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1
00:00:01,472 --> 00:00:02,906
(upbeat march plays)
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00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:05,608
Good morning, USA!
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00:00:05,643 --> 00:00:09,546
I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
4
00:00:09,580 --> 00:00:12,515
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
5
00:00:12,550 --> 00:00:16,953
And he's shining a salute
to the American race
6
00:00:18,823 --> 00:00:22,225
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
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00:00:22,259 --> 00:00:24,227
Good...
Good morning, USA
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00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:34,922
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com.
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00:00:35,773 --> 00:00:40,076
BULLOCK: This is the story of,
the Smiths' trip to Familyland,
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00:00:40,111 --> 00:00:43,012
the familiest place on Earth.
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00:00:43,047 --> 00:00:44,881
Just like the sign says.
12
00:00:44,915 --> 00:00:46,383
Why did I have to read that?
13
00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:48,151
Can't the audience read it?
14
00:00:48,185 --> 00:00:49,219
Oh, they can't.
15
00:00:49,253 --> 00:00:50,286
Right.
16
00:00:50,321 --> 00:00:53,523
(car horns honking)
17
00:00:53,557 --> 00:00:55,558
It's gonna be
so great to finally
18
00:00:55,593 --> 00:00:56,960
spend some time as a family.
19
00:00:56,994 --> 00:00:59,529
It seems like we never
get to do that anymore.
20
00:00:59,563 --> 00:01:00,764
What are you talking about?
21
00:01:00,798 --> 00:01:02,298
You're forgetting
our five-week run
22
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,100
as champions on Family Feud.
23
00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:05,101
Five weeks?
24
00:01:05,136 --> 00:01:07,103
That was all shot
in one afternoon.
25
00:01:07,138 --> 00:01:09,038
Shh. That's a
TV secret.
26
00:01:09,073 --> 00:01:11,808
All I'm saying is that
last time we came here
27
00:01:11,842 --> 00:01:14,544
was one of the best days
this family's had together.
28
00:01:14,578 --> 00:01:16,212
Look how happy we were.
29
00:01:18,749 --> 00:01:20,150
Francine, they don't care.
30
00:01:20,184 --> 00:01:21,718
They're all on their
mobile devices.
31
00:01:21,752 --> 00:01:23,153
They're in their own world.
32
00:01:23,187 --> 00:01:25,922
You're right. Stan,
can you please tell them
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00:01:25,956 --> 00:01:28,024
to put down their iPads
for a second?
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00:01:28,058 --> 00:01:30,460
Francine, I'm trying to
concentrate on the road.
35
00:01:30,494 --> 00:01:31,995
And I'm on my last lap.
36
00:01:35,032 --> 00:01:37,033
Whatever.
37
00:01:39,703 --> 00:01:41,204
Mom's cinnamon cookies!
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00:01:41,238 --> 00:01:43,740
Terrific. No one
cares about me,
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00:01:43,774 --> 00:01:45,708
they just care
about my cookies.
40
00:01:45,743 --> 00:01:47,644
I don't even care
about your cookies.
41
00:01:47,678 --> 00:01:49,879
We're at the one place
in all the world
42
00:01:49,914 --> 00:01:51,381
where you can
get Trippin' Balls--
43
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:54,083
tiny pellets
of futuristic ice cream.
44
00:01:54,118 --> 00:01:56,686
Hey, guys, let's all sing
the Trippin' Balls song.
45
00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,957
Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls.
46
00:02:00,991 --> 00:02:02,959
Paul Anka wrote that
in a night.
47
00:02:03,994 --> 00:02:06,062
In a night.
48
00:02:06,096 --> 00:02:08,064
(indistinct crowd chatter)
49
00:02:10,568 --> 00:02:12,268
BULLOCK:
Smith.
50
00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:13,703
Sir, what are you doing here?
51
00:02:13,737 --> 00:02:16,005
Yeah, Avery, shouldn't you
be here with your family?
52
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,740
I don't have a family.
53
00:02:17,775 --> 00:02:20,009
What about that Indian
baby you have sometimes?
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00:02:20,044 --> 00:02:21,878
This isn't one of those times.
55
00:02:21,912 --> 00:02:24,180
But I am a family-phile.
56
00:02:24,215 --> 00:02:26,416
I have a fetish
for family things.
57
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:29,486
I know the word "fetish"
makes it sound sexual.
58
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,422
Which is good, because it is.
59
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:36,092
I see you're all together.
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00:02:38,195 --> 00:02:40,196
(muffled groan)
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00:02:41,799 --> 00:02:43,166
STEVE:
Oh, look!
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00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,268
(gasps) It's Mikey Muskrat
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00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:47,504
and the founder
of the park, Roy Family.
64
00:02:47,538 --> 00:02:49,472
Wasn't Roy Family
a total weirdo?
65
00:02:49,507 --> 00:02:51,274
Yep, I heard he was
cryogenically frozen
66
00:02:51,308 --> 00:02:53,643
somewhere in the park
and that he used to have
67
00:02:53,677 --> 00:02:56,012
two tamed caterpillars
as a mustache.
68
00:02:56,046 --> 00:02:58,181
Are you sure you're not
talking about Walt Disney?
69
00:02:58,215 --> 00:02:59,315
Who?
70
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,217
(sniffs) Oh, my God,
71
00:03:01,252 --> 00:03:03,253
it smells so yummy around here.
72
00:03:03,287 --> 00:03:06,990
Ugh, yeah, they pump in pleasant
smells to make you happier
73
00:03:07,024 --> 00:03:08,691
and want to buy things.
74
00:03:08,726 --> 00:03:10,627
You're such a cynic.
75
00:03:10,661 --> 00:03:13,363
Okay, everybody,
what should we do first?
76
00:03:13,397 --> 00:03:14,564
I know what I'm doing.
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00:03:14,598 --> 00:03:16,432
Straight to Cartoon City.
78
00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:18,001
It's where Mikey Muskrat
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00:03:18,035 --> 00:03:19,736
and all of his cartoon pals
80
00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:21,504
go about their daily lives.
81
00:03:21,539 --> 00:03:24,374
They live, they laugh,
they love, they learn.
82
00:03:24,408 --> 00:03:25,808
They're just like us, really.
83
00:03:25,843 --> 00:03:26,809
Except they don't bleed,
84
00:03:26,844 --> 00:03:28,444
and most of them wear bow ties
85
00:03:28,479 --> 00:03:29,812
and gloves but not pants.
86
00:03:29,847 --> 00:03:30,980
Forget Cartoon City.
87
00:03:31,015 --> 00:03:32,949
I'm gonna go
to Wild Wild West World
88
00:03:32,983 --> 00:03:35,051
and ride
Brokeback Splash Mountain.
89
00:03:35,085 --> 00:03:37,086
It's just one long, dark tunnel
90
00:03:37,121 --> 00:03:38,588
where anything can happen.
91
00:03:38,622 --> 00:03:39,989
I vote Outer Space Land.
92
00:03:40,024 --> 00:03:41,791
Can you picture
what these idiots
93
00:03:41,825 --> 00:03:43,059
think space looks like?
94
00:03:43,093 --> 00:03:46,429
It's gonna be Ground Control
to Major Lame.
95
00:03:46,463 --> 00:03:48,531
Oh. I guess
that was kinda lame.
96
00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:50,800
Yeah? Well, I'm going
to Fairytale Land
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00:03:50,834 --> 00:03:52,936
to teach little girls
that princesses
98
00:03:52,970 --> 00:03:55,104
are an outdated
stereotype perpetuated
99
00:03:55,139 --> 00:03:57,206
by a male-dominated
society.
100
00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,808
Well, good news.
101
00:03:58,842 --> 00:04:01,477
There's time for us
to do everything together.
102
00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:03,446
We can start in Cartoon City,
103
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,381
and then head over
to Simpler Times Mountain
104
00:04:05,416 --> 00:04:09,018
for our picnic lunch at noon,
just like we did last time.
105
00:04:11,055 --> 00:04:13,156
Hey, where did everybody go?
106
00:04:13,190 --> 00:04:15,358
They ditched you,
Franny. But not me.
107
00:04:15,392 --> 00:04:17,226
I just rudely walked away
as you were talking.
108
00:04:17,261 --> 00:04:18,328
You did?
109
00:04:18,362 --> 00:04:20,697
When did you...
Oh, I get it.
110
00:04:20,731 --> 00:04:22,732
111
00:04:29,473 --> 00:04:30,873
Hey, you're cutting!
112
00:04:30,908 --> 00:04:34,844
How about I show you
what real cutting is, huh?
113
00:04:34,878 --> 00:04:36,279
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
114
00:04:36,313 --> 00:04:38,181
Can you speak into
my microphone?
115
00:04:38,215 --> 00:04:41,484
Whoa, things just got real.
116
00:04:42,519 --> 00:04:44,887
(toy horns honking)
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00:04:44,922 --> 00:04:47,323
Oh, boy, looks like
cartoon rush hour
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00:04:47,358 --> 00:04:48,958
is just kicking in.
119
00:04:53,797 --> 00:04:57,233
I want to be a princess
like you when I grow up.
120
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:58,601
Well, then you just find
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00:04:58,636 --> 00:05:00,303
the best looking boy you can
122
00:05:00,337 --> 00:05:02,505
and do whatever he says.
123
00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:04,007
Don't listen to her.
124
00:05:04,041 --> 00:05:06,576
You don't need a boy
to define your identity.
125
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:09,012
You're a strong,
independent girl.
126
00:05:09,046 --> 00:05:11,114
Seriously, whatever he says.
127
00:05:11,148 --> 00:05:12,682
Even if it's
something you think
128
00:05:12,716 --> 00:05:14,117
shouldn't be asked
of a princess.
129
00:05:14,151 --> 00:05:17,420
Because he'll find
a princess who will.
130
00:05:17,454 --> 00:05:19,288
Out of my way, people!
I'm here to laugh
131
00:05:19,323 --> 00:05:21,524
at how cheesy
Outer Space Land is.
132
00:05:26,130 --> 00:05:29,932
Oh... my... God.
133
00:05:29,967 --> 00:05:33,102
They got it exactly right.
(gasps)
134
00:05:33,137 --> 00:05:37,040
Just like the flying cars
on tracks at home.
135
00:05:44,181 --> 00:05:46,149
(crowd booing)
136
00:05:47,184 --> 00:05:50,687
Get outta town, you jezebel!
137
00:05:50,721 --> 00:05:52,722
(giggling)
138
00:05:56,994 --> 00:05:58,261
It's 1:00.
139
00:05:58,295 --> 00:06:00,229
No one showed up for lunch.
140
00:06:00,264 --> 00:06:02,832
Some family vacation this is.
141
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:04,867
Well, at least we're together.
142
00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:07,570
Yeah, and they just
unload you on me.
143
00:06:09,106 --> 00:06:10,573
Real great park, Roy.
144
00:06:10,607 --> 00:06:12,608
Familyland, my ass.
145
00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:21,350
(crackling)
146
00:06:30,494 --> 00:06:33,262
Whoa, you're the guy
from the statue!
147
00:06:34,598 --> 00:06:36,599
This isn't Familyland.
148
00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:38,034
Gluttony.
149
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:39,702
Selfishness.
150
00:06:39,737 --> 00:06:41,504
Ugh!
151
00:06:41,538 --> 00:06:44,941
It's become something
sick and perverted.
152
00:06:44,975 --> 00:06:46,776
Shut it down.
153
00:06:46,810 --> 00:06:48,978
Shut it all down.
154
00:06:49,012 --> 00:06:50,813
Hey, you're the boss.
155
00:07:05,863 --> 00:07:08,164
ROY FAMILY:
Attention Familyland patrons,
156
00:07:08,198 --> 00:07:11,000
Familyland is
temporarily closed.
157
00:07:11,034 --> 00:07:13,136
(deep voice):
Forever.
158
00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:14,570
(screams)
159
00:07:14,605 --> 00:07:16,038
(clamoring)
160
00:07:16,073 --> 00:07:17,473
What's happening?
161
00:07:17,508 --> 00:07:19,442
Relax, Francine.
It's just a show.
162
00:07:19,476 --> 00:07:21,144
This is not a show.
163
00:07:21,178 --> 00:07:23,312
Familyland is now a prison.
164
00:07:23,347 --> 00:07:25,148
You will die here.
165
00:07:25,182 --> 00:07:26,482
(woman crying)
166
00:07:28,485 --> 00:07:29,719
Oh, look at that.
167
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,254
This is definitely a show.
168
00:07:31,288 --> 00:07:33,256
Honey, get up.
169
00:07:33,290 --> 00:07:35,958
The talking fist
says it's a show.
170
00:07:35,993 --> 00:07:37,426
Honey?
171
00:07:37,461 --> 00:07:39,462
(crying):
No!
172
00:07:41,498 --> 00:07:43,866
(sobbing)
173
00:07:43,901 --> 00:07:46,035
I-It's a show.
174
00:07:52,044 --> 00:07:54,913
BULLOCK:
And so, the Great Wall rose
175
00:07:54,947 --> 00:07:58,083
and Familyland wasthrown into chaos.
176
00:07:59,719 --> 00:08:01,520
(whooping wildly)
177
00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:05,023
And the people lostall semblance of civilization.
178
00:08:06,058 --> 00:08:07,526
(whooping wildly)
179
00:08:10,142 --> 00:08:12,076
Get 'im!
180
00:08:12,111 --> 00:08:14,812
Resources were scarceand tempers flared
181
00:08:14,847 --> 00:08:18,182
as the kingdom hoveredon the brink of war.
182
00:08:25,190 --> 00:08:29,060
Out of the chaos,four kings rose to power.
183
00:08:29,094 --> 00:08:33,531
In the north, the Tween Kingand his army of whiny turds.
184
00:08:35,134 --> 00:08:37,001
To the east, the Feminist Queen
185
00:08:37,036 --> 00:08:40,738
and her armyof splay-legged princesses.
186
00:08:40,773 --> 00:08:43,174
In the south,a strange-headed man
187
00:08:43,208 --> 00:08:45,944
leads an armyof futuristic astronauts
188
00:08:45,978 --> 00:08:49,714
that are alsosomehow old-timey.
189
00:08:49,748 --> 00:08:52,383
And to the west,the Cowboy King,
190
00:08:52,418 --> 00:08:55,320
Black Stanand the Italian Stallions.
191
00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:56,654
(whip cracks)
192
00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:58,389
Was there anything else?
193
00:08:58,424 --> 00:09:02,160
Let's see, Francine and Klausare tooling around the park,
194
00:09:02,194 --> 00:09:03,995
but you'll see them.
195
00:09:04,029 --> 00:09:06,297
Yep, I think that covers it.
196
00:09:06,332 --> 00:09:08,266
All right,talk to you next time
197
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,534
there's something to explain.
198
00:09:14,039 --> 00:09:17,241
(indistinct chatter)
199
00:09:17,276 --> 00:09:19,243
Four kings.
200
00:09:19,278 --> 00:09:20,311
(grunts)
201
00:09:20,346 --> 00:09:21,679
Not so fast.
202
00:09:21,714 --> 00:09:22,981
All evens.
203
00:09:23,015 --> 00:09:25,116
Two, four, six,
204
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,218
eight and ten.
205
00:09:29,254 --> 00:09:30,922
Bear, play my favorite song!
206
00:09:38,998 --> 00:09:42,700
ROGER:
Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls
207
00:09:42,702 --> 00:09:46,204
Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls...
208
00:09:46,238 --> 00:09:48,973
Damn it, Roger's been playing
that on a loop all day.
209
00:09:49,008 --> 00:09:50,508
Time to teach him a lesson.
210
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:51,776
Let's ride.
211
00:09:53,278 --> 00:09:56,748
Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls...
212
00:09:56,782 --> 00:09:58,750
(horse whinnies)
213
00:09:58,784 --> 00:10:00,284
Can I help you with something?
214
00:10:00,319 --> 00:10:01,586
You know why I'm here.
215
00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:03,788
You've been playing
that jingle day and night.
216
00:10:03,822 --> 00:10:05,823
I can't hear my piano bear.
217
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,426
Sure, Stan, I'll happily
shut the music off.
218
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:11,229
If you give me half your
supply of Trippin' Balls.
219
00:10:11,263 --> 00:10:12,563
Yeah, right.
220
00:10:12,598 --> 00:10:14,966
I'll give you a little time
to reconsider my offer.
221
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,803
But know that if you refuse,
the music will never stop.
222
00:10:23,876 --> 00:10:26,444
Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls...
223
00:10:26,478 --> 00:10:29,914
Have you had time
to reconsider?
224
00:10:29,948 --> 00:10:31,149
Oops, we overshot.
Hold on.
225
00:10:31,183 --> 00:10:32,717
L-Let me get this
to back up.
226
00:10:32,751 --> 00:10:35,119
Excuse me, can you
back me up a bit?
227
00:10:35,154 --> 00:10:37,055
Ugh, there's no reverse
on this thing.
228
00:10:37,089 --> 00:10:39,023
We're gonna have to do
another full rotation.
229
00:10:39,058 --> 00:10:40,792
Sit tight, Standy.
230
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,369
Do you want to see
me dance, sire?
231
00:10:51,403 --> 00:10:52,503
No, not really.
232
00:10:52,538 --> 00:10:53,604
Are you sure?
233
00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:55,907
Because it looks
something like this.
234
00:10:55,941 --> 00:11:01,579
Zoo zoo, zoo
zooby, zooby zoo.
235
00:11:01,613 --> 00:11:04,115
You disrupted the king's
pleasurable dance.
236
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:05,183
Guards, kill him!
237
00:11:05,217 --> 00:11:06,317
It's fine.
238
00:11:06,351 --> 00:11:07,652
Let him speak.
239
00:11:07,686 --> 00:11:09,253
Kill him later, got it.
240
00:11:09,288 --> 00:11:12,590
My king, I've returned from
my raid on Fairytale Land.
241
00:11:12,624 --> 00:11:14,392
I bring you churros.
242
00:11:14,426 --> 00:11:16,728
Churros to last a week.
243
00:11:18,197 --> 00:11:19,430
These are days old!
244
00:11:19,465 --> 00:11:22,700
And you've brought
no dipping sauce!
245
00:11:22,735 --> 00:11:24,335
Can we can kill him now?
246
00:11:24,369 --> 00:11:26,804
I don't want you to think
it's the only thing
247
00:11:26,839 --> 00:11:30,808
I'm focused on, but it's
all I can think about.
248
00:11:37,483 --> 00:11:39,917
Oh, I remember this ride.
249
00:11:39,952 --> 00:11:41,886
It was one of
the kids' favorites.
250
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,721
It looks abandoned.
251
00:11:43,756 --> 00:11:44,989
Maybe we can hide out here
252
00:11:45,023 --> 00:11:46,824
until everyone
comes to their senses.
253
00:11:46,859 --> 00:11:48,526
Great idea.
254
00:11:51,563 --> 00:11:53,865
I wonder why they closed this.
255
00:11:53,899 --> 00:11:56,100
I remember it being
very popular.
256
00:11:56,135 --> 00:11:57,268
Well, no one's here.
257
00:11:57,302 --> 00:11:59,337
Let's give it a whirl.
258
00:11:59,371 --> 00:12:01,839
(banjo music playing)
259
00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:05,209
Hello, I'm Pappy Van Pappy.
260
00:12:05,244 --> 00:12:07,011
I'd like to tell you a story
261
00:12:07,045 --> 00:12:09,514
about a rabbit I owned
that ran away.
262
00:12:09,548 --> 00:12:10,948
The rabbit's a metaphor.
263
00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:12,216
For a slave.
264
00:12:12,251 --> 00:12:14,152
Ain't that right,
Floppy Rabbit?
265
00:12:14,186 --> 00:12:17,021
Hmm. This ride
may be a bit dated.
266
00:12:17,055 --> 00:12:19,490
Well, it certainly
has my attention.
267
00:12:19,525 --> 00:12:21,092
And that's when I realized
268
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:23,261
I like working
on farms for free.
269
00:12:23,295 --> 00:12:24,729
Bye, everybody!
270
00:12:24,763 --> 00:12:26,597
Wow.
271
00:12:26,632 --> 00:12:29,700
25 minutes
of uninterrupted racism.
272
00:12:29,735 --> 00:12:32,503
Yeah, if you don't count
all of your horrified gasps
273
00:12:32,538 --> 00:12:34,505
as interruptions.
274
00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,707
I wonder where
that elevator goes.
275
00:12:36,742 --> 00:12:39,410
Well, there's only
one way to find out.
276
00:12:39,444 --> 00:12:41,179
(elevator bell dings)
277
00:12:42,114 --> 00:12:44,081
Hello, Francine.
278
00:12:44,116 --> 00:12:46,250
Roy Family?
279
00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:47,251
But-but you...
280
00:12:47,286 --> 00:12:48,586
Was frozen?
281
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,254
You're right, I were.
282
00:12:50,289 --> 00:12:52,356
But now I wasn't.
283
00:12:52,391 --> 00:12:54,926
Attention denizens
of Familyland.
284
00:12:56,595 --> 00:12:59,964
Now, times are trying
and rations run low,
285
00:12:59,998 --> 00:13:02,767
and I'm sure all of you'd
really like to go home.
286
00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:07,238
Which is why Uncle Roy's decided
to let the last army standing
287
00:13:07,272 --> 00:13:09,440
walk out the front door.
288
00:13:09,474 --> 00:13:11,475
(laughs maniacally)
289
00:13:12,711 --> 00:13:15,713
I'm gonna kill the
last army standing, too.
290
00:13:15,747 --> 00:13:18,115
I just wanted to say
I am a big fan
291
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:20,117
of Simpler Times Mountain.
292
00:13:23,565 --> 00:13:25,166
I don't understand.
293
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,667
You trapped us in the park
294
00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:29,303
so you could
watch us all kill each other?
295
00:13:29,338 --> 00:13:31,857
And-and why were you
frozen for 30 years?
296
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,244
Answer that last one first.
297
00:13:33,278 --> 00:13:34,478
Try not to tell me what to do.
298
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,896
I built Familyland
to be an Eden,
299
00:13:37,099 --> 00:13:39,433
and I wanted to see it
come to fruition.
300
00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:42,403
So I froze my body,
but not my mind,
301
00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:44,071
right in the center of the park.
302
00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:46,741
That way, I could
watch it all happen.
303
00:13:46,775 --> 00:13:49,210
You were conscious
that whole time?
304
00:13:49,244 --> 00:13:50,678
Oh, yeah, it was awful.
305
00:13:50,712 --> 00:13:53,214
And I had to watch what
happened to my creation.
306
00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:55,282
My park.
307
00:13:55,317 --> 00:13:59,253
Tainted by people who don't
appreciate the value of family.
308
00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:01,856
So, since they
destroyed my dreams,
309
00:14:01,890 --> 00:14:04,759
they can destroy each other.
310
00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:08,362
But... but
I appreciate family.
311
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:09,964
That has to count
for something.
312
00:14:09,998 --> 00:14:11,365
It does, Francine.
313
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,000
You and I are of a kind.
314
00:14:13,035 --> 00:14:15,903
Which is why we're going to
watch the blood blath together.
315
00:14:15,937 --> 00:14:17,805
Did you just say "blath"?
316
00:14:17,839 --> 00:14:20,041
My tongue's been
frozen for 30 years.
317
00:14:20,075 --> 00:14:23,077
But don't worry,
it'll thaw out.
318
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:31,152
Today, we go from tweens...
319
00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:32,820
to teens!
320
00:14:32,854 --> 00:14:33,954
(crowd cheering)
321
00:14:33,989 --> 00:14:36,824
Today, we fight for respect!
322
00:14:36,858 --> 00:14:38,526
(crowd cheering)
323
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,228
If we fight hard enough,
will we get husbands?
324
00:14:41,263 --> 00:14:43,064
No!
325
00:14:43,098 --> 00:14:46,367
Ugh, okay, I'll explain
this one more time.
326
00:14:46,401 --> 00:14:47,935
Are there
going to be casualties?
327
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:48,936
Maybe.
328
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,504
But we're mostly grown men,
329
00:14:50,539 --> 00:14:52,940
and one of the armies
is entirely made up of children.
330
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:55,309
I don't want to jinx it,
but I like our chances
331
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:57,244
of going completely
casualty-free.
332
00:14:57,279 --> 00:15:00,748
Okay, I just realized
your laser guns aren't real.
333
00:15:00,782 --> 00:15:02,083
So I have a new strategy,
334
00:15:02,117 --> 00:15:04,452
and you're just gonna
have to trust me on this.
335
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,619
Die for me.
336
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,555
Die... for me.
337
00:15:07,589 --> 00:15:08,722
Okay?
338
00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:11,058
Any questions?
339
00:15:11,093 --> 00:15:12,793
No questions, good.
340
00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:18,165
Nice, isn't it?
341
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,633
This is where
we'll live, Francine,
342
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,569
and you'll have
all the love and respect
343
00:15:21,603 --> 00:15:23,104
a woman like you deserves.
344
00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:26,107
What makes you think
I'd ever marry you?
345
00:15:26,141 --> 00:15:27,341
Marry?
(chuckles)
346
00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:28,776
Listen to her.
347
00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:30,344
Captive for a half an hour
348
00:15:30,378 --> 00:15:32,646
and already trying
to flip it on me.
349
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:35,149
Sorry, this guy
can't be caught,
350
00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:37,785
but I encourage you to try.
351
00:15:39,054 --> 00:15:40,921
So why don't you
get going on some dinner.
352
00:15:40,956 --> 00:15:43,457
But you just said
you couldn't be caught.
353
00:15:43,492 --> 00:15:45,626
And then
I encouraged you to try.
354
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:47,094
I'll be in the control room
355
00:15:47,129 --> 00:15:49,263
watching your family
kill each other.
356
00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:52,133
Klaus, we have to do something.
357
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:53,868
They're all gonna
kill each other.
358
00:15:53,902 --> 00:15:56,070
Wait, what are all these fans?
359
00:15:57,439 --> 00:15:58,639
(gasps) Look.
360
00:16:00,008 --> 00:16:01,342
Hayley was right.
361
00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:03,777
This is how they send smells
out into the park
362
00:16:03,812 --> 00:16:05,346
to get you to buy things.
363
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,047
(gasps) That's it.
364
00:16:07,082 --> 00:16:09,550
Hey, Roy, do you have cinnamon?
365
00:16:09,584 --> 00:16:11,352
I want to make some cookies.
366
00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:14,388
ROY: Oh, my God,
would you leave me alone?!
367
00:16:14,422 --> 00:16:17,324
368
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,753
369
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,931
That's right, kill each other.
370
00:17:09,911 --> 00:17:11,545
(screams)
371
00:17:27,329 --> 00:17:29,330
372
00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:47,248
(sniffs)
373
00:17:57,959 --> 00:18:00,561
(sniffs) What's that smell?
374
00:18:00,595 --> 00:18:02,596
(sniffs) Cinnamon.
375
00:18:02,631 --> 00:18:05,032
Are... a-are those
Mom's cookies?
376
00:18:05,066 --> 00:18:07,301
I don't know,
but i-it smells like...
377
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:09,203
Home. Home.
Michael Chiklis.
378
00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:10,571
It's coming from up there.
379
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:15,075
They stopped fighting.
What did you do?
380
00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:17,878
I baked my ass off.
381
00:18:17,912 --> 00:18:19,613
(pounding)
382
00:18:22,284 --> 00:18:23,484
Francine!
383
00:18:23,518 --> 00:18:24,585
We smelled your cookies!
384
00:18:24,619 --> 00:18:26,520
You made us remember, Mom.
385
00:18:26,554 --> 00:18:28,522
I'm so glad you guys are here!
386
00:18:28,556 --> 00:18:31,058
That man, Roy Family,
387
00:18:31,092 --> 00:18:33,127
h-he took me hostage,
388
00:18:33,161 --> 00:18:36,030
he-he made me
iron his pants.
389
00:18:36,064 --> 00:18:37,665
I don't care who you are.
390
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:40,534
Francine only irons
one person's pants,
391
00:18:40,568 --> 00:18:42,903
and that's all of ours.
392
00:18:42,937 --> 00:18:44,471
(camera clicks)
393
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,475
Well done.
394
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:49,576
What?
395
00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:51,845
You're why I built Familyland.
396
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,614
I wanted a place where families
397
00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:55,816
would find their
way back together.
398
00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:57,818
You were broken, but, Francine,
399
00:18:57,852 --> 00:19:01,522
you showed me that the
Smith family is worthy.
400
00:19:01,556 --> 00:19:02,523
Wait, Smith.
401
00:19:02,557 --> 00:19:04,058
That's not Jewish, is it?
402
00:19:05,193 --> 00:19:08,395
Then yes, you are indeed
a worthy family.
403
00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:10,564
And, um, here.
404
00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:13,233
Here is your reward.
405
00:19:13,268 --> 00:19:14,902
Ooh, lifetime passes.
406
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:16,203
It was worth it!
407
00:19:16,237 --> 00:19:18,172
It was all worth it!
408
00:19:19,207 --> 00:19:20,808
What will you do now?
409
00:19:20,842 --> 00:19:21,875
Leave your family.
410
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,143
Come live with me forever.
411
00:19:23,178 --> 00:19:24,378
We'll get an apartment.
412
00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:26,013
What? No.
413
00:19:26,047 --> 00:19:28,015
Then I shall return
to my slumber,
414
00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:32,019
until I'm awakened again
by another family's strife.
415
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:41,662
Oh, wait, I got to
go to the bathr...
416
00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:43,364
(birds chirping)
417
00:19:43,398 --> 00:19:45,999
There are a lot of blackout
dates on these lifetime passes.
418
00:19:46,034 --> 00:19:49,937
So, are we just gonna ignore
all the truly horrible things
419
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,739
that took place
in the last week?
420
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,941
Gosh, Francine, I think we are.
421
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,910
BULLOCK: And that was the lasttime Familyland was visited
422
00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,545
by the Smith family.
423
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:00,748
Or any family, for that matter,
424
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:04,451
as it was closed immediatelyunder a mountain of lawsuits.
425
00:20:04,486 --> 00:20:08,055
In its place stands a memorialwall for the fallen.
426
00:20:08,089 --> 00:20:12,226
As for me, I was neverheard from again.
427
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:16,063
But some say they stillsee me in the park.
428
00:20:16,097 --> 00:20:17,006
(sobbing)
429
00:20:17,126 --> 00:20:19,700
Zoo zoo, zoo zooby,
zooby zoo.
430
00:20:19,734 --> 00:20:24,576
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
431
00:20:24,626 --> 00:20:29,176
Repair and Synchronization by
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