Original subtitles

Good morning, USA!

I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day

The sun in the sky has a smile on his face

And he's shining a salute to the American race

Oh, boy, it's swell to say

Good...

Good morning, USA

Aah!

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

(whirring)

Back you go, number 47.

See you in three years.

Well, now that my suit is hung,

it's time for me to show you something else that's...

well, not-not hung but super wide.

An 18-wheeler! I made it at work.

(shatters) And now sex time.

Slow down. I want to finish the story

I was telling you at dinner.

Oh, great.

Where'd I leave off? Oh, yeah.

So, I saw Sandra at the market today.

She's still having a tough time dealing with little Jason.

I guess he took a blender to school and...

(air conditioner humming)

(wind whistling softly)

Welcome, Mr. Smith.

Back for another evening of pantomime and shadow?

GIRL: I want a hippopotamus for Christmas

Only a hippopotamus will do...

FRANCINE: Stan?

Stan?

I'm here! Okay, let's do this.

Stan! What?

You want to start individually

and then join forces for the big finale?

No. I'm tired of you pretending to listen to me

just so you can pound this.

It's disrespectful.

What? I was listening.

Oh, really?

Then you won't mind taking this pop quiz

about everything I said today.

The gender of Denise's new baby?

The ethnicity of your friend Tuvok?

Your maiden name? These questions are impossible!

Impossible to answer right now, because...

(groans) My stomach! It hurts so bad!

Oh, brother.

How dare you! It could be my appendix!

Oh. Well, then you'll need an ambulance, won't you?

(beep)

(siren wailing)

(groans) I'm beat.

You know, you tell yourself you're gonna get this job

at Hearty's and it's gonna be this great thing, but...

it's not.

So why don't you quit?

I'd love to, but I only have $1,200 saved.

H-Hold up. $1,200?

Klaus, you can quit your job!

We'll use that money to start a business and be our own bosses!

I don't know.

What's the business?

Roger and Klaus's Business.

(gasps) I love it!

Right? I'm thinking we offer a service or a product

that customers will pay for.

(quietly): Shh! Keep your voice down.

People will hear.

Thing is, I already had my appendix out when I was a kid.

Then what did they remove?

Some red thing-- I didn't recognize it.

But how could Francine tell you weren't listening?

Didn't you smile while she was speaking?

Of course.

Did you remember also to nod?

Uh, yeah.

Then that's all you can do.

There's no third thing to listening.

I suppose, but I'd still like to have sex sometime this year.

She's withholding sex?

Why didn't you say something?

Pharmacology Department?

Send up a bottle of Estrocillin right away!

What's Estrocillin?

It's an experimental drug the CIA has designed

to enable male agents to listen to female intelligence targets

and actually retain the information they tell them.

Damn it, why is this fridge always so full?

That's it. I quit!

Wait, I can't quit.

I've got a family.

Unfortunately, I've already accepted your resignation.

Ah, Trish. There you are.

Here's the Estrocillin you requested, sir.

Here you go, Smith.

Take these, and in no time you'll be

connecting with your wife all night long.

Gentlemen,

this is the perfect opportunity, while I have you both here.

I wanted to let you know that...

(air conditioner humming)

What do you hear, sir?

Is it the hum of an AC unit?

Actually, mine's whales.

(whales singing)

(air conditioner humming) (whales singing)

(tribal drums beating)

Well, we've spent all the money, but we have our location.

Wow. So much potential. Right?

All that's left is to figure out what we're gonna sell,

where we're gonna get it and how to run

and properly manage a successful business.

The finishing touches.

(gulps)

Uh, uh, wait, wait, Francine, uh, don't go to sleep.

I never got to ask you how your day was.

Very funny, Stan.

No, seriously. I want to know.

How was your day?

Well...

I just wasn't feeling it.

You know what I mean? I don't.

But I want to.

Elaborate.

(gasps)

...then she told her that she'd never said that

to either of them in the first place, least of all her.

Not to her, certainly. Oh, and, Francine,

I'm ready to take your listening test.

Stan, there's no time for a test.

I want you immediately.

And I, you.

But first I got to pee.

(stomach grumbles)

My insides are squirming like eels.

What are you doing to me, girl?

Oh, Stan. Pee fast.

(phone ringing)

Bathroom phone.

BULLOCK: Smith! Tell me you haven't taken the Estrocillin!

Why? What's the prob...

(grunting)

(crackling)

(shouts, grunts)

(shouts)

(popping)

(grunting)

Oh, my God, sir!

Either I've gone crazy, or I've turned into a woman!

What's the difference?

(both laugh)

Hey, screw you!

Stan, get out here and ravage me.

(screams)

(screams)

(screams)

(screams)

(screams) (screams)

(Francine screams)

(Stan screams tiredly)

(Francine screams lamely)

(sighs)

(groans) I have a headache from all that screaming.

Well, not to compete with you,

but I have a headache from my skull changing shape.

How did this happen? I don't know.

All I did was take this pill, but the woman at the lab said

nothing about recommended dosage or possible side effects.

It's imperative that you only take half a pill.

A whole pill will transform you into a woman.

You know what? I'm gonna start making them smaller.

"Increases comprehension of female chatter."

So this is why you were listening so well.

I'm sorry. I was just trying to be a better husband.

Don't I get points for effort?

(sighs) Yeah, I guess.

Don't worry.

We'll figure this out.

Are... are your boobs bigger than mine?

Just different, is all.

In size.

So what's with the family meeting?

(shrieks)

What the hell? Dad?

Kind of.

Kids, your father's...

a woman now.

We all need to process this as a family,

so if you have any questions, let's hear them.

I-I don't understand.

That's not a question, Hayley.

And you don't have to raise your hand, Steve.

How are you a woman now?

In every way. From my ridiculous split ends

to these boots I'm already sick of.

Wait, so d-does this mean...

Steve had his hand raised. Steve.

So, like, are you gonna wear a bra now?

Absolutely not. Everyone knows if they're flawless,

you can go braless. Next question.

Will you... Oh, Steve beat you by a hair.

Are trains becoming obsolete?

On the contrary, Steve.

Trains are more relevant than ever.

Now Hayley.

A-Am I the only one struggling with this here?

You found a book, right, Stan?

They didn't have one where a dad becomes a mom,

so maybe read it backwards.

How does it work with-with you guys then?

Are you still together?

Yes. We love each other very much. (Roger slurping)

So... you're lesbians now?

I... I don't know. (Roger slurping)

Hey! I figured out what we're gonna sell for our business.

Stan's suits!

He's got hundreds of them that he doesn't need anymore.

Is he dead? Is he finally dead?

Can I go free?

No, he's a woman now.

Oh.

A woman fish?

So... lesbians?

Lesbians.

(both inhale deeply)

STAN: Don't-don't do that.

I-I don't feel confident there.

Let me do this.

(Stan and Francine grunting)

FRANCINE: Hey. Ow, ow.

Stan, what are you doing?

I don't know, but it feels like we're trying to make a fire.

This isn't working.

Well, until the CIA fixes you,

I guess sex is off the table.

'Cause we are not lesbians.

We should tell the kids.

Kids, we are not lesbians!

We tried, but it was a no go!

STEVE: Please stop involving me in this!

I am a child!

Agent Smith reporting for duty.

Come in. Let me get a look at you.

Do a quick turn for us.

You really do cut quite a figure as a woman, Smith.

You look exactly as I imagined.

Only I drew the hair a bit short.

Well, that's easily fixed.

There it is.

Any news from the lab on reversing... all this?

Not yet, but I'll keep you posted.

Now off to work with you.

(sniffing)

(phone ringing)

Go for Bullock.

Sir, we've successfully engineered a way

to reverse the effects of Estrocillin.

Oh, that's exciting.

Shall I notify Agent Smith? I'll do it.

We have a thing where he likes to hear things from me.

It's a thing.

We have it.

This fridge is always full.

We need a second one.

That way, we could have one for drinks

and the other one for people's bag lunches.

Hmm, not a bad idea.

I think I should go to the deputy director with this.

Are you done having your idea?

Can I get the Sriracha now?

Thanks for taking me out.

I really needed this.

The girls at work have been really rough on me.

No respect.

I'm like the Rodney Dangerfield of that office

because I basically am dead to them.

Excuse me, are you Megan Fox?

No.

So you're just a regular fox.

(hisses)

Stan, as a woman with an unnecessarily large

and perky bosom, you're gonna get lots of attention.

Guys will say anything to try and pick you up,

and some of it's gonna be tempting.

So I don't look like Megan Fox?

I know it's all new and confusing.

Just be careful.

Hopefully, you won't have to be a woman much longer.

I'll get us another round.

At The K&R Suit Experience, we have hundreds of suits,

in the only color you'll ever need.

KLAUS: Blue, blue, this shade of blue!

All suits in stock are 42 regular.

Smaller than that? Get it tailored.

There are tailors all over the city.

Open a phone book.

Are you bigger than 42 regular?

We can't help you.

Look elsewhere!

These prices are so low, they're driving us mad.

Why are we burning these suits?

For warmth?

My grip on reality is weakening!

Must... lower... prices.

KLAUS: K&R Suit Experience in Little Detroit.

Next to the abandoned police station.

If you see "God is Dead" written on the side

of the collapsing overpass, then you've gone too far!

What do I owe you?

Your drinks have been paid for, miss.

Shut up.

Deputy Director Bullock.

What are you doing here?

Is there news from the lab?

Yes, and I'm afraid it isn't good.

There's no cure for this.

You'll be a beautiful woman forever.

Oh, my God.

No time for an honest emotional response.

We also have urgent CIA business to attend to.

Oh, uh, let me just tell Francine.

As I said, no time. Now let's go.

Yes, sir. I'll grab my pashmina and meet you out front.

See that woman over there?

I'm going to rail her.

(bell clangs) Oh! We got one!

ALL: You say you're gonna rail her

We're really glad to hear

And after you've completed

She'll be grinning ear to ear, hey!

I love the family atmosphere here.

Have you seen my husband?

Six foot tall? Dark hair?

Body of a woman?

Oh, that lady.

She left about 20 minutes ago with some guy.

What? Do you remember anything about him?

Not much. Only that he was bald, worked for the CIA,

and sounded like The Beatles.

Not when they sing, but when they do interviews.

Bullock!

(engine roars)

So, what's the urgent business?

Oh, that. Uh, yes, well, um...

(imitates beeps)

Ah. Mission cancelled.

Looks like another gumshoe found Carmen Sandiego for us.

Well, that is good news.

I guess you can take me back to the bar.

Or we could just keep driving.

It's rare that I get one-on-one time

with my employees.

Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about a solution

to the break room fridge problem that,

frankly, I'm pretty excited about.

You ever see one of these bad boys?

Not many people get the chance to see the moon while moving.

(insect buzzes) It's...

(gags)

(coughs)

Are you okay?

God, I am so sick of that happening.

But let's not let it ruin our night.

Anyway, about my idea for the fridge in the break room...

Yes, I can't wait to discuss it.

But we should probably do it somewhere indoors.

Where could we go? Where could we go?

I suppose we could go to my place.

(tires screech)

I mean, we're already here.

Not one customer all day.

I mean, that dog came in,

but he was just looking for a place to die.

Eh, let's get out of here.

Thanks a lot, Obama.

Is this the warehouse dance party?

Huh?

Flyer says 50 bucks.

This is the place, right?

Oh, uh, yeah.

Yeah, this is the place you think it is.

Head on in.

(chuckles): Head on in.

Text your friends, tell them you found it.

(tires screech)

Stan?

Stan?!

Sorry to interrupt your science,

but have you seen my husband Stan Smith?

Anatomically a woman.

Agent Smith is still a woman?

Well, yeah.

We're still waiting on a cure.

There is a cure.

A simple pill that'll turn Stan back into a man.

Bullock was supposed to tell him.

Apparently they have a thing.

Wait a minute.

Then Bullock's keeping Stan a woman

so he can sleep with him.

I have to find out where they are.

Well, if Bullock's trying to seal the deal,

they're probably at his house.

That's where he likes to have his sex.

There. Two glasses of zin,

some pickled ginger, a bowl of clementines.

The scene is set to discuss work concerns.

Well, as we both know,

the situation with the fridge has become untenable.

My proposal: a second fridge.

Where would we put it, you ask?

Put it where the Fruitopia vending machine is.

I mean, we can keep waiting for the guy to come back

and restock it, but it's been 12 years.

It's time to move on.

Intriguing.

Very intriguing.

Oh, I'm so glad you're into it.

Open.

Yes, enjoy that, Smith.

It's the last thing you'll put in your mouth

a little at a time.

Come on, come on! Get out of my way!

I love what I've heard so far.

You have to tell me more.

Well, I'm just saying, if we have two fridges,

then we essentially double our capacity.

You know, I have over four swords.

Hai-yah!

Oops.

(tires screech, horn blares)

(engine revving)

(gasps) That's the exact same car as mine.

(gasps)

Oh, no!

Do I have a man's haircut?

And people don't want to put their lunches in the door

because it sometimes squishes the sandwiches.

So, Smith, now that you're a woman permanently,

you and your wife probably won't be getting it on, eh?

No, I guess not.

We'll just be friends.

Best friends.

Seems like a best friend

would want you to have all your needs met.

Sir, what are you saying?

Look in the mirror, bro.

You're a red-hot mama and your body is crying out for a man.

Let me be that man.

I... I-I don't know.

You're telling me you haven't wondered what it'd be like

if one of us accidentally changed genders

after a horrible pharmacological mishap?

That's what I thought.

Now, what if this happened?

That's... that's not so bad.

You're right.

It's not so bad.

I bought him in Thailand.

You can drown him if it pleases you.

(tires screech)

Stan! Stan!

Oh, no.

This is no ordinary love...

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

No ordinary love...

Still warm.

I can't believe this is about to happen.

Wow.

When I had my idea about the fridge, I...

I never thought it would lead to this.

Your idea about what now?

The break room fridge.

Oh, I hate the break room fridge; it's always so packed.

Someone's got to do something about that.

Are you kidding me?

STAN: No!

You've just been pretending to listen to me all night!

Do you know how disrespectful that is?

Tell me more.

You're still not listening!

Oh, Francine was right.

If you love someone, you have to at least try to listen to them.

I finally know how to be the man she deserves,

but I'm stuck as a woman forever.

(sobs)

Oh, Stan.

Francine?

I heard everything, and I'm so glad you understand.

And you're not stuck.

There's an antidote that turns you back into a man.

Well, that's great news.

And he's known the whole time.

Is that true?

(whales singing)

Unbelievable.

I'm keeping the sword.

I hope this won't make things weird at work.

Wow.

Regrowing a penis was...

not as painful as you'd think.

I'm so glad you're back.

No, hold on.

Pop quiz.

Who did I talk to at the CIA?

Oh, uh, you talked to the lab lady.

Good. And her name?

Aw, come on. Um...

It starts with a letter in the alphabet.

Uh, let's see, it's...

it's-it's Blowgus?

The woman's name is Blowgus?

You know what, I don't remember either.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0