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♪
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♪ Love, exciting and new ♪
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♪ Come aboard,
we're expecting you ♪
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00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:34,743
♪ Love, life's sweetest reward ♪
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00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:43,293
♪ Let it flow,
it floats back to you ♪
6
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:51,134
♪ Love Boat soon will
be making another run ♪
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00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:58,975
♪ The Love Boat promises
something for everyone ♪
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00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:08,109
♪ Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance ♪
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00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:14,991
♪ Love won't hurt anymore ♪
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00:01:15,074 --> 00:01:23,333
♪ It's an open smile on a
friendly shore ♪
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♪ Yes, love ♪
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♪ Welcome aboard, it's love ♪
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DOC: Well, it sure looks like
Halloween to me.
14
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,414
GOPHER: Ah, but if you were
really in the spirit, doctor,
15
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,708
you would have supplied us with
a genuine skeleton.
16
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,378
ISAAC: Right. And I'm sure you
could dig one up somewhere.
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00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:12,173
DOC: I'm sorry, but there are no
skeletons in my closet.
18
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:17,720
I was once married to an old
bat, though.
19
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,055
GOPHER: Good joke doc.
20
00:02:19,138 --> 00:02:21,516
BOBBY: Hey! A woman's gonna jump
overboard.
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GOPHER: What?
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00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:25,436
BOBBY: Come on.
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00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,271
BOBBY: There she is.
24
00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:27,897
GOPHER: Miss! Miss, wait a
minute. No.
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00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,065
DOC: It's okay. We've got you
now.
26
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,068
GOPHER: Let's just talk this
over calmly and rationally.
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00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:37,365
MRS. MOSS: Talk what over? My
daughter was taking my picture.
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GOPHER: We thought you were
jumping overboard.
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00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,078
MRS. MOSS: At these prices?
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DOC: Ah, just a moment, young
man.
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I'd like to speak to your
parents.
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00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:47,876
MRS. DILLER: Bobby!
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00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,962
DOC: Hey.
34
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,255
MRS. DILLER: What's going on?
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DOC: Your son has a pretty
active imagination.
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MRS. DILLER: Oh, Bobby. Have you
been telling lies again?
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GOPHER: Whoppers.
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00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:05,143
BOBBY: Well, it looked like she
was gonna jump overboard, sort
of.
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00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:07,645
LUCY: But your Dad doesn't think
so.
40
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,564
BOBBY: Yeah, well, he's under a
lot of pressure.
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00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,399
It's not easy being a spy.
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00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,943
MR. DILLER: Hey.
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MRS. DILLER: I'm, I'm really
sorry.
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It's...it's just a phase he's
going through.
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DOC: I'm not a child
psychologist, but when a kid
lies, there's usually a reason.
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00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,290
MR. DILLER: Yeah, I guess there
is.
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00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,918
Well, thank you very much. Come
on, Bobby.
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00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:34,255
MRS. DILLER: Thank you.
49
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,840
JULIE: Hey, you guys. I'm sorry
that I'm late.
50
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:40,303
But this is my friend Karen
Williamson. She's gonna be
sharing my cabin this trip.
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00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:40,595
GOPHER: Hello.
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DOC: Hi.
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00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,056
KAREN: Hello. How are you?
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00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,475
JULIE: Karen, this is Adam
Bricker, our ship's physician.
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00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,809
And this is Gopher Smith.
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00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,771
DOC: Our ship's condition.
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JULIE: Well, I'd better get to
work. Okay?
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00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,067
GOPHER: Work? Gee, I thought you
were just another fun-loving
passenger.
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00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,652
JULIE: Mmm...
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Excuse me, Freddie, would you
please show Miss Williamson to
my cabin? Thank you.
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00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,115
I'll see you later.
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00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,493
KAREN: All right.
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00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,329
DOC: What a knockout. She could
be a model.
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00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:10,375
JULIE: She was, until about a
year ago. Then she was in this
car accident and...
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00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:11,626
GOPHER: She's perfect for me.
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00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,336
DOC: Perfect for you? I've got
dibs on her.
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00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,671
GOPHER: Wait a minute.
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00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,507
JULIE: Guys, you're gonna have
to go easy, okay?
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00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:22,095
She's had some really bad breaks
and on top of it all her
boyfriend walked out on her.
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00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,554
GOPHER: Great.
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00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,641
JULIE: Now come on, she's here
to spend time with me.
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00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:29,185
GOPHER: Julie, I've always
enjoyed your company.
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DOC: I have been neglecting you
lately.
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00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:39,696
JULIE: Bye.
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00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,865
CAPTAIN: And, aside from our
Halloween costume ball,
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00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:47,453
I have hired the world's
greatest illusionist,
The Amazing Alonzo.
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00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,454
ANITA: Who?
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00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,039
CAPTAIN: The Amazing Alonzo.
He's an illusionist.
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00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,627
He uses a form of mass hypnosis.
He can make people see things
that aren't there.
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00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,254
He's incredible.
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00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,507
FREDA: Oh, I remember him from
TV years ago.
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00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,092
Is he still around?
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00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,177
CAPTAIN: Yes, and we've got him.
84
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:08,016
FREDA: I guess you couldn't get
Pinky Lee, hm?
85
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:11,728
ALONZO: I have a terrible
feeling this is a big mistake.
Let's go back home.
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00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,438
RAMONA: You'll be fine. Believe
me.
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00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:17,567
ALONZO: But I haven't appeared
before an audience in three
years. What if nothing works?
88
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,736
RAMONA: It will work. I know it.
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00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,406
You are the Amazing Alonzo. The
best.
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00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:27,535
ALONZO: Oh, Ramona. What would I
do without you?
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00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:30,872
GOPHER: Doc. Doc, Karen is
closer to my age.
92
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,249
DOC: She needs the guidance of a
mature mind.
93
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:37,211
GOPHER: Mature? You mean
twisted. Senile.
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00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,212
DOC: Senile?
95
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,423
GOPHER: Senile. The years have
taken their toll.
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00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,885
CAPTAIN: Ah, there he is now.
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CAPTAIN: Welcome aboard. I'm
Captain Merrill Stubing.
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ALONZO: Delighted to be here.
Hello.
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00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,894
ALONZO: Oh, this is Ramona, the
love of my life.
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00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:54,270
ALL: [AD LIBS HELLOS]
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CAPTAIN: I've been boasting
about you all morning.
102
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Oh, would you consider doing a
small illusion? Just to wet our
appetites.
103
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:03,738
ALONZO: Oh, well, really I'm,
I'm really not quite prepared
to...
104
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,115
JOAN: Oh, please. Just a small
one.
105
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,492
ALONZO: Well, I...really I...
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00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:10,244
GOPHER: Don't think it's gonna
be easy cutting me out this
time, Doc.
107
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:14,499
DOC: My dear boy, cutting you
out comes under the heading of
minor surgery.
108
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,292
GOPHER: Well you certainly know
about that.
109
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,668
CAPTAIN: What now?
110
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,463
JULIE: I'm sorry, sir, I just
introduced them to a friend of
mine and,
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00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:26,260
now they're behaving like two
jackasses.
112
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:32,767
ALONZO: Well, if they're
behaving like jackasses, perhaps
they should be jackasses.
113
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,769
Do you observe?
114
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:35,812
Do you observe?
115
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,814
DOC: I'm gonna have you put
below decks and chains,
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00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,982
and you'll never see any of
these lovely ladies again.
117
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:40,900
ALONZO: Jackasses.
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00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:44,028
GOPHER: You're not gonna put me
anywhere.
119
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,114
You're just a lackey as far as
I'm concerned.
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00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:46,823
DOC: Oh, oh, oh.
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00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:47,657
GOPHER: oh, oh, oh.
122
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,535
DOC: You run. You run scared.
You run.
123
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,621
CAPTAIN: Donkeys? On my ship?
124
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,289
Hell, what happened to Doc and
Gopher?
125
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,542
JULIE: Well, sir, I always told
you they had it in them.
126
00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,712
GOPHER: Uh...you get the
feeling...people are staring at
us?
127
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,465
DOC: It's me. When you've got
it, you've got it.
128
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,301
FREDA: Well how did you do that?
129
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:11,055
GOPHER: Now let's continue this
discussion in my office.
130
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,979
CAPTAIN: Well, I told you he was
magnificent.
131
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:21,649
FREDA: Oh, you must have a drink
with us. I'm one of your biggest
fans.
132
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:23,901
ANITA: I've never missed one of
your TV shows.
133
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,570
ALONZO: Well, thank you. Thank
you.
134
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,531
JOAN: You're marvelous.
135
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:32,160
ANITA: Did you ever see anything
like that?
136
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,184
JULIE: Hey, where were you? You
missed the confetti throwing.
137
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,728
KAREN: I...felt like staying
here.
138
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,563
JULIE: Well, you didn't come on
this cruise to sit in a cabin.
139
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:04,692
Let's go grab our bathing suits
and go up on deck.
140
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,919
KAREN: Oh, Julie, how can I go
anywhere looking like this?
141
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,088
JULIE: Karen.
142
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,383
Karen, you look fine.
143
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,969
KAREN: Tell that to the
photographers.
144
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,139
They haven't exactly been
calling lately.
145
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:41,729
I guess I expected a miracle
from plastic surgery.
146
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:46,192
But they did all they could.
147
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:48,402
Paul was expecting a wonder.
148
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,781
JULIE: Paul, yeah. Well he's a
real lightweight.
149
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,200
He's not worth your little
finger.
150
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:04,543
KAREN: I had a life...and
suddenly that life has
disappeared.
151
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:11,092
JULIE: Then you just make a
different life.
152
00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:14,929
Now come on. It's Lido Deck
time.
153
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,347
KAREN: Oh, Julie, couldn't we...
154
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:24,438
JULIE: No, we can't. I'm sorry,
but I'm the cruise director. Now
move it.
155
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,856
It's okay.
156
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:35,449
MR. DILLER: Honey, you want
anything? A drink?
157
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,325
MRS. DILLER: No, thank you.
158
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:40,496
MR. DILLER: I could order a
sandwich. Hm?
159
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,498
MRS. DILLER: Everything is just
fine.
160
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:45,501
MR. DILLER: Boy, look out for
this sun.
161
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:47,962
You know how easy you burn.
162
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:50,589
MRS. DILLER: I will.
163
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:54,593
MR. DILLER: Listen, I'll put
some of that lotion on just in
case.
164
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,052
MRS. DILLER: Don't.
165
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,804
MR. DILLER: What?
166
00:09:56,887 --> 00:10:01,142
MRS. DILLER: Don't try so hard.
167
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,477
MR. DILLER: I know.
168
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,981
I'm sorry.
169
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,859
It wasn't easy splitting up and
it's not gonna be easy getting
back together again.
170
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,819
I know that.
171
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:14,071
MRS. DILLER: We'll be okay.
172
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,206
MR. DILLER: What're we gonna do
about Bobby?
173
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,499
MRS. DILLER: Sweetheart, you
have to realize,
174
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:29,420
the year we separated was twice
as hard on him as it was on us.
175
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:38,429
We'll...just have to be patient.
176
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,441
BOBBY: Isaac! There's a man
killing a lady!
177
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:51,067
ISAAC: What?
178
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,401
LUCY: He's strangling her!
179
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,779
ISAAC: Where?
180
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:10,419
ISAAC: Listen you guys, that was
really dumb.
181
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:14,882
BOBBY: Well, it looked like he
was choking her, sort of.
182
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:18,094
LUCY: We were just having fun.
183
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:23,474
ISAAC: Well, it was no fun for
me.
184
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:26,268
ANITA: I can't understand why
you've never made a movie.
185
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:30,564
ALONZO: Well, the studios keep
begging me to, but nobody's come
up with the right script yet.
186
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:34,568
Well you know, with my special
talent, I have to be very
particular.
187
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:38,614
FREDA: You should be. But when
you do make a movie, I'll
definitely go to see it.
188
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:43,411
ALONZO: Well, you don't have to.
You have me right here, in
person.
189
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:46,455
RAMONA: Alonzo, you were gonna
meet me in the bar.
190
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,793
ALONZO: Oh...oh, you remember my
associate Ramona.
191
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,461
ANITA: Oh, yes. Hello.
192
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,338
RAMONA: I'd like to speak to you
for a moment.
193
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,965
ALONZO: Oh, certainly.
Certainly.
194
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,758
I'll see you on the Lido Deck.
195
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:01,262
JOAN: Don't be long.
196
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:09,019
RAMONA: Before I was the love of
your life, now I'm your
associate.
197
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,147
I am your fiancée.
198
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,107
ALONZO: Oh, but of course, my
love.
199
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:17,903
But when the fans think of me as
unattached, it...well, it helps
the fantasy.
200
00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,198
RAMONA: Theirs or yours?
201
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:24,785
ALONZO: I've always loved your
sense of humor.
202
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:37,465
JULIE: Karen. Hey, don't be so
self-conscious.
203
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,508
You look great.
204
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,342
GOPHER: Hi, Julie.
205
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,888
JULIE: Hi.
206
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,223
GOPHER: Say I've been going over
the seating arrangements for
dinner,
207
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:50,186
and unfortunately, I've only
been able to get you a table for
two.
208
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:54,315
Ah! How 'bout that. It's the
same table I'm at.
209
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:55,191
KAREN: Thank you, but...
210
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,693
GOPHER: Oh, thank me later.
During dinner.
211
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,200
JULIE: He likes you.
212
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:07,369
KAREN: How long do you think
he'd like me if he saw this?
213
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,371
JULIE: Karen, it's just a scar.
214
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,374
You're making much more of it
than it really is.
215
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:17,379
I bet you could take that scarf
off right now and nobody'd even
notice.
216
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,884
You're gonna have to do it
sometime.
217
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:31,894
ANITA: It's not Halloween until
tomorrow.
218
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,646
JULIE: Karen!
219
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:37,858
Karen!
220
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,902
Karen!
221
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:49,495
CAPTAIN: Alonzo?
222
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:50,996
ALONZO: Yes.
223
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,708
CAPTAIN: I hate to be a
taskmaster, but you were hired
to perform, you know.
224
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:59,255
ALONZO: Well, yes I, I was just
contemplating the object of my
next demonstration.
225
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,422
CAPTAIN: Oh.
226
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,883
JOAN: Oh, Alonzo. There you are.
227
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,927
FREDA: Yes. Would you do an
illusion? Please.
228
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:08,097
ALONZO: Well, there are a lot
more important things than mere
illusions.
229
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,640
RAMONA: You can do it.
230
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,559
ALONZO: Yes, I know I can.
231
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,812
I mean more important things
like lunch.
232
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,105
ALL: Lunch?
233
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,940
CAPTAIN: Lunch? I don't get it.
234
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:22,653
ALONZO: Can't you just visualize
one of your chef's tantalizing
meals? Hm?
235
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:27,116
Go ahead, think about it. Ponder
it. Mull it over in your minds.
236
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,286
And can't you just see the
dessert that follows?
237
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:34,123
A huge delectable ice cream
sundae,
238
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:37,459
covered all over with whipped
cream and chocolate sauce.
239
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:42,131
Then right up on the very top of
it, an enormous cherry.
240
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,133
CAPTAIN: Holy cow!
241
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,468
JOAN: I just fell off my diet.
242
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,971
ALONZO: Go on. Why don't you all
fall off your diets.
243
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,806
Take a bite, have a nibble.
244
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:53,976
Fill yourselves to your heart's
content.
245
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,607
ANITA: Do you know that it's
real? It is.
246
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,482
CAPTAIN: Beautiful.
247
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,485
Mmm, that's my favorite flavor.
Vanilla.
248
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:16,165
DOC: Well, the Captain's finally
gone over the brink.
249
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:23,339
CAPTAIN: Alonzo, you really are
amazing.
250
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,340
ALONZO: That's true. It's true.
251
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,133
CAPTAIN: I mean I really saw an
ice cream sundae.
252
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,010
FREDA: I never saw anything like
that in my life.
253
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:31,347
CAPTAIN: All I can say is that
it's absolutely marvelous.
254
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,514
JOAN: Tell us how you do it.
255
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,683
DOC: Alonzo. Alonzo, I'm off
sweets,
256
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:38,854
but could you whip me up a rare
steak sandwich?
257
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:51,033
GOPHER: And hold the mayo.
258
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,702
ALONZO: Smile, my darling, this
is a pleasure cruise.
259
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,747
RAMONA: Oh, some pleasure. I
haven't seen you all day.
260
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,375
ALONZO: But you ought to be
happy. We're gonna be successful
again.
261
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:04,171
RAMONA: I know about the
successful days. You were too
busy to get married.
262
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:08,133
And then the bad times you were
too poor to get married.
263
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,593
Just when is the right time?
264
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,054
ALONZO: Ramona, please.
265
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:16,934
Look, darling, tonight is for
you. Only you. No illusions.
266
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:21,897
We'll have your favorite wine
and a leisurely dinner, and then
we'll dance the night away.
267
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:22,564
RAMONA: You promise?
268
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,566
ALONZO: I promise.
269
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,402
GOPHER: Good evening, ma'am.
Good evening, Amazing.
270
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:27,945
ALONZO: Oh, good evening,
Loafer.
271
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,114
GOPHER: Ah, sir, it's not
loafer...
272
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:34,910
ALONZO: I'm sorry. Of course,
Gomer.
273
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,954
HARVEY: Excuse me, Mr. Alonzo?
274
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:41,083
Mr. Alonzo, my name is Harvey
Greenswine.
275
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,419
ALONZO: How nice for you.
276
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:48,590
HARVEY: Mr. Alonzo, you've got
to come over to my table and do
something for my friends.
277
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,801
RAMONA: Sorry, but not tonight.
278
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,428
HARVEY: I promised them.
279
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,431
ALONZO: Oh, he promised them.
280
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,599
RAMONA: You wouldn't want anyone
to break a promise, would you?
281
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,936
ALONZO: Oh, I knew you'd
understand.
282
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:07,943
Goofer, show madam to our table,
please.
283
00:17:08,026 --> 00:17:09,945
RAMONA: Well, I guess you might
as well, Gopher.
284
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:13,449
GOPHER: That's...that's right.
285
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,786
HARVEY: Here he is. Here he is.
I got him. The Amazing Alonzo.
286
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,038
WOMAN: Oh, Alonzo.
287
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:19,621
ALONZO: Hello.
288
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,956
WOMAN: Oh, how do you do?
289
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,125
ALONZO: Oh, so nice to see you.
290
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:23,751
WOMAN: Thank you.
291
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:24,626
ALONZO: Wine?
292
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,003
WOMAN: Hm-hm.
293
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:29,298
ALONZO: Well, why are you
drinking wine, when there's beer
available.
294
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,925
Isaac, do you have the time?
295
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,428
ISAAC: Ah, sure.
296
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:37,306
ALONZO: Quite a head on that
beer, hm?
297
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:40,809
See the head?
298
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,813
See the head?
299
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:53,530
ISAAC: It's...eight forty-five,
exactly.
300
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,741
Can I get you anything else?
301
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,665
JOAN: Oh! Isn't that crazy?
302
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:04,374
Tell us how you do it?
303
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,668
HARVEY: That was
fan...fantastic.
304
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,921
WOMAN: How did you do that?
305
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,507
Just a...amazing. Amazing,
Alonzo.
306
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,175
JOAN: Tell us how you do it?
307
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,011
HARVEY: Please, Mr. Alonzo, join
us. Please.
308
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,846
WOMAN: Oh, yes, please.
309
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,681
ALONZO: How could I possibly
refuse.
310
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:20,849
WOMAN: Oh how marvelous.
311
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,769
HARVEY: Gee, that's just great.
312
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,360
CAPTAIN: Miss Bevens.
313
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:35,864
Excuse me. I was wondering if
you might be available to have
dinner with me at my table?
314
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,199
RAMONA: Available?
315
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:42,538
Captain, if there's one word
that describes me, available is
it.
316
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,873
CAPTAIN: Right this way.
317
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,885
JULIE: You'll sit right over
here.
318
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:04,685
JULIE: Well, here we are.
319
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:07,896
KAREN: Julie, I'd be more
comfortable in the cabin.
320
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:12,234
JULIE: Karen, we'll have a quiet
dinner, just the two of us.
321
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:16,613
Then maybe we'll take a walk
around the deck. Okay?
322
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:21,285
You will enjoy yourself.
323
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:25,789
Oh, excuse me. I have to speak
with the Captain, but I will be
right back.
324
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,589
GOPHER: Sorry I'm late. Thanks
for waiting.
325
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,258
KAREN: Julie's sitting there.
326
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:40,137
GOPHER: Gosh, I hope I didn't
squish her.
327
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:44,224
Well, I think we'll start with a
dry white wine, something bold
but not impertinent.
328
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:44,975
JULIE: Hm-hm.
329
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,435
GOPHER: Ah, Ceasar Salad,
pate...
330
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,604
ANITA: Excuse me. Where is table
twenty-one?
331
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:49,938
JULIE: Oh, I'll show you. Excuse
me.
332
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:50,480
It's right over here, ma'am.
333
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:53,358
ANITA: Oh, thank you.
334
00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:02,117
GOPHER: You look very pretty
tonight.
335
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,119
KAREN: Thank you.
336
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:09,291
GOPHER: I think I look pretty
nice myself.
337
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:13,962
What? No flowers.
338
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,840
This must not be. Excuse me.
339
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,468
Would you mind. I need these for
my mom. She's getting married
today.
340
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,303
Thank you.
341
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,430
DOC: Where have you been? I
ordered this hours ago.
342
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,265
GOPHER: Doc, that happens to be
my chair.
343
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,142
DOC: I'll give it back to you
right after dinner.
344
00:20:27,225 --> 00:20:28,977
GOPHER: Doc!
345
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,480
KAREN: Excuse me, is this chair
taken?
346
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,149
Oh, excuse me.
347
00:20:34,232 --> 00:20:35,651
GOPHER: Oh, sorry. I guess
you're on your own.
348
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:39,863
DOC: It worked out just the way
we planned. Wine, darling?
349
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:47,329
P.A. VOICE: A reminder. Don't
forget the Halloween masquerade
ball,
350
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,289
tomorrow night in the Karl
Dining Room.
351
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:50,290
LUCY: Mr. Diller?
352
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,251
MR. DILLER: Hm?
353
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,379
LUCY: Would you, I mean, I know
it's a secret,
354
00:20:55,462 --> 00:21:00,801
but would you tell me what it's
like being a spy with the CIA?
355
00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:03,512
MRS. DILLER: Honey, he's not a
spy.
356
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:07,015
MR. DILLER: No, honey, I'm a
dentist.
357
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,685
BOBBY: He's a dentist with the
CIA.
358
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,186
LUCY: I thought I was your
friend.
359
00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:16,608
I mean, I knew you told lies to
other people, but now I knew how
Isaac felt.
360
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,405
BOBBY: Lucy, you are my friend.
361
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,449
LUCY: That's just another one of
your lies.
362
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,745
MR. DILLER: Bobby...
363
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,374
I think it's time we had a
little chat.
364
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,210
MRS. DILLER: I think that's a
good idea.
365
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:36,253
Why don't I see you two later?
366
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:39,006
MR. DILLER: Okay. Come on.
367
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:53,228
Son, I wish there were a way
that I could just talk to you,
368
00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:58,358
and use a couple of Father Knows
Best phrasesto straighten
everything out.
369
00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:03,238
But it just doesn't work out
that way.
370
00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:08,577
To tell you the truth, I'm not
so sure Father does know best
always.
371
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,913
But I'll tell you one thing I'm
sure of.
372
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:15,751
Your mother and I love each
other very much.
373
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:18,378
And as much as we love each
other, we love you more.
374
00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:23,884
Come on Bobby, you don't believe
me?
375
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:28,430
BOBBY: No! You're gonna leave us
again, aren't you? That's what
you said last time.
376
00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:32,601
I love you and then goodbye. And
then you left and you were gone
for a whole year.
377
00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:38,231
MR. DILLER: Okay, I'm not goin'
anywhere. I'm not leaving.
378
00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:41,526
Listen, that year that I was
away from you two was the worst
time of my life.
379
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:46,823
BOBBY: Then why did you go?
380
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:51,787
MR. DILLER: It's hard to
explain.
381
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:54,915
Listen, your mother and I...
382
00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:04,132
Well there were things that we
just didn't know how to say to
each other.
383
00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:10,138
And because we didn't know how
to say them, we made up stories,
or we just didn't say them.
384
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:14,976
Now it's taken me a year to
learn to be honest.
385
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,188
Son, you've got to be honest
with people.
386
00:23:21,191 --> 00:23:25,737
You can't be phony, otherwise
your whole life is phony.
387
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:30,659
BOBBY: Was that one of those
anal...analogies?
388
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:34,329
MR. DILLER: Analogies?
389
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:38,166
Yeah. I guess it was, yeah.
390
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:42,504
Hey, that's pretty good.
391
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:47,801
BOBBY: Dad, I'm gonna try as
hard as I can never to lie
anymore.
392
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,179
MR. DILLER: Okay.
393
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:55,142
That means we both got somethin'
hard to work at. Come on.
394
00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:55,600
BOBBY: Dad?
395
00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:56,518
MR. DILLER: What?
396
00:23:56,601 --> 00:24:00,856
BOBBY: Did you ever think about
being a spy?
397
00:24:00,939 --> 00:24:04,526
RAMONA: You promised me an
evening together and then you
run off,
398
00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:07,487
leaving me to sit like a lump
alone. Alone.
399
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,364
ALONZO: You're upset.
400
00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:11,992
RAMONA: Listen, when people get
upset they yell.
401
00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,451
I want to kill you.
402
00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:17,164
ALONZO: Well, Ramona, can I help
it? I'm a star and stars have
obligations.
403
00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:18,707
RAMONA: I suppose I'm one of
your obligations.
404
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,084
ALONZO: Oh, please, Ramona be
reasonable.
405
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:25,046
Why are you acting like this?
Especially now with everything
coming together!
406
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,883
RAMONA: Everything except us.
407
00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:33,096
ALONZO: Oh, I will never
understand women.
408
00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:36,224
KAREN: Thank you, both. It's
been a wonderful evening.
409
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:37,392
GOPHER: For me, too.
410
00:24:37,475 --> 00:24:39,060
DOC: Yeah. Most of it.
411
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:42,063
KAREN: Shhh. Julie may be
sleeping.
412
00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:43,523
GOPHER: How 'bout breakfast
tomorrow?
413
00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:45,775
DOC: I...I've already asked her.
414
00:24:45,859 --> 00:24:46,943
GOPHER: How 'bout lunch?
415
00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:49,070
DOC: I've already asked her.
416
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:49,696
GOPHER: How...
417
00:24:49,779 --> 00:24:51,323
DOC: I've already asked her.
418
00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:54,075
GOPHER: How could you have asked
her if you don't even know what
I was gonna ask her?
419
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:57,746
DOC: Because anything you would
think of, I would have already
thought of before.
420
00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,080
You see, I'm always way ahead of
you.
421
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:02,751
GOPHER: Oh! Will you excuse us a
moment? Could I see you over
here?
422
00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:05,921
You know something, Doc, you're
starting to get on my nerves.
423
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:07,214
DOC: Well, I'm way ahead of you
again,
424
00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:08,965
because you've been getting on
my nerves for the past three
hours.
425
00:25:09,049 --> 00:25:13,261
GOPHER: Oh. All right. Okay,
we're gonna let Karen decide who
she wants to be with, all right?
426
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,930
DOC: Okay, sucker.
427
00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:15,764
GOPHER: Oh, sucker.
428
00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:16,097
DOC: Mm-Hm.
429
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:17,599
GOPHER: Mm.
430
00:25:23,563 --> 00:25:25,440
DOC: Care for a nightcap?
431
00:25:25,523 --> 00:25:26,566
GOPHER: Who's buying?
432
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:28,109
DOC: Isaac.
433
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:29,361
GOPHER: Deal.
434
00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:46,461
CAPTAIN: Miss Bevens.
435
00:25:46,544 --> 00:25:48,630
RAMONA: Captain, do you mind if
I talk to you for a minute?
436
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:50,465
CAPTAIN: Well, of course not.
Please, come right in.
437
00:25:50,548 --> 00:25:53,385
RAMONA: I know it's terribly
late and I do apologize,
438
00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:56,304
but I was wondering if you had
another cabin available.
439
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,599
CAPTAIN: Another cabin? I'm
afraid we don't. But what do you
want another cabin for?
440
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:02,602
RAMONA: I just can't go back to
him again. I can't.
441
00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:06,606
CAPTAIN: Alonzo?
442
00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:09,985
You know, this is none of my
business, but...
443
00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:14,155
frankly I'm surprised you've
stayed with him this long.
444
00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:19,703
RAMONA: I love him. I know I
shouldn't, but I do.
445
00:26:19,786 --> 00:26:21,997
CAPTAIN: It's ironic.
446
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:26,543
He can make us see what isn't
there, and he can't see what is.
447
00:26:30,505 --> 00:26:31,423
Come on,
448
00:26:31,506 --> 00:26:33,633
you can stay in my cabin and
I'll sleep out here.
449
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:34,634
RAMONA: Oh, no, I couldn't do
that.
450
00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:37,429
CAPTAIN: Now, now, I'll be
perfectly comfortable.
451
00:26:37,512 --> 00:26:39,097
RAMONA: Oh, thank you. Are you
sure?
452
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:43,935
CAPTAIN: Now don't argue with
the Captain of the ship, or I'll
make you walk the plank.
453
00:27:10,628 --> 00:27:13,089
ALONZO: Ramona?
454
00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:17,635
Ah, poor darling. Doesn't she
know there are maids to make up
the bed?
455
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,061
JULIE: Hey, sleepyhead.
456
00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:28,897
Time to get up. Your breakfast
dates will be here soon.
457
00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:31,191
KAREN: Yeah.
458
00:27:31,274 --> 00:27:35,195
Oh. Those two are really
something.
459
00:27:35,278 --> 00:27:36,738
JULIE: Mm-hm.
460
00:27:36,821 --> 00:27:38,740
KAREN: Oh, I had a ball last
night.
461
00:27:38,823 --> 00:27:40,950
JULIE: Well, when you've got it,
you've got it.
462
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:47,248
KAREN: Julie?
463
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:48,249
JULIE: Yeah?
464
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:52,670
KAREN: Can I ask you something?
465
00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:55,048
Did you put them up to it?
466
00:27:55,131 --> 00:27:55,882
JULIE: What?
467
00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:06,142
KAREN: Did you ask Doc and
Gopher to pay all that attention
to me last night?
468
00:28:06,226 --> 00:28:09,479
JULIE: No, I'm afraid that idea
was entirely their own.
469
00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:15,151
KAREN: I wish I could believe
you.
470
00:28:15,235 --> 00:28:17,153
JULIE: Well, believe it.
471
00:28:17,237 --> 00:28:20,949
Because it's true.
472
00:28:21,032 --> 00:28:22,283
I've got to get to work.
473
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:26,246
But how 'bout you meet me at the
beauty parlor at about two
o'clock?
474
00:28:26,329 --> 00:28:29,582
I've made appointments for both
of us.
475
00:28:29,666 --> 00:28:32,627
KAREN: What good's a beauty
parlor going to do me?
476
00:28:32,710 --> 00:28:39,509
JULIE: Karen, you've had a
really tough time, and now you
think everyone's pitying you.
477
00:28:39,592 --> 00:28:46,099
But here's some news for you The
only one pitying you, is you.
478
00:28:55,191 --> 00:28:58,111
KAREN: Thanks, friend.
479
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:00,822
JULIE: I gotta get to work.
480
00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:17,172
JOAN: Oh! You're so pretty.
481
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:20,467
ANITA: Joan you don't say
pretty. They're handsome.
482
00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:27,599
WOMEN: [Talking, saying hello]
483
00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:36,316
JOAN: Oh. Isn't it beautiful.
484
00:29:36,399 --> 00:29:37,609
BOBBY: Hi, Lucy.
485
00:29:37,692 --> 00:29:41,988
LUCY: Oh, go away! I don't want
to hear any more of your
stories.
486
00:29:42,071 --> 00:29:44,866
BOBBY: Please. Can't we be
friends?
487
00:29:44,949 --> 00:29:47,911
I'll introduce you to the Fonz.
He's my big brother.
488
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:55,710
He's not my brother. I don't
even know him.
489
00:29:57,962 --> 00:30:02,050
JOAN: Yoo-hoo. Alonzo!
490
00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:02,675
Oh.
491
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:03,968
ALONZO: Well, well, well...
492
00:30:04,052 --> 00:30:04,844
Good morning, lovely ladies.
493
00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:06,221
ALL: Good morning.
494
00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:08,181
ALONZO: Or should I just say
fans.
495
00:30:08,264 --> 00:30:11,559
JOAN: I'm your extra special
number one fan.
496
00:30:11,643 --> 00:30:16,856
ALONZO: Well then, I shall do an
extra special number one
illusion, just for you.
497
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:18,024
ALL: Oh...
498
00:30:18,107 --> 00:30:19,484
ALONZO: Now, open your purse, my
dear.
499
00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:23,238
ANITA: Isn't this exciting.
500
00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:25,198
RAMONA: Merrill.
501
00:30:25,281 --> 00:30:26,324
CAPTAIN: Oh, yes, Ramona.
502
00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:30,411
RAMONA: I...I left my lipstick
in your cabin last night,
503
00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,580
and I wondered if you had the
key so I could get it.
504
00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:36,793
CAPTAIN: Oh, why sure.
505
00:30:36,876 --> 00:30:41,798
Well, I must have left them on
the bridge. I'll call my steward
and he'll let you in.
506
00:30:45,843 --> 00:30:49,514
JOAN: Alonzo, honey. What about
my illusion?
507
00:30:49,597 --> 00:30:54,227
ALONZO: Oh...yes if you would
pardon me just a moment.
508
00:30:54,310 --> 00:30:55,270
FREDA: What's the matter with
him?
509
00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:56,437
ANITA: Well, what did you say?
510
00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:58,106
FREDA: Did you say something
wrong?
511
00:30:58,189 --> 00:31:01,276
JOAN: I don't think so. I hope I
didn't say something wrong.
512
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:04,696
ALL: [yalling]
513
00:31:04,779 --> 00:31:06,281
ALONZO: Ramona.
514
00:31:06,364 --> 00:31:11,160
Did I overhear you say that you
spent some time last night in
the Captain's cabin?
515
00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:15,123
RAMONA: I spent all night last
night in the Captain's cabin.
516
00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:17,458
We're through. It's over.
517
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:19,335
Goodbye, Alonzo.
518
00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:24,132
How's that for a neat trick?
519
00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:26,718
CAPTAIN: Yes, that's the right
one.
520
00:31:31,514 --> 00:31:33,182
JOAN: Come on, Alonzo.
521
00:31:33,266 --> 00:31:36,811
ALONZO: Oh yes, well, open your
purse, my dear, and you'll...
522
00:31:36,894 --> 00:31:40,773
you'll find a...a million
dollars.
523
00:31:40,857 --> 00:31:43,860
ALL: A million dollars?
524
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:52,660
JOAN: You must have meant after
taxes.
525
00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:58,291
ALONZO: Alonzo's amazing.
I...didn't say he was perfect.
526
00:32:02,545 --> 00:32:04,172
JOAN: Well, it was a trick.
527
00:32:04,255 --> 00:32:07,342
A cheap trick. But it was a
trick.
528
00:32:09,552 --> 00:32:11,512
GOPHER: Amazing Alonzo, could I
have a quick word with you?
529
00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:15,516
ALONZO: Oh, Grover, please. Not
now. I haven't an illusion left
in me.
530
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,644
GOPHER: Oh, no, no, no. I need
your help with a girl.
531
00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:20,647
ALONZO: Well, write Dear Abby.
Maybe I should try that.
532
00:32:20,730 --> 00:32:22,148
GOPHER: See I've got this
problem.
533
00:32:22,231 --> 00:32:23,232
ALONZO: Who hasn't?
534
00:32:23,316 --> 00:32:25,693
GOPHER: And her name is Karen
and I'm crazy about her.
535
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:28,154
ALONZO: Well, I hope the two of
you live happily ever after.
536
00:32:28,237 --> 00:32:32,367
GOPHER: But there's a snake in
the wood pile. You see, Doc
likes her, too.
537
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:34,869
ALONZO: Well, I hope the three
of you live happily ever after.
538
00:32:34,952 --> 00:32:38,373
GOPHER: See, what I was hoping
was that you could do a little
hypnotic number on the doctor,
539
00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:42,543
and maybe convince him to get
out of the race, like not be
interested in Karen anymore.
540
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:45,755
ALONZO: Roper, does that mean
you'll stop bugging me?
541
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:47,131
GOPHER: Oh, yeah, yeah.
542
00:32:47,215 --> 00:32:51,886
ALONZO: Okay. Okay, I'll...I'll
give him a post hypnotic
suggestion.
543
00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:52,679
GOPHER: Will it hurt?
544
00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:54,222
ALONZO: Oh, Goper.
545
00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:55,682
GOPHER: What?
546
00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:59,686
Now look I'll set it up so that
every time the girl's name is
mentioned...
547
00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:01,020
GOPHER: Karen.
548
00:33:01,104 --> 00:33:04,065
ALONZO: Every time Karen's name
is mentioned, the doctor will
say,
549
00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:07,735
You have Karen. She's perfect
for you.
550
00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:11,197
GOPHER: Every time Karen's name
is mentioned? Terrific.
551
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:16,035
ALONZO: Well, of course it's
terrific. I am the Amazing
Alonzo. Where's the doctor?
552
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:18,913
GOPHER: Ah, he's right over
there. He's the silly looking
guy with the glasses.
553
00:33:18,996 --> 00:33:22,417
Looks sort of like a snake in
the woods.
554
00:33:26,379 --> 00:33:28,506
ALONZO: Doctor.
555
00:33:47,150 --> 00:33:47,608
GOPHER: Hi, Doc.
556
00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:50,278
DOC: Oh, hi. Hi, Gopher.
557
00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:54,073
GOPHER: Gosh, you know, somebody
was looking for you.
558
00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:56,409
Gosh, who was that now? Gosh...
559
00:33:56,492 --> 00:34:00,830
Let me see...I've got it. It
was...it was Karen.
560
00:34:00,913 --> 00:34:04,292
DOC: Karen? Oh, Gopher, thank
you.
561
00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:08,504
I'm so glad you've come to your
senses and finally given up.
562
00:34:08,588 --> 00:34:11,382
She's perfect for me.
563
00:34:13,384 --> 00:34:14,552
GOPHER: Alonzo!
564
00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,850
P.A. VOICE: The Captain's
Halloween Masquerade Ball
565
00:34:20,933 --> 00:34:23,352
is now in progress in the
Carlton Dining Room.
566
00:34:23,436 --> 00:34:25,480
KAREN: Then Doc put a hot pepper
into Gopher's sandwich
567
00:34:25,563 --> 00:34:28,316
and Gopher couldn't speak for
ten minutes.
568
00:34:28,399 --> 00:34:30,651
JULIE: Do you still think I put
'em up to all this?
569
00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:30,985
KAREN: Julie?
570
00:34:31,068 --> 00:34:31,819
JULIE: Yeah?
571
00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:32,653
KAREN: How do I look?
572
00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:34,655
JULIE: Beautiful, except for one
thing.
573
00:34:34,739 --> 00:34:35,323
KAREN: What?
574
00:34:35,406 --> 00:34:38,618
JULIE: You don't need the veil.
575
00:34:38,701 --> 00:34:40,870
KAREN: One step at a time, okay?
576
00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:42,330
And you look perfect.
577
00:34:42,413 --> 00:34:44,749
JULIE: Meow.
578
00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:32,380
ISAAC: Here you go! Get your red
hot punch right here.
579
00:35:32,463 --> 00:35:34,048
Hey, Doc.
580
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:36,134
Try this.
581
00:35:42,139 --> 00:35:43,766
DOC: What's in it, Isaac?
582
00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:46,686
ISAAC: The usual.
583
00:35:46,769 --> 00:35:53,943
Bat wings, scorpion tails and a
dash of hemlock to bring out the
flavor.
584
00:35:54,026 --> 00:35:57,113
DOC: No wonder it tastes rotten.
You left out the eye of the
salamander.
585
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:02,743
ISAAC: What'll you have?
586
00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:06,330
GOPHER: What else? A bloody
Mary.
587
00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:12,920
CAPTAIN: Have you seen Alonzo?
588
00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:14,755
JOAN: Frankly, we haven't been
looking.
589
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:16,966
FREDA: Ah, what a bust he turned
out to be.
590
00:36:17,049 --> 00:36:20,094
Every illusion he's tried today
has been a great big zero.
591
00:36:20,177 --> 00:36:22,263
CAPTAIN: Yes. Well, I have to
find him. He's got a show to do.
592
00:36:22,346 --> 00:36:23,973
ANITA: Well, good luck to him.
593
00:36:24,056 --> 00:36:27,560
CAPTAIN: By the way, you look
lovely.
594
00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:35,776
ALONZO: Ramona?
595
00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:36,777
CAPTAIN: Captain Stubing.
596
00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:38,112
ALONZO: Oh.
597
00:36:38,195 --> 00:36:41,574
CAPTAIN: Alonzo, open this door!
598
00:36:43,534 --> 00:36:44,952
ALONZO: Well, are you here to
gloat?
599
00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:50,082
CAPTAIN: No, I'm here to tell
you that everyone is waiting and
ready for you.
600
00:36:50,166 --> 00:36:54,670
ALONZO: Oh. Yes, well, at the
moment I am unable to produce
any illusion...
601
00:36:54,754 --> 00:36:55,880
other than failure.
602
00:36:55,963 --> 00:37:00,301
Despite my protestations to the
contrary, it seems that I...
603
00:37:00,384 --> 00:37:02,803
I need the sweet, steadying hand
of Ramona.
604
00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:07,808
But that is not to be, since you
have stolen her from me.
605
00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:10,770
CAPTAIN: Stolen? She's in love
with you.
606
00:37:10,853 --> 00:37:13,940
ALONZO: Yes, of course. That's
why she's sharing a cabin with
you.
607
00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:16,108
CAPTAIN: Oh, for Pete's sake.
608
00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:19,195
That is the only thing we've
shared. You're the man she
wants.
609
00:37:19,278 --> 00:37:22,156
Now look, I have got a ballroom
full of passengers
610
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,492
waiting to see something
spectacular to happen.
611
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:25,993
So you be up there in ten
minutes.
612
00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:27,286
ALONZO: Do I have an
alternative?
613
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,372
CAPTAIN: Yes. Five minutes!
614
00:38:02,446 --> 00:38:04,865
JULIE: Meow.
615
00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:08,536
I just wanted to thank you guys
for making Karen's trip so
terrific.
616
00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:11,872
DOC: Oh, don't thank me, Julie.
I'm nuts about the girl.
617
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:14,375
GOPHER: I'm trying to get Doc to
bow out and leave Karen to me.
618
00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:22,425
DOC: Bow out, Ooh, oohh.
619
00:38:22,508 --> 00:38:26,512
CAPTAIN: Look, I won't keep you.
I know you want to be with your
friends.
620
00:38:26,595 --> 00:38:29,223
KAREN: Thank you, Captain.
621
00:38:29,306 --> 00:38:32,852
GOPHER: I mean, let's face it,
Doc. There's no point in both of
us being with her.
622
00:38:32,935 --> 00:38:36,230
After all, one of us could be
free to play the field, all
night.
623
00:38:36,313 --> 00:38:38,232
DOC: You're right. She is
Julie's friend.
624
00:38:38,315 --> 00:38:40,526
And I wouldn't want to let down
our cruise director.
625
00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:42,570
JULIE: Hey, why don't you guys
just do it the fair way?
626
00:38:42,653 --> 00:38:46,782
One of you flip a coin and
whoever loses will just have to
suffer.
627
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:49,118
GOPHER: Okay with me. What do
you say, Furface?
628
00:38:49,201 --> 00:38:51,245
DOC: All right, paste-o.
629
00:38:51,328 --> 00:38:53,247
Call it.
630
00:38:53,330 --> 00:38:54,081
GOPHER: Heads.
631
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,124
DOC: Too bad. You lose.
632
00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:58,419
GOPHER: Wait a minute. I didn't
even get to see it.
633
00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:01,297
DOC: Oh, sorry.
634
00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:37,958
BOBBY: Mom, dad! There's a girl
out on the deck. She's gonna
jump off the rail!
635
00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:39,960
MR. DILLER: Hey, Bobby, I
thought we were all finished
with that stuff.
636
00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,796
BOBBY: No, really!
637
00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:43,839
MR. DILLER: Listen, do you
remember our talk?
638
00:39:43,923 --> 00:39:47,301
You remember what you promised?
Bobby?
639
00:39:47,384 --> 00:39:50,429
BOBBY: Someone's gonna jump
overboard. A girl. You better
come.
640
00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:52,056
ISAAC: Is that a fact? Well,
I'll tell you what.
641
00:39:52,139 --> 00:39:58,771
You tell her to go ahead and
jump and then we'll pick her up
on our way back to L.A.
642
00:39:58,854 --> 00:40:00,481
BOBBY: Lucy, you've got to come
with me.
643
00:40:00,564 --> 00:40:02,983
A girl's gonna commit suicide.
We gotta help her.
644
00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:04,902
LUCY: Oh, drop dead.
645
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:07,988
BOBBY: No, this time you gotta
believe me.
646
00:40:16,997 --> 00:40:17,623
LUCY: No!
647
00:40:17,706 --> 00:40:21,335
BOBBY: Lady please! Don't jump!
648
00:40:21,418 --> 00:40:22,169
KAREN: Go away.
649
00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:25,047
LUCY: Why do you want to hurt
yourself?
650
00:40:25,131 --> 00:40:26,841
KAREN: You'd never understand.
651
00:40:26,924 --> 00:40:28,592
BOBBY: I would.
652
00:40:28,676 --> 00:40:35,850
When my Dad left my Mom and went
away with that other lady, I
felt bad. Real bad. Like you.
653
00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:43,357
My mom was crying all the time,
and even though I tried to make
it up to her, I just couldn't.
654
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:47,862
I felt like you do now. But then
they got back together and
everything was okay.
655
00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:53,200
KAREN: It's not that easy for
me.
656
00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:55,077
BOBBY: Wait! Wait!
657
00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:57,663
That's not the end of my story.
658
00:40:57,746 --> 00:41:00,708
My dad left my mom again and...
659
00:41:00,791 --> 00:41:05,713
and she
committed...committed...she
killed herself.
660
00:41:05,796 --> 00:41:10,843
She took a whole bunch of pills
and now she's gone and I can't
tell her how much I loved her.
661
00:41:10,926 --> 00:41:13,304
I'll never be able to tell her
that again.
662
00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:19,518
Why did she have to do that?
Why?
663
00:41:30,946 --> 00:41:33,532
KAREN: Don't cry.
664
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:36,368
It's all right, sweetheart.
Don't cry.
665
00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:44,543
DOC: There she is.
666
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:47,254
GOPHER: Karen!
667
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:48,422
DOC: You're my date for the
evening.
668
00:41:48,505 --> 00:41:49,256
GOPHER: He cheated.
669
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:50,424
DOC: I won the toss.
670
00:41:50,507 --> 00:41:54,386
GOPHER: Tell him, I get the
first dance.
671
00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:56,931
Wait a minute, you've been
crying.
672
00:41:57,014 --> 00:41:59,767
DOC: Hey. You okay?
673
00:41:59,850 --> 00:42:00,643
KAREN: I...
674
00:42:00,726 --> 00:42:04,104
LUCY: Bobby was telling her a
sad story.
675
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:07,775
GOPHER: Well?
676
00:42:07,858 --> 00:42:08,943
KAREN: Well, what?
677
00:42:09,026 --> 00:42:11,237
DOC: Well, who gets the next
dance?
678
00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:17,493
KAREN: He does.
679
00:42:26,001 --> 00:42:27,962
MR. DILLER: Oh, Bobby...
680
00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:29,964
You're not causing any trouble,
are you?
681
00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:33,425
KAREN: No. Believe me, he isn't.
682
00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:34,927
MRS. DILLER: Well, if he is,
just let me know.
683
00:42:35,010 --> 00:42:37,429
I'm his mother.
684
00:42:40,391 --> 00:42:43,978
KAREN: His mother?
685
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:45,896
You lied to me.
686
00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:49,400
BOBBY: Yeah...but it's my last
lie.
687
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:40,868
CAPTAIN: Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention
please.
688
00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:44,038
It is my privilege to present to
you the one and only,
689
00:43:46,999 --> 00:43:50,419
The Amazing Alonzo!
690
00:43:57,468 --> 00:44:03,557
ALONZO: Ladies and gentlemen, I
am often asked, how do you do
these illusions?
691
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:06,060
How do you make them happen?
692
00:44:06,143 --> 00:44:10,939
Well, my answer is, you can make
anything happen if you want it
badly enough.
693
00:44:11,023 --> 00:44:16,737
Sometimes the problem is that,
well....
694
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:25,537
sometimes the problem is that
we...don't know what we want
till it's too late.
695
00:44:25,621 --> 00:44:30,209
I hope it isn't too late.
696
00:44:30,292 --> 00:44:33,754
And so, the illusion of
illusions.
697
00:44:33,837 --> 00:44:38,258
Tonight you are undergoing the
greatest change of your lives.
698
00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:42,471
A transmogrification of a most
unique nature.
699
00:44:42,554 --> 00:44:48,602
You are no longer flesh and
blood, bone and sinew.
700
00:44:48,685 --> 00:44:52,940
You are ice, granite, marble.
701
00:44:53,023 --> 00:44:58,904
A ballroom filled with the
greatest statues the world has
ever seen.
702
00:45:18,882 --> 00:45:20,134
Ramona.
703
00:45:20,217 --> 00:45:22,970
RAMONA: Congratulations. You've
proved a point.
704
00:45:23,053 --> 00:45:27,307
You are a star of stars.
Everyone fades before you.
705
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:29,643
ALONZO: Everyone except you.
706
00:45:29,726 --> 00:45:33,647
Ramona, I love you.
707
00:45:34,606 --> 00:45:37,484
RAMONA: Those are just words,
Alonzo.
708
00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:39,319
ALONZO: Wendell.
709
00:45:39,403 --> 00:45:40,195
RAMONA: Huh?
710
00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:44,324
ALONZO: My real name is Wendell
Morden.
711
00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:48,162
RAMONA: The Amazing Wendell
Morden?
712
00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:51,498
If you hadn't told me about it
all these years, why tell me
now?
713
00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:53,500
ALONZO: Well, why not? Hm?
714
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:56,712
You'll see it on the marriage
license.
715
00:46:10,726 --> 00:46:13,979
GOPHER: Isn't that amazing?
716
00:46:14,062 --> 00:46:16,690
CAPTAIN: What are you...Isaac.
717
00:46:16,773 --> 00:46:18,025
Have you been drinking?
718
00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:20,360
ISAAC: Sir, of course I haven't.
719
00:46:20,444 --> 00:46:23,447
Would you like to try some of
this?
720
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,298
BOBBY: I'd like to come and
visit you,
721
00:46:41,381 --> 00:46:44,676
but my parents are trying to get
their marriage together, so
maybe we should wait.
722
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:45,177
MR. DILLER: Bobby.
723
00:46:45,260 --> 00:46:46,011
MRS. DILLER: Bobby.
724
00:46:46,094 --> 00:46:48,514
BOBBY: You wanted me to tell the
truth.
725
00:46:54,686 --> 00:46:56,897
CAPTAIN: Alonzo, it was a
marvelous cruise.
726
00:46:56,980 --> 00:46:59,399
You were incredible,
unbelievable.
727
00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:02,361
RAMONA: Of course. He's amazing.
728
00:47:02,444 --> 00:47:04,738
CAPTAIN: Well, it's nice to see
you two back together again.
729
00:47:04,821 --> 00:47:07,741
For a while there, it looked
like things weren't working out
too well.
730
00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:11,245
ALONZO: Captain, that was just
an illusion.
731
00:47:11,328 --> 00:47:15,249
A very bad illusion that the
world will never see again.
732
00:47:15,332 --> 00:47:16,250
Thank you.
733
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:18,043
CAPTAIN: Goodbye. Good luck.
734
00:47:18,126 --> 00:47:19,962
RAMONA: Bonsoir.
735
00:47:20,045 --> 00:47:21,338
CAPTAIN: Ramona.
736
00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:27,719
KAREN: Goodbye, Julie.
737
00:47:27,803 --> 00:47:29,721
JULIE: We're gonna see each
other real soon.
738
00:47:29,805 --> 00:47:32,099
KAREN: Oh, I wish there was
something more I could say.
739
00:47:32,182 --> 00:47:34,101
Thank you seems so inadequate.
740
00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:37,771
We say thank you when someone
opens the door or checks your
coat.
741
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:40,440
I wish I could find a better way
to express how I feel.
742
00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:45,445
JULIE: You don't have to, that
smile says it all. Bye bye.
743
00:47:45,529 --> 00:47:48,782
KAREN: I'd like you to have this
because I'm not gonna need it
anymore.
744
00:47:48,865 --> 00:47:53,120
JULIE: Well, thank you.
745
00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:54,413
DOC: Can I call you at home?
746
00:47:54,496 --> 00:47:56,790
GOPHER: Don't be surprised if I
pick up the phone, right Karen?
747
00:47:56,873 --> 00:47:58,959
KAREN: The answer is an
emphatic, yes.
748
00:47:59,042 --> 00:47:59,751
DOC: Who to?
749
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:00,627
GOPHER: To me.
750
00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:02,296
DOC: No, she meant me.
751
00:48:02,379 --> 00:48:05,882
KAREN: I'll tell you what. Flip
a coin.
752
00:48:08,885 --> 00:48:09,469
Bye bye.
753
00:48:09,553 --> 00:48:10,554
JULIE: Bye.
754
00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:18,562
DOC: Some guys never learn.
60540
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