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1
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:08,007
Would you look at this gorgeous baby?
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,440
Ah, I just want to eat
him and squeeze him
3
00:00:10,441 --> 00:00:13,841
and chew on his squishy, little tushy.
4
00:00:16,341 --> 00:00:17,907
What are you guys doing?
5
00:00:17,908 --> 00:00:20,973
Oh, pretend we're not here.
We just want to watch.
6
00:00:20,974 --> 00:00:22,991
Okay. We've been waiting 12 years
7
00:00:22,993 --> 00:00:25,364
for you to leave L.A.
and move back to New York.
8
00:00:25,366 --> 00:00:26,967
Did you see what we put up on the wall?
9
00:00:26,969 --> 00:00:29,407
Yes. Amazingly, I did
manage to catch that.
10
00:00:29,408 --> 00:00:30,840
Detective Mike Cross.
11
00:00:30,841 --> 00:00:32,573
You were the best thing on television.
12
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,507
- How was the flight?
- Are you hungry?
13
00:00:34,508 --> 00:00:36,073
- Thirsty? Cold?
- Hot?
14
00:00:36,074 --> 00:00:37,940
I'm good, I'm good.
15
00:00:37,941 --> 00:00:39,940
Again, and I can't stress this enough,
16
00:00:39,941 --> 00:00:41,940
I'm only staying here temporarily.
17
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,507
Ah, we'll see.
18
00:00:43,508 --> 00:00:46,273
You're exactly where you should be.
19
00:00:46,274 --> 00:00:49,007
Surrounded by your loving family
20
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:51,507
in the apartment we kept
because we knew one day
21
00:00:51,508 --> 00:00:53,173
you'd get divorced from that cold woman
22
00:00:53,174 --> 00:00:55,007
who didn't know a good thing.
23
00:00:55,008 --> 00:00:57,707
Hey, look who fell off the poster!
24
00:00:57,708 --> 00:01:00,273
- Hey!
- Hey!
25
00:01:00,274 --> 00:01:01,540
"A prenup?
26
00:01:01,541 --> 00:01:02,873
I don't need a prenup.
27
00:01:02,874 --> 00:01:05,573
This marriage is gonna last forever."
28
00:01:05,574 --> 00:01:06,973
Hello, Andrew.
29
00:01:06,974 --> 00:01:08,873
Now she's got your house, your money,
30
00:01:08,874 --> 00:01:11,707
and you're living next to your
parents like a ten-year-old.
31
00:01:11,708 --> 00:01:15,573
You are also living next to our
parents like a ten-year-old.
32
00:01:15,574 --> 00:01:18,440
Just until the renovations on
our sweet new duplex are done.
33
00:01:18,441 --> 00:01:19,807
It's gonna be sick.
34
00:01:19,808 --> 00:01:22,440
TVs and heated toilets
in every bathroom.
35
00:01:22,441 --> 00:01:24,607
Do the toilets have that water
that shoots up?
36
00:01:24,608 --> 00:01:27,607
You know, if you aim just right,
it gives your business a tszuj.
37
00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:28,773
Oh, my God.
38
00:01:28,774 --> 00:01:31,240
Yay! Welcome home, Uncle Josh.
39
00:01:31,241 --> 00:01:32,640
- Hey, Eve!
- EVE: Say hi.
40
00:01:32,641 --> 00:01:34,140
- What's up, Wyatt?
- Say hi.
41
00:01:34,141 --> 00:01:36,373
Mwah. Mwah. Hi.
42
00:01:36,374 --> 00:01:38,440
Eve, are you laying the baby
on his side?
43
00:01:38,441 --> 00:01:40,440
I don't want him to have
one of those flat heads
44
00:01:40,441 --> 00:01:41,773
like the boy in 8C.
45
00:01:41,774 --> 00:01:43,140
His head is fine, Judy.
46
00:01:43,141 --> 00:01:44,573
Did you ask a pediatrician?
47
00:01:44,574 --> 00:01:46,173
Yes, me. I asked myself,
48
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:48,573
because, as you know,
I am a pediatrician.
49
00:01:48,574 --> 00:01:53,273
Susan Stein told me you got a
4.8 out of 5 rating on Yelp.
50
00:01:53,274 --> 00:01:55,473
What happened to the point two?
51
00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:59,440
HARRY: Do pediatricians know
anything about baby toes?
52
00:01:59,441 --> 00:02:00,907
Because mine look strange.
53
00:02:00,908 --> 00:02:02,140
(gasps) Oh, God.
54
00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:03,407
What, does his toe look bad?
55
00:02:03,408 --> 00:02:05,607
I don't know. His balls were in the way.
56
00:02:05,608 --> 00:02:08,973
Okay, if you guys don't leave,
you're all gonna see mine.
57
00:02:08,974 --> 00:02:10,373
Everybody out. I need to get dressed.
58
00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:11,473
- Nice.
- Good-bye.
59
00:02:11,474 --> 00:02:12,940
Good-bye.
60
00:02:12,941 --> 00:02:14,907
- Baby.
- Oh, there's Grandpa.
61
00:02:14,908 --> 00:02:16,640
So, tell me.
62
00:02:16,641 --> 00:02:18,007
You, too, Ma.
63
00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:19,873
Oh, please. I gave birth to you.
64
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:23,207
Those little balls have been inside me.
65
00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:25,340
It's good to be home.
66
00:02:25,341 --> 00:02:28,007
? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ?
67
00:02:28,008 --> 00:02:30,841
? Come on, won't you take me home? ?
68
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:35,248
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
69
00:02:39,205 --> 00:02:40,308
There he is.
70
00:02:40,309 --> 00:02:41,601
Welcome back, Josh.
71
00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:42,669
Hey, Nick, what's going on?
72
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:45,869
Question. Uh, you know
Pattie DeFina in 8K?
73
00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:47,402
Yeah, she and her husband
are just below me.
74
00:02:47,403 --> 00:02:49,169
Yeah, well, last week,
she was just below me.
75
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,302
Okay, Nick, you know
how sometimes people
76
00:02:51,303 --> 00:02:53,335
assume a familiarity
they haven't yet earned?
77
00:02:53,336 --> 00:02:55,002
Aw, man, tell me about it.
78
00:02:55,003 --> 00:02:56,935
My cousin has a stomach thing,
and every time I see him,
79
00:02:56,936 --> 00:02:58,669
he's like, "Hey, yo, Nick,
I got the runs again."
80
00:02:58,670 --> 00:03:00,502
Yup, you got it. You get what I mean.
81
00:03:00,503 --> 00:03:02,535
Oh, uh, Josh, this is my man Ian in 5A.
82
00:03:02,536 --> 00:03:05,335
- Oh, hey, Ian.
- Ian, you now live in the same building
83
00:03:05,336 --> 00:03:06,569
as a real, live TV star.
84
00:03:06,570 --> 00:03:09,169
- Well, you know...
- I don't watch TV. I prefer film.
85
00:03:09,170 --> 00:03:10,402
Got any movies coming out?
86
00:03:10,403 --> 00:03:12,269
Uh, not at the moment, no.
87
00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:13,935
My plan is to get back
into theater, you know?
88
00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:15,635
That's kind of why
I moved back to New York.
89
00:03:15,636 --> 00:03:17,022
Oh, I heard it was because
you lost all your money
90
00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:19,702
in the divorce and you're staying
with your parents for free.
91
00:03:19,703 --> 00:03:20,908
You live with your parents?
92
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,269
- Not with, next to.
- Same thing.
93
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,902
No, it's not. It's not
the same thing at all.
94
00:03:24,903 --> 00:03:26,702
All right, guy, cool.
95
00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:28,769
You live next to your parents.
96
00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:30,835
And don't you forget it.
97
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,903
(elevator bell dings)
98
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,169
Hi, Joshy.
99
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:38,769
I got your favorite
black and white cookies.
100
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:40,102
Want to come in for a visit?
101
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:42,235
Ah, I don't know, Ma.
I have to unpack and...
102
00:03:42,236 --> 00:03:44,903
I've been waiting 12 years.
103
00:03:47,791 --> 00:03:49,546
All right, yeah, just for a little.
104
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:53,269
Oh, and then I ran into Lynn Howard.
105
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:55,235
David's company went public,
106
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:58,602
but you were always in the
higher math group, so you win.
107
00:03:58,603 --> 00:04:00,302
Yay.
108
00:04:00,303 --> 00:04:03,069
Judy, what did you do with
the number for the podiatrist?
109
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:05,902
I hid it in the freezer
just to torture you.
110
00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:08,235
I have no idea.
111
00:04:08,236 --> 00:04:11,535
Oh, and Helen's daughter
Marci is single.
112
00:04:11,536 --> 00:04:12,536
Ma.
113
00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:13,902
What? You picked the first one.
114
00:04:13,903 --> 00:04:15,735
Now it's my turn.
115
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,335
And I'm out. Good-bye.
116
00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:21,202
Josh, I need a favor.
117
00:04:21,203 --> 00:04:26,302
I had an idea to promote the
firm's estate planning business.
118
00:04:26,303 --> 00:04:28,957
We're gonna make a viral video.
119
00:04:29,628 --> 00:04:31,269
Dad, you can't make a viral video.
120
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,602
It just kind of goes viral
or it doesn't.
121
00:04:33,603 --> 00:04:34,902
Well, this one does.
122
00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:36,402
No, you don't... oh, okay.
123
00:04:36,403 --> 00:04:38,069
And-and it would be terrific
if you starred in it.
124
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:41,488
Aw, Dad, I-I'd love to,
but I'm really busy.
125
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,535
What are you so busy with?
126
00:04:42,536 --> 00:04:44,402
Well, I have scripts to read.
I'm meeting with theater agents.
127
00:04:44,403 --> 00:04:46,936
No problem. Forget I asked.
128
00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:52,269
(sighs)
129
00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:53,735
I'll do it.
130
00:04:53,736 --> 00:04:55,069
You're not doing it.
131
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,269
- No, I want to do it.
- I don't want you to do it.
132
00:04:57,270 --> 00:05:01,202
Please, Dad, let me be
in this viral video for you.
133
00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:03,369
Okay. If it means that much to you.
134
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,702
Thank you so much.
135
00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:09,169
The word is "no." Say it with me. No.
136
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:11,469
Okay, I am perfectly capable
of saying no to them.
137
00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:12,969
No way, it's the blind cop.
138
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,035
Hey, man, how you doing?
139
00:05:14,036 --> 00:05:15,569
"I got 'em, Chief, I got 'em!"
140
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:18,369
(laughs) That show sucked.
141
00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:19,802
Thank you so much.
142
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:22,369
Oh, my God. Josh.
143
00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:24,135
Ugh, what is with you people?
144
00:05:24,136 --> 00:05:25,969
Blind Cop sucked. We all know it suck...
145
00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:27,602
No, no, no, Andrew,
this is Christina Jones.
146
00:05:27,603 --> 00:05:29,935
- We went to Michigan together. Hi.
- Hi.
147
00:05:29,936 --> 00:05:31,735
This is crazy. I didn't
know you were in the city.
148
00:05:31,736 --> 00:05:32,754
Yeah.
149
00:05:32,756 --> 00:05:34,869
I, uh, I'm gonna let you guys catch up.
150
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:36,869
I got to head back to the hospital.
151
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,602
Surgeon.
152
00:05:38,603 --> 00:05:40,469
How have you been, Josh?
153
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:43,035
Uh, well, I got divorced
and my show got canceled.
154
00:05:43,036 --> 00:05:47,220
Two things which sound really bad but
could maybe be good. How about you?
155
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:50,202
Uh, well, I just went
through a breakup myself.
156
00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:51,535
Yes.
157
00:05:51,536 --> 00:05:53,435
Yes, that must've been hard.
158
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,402
Yes. Well, it was for the best.
159
00:05:55,403 --> 00:05:57,169
His parents were a nightmare.
160
00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:58,702
So overbearing.
161
00:05:58,703 --> 00:06:02,270
Huh. I cannot relate to that at all.
162
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,899
What up, fellas?
163
00:06:05,901 --> 00:06:09,133
Things are looking up for the kid.
164
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,534
Why? Did you get an audition?
165
00:06:11,535 --> 00:06:14,367
No, I did not, but I did get
a date with Christina Jones.
166
00:06:14,368 --> 00:06:17,167
- NICK: Hey.
- That's not gonna pay the bills.
167
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,232
Ha. Got him.
168
00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:20,533
My friend, Billy's father,
169
00:06:20,534 --> 00:06:22,333
is producing Paul Feig's
follow-up to Bridesmaids.
170
00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:24,067
It's called Groomies.
171
00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:27,767
Has some problems in the second
act, but they'll find it.
172
00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:29,800
You should ask your agent
about the role of doctor.
173
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:32,767
Get that Blind Cop stink off you.
174
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,500
Thank you, Ian,
175
00:06:34,501 --> 00:06:36,833
but I don't need career advice
from a 12-year-old.
176
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:39,833
It's called Groomies.
The role of the doctor.
177
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:42,733
Yeah, Danny, I know it'd be
a great job for me to get.
178
00:06:42,734 --> 00:06:46,100
That's why I'm calling you,
my agent, to tell you about it.
179
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,733
Okay. Thank you.
180
00:06:47,734 --> 00:06:49,867
(sighs)
181
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:52,301
? ?
182
00:07:01,034 --> 00:07:02,400
Hi, Joshy.
183
00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:04,067
How? How do you always know?
184
00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:06,068
We used to be one body.
185
00:07:10,901 --> 00:07:13,868
? ?
186
00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:32,168
? ?
187
00:07:43,585 --> 00:07:46,150
Yeah, so, any word
on the Paul Feig audition?
188
00:07:46,152 --> 00:07:47,467
They don't believe
I could play a doctor?
189
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,967
I look like every doctor
I've ever been to.
190
00:07:50,968 --> 00:07:53,876
All right, well, thanks for checking.
191
00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:54,633
HARRY: Josh.
192
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:57,798
Sure. Why wouldn't you be here?
193
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,266
Costco closet.
194
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:01,032
Ah. It just so happens
195
00:08:01,033 --> 00:08:03,399
my classmate from law
school, Eddie Aberman,
196
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,666
represented Paul Feig's cousin,
197
00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:07,928
- Barry, in his IRS audit.
- Ah.
198
00:08:07,930 --> 00:08:10,884
Should I ask Eddie to fix up
a meeting for you and Paul?
199
00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:13,032
Dad, one of the biggest
comedy directors in Hollywood
200
00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:14,242
is not gonna meet with me
201
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,976
because of his cousin's
connection to Eddie Aberman.
202
00:08:16,977 --> 00:08:18,243
Do we have ketchup?
203
00:08:18,244 --> 00:08:19,776
Do we have ketchup?
204
00:08:19,777 --> 00:08:21,509
Oh.
205
00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:24,209
Yeah. Mm.
206
00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:25,609
You look nice.
207
00:08:25,610 --> 00:08:27,043
Well, that's because he's costarring
208
00:08:27,044 --> 00:08:28,409
in my firm's video.
209
00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:31,043
He practically begged me to be in it.
210
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,109
(Josh groans)
211
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:35,109
I forgot about that stupid video.
212
00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:36,809
I'm dressed up
because I have a date tonight.
213
00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:39,309
Ooh, that girl from the park
who was checking me out?
214
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,909
Don't tell Mom and Dad; they'll
want to meet her and feed her
215
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:43,238
and ask her about her ability
to have children.
216
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,843
Obviously. Wait,
so let me get this straight.
217
00:08:45,844 --> 00:08:48,909
First date in eight years
or Dad's sad video.
218
00:08:48,910 --> 00:08:50,909
Oh, boy, that's a tough one.
219
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:52,376
I can do both.
220
00:08:52,377 --> 00:08:54,176
How long can the video take?
221
00:08:54,177 --> 00:08:56,776
Viral video, take 42.
222
00:08:56,777 --> 00:08:59,909
- Okay, okay, I got it this time.
- Good, good, good, good.
223
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:02,376
My father's death was so sudden,
and I'm overwhelmed
224
00:09:02,377 --> 00:09:04,643
by all the decisions I have to make.
225
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:08,576
Well, luckily, your father was ready
226
00:09:08,577 --> 00:09:12,243
for just this moment and hired...
227
00:09:12,244 --> 00:09:15,743
Singer Sterling
to prepare the documents.
228
00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,376
Nailed it! Perfect!
229
00:09:17,377 --> 00:09:19,276
No notes. Can't beat it!
230
00:09:19,277 --> 00:09:21,076
- Yeah, felt good.
- It was good!
231
00:09:21,077 --> 00:09:22,509
Got to go, Dad!
232
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:24,844
Acting's not hard.
233
00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:28,909
(phone rings)
234
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,743
- Hello?
- MOLLY: Josh, this is Molly,
235
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,209
Andrew and Eve's babysitter.
You need to come home.
236
00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:34,809
Oh, my God, did something
happen to the baby?
237
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:37,371
(crying): I don't know.
It's in the other room.
238
00:09:37,373 --> 00:09:39,209
But I'm having a crisis.
239
00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:41,076
My boyfriend just hooked up
with my best friend.
240
00:09:41,077 --> 00:09:42,809
And Andrew and Eve
aren't answering their phones.
241
00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:44,576
Well, I'm barely gonna make
my date as it is.
242
00:09:44,577 --> 00:09:46,243
Go get my mother.
But don't mention the date.
243
00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,043
Your mother's not home.
You have ten minutes.
244
00:09:48,044 --> 00:09:51,186
No, I'm sorry, but no,
this is not my problem!
245
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,943
Hey. Sorry I'm a little late.
246
00:09:55,944 --> 00:09:58,693
- You look incredible.
- Thanks.
247
00:09:59,134 --> 00:10:00,243
You have a baby.
248
00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:02,676
Oh. He's for you. Flowers are so clich�.
249
00:10:02,677 --> 00:10:04,076
(both laugh)
250
00:10:04,077 --> 00:10:05,876
This is my nephew, Wyatt.
Babysitting snafu.
251
00:10:05,877 --> 00:10:08,176
My brother and sister-in-law
should be here any second.
252
00:10:08,177 --> 00:10:09,376
He's cute.
253
00:10:09,377 --> 00:10:11,709
Good thing, too, because
he is very self-absorbed.
254
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:13,376
- Really?
- Me, me, me, me, me.
255
00:10:13,377 --> 00:10:15,209
Hey. Sorry.
256
00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:16,809
- Hi.
- Hi.
257
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,609
- Sorry. Thank you, Josh.
- Yeah.
258
00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:19,943
You're our hero.
259
00:10:19,944 --> 00:10:23,576
Actually, I'm the hero.
I crushed that escape room.
260
00:10:23,577 --> 00:10:26,443
EVE: Yeah, we got all the clues.
The other couples got none.
261
00:10:26,444 --> 00:10:29,276
Chiropractors are so stupid. Right?
262
00:10:29,277 --> 00:10:31,109
Why'd you bring a baby on a date?
263
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:32,909
It's, like, the opposite of foreplay.
264
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:35,376
It's pronounced "thank you."
And what are you doing?
265
00:10:35,377 --> 00:10:36,643
Oh, sorry. Eve, sit.
266
00:10:36,644 --> 00:10:38,209
No. Don't sit, don't sit. Leave.
267
00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:40,443
Okay. You know,
268
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:43,109
you guys make a cute couple.
I hope it works out.
269
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,643
Aw, thank you so much.
270
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,209
- You got to go. You got to.
- Okay.
271
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:47,809
Nice meeting you.
272
00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:49,910
Sorry about that.
273
00:10:50,701 --> 00:10:51,976
Yeah.
274
00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:54,243
I love you so much.
275
00:10:54,244 --> 00:10:56,109
(Josh and Christina laugh)
276
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,676
If college me knew I was on
a date with Christina Jones...
277
00:11:00,677 --> 00:11:03,243
I mean, oh, my God,
I had the biggest crush on you.
278
00:11:03,244 --> 00:11:05,309
I had the biggest crush on you.
279
00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:06,809
- You did?
- I did.
280
00:11:06,810 --> 00:11:09,243
Well, that is information
I wish college me had had.
281
00:11:09,244 --> 00:11:11,009
(chuckles)
282
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:12,109
Mm.
283
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:13,776
- So...
- So?
284
00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:16,476
Should we maybe... get out of here?
285
00:11:16,477 --> 00:11:17,843
We should definitely get out of here.
286
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,243
- Mm-hmm.
- Where do you live?
287
00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:22,009
My ex got our place, so
I'm on a friend's sofa.
288
00:11:22,010 --> 00:11:23,709
Should we go to your place?
289
00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:25,676
Ah. My place.
290
00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:28,043
Uh, yeah, we could go to my place.
291
00:11:28,044 --> 00:11:31,376
Unless... would your ex
let us use his place?
292
00:11:31,377 --> 00:11:34,777
No? Okay, yeah,
my place is great. Great.
293
00:11:44,023 --> 00:11:45,726
- After you.
- Thank you.
294
00:11:45,728 --> 00:11:47,861
Oh, my damn. Uh...
295
00:11:47,862 --> 00:11:49,661
Welcome to East End Place.
296
00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:52,094
I'm the captain of this
fair establishment,
297
00:11:52,095 --> 00:11:53,361
so if you need anything,
298
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,027
I mean anything at all, just holla.
299
00:11:55,028 --> 00:11:56,894
'Kay. Thanks, Nick, but I don't think
300
00:11:56,895 --> 00:11:59,179
she's having
a package delivered tonight.
301
00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:01,494
Believe in yourself, man.
302
00:12:01,495 --> 00:12:03,828
- Easy, Nick.
- (elevator bell dings)
303
00:12:05,595 --> 00:12:07,894
Yes, Mrs. Roberts?
Yeah, he's on his way up.
304
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,994
Ah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah!
305
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:13,027
- What are you doing?
- Telling your mother you're home.
306
00:12:13,029 --> 00:12:13,899
Why?
307
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:17,754
'Cause of the money she gives me
to tell her when you're home.
308
00:12:17,756 --> 00:12:20,261
My mother pays you to tell her
every time I come home?
309
00:12:20,262 --> 00:12:21,627
- NICK: Well, yeah...
- Everything okay?
310
00:12:21,628 --> 00:12:23,661
Yeah. Totally. Um, so that is when
311
00:12:23,662 --> 00:12:26,194
the building people
should come up to fix the thing
312
00:12:26,195 --> 00:12:27,527
by the thing.
313
00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:29,762
And away we go!
314
00:12:31,595 --> 00:12:33,194
So, I just have to run in
315
00:12:33,195 --> 00:12:35,394
and say a quick hello
to my elderly neighbor.
316
00:12:35,395 --> 00:12:37,394
Why don't you meet me in 9K.
317
00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:39,794
There is wine in the fridge.
318
00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:42,427
Babies, old people...
you're such a good guy.
319
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,194
Well, you know, I do what I can.
320
00:12:45,195 --> 00:12:46,895
(laughs)
321
00:12:48,462 --> 00:12:50,127
Oh! Let's do this.
322
00:12:50,128 --> 00:12:51,594
(laughs)
323
00:12:51,595 --> 00:12:53,161
I got some of your favorite...
324
00:12:53,162 --> 00:12:54,627
- Cheese? Yum!
- Uh-huh.
325
00:12:54,628 --> 00:12:56,461
So, who'd you run into today?
326
00:12:56,462 --> 00:12:59,361
Harriet? Sarah? Susan? Emily?
327
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,761
Uh, yes, Emily Brown.
328
00:13:00,762 --> 00:13:03,361
Her son Jonathan is the youngest
circuit court judge...
329
00:13:03,362 --> 00:13:05,294
Court judge ever... but I beat him
330
00:13:05,295 --> 00:13:08,194
in that mock trial
in eighth grade, so I win!
331
00:13:08,195 --> 00:13:10,961
Mmm! Delicious. Love that cheese.
332
00:13:10,962 --> 00:13:13,962
All right, well, great visit.
I'm exhausted. Going to bed.
333
00:13:18,095 --> 00:13:20,595
Hi. So sorry about that.
334
00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:27,722
Is there a lot of crime
in this building?
335
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,427
Yes.
336
00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:31,828
Mostly stolen moments.
337
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,695
- So...
- So...
338
00:13:40,128 --> 00:13:41,196
(doorbell ringing)
339
00:13:41,198 --> 00:13:43,261
JUDY: Josh!
340
00:13:43,262 --> 00:13:44,761
That's just my elderly neighbor.
341
00:13:44,762 --> 00:13:46,327
Probably lost her teeth again.
342
00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:47,628
She'll find 'em.
343
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,894
(doorbell ringing repeatedly)
344
00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:54,461
You know what? If we stay
quiet, maybe she'll go away.
345
00:13:54,462 --> 00:13:55,761
Joshua... Oh!
346
00:13:55,762 --> 00:13:57,961
What?
347
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,695
What's going on?!
348
00:14:01,962 --> 00:14:03,861
You know, perhaps
I don't quite understand
349
00:14:03,862 --> 00:14:05,594
your relationship with your neighbor.
350
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,061
- Yeah. Um...
- JUDY: Joshua?
351
00:14:07,062 --> 00:14:09,127
Why don't you go check out
the terrace...
352
00:14:09,128 --> 00:14:10,827
- Joshua?
- ...while I get rid of her.
353
00:14:10,828 --> 00:14:13,094
Beautiful view, especially at night.
354
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:18,827
- We had our moment.
- Oh! Thank God you're okay!
355
00:14:18,828 --> 00:14:21,794
Of course I'm okay. I was in
your apartment ten seconds ago.
356
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:24,094
First, I don't like your tone.
357
00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:26,461
And second, I forgot to give you this.
358
00:14:26,462 --> 00:14:28,194
That actor you always go up against
359
00:14:28,195 --> 00:14:31,327
got a terrible review in his new play.
360
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,761
Okay, thank you so much.
Really appreciate it.
361
00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:35,294
- Good night.
- You know my friend Mindy?
362
00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:36,794
- Good night, good night, good night!
- She...
363
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:38,385
Good night!
364
00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:40,461
Oh!
365
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:42,727
It's really beautiful out here.
366
00:14:42,728 --> 00:14:45,862
Yeah, it really is.
367
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:49,827
HARRY: Can you hear me now?
368
00:14:49,828 --> 00:14:51,727
Hello, children.
369
00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:55,794
I'll call you back.
I will call you back.
370
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,561
And that's the terrace. Come back in.
371
00:14:58,562 --> 00:15:00,927
Hello. I'm Harold, Josh's...
372
00:15:00,928 --> 00:15:02,294
Neighbor!
373
00:15:02,295 --> 00:15:04,827
Hey, neighbor Harold. Have a good one.
374
00:15:04,828 --> 00:15:05,994
Young lady,
375
00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:08,327
have you ever had a gorgeous piece
376
00:15:08,328 --> 00:15:10,027
of honeydew melon?
377
00:15:10,028 --> 00:15:12,694
I-I've had melon that looked good.
378
00:15:12,695 --> 00:15:14,794
Don't know if
I would say "gorgeous," but...
379
00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:18,427
Well, this is a gorgeous piece
380
00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:19,988
of honeydew melon.
381
00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:22,227
Harold, no! Why?!
382
00:15:22,228 --> 00:15:23,361
Oh!
383
00:15:23,362 --> 00:15:24,627
I am so sorry.
384
00:15:24,628 --> 00:15:26,661
Um, maybe you could make us
385
00:15:26,662 --> 00:15:28,327
some stronger drinks?
386
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:31,883
There is a jar of 2,000 olives
in the closet.
387
00:15:32,528 --> 00:15:33,727
What are you doing?
388
00:15:33,728 --> 00:15:35,194
You never come out on the terrace.
389
00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:36,427
Why are you on the terrace?
390
00:15:36,428 --> 00:15:37,961
I'm trying to get reception.
391
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:40,094
How was I supposed to know
that you were out here
392
00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:42,094
giving some girl a wowee?
393
00:15:42,095 --> 00:15:43,894
- Mommy said you went to sleep.
- (baby crying)
394
00:15:43,895 --> 00:15:45,527
Okay, can you not call her "Mommy"?
395
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:46,994
And what if she didn't like melon?
396
00:15:46,995 --> 00:15:49,827
Then she's not the girl for you.
397
00:15:49,828 --> 00:15:51,494
What are you morons screaming about?
398
00:15:51,495 --> 00:15:53,861
You're gonna wake the baby.
How's the date going?
399
00:15:53,862 --> 00:15:56,327
- Not great.
- Relax. You're just nervous
400
00:15:56,328 --> 00:15:58,461
'cause you haven't gotten
laid in ten months.
401
00:15:58,462 --> 00:16:01,427
It's been ten months
since you've had intercourse?
402
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,320
Thank you.
403
00:16:02,322 --> 00:16:04,597
I mean, Mommy and I
aren't like we used to be,
404
00:16:04,599 --> 00:16:07,394
but we still do it on Valentine's Day.
405
00:16:07,395 --> 00:16:10,041
- And on both your birthdays.
- Don't, please!
406
00:16:10,043 --> 00:16:13,827
Ever since I had that varicose
vein removed from my testicle,
407
00:16:13,828 --> 00:16:16,327
I produce a lot more semen.
408
00:16:16,328 --> 00:16:18,694
- Make it stop!
- Oh, my... always about the testicle.
409
00:16:18,695 --> 00:16:21,527
Well, it's very exciting that
intercourse is on the table.
410
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:23,894
You need me to make a condom run?
411
00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:27,061
All I need is privacy.
412
00:16:27,062 --> 00:16:29,261
And don't tell Mommy... Mom.
413
00:16:29,262 --> 00:16:30,794
- We call her Mom.
- Okay.
414
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:33,076
Go. Have some nice sex, son.
415
00:16:33,078 --> 00:16:34,885
Thank you.
416
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,662
Sorry about that.
417
00:16:39,654 --> 00:16:43,528
So, um... where were we?
418
00:16:45,252 --> 00:16:47,628
JUDY (outside): A girl?
419
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,961
My son lied to me?
420
00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:53,227
- Son?
- Yes.
421
00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:55,794
I, uh, I told her she
could call me her son
422
00:16:55,795 --> 00:16:59,194
because, well...
you're gonna love this...
423
00:16:59,195 --> 00:17:01,479
I am her son.
424
00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:03,594
ANDREW: Ma, what are you
screaming about?!
425
00:17:03,595 --> 00:17:05,561
- Who is that?
- My brother.
426
00:17:05,562 --> 00:17:07,861
He, Eve and the baby
live on the other side.
427
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:10,394
I'm sorry, it's just
I really like you a lot,
428
00:17:10,395 --> 00:17:12,927
and my living situation
isn't exactly a turn-on.
429
00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:14,494
Unless it is.
430
00:17:14,495 --> 00:17:15,727
- It's not.
- No, it's not.
431
00:17:15,728 --> 00:17:17,361
I know it's not. I know it's not.
432
00:17:17,362 --> 00:17:20,494
But it's not a big deal.
So you live next to your family.
433
00:17:20,495 --> 00:17:23,094
Yeah, right. No biggie.
434
00:17:23,095 --> 00:17:25,261
You know what, let's just
pretend they're not there.
435
00:17:25,864 --> 00:17:27,267
HARRY: Judy, are you aware
436
00:17:27,269 --> 00:17:31,195
that Josh hasn't
had intercourse in ten months?
437
00:17:37,895 --> 00:17:42,328
Could you excuse me for
just, like, one second?
438
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:46,094
No, because I wasn't there...
439
00:17:46,095 --> 00:17:48,027
What is wrong with you people?
440
00:17:48,028 --> 00:17:50,133
This is my first date since the divorce,
441
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,261
and you're ruining it with your loudness
442
00:17:52,262 --> 00:17:55,527
and your horrible babysitter
and your testicle!
443
00:17:55,528 --> 00:18:00,494
It's doing fine,
God forbid anyone should ask.
444
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:03,027
I am a grown man. I need space.
445
00:18:03,028 --> 00:18:04,427
We give you space.
446
00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:06,094
You pay the doorman
to tell you every time
447
00:18:06,095 --> 00:18:07,427
I come up in the elevator.
448
00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:08,994
You pay the doorman
to tell you every time
449
00:18:08,995 --> 00:18:10,427
Josh comes up in the elevator?
450
00:18:10,428 --> 00:18:11,362
Insane, right?
451
00:18:11,363 --> 00:18:14,094
Why don't you pay him to tell you
every time I come up in the elevator?
452
00:18:14,095 --> 00:18:15,894
You don't like to visit with me.
453
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,095
Neither do I!
454
00:18:19,759 --> 00:18:22,009
So, I'm gonna go.
455
00:18:22,247 --> 00:18:24,727
I am so sorry. Can I call you tomorrow?
456
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,647
- Oh, that ship has sailed.
- She's not gonna call you back.
457
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,861
You got to read the room.
458
00:18:29,862 --> 00:18:31,561
Boundaries! Boundaries!
459
00:18:31,562 --> 00:18:33,627
Boundaries! Boundaries!
460
00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:35,652
- I require a modicum of respect!
- (phone ringing)
461
00:18:35,654 --> 00:18:36,479
Hello?
462
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,561
You always had such
a great vocabulary, Josh.
463
00:18:38,562 --> 00:18:40,227
And I saved three lives this week.
464
00:18:40,228 --> 00:18:42,194
Remember when you won the
fifth grade spelling bee?
465
00:18:42,195 --> 00:18:45,094
Like, they were dead, and
then I made them not dead.
466
00:18:45,095 --> 00:18:46,594
Okay, thanks.
467
00:18:46,595 --> 00:18:47,794
That was Eddie Aberman.
468
00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,227
He spoke to Barry Feig.
469
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:52,027
His cousin, the director
Paul Feig, will meet you
470
00:18:52,028 --> 00:18:54,894
if you can get to his hotel
in SoHo within 20 minutes!
471
00:18:54,895 --> 00:18:56,061
What? Are you serious?
472
00:18:56,062 --> 00:18:57,527
That's amazing and horrible.
473
00:18:57,528 --> 00:18:59,194
It's all the way downtown.
I'll never make it.
474
00:18:59,195 --> 00:19:01,261
Oh, you'll make it. Judy, get my pants!
475
00:19:01,262 --> 00:19:02,595
Absolutely.
476
00:19:04,262 --> 00:19:06,662
(gentle piano music playing)
477
00:19:10,762 --> 00:19:12,002
Hi, Mr. Feig. I'm...
478
00:19:12,004 --> 00:19:13,503
The blind cop.
479
00:19:13,504 --> 00:19:16,370
- Oh, you've seen the show.
- Yeah.
480
00:19:16,371 --> 00:19:18,511
Mr. Feig, I am such a huge fan.
481
00:19:18,881 --> 00:19:21,070
I mean, Bridesmaids is,
like, a perfect comedy.
482
00:19:21,071 --> 00:19:23,270
I know it's a long shot,
but if there's any way
483
00:19:23,271 --> 00:19:24,803
I could read for the role of the doctor
484
00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:26,603
- in your new movie...
- There's no way.
485
00:19:26,604 --> 00:19:27,703
- No way.
- No way.
486
00:19:27,704 --> 00:19:29,070
- No way? Got it.
- Zero way.
487
00:19:29,071 --> 00:19:31,270
- Okay.
- I already gave the part to Steve Carell.
488
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,070
- Right, right.
- But you, Josh, I mean,
489
00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:34,637
you were a great blind cop.
490
00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:38,303
All right, well, uh, it was
an honor to meet you.
491
00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:40,637
Um...
492
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:43,903
actually, there is the role
of the klutzy band leader.
493
00:19:43,904 --> 00:19:45,237
It's not a lot of lines, but...
494
00:19:45,238 --> 00:19:46,703
I'll take it. All right.
495
00:19:46,704 --> 00:19:48,070
- Okay, great.
- I'm leading the band.
496
00:19:48,071 --> 00:19:49,237
- You sure are.
- Yeah.
497
00:19:49,238 --> 00:19:51,403
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Mr. Feig.
498
00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:52,603
ANDREW: All right. Oh...
499
00:19:52,604 --> 00:19:55,870
My baby's in a Paul Feig movie!
500
00:19:55,871 --> 00:19:57,970
Congratulations, buddy.
501
00:19:57,971 --> 00:19:59,603
Don't forget to write Eddie Aberman
502
00:19:59,604 --> 00:20:01,037
a nice thank you note.
503
00:20:01,038 --> 00:20:02,370
Yes, I will.
504
00:20:02,371 --> 00:20:04,870
And you know,
Morty, from the racquet club,
505
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:08,103
is married to Martin Scorsese's
niece's orthodontist.
506
00:20:08,104 --> 00:20:09,170
Oh.
507
00:20:09,171 --> 00:20:10,937
Would you like to be in a Scorsese film?
508
00:20:10,938 --> 00:20:13,637
Yes. That'd be great, Dad.
509
00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:15,003
So let's go home and celebrate.
510
00:20:15,004 --> 00:20:18,541
Okay, sure. I-I just, uh...
I want to say something first.
511
00:20:19,308 --> 00:20:21,324
This has been
the toughest year of my life,
512
00:20:21,326 --> 00:20:24,770
with the divorce and
the show, and I just...
513
00:20:24,771 --> 00:20:26,703
I'm very lucky.
514
00:20:26,704 --> 00:20:28,770
You guys are always there for me.
515
00:20:28,771 --> 00:20:30,103
And we always will be.
516
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,270
Always.
517
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:33,570
I know. Thank you.
518
00:20:34,327 --> 00:20:36,371
(slowly): Always.
519
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:48,532
Box seats, Knicks/Warriors, tonight.
520
00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:49,765
For me? For real?
521
00:20:49,766 --> 00:20:53,332
If... you stop telling
my mother when I'm coming up.
522
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:54,765
(scoffs) Done, son!
523
00:20:54,766 --> 00:20:56,400
- All right.
- (elevator bell chimes)
524
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,633
(sighs)
525
00:21:04,909 --> 00:21:06,657
(quietly): I'm home.
526
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:14,899
(sighs)
527
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,765
- There he is.
- Hi, Joshy.
528
00:21:16,766 --> 00:21:18,565
Hi.
529
00:21:18,566 --> 00:21:19,999
Why are you in here?
530
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:24,599
Costco run. Is that a
gorgeous barrel of cashews?
531
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,799
Helen's daughter Marci
is expecting your call.
532
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,132
I already dialed the first nine numbers.
533
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:31,165
Don't mind me, just came
to get my breast milk
534
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:32,465
from your fridge.
535
00:21:32,466 --> 00:21:35,099
Why is your breast milk in my fridge?
536
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:37,099
And please tell me it's not the cream
537
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:40,065
in the little glass bottle that
I've been using in my coffee.
538
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:42,533
Okay.
539
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,832
Oh, look what I found in the Dumpster.
540
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,699
HARRY: Dumpster? How did it get there?
541
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:51,465
I don't know, it must have
wandered off, being all blind.
542
00:21:51,467 --> 00:21:53,465
Guys, guys, guys, if this is gonna work,
543
00:21:53,466 --> 00:21:56,265
we must establish some ground rules.
544
00:21:56,266 --> 00:21:57,665
I understand.
545
00:21:57,666 --> 00:21:58,832
Good.
546
00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:00,965
But no.
547
00:22:00,966 --> 00:22:03,732
? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ?
548
00:22:03,733 --> 00:22:07,699
? Come on, won't you take me home? ?
549
00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:11,965
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
550
00:22:12,015 --> 00:22:16,565
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Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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