All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S04E17.Lose.One.Win.One.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

[Music playing - Jack Jones,
"love boat theme"]

(Singing) Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

The love boat.

Soon we'll be
making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

The girls seem to get
prettier every cruise.

Well, the poor dears
will have to just

suffer without me this trip.

An old friend from
medical school

is coming aboard with his wife.

We'll have a nice, quiet time,
just rapping about school days.

Yes, that sounds
very exciting.

There he is.

Charlie.

Adam.

Hey, good to see you.

You're looking good.

So do you.

This is my wife, Sandy.

Sandy, what a
pleasure to meet you.

Adam, the worst
possible thing happened.

I won't be able
to make the trip.

My partner came
down with pneumonia

and I've got to
handle his surgeries.

You won't be coming?

I won't be able to manage it.

It will just be Sandy.

I've got to run, i'm
late for the hospital.

Another time, I promise.

Bye, honey.

I'm really sorry.

Good bye, Charlie.

I'll meet the ship
when you come back.

You have a good time.

You see that she does.

Well, you heard
what the doctor said.

You there.

Yes, you.

I'm buckstone Cooper III and
this is Priscilla hensley.

Our cabins, please.

Yes, of course.

Let's see.

You're on the promenade
deck, cabins 340 and 342.

You can go right
through those doors.

Come along, Priscilla.

Thank you.

Boy, if he's the third,
I need to meet one and two.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah.

That lady that you
just talked to,

her name is Penelope
kipnis, right?

No.

No, Priscilla hensley.

Priscilla hensley?

Mhm.

I could have
sworn it was penny.

Your name, sir?

I'm sorry.

It's rondo, Nick rondo.

Ok.

Let' see.

Oh yes, you're on the
promenade deck, cabin 110.

You can go right
through those doors.

Thank you.

Hensley?

Mhm.

That lady has a clone
named penny kipnis.

Did you see the
way he looked at her?

Yeah.

Wow, I wouldn't
mind being penny.

Hi, excuse me.

I don't want to bother
you, but could you tell

me where the aloha deck is?

Oh, no bother at all.

I'll show you where it is.

Here, this way.

What you do you is just go right
down these stairs right here.

Oh, thank you.

I'm really looking
forward to this.

I've heard so much
about these cruises.

Well, if you're
looking for excitement,

you came to the right place.

I know.

I can't wait for
basket weaving class.

Don't go too crazy
on the first day.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I get a list of all
the single girls on the ship?

Man, you don't waste any time.

Are you trying to
set a world record?

Yeah.

I'm Tony streeter.

I work for the encyclopedia
of world records.

Oh, you here on
business or pleasure?

Well, business for
me, pleasure for him.

That's Casper Martin,
remember the name.

He's going to set
a world record.

For what, tiddlywinks?

No.

On this cruise, Casper's
going to break the world

record for making love.

[Boat horn]

[Music playing]

Ok, then we have the
daytime activities.

Skeet shooting, exercise
classes, macram , golf.

Would you please unzip me?

Uh-huh.

Shuffleboard, swimming, basket
weaving, Spanish lessons, and

that, of course, is all that--

whoa.

I'm sorry.

I better go.

Why?

It will only take
me a few minutes

to get into my bathing suit.

Um, I'll see you on deck.

Hi, penny.

I beg your pardon?

Well, you're penny
kipnis, aren't you?

I'm afraid not.

My name is hensley,
Priscilla hensley.

Come on, penny.

Cut it out.

We went to high school
together, remember?

Your father had a
delicatessen on Fordham road.

Um, I'm sorry, Mr.--

rondo, Nick rondo.

Mr. Rondo, my father
spent all his adult life

in the councillor's service.

I was educated
and raised abroad,

and I've never been on Fordham
road, was it, in my life.

As for delicatessens, I
must admit, I love the food.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Who was that?

A case of mistaken identity.

He was convinced I
was an old high school

flame from the Bronx.

The Bronx?

In New York?

Unless they've moved it.

Who would've given
him an idea like that?

I haven't the faintest idea.

And if you're going to start
checking up on me again, bucky.

No, no, Priscilla.

That's all over.

I mean, if you're
going to become

a member of the Cooper
family, we'll have to start

trusting you, won't we?

I guess we will.

Are you going to
stay out here all day?

But if I leave, I promise
to come and sign out.

Mr. Streeter, can
I ask you something?

Yes, he is.

Were you on the level of v--

he is what?

Going to break the world
record for making love.

You're kidding.

That little, nerdy guy?

I know, it's hard to believe.

But women just can't
stay away from him.

He's human flypaper, which makes
me very happy since it will

also make me $10,000 richer.

How's that?

I've been collecting
records for the encyclopedia

for 15 years, and all
I need is one more

and I get a 10 grand bonus.

I got to talk to him.
He--

hey, man.

Not a word to Casper, or anyone.

He doesn't know
anything about this.

If he thought for a
moment someone was

watching him and
keeping records,

it would completely inhibit him.

You mean he's doing
this without even trying?

He's got a certain something
that attracts the ladies,

and he just isn't
able to say no.

Take a look at this.

This is last month's tabulation.

All these women?

Casper?

And all he needs are four
more to break the record.

Just four.

Hey, champ.

Where you've been?

Oh, I helped this tall,
blonde lady find her cabin,

and, one thing led to another.

Incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

Hey, gopher.

Julie asked me to remind
you that we may have

an amateur show, and to keep
an eye open for passengers

with talent.

I already found one.

Let me guess.

He plays harmonica.

We always have a dozen
harmonica players.

I'm on it, right?

You're not even close.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Hey, doc.

Swapping lives with
your old schoolmate?

No, not exactly.

I've been kind of babysitting.

Babysitting?

Well, you see,
my friend couldn't

make it so his wife came alone.

And he asked me to
look out for her.

Oh, one of those
dowdy, little housewives.

Yeah, what a drag.

Well, she's not exactly dowdy.

Oh wow.

Ooh.

That's her.

Your friend asked
you to watch her?

That's like asking a
cat to watch the aquarium.

Oh, knock it off.

You don't think i-- do
you think I'm crazy?

Charlie's my best friend.

What are friends for?

That's a lot of woman.

I don't envy doc.

No, he can handle it.

Under doc's carefree manner,
he's really very moral.

Nothing will happen.

I know, that's why
I don't envy him.

I'm being honest.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I have a scotch and water?

Ok.

Where's Casper?

He went to get some postcards.

Well, you know, I
still don't believe

that little guy's record.

Believe it.

He's dynamite.

Hi.

Hey, pal.

What took you so long?

Oh, well, the
lady in fiesta 136

asked if she could
see my postcards.

And before we even got
to moon over mazatl n--

it was bon voyage.

Wait, wait.

Fiesta 136?

That's Lola cloud's cabin.

She's got a body
that won't quit.

And a surprising
interest in postcards.

How about a drink?

Oh yeah, I could
really use one.

Give him a drink.

Isaac, could I have a
glass of milk, please?

Straight up.

Yeah.

Ok, here you go.

Oh, what's the damage, Isaac?

Nothing.

The lady at that
table over there

told me to put all of Mr.
Martin's drinks on her tab.

Oh.

Are people on these
cruises always this nice.

Sure.

Beautiful women buy me
drinks all the time.

I almost forgot.

Your vitamins.

Oh yeah.

Thank you.

I needed that.

Listen, why don't you--

why don't you go
relax and I'll send

you over another glass of milk.

No, I think I'll
relax and you can

send me over the glass of milk.

Well, the magic
number's down to two

with almost the whole
trip ahead of us.

It's a piece of cake.

I don't get it.

He does.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought
it was-- you take it.

Hi.

I'm Norma kitteridge.

Hi, I'm Casper Martin.

It's always nice to meet
another milk drinker.

Yeah.

Back in Nebraska, we try to
drink four classes every day.

Nebraska, really?

I'm from Nebraska.

What town?

I doubt if you've
ever heard of.

It's a small town
called bear bluff.

You're kidding.

I'm from woodville.

We're practically neighbors.

[Laughs]

Small world.

[Music playing]

And then the planet said, if
I could do that, I'll be a star.

[Laughs]

Oh, I just love this, being
surrounded by two gorgeous men.

Thank you very much.

Well, Sandy What'll you have?

Well, for my entr e,
I'll have steak.

And for dessert--

hey, Isaac.

Isaac, whatever that
monstrosity is you got there,

I'll have one.

This is a genuine, authentic
Isaac Washington masterpiece.

But you're going to have
to settle for a copy

because the original is
going to that lady there.

Listen, I'll
deliver this one, ok.

You can start on mine
before you run out of parts.

All right.

Thank you.

Your drink, ma'am.

Thank you, Isaac.

Moonlighting, Mr. Rondo?

Look, I just want to apologize
for coming on so strong

this morning.

I guess I wanted
so badly for you

to be penny that I got a little
pussy, and I'm really sorry.

She must have been
somebody very special.

Yeah.

I guess I fell in love
with her the first time

I saw her, high school.

She was a brand new
freshmen and I was a hotshot

four letterman junior.

Puppy love?

Maybe.

If it was, it took a long
time getting over it.

I don't even think she
knew that I was alive.

I doubt that.

You're not exactly
the overlookable type.

Priscilla.

Hi.

Nick, this is my fianc ,
buckstone Cooper.

Hi.

Do people call you buck.

Most people call
me Mr. Cooper.

Right.

I guess they would.

Bye, Priscilla.

That was rude
and uncalled for.

Priscilla, I can't go along
with this business of everybody

being on a first name basis.

I reserve that for my friends.

Nick happens to
be a very nice man.

Hopefully, your taste will
improve after we're married.

[Music playing]

This is great, Adam.

I'm really enjoying myself.

Yeah.

Me, too.

You know, doc, what really
turns me on is that you

and I think so much alike.

Would you like to dance?

Oh, I'd love to.

Please, I'm not sure if
my heart can stand the pace.

You know, I think I
like it this way better.

It's a getting kind of
hot in here, isn't it?

Let's hope so.

How about a long, cold bed--

drink.

Whatever you say.

Ok.

You hang onto the booth.

Here you go.

And I'll get Isaac.

Oh, goodness.

Uh, meryl, please,
I need a favor.

Oh?

Sandy, that's
my friend's wife.

She's uh, well, what I mean is--

I've noticed.

I thought maybe if you could
spend some time with her,

I could duck out and make
some kind of excuse later.

Sure, Adam.

Oh, thanks.

I'm sure my friend's given her
some wild build up about me,

but she shouldn't be
a problem for you.

No.

I'll just keep her company.

And what kind of
problem would that be?

[Music playing]

Nick?

Now it's my turn to apologize.

No.

Please don't apologize.

There's no need.

You're quite a guy.

What do you do when
you're not on a cruise?

Well, I've always been
pretty good at taking

things apart, like radios and
tvs and that kind of thing.

So I started off as a
repairman and now I have

a little business of my own.

Married?

Because of penny?

No, at least I don't think so.

Penny was very special to me.

I still think of her.

But-- I guess this must
sound pretty silly to you.

No.

It doesn't sound silly.

Nick, forget penny.

She's dead.

Dead?

Oh nicko, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to--

nicko?

Nobody's called me that since--

how do you know she's dead?

Because I'm penny.

I knew it.

Nick, listen.

Penny is dead.

Her place was taken
by Priscilla hensley.

Priscilla hensley, whose father
never owned a delicatessen

on Fordham road in the Bronx.

Don't you understand?

Yeah, I think
I'm beginning to.

Priscilla hensley
is engaged to marry

buckstone rensley Cooper III.

And that means money, position,
all the good things in life.

So please, nicko, don't
louse it up for me.

[Soft music playing]

Do you see Norma anywhere?

Nope.

You spent the entire
evening looking for her.

I mean, it isn't fair
to all the other ladies

who are dying to meet here.

There she is.

What's new with
the love machine?

Well, he still needs two
more to break the record.

But I'm not worried.

I guess he's just
having an off day.

His off days are
better than my on years.

Um, would you care to dance?

I'm sorry, ladies.

Norma?

Excuse me.

What was that all about?

I guess some people
just like to dance.

We're all so pretty.

Not near as pretty as you.

Oh, Casper.

Do you really mean it?

Sure I do.

I would never lie to you.

There's something about
you that's very special.

I bet you say that
to all the girls.

No.

They say it to me.

[Music playing]

[Laughs]

Oh, it's so sweet of
you, captain, to make sure

I'm not lonely while
doc is tied up.

Oh, it's my pleasure, Sandy.

I like keeping my
passengers happy.

Besides, I had an
enjoyable evening, too.

Well, it doesn't
have to end yet.

Why don't you come
in for a nightcap?

I don't think I better.

It's getting late.

Good night, Sammy.

You know, meryl, you're
a very attractive man.

It's the uniform that does it.

You must have quite a
problem on these cruises

with all the women losing
their hearts to you.

Yes.

I mean, no.

Occasionally, very occasionally.

Are you sure you won't
come in for that nightcap?

You didn't notice?

I don't drink.

It doesn't have to be a drink.

I'm really due
up on the bridge.

I'm sorry.

So am I. Perhaps
tomorrow night we can pick

up right where we left off.

Good night.

Good night.

May I join you, Nick?

Mr. Rondo, and no.

I deserve that.

I came over to tell you that
I'm sorry for my rudeness.

My only excuse is jealousy.

A bad excuse, but i00

no.

As a matter of fact, it's
about the only excuse

that I can understand.

Have a seat.

Glad that's over.

Me too.

Priscilla tells me you mistook
her for an old friend of yours.

Yeah.

Of course, I can
see now that she

doesn't really look like her.

It's just a vague resemblance.

Uh-huh.

Funny how the mind plays tricks.

An old girlfriend?

High school.

Good old Thomas Edison.

What year was that?

It was too long
ago to remember.

Hey listen, can I
buy you a drink?

No, I have to make a call,
but perhaps another time.

I've never had such a good
time with anyone before.

You make me feel like i'm
the only girl in the world.

You are, as far
as I'm concerned.

Now here's my cabin.

I had a wonderful evening.

Oh, me too.

Good night.

Good night.

Casper?

Yes?

Would you like to come
in for a cup of coffee?

Oh.

I'd love to.

Um, Norma, I have a
confession to make.

I don't drink coffee.

That's ok.

I don't have any.

Thank you, Norma
kitteridge, from the bottom

of my bank book.

The record for lovemaking
is just about broken.

Just one more lady to go.

[Music playing]

What kind of breakfast
is that for a growing girl?

The only kind I can have so
I stop being a growing girl.

Where's buckstone 3?

Are you serious?

He never gets up before noon.

Oh, good.

Listen, I want to talk to you.

Well?

Penny, you can't do.

All right, all right, Priscilla.

But you still can't do it.

Do what?

Marry that guy for his money.

You show me words
engraved in stone.

What about love?

Love?

I'll tell you about love.

My mother married for love,
and you know what it got her?

A three room flat in
the Bronx, six kids,

a lifetime of cooking,
cleaning, and mending.

Never any time or
money for herself.

She had one dream,
getting her hair

done by a real hairdresser.

But something else
always came first

she died at the
ripe old age of 36,

and her dream died with her.

No thanks, Nick.

Maybe I am a cold,
calculating gold digger,

but that is never
going to happen to me.

Never.

So do we let penny rest in peace
or do I have to leave again?

All right, eat your
breakfast, or whatever that is.

You win.

Friends?

Friends.

[Knock on door]

Good morning, Adam.

Morning, meryl.

Listen, have you
lost a few pounds?

You look very trim.

Oh, thank you for noticing.

I've been working on it, yes.

Listen, could you take Sandy
ashore when we get to mazatl n.

You know, show her the
town and give her the--

Adam, I don't think I want to
spend any more time with her.

She didn't.

She did.

You're kidding.

She made a pass at you?

What's so strange about that?

Some women find me
very attractive.

I didn't mean that.

I was just wondering
if she actually--

are you sure that she
made a pass, I mean?

Of course I'm sure.

I know a pass when I see one.

And this wasn't one of
those short yardage passes.

This was the bomb.

Ooh.

Maybe if she was with
someone less appealing,

it'd cool her down.

You know, someone less
worldly, less mature.

But who?

Who?

Gopher.

Oh, I don't know.

Can there be trust?

What other choice do you have?

Well, gopher.

Gopher.

Attention, please.

All passengers going ashore
to mazatl n, the tour buses

are now waiting on the dock.

Oh, miss, I'd like
that painting as a gift.

Hey, Casper.

Hey.

Hey, man.

While you were out,
Libby in 110, candy

from the promenade deck,
and Mary Lou who saw

you in the dining room called.

Take your picture, champ.

Hey, thanks Tony, but i'm
not going to see any of them.

I found miss rice.

Miss rice?

Oh, you mean yolanda rice, the
redhead from across the hall?

Good choice.

No, no, no.

Tony, Tony.

I think I'm in love.

What?

From now on, Norma's
the only woman in my life.

What are you talking-- what,
why, why, why, the big jump?

I mean, there are
plenty others out there.

Hey, I don't want anyone else.

Not even one?

Look, why would I risk
my relationship with Norma?

I can think of
10,000 reasons why.

Casper, you can't do this,
all those poor women.

I mean, it's your duty
as a good American.

Look.

I don't want to hurt
anyone's feelings, you know,

but I don't think Norma would
like the idea of my being

with someone else.

No, I'll bet she wouldn't.

Cablegram for you, Mr. Cooper.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Bad news?

I think you'd
better read miss.

Priscilla hensley.

Name, Penelope kipnis.

Born, Bronx, new
York, June 6th, 19--

you couldn't leave it
alone, could you, bucky?

And for good reason,
as it turns out.

You weren't exactly
truthful with me, Priscilla.

Well, that's
one for your side.

But does it justify
your spying on me,

or do they cancel
each other out?

Let's not make this any more
difficult than it already is.

You know I'm very fond
of you, but by family--

I think you
should leave, bucky.

You're beginning to depress me.

Well, just try the medication.

You should be feeling
better in the morning.

Ok.

All right, bye bye.

You wanted to see me, doc?

How's my old pal, gophie.

Good to see.

What do you want?

It's about Sandy.

I'd like you to
take care of her,

just for the rest of the cruise.

Forget it.

Gopher, you're
supposed to be my friend.

Doc, I am your friend.

Well?

Well, I couldn't
handle the temptation.

Do you actually
expect me to sit there

and look at that gorgeous body
and that sensational face.

Don't do that.

And her long, beautiful legs.

Stop it.

And her sensual--

stop it.

Doc, I'd like to help
you out, but it would take

a man of iron not to respond.

I guess you're right.

It would take a man of iron.

So I'll handle it myself.

We only have 24 hours left.

I'll just keep reminding myself
that she's married to my very

old and very dear friend.

Charlie.

Oh, Norma, Norma.

Hi.

My name is Tony streeter.

I work for the encyclopedia
of world records.

Congratulations.

For what?

You're going to be famous.

Your name will be listed
with the greatest Casanova

of all time, Casper Martin.

What are you talking about?

Your little
rendezvous last night,

it made romantic history.

Now, all Casper needs
is one more woman

and he breaks the world
record for lovemaking.

There must be some mistake.

Here, look for yourself.

There are all the
ladies, and that's you.

Are you saying
that I'm nothing

more than a statistic to him?

Oh.

Look, I'll you around.

Have a good day.

Norma.

Hi.

This is for you.

Is this my prize?

Huh?

You Casanova.

Does this mean it's over?

[Music playing]

What's the matter?

You're the kind of guy who
likes to say, I told you so.

And now's your chance.

You want to run that
by me one more time?

Sure.

Buckstone rensley Cooper
III just dumped me.

I'm sorry.

Penny, it's not the
end of the world.

Yes, it is, unless you
can think of something

I haven't been able to
since the roof caved in.

Well, there's one thing
that you can do, marry me.

Oh, Nick.

You sweet nicko.

Do you remember saying you
thought I didn't know you were

alive back in the old days?

I knew.

The only thing that kept me from
falling at your feet was fear.

I was petrified of
you rejecting me.

You're kidding.

Oh, baby, that makes
everything perfect.

We can pick up right from there.

There'll be no preliminaries.

We're not those kids anymore.

And I told you, I don't
want to live my mother's

life all over again.

Penny.

Ssh.

No, don't.

Penny.

It won't work.

Please, nicko.

Make it easy.

All right.

[Music playing]

What's with him?

Some dame clobbered
him over the head

and told him to take a hike.

She was the sweetest, the
gentlest girl I ever met.

Sounds like it.

Look, when you
fall off a horse,

you've got to get right back on.

Now, there'll be plenty
of girls at the dance.

Let's go.

I'm not interested
in anyone else.

Have you tried talking to her?

Did I ever?

I called her a dozen times.

I went to her cabin.

I even sent her flowers.

She doesn't want to have
anything to do with me.

Will you forget her?

Maybe he's right.

Hey, I can't forget her.

You're really stuck
on her, aren't you?

I don't think anybody could
feel worse than I do right now.

I do.

Priscilla, I was wrong.

You were wrong?

Well, that's a first, bucky.

I was upset.

I mean, finding out you weren't
the person you claim to be.

I'm still the
same person, bucky.

Only the names were changed
to protect the guilty.

All I'm guilty of is being
born in the Bronx and poor.

Which part bothers you the most?

Please try to understand.

You know my family
and their concern

about the woman I married, the
sort of children we'd have.

Bucky, let's drop it.

I'm not going to be your
wife, so there isn't any--

but I still feel the
same way about you.

You have the looks,
intelligence.

All my own teeth.

Perhaps it could work.

Are you saying, despite
knowing who I am, that you

still want to marry me?

Yes, Priscilla.

That's what I'm saying.

If you're here to tell me
about Casper's latest, thanks,

but I'll wait till it
comes out in paperback.

Look.

Casper isn't interested in any
conquest, he never really was.

But you told me.

That's because I wanted you to
dump him so another woman would

grab him, and then
the encyclopedia

would pay me for submitting
his lovemaking record.

I mean, don't blame Casper.

He doesn't even know
anything about the record,

and he doesn't care
about anybody but you.

What about all those
other women, that long list?

Look, the past isn't
important, Norma.

What's important is that there's
a guy who adores you standing

alone at the back of
the ship considering

throwing himself overboard.

[Music playing]

I will never forget
the night Charlie

brought a shark back
from the dissecting lab

and hid it in my bed.

[Laughs] He's really
something, that guy, Charlie.

And a great friend.

I think I'd like a
gin and tonic, please.

Oh, a gin and tonic.

Fine, you sit right here
and I'll get it personally.

Isaac, a gin and tonic.

Easy on the chin and
the double scotch.

How's it going?

So far, perfect.

I've steered her away
from dark places,

watered down her drinks,
and kept the conversation

completely De-sexed.

I just hope all these
bad habits I'm picking up

aren't permanent.

It sounds like
you're doing fine.

But the real test is
still to come when I finally

see her back to her cabin.

That's when she's murder.

I know.

It's going to be close.

It'll be touch and go.

The question is,
when she touches,

will you be able to go?

Gin and tonic,
double scotch to go.

Thanks, Isaac.

[Knock at door]

May I come in?

Bucky still wants to marry me.

But you turned him down.

How do you know?

Because you're
going to marry me.

Oh.

You and your corny
ideas about love.

Corny?

Ok, romantic.

What I forgot, about my
mother's unhappy life,

was that she was happy.

I thought that all the things
I thought were important,

she never thought about at
all, that what I remembered

was a grubby,
little apartment, it

was really a home, a home that
was always filled with love.

When she died, her last
words were to my father.

She said, you've given me the
best life any woman ever had.

I love you.

So if we're going to be
as poor as my folks were,

let's hope we have as
much love as they had.

Penny, penny,
baby, we're really

not going to be all that poor.

It doesn't matter to me.

As long as we're
together, we'll make

it, nicko, money or no money.

You remember that little
business I told you about?

I know.

There isn't any, right?

Well--

see, you don't
have to impress me.

If that's what you want,
we'll build one together.

You're something.

It's called rondo
electronics, but it's

not really a little place.

It's really kind of a big place.

What is?

My business.

It doesn't honestly--

how big?

Well, I'd say, you
picking me over bucky boy,

you made a pretty even swap.

Oh, you dirty rat.

Here I am--

Casper.

Norma.

I've been going over and
over it in my head to figure

out what I did to upset you.

I still can't figure it out.

But whatever it was, I want
you to know how sorry I am.

It's all right, Casper.

You must believe, I
never did it to hurt you.

You mean more to me than
anything in the world.

Casper, it's ok.

I just feel so
terrible-- what?

Let's forget
about what happened

and start all over again.

Don't you want to hear
the rest of my apology?

I can think of a better
way to spend that time.

Yes, we should be back in
Los Angeles by mid-morning.

That will sure be nice to
see good old Charlie again,

won't it?
- Goodnight, Adam.

Thank you for--

no, pass.

I really can't stay
for a nightcap.

I understand.

You see, I've got to
check into the sickbay.

See you in the
morning, good night.

I'd like to stay, but duty--

that's it?

[Crying]

I'm so ashamed.

I know what you and
the captain must think.

I tried.

I thought I really
wanted to have an affair.

I could never have
gone through with it.

Hey, easy, easy.

Maybe I wanted
to hurt Charlie.

I don't know.

He doesn't want me.

I wanted to prove
somebody else did.

Is there another woman?

I wish there were that
I could compete with.

No Charlie's love
affair is with medicine,

with his career, with his
practice, with his work.

What do I do, Adam?

Do you still love him?

That's the problem.

Charlie's a wonderful guy.

I'll tell you what.

Let me try a little
wake-up medicine on him.

Oh, Adam.

You're so sweet.

After what i--

I hope you still don't think i--

what I think is
that Mrs. Charlie

is a pretty wonderful guy, too.

Adam, what do you mean
by wake-up medicine.

Hey, trust the doctor.

[Music playing]

You know, even though
he didn't set the record,

I'm glad things
worked out for Casper.

That's a very gracious
remark, coming from a man

that just lost $10,000.

I thought I could
replace Casper,

but I think his
appeal is his shyness.

I guess I'm just too macho.

Yeah well, I'm sure
there's someone out there who

could help me earn my bonus.

Well, good luck to you.
Hope you find him.

Thanks, thanks.

It's good to see--

hey, listen.

Either of you guys think
you can eat 4,000 waffles?

But Casper, it's only for
two weeks till we get married.

Yeah, but why do I
have to stay there?

Because it's the only
place I know you'll be safe.

Gee.

I didn't even know that
woodville had a ymca.

I guess you never
know what's going

to happen on these cruises.

Oh, I sure like
the switch she made.

Julie, thank you.

It was wonderful.

Oh, sure.

I hope you had a
fun trip, Priscilla.

It was absolutely sensational,
and the name is penny,

Penelope kipnis from the Bronx.

Oh, Mr. Rondo, you were
right about her all along,

weren't you?

Sure was, Vicki, from
the first time I saw her.

Well, glad you
enjoyed your cruise.

- Bye bye.
- Bye.

Thank you.

Well, I hope you enjoyed
the cruise, Mr. Cooper.

Well, let's just
say I won't forget it.

I lost something very special.

Oh.

Well, did you check
with lost and found?

Maybe the finder turned it in.

I think not, captain.

If he's smart,
he'll hold on to it.

Bye.

Good bye.

Relax.

All you have to do
is look beautiful,

which comes very easily to you.

He's here.

He's here.

William a. Porter,
promenade 217.

Fondest regards.

And from Mr. [inaudible]
Shaw and his twin brother.

On the next cruise, it was
promised to be at my table.

Hi, honey.

Oh hi, Charlie.

Oh, you must be the doctor.

How are you?

Since I am the ranking
officer, I insist

on having the first dance.

Oh captain, you're so sweet.

Looks like you'll
have to take a number.

Looks like she
had a great time.

She sure did.

She was a perfect lady, but
she wasn't lonely for a minute.

She doesn't deserve to be.

Am I getting a message?

I sure hope so.

As professor Gridley used to
quote, physician, heal thyself.

Oh Charlie, I had
a wonderful time.

Can I come back again next year?

Ok, but I warn you,
next time, you're

going to have to
settle for flowers just

from me, because i'm
going to monopolize

every minute of your time, ok?

Oh, fellas.

Thanks for everything.

[Music playing]