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1
00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:03,019
Lemon Chros family,
let's not be late.
2
00:00:03,315 --> 00:00:05,033
Janet, shoes and socks.
Okay, let go of the comic book.
3
00:00:05,084 --> 00:00:06,434
I'm trying to get
your jacket on.
4
00:00:06,469 --> 00:00:08,420
Criss, shoes and socks!
5
00:00:08,454 --> 00:00:10,638
Let's go, let's go.
6
00:00:10,689 --> 00:00:12,607
No, don't forget these
just 'cause you hate 'em.
7
00:00:12,641 --> 00:00:14,109
Mwah!
8
00:00:14,143 --> 00:00:15,343
Mwah!
All right.
9
00:00:15,378 --> 00:00:16,511
Bye. Mwah.
10
00:00:16,562 --> 00:00:19,013
Have a good day.
Have fun at home!
11
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
12
00:00:27,289 --> 00:00:29,474
"Any recommendations
for the best place
13
00:00:29,508 --> 00:00:32,177
"to buy a girl's bike
on the upper West Side?
14
00:00:32,211 --> 00:00:34,229
She's eight."
15
00:00:34,263 --> 00:00:35,697
"I'm sorry...
What's a girl's bike?
16
00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:36,981
"Is that like a girl doctor?
17
00:00:37,016 --> 00:00:38,967
Go back to Saudi Arabia,
Hitler!"
18
00:00:39,001 --> 00:00:40,521
"You're buying a bike
but not a helmet?
19
00:00:40,536 --> 00:00:42,020
"The heais where
the child's brain is.
20
00:00:42,054 --> 00:00:43,922
Why don't you get educated,
double Hitler?"
21
00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,607
I was gonna buy a helmet.
22
00:00:45,641 --> 00:00:46,808
"Helmets inhibit
brain development.
23
00:00:46,842 --> 00:00:48,693
"You might as well give
your darling child vaccines,
24
00:00:48,727 --> 00:00:51,095
which studies show
cause homosexuality."
25
00:00:51,113 --> 00:00:53,515
"So what?
My two-year-old is super gay,
26
00:00:53,549 --> 00:00:55,116
"and we love him
more than a straight child
27
00:00:55,151 --> 00:00:57,936
because he doesn't rape!"
28
00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:00,538
Gentlemen, yesterday I moved
Kabletown's customer service
29
00:01:00,556 --> 00:01:03,108
to a part of India
that has no phones.
30
00:01:03,142 --> 00:01:04,676
We're now providing
the same level of service
31
00:01:04,710 --> 00:01:07,412
to our subscribers
at zero the cost.
32
00:01:07,446 --> 00:01:10,148
The is a six sigma wheel
of domination.
33
00:01:10,182 --> 00:01:12,317
It's a motivational tool
I used back at G.E.,
34
00:01:12,351 --> 00:01:13,868
and it will be replacing
35
00:01:13,903 --> 00:01:16,204
Kabletown's
kitten in spaghetti.
36
00:01:16,255 --> 00:01:18,857
Once this circle
is completely filled in,
37
00:01:18,891 --> 00:01:21,476
we will be
a perfect company.
38
00:01:21,510 --> 00:01:23,495
And then we'll be able to get
even better trophy wives...
39
00:01:23,529 --> 00:01:25,146
Halfasian ones!
40
00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:27,031
Jack Donaghy's office.
41
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,834
You can't go in there.
42
00:01:29,869 --> 00:01:31,186
I never told you this,
but I once came up
43
00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:33,404
late at night looking for Jack,
and you were in a wedding dress
44
00:01:33,439 --> 00:01:35,173
dancing with one of his suits.
45
00:01:35,207 --> 00:01:36,574
Mr. Donaghy
will see you now.
46
00:01:38,410 --> 00:01:40,962
Stayat-home Lemon.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
47
00:01:40,996 --> 00:01:43,231
Did you already run
out of things to do today?
48
00:01:43,265 --> 00:01:45,467
Pfft! What?
No. You are.
49
00:01:45,501 --> 00:01:47,381
It's understandable.
For the past seven years,
50
00:01:47,386 --> 00:01:49,687
you put out dozens of fires
every day,
51
00:01:49,722 --> 00:01:51,689
not including the real ones
Tracy would set.
52
00:01:51,724 --> 00:01:53,208
To keep away
Frankensteins,
53
00:01:53,242 --> 00:01:54,726
which, as far as we know,
worked.
54
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,694
My point is,
you need the outlet.
55
00:01:56,728 --> 00:01:58,863
Without work...
56
00:01:58,881 --> 00:02:00,398
I have plenty
of new outlets.
57
00:02:00,432 --> 00:02:02,367
I ran this morning
for 30 minutes.
58
00:02:02,401 --> 00:02:04,152
- Does that include dry heaving?
- And wet.
59
00:02:04,186 --> 00:02:06,321
And sure, okay, I thought
I'd have a job right now,
60
00:02:06,372 --> 00:02:08,539
but I don't need to work.
61
00:02:08,557 --> 00:02:09,941
What about money?
You knowTGS
62
00:02:09,975 --> 00:02:11,543
is only syndicated
in Greece.
63
00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:16,781
We'll be fine.
64
00:02:16,799 --> 00:02:18,166
Criss has gone back to work.
65
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,618
He has a degree in
ethno-musicology from Wesleyan,
66
00:02:20,652 --> 00:02:22,687
so he's a receptionist
in a dental office.
67
00:02:22,721 --> 00:02:24,873
And I didn't come here
looking for something to do.
68
00:02:24,907 --> 00:02:26,357
I just thought
I would check in on you,
69
00:02:26,392 --> 00:02:28,893
because you're
the emotionally fragile one.
70
00:02:28,911 --> 00:02:30,194
Hogcock!
71
00:02:30,212 --> 00:02:32,129
Which is a combination
of "hogwash" and "poppycock."
72
00:02:32,147 --> 00:02:33,731
I'm just saying,
if my mother told me
73
00:02:33,749 --> 00:02:36,167
that everything I had been
raised to believe was a lie
74
00:02:36,202 --> 00:02:38,102
and then died,
I'd be like, "say what?"
75
00:02:38,137 --> 00:02:39,637
Lemon, all Colleen said
76
00:02:39,672 --> 00:02:40,939
is that she wanted me
to be happy,
77
00:02:40,973 --> 00:02:42,207
and, obviously, I am.
78
00:02:42,241 --> 00:02:43,374
Take a look
at my new view.
79
00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:45,727
From up here, I can see
the whole island.
80
00:02:45,761 --> 00:02:48,379
A city built on the religion
of capitalism,
81
00:02:48,414 --> 00:02:49,914
and I am its high priest,
82
00:02:49,949 --> 00:02:52,217
looking down
on the swinish multitude.
83
00:02:52,251 --> 00:02:55,353
And even those who hate me,
the unwashed socialist horde,
84
00:02:55,387 --> 00:02:58,606
the occupy wall streeters
and the beard-havers
85
00:02:58,641 --> 00:02:59,841
and the bicycle riders,
86
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:03,061
even they
must acknowledge me...
87
00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:05,213
As a God.
88
00:03:05,247 --> 00:03:08,266
And this makes you happy?
89
00:03:08,284 --> 00:03:09,417
It should.
90
00:03:09,451 --> 00:03:11,002
You know,
I'm reminded of something
91
00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:12,403
Yoda once said.
92
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:17,242
Dark times are these.
93
00:03:29,665 --> 00:03:32,094
30 ROCK
Last episodes - Hogcock! & Last Lunch
94
00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:34,761
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
95
00:03:36,995 --> 00:03:38,596
Nakamura-San, we at NBC
96
00:03:38,614 --> 00:03:40,365
would love to adapt
your game show
97
00:03:40,399 --> 00:03:42,200
for American audiences.
98
00:03:42,234 --> 00:03:44,519
But we thought maybe
contestants could win money
99
00:03:44,553 --> 00:03:47,021
instead of penis punches.
100
00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:49,691
Yo, Ken, I need you
to do something for me!
101
00:03:49,725 --> 00:03:51,175
Ken!
102
00:03:51,209 --> 00:03:52,977
Tray, Ken can't do stuff
for you anymore.
103
00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:55,129
He's president
of the network now.
104
00:03:55,164 --> 00:03:57,198
So? He promised me
he'd always be there for me,
105
00:03:57,232 --> 00:03:58,283
no matter what!
106
00:03:58,317 --> 00:03:59,534
Sometimes things change.
107
00:03:59,568 --> 00:04:02,570
And yet you still say
stupid stuff to me all the time
108
00:04:02,605 --> 00:04:04,856
and suck at carrying boxes!
109
00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:09,177
Hey, Kenneth!
110
00:04:09,211 --> 00:04:10,461
Just thought I'd come up
and say hi
111
00:04:10,496 --> 00:04:12,597
to the new president
of NBC.
112
00:04:12,631 --> 00:04:14,699
Well, can I get you
anything...
113
00:04:14,733 --> 00:04:17,035
Chickpeas, moonshine,
turtle meat?
114
00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:18,069
I'm good.
115
00:04:18,087 --> 00:04:20,504
You know, I was with NBC
for seven years.
116
00:04:20,522 --> 00:04:23,708
And even though right now I'm
concentrating on being a mom...
117
00:04:23,742 --> 00:04:25,143
You've always had
the body for it.
118
00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:27,078
At some point
down the road,
119
00:04:27,112 --> 00:04:29,247
I do plan on getting
back to work.
120
00:04:29,281 --> 00:04:31,833
Well, I hope it's with NBC,
121
00:04:31,867 --> 00:04:33,451
because we have
hiring quotas.
122
00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:35,320
Okay, well,
I actually think
123
00:04:35,354 --> 00:04:36,888
there might be a show
in my life...
124
00:04:36,922 --> 00:04:38,840
You know, a woman writer
living in New York.
125
00:04:38,874 --> 00:04:41,509
Sorry.
Woman, writer, New York...
126
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:45,530
Those are all on my list
of TV no-no words.
127
00:04:45,564 --> 00:04:47,398
See, I think audiences
just want to laugh
128
00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:50,318
and forget about their problems
when they watch TV.
129
00:04:50,352 --> 00:04:53,554
They don't want to watch
some angry New York crankypants
130
00:04:53,589 --> 00:04:55,306
make that face...
Exactly.
131
00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:58,743
I want to make shows that people
actually want to watch...
132
00:04:58,777 --> 00:05:02,030
Shows where a guy gets
a drink thrown in his face,
133
00:05:02,064 --> 00:05:04,215
and then he turns to his dog
and says,
134
00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:06,884
"don't even say it."
135
00:05:06,902 --> 00:05:08,819
To his dog!
136
00:05:08,837 --> 00:05:11,339
Okay, well, I think
TV can be successful
137
00:05:11,373 --> 00:05:13,708
without sacrificing quality.
138
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,827
There it is.
139
00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:17,762
Okay, well, if that's
what you want,
140
00:05:17,796 --> 00:05:19,981
maybe I shouldn't bring
my ideas to NBC.
141
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:21,416
I'll go to cable,
where you can swear
142
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:23,601
and really take time
to let moments land.
143
00:05:23,635 --> 00:05:26,037
You willer bevieve
what just happened to me.
144
00:05:26,071 --> 00:05:27,989
I was throwing a tantrum
in the makeup room.
145
00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,857
Where is my color?
146
00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:32,376
I will have
you queens fired!
147
00:05:32,394 --> 00:05:35,313
I will tell the other gays
your real ages!
148
00:05:35,347 --> 00:05:37,799
I'll be...
149
00:05:37,833 --> 00:05:39,650
Ignored by my friends?
150
00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:42,437
No one paid
any attention to...
151
00:05:42,471 --> 00:05:44,639
Stop ignoring me!
152
00:05:44,673 --> 00:05:46,808
This is
an actor announcement.
153
00:05:46,842 --> 00:05:48,142
The show's over,
154
00:05:48,193 --> 00:05:49,961
so you're not technically
an actor anymore.
155
00:05:49,995 --> 00:05:51,662
How dare you,
you rotting pear?
156
00:05:51,697 --> 00:05:54,832
I will stop being an actress
when the Earth stops spinng
157
00:05:54,867 --> 00:05:56,768
on Kabbalah monster's
fingernail.
158
00:05:56,802 --> 00:05:59,137
The only thing that's stopping
is this show.
159
00:05:59,171 --> 00:06:01,839
It's beneath me,
and from now on,
160
00:06:01,857 --> 00:06:04,892
Jenna Maroney only plays
dramatic roles.
161
00:06:04,927 --> 00:06:08,979
Good-bye forever,
you factory reject dildos.
162
00:06:13,185 --> 00:06:14,819
Mr. Donaghy!
163
00:06:14,853 --> 00:06:17,872
Inga, you have to warn me
when we have an important guest.
164
00:06:17,923 --> 00:06:20,057
I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to spank you again.
165
00:06:22,678 --> 00:06:24,512
Stupid Jonathan.
166
00:06:24,546 --> 00:06:26,364
Kenneth, I need your advice.
167
00:06:26,398 --> 00:06:28,166
Sir, I know
this is my office,
168
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,517
but it would make me
more comfortable
169
00:06:29,551 --> 00:06:31,352
if we switched places.
170
00:06:35,724 --> 00:06:38,192
Kenneth, I've been thinking
about something a lot lately,
171
00:06:38,227 --> 00:06:41,028
something that's never
bothered me until now.
172
00:06:41,063 --> 00:06:42,063
Me too!
173
00:06:42,064 --> 00:06:44,148
Where are all
the baby pigeons?
174
00:06:44,182 --> 00:06:45,366
Happiness.
175
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,985
I've started to wonder
if I'm happy.
176
00:06:48,019 --> 00:06:49,954
Well, sir,
if you have to ask,
177
00:06:49,988 --> 00:06:51,689
then you're not.
178
00:06:51,707 --> 00:06:53,207
It's like when a pig says,
179
00:06:53,242 --> 00:06:55,626
"if I can communicate
with you telepathically,
180
00:06:55,661 --> 00:06:57,044
do I have a soul?"
181
00:06:57,079 --> 00:06:58,996
And then you're like,
"no. Duh.
182
00:06:59,030 --> 00:07:00,581
Into the slaughtering chute."
183
00:07:00,632 --> 00:07:02,333
If you're right,
I have a problem.
184
00:07:02,367 --> 00:07:04,034
And every problem
can be solved.
185
00:07:04,052 --> 00:07:05,887
As I was taught
at six sigma...
186
00:07:05,921 --> 00:07:08,038
Analyze, strategize,
succeed.
187
00:07:08,056 --> 00:07:09,707
"A.S.S."
188
00:07:09,725 --> 00:07:13,043
I'm going to crush
this problem...
189
00:07:13,061 --> 00:07:14,729
With my ass.
190
00:07:17,949 --> 00:07:20,410
Tracy Jordan can see Kenneth Parcell?
191
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,183
Mr. Parcell's in a meeting.
192
00:07:22,218 --> 00:07:24,119
I see.
Very well.
193
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:26,955
Tell him Tracy came by
from his promise.
194
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:29,708
That's Tracy...
"T" as in the drink,
195
00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,259
"R" as in the pirate noise,
196
00:07:31,293 --> 00:07:33,345
"A" as in the Fonzie noise,
197
00:07:33,379 --> 00:07:34,896
"C" as in sea monster,
198
00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:36,464
"Y" as in why do we even
make friends
199
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,034
if they're gonna let you down
when we need them the most?
200
00:07:39,068 --> 00:07:40,668
Last name "Jordan."
201
00:07:40,686 --> 00:07:42,620
"J" as in the birds
I'm afraid of...
202
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,679
"I'm a stay-at-home mom
who, until recently,
203
00:07:50,713 --> 00:07:52,731
"had a high-pressure job.
204
00:07:52,782 --> 00:07:55,050
Any advice on dealing
with that transition?"
205
00:07:55,084 --> 00:07:57,619
"I put all my old work energy
into parenting.
206
00:07:57,653 --> 00:08:00,355
My kids hate me, which gives me
more parenting to do."
207
00:08:00,389 --> 00:08:02,490
"My God,
I am so sick of listening
208
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:04,292
"to you stay-at-home moms
whine.
209
00:08:04,326 --> 00:08:05,593
Try being a working parent."
210
00:08:05,628 --> 00:08:08,646
"I did, but I got fired...
For stupidity."
211
00:08:08,681 --> 00:08:10,231
"I'd switch places
with any of you.
212
00:08:10,265 --> 00:08:12,117
And I have
amazing cheekbones."
213
00:08:12,151 --> 00:08:14,469
For your information,
214
00:08:14,487 --> 00:08:15,837
some people like work."
215
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,623
"Really? You like
having 40 emails from Jerry,
216
00:08:18,657 --> 00:08:20,792
"all with a red
exclamation point?
217
00:08:20,826 --> 00:08:22,610
They're
all urgent, Jerry?"
218
00:08:22,645 --> 00:08:24,285
"'Cause some people think
that work can be
219
00:08:24,313 --> 00:08:25,980
"fulfilling and validating.
220
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:28,149
"For example,
the rapper T.I.,
221
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:30,769
"who wrote, 'better get on
yo job, tell 'em.
222
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:33,188
Haters get on yo job,
nougats.'"
223
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:35,073
at least, I think he was
saying "nougats."
224
00:08:35,107 --> 00:08:36,057
"Well, I don't know
what to say.
225
00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:37,926
I guess some people
are idiots."
226
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,828
"Bitch, you are on
my last nerve."
227
00:08:39,862 --> 00:08:41,129
"Then why don't you do
something about it?"
228
00:08:41,163 --> 00:08:42,764
Gladly, friend-o...
229
00:08:42,782 --> 00:08:44,833
Riverside Park,
hippo playground,
230
00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:46,434
ten minutes.
"Perfect.
231
00:08:46,469 --> 00:08:48,570
I take my darling children there
all the time."
232
00:08:48,604 --> 00:08:50,822
"I'll be the one wearing
a purple sweater
233
00:08:50,856 --> 00:08:54,292
and wrapping a baby swing
around some skank's neck."
234
00:09:03,069 --> 00:09:05,353
Time for an ass attack.
235
00:09:05,387 --> 00:09:07,989
Kabletown shares
closing at a new high today.
236
00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:11,359
CEO Jack Donaghy, who rang
the opening Bell last week,
237
00:09:11,393 --> 00:09:13,128
has emphasized
the growth potential in...
238
00:09:16,298 --> 00:09:17,465
Now I am the sensei!
239
00:09:17,483 --> 00:09:19,284
The parking space
closest to the door is mine.
240
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:27,108
What do we have here?
241
00:09:33,833 --> 00:09:36,835
Joining us this hour
is my new co-host, the colonel.
242
00:09:36,886 --> 00:09:39,320
Looks like another cold one
today in the midwest.
243
00:09:39,355 --> 00:09:40,822
Yeah, so bundle up,
everyone.
244
00:09:40,856 --> 00:09:42,607
And if you can,
get hit by a car.
245
00:09:42,641 --> 00:09:44,959
You get to spend
a couple days in the hospital,
246
00:09:44,993 --> 00:09:46,427
and they'll give you soup.
247
00:09:57,756 --> 00:09:59,874
Nancy, I know this is
unconventional,
248
00:09:59,909 --> 00:10:02,777
but I really think
a group relationship could work.
249
00:10:02,795 --> 00:10:04,946
What you're proposing
is a sin, Jack,
250
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,031
but she is wicked hot.
251
00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:08,733
Elisa,
what do you say?
252
00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:10,552
It would have to be
a conjugal visit,
253
00:10:10,586 --> 00:10:14,155
because I am
in a Puerto Rican jail.
254
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:21,129
Jenna, thank you so much
for doing this.
255
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,163
What a thrill.
256
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,181
I am just so glad
257
00:10:23,215 --> 00:10:25,333
to finally return
to my two loves...
258
00:10:25,351 --> 00:10:27,869
Dramatic acting
and sex crimes.
259
00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:28,920
Yeah.
260
00:10:28,954 --> 00:10:31,105
Well, this first scene
is super simple.
261
00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:33,124
Munch and fin
find your body.
262
00:10:33,159 --> 00:10:35,393
Wait. What?
I die?
263
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:36,811
Didn't you get the rewrite?
264
00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:38,897
But if I'm dead, how can
I become a recurring character?
265
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,465
And if I'm not
a recurring character,
266
00:10:40,499 --> 00:10:43,685
how will I get away
with horrible stuff, like this?
267
00:10:43,719 --> 00:10:44,853
Let's do this.
268
00:10:44,887 --> 00:10:47,071
That's what I was
about to say.
269
00:10:47,106 --> 00:10:48,489
Let's do it!
270
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,108
Slate it!
271
00:10:50,142 --> 00:10:51,776
And... action!
272
00:10:53,979 --> 00:10:55,663
Word is,
cleaning lady found her...
273
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,215
Early this morning.
274
00:10:57,249 --> 00:10:59,317
Still alive.
275
00:10:59,351 --> 00:11:00,768
Who else had access?
276
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:04,138
My foot hurts,
but I'm okay.
277
00:11:04,172 --> 00:11:05,806
I think this injury
has given me
278
00:11:05,824 --> 00:11:08,009
crime-solving Powers.
279
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:11,079
It's
Mind beauty.
280
00:11:11,113 --> 00:11:12,513
I'm done.
Who is this chick?
281
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:14,515
All television
is beneath me.
282
00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:16,634
I will only do cinema.
283
00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:17,685
No one cares, Jenna.
284
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:20,088
I am going
to the city of angels,
285
00:11:20,122 --> 00:11:22,273
a veterinary hospital
where I get dog sedatives
286
00:11:22,308 --> 00:11:24,225
that help me relax
when I fly.
287
00:11:24,243 --> 00:11:26,744
Then I'm flying
to Los Angeles!
288
00:11:26,779 --> 00:11:28,196
Good-bye forever,
289
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,932
you soup line
at a gay homeless shelter.
290
00:11:36,855 --> 00:11:39,691
Crisstopher Rick Chros.
Are you kidding me?
291
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:41,042
Liz, you don't want
to be here right now,
292
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,894
'cause I got to go smack
that woman in the face.
293
00:11:42,945 --> 00:11:43,945
Criss...
294
00:11:43,946 --> 00:11:45,530
You're here to fight me.
295
00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:47,365
I'm the original poster.
296
00:11:47,399 --> 00:11:49,050
My God! Since when
do you listen to T.I.?
297
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:50,368
That message board
is for moms.
298
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:51,469
I thought you were a lady.
299
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,321
You said you had
amazing cheekbones.
300
00:11:54,974 --> 00:11:56,257
Chros,
what are you doing here?
301
00:11:56,291 --> 00:11:58,076
I don't know.
I just hate being at work.
302
00:11:58,110 --> 00:11:59,327
Sitting at a desk
makes me crazy,
303
00:11:59,361 --> 00:12:00,595
so I keep getting up
and getting coffee.
304
00:12:00,629 --> 00:12:02,647
Now I'm all jittery
and weird and... bird!
305
00:12:02,698 --> 00:12:04,299
So you hate work?
306
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:06,651
And this mom came in
with her kids to see Dr. Emily,
307
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:07,835
and I was jealous of her.
308
00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:09,137
Her kids were so bored,
I just wanted to jump
309
00:12:09,171 --> 00:12:11,422
over that divider and play
waiting games with them,
310
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:12,590
like carpet adventure.
311
00:12:12,625 --> 00:12:14,025
Or that one
where your hands are spiders.
312
00:12:14,059 --> 00:12:15,343
Hand spiders.
313
00:12:15,377 --> 00:12:16,678
Yeah, so...
314
00:12:16,712 --> 00:12:18,546
I hate work,
and evidently you miss it.
315
00:12:18,580 --> 00:12:20,298
I know.
I'm a terrible mother.
316
00:12:20,349 --> 00:12:21,515
My God,
if you were a dude,
317
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,084
you would not
even be thinking that.
318
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,218
It's okay to want to work.
319
00:12:24,252 --> 00:12:26,654
One of us has to.
We just got it backwards.
320
00:12:26,672 --> 00:12:28,873
You're... the dad.
321
00:12:28,907 --> 00:12:30,591
I do like ignoring
your questions
322
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,610
- while I try to watch TV.
- Exactly!
323
00:12:32,645 --> 00:12:33,945
I should be the one
staying at home.
324
00:12:33,979 --> 00:12:35,730
You should be in an office.
325
00:12:35,764 --> 00:12:37,382
That's how our family's
supposed to work.
326
00:12:37,433 --> 00:12:39,701
Except I don't have
an office to go back to.
327
00:12:39,735 --> 00:12:41,719
Well, so pitch something
to Kenneth,
328
00:12:41,754 --> 00:12:44,071
like, I don't know,
a show about a dentist's office
329
00:12:44,089 --> 00:12:46,441
where the sassy hygienist
says things like,
330
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:48,409
"I'm turning 30...
Again."
331
00:12:50,112 --> 00:12:51,429
I will miss Tyrell.
332
00:12:51,463 --> 00:12:53,183
You know, that's exactly
the kind of garbage
333
00:12:53,215 --> 00:12:54,565
that Kenneth is looking for.
334
00:12:54,616 --> 00:12:57,435
And for the sake of my family,
I'm gonna give it to him.
335
00:13:04,727 --> 00:13:07,195
Damn it! Why did I get
such a loud pacemaker?
336
00:13:07,229 --> 00:13:08,596
Tray, Kenneth
is not coming.
337
00:13:08,630 --> 00:13:09,847
You think I don't know that?
338
00:13:09,898 --> 00:13:11,683
When I went up
to Ken's office earlier,
339
00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:14,468
I saw his schedule on his
assistant's pornography box!
340
00:13:14,486 --> 00:13:15,870
- You mean computer?
- Whatever.
341
00:13:15,904 --> 00:13:18,473
He doesn't have meetings.
He's avoiding me.
342
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:20,241
What am I...
My son's piano recital?
343
00:13:20,275 --> 00:13:22,093
Put yourself
in Kenneth's shoes.
344
00:13:22,144 --> 00:13:23,811
I can't!
He's not here!
345
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,330
Stop torturing me!
346
00:13:25,364 --> 00:13:26,647
He's running the network.
347
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,449
He doesn't need you
asking him for stuff.
348
00:13:28,484 --> 00:13:30,335
Whatever it is you need,
we can do it.
349
00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:32,403
Unless you need us to hate
the new Taylor Swift album.
350
00:13:32,438 --> 00:13:35,039
That girl has feelings.
You're wrong, dotcom!
351
00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:37,091
What I need
only Kenneth can do...
352
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,826
Only Kenneth!
353
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,696
We were doing just fine
before Kenneth ever got here...
354
00:13:41,730 --> 00:13:42,847
Just fine!
355
00:13:46,151 --> 00:13:47,435
You wanted to see me, sir?
356
00:13:47,469 --> 00:13:50,371
Kenneth, since we last spoke,
I've been in a spiral...
357
00:13:50,389 --> 00:13:51,639
An upward spiral.
358
00:13:51,673 --> 00:13:53,157
That's not a thing.
359
00:13:53,192 --> 00:13:54,842
Neither is talking
two catholic beauties
360
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:57,979
into a delicious vanilla-caramel
sex swirl, but I did it.
361
00:13:58,013 --> 00:13:59,414
And I got rid
of their accents.
362
00:13:59,448 --> 00:14:00,498
Jack, porking
363
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:02,817
in that prison basement
was wicked awesome.
364
00:14:02,851 --> 00:14:04,469
Thank you, you two,
365
00:14:04,503 --> 00:14:06,404
for blowing my brains.
366
00:14:06,438 --> 00:14:07,739
So who's happy now,
Parcell?
367
00:14:07,773 --> 00:14:09,891
Well, if you have
to ask the question...
368
00:14:09,925 --> 00:14:11,809
And answer it.
I am...
369
00:14:11,844 --> 00:14:14,195
You string cheese
with a tooth stuck in it.
370
00:14:14,213 --> 00:14:16,964
Look at the wheel.
Well, then smile, Mr. Donaghy.
371
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,816
- I am.
- Jack?
372
00:14:18,851 --> 00:14:21,469
You are gonna love this,
you magnificent bastard.
373
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:22,820
Someone leaked
your new salary.
374
00:14:22,855 --> 00:14:25,323
Occupy Wall Street is having
a conniption.
375
00:14:25,357 --> 00:14:27,275
- Really?
- They burned you in effigy!
376
00:14:27,309 --> 00:14:28,826
The hair went up
like a Roman candle.
377
00:14:28,861 --> 00:14:30,144
And the democrats...
They don't even know
378
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,662
what to do with themselves.
379
00:14:31,697 --> 00:14:32,947
Just look at this jackass.
380
00:14:32,981 --> 00:14:35,266
Jack Donaghy
is an economic war criminal.
381
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,435
If the Democratic party
controlled congress,
382
00:14:37,469 --> 00:14:38,953
I would see to it
that he was punished
383
00:14:38,987 --> 00:14:40,738
in the worst way possible...
384
00:14:40,773 --> 00:14:43,841
By having to come down here
and listen to us.
385
00:14:43,876 --> 00:14:47,795
God, I feel like I have
a "macropenis" right now.
386
00:15:02,538 --> 00:15:04,205
Liz Lemon, how funny!
387
00:15:04,223 --> 00:15:07,108
I was planning to call you,
and now here you are.
388
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,061
Now, about our conversation
earlier...
389
00:15:09,095 --> 00:15:10,445
Yes, about that.
390
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,980
You know, I've been thinking,
and you were right.
391
00:15:12,015 --> 00:15:13,565
America doesn't want
to see me.
392
00:15:13,599 --> 00:15:16,835
America wants to see...
John Hardly.
393
00:15:16,869 --> 00:15:19,287
He loves his family,
but he hates the rat race.
394
00:15:19,322 --> 00:15:21,123
He's "hardly working."
395
00:15:21,157 --> 00:15:23,108
I'm so sorry.
Pass.
396
00:15:23,142 --> 00:15:26,912
But I do have something
you'd be perfect for.
397
00:15:26,946 --> 00:15:29,448
One last chance for TGS
to make America Say,
398
00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:31,583
"what? Why?"
What are you talking abo?
399
00:15:31,634 --> 00:15:34,653
Well, it turns out
Mr. Jordan's TGS contract
400
00:15:34,704 --> 00:15:37,422
contains some rather
unusual clauses,
401
00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:38,990
and I don't mean
those two Santas
402
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:40,859
I saw kissing on the subway.
403
00:15:40,893 --> 00:15:44,329
"If fewer than 150 episodes
of TGS are produced in total,
404
00:15:44,364 --> 00:15:47,933
Mr. Jordan shall be paid
a penalty of $30 million."
405
00:15:47,967 --> 00:15:49,000
So?
406
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,252
Ms. Lemon,
407
00:15:50,286 --> 00:15:53,655
TGS has done 149 shows.
408
00:15:53,673 --> 00:15:56,124
So we're gonna need you
to go ahead and do one more.
409
00:15:56,159 --> 00:15:59,761
I need a job, Kenneth,
not one more episode ofTGS.
410
00:15:59,796 --> 00:16:01,947
You are contractually required
to write and produce
411
00:16:01,981 --> 00:16:04,216
all episodes of TGS, so...
412
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:05,333
See you tomorrow?
413
00:16:05,368 --> 00:16:07,285
You've really changed,
Kenneth.
414
00:16:07,336 --> 00:16:09,221
I don't think so.
You look nice today.
415
00:16:09,255 --> 00:16:11,056
Shut your chin slit.
416
00:16:11,107 --> 00:16:12,841
Yes, ma'am.
417
00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:16,261
Welcome to Los Angeles
International Airport.
418
00:16:16,312 --> 00:16:17,979
Follow yellow signs
to baggage claim
419
00:16:18,014 --> 00:16:20,115
and ground transportation.
420
00:16:30,777 --> 00:16:32,277
Excuse me, ma'am.
421
00:16:32,328 --> 00:16:35,330
Do you need a wheelchair
to baggage claim?
422
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:39,317
Shut it down.
423
00:16:39,352 --> 00:16:43,171
I will return
to my first love... Broadway!
424
00:16:43,189 --> 00:16:47,159
You Eastern European knockoff
Mr. Potato heads.
425
00:16:48,361 --> 00:16:49,895
Why haven't you
come to see me?
426
00:16:49,929 --> 00:16:52,097
Why didn't you return
any of my calls?
427
00:16:52,131 --> 00:16:54,232
I tried, sir,
but no one answered.
428
00:16:54,267 --> 00:16:56,518
I'm Tracy Jordan.
I don't answer phones.
429
00:16:56,552 --> 00:16:58,420
Kenneth, you once
made a promise...
430
00:16:58,454 --> 00:17:00,288
That you would always be
there for me.
431
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:01,490
I know. I'm sorry.
432
00:17:01,524 --> 00:17:03,091
I would never break
a promise.
433
00:17:03,126 --> 00:17:05,046
Good, 'cause I need you
to do something for me.
434
00:17:05,077 --> 00:17:06,928
Of course.
Just name it.
435
00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:09,364
Kenneth, I need you
to take back your promise.
436
00:17:09,398 --> 00:17:10,582
Sir?
437
00:17:10,616 --> 00:17:12,150
I know what it is
to blow up overnight.
438
00:17:12,185 --> 00:17:13,752
And I'm not talking
about my gout.
439
00:17:13,786 --> 00:17:16,221
When I got big,
a lot of people from my past
440
00:17:16,255 --> 00:17:19,141
wanted stuff from me,
and, well,
441
00:17:19,175 --> 00:17:21,526
I don't want to be
that person for you.
442
00:17:21,561 --> 00:17:24,446
So, like the snakes I kept
in my dressing room,
443
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,532
I release you.
444
00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:28,783
Mr. Jordan...
445
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,472
Thank you, sir.
446
00:17:34,957 --> 00:17:37,392
I think I'm gonna
need a tissue.
447
00:17:41,747 --> 00:17:44,933
Am I supposed
to drop this on the floor?
448
00:17:44,951 --> 00:17:46,551
And while
we're naming things,
449
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:49,704
my car ran out of gas
on the Long Island expressway.
450
00:17:49,739 --> 00:17:51,272
Yes, sir.
451
00:17:55,878 --> 00:17:57,762
Okay, Jack,
I need a job.
452
00:17:57,813 --> 00:18:00,332
I'm looking for six figures,
eight if you're counting cents,
453
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,734
which I fell for once before...
Not cool, the gap.
454
00:18:02,768 --> 00:18:05,036
I'd love to help you, Lemon,
but I don't think I can.
455
00:18:05,071 --> 00:18:07,906
I resigned as CEO of Kabletown
an hour ago.
456
00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:08,874
What? Why?
457
00:18:08,925 --> 00:18:10,925
Because I felt nothing.
458
00:18:10,943 --> 00:18:12,894
I got the job.
I pissed off my enemies...
459
00:18:12,929 --> 00:18:15,614
Pelosi, Maddow, Baldwin.
460
00:18:15,648 --> 00:18:18,783
It should have been
the greatest moment of my life.
461
00:18:18,818 --> 00:18:20,318
No, no, no. No, no.
Eyes off the window.
462
00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,687
Focus on Lemon.
What am I gonna do now?
463
00:18:22,722 --> 00:18:25,156
I could try and help you
make some calls
464
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,609
and see what bridges
I haven't burned.
465
00:18:27,643 --> 00:18:28,894
But I'm not going to,
466
00:18:28,928 --> 00:18:30,195
for your own good.
467
00:18:30,246 --> 00:18:32,413
Work is never going
to make you happy, Lemon,
468
00:18:32,431 --> 00:18:34,533
and anyone who tells you
differently is a fool.
469
00:18:34,567 --> 00:18:35,984
Are you kidding me?
470
00:18:36,018 --> 00:18:38,119
What have we been talking about
for the last seven years?
471
00:18:38,154 --> 00:18:39,588
I don't know anymore.
472
00:18:39,622 --> 00:18:42,023
For the first time in my life,
I don't know what I need.
473
00:18:42,058 --> 00:18:44,726
Maybe I'll buy a boat.
474
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,228
My God.
475
00:18:46,262 --> 00:18:48,480
This whole time you've been
telling me how to run my life,
476
00:18:48,514 --> 00:18:50,065
you didn't know
what you were talking about.
477
00:18:50,099 --> 00:18:52,717
You're just an alcoholic
with a great voice.
478
00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:54,432
Careful, Lemon.
You're playing with fire.
479
00:18:54,453 --> 00:18:56,771
You made me buy
into this whole life.
480
00:18:56,806 --> 00:18:59,658
When I met you, I was perfectly
happy with what I had...
481
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,710
Eating night cheese
and transitioning my pajamas
482
00:19:01,744 --> 00:19:02,894
into daywear.
483
00:19:02,929 --> 00:19:05,447
You're the one who told me
to want more.
484
00:19:05,481 --> 00:19:08,016
And now, when I need you most,
you're bailing on me?
485
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:10,252
You're an adult, Lemon.
You didn't have to listen to me.
486
00:19:10,286 --> 00:19:12,287
Really?
When was that an option?
487
00:19:12,321 --> 00:19:14,773
Look, if you want someone
to blame, blame yourself.
488
00:19:14,824 --> 00:19:17,042
You're the one who wormed
your way into my brain
489
00:19:17,093 --> 00:19:19,361
with your endless handwringing
and feelings.
490
00:19:19,395 --> 00:19:22,581
I used to be a shark,
and then you "unsharkulated" me.
491
00:19:22,615 --> 00:19:25,100
I called you up here
for one meeting seven years ago,
492
00:19:25,134 --> 00:19:27,519
and you kept coming up.
493
00:19:29,005 --> 00:19:30,538
So we ruined each other?
494
00:19:30,556 --> 00:19:31,856
Good to know.
495
00:19:31,891 --> 00:19:34,309
You know, it's for the best
that my show is over
496
00:19:34,327 --> 00:19:35,460
and you've quit
497
00:19:35,494 --> 00:19:37,279
and we're all going
our separate ways.
498
00:19:37,313 --> 00:19:39,681
I guess you and I were just
a boss and his employee.
499
00:19:39,715 --> 00:19:41,049
And now we're not anymore.
500
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:43,568
Yes, that pretty much
sums it up.
501
00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:45,370
There!
502
00:19:45,404 --> 00:19:46,788
You're no longer
special to him.
503
00:19:46,822 --> 00:19:49,741
Get out!
Get out of our lives!
504
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:52,377
Yes!
505
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:02,854
Could you help on that Pete?
506
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,318
This last episode is
gonna be a hot mess.
507
00:20:04,352 --> 00:20:05,552
- How so?
- If TGS doesn't do
508
00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:08,355
one more show,
Tracy gets $30 million.
509
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:09,924
NBC... the same company
that suggested
510
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:11,792
we get flush buddies
to save water.
511
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,160
Liz, Tracy has landed.
512
00:20:13,195 --> 00:20:14,712
Of course he has,
because if he didn't...
513
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,730
He'd be in breach of contract
and wouldn't get the money.
514
00:20:16,764 --> 00:20:18,482
Which means he's gonna try
to find another way
515
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:19,683
to ruin the show.
516
00:20:22,037 --> 00:20:23,871
Seven years,
and Tracy never changed.
517
00:20:23,905 --> 00:20:25,539
Well, people are
who they are, Liz.
518
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:28,425
This is Dan Silversmith
519
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:29,960
with Carolina Mutual.
520
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:32,446
I can't talk right now.
I'm with a customer.
521
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,566
Well, whatever
sideways nonsense
522
00:20:35,617 --> 00:20:38,185
Tracy tries to pull,
I'm gonna hold him down.
523
00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:40,037
I'm gonna hold him down
like that machine
524
00:20:40,088 --> 00:20:42,256
Kathy Geiss invented
that hugs old people.
525
00:20:42,290 --> 00:20:44,475
My God, this will change
elder care forever.
526
00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,711
Whoops. Nope.
527
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,630
Hello, Tracy.
528
00:20:49,664 --> 00:20:51,899
So one last show...
529
00:20:51,933 --> 00:20:53,200
Pretty crazy?
530
00:20:53,235 --> 00:20:54,468
Indeed, Elizabeth.
531
00:20:54,502 --> 00:20:56,003
I hope nothing goes wrong.
532
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:57,271
Why would it?
533
00:20:57,305 --> 00:20:58,689
I mean, you're here,
fulfilling your contract.
534
00:20:58,723 --> 00:21:00,257
Sure am, L.L.
535
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:02,576
The only thing that can stop
this show is an act of God
536
00:21:02,611 --> 00:21:05,446
or if some genius
figured out a way to stall
537
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,867
Just long enough...
538
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:12,469
No! Nice try.
Get that out of here.
539
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:13,871
It's the final showdown, tray.
540
00:21:13,922 --> 00:21:15,589
You're gonna have to do
better than that.
541
00:21:15,624 --> 00:21:19,209
The night is young.
And neither are you.
542
00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:26,951
Okay, thank you,
everybody,
543
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,735
for coming in
on such short notice.
544
00:21:28,753 --> 00:21:30,638
I know some of you have
already gotten other jobs.
545
00:21:30,672 --> 00:21:31,939
Not me.
546
00:21:31,973 --> 00:21:34,975
Anyway, we have been
given a second chance
547
00:21:35,010 --> 00:21:37,177
to end this right,
on our terms.
548
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,479
So...
549
00:21:38,513 --> 00:21:40,848
What are we gonna order
for our last free lunch?
550
00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:41,899
- Momofuku!
- Guy Fieri's restaurant,
551
00:21:41,933 --> 00:21:43,450
- ironically.
- Nothing, thank you.
552
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,369
Cerie, whose turn is it
to choose lunch today?
553
00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:47,588
Who is the picker?
554
00:21:47,622 --> 00:21:48,756
You picked last time, Liz,
555
00:21:48,790 --> 00:21:51,992
so alphabetically
after Lemon comes...
556
00:21:52,027 --> 00:21:53,277
No.
557
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:01,201
Blimpie's.
558
00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:03,036
- No!
- Come on, Lutz!
559
00:22:03,054 --> 00:22:04,321
Let's solve this, Frank!
560
00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:07,975
Hello, Lemon.
561
00:22:08,009 --> 00:22:10,177
What are you doing here?
I thought you quit.
562
00:22:10,195 --> 00:22:11,879
In the cushions
of my couch,
563
00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,148
I found this
customer-loyalty card
564
00:22:14,182 --> 00:22:16,783
to a place called blazer bar,
and I assume it's yours.
565
00:22:16,801 --> 00:22:18,686
Thank you.
It's Manhattan's largest
566
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,955
out-of-business
women's blazer dump.
567
00:22:21,990 --> 00:22:24,825
Look, I didn't like the way
we ended things yesterday.
568
00:22:24,859 --> 00:22:26,260
Yeah, I've got a lot
of work to do.
569
00:22:26,294 --> 00:22:28,261
I'm sorry we argued,
but I'm not myself lately.
570
00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:30,997
I-I quit the job I worked
my entire life to get,
571
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,367
and now I feel adrift.
572
00:22:33,401 --> 00:22:34,702
No!
We're not doing this.
573
00:22:34,736 --> 00:22:36,320
Today is the last TGS ever.
574
00:22:36,354 --> 00:22:39,256
The point is, I'm going away,
probably for a long time.
575
00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:40,424
I assume that's code
576
00:22:40,475 --> 00:22:42,126
for a billionaire's
soul-searching trip
577
00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:44,962
to tan penis island. Ha.
578
00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:47,698
We're at the end here, Lemon.
We shouldn't hold grudges.
579
00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:54,254
For your information,
580
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:56,106
most of Tan Penis Island
was destroyed
581
00:22:56,157 --> 00:22:58,375
in Sting's house fire.
582
00:22:59,694 --> 00:23:03,563
Are urged to take
this storm severely seriously.
583
00:23:03,581 --> 00:23:05,199
Hey, where
are you guys going?
584
00:23:05,233 --> 00:23:07,633
Sorry, Liz, we got to get out
of here before the roads close.
585
00:23:07,635 --> 00:23:08,936
There's a "snowicane" coming.
586
00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:11,522
All of New York state,
especially midtown Manhattan
587
00:23:11,573 --> 00:23:14,208
between Saks Fifth Avenue
and the Variety Deli.
588
00:23:14,242 --> 00:23:16,743
Aw, no.
That's right where we are.
589
00:23:16,761 --> 00:23:18,312
According
to the national weather service,
590
00:23:18,346 --> 00:23:19,946
you should, and I quote,
591
00:23:19,964 --> 00:23:22,649
"leave work,
get in your purple Bentley,
592
00:23:22,683 --> 00:23:24,501
"and be home with your sharks
593
00:23:24,552 --> 00:23:26,437
"before the tristate area
gets slammed
594
00:23:26,471 --> 00:23:27,938
"by wh is ating called
595
00:23:27,972 --> 00:23:32,142
'snowicane' white lady name
like dorva or something."
596
00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:34,928
Everybody back to work.
597
00:23:34,962 --> 00:23:36,613
Aw, jeez.
598
00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:40,133
What did you do to Al Roker
to make him do that?
599
00:23:40,151 --> 00:23:41,518
Let's just say his wife
is on the board
600
00:23:41,553 --> 00:23:42,786
of a children's hospital,
601
00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:45,105
and they need a celebrity
to host their annual gala,
602
00:23:45,123 --> 00:23:46,373
and I threatened to do it.
603
00:23:46,407 --> 00:23:48,459
Do you understand
how selfish you're being?
604
00:23:48,493 --> 00:23:50,511
Our crew has been together
for seven years,
605
00:23:50,545 --> 00:23:52,513
and tonight is everyone's chance
to say good-bye!
606
00:23:52,547 --> 00:23:55,682
So get up on that stage
and cut the B.S.!
607
00:23:55,717 --> 00:23:57,267
But I promised
Barbra Streisand
608
00:23:57,318 --> 00:23:58,936
I'd never stab her again!
609
00:24:00,254 --> 00:24:02,439
Jenna...
610
00:24:02,490 --> 00:24:04,908
You've been friends
with Lemon for a long time.
611
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:06,560
She and I had
an argument yesterday.
612
00:24:06,594 --> 00:24:08,529
Really?
Did Liz scream in your face?
613
00:24:08,563 --> 00:24:10,147
Did you pin her up
against the wall?
614
00:24:10,181 --> 00:24:11,965
Were your shirts
wet with rain?
615
00:24:11,983 --> 00:24:13,700
I mean, obviously we've had
disagreements before,
616
00:24:13,734 --> 00:24:15,619
but this...
Feels different.
617
00:24:15,653 --> 00:24:18,088
After tonight,
I feel like Lemon and I
618
00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:21,091
could go our separate ways
and never see each other again.
619
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:22,576
Is that crazy?
Not really.
620
00:24:22,610 --> 00:24:24,962
You know Liz.
She can hold a grudge.
621
00:24:25,013 --> 00:24:26,780
She did want me
to cancel Top Chef
622
00:24:26,815 --> 00:24:28,882
because Colicchio's lunch place
changed the toppings
623
00:24:28,917 --> 00:24:29,933
on her favorite salad.
624
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,452
And with people,
forget about it.
625
00:24:31,486 --> 00:24:33,186
She's never stayed friends
with an ex.
626
00:24:33,204 --> 00:24:36,056
When Conan dumped her,
she dropped him forever.
627
00:24:37,925 --> 00:24:39,059
Hey, Liz.
628
00:24:40,962 --> 00:24:43,213
Come on, you can't pretend
I don't exist.
629
00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:45,632
We dated for a year!
630
00:24:45,667 --> 00:24:48,619
We were gonna lose our virginity
to each other!
631
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:50,888
Now I'll never lose it!
632
00:24:52,907 --> 00:24:54,408
And her friends...
633
00:24:54,442 --> 00:24:56,009
She'll cut people off
for doing nothing.
634
00:24:56,044 --> 00:24:57,177
I'm afraid to even tell her
635
00:24:57,212 --> 00:24:59,029
that I frenched her dad
on new year's.
636
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,531
I don't know what to do.
637
00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:02,149
I've lost so much already.
638
00:25:02,183 --> 00:25:03,967
The past few months
have been really hard.
639
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:05,252
And now Lemon!
640
00:25:05,286 --> 00:25:07,366
Did the doctor that prescribes
your antidepressants
641
00:25:07,388 --> 00:25:08,788
go to jail too?
642
00:25:08,807 --> 00:25:11,441
You see, I don't have
that many people in my life.
643
00:25:11,476 --> 00:25:14,194
I spent Christmas alone
in the Hamptons,
644
00:25:14,229 --> 00:25:16,396
drinking scotch
and throwing firecrackers
645
00:25:16,430 --> 00:25:17,948
at Billy Joel's dog!
646
00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:22,286
I'm just
in a really bad place,
647
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,437
and I don't know
how more I can take!
648
00:25:26,574 --> 00:25:28,909
Daddy, please stop crying.
649
00:25:36,851 --> 00:25:38,235
Okay, how about this?
650
00:25:38,269 --> 00:25:39,569
Yesterday
a bunch of us came in
651
00:25:39,588 --> 00:25:41,772
to clean out our desks,
more than half of us.
652
00:25:41,806 --> 00:25:42,806
Yes, a quorum.
653
00:25:42,824 --> 00:25:44,625
And you weren't here, Lutz.
654
00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:46,043
And lunch rule precedent
655
00:25:46,061 --> 00:25:47,795
stipulates that disputes
will be resolved
656
00:25:47,829 --> 00:25:49,279
by picking a new name.
657
00:25:49,297 --> 00:25:51,265
Toofer, the can!
658
00:25:51,316 --> 00:25:53,367
Gladly.
659
00:25:54,786 --> 00:25:57,321
What the hell?
It's stuck to me.
660
00:25:57,355 --> 00:25:58,872
God, and it's Lutz!
661
00:25:58,924 --> 00:26:00,691
Why's it so sticky?
662
00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:02,159
I wrote it on flypaper.
663
00:26:02,193 --> 00:26:05,963
I'm five steps ahead of you,
you sons of bitches!
664
00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:07,248
Blimpie's.
665
00:26:07,282 --> 00:26:09,366
Liz, have you seen
Jack today?
666
00:26:09,384 --> 00:26:10,634
- No.
- He just came
667
00:26:10,668 --> 00:26:12,703
into my dressing room
and started crying.
668
00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:14,338
He's in a really
bad place,
669
00:26:14,372 --> 00:26:15,656
like when Mickey Rourke...
670
00:26:15,690 --> 00:26:17,274
Okay, I can't do this
anymore.
671
00:26:17,308 --> 00:26:19,476
I've never met
Mickey Rourke.
672
00:26:19,511 --> 00:26:21,412
What do you
want me to do, Jenna...
673
00:26:21,446 --> 00:26:22,713
Shut down the show
to make Jack feel better
674
00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:23,881
about bailing on me?
675
00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:24,982
I'm just really worried,
676
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:26,617
and if you won't do anything,
I will.
677
00:26:26,651 --> 00:26:28,131
On behalf of the network,
Ms. Maroney,
678
00:26:28,152 --> 00:26:30,004
I think you should sing
at the end of the show tonight.
679
00:26:30,038 --> 00:26:32,489
Wonderful!
I'll need ten pianos.
680
00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:34,057
Good luck with, Jake.
681
00:26:34,075 --> 00:26:35,926
Does everybody have
to be crazy today?
682
00:26:35,961 --> 00:26:37,995
Beloved coworkers!
683
00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:40,247
Life...
It goes by so fast.
684
00:26:40,282 --> 00:26:41,632
We barely look at each other.
685
00:26:41,666 --> 00:26:44,652
I didn't realize
all this was going on.
686
00:26:44,703 --> 00:26:46,703
Good-bye.
Good-bye, world.
687
00:26:46,721 --> 00:26:49,973
Good-bye, long-hair guy.
Good-bye, Richard Esposito.
688
00:26:49,991 --> 00:26:53,177
Go home to your wife
and eight beautiful children.
689
00:26:53,211 --> 00:26:54,745
You're all so beautiful.
690
00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:56,914
What the wha...?
691
00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:01,518
Guys, I know
I don't normally say much, but...
692
00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:03,170
What, woman?
Speak!
693
00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:05,889
Well, officially, the show
was canceled two weeks ago.
694
00:27:05,924 --> 00:27:08,525
So isn't this technically
season eight?
695
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,111
Which means we start over
at the beginning
696
00:27:11,146 --> 00:27:12,196
of the alphabet.
697
00:27:12,230 --> 00:27:14,114
- So the new picker is...
- Me!
698
00:27:14,165 --> 00:27:15,665
What? No!
699
00:27:15,684 --> 00:27:18,285
Lutz isn't first!
700
00:27:20,071 --> 00:27:22,473
You changed your name
to "Aardvark"?
701
00:27:22,507 --> 00:27:23,557
That's insane!
702
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,447
Puppies.
703
00:27:33,351 --> 00:27:36,120
So have you picked out
a song for tonight, Ms. Maroney?
704
00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:37,154
A perfect song.
705
00:27:37,172 --> 00:27:38,589
As I'm sure you know,
706
00:27:38,623 --> 00:27:41,225
I have returned
to my first love,
707
00:27:41,259 --> 00:27:44,228
Broadway,
in a musical adaptation
708
00:27:44,262 --> 00:27:46,980
of the film of the novel
the Rural Juror.
709
00:27:47,015 --> 00:27:48,298
- I'm sorry... the what?
- At the end of act two,
710
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:49,883
my character,
Constance Justice,
711
00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:51,135
sings the title song.
712
00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:53,737
It's a tearful good-bye
to her true love,
713
00:27:53,771 --> 00:27:55,756
Norman Blurder,
the rural juror.
714
00:27:55,807 --> 00:27:57,107
It sounds emotional.
715
00:27:57,142 --> 00:27:58,142
Listen to this.
716
00:28:04,549 --> 00:28:05,899
What?
What is that face?
717
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:07,000
I don't know, Ms. Maroney.
718
00:28:07,052 --> 00:28:09,319
It just seems like
you're faking it.
719
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:10,721
Well, of course I am.
720
00:28:10,755 --> 00:28:11,755
I'm an actor.
721
00:28:11,790 --> 00:28:13,340
And acting
is all cheap tricks
722
00:28:13,391 --> 00:28:15,092
that any child
or monkey could do.
723
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:17,360
To act drunk, you just wear
two different-sized heels.
724
00:28:17,379 --> 00:28:21,281
And to cry, you just clutch
a shard of broken glass.
725
00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:24,268
Ms. Maroney,
this is the end of TGS.
726
00:28:24,302 --> 00:28:26,637
You need to show
real emotion.
727
00:28:27,939 --> 00:28:29,606
Real emotion?
728
00:28:29,624 --> 00:28:31,241
It's not really my thing.
729
00:28:31,259 --> 00:28:33,277
Maybe if I had something
to be sad about.
730
00:28:33,311 --> 00:28:34,378
Are you kidding?
731
00:28:34,412 --> 00:28:36,530
After tonight,
you may not see any of us
732
00:28:36,564 --> 00:28:37,664
ever again.
733
00:28:37,699 --> 00:28:39,316
Stop trying
to cheer me up.
734
00:28:39,334 --> 00:28:40,667
I need to feel sad.
735
00:28:40,702 --> 00:28:42,603
Then I guess you'll have
to figure out something
736
00:28:42,654 --> 00:28:44,521
that you'll miss
about this place.
737
00:28:44,555 --> 00:28:48,459
But maybe it's not a thing
so much as a person.
738
00:28:48,493 --> 00:28:50,144
Well, that's not gonna
be easy, Kenneth,
739
00:28:50,195 --> 00:28:53,847
considering I'm the only person
who works here.
740
00:28:55,784 --> 00:28:57,301
Why are you wearing
that weird necklace?
741
00:28:57,335 --> 00:28:59,503
I always wear this.
I want to be buried in it.
742
00:28:59,537 --> 00:29:00,954
So, if anything
ever happens to me
743
00:29:00,989 --> 00:29:02,172
and you can't
find my body
744
00:29:02,207 --> 00:29:04,691
but you can find this,
don't overthink it.
745
00:29:04,742 --> 00:29:06,627
Just bury the necklace
and move on.
746
00:29:06,661 --> 00:29:08,262
Okay, why are you wearing
Jack's watch?
747
00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:09,997
That's not part of it.
Jack just gave this to me.
748
00:29:10,048 --> 00:29:12,049
He's been giving
his stuff away all day.
749
00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:13,400
I want you to have
thisag o bmy hair.
750
00:29:13,451 --> 00:29:14,684
Why is he acting so crazy?
751
00:29:14,702 --> 00:29:16,336
He's crying one minute,
happy the next,
752
00:29:16,387 --> 00:29:17,654
giving away all his stuff.
753
00:29:17,689 --> 00:29:19,957
Sounds like someone's
got a case of the old kablooeys.
754
00:29:19,991 --> 00:29:22,392
We've all been there.
755
00:29:22,426 --> 00:29:23,994
You think Jack Donaghy's
gonna kill himself?
756
00:29:24,028 --> 00:29:26,447
No way. Jack has never quit
anything in his life.
757
00:29:26,481 --> 00:29:28,649
- That's for you.
- Except his dream job...
758
00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:29,750
Yesterday.
759
00:29:31,986 --> 00:29:33,987
Thing is, any fool
can kill himself.
760
00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,089
You know what a real man does?
Fakes his own death.
761
00:29:36,124 --> 00:29:37,191
But you got to be smart.
762
00:29:37,242 --> 00:29:39,526
Plan it slowly
over eight or nine years.
763
00:29:39,561 --> 00:29:40,627
And then
when it's go time,
764
00:29:40,662 --> 00:29:42,696
no big withdrawals
from your bank account.
765
00:29:42,730 --> 00:29:44,198
Instead, the day before
it goes down,
766
00:29:44,232 --> 00:29:45,799
you deposit $70.
767
00:29:45,834 --> 00:29:47,117
Why would a guy
planning to fake his death
768
00:29:47,151 --> 00:29:49,236
deposit $70?
He wouldn't!
769
00:29:49,270 --> 00:29:50,720
What the hell
are you talking about?
770
00:29:50,738 --> 00:29:53,373
Oops, sorry. Work.
771
00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:55,058
Did y'all get my fax?
772
00:29:55,093 --> 00:29:56,176
Elizabeth...
773
00:29:56,227 --> 00:29:58,111
Sweet, funny Elizabeth,
774
00:29:58,163 --> 00:30:01,865
your light always shown
the brightest, baby.
775
00:30:01,899 --> 00:30:04,501
You're coming to the show
tonight, right?
776
00:30:04,519 --> 00:30:05,802
I'll be watching.
777
00:30:05,820 --> 00:30:08,071
Not sure from where,
but I'll be with you...
778
00:30:08,106 --> 00:30:10,440
In spirit.
779
00:30:10,475 --> 00:30:13,110
Weird.
780
00:30:17,081 --> 00:30:19,349
Come on, Tray,
leave the dancers alone.
781
00:30:19,384 --> 00:30:20,317
What's going on?
782
00:30:20,351 --> 00:30:21,869
Why aren't you smiling bravely
783
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:24,471
while Tracy tells you your butt
looks like two slippery hams?
784
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:27,958
Where's Tracy?
785
00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:29,176
We have no idea, Liz.
786
00:30:29,227 --> 00:30:31,345
I've been
so distracted lately.
787
00:30:31,396 --> 00:30:32,846
Grizz just found out
his uncle left him
788
00:30:32,881 --> 00:30:34,831
a bed-and-breakfast
outside Santa Fe.
789
00:30:34,849 --> 00:30:36,216
I'm gonna be
a real fish out of water.
790
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:37,332
What are you talking about?
791
00:30:37,368 --> 00:30:39,987
What... what is that?
Does everyone see that?
792
00:30:41,022 --> 00:30:42,072
Okay, whatever.
793
00:30:42,106 --> 00:30:43,840
I know you know
where Tracy is.
794
00:30:43,875 --> 00:30:45,943
Did he promise you
some of the $30 million?
795
00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:47,144
Yes, he promised me...
796
00:30:47,178 --> 00:30:48,412
- $1 million.
- $20,000.
797
00:30:48,446 --> 00:30:49,680
Wait. What?
798
00:30:49,714 --> 00:30:50,864
Okay, that's it.
799
00:30:50,899 --> 00:30:52,900
Tray is exactly where
you think he is, Liz.
800
00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:55,586
It's the closest thing he has
to hiding out in a church.
801
00:30:58,990 --> 00:31:02,059
It's 5:00.
Where the frak is our lunch?
802
00:31:02,093 --> 00:31:04,361
We can't break him, Liz.
He's not human.
803
00:31:04,379 --> 00:31:06,763
Why are you doing this
to us?
804
00:31:06,798 --> 00:31:08,098
I'll tell you why!
805
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:10,918
Because for seven years,
you have yelled at me
806
00:31:10,952 --> 00:31:12,920
and turned the lights out on me
when I was in the bathroom
807
00:31:12,954 --> 00:31:14,871
and written on me
while I was sleeping,
808
00:31:14,905 --> 00:31:16,373
'cause I was Lutz...
809
00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:19,276
Dumb, old, uncool,
part-inuit, bisexual,
810
00:31:19,294 --> 00:31:20,494
51-year-old Lutz!
811
00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:22,546
Well, today
I am the picker!
812
00:31:22,580 --> 00:31:24,264
And I want you to feel
what I felt
813
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:25,716
for the last seven years...
814
00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:29,219
Anger and disappointment
and regret!
815
00:31:29,237 --> 00:31:31,371
And when that sandwich slides
out of you in a week,
816
00:31:31,406 --> 00:31:32,990
look at it,
817
00:31:33,024 --> 00:31:36,677
because that
is Lutz's revenge!
818
00:31:36,711 --> 00:31:39,346
Cerie, for lunch today,
I would like to pick Blimpie's.
819
00:31:41,132 --> 00:31:42,633
No!
820
00:31:45,019 --> 00:31:47,304
Cerie, Sushi from Nobu 57,
821
00:31:47,338 --> 00:31:49,005
dessert from make my cake
in Harlem.
822
00:31:49,023 --> 00:31:50,840
I'll be back.
I hope.
823
00:32:00,070 --> 00:32:01,203
Yeah, you're not
that young either.
824
00:32:01,221 --> 00:32:02,338
Get down, please.
825
00:32:02,372 --> 00:32:03,772
Give it up for Liz Lemon,
everybody!
826
00:32:03,790 --> 00:32:06,042
The least molested person
in here.
827
00:32:08,328 --> 00:32:10,029
I don't even get
your play here, Tray.
828
00:32:10,063 --> 00:32:11,113
You're in breach now.
829
00:32:11,148 --> 00:32:12,598
You stay here,
you don't get the money.
830
00:32:12,633 --> 00:32:14,050
If you think
it's about the money,
831
00:32:14,084 --> 00:32:15,451
you're even dumber
than I look.
832
00:32:15,485 --> 00:32:17,286
So you're just doing this
for no reason at all...
833
00:32:17,321 --> 00:32:18,954
For the fun of ruining
everyone's chance
834
00:32:18,972 --> 00:32:20,456
to say good-bye?
835
00:32:20,490 --> 00:32:22,124
I'm doing this because
I don't want to say good-bye
836
00:32:22,158 --> 00:32:23,676
to everyone.
837
00:32:23,710 --> 00:32:27,313
Anybody who's ever
left me in my life just left...
838
00:32:27,364 --> 00:32:28,764
My dad going to get
a pack of smokes
839
00:32:28,799 --> 00:32:30,266
and never coming back,
840
00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:32,051
all those Foster parents
talking about adopting me
841
00:32:32,085 --> 00:32:34,437
and never did.
842
00:32:34,471 --> 00:32:36,906
I don't want tonight's show
to happen because...
843
00:32:36,940 --> 00:32:39,058
I don't know how
to say good-bye, Liz Lemon.
844
00:32:39,109 --> 00:32:40,843
Now onstage,
845
00:32:40,878 --> 00:32:43,346
feast your eyes
on the skank train!
846
00:32:43,380 --> 00:32:44,730
Boy.
Okay.
847
00:32:44,765 --> 00:32:47,383
Look, tray,
it's not good-bye forever.
848
00:32:47,417 --> 00:32:48,634
I've enjoyed
working with you,
849
00:32:48,669 --> 00:32:50,519
and I'm sure we'll get
to do it again sometime,
850
00:32:50,554 --> 00:32:52,187
and we're all gonna
stay friends.
851
00:32:52,206 --> 00:32:53,472
Sorry. Is that
the white lady's way
852
00:32:53,507 --> 00:32:55,074
of saying, "I'm going out
to get cigarettes"?
853
00:32:55,108 --> 00:32:56,959
'Cause that good-bye
was atrocious.
854
00:32:56,994 --> 00:32:58,261
Fine. Well, I guess
there's a reason
855
00:32:58,295 --> 00:32:59,862
people don't say
honest good-byes...
856
00:32:59,897 --> 00:33:01,330
Because when stuff
is coming to an end,
857
00:33:01,365 --> 00:33:03,766
people freak out
and they act crazy.
858
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,551
They pick fights,
and they pick blimpie's.
859
00:33:05,586 --> 00:33:07,202
And I don't know
what Pete's doing.
860
00:33:07,221 --> 00:33:08,888
So you lie to them.
861
00:33:08,922 --> 00:33:11,073
But if you want
a hard-core truth good-bye...
862
00:33:11,091 --> 00:33:12,225
Lay it on me.
863
00:33:12,276 --> 00:33:14,627
Okay.
864
00:33:14,661 --> 00:33:16,979
We were forced to be friends
because of work.
865
00:33:16,997 --> 00:33:19,632
And we're probably not gonna
hang out after this, all right?
866
00:33:19,666 --> 00:33:21,450
You'll say that you're gonna
invite me to your house,
867
00:33:21,485 --> 00:33:22,818
and it's never
gonna happen.
868
00:33:22,886 --> 00:33:24,566
And I'll see on TV
that it's your birthday,
869
00:33:24,938 --> 00:33:26,422
d I'll forget to call. And I'll see
on TV that it's your birthday,
870
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,241
and working with you
is hard.
871
00:33:28,292 --> 00:33:29,675
Tracy, you frustrated me,
872
00:33:29,726 --> 00:33:31,594
and you wore me out.
873
00:33:31,628 --> 00:33:34,547
But because the human heart
is not properly connected
874
00:33:34,598 --> 00:33:36,298
to the human brain,
I love you,
875
00:33:36,316 --> 00:33:39,034
and I'm gonna miss you.
876
00:33:39,052 --> 00:33:41,270
But tonight might be it.
877
00:33:41,305 --> 00:33:42,989
Brutally honest...
878
00:33:43,023 --> 00:33:44,473
I like that.
879
00:33:46,543 --> 00:33:48,861
So you'll come do the show?
880
00:33:48,912 --> 00:33:51,013
I'll come back, L.L.
881
00:33:51,048 --> 00:33:53,282
But we're gonna watch
this first.
882
00:33:54,985 --> 00:33:56,769
Ride the train, ladies.
883
00:33:56,803 --> 00:33:57,803
Ride the train.
884
00:34:01,358 --> 00:34:03,059
Kenneth,
what are you doing?
885
00:34:03,093 --> 00:34:04,527
Brian Williams
needs a mirror
886
00:34:04,561 --> 00:34:06,162
on the floor
of his bathroom.
887
00:34:06,196 --> 00:34:08,347
I guess you want that
if you have a glass toilet.
888
00:34:08,382 --> 00:34:10,399
But the show's over
after tonight,
889
00:34:10,417 --> 00:34:11,717
so what do you care?
890
00:34:11,768 --> 00:34:14,570
But... my mirror.
891
00:34:24,881 --> 00:34:27,383
My God.
892
00:34:27,417 --> 00:34:29,385
It's all over.
893
00:34:29,403 --> 00:34:32,171
Am I crying?
894
00:34:32,222 --> 00:34:36,409
I have no way to see
if I'm crying.
895
00:34:37,461 --> 00:34:38,627
Thank God!
896
00:34:38,645 --> 00:34:40,346
Last lunch...
897
00:34:40,397 --> 00:34:41,547
No Lutz!
898
00:34:41,581 --> 00:34:43,499
Last lunch, no Lutz!
899
00:34:43,533 --> 00:34:45,634
Cupcake sandwich!
900
00:34:45,652 --> 00:34:47,936
Cupcake sandwich.
901
00:34:47,954 --> 00:34:49,405
Crap.
902
00:34:49,423 --> 00:34:50,990
Motherhood
has made me go soft.
903
00:34:52,009 --> 00:34:54,076
Lutz, the food is here.
Come eat...
904
00:34:54,110 --> 00:34:56,845
Cupcake sandwich!
Cupcake sandwich!
905
00:34:58,114 --> 00:34:59,548
God!
906
00:34:59,583 --> 00:35:01,400
Cover the food!
907
00:35:03,620 --> 00:35:05,905
Blimpie's!
908
00:35:05,939 --> 00:35:09,041
Cerie, you heard the man...
909
00:35:09,076 --> 00:35:10,776
Blimpie's.
910
00:35:13,463 --> 00:35:15,948
I was thinking
about what you said earlier...
911
00:35:15,999 --> 00:35:18,134
How people get sloppy
when they fake their own deaths.
912
00:35:18,168 --> 00:35:19,301
- You said that.
- The trick is
913
00:35:19,319 --> 00:35:20,736
to wait
for the right moment...
914
00:35:20,754 --> 00:35:22,605
A day when it makes sense
to have a drink or two.
915
00:35:22,639 --> 00:35:24,807
I don't know...
Maybe a sad occasion
916
00:35:24,841 --> 00:35:26,559
when something's
coming to an end.
917
00:35:26,610 --> 00:35:28,444
You let people see you
with the glass in your hand.
918
00:35:28,462 --> 00:35:31,313
That way, after the crash,
they'll be like,
919
00:35:31,347 --> 00:35:32,565
"I did see him drinking."
920
00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:34,950
God, that idiot.
What did he do?
921
00:35:34,985 --> 00:35:37,336
Yeah.
That's what they'll say.
922
00:35:42,059 --> 00:35:45,261
No, no.
No, no, no.
923
00:35:45,295 --> 00:35:47,179
Don't worry, Lemon.
924
00:35:47,214 --> 00:35:49,398
There is no cause for alarm.
925
00:35:49,433 --> 00:35:51,450
You are watching
my video suicide note.
926
00:35:51,485 --> 00:35:52,668
My God.
927
00:35:52,702 --> 00:35:54,303
Try not to blame yourself.
928
00:35:54,321 --> 00:35:56,489
How were you to know
that I was in such a dark place
929
00:35:56,523 --> 00:35:57,923
that the smallest thing...
930
00:35:57,958 --> 00:36:01,143
For example, a close friend's
refusal to reconcile...
931
00:36:01,178 --> 00:36:02,378
Would be the final straw.
932
00:36:02,412 --> 00:36:03,733
He killed himself
because of me.
933
00:36:03,747 --> 00:36:05,481
This is like what happened
with my gynecologist
934
00:36:05,515 --> 00:36:06,615
all over again!
935
00:36:06,650 --> 00:36:08,567
I do have a parting gift
for you, Lemon.
936
00:36:08,602 --> 00:36:10,352
His phone.
I can track his phone.
937
00:36:10,386 --> 00:36:11,854
Go to YouTube and search
938
00:36:11,888 --> 00:36:15,524
"Hamlet the mini pig
goes downstairs."
939
00:36:15,559 --> 00:36:18,260
"Hamlet the mini pig"...
No! Phone first!
940
00:36:18,278 --> 00:36:19,478
I'll watch the pig video
in the cab.
941
00:36:19,513 --> 00:36:21,714
One minute.
One minute to air.
942
00:36:21,765 --> 00:36:23,466
Guys, to be honest,
you are nerds,
943
00:36:23,500 --> 00:36:25,401
and one of you
is very funny.
944
00:36:25,435 --> 00:36:27,086
Good-bye forever.
945
00:36:30,974 --> 00:36:33,626
Good-bye, Petey Pete.
I will forget you.
946
00:36:33,677 --> 00:36:35,778
I sure hope so, Tray.
947
00:36:35,812 --> 00:36:37,713
I sure hope so.
948
00:36:40,683 --> 00:36:43,886
Tracy and Jenna,
please set yourselves.
949
00:36:50,010 --> 00:36:53,729
Tracy...
950
00:36:53,747 --> 00:36:55,864
I'm really gonna miss you.
951
00:36:55,882 --> 00:36:59,335
My Bologna,
in all honesty...
952
00:36:59,369 --> 00:37:01,604
I'm going out
for cigarettes now.
953
00:37:01,638 --> 00:37:03,706
And I'll be home
in 15 minutes.
954
00:37:05,175 --> 00:37:06,659
Tracy and Jenna,
955
00:37:06,710 --> 00:37:08,177
please set yourselves
for "the Hitlersons."
956
00:37:08,211 --> 00:37:10,663
My good side for camera.
957
00:37:10,697 --> 00:37:13,032
Take your places, please.
958
00:37:17,187 --> 00:37:19,572
Jack! Wait!
959
00:37:19,606 --> 00:37:21,157
There's so much
to live for!
960
00:37:21,191 --> 00:37:24,977
Don't you want to know
how Mad men ends?
961
00:37:25,011 --> 00:37:27,480
Don goes to work
for Peggy!
962
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,318
- Hello, Lemon.
- What?
963
00:37:32,352 --> 00:37:34,019
I thought you were
gonna kill yourself.
964
00:37:34,054 --> 00:37:35,120
That was the idea.
965
00:37:35,155 --> 00:37:37,423
It was extreme,
but necessary.
966
00:37:37,457 --> 00:37:39,737
I didn't want to be just another
person on your grudge list.
967
00:37:39,763 --> 00:37:42,161
Yeah, which reminds me-why am
I still seeing new Top Chefs
968
00:37:42,195 --> 00:37:44,046
with that bald salad-ruiner?
969
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,881
I had ten hours
to force you to confront
970
00:37:45,916 --> 00:37:48,467
the soul-crushing horror
of a life without me.
971
00:37:48,502 --> 00:37:50,936
I didn't lie when I said
I was going away.
972
00:37:50,971 --> 00:37:53,522
I'm off to discover
what makes me happy.
973
00:37:53,557 --> 00:37:55,057
I have to find my bliss,
974
00:37:55,091 --> 00:37:56,859
which, for once,
is not an acronym
975
00:37:56,893 --> 00:37:59,044
for "beautiful ladies
in short shorts."
976
00:37:59,095 --> 00:38:01,146
How long
will you be gone?
977
00:38:01,181 --> 00:38:03,098
As long as it takes
to figure out what's next.
978
00:38:03,133 --> 00:38:04,934
Although I've only
been on this boat a minute,
979
00:38:04,935 --> 00:38:07,286
I've already realized
two things about myself.
980
00:38:07,337 --> 00:38:08,587
One...
981
00:38:08,638 --> 00:38:10,723
I could totally
be a professional boat model.
982
00:38:10,757 --> 00:38:13,709
And, two, I do know one thing
that has made my happy
983
00:38:13,727 --> 00:38:15,177
these last seven years.
984
00:38:15,211 --> 00:38:19,265
Lemon, there is a word,
a once special word,
985
00:38:19,316 --> 00:38:20,766
that's been tragically co-opted
986
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:22,418
by the romance
industrial complex.
987
00:38:22,452 --> 00:38:23,936
And I would hate
to use it here
988
00:38:23,987 --> 00:38:25,988
and have you think
that I am suggesting
989
00:38:26,006 --> 00:38:27,890
any kind
of romantic sentiment,
990
00:38:27,924 --> 00:38:31,277
let alone an invitation
to scale bone Mountain.
991
00:38:31,311 --> 00:38:33,045
It's a word
that comes to us
992
00:38:33,079 --> 00:38:35,648
by way
of the old high German luba,
993
00:38:35,682 --> 00:38:37,383
from the Latin lubere,
994
00:38:37,417 --> 00:38:39,451
meaning "to be pleasing."
995
00:38:39,486 --> 00:38:42,171
So I am going to use
this word to describe
996
00:38:42,205 --> 00:38:43,656
how I feel about you
997
00:38:43,690 --> 00:38:46,191
in the way
that our Anglo-Saxon forefathers
998
00:38:46,243 --> 00:38:49,778
would have used it
in reference to, say...
999
00:38:49,813 --> 00:38:51,430
A hot bowl of bear meat
1000
00:38:51,464 --> 00:38:54,717
or your enemy's skull...
Split.
1001
00:38:54,751 --> 00:38:57,570
I love you too, Jack.
1002
00:38:57,604 --> 00:39:00,589
Thank you, America.
That's our show.
1003
00:39:00,624 --> 00:39:02,124
Not a lot of people
watched it.
1004
00:39:02,126 --> 00:39:05,127
But the joke's on you,
'cause we got paid anyway.
1005
00:39:05,161 --> 00:39:07,929
Ladies and gentlemen,
Jenna Maroney.
1006
00:39:45,502 --> 00:39:47,886
This is just
the start, Lemon.
1007
00:39:47,921 --> 00:39:50,472
Imagine the insights
1008
00:39:50,507 --> 00:39:54,810
months on this boat
will yield.
1009
00:39:54,844 --> 00:39:57,146
The next time you see me,
1010
00:39:57,180 --> 00:39:59,650
I'll be a new man.
1011
00:40:01,685 --> 00:40:04,570
Goodbye Jack Donaghy.
1012
00:40:12,195 --> 00:40:14,413
Good God, Lemon.
I just figured it all out.
1013
00:40:14,447 --> 00:40:15,664
I'm turning around!
1014
00:40:15,699 --> 00:40:18,450
- Clear dishwashers!
- What?
1015
00:40:18,501 --> 00:40:20,235
Clear dishwashers,
so you can see
1016
00:40:20,253 --> 00:40:22,171
what's going on inside it.
1017
00:40:22,205 --> 00:40:25,240
My God, yes!
Do that!
1018
00:40:25,258 --> 00:40:27,843
It's the best idea
I've ever had.
1019
00:40:27,877 --> 00:40:30,095
Thank God I took
that boat trip.
1020
00:41:13,810 --> 00:41:15,193
- Get in the car, Pete.
- Paula!
1021
00:41:15,195 --> 00:41:17,245
I mean, who's Pete?
1022
00:41:17,247 --> 00:41:18,913
I have amnesia! I...
1023
00:41:18,915 --> 00:41:20,999
Damn it!
I practiced this!
1024
00:41:23,452 --> 00:41:25,253
Hi, buddies.
1025
00:41:25,255 --> 00:41:26,821
Wait.
You're Sam?
1026
00:41:28,291 --> 00:41:30,709
Don't even say it.
1027
00:41:32,295 --> 00:41:34,662
I want to thank
the brilliant Kevin Grisham,
1028
00:41:34,664 --> 00:41:36,598
the amazing John Stamos,
1029
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,300
the incomparable
judge Judy Scheindlin.
1030
00:41:39,302 --> 00:41:41,603
Hey, what are you doing?
They called my name.
1031
00:41:41,605 --> 00:41:43,271
See ya later, suckers!
1032
00:41:43,273 --> 00:41:45,673
Meep-meep! Pyung!
1033
00:41:49,445 --> 00:41:50,895
She'll be like, "what?"
1034
00:42:01,691 --> 00:42:03,491
Hey, Lemon Ice,
could I call you back?
1035
00:42:03,493 --> 00:42:06,544
My dad finally came back
from getting cigarettes.
1036
00:42:08,748 --> 00:42:10,498
Lemon, it's Jack.
1037
00:42:10,500 --> 00:42:12,851
Don't forget
Tracy's birthday.
1038
00:42:12,853 --> 00:42:15,036
Good morning,
Mr. Donaghy.
1039
00:42:15,038 --> 00:42:16,171
I'm your new
second assistant.
1040
00:42:16,173 --> 00:42:18,356
Wait, you're Sam?
1041
00:42:28,652 --> 00:42:30,718
So the whole show
just takes place
1042
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,987
here at 30 Rockefeller Plaza.
1043
00:42:32,989 --> 00:42:34,739
- Is that right, Ms. Lemon?
- Yes, sir.
1044
00:42:34,741 --> 00:42:36,941
It's based on stories
my great-grandmother told me.
1045
00:42:36,943 --> 00:42:38,777
I know.
1046
00:42:38,779 --> 00:42:41,729
And I love it.
1047
00:42:41,806 --> 00:42:45,479
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
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1048
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:49,106
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1049
00:42:49,156 --> 00:42:53,706
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