock boys
291
00:10:43,879 --> 00:10:45,179
are teaching me Spanish,
292
00:10:45,213 --> 00:10:47,415
so that's pretty c?llate gringo.
293
00:10:47,449 --> 00:10:49,083
Dad, why on Earth
did you make me
294
00:10:49,117 --> 00:10:51,619
take all of our spare light
bulbs out of their boxes?
295
00:10:51,653 --> 00:10:54,322
Stan, is this just
to get back at Steve
296
00:10:54,356 --> 00:10:56,123
for bossing you around
at the store?
297
00:10:56,158 --> 00:10:58,292
Are you accusing me of
being vindictive, Francine?
298
00:10:58,327 --> 00:11:00,094
Because I will destroy you!
299
00:11:00,128 --> 00:11:01,462
Besides, there's a reason
300
00:11:01,496 --> 00:11:03,831
I'm making him do
all these things.
301
00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:05,745
Now take off your shoes
and sweep up that glass.
302
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,034
Take off my shoes?!
303
00:11:07,069 --> 00:11:08,135
Take 'em off.
304
00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:10,471
Oh, you're in for it
tomorrow, mister.
305
00:11:10,505 --> 00:11:12,473
The regional manager's
coming for our review
306
00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:14,475
and I'm gonna
be busting your ass all day.
307
00:11:14,509 --> 00:11:15,609
I'll just call in sick.
308
00:11:15,644 --> 00:11:16,877
I'll tell them you're faking.
309
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:18,112
And you'll get fired.
310
00:11:18,146 --> 00:11:19,980
Then how will you
support your woman?
311
00:11:20,015 --> 00:11:22,483
How will you keep her
glowing in such finery?
312
00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:24,452
(sighs)
313
00:11:26,054 --> 00:11:28,322
(strums badly)
314
00:11:28,357 --> 00:11:29,323
LORENZO:
That's right.
315
00:11:29,358 --> 00:11:30,791
Now you're getting it!
316
00:11:30,826 --> 00:11:32,593
No, I'm not, and there's no way
317
00:11:32,628 --> 00:11:34,629
I'll learn by tomorrow!
318
00:11:35,831 --> 00:11:37,465
Not learning fast enough?
319
00:11:37,499 --> 00:11:38,466
What the hell?
320
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,467
How are you...
321
00:11:39,501 --> 00:11:41,002
(laughs evilly)
322
00:11:44,239 --> 00:11:45,206
(plays dramatic chords)
323
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:46,807
I am Lorenzo.
324
00:11:46,842 --> 00:11:48,876
AKA Old Scratch.
325
00:11:48,910 --> 00:11:52,079
I can offer you a shortcut
to guitar mastery,
326
00:11:52,114 --> 00:11:54,882
but it comes at an ironic price.
327
00:11:54,916 --> 00:11:56,484
Yeah, yeah, I'll pay any price.
328
00:11:56,518 --> 00:11:58,786
You realize I'm the Devil
and... and you're making
329
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:00,254
what is called
a Faustian bargain, right?
330
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:01,722
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
Really?
331
00:12:01,757 --> 00:12:03,924
'Cause you don't sound
like you understand
332
00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:05,259
the gravity of the ironic price.
333
00:12:05,294 --> 00:12:06,460
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it's fine.
334
00:12:06,495 --> 00:12:07,595
I mean, I really have to crush
335
00:12:07,629 --> 00:12:08,796
this punk at the coffee shop.
336
00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:10,131
He's got this stupid
little goatee...
337
00:12:10,165 --> 00:12:11,432
Ah! Enough!
Enough.
338
00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:13,334
I'm sure your
reasons are terrific
339
00:12:13,368 --> 00:12:15,369
if you are willing
to pay with your soul.
340
00:12:17,706 --> 00:12:19,006
Wait, my soul?
341
00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:20,675
My Kia Soul?
342
00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:23,010
How am I supposed to get
to my shift at Dairy Queen?
343
00:12:24,379 --> 00:12:25,613
Stacey, it's Roger.
344
00:12:25,647 --> 00:12:27,715
Hey, can you cover my
3:00 to 7:00 tonight?
345
00:12:27,749 --> 00:12:29,584
Oh, my soul!
346
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,385
Never mind.
347
00:12:31,420 --> 00:12:33,587
Hey, are you going
to Jake's party?
348
00:12:36,124 --> 00:12:37,692
Tom, I gotta say.
349
00:12:37,726 --> 00:12:39,260
You hit a solid double here.
350
00:12:39,294 --> 00:12:41,028
I'm just happy to get on base.
351
00:12:41,063 --> 00:12:43,464
I make the baseball
references...
352
00:12:43,498 --> 00:12:45,499
Oh. My. God.
353
00:12:45,534 --> 00:12:46,500
Holy moly.
354
00:12:46,535 --> 00:12:48,603
Stan, what's going on?
355
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:50,571
There's butter melting
all over the place!
356
00:12:50,606 --> 00:12:52,173
Yeah, I, uh, I could only fit
357
00:12:52,207 --> 00:12:53,541
one crate on the shelf.
358
00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:55,776
The rest is by the
refrigeration exhaust.
359
00:12:55,811 --> 00:12:57,778
Steve, you were
supposed to show Stan
360
00:12:57,813 --> 00:12:59,113
how to stock the butter!
361
00:12:59,147 --> 00:13:00,615
Yeah, I sure could have used
362
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:01,949
some supervision on that one.
363
00:13:01,984 --> 00:13:02,950
Wh-What?
364
00:13:02,985 --> 00:13:04,285
I-I showed you!
365
00:13:04,319 --> 00:13:05,686
Clearly not well enough.
366
00:13:05,721 --> 00:13:07,888
And I'm a sponge,
I was waiting for it.
367
00:13:07,923 --> 00:13:09,690
This is not good, Steve.
368
00:13:09,725 --> 00:13:12,393
It's just lucky no one got hurt.
369
00:13:12,427 --> 00:13:13,427
Joshua!
370
00:13:14,296 --> 00:13:15,429
(screaming)
371
00:13:25,173 --> 00:13:26,574
(screams)
372
00:13:31,813 --> 00:13:32,847
I'm sorry, Steve,
373
00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:34,115
but I'm gonna have
to let you go.
374
00:13:34,149 --> 00:13:35,182
But...
No buts.
375
00:13:35,217 --> 00:13:37,218
Now let's have the apron.
376
00:13:38,387 --> 00:13:40,388
(grunts)
377
00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:43,691
It's always hard
to see a young boy
378
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,059
tarnish his permanent record.
379
00:13:45,093 --> 00:13:46,160
Hold on.
380
00:13:46,194 --> 00:13:47,595
This'll be on his
permanent record?
381
00:13:47,629 --> 00:13:48,696
Uh, yeah.
382
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:50,164
He was assistant manager
383
00:13:50,198 --> 00:13:52,066
and he didn't show you
how to put the butter away.
384
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,734
That's something every employer
385
00:13:53,769 --> 00:13:56,304
for the rest of his life
is gonna want to know.
386
00:13:56,338 --> 00:13:58,673
Yeah, if he can even find a job.
387
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,174
Oh, God!
388
00:14:00,209 --> 00:14:01,283
What have I done?
389
00:14:01,403 --> 00:14:03,566
(thunder crashes)
390
00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:10,402
I showed him how
to stock the butter
391
00:14:10,436 --> 00:14:12,370
and he did it wrong on purpose.
392
00:14:12,405 --> 00:14:13,605
He got me fired!
393
00:14:13,639 --> 00:14:15,340
But he still has his job, right?
394
00:14:15,374 --> 00:14:17,075
I can keep my finery?
395
00:14:17,109 --> 00:14:18,343
You!
396
00:14:18,377 --> 00:14:20,645
You have a lot of nerve
showing your face here!
397
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,180
You're right to be mad, Steve.
398
00:14:22,215 --> 00:14:23,748
And it's worse than you think.
399
00:14:23,783 --> 00:14:25,050
I got you fired...
400
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:26,952
and now it's on your
permanent record.
401
00:14:26,986 --> 00:14:28,820
Good lord.
402
00:14:28,855 --> 00:14:30,288
My future...
403
00:14:30,323 --> 00:14:32,257
He's gonna be
ridin' the rails, Stan!
404
00:14:32,291 --> 00:14:33,291
(doorbell rings)
405
00:14:35,194 --> 00:14:37,028
It's come to our attention!
406
00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:38,997
That your son's run
out of options.
407
00:14:39,031 --> 00:14:40,365
The Army'll take him!
408
00:14:40,399 --> 00:14:42,400
Get out of here,
you damn vulture!
409
00:14:44,203 --> 00:14:45,904
Thank you for your service.
410
00:14:53,179 --> 00:14:55,180
Dad, what are we doing
at your old office?
411
00:14:55,214 --> 00:14:56,882
Well, the CIA was able to keep
412
00:14:56,916 --> 00:14:59,584
my 20 years with them
off my permanent record,
413
00:14:59,619 --> 00:15:01,086
so they must have
access to them.
414
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,288
Okay, but why'd
you drag me along?
415
00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:05,357
Well, I don't have
my badge anymore,
416
00:15:05,391 --> 00:15:07,025
so I need your help
getting into the building.
417
00:15:07,059 --> 00:15:08,760
And how am I
supposed to do that?
418
00:15:08,795 --> 00:15:09,861
Like this.
419
00:15:10,897 --> 00:15:13,765
(grunting, groaning)
420
00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:16,701
STEVE:
Ow!
421
00:15:16,736 --> 00:15:17,736
(lock clicking)
422
00:15:20,773 --> 00:15:22,674
Okay, I just have to log in
423
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:25,010
and see how they access
the permanent records.
424
00:15:26,946 --> 00:15:29,281
Damn it, they already
deleted my password!
425
00:15:29,315 --> 00:15:31,049
Your password was one letter?
426
00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:33,285
Yeah, it's, like, super easy
to remember that way.
427
00:15:33,319 --> 00:15:35,487
Well, I guess
this was a dead end.
428
00:15:35,521 --> 00:15:36,588
Or...
429
00:15:36,622 --> 00:15:38,123
maybe we could go
to the basement,
430
00:15:38,157 --> 00:15:39,257
'cause that's where
431
00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:40,926
the Permanent Record
Department is.
432
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,595
BULLOCK (recording):
This is Deputy Director Bullock
433
00:15:43,629 --> 00:15:46,431
reminding you that secrets
are meant to be kept.
434
00:15:46,466 --> 00:15:49,034
Now, back to the elevator music.
435
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,969
(singing):
Friday night it was late
436
00:15:51,003 --> 00:15:52,404
I was walking you home
437
00:15:52,438 --> 00:15:54,272
We got down to the gate
438
00:15:54,307 --> 00:15:57,309
And I was dreaming
of the night...
439
00:16:00,146 --> 00:16:01,880
It's a permanent record!
440
00:16:01,914 --> 00:16:05,350
"Martin McGowan pretended
to pick up his dog's poop,
441
00:16:05,384 --> 00:16:07,786
but just grabbed at the air
and kept walking."
442
00:16:07,820 --> 00:16:08,787
Wow.
443
00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:10,021
They are on top of stuff.
444
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:11,823
Come on, let's find yours.
445
00:16:15,661 --> 00:16:17,662
Here it is.
446
00:16:18,664 --> 00:16:20,232
"Fired from grocery store
447
00:16:20,266 --> 00:16:21,967
for incompetent management."
448
00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:24,136
Don't worry, we'll fix that.
449
00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:31,977
"And it was totally not
Steve's fault."
450
00:16:32,011 --> 00:16:32,978
There.
451
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:34,646
Now, to spice it up.
452
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,815
"Steve Smith lost his virginity
453
00:16:36,849 --> 00:16:39,117
"after a romantic candlelight
dinner on the beach.
454
00:16:39,152 --> 00:16:41,153
"He suggested
taking things slow,
455
00:16:41,187 --> 00:16:42,954
"but she was voracious,
456
00:16:42,989 --> 00:16:45,123
"with an unquenchable
sex-thirst.
457
00:16:45,158 --> 00:16:46,992
And he did a good job."
458
00:16:47,026 --> 00:16:48,360
Solid.
459
00:16:48,394 --> 00:16:49,995
Now, let's get outta here.
GUARD: Freeze!
460
00:16:51,564 --> 00:16:53,131
Sir, we were just
trying to repair
461
00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:54,466
Steve's permanent record.
462
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,834
He shouldn't be burdened
463
00:16:55,868 --> 00:16:57,628
for the rest of his life
for something I did.
464
00:16:57,637 --> 00:16:59,304
Well, that's the system.
465
00:16:59,338 --> 00:17:01,206
And when I send this downstairs,
466
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,709
you'll be a virgin again,
Master Smith.
467
00:17:03,743 --> 00:17:06,044
You're in charge of
the permanent records?
468
00:17:06,079 --> 00:17:07,879
I play many roles here.
469
00:17:07,914 --> 00:17:10,882
I also design
the company softball shirts.
470
00:17:12,985 --> 00:17:15,120
It came to me in a dream.
471
00:17:15,154 --> 00:17:18,123
Daddy, the bombs came.
472
00:17:18,157 --> 00:17:20,225
It's C-4,
Gary,
473
00:17:20,259 --> 00:17:21,626
and I am not your father.
474
00:17:21,661 --> 00:17:23,161
What about the detonators?
475
00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:24,529
They came, too.
476
00:17:24,564 --> 00:17:27,132
I put them in the bombs
so Gary wouldn't lose them.
477
00:17:27,166 --> 00:17:29,134
Did you set the timer on these?!
478
00:17:29,168 --> 00:17:31,036
Uh-huh, Gary
making oatmeal.
479
00:17:31,070 --> 00:17:33,505
Almost ready.
(ticking)
480
00:17:33,539 --> 00:17:35,841
Good God, you're gonna
blow up this office!
481
00:17:35,875 --> 00:17:39,044
We've got to get
this C-4 out of here!
482
00:17:39,078 --> 00:17:40,545
Uh-oh!
483
00:17:42,715 --> 00:17:44,049
Steve, throw me more bricks.
484
00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:45,417
It's just like the butter!
485
00:17:45,451 --> 00:17:47,819
Oh, yeah!
486
00:17:49,422 --> 00:17:50,389
Go, Dad!
487
00:17:57,864 --> 00:17:59,531
(explosion, glass shattering)
488
00:17:59,565 --> 00:18:00,532
Yay!
489
00:18:00,566 --> 00:18:01,933
Oatmeal time!
490
00:18:01,968 --> 00:18:03,268
Gary, you're fired!
491
00:18:03,302 --> 00:18:05,504
Stan, you got your job back.
492
00:18:05,538 --> 00:18:07,673
Thank you for saving
our lives, Smith.
493
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:09,341
Well, actually, you
should be thanking Steve.
494
00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:12,010
I was only able to
stack the C-4 so fast
495
00:18:12,045 --> 00:18:13,478
because Steve was so hard on me
496
00:18:13,513 --> 00:18:14,479
at the grocery store.
497
00:18:14,514 --> 00:18:16,081
Oh. Well-well,
I just did that
498
00:18:16,115 --> 00:18:18,283
because you were such
a jerk to me at home.
499
00:18:18,318 --> 00:18:20,285
I'm not trying to
be a jerk, Steve.
500
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,788
I'm trying to save you from
a life of ridin' the rails.
501
00:18:22,822 --> 00:18:24,890
Dad, that's just an expression.
502
00:18:24,924 --> 00:18:26,591
Tell that to Tony Lura.
503
00:18:26,626 --> 00:18:28,327
He half-assed
it all summer
504
00:18:28,361 --> 00:18:29,661
on the grill at White Castle.
505
00:18:29,696 --> 00:18:31,797
A lot of people got
really sick, actually.
506
00:18:31,831 --> 00:18:33,298
Then he just disappeared.
507
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:34,800
Last anyone saw of him,
508
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,401
he was hoppin' the
Union Pacific Line
509
00:18:36,436 --> 00:18:38,236
with all of his
possessions in a sock.
510
00:18:38,271 --> 00:18:39,538
Oh.
511
00:18:39,572 --> 00:18:41,840
Well, thanks for
looking out for me, Dad.
512
00:18:41,874 --> 00:18:44,276
I sure wouldn't want
to end up like Tony Lura.
513
00:18:44,310 --> 00:18:45,911
No, you wouldn't, son.
514
00:18:45,945 --> 00:18:47,779
And, son, that's why
515
00:18:47,814 --> 00:18:49,781
you don't want to end up
like Stan Smith,
516
00:18:49,816 --> 00:18:52,818
the White Castle employee
who did everything right.
517
00:18:52,852 --> 00:18:54,052
'Cause what did it get him?
518
00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:56,555
A government job
fighting for so-called freedom
519
00:18:56,589 --> 00:18:58,824
from the confines of a cubicle.
520
00:18:58,858 --> 00:19:01,293
Well, this is my cubicle!
521
00:19:01,327 --> 00:19:03,195
(train horn blares)
522
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:06,098
And this is real freedom!
523
00:19:06,132 --> 00:19:07,766
You understand, son?
524
00:19:09,535 --> 00:19:10,669
Yep.
525
00:19:10,703 --> 00:19:14,339
The world is our oyster!
526
00:19:19,679 --> 00:19:22,180
(acoustic guitar playing)
527
00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:27,386
(applause) They're
clapping 'cause it's over.
528
00:19:29,122 --> 00:19:31,123
(playing "Classical Gas")
529
00:20:00,253 --> 00:20:02,254
530
00:20:29,849 --> 00:20:31,516
You get the drift, I win.
531
00:20:31,551 --> 00:20:33,185
(applause, cheering)
532
00:20:33,219 --> 00:20:36,255
Listen, buddy, you clearly won,
but I really need this gig.
533
00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:38,390
I tell you what-- you
seem like a nice guy.
534
00:20:38,424 --> 00:20:40,092
What if I let you
keep playing here
535
00:20:40,126 --> 00:20:42,094
and you just cover
the price of my lessons?
536
00:20:42,128 --> 00:20:43,729
That'd be amazing!
537
00:20:43,763 --> 00:20:45,497
Then it's a deal.
538
00:20:45,532 --> 00:20:47,533
(screaming)
539
00:20:48,324 --> 00:20:54,293
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
540
00:20:54,343 --> 00:20:58,893
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37467
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