All language subtitles for Children.Ruin.Everything.S02E09.720p.HDTV.x264-GalaxyTV

How do you wanna tackle bedtime?

I'll take the new guy,
you get the lifers.

The lifers are exhausting.

All they do is complain about
how much they hate working here.

When you're
raising kids with someone,

you attack life's problems
together as a team.

But if you have
more than one kid,

there's a lot of
divide-and-conquering.

Yeah, you're still a team,

but you're playing
at different times

and in different venues
and different sports.

Come on, James. Please.

You're so much better at putting
Felix and Viv to bed than I am.

That's pandering.
What am I, four?

-How much better?
-So much better.

Mmm...Not enough.

Um, excuse me?
Do you remember what tonight is?

Ohh...

Isn't it our hookup-aversary?

First time we...

I know. I was there.

Mmm. Did we do anything last
year?

No, we've missed a few.

But the sooner we get
the kids down...

The sooner we can watch
Speed 2 Cruise Control.

-Do you remember?
-Mmm.

I picked a movie that wouldn't
distract us by being good.

I thought you didn't have
any moves.

-Who said that?
-Nobody.

Okay. Okay.

You--would you like to see a
move?

I'm gonna show a move.
Ready? Ready?

How's that for a move?

He needs a diaper change.

Yeah. Okay.

Yup.

Put Felix and Viv right to bed.

No funny bedtime stories.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.

Do you really think
I'm better with Felix and Viv

or just that I'm worse
with Andrew?

I think that if we do it
this way,

our night will start faster.

Well, if you want it to be fast,
then I should put down the baby.

When it comes
to putting down babies,

I think the universal preference
is for the mother.

Ow, Felix, that's
too hard!

It wasn't too hard.
It's a pillow.

You broke my neck,
you murder head!

Don't call me that!

Oh, hey. Okay. Okay.

Why is everybody yelling?
Why is no one in bed?

Because Felix broke my spine
in half with a pillow.

-Did not.
-Did too.

Okay. Guys. Wait, wait.

Let's just--
yelling never solved anything,

I doubt that your spine
is broken,

but let's just check it out
and we'll make sure.

How about we skip
the investigation

and go brush our teeth, okay?

I was handling that.

Ho? By having fun?

James, fun is counterproductive
to our hookup-aversary.

You know what, you're right.
You are better that this.

I should probably just be taking
Baby Andrew,

and then, we'll all be playing
to our strengths. Hello...

James, the way you put him down,

you might as well give him
a shot of espresso.

You know, it doesn't always
have to be your way.

I'm his parent, too.

Now, can you please
show me the difference

between his sleeping socks
and regular socks?

The more kids you
have, the more sleep methods
you learn.

Some kids
sleep in the car,
others need a pink elephant

and to hear
Brandy and Monica's
"The Boy is Mine".

- I like how you sing both parts.
- - Me, too.

But sometimes,
those sleep methods

work on the wrong person.

Hey, hey. Oh, God.

Hi. Hello.

Let me just--yeah.

That is the face of a boy

who doesn't trust
his father anymore.

What are you doing up?

I thought you're supposed
to be in bed.

Are you and dad watching
a movie tonight?

Yes. A dumb, dumb, dumb movie.

But we love it, because
we watched it

on the first night
that we had a sleepover.

-It's tradition.
-Can I watch?

No, it's just for Mommy
and Daddy.

But if--if you go to bed,

you can listen
to your zombie podcast.

It's boring now.

The zombies agreed to a peace
accord.

Are you going to make
another baby?

No, no.

Daddy had that operation
and it took, so that's done.

Um... but, you know, Felix,

adults don't just have sex
to have babies,

they also do it because
it's fun and it feels nice.

-Okay.
-No, no, no. Not just okay.

It's--it's positive
and it's healthy,

and--and--and if someone decides
that they wanna have a baby

or not, then--
then that is their decision.

And people need to back off,
you know,

women aren't just
baby factories.

-Am I in trouble?
-No. No, no, no, no.

Mommy's just sensitive.

Okay, uh,

grab a cookie and we'll
find you a new podcast.

Yes!

I'm glad you answered.
It's Dawn.

Nice try. You're Bo.

Dawn and I are having
a disagreement.

-Champagne?
-Oh, Prosecco,

champagne's cheaper,
funner cousin.

Oh, of course. Happy
hookup-aversary.

Thank you for somehow
knowing that.

How--how can I help you?

I didn't know who else
to turn to,

Dawn is being unreasonable.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

That's my sister,
so it's a conflict of interests.

Why don't I get James?
I'll get James.

Oh, Felix.
Why don't you show Uncle Bo

how long you can stand
on one leg?

Okay.

We rocked, we hummed,

we checked out WebMD
for no particular reason,

but then, somebody wanted say
hello to their favorite uncle.
Hello.

Isn't it past Andrew's bedtime?
He looks awake.

Oh, my God, he looks awake,
James.

Thanks, Bo.

Is that the one where
the eyes are open?

It's gonna be fine.

We're just gonna--
we're gonna play

and then, I'm gonna, you know,

check his motor functions
a little bit,

and then, he's gonna
be all tuckered out.

James, this is what
I'm talking about.

If you let me put him down
to sleep, he would be asleep.

Just 'cause I don't do things
your way,

doesn't mean I don't
get things done.

I mean, we--we may
work differently,
but we're still a team.

Well, we're a team
in a wheelbarrow-race

where I'm working very hard
and you're holding my shoes.

So you're the wheelbarrow
and I'm just some guy?

That's how you're describing
this?

Um, let me take Andrew.
You talk to Bo.

He's having some kind
of argument with Dawn.

Well, what am I supposed
to do with that?

-I don't win arguments.
-He doesn't know that.

Everybody knows that.

Hey, Bo!

♪ Wookie yookie yookie
Went the cookie ukulele ♪

♪ As the stars came out
in the sky ♪

Why does Morris
like Scooby-Dooby songs?

Why aren't you in bed?

Because my ears are going
to explode off of my head.

You should try the thing that
Dad does.

What does Dad do, Felix?

Gets him to sleep.

You're gonna be a fun teenager.

Maybe he's yelling because
he wants his name to be Morris.

Guys, I appreciate the concern,
I really do.

But Andrew just needs some time
and you two need to go to sleep.

Keep your voices down
once he's in bed.

Sure. Good luck with that.

This is gonna be
a long night.

As you know, James,
I'm a very passionate man.

Oh, you don't got to tell me
twice.

Sometimes that passion
gets the better of me.

Although in the bedroom,
it gets the best of me.

Okay. Is that what this
is about?

-No.
-Good.

It's about Go Bo,
my Etsy for Men business.

Dawn thinks I'm wasting my time
and called it at a dead end.

Oh, ouch.

Suffice it to say,
Dawn wishes that I was more
like you.

If I--wait. No. No suffice.
What?

That's-- what are we talking
about?

It's not like she has a crush.
Believe me, I asked.

I wish that you hadn't.

Me, too. That's what made her
kick me out of the house.

I mean, none of the spare
bedrooms are far enough.

Is that a big problem
at your place,

that the spare bedrooms
are too close together?

I feel so adrift without her.

I'm sorry, can we just--
is this a bindle?

Have you--have you
run away from home?

No, James.

Dawn booked me a room
at the hotel

where she sends
her newly fired executives.

And this is my
crochet cloak bag.

-It's a new product.
-It's handy.

I mean, I've been tying
my cloaks

around my waist like
a real idiot.

Hi, Uncle Bo.

Look at this.
All three children wide awake.

Who's the wheelbarrow now?

We can't both be wheelbarrows,
James.

You can't have two wheelbarrows
lying around with no guys.

Hey, I have an idea.

Why don't I babysit
these bundles of joy

and you two take my room
at the hotel?

What hotel?

Wait. I don't care.
Yes. Yes. We'll take it.

-Yes, that's amazing.
-Don't worry about a thing.

I'm great at getting babies
to sleep.

Hey.

And in the morning,

we'll have crab cake bennies
and blintzes.

-Do I like those foods, Mommy?
-Mm-hmm.

-Bo, thank you so much.
-No. Thank you.

You've provided me
a comforting space

for me to lick my wounds.

-Let's do this?
-Mm-hmm.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Wow.

Oh!

This is the kind of room

a billionaire gets
for their driver.

Oh, my God.

It's gonna be so sad
to leave tomorrow,

but that's tomorrow
us's problem.

Mm-hmm.

Get a room us. Oh, wait.

Wait a minute.
We are already did.

It's our hookup-aversary
miracle.

Mmm.

I'm just gonna ignore that.

Ignore what?

-My phone was ringing.
-No, I know.

I'm doing the thing where--

it's like I already ignored it
so I...

I'm also gonna ignore that.

Wait, is it weird
that we both got calls?

No, I'm sure-it's fine.
I'm sure. I'm sure.

No. Okay.
That's--we should get that.

Well, three phones
is an emergency.

Hello?

It's been a long time
since I put a baby down.

I guess it's true what they say,
everything old is new

and even more alienating
than before.

It's okay.

Just take your time,
breathe, and...

And while I sat in the dark
with Andrew and my thoughts,

I wondered...

do people see me as a fool?

Excuse me?

I only ask because...

no one wants a fool
for a husband, right, James?

What is going on?

Andrew's still awake,

Bo is having
an existential meltdown.

Where do you keep the whiskey?

Hey, take a video of me
and send it to Bo.

All he needs to do is mimic this

and Andrew will be down
in no time.

Let's just go home.

Look, how many hookup-aversaries
have we had

that were disastrous
that we salvaged?

Remember when I had hiccups
for five hours?

-Well, hiccup-aversary.
-Mmm.

I scared them out of you

by pretending to fall
out a window.

See? We can do anything.

We just go home
and put Andrew down,

come back here, easy.

-Easy--
-All right.

In the interest of time and
efficiency--

Mm-hmm, look at you
talking dirty.

-I'll go home.
-Mm-hmm.

I'll put Andrew down.

You stay here,
you order room service,

you fill the tub,
you chill the Prosecco,

and no having fun.

Okay.

Can I watch part of
a Marvel movie?

Fine. But it has to be
"The Eternals."

Damn it.

Soon, you, too, will understand

the painful peaks and miserable
valleys of marriage.

Hi, Bo.

Astrid, I'm sorry.

I did everything I could.

I even read
"All the Places You'll Go"

but there's a section
about the waiting place

that made me lose
my marbles and I just--

Bo, why don't you take five, Bo,
while I put Andrew down?

-You left James at the hotel?
-Yes.

But I'm going back
as soon as Andrew goes to sleep.

What a relief.
I thought that perhaps

he told you about Dawn,
and that made you upset.

What about Dawn?

She's obsessed
with James, Astrid.

-Huh?
-She thinks
he's a perfect husband.

-Can you believe it?
-Nope. Not even a little bit.

How am I supposed
to compete with that?

Bo, everybody has strengths
and weaknesses.

James couldn't crochet
his way out of a paper bag.

I don't think I could either
if I'm being honest.

Perhaps if I fashioned a rope
of some kind that--

Bo, I'm just gonna sing him
his favorite video jingle.

♪ Buy the severance package
you know you deserve ♪

♪ From the number one
wrongful termination firm ♪

♪ De Angeles Employment Law ♪

♪ Show them who's boss ♪

Knocked out the wrong baby.

What? Does Corey have
a nosebleed?

Andrew's not in his crib.
Where is he?

I don't know.
Where's your mother?

-At the hotel.
-No, she was at the hotel

and then she came back
to help Andrew fall asleep.

What is going on?

Dawn Auntie and I are
going through a rough patch

and we need a night apart,
and that's all I'm gonna say.

It's private.

"Took Andrew for drive."
Oh, my God.

Your--your mother's penmanship
is horrid.

"Back soon."
See? Everything's fine.

That could've been written
by anybody.

Felix, I know what it's like
to spiral into paranoia.

Just between us,
I'm on that journey now.

Because of you and Dawn Auntie?

Yeah, she doesn't respect me.

Please stop prying.

Let's have some calming tea.

Do you have any dried lavender
or monk fruits?

Well, those don't
sound like things we have.

Then why don't you
stay up with me

until your mother arrives.

I think we could both
use the company.

Shh, please go to sleep
for Mommy.

Please go to sleep
for Mommy, sweetie.

-Hey.
-Oh! Hey.

Listen, the hot tub is ready,
food is ordered.

-Are you close?
-Nope.

-Isn't that the car?
-Yes.

I was just driving
your son around the block

trying to get him
to go to sleep.

He dropped his teddy bear

and now, he seems to be
just staring off into space.

Okay. Well, don't worry about
the food.

Can keep it warm in
the hot tub until you arrive.

Oh, wait. What did you order?

A braided steak,
bunch of other stuff.

Room's covered,
so I got dinner and groceries.

We're gonna be having
honeydew for weeks.

Are you sure you're
not having fun

because it sounds like
you're having fun?

Zero fun. Eternals is
so boring.

Beautifully shot, though.

Oh, okay. Food's here.
I got to go.

I am hungry.

-Ah!
-Ah!

Hey, I thought you were food.

All right. Let's try this again.

Your teddy.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Shh!

-Yes?
-Are you okay, ma'am?

Yes.

Have you been drinking tonight?

No. Not yet.

-I'm sorry?
-No. I'm--I'm sorry.

What--what--
what is the meaning of this?

Well, when we find a person
passed out in their car

with the lights on
and a kid in the back,

-we call that a red flag.
-Well, yeah.

I was just driving
my kid around,

trying to get him to go
to sleep.

My husband was
supposed to do it, but...

-Out of town?
-No. He's here.

He's, he's at a hotel,
probably having fun,

even though he's not
supposed to.

Sorry to hear
about your marital problems.

Huh?

Look, if you're gonna
stay here, ma'am,

maybe just turn the car off,
okay?

Shh!

-Don't shush me.
-Good chat.

Shauna, I can't tell you
what it is

but you are doing something
that is going to cost you.

So, I guess
it's more of a situation

where we've switched roles

and she's the major
breadwinner now,

which is totally great,

but I have insecurities
about it.

Anyway, that's all you're
getting out of me, Felix.

I've seen this one.
She's a cake idiot.

-Felix.
-Where is Morris?

The better question is,
who is Morris?

She calls Andrew, Morris.

Ooh, that's a way better name.

So is it normal for you two
to not sleep for the night?

-Totally normal.
-I woke up and Felix was gone.

-Hi, Felix.
-Hi.

So, I went to Morris' room,
and he was gone.

-Where did you put him?
-He's with your Mommy, Vivi.

Go back to bed.

Hey, do you want me
to sing you to sleep?

♪ Ba-ba-di, zu-bu-de ♪

♪ Bu-du-te-ba-tu-te-te-tu-bu ♪

♪ Bu-bu-be-be ♪

Thank you.
But I don't like that.

Uncle Bo, I think you might need
to call Mom again.

She said "be back soon."
It's not soon anymore.

I texted. Morris is fine.

Prove it.

Whoever left that note

could have her phone
and be spamming you.

The bad guys have Morris.

Morris is gonna grow up
to be a bad guy.

Okay. Listen to me.

Your parents are celebrating
the anniversary

of the first time they hooked
up.

Thanks to my own marital issues

involving my wife's obsession
with your father,

which I will not get into--

Okay.

They have a hotel room
where they can have a rare

and much deserved
night together,

and we will not spoil that
just to check in on Morris.

-Andrew.
-What's "hooking up?"

Which one of us
is gonna tell her?

So thoughtful of Bo
to give you this expensive room

while he looks after your kids.

He's having a rough night.

His stomach is in
more knots than a cloak bag.

He thinks that you
don't support Go Bo.

I do support him.

But...

I could probably do a better job
of letting him know that.

Next thing is gonna be--

it's a bit--a bit awkward,
but we're gonna push through...

I don't think the comparisons
to me are helping him.

To be very clear, I love Astrid
and I respect you intensely

as a sister-in-law and a friend,
but also that's it.

What in the sweet hell
are you talking about?

It happens.

Viv's teacher has
a crush on me, too.

Crush?

Oh, my gosh. How embarrassing.

I simply said that
you seemed perfectly happy

doing something
meaningless for a living

and that Bo could stand to care
a little less about succeeding,

like you.

Oh, that's...

I'm glad this was just
a harmless misunderstanding,

and no one got hurt.

Astrid, this--it's--
this is not what it looks like.

Looks like Dawn thought
Bo was here,

came to surprise him,
and found you instead.

Andrew's sleeping here tonight.

That is probably the food.

I am hungry.

Hey.

The kids were worried
about Andrew.

-Yeah!
-How's the hooking up going?

Not great.

Are we ever gonna hook up again?

Dawn?

Wow. Is it comfy in there?

-Uh-huh.
-Let's make a castle.

I never meant to hurt you, Bo.

-You don't respect Go Bo.
-No...

Well, Andrew's not asleep.

This is who he is now,
he's the awake baby.

I'm just worried that
you're pushing yourself

too hard with Go Bo.

You have been crocheting
60 hours a week.

I can't toil purposelessly
like James,

-I have vision.
-Woooo...

This place is haunted.

-We're gonna do this.
-I have an idea.

So Mommy likes to
sing Andrew to sleep,

and Daddy likes to rock him
and rub his tummy,

so why don't you guys figure out
which one of us is wrong.

-Yes!
-Nice.

-Bo, my friend.
-Thank you.

I think you need to channel
your inner James

and not care about work so much.

That's all I want.

And it's not that
I don't admire your work.

I do.

I am also wearing
a crocheted piece.

What?

My company did pay
for the room, Astrid.

we just saved your marriage,
dork face.

Can we just get another room?

We sure can.
And it's a business expense.

Oh, yeah.

Can you not get the one
next door

because I don't need
that soundscape?

Have a good night.

We will.

Come here.

Oh! Oh!

♪ Bum-chica-dum-dum ♪

Good night.

-They're asleep.
-They're gone.

Let the hooking up commence.

Do you remember the
tagline for this movie?

Oh yeah. "When Rush Hour
hits the water".

So insane.

Rush Hour's when things
slow down.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Don't tell that to Jackie Chan
and Chris Tucker.

When your partnership
runs like a well-oiled machine,

you can accomplish
pretty much anything.

Putting away groceries,

coordinating kids'
dentist appointments, anything.

And though
we have to split up
to get everything done...

We're always better
together.

I mean, now might be our chance,
we have to be really quiet.

In a big tub with sloshy water?

If we're too loud,
we'll wake up the kids.

Is this the plot for Speed 3?

Oh, I'm sure you did, dear.

Yeah, I tried all the techniques
that worked with Corey.

Well, you can't be expected
to fix their child in one night.

Well, I have been
thinking about it all week

and I do feel like
I made an impact.

I have no doubt.
Every little bit helps.

But ultimately,
the damage is done.

That's true.

It's a bit bitter, isn't it?

It's not Corey's best work.

Is this the taste
of pre-teen angst?

Oh, no. That won't happen to us.
We did everything right.

Right.

Corey!