All language subtitles for Children.Ruin.Everything.S01E08.720p.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

- I wanna see a planet.

- Yeah, they're all
hidden behind

the houses right now, buddy.

Also light pollution.

That's why we never bring this
thing out of the basement.

- Can we spy on someone?

Yeah, no. Okay.

Daddy's gotta beg
for his job back tomorrow,

so it's time for bed.

Okay, go upstairs.

I'll be right up,
I just gotta...

- Okay.
- find my...

If you live with kids,
space is limited.

You got easels,
puzzles, stuffed animals.

So many rocks and sticks.

It's not like we were
neat freaks.

But until we get kids,

the couch wasn't a pocket
for crayons and baby carrots.

And when you're pregnant
and your body's expanding

and you start nesting,
there's even less room.

Stuff just keeps
piling up until you're encased

in your own worldly possessions,

like a bug in amber.

Or, you know,
until you get rid of some crap

and make room.

For more crap.

- Astrid?
- Yes.

- So you're pregnant?
- Yes!

So exciting to finally
tell someone that

besides my husband and kids.

And by accident, a guy
canvassing for Greenpeace.

- So you have kids already?

- Yes, yeah, this is my third.

- You know the drill.

Just fill in any information
that has changed.

And make sure you tick
the advanced maternal age box.

- Okay, advanced maternal age,
gotcha.

- Used to be called
geriatric pregnancy.

- I said gotcha.

I gave you
an opportunity

to move up in this company.

To get your foot
in the management door.

And you quit.

- It was an emotional--
- Do you know--

I'm not finished.
- Mm.

- Do you know
what a betrayal that was?

How insulting you were?

- I didn't mean to insult--
- And now--

I'm not finished.
- Mm-hmm.

- And now, you want me to
take back someone

who clearly has one foot
out the door?

No answer. Interesting.

- No, I just didn't
want to interrupt--

- I've been taking
a keen interest in your career.

I was gonna make you
Employee of the Month.

- Oh, is that new?

- You made me look weak.

Gero's is a family business.

But the corporate office
is cutthroat.

You piss off the wrong person,

you make a bad alliance,
and you are dead.

Do you watch Game of Thrones?

- No.
- You've read the books?

- No.

- Incest, dragons,
"Hold the door!"

None of that
means anything to you?

- I've seen all the Frozens...

- Well, this is Game of Thrones.

And if I'm ever gonna sit
on that iron throne,

I need loyalty, dedication,

and a little ambition
from House of James.

- I am ready to commit
to being Regional Manager.

Regional Manager? No, no, no.
That promotion is gone.

Ennis...
is the Regional Manager.

- Ennis?

- Ennis, James. Ennis.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Hey.

- What the hell?

- Are you back now?
Like, for good?

- Yeah, and a three-week
probation period,

with no promotion.

- Hey, look, there was nothing
I could do, all right?

She just started glaring at me
all menacingly

and shaking my hand furiously.

It was a terrifying promotion.
I mean, the money's not bad.

- That's my money. My promotion.

- I know, all right?
I don't know what to tell you.

Maybe I have seniority.

- You don't.
I got you this job, remember?

Your dad said you had to
stop DJing

or he'd cut off
your inheritance.

- Okay. Only one person
ever told me to stop DJing,

and that was the janitor
at the Velvet Underground.

- And the DJ at my wedding.

- Don't be mad at me.
You stormed outta here.

You said you didn't
wanna be a lifer.

I was weirdly proud of you.

What changed?

- Stuff.

- Would you see this at least?

Of the month, they gave me.

- Oh, Felix! Do you remember?
These used to fit you.

- This is a jail for
bad spaceships.

- Oh, my God, Viv.

Remember this?
This was your favorite.

No, but that's for teething,
and you have all your teeth.

- They're gonna fall out again.
It's mine.

- Hello, hi!
- Daddy!

- Daddy!
- Yay!

Yeah, there he is.

- Looks like you have bad news.

- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I got my job back.

- Well, look on the bright side.

We can afford to eat
and have shoes.

- Hey, guys, you know what?

I think I saw
a big, orange cat

in the backyard
when I pulled in.

- Fuzzbutt!
- I don't-- maybe...

- Come on, Viv.
- Coming.

- You know, I wish the kids were
one-tenth as excited

about this new baby
as they are for Fuzzbutt.

- Oh, cats are like
celebrities to kids.

It's like Timothée Chalamet's
out there eating our flowers.

- No. Viv asked how long
the baby was staying,

and then she asked
if we could recycle it.

- Those are normal questions.

- Hey, do you like
the name "Sadie"?

- Yeah, it's good.

Have you seen my laptop?
I think I had it under here.

God! Mother--

Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Aah! Aah!

Wha...

Okay, okay, okay.

- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.

Um, we need to do a purge.
- Mm.

You wanna kill our neighbors?
- No, I--

Some of them.

But we need to
get rid of half of this stuff.

And I think
our kids will understand,

if we just...

explain to them that
they don't have a choice.

- All right.

I wish you
the very best of luck with that.

Daddy and I have called
this family meeting

to discuss the baby.

- How's a family meeting
different from just talking?

- It's more formal.
It's, like, fancier.

- I wanna be fancy.

So as you both know,

we're going to
Nanima's tomorrow.

And I just wanna remind you
the baby is still a secret.

- Can I tell Uncle Bo?

- No. no, no. Uh, secret means
you can't tell anybody.

- What if they ask?

- People don't just
randomly ask if you're pregnant.

So, just...
don't mention anything at all.

- I'll just tell them
you're not having a baby.

- Okay, nobody mention
anything about babies.

- Okay, item number two...

- If they ask me about a baby...

I'll just kill them.

- Item number two.

If you look around,
you can see lots of stuff.

And we're so fortunate
to have this much stuff.

But it's too much stuff.
And that's called clutter.

And when people
live in clutter,

they start to feel cluttered
on the inside.

And it kinda
makes them go nuts.

So, um, I'm gonna--
You know what?

I'm gonna take that back.
"Nuts" is not a kind word.

Ah, lot of people have
mental health issues.

That doesn't make them nuts,
they're normal.

Normal people.

You know what?
That's not a great word either.

Because normal,
what is that, right?

- James.
- So-- Hmm?

Yes, no, my point is,

we need fewer things
in this house.

So the word of the day...

is decluttering.

- Declutttering.

- Adorable.

So, what I want you guys to do

is I want you to think
about all the things,

and the toys that we can donate,
or, more likely, throw away.

- No!
- Why?

- All right, listen. You're
getting a new brother or sister.

It's exciting, right?

So we just need to
clear away some stuff

for the baby.

- I don't want a baby.

I want my stuff.

- Forget about the baby.

Guys, if you just
go to your room tomorrow,

and pick out stuff
that you barely use,

then I'll take you
for milkshakes.

Yay!

- Hey, um...
- Mm-hmm.

- Don't tell the kids
to forget the baby.

- Yeah, good note.

- Oh! Sorry about breakfast.
It looked so good on Pinterest.

- You did a great job.

Just more time in the oven,
less salt, and smaller portions,

and you have a winner.

- Okay, Dawn.
You're gonna fire Mom now?

- I loved the pancake tacos,
Nisha.

I do have
another surprise

for my beautiful family.

Especially my little bittus!

Aah.

- Oh. God. Sorry, Corey.
Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Um... Go ahead, Nisha.

- Well, I have been very sneaky
these last few months.

Sneaking around
like a communist spy.

- If it's the elevated
toilet seat,

we all know about it.

No, no, no.

This is even better.

I am taking you all
to a very magical place.

- The Mojave Desert?

- Disney World!

What?

- Yeah!
- Yeah.

- Oh! Remember those movies
we let you watch

at Nathan's house?

- No.

- You're gonna get to meet
all those characters!

- Mom, Mom.
How're you doing this?

- Okay, you remember
my friend Mikayla,

who got bit by
all the bullet ants

in the Honduras?

- Yes, yes.
- Well, she's letting me use

her condo in Florida,

while her brother
has spinal surgery!

- It's in December, so I hope
you don't have any plans.

- Oh! Wait, wait, wait.

Um, okay, well, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, so, we have
an announcement. Um...

We have plans. Because, uh...

we're having a baby.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Actually, we're not
having a baby.

It's okay, buddy.

- What-- In-- in December?

- Yeah, that's when
I'm due, so...

Well, we can't go.

But the kids don't
care to see a birth. It's gross.

Bo and Dawn can take them.

- Yeah.
- Oh, I-- I wish.

But Corey's already a handful.

- I am?
- And then when you add

the rides, and ice cream,
and so much fun,

it's... it's too much.

- Um, no. They're gonna
want to stay

and meet their
new brother or sister.

- No, we won't.

Okay, listen, guys,

we're not going,
but as a family...

- I hate the baby.

I hate it forever.

- Can I help you
put your friends to bed?

- These are coffins.

- Viv, you know,
you're getting so big right now.

There's tons of stuff in this
room that you've outgrown.

Hey!

- Stop giving all my stuff
to the dumb baby.

- I'm not giving your stuff
to the dumb bab--

The baby.

- You wanna make my room
for the baby.

- No, I want to make room
for the baby, not your room.

Viv.

I know that this is
a big change.

There's gonna be
lots of changes as you grow up.

You're starting kindergarten
next year, can you believe it?

- Yes.

- Well, you're gonna be
a big kid, and a big sister.

- I may sit on the baby,
like Felix sits on me.

- But, you know,
being a big sister

is more than just about
sitting on people.

- No, it isn't.

- Is this, like,
a graveyard for stuff?

You're thinking of a dump.

This more like
a stuff orphanage where

people come by
and they adopt our old things.

- Why would people want
our old stuff?

- Well, we got good stuff.

Besides, you know,
we have too much stuff.

Some people don't have enough.
Hmm.

- You guys dropping off?

- Uh, yeah. Real quickly,

our whole lives we're bombarded
with advertisers

that play on our fears to get us
to buy stuff we don't need.

But we're too smart for them.

Hey, behold.
Blackbeard's treasure.

- We can't take CDs,
no one listens to them.

- What? No.

Can I tell you something?
You sound insane.

You're telling me
no one wants to listen to

Bran Van 3000?

Or Collective Soul?

This is... The Batman Forever
soundtrack?

Melts your heart, bro!

- Sorry, man. It's the format.
Nobody can play these.

- You don't get to
be sorry for--

I'm the one
who's sorry for you

for not knowing how quickly
you're gonna sell Len.

The Savage Garden.

- Those even real bands?

- Are they-- are they what?
What're you saying?

- Dad, can I have this sword?

- Uh, yeah, just give me
one second, buddy.

You're telling me
you don't know Len?

Len? Len.

"Steal My Sunshine"?

- No.
- Buiz-bop. Buiz-bu-bu-bup.

That's Canadian history,
my bro!

- I think Canadian history
is more about exploitation

and white supremacy.

- Wow.

Not wrong. But also,
Len rocked.

- Well, this telescope's
pretty awesome.

We could definitely take that.

- Yeah, okay.

Felix, come here for a sec.

I want you to see this.
I'm making sacrifices, too.

We're gonna donate
this telescope,

so that a less fortunate family
can give it a good home.

Okay? If...

Mr. Man over here
will take our two boxes of CDs.

- Okay, but... I'm just gonna
throw them in the garbage.

Yeah...

- ♪ I know it's up for me ♪

- ♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪

- ♪ Making sure
I'm not in too deep ♪

- ♪ If you steal
my sunshine... ♪

- Hey, don't tell your sister
about the milkshakes, okay?

And don't tell your mom
about the sword.

- Look who's here.

- Hi, Dawn.
Sorry to bust in like this.

- I love surprise visitors.

- Except squirrels,
which kept getting through

our ceiling last summer.

- Mm. Bo had to trap them,
and I had to drown them.

Hi, Viv.

- Hi, Dawn Auntie.

- Viv, Corey's at a friend's,

but you're welcome
to play with his toys.

- Oh. Go on.

You can become
so accustomed to your own mess,

you forget to notice just how
disgusting your home is.

Until you set foot in a house
that's actually well-maintained.

And when you think about
everything you'd have to do

to turn your place around,

the words "fire" and "insurance"
come to mind.

- Astrid brought us this.

- No, I have no use
for a used soda machine.

- Oh. What? You don't know that.

How do you know that? Maybe
you need that in your life.

You just don't know it yet.

Maybe, maybe, maybe
you love this thing like crazy.

Maybe you find yourself
in the kitchen

staring at it
at 3:00 a.m. thinking,

"Thank God for you!"

Hey,

is this about the appliance,
or the baby?

Don't be upset.
Come on, come on.

We are thrilled about the baby.
- Uh-huh.

- And you're growing your
family, a sign of prosperity.

- James quit his job
and had to beg for it back.

- Okay...

But we are here for you.

And from the moment
that baby is born...

Magical Kingdom.

- Yes, we'll be in Florida.

But no matter where I am,
I already l love this kid.

- Well, I wish Viv felt
the same way.

She wants the baby
to sleep outside.

- The baby isn't replacing her,

but giving her a new role
as a big sister.

Tell her that. Mm.
- Yeah, she's not hearing that.

Anyway, do you have that
little desk that Dad made me?

- The one I took the summer
you were at Bandcamp,

and I skipped the sixth grade?
- Mm-hmm.

- You can have it back.
- Thanks.

And I can take back
the Soda Stream

if you want.
- No, we'll keep it.

I know it's foolish,

but I've grown attached
to this little thing.

- Aww.

- Why can't I hold it?

- Swords are weapons.
They're dangerous.

You can have it when you're 11.

- Where is it?

- Forget about that
old, boring sword, buddy.

Come on, help your dad
sort these fun books.

- Hey.

Bo's coming over later
to drop something off.

Will you help him
bring it out of the car?

- Wait, what?

- It's a desk.

It was mine when I was little.

- It's in the mudroom,
behind the washer.

- Yes!

- Why are we bringing
the furniture in?

- Oh, it's for Viv.

Yeah, I just thought
it would help her with her

"anti-baby" stance.

- I'm trying to purge the house
of some stuff.

It's a little--
It's like I'm in slow avalanche.

- Yeah, I thought...

I thought we were purging
to make room for the baby.

- No, yeah, that... too.

But also, just not only that.
It's like...

- So I've been trying to
get the kids excited for this,

I didn't realize
I had to get you excited, too.

- You don't.

You haven't been
coming up with any names,

you haven't been...

researching healthy
pregnancy diets,

like you did last time.

- You said Swiss chard smoothies
tasted like shirts.

- Yeah, but I love that
you made those.

I want another kid with you

because I love
parenting with you.

- I love that, too.

But...

- But what?

- I just didn't think
it was gonna happen.

Thank you.

James, would like a breakfast
sandwich from my Caesar?

- I'm good with my coffee,
thank you.

- Okay. Not really that hungry.

- Astrid and I are
having another baby.

- Congratulations?

You-- you were taking
control of your life.

Like Saoirse Ronan
in Little Women.

And now, just like I said
they would,

your children are
running your life.

And for what?

- A family?

This is a face you make to me.
I'm sitting here.

- I ordered some pancakes
for the table

and a pitcher of Mimosa.

- Thank you, Marla.
- Don't thank me.

Thank the board members
of a certain rival grocery giant

that were just implicated
in an animal cruelty scandal.

- Ah, I see. So, this is...
we're celebrating?

- We're doing business.

But we're also bonding.

Pancakes and Mimosas
and laughing at our enemies

as they try to find a positive
spin for what happened...

- What hap-- What happened?

James!

- No, yes, I... everyone's backs
are safe with me.

I swear-- Yep.

- That's--
I feel comforted, right?

That is comforting.

Although, I am happy to stab
other people in the back,

if that's what you want, Marla.

I mean, I'm-- I'm new,
but I'll give it a try.

No.

But there will be
other opportunities.

Someone will stick their
neck out for an out of favor VP,

or hang themselves
with a poorly worded e-mail,

and we will be there.
In the chaos.

Waiting.

- That sounds good.

- Oh, I have dodgeball
on Wednesdays.

Don't know if that's a conflict,
but I should probably...

put that down now.

- You look like
such a big kid at that desk.

You'll be able to do
so many projects there.

- What projects?

- Well, you could...

make a drawing
to welcome the baby.

- Okay. Where is the baby?

- I mean, now,
it's right in here.

The size of a blueberry.

- Can the baby hear me?

- Mm-mm. The ears don't actually
develop until--

- You can play with my old toys,

only if you say please.

- Okay.
- That's so sweet. Thank you.

- Can we name the baby "Horse"?

- Horse? Mm.

I'll add that to the list.

- You have to stay out of
my room, Horse.

- Okay, well, we haven't quite
settled on Horse yet.

But here's an idea.

Why don't you and Felix make
your own list of baby names?

- Yes!

Thanks, Mommy.

- I got dinner.

- What if we name the baby
"Truckbutt"?

- How about
we name the baby... Pfft.

That's so funny.

- ♪ My love must be a kind
of blind love ♪

♪ I can't see anyone but you ♪

How about we name the baby
"Booger Boss"?

Becoming a parent
means letting

some of who you are go.

You have to make room
for the destructive,

half-functioning little weirdos
you're raising.

And it can be hard.

How much of you can you let go

before you're not really
"you" anymore?

Because as much space
as you make,

they fill it.

With screaming, and heartache

and a million little pieces
of plastic, yes.

Could also, with joy.

And love. And screaming.

But the happy kind.

Right...

Ready? Here we go.

- ♪ For you ♪

- That's your guy? This guy?

- Hey, do it.

Are you ready for this?

- No.

But I wasn't ready
for Felix or Viv either.

- Mm-hmm.

- Now I don't know what I'd do
without 'em.

- You'd sleep more.

- Yes, I would sleep more.

- Rock, paper, scissors?
- Yeah.

Two out of three?
- Yeah.

- Okay.