All language subtitles for The Love Boat S03E26 The Caller 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-squalor_track3_[eng]

♪ Love, exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's love ♪

Hello. Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to startle you.

It's not your fault.
I'm a little nervous.

How soon does the boat leave?

I'm anxious
to put some distance

between me and my telephone.

Your telephone?

I know that sounds
a little weird,

but for the last
three months

I've had
this mystery phone caller.

Oh, I know the type.
Heavy breathing, sexy--

no, no.
Actually, he's very polite.

What's so scary is that he
seems to know my every move.

He called me everywhere.

That must have been awful.

[Gale] That's why
I need this vacation.

Yeah.

Oh... I'm Gale padgett.

Oh, hello, Gale.
How do you do?
I'm Julie McCoy.

Hi.

Let me see. Oh, yes.

You're on the promenade deck,
cabin 350.

And you're in luck.
That's one
of our unlisted cabins.

Thanks.

Bye.

Oh, excuse me!
Do you need any help?

No. I think
I can handle this
all by myself.

There you go.
Welcome aboard.

Hello.

My name is Wayne dobson.

This is pat Bigelow.

[Gopher]
Ah! Dobson and Bigelow.

You have adjoining cabins
on the promenade deck,
101 and 102.

That's right,
I hope they're a long ways away
from the other passengers.

Well, at the moment,
we're booked up,

but if it's possible,
we'll try to accommodate you.

That would be great.
I'd appreciate that.

It's a matter of life and death.

Mine.

Could this be
our great and noble physician?

I don't want to
talk about it,
understood?

You wouldn't believe it anyway.

All right. I was at a party,
and this little trollop says,

"hey, let's go skinny-dipping
in the ocean."

Excuse me,
I'm only 12 years old.

And then, after I got
in the water,

she ran off with my clothes,
my wallet, everything!

Mugged by a five-foot blonde.

Uh, doc,
where did you get this?

Oh, some
understanding fisherman.

It taught me one thing, though,

I have had it
with fooling around.

Oh, get out of here,
you'll be back chasing women

before the cruise is over.

Oh, yeah?

[Both] Yeah.

You care to put up
a little money on that?

Are you saying
you'll have absolutely nothing

to do with women
on this cruise?

Cold Turkey.

Okay, you got a bet!

But the loser has to spring
for a big night on the town

for us all when we get back.

It's a deal. Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Go away, strumpets,
trollops and hussies!

Now, about this dinner
doc is gonna be buying.

Excuse me?

Yes?

Has a Mrs. Agatha winslow
checked in yet?

I'm traveling with her.

Not yet, Mr. Winslow. No.

Oh, I'm not Mr. Winslow.
My name is Scott burgess.

This isn't any place
for a 12-year-old either.

Excuse me,
which is the promenade deck?

Oh, this is it.

We're the dales.
Beatrice and Hollister.

But we're not married!
He's my brother.

Didn't want you thinking
the wrong things about us.

[Laughs]

[Both laugh]

Agatha.

Merrill, how are you?

Oh, fine. Just fine.

It's so great to see you
after so many years.

Thank you.

Are you still Agatha winslow,
or did you remarry?

No, it's still winslow.
Still the merry widow,

or moderately merry.

Excuse me, sir.
The weather advisory.

Thank you.

You're busy,
we'll catch up later.

Starting with dinner
at my table tonight.

Good.
I look forward to that.

That lady
I was just talking to
is Mrs. Winslow.

She's the widow
of a captain I sailed under.

So anything you can do
to help her meet someone...

Well, I may not have to, sir.
I think she brought her own.

[Ship horn blares]

[Knocking at door]

Yeah?

Pat, I'm all set.

Are you coming up
on deck with me?

Well, I have to pat.
It's my job.

I can't let you
out of my sight.

Look, we've been locked
in a hotel room

for over two months.

We were put on this cruise
so no one would find me.

Okay, Wayne,
we are safely at sea.

Yeah, but what if
you were followed?

We took a bus,
two taxis, a camper,

a limousine
and a sanitation truck.

James Bond
couldn't have followed us.

But the trial
comes up next week.

I mean, you're the only witness
we have for the robbery.

Now, I can't let anything
happen to you pat, I mean...

You'll be rid
of me in seven days.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Okay. [Laughs]

Hello.

That must be some book
he's reading.

Double whammy. Get ready
to collect on all bets!

Good morning.

I don't even believe it.

All that merchandise
and he's not even shopping.

I think maybe I better bring
the marketplace to him.

[Telephone rings]

Lido bar. I'll see.
Is there a miss padgett here?

Right here.

It's for you.

Thanks.

Hello? Yes, this is she.

You!

From where are you calling?

You can't be!

Hello? [Sighs]

He's on the boat.

Merrill?

Yes?

I want you
to meet Scott burgess.

He's a minister.

That's a rare bird
in our family.

-Your family?
-Yes, he's my nephew.

[Laughs] Oh, merrill!

That's the most complimentary
pause I ever heard.

I'm his housekeeper.

Well, I apologize.
I should have known.

After all, you did say
you were only moderately merry.

[Laughs] Oh,
there are the dales.

I must go and speak to them.

They helped arrange this cruise

to celebrate ten years
of being their pastor.

That's very nice.

Well, here we are.

But I wouldn't accept
unless Agatha was included.

She's absolutely indispensable.
I love her.

[All laughing]

What a fine ship.

Did you notice the carpet
in the lobby?

All three-quarter hand sewn.

Hollister,
forget the rug business,

you're on vacation.

Right. Say, why don't
we all have a glass of wine.

Sounds fine.

Not for me, thank you.

Well, I guess it's
just you and me, aggie.

Dear Hollister.

You know, he'd do
just about anything for you.

Well, I wish he'd start
by not calling me aggie.

I know he has marriage right
on the tip of his tongue.

Something you might
very well consider.

Marriage?

But I'm not in love
with Hollister.

Love?

Come now, Agatha.

Personally, I'd be thrilled to
settle for warm companionship.

I'd want to love a man
as I did before...

Tenderly... intensely...
Even passionately.

Agatha! Remember your age.

What has age to do with it?
I still have the same emotions.

I still want it all.

And I don't see
any reason why I
should settle for less.

I can think of a reason.

And a very good one.
Scott burgess.

-Scott?
-Open your eyes, dear.

Scott is young. He needs a wife.

But he'll never bring one home
as long as you're there.

He knows you'd insist on leaving

to go off
to some lonely existence.

He could never
be party to that.

But I'd never stand in the way
of his getting married.

Just your being there
prevents it.

Why do you think he insisted
on your coming on this cruise?

Because he knew
Hollister would be along.

That poor young man
is just hoping and praying

this will
bring you two together.

Ah, here we are.

Well, here's looking at you,
aggie.

Boy, did you guys pick
a great place to work.

Look at these women!

Do you get paid
for a job like this?

Actually, we pay them.

[Laughing]

[No audible dialogue]

Ah! Now...

What?

[Gopher]
...There is a real winner.

You mean Gale?

You already know her?

Uh, no, not exactly,

but I did manage
to overhear her name

when she was talking to Julie.

Gale padgett.

Are you sure it was him?

Definitely.

And he said he's
been looking forward

to our vacation
for six weeks.

Julie,
I booked this cruise
exactly six weeks ago.

Ooh. Then it must
be someone onboard, huh?

But who?

Can't you leave me out here
by myself?

-Nope.
-Why?

If I wasn't out here
and you got shot,

I'd have a big problem.

Not as big as mine.

I see your point.

How do I make you understand?

You're the only person
I've talked to

in over two months.

I'd like to meet some
new people.

Except, with you sitting here,
no one's gonna come close to me.

Would it be better if I move
on the other side of the deck?

-Thanks, Wayne.
-Glad to help out.

And in return,
I'll try not to get myself shot.

I'd appreciate that.

[Sighs]

Oh, hi, Mr. Dobson.

Oh, hi, Isaac.

Can I get you something
to drink?

Yeah,
two mai tais, please.

Two?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm always used to ordering
for pat and me.

What's she
doing way over there?

Well, she just wanted to spend
a little time by herself.

See, for the past two months
we've been locked up

in a hotel together
day and night.

I'm afraid
to ask the next question.

Oh, no, it's part of my job.

That's your job?

Listen, what do you do?
And how can I get in on it?

No, I'm assistant da.
See, uh, she's the only witness
we have for a robbery.

I'm guarding her.

My mother was right.

She always said I would
enjoy being a lawyer.

She's the only witness
I've ever fallen in love with.

Believe me,
they're not all like her.

You mean old cupid struck
at that little hotel room.

Well, unfortunately,
he only hit me.

But as long
as we're stuck together,
I guess I can still have hope.

Uh-oh, looks like
you got competition.

[Clears throat]

Excuse me.
Is this seat taken?

Yes.

But this one isn't.

Well, lucky for me.

With such an attraction,

i would have expected them
all to be sold out.

Who is he?

Oh, that's Mark Bridges.

He's a regular
on the love boat.

Smooth. A real ladies' man.

[Laughs]

If I was you,
I'd break that up.

I can only do that
in case of emergency, Isaac.

Well, looks like
you got one to me.

[Mark] All right,
then it's a date.

Yeah.

Dinner tonight.

Okay.

Oh, well.

Oh, I almost forgot
why I was looking for you.

Cablegram.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Well, maybe you're right
about that Mark Bridges.

You probably don't have
to worry about that

because you can always use
your position to break it up.

Uh... I don't have
to worry about that anymore.

"Suspects have decided
to plead guilty.

Release miss Bigelow
from protective custody."

Mr. Dobson, I got an idea.
Suppose you never got
this cablegram?

What we've got to do
is change you,
attitude, wardrobe, everything.

It's a shame
you gave up women.

All this training wasted.

We were going to enter you
in the Olympics.

That's all behind me now.

I'm determined.
I'm a man of steel.

[Chuckles]
Of course you are.

I only wish I could get
a piece of gopher's bet.

Oh? Would the good skipper
consider a separate wager?

Uh, I'm against betting
on moral grounds,

unless, of course,
it's a sure thing.

What'll we bet?

How about a custom-made
dress uniform?

Steep, but I'm sure
you can afford it.

[Gopher]
Okay, ladies, ladies,
please now,

control yourselves...
Control yourselves.

Well, hi, doc!

Gosh, I didn't know
you'd be here.

Oh, hello.

Okay girls, run along.

I'll join you
in the hot tub.

No, thanks.

Come on, doc,
you can't tell me
you're not interested.

Oh, yes, I can, because I'm not.

They don't affect me
in the slightest.

[Sighs]

It must be
an interesting assignment,

working on a cruise ship.

It is.

Love's in bloom
everywhere you look.

Even your aunt is getting
into the swing of things.

[Scoffs]

Believe me, that's no romance.

He's just an old friend, and
very definitely not her type.

I think I'll have to tease her
a little about this.

Ah, here we be. Bea.

Thank you.

Oh, that looks good.

It is delicious.

There's plenty to do aboard,
games and all that.

Would you like a brochure?

Thank you,
Hollister. Good.

My pleasure, aggie.

Aggie.

Have you seen Scott?

Here he comes now... and alone.

All these pretty girls and--

Beatrice,
I've been thinking
about what you said,

and I really don't believe

he's trying to match me
with Hollister.

Good afternoon, ladies.

I'm certainly glad, Beatrice,
you came along

to chaperone this wild one.

She and your brother
are the talk of the ship.

[Laughs] Oh, Scott.

Luckily, I came prepared.

I brought a whole suitcase
full of old shoes and rice.

And naturally, as family,
you'll get a 20% discount

for my services
on the wedding ceremony.

[Chuckles]

He was just joking.

Many a truth is said in jest.

I've signed up you and Hollister

for the sightseeing trip
to cabo San Lucas tomorrow.

[Chuckles]

The sooner it happens
the better...

For everyone.

[Sighs]

Maybe I should rip out the phone
to stop those stupid calls.

If there was only some way.

[Phone rings]

Oh, do you want me to get that?

No.

[Ringing]

Hello? Yes, I know who this is.

You saw me on deck.

Liked my bathing suit.

[Sighs]

What?
You want to meet me tonight?

Well...
Maybe it is time we met,
got acquainted.

Let's say 8:00,
pirate's cove bar.

I'm looking forward
to it myself.

[Giggles]

Why did you do that?

Because I'm going to teach him
a lesson he'll never forget.

[Giggles]

[Knock at door]

It's open, Wayne.

You look lovely.

Thank you.

I've never seen you
dressed up before.
You look great.

Your date's
a pretty lucky fellow.

The two of us
will be watching you tonight.

Two of you?

You're not gonna be hanging--

oh, I'm sorry,

i don't like it
any better than you do,
but it's my job.

Well, you can watch me
from a distance.

Oh, I don't know pat, I mean--

look, Wayne,
it's gonna be very hard

for this guy to get romantic

with you hanging
over my shoulder.

Now, if I need your help,
I'll yell.

Please?

Okay. Maybe I better let you
get your big date started, huh?

Oh! Get back! Get back!

What?

There's somebody out there.

[Gasps] Are you sure?

Yeah, he's still there.

He looks awful mean.

Maybe we better cancel
the dinner tonight--

cancel?

Yeah, well,
if they're out there on the boat

i can't let you go by yourself.

Yeah. I know.

Perhaps we could have
a nice quiet dinner in here.

We'll order room service.

Dinner here?
What a great idea!

I can call Isaac ---

and I'll call Mark

and I'll
just invite him down here.

Yeah, we can order
some champagne--

-Mark?

-Sure!
You'll be in the next room.

I'll be perfectly safe.

Here?

Look,
I'd love to go out to dinner,

but I don't have much choice.

And with you next door,
I'll be fine.

How will I know
if you need it?

Like I said, I'll yell.
But with Mark here,

I don't think
I'll be wanting any help.

Yes, operator,
would you connect me

to Mark Bridges' room. He--

excuse me,
maybe there's another way.

I know how much
it means to you
to go out tonight.

And I'm more than willing
to let you go
on one condition.

Anything.

Okay.

[Knock at door]

Why, bea!

Aren't you going down to dinner?

I'm just gonna have
a tray in my room.

I got too much sun today.

Oh, sorry to hear about that.

Anyway, it'll give you
and Agatha a chance
to be together.

I also booked you two up for
the sightseeing tour tomorrow.

Probably see nothing but a lot
of those terrible tile floors.

You and Agatha
need more time together.

You ought to be thinking
in terms of proposing

before this cruise is over.

I don't want to seem pushy.

It's a very sensible step
for everyone.

Agatha can take over from me
and manage your home quite well.

Well, what will you do?

Oh, I'll miss you, of course,

but I'll manage.

Still, I don't know...

Marriage... at my age.

Age isn't a barrier to love.

Agatha said so herself.

She also said she was still
a woman of emotions...

And passions.

Passions?

You go on. I'll be fine.

Passions?

Then chablis...

Hey, hey, let's go to dinner.

Oh, okay, be right with you.

Is anything the matter?

This tuxedo, I borrowed it,

the pants are a little small.

[Ripping]

I think they're big enough now.

What am I gonna do?

We'll get you out.

Yeah.

Okay.

[Sighs]

[Clears throat]

Hi, Gale padgett.

To be even, I guess
I better tell you my name.

[Clears throat]
I'm Robert redford.

No, no, I'm Jack stander.

I was watching you
on deck earlier

and I was trying to figure out
a way of introducing myself.

[Clears throat]
Well, finally, here we are.

Yes, here we are... finally.

Do you have plans for dinner?

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

I plan to have dinner with you.

-You do?
-Mm. A private little dinner.

Down in my cabin.

If that's all right.

Certainly aren't
the bashful type, are you?

Shall we say 8:30-ish?

Sounds very promising.

[Chuckles]

It'll be a dinner
you'll never forget.

[Both chuckle]

Julie?

Yes?

Would you put
my aunt and me
on the list

for tomorrow's
sightseeing tour?

Oh, she's already signed up.

She and Mr. Dale.

She signed up to go with him?

Yes, but there's still plenty
of room

if you'd like to go with them.

No, I guess not, thank you.

Is there anything wrong?

Ah, mostly me.

Good evening, everyone.

Evening, Scott.

Don't you look elegant.

She sure does.

I feel elegant too,
being invited
to the captain's table.

It's my pleasure.

Nothing's too good
for aggie.

Oh, I'll get it.

Oh, dear, dear, dear.

Is something wrong?

That seam isn't hand sewn.

It's just heat tape.
No way to treat a carpet.

And they're in these
newfangled metric widths.

Won't Beatrice be joining us?

No, she's resting.

She got a little
too much sun today.

Oh, that's too bad.

I guess that leaves you two
on your own tonight.

So, doc... still alone, huh?

Well, I gotta hand it to you,
spending a whole day
without any women.

Oh, that,
I don't even miss them.

Well, then,
I guess we can expect you

for the poker game later.

No, I think
I'll skip it this time.

I want to finish
that book I'm reading
on cardiovascular research.

Fascinating.
Good evening.

Finish a book?
When he leaves,
I think we should follow him.

Are you saying that doc
would meet a girl on the side,

have a wild time,
not tell us about it,

and still collect on the bet?

When he leaves, we follow him.

Hi, there.

Hi.

I believe I have a reservation.

Yes, that was for two,
wasn't it?

Mm-hmm. Couldn't think
of a nicer number.

Champagne?

Please.

I must say,
the service is very nice here.

I certainly
didn't expect all this.

Only the beginning.

[Clears throat]
Do you do this often?

[Giggles] Only on very
special occasions.

[Cork pops]

I'm so sorry!

That's all right.
It's a little warm
in here anyway.

Look, why don't I just
nip down to my cabin and change.

Oh, why bother?

Why don't you duck
into the bathroom

and hand me your clothes.

I'll call the valet, hmm?

I probably won't
get them back before morning.

Well, I'm willing
to wait if you are.

I like the way you think.

There's a robe
in the bathroom.

Won't it be a little snug?

Well, if it's too snug,

we'll just have to get
you out of it, won't we?

Yeah. Yeah.

Lady,
you run a crazy restaurant.

[Both laugh]

And I love the menu.

[Groans]

Maybe we don't need
the valet.

They'll probably dry
by themselves.

No, I don't think so.

You gotta be kidding
with this robe.

Hey, hey, hey, what do you think
that is, a washing machine?

I wish I could
throw you out with them.

Maybe this will teach you
to stop humiliating me...

How the heck--

...tormenting me
with your stupid calls.

Stupid calls?
What are you talking about?

[Phone rings]

That is what
I'm talking about.

You've got to stop!

[Ringing]

Hello?

You're waiting
for me in the bar?

You can't be, you're here.

I can't talk now.
Call me back later--

no, don't call me!

Look, i--

lady, just stay away from me.

I didn't, i--

just stay away from me,
all right?

Just stay away.

You are bananas.

That was a delicious dinner.

Oh, thank you.

As I was just saying, captain,
most people today are goofy.

They put stone floors
in their houses.

Stone! Cold. Damp. Awful.

Hollister says he'll furnish
our new Sunday school carpeting
at cost.

-Oh!
-Well, perhaps you
can give me some advice.

I need a new rug for my office.

What do you have in mind?

Well, I'm not quite sure.

My daughter, Vicki, keeps saying
the way I spill my coffee,

it should be coffee-colored.

Wait a minute. Spilling coffee
on your rugs is no joke.

Makes a terrible stain.

Especially
if you use cream in it.

What time do we get
to cabo San Lucas tomorrow?

And you probably put a whole lot
of water on it.

Most people make that mistake.

Water only brings up
the dye color from the backing,
and you can't get that out.

That's really interesting,
isn't it, Agatha?

Yes, very.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I'll just go
and get some sun lotion

for Beatrice
before the shop closes.

Be right back. Ta-ta.

Please, excuse me.
I better get back to my duties.

Excuse me, I have homework.

That Hollister's quite a man.

Worked hard,
built up his own company,

he's certainly been
generous with the church.

Yes, he has a lot
of fine qualities.

He certainly does.
His heart in the right place.

But then I guess you
already know that.

I'm spending tomorrow with him.

I guess we'll be trotting
around town together.

I expect he'd like to look
at some Mexican carpeting.

Yeah.

If you'd like to come with us...

Oh, thanks, but you know...
Two's company.

The first minute I saw you
I knew deep down inside

that our chemistry was the same.

[Wayne laughs]

I'm sorry, I just thought
of something funny.

Who is he?

I really can't explain,
but just ignore him.

[Sighs]

We'd be so good together.

A Leo, a Taurus.

Pass the cream, please.

You're so beautiful.

Thank you.

Pat, I've never said this
to a woman before--

pass the sugar, please.

All right, that's it.

It's been a lovely,
romantic evening

with the two of you,
but I'm leaving.

I hope you find a fella
you can both be happy with.

Good night.

How could you?

I had to. I can't drink
my coffee without sugar.

Don't you ever
speak to me again.

Well, you did
the right thing
to call me.

Sunburns can be serious.

Oh, but I hate
to disturb your evening.

No, I had no plans at all,
just a book to finish.

Supposed to be reading, huh?

Mm-hmm.

I bet you right now he's right
in the middle of a rendezvous.

Come on, let's ease in
and see if we won our dinner.

[Doc] You know, when I
saw you on deck this afternoon,

I had an idea this might happen.

You must think me
a very foolish woman.

Now, now, don't feel guilty.

Oh, that feels so good.

[Doc] Now, we mustn't forget
the neck, a very sensitive area.

I wonder which chick
finally got doc?

She must really
be something.

Oh!

[Doc moans]

Oh, dear,
you have such gentle hands.

[Doc moans]

Ah!

Mm-hmm.

Thank you, doctor.
I'll stay out of the sun
from now on.

You gentlemen
here for treatment?

I have this little cut--

oh, it's my back--

you seemed to be fine
a half hour ago when I left you.

These things strike fast
in the tropics.

I'm afraid what you both have
is a nasty, suspicious mind.

Face it, gents, you're
dealing with a man of steel.

And when we get back
to Los Angeles,

it's gonna cost you a bundle.

[Julie] We hope you enjoy
your day here in cabo San Lucas

as much as this school
of porpoises frolicking

off the starboard side
of our ship.

Land tours will be leaving
from the coral deck gangway

in ten minutes.

You going ashore?

Maybe later.

Must be tough
being a minister.

You have to be so good
all the time.

Well, there are advantages.

I get to go
to a lot of weddings.

That's right.

You probably know the answer

to something
that's been bothering me.

How can anyone tell when
they're really in love?

Well...

I'm afraid it might happen
to me

and I wouldn't even know it.

If you're speaking
about marrying love...

That's one of the better kinds.

Don't worry,
you'll know when it happens.

You'll feel it all over,
deep down.

You'll tingle from head to toe.

Even your toes tingle?

Especially your toes.

Wow.

We're going to take a look-see
at some of these Mexican rugs.

I hear they make them
without any backings.

[Laughs] Crazy.

-Come on, aggie.
-Have a good time.

[Chuckles]
It'll be wonderful.

Another nice thing about love,

it can happen to anybody
at any age.

[Clicks tongue, sighs]

You mean...

It sure looks that way.

Doc?

Yes?

I think we should call
off this bet.

Oh?

For your sake.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I'm just afraid
that the pressure

inside you is gonna build up

and then [imitates explosion]
it'll take the whole ship
and everything.

Gopher,
I m a student of the body,

I know how
to fight these things.

If the urges build,

I suppress them
with exercise.

I simply jump rope
until the feeling goes away.

You jump rope?

If I need to, but I won't.

My mind's in total control.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Is he still the man of steel?

Apparently.

Guess who came aboard
in cabo this morning?

Who?

Trudy harbord.

Trudy?

[Chuckles]

The girl
from the Caribbean cruise?

Mm-hmm.

The one that doc
went ape over?

He spent an entire month's
salary on her in flowers.

Mm-hmm.

Where is she?

Oh, yeah,
that's Trudy all right.

[Captain] Very sad.

Sad?

Poor child.
Doesn't look too healthy.

What?

Awful run down.

Maybe you ought to take her
to see the doctor.

What happened?

I don't know.

I guess the new me
outdid himself.

You know, I'm just not
cut out to be anyone else.

You're wrong.

You gotta have
more confidence in yourself.

Now, I have confidence
in you.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

You're the only one.

Pat doesn't even know
I'm alive.

Excuse me.

Can I get you another?

Oh, no, thanks.

Do you wanna talk?

If anyone ever asks you
to be a witness, run.

Your life is over.

You'll never see or talk
to another human being ever.

Oh, I don't think so.

It can't be that terrible.

[Scoffs]

You've had his full attention
for over two months.

Well, that's his job.

In his case,

I think the attention

went well beyond
the line of duty.

One thing about being
a bartender is...

You become a watcher,

a listener, an adviser,

even a part-time psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist? [Laughs]

You really
get to know people.

And I suggest
you take another look.

Do you really think so?

Listen to the doctor.

I will have another.

Coming up.

Okay, thanks.

You can go home now.

Really?

Thanks, Isaac.

Hi.

Hi.

How come you're forgiving me?

Doctor's orders.

Yeah.

[Both laugh]

[Laughs] Trudy,
I really appreciate this.

This is gonna be fun.

[Both laugh]

Doc's not interested in women?

I've gotta see this for myself.

[Door opens]

Just take those pills

and get back to me
in the morning, huh?

Trudy, isn't it?
Back with us again?

Do you want to see me?

Oh, no, she was first.
No hurry.

No hurry.

Oh.

Uh... this way, please.

Well, now, what seems
to be the problem?

Um, I've been having
these chest pains.

-Chest pains?
-Mm-hmm.

You know, I don't--
when do you get these pains?

When I take a deep breath,
like this.

[Breathes deeply]

Oh. Oh, I see.

Well?

He told me
to take an aspirin.

That's it?
That's all that happened?

You mean he resisted you?

I guess he is a man of steel.

I must have been great
to be around,

always unhappy,
always complaining.

And those
were your good points.

[Giggles]
Why didn't you say something?

I guess I was afraid to.
I mean when a girl
looks like you,

all the guy can do is hope.

Besides, Isaac obviously
did a better job.

For the first time,
I'm really glad to be
in protective custody.

What a great way
to start a relationship.

And the nice thing is we
can't get away from each other.

I hope this
case drags on forever.

And when the case is over?
You still want to see me?

I want to keep seeing you
for a long time, Wayne.

Good, I guess
I did the right thing, then.

How?

This came the first day.

They're pleading guilty.
The case is over.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, if I had have,
we wouldn't be

standing here right now.

So all worked out well.

How could you do this to me?

I told you, if I had have told
you about this--

you mean
last night with Mark,

there was no reason
for you to be there.

And there was no one in
the corridor either,
was there?

Guilty. But I told you,
if I had--

don't you touch me!

Don't come near me.

And don't ever speak
to me again, Wayne.

And this time I mean it!

Now, listen, I owe you a tuxedo,
and like it or not,
I'm gonna get you one.

I--

come on.

Oh, you're not closing yet,
are you?

No, I'm opening up
for tomorrow.

I hate to wait
till the last minute.

My, my,
but you do need clothes,
don't you?

[Gale] Please, I just
want to buy him a tuxedo.

[Jack] Look, you really don't--

she wasn't talking to you.

Oh! He is a 42 lovely.

Let me show you a tux.

And a shirt.

Look, i--

look, sometime when
you're not using them,

I wonder if I could
borrow your shoulders.

To be honest,
I say we forget
about the whole thing.

No! I'm going
to replace your clothes.

And maybe then,
you'll believe me.

Please!
The tux, black or blue?

Blue is just fine.

Drip dry, if you have it.

[Phone rings]

He-- hello?

This is Pierre.

Are you Gale padgett?

Yeah.

A call for you. A man.

If you want to buy him a tux,
tell him to hurry,

because I close
in five minutes.

Hello?

You?
How did you know I was here?

Stop calling me!

[Sighs]

Gale, what's the matter?

It's the fellow
I was talking about.

My phantom caller.

He's still out there.

Well, Agatha,
if that's what you want,

I wish you the best.

Thank you, merrill.

It isn't official,
but it won't be long now.

Well, Mr. Dale seems
to be a nice sort.

Go ahead and say it, merrill.

He's sure no Dan winslow.

[Chuckles] Am I too obvious?

Well, I have to be realistic.

There will never be
another husband like Dan.

And I must stop
making comparisons.

I had 35 wonderful years,
more than most women.

And I'll always
have those memories.

Are you being "realistic"
about Mr. Dale?

It will serve a purpose.

Coffee?

No, thank you.

Excuse me.

You know, merrill, getting
older isn't really so bad.

You can relax, be yourself.

Yes, age can be handled.

But uselessness,
that's the crusher.

Well, I can't imagine
you ever being useless.

Oh, it happens,
despite your best efforts.

And you really miss the feeling
of doing something,

of being able to give.

You're always getting,
not giving.

Getting a seat on the bus.
Getting helped
across the street.

Getting this, getting that.

All well-intended.

But the real lift, and life,

flows the other way,
from giving of yourself.

Giving, that's what
you see in marriage?

Well, I don't have
any material things.

But I can make
a very meaningful gift.

Independence...

To a young man
who is very dear to me.

So you'll have a marriage
of convenience,

practical and realistic.

Hollister is really
very sweet, you know.

Of course, he is preoccupied
with his rug business,

but it's nice
that he has an interest.

And for us to spend the time
that we have left together,

that can't be so wrong, can it?

I suppose not.

Forgive me, Agatha.

But I still keep thinking
something is missing.

It isn't right, gopher.

Bugging is underhanded,
insensitive,

and an invasion of privacy.

Then, go.

Are you crazy?
And miss all the good stuff?

[Doc humming]

♪ And it might have ended ♪

♪ and it might have ended ♪

♪ and it might have ended
a long time ago ♪

What do you think
he's doing now?

I don't know.

But I'm sure glad
he stopped singing.

Coming, darling.

[Door opens]

Oh, baby,
am I glad to see you!

Ah!

Mm!

[Laughs]

You got him!

Well, you see,
I just knew a little hard work

and a lot
of rottenness would pay off.

Now, baby, let's be real quiet.

Who knows if that dumb gopher
isn't outside listening again.

What a nerd.

I'll show him who the dummy is.

[Door slams]

[Knock at door]

Who is it?

[Gopher] It's gopher!
It's important!

Uh, all right. Just a minute.

What can I do for you?

Nothing.
Just a friendly visit.

Looking for something?

No. Just comparing cabins.

I think you'll find
the "under the beds"
are the same.

Okay, get out of there!

Oh! Trying to get rid of moths?

[Laughs]

Gopher?

Hmm?

Looking for this?

You think you're pretty smart,
don't you?

Big brain!
Went to medical school!

Well, let me tell you something.
You're not even a good doctor!

'Cause if you were,
they'd let you practice on land!

There's one thing
I'm sure of...

I'm really glad
you separated yourself
from that jerk.

Ah, yes.

This is gonna be the beginning
of something beautiful.

I'm sure everything
will work out fine.

You'll have a place
of your own.

And you'll have a place
of your own, too?

Yes, I suppose so.

And it'll mean companionship,
someone to take care of you.

Somebody I can
take care of too.
That's important.

Oh, yes.
We can go places, do things.

Even go on more cruises.
See the world.

It sounds like
a perfect life.

Perfect.

Hmm.

Well, he's staying in his
cabin tonight, sir.

It looks like
we've lost the bets.

Well,
you have to give him credit.

He'll probably be
a better man for it.

Different.
Not necessarily better.

I don't know why I'm being
so magnanimous about this.

A tailor-made uniform
costs a fortune these days.

You know, I haven't been
a very good sport
about this whole thing.

I think maybe
I'll go and concede.

Gopher, do you think
I could declare

a no-betting rule
and make it retroactive?

[Sighs]

Once, he even called me
at my dentist.

[Sighs] Look, Gale,
as long as this nut
is still running around,

i am not letting
you out of my sight.

I am going to stay with you...

Day and night.

This must be
some kind of record.

Hmm?

We've been together
for over an hour
and I still have my clothes.

[Chuckles]
Well, it's still early.

May I cut in?

You gotta be kidding.

Not at all.
I believe those are my kisses.

Do you know him?

No.

Woman, your name is fickle.

We had a date.

We did?

For three long months
I have been faithful to you.

Dialing my fingers to the bone.

You're the mystery caller?

Not once in all that time
did I ever phone anybody else.

And I was considerate.

I never called
after 11:00 at night.

We had a dream relationship
on that telephone,

and now, you put me on "hold."

Wait a minute.

I know you... the office.

You're Melvin,
from the shipping department.

That's right.
But I have licked
your last label.

I'm through.

Take back your unlisted
home number,

your mother's number,
your dentist's number.

We're finished.

This is the last time
I reach out and touch someone.

I don't believe it.

That little boy
is my mystery man.

Did you see him?
I really feel foolish.

[Both laugh]

Oh.

However...

What?

I still think
I'll take you up
on that offer.

What offer's that?

Looking out for me
day and night.

Oh.

[Chuckles]

Otherwise, there might
be a lot of violence.

What, from him?

No. From me.

[Knock at door]

Come in.

Oh, this isn't another raid,
is it?

Uh, no, doc, um, you win.

I came to apologize.

Oh. All right.

It really wasn't fair of me
to make that bet.

I knew I couldn't lose. So...
I'm not going to hold you to it.

The bet's off.

You're kidding?

You mean, you're gonna
let me out of it?

Yeah, and the captain, too.

Oh, doc, gee,
that's very nice of you,
really.

Hey, we're all pals, aren't we?

I just,
I can't believe you did it.

Hey.

Willpower.

Well.

How do I look?

Mmm...

Perfect.

It's funny,
when I saw you
in the office,

I thought for sure
you weren't interested.

You want to make a little bet?

Thank you. Good night, Mark.

It's still early.
Let's have a little nightcap.

Cozy. Very cozy.

Look, Mark,
it really is getting late.

Oh, you're nervous.

Of course you are.

Why don't you let me
help you relax.

All right.
Why don't I
slip into something

a little more comfortable.

Good thinking.
What are you doing?

Oh, this door
has to stay open.

You see,
I'm in protective custody.

And Wayne is assigned
to watch over me.

Yeah, pat,
I can take care of you now.

There's absolutely no reason
for you to worry about a thing.

[Clears throat]
I'm, uh, I'm afraid there is.

All right, look, whatever might
happen, I can take care of it.

I'm a black belt in karate.

Oh, okay. I'll close the door.

Wayne!

Well, I'll leave it open
a teeny bit.

Look, I don't get any of this.

Oh, it has nothing to do
with your ability.

It's just that, uh,
so I can hear the shots.

Shots? What shots?

-You know, gunshots.
-Gunshots?

Oh, yeah.
The guys after her,
they play for real.

There's, uh, big Harry,
uh, Harry the beast.
You know him.

Big Louis, all those guys.
But of course, you know
black belt karate, so...

But maybe you'd like to borrow
my bulletproof vest?

Lead bounces right off.
That is if they're aiming
at your chest. But...

I do have to be honest,
about one thing,

if they're aiming at your head,
it doesn't do much good.

All you have to do
is give them a karate chop.

You're in good hands, pat.
Good night.

Uh, wait, uh, one second.

[Chuckles]

-Look, how late it's gotten.
-Do you really have to go?

Yes. I need to
get my eight hours.

Nice seeing you both.
Good night.

[Laughs]

Thanks.

Oh, anytime.

Good night, pat.

Wayne?

I've really been a dummy, huh?

A very pretty one.

Can we go back to where we were
before you showed me
that cablegram.

What cablegram?

[Captain] There.
Then, what happens?

[Vicki] I go...

Like that.

Very good.

Now what do I do?

Now it's your turn.

Um, is that right?

Yeah, and that one.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Now... now what? [Laughs]

Good evening, captain.

Good evening.

Have you told him?

Yes.

I thought I'd better
before he heard it as gossip.

And I intend to kick up my heels
and dance at the wedding!

A wedding!
Then you are getting married?

-Yes, Vicki.
-Wow!

And you know,
I'd like it
if you would attend, Vicki.

Of course,
it won't be a big affair.

Oh, excuse me,
I was just looking at...

Mrs. Winslow,
are your toes really tingling?

My toes?

I was talking
to Vicki earlier
about love and...

I told her it made
even your toes tingle.

So of course,
her toes are tingling,

because she has that special,

deep down marrying kind of love.

Don't you, Agatha?

Agatha?

Oh, don't mind me. I'm...

[Sniffles] I'm just tired,
all the excitement.

Are you sure
that's all there is to it?

It'll be fine.

I'll have a home.

And you'll have a chance
to find a wife.

So that's it.

We have to be realistic.
It's best for everyone.

But it isn't.

We've each been trying so hard
to do the best for the other,

we haven't
done the best for anyone.

But you have a life to lead,

and I want to help,
to give you your freedom.

I want a better gift.

Better?

One with joy for both of us.

So let's agree.

Nobody runs off to get married

unless it's totally unrealistic,
super-special and overwhelming.

Okay?

You got a deal.

From now on nothing goes
unless there's a tingle
in the toes.

[Both laugh]

I was hoping to find you.

I have something--

I'm really not interested.

No, not for you. For him.

Here.

Dimes?

I won't be needing them anymore.

Oh.

Wait a minute. Excuse me?

Are you married? Or engaged?

Or going with a fella?

Yeah, yeah.

A wrestler,
bonebreaker balinkoff.

I see.

Oh, hi, Mark.

Hey, Mark.

Hi.

We're about ready to leave.

You want to walk off
with us?

Uh... no.
No, I'm not leaving.

I liked Mexico so much,
I'm going back.

Hasta luego.

Adios.

Would you believe 12 hours ago
he was the man in your life?

So? I'm fickle.

Doc, it was really very generous
of you to call this bet off.

Hey, forget it.

No, no, no, no.

The least I can do
is buy you an expensive dinner.

Well, if you insist.

Am I invited?
Expensive is my favorite dinner.

Okay. I mean, how often
does a thing like this happen?

I think I'll have
a giant lobster.

Hi, Trudy.
Did you enjoy the cruise?

Oh, yes, I enjoyed it.

And after last night, I may need
another cruise just to relax.

Huh?

Hey, let me help you find a cab.

Wait a minute, doc!
Doc! Wait a minute! You lied!

Wait a minute, doc!
You cheated!
You knew I was-- what?

Does this mean
I don't get a lobster?

Not even a tuna fish sandwich!

[Laughs]
So there won't
be a wedding?

I guess not.

Rats!

I never should have
asked about her toes.

[All laugh]

But how are you going
to break the news to Hollister?

Oh, poor dear.
But I think I know the best way
to handle it.

Oh.

Oh, Hollister!

I've had an inspiration
about our Sunday school floor!

Mexican tile!

Tile?

You mean stone on the floor?

No carpet?

Would you two like
to have lunch with us

in Los Angeles?

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

No.

No, I'm sorry. Other plans.

But we'll be seeing each other
back home from time to time.

Good-bye, Agatha.
[Scoffs] Tile?

I'm sorry.

I just thought
of my niece in Seattle.

She'd be perfect for Scott.
I must tell him about her.

Scott...
Have you ever been to Seattle?

I don't know what you said,
but it sure seems
to have worked.

[Laughs] You know,
maybe I should have
hung on to him.

He was just beginning
to call me Agatha.